1 00:00:00,080 --> 00:00:05,159 Speaker 1: We confuse success and happiness. Now, success and happiness can overlap, 2 00:00:05,320 --> 00:00:08,000 Speaker 1: for sure, but more often than not they don't. Happiness 3 00:00:08,080 --> 00:00:10,920 Speaker 1: is happiness. Success as success, you're going to end up 4 00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:14,560 Speaker 1: chasing society's idea more money about a holiday at a 5 00:00:14,680 --> 00:00:18,239 Speaker 1: nicer phone. Right. I'm not saying those things are necessarily wrong. 6 00:00:18,480 --> 00:00:21,439 Speaker 1: The problem is as if we chase them too much 7 00:00:21,560 --> 00:00:30,880 Speaker 1: at the expense of what our happiness is. Hey, everyone, 8 00:00:30,920 --> 00:00:33,839 Speaker 1: welcome back to On Purpose, the number one health podcast 9 00:00:34,000 --> 00:00:36,199 Speaker 1: in the world. Thanks to each and every single one 10 00:00:36,240 --> 00:00:39,240 Speaker 1: of you that come back every week to listen, learn 11 00:00:39,400 --> 00:00:42,440 Speaker 1: and grow. Now today's guest is one of those few 12 00:00:42,479 --> 00:00:46,600 Speaker 1: guests that we've had on twice now today, and it's 13 00:00:46,640 --> 00:00:50,000 Speaker 1: because his last episode was so special, so powerful. I 14 00:00:50,000 --> 00:00:52,640 Speaker 1: know it impacted so many of you, and his books 15 00:00:52,640 --> 00:00:55,520 Speaker 1: have as well. So I'm so excited to talk once 16 00:00:55,560 --> 00:00:59,160 Speaker 1: again to the one and only doctor Rung and Chatteredy Now. 17 00:00:59,200 --> 00:01:03,080 Speaker 1: He's regarded as one of the most influential medical doctors 18 00:01:03,160 --> 00:01:06,760 Speaker 1: in the UK and wants to change how medicine will 19 00:01:06,800 --> 00:01:09,679 Speaker 1: be practiced for years to come. His mission is to 20 00:01:09,720 --> 00:01:14,480 Speaker 1: help one hundred million people around the globe live better lives. 21 00:01:14,840 --> 00:01:17,280 Speaker 1: He hosts the most listen to health and wellness podcasts 22 00:01:17,319 --> 00:01:20,959 Speaker 1: in the UK and Europe Feel Better, Live More, which 23 00:01:21,000 --> 00:01:24,640 Speaker 1: regularly tops the Apple podcast charts. The podcast has received 24 00:01:24,800 --> 00:01:28,000 Speaker 1: fifty million downloads to date and is consumed by over 25 00:01:28,080 --> 00:01:31,640 Speaker 1: two point five million people every month. He's known for 26 00:01:31,680 --> 00:01:33,480 Speaker 1: his ability, and this is why I love him and 27 00:01:33,520 --> 00:01:37,240 Speaker 1: why you'll love his latest book, To Simplify complex health 28 00:01:37,280 --> 00:01:41,520 Speaker 1: advice and finding the root cause of people's health problems. 29 00:01:41,680 --> 00:01:44,200 Speaker 1: If you remember his last episode, you'll remember we've really 30 00:01:44,200 --> 00:01:48,240 Speaker 1: got into how doctors can differ and change their perspective 31 00:01:48,240 --> 00:01:51,800 Speaker 1: about how they view their clients and patients. And of 32 00:01:51,800 --> 00:01:54,280 Speaker 1: course today we're talking about his brand new book, which 33 00:01:54,280 --> 00:01:58,400 Speaker 1: I'm going to hold up the virtual digital version, which 34 00:01:58,440 --> 00:02:01,200 Speaker 1: is the world we live in now, Mind Happy Life, 35 00:02:01,800 --> 00:02:04,000 Speaker 1: and I really really hope that all of you go 36 00:02:04,080 --> 00:02:06,440 Speaker 1: out and grab a copy of this book, Ten Simple 37 00:02:06,520 --> 00:02:10,640 Speaker 1: Ways to Feel Great every Day. Rongan, it's great to 38 00:02:10,680 --> 00:02:15,160 Speaker 1: have you on the podcast again. It's great to see you, honestly, 39 00:02:15,240 --> 00:02:20,480 Speaker 1: Congratulations on this amazing book and all your incredible success 40 00:02:20,480 --> 00:02:22,000 Speaker 1: and I can't wait for people to read it. But 41 00:02:22,040 --> 00:02:23,680 Speaker 1: thank you for coming to talk to me about it. Jay, 42 00:02:23,720 --> 00:02:25,560 Speaker 1: Thanks for having me on for a second. Time. Your 43 00:02:25,560 --> 00:02:28,600 Speaker 1: show's fantastic. It's a real honor and looking really looking 44 00:02:28,600 --> 00:02:31,240 Speaker 1: forward to this conversation. Yeah, me too, Me too. And 45 00:02:31,240 --> 00:02:35,120 Speaker 1: when I was reading your book, I love how you're 46 00:02:35,200 --> 00:02:40,880 Speaker 1: changing the way we perceive doctors and how doctors perceive patients. 47 00:02:41,040 --> 00:02:45,960 Speaker 1: It's like this really interesting cycle of here's a doctor 48 00:02:46,560 --> 00:02:51,840 Speaker 1: talking about happiness and how happiness is at the core 49 00:02:51,919 --> 00:02:54,200 Speaker 1: of our health. And that was one of the things 50 00:02:54,280 --> 00:02:56,880 Speaker 1: I really appreciated when you last came on, when you 51 00:02:56,919 --> 00:02:59,600 Speaker 1: were talking about when you often see your patients, you 52 00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:01,600 Speaker 1: last more, how many times do you see your friends, 53 00:03:02,040 --> 00:03:05,080 Speaker 1: how many times a week do you get together with 54 00:03:05,120 --> 00:03:07,320 Speaker 1: the people that you love? And I was thinking, Wow, 55 00:03:07,320 --> 00:03:09,840 Speaker 1: this is really a fresh perspective, and you've done it again. 56 00:03:10,480 --> 00:03:12,880 Speaker 1: I want to dive straight in. You talk about this 57 00:03:12,960 --> 00:03:17,960 Speaker 1: connection between health and happiness. I want to start off 58 00:03:18,160 --> 00:03:23,040 Speaker 1: trying to understand because often we find that pursuing happiness 59 00:03:23,639 --> 00:03:26,400 Speaker 1: is actually bad for our health as well. So how 60 00:03:26,480 --> 00:03:29,880 Speaker 1: are you seeing it differently. I'm not necessarily saying that 61 00:03:29,919 --> 00:03:35,120 Speaker 1: we should be pursuing happiness directly. I think happiness is 62 00:03:35,160 --> 00:03:39,520 Speaker 1: a byproduct when we do the right things. There are 63 00:03:39,520 --> 00:03:41,880 Speaker 1: all kinds of things that we can focus on daily basis, 64 00:03:41,920 --> 00:03:45,000 Speaker 1: and if we do those things, we can talk about 65 00:03:45,000 --> 00:03:48,480 Speaker 1: some of those laser For sure, I think happiness comes 66 00:03:48,560 --> 00:03:51,080 Speaker 1: as a side effect of that. So it's not really 67 00:03:51,120 --> 00:03:53,839 Speaker 1: I think the destination we should be aiming to get 68 00:03:53,880 --> 00:03:57,400 Speaker 1: too directly. It's more kind of direction we might want 69 00:03:57,400 --> 00:03:59,960 Speaker 1: to take in life. It's it's something that I think 70 00:04:00,200 --> 00:04:04,440 Speaker 1: we do want. But it's becoming quite unfashionable these days 71 00:04:04,480 --> 00:04:07,920 Speaker 1: to talk about happiness, and that really really interests me. 72 00:04:08,040 --> 00:04:10,520 Speaker 1: But in terms of the relationship between happiness and health, 73 00:04:11,400 --> 00:04:13,640 Speaker 1: for me as a doctor, it's always how can I 74 00:04:13,680 --> 00:04:17,599 Speaker 1: get to the root cause of my patient's problems? Right, Yes, 75 00:04:17,760 --> 00:04:21,840 Speaker 1: what symptoms have they got? But actually what's going on 76 00:04:21,920 --> 00:04:23,520 Speaker 1: behind that? So they might come in with a headache 77 00:04:23,560 --> 00:04:26,640 Speaker 1: or a migraine, and sure I can diagnose them and 78 00:04:26,640 --> 00:04:29,600 Speaker 1: tell them what that is, but I want to help 79 00:04:29,600 --> 00:04:31,799 Speaker 1: them understand, well, what is going on in your life 80 00:04:31,800 --> 00:04:34,760 Speaker 1: and your lifestyle that might be contributing to this. And 81 00:04:35,160 --> 00:04:37,719 Speaker 1: for many years I have said publicly on many occasions 82 00:04:37,760 --> 00:04:41,240 Speaker 1: that about eighty percent of what we see as doctors 83 00:04:41,400 --> 00:04:45,320 Speaker 1: is in some way related to our collective modern lifestyles. 84 00:04:46,200 --> 00:04:48,400 Speaker 1: But then I began to wonder a few years ago Jay, Well, 85 00:04:49,200 --> 00:04:52,000 Speaker 1: it's lifestyle the root cause. And when I say lifestyle, 86 00:04:52,040 --> 00:04:56,400 Speaker 1: I mean things like food, movements, sleep, and relaxation. And 87 00:04:56,480 --> 00:04:59,960 Speaker 1: I thought, is there something that's even more important, even 88 00:05:00,120 --> 00:05:04,360 Speaker 1: more upstream, and that has consumed me for a few years, 89 00:05:05,279 --> 00:05:08,680 Speaker 1: And I really think there is. It's our happiness and 90 00:05:08,760 --> 00:05:13,040 Speaker 1: our mental well being. So when we are happier with 91 00:05:13,160 --> 00:05:17,240 Speaker 1: our lives and in our lives, we naturally become healthier. 92 00:05:17,279 --> 00:05:21,320 Speaker 1: And I think there's two main reasons for that. Happier people, 93 00:05:21,400 --> 00:05:23,600 Speaker 1: so people who are more content if you are more 94 00:05:23,600 --> 00:05:25,360 Speaker 1: in control of their life, who are living more in 95 00:05:25,400 --> 00:05:31,240 Speaker 1: accordance with their values. Actually, they naturally make better lifestyle choices. 96 00:05:31,279 --> 00:05:33,480 Speaker 1: So if you feel good about who you are and 97 00:05:33,560 --> 00:05:38,200 Speaker 1: what you're doing in life, you're less likely to feel 98 00:05:38,240 --> 00:05:42,920 Speaker 1: the need to comfort eat and open that box of 99 00:05:43,000 --> 00:05:45,560 Speaker 1: chocolates in the afternoon to get you through. You're less 100 00:05:45,640 --> 00:05:47,880 Speaker 1: likely to dive into the tub of ice cream in 101 00:05:47,920 --> 00:05:50,560 Speaker 1: front of the sofa in the evening. You're less likely 102 00:05:50,640 --> 00:05:53,760 Speaker 1: to open a bee or half a bottle of wine 103 00:05:53,800 --> 00:05:56,880 Speaker 1: to help you drown your sorrows if you feel happier 104 00:05:56,880 --> 00:06:00,280 Speaker 1: and more content, So I think that's one component aestyle 105 00:06:00,400 --> 00:06:03,640 Speaker 1: choice has become better and it becomes much easier. But 106 00:06:03,680 --> 00:06:07,440 Speaker 1: I think there's another component as well. Research shows us. 107 00:06:07,560 --> 00:06:10,880 Speaker 1: There was a study called the Nuns Study, and they 108 00:06:10,920 --> 00:06:14,400 Speaker 1: follow nuns across the duration of their life and essentially, 109 00:06:14,440 --> 00:06:18,880 Speaker 1: once you had controlled for lifestyle, so same diets, same 110 00:06:18,920 --> 00:06:22,800 Speaker 1: sleep patterns, same exercise habits, want you to control for that, 111 00:06:23,000 --> 00:06:27,440 Speaker 1: the happier nuns lived longer and they were healthier. Right, 112 00:06:27,480 --> 00:06:30,240 Speaker 1: So it's independently linked with good health outcomes as well. 113 00:06:30,279 --> 00:06:33,560 Speaker 1: And I've seen this with my patients Jay that if 114 00:06:33,600 --> 00:06:37,040 Speaker 1: I can help them think differently. But if you're someone 115 00:06:37,080 --> 00:06:42,200 Speaker 1: who allows the actions of other people to overly influence 116 00:06:42,279 --> 00:06:45,680 Speaker 1: how you feel, you know, an email from your boss 117 00:06:45,760 --> 00:06:48,599 Speaker 1: makes you feel really angry and annoyed and you don't 118 00:06:48,600 --> 00:06:51,120 Speaker 1: know how to process that, that is creating stress and 119 00:06:51,240 --> 00:06:56,280 Speaker 1: tension in your body. That is also absolutely relevant to 120 00:06:56,320 --> 00:06:58,880 Speaker 1: your health and your health outcomes. And we don't think 121 00:06:58,880 --> 00:07:02,280 Speaker 1: of that. People don't realize, I think, or not enough 122 00:07:02,320 --> 00:07:05,520 Speaker 1: for us to realize. Certainly, I would say with the public, 123 00:07:05,600 --> 00:07:09,960 Speaker 1: but also within my profession, that's an inability to forgive. 