Speaker 1: We confuse success and happiness. Now, success and happiness can overlap,
Speaker 1: for sure, but more often than not they don't. Happiness
Speaker 1: is happiness. Success as success, you're going to end up
Speaker 1: chasing society's idea more money about a holiday at a
Speaker 1: nicer phone. Right. I'm not saying those things are necessarily wrong.
Speaker 1: The problem is as if we chase them too much
Speaker 1: at the expense of what our happiness is. Hey, everyone,
Speaker 1: welcome back to On Purpose, the number one health podcast
Speaker 1: in the world. Thanks to each and every single one
Speaker 1: of you that come back every week to listen, learn
Speaker 1: and grow. Now today's guest is one of those few
Speaker 1: guests that we've had on twice now today, and it's
Speaker 1: because his last episode was so special, so powerful. I
Speaker 1: know it impacted so many of you, and his books
Speaker 1: have as well. So I'm so excited to talk once
Speaker 1: again to the one and only doctor Rung and Chatteredy Now.
Speaker 1: He's regarded as one of the most influential medical doctors
Speaker 1: in the UK and wants to change how medicine will
Speaker 1: be practiced for years to come. His mission is to
Speaker 1: help one hundred million people around the globe live better lives.
Speaker 1: He hosts the most listen to health and wellness podcasts
Speaker 1: in the UK and Europe Feel Better, Live More, which
Speaker 1: regularly tops the Apple podcast charts. The podcast has received
Speaker 1: fifty million downloads to date and is consumed by over
Speaker 1: two point five million people every month. He's known for
Speaker 1: his ability, and this is why I love him and
Speaker 1: why you'll love his latest book, To Simplify complex health
Speaker 1: advice and finding the root cause of people's health problems.
Speaker 1: If you remember his last episode, you'll remember we've really
Speaker 1: got into how doctors can differ and change their perspective
Speaker 1: about how they view their clients and patients. And of
Speaker 1: course today we're talking about his brand new book, which
Speaker 1: I'm going to hold up the virtual digital version, which
Speaker 1: is the world we live in now, Mind Happy Life,
Speaker 1: and I really really hope that all of you go
Speaker 1: out and grab a copy of this book, Ten Simple
Speaker 1: Ways to Feel Great every Day. Rongan, it's great to
Speaker 1: have you on the podcast again. It's great to see you, honestly,
Speaker 1: Congratulations on this amazing book and all your incredible success
Speaker 1: and I can't wait for people to read it. But
Speaker 1: thank you for coming to talk to me about it. Jay,
Speaker 1: Thanks for having me on for a second. Time. Your
Speaker 1: show's fantastic. It's a real honor and looking really looking
Speaker 1: forward to this conversation. Yeah, me too, Me too. And
Speaker 1: when I was reading your book, I love how you're
Speaker 1: changing the way we perceive doctors and how doctors perceive patients.
Speaker 1: It's like this really interesting cycle of here's a doctor
Speaker 1: talking about happiness and how happiness is at the core
Speaker 1: of our health. And that was one of the things
Speaker 1: I really appreciated when you last came on, when you
Speaker 1: were talking about when you often see your patients, you
Speaker 1: last more, how many times do you see your friends,
Speaker 1: how many times a week do you get together with
Speaker 1: the people that you love? And I was thinking, Wow,
Speaker 1: this is really a fresh perspective, and you've done it again.
Speaker 1: I want to dive straight in. You talk about this
Speaker 1: connection between health and happiness. I want to start off
Speaker 1: trying to understand because often we find that pursuing happiness
Speaker 1: is actually bad for our health as well. So how
Speaker 1: are you seeing it differently. I'm not necessarily saying that
Speaker 1: we should be pursuing happiness directly. I think happiness is
Speaker 1: a byproduct when we do the right things. There are
Speaker 1: all kinds of things that we can focus on daily basis,
Speaker 1: and if we do those things, we can talk about
Speaker 1: some of those laser For sure, I think happiness comes
Speaker 1: as a side effect of that. So it's not really
Speaker 1: I think the destination we should be aiming to get
Speaker 1: too directly. It's more kind of direction we might want
Speaker 1: to take in life. It's it's something that I think
Speaker 1: we do want. But it's becoming quite unfashionable these days
Speaker 1: to talk about happiness, and that really really interests me.
Speaker 1: But in terms of the relationship between happiness and health,
Speaker 1: for me as a doctor, it's always how can I
Speaker 1: get to the root cause of my patient's problems? Right, Yes,
Speaker 1: what symptoms have they got? But actually what's going on
Speaker 1: behind that? So they might come in with a headache
Speaker 1: or a migraine, and sure I can diagnose them and
Speaker 1: tell them what that is, but I want to help
Speaker 1: them understand, well, what is going on in your life
Speaker 1: and your lifestyle that might be contributing to this. And
Speaker 1: for many years I have said publicly on many occasions
Speaker 1: that about eighty percent of what we see as doctors
Speaker 1: is in some way related to our collective modern lifestyles.
Speaker 1: But then I began to wonder a few years ago Jay, Well,
Speaker 1: it's lifestyle the root cause. And when I say lifestyle,
Speaker 1: I mean things like food, movements, sleep, and relaxation. And
Speaker 1: I thought, is there something that's even more important, even
Speaker 1: more upstream, and that has consumed me for a few years,
Speaker 1: And I really think there is. It's our happiness and
Speaker 1: our mental well being. So when we are happier with
Speaker 1: our lives and in our lives, we naturally become healthier.
Speaker 1: And I think there's two main reasons for that. Happier people,
Speaker 1: so people who are more content if you are more
Speaker 1: in control of their life, who are living more in
Speaker 1: accordance with their values. Actually, they naturally make better lifestyle choices.
Speaker 1: So if you feel good about who you are and
Speaker 1: what you're doing in life, you're less likely to feel
Speaker 1: the need to comfort eat and open that box of
Speaker 1: chocolates in the afternoon to get you through. You're less
Speaker 1: likely to dive into the tub of ice cream in
Speaker 1: front of the sofa in the evening. You're less likely
Speaker 1: to open a bee or half a bottle of wine
Speaker 1: to help you drown your sorrows if you feel happier
Speaker 1: and more content, So I think that's one component aestyle
Speaker 1: choice has become better and it becomes much easier. But
Speaker 1: I think there's another component as well. Research shows us.
Speaker 1: There was a study called the Nuns Study, and they
Speaker 1: follow nuns across the duration of their life and essentially,
Speaker 1: once you had controlled for lifestyle, so same diets, same
Speaker 1: sleep patterns, same exercise habits, want you to control for that,
Speaker 1: the happier nuns lived longer and they were healthier. Right,
Speaker 1: So it's independently linked with good health outcomes as well.
