WEBVTT - Holistic Healing 0:00:08.560 --> 0:00:11.360 This is the Anxiety Bites podcast and I am your host, 0:00:11.520 --> 0:00:18.000 Jen Kirkman. Welcome to another episode of Anxiety Bites. I 0:00:18.040 --> 0:00:21.480 am your host Jen Kirkman. Today I am chatting with 0:00:21.880 --> 0:00:26.280 Alison Sepinara. She's an anxiety healer, a licensed professional counselor, 0:00:26.560 --> 0:00:32.599 Certified Specialist one and two school counselor. And I'll get 0:00:32.640 --> 0:00:34.839 into everything that she and I talked about in just 0:00:34.960 --> 0:00:38.600 a moment. And by the way, she is teaching a 0:00:38.840 --> 0:00:43.360 seven days of Anxiety Healing master class for all of 0:00:43.400 --> 0:00:46.960 you who would love to take a class for a week. 0:00:48.240 --> 0:00:53.800 It's online and heal your anxiety. Everybody talks about getting 0:00:53.800 --> 0:00:56.279 a beach body for the summer. Never mind, now, why 0:00:56.320 --> 0:01:00.600 don't you get a beach nervous system. That's that's not 0:01:00.680 --> 0:01:02.880 a thing. But um well, I'll just give you the 0:01:02.920 --> 0:01:07.240 info right now so you will get off if you 0:01:07.360 --> 0:01:12.360 put anxiety bites all smushed together, no spaces between anxiety 0:01:12.360 --> 0:01:15.560 and bites, all upper case, and I'll put it in 0:01:15.640 --> 0:01:17.240 the show notes exactly how you should do it. So 0:01:17.280 --> 0:01:20.200 there's a link down there. And again you're gonna get 0:01:20.959 --> 0:01:25.560 off of her Anxiety Healing master Class which begins on 0:01:25.720 --> 0:01:30.760 June and that is just for my listeners. Before I 0:01:30.760 --> 0:01:35.080 get to that, I probably won't be doing another all 0:01:35.280 --> 0:01:39.759 listener email episode because we just have so many wonderful 0:01:39.800 --> 0:01:45.720 guests coming up and we're pretty booked up. So season 0:01:45.760 --> 0:01:50.280 one ends um second week of August, and our our 0:01:50.320 --> 0:01:53.200 calendar is packed until then. So I thought I would 0:01:53.240 --> 0:01:55.840 just read some emails at the beginning of every episode, 0:01:56.720 --> 0:02:00.640 and I have to tell you the A d h 0:02:00.720 --> 0:02:04.280 D episode, I got such an overwhelming number of emails. 0:02:04.320 --> 0:02:07.680 I think only second to the O c D episode 0:02:07.680 --> 0:02:13.799 where people we're contacting me just from everywhere and saying 0:02:13.840 --> 0:02:21.720 that they felt so much better hearing that the number one, 0:02:22.160 --> 0:02:25.640 you know, most popular, the most normal symptom of O 0:02:25.760 --> 0:02:31.919 c D are these unwanted thoughts about harming others, and 0:02:32.080 --> 0:02:36.560 it just it just helped so many people. But today 0:02:36.680 --> 0:02:39.400 I will read you the emails from the fellow A 0:02:39.480 --> 0:02:40.799 d h D rars out there, and I will tell 0:02:40.840 --> 0:02:43.600 you this, that episode meant so much to me because 0:02:44.840 --> 0:02:48.119 it really took I hate saying this because it's such 0:02:48.160 --> 0:02:50.600 a my own research, and again I don't say that 0:02:50.639 --> 0:02:53.960 about other things, but it did take my own research, 0:02:54.080 --> 0:02:56.679 not not. It's not you know when people say I 0:02:56.760 --> 0:02:58.880 did my own research about the vaccine. I'm not talking 0:02:58.880 --> 0:03:01.960 about I'll her native research to research that's out there. 0:03:01.960 --> 0:03:05.079 I'm talking about the people that I was working with. 0:03:05.160 --> 0:03:07.520 My therapist had no information on a d h D, 0:03:08.440 --> 0:03:11.840 and I just felt like I was spinning my wheels. 0:03:12.000 --> 0:03:17.200 And I pardoned ways with my therapist this year. And 0:03:17.200 --> 0:03:20.760 and honestly, if it was from everything I've learned on 0:03:20.800 --> 0:03:24.880 this podcast, in the sense that I realized that there 0:03:24.919 --> 0:03:28.000 are certain specialties I need to find a therapist that, 0:03:28.160 --> 0:03:29.960 you know, who deals more with certain things. There's certain things. 