Speaker 1: Ridiculous Crime is a production of I Heart Radio. Hey Zarin,
Speaker 1: fancy meeting you here? Hey, what are you doing here,
Speaker 1: Elizabeth Done? I just came to talk about ridiculous stuff.
Speaker 1: Oh you're in luck. I've got something ridiculous. I've been
Speaker 1: waiting to tell somebody. Oh, okay, hit me, you're ready. Okay.
Speaker 1: So in Tokyo, Tokyo, Japan, you say your dog suffers
Speaker 1: from self esteem issues related to his or her you know,
Speaker 1: dog pattern baldness. You can buy a dog to pay. Yeah,
Speaker 1: they're sold in toy machines, just like those little gumball machines.
Speaker 1: So if you're like out and about now Blue, put
Speaker 1: some pep in his step step. I'm not trying to
Speaker 1: be like gender about this. Oh my good wait, So
Speaker 1: do dog dogs don't have baldness? Oh yeah, they actually do.
Speaker 1: I mean they have made not like male pattern baldness
Speaker 1: where they go like, you know, but just a fun
Speaker 1: little Yeah, they just want to have a fun little time.
Speaker 1: Maybe they recently had a surgery and they're just like
Speaker 1: feeling a little self conscious about it, or maybe they
Speaker 1: just like, you know, they never really liked being a blonde.
Speaker 1: That's true, you know, let's switch it up. Yeah, just
Speaker 1: like ridiculous. Yeah. Sorry, do you want to know what
Speaker 1: else is ridiculous? I love ridiculous when major League Baseball
Speaker 1: players fighting random dudes while dresses vampires. Did you say
Speaker 1: twin major League Baseball player dresses vampires. I'm there, I'm
Speaker 1: Elizabeth Dutton. He's Saron Burnett, and this is Ridiculous Crime,
Speaker 1: a podcast about absurd and outrageous capers, heists, and cons.
Speaker 1: It's always murder free and one ridiculous. Saren Elizabeth. I
Speaker 1: brought a friend here today to help me tell this
Speaker 1: episode story. Oh thank god, I thought I was hallucinating.
Speaker 1: He's not just my friend, he's my brother, Travis Dutton.
Speaker 1: For those who are not in the know, he wrote
Speaker 1: and played the theme song Ridiculous Crime, and some of
Speaker 1: our listeners may remember that he also told a classmate
Speaker 1: in elementary school that John bon Jovi was our uncle
Speaker 1: and he is not man. So thanks for coming over
Speaker 1: here to Ridiculous Crime headquarters today, Travis, how you doing?
Speaker 1: Thank you for having me excited to be It's good
Speaker 1: to be at the headquarters. Thank you. This is our
Speaker 1: first guest. Yeah, we have parking validation. We can ask
Speaker 1: you about that one of the dogs. Yeah. Another thing
Speaker 1: to know about traviy Um and me, but more him,
Speaker 1: is that he's a serious Oakland A's baseball fan. This
Speaker 1: is true. Yeah, when we were growing up, we had
Speaker 1: season tickets and you were at the infamous World Series
Speaker 1: game against the San Francisco Giants on October seventeenth. Loma
Speaker 1: Prieta earthquake hit right before the game five oh four.
Speaker 1: What was that, like, Travis, tell us what that was? Like?
Speaker 1: You know what, the thing that really sticks out about
Speaker 1: that is that, you know, like you said, it happened
Speaker 1: right before the game was supposed to start, and it
Speaker 1: was the A's versus the Giants Baybridge Series that you
Speaker 1: could feel it in the air, and when the earthquake happened,
Speaker 1: everyone in the stadium started cheering and and they didn't
Speaker 1: realize how bad the situation was. And this is pre
Speaker 1: cell phone pre so people were just so stoked about,
Speaker 1: you know, this big World Series, and it kindly it
Speaker 1: started to set in like, oh wait, there's some buildings
Speaker 1: on fire in the district. So people just thought that
Speaker 1: everyone was like big game, Like it was just crazy.
Speaker 1: And then exactly, yeah, you could see it almost looked
Speaker 1: like water kind of on the field. Yeah, yeah, nobody.
Speaker 1: Everyone thought it was like awesome, that's crazy, that's crazy. Um.
Speaker 1: Who was your favorite as player in that time? Jose Canseco,
Speaker 1: hands down. So that's actually why we're here today, jose Canseco.
Speaker 1: Let's do some background on on your man Jose for
Speaker 1: a second, Sar. And you're familiar with him, right, mr guy.
Speaker 1: He was the guy in the Bay for being like
Speaker 1: combination of power and speed. Yes, yeah, so he played
Speaker 1: right field for the A's from eighty five to ninety two.
Speaker 1: Amazing player. He was named American League MVP, as you said,
Speaker 1: because he was the first player to hit forty home
Speaker 1: runs and steal forty basses in the same season. Club baby,
Speaker 1: not the not to be confused with Jay Z's nightclub Club.
Speaker 1: Is that what he named it after? Let's say he did. Um, Now,
Speaker 1: don't forget we also had Ricky Henderson on that team.
Speaker 1: He was my favorite, yeah, Ricky. Uh, Stolen bases were
Speaker 1: a thing in those late eighties seasons. Um, it's an
Speaker 1: exciting team, exciting time and uh, so many great players.
Speaker 1: Who else did you like? Oh, there's Dave Henderson, there
Speaker 1: was Walt Weiss. You had start. You had Dennis Ecker
Speaker 1: my favorite team. Yeah, and you know, Jose was one
Speaker 1: of the Bash Brothers. He he and his teammate Mark McGuire. Um.
