Speaker 1: Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of iHeartRadio. Good Morning,
Speaker 1: This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast. Today's
Speaker 1: tip is that bad stuff happens, but we don't have
Speaker 1: to react in a way that makes the experience even worse.
Speaker 1: Today's tip comes from Laurie Santo's. In an interview with
Speaker 1: Ryan Holiday of The Daily Stoic, Santo's shared the parable
Speaker 1: of the second arrow. The Buddha asked his followers whether
Speaker 1: it would be bad if they were shot with an arrow.
Speaker 1: Of course, they agreed that yes, this would be bad.
Speaker 1: Then he asked if it would be bad, or perhaps
Speaker 1: even worse, if they were shot again with a second arrow.
Speaker 1: They said it would be The Buddha explained that circumstances
Speaker 1: were the first arrow. No one can avoid bad things
Speaker 1: happening to them, whether it is missing the last flight
Speaker 1: of the day to get home after an exhausted trip,
Speaker 1: or something worse like losing a job. We can't avoid
Speaker 1: all the vicissitudes of life. Everyone will get shot with
Speaker 1: a first arrow from time to time, but we can
Speaker 1: avoid the second arrow. The second arrow is the suffering
Speaker 1: we create in our response to the adversity. Do you
Speaker 1: snap at the gate agent who tells you the first
Speaker 1: flight to your destination is the next morning. Do you
Speaker 1: call your assistant, waking her up to tell her you
Speaker 1: never want to be on the last flight of the
Speaker 1: day again. So now she is upset and has trouble
Speaker 1: getting back to sleep, which leads to her questioning whether
Speaker 1: she wants to keep working for you. All this unpleasantness
Speaker 1: only adds to your suffering, So don't add the second arrow.
Speaker 1: I appreciate this wisdom, but I live in the real world,
Speaker 1: and I know this is much easier said than done.
Speaker 1: We are not all as wise as the Buddha. So
Speaker 1: how do you avoid the second arrow and this optional
Speaker 1: second layer of suffering, especially when you're reeling from the
Speaker 1: first arrow. A good start is to get enough sleep,
Speaker 1: eat well, and exercise. When you are healthy and strong,
Speaker 1: you are resilient to arrows of all kinds. Good routines
Speaker 1: and a flexible schedule helped too. Don't try to cram
Speaker 1: too much into your days. When you have no margin,
Speaker 1: you're more likely to get angry and frustrated about any
Speaker 1: change in plans. When you have margin and backup slots
Speaker 1: in your schedule, you have the time to respond to
Speaker 1: unexpected issues. You might also think about an option B
Speaker 1: for anything in your life where option A has a
Speaker 1: good chance of going wrong. When you already know that
Speaker 1: a backup sitter is available. On a day when you
Speaker 1: have a big presentation and your regular sitter was starting
Speaker 1: to look a little ill the day before and you
Speaker 1: know the flu is going around, well you'll feel more
Speaker 1: calm about the whole thing. It can also be helpful
Speaker 1: to have mindfulness practices that help you reset. A few
Speaker 1: deep breaths can go along way, And finally, it helps
Speaker 1: to lead a balanced life when your life has multiple components.
Speaker 1: You are engaged in family work, hobbies, volunteer or community work, friends.
Speaker 1: Disappointment in one area of life doesn't mean your whole
Speaker 1: life feels wrecked. You have perspective your community and family
Speaker 1: will help you get through this. Or if the trouble
Speaker 1: is in your family, well isn't it nice that you
Speaker 1: have friends? Whether we like it or not, life shoots
Speaker 1: the occasional arrow. We can't avoid that, but we can
Speaker 1: avoid the second arrow. We can respond to adversity in
Speaker 1: a way that lets us move on from it productively,
Speaker 1: instead of magnifying our misery In the meantime, this is Laura.
Speaker 1: Thanks for listening, and here's to making the most of
Speaker 1: our time. Thanks for listening to Before Breakfast. If you've
Speaker 1: got questions, ideas, or feedback, you can reach me at
Speaker 1: Laura at Laura vandercam dot com. Before Breakfast is a
Speaker 1: production of iHeartMedia. For more podcasts from iHeartMedia, please visit
Speaker 1: the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to
Speaker 1: your favorite shows.