Speaker 1: Wind Down with Janet Kramer and I'm Heart Radio Podcast.
Speaker 1: Hi ladies, Hi, how we all feeling today? We're good?
Speaker 1: How are you? You know? Where do we even begin? Oh?
Speaker 1: I love it when you're I will say this. I'm
Speaker 1: a group chat last night.
Speaker 2: The group chats are not allowed anymore. We had big
Speaker 2: talk at school. I'll get to that, okay, yeah, but anyways,
Speaker 2: so I've got a big thing on group chats in school.
Speaker 3: Okay, okay, okay, So don't start there or there, I'm
Speaker 3: going to start there, go for it.
Speaker 1: No, just chat. I've been pinning a lot of things,
Speaker 1: right because I I'll always say, oh, that would be
Speaker 1: a really good topic, and then I forget. So I've
Speaker 1: been writing more down as time goes on, and I'm
Speaker 1: not I'm not eager, and none of the all the
Speaker 1: pins are not like timely, so we can do them whenever.
Speaker 1: But it was funny because I always, like, I always
Speaker 1: get a little intrigued when Kramer comes on and says, oh,
Speaker 1: well that'll go good with my wine. Oh, and I'm like, oh,
Speaker 1: we already have a wine.
Speaker 2: Okay, I know, but let's start hold it, Let's hold it.
Speaker 2: Let's start with a bit of a chatty chat. Why
Speaker 2: I think you warned me about fifth grade?
Speaker 1: Oh? I feel like I have?
Speaker 4: Did you?
Speaker 3: I feel like we've talked about fifth grade on here.
Speaker 3: Back me up, guys if I haven't said.
Speaker 2: I know it all change, yeah, like changes, right, But
Speaker 2: the emotion behind it is you really got me?
Speaker 3: Oh No, I didn't warn you about that. No, I
Speaker 3: don't know, like you were for jolly, but I thought
Speaker 3: you mean no?
Speaker 1: No? Yeah? Yeah? Sorry? No? Did did you?
Speaker 4: Is it?
Speaker 1: Did you feel? Listen?
Speaker 2: Can I just start this entire podcast off with I'm
Speaker 2: due to start any day my period. Okay, so usually
Speaker 2: the week leading up to it, and I'm going to
Speaker 2: go into that with my wine, all right, but let
Speaker 2: me just say I'm already emotional, right, but wow, I
Speaker 2: just did not The night before going in fifth grade
Speaker 2: is just like she's so old, yeah to her last
Speaker 2: year at the school. And then we're at the meet
Speaker 2: the parent orientation night, right, and they're giving us the
Speaker 2: calendar for the year and they're like, okay, and this
Speaker 2: is the day that we do the walk through, the
Speaker 2: final walkthrough, and I'm just like welling with tears.
Speaker 1: Like like no birds right now, like orientation, but this
Speaker 1: is like so sad.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's been a while for me for that first one,
Speaker 3: So I don't I don't really remember. I don't know
Speaker 3: that I have really gotten super emotional on that week
Speaker 3: back to school. It's usually specific things like I will
Speaker 3: absolutely be crying at football or you know.
Speaker 2: It's like, so that's when I started thinking about you,
Speaker 2: because I'm like, man, she's got a fifth grader and
Speaker 2: then she's got a senior.
Speaker 1: So I'm like, that's when I texted you.
Speaker 2: I'm like, yeah, well check because I'm not well and
Speaker 2: I can imagine how you're doing. So I'm like if
Speaker 2: because I always say when you when you're focused on
Speaker 2: your pain, go to someone else that might have a
Speaker 2: little bit more like also happening, you know. And so
Speaker 2: I'm like, all right, well, she's got fifth and senior,
Speaker 2: so like she's got to be feeling something.
Speaker 1: You know. I haven't cried about it. I haven't.
Speaker 3: I mean, it's definitely hitting me, but I think it's
Speaker 3: so also busy that it keeps me kind of like
Speaker 3: especially seeing I have a checklist of the things I
Speaker 3: have to do for senior year, and so I'm so
Speaker 3: busy like making sure I've got hit these deadlines and
Speaker 3: done the things that it hasn't really like fully.
Speaker 1: Hit me yet.
Speaker 3: But I think also taking another kid to high school,
Speaker 3: I was like, that's where I was kind of like,
Speaker 3: holy shit, I'm.
Speaker 1: Old, right, like getting it like they're old. I have
Speaker 1: two kids in high school. I will say this, I
Speaker 1: really do think having the toddler for me is like
Speaker 1: anchoring me back a little, like it's making it not
Speaker 1: feel like because I because they're still this itty bitty
Speaker 1: right right right right, but loves I noticed it. Let's
Speaker 1: all try not to weep on this podcast. Stay tuned.
Speaker 1: I noticed it. I was doing laundry the other day
Speaker 1: and she just was saying something, but like her voice
Speaker 1: is changing differently, and I it just is, I'm like
Speaker 1: she's and she is also a very petite human, Like
Speaker 1: she's very little. So that's another reason I don't think
Speaker 1: like Legend is now almost as tall as her. They're
Speaker 1: almost three years apart, and he outweighs her, so I
Speaker 1: notice it more with him, honestly, Like I feel like,
Speaker 1: because of her stature, I just kind of assume she's
Speaker 1: stay little forever. But she hit this grossper and all
Speaker 1: of a sudden things aren't fitting and then the voice
Speaker 1: and then there's bigger questions coming my way. And I'm like,
Speaker 1: so I think that's the thing for impact.
Speaker 3: Also part of it with the girl, you know, guy
Speaker 3: boys hit puberty later, so that fifth grade year doesn't
Speaker 3: also come with a lot of changes. I mean, this
Speaker 3: fifth grade is where you will start seeing kids that
Speaker 3: have already hit puberty or hitting puberty, who are really
Speaker 3: growing or starting to get boobs like all these things
Speaker 3: that doesn't really hit for boys yet. That happens so
Speaker 3: much later. So I do think it hits a little
Speaker 3: bit differ friendly with girls. And then like you know,
Speaker 3: drama comes, you know, So it's a lot. But having
Speaker 3: that first going into fifth I feel fore y'all because
Speaker 3: that is it's the last of elementary school. Like that's
Speaker 3: not easy. I get it, you know, but it's it's
Speaker 3: been a while since I've been.
Speaker 2: Yeah there, and I think too it being the girl
Speaker 2: part of things too.
Speaker 3: Yeah, apart for some reason, again, it just it all
Speaker 3: hits differently and in different way.
Speaker 1: All of a sudden, she's wearing a training brush shaving
Speaker 1: her legs.
Speaker 4: Yeah. Yeah, it was like we just had like the
Speaker 4: most cute summer ever and all of a sudden, you
Speaker 4: just like within two months you you are a different
Speaker 4: little girl.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, it feels fast. And I think too, because
Speaker 1: we're all female, like we remember I remember fourth and
Speaker 1: fifth grade. Yeah, and you start to remember, like I'm going, oh, Kristen,
Speaker 1: like I'm going back in the memory banks, like what
Speaker 1: did I do when I had a crush? What were
Speaker 1: my sex questions? What were I you know, like people
Speaker 1: are starting their period, I know, like we packed her
Speaker 1: little thing for her backpack and like just in case,
Speaker 1: you know.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's just it's a lot. That fifth grade year
Speaker 3: is a lot, for sure. I know, seem big.
Speaker 1: It's just very and I get it, like they're ten,
Speaker 1: It's okay, we've got time. But there is so much
Speaker 1: change so quick if it.
Speaker 3: Comes after and not to but after elementary school is
Speaker 3: when it just and they say it, but it's just
Speaker 3: like I mean, it just goes so fast that middle
Speaker 3: school in high school years or just for so fast.
