Speaker 1: Okay, guys, here are my dates for the High and
Speaker 1: Mighty Tour.
Speaker 2: In August, you can find me in Red Bank, New Jersey, Montclair,
Speaker 2: New Jersey, and Calgary that's Canada. And September I will
Speaker 2: be in Santa Barbara, San Diego, New York City, Philly,
Speaker 2: and New Haven, Connecticut. October is Atlanta, Baltimore, Saginaw, Michigan, Pittsburgh, Toronto, Boise,
Speaker 2: Idaho and Spokane. And then in November I'll be in
Speaker 2: San Francisco. I'm coming to Salt Lake City, Austin, Houston,
Speaker 2: Dallas Babies, I'll be there. And then in December I
Speaker 2: am closing out my tour in Denver and Vancouver. So
Speaker 2: get your tickets at Chelseahandler dot com for the High
Speaker 2: and Mighty Tour.
Speaker 1: Hello hello Chelsea, Hello Chelsea.
Speaker 3: Hi.
Speaker 1: Hello, you're Chelsea. I'm Catherine.
Speaker 3: Hello Catherine.
Speaker 4: Hi.
Speaker 3: I have to tell you a crazy story. Oh oh, I.
Speaker 5: Think I told you this, but I don't know if
Speaker 5: I mentioned it on the podcast. But in February of
Speaker 5: last year, I went to the gym and came home
Speaker 5: and realized that the like main stone in my engagement
Speaker 5: ring was gone. It had like gotten knocked out and
Speaker 5: it was totally gone. So then I spent the entire day.
Speaker 3: We had like vacuumed the.
Speaker 5: Day before, so I spent the rest of the day
Speaker 5: like combing through the crap from the vacuum and like
Speaker 5: searching on the floor of my gym and like crying.
Speaker 3: Just like all day because I was like, this thing
Speaker 3: is gone. Right. Oh that was February of last year.
Speaker 5: And this weekend I was out in the garden. We've
Speaker 5: been like moving some stuff around in the bedroom. We
Speaker 5: got some new bedside tables this and that's why I
Speaker 5: was like switching stuff from my old bedside table and
Speaker 5: the new one. Who knows how it happened, but I
Speaker 5: was out in the garden and Breg comes out and
Speaker 5: he was like, I don't know if this is it.
Speaker 5: This might just be like a glittera sparkle from something.
Speaker 5: But he opens his hand, he goes, is this your diamond?
Speaker 5: And he had my diamond from my ring a year
Speaker 5: and a half ago in his palm.
Speaker 1: Where did he find it?
Speaker 3: In the middle of the floor. Can you believe that?
Speaker 1: Wow?
Speaker 5: It just was like literally I had a regulated ones
Speaker 5: tell me like crystals like you know, yea luck crystals
Speaker 5: or whatever.
Speaker 3: She's like, they might wander away.
Speaker 5: Don't worry if they wander away, they might come back
Speaker 5: if you need them again.
Speaker 3: But they might.
Speaker 5: I'm like, this is literally what happened. It like wandered
Speaker 5: away and then it came back.
Speaker 1: I wonder what they're Yeah, isn't that crazy?
Speaker 2: Crazy to find that a year later, completely after how
Speaker 2: many times you vacuumed.
Speaker 5: Vacuumed where we looked. I'm like, maybe it was in
Speaker 5: my bedside table and like fell out as I was
Speaker 5: like transferring things over to the new one.
Speaker 3: I have no idea.
Speaker 2: It's a nice return, isn't that why? I like that
Speaker 2: that crystals wandering? Did you say anything about diamonds? Did
Speaker 2: they wonder?
Speaker 3: I mean, I think like it's a crystal, right, I guess.
Speaker 2: I don't know. I don't know anything about stones. Is
Speaker 2: a diamond a crystal?
Speaker 3: At He's just laughing at me. So anyway, that was my.
Speaker 1: That's a good omen I think is good luck.
Speaker 5: I know. I was like, I think this is also
Speaker 5: a reminder, like somebody that there is looking out for us.
Speaker 3: So that was a good reminder.
Speaker 5: But CJ, who uses say of them pronouns, wrote in
Speaker 5: with an update.
Speaker 3: It was both a Crystal and a jim Ah.
Speaker 1: Thanks Brad. Good to know. Thank you, Brad.
Speaker 3: He's full of information.