0:03:30.000 --> 0:03:32.119 Do I actually need a therapist, you just need more 0:03:32.160 --> 0:03:34.720 tools over here or whatnot? I mean, I've been with 0:03:34.760 --> 0:03:36.800 my therapist over fifteen years agoing once a week, So 0:03:36.840 --> 0:03:39.160 it's like, you know, I don't recommend everyone to jump 0:03:39.200 --> 0:03:40.880 up and leave their therapist, but this, this was something 0:03:40.920 --> 0:03:42.440 I've been thinking about for about a year, but it 0:03:42.480 --> 0:03:46.480 really became crystal clear when I realized I think she's 0:03:46.520 --> 0:03:48.440 misdiagnosed by a d h D as other things. And 0:03:48.480 --> 0:03:51.880 then of course I have a psychiatrist who you know, 0:03:51.920 --> 0:03:56.360 prescribes medication and who yes, says I have a d 0:03:56.480 --> 0:03:59.800 h D. And and but it's it's just from. He 0:04:00.000 --> 0:04:02.360 doesn't have it himself, and so he's not going to 0:04:02.400 --> 0:04:05.480 know every single thing or how it affects women as 0:04:05.480 --> 0:04:09.320 opposed to you know, and so he doesn't specialize in 0:04:09.320 --> 0:04:11.400 a d h D. So sometimes I teach him things 0:04:11.400 --> 0:04:13.360 from what I've read from other a d h D 0:04:13.480 --> 0:04:18.800 experts or whatnot. But just the things I've been reading 0:04:18.800 --> 0:04:21.440 about a d h D all year have really put 0:04:21.440 --> 0:04:25.839 into perspective my entire life. Moments in my entire life 0:04:25.880 --> 0:04:28.360 where I thought, what was that about? What was that reaction? 0:04:28.400 --> 0:04:30.919 What was this? And it's actually very easy to forgive 0:04:31.000 --> 0:04:36.080 myself because I just had this kind of thing that 0:04:38.080 --> 0:04:40.880 it felt like something all over was wrong with me, 0:04:41.240 --> 0:04:45.200 and in a way it was. I had this, you know, 0:04:45.320 --> 0:04:49.760 neural neurodevelopmental disorder that does touch on a lot of 0:04:49.760 --> 0:04:52.080 the executive functions of the brain that that have to 0:04:52.120 --> 0:04:55.880 do with emotion, or maybe you're bad with money, or 0:04:55.920 --> 0:04:58.159 maybe this or that. But when it's all happening at once, 0:04:58.920 --> 0:05:02.080 it's hard when someone said as oh, you're acting like 0:05:02.120 --> 0:05:04.080 this maybe of quote dependency or maybe of this, and 0:05:04.080 --> 0:05:05.919 you're like, yeah, but what of all the other things? 0:05:05.960 --> 0:05:08.320 And you start to think about just like straight up 0:05:08.360 --> 0:05:10.680 crazy which I know is not a term we like 0:05:10.800 --> 0:05:14.240 to use, but in the privacy of our own heads, 0:05:14.279 --> 0:05:17.400 I do think we worry about that whatever we think 0:05:17.400 --> 0:05:21.719 crazy means, and again like to have something that impedes 0:05:21.720 --> 0:05:25.400 your executive functions. It doesn't make you a lost cause, 0:05:25.560 --> 0:05:27.440 it doesn't make you a hopeless case, and it certainly 0:05:27.440 --> 0:05:31.840 doesn't make you quote crazy. It just means now you've 0:05:31.839 --> 0:05:33.600 an answer this one. And it all comes down to 0:05:33.600 --> 0:05:37.520 the same thing self soothing. And for me, it's changing 0:05:37.560 --> 0:05:39.680 my mind about what will make me feel better. I'm 0:05:39.720 --> 0:05:41.800 still stuck in the loop a lot of times that 0:05:42.360 --> 0:05:47.080 getting the thirty five item to do list done in 0:05:47.120 --> 0:05:50.000 an unreasonable amount of time, meaning a short amount of 0:05:50.000 --> 0:05:51.800 time will is the only thing that will make me 0:05:51.839 --> 0:05:54.400 feel better. When everything is off my plate, I can 0:05:54.520 --> 0:05:56.599 my life is over there. My life is just beyond 0:05:56.600 --> 0:05:59.919 the to do list. And it