Speaker 1: They were known as the Bash Brothers. For more information
Speaker 1: on this, please watch the riveting nineteen documentary film called
Speaker 1: The Unauthorized Bash Brothers Experience. Put it on my list, yeah,
Speaker 1: I promise you. Um. Can I just say that when
Speaker 1: I saw that my soul briefly left my body, it
Speaker 1: was just too much and too perfect. Um. So they
Speaker 1: called themselves a Bash Brothers because Jose Canseco and Mark
Speaker 1: McGuire used to get all juiced up and hit home
Speaker 1: runs and then they bumped their forearms together in the
Speaker 1: shape of an X when they trotted across o home plate,
Speaker 1: and they called it the Monster Bash. Really I didn't know, though,
Speaker 1: Monster Bash. Everyone starts copying it, right, so like now
Speaker 1: you see kids, do I mean it's the monster ha ha? See. Okay,
Speaker 1: So the a starts selling shirts and banners that say
Speaker 1: let's bash, and then the marketing department for the A's
Speaker 1: worked with Channel thirty six, which is like a local
Speaker 1: UHF station. Um, they did a song in a music
Speaker 1: video to the tune of Monster Match. Yes see, I
Speaker 1: think like a marketing exac you do is you're right there,
Speaker 1: You're one step ahead. So the video would play on
Speaker 1: the Colisseum Diamond Vision screen. I'm going to put the
Speaker 1: video up on our Instagram. I found it. Um. It
Speaker 1: was awesome at the time, but like a lot of
Speaker 1: things that seemed cool in the late eighties early nineties,
Speaker 1: it reads a little corny now, just a little smidge,
Speaker 1: but pretty cool feeling it. The video is funny because
Speaker 1: the fashions have sort of come back around, so there's
Speaker 1: like high waisted mom pants and like the haircuts and stuff,
Speaker 1: so it looks like it could be someone trying to
Speaker 1: be metro ironic now really good at it. It's Muyo
Speaker 1: Tintoko so good. The A's went to the World Series
Speaker 1: three straight years travels from shaking your head, man, It's
Speaker 1: just if you've loved and lost like I have, you'd
Speaker 1: understand how painful it is to bring all this stuff up.
Speaker 1: But yeah, eight um, you got the Kirk Gibson I knew. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's the that's the thing that l hirsh eys Er
Speaker 1: Kirk Gibson team. That was a tough year for y'all.
Speaker 1: And then the arm pump. Yeah, the arm pump. Run
Speaker 1: around the basis the old k veterans. Okay, we're gonna
Speaker 1: be okay. Trapping would make it okay. Um he uh.
Speaker 1: Jose though, let's get back to Jose. Let's think about good.
Speaker 1: Yeah cool. If you weren't around at that time, you don't.
Speaker 1: You have to understand that Jose Canseco wasn't just a
Speaker 1: big baseball star, and he was incredible. He was larger
Speaker 1: than life. He was a cultural presence, if you will.
Speaker 1: For a ten year old, he was like a Hulk
Speaker 1: Hogan type, just like wow, like just huge everything. Yeah,
Speaker 1: outsized and flashy. It was. It was rumored that he
Speaker 1: was dating Madonna, remember, but I don't think that was
Speaker 1: actually true. I thought they did. I don't know. He
Speaker 1: claims that she wanted to She told him she wanted
Speaker 1: to have Cuban babies with him. Cuban, Yeah, that's She's like.
Speaker 1: He's like, I'm Puerto Rican. She's like, I know you're
Speaker 1: from Puerto Rico, but you and me Cuban babies. Let's
Speaker 1: do this. I don't know how it's good for um.
Speaker 1: I have a lab He drove crazy sports cars. He
Speaker 1: had like mustangs and corvettes. Yeah, total corvette kind of guy.
Speaker 1: You played, You played little league, and in order to
Speaker 1: hone your skills, our mom sent you to Jose Cansaco
Speaker 1: baseball camp at a local community college. Big shout out
Speaker 1: to Diablo Valley College. Tell us about Jose Cansaco baseball camp.
Speaker 1: What do you remember? It was very hot because it
Speaker 1: was out in the suburbs of the Bay Area, so
Speaker 1: I wasn't used to that. Um, it was a normal
Speaker 1: style baseball camp. Um, you know, running drills and all
Speaker 1: that kind of stuff. And basically, in my mind, I
Speaker 1: thought Jose and Seco was going to be teaching you,
Speaker 1: thinking me the ins and outs of baseball on a day,
Speaker 1: day to day basis. But he showed up one afternoon
Speaker 1: and did batting practice with an aluminum baseball bat and
Speaker 1: just rocked baseballs out of this community college. And everyone's
Speaker 1: just like whoa, you know, like, because an aluminium bat
Speaker 1: for a major league baseball player is like it's it
Speaker 1: was insane. So basically in my like, so, yeah, he
Speaker 1: wasn't there every day. Did anyone else show up from
Speaker 1: the team, Yeah, Walt Weiss was with him. Was he
Speaker 1: the every day with you guys. It was very intimate, No,
Speaker 1: but that was it they should like now thinking back,
Speaker 1: he probably the Kose probably learned about this the morning
Speaker 1: of Like his manager was probably like getting the vet.
Speaker 1: You're going down to the community college. You gotta do
Speaker 1: this batting practice for a bunch of kids. I think
Speaker 1: there might have been a little speech, you know, like hey,
Speaker 1: stay in school, keep your eye on the ball, and
Speaker 1: don't do drugs. And he's got like a hanging out
Speaker 1: of this. Yeah, and I got I got his autograph
Speaker 1: on a baseball, but it was with a red pen
Speaker 1: so you could barely see it. And I ended up
Speaker 1: losing because I actually used it to play baseball, just
Speaker 1: signed Jose in my twenties. Yeah, it was a weird time. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so it's probably somewhere, you know, some back lot kicking around.
Speaker 1: So here's this like he Jose Canseco god like baseball
Speaker 1: hero for you, helps the A's win the eight nine series. Sure, um,
Speaker 1: a couple of months after that eighty nine series, he
Speaker 1: got a rested for illegal possession of a handgun, pled
Speaker 1: guilty to a misdemeanor, got three years unsupervised probation. So
Speaker 1: he's a baseball hero and a little bit of an outlaw,
Speaker 1: a little bit of a bad boy, bad boy for life. Um.
