1 00:00:02,600 --> 00:00:06,120 Speaker 1: I am a yamla, your host, your guide, a teacher 2 00:00:06,160 --> 00:00:09,280 Speaker 1: for salm, and a soft place to fall for others. 3 00:00:09,640 --> 00:00:14,360 Speaker 1: And I was a miserable failure in my relationships until 4 00:00:14,720 --> 00:00:17,959 Speaker 1: I love myself enough to be able to share my 5 00:00:18,040 --> 00:00:21,360 Speaker 1: love with other people. Welcome to the r Spot, a 6 00:00:21,480 --> 00:00:40,400 Speaker 1: production of shondaland Audio in partnership with iHeartRadio. Everyone has 7 00:00:40,520 --> 00:00:46,320 Speaker 1: their own BS, their own belief system, and everyone believes 8 00:00:46,400 --> 00:00:51,640 Speaker 1: things about the world based on that BS, that belief system. 9 00:00:51,920 --> 00:00:56,480 Speaker 1: It's a survival mechanism or a way of understanding the 10 00:00:56,520 --> 00:01:01,040 Speaker 1: world around us and our experiences. If you were bitten 11 00:01:01,080 --> 00:01:03,920 Speaker 1: by a dog at a young age, you might believe 12 00:01:03,960 --> 00:01:07,560 Speaker 1: that all dogs will bite you, that dogs are scary 13 00:01:07,600 --> 00:01:11,639 Speaker 1: and dangerous. If you've ever had a car accident, maybe 14 00:01:11,640 --> 00:01:16,920 Speaker 1: you are afraid to drive. Anything and everything we experience 15 00:01:17,319 --> 00:01:21,559 Speaker 1: can push the triggers of our belief systems in one 16 00:01:21,600 --> 00:01:26,800 Speaker 1: way or another, and that also applies to relationships. People 17 00:01:26,840 --> 00:01:31,080 Speaker 1: who have dealt with abandonment will attract those who abandon them, 18 00:01:31,120 --> 00:01:34,520 Speaker 1: people who have dealt with rejection will attract those who 19 00:01:34,800 --> 00:01:39,640 Speaker 1: reject them. And others who believe they don't deserve love, 20 00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:44,480 Speaker 1: can't have love, won't ever get love will attract people 21 00:01:44,800 --> 00:01:49,200 Speaker 1: who cannot give them the love that they want or need. 22 00:01:49,640 --> 00:01:53,480 Speaker 1: It's a catch twenty two. So how do you fix that? 23 00:01:54,160 --> 00:01:57,840 Speaker 1: How do you heal those issues? Well, we're gonna learn 24 00:01:57,880 --> 00:02:01,200 Speaker 1: about that today. Let's say hello to our first caller. 25 00:02:05,400 --> 00:02:09,359 Speaker 1: Good afternoon, beloved, welcome to the art spot. How can 26 00:02:09,400 --> 00:02:10,560 Speaker 1: I support you today? 27 00:02:11,680 --> 00:02:13,919 Speaker 2: First, I want to say I love you. I've been 28 00:02:13,960 --> 00:02:16,440 Speaker 2: listening to you for years. I wish you could be 29 00:02:16,520 --> 00:02:19,280 Speaker 2: like my personal therapist. I really wish. 30 00:02:19,520 --> 00:02:21,520 Speaker 1: No, I'm not a therapist, so we would be in 31 00:02:21,560 --> 00:02:22,360 Speaker 1: a lot of trouble. 32 00:02:25,080 --> 00:02:28,800 Speaker 2: I know, I know, but your insight is just amazing. 33 00:02:28,960 --> 00:02:29,560 Speaker 3: I love it. 34 00:02:30,240 --> 00:02:32,760 Speaker 1: What kind of insight can I support you with? Today? 35 00:02:33,720 --> 00:02:39,200 Speaker 2: So basically, I truly desire to have a committed relationship. 36 00:02:39,440 --> 00:02:41,760 Speaker 2: I want to be married. I would like to have 37 00:02:41,800 --> 00:02:44,960 Speaker 2: another child. But it's like all of the men that 38 00:02:45,000 --> 00:02:48,080 Speaker 2: I come across, it's like they all just want, you know, 39 00:02:48,160 --> 00:02:50,680 Speaker 2: to deal with multiple women. They don't want to commit, 40 00:02:51,280 --> 00:02:53,079 Speaker 2: or they act like they do at the beginning just 41 00:02:53,120 --> 00:02:55,840 Speaker 2: to give what they want and then they disappear. So 42 00:02:56,000 --> 00:02:59,400 Speaker 2: I'm kind of just like losing hope for anything serious. 43 00:02:59,400 --> 00:03:09,000 Speaker 1: I don't know who do me either? Oh my God 44 00:03:09,720 --> 00:03:12,480 Speaker 1: me either, honey, and you a lot younger than I am. 45 00:03:12,600 --> 00:03:15,040 Speaker 1: So the people my age ain't got no teething on 46 00:03:15,120 --> 00:03:17,919 Speaker 1: all kinds of medication and pieces and parts ain't working. 47 00:03:18,000 --> 00:03:20,080 Speaker 1: So we just out here together. What else gonna do? 48 00:03:20,240 --> 00:03:24,760 Speaker 1: What else gonna do? Right, Well, I'm gonna go right 49 00:03:24,800 --> 00:03:27,440 Speaker 1: to the core. Why do you want to be in relationship? 50 00:03:28,880 --> 00:03:32,000 Speaker 2: That's a great question. I feel like I would be 51 00:03:32,160 --> 00:03:36,240 Speaker 2: happy if I had a family to care for. That 52 00:03:36,320 --> 00:03:37,440 Speaker 2: would just make me happy. 53 00:03:38,440 --> 00:03:41,840 Speaker 1: So you want to be in relationship for what it 54 00:03:41,920 --> 00:03:43,040 Speaker 1: will bring to you? 55 00:03:43,600 --> 00:03:46,000 Speaker 2: Well, I also want to, you know, contribute to my 56 00:03:46,080 --> 00:03:49,880 Speaker 2: partner a very loving, nurturing, caring person. So I do 57 00:03:50,000 --> 00:03:52,840 Speaker 2: plan to give as well, and I just take what. 58 00:03:52,880 --> 00:03:55,240 Speaker 1: Have you given in the past and what have you received? 