Speaker 1: And I've seen this with my patients Jay that if
Speaker 1: I can help them think differently. But if you're someone
Speaker 1: who allows the actions of other people to overly influence
Speaker 1: how you feel, you know, an email from your boss
Speaker 1: makes you feel really angry and annoyed and you don't
Speaker 1: know how to process that, that is creating stress and
Speaker 1: tension in your body. That is also absolutely relevant to
Speaker 1: your health and your health outcomes. And we don't think
Speaker 1: of that. People don't realize, I think, or not enough
Speaker 1: for us to realize. Certainly, I would say with the public,
Speaker 1: but also within my profession, that's an inability to forgive.
Speaker 1: Holding onto anger and resentments, holding onto hostility is absolutely
Speaker 1: associated with all kinds of negative health outcomes. Autoimmune disease,
Speaker 1: heart disease, cancer, strokes, all kinds of things. So what
Speaker 1: do I want to do as I want to help
Speaker 1: people and I know I'm going to be able to
Speaker 1: help them better if I can help them become happier.
Speaker 1: The reason why we're unhappy, and it would be interesting
Speaker 1: to go down that path, because the reason why you're
Speaker 1: working on these things, the patients that you work with,
Speaker 1: why you wrote this book, is because we are to
Speaker 1: some degree unhappy or dissatisfied or discontent with who we are.
Speaker 1: And we don't know what our values are because we've
Speaker 1: never been trained and educated as to how to develop them.
Speaker 1: And we don't know how to be aligned with ourselves
Speaker 1: because we don't even know what that means. We never
Speaker 1: really were exposed to that vocabulary or those words up
Speaker 1: until the last few years, even in mainstream society. When
Speaker 1: you're looking at the root of our unhappiness, where is
Speaker 1: that root of our unhappiness that you're seeing it come from?
Speaker 1: I think much of it comes from society and this
Speaker 1: idea of what success is. Right. So I think one
Speaker 1: of the big problems is that we confuse success and happiness. Now,
Speaker 1: success and happiness can overlap for sure, but more often
Speaker 1: than not they don't. It's happiness is happiness, success is success,
Speaker 1: and unless you intentionally go through a process to actually
Speaker 1: define what those things are for you, you're going to
Speaker 1: end up chasing society's idea more money about a holiday
Speaker 1: at a nicer phone, know about a hotel when you
Speaker 1: go and stay away with your family or your partner. Right,
Speaker 1: I'm not saying those things are necessarily wrong. The problem
Speaker 1: is as if we chase them too much at the
Speaker 1: expense of what our happinesses and many of us fall
Speaker 1: into that trap. I have fallen into that trap, j Right,
Speaker 1: I have absolutely you know, I start off the book,
Speaker 1: I think, with a very powerful story about my dad's
Speaker 1: You know Dad. You know, he grew up in India.
Speaker 1: He came over to the UK in the nineteen sixties
Speaker 1: in search of a better life for him and his family,
Speaker 1: yes us here in the UK, but also for his
Speaker 1: family back home in India. And Dad worked incessantly. You know,
Speaker 1: Dad was a doctor. There was all kinds of discrimination
Speaker 1: he faced. He had to change speciality because actually he
Speaker 1: was unable to progress in the speciality that he wanted.
Speaker 1: Many Indian doctors will tell you this story from the
Speaker 1: nineteen sixties in the UK, there was a glass ceiling
Speaker 1: for you. You couldn't go past a certain point. So
Speaker 1: Dad moves speciality to help provides security and stability for
Speaker 1: us as a family. When Dad was consultant, my dad's
Speaker 1: life for thirty years was he would do his job
Speaker 1: in manaster wom Infirmary as a consultant physician in the
Speaker 1: day and three to four nights a week. My dad's
Speaker 1: wouldn't sleep at all, so he'd come home at five
Speaker 1: thirty in the evening or six pm in the evening.
Speaker 1: Mum would give him dinner, he'd go upstairs in shave
Speaker 1: and then there'd be a car picking him up at
Speaker 1: seven pm and then Dad would be off all night.
Speaker 1: He'd come back the following morning at seven am again,
Speaker 1: have breakfast, shave again. I remember he would he be
Speaker 1: shaved twice a day, go to work. Dad did this
Speaker 1: for thirty years. And here's the problem, Jay, My whole
Speaker 1: adult life until nine years ago when my dad died,
Speaker 1: was being a career for my dad. I moved back
Speaker 1: to the northwest of England to help Mum and my
Speaker 1: brother look after dads. This kind of idea of what
Speaker 1: cess is. It killed my dad, he chased it, he
Speaker 1: got it. I had a fantastic education, right, I couldn't
Speaker 1: want for a better education, but I never saw my
Speaker 1: dad's You know, my dad died very very early in
Speaker 1: the last fifteen years of his life were hell. I
Speaker 1: think that story, whilst potentially not as extreme for some people,
Speaker 1: there will be people right now, Jay, who love your content,
Speaker 1: who are listening to this show or watching it. I'm
Speaker 1: probably thinking, yeah, I sort of I love my job,
Speaker 1: but maybe I'm working a bit too hard, and I'm
Speaker 1: kind of sacrificing the things in my life that are
Speaker 1: really important. So I kind of feel society gives us
Speaker 1: a false idea of happiness. You know, we think happiness, Jay,
Speaker 1: is that billboard you know, that billboard image of the
Speaker 1: smiling couple on the beach with their children with the
Speaker 1: ocean behind them. We think that's happiness. Now, that's not happiness.
Speaker 1: That's a pleasurable experience that can form part of a
Speaker 1: happy life, no doubt, but that's not happiness. You know,
Speaker 1: I've got two young kids, like I've got eleven year
Speaker 1: old son and nine year old daughter, and you know,
Speaker 1: all of us I think as kids younger than that.
Speaker 1: When we're really young, we've got that inner happiness. You know,
Speaker 1: we're present, We're in the moment. We're playing, maybe with
Speaker 1: our siblings, maybe with our friends. We're not worrying about
Speaker 1: the future, we're not fretting about the past. We're right
Speaker 1: there in the moment. So that happiness is there inside us.
Speaker 1: But somewhere along the line in the book, I call
Speaker 1: it the adulthood contract. We sign this adulthood contract and
Speaker 1: things start to go wrong. And I already see it
Speaker 1: with the kids. Like school doesn't teach us how to
Speaker 1: be happy. I don't think many of our parents teach
Speaker 1: us how to be happy. Society doesn't teach us how
Speaker 1: to be happy. In fact, society probably teaches us the
Speaker 1: wrong lessons about what happiness really is. And that's the
Speaker 1: key message behind this BOOKJA is to help people understand
Speaker 1: that happiness it's a skill. It's a skill that you
Speaker 1: can practice. Just as if you go to the gym
Speaker 1: and you do bicep curls every day, you're going to
Speaker 1: have bigger biceps. Well, you know, my concession is, I
Speaker 1: feel like broken down the skill of happiness and to
Speaker 1: tend very easy steps of people, and if they practice
Speaker 1: them a little bit, they're going to be a little
Speaker 1: bit happier, and as they become happier, they're going to
Speaker 1: become healthier as well. Absolutely, thank you so much for
Speaker 1: sharing that story as well about your father, which really
Speaker 1: you know, encapsulate this idea really well. I think for me,
Speaker 1: when I think about what happiness means to me, happiness is,
Speaker 1: as you said, ability, the ability to know how to
Speaker 1: navigate uncomfortable and uncertain times, because when you know what
Speaker 1: you have to do, it's more important than wanting to
Speaker 1: know how things will end up. So we think our
Speaker 1: happiness is, well, how will this end up? How will
Speaker 1: what will the result of this be? Will that make
Speaker 1: me happy? And to me actually go no, Actually, happiness
Speaker 1: to me is knowing what to do right now in
Speaker 1: the moment and having that sense of reflection and introspection
Speaker 1: and the stillness to be able to carry that out
Speaker 1: because the search, as you said, for that billboard happiness
Speaker 1: that's out there, that's a projection again, a societal projection.
