1 00:00:02,440 --> 00:00:05,680 Speaker 1: This is an incredible story that sounds like it's made up, 2 00:00:05,720 --> 00:00:07,400 Speaker 1: that sounds like a soap opera, It sounds like a 3 00:00:07,480 --> 00:00:11,160 Speaker 1: drama movie, but it's so real and it's not the 4 00:00:11,200 --> 00:00:14,480 Speaker 1: only one. There are things we might not know about 5 00:00:14,600 --> 00:00:19,599 Speaker 1: somebody we live with, and there's so many stories like this. 6 00:00:34,080 --> 00:00:37,560 Speaker 2: I'm Andrea Gunning and this is Betrayal, a show about 7 00:00:37,560 --> 00:00:40,879 Speaker 2: the people we trust the most and the deceptions that 8 00:00:41,080 --> 00:00:46,320 Speaker 2: change everything. About a year ago, we heard from a 9 00:00:46,360 --> 00:00:50,159 Speaker 2: listener with a story that floored us. Tora Giles is 10 00:00:50,159 --> 00:00:53,000 Speaker 2: a history professor in Colorado. But she grew up on 11 00:00:53,040 --> 00:00:56,040 Speaker 2: the California coast with her seven siblings. 12 00:00:56,280 --> 00:00:58,560 Speaker 1: And we grew up on a farm, so my life 13 00:00:58,640 --> 00:01:02,640 Speaker 1: was kind of wild and crazy and great. Grew up 14 00:01:02,680 --> 00:01:07,160 Speaker 1: super religious. In the Seventh Day, I'dventist church as a kid. 15 00:01:07,280 --> 00:01:10,679 Speaker 2: The church was Tora's life. She went to a Christian school, 16 00:01:10,959 --> 00:01:13,920 Speaker 2: her friends and after school activities were all through the church, 17 00:01:14,360 --> 00:01:16,680 Speaker 2: and she assumed that her life would follow the same 18 00:01:16,760 --> 00:01:20,160 Speaker 2: path that was modeled by the women around her. Graduate 19 00:01:20,280 --> 00:01:23,080 Speaker 2: high school, get married, and start having kids. 20 00:01:24,520 --> 00:01:27,800 Speaker 1: Funny enough, I thought as a kid that twenty years 21 00:01:27,800 --> 00:01:31,319 Speaker 1: old was being a grown up, and twenty five year 22 00:01:31,319 --> 00:01:34,880 Speaker 1: olds were old, and so I thought for sure that 23 00:01:34,920 --> 00:01:40,920 Speaker 1: I would be married by twenty but I never really dated. 24 00:01:42,720 --> 00:01:46,039 Speaker 2: After high school, Tora became a full time nanny and 25 00:01:46,120 --> 00:01:48,280 Speaker 2: she tried to give dating a shot. 26 00:01:49,640 --> 00:01:52,760 Speaker 1: I finally went on one date with a guy and 27 00:01:53,200 --> 00:01:54,840 Speaker 1: gave him like the little peck at the end of 28 00:01:54,840 --> 00:01:58,920 Speaker 1: the night and was just like, no, that was not 29 00:01:59,080 --> 00:02:01,000 Speaker 1: for me. I did not like that. I don't want 30 00:02:01,040 --> 00:02:01,400 Speaker 1: a date. 31 00:02:02,160 --> 00:02:06,200 Speaker 2: Torra started to realize that the traditional path wasn't for her, 32 00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:09,880 Speaker 2: so instead of trying to find a husband, she started 33 00:02:09,919 --> 00:02:11,600 Speaker 2: planning for a new career. 34 00:02:11,760 --> 00:02:15,240 Speaker 1: And decided to go to college and I studied history, 35 00:02:15,720 --> 00:02:16,799 Speaker 1: which was really fun. 36 00:02:17,680 --> 00:02:21,120 Speaker 2: After undergrad she moved to Colorado to pursue a pH 37 00:02:21,240 --> 00:02:22,200 Speaker 2: d in history. 38 00:02:23,400 --> 00:02:26,240 Speaker 1: I was living in this really cute, tiny apartment in 39 00:02:26,400 --> 00:02:31,400 Speaker 1: the older section of Colorado Springs, so cute and just 40 00:02:31,520 --> 00:02:34,160 Speaker 1: loving my life. I felt like I had really kind 41 00:02:34,200 --> 00:02:36,440 Speaker 1: of arrived. I had a job, I was teaching, I 42 00:02:36,480 --> 00:02:39,280 Speaker 1: had friends. I was very happy. 43 00:02:39,960 --> 00:02:43,640 Speaker 2: She loved teaching, especially American history. 44 00:02:44,480 --> 00:02:48,240 Speaker 1: It was so much fun. Keeps us in mind. January 45 00:02:48,280 --> 00:02:50,680 Speaker 1: of twenty seventeen, and I decided it would be a 46 00:02:50,680 --> 00:02:55,560 Speaker 1: good time to teach conspiracy culture and elections in United 47 00:02:55,560 --> 00:02:56,840 Speaker 1: States political history. 48 00:02:58,440 --> 00:03:01,600 Speaker 2: By this time, Toro was in her mid thirties. She'd 49 00:03:01,600 --> 00:03:05,480 Speaker 2: tried dating for years, but ultimately decided she didn't need romance. 50 00:03:05,880 --> 00:03:07,440 Speaker 2: Her life was complete without it. 51 00:03:08,080 --> 00:03:12,120 Speaker 1: Dating and romantic relationships were not going to be part 52 00:03:12,120 --> 00:03:15,520 Speaker 1: of my life, and I was sort of settled into 53 00:03:15,560 --> 00:03:18,680 Speaker 1: that in a very comfortable way where it didn't bother me. 54 00:03:18,720 --> 00:03:20,600 Speaker 1: It wasn't something I was seeking out. I wasn't on 55 00:03:20,720 --> 00:03:25,120 Speaker 1: dating apps, I wasn't looking for it, and I certainly 56 00:03:25,200 --> 00:03:27,040 Speaker 1: was not looking for him. 57 00:03:27,600 --> 00:03:31,079 Speaker 2: In that class, she met a student named Erin. Like her, 58 00:03:31,200 --> 00:03:32,959 Speaker 2: he was also in his mid thirties. 59 00:03:34,320 --> 00:03:39,280 Speaker 1: He had a service dog, this really cute English mastiff 60 00:03:39,360 --> 00:03:43,560 Speaker 1: named Osa, and she had the best underbite, and she 61 00:03:43,640 --> 00:03:46,120 Speaker 1: would be in the back of class chomping on a bone. 62 00:03:46,160 --> 00:03:48,800 Speaker 1: So I was always very aware of his presence, partially 63 00:03:48,880 --> 00:03:52,440 Speaker 1: because of her. He would come up after class and 64 00:03:52,480 --> 00:03:55,040 Speaker 1: we would pet the dog and chat a little bit. 65 00:03:56,520 --> 00:04:00,000 Speaker 2: Aarin was a veteran, a former Army medic who'd lost 66 00:04:00,120 --> 00:04:02,200 Speaker 2: his foot in an explosion in Iraq. 67 00:04:02,840 --> 00:04:06,400 Speaker 1: I knew that he had had an amputation to his leg. 68 00:04:07,040 --> 00:04:09,320 Speaker 1: He talked about it fairly frequently. He had a handy 69 00:04:09,680 --> 00:04:10,680 Speaker 1: cat parking past. 70 00:04:11,160 --> 00:04:13,640 Speaker 2: The disability was a big part of his life, but 71 00:04:13,720 --> 00:04:17,080 Speaker 2: it didn't define him, and it certainly didn't hold him back. 72 00:04:17,440 --> 00:04:20,240 Speaker 2: He was finishing his bachelor's degree on his way to 73 00:04:20,279 --> 00:04:24,039 Speaker 2: start nursing school. After each class, he would stay behind 74 00:04:24,120 --> 00:04:25,080 Speaker 2: and chat with Tora. 75 00:04:26,120 --> 00:04:28,839 Speaker 1: He had a very slow way of speaking. There was 76 00:04:28,880 --> 00:04:32,440 Speaker 1: no rush for anything in life. I always had the 77 00:04:32,520 --> 00:04:34,160 Speaker 1: vibe that he was one of those people that would 78 00:04:34,200 --> 00:04:36,680 Speaker 1: talk forever if you let them, and so I would 79 00:04:36,680 --> 00:04:40,560 Speaker 1: start to gather my things, and eventually he started walking 80 00:04:40,560 --> 00:04:43,039 Speaker 1: me to my car because my class was from seven 81 00:04:43,040 --> 00:04:46,480 Speaker 1: to ten pm, and it was very surface level chat 82 00:04:47,040 --> 00:04:51,360 Speaker 1: throughout the whole time. I was his teacher, usually about class, 83 00:04:51,560 --> 00:04:54,920 Speaker 1: usually about some interesting fact. He was like a sponge 84 00:04:54,960 --> 00:04:55,640 Speaker 1: for information. 85 00:04:56,320 --> 00:04:59,760 Speaker 2: Aaron shared that he was Native American talk tall, which 86 00:04:59,760 --> 00:05:02,919 Speaker 2: was a big part of his identity, and she noticed 87 00:05:02,920 --> 00:05:05,080 Speaker 2: that he was always immaculately put together. 88 00:05:06,400 --> 00:05:09,760 Speaker 1: He had kind of long hair that he kept tied 89 00:05:09,800 --> 00:05:12,280 Speaker 1: back in this low knot on the back of his head, 90 00:05:12,839 --> 00:05:17,080 Speaker 1: kind of slicked back low. I hesitate to call amandun 91 00:05:17,120 --> 00:05:19,880 Speaker 1: because I know that was hurt Aaron's feelings, but that's 92 00:05:19,880 --> 00:05:24,280 Speaker 1: what it was. And he had a cowboy Western Bible thought, 93 00:05:24,440 --> 00:05:27,640 Speaker 1: not like costume, but he wore a lot of very 94 00:05:27,720 --> 00:05:31,960 Speaker 1: nice button ups and jeans and leather boots, so that 95 00:05:32,040 --> 00:05:35,719 Speaker 1: was pretty much his uniform. He just had this confident 96 00:05:36,080 --> 00:05:39,560 Speaker 1: air about him that he knew he was smart, he 97 00:05:39,640 --> 00:05:42,000 Speaker 1: knew he was good looking, but he was also kind 98 00:05:42,200 --> 00:05:47,760 Speaker 1: and respectful and interesting and funny and talented. And I 99 00:05:47,839 --> 00:05:52,640 Speaker 1: was a fan very quickly, just of his entire aura. 100 00:05:53,360 --> 00:05:56,800 Speaker 2: Aaron and Tora kept talking every week after class for 101 00:05:56,839 --> 00:05:58,080 Speaker 2: the rest of the semester. 