59 00:03:55,680 --> 00:04:03,360 Speaker 2: I feel like everything I've given loyalty, trustworthy. If a 60 00:04:03,360 --> 00:04:06,040 Speaker 2: person need help with something, I would try to tell 61 00:04:06,800 --> 00:04:12,200 Speaker 2: I've been a motivator, all types of things. I feel 62 00:04:12,200 --> 00:04:15,480 Speaker 2: like in return, I feel like in return, I just 63 00:04:16,360 --> 00:04:19,120 Speaker 2: like at the end of each situation, I feel depleted. 64 00:04:19,200 --> 00:04:21,640 Speaker 2: I don't feel like I was given anything. I feel 65 00:04:21,640 --> 00:04:24,080 Speaker 2: like I was probably begging most of the time, or 66 00:04:24,560 --> 00:04:27,120 Speaker 2: a person make it seem like what I'm asking for 67 00:04:27,279 --> 00:04:27,880 Speaker 2: is too much. 68 00:04:28,600 --> 00:04:32,479 Speaker 1: M h So why did you give so much in 69 00:04:32,600 --> 00:04:38,560 Speaker 1: hopes that I would get Yeah? So your relationships are transactional. 70 00:04:39,400 --> 00:04:43,320 Speaker 1: You're dealing with transactional relationships. You give me this, I'll 71 00:04:43,360 --> 00:04:45,679 Speaker 1: give you that. If I give you this, you should 72 00:04:45,720 --> 00:04:52,359 Speaker 1: give me that. Transactional relationships never work and the giver 73 00:04:52,960 --> 00:05:00,200 Speaker 1: always receives less. Always, And at the core, at the 74 00:05:00,240 --> 00:05:04,800 Speaker 1: core of a transactional relationship, there is a kootie. You 75 00:05:04,839 --> 00:05:08,000 Speaker 1: know what a kootie is? No, a cootie is like 76 00:05:08,040 --> 00:05:10,960 Speaker 1: a little bug, a little thing that eats away in something. 77 00:05:11,240 --> 00:05:17,280 Speaker 1: Cooties the nasty You know what is at the kootie 78 00:05:17,279 --> 00:05:20,280 Speaker 1: at the core of a transactional relationship? Want me to 79 00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:24,640 Speaker 1: tell you what it is? Yes, the belief that you 80 00:05:24,760 --> 00:05:26,320 Speaker 1: can't have what you want. 81 00:05:28,120 --> 00:05:29,160 Speaker 2: That sounds about right. 82 00:05:29,200 --> 00:05:32,360 Speaker 1: There's a belief there, Uh huh. You can't have what 83 00:05:32,400 --> 00:05:35,640 Speaker 1: you want. Now, you keep trying to disprove it, but 84 00:05:35,680 --> 00:05:39,800 Speaker 1: you will never live beyond your belief. And if you 85 00:05:39,920 --> 00:05:44,000 Speaker 1: believe that you can't have what you want, you will 86 00:05:44,080 --> 00:05:48,400 Speaker 1: never have it. You'll keep getting evidence to prove that 87 00:05:48,480 --> 00:05:52,520 Speaker 1: your belief is right. It leads to this kind of 88 00:05:53,080 --> 00:05:56,039 Speaker 1: cat and mouse game. I can't have what I want. 89 00:05:56,279 --> 00:05:59,080 Speaker 1: Oh but that looks like what I want, so let 90 00:05:59,080 --> 00:06:02,279 Speaker 1: me get that. But the belief is operating, I can't 91 00:06:02,320 --> 00:06:05,760 Speaker 1: have what I want. So you'll continue to attract things 92 00:06:05,800 --> 00:06:08,760 Speaker 1: and people that aren't what you want because you know 93 00:06:08,800 --> 00:06:11,479 Speaker 1: what we want more than anything else, we want to 94 00:06:11,480 --> 00:06:14,120 Speaker 1: be right. And so you have a belief that is 95 00:06:14,160 --> 00:06:16,080 Speaker 1: I can't have what I want. I want to be 96 00:06:16,160 --> 00:06:19,120 Speaker 1: right about that, so I'll keep attracting evidence to make 97 00:06:19,160 --> 00:06:20,960 Speaker 1: me write about the belief. You got to heal up 98 00:06:21,000 --> 00:06:21,479 Speaker 1: the belief. 99 00:06:22,120 --> 00:06:24,039 Speaker 2: So what do I need to do to reverse that 100 00:06:24,160 --> 00:06:25,000 Speaker 2: thought process? 101 00:06:25,760 --> 00:06:31,880 Speaker 1: So you know, there's a very powerful way to dismantle 102 00:06:32,360 --> 00:06:38,400 Speaker 1: belief systems, and that's really to dump the consciousness of 103 00:06:38,480 --> 00:06:43,320 Speaker 1: where the belief originated. So this probably originated in your childhood. 104 00:06:43,720 --> 00:06:45,719 Speaker 1: And the way you can get in touch with that 105 00:06:46,200 --> 00:06:50,000 Speaker 1: is by writing with your non dominant hand. So are 106 00:06:50,000 --> 00:06:53,120 Speaker 1: you right handed or left handed? I'm right handed, okay, 107 00:06:53,160 --> 00:06:56,360 Speaker 1: So that means with your left hand you would have 108 00:06:56,440 --> 00:07:02,000 Speaker 1: to write. What I believe about relationship is what I 109 00:07:02,080 --> 00:07:06,600 Speaker 1: believe about having a relationship in my life. What I 110 00:07:06,640 --> 00:07:10,760 Speaker 1: believe about being loved by someone is all of that stuff, 111 00:07:10,760 --> 00:07:14,520 Speaker 1: But you write it with your left hand, not with 112 00:07:14,560 --> 00:07:18,800 Speaker 1: your right hand, because the left hand, the non dominant hand, 113 00:07:18,840 --> 00:07:22,120 Speaker 1: will dump your subconscious mind and bring up all of 114 00:07:22,160 --> 00:07:26,240 Speaker 1: those feelings and it's hard to do. It's hard, you know, 115 00:07:26,400 --> 00:07:28,760 Speaker 1: to write with your left hand. It's gonna be all 