Speaker 1: Well even when you texted the other day that you
Speaker 1: were doing a college visit and I was holding my
Speaker 1: phone and Preston goes you okay, and I go, I
Speaker 1: I am I think kat Is, But I was like,
Speaker 1: this is wild, I said, Kat and Nickleck have a
Speaker 1: they have a senior.
Speaker 3: It's so weird because I'm so excited for him. Yeah,
Speaker 3: and so like the emotion of it hasn't hit me yet,
Speaker 3: like because like he is ready for college, Like he
Speaker 3: just is ready.
Speaker 1: It's going to be great.
Speaker 3: Done mom, which I do have to say though, I
Speaker 3: really have to tell you all a funny story real
Speaker 3: fast about college stuff. So long story short, he's already
Speaker 3: August first is kind of when you can start applying
Speaker 3: for colleges. So he's he applied for four different colleges.
Speaker 3: He already decided one of them he didn't want to do,
Speaker 3: so we didn't pay for it.
Speaker 1: You can like apply and then pay.
Speaker 3: Well two of them obviously, so one of them is
Speaker 3: kind of an out there.
Speaker 1: We brought it up to Nick months.
Speaker 2: Ago, Wyoming or some Montana Montana, that's right, Okay, Well
Speaker 2: he brings it back up because he had just gone
Speaker 2: out west with the church thing.
Speaker 1: He loves out west. He loves national parks.
Speaker 3: See him that, I know, it's like he would go
Speaker 3: to like he would go on a road trip just
Speaker 3: do national parks, like he loves this stuff, right, So
Speaker 3: he kind of brings it up, and I'm like, well,
Speaker 3: just apply, it doesn't hurt. He's like, I kind of
Speaker 3: want to apply, right, So we don't tell Nick that
Speaker 3: we're applying because he's very much against.
Speaker 1: He's he's going to be listening to us. He doesn't
Speaker 1: Nick knows. I know.
Speaker 3: That's whine I decided. I was just I'll tell it here.
Speaker 3: He can't kill me if it's on.
Speaker 1: The tape, and sit down. We have something we'd like
Speaker 1: to talk to you about.
Speaker 3: So, like one, Kate and I are on the couch
Speaker 3: and we're like, we need to pay for all these
Speaker 3: because you can apply and then you have to pay,
Speaker 3: and like kept walking by and I'm like trying to
Speaker 3: like like hide the computer because moa.
Speaker 1: State is like you have to pay for even if
Speaker 1: you don't go in anywhere from like thirt yet to apply.
Speaker 3: That's crazy what some of them are free, but they
Speaker 3: are anywhere between like thirty and they can be more.
Speaker 3: The ones we did were between like thirty dollars and
Speaker 3: eighty dollars. Okay, not terrible, but if you do a
Speaker 3: ton of schools, you know, so I'm like paying for
Speaker 3: it whatever well.
Speaker 1: Shows up on the credit card bill Monty State that
Speaker 1: I did actually, but he didn't say anything about that.
Speaker 3: But you know, as far as he knows, he's pretty
Speaker 3: much taking care of all of this on his own.
Speaker 1: I mean he's applying. I just like helped him pay
Speaker 1: for it or whatever.
Speaker 3: So fast forward days and I mean days, Okay, I
Speaker 3: get an email that it's like, congratulations, you've been admitted
Speaker 3: to Montana State, which I think this is going to
Speaker 3: take weeks, right, y'all.
Speaker 1: So I tell Caten knows, like, congratulations, you got you
Speaker 1: know whatever. So he got accepted.
Speaker 3: He got accepted to Montana State. Within like it's relatively
Speaker 3: easy to get in. He has a really good GPA,
Speaker 3: you know whatever. You still have to do some things
Speaker 3: and turn things in, but like, yeah, he got accepted
Speaker 3: in like days, right, so it just feels like this
Speaker 3: is a.
Speaker 1: Bigger deal with like then right now, no hold on.
Speaker 3: So I'm like in the shower like the next day,
Speaker 3: and I hear them kind of taking talking about college
Speaker 3: about know what they're talking about, and then they disperse
Speaker 3: and then I go outside.
Speaker 1: He's in the garage.
Speaker 3: He likes to get a popsicle and like sit outside
Speaker 3: in the garage all the time.
Speaker 1: Kayden. Yeah.
Speaker 3: So I went out there and I was like, so,
Speaker 3: at what point are you going to tell dad about
Speaker 3: Montana State? And he goes, oh, he knows, and I
Speaker 3: was like, what do you mean he knows? He goes,
Speaker 3: I don't know. I was just in the kitchen and
Speaker 3: he goes, congratulations for getting accepted to Montana State. And
Speaker 3: I was like, how does he know, Kayden? He goes,
Speaker 3: I don't know. I didn't tell him. I I don't know.
Speaker 3: I didn't tell him.
Speaker 1: So we're sitting there, but I guess he got an
Speaker 1: email also that said that he was admitted to Montana State.
Speaker 1: So anyways he was, he was, I don't know that
Speaker 1: he knows. The party doesn't know? Is that I knew
Speaker 1: the whole time? Now he knows now again. I just
Speaker 1: want to give a shout out to Nick.
Speaker 3: So anyway, long story short, he's got his first acceptance.
Speaker 1: We kept it from him. I don't know if we'll
Speaker 1: go there, but so do you go visited? He asked
Speaker 1: how he got accepted, Like, you know, he hasn't asked
Speaker 1: me anything.
Speaker 2: Okay, because I don't think, like, well, how did you
Speaker 2: get accepted if you didn't?
Speaker 3: Well, he figured out that he applied. He's like, well,
Speaker 3: I just applied for it, and he wasn't like mad
Speaker 3: that he had. I don't know that he knew that.
Speaker 3: I knew that he had applied for it, but he
Speaker 3: told me he was or he told him. He's like,
Speaker 3: I'll pay for you to go to college there, but
Speaker 3: I won't pay for you to come back every six months.
Speaker 3: Like his point is you're never coming home because it's
Speaker 3: so far. You know, that's his why he doesn't want
Speaker 3: him to go there, because it's just so far and
Speaker 3: he's just not.
Speaker 1: Ready for it. But anyway, he got his first college acceptance.
Speaker 2: Isn't that tough when you because that's a that's a
Speaker 2: nick thing, yeah, you know what I mean, And like
Speaker 2: that would be a nus thing too, like it's going
Speaker 2: to be hard. But at the same time, and shoot,
Speaker 2: I mean I went far. I went to Cali, and
Speaker 2: you know, I'm.
Speaker 1: Far with it.
Speaker 3: I'm I didn't go far and I regret it, and
Speaker 3: so I think that's a lot of why. I'm just like,
Speaker 3: wherever you want to get spread.
Speaker 2: My mom that's how she was too, Like she regretted
Speaker 2: not doing what she wanted to do, so she's like.
Speaker 1: Go live. Yeah, yeah, I stay closed back up.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: But then as soon as college was over, I was out, Well,
Speaker 3: Nick is like, what are you going to do if
Speaker 3: like your car breaks down and you know, I can't
Speaker 3: get to you. I'm like, but you can't really get
Speaker 3: to him in Alabama. I mean, it still takes a
Speaker 3: while I get you to get a fight and all
Speaker 3: the things.
Speaker 1: But I'm also like, yeah, he'll figure it out. So
Speaker 1: he's just not ready. But anyway, so do you a visit?
Speaker 4: Then?
Speaker 1: When do you visit?
Speaker 3: I need to We're going to see if he's like
Speaker 3: seriously wants to go. I don't think he'll go there.
