WEBVTT - 7 Steps To Transform An Anxious Mindset & How To Overcome Worry Filled Thoughts 0:00:00.120 --> 0:00:02.520 Hey everyone, I'm so excited because we're going to be 0:00:02.560 --> 0:00:05.560 adding a really special offering onto the back of my 0:00:05.680 --> 0:00:09.039 solo episodes on Fridays. The Daily Jay is a daily 0:00:09.119 --> 0:00:12.160 series on Calm and it's meant to inspire you while 0:00:12.200 --> 0:00:16.120 outlining tools and techniques to live a more mindful, stress 0:00:16.160 --> 0:00:18.880 free life. We dive into a range of topics and 0:00:18.920 --> 0:00:22.480 the best part is each episode is only seven minutes long, 0:00:22.760 --> 0:00:25.400 so you can incorporate it into your schedule no matter 0:00:25.440 --> 0:00:28.840 how busy you are. As a dedicated part of the 0:00:28.920 --> 0:00:32.199 on Purpose community, I wanted to do something special for 0:00:32.320 --> 0:00:35.640 you this year, so I'll be playing a handpicked Daily 0:00:35.720 --> 0:00:39.160 Jay during each of my Friday podcasts. This week, we're 0:00:39.159 --> 0:00:42.760 talking about your habits and how to develop better daily routines. 0:00:43.320 --> 0:00:44.960 Of course, if you want to listen to The Daily 0:00:45.040 --> 0:00:48.559 Jay every day, you can subscribe to Calm, So go 0:00:48.600 --> 0:00:51.720 to calm dot com forward slash Jay for forty percent 0:00:51.800 --> 0:01:01.880 off your membership today and welcome back to On Purpose, 0:01:01.920 --> 0:01:04.600 the number one health podcast in the world. Thanks to 0:01:04.680 --> 0:01:07.039 each and every one of you that come back every 0:01:07.080 --> 0:01:11.880 week to listen, learn and grow. Now, today's episode is 0:01:12.040 --> 0:01:14.960 all about something that I know has been at the 0:01:15.040 --> 0:01:17.800 forefront of so many of your minds. I've been reading 0:01:17.840 --> 0:01:21.160 comments sections, I've been talking to so many people as well, 0:01:21.280 --> 0:01:24.840 and I found that a lot of us will say 0:01:24.920 --> 0:01:30.200 that the two most common thoughts we have areried that 0:01:30.440 --> 0:01:34.640 anxious thoughts or worry filled thoughts, and I think a 0:01:34.680 --> 0:01:37.120 lot of us can relate to that. Right. I'm guessing 0:01:37.200 --> 0:01:40.240 that when you wake up, there may be an anxious thought. 0:01:41.040 --> 0:01:43.560 When you are preparing for something, there may be a 0:01:43.600 --> 0:01:47.600 worry thought. Maybe you're anxious about your own health and wellness, 0:01:47.680 --> 0:01:51.840 Maybe you're anxious about your work, Maybe you're worried about 0:01:51.880 --> 0:01:55.280 your family, Maybe you're worried about something that's happening in 0:01:55.320 --> 0:01:58.160 your area or maybe in the world. And I find 0:01:58.200 --> 0:02:01.960 that these thoughts are so common and so normal, yet 0:02:01.960 --> 0:02:05.360 we don't always have a game plan in order to 0:02:05.440 --> 0:02:08.600 work through them. And I think that's what's so important. 0:02:08.639 --> 0:02:10.200 I think we want to get to a point where 0:02:10.200 --> 0:02:12.320 we never have an anxious thought or never have a 0:02:12.360 --> 0:02:16.280 worry field thought. And the truth is that's just not possible. 0:02:16.800 --> 0:02:19.440 But what is possible is having a plan of action, 0:02:20.080 --> 0:02:26.959 having a game plan, having strategies and methods to actually overcome, transition, 0:02:27.320 --> 0:02:32.320 transform and break through from those thoughts and feelings, and 0:02:32.480 --> 0:02:35.480 that's what this episode is about. So if you're waking 0:02:35.560 --> 0:02:39.120 up with anxiety, if you're struggling to sleep because of worry, 0:02:39.639 --> 0:02:42.120 if you're someone who can see that when you're around 0:02:42.120 --> 0:02:44.800 a group of people, your anxiety and your nerves go 0:02:44.919 --> 0:02:47.600 through the roof. Maybe you're someone who worries all the 0:02:47.639 --> 0:02:52.880 time and gets pessimistic. This episode is for you. And 0:02:53.000 --> 0:02:55.040 maybe you have a friend who's dealing