WEBVTT - Betrayal Weekly: EP 8 - Torrah 0:00:02.440 --> 0:00:05.680 This is an incredible story that sounds like it's made up, 0:00:05.720 --> 0:00:07.400 that sounds like a soap opera, It sounds like a 0:00:07.480 --> 0:00:11.160 drama movie, but it's so real and it's not the 0:00:11.200 --> 0:00:14.480 only one. There are things we might not know about 0:00:14.600 --> 0:00:19.599 somebody we live with, and there's so many stories like this. 0:00:34.080 --> 0:00:37.560 I'm Andrea Gunning and this is Betrayal, a show about 0:00:37.560 --> 0:00:40.879 the people we trust the most and the deceptions that 0:00:41.080 --> 0:00:46.320 change everything. About a year ago, we heard from a 0:00:46.360 --> 0:00:50.159 listener with a story that floored us. Tora Giles is 0:00:50.159 --> 0:00:53.000 a history professor in Colorado. But she grew up on 0:00:53.040 --> 0:00:56.040 the California coast with her seven siblings. 0:00:56.280 --> 0:00:58.560 And we grew up on a farm, so my life 0:00:58.640 --> 0:01:02.640 was kind of wild and crazy and great. Grew up 0:01:02.680 --> 0:01:07.160 super religious. In the Seventh Day, I'dventist church as a kid. 0:01:07.280 --> 0:01:10.679 The church was Tora's life. She went to a Christian school, 0:01:10.959 --> 0:01:13.920 her friends and after school activities were all through the church, 0:01:14.360 --> 0:01:16.680 and she assumed that her life would follow the same 0:01:16.760 --> 0:01:20.160 path that was modeled by the women around her. Graduate 0:01:20.280 --> 0:01:23.080 high school, get married, and start having kids. 0:01:24.520 --> 0:01:27.800 Funny enough, I thought as a kid that twenty years 0:01:27.800 --> 0:01:31.319 old was being a grown up, and twenty five year 0:01:31.319 --> 0:01:34.880 olds were old, and so I thought for sure that 0:01:34.920 --> 0:01:40.920 I would be married by twenty but I never really dated. 0:01:42.720 --> 0:01:46.039 After high school, Tora became a full time nanny and 0:01:46.120 --> 0:01:48.280 she tried to give dating a shot. 0:01:49.640 --> 0:01:52.760 I finally went on one date with a guy and 0:01:53.200 --> 0:01:54.840 gave him like the little peck at the end of 0:01:54.840 --> 0:01:58.920 the night and was just like, no, that was not 0:01:59.080 --> 0:02:01.000 for me. I did not like that. I don't want 0:02:01.040 --> 0:02:01.400 a date. 0:02:02.160 --> 0:02:06.200 Torra started to realize that the traditional path wasn't for her, 0:02:06.960 --> 0:02:09.880 so instead of trying to find a husband, she started 0:02:09.919 --> 0:02:11.600 planning for a new career. 0:02:11.760 --> 0:02:15.240 And decided to go to college and I studied history, 0:02:15.720 --> 0:02:16.799 which was really fun. 0:02:17.680 --> 0:02:21.120 After undergrad she moved to Colorado to pursue a pH 0:02:21.240 --> 0:02:22.200 d in history. 0:02:23.400 --> 0:02:26.240 I was living in this really cute, tiny apartment in 0:02:26.400 --> 0:02:31.400 the older section of Colorado Springs, so cute and just 0:02:31.520 --> 0:02:34.160 loving my life. I felt like I had really kind 0:02:34.200 --> 0:02:36.440 of arrived. I had a job, I was teaching, I 0:02:36.480 --> 0:02:39.280 had friends. I was very happy. 0:02:39.960 --> 0:02:43.640 She loved teaching, especially American history. 0:02:44.480 --> 0:02:48.240 It was so much fun. Keeps us in mind. January 0:02:48.280 --> 0:02:50.680 of twenty seventeen, and I decided it would be a 0:02:50.680 --> 0:02:55.560 good time to teach conspiracy culture and elections in United 0:02:55.560 --> 0:02:56.840 States political history. 0:02:58.440 --> 0:03:01.600 By this time, Toro was in her mid thirties. She'd 0:03:01.600 --> 0:03:05.480 tried dating for years, but ultimately decided she didn't need romance. 