Speaker 3: I think he just wanted it as an option if
Speaker 3: he decided he because you kind of have to go ahead,
Speaker 3: you know, you have to apply, you know. I don't
Speaker 3: think he'll end up going there, but I've brought it
Speaker 3: up going to visit. We were going to go visit
Speaker 3: before and then he took off his list.
Speaker 1: I had the moment where we play back this clip
Speaker 1: and your Montana's Stay shirts in the mountain in the back.
Speaker 1: I have a picture. He got it, like, I'm going
Speaker 1: to I think it's great.
Speaker 3: I think it's amazing. Having said that it is miserably cold.
Speaker 1: In the winters, but it's it's a long winter, and
Speaker 1: so I will say, and we're going in July. And
Speaker 1: it was like, do you really want that? You know
Speaker 1: that's the only so we'll see.
Speaker 3: But anyway, I love is his girlfriend a part of
Speaker 3: the equation. No love that we have talked about it.
Speaker 3: She might not like that to hear that, but.
Speaker 2: But I think it's hard when people are eighteen they
Speaker 2: think that. I literally thought my high school boyfriend was
Speaker 2: the only man I would ever be with my entire life.
Speaker 1: No one could tell me otherwise.
Speaker 2: And it's like, it's so hard when people start to
Speaker 2: make decisions based on where their boyfriend or girlfriend is
Speaker 2: and not it's like, no, you have a whole entire universe,
Speaker 2: not saying this person might not be your person, but
Speaker 2: also like.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I just live. We've talked about it a lot.
Speaker 3: He even considered the school she is more than likely
Speaker 3: going to, Okay, and he won't consider it for that reason.
Speaker 1: Wow, he just he's like, I'm not raising it on Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's great.
Speaker 3: I mean, can you imagine going to college for a
Speaker 3: girl and then breaking up and then oh that's just I.
Speaker 1: Mean it's all the Emily Giffen books I read, you know, like,
Speaker 1: so no, not an equation. So I have a question.
Speaker 1: It kind of spins off of this table if we
Speaker 1: want to. But since we're sort of on the subject,
Speaker 1: I want to know how you feel about girlfriends and
Speaker 1: boyfriends and family photos in family photos, like if you're
Speaker 1: taking a trip. Because to your point, right, like we
Speaker 1: all think at eighteen, we're going to marry him, Like
Speaker 1: I thought I would be missus Joshua forever, you know,
Speaker 1: and I and I remember like and again a different time, right,
Speaker 1: we all had to take the picture, wait weeks, go
Speaker 1: back to wherever Meyer or wherever and develop the pictures.
Speaker 2: But I so which by the way, I got this message,
Speaker 2: uh uh this package in the mail and it was
Speaker 2: a camera, like one of those cameras we used to
Speaker 2: do dispose of a camera. And Jeli's like, what's this.
Speaker 2: I'm like, well, this is a camera like the mom
Speaker 2: used to have. I remember on senior night, like you know,
Speaker 2: you take the pictures. And then she's like, well, then
Speaker 2: how do you see the pictures? I go, well, you
Speaker 2: don't see the pictures. So she's like, well, what if
Speaker 2: you don't like the photos like it didn't matter.
Speaker 1: I got photos of my friends are like they're like
Speaker 1: eyes closed.
Speaker 2: And then she's like, well, then how do you get
Speaker 2: the photos? I go, well, you go to Walmart or
Speaker 2: CBS or wherever you'd go get the pictures printed. And
Speaker 2: she's like it was like, that's so the most confusing
Speaker 2: thing to her.
Speaker 1: She's like, what to those photos?
Speaker 2: Seldom to the old days, honey, anyway, so you.
Speaker 1: Yeah, So so then cropping people out right was you
Speaker 1: couldn't no photo eraser, No, there was no like awkward. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so it's just interesting. We I won't go like too
Speaker 1: far in, but there's like a person that's gonna try
Speaker 1: to be added into the mix and our family, and
Speaker 1: it's a little tumultuous, and so I am always I
Speaker 1: always kind of like guard the family photo, which I
Speaker 1: know everyone's not shocking, because I feel like I come
Speaker 1: across as such a bee on here all the time.
Speaker 1: I just do. And I'm such a kind person. I
Speaker 1: just wish people knew that I'm so freaking nice. I mean,
Speaker 1: I really am. Because you're really not allowed in the photo.
Speaker 1: You're not married, get out of here.
Speaker 2: But even if you are married, like you got a
Speaker 2: white erase, a few things my grandparents home.
Speaker 1: Right. Yes, it's tricky. So I just wonder when you're
Speaker 1: like paying for these vacations a boyfriend's girlfriends go, or
Speaker 1: if you have family coming in out of town, whatever
Speaker 1: the case may be, like, do you take the photo
Speaker 1: with everyone we know is the family and then we
Speaker 1: add the kickstands Because I a girlfriend of mine has
Speaker 1: been going through something where this girl keeps putting herself
Speaker 1: in the photo all the time of her it's her
Speaker 1: son's girlfriend, and every time they like family picture homegirl
Speaker 1: just puts herself right in and she's like, I don't
Speaker 1: love it, but I don't want to. I don't want
Speaker 1: to hurt her feelings.
Speaker 3: I mean, we just so far, like if we do
Speaker 3: all of this, I'll just have her take it and
Speaker 3: then I'll like put all the way to do it together.
Speaker 3: But like she respects it, like she doesn't. Yeah, so
Speaker 3: we haven't done one big like family. But I can
Speaker 3: remember being a girlfriend at the family function where I
Speaker 3: was not allowed in the photo and I was like, well,
Speaker 3: this is awkward.
Speaker 2: So yeah, so I think there's like a little bit
Speaker 2: of both, and I like that. Oh, Cayden's girlfriend because
Speaker 2: I think there's a piece of what I like to
Speaker 2: see in those situations is awareness of being a girlfriend
Speaker 2: in that situation. So we you know, we've there's a
Speaker 2: situation right where it's like when someone doesn't have the
Speaker 2: awareness like hey, do y'all just want one? Or yeah,
Speaker 2: you know, or like letting the family have it and
Speaker 2: just like thinking they're in it, right and that's fine.
Speaker 2: It's like, I'll never make anyone feel out of play.
Speaker 2: So what I'll always do is be like, and I
Speaker 2: didn't do it at one point, and I look back
Speaker 2: now and go, oh boy, because now what happens if
Speaker 2: they break up? And now that family photo then can't
Speaker 2: really be used.
Speaker 1: Right.
Speaker 2: So but most times I'll always try to make someone
Speaker 2: feel comfee like hey, let's all do one group photo, okay,
Speaker 2: and now just the just the fam. So then you've
Speaker 2: got because I think that that you make him both
Speaker 2: feel comfortable. But I like it when someone I was
Speaker 2: always aware of that I was I was like, let
Speaker 2: me take it, you.
Speaker 1: Know what I mean?
Speaker 3: Like, I don't like it helps when they're not like
Speaker 3: forcing themselves into it.
Speaker 2: Right, yeah, one hundred percent. And then also, yeah, I
Speaker 2: think having them be a part of one photo because
Speaker 2: I mean, listen, my grandma still has a couple family
Speaker 2: photos that have an ex boyfriend in them, yeah, or
Speaker 2: an ex husband, And I'm like, well, that's a bummer,
Speaker 2: and obviously you can separate a husband out of the photo,
Speaker 2: like that's but like when it comes to the boyfriend,
Speaker 2: like we don't need to see yeah, you know who
Speaker 2: in a because he was just a boyfriend, Like why
Speaker 2: is he in that group?
Speaker 1: I know, that's what I'm saying. And my girlfriend is struggling.
Speaker 1: She still have it on her for to write.
Speaker 2: This is my husband and this is my ex wifefriend.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, yeah, that's weird. Yeah it is.
