WEBVTT - Don't shoot the second arrow

0:00:03.000 --> 0:00:09.320
<v Speaker 1>Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of iHeartRadio. Good Morning,

0:00:10.400 --> 0:00:15.720
<v Speaker 1>This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast. Today's

0:00:15.720 --> 0:00:19.720
<v Speaker 1>tip is that bad stuff happens, but we don't have

0:00:19.760 --> 0:00:23.120
<v Speaker 1>to react in a way that makes the experience even worse.

0:00:24.680 --> 0:00:28.000
<v Speaker 1>Today's tip comes from Laurie Santo's. In an interview with

0:00:28.080 --> 0:00:32.520
<v Speaker 1>Ryan Holiday of The Daily Stoic, Santo's shared the parable

0:00:32.600 --> 0:00:36.320
<v Speaker 1>of the second arrow. The Buddha asked his followers whether

0:00:36.360 --> 0:00:38.320
<v Speaker 1>it would be bad if they were shot with an arrow.

0:00:38.720 --> 0:00:41.160
<v Speaker 1>Of course, they agreed that yes, this would be bad.

0:00:41.640 --> 0:00:43.640
<v Speaker 1>Then he asked if it would be bad, or perhaps

0:00:43.680 --> 0:00:46.680
<v Speaker 1>even worse, if they were shot again with a second arrow.

0:00:47.320 --> 0:00:51.320
<v Speaker 1>They said it would be The Buddha explained that circumstances

0:00:51.360 --> 0:00:54.600
<v Speaker 1>were the first arrow. No one can avoid bad things

0:00:54.600 --> 0:00:57.720
<v Speaker 1>happening to them, whether it is missing the last flight

0:00:57.760 --> 0:01:00.440
<v Speaker 1>of the day to get home after an exhausted trip,

0:01:00.840 --> 0:01:04.320
<v Speaker 1>or something worse like losing a job. We can't avoid

0:01:04.480 --> 0:01:08.280
<v Speaker 1>all the vicissitudes of life. Everyone will get shot with

0:01:08.319 --> 0:01:12.080
<v Speaker 1>a first arrow from time to time, but we can

0:01:12.200 --> 0:01:15.880
<v Speaker 1>avoid the second arrow. The second arrow is the suffering

0:01:15.920 --> 0:01:19.319
<v Speaker 1>we create in our response to the adversity. Do you

0:01:19.360 --> 0:01:21.320
<v Speaker 1>snap at the gate agent who tells you the first

0:01:21.360 --> 0:01:24.440
<v Speaker 1>flight to your destination is the next morning. Do you

0:01:24.440 --> 0:01:27.560
<v Speaker 1>call your assistant, waking her up to tell her you

0:01:27.600 --> 0:01:28.960
<v Speaker 1>never want to be on the last flight of the

0:01:29.040 --> 0:01:31.960
<v Speaker 1>day again. So now she is upset and has trouble

0:01:31.959 --> 0:01:34.880
<v Speaker 1>getting back to sleep, which leads to her questioning whether

0:01:34.920 --> 0:01:39.199
<v Speaker 1>she wants to keep working for you. All this unpleasantness

0:01:39.240 --> 0:01:43.679
<v Speaker 1>only adds to your suffering, So don't add the second arrow.

0:01:45.200 --> 0:01:47.840
<v Speaker 1>I appreciate this wisdom, but I live in the real world,

0:01:47.840 --> 0:01:50.880
<v Speaker 1>and I know this is much easier said than done.