102 00:06:00,440 --> 00:06:04,839 Speaker 1: At some point in those conversations, I brought up the 103 00:06:04,839 --> 00:06:08,680 Speaker 1: fact that I had been a nanny, and a few 104 00:06:08,720 --> 00:06:11,160 Speaker 1: months later he came to me after class one day 105 00:06:11,200 --> 00:06:14,360 Speaker 1: and said, we need to switch where my son is 106 00:06:14,440 --> 00:06:17,800 Speaker 1: going to daycare. What do you know about maybe hiring 107 00:06:17,800 --> 00:06:20,320 Speaker 1: a nanny. So we chatted a little bit about that, 108 00:06:20,400 --> 00:06:21,960 Speaker 1: and that's how I found out he had a child. 109 00:06:22,160 --> 00:06:24,680 Speaker 1: I didn't know that before. He wore a ring, so 110 00:06:24,680 --> 00:06:26,360 Speaker 1: I knew he was married, but I didn't know that 111 00:06:26,440 --> 00:06:28,800 Speaker 1: he had a kid who was a baby at the time, 112 00:06:28,839 --> 00:06:31,160 Speaker 1: maybe four or five months old. So that was sort 113 00:06:31,200 --> 00:06:34,560 Speaker 1: of our first foray into anything personal. Was just that 114 00:06:34,839 --> 00:06:38,520 Speaker 1: bit of advice he was seeking about finding good childcare. 115 00:06:39,360 --> 00:06:42,039 Speaker 2: After the class ended in May, Tora got a Facebook 116 00:06:42,080 --> 00:06:46,040 Speaker 2: friend request. It was from Aaron. He was already Facebook 117 00:06:46,080 --> 00:06:50,159 Speaker 2: friends with other teachers, so she accepted the request. 118 00:06:50,480 --> 00:06:52,560 Speaker 1: Then about a week later, he sent me a message 119 00:06:53,000 --> 00:06:55,600 Speaker 1: about nine to ten o'clock at night. I was already 120 00:06:55,600 --> 00:06:57,479 Speaker 1: in bed, and I thought, well, that's weird, what the heck? 121 00:06:57,560 --> 00:06:59,720 Speaker 1: And so rolled over and checked the message. It was 122 00:06:59,720 --> 00:07:03,280 Speaker 1: from him and he just said, you know something, very casual. 123 00:07:03,320 --> 00:07:06,279 Speaker 1: How are you? And I said, oh, I'm good. The 124 00:07:06,320 --> 00:07:10,200 Speaker 1: whole time thinking like, what does this guy want? Keep 125 00:07:10,240 --> 00:07:12,640 Speaker 1: in mind, I am very single, very happy to be single, 126 00:07:12,800 --> 00:07:16,160 Speaker 1: not looking for anything. I think he's great. Hadn't really 127 00:07:16,200 --> 00:07:18,400 Speaker 1: given any thought. The man's married with a baby, right. 128 00:07:18,880 --> 00:07:22,160 Speaker 2: They chatted for a few minutes before Aaron revealed why 129 00:07:22,200 --> 00:07:23,160 Speaker 2: he had reached out. 130 00:07:23,560 --> 00:07:26,160 Speaker 1: He said, do you know that I'm going through a 131 00:07:26,200 --> 00:07:30,920 Speaker 1: pretty bad divorce And I said, oh no, I had 132 00:07:30,960 --> 00:07:33,960 Speaker 1: no idea. So we chatted a little bit about it. 133 00:07:34,000 --> 00:07:37,920 Speaker 1: He said, yeah, actually she was arrested last night. We 134 00:07:37,960 --> 00:07:42,400 Speaker 1: got into an argument and she got physical and I said, 135 00:07:42,520 --> 00:07:45,760 Speaker 1: that's terrible. I'm so sorry to hear that. And then 136 00:07:45,800 --> 00:07:49,200 Speaker 1: I did the nice thing which I've since learned not 137 00:07:49,280 --> 00:07:52,320 Speaker 1: to do. Which is. I said, is there anything I 138 00:07:52,400 --> 00:07:58,640 Speaker 1: do to help? And he said, well, I might need 139 00:07:58,680 --> 00:07:59,680 Speaker 1: some help with my son. 140 00:08:01,080 --> 00:08:04,880 Speaker 2: Toora read between the lines, Aarin was desperate. He was 141 00:08:04,920 --> 00:08:07,960 Speaker 2: about to start in an intensive two year nursing program, 142 00:08:08,400 --> 00:08:11,160 Speaker 2: and now he would likely have full custody of his 143 00:08:11,240 --> 00:08:15,400 Speaker 2: infant son. She felt for his situation, and the next day, 144 00:08:15,440 --> 00:08:18,560 Speaker 2: while Aaron was on campus, he's swung by Tora's office 145 00:08:18,720 --> 00:08:21,640 Speaker 2: with his baby in tow. He wanted to thank Tora 146 00:08:21,760 --> 00:08:24,680 Speaker 2: for the semester and for offering to help. 147 00:08:25,280 --> 00:08:27,000 Speaker 1: And I sat and listened to him, and I held 148 00:08:27,000 --> 00:08:29,200 Speaker 1: the baby, and oh my gosh, she was the cutest 149 00:08:29,200 --> 00:08:32,000 Speaker 1: little thing. And then as we started wrapped up that conversation, 150 00:08:32,040 --> 00:08:34,840 Speaker 1: it was the end of my day and I said, okay, well, 151 00:08:34,880 --> 00:08:36,760 Speaker 1: if you need anything, let me know. And he said, well, actually, 152 00:08:36,840 --> 00:08:38,959 Speaker 1: I have a paper I have to work on tonight. 153 00:08:39,120 --> 00:08:40,839 Speaker 1: Would you be able to come over and just hang 154 00:08:40,840 --> 00:08:43,679 Speaker 1: out with him while I do my homework for an 155 00:08:43,720 --> 00:08:45,560 Speaker 1: hour or two and then I'll make dinner. 156 00:08:46,800 --> 00:08:49,160 Speaker 2: Almost reflexively, she said yes. 157 00:08:50,880 --> 00:08:54,000 Speaker 1: It was more this like Christian sense of duty that 158 00:08:54,080 --> 00:08:57,920 Speaker 1: I had been trained into. Someone needs help, you show 159 00:08:58,000 --> 00:09:00,679 Speaker 1: up even if it's inconvenient, or you don't really want to. 160 00:09:00,800 --> 00:09:02,600 Speaker 1: And that was my first thought, is I don't really 161 00:09:02,600 --> 00:09:04,840 Speaker 1: want to. I don't really want someone who's going to 162 00:09:04,840 --> 00:09:06,880 Speaker 1: rely on me. I don't really want to be involved 163 00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:11,040 Speaker 1: in someone else's drama. And I have a full time job, 164 00:09:11,240 --> 00:09:13,400 Speaker 1: I'm teaching, I'm busy. 165 00:09:14,120 --> 00:09:16,360 Speaker 2: In addition to that, she did in want errand to 166 00:09:16,400 --> 00:09:18,920 Speaker 2: mistake her kindness for something else. 167 00:09:19,840 --> 00:09:23,160 Speaker 1: I'm worried all the time that men are going to 168 00:09:23,520 --> 00:09:26,040 Speaker 1: take my presence as some sort of an invitation. And 169 00:09:26,120 --> 00:09:29,040 Speaker 1: I was so anti dating and relationships that it was 170 00:09:29,080 --> 00:09:32,319 Speaker 1: just something I never wanted to foster. So I'm thinking 171 00:09:32,320 --> 00:09:34,600 Speaker 1: about all this is I'm driving the twenty minutes to 172 00:09:34,679 --> 00:09:37,240 Speaker 1: his house, like, okay, I'm going to have to think 173 00:09:37,280 --> 00:09:39,480 Speaker 1: of boundaries. I'm going to have to be careful with 174 00:09:39,600 --> 00:09:40,160 Speaker 1: saying yes. 175 00:09:40,840 --> 00:09:44,440 Speaker 2: When she got to his house, her anxiety dissipated. He 176 00:09:44,600 --> 00:09:47,679 Speaker 2: was just erin and that made her feel comfortable. 177 00:09:48,240 --> 00:09:50,800 Speaker 1: He was himself the way he always was with me 178 00:09:50,920 --> 00:09:55,880 Speaker 1: after class, just very warm and friendly and kind, thoughtful. 179 00:09:57,000 --> 00:10:02,720 Speaker 1: So I stayed, had dinner, and then you know, stay 180 00:10:02,760 --> 00:10:04,520 Speaker 1: and we'll have an adult beverage is what he used 181 00:10:04,520 --> 00:10:06,240 Speaker 1: to call them. Stay and we'll have an adult beverage 182 00:10:06,280 --> 00:10:11,080 Speaker 1: after the boy goes to bed, and I didn't really 183 00:10:11,080 --> 00:10:13,679 Speaker 1: have anything going on, so I not so I stayed 184 00:10:13,679 --> 00:10:15,520 Speaker 1: and we had a beer, sat out on the back patio, 185 00:10:15,640 --> 00:10:18,319 Speaker 1: and he told me a little bit more about what 186 00:10:18,400 --> 00:10:22,160 Speaker 1: was going on, and it was pretty bad. There were 187 00:10:22,160 --> 00:10:24,360 Speaker 1: holes in the wall going up the stairs. There was 188 00:10:24,360 --> 00:10:27,120 Speaker 1: a hole in the wall in the dining room. And 189 00:10:27,880 --> 00:10:31,160 Speaker 1: we just talked and talked and talked and talked. He 190 00:10:31,240 --> 00:10:33,200 Speaker 1: shared a little bit of the emotions that came up 191 00:10:33,240 --> 00:10:35,320 Speaker 1: with him. Oh, I feel bad and she is my 192 00:10:35,400 --> 00:10:38,760 Speaker 1: son's mother, but also we can't keep doing this and 193 00:10:38,800 --> 00:10:40,400 Speaker 1: I need to get out of his marriage. 194 00:10:40,880 --> 00:10:43,840 Speaker 2: That night, they ended up talking until one am. 195 00:10:44,080 --> 00:10:46,599 Speaker 1: I have work at eight am, and he said, just 196 00:10:46,679 --> 00:10:50,800 Speaker 1: crash in my guest room. Here's some clean pajamas, here's 197 00:10:50,800 --> 00:10:55,360 Speaker 1: a toothbrush. Just crashed downstairs. And I did, which is 198 00:10:55,520 --> 00:10:58,360 Speaker 1: so out of character for me. I felt a little weird, 199 00:10:58,480 --> 00:11:01,840 Speaker 1: but I was very happy to be around him and 200 00:11:02,480 --> 00:11:04,480 Speaker 1: just wanted to stay there and be helpful. I love 201 00:11:04,559 --> 00:11:07,000 Speaker 1: to be helpful, I love to be needed. So I 202 00:11:07,040 --> 00:11:09,280 Speaker 1: stayed the night, got up in the morning, trucked off 203 00:11:09,320 --> 00:11:12,319 Speaker 1: to work, and then the next day he said, hey, yeah, 204 00:11:12,360 --> 00:11:16,160 Speaker 1: I've got a test coming up if you're pretty. Later on, 205 00:11:17,760 --> 00:11:18,920 Speaker 1: I went back over there. 