Speaker 1: It's just but then also they are a piece of
Speaker 1: the history. Yeah, the boyfriend. No.
Speaker 3: I mean I remember when my brother was getting married
Speaker 3: and he was getting married one month before me, a
Speaker 3: month and a half. At the wedding, my grandmother was
Speaker 3: not gonna let Nick in the photo. And then my
Speaker 3: dad was like, no, that's ridiculous, like we were engaged,
Speaker 3: but she's she was like, she's if you're just a boyfriend,
Speaker 3: if you're not married, you're not in the family photo.
Speaker 1: I'm kind of Grandma, I think I'm I'm a both.
Speaker 3: Yeah, there's a way to do it, just as long
Speaker 3: as the girl's not like pushing herself into so that
Speaker 3: makes it awkward.
Speaker 2: Well, I think that's what that makes men want the
Speaker 2: person in the phone.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think that's what's happening here. And because this
Speaker 1: person is a little push here, and because she didn't
Speaker 1: nip it right at the beginning. Yeah. Now now it's like,
Speaker 1: let's take a selfie and cheek to chee. I can't
Speaker 1: edit no, like I lose half my face.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Harry, Ladies ready to head to whine about it?
Speaker 1: Go for it? Okay, here we go.
Speaker 2: I'm actually feeling quite well at the moment you start
Speaker 2: your favorite not yet.
Speaker 1: I mean I did are you day? And I feel
Speaker 1: like a different new Are you behind again or you
Speaker 1: just haven't started.
Speaker 2: It's like one of those where I'm on the flow
Speaker 2: app and it's like it most likely should start today.
Speaker 1: Okay, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2: So that's what it says today, but like, you know,
Speaker 2: a couple of days in therapy, a couple days ago,
Speaker 2: you know, so here okay, full transparency and like let
Speaker 2: me just be very this is really great for like
Speaker 2: my whole energy and where I've been. But y'all, it's
Speaker 2: been like it has become really dark before my period starts.
Speaker 2: Well it's still there unfortunately, that's okay, but it's been
Speaker 2: like really like really dark. And like when you say dark,
Speaker 2: is it like I will cry, Like I get really depressed.
Speaker 1: It's a depression sneaky, spiry like and really period. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And so I've been noticing that.
Speaker 2: I'm like, Okay, I don't feel this all the time,
Speaker 2: but like there is a and then an absolute shift
Speaker 2: right before my period, like the week before my period. Now,
Speaker 2: I've got some other personal things going on that might
Speaker 2: be adding to the weight of things I can I
Speaker 2: can see that, and I can you know, I can
Speaker 2: acknowledge that might be a piece of it where it's
Speaker 2: not like everything's not like hunky dory, right, So, got
Speaker 2: some like personal things walking through, but like there is
Speaker 2: also a point where I'm like I can't get my
Speaker 2: even with that piece, I still can't get myself out
Speaker 2: of the the that kind of like dark period before
Speaker 2: the period. And I've noticed it getting worse as I've
Speaker 2: gotten older, Like I just for me personally, and like
Speaker 2: the anger, the agitation, the all of that and so,
Speaker 2: and then it's like the moment my period starts, so
Speaker 2: like I'm going into therapy and I'm saying all these things,
Speaker 2: and like, you know, I said, in the while this
Speaker 2: thing is is probably a week from now, I would
Speaker 2: come in here and be like everything's great, like I
Speaker 2: feel good, like I feel, but I said there there
Speaker 2: needs to be some sort of like I'm like, and
Speaker 2: I've been trying to figure out what's been going on.
Speaker 2: So a couple months ago again as I'm like feeling
Speaker 2: these things, I've been trying to get in with my
Speaker 2: gynecologist for a very long time now, but the problem
Speaker 2: is that her calendar isn't isn't isn't open every time
Speaker 2: I call her, like, well, she hasn't opened her June
Speaker 2: calendar yet, and I'm like, okay, well I called in
Speaker 2: May and I had missed the opening for or I
Speaker 2: called in April and I missed the May window. So
Speaker 2: I've literally tried to call every single month, right, So
Speaker 2: at this point, I'm in my dark, darker stage the
Speaker 2: week before my period, feeling it again, so I call again,
Speaker 2: you know, to try to get on her August August calendar,
Speaker 2: even though it is in August, but she's like, she
Speaker 2: hasn't opened her September calendar. I was like, listen, I
Speaker 2: have been trying for months to get in, I said,
Speaker 2: I am at this point now. I'm so frustrated because
Speaker 2: every time that I try and call, I cannot get
Speaker 2: in to see the doctor.
Speaker 4: Right.
Speaker 2: So I was like, is there any way that you
Speaker 2: could let me know when the calendar opens so that
Speaker 2: I don't miss an appointment, Like, so I can make
Speaker 2: an appointment because I really want to see the doctor,
Speaker 2: because like even if I want something to be prescribed,
Speaker 2: like Amy can't prescribe it, you know what I mean?
Speaker 2: Like I need to go see an actual doctor. Right.
Speaker 2: So she's like she's just like listen. She's like, I
Speaker 2: understand your frustration. And I was like, listen, I know
Speaker 2: this is not your fault. Like you can't control her calendar,
Speaker 2: I said, but like, girlfriend, like I need to get
Speaker 2: in like some I need to figure out like what
Speaker 2: is wrong, you know, and like wait.
Speaker 1: When a doctor would take you months and months and
Speaker 1: we'll wait for that.
Speaker 4: Right.
Speaker 2: So so she's like Okay, She's like the problem is
Speaker 2: is she goes there are four hundred people trying to
Speaker 2: get in and so I'm like, cool.
Speaker 4: Thanks for your help, and I like hung the phone,
Speaker 4: and I'm like in those moments, I'm like, where is
Speaker 4: like the help for like anybody that's like asking for help?
Speaker 2: Right? So then I'm like, I'll just call my regular doctor.
Speaker 2: So I by the way, there's no even direct line
Speaker 2: to that thing. It's like you got to go through
Speaker 2: like the big Vanderbilt portal or whatever. So I'm like,
Speaker 2: you know, I go on there. I'm talking to like
Speaker 2: a third party operator to try I'm like, can I
Speaker 2: just get to the front office please, because i know
Speaker 2: like if I try to get to the front office
Speaker 2: then they'll like help.
Speaker 4: Right.
Speaker 1: So I'm at the you know, I'm talking to this lady.
Speaker 1: She's like I can't.
Speaker 2: She's like, we schedule all the appointments, and I'm like okay.
Speaker 2: I was like well, because then i start thinking, I'm like,
Speaker 2: you know what, maybe I do need to get on
Speaker 2: something to just like get me to like a point
Speaker 2: where I'm like okay, and then like I can wean
Speaker 2: myself off something, right, So us when the next appointment
Speaker 2: is a long time march.
Speaker 3: No, and this is for a regular doctor organ.
Speaker 1: No, like my regular doctor. So the OPG.
Speaker 2: I I can't even get an appointment to save my
Speaker 2: fucking life right March. So then I go into therapy
Speaker 2: yesterday and I'm like like, I'm okay, I'm okay, right,
Speaker 2: I get I get like probably when my period can
Speaker 2: start to be fine. And I'm even texting like Nate
Speaker 2: dog right, and I'm like.
Speaker 4: Nate, something's off bed. Like I know you said my
Speaker 4: hormones are good. They ain't good like something. There is
Speaker 4: a real dip and it gets.
Speaker 1: Worse as I get older, for sure, like rage full, spirally, sad,
Speaker 1: all the things.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I was like I'm crying at Ted fucking Lasso,
Speaker 4: you know. I mean that was like something is off again.
Speaker 4: I understand I'm going through some personal things. This shouldn't
Speaker 4: be like doing it this much, you know, and so
Speaker 4: like I'm not able to control it that much or whatever.