116 00:07:28,760 --> 00:07:32,040 Speaker 1: over the paper and it's gonna look real crazy, but 117 00:07:32,680 --> 00:07:36,800 Speaker 1: you're gonna tap into what the kootie up under there, 118 00:07:37,320 --> 00:07:39,920 Speaker 1: because there's some sadness and there's some anger, and there's 119 00:07:39,920 --> 00:07:44,680 Speaker 1: some disappointment and loneliness. Yeah, and loneliness, yeah, probably all 120 00:07:44,680 --> 00:07:46,960 Speaker 1: the way back to when you were little. And that's 121 00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:51,480 Speaker 1: what you've got to uproot. And with your right hand, 122 00:07:52,080 --> 00:07:55,720 Speaker 1: you know, you can do some powerful attraction through I 123 00:07:55,880 --> 00:07:58,960 Speaker 1: am you know, I am attracting the right partner. I 124 00:07:59,000 --> 00:08:03,600 Speaker 1: am attracting a generous partner. I am attracting a committed partner. 125 00:08:03,920 --> 00:08:07,480 Speaker 1: I am attracting a loving partner. And you can do 126 00:08:07,560 --> 00:08:10,720 Speaker 1: that with your right hand right, Because it's not the man. 127 00:08:10,760 --> 00:08:14,080 Speaker 1: There are plenty of men out there, plenty of available men. 128 00:08:14,880 --> 00:08:16,760 Speaker 1: And know how I know because I talk to them 129 00:08:16,800 --> 00:08:19,520 Speaker 1: all the time. Why can't I find a good woman? 130 00:08:20,040 --> 00:08:20,400 Speaker 2: Really? 131 00:08:22,040 --> 00:08:24,720 Speaker 1: Yeah? What do you believe about good women? 132 00:08:25,400 --> 00:08:28,200 Speaker 2: You know where Philadelphia? 133 00:08:29,320 --> 00:08:31,600 Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I used to live in Philly, West Philly 134 00:08:31,640 --> 00:08:32,720 Speaker 1: forty ninth and Pine. 135 00:08:32,840 --> 00:08:34,840 Speaker 2: They there in North Philly. 136 00:08:34,960 --> 00:08:37,440 Speaker 1: Well, North Philly. That's why you can't find nobody go 137 00:08:37,480 --> 00:08:42,480 Speaker 1: down to West Philly. No, I'm just scared. I'm just 138 00:08:42,559 --> 00:08:46,160 Speaker 1: teasing you. But that's really what it's about. It's about 139 00:08:46,800 --> 00:08:50,760 Speaker 1: your relationships have become transactional. You've been giving more than 140 00:08:50,800 --> 00:08:53,600 Speaker 1: you're getting because you don't believe you can have what 141 00:08:53,640 --> 00:08:56,160 Speaker 1: you want. You don't believe you can have what you want. 142 00:08:56,360 --> 00:08:58,920 Speaker 1: So it has to be about you moving into that 143 00:08:59,040 --> 00:09:02,280 Speaker 1: belief of I can have what I want. So since 144 00:09:02,280 --> 00:09:08,880 Speaker 1: you ain't in a relationship, you got time do the work. Okay, okay, okay, 145 00:09:08,880 --> 00:09:10,720 Speaker 1: my darling, thank you for calling. 146 00:09:10,640 --> 00:09:12,400 Speaker 2: Thank you for speaking with me today. 147 00:09:12,679 --> 00:09:20,240 Speaker 1: Okay, bye bye. We all have a belief system. The 148 00:09:20,559 --> 00:09:25,520 Speaker 1: issue is how do we clean up our belief systems 149 00:09:25,559 --> 00:09:30,160 Speaker 1: so that relationships are not such hard work. In my 150 00:09:30,280 --> 00:09:35,440 Speaker 1: caller's case, she needs to identify the times that she 151 00:09:35,520 --> 00:09:39,440 Speaker 1: didn't get what she wanted. Then over time she started 152 00:09:39,600 --> 00:09:43,520 Speaker 1: to believe this pattern and live this pattern, and she 153 00:09:43,679 --> 00:09:46,040 Speaker 1: believes this is just how things are going to be 154 00:09:46,080 --> 00:09:50,959 Speaker 1: for her, and then she'll attract people who cannot will 155 00:09:51,000 --> 00:09:54,880 Speaker 1: not do not give her what she wants and keep 156 00:09:54,920 --> 00:10:00,560 Speaker 1: the cycle going. My lord, that's why you us do 157 00:10:00,640 --> 00:10:07,080 Speaker 1: the work to identify your patterns and then dismantle them 158 00:10:07,400 --> 00:10:11,240 Speaker 1: by creating a new pattern. After the break, we'll come 159 00:10:11,280 --> 00:10:15,040 Speaker 1: back with my second caller, who has a similar issue, 160 00:10:15,360 --> 00:10:27,199 Speaker 1: but for a very different reason. Welcome back to the 161 00:10:27,360 --> 00:10:33,920 Speaker 1: R Spot today. We're talking about dismantling your false belief systems. Now, 162 00:10:34,240 --> 00:10:38,080 Speaker 1: this whole notion of unworthiness and not being able to 163 00:10:38,240 --> 00:10:40,480 Speaker 1: have what it is we say we want shows up 164 00:10:40,480 --> 00:10:42,560 Speaker 1: in a variety way. Some of them are very clever, 165 00:10:42,760 --> 00:10:45,560 Speaker 1: because you know, we are brilliant when it comes to 166 00:10:45,720 --> 00:10:49,760 Speaker 1: covering up our core issues. Okay, we'll never go around 167 00:10:49,800 --> 00:10:52,680 Speaker 1: saying I'm unworthy and I can't have what we want, 168 00:10:52,720 --> 00:10:55,679 Speaker 1: But what we will do is create all kinds of story, 169 00:10:55,840 --> 00:10:59,440 Speaker 1: all kinds of drama, and all kinds of bad behavior 170 00:11:00,080 --> 00:11:03,720 Speaker 1: that the ego then uses to reinforce the belief that 171 00:11:03,800 --> 00:11:06,960 Speaker 1: I'm unworthy of having what I want. One of the 172 00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:11,280 Speaker 1: ways we do that is serial dating. My next guest 173 00:11:11,640 --> 00:11:20,360 Speaker 1: is a classic example. Good afternoon, beloved, Welcome to the 174 00:11:20,600 --> 00:11:24,000 Speaker 1: R Spot. And what is a challenge issue dilemma that 175 00:11:24,040 --> 00:11:26,840 Speaker 1: you're bringing to the table. For us to nibble on today. 