really, honestly, you know, 0:06:00.120 --> 0:06:02.279 we can sit in therapy sessions and have someone say 0:06:02.480 --> 0:06:05.800 do you have intimacy issues, and it's like, I don't. 0:06:05.880 --> 0:06:08.000 I can't even relate to what you're saying. And I'm 0:06:08.040 --> 0:06:12.800 not being defensive, I just no, I'm trying to explain 0:06:12.880 --> 0:06:16.320 that I can't get past this wall in front of me, 0:06:16.360 --> 0:06:19.960 which is there is no relief until all thirty five 0:06:19.960 --> 0:06:21.480 things are done on this list. Do I have to 0:06:21.520 --> 0:06:23.440 pull an all nighter and then my life begins the 0:06:23.440 --> 0:06:26.120 next day? Then I'll have time to call friends back, 0:06:26.200 --> 0:06:28.680 maybe go on a date, maybe a grocery shop, and 0:06:28.760 --> 0:06:32.320 make dinner for myself. And it's like, in times of 0:06:32.440 --> 0:06:37.000 uncertainty and stress, that can be louder for me, this 0:06:37.080 --> 0:06:38.880 notion that my life is on the other end of 0:06:38.880 --> 0:06:42.640 the to do list. I actually had a really good 0:06:42.640 --> 0:06:46.200 handle on it during the lockdown. I didn't have to 0:06:46.200 --> 0:06:48.159 worry about an income, I had some writing jobs that 0:06:48.200 --> 0:06:55.440 I was doing remotely, and I just had this realization that, 0:06:57.320 --> 0:06:59.640 oh wow, I spent a lot of my time pre 0:06:59.760 --> 0:07:03.120 law down in this notion that life begins after the 0:07:03.160 --> 0:07:04.560 to do list, and then, as you know, that to 0:07:04.600 --> 0:07:06.600 do list never ends. And I had a real concrete 0:07:06.640 --> 0:07:09.520 example of you know, how many nights that I wish 0:07:09.600 --> 0:07:12.000 I'd gone out and met that friend, or you know, 0:07:12.040 --> 0:07:13.880 if I'm writing a script or something, you know, I 0:07:13.880 --> 0:07:15.880 wish I'd taken a two hour coffee break to see 0:07:15.880 --> 0:07:17.880 a friend. Because if you're a writer, you don't actually 0:07:17.920 --> 0:07:21.200 write nine to six you know, eight am to eight pm. 0:07:20.800 --> 0:07:23.280 You procrastinating and take breaks, but I get in this 0:07:23.440 --> 0:07:26.960 zone where I can't even engage with other people. And 0:07:26.960 --> 0:07:29.640 and so I had this really great balance, you know, 0:07:29.840 --> 0:07:33.800 right after the vaccine came out and I was fascinated 0:07:33.880 --> 0:07:35.360 and I felt like I was getting back to things, 0:07:35.440 --> 0:07:37.800 and I really from having spent a year alone, I 0:07:37.840 --> 0:07:41.920 felt this real sense of I'm never again going to 0:07:42.040 --> 0:07:46.400 let the overwhelm trick me into thinking I can't do X, 0:07:46.560 --> 0:07:50.960 Y and Z until I finished this other stuff. And 0:07:51.600 --> 0:07:54.280 it worked for a while, but again that was a 0:07:54.400 --> 0:07:58.480 perspective that's temporary because we get used to whatever we're in. 0:07:58.680 --> 0:08:02.920 So back to life. I fell back into the way 0:08:02.960 --> 0:08:05.760 I used to do life. And now that I can 0:08:05.800 --> 0:08:08.240 look at it as this a d h D thing, 0:08:08.240 --> 0:08:10.360 which is like, look, I can keep doing it this 0:08:10.400 --> 0:08:12.240 way and insisting that there's a day when this to 0:08:12.280 --> 0:08:16.720 do list ends or I can sell now. When you 0:08:16.800 --> 0:08:18.200 try to take that to do list away from me, 0:08:18.240 --> 0:08:20.080 say Jen, you're gonna go to bed right now, or 0:08:20.120 --> 0:08:22.960 you're going to watch the TV and you're not going 0:08:23.000 --> 0:08:25.720 to get this thing done tonight, and it's not even 0:08:25.800 --> 0:08:27.400 due to marrows, so you don't need to do it tomorrow, 0:08:27.400 --> 0:08:30.560 I know, But so what feeling are you trying to accomplish? 