Speaker 1: He also has a brother, just like I do, but
Speaker 1: he has a twin brother. We're not twins, but he
Speaker 1: has a twin brother named Azzi. And they were born
Speaker 1: on July two, n sixty four in Havana, Cuba, And
Speaker 1: so their parents brought them to the US the next
Speaker 1: year and they grew up in Miami. So Azzi played
Speaker 1: professional baseball too, and um, Jose is like a little
Speaker 1: bit taller, but they're pretty much like, yeah, exactly. Um,
Speaker 1: he played professional baseball, not at the level of Jose,
Speaker 1: but he did play for the A's. He played for
Speaker 1: the A's when a professional ball, which is big. That's
Speaker 1: a big thing. I've never done that. So he was
Speaker 1: on the A's when Jose was on the a And Um,
Speaker 1: he struggled to match up to his siblings skills. We
Speaker 1: mostly played together in spring training. Yeah, and then he
Speaker 1: bounced around Japan for a little bit, played there, and
Speaker 1: then came back and played on various minor league teams. Um,
Speaker 1: so you got these two guys, twin brothers, skilled athletes,
Speaker 1: a little wild, a couple of handsome Cubans out there
Speaker 1: taking the world by storm. Let's take a quick break. Um.
Speaker 1: I want you to, guys to loosen up, stretch, you know,
Speaker 1: run some drills. When we come back, I'm gonna tell
Speaker 1: you about an absolutely epic night that Jose Canseco and
Speaker 1: his brother Ozzi had in Miami. Ben Veneto Amami. Where
Speaker 1: their crimes, yes, where their costumes also? Yes? Interested take
Speaker 1: a lap? Okay, Fellas. So right now it's me Zaren,
Speaker 1: producer Dave and none other than my brother Travis, and
Speaker 1: we're here to talk Conseco, talking Conseco, Fellas. I want
Speaker 1: you to close your eyes and picture. Its Halloween Night
Speaker 1: two thousand one the Opium Garden nightclub in Miami's South Beach.
Speaker 1: It's a place to see and be seen. Total a
Speaker 1: list joint, Miami's hottest nightclub. It's got everything. It's got
Speaker 1: Madori Sours, Legionnaire's disease, twin vampires, Jose Conseco, who at
Speaker 1: this point is a free agent, and Azzie they like
Speaker 1: strut into the club and they're wearing costumes. What costumes
Speaker 1: do you think they're wearing? Baseball players and Roger Rabbit.
Speaker 1: It's a horse costume the two part of horse in
Speaker 1: the back. Um, they were dressed as leather clad vampires.
Speaker 1: It was very kind of and Rice Yeah, okay, el
Speaker 1: stat instead of listep Jose's date, Amber Glick, She's dressed
Speaker 1: as a Native American. It's a dicey well, I'm guessing this.
Speaker 1: He comes with feathers this out. Oh yeah, u p
Speaker 1: I reported that the costume was made of quote, feathers
Speaker 1: and a bikini. It was a different time. It was
Speaker 1: dress a bikini. That's her costume. That's her costume. I
Speaker 1: don't know what was adorning the bikini costume. Dumb, dumb, offensive,
Speaker 1: defensive and dumb. So there, so is this this nightclub
Speaker 1: and it's apparently like this Asian themed nightclub, which again
Speaker 1: we're just wading through problematic waters here completely um knee
Speaker 1: deep at this point. But it's Halloween Night two thousand one,
Speaker 1: so we're two months out from nine eleven. Ever, in
Speaker 1: a mood, they want to cover this summer of the shark, right,
Speaker 1: everyone was cared about sharks. Oh yeah, that was big
Speaker 1: shark attacks and then little do we know, the eleven happened.
Speaker 1: There we go, Now, then Halloween Night happened for the
Speaker 1: Conseco Boys. So there are some obviously other people at
Speaker 1: the party. Two of them where Christian Presley, who is
Speaker 1: un or was an oncology drug researcher. I don't know
Speaker 1: what he does now, can we know him? He's an
Speaker 1: oncology drug at the time, he's like a number two
Speaker 1: oncology drug researcher. He's a random clo. And then he's
Speaker 1: there with his buddy Alan Cheeks, which I'm not making
Speaker 1: like that sounds like something I called someone who's like
Speaker 1: Alan Chico. No, Alan Cheeks. He's a scientist. So we
Speaker 1: got science guys. Dr Cheeks if you're after Um, they're
Speaker 1: visiting Miami for a conference and they just want to
Speaker 1: get a little loose. Yeah, just get a taste in
Speaker 1: the nightlife. Exactly Old Presley and Sweet Cheeks out on
Speaker 1: the town. You know, Amber Glick Jose's date. She's walking
Speaker 1: through the crowded club when, according to the Conseco Brothers,
Speaker 1: Presley lifted up her skirt. So I guess she had
Speaker 1: like a kind of like fancy skirt. And I'm thinking
Speaker 1: by skirt they just mean a very wide belt, Like
Speaker 1: I don't think I don't think it's like it's like
Speaker 1: a Mennonite ankle length skirt. Um he lifts up her
Speaker 1: skirt and grabs her crotch in her butt. Apparently it
Speaker 1: was a long reach. He just went for a scoop
Speaker 1: and jose was in the room. Was in the room.
Speaker 1: All right, Well let's see what happens, right, So okay
Speaker 1: with them right there? So there she's walking through Presley.