with this. Maybe 0:02:55.080 --> 0:02:58.240 you've had an episode recently where anxiety and worry came 0:02:58.320 --> 0:03:00.679 up in your life. I've had that where I think 0:03:00.680 --> 0:03:03.240 I'm completely anxiety free and then all of a sudden 0:03:03.280 --> 0:03:07.480 something happens, and that's my number one priority is being 0:03:07.639 --> 0:03:10.320 able to manage it. Can't wait for you to listen 0:03:10.360 --> 0:03:14.120 to this episode. Thanks for choosing on purpose. As always, 0:03:14.760 --> 0:03:18.640 I was reading this brilliant article on psych central dot 0:03:18.680 --> 0:03:21.800 com about anxiety and here with some of the stats 0:03:21.840 --> 0:03:24.760 that they shared. They said that more than thirty one 0:03:24.800 --> 0:03:28.720 percent of the US people will experience an anxiety disorder 0:03:28.800 --> 0:03:32.799 at some point in their lifetimes. Social anxiety disorder is 0:03:32.840 --> 0:03:36.520 one of the most common anxiety disorders, affecting around twelve 0:03:36.520 --> 0:03:40.480 percent of US adults at some point in their lives, 0:03:41.160 --> 0:03:44.360 and it went on to clarify that women are nearly 0:03:44.440 --> 0:03:47.840 twice as likely to develop an anxiety disorder compared with men, 0:03:48.320 --> 0:03:52.360 and that there are lots of different ways that anxiety 0:03:52.640 --> 0:03:55.040 makes us feel. For some of us, it can be 0:03:55.200 --> 0:03:59.960 excessive and consistent worrying. For some of us, it's restlessness, irritability, 0:04:00.200 --> 0:04:07.360 muscle tension, difficulty concentrating, sleep problems, fatigue, heart palpitation, sweating, 0:04:07.640 --> 0:04:11.040 and an upset stomach or nausea. Right. So it's really 0:04:11.080 --> 0:04:13.840 interesting because I think we often think of anxiety as like, Okay, 0:04:13.840 --> 0:04:16.200 it's all in my head. But as you can tell 0:04:16.240 --> 0:04:19.719 from this list that I found on psych Central, you 0:04:20.160 --> 0:04:24.039 actually see it manifesting very differently throughout the body. We've 0:04:24.080 --> 0:04:28.359 talked about everything from muscle tension through to an upset 0:04:28.520 --> 0:04:33.280 stomach or gut. We're talking about heart palpitations. So you're 0:04:33.320 --> 0:04:37.880 seeing that anxiety find its way throughout the body and 0:04:38.000 --> 0:04:40.800 finding a place to live. And so even if you're 0:04:40.839 --> 0:04:43.120 one of those people, I used to be someone who 0:04:43.240 --> 0:04:45.160 used to say, oh, I never get stressed, I don't 0:04:45.160 --> 0:04:47.600 have any of that, And then I started to realize 0:04:47.600 --> 0:04:50.719 that my body was storing it in a way that 0:04:50.839 --> 0:04:54.520 I wasn't even conscious and aware of because I wasn't 0:04:54.600 --> 0:04:58.160 present enough in my body. If I'm not present enough 0:04:58.200 --> 0:05:01.239 in my body, I'm not sure what I feel, where 0:05:01.279 --> 0:05:04.359 it came from, how long I've been feeling it, or 0:05:04.400 --> 0:05:07.680 how it developed. And so it's really interesting to remember 0:05:07.720 --> 0:05:09.440 that even if you're someone who's like, oh, Jay, I 0:05:09.440 --> 0:05:12.159 don't feel anxiety, that's not a challenge for me. It 0:05:12.320 --> 0:05:15.440 may be finding a home in your body in a 0:05:15.480 --> 0:05:18.200 different way. So it's a great thing to be aware of. 0:05:18.680 --> 0:05:21.000 The other fascinating thing I was reading an article on 0:05:21.200 --> 0:05:25.479 psychology today and it talked about this study that they 0:05:25.520 --> 0:05:30.720 did at Penn State University where researchers had participants write 0:05:30.760 --> 0:05:35.160 down their specific worries for ten days whenever they noticed it, 0:05:35.440 --> 0:05:38.120 and they were even sent a text message around four 0:05:38.160 --> 0:05:41.360 times a day to write down any worries from the 0:05:41.400 --> 0:05:44.279 past two hours to make sure that they could capture 0:05:44.279 --> 0:05:47.880 as many as possible now. The study participants then reviewed 0:05:47.880 --> 0:05:51.559 their list of worries every evening over the next thirty 0:05:51.680 --> 0:05:55.360 days to see if they came true and the worries 0:05:55.720 --> 0:05:58.800 were only worries that could be tested in the thirty days. 0:05:58.800 --> 0:06:02.960 For example, they used I'll fail my math exam tomorrow 0:06:03.120 --> 0:06:06.839 would be testable, whereas I'll develop cancer at some point 0:06:06.920 --> 0:06:10.640 would not be considered testable. The average person reported three 0:06:10.720 --> 0:06:15.040 to four testable worries per day. The result the research 0:06:15.080 --> 0:06:19.640 showed a wapping Ninety one percent of worries were false alarms, 0:06:19.960 --> 0:06:22.720 and of the remaining nine percent of worries that did 0:06:22.760 --> 0:06:26.479 come true, the outcome was better than expected about a 0:06:26.600 --> 0:06:30.000 third of the time, for about one in four participants, 0:06:30.120 --> 0:06:33.840 exactly zero of their worries materialized. This was a great 0:06:33.920 --> 0:06:36.479 article reviewed by Devin Fry if you want to check 0:06:36.520 --> 0:06:42.720 it out on Psychology Today. Written by Seth J. Gillian. So, 0:06:43.000 --> 0:06:45.000 what I just want to establish is that worry and 0:06:45.040 --> 0:06:47.479 anxiety are something that a lot of us are feeling. 0:06:47.920 --> 0:06:50.320 There are very different ways in which how it shows 0:06:50.400 --> 0:06:53.479 up in our life, so the language and the experience 0:06:53.520 --> 0:06:55.600 of it may be different, and on top of that, 0:06:55.720 --> 0:06:58.920 a lot of what we worry about doesn't always turn 0:06:58.960 --> 0:07:01.359 out to be true. Having said that, I want to 0:07:01.360 --> 0:07:03.720 give you some strategies and a game plan for dealing 0:07:03.800 --> 0:07:06.360 with your worries and anxieties because I want to help 0:07:06.440 --> 0:07:10.280 you transform those thoughts and overcome them. I had a 0:07:10.280 --> 0:07:13.760 really interesting experience of anxiety lately. I remember, before going 0:07:13.760 --> 0:07:16.840 on my world tour, I was so close to canceling 0:07:16.880 --> 0:07:20.040 it so many times because I found it overwhelming that 0:07:20.040 --> 0:07:23.360 I'd be doing all this travel back to back off 0:07:23.360 --> 0:07:26.040 the back of a press tour. I was genuinely quite 0:07:26.040 --> 0:07:28.400 anxious about it, if I'm completely honest with you all, 0:07:28.880 --> 0:07:31.040 and I thought about canceling it, and I thought about 0:07:31.520 --> 0:07:34.040 whether I'd be able to stay healthy. The whole time, 0:07:34.080 --> 0:07:36.720 I was worried about being away from RADI. I was 0:07:36.720 --> 0:07:38.920 worried about being away from my team and my work 0:07:38.920 --> 0:07:43.480 and my office. I was concerned that maybe I wouldn't 0:07:43.520 --> 0:07:45.840 be able to do it because I hadn't done it before, 0:07:46.280 --> 0:07:48.880 and so there were all these anxieties that I was feeling. 0:07:49.240 --> 0:07:53.240 And what's really interesting is that after rehearsing and after practicing, 0:07:53.680 --> 0:07:56.480 I felt great. But even the week let me just 0:07:56.520 --> 0:07:59.480 walk you through my schedule. So my book came out 0:07:59.600 --> 0:08:02.880 or announced on thirty first of January, I went on 0:08:02.960 --> 0:08:07.960 a three week press tour across New York, London, Mumbai, 0:08:08.000 --> 0:08:10.840 and la and then I had to go straight into 0:08:10.880 --> 0:08:13.760 rehearsals and then go on the US leg of the tour, 0:08:14.280 --> 0:08:16.960 and I was so close to falling ill. While I 0:08:17.000 --> 0:08:21.520 was rehearsing. My team Jordan saved my life literally with 0:08:21.560 --> 0:08:24.760 the amount of vitamins and supplements, and I was literally 0:08:24.760 --> 0:08:27.680 on everything I could possibly do to stay healthy, and 0:08:27.840 --> 0:08:29.720 those things really got me across the line. But I 0:08:29.760 --> 0:08:32.679 was nervous at that time too. And then when I 0:08:32.760 --> 0:08:35.559 was about to go on stage at my first