206 00:11:20,120 --> 00:11:22,679 Speaker 2: Soon she was going over to Aaron's every few days 207 00:11:22,720 --> 00:11:25,240 Speaker 2: to help out with his son. It felt like the 208 00:11:25,360 --> 00:11:26,199 Speaker 2: right thing to do. 209 00:11:27,360 --> 00:11:29,360 Speaker 1: I was always sleeping in the guest room. I made 210 00:11:29,400 --> 00:11:31,439 Speaker 1: it very clear to him, I don't let people touch me. 211 00:11:31,600 --> 00:11:34,280 Speaker 1: I'm not interested in a romantic relationship. I am just 212 00:11:34,360 --> 00:11:36,520 Speaker 1: here to help. I want to be your friend. I 213 00:11:36,559 --> 00:11:39,200 Speaker 1: want you to feel supported. But that's as far as 214 00:11:39,240 --> 00:11:41,600 Speaker 1: this is going to go. And I just kept telling him, like, 215 00:11:41,720 --> 00:11:44,360 Speaker 1: we're just friends. I don't let people touch me. The 216 00:11:44,400 --> 00:11:47,160 Speaker 1: fact that I give you hugs is kind of exceptional. 217 00:11:47,520 --> 00:11:49,880 Speaker 1: You have to respect that, and he really did. 218 00:11:50,679 --> 00:11:53,440 Speaker 2: After Aaron would put us on to bed, the two 219 00:11:53,480 --> 00:11:55,280 Speaker 2: of them would stay up and have a drink on 220 00:11:55,320 --> 00:11:59,400 Speaker 2: the back patio and just talk about life. It became 221 00:11:59,520 --> 00:12:00,600 Speaker 2: their little ritual. 222 00:12:01,840 --> 00:12:04,760 Speaker 1: He was a very guarded person, so a lot of 223 00:12:04,800 --> 00:12:08,320 Speaker 1: what he would talk about was things that were very 224 00:12:08,360 --> 00:12:12,240 Speaker 1: present right now. If he brought up the past, it 225 00:12:12,280 --> 00:12:15,000 Speaker 1: always felt like kind of an honor that he trusted 226 00:12:15,080 --> 00:12:17,560 Speaker 1: me with that story. And he would point that out 227 00:12:17,640 --> 00:12:20,080 Speaker 1: in a very subtle way of oh, I don't really 228 00:12:20,080 --> 00:12:27,120 Speaker 1: tell people this story, but you're different. We just never 229 00:12:27,280 --> 00:12:29,439 Speaker 1: ran out of things to say. 230 00:12:29,480 --> 00:12:32,400 Speaker 2: After about two months of this, Tora went back home 231 00:12:32,440 --> 00:12:34,320 Speaker 2: to visit her family in California. 232 00:12:35,160 --> 00:12:38,000 Speaker 1: The whole time I'm with my family, I'm bringing him 233 00:12:38,080 --> 00:12:41,040 Speaker 1: up and I'm talking with him on the phone, and 234 00:12:41,080 --> 00:12:43,960 Speaker 1: they're seeing that this person is making me kind of 235 00:12:43,960 --> 00:12:46,240 Speaker 1: giddy and smiley and those kinds of things. 236 00:12:47,040 --> 00:12:49,640 Speaker 2: She had never talked about a friend like this before. 237 00:12:50,440 --> 00:12:53,320 Speaker 2: When she got home from that trip, she went straight 238 00:12:53,400 --> 00:12:54,320 Speaker 2: to Aaron's house. 239 00:12:54,840 --> 00:12:58,360 Speaker 1: He had cleaned the whole house, he had some of 240 00:12:58,360 --> 00:13:02,199 Speaker 1: my favorite music on Baby was in bed. He had, 241 00:13:02,320 --> 00:13:04,840 Speaker 1: you know, a bouquet of flowers and a card welcoming 242 00:13:04,840 --> 00:13:08,200 Speaker 1: me home and thanking me for being his friend. And 243 00:13:08,280 --> 00:13:11,160 Speaker 1: that was my first sort of inkling, like, hmm, I'm 244 00:13:11,160 --> 00:13:12,800 Speaker 1: gonna have to keep an eye on this because here 245 00:13:12,880 --> 00:13:15,360 Speaker 1: I was at home kind of being giddy about this person. 246 00:13:15,520 --> 00:13:19,320 Speaker 1: Here he is bringing me flowers. So there was this 247 00:13:19,480 --> 00:13:24,360 Speaker 1: undercurrent starting where I'm repeatedly saying him like, we're just friends, 248 00:13:25,120 --> 00:13:29,680 Speaker 1: but we're friends who are snuggling on the couch watching 249 00:13:29,720 --> 00:13:33,720 Speaker 1: a movie, not touching. He just just leaning like my 250 00:13:33,760 --> 00:13:38,000 Speaker 1: head on his shoulder or something so benign, So middle school. 251 00:13:38,040 --> 00:13:40,920 Speaker 1: But it was perfect for me because I wasn't ready 252 00:13:40,960 --> 00:13:41,480 Speaker 1: to do that. 253 00:13:42,679 --> 00:13:45,600 Speaker 2: One night, while they were up late talking on the patio, 254 00:13:46,480 --> 00:13:49,440 Speaker 2: Aaron finally said what they had both been thinking. 255 00:13:50,600 --> 00:13:52,720 Speaker 1: He said something to me like, I think you're in 256 00:13:52,720 --> 00:13:54,000 Speaker 1: love with me, and I said, I think you're in 257 00:13:54,040 --> 00:13:57,559 Speaker 1: love with me. And that was it. We were in 258 00:13:57,600 --> 00:14:01,559 Speaker 1: a relationship after that. 259 00:14:01,559 --> 00:14:04,000 Speaker 2: That day became their anniversary. 260 00:14:04,760 --> 00:14:10,040 Speaker 1: I leaned in and it was the most fulfilling time 261 00:14:10,080 --> 00:14:14,440 Speaker 1: of my whole entire existence. I'm getting emotional just talking 262 00:14:14,440 --> 00:14:17,880 Speaker 1: about because that part is perfect in my mind. 263 00:14:35,680 --> 00:14:38,920 Speaker 2: After writing off Romance, Tora found a man who defied 264 00:14:39,000 --> 00:14:45,040 Speaker 2: all expectations. Aarin was strikingly handsome, determined, respectful, and he 265 00:14:45,160 --> 00:14:48,840 Speaker 2: was an incredible father. Tora moved into his house and 266 00:14:48,880 --> 00:14:53,160 Speaker 2: their relationship deepened. That's when Aarin opened up about his 267 00:14:53,200 --> 00:14:57,840 Speaker 2: traumatic childhood. He said that both of his parents were abusive. 268 00:14:58,280 --> 00:15:04,480 Speaker 1: His family was incredibly complicated, incredibly damaged, incredibly dysfunctional, and 269 00:15:04,520 --> 00:15:06,480 Speaker 1: these were the reasons that he's so guarded. These are 270 00:15:06,480 --> 00:15:08,320 Speaker 1: the reasons that he doesn't have a relationship with them, 271 00:15:08,440 --> 00:15:09,840 Speaker 1: or see them or go to visit them. 272 00:15:10,440 --> 00:15:12,560 Speaker 2: When he was eighteen, he ran away from home and 273 00:15:12,640 --> 00:15:16,000 Speaker 2: joined the military at the time the war in Iraq 274 00:15:16,120 --> 00:15:19,200 Speaker 2: was just beginning. He worked his way up to become 275 00:15:19,320 --> 00:15:24,240 Speaker 2: a Special Forces medic, but his military career ended in tragedy. 276 00:15:24,840 --> 00:15:28,040 Speaker 1: He got hurt in Iraq. They were on a drive 277 00:15:28,120 --> 00:15:31,640 Speaker 1: through a city of some kind and hit an id 278 00:15:32,400 --> 00:15:35,240 Speaker 1: and the humpy in front of them blew up. Theirs didn't, 279 00:15:35,400 --> 00:15:39,960 Speaker 1: but the impact knocked THEIRS off its balance. He got hurt. 280 00:15:40,040 --> 00:15:44,120 Speaker 1: His foot was amputated because of that injury, and he 281 00:15:44,200 --> 00:15:46,040 Speaker 1: was medically retired and then came home. 282 00:15:47,040 --> 00:15:50,040 Speaker 2: Aaron spent weeks in the hospital recovering from his injury, 283 00:15:50,520 --> 00:15:55,000 Speaker 2: and even in this time of crisis, his family turmoil continued. 284 00:15:55,680 --> 00:16:00,080 Speaker 1: His dad showed up to the hospital and tried to 285 00:16:00,120 --> 00:16:02,600 Speaker 1: get medical power of attorney so that he could sell 286 00:16:02,800 --> 00:16:06,760 Speaker 1: Aaron's portion of land that he had been left by 287 00:16:06,760 --> 00:16:12,360 Speaker 1: his grandparents on the Choctaw reservation in Oklahoma. So Aaron 288 00:16:12,400 --> 00:16:16,200 Speaker 1: thought tooth and nail, to get better, to get stronger, 289 00:16:16,840 --> 00:16:19,400 Speaker 1: and kicked his dad out of his life. 290 00:16:19,680 --> 00:16:22,360 Speaker 2: This is one of the reasons he needed Tora's help, 291 00:16:22,800 --> 00:16:26,920 Speaker 2: because he didn't have anyone his family and his ex wife, 292 00:16:27,400 --> 00:16:32,400 Speaker 2: they weren't safe people. Tora realized he'd spent his entire 293 00:16:32,520 --> 00:16:35,720 Speaker 2: life moving from one traumatic situation to another. 294 00:16:36,680 --> 00:16:41,560 Speaker 1: The man was covered in enormous scars. Everything about him screams, 295 00:16:41,720 --> 00:16:43,760 Speaker 1: I have had a hard life. I have had a 296 00:16:43,960 --> 00:16:48,800 Speaker 1: physically hard life. I've been injured, I've had surgeries. 297 00:16:49,560 --> 00:16:52,080 Speaker 2: Even though it had been years since Aaron was injured 298 00:16:52,120 --> 00:16:55,040 Speaker 2: in the war, it was part of his everyday life. 299 00:16:55,240 --> 00:17:00,240 Speaker 1: He walked with a very slight limp and kept that 300 00:17:00,360 --> 00:17:04,720 Speaker 1: leg pretty stiff, but he always kept a stock on 301 00:17:04,960 --> 00:17:07,920 Speaker 1: that foot, and I just figured he wanted to protect it. 302 00:17:08,920 --> 00:17:11,399 Speaker 1: He had a couple of different doctors who were working 303 00:17:11,400 --> 00:17:15,280 Speaker 1: on maybe a better prosthetic because he ended up injuring 304 00:17:15,280 --> 00:17:17,320 Speaker 1: his knee on that same leg, and we thought maybe 305 00:17:17,359 --> 00:17:20,399 Speaker 1: he needed a little bit more support from that prosthetic. 