Speaker 1: Now he says, I only touched a feather on her skirt,
Speaker 1: not her body. So he's just like tickling the feathers
Speaker 1: as they walked by. Either way, I'm a featherfici, not
Speaker 1: a what glick gets upset when this happens and she
Speaker 1: runs to the bathroom. So I'm feeling like you wouldn't
Speaker 1: run to the bathroom if someone just touched a feather
Speaker 1: on your skirt. She said later she didn't see who
Speaker 1: did it, but Aussie and Josie did. She also said
Speaker 1: that her costume was homemade and that they're the only
Speaker 1: feathers were on the headdress and that the skirt was
Speaker 1: made of fur. She was wearing her for a bikini
Speaker 1: guy and a head dress. Yeah, and uh, like a
Speaker 1: woman who's also been how how much do you want
Speaker 1: to bet she had like striped face paint to like
Speaker 1: on her, like the whole nine. She's like, if I'm
Speaker 1: going to be offensive, I'm just gonna go all in
Speaker 1: going for it. So she's got this cause she says
Speaker 1: he couldn't know, he couldn't have touched a feather because
Speaker 1: no feathers on my skirt. Buddy, case closed. So, um,
Speaker 1: you know, prosecution rests right there. Um, Pressley is standing
Speaker 1: there just being a d bag, and so can the
Speaker 1: vibes he's vibing on. When suddenly a six ft four
Speaker 1: pound vampire wearing a sleeveless shirt and a black leather
Speaker 1: vest rolls up to him. That vampire Josie Kin sakes right,
Speaker 1: I don't want to imagine this big meat castle just
Speaker 1: bounding down on you. So there was this lawsuit later
Speaker 1: and it stread and coming at you like sunburned and
Speaker 1: you can see veinsds. So this lawsuit later there was
Speaker 1: a statement quote without any provocation, Jose attacked Presley, shoving
Speaker 1: him against a call um, lifting him up by the
Speaker 1: throat and choking him. Jose punched Presley several times before
Speaker 1: proceeding to punch cheeks. A bouncer tried to stop the attack,
Speaker 1: but Jose can say, continued, I got this one really
Speaker 1: busy right now fighting two dudes. He then jumped in
Speaker 1: and hit both Presley and Cheeks with an open fist. Now,
Speaker 1: what's an open fist? Is my question? To slap right,
Speaker 1: Ozzy said he only hit Cheeks when he thought he
Speaker 1: was threatening Jose with a broken beer bottle, So he
Speaker 1: did it like self defense, fear for his own safety.
Speaker 1: But why the open fist? Well, Azz, he said it
Speaker 1: was because of the fake fingernails he was wearing as
Speaker 1: a vampire. He couldn't make a fist. Oh yeah, he's
Speaker 1: a snap with long nails. He does have a point,
Speaker 1: but do you think they're probably just press on? So
Speaker 1: if he started to claw with him, they go flying off.
Speaker 1: But he still wants to party. He still wants that.
Speaker 1: He doesn't want to mess up his costume commitment to
Speaker 1: the night. Yeah, because he's anticipating that the final end,
Speaker 1: but the night will go on. Yeah, yeah, they're gonna
Speaker 1: win this fight. So uh he so Azz he can't
Speaker 1: make a fist because of his nails. Jose denies hitting
Speaker 1: Pressley at all. He said he only pushed him away
Speaker 1: with an open hand to protect click bathroom to stop him.
Speaker 1: He walked into it repeatedly, and then Azzy, he says,
Speaker 1: Ozzy did all the hitting. So it's the reverse of
Speaker 1: what happened when they were in the bleak together. So
Speaker 1: he throws his long nailed, long finger nailed brother under
Speaker 1: the bus. Good job, Jose. According to Pressley, after the fight,
Speaker 1: Jose yelled at him, you're lucky to be standing, right,
Speaker 1: and that Presley was nine sure that he added after that,
Speaker 1: you're lucky to be alive. What was doubt? Turkey? Can
Speaker 1: we go back to the fight for a second. How
Speaker 1: awesome that sounds that he picked the guy up from
Speaker 1: his with his by the neck, put him against a type. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and then while he's holding him up, proceeds to mr.
Speaker 1: So he's got one guy suspended and then it comes up. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's that's that's just cool. It's cool. It's a great visual.
Speaker 1: Um Presley, he got a broken nose, which later required
Speaker 1: surgery to help him breathe allegedly, and he got cuts
Speaker 1: to his mouth, probably from the nails. Um, he got
Speaker 1: a concussion, he sprained his neck, and then he also
Speaker 1: said he quote suffered disgrace, humiliation, and shame, deep deep shame,
Speaker 1: like psychological and physical shame, like the kind you need
Speaker 1: like years of therapy for. That's what the insurance companies,
Speaker 1: he said. I think I have looked. I can't find
Speaker 1: what these two clowns were dressed as, because I like,
Speaker 1: I need what are the dot does this? What does
Speaker 1: a scientist dress up it on at a conference? Let's
Speaker 1: imagine them dressed like those guys. One's dressed like uranus
Speaker 1: and the other stress like some atomic structure for like caffeine. Okay,
Speaker 1: I like that. I like the Will Ferrell Christan pickup guys.
Speaker 1: I think, yeah, okay, couples costumes for sure, they're imagining
Speaker 1: we're going as half a kiss. Yeah, But the thing
Speaker 1: is there at a conference, did they pack costumes knowing
Speaker 1: they'd be there for Halloween and they'd want to go out.
Speaker 1: They just want on our heads and crazy guys. The
Speaker 1: thing is, we don't know, so we get to invent it.
Speaker 1: That's what I like. So I'm gonna just imagine they
Speaker 1: took all the conference swag of like lanyards and stress balls,
Speaker 1: and they're like, I'm a mad scientist. Yeah, all right,
Speaker 1: let's go with that. So I'm Lea Coca's worst nightmare.
Speaker 1: So Jose and Nazi they get arrested in all this
Speaker 1: and they're held in Miami Dade County jail. Jose says,
Speaker 1: I know that my brother and myself were definitely victims,
Speaker 1: and the girl I was with got sexually assaulted. We
Speaker 1: got attacked. We are the victims here. We just defended ourselves.
Speaker 1: Does have a point? November two thousand two, so like
Speaker 1: a year later, the brothers plead guilty. Well, Auzzie pleads
Speaker 1: to felony and misdemean battery and Jose pleads to one
Speaker 1: count of felony aggravated battery in two counts of misdemeanor battery.