show 0:08:35.840 --> 0:08:40.600 in Philadelphia, I walked onto the rehearsals and I felt 0:08:40.679 --> 0:08:44.440 so tight chested. I thought maybe I got COVID, or 0:08:44.880 --> 0:08:48.560 maybe there's some condition I'm struggling with. I remember feeling 0:08:48.600 --> 0:08:52.239 really uncomfortable. I then did the show that night in Philadelphia, 0:08:52.400 --> 0:08:55.679 was a great first show, and then a day later 0:08:55.800 --> 0:08:59.839 when we got to Boston, I felt it again. I 0:09:00.040 --> 0:09:04.319 felt the same uncomfortable, feeling tight chested. I was wondering 0:09:04.320 --> 0:09:06.600 what it was, and I remember speaking to my tour 0:09:06.640 --> 0:09:09.400 manager Tom about it, and I said to Tom, I said, Tom, 0:09:09.440 --> 0:09:11.360 I think, you know, I don't know what's going on. 0:09:11.440 --> 0:09:13.520 I'm just feeling a bit uncomfortable. And he said, well, Jay, 0:09:13.559 --> 0:09:15.840 you know it's probably anxiety and nerves. And I was like, 0:09:16.000 --> 0:09:18.360 I don't feel anxiety and nerves. I'm you know, I've 0:09:18.360 --> 0:09:21.439 spoken on stages a million times, and it was really 0:09:21.480 --> 0:09:24.480 interesting to me because he was like, Jay, you have, 0:09:24.600 --> 0:09:26.800 but this is different. This is your show, this is 0:09:26.840 --> 0:09:29.800 your tour. It's different. And so I was practicing my 0:09:29.840 --> 0:09:32.360 breath work exercises and then I had to go get 0:09:32.520 --> 0:09:35.160 checked in New York because I was so worried and 0:09:35.200 --> 0:09:38.000 I realized it was purely anxiety based. It was purely 0:09:38.040 --> 0:09:40.760 stress based. I was feeling so tight chested, and it 0:09:40.800 --> 0:09:44.320 went away after knowing that it wasn't anything more. But 0:09:44.400 --> 0:09:49.080 it's so interesting how we discount our experiences of overwhelm 0:09:49.240 --> 0:09:53.240 or stress or worry because we think of it as insignificant. 0:09:53.240 --> 0:09:55.760 We think that we should have had it figured out. 0:09:56.520 --> 0:09:59.480 So the first thing I want to talk to you 0:09:59.559 --> 0:10:03.520 about is studies show that we have around sixty to 0:10:03.600 --> 0:10:08.320 eighty thousand thoughts per day overwhelming already I know, and 0:10:08.360 --> 0:10:11.720 that eighty percent of those are repetitive and eighty percent 0:10:11.760 --> 0:10:14.959 of those are negative. We're often having the same thought 0:10:15.000 --> 0:10:18.360 throughout the day. A negative thought keeps on repeat on 0:10:18.520 --> 0:10:21.760 that cycle, and we have the same thought multiple times 0:10:21.760 --> 0:10:25.439 a day, adding up to a number of uncontrollable thoughts 0:10:26.160 --> 0:10:30.320 and here's my strategy for you. You can't change sixty 0:10:30.440 --> 0:10:34.000 to eighty thousand thoughts per day. It would be really 0:10:34.080 --> 0:10:37.240 tough to start thinking about how to be mindful about 0:10:37.280 --> 0:10:41.320 every thought. But here's something you can do. You can 0:10:41.480 --> 0:10:45.840 master your first and last thought of the day. Your 0:10:45.880 --> 0:10:49.840 first and last thought of the day can transform what 0:10:50.040 --> 0:10:54.320 happens in between. Right, we eat at three set times 0:10:54.320 --> 0:10:57.160 per day, or you eat at two set times per day, 0:10:57.440 --> 0:11:01.719 because that keeps you going and energized in between. Similarly, 0:11:01.760 --> 0:11:04.360 if we master and conquer our first thought of the 0:11:04.440 --> 0:11:07.920 day and the last thought of the day, so much 0:11:08.000 --> 0:11:10.520 can change. So here's what I want you to try. 0:11:10.640 --> 0:11:13.600 The first thing is don't look at your phone first 0:11:13.640 --> 0:11:17.079 thing in the morning and lasting at night, because your 0:11:17.240 --> 0:11:24.679 phone automatically inserts so many uncontrollable thoughts that you can't conquer. Right, 0:11:24.720 --> 0:11:26.080 you wake up in the morning and you see a 0:11:26.120 --> 0:11:28.360 news alert about something that happened in the