176 00:11:27,480 --> 00:11:31,080 Speaker 3: I'll good afternoon, Queen Yanna, thank you so much for 177 00:11:31,120 --> 00:11:31,560 Speaker 3: having me. 178 00:11:32,200 --> 00:11:32,600 Speaker 1: How are you? 179 00:11:33,400 --> 00:11:36,520 Speaker 3: I am blessed and so blessed and here your bofe. 180 00:11:36,559 --> 00:11:38,319 Speaker 3: I went to see you when you came to stocks 181 00:11:38,400 --> 00:11:40,199 Speaker 3: and I don't want to ramble, but I just love 182 00:11:40,280 --> 00:11:42,000 Speaker 3: you so much and I've been following you for years 183 00:11:42,040 --> 00:11:44,720 Speaker 3: and I'm so honored to be able to bring my issue, 184 00:11:44,760 --> 00:11:45,920 Speaker 3: relationship issue to you. 185 00:11:46,280 --> 00:11:48,640 Speaker 1: Okay, you got a relationship issue, do you? 186 00:11:51,000 --> 00:11:55,440 Speaker 3: The issue I have is I have trouble building lasting 187 00:11:55,520 --> 00:12:00,760 Speaker 3: relationships because of trust issues in the past and relationship 188 00:12:00,800 --> 00:12:03,560 Speaker 3: where I felt like I gave one hundred percent and 189 00:12:03,720 --> 00:12:07,120 Speaker 3: was heard and cheated on and lied too, and it 190 00:12:07,280 --> 00:12:09,719 Speaker 3: just has kind of given me. I kind of am 191 00:12:09,760 --> 00:12:13,320 Speaker 3: like a serial dater. I love dating, but as soon 192 00:12:13,360 --> 00:12:16,200 Speaker 3: as I see anything that looks like it's not right, 193 00:12:16,960 --> 00:12:21,000 Speaker 3: I run. And I'm trying to get to a point 194 00:12:21,000 --> 00:12:24,920 Speaker 3: where I recognize, you know, normal things that you should 195 00:12:24,920 --> 00:12:28,080 Speaker 3: expect and just I don't know, it's just that's where 196 00:12:28,080 --> 00:12:31,880 Speaker 3: I'm struggling at the trust and relinquishing the control of 197 00:12:31,960 --> 00:12:33,480 Speaker 3: out of fear of being hurt. 198 00:12:34,960 --> 00:12:38,120 Speaker 1: Oh yeah, did you see the movie The matrix. 199 00:12:38,800 --> 00:12:39,200 Speaker 3: I did. 200 00:12:39,600 --> 00:12:40,760 Speaker 1: Okay? Did you like him? 201 00:12:41,120 --> 00:12:41,520 Speaker 3: I did. 202 00:12:42,040 --> 00:12:47,719 Speaker 1: Do you remember that whenever Neo went out to do 203 00:12:47,800 --> 00:12:49,960 Speaker 1: something in the world, to fight Jones, or to go 204 00:12:50,080 --> 00:12:53,280 Speaker 1: visit the Oracle or anything, that he was strapped into 205 00:12:53,360 --> 00:12:57,360 Speaker 1: the chair? Yes, okay, So that meant that everything that 206 00:12:57,400 --> 00:13:00,720 Speaker 1: we were seeing, everything that he went through, what's going 207 00:13:00,760 --> 00:13:03,720 Speaker 1: on in his mind because he was strapped into the chair. 208 00:13:03,920 --> 00:13:07,880 Speaker 3: Oh I'm strapped into the chair. 209 00:13:08,760 --> 00:13:11,360 Speaker 1: Yeah, you strapped into the chair, baby, making up all 210 00:13:11,480 --> 00:13:17,640 Speaker 1: kinds of stuff. And do you remember that Morpheus said 211 00:13:17,679 --> 00:13:20,920 Speaker 1: to Neo, do you want the red pill or the 212 00:13:20,920 --> 00:13:21,440 Speaker 1: blue pill? 213 00:13:21,520 --> 00:13:22,240 Speaker 3: Or the blue pill? 214 00:13:23,000 --> 00:13:26,080 Speaker 1: The blue pill will keep you exactly where you are, doing, 215 00:13:26,160 --> 00:13:28,720 Speaker 1: exactly what you're doing. That's the blue pill. And the 216 00:13:28,760 --> 00:13:31,320 Speaker 1: red pill is going to catapult you out of the 217 00:13:31,400 --> 00:13:34,280 Speaker 1: matrix into a whole nother way of being. All right, 218 00:13:34,520 --> 00:13:36,640 Speaker 1: Do you want the blue pill or the red pill? 219 00:13:38,559 --> 00:13:39,520 Speaker 3: A red pill? 220 00:13:40,000 --> 00:13:43,880 Speaker 1: You sure? Okay? Red says, give me the real truth, 221 00:13:43,960 --> 00:13:47,680 Speaker 1: the hardcore, rot, gut, cold water in my face, slapped 222 00:13:47,720 --> 00:13:50,280 Speaker 1: me up inside the head truth. That's the red pill. 223 00:13:50,320 --> 00:13:58,600 Speaker 1: You want that one? Yeah, okay, I do. Someplace deep 224 00:13:58,840 --> 00:14:04,240 Speaker 1: in your being is the belief that you can't have 225 00:14:04,320 --> 00:14:05,720 Speaker 1: what you want. 226 00:14:06,640 --> 00:14:07,199 Speaker 3: That's true. 227 00:14:07,640 --> 00:14:15,120 Speaker 1: So you brilliantly, brilliantly set yourself up to be in 228 00:14:15,240 --> 00:14:20,200 Speaker 1: situations that will give you evidence that you can't have 229 00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:25,240 Speaker 1: what you want. It's just as simple. Wow. And you 230 00:14:25,440 --> 00:14:30,000 Speaker 1: cannot live beyond your beliefs. So what you will do 231 00:14:30,880 --> 00:14:38,040 Speaker 1: is tirelessly, relentlessly and unconsciously