Speaker 1: We're trying to invent and create that in a world
Speaker 1: that doesn't allow for that every day or at every moment.
Speaker 1: And so knowing what to do in the moment. To
Speaker 1: me is where happiness begins, of knowing how to behave,
Speaker 1: how to think, and what to do. And that's what
Speaker 1: these ten habits do. You break down what you call
Speaker 1: core happiness as a three legged stool, contentment, alignment, and control.
Speaker 1: I want to go through each of these because they've
Speaker 1: formed the tenets of these ten habits or principles you
Speaker 1: give us. But let's let's start with contentment. And you
Speaker 1: describe contentment here. I've got it in the book. Feeling
Speaker 1: content means being at peace with your life and your decisions.
Speaker 1: That's really hard because most of us, when we look back,
Speaker 1: especially at the past, we think, Wow, I've made a
Speaker 1: lot of bad decisions. I wish I tried that thing.
Speaker 1: I wish I never went out with that person, while
Speaker 1: I should have left that job a lot earlier. So
Speaker 1: most of us actually have a very negative view of
Speaker 1: our decision making process. Let's talk a bit about decisions,
Speaker 1: especially decisions of the past, that we regret. How do
Speaker 1: we create contentment around those, specifically around decisions in the past.
Speaker 1: If you know we have a deep regret, let's say, oh,
Speaker 1: I wish I'd done something differently. I think the first
Speaker 1: step is to really try and get to a place
Speaker 1: of acceptance. You were doing the best that you could
Speaker 1: at that time with what you knew. Right. If you
Speaker 1: could have done it differently, you would have. And you know,
Speaker 1: it depends how deep you want to go with this,
Speaker 1: but certainly for me, one of the things that's really
Speaker 1: helped me with my happiness and my contentment in particular
Speaker 1: as real acceptance of every single thing that has ever
Speaker 1: happened to me or I have done, whether it's something
Speaker 1: I'm proud of, whether it's something I'm not proud of,
Speaker 1: where it's something that actually I could make a case
Speaker 1: that I made the wrong decision. Now, actually I made
Speaker 1: the very best decision for my growth, because actually, if
Speaker 1: I look back now and see that it was potentially
Speaker 1: a negative, it's about reframing it to go, oh, what
Speaker 1: did I learn from that? What did I learn from that? Oh?
Speaker 1: I never would have learned that had that not happened,
Speaker 1: had I not gone to that job that I didn't like.
Speaker 1: You know, I can think of one particularly in my mind.
Speaker 1: You know, early on in my career as a DOT say,
Speaker 1: I was like I worked in a practice that I
Speaker 1: hated the framework and the structure there, right. I would
Speaker 1: get frustrated. I would come home and complain to my
Speaker 1: wife every day. She kept saying, hey, babe, you know,
Speaker 1: if you don't like it, why don't you leave him?
Speaker 1: I can't leave you know this, It pays us money,
Speaker 1: it does you know story. I created this kind of
Speaker 1: almost like a victim story around it, you know, And
Speaker 1: I know the word victim can be very triggering for people,
Speaker 1: and I don't mean it to be certainly you've talked
Speaker 1: about my own experience. What I've learned, Jay, is that
Speaker 1: you can always write a different story about any events
Speaker 1: in life. You've always got a choice in what story
Speaker 1: you put onto something, and you can practice this and
Speaker 1: train it. So one of my sort of types of
Speaker 1: people is, in any bit of friction you encounter in life,
Speaker 1: see if you can choose a happiness story around it.
Speaker 1: And there's a couple of ways that we can think
Speaker 1: about this. So, you know, if we remember back to
Speaker 1: March twenty twenty, when the whole world was sort of
Speaker 1: going into lockdown and people were getting scared, there was
Speaker 1: lots of images of supermarket shells being empty and there'd
Speaker 1: be no toilet role there, right, So these are big
Speaker 1: headlines and the amount of people who were like criticizing.
Speaker 1: I can't believe there's who's doing this, you know, who's
Speaker 1: taking more. You can tell yourself that story for sure,
Speaker 1: but you can also see if you can write a
Speaker 1: different story around the same situation. So, okay, what was
Speaker 1: going on there? Well? Could it have been the every
Speaker 1: shop at that day took one extra role and so
Speaker 1: by the end of the day the supermarket shells are empty. Okay,
Speaker 1: that's possible. Could it be that actually one person went
Speaker 1: in and yes, they did buy loads and loads of
Speaker 1: packets because actually they look after for elderly grandparents and
Speaker 1: actually they're really worried about what's going to happen. Maybe
Speaker 1: it was someone who actually went in and they wanted
Speaker 1: to buy as much as they could and sell it
Speaker 1: on eBay. Okay, how do you happen a story? Though? Ah?
Speaker 1: You know, what must have been going on in their life.
Speaker 1: Maybe they really don't have any money. Maybe they are
Speaker 1: so desperate they don't feel they've got any opportunities in life,
Speaker 1: and actually this is an opportunity for them that they've
Speaker 1: seen it to make a bit of money. You know
Speaker 1: what I've realized when it comes to most bits of
Speaker 1: friction in our life, the truth actually doesn't matter jay
Speaker 1: for your happiness. The truth doesn't matter. Write a happiness
Speaker 1: story that works for you. And this is something I
Speaker 1: try my best. See. It's probably the thing that's had
Speaker 1: the most impact on my feeling of contentment is that
Speaker 1: every day if I get a bit of social friction,
Speaker 1: Let's say someone leaves a negative comment on my social
Speaker 1: media for example, right, instead of wishing it was other
Speaker 1: than the way it was, Oh, I can't believe the
Speaker 1: active like that, it's like, oh, okay, let me go
Speaker 1: through a process here, you know. Number one, is there
Speaker 1: any truth to this? Okay, yeah, there's a bit of
Speaker 1: truth here. I can learn here. I've been given an
Speaker 1: opportunity to learn. If there's no truth here, oh well,
Speaker 1: why is this bothering me? And it's like putting the
Speaker 1: mirror up and instead of looking out there, it's like,
Speaker 1: what is being triggered within me? Is it my insecurity?