124 00:07:10,880 --> 00:07:16,080 Speaker 1: Holding onto anger and resentments, holding onto hostility is absolutely 125 00:07:16,120 --> 00:07:20,280 Speaker 1: associated with all kinds of negative health outcomes. Autoimmune disease, 126 00:07:20,760 --> 00:07:25,080 Speaker 1: heart disease, cancer, strokes, all kinds of things. So what 127 00:07:25,120 --> 00:07:26,720 Speaker 1: do I want to do as I want to help 128 00:07:26,760 --> 00:07:28,600 Speaker 1: people and I know I'm going to be able to 129 00:07:28,600 --> 00:07:32,320 Speaker 1: help them better if I can help them become happier. 130 00:07:33,000 --> 00:07:37,200 Speaker 1: The reason why we're unhappy, and it would be interesting 131 00:07:37,240 --> 00:07:40,160 Speaker 1: to go down that path, because the reason why you're 132 00:07:40,200 --> 00:07:42,600 Speaker 1: working on these things, the patients that you work with, 133 00:07:42,640 --> 00:07:45,840 Speaker 1: why you wrote this book, is because we are to 134 00:07:45,960 --> 00:07:52,400 Speaker 1: some degree unhappy or dissatisfied or discontent with who we are. 135 00:07:53,080 --> 00:07:55,600 Speaker 1: And we don't know what our values are because we've 136 00:07:55,640 --> 00:07:59,480 Speaker 1: never been trained and educated as to how to develop them. 137 00:08:00,120 --> 00:08:03,080 Speaker 1: And we don't know how to be aligned with ourselves 138 00:08:03,160 --> 00:08:05,160 Speaker 1: because we don't even know what that means. We never 139 00:08:05,160 --> 00:08:08,720 Speaker 1: really were exposed to that vocabulary or those words up 140 00:08:08,800 --> 00:08:12,520 Speaker 1: until the last few years, even in mainstream society. When 141 00:08:12,520 --> 00:08:17,240 Speaker 1: you're looking at the root of our unhappiness, where is 142 00:08:17,360 --> 00:08:20,440 Speaker 1: that root of our unhappiness that you're seeing it come from? 143 00:08:20,480 --> 00:08:27,880 Speaker 1: I think much of it comes from society and this 144 00:08:28,160 --> 00:08:32,080 Speaker 1: idea of what success is. Right. So I think one 145 00:08:32,080 --> 00:08:37,040 Speaker 1: of the big problems is that we confuse success and happiness. Now, 146 00:08:37,080 --> 00:08:41,680 Speaker 1: success and happiness can overlap for sure, but more often 147 00:08:41,679 --> 00:08:44,960 Speaker 1: than not they don't. It's happiness is happiness, success is success, 148 00:08:44,960 --> 00:08:49,200 Speaker 1: and unless you intentionally go through a process to actually 149 00:08:49,200 --> 00:08:52,199 Speaker 1: define what those things are for you, you're going to 150 00:08:52,360 --> 00:08:56,480 Speaker 1: end up chasing society's idea more money about a holiday 151 00:08:56,520 --> 00:08:59,280 Speaker 1: at a nicer phone, know about a hotel when you 152 00:08:59,360 --> 00:09:03,040 Speaker 1: go and stay away with your family or your partner. Right, 153 00:09:03,040 --> 00:09:07,000 Speaker 1: I'm not saying those things are necessarily wrong. The problem 154 00:09:07,080 --> 00:09:10,160 Speaker 1: is as if we chase them too much at the 155 00:09:10,280 --> 00:09:13,600 Speaker 1: expense of what our happinesses and many of us fall 156 00:09:13,640 --> 00:09:16,160 Speaker 1: into that trap. I have fallen into that trap, j Right, 157 00:09:16,200 --> 00:09:19,079 Speaker 1: I have absolutely you know, I start off the book, 158 00:09:19,280 --> 00:09:22,320 Speaker 1: I think, with a very powerful story about my dad's 159 00:09:22,720 --> 00:09:25,920 Speaker 1: You know Dad. You know, he grew up in India. 160 00:09:26,160 --> 00:09:28,400 Speaker 1: He came over to the UK in the nineteen sixties 161 00:09:28,600 --> 00:09:32,400 Speaker 1: in search of a better life for him and his family, 162 00:09:32,520 --> 00:09:34,560 Speaker 1: yes us here in the UK, but also for his 163 00:09:34,600 --> 00:09:39,840 Speaker 1: family back home in India. And Dad worked incessantly. You know, 164 00:09:39,920 --> 00:09:42,559 Speaker 1: Dad was a doctor. There was all kinds of discrimination 165 00:09:42,640 --> 00:09:46,760 Speaker 1: he faced. He had to change speciality because actually he 166 00:09:46,760 --> 00:09:49,280 Speaker 1: was unable to progress in the speciality that he wanted. 167 00:09:49,360 --> 00:09:51,679 Speaker 1: Many Indian doctors will tell you this story from the 168 00:09:51,760 --> 00:09:54,400 Speaker 1: nineteen sixties in the UK, there was a glass ceiling 169 00:09:54,440 --> 00:09:57,840 Speaker 1: for you. You couldn't go past a certain point. So 170 00:09:57,960 --> 00:10:01,920 Speaker 1: Dad moves speciality to help provides security and stability for 171 00:10:02,000 --> 00:10:05,600 Speaker 1: us as a family. When Dad was consultant, my dad's 172 00:10:05,640 --> 00:10:10,120 Speaker 1: life for thirty years was he would do his job 173 00:10:10,640 --> 00:10:15,000 Speaker 1: in manaster wom Infirmary as a consultant physician in the 174 00:10:15,120 --> 00:10:19,600 Speaker 1: day and three to four nights a week. My dad's 175 00:10:20,520 --> 00:10:23,200 Speaker 1: wouldn't sleep at all, so he'd come home at five 176 00:10:23,280 --> 00:10:25,240 Speaker 1: thirty in the evening or six pm in the evening. 177 00:10:26,040 --> 00:10:28,400 Speaker 1: Mum would give him dinner, he'd go upstairs in shave 178 00:10:28,440 --> 00:10:30,000 Speaker 1: and then there'd be a car picking him up at 179 00:10:30,040 --> 00:10:32,160 Speaker 1: seven pm and then Dad would be off all night. 180 00:10:32,240 --> 00:10:35,480 Speaker 1: He'd come back the following morning at seven am again, 181 00:10:35,559 --> 00:10:38,079 Speaker 1: have breakfast, shave again. I remember he would he be 182 00:10:38,160 --> 00:10:41,520 Speaker 1: shaved twice a day, go to work. Dad did this 183 00:10:41,559 --> 00:10:46,000 Speaker 1: for thirty years. And here's the problem, Jay, My whole 184 00:10:46,040 --> 00:10:50,400 Speaker 1: adult life until nine years ago when my dad died, 185 00:10:52,080 --> 00:10:54,240 Speaker 1: was being a career for my dad. I moved back 186 00:10:54,240 --> 00:10:56,360 Speaker 1: to the northwest of England to help Mum and my 187 00:10:56,400 --> 00:10:59,600 Speaker 1: brother look after dads. This kind of idea of what 188 00:11:00,120 --> 00:11:04,040 Speaker 1: cess is. It killed my dad, he chased it, he 189 00:11:04,160 --> 00:11:07,679 Speaker 1: got it. I had a fantastic education, right, I couldn't 190 00:11:07,679 --> 00:11:11,080 Speaker 1: want for a better education, but I never saw my 191 00:11:11,160 --> 00:11:14,240 Speaker 1: dad's You know, my dad died very very early in 192 00:11:14,280 --> 00:11:16,480 Speaker 1: the last fifteen years of his life were hell. I 193 00:11:16,520 --> 00:11:20,680 Speaker 1: think that story, whilst potentially not as extreme for some people, 194 00:11:21,080 --> 00:11:24,520 Speaker 1: there will be people right now, Jay, who love your content, 195 00:11:24,559 --> 00:11:28,000 Speaker 1: who are listening to this show or watching it. I'm 196 00:11:28,000 --> 00:11:30,360 Speaker 1: probably thinking, yeah, I sort of I love my job, 197 00:11:30,400 --> 00:11:33,760 Speaker 1: but maybe I'm working a bit too hard, and I'm 198 00:11:33,800 --> 00:11:36,960 Speaker 1: kind of sacrificing the things in my life that are 199 00:11:37,000 --> 00:11:41,600 Speaker 1: really important. So I kind of feel society gives us 200 00:11:41,600 --> 00:11:44,719 Speaker 1: a false idea of happiness. You know, we think happiness, Jay, 201 00:11:44,800 --> 00:11:47,360 Speaker 1: is that billboard you know, that billboard image of the 202 00:11:47,520 --> 00:11:51,000 Speaker 1: smiling couple on the beach with their children with the 203 00:11:51,040 --> 00:11:55,280 Speaker 1: ocean behind them. We think that's happiness. Now, that's not happiness. 204 00:11:55,320 --> 00:11:58,800 Speaker 1: That's a pleasurable experience that can form part of a 205 00:11:58,800 --> 00:12:02,600 Speaker 1: happy life, no doubt, but that's not happiness. You know, 206 00:12:02,679 --> 00:12:05,520 Speaker 1: I've got two young kids, like I've got eleven year 207 00:12:05,520 --> 00:12:08,800 Speaker 1: old son and nine year old daughter, and you know, 208 00:12:08,840 --> 00:12:11,280 Speaker 1: all of us I think as kids younger than that. 209 00:12:11,320 --> 00:12:15,920 Speaker 1: When we're really young, we've got that inner happiness. You know, 210 00:12:16,000 --> 00:12:19,760 Speaker 1: we're present, We're in the moment. We're playing, maybe with 211 00:12:19,800 --> 00:12:22,480 Speaker 1: our siblings, maybe with our friends. We're not worrying about 212 00:12:22,480 --> 00:12:24,800 Speaker 1: the future, we're not fretting about the past. We're right 213 00:12:24,800 --> 00:12:27,760 Speaker 1: there in the moment. So that happiness is there inside us. 214 00:12:27,760 --> 00:12:29,719 Speaker 1: But somewhere along the line in the book, I call 215 00:12:29,760 --> 00:12:33,840 Speaker 1: it the adulthood contract. We sign this adulthood contract and 216 00:12:34,000 --> 00:12:35,720 Speaker 1: things start to go wrong. And I already see it 217 00:12:35,760 --> 00:12:39,240 Speaker 1: with the kids. Like school doesn't teach us how to 218 00:12:39,280 --> 00:12:42,280 Speaker 1: be happy. I don't think many of our parents teach 219 00:12:42,400 --> 00:12:45,679 Speaker 1: us how to be happy. Society doesn't teach us how 220 00:12:45,679 --> 00:12:48,320 Speaker 1: to be happy. In fact, society probably teaches us the 221 00:12:48,360 --> 00:12:51,920 Speaker 1: wrong lessons about what happiness really is. And that's the 222 00:12:52,000 --> 00:12:54,520 Speaker 1: key message behind this BOOKJA is to help people understand 223 00:12:54,559 --> 00:12:57,440 Speaker 1: that happiness it's a skill. It's a skill that you 224 00:12:57,480 --> 00:13:00,480 Speaker 1: can practice. Just as if you go to the gym 225 00:13:00,559 --> 00:13:02,760 Speaker 1: and you do bicep curls every day, you're going to 226 00:13:02,840 --> 00:13:08,079 Speaker 1: have bigger biceps. Well, you know, my concession is, I 227 00:13:08,120 --> 00:13:10,800 Speaker 1: feel like broken down the skill of happiness and to 228 00:13:10,920 --> 00:13:14,280 Speaker 1: tend very easy steps of people, and if they practice 229 00:13:14,280 --> 00:13:16,839 Speaker 1: them a little bit, they're going to be a little 230 00:13:16,840 --> 00:13:20,240 Speaker 1: bit happier, and as they become happier, they're going to 231 00:13:20,280 --> 00:13:23,120 Speaker 1: become healthier as well. Absolutely, thank you so much for 232 00:13:23,160 --> 00:13:25,640 Speaker 1: sharing that story as well about your father, which really 233 00:13:25,679 --> 00:13:28,560 Speaker 1: you know, encapsulate this idea really well. I think for me, 234 00:13:29,840 --> 00:13:33,840 Speaker 1: when I think about what happiness means to me, happiness is, 235 00:13:35,520 --> 00:13:38,679 Speaker 1: as you said, ability, the ability to know how to 236 00:13:38,800 --> 00:13:46,000 Speaker 1: navigate uncomfortable and uncertain times, because when you know what 237 00:13:46,040 --> 00:13:49,640 Speaker 1: you have to do, it's more important than wanting to 238 00:13:49,679 --> 00:13:52,880 Speaker 1: know how things will end up. So we think our 239 00:13:52,920 --> 00:13:56,160 Speaker 1: happiness is, well, how will this end up? How will 240 00:13:56,320 --> 00:13:58,760 Speaker 1: what will the result of this be? Will that make 241 00:13:58,840 --> 00:14:02,360 Speaker 1: me happy? And to me actually go no, Actually, happiness 242 00:14:02,400 --> 00:14:04,360 Speaker 1: to me is knowing what to do right now in 243 00:14:04,440 --> 00:14:09,000 Speaker 1: the moment and having that sense of reflection and introspection 244 00:14:09,280 --> 00:14:12,600 Speaker 1: and the stillness to be able to carry that out 245 00:14:13,200 --> 00:14:17,840 Speaker 1: because the search, as you said, for that billboard happiness 246 00:14:17,880 --> 00:14:21,760 Speaker 1: that's out there, that's a projection again, a societal projection. 