0:03:05.880 --> 0:03:07.440 Her life was complete without it. 0:03:08.080 --> 0:03:12.120 Dating and romantic relationships were not going to be part 0:03:12.120 --> 0:03:15.520 of my life, and I was sort of settled into 0:03:15.560 --> 0:03:18.680 that in a very comfortable way where it didn't bother me. 0:03:18.720 --> 0:03:20.600 It wasn't something I was seeking out. I wasn't on 0:03:20.720 --> 0:03:25.120 dating apps, I wasn't looking for it, and I certainly 0:03:25.200 --> 0:03:27.040 was not looking for him. 0:03:27.600 --> 0:03:31.079 In that class, she met a student named Erin. Like her, 0:03:31.200 --> 0:03:32.959 he was also in his mid thirties. 0:03:34.320 --> 0:03:39.280 He had a service dog, this really cute English mastiff 0:03:39.360 --> 0:03:43.560 named Osa, and she had the best underbite, and she 0:03:43.640 --> 0:03:46.120 would be in the back of class chomping on a bone. 0:03:46.160 --> 0:03:48.800 So I was always very aware of his presence, partially 0:03:48.880 --> 0:03:52.440 because of her. He would come up after class and 0:03:52.480 --> 0:03:55.040 we would pet the dog and chat a little bit. 0:03:56.520 --> 0:04:00.000 Aarin was a veteran, a former Army medic who'd lost 0:04:00.120 --> 0:04:02.200 his foot in an explosion in Iraq. 0:04:02.840 --> 0:04:06.400 I knew that he had had an amputation to his leg. 0:04:07.040 --> 0:04:09.320 He talked about it fairly frequently. He had a handy 0:04:09.680 --> 0:04:10.680 cat parking past. 0:04:11.160 --> 0:04:13.640 The disability was a big part of his life, but 0:04:13.720 --> 0:04:17.080 it didn't define him, and it certainly didn't hold him back. 0:04:17.440 --> 0:04:20.240 He was finishing his bachelor's degree on his way to 0:04:20.279 --> 0:04:24.039 start nursing school. After each class, he would stay behind 0:04:24.120 --> 0:04:25.080 and chat with Tora. 0:04:26.120 --> 0:04:28.839 He had a very slow way of speaking. There was 0:04:28.880 --> 0:04:32.440 no rush for anything in life. I always had the 0:04:32.520 --> 0:04:34.160 vibe that he was one of those people that would 0:04:34.200 --> 0:04:36.680 talk forever if you let them, and so I would 0:04:36.680 --> 0:04:40.560 start to gather my things, and eventually he started walking 0:04:40.560 --> 0:04:43.039 me to my car because my class was from seven 0:04:43.040 --> 0:04:46.480 to ten pm, and it was very surface level chat 0:04:47.040 --> 0:04:51.360 throughout the whole time. I was his teacher, usually about class, 0:04:51.560 --> 0:04:54.920 usually about some interesting fact. He was like a sponge 0:04:54.960 --> 0:04:55.640 for information. 0:04:56.320 --> 0:04:59.760 Aaron shared that he was Native American talk tall, which 0:04:59.760 --> 0:05:02.919 was a big part of his identity, and she noticed 0:05:02.920 --> 0:05:05.080 that he was always immaculately put together. 0:05:06.400 --> 0:05:09.760 He had kind of long hair that he kept tied 0:05:09.800 --> 0:05:12.280 back in this low knot on the back of his head, 0:05:12.839 --> 0:05:17.080 kind of slicked back low. I hesitate to call amandun 0:05:17.120 --> 0:05:19.880 because I know that was hurt Aaron's feelings, but that's 0:05:19.880 --> 0:05:24.280 what it was. And he had a cowboy Western Bible thought, 0:05:24.440 --> 0:05:27.640 not like costume, but he wore a lot of very 0:05:27.720 --> 0:05:31.960 nice button ups and jeans and leather boots, so that 0:05:32.040 --> 0:05:35.719 was pretty much his uniform. He just had this confident 0:05:36.080 --> 0:05:39.560 air about him that he knew he was smart, he 0:05:39.640 --> 0:05:42.000 knew he was good looking, but he was also kind 0:05:42.200 --> 0:05:47.760 and respectful and interesting and funny and talented. And I 0:05:47.839 --> 0:05:52.640 was a fan very quickly, just of his entire aura. 0:05:53.360 --> 0:05:56.800 Aaron and Tora kept talking every week after class for 0:05:56.839 --> 0:05:58.080 the rest of the semester. 