306 00:17:21,000 --> 00:17:24,240 Speaker 2: And that wasn't his only injury from the war. He'd 307 00:17:24,280 --> 00:17:27,640 Speaker 2: also injured his back, his shoulder, and his arm. They 308 00:17:27,640 --> 00:17:30,879 Speaker 2: were constantly getting reinjured, causing Aaron to go to the 309 00:17:30,920 --> 00:17:34,760 Speaker 2: doctor in pain. But despite all this, he still thought 310 00:17:34,760 --> 00:17:39,040 Speaker 2: for full custody, especially because of his childhood. Aaron was 311 00:17:39,080 --> 00:17:40,720 Speaker 2: determined to show up for his son. 312 00:17:44,240 --> 00:17:48,280 Speaker 1: He was an incredible father. He was so attentive and 313 00:17:48,359 --> 00:17:52,520 Speaker 1: so loving and so affectionate and just lit up when 314 00:17:52,840 --> 00:17:56,040 Speaker 1: it came time to go get the boy out of 315 00:17:56,080 --> 00:18:00,560 Speaker 1: bed or read the boy his bedtime story. We called 316 00:18:00,640 --> 00:18:01,919 Speaker 1: him the Boy. I'm going to call him the Boy 317 00:18:01,920 --> 00:18:03,080 Speaker 1: because I'm not going to say his name. 318 00:18:04,840 --> 00:18:07,399 Speaker 2: The boy was only a few months old when Tora 319 00:18:07,520 --> 00:18:09,879 Speaker 2: met him, and she was there for all of his 320 00:18:10,000 --> 00:18:11,080 Speaker 2: big firsts. 321 00:18:11,560 --> 00:18:15,240 Speaker 1: The boy and I were just absolutely connected at the 322 00:18:15,280 --> 00:18:18,560 Speaker 1: hip from day one. When it was time for him 323 00:18:18,560 --> 00:18:20,919 Speaker 1: to start eating solids, I was the one who decided 324 00:18:20,920 --> 00:18:23,440 Speaker 1: how that should go, because I have twenty years childcare 325 00:18:23,480 --> 00:18:27,720 Speaker 1: experience and this is his first child, and I would 326 00:18:27,760 --> 00:18:29,280 Speaker 1: just light up to be around each other. 327 00:18:30,840 --> 00:18:33,560 Speaker 2: The boy took his first steps to Tora. The three 328 00:18:33,560 --> 00:18:36,520 Speaker 2: of them fell into a kind of domestic bliss based 329 00:18:36,560 --> 00:18:38,720 Speaker 2: on a foundation of love for each other and love 330 00:18:38,800 --> 00:18:42,879 Speaker 2: for Aaron's son. After a year together, Tora felt like 331 00:18:42,960 --> 00:18:45,439 Speaker 2: this was her family now. She didn't want to go 332 00:18:45,480 --> 00:18:49,040 Speaker 2: through the formalities of a wedding and marriage, so instead 333 00:18:49,119 --> 00:18:52,440 Speaker 2: they lived as common law spouses. They just started calling 334 00:18:52,480 --> 00:18:56,680 Speaker 2: each other husband and wife. With Aaron in school, Toora 335 00:18:56,800 --> 00:18:59,800 Speaker 2: took on more financial responsibility. 336 00:19:01,280 --> 00:19:05,600 Speaker 1: He's a retired veteran, so he gets some money, but 337 00:19:06,320 --> 00:19:10,080 Speaker 1: you know, life is expensive, so we were always a 338 00:19:10,119 --> 00:19:13,280 Speaker 1: little bit stressed on money. He really liked being a 339 00:19:13,280 --> 00:19:17,000 Speaker 1: provider and making sure that the baby had everything he needed, 340 00:19:17,520 --> 00:19:19,840 Speaker 1: but that usually meant that there was no food in 341 00:19:19,880 --> 00:19:23,119 Speaker 1: the refrigerator for adults. So I started doing things like 342 00:19:23,160 --> 00:19:26,280 Speaker 1: pitching it on groceries, and I took over the Wi 343 00:19:26,400 --> 00:19:27,679 Speaker 1: Fi and the trash bills. 344 00:19:28,320 --> 00:19:31,080 Speaker 2: Aaron had to make a monthly home equity payments his 345 00:19:31,119 --> 00:19:34,600 Speaker 2: ex wife, and the expenses just kept coming. 346 00:19:35,640 --> 00:19:37,960 Speaker 1: Oh gosh, it was just never ending. We needed a 347 00:19:38,000 --> 00:19:40,520 Speaker 1: new roof, but we didn't have any money. We needed 348 00:19:40,560 --> 00:19:43,639 Speaker 1: to pay off five thousand dollars in credit cards in 349 00:19:43,720 --> 00:19:46,600 Speaker 1: order to get a refinance on the mortgage, so we 350 00:19:46,600 --> 00:19:47,560 Speaker 1: didn't lose the house. 351 00:19:48,320 --> 00:19:51,600 Speaker 2: Despite the stress of loving paycheck to paycheck, Tora was 352 00:19:51,640 --> 00:19:56,480 Speaker 2: filled with love for her family. Everything was precariously perfectly balanced. 353 00:19:57,240 --> 00:20:01,800 Speaker 2: That was until Aaron got sick. One day, he woke 354 00:20:01,880 --> 00:20:05,920 Speaker 2: up in excruciating pain with a very high fever. Tora 355 00:20:06,040 --> 00:20:07,920 Speaker 2: had to go to work, so Aaron went to see 356 00:20:07,960 --> 00:20:11,000 Speaker 2: their family doctor by himself, and when he got there, 357 00:20:11,080 --> 00:20:13,800 Speaker 2: his fever was so high he needed to go to 358 00:20:13,840 --> 00:20:14,960 Speaker 2: the er right away. 359 00:20:15,840 --> 00:20:17,800 Speaker 1: One of the things that they thought might be going 360 00:20:17,880 --> 00:20:20,080 Speaker 1: on when he was in the er was that he 361 00:20:20,200 --> 00:20:23,199 Speaker 1: was having some kind of an infection from his amputation. 362 00:20:24,320 --> 00:20:27,040 Speaker 2: He called Torah from the hospital and she rushed over, 363 00:20:27,560 --> 00:20:30,000 Speaker 2: but when she got there, he wasn't in a hospital 364 00:20:30,080 --> 00:20:33,480 Speaker 2: room erin was just sitting by the hospital entrance in 365 00:20:33,520 --> 00:20:34,240 Speaker 2: a wheelchair. 366 00:20:35,680 --> 00:20:37,880 Speaker 1: He said that they ended up accusing him of being 367 00:20:38,080 --> 00:20:41,359 Speaker 1: pain med seeking, and he said that was racist, that 368 00:20:41,440 --> 00:20:45,000 Speaker 1: was because he was brown. He literally ripped the ivy 369 00:20:45,000 --> 00:20:47,000 Speaker 1: out of his arm and stormed out of the hospital 370 00:20:47,800 --> 00:20:49,439 Speaker 1: and I kind of yelled at him all the way home, 371 00:20:49,600 --> 00:20:52,280 Speaker 1: like what were you thinking? You obviously need help. Something 372 00:20:52,400 --> 00:20:55,359 Speaker 1: is going on. He had a very high fever. He 373 00:20:55,480 --> 00:20:57,080 Speaker 1: was in a lot of pain. I could see that 374 00:20:57,119 --> 00:20:59,400 Speaker 1: he was miserable and has been a long awful day 375 00:20:59,520 --> 00:21:01,520 Speaker 1: sitting in the are getting to tests done on him 376 00:21:01,560 --> 00:21:03,119 Speaker 1: and all of them coming back negative. 377 00:21:03,720 --> 00:21:07,359 Speaker 2: In addition to the fever, Aaron was in excruciating pain, 378 00:21:07,840 --> 00:21:12,040 Speaker 2: debilitating chronic pain from his old combat injuries. But this 379 00:21:12,240 --> 00:21:14,760 Speaker 2: time his doctors weren't able to figure out what was 380 00:21:14,800 --> 00:21:18,760 Speaker 2: going on, so Torra stepped in to take care of him. 381 00:21:19,400 --> 00:21:22,119 Speaker 1: This whole time, I'm icing his back, I'm getting the 382 00:21:22,119 --> 00:21:25,560 Speaker 1: ice packs for his knee. He had special equipment for 383 00:21:25,840 --> 00:21:29,760 Speaker 1: icing his shoulder and driving him around to doctor's appointments 384 00:21:29,800 --> 00:21:32,240 Speaker 1: because he's in too much pain to drive. I can 385 00:21:32,280 --> 00:21:34,800 Speaker 1: see the pain on his face. I can see him 386 00:21:34,960 --> 00:21:38,080 Speaker 1: changing and drawing into this pain in his life of 387 00:21:38,119 --> 00:21:41,800 Speaker 1: being in chronic pain. He stopped going to the gym, 388 00:21:41,840 --> 00:21:44,120 Speaker 1: and then he stopped working out in the garage, and 389 00:21:44,160 --> 00:21:49,280 Speaker 1: then he stopped moving. Eventually, he just sat around all 390 00:21:49,359 --> 00:21:53,240 Speaker 1: day and the house stopped getting cleaned. And this is 391 00:21:53,280 --> 00:21:56,040 Speaker 1: all because he's in excruciating pain and he's miserable. 392 00:21:56,960 --> 00:22:00,359 Speaker 2: He spent weeks on the couch, unable to function. To 393 00:22:00,480 --> 00:22:04,320 Speaker 2: keep his spirits up, he showed Torah his favorite YouTube videos. 394 00:22:04,880 --> 00:22:08,680 Speaker 1: You mentioned have you ever heard of stolen valor? Soon 395 00:22:08,760 --> 00:22:12,120 Speaker 1: he pulled up YouTube and we spent I would say, 396 00:22:12,160 --> 00:22:16,520 Speaker 1: probably an hour watching YouTube videos of people being exposed 397 00:22:16,520 --> 00:22:17,560 Speaker 1: for stolen valor. 