Speaker 1: M Jose he gets sentenced to three years of probation,
Speaker 1: two d and fifty hours of community service and anger
Speaker 1: management classes. Auzzy he gets eighteen months of probation, two
Speaker 1: hundred hours of community service and anger management classes. Now,
Speaker 1: were they sended the same anger management class? Like a
Speaker 1: group therapy. You sit in there and those two come
Speaker 1: in a back leather. Yeah, Well here's the AZZI gets
Speaker 1: like the lesser. He's always the lesser there. Yeah, he
Speaker 1: just doesn't get enough, So Jose said later that he
Speaker 1: pled guilty because he wanted to spare his family the
Speaker 1: pain at the trial, and he said he added, quote,
Speaker 1: if I would have hit any of these gentlemen seven
Speaker 1: or eight times as they claim, they wouldn't be standing,
Speaker 1: which kind of backs up what Presley said. He yelled, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I kind of believe him, But don't you think, like
Speaker 1: I feel like every statement that he makes, like the
Speaker 1: bad to the bone riff has to come out. He
Speaker 1: wouldn't be standing barning, you know what I'm saying. The
Speaker 1: guys just cool. Yeah. January two thousand three, Presley and
Speaker 1: Cheeks they soothed the Conseco twins for battery, intentional infliction
Speaker 1: of emotional stress and conspiracy to commit battery for when
Speaker 1: the brothers looked at each other and nodded where they went. Yeah,
Speaker 1: the boys, Presley in Cheeks. They asked for one point
Speaker 1: five million dollars in compensatory damages and an unspecified amount
Speaker 1: of punitive damages for injuries sustained in the fight. The
Speaker 1: case goes to trial April two. Yeah, so it's like
Speaker 1: we're now four years on almost The jury awarded Presley
Speaker 1: in Cheeks around seven hundred thousand dollars and compensatory damages.
Speaker 1: What they said that neither Conseco had acted in self defense.
Speaker 1: It doesn't matter that they're defending their date nor his date.
Speaker 1: The women's the women are worthless in this world. Do
Speaker 1: you know that? We mean nothing? Yeah, they it doesn't
Speaker 1: matter if they're defending them, apparently because they weren't in
Speaker 1: physical danger. So you have to like, you know, put
Speaker 1: hands on a man before you explain, right, and so,
Speaker 1: um they said it wasn't self defense. Presley gets awarded
Speaker 1: more than two hundred thousand dollars for the injuries caused
Speaker 1: by Jose Consaco Cheeks. Sweet Cheeks was awarded half a
Speaker 1: million for his injuries caused by Azzie and ten percent
Speaker 1: caused by Jose. He got slapped repeatedly. I guess, I
Speaker 1: don't know. Um. The jury also ordered the brothers to
Speaker 1: pay three thousand dollars in punitive damages. So it's like
Speaker 1: a it's like a million dollars. So they got nothing
Speaker 1: after legal feast basically basically five year exactly. That's the
Speaker 1: lawyers got hooked up, right, they're a good job. So
Speaker 1: after the verdict, Jose challenged Cheeks and Presley to a
Speaker 1: lie detector test fifth, he tells the press, quote, this
Speaker 1: is nothing but extortion. It's sad that it's come down
Speaker 1: to this. This is unbelievable, complete scam. So, um, how
Speaker 1: did jose do in those anger management classes a k
Speaker 1: A AP anger management? I have a feeling that's probably
Speaker 1: not his last anger management class? First or first? Um?
Speaker 1: What do you think he selected as his community service? Uh?
Speaker 1: Taking batting practice at a local community college. So how
Speaker 1: did he do with the anger management? He didn't. He
Speaker 1: just didn't go. And what did he pick for community service? Nothing?
Speaker 1: He's like, I am not here to remember when I
Speaker 1: was in my mirror, existence is a service to this community? Yeah?
Speaker 1: When I was in a I went just didn't do anything. No,
Speaker 1: nothing is that is that can that happening doesn't work
Speaker 1: for me? That's the thing is like, apparently years ago
Speaker 1: I heard this thing where from Oprah. I wasn't talking
Speaker 1: to her personally, Oper and I on the phone. I
Speaker 1: was like, Ops, tell me I heard her say something
Speaker 1: about how when people ask you something to do something
Speaker 1: you don't want to do, you say, you know what,
Speaker 1: that doesn't work for me? And I just if you're
Speaker 1: in a job and you say that to your boss
Speaker 1: as I did, like about a week after hearing that
Speaker 1: it doesn't work. It totally when they say you've got
Speaker 1: this project, Yeah, that doesn't work for me, Like it's
Speaker 1: going to have to work or you're not going to
Speaker 1: work here. But Jose he had been listening to the
Speaker 1: same openings, like, guess what, that doesn't work for me.
Speaker 1: February of two thousand three, Jose gets jailed for violating
Speaker 1: his probation after he failed to take anger management, began
Speaker 1: community service, and he also in that time left the
Speaker 1: state without permission. I'm assuming multiple times. Yeah, he spent
Speaker 1: a month in jail. So Ozzie, his father, Jose Conseco
Speaker 1: senior because Jose is a junior. And then they and
Speaker 1: a priest walk into a book. Those three they go
Speaker 1: to the They go with Jose to the hearing, so
Speaker 1: he brings his brother, his father, and a priest. The
Speaker 1: judge changes Jose sentenced to two years of house arrest
Speaker 1: followed by three years of probation, and that Jose would
Speaker 1: need to check in weekly with a probation officer and
Speaker 1: have to ask permission to leave his house or to travel.
Speaker 1: And they said, if you mess this up, you're going
Speaker 1: to go to prison for fifteen years. Get the out.
Speaker 1: Are you for real and totally for real on this?
Speaker 1: That's exactly that was the quote from the priest. Get that.
Speaker 1: But like, here's the thing Jose always thinking when he
Speaker 1: was on house arrest. Um, he tried his hand at
Speaker 1: an online business. He for you could buy an afternoon
Speaker 1: with him, and you could buy it on his website.
Speaker 1: Just like to go hang out with him? Can I
Speaker 1: say you want it? Said quote? Spend the afternoon afternoon
Speaker 1: with Jose at his house in South Florida. Ideas for
Speaker 1: activities private power hitting instruction, private martial arts instruction, work
Speaker 1: out with Jose, and cook out by the pool. Like
Speaker 1: I would have one of paid. I didn't know about this.
Speaker 1: I would have paid, wouldn't have any money left day.