0:08:30.640 --> 0:08:33.240 And it's like, I'm trying to accomplish a feeling that 0:08:33.360 --> 0:08:35.760 everything is done so that it's not in the back 0:08:35.800 --> 0:08:37.840 of my head when I'm trying to enjoy my life. 0:08:37.840 --> 0:08:40.680 And it's like, well, then your job, Jen is to 0:08:40.800 --> 0:08:44.160 try to enjoy your life knowing you've got this thing 0:08:44.200 --> 0:08:46.480 to write that you're going to perform next month, knowing 0:08:46.600 --> 0:08:50.720 that you have to finish this script you're ready, you know. 0:08:50.840 --> 0:08:57.440 It's like I I have to relearn to to integrate better, 0:08:57.480 --> 0:09:02.120 and I had done it before, and so I noticed 0:09:02.160 --> 0:09:04.319 that it's that a d h D thing when I 0:09:04.360 --> 0:09:06.280 have trouble self soothing around it. If you try to 0:09:06.280 --> 0:09:08.680 tell me you have to take a break and go 0:09:08.720 --> 0:09:10.760 see a friend for an hour, knowing you have things 0:09:10.760 --> 0:09:14.040 to do when you get home, that actually disturbs me physically. 0:09:14.120 --> 0:09:19.800 I start to feel uncomfortable. And I know that intellectually 0:09:19.840 --> 0:09:23.040 I don't even agree with the person that doesn't want 0:09:23.040 --> 0:09:25.079 to take the break. I'm I'm gonna take a break person. 0:09:25.080 --> 0:09:27.800 I'd rather never work again, to be honest. But it's 0:09:27.840 --> 0:09:31.880 like it doesn't matter where it comes from it is 0:09:32.080 --> 0:09:34.760 it would seem too simple for a therapist. It's it's like, 0:09:35.480 --> 0:09:37.760 I know they get excited when things seem to connect, 0:09:37.800 --> 0:09:40.000 but it's not. And how But in your child, did 0:09:40.000 --> 0:09:43.160 you do have friendships? Like I'm a totally social person. 0:09:43.200 --> 0:09:46.640 I don't have intimacy issues. I I literally have this 0:09:46.720 --> 0:09:51.520 bizarre overwhelm right now, and I am convinced that doing 0:09:51.559 --> 0:09:53.920 the same thing over and over is going to get 0:09:53.920 --> 0:09:55.680 me the result I want, even though it's not the 0:09:55.720 --> 0:10:00.000 definition of insanity. Right So I have to force myself 0:10:01.040 --> 0:10:03.840 to do things differently, and it can be putting less 0:10:03.880 --> 0:10:05.640 things on the to do list for me. Recently, I 0:10:05.640 --> 0:10:07.840 started bullet journaling, which is the thing I never thought 0:10:07.880 --> 0:10:09.720 I would do, but it helps my a d h D. 0:10:09.720 --> 0:10:12.280 And I can get into that another time. But so, 0:10:12.520 --> 0:10:18.800 just learning everything I've learned this year has changed my perspective. 0:10:19.240 --> 0:10:24.199 It's helped me actually help myself, and it's showed me 0:10:25.920 --> 0:10:28.200 what types of therapy are working for me right now 0:10:28.200 --> 0:10:30.200 and what types aren't. Anyway, I feel like all of 0:10:30.240 --> 0:10:32.800 you who wrote to me, who know that you have 0:10:32.840 --> 0:10:34.520 a d h D or weren't sure what you had, 0:10:35.120 --> 0:10:37.880 you had a similar realization just by listening to the episode, 0:10:37.920 --> 0:10:40.480 and it makes me really happy. Again. I'm not here 0:10:40.520 --> 0:10:43.840 to diagnose anyone. I just want people to listen and 0:10:43.880 --> 0:10:47.480 if they hear something they like. We're never going to 0:10:47.520 --> 0:10:50.439 solve any anxiety issue in any one episode, but I'm 0:10:50.480 --> 0:10:53.240 hoping that you take the bread crumbs from an episode 0:10:53.240 --> 0:10:55.600 and keep learning for yourself or bring it to your 0:10:55.640 --> 0:10:59.520 therapist or whatever. So I'm just glad that it got 0:10:59.559 --> 0:11:01.240 a lot of your minds going. So I'm going to 0:11:01.280 --> 0:11:05.960 read these, Hi, jan First of all, I want to 0:11:05.960 --> 0:11:09.720 acknowledge what a wonderful person you are. Okay I didn't. 0:11:10.120 --> 0:11:13.880 I'm not trying to compliment myself, Okay, I'm just fast forward. 0:11:14.920 --> 0:11:17.800 What a great episode. I learned so much and it stuck. 