Speaker 5: CJ says, dear Chelsea, it's been over two years since you,
Speaker 5: both along with Skyler Baylor, advised me to follow my
Speaker 5: trans joy and move from New York City to North Carolina.
Speaker 3: Well that's so funny.
Speaker 5: Our other, our last minnesot somebody's moving to North Carolina
Speaker 5: to move from New York City to North Carolina to
Speaker 5: be with my also trans partner. Since we last spoke,
Speaker 5: i'd been flying back and forth, still paying eleven hundred
Speaker 5: dollars rent for the same queen's apartment that I'd been
Speaker 5: living in for the last twenty three years, and working
Speaker 5: the same remote job.
Speaker 3: Well I did it. About a month ago.
Speaker 5: We loaded all of my belongings into a truck to
Speaker 5: officially start our new life together. As someone on the
Speaker 5: spectrum who's absolutely ter fight of change, it was, without
Speaker 5: a doubt, the most challenging thing I've ever done. Literally
Speaker 5: every facet of my life changed in a week. I
Speaker 5: even lost my job, so now I don't have to
Speaker 5: stress that my fully remote job will call me into
Speaker 5: the office. But Chelsea I'm incredibly proud of myself. I
Speaker 5: opened myself up to love for the first time in
Speaker 5: life and took a real chance at happiness. It turns
Speaker 5: out true love does exist. Who knew and for the
Speaker 5: first time. I'm genuinely excited to see what's next for him,
Speaker 5: for us.
Speaker 3: And most especially for me.
Speaker 1: Beautiful so sweet.
Speaker 5: Yeah, because, as you say, we're all going to die
Speaker 5: soon anyway, so we might.
Speaker 3: As well start living our best lives.
Speaker 5: Oh, thank you so much for your advice. Thank you
Speaker 5: so much for your advice. This took some time, but
Speaker 5: it did eventually sink.
Speaker 3: In ps.
Speaker 5: The first official event we attended after moving here was
Speaker 5: to see you in Durham. Thank you both to you
Speaker 5: and Yaminica for a great night best sea.
Speaker 1: That's so sweet. I love a love story, I know.
Speaker 5: I thought that was so fantastic and like, yeah, if
Speaker 5: you call, if you called in a couple of years ago,
Speaker 5: like let us know what's going on.
Speaker 3: If that's the perfect upset.
Speaker 2: Updates and North Carolina is poppin' it is living there.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm moving there. Yeah.
Speaker 5: Well, our caller today is Charlie.
Speaker 3: He says.
Speaker 5: His subject line is I accidentally fell in love and
Speaker 5: now the government is involved. Dear Chelsea, I'm a thirty
Speaker 5: five year old gay man, surprise, surprise, and my husband
Speaker 5: is thirty eight and lives in Brazil. We met an
Speaker 5: early spring of twenty twenty three, when he was in
Speaker 5: New York doing work at Cornell University. Even then, we
Speaker 5: knew our time together would likely be brief because his
Speaker 5: contract was only for a year, after which he would
Speaker 5: need to return to Brazil. He was on a jay
Speaker 5: one visa that legally required him to return to his
Speaker 5: country and not come back to the US for at
Speaker 5: least three years. I guess to spread the word about
Speaker 5: how great America is, but I digress.
Speaker 3: When we met, I.
Speaker 5: Was looking for the exact opposite of anything serious. I
Speaker 5: remember thinking, oh, this will be fun, and it was
Speaker 5: very quickly. He invited me over to his apartment for dinner.
Speaker 5: I'm actual dinner. This man cooked Brazilian recipes he had
Speaker 5: learned from his mom, including desserts. No one had ever
Speaker 5: really done that for me before. We ended up spending
Speaker 5: a lot of dinners together over the course of the year.
Speaker 5: Not looking for anything serious flew out the window. We
Speaker 5: fell in love a month before he had to leave
Speaker 5: We got married in a small lakeside ceremony. It was
Speaker 5: my parents, his friend, his friend's dog, and my friend officiating.
Speaker 5: It was freezing in February, but we truly did not care.
