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Speaker 1: Okay, guys, here are my dates for the High and

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Speaker 1: Mighty Tour.

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Speaker 2: In August, you can find me in Red Bank, New Jersey, Montclair,

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Speaker 2: New Jersey, and Calgary that's Canada. And September I will

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Speaker 2: be in Santa Barbara, San Diego, New York City, Philly,

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Speaker 2: and New Haven, Connecticut. October is Atlanta, Baltimore, Saginaw, Michigan, Pittsburgh, Toronto, Boise,

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Speaker 2: Idaho and Spokane. And then in November I'll be in

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Speaker 2: San Francisco. I'm coming to Salt Lake City, Austin, Houston,

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Speaker 2: Dallas Babies, I'll be there. And then in December I

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Speaker 2: am closing out my tour in Denver and Vancouver. So

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Speaker 2: get your tickets at Chelseahandler dot com for the High

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Speaker 2: and Mighty Tour.

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Speaker 1: Hello hello Chelsea, Hello Chelsea.

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Speaker 3: Hi.

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Speaker 1: Hello, you're Chelsea. I'm Catherine.

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Speaker 3: Hello Catherine.

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Speaker 4: Hi.

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Speaker 3: I have to tell you a crazy story. Oh oh, I.

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Speaker 5: Think I told you this, but I don't know if

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Speaker 5: I mentioned it on the podcast. But in February of

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Speaker 5: last year, I went to the gym and came home

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Speaker 5: and realized that the like main stone in my engagement

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Speaker 5: ring was gone. It had like gotten knocked out and

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Speaker 5: it was totally gone. So then I spent the entire day.

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Speaker 3: We had like vacuumed the.

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Speaker 5: Day before, so I spent the rest of the day

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Speaker 5: like combing through the crap from the vacuum and like

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Speaker 5: searching on the floor of my gym and like crying.

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Speaker 3: Just like all day because I was like, this thing

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Speaker 3: is gone. Right. Oh that was February of last year.

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Speaker 5: And this weekend I was out in the garden. We've

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Speaker 5: been like moving some stuff around in the bedroom. We

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Speaker 5: got some new bedside tables this and that's why I

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Speaker 5: was like switching stuff from my old bedside table and

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Speaker 5: the new one. Who knows how it happened, but I

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Speaker 5: was out in the garden and Breg comes out and

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Speaker 5: he was like, I don't know if this is it.

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Speaker 5: This might just be like a glittera sparkle from something.

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Speaker 5: But he opens his hand, he goes, is this your diamond?

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Speaker 5: And he had my diamond from my ring a year

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Speaker 5: and a half ago in his palm.

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Speaker 1: Where did he find it?

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Speaker 3: In the middle of the floor. Can you believe that?

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Speaker 1: Wow?

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Speaker 5: It just was like literally I had a regulated ones

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Speaker 5: tell me like crystals like you know, yea luck crystals

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Speaker 5: or whatever.

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Speaker 3: She's like, they might wander away.

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Speaker 5: Don't worry if they wander away, they might come back

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Speaker 5: if you need them again.

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Speaker 3: But they might.

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Speaker 5: I'm like, this is literally what happened. It like wandered

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Speaker 5: away and then it came back.

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Speaker 1: I wonder what they're Yeah, isn't that crazy?

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Speaker 2: Crazy to find that a year later, completely after how

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Speaker 2: many times you vacuumed.

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Speaker 5: Vacuumed where we looked. I'm like, maybe it was in

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Speaker 5: my bedside table and like fell out as I was

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Speaker 5: like transferring things over to the new one.

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Speaker 3: I have no idea.

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Speaker 2: It's a nice return, isn't that why? I like that

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Speaker 2: that crystals wandering? Did you say anything about diamonds? Did

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Speaker 2: they wonder?

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Speaker 3: I mean, I think like it's a crystal, right, I guess.

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Speaker 2: I don't know. I don't know anything about stones. Is

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Speaker 2: a diamond a crystal?

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Speaker 3: At He's just laughing at me. So anyway, that was my.

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Speaker 1: That's a good omen I think is good luck.

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Speaker 5: I know. I was like, I think this is also

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Speaker 5: a reminder, like somebody that there is looking out for us.

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Speaker 3: So that was a good reminder.

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Speaker 5: But CJ, who uses say of them pronouns, wrote in

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Speaker 5: with an update.

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Speaker 3: It was both a Crystal and a jim Ah.

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Speaker 1: Thanks Brad. Good to know. Thank you, Brad.

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Speaker 3: He's full of information.