0:11:17.880 --> 0:11:20.760 I didn't even take my normally obsessive notes. The funny 0:11:20.760 --> 0:11:23.640 thing is, when I saw the title of this week's podcast, 0:11:23.679 --> 0:11:26.199 I was thinking that maybe I should skip this episode 0:11:26.200 --> 0:11:27.800 because I didn't think it would be that much of 0:11:27.800 --> 0:11:30.360 an interest to me regarding the A d h D. 0:11:30.600 --> 0:11:32.679 But because I have a sister that had it as 0:11:32.679 --> 0:11:35.240 a child, I thought maybe I'll be able to learn 0:11:35.240 --> 0:11:38.360 something about her. So I was only kind of listening 0:11:38.400 --> 0:11:41.400 to it at first. However, halfway into it, I was like, WHOA, 0:11:41.440 --> 0:11:43.520 that's me. Well that's me as well, that's totally me, 0:11:43.600 --> 0:11:46.120 and it kept happening. I ended up skipping the nap 0:11:46.160 --> 0:11:48.800 I was planning and finished the podcast. I happened to 0:11:48.840 --> 0:11:51.480 have counseling this afternoon, so I talked to my counselor 0:11:51.480 --> 0:11:53.880 about looking into diagnosis. Thank you, thank you, thank you. 0:11:54.280 --> 0:11:56.840 I think I finally found what's going on with my 0:11:56.920 --> 0:11:59.839 head and to boot I turned forty and my coping 0:11:59.840 --> 0:12:02.680 mechanisms have all gone to pot. So I am grateful 0:12:03.000 --> 0:12:05.720 to have learned that I am right on time coming 0:12:05.720 --> 0:12:09.520 to this realization. I love the surf exercise. I am 0:12:09.559 --> 0:12:13.320 in DBT Dialectical behavioral Therapy, and it reminds me of 0:12:13.400 --> 0:12:16.040 the stop skill, a skill I have found a lot 0:12:16.080 --> 0:12:21.960 of value in. Stop stands for stop, take a step back, observe, 0:12:22.320 --> 0:12:25.680 proceed mindfully. Oh I like that, but it's not as poignant, 0:12:25.760 --> 0:12:29.839 doesn't quite scratch the itch. Kristen Carter has showed how 0:12:29.880 --> 0:12:33.120 to process an emotion, something I have longed for. A 0:12:33.160 --> 0:12:35.040 lot of people say you have to feel it and 0:12:35.120 --> 0:12:37.160 not stuff it, and then they don't really give you 0:12:37.200 --> 0:12:39.960 a map. This feels like she's given me directions to 0:12:40.040 --> 0:12:43.480 emotional freedom. Now if I could remember the task long 0:12:43.600 --> 0:12:46.560 enough to complete it. Ha ha. I really appreciate what 0:12:46.600 --> 0:12:48.840 you were doing in this world. Who knew an episode 0:12:48.880 --> 0:12:51.360 of drunk History would lead me to finding you doing 0:12:51.400 --> 0:12:54.600 this wonderful work. Um. I won't say her name because 0:12:54.600 --> 0:12:58.640 she didn't say if I could. That makes me so 0:12:58.960 --> 0:13:03.360 I love. I love that someone sees the title of 0:13:03.400 --> 0:13:05.080 an episodes, doesn't that's not for me, and it turns 0:13:05.080 --> 0:13:10.000 out it is. I do that all the time with stuff. Hello, Jen, 0:13:10.280 --> 0:13:12.360 I'm an a d H D er. I feel like 0:13:12.440 --> 0:13:14.680 I got a double birthday gift from me. One. I 0:13:14.679 --> 0:13:16.680 woke up to a new episode of anxiety bites, so 0:13:16.760 --> 0:13:19.640 that started my day off great. Two And most importantly, 0:13:19.679 --> 0:13:22.640 I identified with most of the points Kristen and you discussed. 0:13:23.000 --> 0:13:26.680 Everything I need to do is all of the utmost importance. 0:13:26.760 --> 0:13:29.600 I shut down if I can't get things done to perfection. 