247 00:14:22,720 --> 00:14:26,040 Speaker 1: We're trying to invent and create that in a world 248 00:14:26,160 --> 00:14:29,480 Speaker 1: that doesn't allow for that every day or at every moment. 249 00:14:29,800 --> 00:14:32,960 Speaker 1: And so knowing what to do in the moment. To 250 00:14:33,120 --> 00:14:36,640 Speaker 1: me is where happiness begins, of knowing how to behave, 251 00:14:36,680 --> 00:14:38,520 Speaker 1: how to think, and what to do. And that's what 252 00:14:38,600 --> 00:14:41,280 Speaker 1: these ten habits do. You break down what you call 253 00:14:42,000 --> 00:14:46,720 Speaker 1: core happiness as a three legged stool, contentment, alignment, and control. 254 00:14:46,800 --> 00:14:49,840 Speaker 1: I want to go through each of these because they've 255 00:14:49,840 --> 00:14:53,240 Speaker 1: formed the tenets of these ten habits or principles you 256 00:14:53,240 --> 00:14:56,440 Speaker 1: give us. But let's let's start with contentment. And you 257 00:14:56,520 --> 00:14:59,640 Speaker 1: describe contentment here. I've got it in the book. Feeling 258 00:14:59,640 --> 00:15:04,080 Speaker 1: content means being at peace with your life and your decisions. 259 00:15:04,600 --> 00:15:07,320 Speaker 1: That's really hard because most of us, when we look back, 260 00:15:07,520 --> 00:15:09,960 Speaker 1: especially at the past, we think, Wow, I've made a 261 00:15:10,000 --> 00:15:13,160 Speaker 1: lot of bad decisions. I wish I tried that thing. 262 00:15:13,760 --> 00:15:17,000 Speaker 1: I wish I never went out with that person, while 263 00:15:17,040 --> 00:15:20,240 Speaker 1: I should have left that job a lot earlier. So 264 00:15:20,320 --> 00:15:23,200 Speaker 1: most of us actually have a very negative view of 265 00:15:23,240 --> 00:15:26,800 Speaker 1: our decision making process. Let's talk a bit about decisions, 266 00:15:26,920 --> 00:15:29,560 Speaker 1: especially decisions of the past, that we regret. How do 267 00:15:29,600 --> 00:15:34,000 Speaker 1: we create contentment around those, specifically around decisions in the past. 268 00:15:34,680 --> 00:15:37,800 Speaker 1: If you know we have a deep regret, let's say, oh, 269 00:15:37,880 --> 00:15:42,320 Speaker 1: I wish I'd done something differently. I think the first 270 00:15:42,360 --> 00:15:44,680 Speaker 1: step is to really try and get to a place 271 00:15:44,680 --> 00:15:47,760 Speaker 1: of acceptance. You were doing the best that you could 272 00:15:47,960 --> 00:15:51,240 Speaker 1: at that time with what you knew. Right. If you 273 00:15:51,240 --> 00:15:54,640 Speaker 1: could have done it differently, you would have. And you know, 274 00:15:54,640 --> 00:15:56,240 Speaker 1: it depends how deep you want to go with this, 275 00:15:56,480 --> 00:16:01,320 Speaker 1: but certainly for me, one of the things that's really 276 00:16:01,360 --> 00:16:04,760 Speaker 1: helped me with my happiness and my contentment in particular 277 00:16:05,640 --> 00:16:08,800 Speaker 1: as real acceptance of every single thing that has ever 278 00:16:08,840 --> 00:16:11,080 Speaker 1: happened to me or I have done, whether it's something 279 00:16:11,120 --> 00:16:13,440 Speaker 1: I'm proud of, whether it's something I'm not proud of, 280 00:16:13,440 --> 00:16:16,000 Speaker 1: where it's something that actually I could make a case 281 00:16:16,080 --> 00:16:19,920 Speaker 1: that I made the wrong decision. Now, actually I made 282 00:16:20,040 --> 00:16:22,600 Speaker 1: the very best decision for my growth, because actually, if 283 00:16:22,600 --> 00:16:25,000 Speaker 1: I look back now and see that it was potentially 284 00:16:25,000 --> 00:16:30,080 Speaker 1: a negative, it's about reframing it to go, oh, what 285 00:16:30,240 --> 00:16:35,560 Speaker 1: did I learn from that? What did I learn from that? Oh? 286 00:16:35,600 --> 00:16:37,920 Speaker 1: I never would have learned that had that not happened, 287 00:16:37,920 --> 00:16:41,000 Speaker 1: had I not gone to that job that I didn't like. 288 00:16:41,760 --> 00:16:44,000 Speaker 1: You know, I can think of one particularly in my mind. 289 00:16:44,080 --> 00:16:45,680 Speaker 1: You know, early on in my career as a DOT say, 290 00:16:45,720 --> 00:16:47,920 Speaker 1: I was like I worked in a practice that I 291 00:16:48,040 --> 00:16:50,920 Speaker 1: hated the framework and the structure there, right. I would 292 00:16:50,920 --> 00:16:53,040 Speaker 1: get frustrated. I would come home and complain to my 293 00:16:53,080 --> 00:16:55,920 Speaker 1: wife every day. She kept saying, hey, babe, you know, 294 00:16:55,960 --> 00:16:57,360 Speaker 1: if you don't like it, why don't you leave him? 295 00:16:57,400 --> 00:17:00,320 Speaker 1: I can't leave you know this, It pays us money, 296 00:17:00,360 --> 00:17:03,480 Speaker 1: it does you know story. I created this kind of 297 00:17:03,760 --> 00:17:06,600 Speaker 1: almost like a victim story around it, you know, And 298 00:17:06,640 --> 00:17:09,680 Speaker 1: I know the word victim can be very triggering for people, 299 00:17:09,720 --> 00:17:11,520 Speaker 1: and I don't mean it to be certainly you've talked 300 00:17:11,520 --> 00:17:15,720 Speaker 1: about my own experience. What I've learned, Jay, is that 301 00:17:16,160 --> 00:17:21,639 Speaker 1: you can always write a different story about any events 302 00:17:21,640 --> 00:17:25,440 Speaker 1: in life. You've always got a choice in what story 303 00:17:25,520 --> 00:17:27,800 Speaker 1: you put onto something, and you can practice this and 304 00:17:27,880 --> 00:17:30,520 Speaker 1: train it. So one of my sort of types of 305 00:17:30,520 --> 00:17:33,560 Speaker 1: people is, in any bit of friction you encounter in life, 306 00:17:33,600 --> 00:17:36,240 Speaker 1: see if you can choose a happiness story around it. 307 00:17:37,040 --> 00:17:39,080 Speaker 1: And there's a couple of ways that we can think 308 00:17:39,119 --> 00:17:41,280 Speaker 1: about this. So, you know, if we remember back to 309 00:17:41,600 --> 00:17:44,159 Speaker 1: March twenty twenty, when the whole world was sort of 310 00:17:44,200 --> 00:17:47,159 Speaker 1: going into lockdown and people were getting scared, there was 311 00:17:47,240 --> 00:17:51,040 Speaker 1: lots of images of supermarket shells being empty and there'd 312 00:17:51,040 --> 00:17:52,920 Speaker 1: be no toilet role there, right, So these are big 313 00:17:52,920 --> 00:17:56,040 Speaker 1: headlines and the amount of people who were like criticizing. 314 00:17:56,080 --> 00:17:58,320 Speaker 1: I can't believe there's who's doing this, you know, who's 315 00:17:58,320 --> 00:18:02,240 Speaker 1: taking more. You can tell yourself that story for sure, 316 00:18:03,080 --> 00:18:05,479 Speaker 1: but you can also see if you can write a 317 00:18:05,520 --> 00:18:09,199 Speaker 1: different story around the same situation. So, okay, what was 318 00:18:09,200 --> 00:18:11,560 Speaker 1: going on there? Well? Could it have been the every 319 00:18:11,640 --> 00:18:15,000 Speaker 1: shop at that day took one extra role and so 320 00:18:15,160 --> 00:18:18,480 Speaker 1: by the end of the day the supermarket shells are empty. Okay, 321 00:18:18,560 --> 00:18:21,560 Speaker 1: that's possible. Could it be that actually one person went 322 00:18:21,600 --> 00:18:23,760 Speaker 1: in and yes, they did buy loads and loads of 323 00:18:23,840 --> 00:18:29,679 Speaker 1: packets because actually they look after for elderly grandparents and 324 00:18:29,720 --> 00:18:32,760 Speaker 1: actually they're really worried about what's going to happen. Maybe 325 00:18:32,760 --> 00:18:35,280 Speaker 1: it was someone who actually went in and they wanted 326 00:18:35,320 --> 00:18:37,040 Speaker 1: to buy as much as they could and sell it 327 00:18:37,040 --> 00:18:41,080 Speaker 1: on eBay. Okay, how do you happen a story? Though? Ah? 328 00:18:41,160 --> 00:18:43,359 Speaker 1: You know, what must have been going on in their life. 329 00:18:43,960 --> 00:18:46,840 Speaker 1: Maybe they really don't have any money. Maybe they are 330 00:18:46,920 --> 00:18:49,400 Speaker 1: so desperate they don't feel they've got any opportunities in life, 331 00:18:49,400 --> 00:18:51,280 Speaker 1: and actually this is an opportunity for them that they've 332 00:18:51,320 --> 00:18:53,439 Speaker 1: seen it to make a bit of money. You know 333 00:18:53,440 --> 00:18:56,800 Speaker 1: what I've realized when it comes to most bits of 334 00:18:57,320 --> 00:19:01,440 Speaker 1: friction in our life, the truth actually doesn't matter jay 335 00:19:02,320 --> 00:19:05,400 Speaker 1: for your happiness. The truth doesn't matter. Write a happiness 336 00:19:05,440 --> 00:19:08,600 Speaker 1: story that works for you. And this is something I 337 00:19:08,720 --> 00:19:10,720 Speaker 1: try my best. See. It's probably the thing that's had 338 00:19:10,720 --> 00:19:14,840 Speaker 1: the most impact on my feeling of contentment is that 339 00:19:15,400 --> 00:19:17,119 Speaker 1: every day if I get a bit of social friction, 340 00:19:17,200 --> 00:19:19,440 Speaker 1: Let's say someone leaves a negative comment on my social 341 00:19:19,480 --> 00:19:23,160 Speaker 1: media for example, right, instead of wishing it was other 342 00:19:23,240 --> 00:19:25,720 Speaker 1: than the way it was, Oh, I can't believe the 343 00:19:25,760 --> 00:19:27,879 Speaker 1: active like that, it's like, oh, okay, let me go 344 00:19:27,880 --> 00:19:30,719 Speaker 1: through a process here, you know. Number one, is there 345 00:19:30,760 --> 00:19:33,920 Speaker 1: any truth to this? Okay, yeah, there's a bit of 346 00:19:33,960 --> 00:19:35,600 Speaker 1: truth here. I can learn here. I've been given an 347 00:19:35,640 --> 00:19:39,399 Speaker 1: opportunity to learn. If there's no truth here, oh well, 348 00:19:39,520 --> 00:19:41,760 Speaker 1: why is this bothering me? And it's like putting the 349 00:19:41,800 --> 00:19:44,160 Speaker 1: mirror up and instead of looking out there, it's like, 350 00:19:45,119 --> 00:19:48,119 Speaker 1: what is being triggered within me? Is it my insecurity? 