put yourselves in situations or 232 00:14:38,080 --> 00:14:42,120 Speaker 1: with people, or under circumstances where you can't have what 233 00:14:42,240 --> 00:14:45,480 Speaker 1: you want. And the minute there's a eoda of what 234 00:14:45,640 --> 00:14:49,320 Speaker 1: looks like, smells like, tastes like you can't have it, 235 00:14:49,720 --> 00:14:54,360 Speaker 1: you blame them. 236 00:14:54,520 --> 00:14:55,000 Speaker 3: That's true. 237 00:14:55,040 --> 00:14:56,720 Speaker 1: They can gonna give me what I want. They're gonna 238 00:14:56,760 --> 00:14:58,440 Speaker 1: hurt me, they're gonna leave me. But but boy, so 239 00:14:58,560 --> 00:15:01,360 Speaker 1: let me go all all the way back. Let me 240 00:15:01,400 --> 00:15:03,080 Speaker 1: go back to the root and the car. 241 00:15:03,440 --> 00:15:03,680 Speaker 3: Wow. 242 00:15:03,720 --> 00:15:09,160 Speaker 1: Okay, okay, who left you, mommy, daddy, Grandma? Who left you. 243 00:15:10,680 --> 00:15:11,040 Speaker 3: Daddy? 244 00:15:12,040 --> 00:15:17,359 Speaker 1: Yeah? Okay, that's number one. And what was the script 245 00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:22,600 Speaker 1: or the conversation I'm talking young, I'm talking three four 246 00:15:22,720 --> 00:15:27,200 Speaker 1: or five secs with the caregivers about you having what 247 00:15:27,280 --> 00:15:29,040 Speaker 1: you want. It could have been we can't afford it, 248 00:15:29,080 --> 00:15:32,160 Speaker 1: that's too much, you can't have it. What was that 249 00:15:32,360 --> 00:15:37,600 Speaker 1: conversation what was that script that was implanted in your consciousness? 250 00:15:38,680 --> 00:15:41,120 Speaker 3: Then I'm gonna say it's a little bit of both. 251 00:15:41,400 --> 00:15:45,240 Speaker 3: So at the time, my biological father was deceased as 252 00:15:45,320 --> 00:15:48,120 Speaker 3: I was three, So I was raised by my mom 253 00:15:48,520 --> 00:15:51,240 Speaker 3: in a single parent home, and I had a brother, 254 00:15:52,120 --> 00:15:57,840 Speaker 3: and I always felt like the bad kid. Even though 255 00:15:58,000 --> 00:16:02,400 Speaker 3: I didn't do necessarily the bad things, regular mischievous things. 256 00:16:02,440 --> 00:16:06,040 Speaker 3: I kind of always had the title of the bad kid. 257 00:16:06,000 --> 00:16:10,320 Speaker 1: You know, period period right there, Yeah, right there, I 258 00:16:10,480 --> 00:16:13,720 Speaker 1: was the bad kid. Now do bad kids get punished? 259 00:16:14,120 --> 00:16:17,640 Speaker 1: Do bad kids get in your experience? What happened to 260 00:16:17,760 --> 00:16:18,800 Speaker 1: bad kids? 261 00:16:19,360 --> 00:16:22,760 Speaker 3: I was always expected to mess up, and so I 262 00:16:22,840 --> 00:16:24,040 Speaker 3: did most of the time. 263 00:16:24,640 --> 00:16:28,600 Speaker 1: Mm hmmm, because you will live up to the expectations. 264 00:16:28,800 --> 00:16:32,080 Speaker 3: I did. But years later, you know, my real dad, 265 00:16:32,120 --> 00:16:35,880 Speaker 3: who is alive. That's his character. He's slick, he's street, 266 00:16:35,960 --> 00:16:38,720 Speaker 3: he's cunning, he's that. And so that was kind of 267 00:16:39,480 --> 00:16:41,960 Speaker 3: at the time. I didn't realize that I was wearing that, 268 00:16:42,040 --> 00:16:44,800 Speaker 3: because when my mom saw me, she saw my dad 269 00:16:44,800 --> 00:16:48,400 Speaker 3: and she said, without saying it, she was thinking it, 270 00:16:48,480 --> 00:16:52,480 Speaker 3: she's like him now. And so I lived up to that, 271 00:16:52,840 --> 00:16:55,920 Speaker 3: you know, I lived up to it. Yeah, years later, 272 00:16:56,080 --> 00:16:58,560 Speaker 3: when I was forty seven, I realized my dad was 273 00:16:58,640 --> 00:17:03,720 Speaker 3: alive and that it just was a untruth or secret 274 00:17:03,760 --> 00:17:06,760 Speaker 3: that kind of was kept. So anyway, Yeah, I always 275 00:17:06,800 --> 00:17:10,919 Speaker 3: felt like that that I couldn't do anything right, or 276 00:17:11,040 --> 00:17:13,040 Speaker 3: I'm going to make a mistake, or I'm walking kind 277 00:17:13,040 --> 00:17:16,200 Speaker 3: of on a tight rope and my happiness is short 278 00:17:16,320 --> 00:17:18,360 Speaker 3: term because I'm going to mess something up. 279 00:17:19,680 --> 00:17:22,919 Speaker 1: So knowing all of that, why in the world are 280 00:17:22,920 --> 00:17:26,640 Speaker 1: you calling me? You just laid it right out. 281 00:17:29,160 --> 00:17:30,880 Speaker 3: It's something about a yama. 282 00:17:33,280 --> 00:17:36,800 Speaker 1: So let me give you a prescription. Because it's not 283 00:17:36,960 --> 00:17:40,119 Speaker 1: that you don't trust people, it's that you don't trust 284 00:17:40,200 --> 00:17:45,040 Speaker 1: yourself because you are bad. Yeah, you don't trust yourself 285 00:17:45,080 --> 00:17:49,160 Speaker 1: because people have secrets and you don't know what they are. 286 00:17:49,640 --> 00:17:49,880 Speaker 2: Right. 