1 00:00:03,000 --> 00:00:09,320 Speaker 1: Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of iHeartRadio. Good Morning, 2 00:00:10,400 --> 00:00:15,720 Speaker 1: This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast. Today's 3 00:00:15,720 --> 00:00:19,720 Speaker 1: tip is that bad stuff happens, but we don't have 4 00:00:19,760 --> 00:00:23,120 Speaker 1: to react in a way that makes the experience even worse. 5 00:00:24,680 --> 00:00:28,000 Speaker 1: Today's tip comes from Laurie Santo's. In an interview with 6 00:00:28,080 --> 00:00:32,520 Speaker 1: Ryan Holiday of The Daily Stoic, Santo's shared the parable 7 00:00:32,600 --> 00:00:36,320 Speaker 1: of the second arrow. The Buddha asked his followers whether 8 00:00:36,360 --> 00:00:38,320 Speaker 1: it would be bad if they were shot with an arrow. 9 00:00:38,720 --> 00:00:41,160 Speaker 1: Of course, they agreed that yes, this would be bad. 10 00:00:41,640 --> 00:00:43,640 Speaker 1: Then he asked if it would be bad, or perhaps 11 00:00:43,680 --> 00:00:46,680 Speaker 1: even worse, if they were shot again with a second arrow. 12 00:00:47,320 --> 00:00:51,320 Speaker 1: They said it would be The Buddha explained that circumstances 13 00:00:51,360 --> 00:00:54,600 Speaker 1: were the first arrow. No one can avoid bad things 14 00:00:54,600 --> 00:00:57,720 Speaker 1: happening to them, whether it is missing the last flight 15 00:00:57,760 --> 00:01:00,440 Speaker 1: of the day to get home after an exhausted trip, 16 00:01:00,840 --> 00:01:04,320 Speaker 1: or something worse like losing a job. We can't avoid 17 00:01:04,480 --> 00:01:08,280 Speaker 1: all the vicissitudes of life. Everyone will get shot with 18 00:01:08,319 --> 00:01:12,080 Speaker 1: a first arrow from time to time, but we can 19 00:01:12,200 --> 00:01:15,880 Speaker 1: avoid the second arrow. The second arrow is the suffering 20 00:01:15,920 --> 00:01:19,319 Speaker 1: we create in our response to the adversity. Do you 21 00:01:19,360 --> 00:01:21,320 Speaker 1: snap at the gate agent who tells you the first 22 00:01:21,360 --> 00:01:24,440 Speaker 1: flight to your destination is the next morning. Do you 23 00:01:24,440 --> 00:01:27,560 Speaker 1: call your assistant, waking her up to tell her you 24 00:01:27,600 --> 00:01:28,960 Speaker 1: never want to be on the last flight of the 25 00:01:29,040 --> 00:01:31,960 Speaker 1: day again. So now she is upset and has trouble 26 00:01:31,959 --> 00:01:34,880 Speaker 1: getting back to sleep, which leads to her questioning whether 27 00:01:34,920 --> 00:01:39,199 Speaker 1: she wants to keep working for you. All this unpleasantness 28 00:01:39,240 --> 00:01:43,679 Speaker 1: only adds to your suffering, So don't add the second arrow. 29 00:01:45,200 --> 00:01:47,840 Speaker 1: I appreciate this wisdom, but I live in the real world, 30 00:01:47,840 --> 00:01:50,880 Speaker 1: and I know this is much easier said than done. 31 00:01:50,960 --> 00:01:53,920 Speaker 1: We are not all as wise as the Buddha. So 32 00:01:54,000 --> 00:01:56,600 Speaker 1: how do you avoid the second arrow and this optional 33 00:01:56,640 --> 00:01:59,640 Speaker 1: second layer of suffering, especially when you're reeling from the 34 00:01:59,680 --> 00:02:03,480 Speaker 1: first arrow. A good start is to get enough sleep, 35 00:02:04,040 --> 00:02:07,960 Speaker 1: eat well, and