0:13:30.000 --> 0:13:32.520 And I can remember a random day in elementary school 0:13:32.520 --> 0:13:35.720 with crystal clarity, yet can't remember to pick up everything 0:13:35.800 --> 0:13:38.400 I went to the store for. Fortunately, I have an 0:13:38.400 --> 0:13:40.720 appointment with my therapist next week and I'm going to 0:13:40.760 --> 0:13:42.600 bring this up to her and see what she has 0:13:42.640 --> 0:13:45.600 to say. Thank you for putting this podcast out. Love 0:13:45.679 --> 0:13:49.160 all the good you're doing Again. I won't say his 0:13:49.280 --> 0:13:52.800 name because he didn't indicate if I could. Um and 0:13:52.920 --> 0:13:55.199 my last one here, I just picked three, but there 0:13:55.240 --> 0:13:58.079 are so many, Dear Jen. Listening to the episode with 0:13:58.120 --> 0:14:02.280 Kristen Carter almost made me I on the train traveling home, 0:14:03.640 --> 0:14:06.520 listening to the executive functions and the explanation of all 0:14:06.600 --> 0:14:10.600 tasks being at the volume resonated so deeply that it 0:14:10.679 --> 0:14:14.160 actually explains my inability to be able to focus on 0:14:14.200 --> 0:14:17.640 any one task when I have multiple pressing deadlines. Writing 0:14:17.720 --> 0:14:20.960 all the lists in the world never helps, just overwhelms 0:14:21.000 --> 0:14:23.560 to the point I can be so stressed and anxious 0:14:23.600 --> 0:14:26.520 that absolutely nothing gets done because I don't know where 0:14:26.560 --> 0:14:29.320 to start. It has also been a stalling point in 0:14:29.400 --> 0:14:33.280 progressing further in my career. Although listening to the podcast 0:14:33.280 --> 0:14:36.920 has given names to my anxiety, this episode resonates so 0:14:37.000 --> 0:14:40.600 deeply that I have been on the fence about asking 0:14:40.600 --> 0:14:43.640 my doctor about a referral, but now the appointment is 0:14:43.680 --> 0:14:46.680 made to get started on a resolution, which is my 0:14:46.760 --> 0:14:49.760 at times crippling social anxiety will also get a look in, 0:14:49.800 --> 0:14:52.520 but that's another story. Thank you for the podcast, love 0:14:52.560 --> 0:14:54.800 all that you do. Well. It's interesting you say that. 0:14:54.920 --> 0:14:58.560 My guest today, Alison stepan Are, has a lot of 0:14:59.080 --> 0:15:01.560 wisdom about social anxiety. She is someone that has suffered 0:15:01.600 --> 0:15:04.400 social anxiety herself. We actually didn't talk about it a 0:15:04.400 --> 0:15:06.080 lot on this podcast, and I know that it's a 0:15:06.120 --> 0:15:09.880 subject I've danced around with a few guests here and there, 0:15:09.920 --> 0:15:13.880 never totally went deep, deep into it. But again I 0:15:13.960 --> 0:15:17.640 highly recommend her seven day Mental Health master class. It 0:15:17.640 --> 0:15:20.080 will guide you towards a life of anxiety relief in 0:15:20.080 --> 0:15:23.000 her peace and mental health recovery. Seven days is all 0:15:23.080 --> 0:15:25.080 it takes to start your healing journey, and there's no 0:15:25.120 --> 0:15:28.400 better time than right now to work on your mental health. Remember, 0:15:28.480 --> 0:15:32.280 you are in control of your life. You deserve to 0:15:32.280 --> 0:15:36.800 give yourself a chance to get better and be better 0:15:38.520 --> 0:15:42.280 off if you use the code anxiety bites all caps 0:15:42.720 --> 0:15:47.800 words mushed together in the show notes and again today 0:15:48.120 --> 0:15:53.320 my guest Alison stepan Are. What I love about her 0:15:53.400 --> 0:15:59.280 book is that it's almost like you just want to 0:15:59.320 --> 0:16:01.640 mark up every page. It's everything you would ever need 0:16:01.760 --> 0:16:05.720 if you are into not just cognitive behavioral therapy as 0:16:05.760 --> 0:16:09.320 something that helps your anxiety. But if you're into I 0:16:09.320 --> 0:16:12.800 think spiritual is too spiritual over word to use. But 0:16:12.840 --> 0:16:17.760 if you're into more using your creativity, it's not manifesting 0:16:17.840 --> 0:16:21.000 like the toxic positivity episode we had a little while ago. 0:16:21.000 --> 0:16:22.600 It's not it's not that kind of thing. It's but 0:16:22.640 --> 0:16:25.480 it's visualization, which is really good for your brain and 0:16:25.600 --> 0:16:30.040 really good as a form of a meditation in a 0:16:30.080 --> 0:16:32.040 way to calm yourself down. But to visualize what you 0:16:32.080 --> 0:16:36.720 want without getting focused on you must achieve the results 0:16:36.760 --> 0:16:38.520 or you're some being a loser, but just feeling how 0:16:38.520 --> 0:16:43.560 it feels in your body two figure out what you 0:16:43.600 --> 0:16:45.760 even want. We might have this idea of what we want, 0:16:45.800 --> 0:16:47.920 but if we actually sat down and did a visualization 0:16:47.960 --> 0:16:49.880 exercise of what what what would that look like? And 0:16:49.920 --> 0:16:52.240 what would I be doing? Sometimes you realize I don't 0:16:52.240 --> 0:16:55.560 even really want this, or I do want this, and oh, 0:16:55.600 --> 0:16:57.600 I'm getting excited about thinking when I think about it 0:16:57.640 --> 0:16:59.640 this way instead of when I just let it roll 0:16:59.680 --> 0:17:02.440 around in my head without the construct of a visual 0:17:03.120 --> 0:17:06.639 visualization exercise. I start to say negative self talk. So 0:17:07.359 --> 0:17:09.600 but I really like about her book, The Anxiety Healer's 0:17:09.640 --> 0:17:12.240 Guide Coping Strategies and mindful techniques to calm the mind 0:17:12.280 --> 0:17:17.040 and body is It is a just jam packed, but 0:17:17.040 --> 0:17:20.040 it's a small book. Perfect book to take on a plane, 0:17:20.040 --> 0:17:22.399 perfect book to take on a car trip. Keep it 0:17:22.440 --> 0:17:27.040 in your bag, your purse, whatever, you can always flip 0:17:27.080 --> 0:17:29.720 through and just find one thing that you can do 0:17:29.760 --> 0:17:32.480 in that moment, and it's not just your typical take 0:17:32.480 --> 0:17:34.040 a deep breath. I mean that's in there too, and 0:17:34.080 --> 0:17:38.720 breathing is important. I'll tell you, I'll tell you something 0:17:38.800 --> 0:17:41.800 about our episode. I wanted to make a vision board, 0:17:41.840 --> 0:17:44.639 and her book talks about making vision boards, and she 0:17:44.760 --> 0:17:47.240 and I have a like a mini therapy session about it. 0:17:47.240 --> 0:17:50.320 I also wanted to bring up my resistance to making 0:17:50.320 --> 0:17:53.359 a vision board with her so she could give me 0:17:53.400 --> 0:17:57.080 a little therapy, so that you could all hear what 0:17:57.320 --> 0:18:00.159 a therapy session a lot of times sounds like. In 0:18:00.200 --> 0:18:02.119 case you still are in the dark about it and 0:18:02.119 --> 0:18:04.439 you're thinking, I don't know if that's for me, or 0:18:04.560 --> 0:18:06.399 did they go too deep, or how is it helpful? 0:18:06.520 --> 0:18:09.720 I think our ten minute talk about vision boards could 0:18:10.680 --> 0:18:12.159 then you could be a nice fly on the wall 0:18:12.200 --> 0:18:14.960 in that moment um. I'm gonna be totally honest. I 0:18:15.080 --> 0:18:17.760 recorded the outrode in this episode a few weeks ago, 0:18:18.720 --> 0:18:24.280 and I don't remember if I talked about what I 0:18:24.359 --> 0:18:27.560 ended up doing about the vision board, I may have 0:18:27.640 --> 0:18:30.000 said I started it, but but either way, I'm recording 0:18:30.040 --> 0:18:32.240 this now, just a few days before the episode comes out, 0:18:32.320 --> 0:18:38.560 and I finished my vision board. So you're getting a spoiler, 0:18:39.280 --> 0:18:41.639 but I think that's okay. But what I noticed was 0:18:42.440 --> 0:18:47.760 everything on the board is everything I already have or 0:18:47.760 --> 0:18:49.840 I'm capable of having, because it's something I've had before. 0:18:51.800 --> 0:18:54.600 It's just I want more and bigger, and and that's 0:18:54.640 --> 0:18:56.320 not bad. I'm not putting myself down by saying it 0:18:56.359 --> 0:18:59.040 that way. You know. I hum things on there about 0:18:59.040 --> 0:19:03.720 performing and specific places and spaces, and I'm working towards that. 0:19:03.760 --> 0:19:06.399 There hasn't been any struggles to get there. It's just 0:19:06.440 --> 0:19:08.200 I'm at the beginning of the journey, so I'm hoping 0:19:08.200 --> 0:19:10.720 it leads to these certain performance spaces there on my 0:19:10.800 --> 0:19:13.640 vision board, I'm working on a one woman show. I've 0:19:13.720 --> 0:19:16.160 I've kind of changed careers, left stand up commenting one 0:19:16.200 --> 0:19:20.320 more towards doing it this way. Um, you know, I 0:19:20.359 --> 0:19:22.480 have on there that I'm a writer who sells TV shows. 