0:06:00.440 --> 0:06:04.839 At some point in those conversations, I brought up the 0:06:04.839 --> 0:06:08.680 fact that I had been a nanny, and a few 0:06:08.720 --> 0:06:11.160 months later he came to me after class one day 0:06:11.200 --> 0:06:14.360 and said, we need to switch where my son is 0:06:14.440 --> 0:06:17.800 going to daycare. What do you know about maybe hiring 0:06:17.800 --> 0:06:20.320 a nanny. So we chatted a little bit about that, 0:06:20.400 --> 0:06:21.960 and that's how I found out he had a child. 0:06:22.160 --> 0:06:24.680 I didn't know that before. He wore a ring, so 0:06:24.680 --> 0:06:26.360 I knew he was married, but I didn't know that 0:06:26.440 --> 0:06:28.800 he had a kid who was a baby at the time, 0:06:28.839 --> 0:06:31.160 maybe four or five months old. So that was sort 0:06:31.200 --> 0:06:34.560 of our first foray into anything personal. Was just that 0:06:34.839 --> 0:06:38.520 bit of advice he was seeking about finding good childcare. 0:06:39.360 --> 0:06:42.039 After the class ended in May, Tora got a Facebook 0:06:42.080 --> 0:06:46.040 friend request. It was from Aaron. He was already Facebook 0:06:46.080 --> 0:06:50.159 friends with other teachers, so she accepted the request. 0:06:50.480 --> 0:06:52.560 Then about a week later, he sent me a message 0:06:53.000 --> 0:06:55.600 about nine to ten o'clock at night. I was already 0:06:55.600 --> 0:06:57.479 in bed, and I thought, well, that's weird, what the heck? 0:06:57.560 --> 0:06:59.720 And so rolled over and checked the message. It was 0:06:59.720 --> 0:07:03.280 from him and he just said, you know something, very casual. 0:07:03.320 --> 0:07:06.279 How are you? And I said, oh, I'm good. The 0:07:06.320 --> 0:07:10.200 whole time thinking like, what does this guy want? Keep 0:07:10.240 --> 0:07:12.640 in mind, I am very single, very happy to be single, 0:07:12.800 --> 0:07:16.160 not looking for anything. I think he's great. Hadn't really 0:07:16.200 --> 0:07:18.400 given any thought. The man's married with a baby, right. 0:07:18.880 --> 0:07:22.160 They chatted for a few minutes before Aaron revealed why 0:07:22.200 --> 0:07:23.160 he had reached out. 0:07:23.560 --> 0:07:26.160 He said, do you know that I'm going through a 0:07:26.200 --> 0:07:30.920 pretty bad divorce And I said, oh no, I had 0:07:30.960 --> 0:07:33.960 no idea. So we chatted a little bit about it. 0:07:34.000 --> 0:07:37.920 He said, yeah, actually she was arrested last night. We 0:07:37.960 --> 0:07:42.400 got into an argument and she got physical and I said, 0:07:42.520 --> 0:07:45.760 that's terrible. I'm so sorry to hear that. And then 0:07:45.800 --> 0:07:49.200 I did the nice thing which I've since learned not 0:07:49.280 --> 0:07:52.320 to do. Which is. I said, is there anything I 0:07:52.400 --> 0:07:58.640 do to help? And he said, well, I might need 0:07:58.680 --> 0:07:59.680 some help with my son. 0:08:01.080 --> 0:08:04.880 Toora read between the lines, Aarin was desperate. He was 0:08:04.920 --> 0:08:07.960 about to start in an intensive two year nursing program, 0:08:08.400 --> 0:08:11.160 and now he would likely have full custody of his 0:08:11.240 --> 0:08:15.400 infant son. She felt for his situation, and the next day, 0:08:15.440 --> 0:08:18.560 while Aaron was on campus, he's swung by Tora's office 0:08:18.720 --> 0:08:21.640 with his baby in tow. He wanted to thank Tora 0:08:21.760 --> 0:08:24.680 for the semester and for offering to help. 0:08:25.280 --> 0:08:27.000 And I sat and listened to him, and I held 0:08:27.000 --> 0:08:29.200 the baby, and oh my gosh, she was the cutest 0:08:29.200 --> 0:08:32.000 little thing. And then as we started wrapped up that conversation, 0:08:32.040 --> 0:08:34.840 it was the end of my day and I said, okay, well, 0:08:34.880 --> 0:08:36.760 if you need anything, let me know. And he said, well, actually, 0:08:36.840 --> 0:08:38.959 I have a paper I have to work on tonight. 