351 00:19:48,280 --> 00:19:50,960 Speaker 1: Is at my need to be liked and loved? You 352 00:19:51,000 --> 00:19:53,840 Speaker 1: know what is it? Because then you start to take 353 00:19:53,880 --> 00:19:56,800 Speaker 1: control of the situation. Do you know what I mean? 354 00:19:56,880 --> 00:19:59,760 Speaker 1: It's I think it's I think it's you can rewrite 355 00:19:59,760 --> 00:20:01,760 Speaker 1: a already on anything, and i'd tell you when this 356 00:20:01,920 --> 00:20:04,840 Speaker 1: was really brought home to me. Jay, have you heard 357 00:20:04,880 --> 00:20:07,080 Speaker 1: it for Edith Eager? Yeah, I don't know if you've 358 00:20:07,080 --> 00:20:09,320 Speaker 1: interviewed either. If you haven't, you absolutely should. You would 359 00:20:09,320 --> 00:20:11,679 Speaker 1: absolutely love talking to her. But Edith came onto my 360 00:20:11,720 --> 00:20:15,200 Speaker 1: podcast last year. At the time she was ninety three 361 00:20:15,280 --> 00:20:19,399 Speaker 1: years old. I think about that conversation pretty much every 362 00:20:19,440 --> 00:20:22,200 Speaker 1: single day. It had such an impact on me. When 363 00:20:22,359 --> 00:20:24,879 Speaker 1: Edith was sixteen years old living in Eastern Europe, she 364 00:20:24,920 --> 00:20:26,879 Speaker 1: was getting ready that evening she was going to go 365 00:20:26,880 --> 00:20:29,000 Speaker 1: on a date with her boyfriends. There was a knock 366 00:20:29,000 --> 00:20:31,359 Speaker 1: on the door and before she knew it, her and 367 00:20:31,440 --> 00:20:34,440 Speaker 1: her sister and her parents were on a train to Auschwitz. 368 00:20:35,320 --> 00:20:37,920 Speaker 1: She gets to Auschwitz. Within two hours of getting there, 369 00:20:37,920 --> 00:20:41,920 Speaker 1: her parents are murdered. She's there with her sister, she 370 00:20:41,920 --> 00:20:47,080 Speaker 1: doesn't know what's going on, what's happening. And then later 371 00:20:47,119 --> 00:20:50,080 Speaker 1: that day she had to dance, right, she had to 372 00:20:50,160 --> 00:20:53,359 Speaker 1: dance for some of the prison guards there. And the 373 00:20:53,440 --> 00:20:57,199 Speaker 1: last thing her mum said to her was, Edith, nobody 374 00:20:57,240 --> 00:20:59,680 Speaker 1: can take away from you what you put inside your mind. 375 00:21:00,080 --> 00:21:01,560 Speaker 1: So the first thing she told me was when I 376 00:21:01,640 --> 00:21:06,240 Speaker 1: was dancing. I wasn't dancing in Auschwitz. I was dancing 377 00:21:06,240 --> 00:21:09,439 Speaker 1: in Budapest opera house. I was dancing. There was a 378 00:21:09,480 --> 00:21:12,080 Speaker 1: full orchestra there, that the crowds were there, That's what 379 00:21:12,240 --> 00:21:14,840 Speaker 1: I was dancing. So that's the first lesson I learned 380 00:21:14,840 --> 00:21:17,960 Speaker 1: for her, that you can create a story in your mind. 381 00:21:18,560 --> 00:21:21,080 Speaker 1: And then she told me Dr Chassee, when I was 382 00:21:21,119 --> 00:21:24,960 Speaker 1: in Auschwitz, I wasn't a prisoner. The prison guards were prisoners. 383 00:21:25,200 --> 00:21:28,280 Speaker 1: They weren't living their life. I was free in my mind. 384 00:21:29,240 --> 00:21:32,040 Speaker 1: And it just went on and on and the words 385 00:21:32,040 --> 00:21:34,760 Speaker 1: I think about every day, j oh when she said 386 00:21:34,760 --> 00:21:40,520 Speaker 1: to me, wrong and listen, I have lived through Auschwitz. 387 00:21:41,320 --> 00:21:44,719 Speaker 1: But I can tell you the greatest prison is the 388 00:21:44,760 --> 00:21:49,159 Speaker 1: prison you create inside your own mind. And I thought, Okay, 389 00:21:50,080 --> 00:21:56,520 Speaker 1: if Edith Eger can write a different story about events, 390 00:21:56,880 --> 00:22:00,119 Speaker 1: a happiness story, if you will about events in the 391 00:22:00,119 --> 00:22:04,200 Speaker 1: hell of Auschwitz, that I'm pretty sure I can reframe 392 00:22:04,480 --> 00:22:07,040 Speaker 1: most of the small frictions in my own life. And 393 00:22:07,200 --> 00:22:10,919 Speaker 1: it's it's it's been so powerful for me, Jay, it 394 00:22:11,000 --> 00:22:12,840 Speaker 1: really has. I mean, do you ever you know, how 395 00:22:12,840 --> 00:22:14,880 Speaker 1: do you deal with friction? Is that something you try 396 00:22:14,920 --> 00:22:16,639 Speaker 1: to apply in your own life or how do you 397 00:22:16,640 --> 00:22:19,399 Speaker 1: see it? Yeah, I mean I just everything you just 398 00:22:19,440 --> 00:22:24,000 Speaker 1: shared right now, and I had come across Edith Egi's 399 00:22:24,000 --> 00:22:26,040 Speaker 1: story and I didn't realize you interviewed her, which is 400 00:22:26,080 --> 00:22:29,320 Speaker 1: which is fantastic and so phenomenal to hear about your 401 00:22:29,320 --> 00:22:32,600 Speaker 1: experience with her. Everything you just said I am fully 402 00:22:32,640 --> 00:22:35,320 Speaker 1: aligned with. And I don't think you could have picked 403 00:22:35,320 --> 00:22:39,000 Speaker 1: a better example, because to share it from someone who 404 00:22:39,040 --> 00:22:42,520 Speaker 1: has been through the worst of the worst of the worst, 405 00:22:43,359 --> 00:22:45,320 Speaker 1: and for that person to be able to create a 406 00:22:45,359 --> 00:22:49,280 Speaker 1: reframe at that time gives us all an opportunity to 407 00:22:49,320 --> 00:22:52,840 Speaker 1: realize how powerful it is. And so I am fully 408 00:22:52,920 --> 00:22:56,640 Speaker 1: with you, like fully aligned, fully in agreement with you, 409 00:22:57,000 --> 00:22:59,600 Speaker 1: And in my own small way in my life, I 410 00:22:59,640 --> 00:23:03,320 Speaker 1: do this same thing. And I think when we look 411 00:23:03,320 --> 00:23:10,040 Speaker 1: at our life as a story as opposed to a checklist, 412 00:23:10,440 --> 00:23:14,520 Speaker 1: or as opposed to a hit list, or as opposed 413 00:23:14,560 --> 00:23:17,800 Speaker 1: to a list of goals, right, like, it's a very 414 00:23:17,880 --> 00:23:20,640 Speaker 1: different approach. When you see your life as a list 415 00:23:20,680 --> 00:23:24,200 Speaker 1: of goals, and if you don't reach them, you don't 416 00:23:24,240 --> 00:23:28,000 Speaker 1: feel good about yourself. You're missing the story. Right if 417 00:23:28,000 --> 00:23:30,080 Speaker 1: you look at all the people who've achieved goals that 418 00:23:30,119 --> 00:23:34,200 Speaker 1: we admire they all got there because they lived a story. 419 00:23:34,280 --> 00:23:37,040 Speaker 1: They didn't live a goal, they didn't live a journey 420 00:23:37,080 --> 00:23:39,679 Speaker 1: to a goal. And so I do it all the 421 00:23:39,720 --> 00:23:44,960 Speaker 1: time as well. I'm constantly reframing my experience of life. 422 00:23:44,960 --> 00:23:47,439 Speaker 1: And what you said is so true that they're in 423 00:23:47,480 --> 00:23:51,879 Speaker 1: one sense, there is no truth in one sense to 424 00:23:52,080 --> 00:23:57,040 Speaker 1: any of our stories and journeys, because what is objectively 425 00:23:57,160 --> 00:24:00,359 Speaker 1: the truth is just a perception. Yeah, I mean, I 426 00:24:00,359 --> 00:24:02,080 Speaker 1: think you're like this one, Jakey, because I know you're 427 00:24:02,080 --> 00:24:04,520 Speaker 1: a football fan or I should say soccer fan, as 428 00:24:04,520 --> 00:24:07,760 Speaker 1: I'm on your show. But they did this study, right, 429 00:24:07,800 --> 00:24:11,320 Speaker 1: They looked they were talking to football fans, same incident. Right, 430 00:24:11,400 --> 00:24:15,119 Speaker 1: everyone can see the incidents, and they interviewed both sets 431 00:24:15,119 --> 00:24:21,280 Speaker 1: of fans on different sides. What happens, completely different version 432 00:24:21,320 --> 00:24:25,520 Speaker 1: of reality over the same incident. Right. Think about any 433 00:24:25,760 --> 00:24:29,359 Speaker 1: I guess marriage or two partners right when they have 434 00:24:29,359 --> 00:24:33,840 Speaker 1: a disagreement. There are two versions of reality, right, you know, 435 00:24:34,040 --> 00:24:36,240 Speaker 1: it depends on which side of the table you're sitting 436 00:24:36,240 --> 00:24:40,560 Speaker 1: on determines your reality. And I've learned, actually, and it 437 00:24:40,600 --> 00:24:45,119 Speaker 1: sounds quite controversial that for your happiness, I think sometimes 438 00:24:45,160 --> 00:24:47,760 Speaker 1: the truth doesn't matter. It's the spin you put on 439 00:24:47,800 --> 00:24:49,960 Speaker 1: it that you can put a spin on it that's 440 00:24:49,960 --> 00:24:53,760 Speaker 1: going to make you feel disempowered and a victim. And look, 441 00:24:53,800 --> 00:24:56,119 Speaker 1: I want to be respectful. I understand there are some 442 00:24:56,560 --> 00:25:00,240 Speaker 1: pretty horrendous things that happen in life two people. I 443 00:25:00,320 --> 00:25:03,320 Speaker 1: understand that, and sometimes it's harder than in other times. 444 00:25:03,760 --> 00:25:05,639 Speaker 1: But this is something you can get better at. You 445 00:25:05,640 --> 00:25:09,240 Speaker 1: can always put a new story on it. And what happens, then, Jay, 446 00:25:09,280 --> 00:25:11,520 Speaker 1: is that every day becomes a school day. Right, every 447 00:25:11,600 --> 00:25:15,680 Speaker 1: day you're you're being given, You're being gifted opportunities by 448 00:25:15,680 --> 00:25:18,520 Speaker 1: the world around you to learn something about yourself and 449 00:25:19,200 --> 00:25:22,080 Speaker 1: a tip maybe for your audience if they think, Okay, 450 00:25:22,080 --> 00:25:25,400 Speaker 1: this is quite difficult. Right, you know someone's done this 451 00:25:25,800 --> 00:25:29,359 Speaker 1: and I don't like it. Something that I found really helpful, 452 00:25:30,240 --> 00:25:34,200 Speaker 1: it's this idea that if I was that other person, 453 00:25:35,320 --> 00:25:39,680 Speaker 1: I'd be doing exactly the same. And what I mean 454 00:25:39,720 --> 00:25:43,960 Speaker 1: when I say that is if I'm with that other person, 455 00:25:44,040 --> 00:25:47,639 Speaker 1: with their childhood, with their childhood experiences, with their parents, 456 00:25:48,160 --> 00:25:51,639 Speaker 1: with the bullying they received at school, with the boss 457 00:25:51,720 --> 00:25:55,439 Speaker 1: that they had, if I were them, I would absolutely 458 00:25:55,440 --> 00:25:59,879 Speaker 1: be making the same decisions as them. Yes, And I 459 00:26:00,080 --> 00:26:02,399 Speaker 1: honestly feel that if we don't think we would. You know, 460 00:26:02,480 --> 00:26:05,200 Speaker 1: I invite people to consider maybe it's not ego talking 461 00:26:05,359 --> 00:26:08,600 Speaker 1: because they made the decisions. That's their version of reality. 462 00:26:08,600 --> 00:26:13,600 Speaker 1: And I find that gives me this ability to be compassionate, 463 00:26:13,760 --> 00:26:17,720 Speaker 1: much more compassionate to every single person that I meets, 464 00:26:17,720 --> 00:26:20,240 Speaker 1: whether I agree with them or not. And Jay, look 465 00:26:20,240 --> 00:26:21,840 Speaker 1: at the state of the world at the moments right 466 00:26:22,200 --> 00:26:25,840 Speaker 1: it's seemingly pretty divided. Certainly online it seems pretty divided. 