287 00:17:50,080 --> 00:17:54,000 Speaker 1: You don't trust yourself because people are dishonest and you 288 00:17:54,040 --> 00:17:59,720 Speaker 1: can't figure that out. Yeah, okay, yes, and well you 289 00:17:59,760 --> 00:18:02,000 Speaker 1: don't have no time to waste. My producer said, you're 290 00:18:02,040 --> 00:18:06,280 Speaker 1: fifty two, so we got to get this resolved. Okay, 291 00:18:06,560 --> 00:18:13,760 Speaker 1: I don't have you've been doing this a long long time. Yes, 292 00:18:14,280 --> 00:18:17,680 Speaker 1: after this break, we're going to talk about how to 293 00:18:17,800 --> 00:18:21,600 Speaker 1: heal that inner child and break the pattern of the 294 00:18:21,680 --> 00:18:35,680 Speaker 1: people that you are attracting. Welcome back to the R 295 00:18:35,760 --> 00:18:41,800 Speaker 1: spot where we're talking about dismantling relationship belief systems and 296 00:18:42,359 --> 00:18:45,960 Speaker 1: healing your inner child, who will run your life if 297 00:18:46,000 --> 00:18:50,040 Speaker 1: you let it. Let's get back to the conversation. So 298 00:18:50,200 --> 00:18:54,240 Speaker 1: I heard you say something about three. At three years old, 299 00:18:54,280 --> 00:18:57,680 Speaker 1: you were told that your daddy was deceased. Is that accurate? 300 00:18:57,920 --> 00:18:58,400 Speaker 3: Yeah? 301 00:18:58,440 --> 00:19:00,800 Speaker 1: Do you have a picture of yourself at three or 302 00:19:00,920 --> 00:19:01,879 Speaker 1: around that age? 303 00:19:02,160 --> 00:19:02,760 Speaker 3: Yes? I do. 304 00:19:03,040 --> 00:19:04,639 Speaker 1: I want you to get that picture. I want you 305 00:19:04,680 --> 00:19:06,800 Speaker 1: to put it in a put it in a nice frame. 306 00:19:06,840 --> 00:19:08,600 Speaker 1: Go to the Dollar Tree. You can get a nice 307 00:19:08,600 --> 00:19:12,359 Speaker 1: frame from the Dollar Tree, or if you feel extravagant, 308 00:19:12,640 --> 00:19:16,840 Speaker 1: go to Michael's. They have them on sale. Okay, put 309 00:19:16,880 --> 00:19:21,240 Speaker 1: that picture in a nice, beautiful frame. Because I want 310 00:19:21,440 --> 00:19:24,919 Speaker 1: you to teach that little girl that she can trust you. 311 00:19:25,800 --> 00:19:29,240 Speaker 1: She's still in there, okay, and she's got all the 312 00:19:29,320 --> 00:19:31,960 Speaker 1: information from the five year old, a nine year old, 313 00:19:31,960 --> 00:19:34,240 Speaker 1: the thirteen year old. Because I can imagine eleven to 314 00:19:34,320 --> 00:19:37,400 Speaker 1: thirteen was a rough time for you, because that's when 315 00:19:37,440 --> 00:19:40,560 Speaker 1: all your badness was showing. It was Yeah, I know, 316 00:19:41,600 --> 00:19:45,240 Speaker 1: because you're growing into your own you want to become independent, 317 00:19:45,560 --> 00:19:48,640 Speaker 1: and you're thinking it out. Those are rough ages for girls. 318 00:19:48,720 --> 00:19:52,440 Speaker 1: Your body's changing, everything's changing. When did you become sexually active? 319 00:19:52,440 --> 00:19:53,199 Speaker 1: How old were you? 320 00:19:53,560 --> 00:19:56,720 Speaker 3: Oh? My god, fifteen? I was a team mom. 321 00:19:57,119 --> 00:20:00,000 Speaker 1: Okay, oh you messed up again, didn't you? 322 00:20:00,600 --> 00:20:00,960 Speaker 2: I did? 323 00:20:01,320 --> 00:20:01,520 Speaker 3: Yeah? 324 00:20:01,560 --> 00:20:06,280 Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, Bless your heart, baby, you've been through a lot. Oh, 325 00:20:06,440 --> 00:20:08,600 Speaker 1: get that fifteen year old if you've got a picture 326 00:20:08,640 --> 00:20:11,280 Speaker 1: of her thirteen fourteen, fifteen, So you can get the 327 00:20:11,320 --> 00:20:15,720 Speaker 1: picture of the little one and the picture of eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen, 328 00:20:15,840 --> 00:20:19,600 Speaker 1: somewhere in there. Put those pictures in a very prominent 329 00:20:19,720 --> 00:20:23,000 Speaker 1: place where you can see them. But here is the 330 00:20:23,080 --> 00:20:24,840 Speaker 1: work that I want you to do. This is a 331 00:20:24,960 --> 00:20:29,480 Speaker 1: very deep and sacred work. Okay, and it was developed 332 00:20:29,520 --> 00:20:35,359 Speaker 1: by a psychologist in Hawaii who worked with the criminally insane. Okay, 333 00:20:35,480 --> 00:20:38,520 Speaker 1: now you're not criminally insane, but the process works. 334 00:20:38,560 --> 00:20:40,560 Speaker 3: Okay. 335 00:20:40,640 --> 00:20:44,439 Speaker 1: What's criminal is the belief that you can't have what 336 00:20:44,520 --> 00:20:49,400 Speaker 1: you want. That is your punishment for being bad. Ok 337 00:20:49,920 --> 00:20:53,280 Speaker 1: You can't trust yourself because you're dishonest and you're slick 338 00:20:53,320 --> 00:20:55,440 Speaker 1: in your cunning, and you're gonna mess it up sooner 339 00:20:55,520 --> 00:21:01,359 Speaker 1: or later. Yes, So the trust issue is with yourself. So, beloved, 340 00:21:01,440 --> 00:21:04,840 Speaker 1: there's something that I think would be very helpful for you. Okay, 341 00:21:05,320 --> 00:21:10,280 Speaker 1: it's called the whole process. That's h o O p 342 00:21:10,840 --> 00:21:17,399 Speaker 1: O n O p O n O whole process. So 343 00:21:19,240 --> 00:21:21,359 Speaker 1: I want to speak to your little three year old 344 00:21:22,240 --> 00:21:25,160 Speaker 1: that are lodge deep in your subconscious mind. I want 345 00:21:25,200 --> 00:21:29,000 Speaker 1: to speak to them right now. Okay, see feel imagine 346 00:21:29,080 --> 00:21:31,480 Speaker 1: that that three year old, that four year old, five 347 00:21:31,560 --> 00:21:34,560 Speaker 1: year old you