0:08:39.120 --> 0:08:40.839 Would you be able to come over and just hang 0:08:40.840 --> 0:08:43.679 out with him while I do my homework for an 0:08:43.720 --> 0:08:45.560 hour or two and then I'll make dinner. 0:08:46.800 --> 0:08:49.160 Almost reflexively, she said yes. 0:08:50.880 --> 0:08:54.000 It was more this like Christian sense of duty that 0:08:54.080 --> 0:08:57.920 I had been trained into. Someone needs help, you show 0:08:58.000 --> 0:09:00.679 up even if it's inconvenient, or you don't really want to. 0:09:00.800 --> 0:09:02.600 And that was my first thought, is I don't really 0:09:02.600 --> 0:09:04.840 want to. I don't really want someone who's going to 0:09:04.840 --> 0:09:06.880 rely on me. I don't really want to be involved 0:09:06.880 --> 0:09:11.040 in someone else's drama. And I have a full time job, 0:09:11.240 --> 0:09:13.400 I'm teaching, I'm busy. 0:09:14.120 --> 0:09:16.360 In addition to that, she did in want errand to 0:09:16.400 --> 0:09:18.920 mistake her kindness for something else. 0:09:19.840 --> 0:09:23.160 I'm worried all the time that men are going to 0:09:23.520 --> 0:09:26.040 take my presence as some sort of an invitation. And 0:09:26.120 --> 0:09:29.040 I was so anti dating and relationships that it was 0:09:29.080 --> 0:09:32.319 just something I never wanted to foster. So I'm thinking 0:09:32.320 --> 0:09:34.600 about all this is I'm driving the twenty minutes to 0:09:34.679 --> 0:09:37.240 his house, like, okay, I'm going to have to think 0:09:37.280 --> 0:09:39.480 of boundaries. I'm going to have to be careful with 0:09:39.600 --> 0:09:40.160 saying yes. 0:09:40.840 --> 0:09:44.440 When she got to his house, her anxiety dissipated. He 0:09:44.600 --> 0:09:47.679 was just erin and that made her feel comfortable. 0:09:48.240 --> 0:09:50.800 He was himself the way he always was with me 0:09:50.920 --> 0:09:55.880 after class, just very warm and friendly and kind, thoughtful. 0:09:57.000 --> 0:10:02.720 So I stayed, had dinner, and then you know, stay 0:10:02.760 --> 0:10:04.520 and we'll have an adult beverage is what he used 0:10:04.520 --> 0:10:06.240 to call them. Stay and we'll have an adult beverage 0:10:06.280 --> 0:10:11.080 after the boy goes to bed, and I didn't really 0:10:11.080 --> 0:10:13.679 have anything going on, so I not so I stayed 0:10:13.679 --> 0:10:15.520 and we had a beer, sat out on the back patio, 0:10:15.640 --> 0:10:18.319 and he told me a little bit more about what 0:10:18.400 --> 0:10:22.160 was going on, and it was pretty bad. There were 0:10:22.160 --> 0:10:24.360 holes in the wall going up the stairs. There was 0:10:24.360 --> 0:10:27.120 a hole in the wall in the dining room. And 0:10:27.880 --> 0:10:31.160 we just talked and talked and talked and talked. He 0:10:31.240 --> 0:10:33.200 shared a little bit of the emotions that came up 0:10:33.240 --> 0:10:35.320 with him. Oh, I feel bad and she is my 0:10:35.400 --> 0:10:38.760 son's mother, but also we can't keep doing this and 0:10:38.800 --> 0:10:40.400 I need to get out of his marriage. 0:10:40.880 --> 0:10:43.840 That night, they ended up talking until one am. 0:10:44.080 --> 0:10:46.599 I have work at eight am, and he said, just 0:10:46.679 --> 0:10:50.800 crash in my guest room. Here's some clean pajamas, here's 0:10:50.800 --> 0:10:55.360 a toothbrush. Just crashed downstairs. And I did, which is 0:10:55.520 --> 0:10:58.360 so out of character for me. I felt a little weird, 0:10:58.480 --> 0:11:01.840 but I was very happy to be around him and 0:11:02.480 --> 0:11:04.480 just wanted to stay there and be helpful. I love 0:11:04.559 --> 0:11:07.000 to be helpful, I love to be needed. So I 0:11:07.040 --> 0:11:09.280 stayed the night, got up in the morning, trucked off 0:11:09.320 --> 0:11:12.319 to work, and then the next day he said, hey, yeah, 0:11:12.360 --> 0:11:16.160 I've got a test coming up if you're pretty. Later on, 0:11:17.760 --> 0:11:18.920 I went back over there. 