Speaker 1: Is at my need to be liked and loved? You
Speaker 1: know what is it? Because then you start to take
Speaker 1: control of the situation. Do you know what I mean?
Speaker 1: It's I think it's I think it's you can rewrite
Speaker 1: a already on anything, and i'd tell you when this
Speaker 1: was really brought home to me. Jay, have you heard
Speaker 1: it for Edith Eager? Yeah, I don't know if you've
Speaker 1: interviewed either. If you haven't, you absolutely should. You would
Speaker 1: absolutely love talking to her. But Edith came onto my
Speaker 1: podcast last year. At the time she was ninety three
Speaker 1: years old. I think about that conversation pretty much every
Speaker 1: single day. It had such an impact on me. When
Speaker 1: Edith was sixteen years old living in Eastern Europe, she
Speaker 1: was getting ready that evening she was going to go
Speaker 1: on a date with her boyfriends. There was a knock
Speaker 1: on the door and before she knew it, her and
Speaker 1: her sister and her parents were on a train to Auschwitz.
Speaker 1: She gets to Auschwitz. Within two hours of getting there,
Speaker 1: her parents are murdered. She's there with her sister, she
Speaker 1: doesn't know what's going on, what's happening. And then later
Speaker 1: that day she had to dance, right, she had to
Speaker 1: dance for some of the prison guards there. And the
Speaker 1: last thing her mum said to her was, Edith, nobody
Speaker 1: can take away from you what you put inside your mind.
Speaker 1: So the first thing she told me was when I
Speaker 1: was dancing. I wasn't dancing in Auschwitz. I was dancing
Speaker 1: in Budapest opera house. I was dancing. There was a
Speaker 1: full orchestra there, that the crowds were there, That's what
Speaker 1: I was dancing. So that's the first lesson I learned
Speaker 1: for her, that you can create a story in your mind.
Speaker 1: And then she told me Dr Chassee, when I was
Speaker 1: in Auschwitz, I wasn't a prisoner. The prison guards were prisoners.
Speaker 1: They weren't living their life. I was free in my mind.
Speaker 1: And it just went on and on and the words
Speaker 1: I think about every day, j oh when she said
Speaker 1: to me, wrong and listen, I have lived through Auschwitz.
Speaker 1: But I can tell you the greatest prison is the
Speaker 1: prison you create inside your own mind. And I thought, Okay,
Speaker 1: if Edith Eger can write a different story about events,
Speaker 1: a happiness story, if you will about events in the
Speaker 1: hell of Auschwitz, that I'm pretty sure I can reframe
Speaker 1: most of the small frictions in my own life. And
Speaker 1: it's it's it's been so powerful for me, Jay, it
Speaker 1: really has. I mean, do you ever you know, how
Speaker 1: do you deal with friction? Is that something you try
Speaker 1: to apply in your own life or how do you
Speaker 1: see it? Yeah, I mean I just everything you just
Speaker 1: shared right now, and I had come across Edith Egi's
Speaker 1: story and I didn't realize you interviewed her, which is
Speaker 1: which is fantastic and so phenomenal to hear about your
Speaker 1: experience with her. Everything you just said I am fully
Speaker 1: aligned with. And I don't think you could have picked
Speaker 1: a better example, because to share it from someone who
Speaker 1: has been through the worst of the worst of the worst,
Speaker 1: and for that person to be able to create a
Speaker 1: reframe at that time gives us all an opportunity to
Speaker 1: realize how powerful it is. And so I am fully
Speaker 1: with you, like fully aligned, fully in agreement with you,
Speaker 1: And in my own small way in my life, I
Speaker 1: do this same thing. And I think when we look
Speaker 1: at our life as a story as opposed to a checklist,
Speaker 1: or as opposed to a hit list, or as opposed
Speaker 1: to a list of goals, right, like, it's a very
Speaker 1: different approach. When you see your life as a list
Speaker 1: of goals, and if you don't reach them, you don't
Speaker 1: feel good about yourself. You're missing the story. Right if
Speaker 1: you look at all the people who've achieved goals that
Speaker 1: we admire they all got there because they lived a story.
Speaker 1: They didn't live a goal, they didn't live a journey
Speaker 1: to a goal. And so I do it all the
Speaker 1: time as well. I'm constantly reframing my experience of life.
Speaker 1: And what you said is so true that they're in
Speaker 1: one sense, there is no truth in one sense to
Speaker 1: any of our stories and journeys, because what is objectively
Speaker 1: the truth is just a perception. Yeah, I mean, I
Speaker 1: think you're like this one, Jakey, because I know you're
Speaker 1: a football fan or I should say soccer fan, as
Speaker 1: I'm on your show. But they did this study, right,
Speaker 1: They looked they were talking to football fans, same incident. Right,
Speaker 1: everyone can see the incidents, and they interviewed both sets
Speaker 1: of fans on different sides. What happens, completely different version
Speaker 1: of reality over the same incident. Right. Think about any
Speaker 1: I guess marriage or two partners right when they have
Speaker 1: a disagreement. There are two versions of reality, right, you know,
Speaker 1: it depends on which side of the table you're sitting
Speaker 1: on determines your reality. And I've learned, actually, and it
Speaker 1: sounds quite controversial that for your happiness, I think sometimes
Speaker 1: the truth doesn't matter. It's the spin you put on
Speaker 1: it that you can put a spin on it that's
Speaker 1: going to make you feel disempowered and a victim. And look,
Speaker 1: I want to be respectful. I understand there are some
Speaker 1: pretty horrendous things that happen in life two people. I
Speaker 1: understand that, and sometimes it's harder than in other times.
Speaker 1: But this is something you can get better at. You
Speaker 1: can always put a new story on it. And what happens, then, Jay,
Speaker 1: is that every day becomes a school day. Right, every
Speaker 1: day you're you're being given, You're being gifted opportunities by
Speaker 1: the world around you to learn something about yourself and
Speaker 1: a tip maybe for your audience if they think, Okay,
Speaker 1: this is quite difficult. Right, you know someone's done this
Speaker 1: and I don't like it. Something that I found really helpful,
Speaker 1: it's this idea that if I was that other person,
Speaker 1: I'd be doing exactly the same. And what I mean
Speaker 1: when I say that is if I'm with that other person,
Speaker 1: with their childhood, with their childhood experiences, with their parents,
Speaker 1: with the bullying they received at school, with the boss
Speaker 1: that they had, if I were them, I would absolutely
Speaker 1: be making the same decisions as them. Yes, And I
Speaker 1: honestly feel that if we don't think we would. You know,
Speaker 1: I invite people to consider maybe it's not ego talking
Speaker 1: because they made the decisions. That's their version of reality.
Speaker 1: And I find that gives me this ability to be compassionate,
Speaker 1: much more compassionate to every single person that I meets,
Speaker 1: whether I agree with them or not. And Jay, look
Speaker 1: at the state of the world at the moments right
Speaker 1: it's seemingly pretty divided. Certainly online it seems pretty divided.