467 00:26:26,400 --> 00:26:29,960 Speaker 1: And I think this approach not only makes us feel better, 468 00:26:30,600 --> 00:26:35,320 Speaker 1: but I think when we can exercise this compassion to everyone, 469 00:26:35,520 --> 00:26:38,760 Speaker 1: even people we disagree with, I think that's what's going 470 00:26:38,800 --> 00:26:42,760 Speaker 1: to make the world a much much better and happier place, definitely. 471 00:26:42,800 --> 00:26:45,600 Speaker 1: And you reminded me of that. I'm sure you remember 472 00:26:45,640 --> 00:26:49,199 Speaker 1: that famous Prince William Meam where he's holding up his 473 00:26:49,320 --> 00:26:52,680 Speaker 1: fingers like this, and so he's actually saying, I think 474 00:26:52,680 --> 00:26:55,520 Speaker 1: he's like number three, And if you look at it 475 00:26:55,600 --> 00:26:57,639 Speaker 1: from the other angle, it looks like he's putting his 476 00:26:57,680 --> 00:27:00,919 Speaker 1: middle finger up. And it's like these two pictures that 477 00:27:00,920 --> 00:27:02,360 Speaker 1: are put next to each other, and one of them 478 00:27:02,359 --> 00:27:04,600 Speaker 1: looks like he's putting his middle finger up to the press. 479 00:27:04,960 --> 00:27:07,240 Speaker 1: But actually when you see it from another angle. He's 480 00:27:07,240 --> 00:27:10,679 Speaker 1: putting three, and he obviously means something else by that, 481 00:27:10,760 --> 00:27:13,280 Speaker 1: And so I love that. When we're talking about contentment, 482 00:27:13,280 --> 00:27:15,520 Speaker 1: that makes a lot of sense. Let's shift to alignment. 483 00:27:15,760 --> 00:27:18,240 Speaker 1: I really like the way you define alignment. You said, 484 00:27:18,720 --> 00:27:21,439 Speaker 1: feeling aligned means that the person you want to be 485 00:27:22,160 --> 00:27:25,439 Speaker 1: and the person you are actually being out there in 486 00:27:25,480 --> 00:27:29,360 Speaker 1: the world are one and the same. And I remember 487 00:27:29,400 --> 00:27:32,959 Speaker 1: a very beautiful thought by Gandhi whenever I think about alignment, 488 00:27:33,320 --> 00:27:37,119 Speaker 1: and I believe he said that when you experience peace 489 00:27:37,119 --> 00:27:40,640 Speaker 1: and harmony when what you think, what you say, and 490 00:27:40,680 --> 00:27:44,480 Speaker 1: what you do are aligned. And whenever I think about 491 00:27:44,480 --> 00:27:46,639 Speaker 1: that or whenever I share that teaching, I find that 492 00:27:46,680 --> 00:27:51,840 Speaker 1: most people think something but say something else. We say 493 00:27:51,880 --> 00:27:54,280 Speaker 1: one thing, but then we do a completely different thing. 494 00:27:54,320 --> 00:27:57,560 Speaker 1: And so we're living in this very divided world, even 495 00:27:57,600 --> 00:28:02,560 Speaker 1: inside of ourselves, because it's completely disconnected. How do we 496 00:28:03,280 --> 00:28:08,120 Speaker 1: start creating a more aligned life because often we're scared 497 00:28:08,160 --> 00:28:11,240 Speaker 1: of saying what we think, and we're even more scared 498 00:28:11,240 --> 00:28:14,600 Speaker 1: of doing what we say, and then we're worried about 499 00:28:14,640 --> 00:28:17,120 Speaker 1: what everyone else thinks of all of that. So alignment 500 00:28:17,119 --> 00:28:19,399 Speaker 1: becomes a really big challenge walk us through that for 501 00:28:19,440 --> 00:28:21,360 Speaker 1: a bit. Yeah, I mean the first thing to say, 502 00:28:21,400 --> 00:28:24,480 Speaker 1: it's not going to be super easy in the sense 503 00:28:24,480 --> 00:28:26,159 Speaker 1: that it's not something you can just listen to us 504 00:28:26,160 --> 00:28:29,160 Speaker 1: having a conversation and then immediately afterwards go, okay, cool, 505 00:28:29,280 --> 00:28:31,440 Speaker 1: right now I'm going to go and as aligned in 506 00:28:31,480 --> 00:28:33,240 Speaker 1: the world. Now, this is a process. It's a very 507 00:28:33,280 --> 00:28:37,600 Speaker 1: fun process, but it's a process nonetheless. So you know, 508 00:28:37,640 --> 00:28:40,920 Speaker 1: alignment this idea that are inner values on our external 509 00:28:40,960 --> 00:28:45,240 Speaker 1: actions are matching up, whatever that is. And the reason 510 00:28:45,320 --> 00:28:47,640 Speaker 1: I guess I'm so passionate about this day is I've 511 00:28:47,680 --> 00:28:51,480 Speaker 1: really this is something like I've really struggled with pretty 512 00:28:51,560 --> 00:28:55,080 Speaker 1: much my entire life. I feel that what I'm really 513 00:28:55,120 --> 00:28:58,160 Speaker 1: trying to do these days is become more and more 514 00:28:58,160 --> 00:29:02,600 Speaker 1: aligned and actually to really tune into who I actually am, 515 00:29:02,760 --> 00:29:05,200 Speaker 1: which sounds like the easiest thing in the world to do, 516 00:29:05,920 --> 00:29:08,280 Speaker 1: but actually for many of us it's one of the 517 00:29:08,320 --> 00:29:11,200 Speaker 1: hardest things because since we were kids, we started to 518 00:29:11,360 --> 00:29:14,320 Speaker 1: do things to gain the approval of others. But I 519 00:29:14,360 --> 00:29:16,920 Speaker 1: know for me, for much of my life, I only 520 00:29:17,000 --> 00:29:21,640 Speaker 1: felt that I was worthy of love and acceptance if 521 00:29:21,680 --> 00:29:28,280 Speaker 1: I achieved, if I was successful, and I think for me, well, 522 00:29:28,320 --> 00:29:30,760 Speaker 1: I know a lot of it comes down to my upbringing. 523 00:29:30,800 --> 00:29:32,880 Speaker 1: And you know, I love my parents to bits I 524 00:29:32,880 --> 00:29:34,960 Speaker 1: think they did. I'd like to think they did a 525 00:29:34,960 --> 00:29:37,560 Speaker 1: pretty good job with bringing me up, but there were 526 00:29:37,600 --> 00:29:41,080 Speaker 1: some things. Again, there's two versions of reality, right, I remember, 527 00:29:41,520 --> 00:29:43,880 Speaker 1: and I think there's something in the immigrant mentality here. 528 00:29:44,000 --> 00:29:46,120 Speaker 1: I don't know if this echoes your experience or not. 529 00:29:46,160 --> 00:29:49,320 Speaker 1: But if I came back from school with nineteen outs 530 00:29:49,360 --> 00:29:52,160 Speaker 1: of twenty and something, my mum would say, well, why 531 00:29:52,160 --> 00:29:54,840 Speaker 1: didn't you get twenty? If I came back with ninety nine, 532 00:29:56,040 --> 00:29:57,400 Speaker 1: my mom would say, well, yeah, why didn't you get 533 00:29:57,400 --> 00:30:00,880 Speaker 1: one hundred percents? And I didn't realize it at the time, 534 00:30:00,920 --> 00:30:04,840 Speaker 1: but I took on this perception that I'm only loved 535 00:30:04,840 --> 00:30:08,880 Speaker 1: and really seen and valued when I win and get 536 00:30:08,960 --> 00:30:12,560 Speaker 1: top marks. And that's very toxic because on the outside 537 00:30:12,600 --> 00:30:15,719 Speaker 1: you can appear quite successful, you can appear as though 538 00:30:15,760 --> 00:30:20,000 Speaker 1: you're achieving and doing things, but on the inside, you 539 00:30:20,040 --> 00:30:23,840 Speaker 1: know there's nothing. There's a real deep insecurity. I've had 540 00:30:23,880 --> 00:30:25,560 Speaker 1: that for much of my life. I think, you know, 541 00:30:26,040 --> 00:30:29,560 Speaker 1: external success looks good, but on the inside you know 542 00:30:29,640 --> 00:30:31,120 Speaker 1: you don't feel good, and so you go to what 543 00:30:31,160 --> 00:30:34,000 Speaker 1: I call these junk happiness habits, whether that be you know, 544 00:30:34,200 --> 00:30:38,560 Speaker 1: drinking or gambling or you know these days Instagram potentially 545 00:30:38,560 --> 00:30:41,680 Speaker 1: overusing it and this sort of stuff. So for me, 546 00:30:41,800 --> 00:30:47,000 Speaker 1: the process of alignment started with recognizing why I behave 547 00:30:47,040 --> 00:30:50,360 Speaker 1: the way that I do, and it was a very 548 00:30:50,760 --> 00:30:52,920 Speaker 1: rewarding process. It's taken a bit of time, but this 549 00:30:53,080 --> 00:30:54,840 Speaker 1: is not one hit ja that people are going to 550 00:30:54,920 --> 00:30:56,800 Speaker 1: just think, oh, I need to do this, and now 551 00:30:56,840 --> 00:30:59,719 Speaker 1: I can. The first step in any change is awareness. 552 00:31:00,200 --> 00:31:04,080 Speaker 1: So even if someone's listening to this conversation and going, yeah, 553 00:31:04,120 --> 00:31:06,720 Speaker 1: you know what, I'm not living in a lined life, 554 00:31:06,840 --> 00:31:10,360 Speaker 1: like I'm not being the person out there who I 555 00:31:10,440 --> 00:31:14,760 Speaker 1: really am. Okay, that is progress. Okay, you may want more, 556 00:31:15,240 --> 00:31:17,720 Speaker 1: but that is a good start. At least now you know, 557 00:31:18,240 --> 00:31:20,160 Speaker 1: and then you can work on the next stage. So 558 00:31:20,800 --> 00:31:23,640 Speaker 1: there's many ways in which people can do this. I 559 00:31:23,680 --> 00:31:28,840 Speaker 1: think doing some sort of values exercise is really really helpful. 560 00:31:29,200 --> 00:31:31,040 Speaker 1: I know we spoke about this when you came on 561 00:31:31,120 --> 00:31:32,600 Speaker 1: my show. You've done a great job with this in 562 00:31:32,600 --> 00:31:36,400 Speaker 1: your own book, Jay of talking about values in Happy Mind, 563 00:31:36,400 --> 00:31:38,920 Speaker 1: Happy Life. There are some simple exercises to help people 564 00:31:39,000 --> 00:31:44,280 Speaker 1: understand what are your values? Can you choose three values 565 00:31:44,400 --> 00:31:47,360 Speaker 1: from this long list, and you know, maybe once a 566 00:31:47,360 --> 00:31:51,480 Speaker 1: week you reassess, Yeah, I think that is that doesn't 567 00:31:51,480 --> 00:31:53,840 Speaker 1: fit quite right. I'm going to tweak it right, so 568 00:31:53,880 --> 00:31:56,520 Speaker 1: you can keep tweaking until you really understand what these 569 00:31:56,680 --> 00:31:59,560 Speaker 1: values are. And then you can, you know, look at 570 00:31:59,560 --> 00:32:01,760 Speaker 1: your life, go how much at the time am I 571 00:32:01,880 --> 00:32:06,880 Speaker 1: living in accordance with these values? And it's so simple, 572 00:32:07,040 --> 00:32:10,520 Speaker 1: But just the act of writing it down and reassessing 573 00:32:11,120 --> 00:32:14,000 Speaker 1: is really really powerful. You start to make subtle shifts 574 00:32:14,000 --> 00:32:16,600 Speaker 1: when you do that. So I think that's an important 575 00:32:16,640 --> 00:32:21,400 Speaker 1: piece around alignment also, and I'm very very interested in 576 00:32:22,320 --> 00:32:24,920 Speaker 1: your thoughts on this as well, Jay, this whole idea 577 00:32:24,920 --> 00:32:29,360 Speaker 1: of core happiness, which has these three components. It's basically 578 00:32:30,080 --> 00:32:32,239 Speaker 1: I was trying to come up with a model for 579 00:32:32,320 --> 00:32:37,960 Speaker 1: happiness that actually people find genuinely practical and useful, not 580 00:32:38,040 --> 00:32:40,640 Speaker 1: like a lofty concept that can I come up with 581 00:32:40,640 --> 00:32:44,640 Speaker 1: a model that holds true in every single situation. And I, 582 00:32:45,200 --> 00:32:47,120 Speaker 1: you know, I think I cracked it with this model. 