398 00:22:18,359 --> 00:22:21,840 Speaker 2: Stolen valor is the term for people who impersonate military 399 00:22:21,880 --> 00:22:24,280 Speaker 2: service members and veterans, and so. 400 00:22:24,280 --> 00:22:27,600 Speaker 1: There's lots of videos on YouTube of people going up 401 00:22:27,680 --> 00:22:32,560 Speaker 1: to a person wearing a uniform, insay a mall and saying, 402 00:22:32,840 --> 00:22:35,560 Speaker 1: your bars are on the wrong side of your collar, 403 00:22:35,640 --> 00:22:40,240 Speaker 1: your patches upside down, you are not supposed to be 404 00:22:40,240 --> 00:22:43,560 Speaker 1: in this uniform, you know, shaming them for this act 405 00:22:43,600 --> 00:22:46,959 Speaker 1: of stolen valor. And this was something that he was 406 00:22:47,480 --> 00:22:51,919 Speaker 1: very amused by, that these people are getting caught and 407 00:22:52,240 --> 00:22:55,960 Speaker 1: shamed publicly. He loved it. He thought it was so entertaining. 408 00:22:58,480 --> 00:23:02,160 Speaker 2: It was a welcome distraction from his pain, especially considering 409 00:23:02,200 --> 00:23:05,119 Speaker 2: the price he was paying for his military service. She 410 00:23:05,280 --> 00:23:08,520 Speaker 2: understood why he liked the stolen valor videos so much. 411 00:23:09,000 --> 00:23:12,679 Speaker 1: So as he withdraws into this chronic pain, I'm pushing 412 00:23:12,800 --> 00:23:15,760 Speaker 1: harder and harder to make sure that bills are paid, 413 00:23:15,760 --> 00:23:17,040 Speaker 1: to make sure that the house is taking care, to 414 00:23:17,040 --> 00:23:18,679 Speaker 1: make sure the baby has everything he needs, to make 415 00:23:18,720 --> 00:23:20,359 Speaker 1: sure the baby got to go to the park today 416 00:23:20,359 --> 00:23:24,359 Speaker 1: and play outside. I just started picking up more and 417 00:23:24,359 --> 00:23:28,000 Speaker 1: more of the slack as he withdrew into being miserable. 418 00:23:28,480 --> 00:23:31,080 Speaker 1: It was awful to watch the person that you're so 419 00:23:31,200 --> 00:23:33,560 Speaker 1: in love with falling apart in front of me. 420 00:23:48,920 --> 00:23:51,719 Speaker 2: Tora's new life with Aaron was thrown off balance when 421 00:23:51,760 --> 00:23:54,240 Speaker 2: his chronic pain took a sharp turn for the worst. 422 00:23:54,800 --> 00:23:58,800 Speaker 2: Aaron eventually started pain management therapy, and Tora felt. 423 00:23:58,560 --> 00:24:04,359 Speaker 1: Helpless taking oxy cotone. I believe perkiet anyway, he was 424 00:24:04,400 --> 00:24:06,200 Speaker 1: taking one of those, and he was supposed to take 425 00:24:06,200 --> 00:24:07,679 Speaker 1: like one a day, and he was taking like two 426 00:24:07,800 --> 00:24:09,639 Speaker 1: or three because he was in so much pain. 427 00:24:10,000 --> 00:24:11,960 Speaker 2: He said he knew what he was doing. He was 428 00:24:12,000 --> 00:24:14,760 Speaker 2: in nursing school and had years of training as an 429 00:24:14,880 --> 00:24:18,280 Speaker 2: army medic. One night, before he came to bed, he. 430 00:24:18,359 --> 00:24:20,240 Speaker 1: Went took a shower and he came back into the 431 00:24:20,320 --> 00:24:23,600 Speaker 1: room and he had a patch on his shoulder. I said, 432 00:24:23,600 --> 00:24:28,200 Speaker 1: what's that and he said, oh, it's final. It's great. 433 00:24:28,240 --> 00:24:32,160 Speaker 1: I'm not in any pain. It's amazing. And I said, 434 00:24:32,160 --> 00:24:34,720 Speaker 1: but you took your beds today. He said yeah, And 435 00:24:34,720 --> 00:24:37,880 Speaker 1: I said, isn't that how people overdose? And he kind 436 00:24:37,880 --> 00:24:39,639 Speaker 1: of poo pooed me, like, I know what I'm doing. 437 00:24:40,040 --> 00:24:43,600 Speaker 1: I'm not an idiot. It's fine, I'm going to bed. 438 00:24:43,640 --> 00:24:45,399 Speaker 1: Good night. I've had a bad day. We're not going 439 00:24:45,440 --> 00:24:49,359 Speaker 1: to have a fight about this. I was so uncomfortable 440 00:24:49,359 --> 00:24:52,040 Speaker 1: and I just sat there staring at his back, wanting 441 00:24:52,119 --> 00:24:55,760 Speaker 1: to rip them off, but trusting him at the same time. 442 00:24:59,440 --> 00:25:02,959 Speaker 2: In the morning, Aaron was unresponsive. 443 00:25:04,240 --> 00:25:08,800 Speaker 1: So I grabbed my phone and I called nine to 444 00:25:08,800 --> 00:25:15,720 Speaker 1: one one hysterical, said, my husband's not breathing. He was 445 00:25:15,760 --> 00:25:17,280 Speaker 1: asleep and he's not waking up. 446 00:25:18,280 --> 00:25:21,520 Speaker 2: The nine one one operator instructed her to begin chest 447 00:25:21,600 --> 00:25:23,960 Speaker 2: compressions until the paramedics arrived. 448 00:25:25,359 --> 00:25:27,240 Speaker 1: And the whole time I'm doing chess compersions, I'm like, 449 00:25:27,520 --> 00:25:32,280 Speaker 1: he's cold, he's gone. This man is not alive. The 450 00:25:32,320 --> 00:25:36,840 Speaker 1: whole time, in the background, the boy is just scurreaming 451 00:25:37,720 --> 00:25:38,160 Speaker 1: my name. 452 00:25:40,280 --> 00:25:44,520 Speaker 2: The paramedics arrived and confirmed what she already knew. There 453 00:25:44,600 --> 00:25:48,600 Speaker 2: was no bringing Aaron back. She called friends to come 454 00:25:48,640 --> 00:25:52,440 Speaker 2: over and together they waited for the coroner. Not knowing 455 00:25:52,480 --> 00:25:56,240 Speaker 2: what else to do, she fixated on the boy. He 456 00:25:56,440 --> 00:26:00,800 Speaker 2: was three. Tora tried to distract him, play with him, 457 00:26:01,200 --> 00:26:03,360 Speaker 2: but he wanted to know what was going on. 458 00:26:04,359 --> 00:26:06,240 Speaker 1: He loved as the little Prince, and we started saying, 459 00:26:06,359 --> 00:26:08,320 Speaker 1: you know, Daddy went to hang out in the stars 460 00:26:08,320 --> 00:26:09,840 Speaker 1: with the little Prince in the fox. 461 00:26:11,040 --> 00:26:14,800 Speaker 2: Before the coroner came, Torah and their friends took turns 462 00:26:14,840 --> 00:26:17,360 Speaker 2: saying goodbye. 463 00:26:17,600 --> 00:26:19,359 Speaker 1: We all went up and sat with Aaron, and I 464 00:26:19,400 --> 00:26:22,280 Speaker 1: sat down and I told him I will miss you 465 00:26:22,359 --> 00:26:28,840 Speaker 1: every day for the rest of my life. And then 466 00:26:29,119 --> 00:26:29,640 Speaker 1: he was gone. 467 00:26:31,520 --> 00:26:35,359 Speaker 2: But his death would reveal an avalanche of discoveries. It 468 00:26:35,440 --> 00:26:38,520 Speaker 2: began on that very day, but his ex wife showed 469 00:26:38,560 --> 00:26:41,600 Speaker 2: up at the front door. The police had notified her 470 00:26:41,720 --> 00:26:45,760 Speaker 2: of Aaron's death, and his ex wife called his family, 471 00:26:46,800 --> 00:26:48,240 Speaker 2: his estranged family. 472 00:26:49,160 --> 00:26:51,560 Speaker 1: About ten o'clock and a knock on my door, and 473 00:26:51,600 --> 00:26:55,600 Speaker 1: the boy's mom showed up and insisted on sitting down 474 00:26:55,640 --> 00:26:58,480 Speaker 1: and talking to me. I don't know this person at all, 475 00:26:58,560 --> 00:27:02,000 Speaker 1: other than the reputation that I have been very carefully 476 00:27:02,040 --> 00:27:05,160 Speaker 1: spoonfed for three years, which is that she is awful 477 00:27:06,119 --> 00:27:09,280 Speaker 1: and a horrible person. And she came in like a 478 00:27:09,320 --> 00:27:11,760 Speaker 1: blast of cold air, sat down in my living room 479 00:27:12,040 --> 00:27:13,800 Speaker 1: and said, if you want to be in my son's life, 480 00:27:13,800 --> 00:27:16,600 Speaker 1: there's some things you need to know. First of all, 481 00:27:16,760 --> 00:27:21,359 Speaker 1: Aaron's not chalk, taw Erin's black. And I kind of 482 00:27:21,440 --> 00:27:25,040 Speaker 1: laughed at her. I'm like, okay, lady, like really, we're 483 00:27:25,080 --> 00:27:26,320 Speaker 1: going to do this right now. 484 00:27:26,880 --> 00:27:31,159 Speaker 2: Given the circumstances, this comment seemed absurd and irrelevant, but 485 00:27:31,280 --> 00:27:34,040 Speaker 2: his ex wife insisted that there were truths about Aaron 486 00:27:34,160 --> 00:27:37,360 Speaker 2: that Tora needed to know before she could share more. 487 00:27:37,480 --> 00:27:41,560 Speaker 2: Aaron's biological family arrived. They were surprised to meet Tora. 488 00:27:42,280 --> 00:27:43,800 Speaker 2: They didn't know she existed. 489 00:27:45,200 --> 00:27:48,679 Speaker 1: It was Aaron's mom and Ern's brother who was very 490 00:27:48,760 --> 00:27:51,560 Speaker 1: much a black man. They came in, they sat down 491 00:27:51,600 --> 00:27:54,560 Speaker 1: in my living room, and I told them about me 492 00:27:55,119 --> 00:27:57,399 Speaker 1: and my life with Aaron, how long we've been together. 493 00:27:58,560 --> 00:28:04,359 Speaker 1: And she said he wasn't a good person, and I thought, well, 494 00:28:04,400 --> 00:28:06,240 Speaker 1: that's a really weird thing to say to agree. 