Speaker 4: And so he's like, well, I'm unavailable from this time
Speaker 4: to this time, and and I'm just like fucking I can't.
Speaker 4: I can't get like, I can't get a break. And
Speaker 4: so that I'm in therapy yesterday and I'm like telling
Speaker 4: her all of this, and I was like, to the
Speaker 4: people that actually like are close to like, I haven't
Speaker 4: had intrusive thoughts. I've had dark thoughts, but not intrusive,
Speaker 4: not you know, anything like that. But to the people
Speaker 4: that do and feel like they've got no like.
Speaker 1: Dead end, you're actively and healthy looking for a solution.
Speaker 2: I am trying to find a solution. And here's the
Speaker 2: thing too with that. The last time that I felt
Speaker 2: this way was it was after I had roman and
Speaker 2: I had really bad postparum anxiety. There was no and
Speaker 2: then doctor was like, wellhy can prescribe you medicine. But
Speaker 2: it wasn't like a it was just like I'm just
Speaker 2: going to prescribe you something Like I'm like, where was there,
Speaker 2: Let's really look at a blood lab. Let's really figure
Speaker 2: this out. And so when I was telling her about this,
Speaker 2: I'm like, I feel for the person that is close
Speaker 2: to actually committing suicide or to and she's like, well,
Speaker 2: have you been following the Lindsay Clancy case And I
Speaker 2: was like yes, I said, but my biggest issue with
Speaker 2: all of that is everyone's like the system failed there,
Speaker 2: and I'm like, what fucking system?
Speaker 1: Right? There?
Speaker 2: Actually isn't a system, Like, there's none, and the part
Speaker 2: that and so I was kind of talking about this
Speaker 2: last night, and I apologized to my dad in advance
Speaker 2: for sharing this information, but I think it leads into
Speaker 2: this conversation which I'd love to talk about back in
Speaker 2: nineteen fifty. So I'm learning these things about we were
Speaker 2: just having a very open family talk about family emotions,
Speaker 2: feelings or whatever. And again, please Dad, don't come in
Speaker 2: this one. But I think it really leads into a
Speaker 2: really important topic. Back in nineteen fifty, apparently my great
Speaker 2: grandma had a nervous breakdown. They shocked her in Pontiac, Michigan.
Speaker 2: They gave her a lobotomy and shocked her. Like so
Speaker 2: this is nineteen fifty. Yeah, So I'm like and then
Speaker 2: I'm like thinking about this last night. I'm like so
Speaker 2: deep into the Lindsay Clancy thing that I'm like because
Speaker 2: I'm like, what she did. I mean, it's it's horrific,
Speaker 2: like absolutely horrific. I think there are sick people. Well,
Speaker 2: I mean, I'll get into all that thing, but I
Speaker 2: mean I'm just like, there has never been a system,
Speaker 2: and then what is what is the like how do
Speaker 2: you even change that? I don't even know the answer
Speaker 2: because I'm like, I don't think there's any help for
Speaker 2: women postpartum. I think they'll either just give you a prescription,
Speaker 2: but they're not actually there to help you. There's no
Speaker 2: you guys. Last night, I am on my flow chat
Speaker 2: an AI chat to be like, what I fuck is
Speaker 2: wrong with me?
Speaker 1: Why do I feel this way? Because I'm nobody else
Speaker 1: to ask and nothing app I know. Part of the
Speaker 1: reason that I work in that space with women is
Speaker 1: like on the nonprofit side, is because there's women here
Speaker 1: in Nashville that have like finally gone enough is enough,
Speaker 1: and they've created these spaces where it's you know, health health,
Speaker 1: mental health care around women's needs, which is like postpartum
Speaker 1: or loss in fertility.
Speaker 4: Albody even talks about it like that's the thing, Like
Speaker 4: they just prescribe someone, you know what I mean, or
Speaker 4: they're not like admitting people she called the hotline saying
Speaker 4: and they're like no, like oh my god.
Speaker 1: But even if they're prescribing, there should be also a
Speaker 1: mental health.
Speaker 3: Advocate on the other side, And I think she saw
Speaker 3: several psychologists. I guess its psychiatrists are medicines, all the
Speaker 3: different medicines, which is there's no checks and balances with that.
Speaker 3: So even if you were to be able to get
Speaker 3: in with someone. You know, they're still not digging in this,
Speaker 3: and you could go to another doctor and you can
Speaker 3: get another one if you want, and you can go
Speaker 3: to another doctor.
Speaker 1: You can you start that medicine, but you've got like
Speaker 1: a you've got a solid month and a half before
Speaker 1: it even starts to you start to feeling different. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean, it's not.
Speaker 3: And a lot of these medicines also create suicidal thoughts.
Speaker 3: So you've got this depression over here, whatever it is.
Speaker 3: And then this is also causing problems, and you've got hallucination,
Speaker 3: you know, all these things that can come with all
Speaker 3: these medicines.
Speaker 1: And you're sleep deprived. Yeah, typically im postpartum.
Speaker 3: Which I mean, there's so much to talk about on
Speaker 3: that case, but I think that that, to me is
Speaker 3: the most important part of that case and paying attention
Speaker 3: to that.
Speaker 1: Whether she did it or her husband did it, or
Speaker 1: you didn't. She admit that she did do it.
Speaker 3: She did, but now with all the evidence coming out
Speaker 3: on the daily, a lot of people there's a lot
Speaker 3: of questions not answered. A lot of people think he
Speaker 3: basically convinced her that she did it, but put that
Speaker 3: aside because who knows.
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 2: There's like a million theories and people driving like this
Speaker 2: only took three minutes when it was a twenty minute.
Speaker 2: He said yeah, and she said he did it, but
Speaker 2: the guy's like, she's was inaudible.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's so so much back and forth. But I
Speaker 3: think the most important thing to think about that is
Speaker 3: that is that she asked for help, She was seeing
Speaker 3: people for help.
Speaker 1: She was on all of these drugs.
Speaker 3: So whether she did it or not, like that, to me,
Speaker 3: someone has to pay for this, obviously. I think that
Speaker 3: there's multiple people that should have to pay for this
Speaker 3: if she did it, obviously her the healthcare system in
Speaker 3: some way which they will not, and her husband, because
Speaker 3: even if he didn't do it, he allowed her to
Speaker 3: be alone with those kids. I think that he is
Speaker 3: also responsible and that if he was aware that she
Speaker 3: was having these thoughts, which apparently he was, he also
Speaker 3: should be held accountable.
Speaker 1: In my eyes, I.
Speaker 3: Don't know how you hold you. I don't know that
Speaker 3: we can ever hold the healthcare system, though accountable, accountable
Speaker 3: for these things, you know, and so.
Speaker 1: Oh wi, that's a huge I mean I can't even
Speaker 1: start with that.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean I dealt with this with my mom,
Speaker 3: who was prescribed pills by every doctor in the state,
Speaker 3: you know. I mean, it's like all you got to
Speaker 3: do is go to different doctors, they'll give you the pills,
Speaker 3: and it's it reminds me a lot of that, which
Speaker 3: is a whole other topic, but you know, it's I'm
Speaker 3: sorry that you're having to deal with what you're having
Speaker 3: to deal with and not being able to get in with.
Speaker 1: Which is so interesting too.
Speaker 3: Because sorry, I'm going off on all these tangents, but
Speaker 3: you know, here in the US, it's not really supposed
Speaker 3: to be that way because we don't have the United
Speaker 3: Healthcare that a lot of people do. And that's the
Speaker 3: biggest complaint in other countries is that you can't get
Speaker 3: in to see anybody.
Speaker 1: You can't get in, you can't get in.