0:19:22.480 --> 0:19:24.160 What I have done that before I am a writer. 0:19:24.280 --> 0:19:26.320 But I just what I mean is I want to 0:19:26.359 --> 0:19:30.639 keep doing that. I want to stay in my career 0:19:30.680 --> 0:19:35.359 and not have it end. Okay, let's hope. You know. Um, 0:19:35.440 --> 0:19:36.600 I want to live in New York. I want to 0:19:36.640 --> 0:19:38.520 live in l A. I have both of those on there. 0:19:38.560 --> 0:19:41.160 I do live in both, but I'm renting apartments. And 0:19:42.000 --> 0:19:43.879 you know, it's like I want everything that I already have, 0:19:44.000 --> 0:19:47.840 but just a little more financial security, a little more stability, 0:19:47.920 --> 0:19:49.879 and a little more ownership of things, and then a 0:19:49.880 --> 0:19:54.359 lot of travel, which there's really nothing stopping me right 0:19:54.400 --> 0:19:56.240 now except I don't have time due to all my 0:19:56.359 --> 0:19:58.879 jobs I need to work. It's a little expensive right 0:19:58.880 --> 0:20:00.479 now to actually think of traveling. And then I'm a 0:20:00.480 --> 0:20:04.119 little just kind of kind of bummed out about COVID, 0:20:04.240 --> 0:20:07.120 like just don't feel like traveling. But all of these 0:20:07.119 --> 0:20:10.719 things are very achievable. And what I noticed was I'm 0:20:10.720 --> 0:20:14.119 already mostly living the life I want to live, and 0:20:14.160 --> 0:20:16.720 the only thing is getting in the way are really big, 0:20:16.760 --> 0:20:18.760 big things way out of my control. Because that before 0:20:18.800 --> 0:20:22.080 COVID or just like yeah, I mean, before I have 0:20:22.240 --> 0:20:25.640 this beautiful, brand new apartment in New York or home 0:20:25.680 --> 0:20:27.520 in Los Angeles. I've got to earn more money, and 0:20:27.560 --> 0:20:31.200 I've got to save, and I've got to hopefully someday 0:20:31.200 --> 0:20:33.959 be financially in a place where I can, you know, 0:20:34.040 --> 0:20:36.440 buy these dream homes that I may never achieve. But 0:20:36.480 --> 0:20:39.040 there are millions of dollars, so it's fine if not, 0:20:39.160 --> 0:20:42.480 you know. But I'm basically mostly living the life I want. 0:20:42.520 --> 0:20:45.320 The vision board is not something that I look at 0:20:45.359 --> 0:20:47.480 and think, well, I could never have any of this. 0:20:48.440 --> 0:20:52.920 It really showed me that I'm already there in a way. 0:20:52.960 --> 0:20:56.520 I just want more of what I have, and honestly, 0:20:56.560 --> 0:20:58.600 I just want to guarantee that none of it will end. 0:21:00.160 --> 0:21:02.760 So I thought that was very interesting. It made me, 0:21:04.080 --> 0:21:07.040 I don't know what it made me feel. They definitely 0:21:07.040 --> 0:21:09.040 didn't make me feel anything bad. I didn't think, oh, 0:21:09.359 --> 0:21:12.560 you're you know, you don't have any dreams left, You're 0:21:12.600 --> 0:21:14.680 just so boring. I thought the opposite. I was, I'm 0:21:14.680 --> 0:21:19.520 really proud of myself, but I still have a ways 0:21:19.560 --> 0:21:22.000 to go in terms of there needs to be just 0:21:22.119 --> 0:21:26.680 some more security around certain things. Don't We all want them, 0:21:26.720 --> 0:21:29.000 But I think the amount I want is a reasonable amount, 0:21:29.520 --> 0:21:32.119 and in my industry there's there's very little security it 0:21:32.119 --> 0:21:34.359 doesn't always last more than a few months. You know, 0:21:34.480 --> 0:21:38.000 jobs are strange and they come and they go. So anyway, 0:21:38.000 --> 0:21:40.160