world, and 0:11:28.400 --> 0:11:31.320 you go, gosh, that's already a negative start to the day. 0:11:31.679 --> 0:11:33.520 You wake up and you got a message from someone saying, hey, 0:11:33.559 --> 0:11:35.640 you haven't handed in that report yet. You're behind on 0:11:35.760 --> 0:11:39.920 work already. You've started a stream of negative thoughts. Now 0:11:40.000 --> 0:11:42.280 You're reactive for the rest of the day, trying to 0:11:42.320 --> 0:11:44.400 catch up, trying to make sure that you can solve 0:11:44.480 --> 0:11:47.880 all the other problems, not realizing that maybe if you 0:11:47.960 --> 0:11:51.319 gave yourself a head start, maybe if you felt calm 0:11:51.360 --> 0:11:54.000 and peaceful at the beginning of the day, now, when 0:11:54.040 --> 0:11:56.319 those things come at you, because of course they will, 0:11:56.960 --> 0:12:00.280 you'll be better prepared. So I find that master during 0:12:00.280 --> 0:12:02.160 your first and last thought of the day can be 0:12:02.240 --> 0:12:04.600 huge for me. The first thought of the day is 0:12:04.679 --> 0:12:07.480 usually a quote from my favorite book, a quote that 0:12:07.520 --> 0:12:10.600 I've scribbled on a post it note in maybe asking 0:12:10.640 --> 0:12:14.400 myself what am I grateful for? It's finding the first thing. 0:12:14.440 --> 0:12:15.920 All I want you to do is go what is 0:12:15.960 --> 0:12:18.000 the first thing I want to look at? What is 0:12:18.000 --> 0:12:19.720 the first thing I want to read? What is the 0:12:19.880 --> 0:12:23.120 first thing I want to think about that is going 0:12:23.200 --> 0:12:26.000 to transform the beginning of my day. It might even 0:12:26.080 --> 0:12:29.000 be a picture you want to see. The other thing 0:12:29.000 --> 0:12:31.840 I'm going to ask you to do is change your 0:12:32.160 --> 0:12:37.120 alarm tone. Often your alarm tone is so alarming that 0:12:37.240 --> 0:12:43.160 your first thought is urgency, emergency, alarm, alert, like all 0:12:43.200 --> 0:12:46.280 those words have so much fear attached them, like you're 0:12:46.360 --> 0:12:49.719 a fire alarm. It's scary. Why would you wake up 0:12:49.880 --> 0:12:52.760 to an alarm? Why would you wake up to an alert? 0:12:52.920 --> 0:12:54.640 All of these things make us have to be so 0:12:54.800 --> 0:12:58.400 on edge. They shift us into fight or flight mode, 0:12:59.000 --> 0:13:00.679 when actually, when you wake up, you want to wake 0:13:00.760 --> 0:13:03.640 up as if your eyes are just gently opening, right. 0:13:03.679 --> 0:13:05.840 Think about it? Do you like it when you wake 0:13:05.920 --> 0:13:08.040 up and your eyes are almost like shocked open, or 0:13:08.040 --> 0:13:12.839 when you get a moment to just gently, calmly open 0:13:12.880 --> 0:13:17.200 your eyes and let yourself become acquainted again with the 0:13:17.280 --> 0:13:20.800 light that's in the room. And it's so important to 0:13:20.880 --> 0:13:26.520 start that circadian rhythm by getting some natural sunlight. Right. So, 0:13:26.679 --> 0:13:30.320 one of the best ways, best strategies I know to 0:13:30.440 --> 0:13:34.960 deal with anxious thoughts and an anxious mindset is master 0:13:35.080 --> 0:13:38.160 the first and last thought of the day. My last 0:13:38.240 --> 0:13:39.760 thought of the day is often what am I most 0:13:39.800 --> 0:13:41.840 grateful for? My last thought of the day is what 0:13:42.000 --> 0:13:44.920 is an achievement? What is some progress I've made today? 0:13:45.200 --> 0:13:49.400 To give myself some encouragement and acknowledgment for what I've done. 0:13:49.559 --> 0:13:51.480 The second thing, this is something that I've used for 0:13:51.600 --> 0:13:54.520 years and it has really really helped me, and I 0:13:54.600 --> 0:13:57.040 found it helping me with a cold plunge. I found 0:13:57.040 --> 0:13:59.960 it helping with hikes, I found it helping with going 0:14:00.120 --> 0:14:04.560 on stage. It's breath work. I don't think we use 0:14:04.760 --> 0:14:09.640 our breath enough to define our life. Listen to this carefully. 