Speaker 1: It's not clear how many, if any afternoons he sold,
Speaker 1: but you know he went out there with it. May
Speaker 1: two thousand three, also still on probation, Ozzy gets arrested
Speaker 1: in Punta Gorda, Florida, and he's charged with possessing an
Speaker 1: illegal anabolic steroid, driving with a revoked license, and possession
Speaker 1: of drug paraphernalia. So he gets stopped by a sheriff's
Speaker 1: deputy because his windows were two tinted Classic class. That's
Speaker 1: happened to me. He was released after posting dollars bond
Speaker 1: and then was sentenced to four months in jail for
Speaker 1: part for all of the above the steroids. June two
Speaker 1: thousand three, Jose gets arrested again and was jailed for
Speaker 1: nine weeks for violating probation after testing positive for steroids.
Speaker 1: So Azzi probably just driving the steroids over because Jose
Speaker 1: can't leave the house. Someone someone's got to do some
Speaker 1: Azzi goes under the bus over and who if not?
Speaker 1: He ain't heavy, He's my brother. Um. He did. Eventually,
Speaker 1: Jose eventually completed anger management and he did a hundred
Speaker 1: and twenty hours out of two hundred and fifty community
Speaker 1: service with the Boys Club of Miami. Probably hidden balls, um,
Speaker 1: but Jose didn't drop off the map. When we come
Speaker 1: back from this ad break, I'm gonna tell you about
Speaker 1: some other Canseco scraps. Okay, guys, guys, guys. When we
Speaker 1: left off, Jose can say going his twin brother Ozzie,
Speaker 1: they got into a fight at a cheesy Miami nightclub,
Speaker 1: well dressed like sexy vampires. From the International Male Catalog.
Speaker 1: And do you think that they were wearing like pelazzo
Speaker 1: pants pants? Think the pants guys probably like crushed velvet
Speaker 1: like Lost Boys, definitely loose. Yeah, you don't think they
Speaker 1: were wearing like, yeah, they probably weren't like a tight
Speaker 1: tight crushed velvet. I think Jose's in crushed velvet leggings
Speaker 1: and azzies and wide like pelazzo pants. We're going to
Speaker 1: cover this. You know, He's got like Steve Harvey's suit
Speaker 1: on it can rejected Steve Harve pants. Part like Jose said,
Speaker 1: all right, you wear these. I'm going to wear the
Speaker 1: sex sexy one. Yeah, you wear that. Yeah, and Azzi's like, okay,
Speaker 1: you can't hide. So um they whooped the stuff and
Speaker 1: out of those two bros, Presley and Cheeks, Um, they
Speaker 1: got arrested, pleaded guilty. They sued, had a million dollar
Speaker 1: judgment against him. Jose did not let that stop him.
Speaker 1: You guys, he loves the spotlight. What can I say?
Speaker 1: He loves entertaining and that's beyond sports. So when he
Speaker 1: was playing professionally, he was a guest on The Simpsons
Speaker 1: and on Nash Bridges. Have I ever told you my
Speaker 1: Nash Bridges story. You have a Nash Bridges story do.
Speaker 1: They used to film in San Francisco, right, And when
Speaker 1: I was working in San Francisco as a young gal um,
Speaker 1: I would see them filming all the time, all the time.
Speaker 1: They were always all over the place downtown, and so
Speaker 1: I would meet up with a friend of mine on
Speaker 1: a regular basis after work, and like sometimes we'd go
Speaker 1: and get drinks or get dinner, and we'd walk by
Speaker 1: them all the time. And I got into this habit
Speaker 1: of every time I saw them filming, I would walk
Speaker 1: up to the perimeter and when I'd see Don Johnson,
Speaker 1: ideal Dad, Dad, it's me Dad. And I did it
Speaker 1: so often that they started to recognize me, and it
Speaker 1: cracked Cheach up. But it did not make Don Johnson
Speaker 1: laughing too close to the bone. Yeah, And I had to, like,
Speaker 1: I was worried that I was going to start getting like,
Speaker 1: I don't know, arrested or something. So you stopped for
Speaker 1: a while. But you know, just like all crazy haired
Speaker 1: gal Dad, that's a good running bit. Yeah it is,
Speaker 1: you know, I love a running bit. Um. Back to Jose,
Speaker 1: so he and I were both involved with Nash Bridges
Speaker 1: in one way, or another. But after he retired from baseball,
Speaker 1: m Jose did amazing things. Can I read you a list? Please?
Speaker 1: I thought I was gonna have to ask. He did
Speaker 1: a bunch of reality TV shows. He was on The
Speaker 1: Surreal Life and he was also on Celebrity Apprentice. Yeah,
Speaker 1: apparently he had to bail out on it because his
Speaker 1: dad got sick. I thought it was because he hated Trump,
Speaker 1: but that could be too But he left the show
Speaker 1: and then his dad passed away not long after that.
Speaker 1: So yeah. Um. He played himself in the seventeen film
Speaker 1: Slam a Jamma. I missed that one. It's a it's
Speaker 1: a drama about basketball. I'm not kidding. It's a drama.
Speaker 1: Slam a Jamma. It was an oscar play. They really
Speaker 1: they released in October. They thought they had high hopes.
Speaker 1: They were shooting the moon on that one stars Barbara
Speaker 1: Streian Barbara in Slam a Jamma. Um, he either challenged
Speaker 1: or has been challenged to fight um A sportscaster Danny
Speaker 1: Bonda Ducci act they did fight, um, some dude from
Speaker 1: Barstool Sports whatever. And then this delusional quote unquote celebrity
Speaker 1: boxer named Todd Poulton. How can you be a celebrity
Speaker 1: boxer if no one's ever heard of you? Good question.
Speaker 1: That's why I put delusional in there as a qualifier.
Speaker 1: Celebrity chef. That was my that was my adjective modifier.
Speaker 1: Split in their delusional. Yeah. Um. He opened jose Can
Speaker 1: Saco's Showtime car Wash in Las Vegas, where he would
Speaker 1: go and sign autographs occasionally. Always wanted to go there.