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Speaker 5: CJ says, dear Chelsea, it's been over two years since you,

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Speaker 5: both along with Skyler Baylor, advised me to follow my

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Speaker 5: trans joy and move from New York City to North Carolina.

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Speaker 3: Well that's so funny.

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Speaker 5: Our other, our last minnesot somebody's moving to North Carolina

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Speaker 5: to move from New York City to North Carolina to

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Speaker 5: be with my also trans partner. Since we last spoke,

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Speaker 5: i'd been flying back and forth, still paying eleven hundred

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Speaker 5: dollars rent for the same queen's apartment that I'd been

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Speaker 5: living in for the last twenty three years, and working

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Speaker 5: the same remote job.

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Speaker 3: Well I did it. About a month ago.

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Speaker 5: We loaded all of my belongings into a truck to

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Speaker 5: officially start our new life together. As someone on the

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Speaker 5: spectrum who's absolutely ter fight of change, it was, without

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Speaker 5: a doubt, the most challenging thing I've ever done. Literally

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Speaker 5: every facet of my life changed in a week. I

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Speaker 5: even lost my job, so now I don't have to

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Speaker 5: stress that my fully remote job will call me into

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Speaker 5: the office. But Chelsea I'm incredibly proud of myself. I

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Speaker 5: opened myself up to love for the first time in

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Speaker 5: life and took a real chance at happiness. It turns

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Speaker 5: out true love does exist. Who knew and for the

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Speaker 5: first time. I'm genuinely excited to see what's next for him,

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Speaker 5: for us.

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Speaker 3: And most especially for me.

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Speaker 1: Beautiful so sweet.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, because, as you say, we're all going to die

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Speaker 5: soon anyway, so we might.

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Speaker 3: As well start living our best lives.

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Speaker 5: Oh, thank you so much for your advice. Thank you

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Speaker 5: so much for your advice. This took some time, but

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Speaker 5: it did eventually sink.

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Speaker 3: In ps.

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Speaker 5: The first official event we attended after moving here was

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Speaker 5: to see you in Durham. Thank you both to you

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Speaker 5: and Yaminica for a great night best sea.

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Speaker 1: That's so sweet. I love a love story, I know.

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Speaker 5: I thought that was so fantastic and like, yeah, if

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Speaker 5: you call, if you called in a couple of years ago,

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Speaker 5: like let us know what's going on.

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Speaker 3: If that's the perfect upset.

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Speaker 2: Updates and North Carolina is poppin' it is living there.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm moving there. Yeah.

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Speaker 5: Well, our caller today is Charlie.

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Speaker 3: He says.

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Speaker 5: His subject line is I accidentally fell in love and

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Speaker 5: now the government is involved. Dear Chelsea, I'm a thirty

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Speaker 5: five year old gay man, surprise, surprise, and my husband

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Speaker 5: is thirty eight and lives in Brazil. We met an

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Speaker 5: early spring of twenty twenty three, when he was in

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Speaker 5: New York doing work at Cornell University. Even then, we

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Speaker 5: knew our time together would likely be brief because his

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Speaker 5: contract was only for a year, after which he would

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Speaker 5: need to return to Brazil. He was on a jay

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Speaker 5: one visa that legally required him to return to his

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Speaker 5: country and not come back to the US for at

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Speaker 5: least three years. I guess to spread the word about

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Speaker 5: how great America is, but I digress.

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Speaker 3: When we met, I.

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Speaker 5: Was looking for the exact opposite of anything serious. I

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Speaker 5: remember thinking, oh, this will be fun, and it was

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Speaker 5: very quickly. He invited me over to his apartment for dinner.

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Speaker 5: I'm actual dinner. This man cooked Brazilian recipes he had

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Speaker 5: learned from his mom, including desserts. No one had ever

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Speaker 5: really done that for me before. We ended up spending

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Speaker 5: a lot of dinners together over the course of the year.

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Speaker 5: Not looking for anything serious flew out the window. We

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Speaker 5: fell in love a month before he had to leave

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Speaker 5: We got married in a small lakeside ceremony. It was

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Speaker 5: my parents, his friend, his friend's dog, and my friend officiating.

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Speaker 5: It was freezing in February, but we truly did not care.