583 00:32:47,120 --> 00:32:49,080 Speaker 1: Of course, I welcome hearing where I may not have 584 00:32:49,080 --> 00:32:51,880 Speaker 1: got it quite right, but I really think that this 585 00:32:52,120 --> 00:32:57,880 Speaker 1: encompasses this deep sense of happiness. These three components, contentments, 586 00:32:57,960 --> 00:33:03,400 Speaker 1: control and alignments. And then I remember thinking, what about 587 00:33:03,400 --> 00:33:06,600 Speaker 1: meaning and purpose? Because we keep hearing and of course 588 00:33:06,760 --> 00:33:08,960 Speaker 1: you know your show's called on Purpose, you talk a 589 00:33:08,960 --> 00:33:11,760 Speaker 1: lot about purpose. I thought, well, where does meaning and 590 00:33:11,760 --> 00:33:13,880 Speaker 1: purpose fits in here? Because a lot of people that 591 00:33:13,880 --> 00:33:16,360 Speaker 1: you say say we shouldn't be chasing happiness, we should 592 00:33:16,360 --> 00:33:19,400 Speaker 1: be chasing meaning. And I've spent weeks trying to solve this, 593 00:33:19,640 --> 00:33:23,600 Speaker 1: and the way I came down on it, what I 594 00:33:23,640 --> 00:33:27,920 Speaker 1: think underpins this altogether is that meaning and purpose comes 595 00:33:27,960 --> 00:33:36,240 Speaker 1: with alignment. So meaning and purpose is important, right, It's 596 00:33:36,240 --> 00:33:40,880 Speaker 1: a necessary ingredients for happiness. But I don't think it's 597 00:33:40,880 --> 00:33:43,240 Speaker 1: happiness in and off itself. And the reason I say 598 00:33:43,240 --> 00:33:46,120 Speaker 1: that is because, let's say, first could be you or 599 00:33:46,160 --> 00:33:48,080 Speaker 1: me for example, or it could be someone listening. Let's 600 00:33:48,080 --> 00:33:50,920 Speaker 1: say you have a job that gives you meaning and 601 00:33:50,960 --> 00:33:53,840 Speaker 1: purpose and you love it and it's helping the world, 602 00:33:53,920 --> 00:33:57,760 Speaker 1: it really nourishes you. Okay, great, you've got meaning, but 603 00:33:57,880 --> 00:34:01,480 Speaker 1: maybe you're working two hearts, getting back too late each night. 604 00:34:01,960 --> 00:34:06,360 Speaker 1: Maybe you're not spending time nourishing the important relationships in 605 00:34:06,400 --> 00:34:09,680 Speaker 1: your life. Sure you've got meaning, but you don't have 606 00:34:09,760 --> 00:34:12,800 Speaker 1: core happiness. And then you could take it to another extreme. 607 00:34:12,880 --> 00:34:15,960 Speaker 1: Let's say in World War Two, you might make the 608 00:34:16,000 --> 00:34:21,200 Speaker 1: case that a soldier fighting against the Nazis was living 609 00:34:21,200 --> 00:34:24,919 Speaker 1: a meaningful life. But I'm not necessarily sure you could 610 00:34:24,920 --> 00:34:29,000 Speaker 1: say that they were happy. So I'm awful, meaning and purpose. 611 00:34:29,520 --> 00:34:32,400 Speaker 1: But I think it comes under the alignment leg of 612 00:34:32,520 --> 00:34:36,200 Speaker 1: the core happiness model, the core happiness stool. And then 613 00:34:36,239 --> 00:34:38,319 Speaker 1: I think it also takes the pressure of people. Jay, 614 00:34:38,520 --> 00:34:41,600 Speaker 1: I'm sure you get messages like this, but people often 615 00:34:41,640 --> 00:34:44,680 Speaker 1: say that, you know, yeah, I want to find I 616 00:34:44,719 --> 00:34:46,759 Speaker 1: want to find my purpose, but I don't know where 617 00:34:46,800 --> 00:34:49,200 Speaker 1: to start, you know, what is my purpose? And they 618 00:34:49,239 --> 00:34:52,240 Speaker 1: see people online and think, oh man, they've got their purpose. 619 00:34:52,320 --> 00:34:55,400 Speaker 1: I don't. You know. Have you heard of the Japanese 620 00:34:55,440 --> 00:34:58,239 Speaker 1: concepts of ikey guy. Yes, it's beautiful. Yeah, it really 621 00:34:58,280 --> 00:35:01,400 Speaker 1: is beautiful. And I remember in my second book, The 622 00:35:01,400 --> 00:35:04,360 Speaker 1: Stress Solution, I wrote about it, this idea that ikey 623 00:35:04,400 --> 00:35:07,200 Speaker 1: guys these four things, you know something, you know, we 624 00:35:07,200 --> 00:35:09,359 Speaker 1: should be looking to try and find something that we're 625 00:35:09,400 --> 00:35:13,160 Speaker 1: good at, that we enjoy doing, that the world needs, 626 00:35:13,719 --> 00:35:16,680 Speaker 1: and that also makes money. And I thought, what a 627 00:35:16,719 --> 00:35:19,880 Speaker 1: beautiful concept. I want some ikey guy in my life 628 00:35:20,360 --> 00:35:22,880 Speaker 1: and I remember Jay I was giving a talk in London, 629 00:35:23,880 --> 00:35:26,239 Speaker 1: and I remember it so well because at the end 630 00:35:26,280 --> 00:35:29,160 Speaker 1: of the talk, we were doing Q and A, and 631 00:35:30,160 --> 00:35:32,440 Speaker 1: you know, a young lady at the back put her 632 00:35:32,440 --> 00:35:34,960 Speaker 1: hand up and she said, dot CHASTI. I'm an eighteen 633 00:35:35,040 --> 00:35:38,960 Speaker 1: year old Japanese students living in London, and I grew 634 00:35:39,080 --> 00:35:42,000 Speaker 1: up with this concept of ikey guy, and frankly, I 635 00:35:42,080 --> 00:35:44,960 Speaker 1: found it demotivating and it really put me off. It 636 00:35:45,000 --> 00:35:48,240 Speaker 1: seemed like a two lofty bar for meet and meets 637 00:35:49,160 --> 00:35:53,200 Speaker 1: and that really hit me. Jay I thought, yeah, that's interesting. 638 00:35:53,560 --> 00:35:56,720 Speaker 1: These nice ideas for some people, they're very off putting. 639 00:35:57,160 --> 00:35:59,800 Speaker 1: I think that's where alignment and values can be really 640 00:36:00,320 --> 00:36:03,720 Speaker 1: because if you're struggling to find your meaning and purpose rights, 641 00:36:04,320 --> 00:36:07,839 Speaker 1: I would say focus on your values. So let's say 642 00:36:07,880 --> 00:36:09,640 Speaker 1: you hate your job. Let's say you work in a 643 00:36:09,719 --> 00:36:12,120 Speaker 1: call censor. You don't like it, but that pays you 644 00:36:12,280 --> 00:36:14,920 Speaker 1: money and it helps you feed your family and put 645 00:36:14,960 --> 00:36:17,239 Speaker 1: a roof over your heads, and you hear the stuff 646 00:36:17,239 --> 00:36:19,800 Speaker 1: of that meaning and purpose. I say, okay, focus on values. 647 00:36:20,200 --> 00:36:23,359 Speaker 1: If one of your values is kindness, Let's say, then 648 00:36:23,360 --> 00:36:25,240 Speaker 1: if you get up in the morning and you're kind 649 00:36:26,000 --> 00:36:29,200 Speaker 1: to your partner, You get a coffee on the way 650 00:36:29,200 --> 00:36:31,759 Speaker 1: to work and you're kind to the barista. You get 651 00:36:31,760 --> 00:36:33,839 Speaker 1: on the bus and you're kind to the bus driver, 652 00:36:34,200 --> 00:36:37,000 Speaker 1: and whilst you're at work you're kind to your work colleagues. 653 00:36:38,320 --> 00:36:41,200 Speaker 1: Then you're living a life of meaning that is a 654 00:36:41,239 --> 00:36:44,480 Speaker 1: meaningful life. You may not love your job at the moments, 655 00:36:44,480 --> 00:36:47,799 Speaker 1: but the more you act in alignment that meaning that 656 00:36:47,880 --> 00:36:52,359 Speaker 1: purpose is going to come as a byproduct. So like, 657 00:36:52,480 --> 00:36:55,080 Speaker 1: that's where I think meaning and purpose kind of fits 658 00:36:55,120 --> 00:36:58,080 Speaker 1: into this core happiness idea. I mean, did that make sense? 659 00:36:58,160 --> 00:37:00,239 Speaker 1: You know? Do you have any thoughts on that? Do 660 00:37:00,239 --> 00:37:03,320 Speaker 1: you agree? You know? I'm I really welcome challenging the 661 00:37:03,440 --> 00:37:05,600 Speaker 1: still because I kind of think it holds true in 662 00:37:05,640 --> 00:37:09,200 Speaker 1: every situation, But you know, i'd lot to know your view. Yeah, 663 00:37:09,239 --> 00:37:13,120 Speaker 1: I mean, my honest take is I think that a 664 00:37:13,200 --> 00:37:19,840 Speaker 1: lot of these discussions can be explained just through different 665 00:37:19,960 --> 00:37:23,880 Speaker 1: terms in different language, used by different people, for words 666 00:37:23,920 --> 00:37:28,440 Speaker 1: that appeal in different ways. So there are certain words 667 00:37:28,560 --> 00:37:33,160 Speaker 1: that when you unpack them, I can see that we're 668 00:37:33,160 --> 00:37:36,520 Speaker 1: trying to say the same thing, but you may use 669 00:37:36,560 --> 00:37:38,880 Speaker 1: certain words that I don't use. And this is exactly 670 00:37:38,920 --> 00:37:41,880 Speaker 1: what you were saying before that if I don't take 671 00:37:42,360 --> 00:37:48,480 Speaker 1: the time to listen, to understand, and to take a 672 00:37:48,520 --> 00:37:51,320 Speaker 1: moment of stillness to say, well, let me understand what 673 00:37:51,440 --> 00:37:55,040 Speaker 1: wrongan's really trying to say. Even though we use different words, 674 00:37:55,600 --> 00:37:57,759 Speaker 1: we may actually find that we're trying to say the 675 00:37:57,840 --> 00:38:00,760 Speaker 1: same thing, Whereas if I simply look at the words, 676 00:38:00,800 --> 00:38:03,000 Speaker 1: I may say I disagree with you completely. I think 677 00:38:03,200 --> 00:38:06,120 Speaker 1: I think you're wrong, and I have another opinion. And 678 00:38:06,200 --> 00:38:08,080 Speaker 1: so I think we have to be so careful with 679 00:38:08,239 --> 00:38:12,799 Speaker 1: language because words mean so many different things to so 680 00:38:12,840 --> 00:38:15,360 Speaker 1: many different people. And it's why I always say to 681 00:38:15,400 --> 00:38:20,840 Speaker 1: people that we need more faces and voices in the 682 00:38:20,960 --> 00:38:24,360 Speaker 1: world of health and willness, or in any field for 683 00:38:24,400 --> 00:38:28,560 Speaker 1: that matter, because everyone needs to hear from a diverse 684 00:38:28,560 --> 00:38:32,320 Speaker 1: set of voices and faces. Everyone is not going to 685 00:38:32,600 --> 00:38:35,920 Speaker 1: connect to my language, and that's okay, and everyone's not 686 00:38:35,960 --> 00:38:38,280 Speaker 1: going to connect to your language, and that's okay. Because 687 00:38:38,600 --> 00:38:40,440 Speaker 1: there have been times where I've heard a piece of 688 00:38:40,480 --> 00:38:45,040 Speaker 1: wisdom one time, twice, three times, four times. I hear 689 00:38:45,080 --> 00:38:49,080 Speaker 1: it the ninth time from some random person. But the 690 00:38:49,200 --> 00:38:51,680 Speaker 1: way they said it, the penny dropped and it hit me, 691 00:38:51,840 --> 00:38:53,960 Speaker 1: like it just hit me, and I was like, but 692 00:38:54,040 --> 00:38:56,239 Speaker 1: I've been hearing that since I was a kid, but 693 00:38:56,560 --> 00:38:58,759 Speaker 1: hearing it from that person at that time and that 694 00:38:58,960 --> 00:39:01,880 Speaker 1: voice in that moment, that had an impact on me. 695 00:39:02,200 --> 00:39:05,399 Speaker 1: And so I've become of the belief that I love 696 00:39:05,440 --> 00:39:09,040 Speaker 1: the word alignment. I think it's fantastic. And I would 697 00:39:09,040 --> 00:39:12,880 Speaker 1: say that an aligned life is a purposeful life. Agree, 698 00:39:12,920 --> 00:39:15,200 Speaker 1: and that you are spot on when you say that 699 00:39:15,280 --> 00:39:18,440 Speaker 1: if we can start living and practicing just one of 700 00:39:18,440 --> 00:39:22,320 Speaker 1: our values, that that will grow into a purposeful life. 701 00:39:22,840 --> 00:39:27,359 Speaker 1: And so we're in alignment. We're in alignment. And I'm 702 00:39:27,440 --> 00:39:30,160 Speaker 1: very content with the language that you use is different 703 00:39:30,200 --> 00:39:34,520 Speaker 1: to me, but that we are of the same ethos 704 00:39:34,560 --> 00:39:36,799 Speaker 1: and spirit in what we're trying to share. But of 705 00:39:36,840 --> 00:39:39,879 Speaker 1: course a language will be different because we're different people, right, 706 00:39:40,280 --> 00:39:42,879 Speaker 1: We've had different experiences. You've gone off to be a monk, 707 00:39:43,200 --> 00:39:44,799 Speaker 1: you know. That's something that in my head I think, well, 708 00:39:44,880 --> 00:39:47,840 Speaker 1: wouldn't that be incredible to go and do that, although 709 00:39:48,120 --> 00:39:51,200 Speaker 1: I can't see that happening anytime seen, especially being married 710 00:39:51,200 --> 00:39:55,000 Speaker 1: and having two young kids. Need me, but you will 711 00:39:55,040 --> 00:39:59,280 Speaker 1: be informed by your life experience. I've been a medical 712 00:39:59,360 --> 00:40:01,880 Speaker 1: doctor for or you know, nearly twenty one years now, 713 00:40:02,000 --> 00:40:06,000 Speaker 1: seeing tens of thousands of patients. My view to this 714 00:40:06,080 --> 00:40:09,360 Speaker 1: topic of happiness is informed by the tens of thousands 715 00:40:09,400 --> 00:40:12,480 Speaker 1: of patients I've seen and their struggles. Right, So we're 716 00:40:12,480 --> 00:40:15,680 Speaker 1: going to say it differently and you know, pulling together 717 00:40:15,800 --> 00:40:17,520 Speaker 1: alignment and what you asked me right at the start, 718 00:40:17,560 --> 00:40:20,279 Speaker 1: which is what are the you know, why is it 719 00:40:20,320 --> 00:40:23,560 Speaker 1: we struggle so much with happiness and this idea of happiness. 720 00:40:23,600 --> 00:40:26,800 Speaker 1: Another exercise that I think is really useful for people 721 00:40:27,239 --> 00:40:30,200 Speaker 1: that also helps them be more aligned. It's a two 722 00:40:30,239 --> 00:40:34,279 Speaker 1: part exercise, right. I love it and I don't know 723 00:40:34,280 --> 00:40:36,200 Speaker 1: if you want to try it on yourself. Actually, yeah, 724 00:40:37,080 --> 00:40:39,080 Speaker 1: trying it? Okay, so the first yeah, let's do it. 725 00:40:39,160 --> 00:40:41,360 Speaker 1: Let's do it. The first part of the exercise is 726 00:40:41,719 --> 00:40:45,080 Speaker 1: right down. Or you can just tell me three things 727 00:40:45,080 --> 00:40:48,400 Speaker 1: that if you did them each week, would give you 728 00:40:48,480 --> 00:40:52,560 Speaker 1: a deep sense of happiness. Okay. Yeah, So I'm not 729 00:40:52,600 --> 00:40:54,680 Speaker 1: going to say stuff I already do, so just to 730 00:40:54,680 --> 00:40:57,440 Speaker 1: clarify for everyone, because I already meditate an exercise, I'm 731 00:40:57,440 --> 00:40:59,880 Speaker 1: not going to include those because they would be they 732 00:41:00,040 --> 00:41:02,640 Speaker 1: are huge ones for my happiness. I'd say one of 733 00:41:02,640 --> 00:41:07,240 Speaker 1: the biggest things is doing something fun and playful with 734 00:41:07,280 --> 00:41:09,840 Speaker 1: my wife. So whether that's going to an escape room, 735 00:41:09,960 --> 00:41:12,960 Speaker 1: or whether that's going to an assault course or like 736 00:41:13,400 --> 00:41:17,280 Speaker 1: some sort of like fun outdoor activity with my wife 737 00:41:17,360 --> 00:41:19,960 Speaker 1: brings me a lot of happiness. So that's one of them, Okay. 738 00:41:20,160 --> 00:41:24,280 Speaker 1: I'd say another one is spending time outdoors in nature 739 00:41:24,400 --> 00:41:27,200 Speaker 1: in the sun. I'm going on a hike on Saturday. 740 00:41:27,239 --> 00:41:29,000 Speaker 1: But that is something that I know if I did 741 00:41:29,000 --> 00:41:32,239 Speaker 1: more of i'd be that would increase my happiness. And 742 00:41:32,280 --> 00:41:35,520 Speaker 1: the third one would be spending even more time reading. 743 00:41:35,560 --> 00:41:38,279 Speaker 1: I love reading and making notes and learning, and I 744 00:41:38,400 --> 00:41:40,800 Speaker 1: do plenty of it, but I know I could always 745 00:41:40,800 --> 00:41:42,560 Speaker 1: do more, So those would be my three. Okay, so 746 00:41:42,600 --> 00:41:44,759 Speaker 1: there's three things that. Okay, now, the second part of 747 00:41:44,760 --> 00:41:48,080 Speaker 1: the exercise is called white You're Happy Ending. So fast 748 00:41:48,120 --> 00:41:50,040 Speaker 1: forward to the end of your life. Imagine you're on 749 00:41:50,120 --> 00:41:54,320 Speaker 1: your deathbeds looking back on your life. What are three 750 00:41:54,320 --> 00:41:57,759 Speaker 1: things you will want to have done? So then it 751 00:41:57,800 --> 00:42:01,919 Speaker 1: comes to I would say, you know, serving as many 752 00:42:01,960 --> 00:42:04,600 Speaker 1: people as possible through the work that I do right now, 753 00:42:04,760 --> 00:42:09,759 Speaker 1: that's number one. The second one would be to have 754 00:42:10,640 --> 00:42:14,719 Speaker 1: felt that I was able to purify my heart and 755 00:42:14,840 --> 00:42:21,479 Speaker 1: my mind of ego, of envy, of jealousy, of any 756 00:42:21,520 --> 00:42:23,839 Speaker 1: impurities that lie in my mind and heart. That would 757 00:42:23,840 --> 00:42:26,680 Speaker 1: be my second one, and my third one would be 758 00:42:26,840 --> 00:42:35,160 Speaker 1: that I was able to express compassion towards all the 759 00:42:35,200 --> 00:42:38,520 Speaker 1: pain I saw and not create more pain. I mean, 760 00:42:38,560 --> 00:42:42,439 Speaker 1: that's lovely, so wonderful to hear. Now that the next 761 00:42:42,520 --> 00:42:46,600 Speaker 1: part is you go back now to your first three answers, 762 00:42:47,080 --> 00:42:50,759 Speaker 1: and the idea for people is, Okay, if you do 763 00:42:50,800 --> 00:42:54,239 Speaker 1: those three things that you've stated initially weakly, will that 764 00:42:54,360 --> 00:42:57,560 Speaker 1: get to you to the happy ending that you have 765 00:42:57,640 --> 00:43:00,799 Speaker 1: already said that you want. And I've done it with 766 00:43:00,840 --> 00:43:02,840 Speaker 1: so many people and they find it really useful because 767 00:43:03,600 --> 00:43:05,799 Speaker 1: you know, for example, you know you've already mentioned you 768 00:43:05,840 --> 00:43:08,160 Speaker 1: meditate and exercise, you want to do something fun and 769 00:43:08,160 --> 00:43:11,839 Speaker 1: playful with your wives, spend time outdoors and nature and reading. Now, 770 00:43:11,880 --> 00:43:15,120 Speaker 1: if you do those things, let's say, those five things 771 00:43:15,160 --> 00:43:19,280 Speaker 1: every week, does that get you to that happy ending 772 00:43:19,440 --> 00:43:23,760 Speaker 1: where you've served others, where you've purified your mind of ego, 773 00:43:24,360 --> 00:43:26,600 Speaker 1: and you've managed to practice compassion. You know, do you 774 00:43:26,640 --> 00:43:30,680 Speaker 1: see those things as aligned? Yeah? Definitely, I mean especially 775 00:43:30,680 --> 00:43:32,880 Speaker 1: and now, and that's why it's useful doing the activity 776 00:43:32,920 --> 00:43:37,040 Speaker 1: with sometimes things that I already do. Yes, I think 777 00:43:37,080 --> 00:43:40,960 Speaker 1: that a lot of those elements of like personal time 778 00:43:41,000 --> 00:43:44,800 Speaker 1: for meditation and practice, a lot of the work around 779 00:43:44,960 --> 00:43:47,399 Speaker 1: the reading and study that I do, which is really 780 00:43:47,440 --> 00:43:53,279 Speaker 1: powerful for cleansing the impurities within the heart. And even 781 00:43:53,320 --> 00:43:56,759 Speaker 1: that play is so integral because that playfulness is what 782 00:43:56,920 --> 00:44:00,200 Speaker 1: keeps it fun and exciting. And so absolutely, yes, there 783 00:44:00,200 --> 00:44:03,520 Speaker 1: are lots of links in between. Many people when they 784 00:44:03,520 --> 00:44:06,680 Speaker 1: do that exercise find that they're not aligned at all. 785 00:44:06,800 --> 00:44:08,680 Speaker 1: Like at the end of the life, they say, yeah, 786 00:44:08,719 --> 00:44:11,600 Speaker 1: I want to have spent time with my friends and family. 787 00:44:12,520 --> 00:44:14,640 Speaker 1: I want to have engaged in passions that mean the 788 00:44:14,680 --> 00:44:18,400 Speaker 1: world to me. They say all kinds of things, and 789 00:44:18,440 --> 00:44:21,560 Speaker 1: then you look at the three happiness habits and they 790 00:44:21,600 --> 00:44:24,600 Speaker 1: don't match up at all. It's a fantastic exercise. There 791 00:44:24,680 --> 00:44:27,480 Speaker 1: is a brilliant exercise and all. It's not about making 792 00:44:27,480 --> 00:44:31,840 Speaker 1: people feel bad. It's about bringing awareness of their intention. 793 00:44:32,000 --> 00:44:34,480 Speaker 1: Like if you say you value your friends and family, 794 00:44:35,200 --> 00:44:38,839 Speaker 1: yet you're too busy working, let's say to find time 795 00:44:38,880 --> 00:44:42,239 Speaker 1: for them. Okay, that's okay, but you need to start 796 00:44:42,280 --> 00:44:44,160 Speaker 1: making a small shift there because you ain't going to 797 00:44:44,239 --> 00:44:46,880 Speaker 1: get to that happy ending otherwise. And so you know 798 00:44:46,920 --> 00:44:48,600 Speaker 1: what I'm about, Jay, It's always about how can I 799 00:44:48,680 --> 00:44:52,719 Speaker 1: simplify a message, simplify and exercise that people can actually do, 800 00:44:53,000 --> 00:44:56,640 Speaker 1: reiterate and hopefully result on them living I guess, a 801 00:44:56,760 --> 00:45:00,160 Speaker 1: more intentional and a happier life running the reason why 802 00:45:00,200 --> 00:45:03,440 Speaker 1: I love that activity and exercise like it's brilliant. By 803 00:45:03,440 --> 00:45:05,799 Speaker 1: the way, it's absolutely fantastic. And I think everyone on 804 00:45:05,840 --> 00:45:08,040 Speaker 1: the everyone who's listening and watching right now not only 805 00:45:08,080 --> 00:45:10,000 Speaker 1: should go and get the book because the book is 806 00:45:10,000 --> 00:45:13,200 Speaker 1: full of lots more activities and exercises like this one, 807 00:45:13,760 --> 00:45:16,120 Speaker 1: but do this one with a friend this weekend. Because 808 00:45:16,960 --> 00:45:21,320 Speaker 1: what you've explained so beautifully, there is the difference between 809 00:45:22,239 --> 00:45:27,920 Speaker 1: circumstantial and existential happiness. And so there are a lot 810 00:45:27,920 --> 00:45:33,160 Speaker 1: of things we do every day because circumstantially, situationally, they 811 00:45:33,200 --> 00:45:38,799 Speaker 1: make us feel better. But the existential core happiness, which 812 00:45:38,840 --> 00:45:42,560 Speaker 1: as you describe, is alignment, contentment, and control that can 813 00:45:42,640 --> 00:45:45,279 Speaker 1: only be measured when you look at the gravity of 814 00:45:45,280 --> 00:45:48,799 Speaker 1: a moment like death. And when you're doing that in 815 00:45:48,840 --> 00:45:52,440 Speaker 1: this activity, that's what you're putting it under a microscope 816 00:45:52,440 --> 00:45:56,520 Speaker 1: and going, well, how is this affecting your existence as 817 00:45:56,520 --> 00:46:00,279 Speaker 1: opposed to your circumstance? Right, and that in and of 818 00:46:00,360 --> 00:46:03,440 Speaker 1: itself is a really fascinating way of thinking. And I 819 00:46:03,800 --> 00:46:06,600 Speaker 1: know that I don't do that activity, but I think 820 00:46:06,640 --> 00:46:10,360 Speaker 1: about those questions very often, and for me for so long, 821 00:46:10,520 --> 00:46:13,239 Speaker 1: I always ask myself that I'll sit there and I'll go, 822 00:46:13,600 --> 00:46:16,360 Speaker 1: how is this going to make me feel when I'm dying? 