0:14:10.200 --> 0:14:14.600 When you change the pace of your breath, you change 0:14:14.760 --> 0:14:18.600 the pace of your life. We don't realize how the 0:14:18.640 --> 0:14:22.760 pace of our breath is so interconnected to the pace 0:14:22.800 --> 0:14:25.800 of our life. If you find yourself rushing around, if 0:14:25.800 --> 0:14:27.760 you find yourself trying to do too many things, what 0:14:27.880 --> 0:14:32.000 happens The pace of your breath is fast, restless, and 0:14:32.080 --> 0:14:35.360 rushing as well. Whereas if you think about the best 0:14:35.400 --> 0:14:40.120 decisions you make in a calm, controlled environment, you'll find 0:14:40.160 --> 0:14:44.120 that your breath is deeper, slower, and your heart rate 0:14:44.200 --> 0:14:47.120 is slower as well. I think we've all experienced what 0:14:47.160 --> 0:14:49.960 panic feels like, what nerves feel like. You think about 0:14:50.080 --> 0:14:52.720 shallow breathing, you think about a fast heart rate, you 0:14:52.800 --> 0:14:57.760 think about being out of breath. Change the pace of 0:14:57.760 --> 0:15:01.160 your life by changing the pace of your breath. Anytime 0:15:01.200 --> 0:15:04.240 you feel out of breath, any time you feel behind, 0:15:04.600 --> 0:15:08.760 anytime you feel like you're rushing, it's because your heart 0:15:08.840 --> 0:15:13.520 rate and your breath rate are too high. You want 0:15:13.560 --> 0:15:16.760 to slow them down and get back in control. I 0:15:16.800 --> 0:15:19.680 looked at a study on Medical News today, and it's 0:15:19.680 --> 0:15:24.960 said that deliberately copying a relaxed breathing pattern seems to 0:15:25.040 --> 0:15:30.080 calm the nervous system that controls the body's involuntary functions. 0:15:30.640 --> 0:15:35.240 Controlled breathing can cause physiological changes that include lowered blood 0:15:35.240 --> 0:15:39.200 pressure and heart rate, reduced levels of stress hormones in 0:15:39.240 --> 0:15:42.960 the blood. So what you want to do is one 0:15:42.960 --> 0:15:46.520 of my favorite things is ocean breathing. And what I 0:15:46.560 --> 0:15:49.680 mean by that is you can find online or wherever 0:15:49.720 --> 0:15:53.280 it is, watching the ocean flow in and out and 0:15:53.440 --> 0:15:58.040 trying to deliberately copy that pace of breathing. Now, if 0:15:58.040 --> 0:15:59.960 you're not a visual person and you need to close 0:16:00.120 --> 0:16:03.320 your eyes, it's great to do this with account. I 0:16:03.400 --> 0:16:07.360 often breathe in for four and out for more than four. 0:16:07.400 --> 0:16:10.960 When you exhale for longer than you inhale, you relax 0:16:11.040 --> 0:16:14.320 your body and you slow your heart rate down. A 0:16:14.320 --> 0:16:16.680 few years ago I put this to the test where 0:16:16.720 --> 0:16:20.360 I actually sat right next to the bass drum of 0:16:20.400 --> 0:16:24.240 a heavy metal band, naturally listening to that music, and 0:16:24.280 --> 0:16:28.680 the fast pace my heart rates rocketed. My breathing was 0:16:28.720 --> 0:16:32.520 shallow and quick and in that I tried to control 0:16:32.600 --> 0:16:37.160 my breathing, and I had a heart rate monitor as well, 0:16:37.520 --> 0:16:39.360 and I was able to slow it down so that 0:16:39.560 --> 0:16:42.560 even in that high stress environment, I was able to 0:16:42.640 --> 0:16:46.520 reach a place of equanimity and calm. And so what 0:16:46.560 --> 0:16:48.600 I want to encourage you all to do is don't 0:16:48.600 --> 0:16:50.960 go sit next to a base drum, right, But I 0:16:51.000 --> 0:16:53.800 want you to take an opportunity to say, how much 0:16:53.840 --> 0:16:58.760 can you deliberately copy a relaxed breathing pattern? Where is 0:16:58.800 --> 0:17:00.960 there a pattern you can see? You may even breathe 0:17:01.000 --> 0:17:03.560 in and out from watching a flower move in your garden, 0:17:03.640 --> 0:17:07.159 a leaf moving from side to side. You may breathe 0:17:07.200 --> 0:17:10.120 as I said, for account of four in and an 0:17:10.200 --> 0:17:14.280 excel for more than four. Creating a pattern for your 0:17:14.320 --> 0:17:17.800 breath to follow will lower your heart rate, lower your 0:17:17.800 --> 0:17:20.960 breath rate, and actually give you an opportunity to cope 0:17:21.400 --> 0:17:24.560 with the feeling that you're going through. The study went 0:17:24.600 --> 0:17:27.560 on to say that breathing is closely linked the nervous system. 