Speaker 3: Well, it's been really freaking hard to get in here
Speaker 3: to see anybody, and that's scary.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 2: And also, like not to sound privileged, but like I
Speaker 2: have the resources, I have, the right I have, and
Speaker 2: I still can't be seen.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, because you know, I think at the
Speaker 3: end of the day, I don't Well, some places that
Speaker 3: can matter.
Speaker 1: I think, no. But I mean, just like you know.
Speaker 2: I mean, like I think there are situations where people
Speaker 2: can't get the help because of the environment that they're in, right, so,
Speaker 2: like if they can't afford to go to certain doctors
Speaker 2: or places or and it's like, I am privileged enough
Speaker 2: to be able to have like the community I grew
Speaker 2: up in and the.
Speaker 1: Upper and great insurance.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yes, an insurance to be able to buy to
Speaker 2: pay to see these people. But yet there is no
Speaker 2: but it's either here, take this, but there's no really
Speaker 2: getting to the route, or there's no like support for
Speaker 2: because it's like even like things about like perimnopause, I
Speaker 2: didn't I still didn't even know that was a thing, right, yeah,
Speaker 2: I mean it.
Speaker 1: I had no idea until we start talking about it.
Speaker 1: Well even yeah, exactly, like postpartum with my first I
Speaker 1: remember that was a thing. I just remember being so
Speaker 1: sad and so anxious. I could not figure it out.
Speaker 1: I mean the anxiety was through the roof, which I
Speaker 1: lean anxious and I can lean depressed anyways, So it
Speaker 1: was like such a swirl and it was coming off
Speaker 1: the road I had, you know, all of a sudden,
Speaker 1: I'm a stay at home mom, and that was like
Speaker 1: what and it was a snowstorm and my husband's back
Speaker 1: out on tour and then everything took and I was
Speaker 1: just so alone, no family visiting, so alone. But ten
Speaker 1: years ago, we weren't talking about any of that, and
Speaker 1: so I just I remember googling what is postpartum depression
Speaker 1: because I thought, well, maybe that's it. And it was
Speaker 1: like at the time, it was just telling you you
Speaker 1: had to disconnect from your baby, and I'm like, why
Speaker 1: don't have that? I like deeply love her, So maybe
Speaker 1: this isn't it. So it's just like a there's just
Speaker 1: not enough forward information educating. I think like that could
Speaker 1: be the good thing about the right use of social
Speaker 1: media and podcast and like our inundation with information is
Speaker 1: that we're all now saying the harder things are, like
Speaker 1: the honest things, but it's really overwhelming and to your point,
Speaker 1: like some months I'm okay right before my period, and
Speaker 1: some months I'm like really like I am, like, am
Speaker 1: I depressed? Like I've reached out to my best friend
Speaker 1: who's a therapist, and I've said, like, do is this depression?
Speaker 1: Like I'm i feel like I'm okay enough, but like
Speaker 1: this feels really low.
Speaker 2: Like right, like and what they'll say, like if you
Speaker 2: do the depression checklist, because again in therapy, they're like,
Speaker 2: do you stay in bed all day?
Speaker 1: I'm like, well, no, I can't stay in bed all day.
Speaker 1: I don't have a twenty.
Speaker 2: I gotta get up, like you know what I mean.
Speaker 2: So like, but do I just randomly sit in my
Speaker 2: closet and cry for now? Yeah, I did that the
Speaker 2: other night, you know what I mean? And I had,
Speaker 2: but I had to get out of it again. But
Speaker 2: then I know in a week, I'm like, I'll probably
Speaker 2: be fine, I know, but what can we do to
Speaker 2: help ourselves? Like that's the thing and I and that's
Speaker 2: what's also frustrating, because I think medicine could.
Speaker 1: Help us, but it's really for just appear like time.
Speaker 2: Supplements, sir, trying to understand things, or like is there
Speaker 2: blood work again that needs to be done?
Speaker 1: Or I just something where it's like I'm high and
Speaker 1: pogesterone or low or something is this where not?
Speaker 3: And I'm just asking we're not just having a therapist
Speaker 3: and having like an actual psychiatrist comes into play.
Speaker 2: Psychiatrists would basically just prescribe medicine.
Speaker 1: So they don't actually like listen to you as well
Speaker 1: and prescribe the like end here right right, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean? Right? Yeah?
Speaker 2: So I have an email. It's to doctor Amen because
Speaker 2: it's a good I'm going to ask him. So I
Speaker 2: feel like yasa, I.
Speaker 1: Mean, I will say this because last week I was
Speaker 1: spirally and and the other thing is is like I
Speaker 1: don't want to keep going well. In two days, you're
Speaker 1: going to feel better, Kristin. That doesn't feel great either,
Speaker 1: because missing two days or three days or five days
Speaker 1: a month of like enjoying life is not fair either,
Speaker 1: you know, especially because there's so much to be grateful for,
Speaker 1: like I keep and so then I'm starting to shame myself,
Speaker 1: which makes it worse for myself because I'm going well, Kristin,
Speaker 1: you have healthy babies and you have a husband that
Speaker 1: loves you and blah blah blah. But it's like chemically
Speaker 1: imbalanced and then you're just like holding on and surviving
Speaker 1: until the eleventh of the month rolls around.
Speaker 2: That doesn't feel like silently doing it too though. That's
Speaker 2: the thing where then you're just like crazy about it,
Speaker 2: and then you feel like you're the only person who's
Speaker 2: crazy going through that. Yeah, but if it was talked
Speaker 2: about more. And then when extreme case is like this,
Speaker 2: when she's trying to get help, it just makes me
Speaker 2: really sad because I don't feel like and then I
Speaker 2: think about like my grandma Orges, other women like it
Speaker 2: pat in the day, like no one I don't feel
Speaker 2: like there's care for women, especially after having babies. I
Speaker 2: don't feel like there's care for women when they're going
Speaker 2: into you know, perimenopause or this, like we just there's
Speaker 2: not enough, Like I don't think support and care.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and I wonder if they've really even figured out
Speaker 3: what to do with it, you know what I mean,
Speaker 3: besides just masket with medicine, you know what I mean,
Speaker 3: Like if you really like look at the history of
Speaker 3: them dealing with mental health, it's never been it's all
Speaker 3: just been so questionable and so just throwing stuff at
Speaker 3: it to see what works. And so I don't know
Speaker 3: if anyone even knows really what to do, like what
Speaker 3: is the answer for that, you know what I mean?
Speaker 3: Like that, And that's frustrating and that's feels very you
Speaker 3: know whatever. But sometimes I think that that's the part
Speaker 3: of the problem, is no one knows what to do
Speaker 3: with that, Like Nate's saying that your levels are fine,
Speaker 3: I know, and but you still feel this way. Yeah,
Speaker 3: So how do we figure this out?
Speaker 1: You know?
Speaker 4: How?
Speaker 1: I do think there is there has to be at
Speaker 1: least because this is because I have my period. Now
Speaker 1: I can be hopeful for both of us because I'm
Speaker 1: two days in and I'm like, oh, everything's okay again, Yeah,
Speaker 1: check back in next week. I'll be like, life's great,
Speaker 1: Everything's right, I know. But like you know, like I
Speaker 1: try to not be as hard on myself about working
Speaker 1: out leading up to it. I'm trying to feed myself
Speaker 1: more or differently leading up to it to just find
Speaker 1: like maybe the tips and tricks because I'm pretty regiment
Speaker 1: in with like how I do life, and so I'm
Speaker 1: just trying to like eat intuitively and go like eating
Speaker 1: and sleeping and all. But it matters differently, Yeah, because
Speaker 1: if I miss sleep and I'm right before a period,
Speaker 1: I mean, sleep is more than anyone realized. It is
Speaker 1: so detrimental, it's wild. Yeah, and then I feel crazy
Speaker 1: and I'm just trying to get through the day and
Speaker 1: that's not fair. Yeah.