823 00:46:16,400 --> 00:46:19,760 Speaker 1: Will I regret doing this or not doing this? And 824 00:46:20,160 --> 00:46:22,160 Speaker 1: everything that I'm doing on a daily basis, and the 825 00:46:22,160 --> 00:46:25,440 Speaker 1: commitments I make and the priorities I make are all 826 00:46:25,440 --> 00:46:28,680 Speaker 1: dedicated to that purpose that I've committed to because I 827 00:46:28,800 --> 00:46:30,920 Speaker 1: know that that's what brings me joy. And there are 828 00:46:30,920 --> 00:46:32,640 Speaker 1: a lot of sacrifices with that, and there are a 829 00:46:32,680 --> 00:46:35,880 Speaker 1: lot of things that you forego for that. But I 830 00:46:36,000 --> 00:46:39,839 Speaker 1: realized that health was so integral to your purpose, no 831 00:46:39,840 --> 00:46:42,840 Speaker 1: matter what it is, that that's something you can't sacrifice 832 00:46:42,880 --> 00:46:46,319 Speaker 1: in the pursuit of any alignment or contentment you chase, 833 00:46:46,680 --> 00:46:49,160 Speaker 1: because if you're not healthy, then all of it falls apart. So, 834 00:46:49,800 --> 00:46:51,799 Speaker 1: you know, I really love that activity and I'm so 835 00:46:51,840 --> 00:46:54,720 Speaker 1: grateful you put that in many others in the book. Yeah. Thanks, 836 00:46:54,760 --> 00:46:57,839 Speaker 1: And you know it's something that I use myself. You know, 837 00:46:58,080 --> 00:47:01,759 Speaker 1: I'm keen to I don't want people to feel that 838 00:47:02,840 --> 00:47:05,239 Speaker 1: I haven't got it yet I'm not there yet, you know, 839 00:47:05,400 --> 00:47:08,600 Speaker 1: I'm not alliance. That's okay, right, that is absolutely okay. 840 00:47:08,800 --> 00:47:12,120 Speaker 1: I would guess by anyone who's listening to your podcast, Jay, 841 00:47:12,480 --> 00:47:15,000 Speaker 1: I guess naturally would feel drawn to this sort of 842 00:47:15,040 --> 00:47:18,000 Speaker 1: content anyway. They're wanting to live a more intentional and 843 00:47:18,080 --> 00:47:21,040 Speaker 1: more purposeful life, right, So they're already that way in clients. 844 00:47:21,080 --> 00:47:23,640 Speaker 1: And it's not this thing, like I said, it's not 845 00:47:23,680 --> 00:47:27,520 Speaker 1: this destination that you get to. It's a constant process 846 00:47:27,520 --> 00:47:30,960 Speaker 1: of tweaking and then society life will pull you away. 847 00:47:31,000 --> 00:47:33,640 Speaker 1: You know. I definitely have times where I work too 848 00:47:33,640 --> 00:47:37,080 Speaker 1: hard and I'm not as present as I might want 849 00:47:37,120 --> 00:47:40,440 Speaker 1: to be. Right, you know, just because I know what 850 00:47:40,800 --> 00:47:42,880 Speaker 1: I should be doing, it doesn't mean I'm not human 851 00:47:42,960 --> 00:47:46,359 Speaker 1: and I'm not susceptible to the same mistakes that many 852 00:47:46,400 --> 00:47:51,879 Speaker 1: of us make. Jay, I've never felt this calm and 853 00:47:52,520 --> 00:47:56,560 Speaker 1: good and at peace with myself and my life. Like 854 00:47:56,600 --> 00:47:58,640 Speaker 1: when I last spoke to you a few years ago 855 00:47:59,000 --> 00:48:03,480 Speaker 1: in La you know about the Stress Solution book. I 856 00:48:03,600 --> 00:48:06,160 Speaker 1: was a different person, like I really was. It was 857 00:48:06,200 --> 00:48:09,279 Speaker 1: a different version of me. I'm just a lot more 858 00:48:10,480 --> 00:48:13,360 Speaker 1: content these days. I've done a lot of work to 859 00:48:13,480 --> 00:48:17,279 Speaker 1: rid myself off ego and the need for external validation. 860 00:48:17,320 --> 00:48:20,680 Speaker 1: I've also really let go of this idea that I 861 00:48:20,719 --> 00:48:22,840 Speaker 1: need to be right. I think for much of my 862 00:48:22,960 --> 00:48:25,960 Speaker 1: life I define myself what are you right? Are you winning? 863 00:48:26,960 --> 00:48:29,560 Speaker 1: And letting go of that it's just made me happier. 864 00:48:29,960 --> 00:48:33,440 Speaker 1: Like I'm no longer attached to being right. I'm attached 865 00:48:34,239 --> 00:48:36,800 Speaker 1: to learning. I wouldn't even call it attached. I'm committed 866 00:48:36,840 --> 00:48:40,360 Speaker 1: to learning right every day. Any friction that comes in 867 00:48:40,480 --> 00:48:43,879 Speaker 1: my life, anyone that sends me a rude email, it's 868 00:48:44,040 --> 00:48:46,360 Speaker 1: all an opportunity for me to go in. But I 869 00:48:46,440 --> 00:48:48,400 Speaker 1: go what can I learn here? What can I learn 870 00:48:48,440 --> 00:48:51,920 Speaker 1: about myself? How can I be compassionate about that other person? 871 00:48:52,560 --> 00:48:57,600 Speaker 1: And it keeps life fun and interesting? Right? It really doesn't. Yes, 872 00:48:57,640 --> 00:49:00,120 Speaker 1: I feel calmer and content, But all kinds of on 873 00:49:00,280 --> 00:49:03,040 Speaker 1: nickels and things that you know I used to get, 874 00:49:03,160 --> 00:49:06,280 Speaker 1: they're just sort of going because there's less emotional tension 875 00:49:06,880 --> 00:49:09,520 Speaker 1: in my body. I love that wrong and that's and 876 00:49:09,680 --> 00:49:12,120 Speaker 1: by the way, on a personal level, that's just really 877 00:49:12,160 --> 00:49:15,080 Speaker 1: beautiful to hear. I mean, you know, I think hearing 878 00:49:15,120 --> 00:49:16,959 Speaker 1: that that's the journey you've been on in the last 879 00:49:16,960 --> 00:49:19,640 Speaker 1: few years, and that's what brought this book about. Is 880 00:49:19,640 --> 00:49:21,799 Speaker 1: really beautiful and I want everyone to know. You know, 881 00:49:21,840 --> 00:49:24,799 Speaker 1: we described the surface today, but rung And goes on 882 00:49:24,840 --> 00:49:27,439 Speaker 1: to talk about a ton of great habits in this book, 883 00:49:27,480 --> 00:49:32,800 Speaker 1: eliminating change, treating yourself with respect, making time stands still, 884 00:49:33,000 --> 00:49:36,799 Speaker 1: seeking out friction, talking to strangers, treat your phone like 885 00:49:36,880 --> 00:49:40,480 Speaker 1: a person, having maskless conversations which I love the sound 886 00:49:40,480 --> 00:49:44,080 Speaker 1: of that. One, go on holiday every day, give yourself away. 887 00:49:44,080 --> 00:49:47,800 Speaker 1: These are beautiful, beautiful breakdowns in each and every chapter, 888 00:49:47,880 --> 00:49:51,040 Speaker 1: with exercises, weird things to reflect on and think about. 889 00:49:51,480 --> 00:49:53,920 Speaker 1: And rung And, I want to congratulate you on writing 890 00:49:53,920 --> 00:49:56,840 Speaker 1: this beautiful book, Happy Mind, Happy Life. Ten simple ways 891 00:49:57,160 --> 00:49:59,719 Speaker 1: to feel great every day. I want to ask you 892 00:49:59,719 --> 00:50:03,760 Speaker 1: your final five, which are our rapid fire fast five round. 893 00:50:04,480 --> 00:50:06,960 Speaker 1: So these questions have to be answered in one word 894 00:50:07,360 --> 00:50:12,600 Speaker 1: to one sentence. Maximum, let's go. Are you ready? I'm 895 00:50:12,600 --> 00:50:15,400 Speaker 1: ready feeding trying to maintain that level of calm and 896 00:50:15,440 --> 00:50:18,080 Speaker 1: contentment whilst whilst I get ready, all right, great, all 897 00:50:18,160 --> 00:50:20,960 Speaker 1: right here we go. So here your final five question 898 00:50:21,000 --> 00:50:25,520 Speaker 1: number one, what's the best happiness advice you've ever received, 899 00:50:25,719 --> 00:50:30,400 Speaker 1: heard or given? Spend time with friends and family. Second question, 900 00:50:30,440 --> 00:50:34,279 Speaker 1: what is the worst piece of happiness advice you've ever received, heard, 901 00:50:34,360 --> 00:50:40,800 Speaker 1: or given? Do? What makes you feel good in the moment? Fascinating? 902 00:50:40,800 --> 00:50:44,000 Speaker 1: All right? Question number three? What is something that you 903 00:50:44,200 --> 00:50:48,279 Speaker 1: used to value that you don't value anymore? An attachment 904 00:50:48,360 --> 00:50:52,080 Speaker 1: to being white? Question number four, what is the kindest 905 00:50:52,120 --> 00:50:55,160 Speaker 1: thing someone has done for you recently? Just my daughter 906 00:50:55,320 --> 00:50:58,240 Speaker 1: coming back from school giving me a big hug, big smile, 907 00:50:58,320 --> 00:51:01,399 Speaker 1: saying I love you, daddy. I don't think anything makes 908 00:51:01,400 --> 00:51:03,280 Speaker 1: me feel as good as that, And that was super 909 00:51:03,360 --> 00:51:06,200 Speaker 1: kinds I love that. I love that, all right. Question 910 00:51:06,280 --> 00:51:09,960 Speaker 1: number five. If you could create one habit that everyone 911 00:51:09,960 --> 00:51:13,360 Speaker 1: had to do every single day in the world, what 912 00:51:13,440 --> 00:51:17,319 Speaker 1: would that habit be, No question, A daily practice of 913 00:51:17,400 --> 00:51:22,359 Speaker 1: solitudes beautiful everyone. That is doctor Rangan chategy. The book 914 00:51:22,440 --> 00:51:25,720 Speaker 1: is called Happy Mind, Happy Life. It is out now. 915 00:51:26,080 --> 00:51:28,040 Speaker 1: When you hear this podcast, make sure you go and 916 00:51:28,120 --> 00:51:31,680 Speaker 1: grab your copy. Rangan. It has been a joy talking 917 00:51:31,719 --> 00:51:33,120 Speaker 1: to you. I look forward to being in person with 918 00:51:33,160 --> 00:51:35,919 Speaker 1: you again. I congratulate you on all the self work 919 00:51:35,960 --> 00:51:39,040 Speaker 1: you've done internally it sounds like, but also the amazing 920 00:51:39,040 --> 00:51:41,200 Speaker 1: work you're putting out there into the world. And I 921 00:51:41,239 --> 00:51:44,000 Speaker 1: appreciate you man, and I'm so glad that we finally 922 00:51:44,000 --> 00:51:46,480 Speaker 1: got to do this and get together again. So thank 923 00:51:46,480 --> 00:51:48,120 Speaker 1: you for your time and thank you for your energy. 924 00:51:48,480 --> 00:51:51,360 Speaker 1: If you're watching or listening, make sure you tag me 925 00:51:51,440 --> 00:51:55,280 Speaker 1: and Rangan on Instagram, on Twitter, on Facebook, any platform 926 00:51:55,280 --> 00:51:57,759 Speaker 1: you're using. We love to see what you're learning, what 927 00:51:57,840 --> 00:52:01,280 Speaker 1: you're taking away. There were so many great pieces of wisdom, 928 00:52:01,400 --> 00:52:04,120 Speaker 1: nuggets of advice, and insight today and I want to 929 00:52:04,160 --> 00:52:06,640 Speaker 1: make sure that we see those so we know what 930 00:52:06,719 --> 00:52:09,160 Speaker 1: you're taking away. Thank you so much for listening to 931 00:52:09,160 --> 00:52:11,160 Speaker 1: on Purpose. I'll see you again next time