495 00:28:06,280 --> 00:28:10,280 Speaker 2: Being widow, Toura had seen pictures of Aaron's mother, father, 496 00:28:10,400 --> 00:28:14,160 Speaker 2: and brother. But these people in her house they weren't 497 00:28:14,200 --> 00:28:18,080 Speaker 2: the same ones she'd seen photos of. Nothing made sense, 498 00:28:18,520 --> 00:28:21,600 Speaker 2: from Aaron's sudden death to the arrival of this family 499 00:28:21,720 --> 00:28:26,040 Speaker 2: she didn't recognize. But they were his family, and now 500 00:28:26,480 --> 00:28:29,119 Speaker 2: they wanted the house back right away. 501 00:28:30,160 --> 00:28:32,880 Speaker 1: I gave it a lot of thought, and I called 502 00:28:32,880 --> 00:28:34,679 Speaker 1: my family on a zoom call and I still cay, 503 00:28:34,720 --> 00:28:38,360 Speaker 1: I'm going to make eat the house. I don't own it, 504 00:28:38,520 --> 00:28:40,560 Speaker 1: name's not on it. I don't have any right to it. 505 00:28:41,200 --> 00:28:45,040 Speaker 1: And my friend, the lawyer, said, take what's yours, what 506 00:28:45,160 --> 00:28:47,640 Speaker 1: you bought together, and nothing else. 507 00:28:49,320 --> 00:28:52,080 Speaker 2: Toura packed her car with a few boxes and prepared 508 00:28:52,120 --> 00:28:55,160 Speaker 2: to leave. She'd also be leaving the boys she'd raise 509 00:28:55,240 --> 00:28:58,800 Speaker 2: from infancy to nearly age four, but she knew she 510 00:28:58,920 --> 00:29:02,000 Speaker 2: wasn't part of his biol logical family. It was clear 511 00:29:02,080 --> 00:29:05,240 Speaker 2: that with Aaron gone, Tora just didn't have a place 512 00:29:05,280 --> 00:29:06,560 Speaker 2: in the boy's life. 513 00:29:06,800 --> 00:29:08,280 Speaker 1: And I reached down and I picked him up, and 514 00:29:08,280 --> 00:29:11,240 Speaker 1: I held him really close, and I said, never forget. 515 00:29:11,320 --> 00:29:13,160 Speaker 1: I love you and I'm your ama, and that will 516 00:29:13,280 --> 00:29:17,920 Speaker 1: never changed. And she fell out of the road sure away. 517 00:29:18,080 --> 00:29:19,240 Speaker 1: I never saw him against. 518 00:29:23,520 --> 00:29:26,000 Speaker 2: Before walking out of the house for the last time, 519 00:29:26,520 --> 00:29:30,680 Speaker 2: she decided to take Aaron's laptop with her. Her brother 520 00:29:30,760 --> 00:29:33,400 Speaker 2: came to meet her, and together they drove back to 521 00:29:33,440 --> 00:29:35,080 Speaker 2: their parents' house in California. 522 00:29:36,520 --> 00:29:41,160 Speaker 1: I fell apart. I fell apart. I wasn't getting out 523 00:29:41,200 --> 00:29:43,600 Speaker 1: of bed, I wasn't taking care of myself, I wasn't eating. 524 00:29:44,400 --> 00:29:45,440 Speaker 1: I was a disaster. 525 00:29:46,320 --> 00:29:50,120 Speaker 2: At first, she fixated on his death, how and why 526 00:29:50,160 --> 00:29:53,400 Speaker 2: it happened. She got a copy of his autopsy report. 527 00:29:54,520 --> 00:29:57,320 Speaker 1: When I got his autopsy, it was very much an overdose. 528 00:29:57,920 --> 00:30:04,600 Speaker 1: He had on double the dose and he had taken 529 00:30:05,800 --> 00:30:08,920 Speaker 1: double the dose of oxycodone at the same time to 530 00:30:08,960 --> 00:30:09,440 Speaker 1: go to bed. 531 00:30:10,360 --> 00:30:13,720 Speaker 2: And there was something else on his autopsy that stood out. 532 00:30:15,120 --> 00:30:19,239 Speaker 1: On his autopsy, had said he had a brace on 533 00:30:19,320 --> 00:30:22,479 Speaker 1: his leg, said a brace on his left leg. And 534 00:30:22,520 --> 00:30:24,880 Speaker 1: I thought, well, that's a really weird way to stay prosthetic, 535 00:30:26,240 --> 00:30:27,600 Speaker 1: and that was the last I thought of it. 536 00:30:28,560 --> 00:30:31,560 Speaker 2: The questions that came up right after his death about 537 00:30:31,560 --> 00:30:35,560 Speaker 2: his family, his race, she just didn't have the capacity 538 00:30:35,640 --> 00:30:37,520 Speaker 2: to think about all of that at the time. 539 00:30:40,200 --> 00:30:43,880 Speaker 1: I stayed very much in grieving widow mode for two months, 540 00:30:44,040 --> 00:30:47,240 Speaker 1: and it wasn't until after the second month that I 541 00:30:47,280 --> 00:30:49,600 Speaker 1: opened my eyes finally. So I just let a lot 542 00:30:49,640 --> 00:30:52,440 Speaker 1: of this stuff slide and thought like, either I'll deal 543 00:30:52,480 --> 00:30:54,880 Speaker 1: with it later, or it's not true, or it's a misunderstanding. 544 00:30:55,320 --> 00:31:00,280 Speaker 1: And then after two months I opened his computer. Thing 545 00:31:00,360 --> 00:31:06,320 Speaker 1: changed instantly. So I opened the computer, got right in 546 00:31:06,400 --> 00:31:09,440 Speaker 1: on the first try. I knew the password, and I 547 00:31:09,480 --> 00:31:12,200 Speaker 1: opened his pictures and I started looking through and there 548 00:31:12,200 --> 00:31:15,880 Speaker 1: were some screenshots in there that sent me to his 549 00:31:15,920 --> 00:31:19,479 Speaker 1: text messages, all of his text messages around his computer, 550 00:31:20,480 --> 00:31:26,080 Speaker 1: and immediately, within twenty seconds, I realized that he was 551 00:31:26,120 --> 00:31:30,160 Speaker 1: in a relationship with somebody long distance. I spent an 552 00:31:30,200 --> 00:31:38,400 Speaker 1: hour coming through their text messages, which were graphic and filthy, 553 00:31:40,360 --> 00:31:42,920 Speaker 1: and the worst part of all of that, there were 554 00:31:42,960 --> 00:31:46,320 Speaker 1: two things that were just devastating. The first was that 555 00:31:46,760 --> 00:31:49,360 Speaker 1: the things he said to her while they were having 556 00:31:49,400 --> 00:31:53,040 Speaker 1: this like fantasy relationship is the same stuff he would 557 00:31:53,040 --> 00:31:57,400 Speaker 1: say to me when we were intimate verbadeim and he 558 00:31:57,440 --> 00:32:00,520 Speaker 1: would tell her, well, I have time, and I won't 559 00:32:00,560 --> 00:32:03,440 Speaker 1: have the boy on these dates because I was going 560 00:32:03,520 --> 00:32:06,640 Speaker 1: to be gone for a conference on those dates. So 561 00:32:06,840 --> 00:32:10,920 Speaker 1: that was a lot to realize, like he was manipulating 562 00:32:11,000 --> 00:32:14,640 Speaker 1: her and mean to keep us both on the hook 563 00:32:15,040 --> 00:32:19,040 Speaker 1: back and forth. But then the worst thing I found 564 00:32:19,400 --> 00:32:23,640 Speaker 1: in everything I found was him saying, nobody has ever 565 00:32:23,680 --> 00:32:31,480 Speaker 1: loved me, nobody except for you. And that is the 566 00:32:31,480 --> 00:32:37,280 Speaker 1: biggest lie he ever told, And just the most infuriating, devastating, 567 00:32:38,320 --> 00:32:41,880 Speaker 1: cruel thing he could have said, was that nobody had 568 00:32:41,920 --> 00:32:45,560 Speaker 1: ever loved him. And here I had just spent eight 569 00:32:45,600 --> 00:32:51,560 Speaker 1: weeks bottomed out, devastated, flat lined because this man had 570 00:32:51,600 --> 00:32:55,200 Speaker 1: died and I had given him everything. 571 00:32:58,680 --> 00:33:02,120 Speaker 2: She kept looking through his tech and found more women. 572 00:33:02,560 --> 00:33:05,320 Speaker 1: He was texting four other girls, a couple from tender, 573 00:33:05,440 --> 00:33:09,080 Speaker 1: couple from school. One of my favorites was a girl 574 00:33:09,160 --> 00:33:11,320 Speaker 1: he had been in school with who had been to 575 00:33:11,360 --> 00:33:14,360 Speaker 1: our house and knew me, and they were talking about 576 00:33:14,400 --> 00:33:17,040 Speaker 1: how she could move in and her teenager could live 577 00:33:17,080 --> 00:33:21,520 Speaker 1: in the basement bedroom to three bedroom house, and his 578 00:33:21,600 --> 00:33:24,200 Speaker 1: son lives in one of those bedrooms, so presumably I'm 579 00:33:24,240 --> 00:33:28,320 Speaker 1: not living there as she's moving in. So that was like, 580 00:33:28,680 --> 00:33:30,719 Speaker 1: what the heck is he just going to kick me out? 581 00:33:30,920 --> 00:33:32,160 Speaker 1: Like this is resent. 582 00:33:32,720 --> 00:33:35,680 Speaker 2: Aaron was talking to these women up until the week 583 00:33:35,760 --> 00:33:40,520 Speaker 2: he died, making plans with them and inviting them over. 584 00:33:40,840 --> 00:33:43,160 Speaker 1: And he was saying, well, you know, I don't ever 585 00:33:43,200 --> 00:33:46,120 Speaker 1: have anything going on Tuesday nights, so we could come 586 00:33:46,160 --> 00:33:48,320 Speaker 1: over for dinner, we could watch a movie, but then 587 00:33:48,320 --> 00:33:50,680 Speaker 1: I have to go to bed around ten because I 588 00:33:50,800 --> 00:33:54,240 Speaker 1: was teaching. I was at class seven to ten on Tuesdays, 589 00:33:55,160 --> 00:33:57,360 Speaker 1: so he knew I would stay at work and go 590 00:33:57,400 --> 00:34:02,440 Speaker 1: to So that was like, I guess, kind of opening 591 00:34:02,480 --> 00:34:05,440 Speaker 1: that box of like, okay, so he's been doing stuff 592 00:34:05,480 --> 00:34:07,560 Speaker 1: behind my back. I don't know what. I still don't. 593 00:34:07,680 --> 00:34:10,839 Speaker 1: I don't need to, it doesn't matter. He offered it. 594 00:34:11,480 --> 00:34:14,120 Speaker 2: In the two months since Aaron died, these women had 595 00:34:14,120 --> 00:34:16,640 Speaker 2: been trying to get in touch with him. So Tora 596 00:34:16,760 --> 00:34:19,760 Speaker 2: messaged them back to let them know he was gone. 597 00:34:21,160 --> 00:34:26,279 Speaker 1: The girlfriend messaged me back, what, No, this isn't real. 598 00:34:26,640 --> 00:34:29,960 Speaker 1: What's going on? Who are you really? Did you steal 599 00:34:30,000 --> 00:34:32,800 Speaker 1: his phone? Just total disbelief, which is fair, It is 600 00:34:32,880 --> 00:34:36,360 Speaker 1: completely fair. And I said yeah, no, real, here's the 601 00:34:36,400 --> 00:34:40,080 Speaker 1: pictures of us. We've been together for this amount of time, 602 00:34:40,120 --> 00:34:42,600 Speaker 1: three years, and she said we've been together for longer 603 00:34:42,640 --> 00:34:47,200 Speaker 1: than that. They've been together when he was married to 604 00:34:47,360 --> 00:34:48,200 Speaker 1: he's an other wife. 605 00:34:49,160 --> 00:34:52,200 Speaker 2: Tora kept digging through his laptop and that's when she 606 00:34:52,280 --> 00:34:54,680 Speaker 2: saw the photo that changed everything. 