Speaker 1: And I think this approach not only makes us feel better,
Speaker 1: but I think when we can exercise this compassion to everyone,
Speaker 1: even people we disagree with, I think that's what's going
Speaker 1: to make the world a much much better and happier place, definitely.
Speaker 1: And you reminded me of that. I'm sure you remember
Speaker 1: that famous Prince William Meam where he's holding up his
Speaker 1: fingers like this, and so he's actually saying, I think
Speaker 1: he's like number three, And if you look at it
Speaker 1: from the other angle, it looks like he's putting his
Speaker 1: middle finger up. And it's like these two pictures that
Speaker 1: are put next to each other, and one of them
Speaker 1: looks like he's putting his middle finger up to the press.
Speaker 1: But actually when you see it from another angle. He's
Speaker 1: putting three, and he obviously means something else by that,
Speaker 1: And so I love that. When we're talking about contentment,
Speaker 1: that makes a lot of sense. Let's shift to alignment.
Speaker 1: I really like the way you define alignment. You said,
Speaker 1: feeling aligned means that the person you want to be
Speaker 1: and the person you are actually being out there in
Speaker 1: the world are one and the same. And I remember
Speaker 1: a very beautiful thought by Gandhi whenever I think about alignment,
Speaker 1: and I believe he said that when you experience peace
Speaker 1: and harmony when what you think, what you say, and
Speaker 1: what you do are aligned. And whenever I think about
Speaker 1: that or whenever I share that teaching, I find that
Speaker 1: most people think something but say something else. We say
Speaker 1: one thing, but then we do a completely different thing.
Speaker 1: And so we're living in this very divided world, even
Speaker 1: inside of ourselves, because it's completely disconnected. How do we
Speaker 1: start creating a more aligned life because often we're scared
Speaker 1: of saying what we think, and we're even more scared
Speaker 1: of doing what we say, and then we're worried about
Speaker 1: what everyone else thinks of all of that. So alignment
Speaker 1: becomes a really big challenge walk us through that for
Speaker 1: a bit. Yeah, I mean the first thing to say,
Speaker 1: it's not going to be super easy in the sense
Speaker 1: that it's not something you can just listen to us
Speaker 1: having a conversation and then immediately afterwards go, okay, cool,
Speaker 1: right now I'm going to go and as aligned in
Speaker 1: the world. Now, this is a process. It's a very
Speaker 1: fun process, but it's a process nonetheless. So you know,
Speaker 1: alignment this idea that are inner values on our external
Speaker 1: actions are matching up, whatever that is. And the reason
Speaker 1: I guess I'm so passionate about this day is I've
Speaker 1: really this is something like I've really struggled with pretty
Speaker 1: much my entire life. I feel that what I'm really
Speaker 1: trying to do these days is become more and more
Speaker 1: aligned and actually to really tune into who I actually am,
Speaker 1: which sounds like the easiest thing in the world to do,
Speaker 1: but actually for many of us it's one of the
Speaker 1: hardest things because since we were kids, we started to
Speaker 1: do things to gain the approval of others. But I
Speaker 1: know for me, for much of my life, I only
Speaker 1: felt that I was worthy of love and acceptance if
Speaker 1: I achieved, if I was successful, and I think for me, well,
Speaker 1: I know a lot of it comes down to my upbringing.
Speaker 1: And you know, I love my parents to bits I
Speaker 1: think they did. I'd like to think they did a
Speaker 1: pretty good job with bringing me up, but there were
Speaker 1: some things. Again, there's two versions of reality, right, I remember,
Speaker 1: and I think there's something in the immigrant mentality here.
Speaker 1: I don't know if this echoes your experience or not.
Speaker 1: But if I came back from school with nineteen outs
Speaker 1: of twenty and something, my mum would say, well, why
Speaker 1: didn't you get twenty? If I came back with ninety nine,
Speaker 1: my mom would say, well, yeah, why didn't you get
Speaker 1: one hundred percents? And I didn't realize it at the time,
Speaker 1: but I took on this perception that I'm only loved
Speaker 1: and really seen and valued when I win and get
Speaker 1: top marks. And that's very toxic because on the outside
Speaker 1: you can appear quite successful, you can appear as though
Speaker 1: you're achieving and doing things, but on the inside, you
Speaker 1: know there's nothing. There's a real deep insecurity. I've had
Speaker 1: that for much of my life. I think, you know,
Speaker 1: external success looks good, but on the inside you know
Speaker 1: you don't feel good, and so you go to what
Speaker 1: I call these junk happiness habits, whether that be you know,
Speaker 1: drinking or gambling or you know these days Instagram potentially
Speaker 1: overusing it and this sort of stuff. So for me,
Speaker 1: the process of alignment started with recognizing why I behave
Speaker 1: the way that I do, and it was a very
Speaker 1: rewarding process. It's taken a bit of time, but this
Speaker 1: is not one hit ja that people are going to
Speaker 1: just think, oh, I need to do this, and now
Speaker 1: I can. The first step in any change is awareness.
Speaker 1: So even if someone's listening to this conversation and going, yeah,
Speaker 1: you know what, I'm not living in a lined life,
Speaker 1: like I'm not being the person out there who I
Speaker 1: really am. Okay, that is progress. Okay, you may want more,
Speaker 1: but that is a good start. At least now you know,
Speaker 1: and then you can work on the next stage. So
Speaker 1: there's many ways in which people can do this. I
Speaker 1: think doing some sort of values exercise is really really helpful.
Speaker 1: I know we spoke about this when you came on
Speaker 1: my show. You've done a great job with this in
Speaker 1: your own book, Jay of talking about values in Happy Mind,
Speaker 1: Happy Life. There are some simple exercises to help people
Speaker 1: understand what are your values? Can you choose three values
Speaker 1: from this long list, and you know, maybe once a
Speaker 1: week you reassess, Yeah, I think that is that doesn't
Speaker 1: fit quite right. I'm going to tweak it right, so
Speaker 1: you can keep tweaking until you really understand what these
Speaker 1: values are. And then you can, you know, look at
Speaker 1: your life, go how much at the time am I
Speaker 1: living in accordance with these values? And it's so simple,
Speaker 1: But just the act of writing it down and reassessing
Speaker 1: is really really powerful. You start to make subtle shifts
Speaker 1: when you do that. So I think that's an important
Speaker 1: piece around alignment also, and I'm very very interested in
Speaker 1: your thoughts on this as well, Jay, this whole idea
Speaker 1: of core happiness, which has these three components. It's basically
Speaker 1: I was trying to come up with a model for
Speaker 1: happiness that actually people find genuinely practical and useful, not
Speaker 1: like a lofty concept that can I come up with
Speaker 1: a model that holds true in every single situation. And I,
Speaker 1: you know, I think I cracked it with this model.