Speaker 5: He had to go home over two years ago. Since then,
Speaker 5: I've gone to see him every year, usually for three
Speaker 5: or four weeks in June. I'm grateful to be able
Speaker 5: to afford to do this on a yearly basis. The
Speaker 5: green card process has been an absolute bear. The whole
Speaker 5: process honestly feels insane and never ending for someone who
Speaker 5: is legally married to an American citizen. My question is
Speaker 5: how do you stop yourself from becoming bitter when the
Speaker 5: love of your life is stuck forty five hundred miles
Speaker 5: away because of bureaucracy, government fees, and what feels like
Speaker 5: the world's longest group project. All my best, Charlie pshi ps,
Speaker 5: we're monogamous.
Speaker 2: Hi monogamous, Hi and Charlie. Hi you guys, Hi cutie pies.
Speaker 2: So where are you guys now? Are you in Brazil?
Speaker 4: Yeah? We're in Brazil. We're on vacation right now at
Speaker 4: a resort's We're here until Saturday.
Speaker 2: Great, Well that's nice and I'm glad you guys are together,
Speaker 2: enjoying each other.
Speaker 1: You have a beautiful love story. This is very exciting.
Speaker 4: Thank you.
Speaker 2: My brother is going through the same exact thing with
Speaker 2: his wife who lives in the Philippines. She they have
Speaker 2: two children, and their visa process and green car process
Speaker 2: and marriage process has been very similar to what you're describing.
Speaker 1: It's been an absolute nightmare.
Speaker 2: It involves I mean, so I'm so glad that you
Speaker 2: are grateful for the ability to even fly visit him,
Speaker 2: and you that you can afford to do that. You
Speaker 2: have to have gratitude for the small things. This system
Speaker 2: is really frustrating, and I understand how frustrating it can be.
Speaker 2: This administration is not helpful of obviously, and it's not
Speaker 2: going to last forever. So I think that you just
Speaker 2: have to figure out way to stay connected and figure
Speaker 2: out maybe different rituals or kind of am initiating new
Speaker 2: rituals for each other to stay connected so that you
Speaker 2: don't let your anger overshadow you know, the gratitude that
Speaker 2: you should have for each other and the patience that
Speaker 2: is required for this to work. And it's infuriating, and
Speaker 2: if you let yourself.
Speaker 1: Go down that rabbit hole.
Speaker 2: It will just.
Speaker 1: Become more and more infuriating.
Speaker 2: So, like, what kinds of things can you guys do
Speaker 2: to keep each other, you know, uplifted during this challenging time.
Speaker 4: So we usually we're talking every day, like at least
Speaker 4: once or twice a day on FaceTime. We're texting all
Speaker 4: day long. Recently it's been a little bit more challenging
Speaker 4: because I've been working night shift, but hopefully I'm done
Speaker 4: with that. And then we started an Instagram paved just
Speaker 4: kind of like documenting our travels, Like we just kind
Speaker 4: of started doing that. Like that's kind of something to
Speaker 4: look forward to.
Speaker 2: Like is that a private page for you too, or
Speaker 2: like a public page?
Speaker 4: It's public. I mean we have like five followers right now,
Speaker 4: but it's public.
Speaker 1: That's cute.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean maybe there's something like I don't know,
Speaker 2: maybe there's something to do with writing five things down
Speaker 2: in the beginning of the day or at the end
Speaker 2: of the day that you want to let the other
Speaker 2: person know that you're thinking about you know, like for
Speaker 2: you and your partner, Like these are the five things
Speaker 2: that I think about you today, or make it three
Speaker 2: things or five things that I did today that I
Speaker 2: thought about you while I was doing them, or five
Speaker 2: different times today that I thought about you while I
Speaker 2: was away from you, you know, like kind of create
Speaker 2: I love the Instagram thing, just I think creating more
Speaker 2: ritual around togetherness and to fill in the blank of
Speaker 2: the actual separateness that you're feeling when you are separated,
Speaker 2: to fill that up with stuff and like projects, not
Speaker 2: the projects that are going to be so time consuming,
Speaker 2: but projects that just keep you connected.
Speaker 4: That's a good idea.
Speaker 5: Is there like an end in site right now with
Speaker 5: where you're at in the process, So.
Speaker 4: Like our documentation has passed through the Immigration Service and
Speaker 4: now it's with the Department of State, so we're just waiting,
Speaker 4: Like we had to send all the same paperwork to
Speaker 4: the Department of State that was already passed through like
Speaker 4: the USCIS.
Speaker 3: Yeah, so we're.
Speaker 4: Just waiting for them to have a say in what's happening.