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Speaker 5: He had to go home over two years ago. Since then,

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Speaker 5: I've gone to see him every year, usually for three

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Speaker 5: or four weeks in June. I'm grateful to be able

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Speaker 5: to afford to do this on a yearly basis. The

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Speaker 5: green card process has been an absolute bear. The whole

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Speaker 5: process honestly feels insane and never ending for someone who

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Speaker 5: is legally married to an American citizen. My question is

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Speaker 5: how do you stop yourself from becoming bitter when the

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Speaker 5: love of your life is stuck forty five hundred miles

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Speaker 5: away because of bureaucracy, government fees, and what feels like

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Speaker 5: the world's longest group project. All my best, Charlie pshi ps,

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Speaker 5: we're monogamous.

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Speaker 2: Hi monogamous, Hi and Charlie. Hi you guys, Hi cutie pies.

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Speaker 2: So where are you guys now? Are you in Brazil?

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Speaker 4: Yeah? We're in Brazil. We're on vacation right now at

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Speaker 4: a resort's We're here until Saturday.

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Speaker 2: Great, Well that's nice and I'm glad you guys are together,

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Speaker 2: enjoying each other.

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Speaker 1: You have a beautiful love story. This is very exciting.

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Speaker 4: Thank you.

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Speaker 2: My brother is going through the same exact thing with

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Speaker 2: his wife who lives in the Philippines. She they have

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Speaker 2: two children, and their visa process and green car process

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Speaker 2: and marriage process has been very similar to what you're describing.

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Speaker 1: It's been an absolute nightmare.

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Speaker 2: It involves I mean, so I'm so glad that you

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Speaker 2: are grateful for the ability to even fly visit him,

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Speaker 2: and you that you can afford to do that. You

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Speaker 2: have to have gratitude for the small things. This system

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Speaker 2: is really frustrating, and I understand how frustrating it can be.

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Speaker 2: This administration is not helpful of obviously, and it's not

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Speaker 2: going to last forever. So I think that you just

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Speaker 2: have to figure out way to stay connected and figure

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Speaker 2: out maybe different rituals or kind of am initiating new

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Speaker 2: rituals for each other to stay connected so that you

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Speaker 2: don't let your anger overshadow you know, the gratitude that

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Speaker 2: you should have for each other and the patience that

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Speaker 2: is required for this to work. And it's infuriating, and

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Speaker 2: if you let yourself.

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Speaker 1: Go down that rabbit hole.

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Speaker 2: It will just.

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Speaker 1: Become more and more infuriating.

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Speaker 2: So, like, what kinds of things can you guys do

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Speaker 2: to keep each other, you know, uplifted during this challenging time.

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Speaker 4: So we usually we're talking every day, like at least

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Speaker 4: once or twice a day on FaceTime. We're texting all

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Speaker 4: day long. Recently it's been a little bit more challenging

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Speaker 4: because I've been working night shift, but hopefully I'm done

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Speaker 4: with that. And then we started an Instagram paved just

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Speaker 4: kind of like documenting our travels, Like we just kind

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Speaker 4: of started doing that. Like that's kind of something to

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Speaker 4: look forward to.

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Speaker 2: Like is that a private page for you too, or

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Speaker 2: like a public page?

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Speaker 4: It's public. I mean we have like five followers right now,

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Speaker 4: but it's public.

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Speaker 1: That's cute.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean maybe there's something like I don't know,

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Speaker 2: maybe there's something to do with writing five things down

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Speaker 2: in the beginning of the day or at the end

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Speaker 2: of the day that you want to let the other

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Speaker 2: person know that you're thinking about you know, like for

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Speaker 2: you and your partner, Like these are the five things

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Speaker 2: that I think about you today, or make it three

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Speaker 2: things or five things that I did today that I

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Speaker 2: thought about you while I was doing them, or five

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Speaker 2: different times today that I thought about you while I

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Speaker 2: was away from you, you know, like kind of create

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Speaker 2: I love the Instagram thing, just I think creating more

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Speaker 2: ritual around togetherness and to fill in the blank of

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Speaker 2: the actual separateness that you're feeling when you are separated,

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Speaker 2: to fill that up with stuff and like projects, not

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Speaker 2: the projects that are going to be so time consuming,

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Speaker 2: but projects that just keep you connected.

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Speaker 4: That's a good idea.

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Speaker 5: Is there like an end in site right now with

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Speaker 5: where you're at in the process, So.

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Speaker 4: Like our documentation has passed through the Immigration Service and

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Speaker 4: now it's with the Department of State, so we're just waiting,

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Speaker 4: Like we had to send all the same paperwork to

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Speaker 4: the Department of State that was already passed through like

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Speaker 4: the USCIS.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, so we're.

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Speaker 4: Just waiting for them to have a say in what's happening.