Speaker 2: And I will say too, last night was the first
Speaker 2: night that I slept solid and probably because y' all
Speaker 2: know I can deal with my neck issue since June third,
Speaker 2: so like, I have not slept well.
Speaker 1: So I think a lot of this can be sleep.
Speaker 2: I am probably very sleep deprived because I'm not sleeping
Speaker 2: solid at all. Last night was the first night that
Speaker 2: I can remember since before my neck thing that I
Speaker 2: have slept a full eight hour without being interrupted. And
Speaker 2: the only reason was because I was home alone because
Speaker 2: Alan was in Chattanooga, and so I wasn't well, you know,
Speaker 2: snoring or whatever. Because the second I wake up, you're
Speaker 2: awake up.
Speaker 1: I'm like, it hurt. You know, I can't fall back
Speaker 1: asleep because I hurt. So mun I do think I.
Speaker 3: Would start with whatever you can to try and get
Speaker 3: solid sleep and see if it helps, yeah at all.
Speaker 4: You know.
Speaker 3: I just think there's now that you know, if you
Speaker 3: there's just a lot of things that are linking back
Speaker 3: to sleep yep and I just think that it would
Speaker 3: be maybe helpful, maybe not.
Speaker 2: But I've got my epidural again on Monday, so because
Speaker 2: I chickened out the last time, so.
Speaker 1: An emotional support person, you know, I was.
Speaker 2: A little stressed that day and I just was freaking
Speaker 2: out because we were going to the lake, and he
Speaker 2: was like, it might be it could be worse. And
Speaker 2: I'm like, if I if I move less right now
Speaker 2: than I am right now, like moving less and make
Speaker 2: it worse for the next two days.
Speaker 1: So I was like, these are my last.
Speaker 2: Five days with the kids of the lake. So I
Speaker 2: was like, I will deal with this pain. So like
Speaker 2: he put the lightning cage in and I was like, oh,
Speaker 2: that was a little pinch. And then and he also
Speaker 2: said don't move. Don't tell an anxious person not to move,
Speaker 2: like and he asked if I want to be sedated,
Speaker 2: but we were going to like I didn't want to
Speaker 2: be sedated, so don't. Yeah, it's like, you know, you
Speaker 2: can have like spinal.
Speaker 1: Cord, like you know, you deally don't want to move
Speaker 1: into your neck right, And so I'm like stop, stop, stop.
Speaker 1: So I should have gone in there with you. I can't.
Speaker 2: You can't again, yeah, so it's like a legit like
Speaker 2: you're in like it's a surgery room.
Speaker 1: It's all right.
Speaker 2: So so I have some diet as a PAM and
Speaker 2: I'm taking two on a Monday, and I'm going to
Speaker 2: just let them stick that needle in me because I
Speaker 2: would like to sleep and have no pains, which again
Speaker 2: I think is adding most likely to my fatness.
Speaker 1: Of course, but still has to be dealt with. And
Speaker 1: I still think but it does lead to the conversation
Speaker 1: of yeah, the system and when you're on very menopause
Speaker 1: and you're thinking this could be ten years, and this
Speaker 1: could be ten years of feeling like this for one
Speaker 1: week out of a month, that's a really long Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's a lot of life. Yep.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And we should have like a woman's support group.
Speaker 2: I think this is it the week before call it?
Speaker 2: I call it the week before anything else about that case?
Speaker 2: Like do you think what do you think the justice
Speaker 2: should be within it? I just like, I know you
Speaker 2: said the husband you think yeah.
Speaker 3: I mean again right now, it's it's kind of turning
Speaker 3: so much because so much of this evidence is just
Speaker 3: wild and there's so many questions and did he make
Speaker 3: her think that?
Speaker 1: You know all that? So I do think that he
Speaker 1: needs to be looked at. How soon if you get married?
Speaker 1: I'm curious after quickly, I don't know how, but pretty quickly.
Speaker 1: So there's that.
Speaker 3: But again, you're not able to hold accountable who I
Speaker 3: think doesn't need to be held accountable the most, but
Speaker 3: the second most, and I think that that is the
Speaker 3: system and the psychiatrist and not having checks and balances
Speaker 3: on what's being given. I would love to see that
Speaker 3: change in some way in our future. I don't know
Speaker 3: the answer for that, but something has to change.
Speaker 2: Well again, someone's calling a support hotline saying yeah, that
Speaker 2: they feel these ways, and they're like, sorry, you don't
Speaker 2: fit the criteria.
Speaker 3: The system is so messed up when it comes to
Speaker 3: mental health in that way. But when you are at
Speaker 3: first admitted to a hospital, they will send you to
Speaker 3: like the mental health whatever, but it is I think
Speaker 3: it's twenty four or forty eight hours and then it's like, yeah,
Speaker 3: it's a messed up system. And you know, it's different
Speaker 3: by state and all the things, and you know, I
Speaker 3: don't remember all the details, but that I think is
Speaker 3: the top thing that I think we need to take
Speaker 3: away from this. What she did, if she did it,
Speaker 3: whoever did it to these children is horrific. But there's
Speaker 3: a difference between also postpartum anxiety, postpartum depression, and postpartum psychosis, right,
Speaker 3: you know, And I think that that's just important to
Speaker 3: discuss as well.
Speaker 2: It is and It's like I've seen things people being like,
Speaker 2: how could you defend this murderous?
Speaker 1: It's like I can.
Speaker 2: And maybe I'm wrong, maybe I'm being completely blindsided by this.
Speaker 2: But when you look at murder cases like the Idaho murders,
Speaker 2: when you look at killers like that, there are killers
Speaker 2: who again maybe had a really terrible upbringing and they're sick, right.
Speaker 2: But I think then there's people like lindsay that I'm like, again, awful,
Speaker 2: but this is where the system I think, really, but again,
Speaker 2: did the system affect all of them all?
Speaker 3: And I think all I mean, I think if you
Speaker 3: really go into prisons and look at people that have murdered,
Speaker 3: they all have bringing kind of past that has failed them.
Speaker 1: Failed them.
Speaker 2: Yeah, they didn't give them the right treatment or you
Speaker 2: know most yeah, I mean some I think are just yeah,
Speaker 2: for sure, evil people, but a lot of them.
Speaker 3: Yes, so they have to pay, you know, I believe
Speaker 3: they have to pay, no matter what the circumstances are.
Speaker 3: But like I don't I don't think that she should
Speaker 3: just you know, if it's even that she did it,
Speaker 3: I don't think that she should just get off because,
Speaker 3: like I have a hard time with the whole like
Speaker 3: innocent because of whatever. What is it called, like because
Speaker 3: clean insanity? Yeah, insanity. That is a little hard because
Speaker 3: I do feel.
Speaker 2: Like, well, I think a lot of people can use
Speaker 2: the insanity exactly and they're not.
Speaker 3: Right right, So I think that gets tricky and it's sad,
Speaker 3: you know that she might she is a product of
Speaker 3: the system, But I think we still have to take
Speaker 3: it into an account.