607 00:34:55,440 --> 00:34:59,360 Speaker 1: His computer were all these pictures of his honeymoon, including 608 00:34:59,800 --> 00:35:07,680 Speaker 1: tw you fully attacked feet on the beach, much much 609 00:35:07,719 --> 00:35:13,880 Speaker 1: after he was supposedly injured, and just stared at his feet, like, 610 00:35:14,239 --> 00:35:17,640 Speaker 1: these are his feet. I recognized one of them, I 611 00:35:17,800 --> 00:35:20,080 Speaker 1: seeing one of them without a sock. 612 00:35:19,920 --> 00:35:24,200 Speaker 2: On the entire time they were together, Aaron kept a 613 00:35:24,239 --> 00:35:27,760 Speaker 2: sock and a brace on his prosthetic foot. She had 614 00:35:28,040 --> 00:35:30,720 Speaker 2: never actually seen his amputation site. 615 00:35:31,160 --> 00:35:36,800 Speaker 1: He didn't ever like pop off a prosthetic or anything 616 00:35:36,840 --> 00:35:41,520 Speaker 1: like that in front of me. And he needed to 617 00:35:41,640 --> 00:35:44,080 Speaker 1: shower downstairs because it was really hard for him to 618 00:35:44,120 --> 00:35:46,200 Speaker 1: step into the shower upstairs and it was a tub 619 00:35:46,200 --> 00:35:50,080 Speaker 1: shower combo, so he basically had his own bathroom in 620 00:35:50,160 --> 00:35:54,280 Speaker 1: the downstairs part of the house. So I never saw 621 00:35:54,400 --> 00:35:59,399 Speaker 1: him fully unclothed because he kept a sock on it 622 00:35:59,760 --> 00:36:05,279 Speaker 1: when we were sleeping. So I never questioned it. It 623 00:36:05,360 --> 00:36:09,399 Speaker 1: was his private business, that's his medical history, and there 624 00:36:09,480 --> 00:36:11,920 Speaker 1: was nothing for me to say, well, that seems off. 625 00:36:13,000 --> 00:36:15,640 Speaker 2: She saw the monthly checks coming in from the military, 626 00:36:16,000 --> 00:36:19,040 Speaker 2: she heard the hard prosthetic foot hitting the ground when 627 00:36:19,080 --> 00:36:22,920 Speaker 2: he walked. Plus he was self conscious about his injury. 628 00:36:23,480 --> 00:36:24,800 Speaker 2: She never pressed him further. 629 00:36:25,640 --> 00:36:27,680 Speaker 1: Why would I question that? Who would that make me? 630 00:36:28,440 --> 00:36:31,400 Speaker 2: But after she saw the photo of Aaron's two feet 631 00:36:31,480 --> 00:36:35,560 Speaker 2: in the sand on his honeymoon, Tora called their family doctor, 632 00:36:36,200 --> 00:36:39,480 Speaker 2: the doctor who'd done physical exams on her and Aaron 633 00:36:39,800 --> 00:36:40,640 Speaker 2: in the past year. 634 00:36:43,520 --> 00:36:47,319 Speaker 1: I said, did you ever look at his prosthetic or 635 00:36:47,480 --> 00:36:51,880 Speaker 1: looked at his amputation site? And she said, oh, make 636 00:36:51,920 --> 00:36:57,479 Speaker 1: sure I did? Well, maybe not actually let me think, hey, 637 00:36:57,680 --> 00:37:03,319 Speaker 1: maybe I didn't. And I just sat They're flabbergasted, And 638 00:37:03,400 --> 00:37:06,640 Speaker 1: at that point that was what was finally like, Yeah, 639 00:37:06,800 --> 00:37:10,759 Speaker 1: this man did not have an amputated foot. I don't 640 00:37:10,760 --> 00:37:12,399 Speaker 1: know what he was wearing. I don't know why he 641 00:37:12,440 --> 00:37:15,879 Speaker 1: was wearing it, but it wasn't a prosthetic foot. 642 00:37:16,200 --> 00:37:20,240 Speaker 2: This shocking revelation caused her to question the whole story 643 00:37:20,400 --> 00:37:22,720 Speaker 2: she'd been told about his military career. 644 00:37:24,400 --> 00:37:26,720 Speaker 1: Found his D two fourteen, which is like his exit 645 00:37:26,760 --> 00:37:29,120 Speaker 1: paperwork from the military, and it didn't add up with 646 00:37:29,160 --> 00:37:30,759 Speaker 1: what he told me on. 647 00:37:30,840 --> 00:37:33,960 Speaker 2: His discharge papers. It said he did join the military 648 00:37:34,040 --> 00:37:38,319 Speaker 2: at eighteen, and he did go to combat once, not 649 00:37:38,520 --> 00:37:42,160 Speaker 2: four times like he'd said. He wasn't a Special Forces 650 00:37:42,200 --> 00:37:45,600 Speaker 2: medic like he'd claimed. She doesn't know why he left 651 00:37:45,640 --> 00:37:49,480 Speaker 2: the Army, but it wasn't because of an injury. Her 652 00:37:49,640 --> 00:37:52,280 Speaker 2: entire understanding of Aaron changed. 653 00:37:53,719 --> 00:37:58,320 Speaker 1: And I went out into the kitchen and I poured 654 00:37:58,360 --> 00:38:01,960 Speaker 1: myself I am not joking it out tequila down to 655 00:38:01,960 --> 00:38:04,720 Speaker 1: that my dad lives in the country. Thinking this, walked 656 00:38:04,760 --> 00:38:07,719 Speaker 1: out way out into the hills and just screamed and 657 00:38:07,760 --> 00:38:13,920 Speaker 1: screamed and screamed and till I lost my voice. The 658 00:38:14,000 --> 00:38:17,880 Speaker 1: person I had just spent three years loving and caring 659 00:38:17,920 --> 00:38:25,160 Speaker 1: for and two months devastated over his loss didn't exist. 660 00:38:27,360 --> 00:38:33,040 Speaker 1: And I came to this point that day where I said, 661 00:38:33,800 --> 00:38:36,360 Speaker 1: at the end of the day, he took everything from me, 662 00:38:37,320 --> 00:38:39,680 Speaker 1: and when there was nothing left to take, he took 663 00:38:39,760 --> 00:38:44,680 Speaker 1: himself from me. The person I had loved and been 664 00:38:44,680 --> 00:38:50,240 Speaker 1: in a relationship with disappeared, and with him went three 665 00:38:50,320 --> 00:38:52,360 Speaker 1: years of my life into a black hole. 666 00:38:55,000 --> 00:38:58,080 Speaker 2: Who was Aaron and what was his real life story. 667 00:38:58,960 --> 00:39:02,000 Speaker 1: I was googling everything. I'm a historian. I can research 668 00:39:02,080 --> 00:39:06,160 Speaker 1: like nobody's business. So I'm just googling everything I can 669 00:39:06,200 --> 00:39:08,080 Speaker 1: think of to try to find out who this person is. 670 00:39:08,080 --> 00:39:11,120 Speaker 1: I'm looking on Facebook, I'm looking on Instagram, social media. 671 00:39:11,320 --> 00:39:13,919 Speaker 2: She started reaching out to people who were connected to Aaron. 672 00:39:14,640 --> 00:39:17,680 Speaker 1: You know, now, I'm asking questions, right, what about these people? 673 00:39:18,239 --> 00:39:21,680 Speaker 1: It's not real. Grandparents were not those people. Those people 674 00:39:21,719 --> 00:39:25,880 Speaker 1: didn't exist at all. I mean, it was an entirely 675 00:39:26,160 --> 00:39:31,239 Speaker 1: crafted life. His family is fake, his military experience was 676 00:39:31,280 --> 00:39:34,920 Speaker 1: not his, and I don't know how he kept it 677 00:39:34,960 --> 00:39:35,480 Speaker 1: all straight. 678 00:39:35,880 --> 00:39:38,080 Speaker 2: She found out that the family who showed up at 679 00:39:38,120 --> 00:39:42,120 Speaker 2: Aaron's house, those people she didn't recognize. They were his 680 00:39:42,200 --> 00:39:46,440 Speaker 2: biological family, and they were very different from what Aaron described. 681 00:39:47,640 --> 00:39:49,719 Speaker 1: So I didn't know about his real mom, even though 682 00:39:49,760 --> 00:39:51,600 Speaker 1: she's a real person who lives in a real place. 683 00:39:52,480 --> 00:39:54,840 Speaker 1: I knew about some other version of someone that he 684 00:39:54,880 --> 00:39:57,279 Speaker 1: could completely control that narrative. And I'm never going to 685 00:39:57,320 --> 00:39:59,480 Speaker 1: look her up and say, is this the truth? I 686 00:39:59,560 --> 00:40:03,080 Speaker 1: was the person for him because I chose to trust him, 687 00:40:03,080 --> 00:40:07,000 Speaker 1: and he practiced different things. He tried out different things 688 00:40:07,040 --> 00:40:10,120 Speaker 1: to test me, to see if I would trust him, 689 00:40:10,400 --> 00:40:15,160 Speaker 1: and I did. I always did. He very carefully curated 690 00:40:15,239 --> 00:40:15,720 Speaker 1: my life. 691 00:40:17,320 --> 00:40:19,839 Speaker 2: When she started looking back on it, she realized that 692 00:40:19,880 --> 00:40:23,279 Speaker 2: Aaron had slowly isolated her from anyone who'd known him 693 00:40:23,280 --> 00:40:26,880 Speaker 2: for more than four years, anyone who would contradict the 694 00:40:26,960 --> 00:40:28,439 Speaker 2: narrative he was telling her. 695 00:40:29,600 --> 00:40:32,239 Speaker 1: When I finally learned everything and could sort of lay 696 00:40:32,280 --> 00:40:36,160 Speaker 1: out a life timeline for him, there is about a 697 00:40:36,280 --> 00:40:40,080 Speaker 1: three to five year capacity on the stories he was 698 00:40:40,120 --> 00:40:42,399 Speaker 1: telling people. And then he would move on in some way. 699 00:40:42,960 --> 00:40:45,680 Speaker 1: He would leave town, he would start a new school program, 700 00:40:45,760 --> 00:40:50,400 Speaker 1: something like that. He'd get married. So he was coming 701 00:40:50,440 --> 00:40:53,000 Speaker 1: to the end of that, and his stories were getting 702 00:40:53,000 --> 00:40:53,600 Speaker 1: a little thin. 703 00:40:54,960 --> 00:40:59,120 Speaker 2: The amputation, the chronic pain from combat wounds, even his 704 00:40:59,239 --> 00:41:03,960 Speaker 2: native American ancestry, it was all a lie. The one 705 00:41:04,000 --> 00:41:07,440 Speaker 2: thing that was real is that he was sick. He 706 00:41:07,560 --> 00:41:11,839 Speaker 2: had an opioid addiction. She sees that clearly now, and 707 00:41:12,160 --> 00:41:14,600 Speaker 2: she sees that as a part of a larger pattern 708 00:41:14,640 --> 00:41:15,320 Speaker 2: of behavior. 