0:11:20.120 --> 0:11:22.679 Soon she was going over to Aaron's every few days 0:11:22.720 --> 0:11:25.240 to help out with his son. It felt like the 0:11:25.360 --> 0:11:26.199 right thing to do. 0:11:27.360 --> 0:11:29.360 I was always sleeping in the guest room. I made 0:11:29.400 --> 0:11:31.439 it very clear to him, I don't let people touch me. 0:11:31.600 --> 0:11:34.280 I'm not interested in a romantic relationship. I am just 0:11:34.360 --> 0:11:36.520 here to help. I want to be your friend. I 0:11:36.559 --> 0:11:39.200 want you to feel supported. But that's as far as 0:11:39.240 --> 0:11:41.600 this is going to go. And I just kept telling him, like, 0:11:41.720 --> 0:11:44.360 we're just friends. I don't let people touch me. The 0:11:44.400 --> 0:11:47.160 fact that I give you hugs is kind of exceptional. 0:11:47.520 --> 0:11:49.880 You have to respect that, and he really did. 0:11:50.679 --> 0:11:53.440 After Aaron would put us on to bed, the two 0:11:53.480 --> 0:11:55.280 of them would stay up and have a drink on 0:11:55.320 --> 0:11:59.400 the back patio and just talk about life. It became 0:11:59.520 --> 0:12:00.600 their little ritual. 0:12:01.840 --> 0:12:04.760 He was a very guarded person, so a lot of 0:12:04.800 --> 0:12:08.320 what he would talk about was things that were very 0:12:08.360 --> 0:12:12.240 present right now. If he brought up the past, it 0:12:12.280 --> 0:12:15.000 always felt like kind of an honor that he trusted 0:12:15.080 --> 0:12:17.560 me with that story. And he would point that out 0:12:17.640 --> 0:12:20.080 in a very subtle way of oh, I don't really 0:12:20.080 --> 0:12:27.120 tell people this story, but you're different. We just never 0:12:27.280 --> 0:12:29.439 ran out of things to say. 0:12:29.480 --> 0:12:32.400 After about two months of this, Tora went back home 0:12:32.440 --> 0:12:34.320 to visit her family in California. 0:12:35.160 --> 0:12:38.000 The whole time I'm with my family, I'm bringing him 0:12:38.080 --> 0:12:41.040 up and I'm talking with him on the phone, and 0:12:41.080 --> 0:12:43.960 they're seeing that this person is making me kind of 0:12:43.960 --> 0:12:46.240 giddy and smiley and those kinds of things. 0:12:47.040 --> 0:12:49.640 She had never talked about a friend like this before. 0:12:50.440 --> 0:12:53.320 When she got home from that trip, she went straight 0:12:53.400 --> 0:12:54.320 to Aaron's house. 0:12:54.840 --> 0:12:58.360 He had cleaned the whole house, he had some of 0:12:58.360 --> 0:13:02.199 my favorite music on Baby was in bed. He had, 0:13:02.320 --> 0:13:04.840 you know, a bouquet of flowers and a card welcoming 0:13:04.840 --> 0:13:08.200 me home and thanking me for being his friend. And 0:13:08.280 --> 0:13:11.160 that was my first sort of inkling, like, hmm, I'm 0:13:11.160 --> 0:13:12.800 gonna have to keep an eye on this because here 0:13:12.880 --> 0:13:15.360 I was at home kind of being giddy about this person. 0:13:15.520 --> 0:13:19.320 Here he is bringing me flowers. So there was this 0:13:19.480 --> 0:13:24.360 undercurrent starting where I'm repeatedly saying him like, we're just friends, 0:13:25.120 --> 0:13:29.680 but we're friends who are snuggling on the couch watching 0:13:29.720 --> 0:13:33.720 a movie, not touching. He just just leaning like my 0:13:33.760 --> 0:13:38.000 head on his shoulder or something so benign, So middle school. 0:13:38.040 --> 0:13:40.920 But it was perfect for me because I wasn't ready 0:13:40.960 --> 0:13:41.480 to do that. 0:13:42.679 --> 0:13:45.600 One night, while they were up late talking on the patio, 0:13:46.480 --> 0:13:49.440 Aaron finally said what they had both been thinking. 