Speaker 1: Of course, I welcome hearing where I may not have
Speaker 1: got it quite right, but I really think that this
Speaker 1: encompasses this deep sense of happiness. These three components, contentments,
Speaker 1: control and alignments. And then I remember thinking, what about
Speaker 1: meaning and purpose? Because we keep hearing and of course
Speaker 1: you know your show's called on Purpose, you talk a
Speaker 1: lot about purpose. I thought, well, where does meaning and
Speaker 1: purpose fits in here? Because a lot of people that
Speaker 1: you say say we shouldn't be chasing happiness, we should
Speaker 1: be chasing meaning. And I've spent weeks trying to solve this,
Speaker 1: and the way I came down on it, what I
Speaker 1: think underpins this altogether is that meaning and purpose comes
Speaker 1: with alignment. So meaning and purpose is important, right, It's
Speaker 1: a necessary ingredients for happiness. But I don't think it's
Speaker 1: happiness in and off itself. And the reason I say
Speaker 1: that is because, let's say, first could be you or
Speaker 1: me for example, or it could be someone listening. Let's
Speaker 1: say you have a job that gives you meaning and
Speaker 1: purpose and you love it and it's helping the world,
Speaker 1: it really nourishes you. Okay, great, you've got meaning, but
Speaker 1: maybe you're working two hearts, getting back too late each night.
Speaker 1: Maybe you're not spending time nourishing the important relationships in
Speaker 1: your life. Sure you've got meaning, but you don't have
Speaker 1: core happiness. And then you could take it to another extreme.
Speaker 1: Let's say in World War Two, you might make the
Speaker 1: case that a soldier fighting against the Nazis was living
Speaker 1: a meaningful life. But I'm not necessarily sure you could
Speaker 1: say that they were happy. So I'm awful, meaning and purpose.
Speaker 1: But I think it comes under the alignment leg of
Speaker 1: the core happiness model, the core happiness stool. And then
Speaker 1: I think it also takes the pressure of people. Jay,
Speaker 1: I'm sure you get messages like this, but people often
Speaker 1: say that, you know, yeah, I want to find I
Speaker 1: want to find my purpose, but I don't know where
Speaker 1: to start, you know, what is my purpose? And they
Speaker 1: see people online and think, oh man, they've got their purpose.
Speaker 1: I don't. You know. Have you heard of the Japanese
Speaker 1: concepts of ikey guy. Yes, it's beautiful. Yeah, it really
Speaker 1: is beautiful. And I remember in my second book, The
Speaker 1: Stress Solution, I wrote about it, this idea that ikey
Speaker 1: guys these four things, you know something, you know, we
Speaker 1: should be looking to try and find something that we're
Speaker 1: good at, that we enjoy doing, that the world needs,
Speaker 1: and that also makes money. And I thought, what a
Speaker 1: beautiful concept. I want some ikey guy in my life
Speaker 1: and I remember Jay I was giving a talk in London,
Speaker 1: and I remember it so well because at the end
Speaker 1: of the talk, we were doing Q and A, and
Speaker 1: you know, a young lady at the back put her
Speaker 1: hand up and she said, dot CHASTI. I'm an eighteen
Speaker 1: year old Japanese students living in London, and I grew
Speaker 1: up with this concept of ikey guy, and frankly, I
Speaker 1: found it demotivating and it really put me off. It
Speaker 1: seemed like a two lofty bar for meet and meets
Speaker 1: and that really hit me. Jay I thought, yeah, that's interesting.
Speaker 1: These nice ideas for some people, they're very off putting.
Speaker 1: I think that's where alignment and values can be really
Speaker 1: because if you're struggling to find your meaning and purpose rights,
Speaker 1: I would say focus on your values. So let's say
Speaker 1: you hate your job. Let's say you work in a
Speaker 1: call censor. You don't like it, but that pays you
Speaker 1: money and it helps you feed your family and put
Speaker 1: a roof over your heads, and you hear the stuff
Speaker 1: of that meaning and purpose. I say, okay, focus on values.
Speaker 1: If one of your values is kindness, Let's say, then
Speaker 1: if you get up in the morning and you're kind
Speaker 1: to your partner, You get a coffee on the way
Speaker 1: to work and you're kind to the barista. You get
Speaker 1: on the bus and you're kind to the bus driver,
Speaker 1: and whilst you're at work you're kind to your work colleagues.
Speaker 1: Then you're living a life of meaning that is a
Speaker 1: meaningful life. You may not love your job at the moments,
Speaker 1: but the more you act in alignment that meaning that
Speaker 1: purpose is going to come as a byproduct. So like,
Speaker 1: that's where I think meaning and purpose kind of fits
Speaker 1: into this core happiness idea. I mean, did that make sense?
Speaker 1: You know? Do you have any thoughts on that? Do
Speaker 1: you agree? You know? I'm I really welcome challenging the
Speaker 1: still because I kind of think it holds true in
Speaker 1: every situation, But you know, i'd lot to know your view. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean, my honest take is I think that a
Speaker 1: lot of these discussions can be explained just through different
Speaker 1: terms in different language, used by different people, for words
Speaker 1: that appeal in different ways. So there are certain words
Speaker 1: that when you unpack them, I can see that we're
Speaker 1: trying to say the same thing, but you may use
Speaker 1: certain words that I don't use. And this is exactly
Speaker 1: what you were saying before that if I don't take
Speaker 1: the time to listen, to understand, and to take a
Speaker 1: moment of stillness to say, well, let me understand what
Speaker 1: wrongan's really trying to say. Even though we use different words,
Speaker 1: we may actually find that we're trying to say the
Speaker 1: same thing, Whereas if I simply look at the words,
Speaker 1: I may say I disagree with you completely. I think
Speaker 1: I think you're wrong, and I have another opinion. And
Speaker 1: so I think we have to be so careful with
Speaker 1: language because words mean so many different things to so
Speaker 1: many different people. And it's why I always say to
Speaker 1: people that we need more faces and voices in the
Speaker 1: world of health and willness, or in any field for
Speaker 1: that matter, because everyone needs to hear from a diverse
Speaker 1: set of voices and faces. Everyone is not going to
Speaker 1: connect to my language, and that's okay, and everyone's not
Speaker 1: going to connect to your language, and that's okay. Because
Speaker 1: there have been times where I've heard a piece of
Speaker 1: wisdom one time, twice, three times, four times. I hear
Speaker 1: it the ninth time from some random person. But the
Speaker 1: way they said it, the penny dropped and it hit me,
Speaker 1: like it just hit me, and I was like, but
Speaker 1: I've been hearing that since I was a kid, but
Speaker 1: hearing it from that person at that time and that
Speaker 1: voice in that moment, that had an impact on me.
Speaker 1: And so I've become of the belief that I love
Speaker 1: the word alignment. I think it's fantastic. And I would
Speaker 1: say that an aligned life is a purposeful life. Agree,
Speaker 1: and that you are spot on when you say that
Speaker 1: if we can start living and practicing just one of
Speaker 1: our values, that that will grow into a purposeful life.