0:17:27.960 --> 0:17:34.320 Breathing exercises, especially those that emphasize extended controlled exhalation, activate 0:17:34.359 --> 0:17:39.200 the parasympathetic nervous system, which causes equal and opposite changes 0:17:39.440 --> 0:17:43.720 to the stress response, says doctor Kennedy. Deep controlled breathing 0:17:43.800 --> 0:17:48.440 with extended exhalation stimulates the vagus nerve, causing a fall 0:17:48.480 --> 0:17:52.359 in the heart rate and blood pressure, and when practiced regularly, 0:17:52.800 --> 0:17:56.439 feelings of calm and relaxation. I can't stress this to 0:17:56.520 --> 0:18:00.800 you enough about how important it is to regulate are breathing, 0:18:01.320 --> 0:18:04.800 how important it is to find a pace that works 0:18:04.840 --> 0:18:08.560 for you in that moment. The third strategy that has 0:18:08.560 --> 0:18:11.600 had a big impact on my life is the power 0:18:11.920 --> 0:18:18.639 of scent, and I think that it's such an underutilized 0:18:19.480 --> 0:18:24.560 part of managing our stress. There's a reason why spars, 0:18:24.760 --> 0:18:29.520 why sacred places relax us, There's a reason why we 0:18:29.600 --> 0:18:33.680 have candles because scent, and again, using that breath work 0:18:33.720 --> 0:18:38.840 to actually presently breathe in that scent can transform how 0:18:38.840 --> 0:18:42.840 you feel. Studies show that sense sends signals to our 0:18:42.880 --> 0:18:46.000 limbic system, which is the sector of the brain that 0:18:46.040 --> 0:18:50.120 controls memory and emotion. According to a twenty eleven study, 0:18:50.600 --> 0:18:54.840 positive emotions, which can be elicited by certain fragrances, have 0:18:54.920 --> 0:18:59.480 been proven to lower stress levels and improve overall mental outlook. 0:19:00.000 --> 0:19:01.600 I don't know if you've ever been for a massage 0:19:01.640 --> 0:19:03.800 and they offer you a series of sense and they 0:19:03.880 --> 0:19:06.560 ask you which one do you gravitate towards. And it's 0:19:06.560 --> 0:19:08.600 so easy in that moment to say, well, which one's 0:19:08.640 --> 0:19:11.840 good for me, as opposed to you just breathing them 0:19:11.840 --> 0:19:13.960 in and thinking, well, this one makes me feel good. 0:19:14.480 --> 0:19:16.679 And I realized this was something that Radi did in 0:19:16.720 --> 0:19:20.280 our home that honestly I just recommend is that Radi 0:19:20.320 --> 0:19:24.240 will have a different diffuser and essential oil for different 0:19:24.440 --> 0:19:27.320 spaces in our home. So whether we were in our 0:19:27.359 --> 0:19:29.280 tiny apartment in New York or whether we're in our 0:19:29.280 --> 0:19:32.840 home right now, different spaces have different scents. So the 0:19:32.960 --> 0:19:35.400 kitchen has a scent, the living room has a scent, 0:19:35.760 --> 0:19:38.560 our bedroom has a scent. And it's simply a diffuser 0:19:38.600 --> 0:19:42.000 with a couple of drops of essential oils that transform 0:19:42.119 --> 0:19:44.639 the environment, so as soon as you walk in, you 0:19:44.840 --> 0:19:47.960 get the benefit of how you want to feel in 0:19:48.040 --> 0:19:51.199 that space. Do not underestimate scent as a way of 0:19:51.280 --> 0:19:54.480 calming you down. Maybe even carry one with you. Sometimes 0:19:54.520 --> 0:19:57.359 I'll carry around peppermint oil with me. Sometimes I'll carry 0:19:57.440 --> 0:20:00.439 around a lavender scent which I find really good calming, 0:20:00.760 --> 0:20:03.960 or a sandal wood scent that I find calming simply 0:20:04.640 --> 0:20:08.640 to inhale and excel to aid that breath work by 0:20:08.680 --> 0:20:13.760 giving you another tool to help calm you down. Find 0:20:13.760 --> 0:20:16.439 the scent that helps calm you. Find the scent that 0:20:16.520 --> 0:20:20.720 helps energize you. Find the scent that helps relax you 0:20:20.760 --> 0:20:24.359 and maybe even puts you to sleep. Don't underestimate the 0:20:24.359 --> 0:20:27.560 power of scent. Along with that is the power of sound. 