0:13:50.600 --> 0:13:52.720 He said something to me like, I think you're in 0:13:52.720 --> 0:13:54.000 love with me, and I said, I think you're in 0:13:54.040 --> 0:13:57.559 love with me. And that was it. We were in 0:13:57.600 --> 0:14:01.559 a relationship after that. 0:14:01.559 --> 0:14:04.000 That day became their anniversary. 0:14:04.760 --> 0:14:10.040 I leaned in and it was the most fulfilling time 0:14:10.080 --> 0:14:14.440 of my whole entire existence. I'm getting emotional just talking 0:14:14.440 --> 0:14:17.880 about because that part is perfect in my mind. 0:14:35.680 --> 0:14:38.920 After writing off Romance, Tora found a man who defied 0:14:39.000 --> 0:14:45.040 all expectations. Aarin was strikingly handsome, determined, respectful, and he 0:14:45.160 --> 0:14:48.840 was an incredible father. Tora moved into his house and 0:14:48.880 --> 0:14:53.160 their relationship deepened. That's when Aarin opened up about his 0:14:53.200 --> 0:14:57.840 traumatic childhood. He said that both of his parents were abusive. 0:14:58.280 --> 0:15:04.480 His family was incredibly complicated, incredibly damaged, incredibly dysfunctional, and 0:15:04.520 --> 0:15:06.480 these were the reasons that he's so guarded. These are 0:15:06.480 --> 0:15:08.320 the reasons that he doesn't have a relationship with them, 0:15:08.440 --> 0:15:09.840 or see them or go to visit them. 0:15:10.440 --> 0:15:12.560 When he was eighteen, he ran away from home and 0:15:12.640 --> 0:15:16.000 joined the military at the time the war in Iraq 0:15:16.120 --> 0:15:19.200 was just beginning. He worked his way up to become 0:15:19.320 --> 0:15:24.240 a Special Forces medic, but his military career ended in tragedy. 0:15:24.840 --> 0:15:28.040 He got hurt in Iraq. They were on a drive 0:15:28.120 --> 0:15:31.640 through a city of some kind and hit an id 0:15:32.400 --> 0:15:35.240 and the humpy in front of them blew up. Theirs didn't, 0:15:35.400 --> 0:15:39.960 but the impact knocked THEIRS off its balance. He got hurt. 0:15:40.040 --> 0:15:44.120 His foot was amputated because of that injury, and he 0:15:44.200 --> 0:15:46.040 was medically retired and then came home. 0:15:47.040 --> 0:15:50.040 Aaron spent weeks in the hospital recovering from his injury, 0:15:50.520 --> 0:15:55.000 and even in this time of crisis, his family turmoil continued. 0:15:55.680 --> 0:16:00.080 His dad showed up to the hospital and tried to 0:16:00.120 --> 0:16:02.600 get medical power of attorney so that he could sell 0:16:02.800 --> 0:16:06.760 Aaron's portion of land that he had been left by 0:16:06.760 --> 0:16:12.360 his grandparents on the Choctaw reservation in Oklahoma. So Aaron 0:16:12.400 --> 0:16:16.200 thought tooth and nail, to get better, to get stronger, 0:16:16.840 --> 0:16:19.400 and kicked his dad out of his life. 0:16:19.680 --> 0:16:22.360 This is one of the reasons he needed Tora's help, 0:16:22.800 --> 0:16:26.920 because he didn't have anyone his family and his ex wife, 0:16:27.400 --> 0:16:32.400 they weren't safe people. Tora realized he'd spent his entire 0:16:32.520 --> 0:16:35.720 life moving from one traumatic situation to another. 0:16:36.680 --> 0:16:41.560 The man was covered in enormous scars. Everything about him screams, 0:16:41.720 --> 0:16:43.760 I have had a hard life. I have had a 0:16:43.960 --> 0:16:48.800 physically hard life. I've been injured, I've had surgeries. 0:16:49.560 --> 0:16:52.080 Even though it had been years since Aaron was injured 0:16:52.120 --> 0:16:55.040 in the war, it was part of his everyday life. 0:16:55.240 --> 0:17:00.240 He walked with a very slight limp and kept that 0:17:00.360 --> 0:17:04.720 leg pretty stiff, but he always kept a stock on 0:17:04.960 --> 0:17:07.920 that foot, and I just figured he wanted to protect it. 0:17:08.920 --> 0:17:11.399 He had a couple of different doctors who were working 0:17:11.400 --> 0:17:15.280 on maybe a better prosthetic because he ended up injuring 0:17:15.280 --> 0:17:17.320 his knee on that same leg, and we thought maybe 0:17:17.359 --> 0:17:20.399 he needed a little bit more support from that prosthetic. 