exercise. When you are healthy and strong, 36 00:02:08,040 --> 00:02:11,920 Speaker 1: you are resilient to arrows of all kinds. Good routines 37 00:02:11,960 --> 00:02:15,320 Speaker 1: and a flexible schedule helped too. Don't try to cram 38 00:02:15,360 --> 00:02:18,720 Speaker 1: too much into your days. When you have no margin, 39 00:02:18,800 --> 00:02:21,359 Speaker 1: you're more likely to get angry and frustrated about any 40 00:02:21,440 --> 00:02:25,160 Speaker 1: change in plans. When you have margin and backup slots 41 00:02:25,160 --> 00:02:28,000 Speaker 1: in your schedule, you have the time to respond to 42 00:02:28,080 --> 00:02:32,280 Speaker 1: unexpected issues. You might also think about an option B 43 00:02:32,520 --> 00:02:35,280 Speaker 1: for anything in your life where option A has a 44 00:02:35,320 --> 00:02:38,760 Speaker 1: good chance of going wrong. When you already know that 45 00:02:38,840 --> 00:02:41,080 Speaker 1: a backup sitter is available. On a day when you 46 00:02:41,120 --> 00:02:44,440 Speaker 1: have a big presentation and your regular sitter was starting 47 00:02:44,480 --> 00:02:46,480 Speaker 1: to look a little ill the day before and you 48 00:02:46,520 --> 00:02:49,480 Speaker 1: know the flu is going around, well you'll feel more 49 00:02:49,520 --> 00:02:53,760 Speaker 1: calm about the whole thing. It can also be helpful 50 00:02:53,760 --> 00:02:57,880 Speaker 1: to have mindfulness practices that help you reset. A few 51 00:02:58,080 --> 00:03:02,280 Speaker 1: deep breaths can go along way, And finally, it helps 52 00:03:02,280 --> 00:03:06,320 Speaker 1: to lead a balanced life when your life has multiple components. 53 00:03:06,320 --> 00:03:11,200 Speaker 1: You are engaged in family work, hobbies, volunteer or community work, friends. 54 00:03:12,000 --> 00:03:15,400 Speaker 1: Disappointment in one area of life doesn't mean your whole 55 00:03:15,440 --> 00:03:20,800 Speaker 1: life feels wrecked. You have perspective your community and family 56 00:03:20,840 --> 00:03:23,680 Speaker 1: will help you get through this. Or if the trouble 57 00:03:23,720 --> 00:03:25,680 Speaker 1: is in your family, well isn't it nice that you 58 00:03:25,680 --> 00:03:29,400 Speaker 1: have friends? Whether we like it or not, life shoots 59 00:03:29,440 --> 00:03:33,200 Speaker 1: the occasional arrow. We can't avoid that, but we can 60 00:03:33,360 --> 00:03:37,120 Speaker 1: avoid the second arrow. We can respond to adversity in 61 00:03:37,160 --> 00:03:39,520 Speaker 1: a way that lets us move on from it productively, 62 00:03:40,360 --> 00:03:47,080 Speaker 1: instead of magnifying our misery In the meantime, this is Laura. 63 00:03:48,080 --> 00:03:52,400 Speaker 1: Thanks for listening, and here's to making the most of 64 00:03:52,440 --> 00:04:02,080 Speaker 1: our time. Thanks for listening to Before Breakfast. If you've 65 00:04:02,080 --> 00:04:06,280 Speaker 1: got questions, ideas, or feedback, you can reach me at 66 00:04:06,320 --> 00:04:15,360 Speaker 1: Laura at Laura vandercam dot com. Before Breakfast is a 67 00:04:15,400 --> 00:04:20,160 Speaker 1: production of iHeartMedia. For more podcasts from iHeartMedia, please visit 68 00:04:20,200 --> 00:04:24,000 Speaker 1: the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to 69 00:04:24,040 --> 00:04:24,920 Speaker 1: your favorite shows.