0:20:27.920 --> 0:20:30.679 A twenty sixteen study found that music preference was the 0:20:30.720 --> 0:20:35.160 most important factor in reducing stress levels. Listening to one 0:20:35.160 --> 0:20:38.760 of your favorite songs or music maybe a great short 0:20:38.880 --> 0:20:42.880 term way of dealing with stress. Often I find that 0:20:43.400 --> 0:20:48.560 music without lyrics, music whether it's jazz, classical music, and 0:20:48.720 --> 0:20:51.720 instrumental of just a piano or just a violin, can 0:20:51.760 --> 0:20:57.000 be so powerful for helping us realign again with the 0:20:57.080 --> 0:20:59.880 pace that we want to live at. So I want 0:20:59.880 --> 0:21:03.080 you to think about scent and sound really, really effectively. 0:21:03.640 --> 0:21:06.080 What song do you wake up to? What music do 0:21:06.160 --> 0:21:08.880 you drive to? What music do you walk and work 0:21:08.920 --> 0:21:11.200 out to? What music do you listen to when you 0:21:11.280 --> 0:21:13.760 are feeling stressed? Do you remember to switch something on? 0:21:13.880 --> 0:21:18.080 Maybe have a playlist that you've made specifically for when 0:21:18.119 --> 0:21:20.119 you feel this way, Like when we have a playlist 0:21:20.160 --> 0:21:21.960 for a workout. Right, you have a playlist that you 0:21:22.000 --> 0:21:24.719 listened to in the car. What's your playlist for when 0:21:24.760 --> 0:21:27.960 you're feeling anxious and stressed out? Design it when you're 0:21:27.960 --> 0:21:30.159 not anxious and stressed out, and it will help you 0:21:30.240 --> 0:21:33.240 massively when you are. And I really want to talk 0:21:33.280 --> 0:21:37.720 to you about site visualization was a big technique I 0:21:37.840 --> 0:21:41.000 used when I lived as a monk. I today visualize 0:21:41.040 --> 0:21:44.119 myself going on stages before I walk on. I visualized 0:21:44.160 --> 0:21:48.760 myself skydiving before I did that. I visualize myself going 0:21:48.800 --> 0:21:51.479 through challenging moments in my life that are far deeper 0:21:51.480 --> 0:21:54.520 and more high stakes than both of those that I 0:21:54.560 --> 0:21:57.359 just talked about now. And I found that when you 0:21:57.440 --> 0:22:01.679 live something out in a visualization, it allows you to 0:22:02.480 --> 0:22:05.840 feel the emotions. I was talking to rather recently and 0:22:05.880 --> 0:22:09.000 she was saying that she wanted to share something really emotional, 0:22:09.040 --> 0:22:11.280 and she was scared when she shares it when she's 0:22:11.320 --> 0:22:14.080 doing a talk, she may start crying. And I said 0:22:14.080 --> 0:22:16.159 to her, first of all, that's beautiful, but I understand 0:22:16.200 --> 0:22:18.760 you don't want to derail your whole presentation. And I 0:22:18.760 --> 0:22:22.080 said to that, practice and when you practice, allow yourself 0:22:22.080 --> 0:22:24.760 to cry. Allow yourself to feel so that you felt 0:22:24.760 --> 0:22:27.399 those emotions deeply. Now when you share it, you'll be 0:22:27.480 --> 0:22:30.960 able to not cry, but it will still be emotive 0:22:31.000 --> 0:22:36.320 and powerful for you. And so visualization and rehearsal. Visual 0:22:36.400 --> 0:22:42.160 rehearsal helps us deal with tough conversations, challenging moments. Maybe 0:22:42.240 --> 0:22:46.439 an awkward, uncomfortable interaction that you need to have with someone. 0:22:46.560 --> 0:22:50.080 Feel free to visualize not how it's going to go perfectly, 0:22:50.920 --> 0:22:53.760 but how you're going to behave when it goes imperfectly. 0:22:54.240 --> 0:22:57.320 I think that's the mistake we make with visualization. We 0:22:57.320 --> 0:22:58.919 try and visualize, Oh, it's going to work out, it's 0:22:58.920 --> 0:23:02.200 going to be amazing. I'm not recommending that. I'm recommending 0:23:02.200 --> 0:23:05.639 you visualize what you think is going to happen and 0:23:05.800 --> 0:23:08.239