Speaker 1: You could just drive to Vegas to get your car. No,
Speaker 1: I've been to you know, okay, like this is We're
Speaker 1: gonna go visit the car wash and we just never
Speaker 1: followed through. As he signed the car, he washes and
Speaker 1: details your car personally. He gets all juiced up and
Speaker 1: does it like crazy style. Um. No, he would show
Speaker 1: up and like yes, sign autographs for people and chum around. Um.
Speaker 1: The place has a two star yell brading. It's there, amazing,
Speaker 1: a lot of complaints. It's a I think it's cheeks.
Speaker 1: It's the only reviews um. He was a columnist for
Speaker 1: Vice magazine for a while. Has a hilarious Twitter account.
Speaker 1: He has a Twitter personality. Yes yes, and then he
Speaker 1: also he wrote the foreword to a novel written by
Speaker 1: Dan Reichert and the novel is called Air Force Gator
Speaker 1: to Scales of Justice. Okay, so there's this novel, but
Speaker 1: this is right on some scraps of paper, right, this
Speaker 1: was published and the book is called Air Force Gator
Speaker 1: to Scales of Justice. This is a sequel to Steven
Speaker 1: Seagal Territory. Oh yeah, we're definitely dipping. How do you
Speaker 1: know Airports Gator means? I'm going to tell you because
Speaker 1: Jose wrote the foreword, I'm going to read you a
Speaker 1: synopsis of the book. Quote. In this sequel to the
Speaker 1: revolutionary Air Force Gator, eight years have passed since the
Speaker 1: Crocodile Rock incident that almost irrevocably damaged the United States. Stop.
Speaker 1: I have to get through this. Since saving the country
Speaker 1: on that day, Air Force Gators legendary status has grown
Speaker 1: to unseen heights. His strength is magnified after being exposed
Speaker 1: to the chemical Gatoray. He's dating a super hot stripper.
Speaker 1: Once a desperate and alcoholic hormonger, the Alligator Pilot has
Speaker 1: finally found peace when President Obama organizes a rally on
Speaker 1: the National Mall to honor the inaugural Air Force Gator Day.
Speaker 1: The heroic reptile plans on announcing his retire Gator What
Speaker 1: he's a gator, He's an alligatory were wide heroic reptile. Wait,
Speaker 1: I totally love just too much going on right now.
Speaker 1: When President Obama organizes a rally on the National Mall
Speaker 1: to honor the inaugural Air Force Gator Day, the heroic
Speaker 1: reptile plans on announcing his retirement from military duty. His
Speaker 1: dreams of a quiet retirement come crashing down around him
Speaker 1: when a fringe group of radical reptiles led by an
Speaker 1: evil pig farmer, interrupts the festivities and carries out a
Speaker 1: massive terrorist attack. Devastated by the increasingly personal attacks of
Speaker 1: the Sons of Gustav, it's time for Gator to lace
Speaker 1: up his boots again and bring the pain down on
Speaker 1: nar Um. That sounds like a like a ten year
Speaker 1: old got into the pixie stick totally started going crazy,
Speaker 1: you know, like it's like, yeah, like that's really wold. Well.
Speaker 1: Jose said that he felt that the Alligator Fighter Pilot
Speaker 1: was basically a metaphor for him and his life. I'm
Speaker 1: not kidding. I think I think he really think it's
Speaker 1: probably the most I mean, he would know he's Jose,
Speaker 1: So I gat fighter pilot whose Yeah, it's right there.
Speaker 1: I now know what I'm getting everyone in my life
Speaker 1: for Christmas. This book. Yeah, Air Force Gator too. You know,
Speaker 1: they don't really do a lot of research about what
Speaker 1: steroids due to your brain. It's all about the muscle.
Speaker 1: You don't really the package. Yeah, yeah, you're right, it's right.
Speaker 1: You don't know what's going on in nthead. Now, there
Speaker 1: is one other story about Jose and punching and fighting
Speaker 1: that I think is a good way to close this
Speaker 1: out today. So in two thousand eleven, Jose agreed to
Speaker 1: fight boxing trainer slash former college boxer Billy Patton in
Speaker 1: a celebrity boxing match on the Boxing Light on the
Speaker 1: Celebrity at a casino in Hollywood, Florida, Heavy on the
Speaker 1: Florida Light on the Hollywood. Jose Is paid ten dollars
Speaker 1: for the event half before half day. Yeah, you got
Speaker 1: to show up. And then they said they'd give him
Speaker 1: fifteen dollars and travel expenses. So if he takes a greyhound,
Speaker 1: he's really like, let's just cream on top of that. Dudes.
Speaker 1: Let's picture it one more time. Close your ats. It's Saturday,
Speaker 1: March two eleven, Conseco makes his way through the Seminal
Speaker 1: Hard Rock Hotel and Casino. It's about thirty minutes to
Speaker 1: fight time. Four hundred fans have crowded into the place
Speaker 1: to see Jose Canseco fights on guy four hundred whole people.
Speaker 1: He starts to get ready. He asks for that five
Speaker 1: thousand dollar payment. He says, you know what, just make
Speaker 1: the checkout to cash. I'm not making Can you do
Speaker 1: that if you're Jose Uh. He laces up his Janet
Speaker 1: checks and Pleasure Principal video shoes, changes into some shiny shorts.
Speaker 1: He whips off his shirt, and he's getting ready to
Speaker 1: be all oiled up when the promoters notice something. A
Speaker 1: representative from Celebrity Boxing walks up to Conseco and stares
Speaker 1: at his good by sep eyeball in it now. He
Speaker 1: then looks at Conseco's face, looks back at the bicep,
Speaker 1: and he looks over at a flyer for the event
Speaker 1: that featured a photo of greased up Jose Canseco ready
Speaker 1: to duke get out seem like enough In the photo,
Speaker 1: Jose Conseco has bicep tattoos. Now I've looked at pictures
Speaker 1: and I cannot, for the life of me make out
Speaker 1: what the tattoos are. They're like, they're sort of vaguely tribal,
Speaker 1: like like a barbed wire. Anderson, Yes, they're bands. Um,
Speaker 1: they're like, but they kind of look like maybe banners
Speaker 1: or swords. One kind of looks like they're not matching.