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Speaker 4: That's really frustrating too, because it's like the same documentation

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Speaker 4: over and over, Like we got married here or in

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Speaker 4: the United States, yeah, and we are also legally married

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Speaker 4: in Brazil. So it's he has a more positive outlook

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Speaker 4: on things. I guess probably just being Brazilian and I'm

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Speaker 4: from the United States, and I can kind of get

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Speaker 4: myself down in the dumps about it.

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Speaker 2: Okay, well, then you need to start writing those things

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Speaker 2: down in the morning.

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Speaker 1: Specifically, you need.

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Speaker 2: To write write down, here are the five things we're

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Speaker 2: going to Hey, this is how we're going to start

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Speaker 2: our day once you come and live in America. These

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Speaker 2: are the first five things we're going to do every morning.

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Speaker 2: I'm going to wake up, I'm going to make you

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Speaker 2: a cup of coffee. You're going to wake up, You're

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Speaker 2: going to make me a cup of coffee. Whatever your

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Speaker 2: rituals are together, like, just start implanting that into your

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Speaker 2: head and writing those things down to just kind of

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Speaker 2: change the vibration of your attitude towards the situation, because

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Speaker 2: you don't want to be cynical. You want to be optimistic.

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Speaker 2: You want to be positive, and you want to have

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Speaker 2: something to look forward to.

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Speaker 5: And another thing you can kind of do to reframe

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Speaker 5: a little bit is when you start feeling down in

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Speaker 5: the dumps, you're not going to be able to make

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Speaker 5: yourself do this every time. You won't, but try to

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Speaker 5: think about instead of like how upset you are that

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Speaker 5: he's not there, try and conjure the feeling of how

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Speaker 5: relieved and excited you're going to be when he is

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Speaker 5: in the States, like when he does get there, like

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Speaker 5: try and conjure those feelings. That's like one of those

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Speaker 5: like manifestation tricks as well as they say, like put

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Speaker 5: yourself in that headspace, right, It's like imagine yourself together

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Speaker 5: having a cup of coffee in the morning, not just

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Speaker 5: like welcoming him at the airport, but like your day to.

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Speaker 3: Day and all the things you want to do together.

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Speaker 5: And you can even make a list of those things too,

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Speaker 5: but like spend time in your head thinking of what

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Speaker 5: that's gonna feel like and what that's gonna be.

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Speaker 2: Like, and inviting the positive thoughts in like inviting positivity

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Speaker 2: instead of going God, this is so frustrating, this isn't working.

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Speaker 2: It's never gonna happen. You have to be like, this

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Speaker 2: is gonna happen. There is gonna be a day where

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Speaker 2: this does happen, where we are waking up next to

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Speaker 2: each other and we are spending our lives together. Invite

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Speaker 2: in that positivity, like create a magnetic attraction for that

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Speaker 2: to happen. Because this paperwork could change in a day.

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Speaker 2: You could get this notice in one day. It's happened

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Speaker 2: to my friend. She was waiting for months and months

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Speaker 2: and months, and then she found out one day that

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Speaker 2: it was clear and that she was free to stay here.

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Speaker 2: She couldn't go back and forth because she had she

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Speaker 2: couldn't leave the States while she was waiting, she was

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Speaker 2: pending her visa status. So and like it literally changed

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Speaker 2: in a second when she was so frustrated. So like, really,

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Speaker 2: just invite in positivity. Invite in positivity and like a

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Speaker 2: magnetic attraction so that this does work out sooner, like

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Speaker 2: energy shifts things, and so like you never know who's

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Speaker 2: gonna get to their desk one day and then just

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Speaker 2: stamp your paperwork and go, okay, this is official.

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Speaker 1: So just start thinking and conjuring.

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Speaker 2: As Catherine said, those ideas and that thought process.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, that's really reassuring actually because we've had like no

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Speaker 4: guide it and so like how that works out, Like

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Speaker 4: because so we didn't know, like is it just one

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Speaker 4: day somebody puts a stamp on it.

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Speaker 2: It's like okay, yeah, basically, do you have an immigration

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Speaker 2: attorney that you're working with.

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Speaker 4: No, we kind of just have been doing it by

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Speaker 4: ourselves thus far, and we have been told that, like

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Speaker 4: we could spend a lot of money on an immigration

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Speaker 4: attorney who doesn't have any more power really than we

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Speaker 4: do for the doing the same things that we're already doing.

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Speaker 5: So send us your Instagram handle for this account that

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Speaker 5: you guys have together. We'll put it in the notes

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Speaker 5: so people can check you guys out and follow you

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Speaker 5: as well.

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Speaker 6: Well.