0:17:21.000 --> 0:17:24.240 And that wasn't his only injury from the war. He'd 0:17:24.280 --> 0:17:27.640 also injured his back, his shoulder, and his arm. They 0:17:27.640 --> 0:17:30.879 were constantly getting reinjured, causing Aaron to go to the 0:17:30.920 --> 0:17:34.760 doctor in pain. But despite all this, he still thought 0:17:34.760 --> 0:17:39.040 for full custody, especially because of his childhood. Aaron was 0:17:39.080 --> 0:17:40.720 determined to show up for his son. 0:17:44.240 --> 0:17:48.280 He was an incredible father. He was so attentive and 0:17:48.359 --> 0:17:52.520 so loving and so affectionate and just lit up when 0:17:52.840 --> 0:17:56.040 it came time to go get the boy out of 0:17:56.080 --> 0:18:00.560 bed or read the boy his bedtime story. We called 0:18:00.640 --> 0:18:01.919 him the Boy. I'm going to call him the Boy 0:18:01.920 --> 0:18:03.080 because I'm not going to say his name. 0:18:04.840 --> 0:18:07.399 The boy was only a few months old when Tora 0:18:07.520 --> 0:18:09.879 met him, and she was there for all of his 0:18:10.000 --> 0:18:11.080 big firsts. 0:18:11.560 --> 0:18:15.240 The boy and I were just absolutely connected at the 0:18:15.280 --> 0:18:18.560 hip from day one. When it was time for him 0:18:18.560 --> 0:18:20.919 to start eating solids, I was the one who decided 0:18:20.920 --> 0:18:23.440 how that should go, because I have twenty years childcare 0:18:23.480 --> 0:18:27.720 experience and this is his first child, and I would 0:18:27.760 --> 0:18:29.280 just light up to be around each other. 0:18:30.840 --> 0:18:33.560 The boy took his first steps to Tora. The three 0:18:33.560 --> 0:18:36.520 of them fell into a kind of domestic bliss based 0:18:36.560 --> 0:18:38.720 on a foundation of love for each other and love 0:18:38.800 --> 0:18:42.879 for Aaron's son. After a year together, Tora felt like 0:18:42.960 --> 0:18:45.439 this was her family now. She didn't want to go 0:18:45.480 --> 0:18:49.040 through the formalities of a wedding and marriage, so instead 0:18:49.119 --> 0:18:52.440 they lived as common law spouses. They just started calling 0:18:52.480 --> 0:18:56.680 each other husband and wife. With Aaron in school, Toora 0:18:56.800 --> 0:18:59.800 took on more financial responsibility. 0:19:01.280 --> 0:19:05.600 He's a retired veteran, so he gets some money, but 0:19:06.320 --> 0:19:10.080 you know, life is expensive, so we were always a 0:19:10.119 --> 0:19:13.280 little bit stressed on money. He really liked being a 0:19:13.280 --> 0:19:17.000 provider and making sure that the baby had everything he needed, 0:19:17.520 --> 0:19:19.840 but that usually meant that there was no food in 0:19:19.880 --> 0:19:23.119 the refrigerator for adults. So I started doing things like 0:19:23.160 --> 0:19:26.280 pitching it on groceries, and I took over the Wi 0:19:26.400 --> 0:19:27.679 Fi and the trash bills. 0:19:28.320 --> 0:19:31.080 Aaron had to make a monthly home equity payments his 0:19:31.119 --> 0:19:34.600 ex wife, and the expenses just kept coming. 0:19:35.640 --> 0:19:37.960 Oh gosh, it was just never ending. We needed a 0:19:38.000 --> 0:19:40.520 new roof, but we didn't have any money. We needed 0:19:40.560 --> 0:19:43.639 to pay off five thousand dollars in credit cards in 0:19:43.720 --> 0:19:46.600 order to get a refinance on the mortgage, so we 0:19:46.600 --> 0:19:47.560 didn't lose the house. 