Speaker 4: That's really frustrating too, because it's like the same documentation
Speaker 4: over and over, Like we got married here or in
Speaker 4: the United States, yeah, and we are also legally married
Speaker 4: in Brazil. So it's he has a more positive outlook
Speaker 4: on things. I guess probably just being Brazilian and I'm
Speaker 4: from the United States, and I can kind of get
Speaker 4: myself down in the dumps about it.
Speaker 2: Okay, well, then you need to start writing those things
Speaker 2: down in the morning.
Speaker 1: Specifically, you need.
Speaker 2: To write write down, here are the five things we're
Speaker 2: going to Hey, this is how we're going to start
Speaker 2: our day once you come and live in America. These
Speaker 2: are the first five things we're going to do every morning.
Speaker 2: I'm going to wake up, I'm going to make you
Speaker 2: a cup of coffee. You're going to wake up, You're
Speaker 2: going to make me a cup of coffee. Whatever your
Speaker 2: rituals are together, like, just start implanting that into your
Speaker 2: head and writing those things down to just kind of
Speaker 2: change the vibration of your attitude towards the situation, because
Speaker 2: you don't want to be cynical. You want to be optimistic.
Speaker 2: You want to be positive, and you want to have
Speaker 2: something to look forward to.
Speaker 5: And another thing you can kind of do to reframe
Speaker 5: a little bit is when you start feeling down in
Speaker 5: the dumps, you're not going to be able to make
Speaker 5: yourself do this every time. You won't, but try to
Speaker 5: think about instead of like how upset you are that
Speaker 5: he's not there, try and conjure the feeling of how
Speaker 5: relieved and excited you're going to be when he is
Speaker 5: in the States, like when he does get there, like
Speaker 5: try and conjure those feelings. That's like one of those
Speaker 5: like manifestation tricks as well as they say, like put
Speaker 5: yourself in that headspace, right, It's like imagine yourself together
Speaker 5: having a cup of coffee in the morning, not just
Speaker 5: like welcoming him at the airport, but like your day to.
Speaker 3: Day and all the things you want to do together.
Speaker 5: And you can even make a list of those things too,
Speaker 5: but like spend time in your head thinking of what
Speaker 5: that's gonna feel like and what that's gonna be.
Speaker 2: Like, and inviting the positive thoughts in like inviting positivity
Speaker 2: instead of going God, this is so frustrating, this isn't working.
Speaker 2: It's never gonna happen. You have to be like, this
Speaker 2: is gonna happen. There is gonna be a day where
Speaker 2: this does happen, where we are waking up next to
Speaker 2: each other and we are spending our lives together. Invite
Speaker 2: in that positivity, like create a magnetic attraction for that
Speaker 2: to happen. Because this paperwork could change in a day.
Speaker 2: You could get this notice in one day. It's happened
Speaker 2: to my friend. She was waiting for months and months
Speaker 2: and months, and then she found out one day that
Speaker 2: it was clear and that she was free to stay here.
Speaker 2: She couldn't go back and forth because she had she
Speaker 2: couldn't leave the States while she was waiting, she was
Speaker 2: pending her visa status. So and like it literally changed
Speaker 2: in a second when she was so frustrated. So like, really,
Speaker 2: just invite in positivity. Invite in positivity and like a
Speaker 2: magnetic attraction so that this does work out sooner, like
Speaker 2: energy shifts things, and so like you never know who's
Speaker 2: gonna get to their desk one day and then just
Speaker 2: stamp your paperwork and go, okay, this is official.
Speaker 1: So just start thinking and conjuring.
Speaker 2: As Catherine said, those ideas and that thought process.
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's really reassuring actually because we've had like no
Speaker 4: guide it and so like how that works out, Like
Speaker 4: because so we didn't know, like is it just one
Speaker 4: day somebody puts a stamp on it.
Speaker 2: It's like okay, yeah, basically, do you have an immigration
Speaker 2: attorney that you're working with.
Speaker 4: No, we kind of just have been doing it by
Speaker 4: ourselves thus far, and we have been told that, like
Speaker 4: we could spend a lot of money on an immigration
Speaker 4: attorney who doesn't have any more power really than we
Speaker 4: do for the doing the same things that we're already doing.
Speaker 5: So send us your Instagram handle for this account that
Speaker 5: you guys have together. We'll put it in the notes
Speaker 5: so people can check you guys out and follow you
Speaker 5: as well.
Speaker 6: Well.