0:01:50.960 --> 0:01:53.920
<v Speaker 1>We are not all as wise as the Buddha. So

0:01:54.000 --> 0:01:56.600
<v Speaker 1>how do you avoid the second arrow and this optional

0:01:56.640 --> 0:01:59.640
<v Speaker 1>second layer of suffering, especially when you're reeling from the

0:01:59.680 --> 0:02:03.480
<v Speaker 1>first arrow. A good start is to get enough sleep,

0:02:04.040 --> 0:02:07.960
<v Speaker 1>eat well, and exercise. When you are healthy and strong,

0:02:08.040 --> 0:02:11.920
<v Speaker 1>you are resilient to arrows of all kinds. Good routines

0:02:11.960 --> 0:02:15.320
<v Speaker 1>and a flexible schedule helped too. Don't try to cram

0:02:15.360 --> 0:02:18.720
<v Speaker 1>too much into your days. When you have no margin,

0:02:18.800 --> 0:02:21.359
<v Speaker 1>you're more likely to get angry and frustrated about any

0:02:21.440 --> 0:02:25.160
<v Speaker 1>change in plans. When you have margin and backup slots

0:02:25.160 --> 0:02:28.000
<v Speaker 1>in your schedule, you have the time to respond to

0:02:28.080 --> 0:02:32.280
<v Speaker 1>unexpected issues. You might also think about an option B

0:02:32.520 --> 0:02:35.280
<v Speaker 1>for anything in your life where option A has a

0:02:35.320 --> 0:02:38.760
<v Speaker 1>good chance of going wrong. When you already know that

0:02:38.840 --> 0:02:41.080
<v Speaker 1>a backup sitter is available. On a day when you

0:02:41.120 --> 0:02:44.440
<v Speaker 1>have a big presentation and your regular sitter was starting

0:02:44.480 --> 0:02:46.480
<v Speaker 1>to look a little ill the day before and you

0:02:46.520 --> 0:02:49.480
<v Speaker 1>know the flu is going around, well you'll feel more

0:02:49.520 --> 0:02:53.760
<v Speaker 1>calm about the whole thing. It can also be helpful

0:02:53.760 --> 0:02:57.880
<v Speaker 1>to have mindfulness practices that help you reset. A few

0:02:58.080 --> 0:03:02.280
<v Speaker 1>deep breaths can go along way, And finally, it helps

0:03:02.280 --> 0:03:06.320
<v Speaker 1>to lead a balanced life when your life has multiple components.

0:03:06.320 --> 0:03:11.200
<v Speaker 1>You are engaged in family work, hobbies, volunteer or community work, friends.

0:03:12.000 --> 0:03:15.400
<v Speaker 1>Disappointment in one area of life doesn't mean your whole

0:03:15.440 --> 0:03:20.800
<v Speaker 1>life feels wrecked. You have perspective your community and family

0:03:20.840 --> 0:03:23.680
<v Speaker 1>will help you get through this. Or if the trouble

0:03:23.720 --> 0:03:25.680
<v Speaker 1>is in your family, well isn't it nice that you

0:03:25.680 --> 0:03:29.400
<v Speaker 1>have friends? Whether we like it or not, life shoots

0:03:29.440 --> 0:03:33.200
<v Speaker 1>the occasional arrow. We can't avoid that, but we can

0:03:33.360 --> 0:03:37.120
<v Speaker 1>avoid the second arrow. We can respond to adversity in

0:03:37.160 --> 0:03:39.520
<v Speaker 1>a way that lets us move on from it productively,

0:03:40.360 --> 0:03:47.080
<v Speaker 1>instead of magnifying our misery In the meantime, this is Laura.

0:03:48.080 --> 0:03:52.400
<v Speaker 1>Thanks for listening, and here's to making the most of

0:03:52.440 --> 0:04:02.080
<v Speaker 1>our time. Thanks for listening to Before Breakfast. If you've

0:04:02.080 --> 0:04:06.280
<v Speaker 1>got questions, ideas, or feedback, you can reach me at

0:04:06.320 --> 0:04:15.360
<v Speaker 1>Laura at Laura vandercam dot com. Before Breakfast is a

0:04:15.400 --> 0:04:20.160
<v Speaker 1>production of iHeartMedia. For more podcasts from iHeartMedia, please visit

0:04:20.200 --> 0:04:24.000
<v Speaker 1>the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to

0:04:24.040 --> 0:04:24.920
<v Speaker 1>your favorite shows.