Speaker 1: And so we're in alignment. We're in alignment. And I'm
Speaker 1: very content with the language that you use is different
Speaker 1: to me, but that we are of the same ethos
Speaker 1: and spirit in what we're trying to share. But of
Speaker 1: course a language will be different because we're different people, right,
Speaker 1: We've had different experiences. You've gone off to be a monk,
Speaker 1: you know. That's something that in my head I think, well,
Speaker 1: wouldn't that be incredible to go and do that, although
Speaker 1: I can't see that happening anytime seen, especially being married
Speaker 1: and having two young kids. Need me, but you will
Speaker 1: be informed by your life experience. I've been a medical
Speaker 1: doctor for or you know, nearly twenty one years now,
Speaker 1: seeing tens of thousands of patients. My view to this
Speaker 1: topic of happiness is informed by the tens of thousands
Speaker 1: of patients I've seen and their struggles. Right, So we're
Speaker 1: going to say it differently and you know, pulling together
Speaker 1: alignment and what you asked me right at the start,
Speaker 1: which is what are the you know, why is it
Speaker 1: we struggle so much with happiness and this idea of happiness.
Speaker 1: Another exercise that I think is really useful for people
Speaker 1: that also helps them be more aligned. It's a two
Speaker 1: part exercise, right. I love it and I don't know
Speaker 1: if you want to try it on yourself. Actually, yeah,
Speaker 1: trying it? Okay, so the first yeah, let's do it.
Speaker 1: Let's do it. The first part of the exercise is
Speaker 1: right down. Or you can just tell me three things
Speaker 1: that if you did them each week, would give you
Speaker 1: a deep sense of happiness. Okay. Yeah, So I'm not
Speaker 1: going to say stuff I already do, so just to
Speaker 1: clarify for everyone, because I already meditate an exercise, I'm
Speaker 1: not going to include those because they would be they
Speaker 1: are huge ones for my happiness. I'd say one of
Speaker 1: the biggest things is doing something fun and playful with
Speaker 1: my wife. So whether that's going to an escape room,
Speaker 1: or whether that's going to an assault course or like
Speaker 1: some sort of like fun outdoor activity with my wife
Speaker 1: brings me a lot of happiness. So that's one of them, Okay.
Speaker 1: I'd say another one is spending time outdoors in nature
Speaker 1: in the sun. I'm going on a hike on Saturday.
Speaker 1: But that is something that I know if I did
Speaker 1: more of i'd be that would increase my happiness. And
Speaker 1: the third one would be spending even more time reading.
Speaker 1: I love reading and making notes and learning, and I
Speaker 1: do plenty of it, but I know I could always
Speaker 1: do more, So those would be my three. Okay, so
Speaker 1: there's three things that. Okay, now, the second part of
Speaker 1: the exercise is called white You're Happy Ending. So fast
Speaker 1: forward to the end of your life. Imagine you're on
Speaker 1: your deathbeds looking back on your life. What are three
Speaker 1: things you will want to have done? So then it
Speaker 1: comes to I would say, you know, serving as many
Speaker 1: people as possible through the work that I do right now,
Speaker 1: that's number one. The second one would be to have
Speaker 1: felt that I was able to purify my heart and
Speaker 1: my mind of ego, of envy, of jealousy, of any
Speaker 1: impurities that lie in my mind and heart. That would
Speaker 1: be my second one, and my third one would be
Speaker 1: that I was able to express compassion towards all the
Speaker 1: pain I saw and not create more pain. I mean,
Speaker 1: that's lovely, so wonderful to hear. Now that the next
Speaker 1: part is you go back now to your first three answers,
Speaker 1: and the idea for people is, Okay, if you do
Speaker 1: those three things that you've stated initially weakly, will that
Speaker 1: get to you to the happy ending that you have
Speaker 1: already said that you want. And I've done it with
Speaker 1: so many people and they find it really useful because
Speaker 1: you know, for example, you know you've already mentioned you
Speaker 1: meditate and exercise, you want to do something fun and
Speaker 1: playful with your wives, spend time outdoors and nature and reading. Now,
Speaker 1: if you do those things, let's say, those five things
Speaker 1: every week, does that get you to that happy ending
Speaker 1: where you've served others, where you've purified your mind of ego,
Speaker 1: and you've managed to practice compassion. You know, do you
Speaker 1: see those things as aligned? Yeah? Definitely, I mean especially
Speaker 1: and now, and that's why it's useful doing the activity
Speaker 1: with sometimes things that I already do. Yes, I think
Speaker 1: that a lot of those elements of like personal time
Speaker 1: for meditation and practice, a lot of the work around
Speaker 1: the reading and study that I do, which is really
Speaker 1: powerful for cleansing the impurities within the heart. And even
Speaker 1: that play is so integral because that playfulness is what
Speaker 1: keeps it fun and exciting. And so absolutely, yes, there
Speaker 1: are lots of links in between. Many people when they
Speaker 1: do that exercise find that they're not aligned at all.
Speaker 1: Like at the end of the life, they say, yeah,
Speaker 1: I want to have spent time with my friends and family.
Speaker 1: I want to have engaged in passions that mean the
Speaker 1: world to me. They say all kinds of things, and
Speaker 1: then you look at the three happiness habits and they
Speaker 1: don't match up at all. It's a fantastic exercise. There
Speaker 1: is a brilliant exercise and all. It's not about making
Speaker 1: people feel bad. It's about bringing awareness of their intention.
Speaker 1: Like if you say you value your friends and family,
Speaker 1: yet you're too busy working, let's say to find time
Speaker 1: for them. Okay, that's okay, but you need to start
Speaker 1: making a small shift there because you ain't going to
Speaker 1: get to that happy ending otherwise. And so you know
Speaker 1: what I'm about, Jay, It's always about how can I
Speaker 1: simplify a message, simplify and exercise that people can actually do,
Speaker 1: reiterate and hopefully result on them living I guess, a
Speaker 1: more intentional and a happier life running the reason why
Speaker 1: I love that activity and exercise like it's brilliant. By
Speaker 1: the way, it's absolutely fantastic. And I think everyone on
Speaker 1: the everyone who's listening and watching right now not only
Speaker 1: should go and get the book because the book is
Speaker 1: full of lots more activities and exercises like this one,
Speaker 1: but do this one with a friend this weekend. Because
Speaker 1: what you've explained so beautifully, there is the difference between
Speaker 1: circumstantial and existential happiness. And so there are a lot
Speaker 1: of things we do every day because circumstantially, situationally, they
Speaker 1: make us feel better. But the existential core happiness, which
Speaker 1: as you describe, is alignment, contentment, and control that can
Speaker 1: only be measured when you look at the gravity of
Speaker 1: a moment like death. And when you're doing that in
Speaker 1: this activity, that's what you're putting it under a microscope
Speaker 1: and going, well, how is this affecting your existence as
Speaker 1: opposed to your circumstance? Right, and that in and of
Speaker 1: itself is a really fascinating way of thinking. And I
Speaker 1: know that I don't do that activity, but I think
Speaker 1: about those questions very often, and for me for so long,
Speaker 1: I always ask myself that I'll sit there and I'll go,
Speaker 1: how is this going to make me feel when I'm dying?