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Speaker 4: Thank you. Okay, it's gringo because I'm the gringo here, okay,

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Speaker 4: and Guiano gringo egoyano.

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Speaker 1: That's cute. Love it.

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Speaker 5: Thank you God, thank you for calling in, and best

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Speaker 5: of luck.

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Speaker 4: Thank you, thank you guys.

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Speaker 5: Yeah bye, all right, we got one little thing to

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Speaker 5: wrap up with. And Hailey says, uh, Dear Chelsea, I'm

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Speaker 5: a longtime listener and have a completely non urgent, but

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Speaker 5: highly persistent curiosity. I've noticed Chelsea frequently wearing a beautiful

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Speaker 5: green heart necklace and interviews, press appearances, and photos over

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Speaker 5: the years. At this point, it's become one of those

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Speaker 5: little things my brain files under. I wonder what the

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Speaker 5: story is there, especially since I know she isn't particularly

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Speaker 5: materialistic when it.

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Speaker 3: Comes to accessories and jewelry.

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Speaker 5: If there's a story of sentimental meaning gift, lucky, charm,

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Speaker 5: or personal significance behind it.

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Speaker 3: I'd love to hear about it on the podcast.

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Speaker 5: And if the answer is simply she likes it and

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Speaker 5: it looks good with every outfit and makes her eyes pop, honestly,

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Speaker 5: that's perfectly acceptable too. Thanks for all the laughs, wisdom,

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Speaker 5: delightfully unfiltered advice each week. Thanks to Chelsea, I have

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Speaker 5: list of vocabulary words save to my phone Kurt blanche sagacious, alacrity,

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Speaker 5: a plum ameliorate, to name a few.

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Speaker 1: Look up poll rumptious. Pul rumptious is a pole rumptious.

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Speaker 1: That's a good word.

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Speaker 6: And I learned a great word this morning. Rolled on

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Speaker 6: a second, what pol rumptious mean? Pas siloquy. Passiloquy is

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Speaker 6: someone who is. It's a noun economy of expression, especially

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Speaker 6: in speech. Pas siloquy, so paustity, which is shortness, an illoquy,

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Speaker 6: which is language and the way you speak. I love

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Speaker 6: it pas siloquy, But paul rumptious is a good word.

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Speaker 5: Toot oh, this.

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Speaker 2: Is Melinda Maria, my friend is a jewelry costume designer.

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Speaker 2: This isn't even a real real emerald, Although all of

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Speaker 2: my girlfriends who are friends with Melinda Maria because I

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Speaker 2: wear this fake necklace all the time make fun of

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Speaker 2: me because they're like, Chelsea, everyone thinks you're walking around

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Speaker 2: with a real emerald. And I was like, well, I

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Speaker 2: don't really care. And then they're like, we're gonna get

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Speaker 2: you a real emeralds. I'm like, great, and where And

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Speaker 2: they've been telling me that they have my emerald.

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Speaker 1: They have my emerald. We all chipped in and got

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Speaker 1: you a real emerald.

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Speaker 2: And I'm like, I don't believe you, because no one

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Speaker 2: has given it to me.

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Speaker 1: But I love it just because it's green and I

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Speaker 1: love green.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and if there's not really and she's my friend

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Speaker 2: and I just she has rings too and all this.

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Speaker 1: She has lots of jewelry. But I just love this.

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Speaker 1: I've never I get so many compliments on this.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, it's very unique, I think, but it's like also

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Speaker 5: goes with everything.

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Speaker 3: It's simple.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yes, So that's the story.

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Speaker 5: All right, Well we'll see you all next time, Okay,

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Speaker 5: bye bye. The word of the week is pull rumptuous.

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Speaker 5: Pull rumptuous adjective a word from the eighteen hundreds meaning

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Speaker 5: big headed, obstreperous, and downright obnoxious used in a sentence

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Speaker 5: the man in first class had a pull rumptuous disposition

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Speaker 5: when speaking to the flight attendant. Pull rumptious. If you

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Speaker 5: want advice from Chelsea, write into Dear Chelsea podcast at

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Speaker 5: gmail dot com. Dear Chelsea is a production of iHeartMedia.

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Speaker 5: Follow Chelsea on all socials at Chelsea Handler, and find

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00:17:10,920 --> 00:17:14,719
Speaker 5: Katherine on tik tok at Flashcadabra. Dear Chelsea is edited

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Speaker 5: and engineered by Brandon Dickert executive producer Katherine Law. Find

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Speaker 5: full video episodes and minisodes now on Netflix, and get

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Speaker 5: tickets to see Chelsea live at Chelseahandler dot com