are right there present with you. Take 348 00:21:34,560 --> 00:21:38,879 Speaker 1: a breath and just remember what you look like, what 349 00:21:39,000 --> 00:21:41,760 Speaker 1: your hair looked like, what your body look like, what 350 00:21:41,800 --> 00:21:46,359 Speaker 1: your legs look like. Can you see that or feel 351 00:21:46,400 --> 00:21:51,280 Speaker 1: that or imagine it? Yep? Yeah. So I want to 352 00:21:51,320 --> 00:21:58,600 Speaker 1: say to you little Rochelle, I love you. I love you, 353 00:22:00,160 --> 00:22:04,000 Speaker 1: and I'm speaking for the big you. I'm speaking for 354 00:22:04,119 --> 00:22:08,400 Speaker 1: the fifty two year old Rochelle who knows all that 355 00:22:08,440 --> 00:22:12,640 Speaker 1: you've been through. I love you, and I am so 356 00:22:12,640 --> 00:22:19,479 Speaker 1: so sorry that you've been taught that you're bad. Please 357 00:22:19,560 --> 00:22:26,280 Speaker 1: forgive whoever taught you that. Literal Rochelle. She is so 358 00:22:26,280 --> 00:22:31,760 Speaker 1: so so sorry that you've been taught that you can't 359 00:22:31,800 --> 00:22:34,720 Speaker 1: trust yourself, you can't trust your thoughts, you can't trust 360 00:22:34,720 --> 00:22:37,879 Speaker 1: your feelings. But most of all, she is so so 361 00:22:37,920 --> 00:22:42,119 Speaker 1: sorry that you've been taught that you can't have what 362 00:22:42,400 --> 00:22:48,760 Speaker 1: you want. Please forgive whoever taught you that. Thank you 363 00:22:50,080 --> 00:22:57,560 Speaker 1: for being committed to your healing. Thank you, liter Rochelle. 364 00:22:57,760 --> 00:23:00,240 Speaker 1: I'm speaking for the big Rochelle who knows you and 365 00:23:00,320 --> 00:23:03,240 Speaker 1: loves you, and she wants you to know that she 366 00:23:03,400 --> 00:23:08,040 Speaker 1: is so so sorry that the big people that you trusted, 367 00:23:08,119 --> 00:23:12,840 Speaker 1: the big people that you depended on, were dishonest and 368 00:23:12,960 --> 00:23:17,720 Speaker 1: made you believe that you too were dishonest. She wants 369 00:23:17,720 --> 00:23:20,959 Speaker 1: you to forgive them right now so that you and 370 00:23:21,000 --> 00:23:24,680 Speaker 1: her can heal. And she says, thank you for being 371 00:23:24,760 --> 00:23:35,479 Speaker 1: committed to your healing. Take a breath, tell me what 372 00:23:35,520 --> 00:23:43,000 Speaker 1: you're feeling right now, Rede Yeah. 373 00:23:41,520 --> 00:23:43,639 Speaker 3: Three, yeah. 374 00:23:43,760 --> 00:23:47,560 Speaker 1: Your work is to work with those two pictures of yourself, 375 00:23:47,920 --> 00:23:52,000 Speaker 1: the little girl and the teenager, the teen mom, and 376 00:23:52,080 --> 00:23:55,600 Speaker 1: to every day for a couple of days, just sit 377 00:23:55,680 --> 00:24:00,600 Speaker 1: with them, and here's the statements. I love you, I 378 00:24:00,640 --> 00:24:06,359 Speaker 1: am so sorry that. And then you talk about whatever 379 00:24:06,400 --> 00:24:09,080 Speaker 1: it is. You talk about what you believe and what 380 00:24:09,160 --> 00:24:16,359 Speaker 1: you thought, what you were told. Please forgive them, for 381 00:24:16,480 --> 00:24:20,719 Speaker 1: they know not what they do. Thank you. Those are 382 00:24:20,760 --> 00:24:23,399 Speaker 1: the only four statements that you have to make, and 383 00:24:23,440 --> 00:24:25,800 Speaker 1: you'll know whether you're talking to the little one, whether 384 00:24:25,840 --> 00:24:28,520 Speaker 1: you're talking to the big one, because you have to 385 00:24:28,600 --> 00:24:31,879 Speaker 1: teach those parts of yourself that they can trust you 386 00:24:32,720 --> 00:24:36,200 Speaker 1: and that you can trust yourself. And as you free 387 00:24:36,240 --> 00:24:38,960 Speaker 1: them up from the past, you'll free yourself up from 388 00:24:39,000 --> 00:24:44,000 Speaker 1: the past, because all you're doing is living an ingrained pattern. 389 00:24:44,119 --> 00:24:47,800 Speaker 1: That's all. You can even go online and look up 390 00:24:47,920 --> 00:24:53,320 Speaker 1: the whole process and it'll give you four statements. Work 391 00:24:53,359 --> 00:24:56,600 Speaker 1: with them, let's say, over the course of the next month, 392 00:24:57,080 --> 00:25:00,359 Speaker 1: and things will start coming up. You'll start remembering things. 393 00:25:00,840 --> 00:25:03,480 Speaker 1: It's not you at fifty two, it's those little people, 394 00:25:04,440 --> 00:25:06,439 Speaker 1: so that you can clear this out of your body 395 00:25:06,480 --> 00:25:09,720 Speaker 1: and your system. Does that sound doable. 396 00:25:09,400 --> 00:25:14,200 Speaker 3: My love, It definitely sounds doable. Oh my god, yes 397 00:25:14,320 --> 00:25:15,800 Speaker 3: it does. 398 00:25:17,480 --> 00:25:19,800 Speaker 1: So your assignment is to go to the Dollar Tree 399 00:25:20,040 --> 00:25:24,800 Speaker 1: or Michael's. I'm not advertising for either of those two businesses. Okay, 400 00:25:25,840 --> 00:25:29,160 Speaker 1: get those picture frames and put those two little ones 401 00:25:29,160 --> 00:25:31,879 Speaker 1: in a prominent place, and every day for the next 402 00:25:31,960 --> 00:25:34,119 Speaker 1: month or longer if you need to. I like to 403 00:25:34,160 --> 00:25:36,960 Speaker 1: work with forty two days because they say it takes 404 00:25:37,000 --> 00:25:39,800 Speaker 1: forty days to break a habit and two days to 405 00:25:39,880 --> 00:25:42,960 Speaker 1: instill a new one. Okay, the first forty days, you're 406 00:25:43,000 --> 00:25:46,040 Speaker 1: breaking the habit of thinking you're bad, you're wrong, you're slick, 407 00:25:46,080 --> 00:25:48,600 Speaker 1: you're cunning, you're gonna mess up, you can't do it right. 