709 00:41:16,040 --> 00:41:18,440 Speaker 1: He's an addict, so he's always looking for kind of 710 00:41:18,440 --> 00:41:22,040 Speaker 1: that next better hit of whatever it was. And sometimes 711 00:41:22,080 --> 00:41:25,600 Speaker 1: it was a partner, and sometimes it was becoming a parent, 712 00:41:25,760 --> 00:41:29,719 Speaker 1: and sometimes it was a new degree in school. But 713 00:41:29,920 --> 00:41:32,760 Speaker 1: you know, he's tying things together, trying to make himself 714 00:41:32,800 --> 00:41:35,920 Speaker 1: a life that he would have been happy with. So 715 00:41:35,960 --> 00:41:38,120 Speaker 1: he just kept shifting it into the story that he 716 00:41:38,239 --> 00:41:40,160 Speaker 1: liked a little better, and a little better, a little better, 717 00:41:41,200 --> 00:41:47,760 Speaker 1: and it still didn't satisfy him. He still needed narcotics. 718 00:41:51,120 --> 00:41:56,319 Speaker 1: I feel very strongly that he wanted to stay in 719 00:41:56,719 --> 00:42:00,680 Speaker 1: our life, but wasn't sure how to do that. Do 720 00:42:00,800 --> 00:42:02,640 Speaker 1: I think that he put the patches on and hoped 721 00:42:02,680 --> 00:42:07,160 Speaker 1: he would fall asleep and never wake up. Yeah, I do. 722 00:42:08,360 --> 00:42:10,720 Speaker 2: You can probably tell that tour has been through years 723 00:42:10,760 --> 00:42:14,439 Speaker 2: of therapy to understand and heal from what happened to her. 724 00:42:14,800 --> 00:42:19,759 Speaker 1: My doctor had me talk to the therapist in her office, 725 00:42:20,000 --> 00:42:28,520 Speaker 1: and I owe everything to his methods. He gave me terminology, 726 00:42:28,600 --> 00:42:32,520 Speaker 1: and that terminology completely changed how I was going through this. 727 00:42:35,920 --> 00:42:38,640 Speaker 1: He was the first person to say, you have PTSD, 728 00:42:40,400 --> 00:42:44,479 Speaker 1: and I thought, no, no, No, PTSD is for soldiers, which 729 00:42:44,480 --> 00:42:47,359 Speaker 1: is a really common thought that PTSD is for people 730 00:42:47,360 --> 00:42:50,959 Speaker 1: who've been to war through war. He was really good 731 00:42:50,960 --> 00:42:53,359 Speaker 1: about this is what I think might be going on. 732 00:42:53,440 --> 00:42:57,120 Speaker 1: Read it, let's talk about it next time. He was 733 00:42:57,200 --> 00:42:59,560 Speaker 1: providing me information to heal myself. 734 00:43:01,040 --> 00:43:04,239 Speaker 2: It's been four years since Aaron died, and she discovered 735 00:43:04,239 --> 00:43:06,719 Speaker 2: that the man she was building a life with was 736 00:43:06,760 --> 00:43:07,320 Speaker 2: a fraud. 737 00:43:08,280 --> 00:43:09,960 Speaker 1: I'll still be driving down the road and have a 738 00:43:10,000 --> 00:43:14,240 Speaker 1: random memory and go, oh, yeah, that's probably what happened. 739 00:43:14,920 --> 00:43:17,400 Speaker 1: So I'm still less and less and less and less, 740 00:43:18,000 --> 00:43:23,279 Speaker 1: putting things together and making the pieces fit. But I'll 741 00:43:23,280 --> 00:43:25,800 Speaker 1: never know everything, and I'll never have closure, and I 742 00:43:25,880 --> 00:43:29,080 Speaker 1: think that's probably the most important thing. It's like, closure 743 00:43:29,120 --> 00:43:32,560 Speaker 1: isn't necessary for you to move on and heal. It's 744 00:43:32,600 --> 00:43:36,160 Speaker 1: really not help, but it's not necessary. 745 00:43:37,840 --> 00:43:41,040 Speaker 2: Instead, she's tried to find understanding for the real person 746 00:43:41,120 --> 00:43:45,320 Speaker 2: Aaron was. With him gone, She's been able to access 747 00:43:45,360 --> 00:43:49,040 Speaker 2: a kind of empathy, not to excuse his behavior, but 748 00:43:49,080 --> 00:43:50,200 Speaker 2: to make peace with it. 749 00:43:50,680 --> 00:43:53,440 Speaker 1: He was broken. He was broken by a world that 750 00:43:53,480 --> 00:43:56,560 Speaker 1: breaks people and spits them out. I think he grew 751 00:43:56,640 --> 00:44:00,560 Speaker 1: up feeling inadequate. He grew up feeling unloved, and he 752 00:44:00,719 --> 00:44:03,520 Speaker 1: wanted to write himself a better story than that. And 753 00:44:03,600 --> 00:44:07,640 Speaker 1: instead of becoming someone who would be loved, he became 754 00:44:07,760 --> 00:44:13,799 Speaker 1: someone who he thought was lovable and adjusted it for 755 00:44:13,880 --> 00:44:15,600 Speaker 1: each person as he met them. 756 00:44:17,520 --> 00:44:20,680 Speaker 2: Tora moved back to Colorado, where she still teaches history, 757 00:44:21,120 --> 00:44:24,600 Speaker 2: but she says that this time around, she's a different person. 758 00:44:25,120 --> 00:44:28,080 Speaker 2: She's forever changed by the love she had with Aaron 759 00:44:28,520 --> 00:44:35,200 Speaker 2: and the pain he put her through. We end every 760 00:44:35,239 --> 00:44:38,360 Speaker 2: episode with the same question, why did you want to 761 00:44:38,400 --> 00:44:41,120 Speaker 2: tell your story? 762 00:44:41,160 --> 00:44:44,400 Speaker 1: This is an incredible story that sounds like it's made up, 763 00:44:44,440 --> 00:44:47,640 Speaker 1: that sounds like a soap opera, sounds like a drama movie, 764 00:44:47,840 --> 00:44:50,479 Speaker 1: but it's so real and it's not the only one, 765 00:44:50,680 --> 00:44:54,560 Speaker 1: and there's so many stories like this. The more we 766 00:44:54,600 --> 00:44:57,799 Speaker 1: talk about it, the more out in the open we 767 00:44:57,960 --> 00:45:00,439 Speaker 1: bring these people who exist in the shadow and want 768 00:45:00,440 --> 00:45:06,680 Speaker 1: to operate from the shadows. We have to understand them, 769 00:45:07,120 --> 00:45:10,560 Speaker 1: we have to assign terminology to the disorders that caused 770 00:45:10,560 --> 00:45:15,839 Speaker 1: them to act in these ways, and we have to 771 00:45:15,960 --> 00:45:19,279 Speaker 1: support people who've been through it. And my mission through 772 00:45:19,320 --> 00:45:22,440 Speaker 1: all of this became sort of explaining to more and 773 00:45:22,480 --> 00:45:27,680 Speaker 1: more people that you can heal, you will heal. What 774 00:45:27,719 --> 00:45:31,720 Speaker 1: you're experiencing is valid. Something that I say so often 775 00:45:31,800 --> 00:45:34,000 Speaker 1: to this day is my story was true and my 776 00:45:34,120 --> 00:45:40,040 Speaker 1: experiences were valid. My story was true, even if his wasn't. 777 00:45:40,080 --> 00:45:40,640 Speaker 1: Mine was. 778 00:45:44,680 --> 00:45:47,040 Speaker 2: On the next episode of Betrayal. 779 00:45:47,480 --> 00:45:50,640 Speaker 1: I went out into the garage area, the car was gone, 780 00:45:51,360 --> 00:45:53,359 Speaker 1: like where did he go? 781 00:45:59,640 --> 00:46:01,759 Speaker 2: I would like to reach out to the Betrayal team 782 00:46:01,920 --> 00:46:04,600 Speaker 2: or want to tell us your Betrayal story, email us 783 00:46:04,640 --> 00:46:09,319 Speaker 2: at betrayalpod at gmail dot com. That's Betrayal Pod at 784 00:46:09,320 --> 00:46:13,480 Speaker 2: gmail dot com. We're grateful for your support. One way 785 00:46:13,480 --> 00:46:15,719 Speaker 2: to show support is by subscribing to our show on 786 00:46:15,760 --> 00:46:18,760 Speaker 2: Apple Podcasts, and don't forget to rate and review Betrayal. 787 00:46:19,160 --> 00:46:22,160 Speaker 2: Five star reviews go a long way. A big thank 788 00:46:22,200 --> 00:46:25,640 Speaker 2: you to all of our listeners. Betrayal is a production 789 00:46:25,680 --> 00:46:28,440 Speaker 2: of Glass Podcasts, a division of Glass Entertainment Group, in 790 00:46:28,520 --> 00:46:32,279 Speaker 2: partnership with iHeart Podcasts. The show is executive produced by 791 00:46:32,360 --> 00:46:35,800 Speaker 2: Nancy Glass and Jennifer Fason, hosted and produced by me 792 00:46:36,040 --> 00:46:40,680 Speaker 2: Andrea Gunning, written and produced by Monique Leboard, also produced 793 00:46:40,719 --> 00:46:45,440 Speaker 2: by Ben Fetterman. Associate producers are Kristin Mercury and Caitlin Golden. 794 00:46:46,160 --> 00:46:50,160 Speaker 2: Our iHeart team is Ali Perry and Jessica Krincheck. Audio 795 00:46:50,239 --> 00:46:54,040 Speaker 2: editing and mixing by Matt Delvechio, Additional editing support from 796 00:46:54,120 --> 00:46:59,760 Speaker 2: Nico Aruka. Betrayal's theme composed by Oliver Bains. Music library 797 00:47:00,080 --> 00:47:03,760 Speaker 2: provided by Mob Music and for more podcasts from iHeart 798 00:47:04,000 --> 00:47:07,520 Speaker 2: visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get 799 00:47:07,520 --> 00:47:08,239 Speaker 2: your podcasts.