0:19:48.320 --> 0:19:51.600 Despite the stress of loving paycheck to paycheck, Tora was 0:19:51.640 --> 0:19:56.480 filled with love for her family. Everything was precariously perfectly balanced. 0:19:57.240 --> 0:20:01.800 That was until Aaron got sick. One day, he woke 0:20:01.880 --> 0:20:05.920 up in excruciating pain with a very high fever. Tora 0:20:06.040 --> 0:20:07.920 had to go to work, so Aaron went to see 0:20:07.960 --> 0:20:11.000 their family doctor by himself, and when he got there, 0:20:11.080 --> 0:20:13.800 his fever was so high he needed to go to 0:20:13.840 --> 0:20:14.960 the er right away. 0:20:15.840 --> 0:20:17.800 One of the things that they thought might be going 0:20:17.880 --> 0:20:20.080 on when he was in the er was that he 0:20:20.200 --> 0:20:23.199 was having some kind of an infection from his amputation. 0:20:24.320 --> 0:20:27.040 He called Torah from the hospital and she rushed over, 0:20:27.560 --> 0:20:30.000 but when she got there, he wasn't in a hospital 0:20:30.080 --> 0:20:33.480 room erin was just sitting by the hospital entrance in 0:20:33.520 --> 0:20:34.240 a wheelchair. 0:20:35.680 --> 0:20:37.880 He said that they ended up accusing him of being 0:20:38.080 --> 0:20:41.359 pain med seeking, and he said that was racist, that 0:20:41.440 --> 0:20:45.000 was because he was brown. He literally ripped the ivy 0:20:45.000 --> 0:20:47.000 out of his arm and stormed out of the hospital 0:20:47.800 --> 0:20:49.439 and I kind of yelled at him all the way home, 0:20:49.600 --> 0:20:52.280 like what were you thinking? You obviously need help. Something 0:20:52.400 --> 0:20:55.359 is going on. He had a very high fever. He 0:20:55.480 --> 0:20:57.080 was in a lot of pain. I could see that 0:20:57.119 --> 0:20:59.400 he was miserable and has been a long awful day 0:20:59.520 --> 0:21:01.520 sitting in the are getting to tests done on him 0:21:01.560 --> 0:21:03.119 and all of them coming back negative. 0:21:03.720 --> 0:21:07.359 In addition to the fever, Aaron was in excruciating pain, 0:21:07.840 --> 0:21:12.040 debilitating chronic pain from his old combat injuries. But this 0:21:12.240 --> 0:21:14.760 time his doctors weren't able to figure out what was 0:21:14.800 --> 0:21:18.760 going on, so Torra stepped in to take care of him. 0:21:19.400 --> 0:21:22.119 This whole time, I'm icing his back, I'm getting the 0:21:22.119 --> 0:21:25.560 ice packs for his knee. He had special equipment for 0:21:25.840 --> 0:21:29.760 icing his shoulder and driving him around to doctor's appointments 0:21:29.800 --> 0:21:32.240 because he's in too much pain to drive. I can 0:21:32.280 --> 0:21:34.800 see the pain on his face. I can see him 0:21:34.960 --> 0:21:38.080 changing and drawing into this pain in his life of 0:21:38.119 --> 0:21:41.800 being in chronic pain. He stopped going to the gym, 0:21:41.840 --> 0:21:44.120 and then he stopped working out in the garage, and 0:21:44.160 --> 0:21:49.280 then he stopped moving. Eventually, he just sat around all 0:21:49.359 --> 0:21:53.240 day and the house stopped getting cleaned. And this is 0:21:53.280 --> 0:21:56.040 all because he's in excruciating pain and he's miserable. 0:21:56.960 --> 0:22:00.359 He spent weeks on the couch, unable to function. To 0:22:00.480 --> 0:22:04.320 keep his spirits up, he showed Torah his favorite YouTube videos. 0:22:04.880 --> 0:22:08.680 You mentioned have you ever heard of stolen valor? Soon 0:22:08.760 --> 0:22:12.120 he pulled up YouTube and we spent I would say, 0:22:12.160 --> 0:22:16.520 probably an hour watching YouTube videos of people being exposed 0:22:16.520 --> 0:22:17.560 for stolen valor. 0:22:18.359 --> 0:22:21.840 Stolen valor is the term for people who impersonate military 0:22:21.880 --> 0:22:24.280 service members and veterans, and so. 0:22:24.280 --> 0:22:27.600 There's lots of videos on YouTube of people going up 0:22:27.680 --> 0:22:32.560