Speaker 1: Will I regret doing this or not doing this? And
Speaker 1: everything that I'm doing on a daily basis, and the
Speaker 1: commitments I make and the priorities I make are all
Speaker 1: dedicated to that purpose that I've committed to because I
Speaker 1: know that that's what brings me joy. And there are
Speaker 1: a lot of sacrifices with that, and there are a
Speaker 1: lot of things that you forego for that. But I
Speaker 1: realized that health was so integral to your purpose, no
Speaker 1: matter what it is, that that's something you can't sacrifice
Speaker 1: in the pursuit of any alignment or contentment you chase,
Speaker 1: because if you're not healthy, then all of it falls apart. So,
Speaker 1: you know, I really love that activity and I'm so
Speaker 1: grateful you put that in many others in the book. Yeah. Thanks,
Speaker 1: And you know it's something that I use myself. You know,
Speaker 1: I'm keen to I don't want people to feel that
Speaker 1: I haven't got it yet I'm not there yet, you know,
Speaker 1: I'm not alliance. That's okay, right, that is absolutely okay.
Speaker 1: I would guess by anyone who's listening to your podcast, Jay,
Speaker 1: I guess naturally would feel drawn to this sort of
Speaker 1: content anyway. They're wanting to live a more intentional and
Speaker 1: more purposeful life, right, So they're already that way in clients.
Speaker 1: And it's not this thing, like I said, it's not
Speaker 1: this destination that you get to. It's a constant process
Speaker 1: of tweaking and then society life will pull you away.
Speaker 1: You know. I definitely have times where I work too
Speaker 1: hard and I'm not as present as I might want
Speaker 1: to be. Right, you know, just because I know what
Speaker 1: I should be doing, it doesn't mean I'm not human
Speaker 1: and I'm not susceptible to the same mistakes that many
Speaker 1: of us make. Jay, I've never felt this calm and
Speaker 1: good and at peace with myself and my life. Like
Speaker 1: when I last spoke to you a few years ago
Speaker 1: in La you know about the Stress Solution book. I
Speaker 1: was a different person, like I really was. It was
Speaker 1: a different version of me. I'm just a lot more
Speaker 1: content these days. I've done a lot of work to
Speaker 1: rid myself off ego and the need for external validation.
Speaker 1: I've also really let go of this idea that I
Speaker 1: need to be right. I think for much of my
Speaker 1: life I define myself what are you right? Are you winning?
Speaker 1: And letting go of that it's just made me happier.
Speaker 1: Like I'm no longer attached to being right. I'm attached
Speaker 1: to learning. I wouldn't even call it attached. I'm committed
Speaker 1: to learning right every day. Any friction that comes in
Speaker 1: my life, anyone that sends me a rude email, it's
Speaker 1: all an opportunity for me to go in. But I
Speaker 1: go what can I learn here? What can I learn
Speaker 1: about myself? How can I be compassionate about that other person?
Speaker 1: And it keeps life fun and interesting? Right? It really doesn't. Yes,
Speaker 1: I feel calmer and content, But all kinds of on
Speaker 1: nickels and things that you know I used to get,
Speaker 1: they're just sort of going because there's less emotional tension
Speaker 1: in my body. I love that wrong and that's and
Speaker 1: by the way, on a personal level, that's just really
Speaker 1: beautiful to hear. I mean, you know, I think hearing
Speaker 1: that that's the journey you've been on in the last
Speaker 1: few years, and that's what brought this book about. Is
Speaker 1: really beautiful and I want everyone to know. You know,
Speaker 1: we described the surface today, but rung And goes on
Speaker 1: to talk about a ton of great habits in this book,
Speaker 1: eliminating change, treating yourself with respect, making time stands still,
Speaker 1: seeking out friction, talking to strangers, treat your phone like
Speaker 1: a person, having maskless conversations which I love the sound
Speaker 1: of that. One, go on holiday every day, give yourself away.
Speaker 1: These are beautiful, beautiful breakdowns in each and every chapter,
Speaker 1: with exercises, weird things to reflect on and think about.
Speaker 1: And rung And, I want to congratulate you on writing
Speaker 1: this beautiful book, Happy Mind, Happy Life. Ten simple ways
Speaker 1: to feel great every day. I want to ask you
Speaker 1: your final five, which are our rapid fire fast five round.
Speaker 1: So these questions have to be answered in one word
Speaker 1: to one sentence. Maximum, let's go. Are you ready? I'm
Speaker 1: ready feeding trying to maintain that level of calm and
Speaker 1: contentment whilst whilst I get ready, all right, great, all
Speaker 1: right here we go. So here your final five question
Speaker 1: number one, what's the best happiness advice you've ever received,
Speaker 1: heard or given? Spend time with friends and family. Second question,
Speaker 1: what is the worst piece of happiness advice you've ever received, heard,
Speaker 1: or given? Do? What makes you feel good in the moment? Fascinating?
Speaker 1: All right? Question number three? What is something that you
Speaker 1: used to value that you don't value anymore? An attachment
Speaker 1: to being white? Question number four, what is the kindest
Speaker 1: thing someone has done for you recently? Just my daughter
Speaker 1: coming back from school giving me a big hug, big smile,
Speaker 1: saying I love you, daddy. I don't think anything makes
Speaker 1: me feel as good as that, And that was super
Speaker 1: kinds I love that. I love that, all right. Question
Speaker 1: number five. If you could create one habit that everyone
Speaker 1: had to do every single day in the world, what
Speaker 1: would that habit be, No question, A daily practice of
Speaker 1: solitudes beautiful everyone. That is doctor Rangan chategy. The book
Speaker 1: is called Happy Mind, Happy Life. It is out now.
Speaker 1: When you hear this podcast, make sure you go and
Speaker 1: grab your copy. Rangan. It has been a joy talking
Speaker 1: to you. I look forward to being in person with
Speaker 1: you again. I congratulate you on all the self work
Speaker 1: you've done internally it sounds like, but also the amazing
Speaker 1: work you're putting out there into the world. And I
Speaker 1: appreciate you man, and I'm so glad that we finally
Speaker 1: got to do this and get together again. So thank
Speaker 1: you for your time and thank you for your energy.
Speaker 1: If you're watching or listening, make sure you tag me
Speaker 1: and Rangan on Instagram, on Twitter, on Facebook, any platform
Speaker 1: you're using. We love to see what you're learning, what
Speaker 1: you're taking away. There were so many great pieces of wisdom,
Speaker 1: nuggets of advice, and insight today and I want to
Speaker 1: make sure that we see those so we know what
Speaker 1: you're taking away. Thank you so much for listening to
Speaker 1: on Purpose. I'll see you again next time