Speaker 1: One looks like maybe there's a root involved, like going
Speaker 1: into his skin, kind of collusion a plant or a dragon.
Speaker 1: I don't know, alligator, it's like a sword alligator eating
Speaker 1: a sword. Um, but their bicep bands. So the promoter
Speaker 1: looks at the skin in front of him, inc free,
Speaker 1: I know what he's got the wrong yep. Jose sent
Speaker 1: Azzie for me exactly. The four people who paid to
Speaker 1: see the fight were sent home. We can't go through
Speaker 1: azz Azzie's like, oh I forgot Azzie wouldn't give the
Speaker 1: check back, give us a check He's like, no, So
Speaker 1: celebrity boxing CEO Damon Feldman. He went to the press,
Speaker 1: but Jose accused Feldman of trying to trick the public.
Speaker 1: Jose said he'd thrown his back out earlier and that
Speaker 1: Feldman had approved the switch. Oh I like it. Mighty
Speaker 1: of the waters. But how could Azzie fight because his
Speaker 1: nails are too long? Right, that's the question. So Jose
Speaker 1: then tells the New York Post who reached him using
Speaker 1: eight dollar ninety nine phone number he'd posted on Twitter.
Speaker 1: Phone Uh, he said, He tells the Post. To make
Speaker 1: a long story short, Damon tried at the last second,
Speaker 1: tried to announce my brother Ozzie was Jose Canseco. The
Speaker 1: last thing my brother wanted was to commit fraud. Damon
Speaker 1: tried to pull a fast one. I just like the
Speaker 1: fact that he has a number and it works. You
Speaker 1: get him, like he picks up a Berners, like, what
Speaker 1: do you want? Um? Feldman won the default judgment when
Speaker 1: Jose failed to show up in court. Man, you know,
Speaker 1: so he was awarded around seventy number are really falling, right,
Speaker 1: But he told reporters he expected he'd never be able
Speaker 1: to collect the money from Jose. Jose does what he wants.
Speaker 1: It's not that Yeah, did Azzie ever get to cash
Speaker 1: that check? Well, it was made out to cash. I'm
Speaker 1: saying Azzi went and now he's on other errands for
Speaker 1: Jose's picking. That's the tale of Jose and Ozzie Conseco.
Speaker 1: For you. I love them. I do too. They're like
Speaker 1: they're like lovable, you know, soft headed demigods like lovable galute.
Speaker 1: You know, it's like he means well, he means well
Speaker 1: well cut. Yeah sure, so ridiculous takeaway here, man um,
Speaker 1: Like when you so this is your childhood hero aside
Speaker 1: from Slash, this is your childhood hero. My takeaway would
Speaker 1: be that Jose really should appreciate his brother because he's
Speaker 1: been there and he's done all the dirty work for him,
Speaker 1: and that means something we need to celebrate Azzie. Yeah,
Speaker 1: how could we do that with an azzi renaissance and
Speaker 1: elevate Azzi? That's what we need to do. What about you?
Speaker 1: Ar uh? My ridiculous takeaway is very simple. It's mostly
Speaker 1: an aesthetic fashion choice, which is, don't wear a fur
Speaker 1: bikini to a Miami nightclub. And if you're going to
Speaker 1: fight flatten the nails against the palm and then switch,
Speaker 1: you're going to lose the nails and all that hard
Speaker 1: work is put to not I think though, if you're
Speaker 1: banning for bikini's from Miami nightclubs, you're taking out a
Speaker 1: significant portion of the attendees. Some of these places never
Speaker 1: wear that for ever. My takeaway is that you've got
Speaker 1: to love a character, you know. I think certain certain
Speaker 1: talents and abilities obviously allow people more room to be
Speaker 1: total characters. But I think the best takeaway is at
Speaker 1: Assie's the champ here. Yeah, he's always down for whatever,
Speaker 1: always has his brother's back. That's to be applauded. He's
Speaker 1: a loyal he is, He's a real a. That's us
Speaker 1: for today, Travis, Thank you so much for coming. Thanks
Speaker 1: for having me Guy Culous Crime HQ. You can find
Speaker 1: us online at Ridiculous Crime on both Twitter and Instagram.
Speaker 1: If you have a tip for us about a ridiculous
Speaker 1: crime that you'd like to hear, or if you want
Speaker 1: to confess to a ridiculous crime, or if you're Aussie
Speaker 1: can saco please call us. Please call my dollar ninety
Speaker 1: nine number or email at ridiculous Crime at gmail dot com. Uh,
Speaker 1: thank you, it's been a pleasure everybody, and tune in
Speaker 1: next time. Oh before we go, Elizabeth and I wanted
Speaker 1: to send us special shout out to one of our listeners. Avery.
Speaker 1: You wrote in to let us know that you've been
Speaker 1: up there at summer camp taking care of the kids,
Speaker 1: volunteering and the nurse you with the babies and listening
Speaker 1: to Ridiculous Crime. Well, thank you for that, but we
Speaker 1: also saw that you recently contracted COVID and are now
Speaker 1: having to quarantine by yourself. We both feel terrible about that,
Speaker 1: and we just wanted to send you a very special
Speaker 1: shout out and hope that you feel better very soon,
Speaker 1: have a ridiculously good weekend, and uh we'll be thinking
Speaker 1: of you. Ridiculou. This Crime is hosted by Elizabeth Dutton
Speaker 1: and Zarin Burnett, with special guest star Travis Dutton. Produced
Speaker 1: and edited by Asterix Free Hall of Famer Dave Kosten.
Speaker 1: Researches by Marissa Basses Loaded Brown. The theme song is
Speaker 1: by Thomas just a Bit Outside Lee and Travis ice
Speaker 1: Cream Cookie Sandwich. Get your ice cream cookie Sandwich here. Dutton.
Speaker 1: Executive producers are Honorary Atlanta Braves Ballboys, Ben Bolan and
Speaker 1: Noel Brown. Ridiculous Crime is a production of iHeart Radio.
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