Speaker 4: Thank you. Okay, it's gringo because I'm the gringo here, okay,
Speaker 4: and Guiano gringo egoyano.
Speaker 1: That's cute. Love it.
Speaker 5: Thank you God, thank you for calling in, and best
Speaker 5: of luck.
Speaker 4: Thank you, thank you guys.
Speaker 5: Yeah bye, all right, we got one little thing to
Speaker 5: wrap up with. And Hailey says, uh, Dear Chelsea, I'm
Speaker 5: a longtime listener and have a completely non urgent, but
Speaker 5: highly persistent curiosity. I've noticed Chelsea frequently wearing a beautiful
Speaker 5: green heart necklace and interviews, press appearances, and photos over
Speaker 5: the years. At this point, it's become one of those
Speaker 5: little things my brain files under. I wonder what the
Speaker 5: story is there, especially since I know she isn't particularly
Speaker 5: materialistic when it.
Speaker 3: Comes to accessories and jewelry.
Speaker 5: If there's a story of sentimental meaning gift, lucky, charm,
Speaker 5: or personal significance behind it.
Speaker 3: I'd love to hear about it on the podcast.
Speaker 5: And if the answer is simply she likes it and
Speaker 5: it looks good with every outfit and makes her eyes pop, honestly,
Speaker 5: that's perfectly acceptable too. Thanks for all the laughs, wisdom,
Speaker 5: delightfully unfiltered advice each week. Thanks to Chelsea, I have
Speaker 5: list of vocabulary words save to my phone Kurt blanche sagacious, alacrity,
Speaker 5: a plum ameliorate, to name a few.
Speaker 1: Look up poll rumptious. Pul rumptious is a pole rumptious.
Speaker 1: That's a good word.
Speaker 6: And I learned a great word this morning. Rolled on
Speaker 6: a second, what pol rumptious mean? Pas siloquy. Passiloquy is
Speaker 6: someone who is. It's a noun economy of expression, especially
Speaker 6: in speech. Pas siloquy, so paustity, which is shortness, an illoquy,
Speaker 6: which is language and the way you speak. I love
Speaker 6: it pas siloquy, But paul rumptious is a good word.
Speaker 5: Toot oh, this.
Speaker 2: Is Melinda Maria, my friend is a jewelry costume designer.
Speaker 2: This isn't even a real real emerald, Although all of
Speaker 2: my girlfriends who are friends with Melinda Maria because I
Speaker 2: wear this fake necklace all the time make fun of
Speaker 2: me because they're like, Chelsea, everyone thinks you're walking around
Speaker 2: with a real emerald. And I was like, well, I
Speaker 2: don't really care. And then they're like, we're gonna get
Speaker 2: you a real emeralds. I'm like, great, and where And
Speaker 2: they've been telling me that they have my emerald.
Speaker 1: They have my emerald. We all chipped in and got
Speaker 1: you a real emerald.
Speaker 2: And I'm like, I don't believe you, because no one
Speaker 2: has given it to me.
Speaker 1: But I love it just because it's green and I
Speaker 1: love green.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and if there's not really and she's my friend
Speaker 2: and I just she has rings too and all this.
Speaker 1: She has lots of jewelry. But I just love this.
Speaker 1: I've never I get so many compliments on this.
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's very unique, I think, but it's like also
Speaker 5: goes with everything.
Speaker 3: It's simple.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yes, So that's the story.
Speaker 5: All right, Well we'll see you all next time, Okay,
Speaker 5: bye bye. The word of the week is pull rumptuous.
Speaker 5: Pull rumptuous adjective a word from the eighteen hundreds meaning
Speaker 5: big headed, obstreperous, and downright obnoxious used in a sentence
Speaker 5: the man in first class had a pull rumptuous disposition
Speaker 5: when speaking to the flight attendant. Pull rumptious. If you
Speaker 5: want advice from Chelsea, write into Dear Chelsea podcast at
Speaker 5: gmail dot com. Dear Chelsea is a production of iHeartMedia.
Speaker 5: Follow Chelsea on all socials at Chelsea Handler, and find
Speaker 5: Katherine on tik tok at Flashcadabra. Dear Chelsea is edited
Speaker 5: and engineered by Brandon Dickert executive producer Katherine Law. Find
Speaker 5: full video episodes and minisodes now on Netflix, and get
Speaker 5: tickets to see Chelsea live at Chelseahandler dot com