Speaker 1: One hundred percent. I do agree with that. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: struggled a lot yesterday. I remember when the case had
Speaker 1: or when the when the murders first happened, and then
Speaker 1: I was a little tuned out by it, like I
Speaker 1: have to be a little careful. The way I take
Speaker 1: information sensitivity for me is like just it is what
Speaker 1: it is. It gets really dark and then it seeps
Speaker 1: into like a just a lot. So but I remember,
Speaker 1: so yesterday I was like trying to understand where we
Speaker 1: are now with it, and I think part the part
Speaker 1: I'm struggling with I have a lot of righteous anger
Speaker 1: around this case because sorry, it's a wildly unfair and
Speaker 1: I have a really hard time watching a court case
Speaker 1: where a woman gets to take a break, where they
Speaker 1: stop reading about the murders of her children. And she
Speaker 1: gets to take a fucking break. That was infuriating to
Speaker 1: me yesterday. She's wailing because she's listening to what happened
Speaker 1: to her kids and she gets to take a break.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, that is not fair. Yeah, she should have
Speaker 1: to listen to every little detail, every detail, and she
Speaker 1: could be mentally unwell. Those kids didn't get to take
Speaker 1: a break. She doesn't get a break. Yeah. I think
Speaker 1: there's a reason she's in a wheelchair and she lived
Speaker 1: through it, and I think it's between her and God.
Speaker 1: But I the righteous anger I have on behalf of
Speaker 1: those little babies is so's. It should madden everyone, it
Speaker 1: should piss everyone off, and it should make everybody look
Speaker 1: at all parts of it. But it is infuriating to
Speaker 1: me that she that they got to take a break
Speaker 1: and get some air. And that's ridiculous. That's the part
Speaker 1: that pisses me off the most. Like it just is.
Speaker 1: And I can be as Christian as I want to be,
Speaker 1: but it just is. It hurts my heart. And those
Speaker 1: little babies looking at a person that gave them life
Speaker 1: and is taking their life. Are you kidding me? Everyone
Speaker 1: needs to help everyone differently. Her husband should have shown
Speaker 1: up differently. She should have showed up for herself differently,
Speaker 1: you know, like at the point where I'm ready to
Speaker 1: hurt my babies, I'm not alone with my babies anymore, right,
Speaker 1: I don't put myself alone with my children anymore.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, there does come some accountability everyone to say.
Speaker 1: So righteous anger in me for the situation. It's part
Speaker 1: of the reason I can't dive all the way in.
Speaker 1: But when I saw what I saw yesterday where it
Speaker 1: was like, we just have to take a break, and
Speaker 1: she's wailing, and I'm thinking, shame on you. You should
Speaker 1: have to look at photos and videos and you should
Speaker 1: have to hear every little thing and justice to children
Speaker 1: will do this to me every time. Yeah, maddening. Those
Speaker 1: babies didn't choose to be born. She did that. So sorry,
Speaker 1: I'm fired up. No, yeah, that's it. It's hard. I
Speaker 1: don't understand postpartum psychosis. So I don't, you know, like
Speaker 1: I've been dark in postpartum, right, I have had thoughts,
Speaker 1: not about hurting anyone else, about hurting myself. Yeah, it's
Speaker 1: fucking dark to me.
Speaker 3: It's just hard not understanding it to know, is her response. Now,
Speaker 3: Because she's she's so she's out of it obviously, and
Speaker 3: now it's like this traumatizing like she didn't in a psychosis.
Speaker 3: You know, I'm assuming you really don't know what you're
Speaker 3: doing and then out of it, and then it's like
Speaker 3: you're reliving your babies being killed.
Speaker 1: Even though it was you. So I responsibility too. If
Speaker 1: you lean that way, it is your responsibility. Stop having children. Yeah,
Speaker 1: take a minute. I had to prepare myself much differently
Speaker 1: for Legend than I did for Love. I had to
Speaker 1: because I knew it was hard on me, whether it
Speaker 1: was help or And listen, my family's never been there
Speaker 1: to do postpardon with me. So this isn't me sitting
Speaker 1: in some hashtag bless seat going like you know, call
Speaker 1: a grandma. I was fucking alone alone.
Speaker 3: Well, and I do think, and this is not going
Speaker 3: to be a popular opinion, but this is where I
Speaker 3: have frustration with the going and get more, getting more medicine.
Speaker 3: I do think to an extent, you know what you're
Speaker 3: doing when you were asking for more and more and
Speaker 3: more medicine. You know, like your you're not getting You're
Speaker 3: going to different psychiatrists, You're going to different people to
Speaker 3: get more drugs. I think you become dependent on these
Speaker 3: drugs and it becomes a drug addiction as well, which
Speaker 3: I don't think we're really talking about, right, Like there's
Speaker 3: an addiction piece of this where she is going and
Speaker 3: seeking out all these drugs. They should have never given
Speaker 3: them to her, obviously.
Speaker 1: But you know, I just think there's just so much
Speaker 1: No matter what its fault it is, there's still three
Speaker 1: dead little babies. Yeah, yeah, it's very very sad. Well, yeah, sorry,
Speaker 1: I'm so fired. No, no, no, I mean it's I think,
Speaker 1: like I just I hear the conversations, and I think
Speaker 1: all the conversations need to be had. But I think
Speaker 1: what frustrates me more is is a society we are
Speaker 1: so so defensive of, like be a better person, be
Speaker 1: a responsible mother. And I'm going to go down in
Speaker 1: a ball of flames because I know there's a trillion
Speaker 1: opinions about this, but like, and I have been there
Speaker 1: in the darkness, not psychos's necessarily, but depression for sure,
Speaker 1: postpartum depression. And I just you owe it to the
Speaker 1: little people if you don't even know it to yourself.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I totally hear what you're saying, but like in
Speaker 2: that too, it's like you're fighting against the devil in
Speaker 2: your brain, right, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: So that's where it's like, but why is she alone
Speaker 1: with them? Why is she having total everyone likes yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: but that's where it's like this perfect storm.
Speaker 2: It's not just like she wasn't dealing with and I
Speaker 2: totally agree, but like.
Speaker 1: Not in her right mind. Yeah, where it's but that's
Speaker 1: what a long time to be not in your right mind, strangling,
Speaker 1: hurting three children, and then yourself not in your right mind.
Speaker 1: We're talking this is yeah again, why it.
Speaker 3: Really gets deeper and people are thinking that he may
Speaker 3: have done this and all of the things, and I
Speaker 3: will hold space for that because God bless if this
Speaker 3: woman didn't do it all.
Speaker 1: And listen, I holy shit, I feel Yeah, I'm not
Speaker 1: even I'm not saying I don't even know. I I
Speaker 1: don't even know if she did it or I'm just
Speaker 1: going the bottom line is it is a lot of
Speaker 1: distracted talk, and they're three little dead babies and that
Speaker 1: hurts my heart. Yeah yeah, Okay, Well.
Speaker 2: Episode where we'll have had our periods and everything will
Speaker 2: be great and I can't wait to talk.
Speaker 1: About right now, I'm supposed to be fine as I
Speaker 1: started mind, this is why I can't do current events.
Speaker 3: I said in the group chat KB, it's hard to
Speaker 3: I know, it's hard to.
Speaker 1: Society have group chats.
Speaker 2: By the way, in our school back to school thing,
Speaker 2: the teacher was like the biggest thing they see in
Speaker 2: fifth grade and they just like asked the parents and
Speaker 2: I'm like, listen, Julie doesn't have a way to have
Speaker 2: group chats with anybody. But they're like like, without doubt,
Speaker 2: there'll be a group chat of each class. And she's like,
Speaker 2: someone always gets hurt. Ye And she's like and it's like, please,
Speaker 2: don't let your kids be in a group chat.
Speaker 1: So I took my kid out of the group chat
Speaker 1: in fifth grade.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think I remember you have someone always gets hurt.
Speaker 2: It starts one of the fifth grade chats the same thing.
Speaker 2: It's like, no, yep.
Speaker 3: I let group chats come back eventually. But when they're
Speaker 3: like learning and starting out with those phones, it was
Speaker 3: a crazy mess.
Speaker 1: So yepp, don't let it too much. Okay, ladies, see
Speaker 1: you next week. Bye bye.