408 00:25:49,000 --> 00:25:52,280 Speaker 1: And then the next two days you're gonna be establishing 409 00:25:52,320 --> 00:25:55,359 Speaker 1: the new habit of seeing yourself and those little people 410 00:25:55,400 --> 00:25:59,240 Speaker 1: within you in a new way. Yeah. Yeah, and for 411 00:25:59,320 --> 00:26:01,480 Speaker 1: the time being, And don't date nobody because you're a 412 00:26:01,520 --> 00:26:02,320 Speaker 1: mess right now. 413 00:26:03,640 --> 00:26:08,920 Speaker 3: I am, I am, I agree, Do. 414 00:26:09,000 --> 00:26:12,920 Speaker 1: Not date nothing. Get you some popcorn and watch TV. Okay, 415 00:26:13,720 --> 00:26:16,480 Speaker 1: give yourself a chance to heal. And when you hang 416 00:26:16,560 --> 00:26:18,200 Speaker 1: up this phone, you know what I want you to do. 417 00:26:18,320 --> 00:26:23,800 Speaker 1: Go somewhere in the corner and weep, just weep for 418 00:26:23,840 --> 00:26:26,919 Speaker 1: those broken little girls that you've been carrying around in 419 00:26:26,960 --> 00:26:27,800 Speaker 1: and out of dates. 420 00:26:30,200 --> 00:26:31,240 Speaker 3: Oh my god. 421 00:26:32,080 --> 00:26:36,160 Speaker 1: Okay, yeah, or you got forty two days, so give 422 00:26:36,200 --> 00:26:39,320 Speaker 1: me a call in about sixty days and let me 423 00:26:39,359 --> 00:26:43,240 Speaker 1: know how you're doing. Okay. I will thank you for calling, beloved. 424 00:26:43,320 --> 00:26:45,919 Speaker 1: Now go in the corner and weep. That's your assignment. 425 00:26:46,080 --> 00:26:47,560 Speaker 3: I will. 426 00:26:47,600 --> 00:26:53,880 Speaker 1: Okay, Bye bye, Thank you so much, Bye bye bye. 427 00:26:55,640 --> 00:27:00,159 Speaker 1: It's just the fact of life that the experiences we 428 00:27:00,320 --> 00:27:04,560 Speaker 1: have as children, the experiences we have with the big 429 00:27:04,600 --> 00:27:09,320 Speaker 1: people the caregivers are siblings, other children in the neighborhood. 430 00:27:09,760 --> 00:27:15,640 Speaker 1: These experiences teach us how to navigate relationships. We learn 431 00:27:15,760 --> 00:27:20,119 Speaker 1: from the people in our lives, we emulate and recreate 432 00:27:20,640 --> 00:27:26,359 Speaker 1: those dynamics and their relationships in our relationships. We can 433 00:27:26,800 --> 00:27:31,800 Speaker 1: even learn about relationships from the people who are not 434 00:27:32,119 --> 00:27:37,760 Speaker 1: in our lives. And if we develop patterns and beliefs 435 00:27:38,080 --> 00:27:43,160 Speaker 1: about abandonment, rejection, or insecurity, we're going to live them 436 00:27:43,200 --> 00:27:47,240 Speaker 1: out until we change them. There are ways to dissolve 437 00:27:47,400 --> 00:27:52,520 Speaker 1: these belief systems and behavior patterns, and it's important to 438 00:27:52,720 --> 00:27:56,160 Speaker 1: do the work as soon as you can to identify 439 00:27:56,400 --> 00:28:00,679 Speaker 1: your issue, because you'll never have a healthy relationship or 440 00:28:00,720 --> 00:28:03,480 Speaker 1: attract the people you want in your life if you 441 00:28:03,560 --> 00:28:06,119 Speaker 1: believe you can't do it, if you believe you're not 442 00:28:06,280 --> 00:28:09,119 Speaker 1: worthy of it, if you believe it will never happen 443 00:28:09,240 --> 00:28:14,360 Speaker 1: for you or this is a good one. Very often 444 00:28:15,000 --> 00:28:20,000 Speaker 1: in our relationship, instead of running toward what we want, 445 00:28:20,240 --> 00:28:24,000 Speaker 1: we run away from what we don't want and in 446 00:28:24,119 --> 00:28:29,560 Speaker 1: the process recreate the pattern. Now, these belief systems as 447 00:28:29,600 --> 00:28:33,159 Speaker 1: it relates to relationship, these are hard patterns to break, 448 00:28:33,200 --> 00:28:37,320 Speaker 1: but you can do it. You can move forward, you 449 00:28:37,359 --> 00:28:41,320 Speaker 1: can heal. You can change and it doesn't matter what 450 00:28:41,600 --> 00:28:45,920 Speaker 1: age you are now. I hope this has been helpful 451 00:28:45,960 --> 00:28:48,920 Speaker 1: to someone, and if you have a question about this 452 00:28:49,120 --> 00:28:53,040 Speaker 1: or any other relationship issue, you can call me live 453 00:28:53,240 --> 00:28:57,120 Speaker 1: at seven seven five three zero seven seven seven six 454 00:28:57,240 --> 00:28:59,800 Speaker 1: eight now be sure to follow me on social media 455 00:29:00,160 --> 00:29:03,880 Speaker 1: for all of the calling times, and until then, stay 456 00:29:03,880 --> 00:29:12,560 Speaker 1: in peace and not pieces. The R Spot is a 457 00:29:12,560 --> 00:29:18,120 Speaker 1: production of Shondaland Audio in partnership with iHeartRadio. For more 458 00:29:18,200 --> 00:29:23,720 Speaker 1: podcasts from Shondaland Audio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, 459 00:29:23,920 --> 00:29:26,600 Speaker 1: or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.