Speaker 1: It's I Do Part two and it's your favorite real
Speaker 1: life bessies, Belma and Louise. It's been a minute since
Speaker 1: we've been on the podcast, but we're so excited about
Speaker 1: today's episodes. Today it's all about getting inside the mind
Speaker 1: of a man. How did they think? What are they like?
Speaker 1: So let's bring in our single guy, JD. And he
Speaker 1: is a total smoke show. So it's going to be
Speaker 1: so much fun unpacking with such a hotti.
Speaker 2: Well, JD, we have an on pretty good authority that
Speaker 2: you're an amazing guy. We obviously have friends of friends,
Speaker 2: so we're super excited to talk to you today and
Speaker 2: really want to just dive deep into your head so
Speaker 2: that you can help all of the female listeners out
Speaker 2: there figure out what we're doing right and maybe what
Speaker 2: we're doing wrong, and just give us a little direction.
Speaker 2: So kind of diving into the first question, help us
Speaker 2: understand how do you meet good quality guys out there?
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's a tough one to start out, but I'll
Speaker 3: tell you there's no one place I would say. Obviously,
Speaker 3: it can be a bar, it could be bumble, it
Speaker 3: could be anything like that. But if you want to
Speaker 3: get a little more strategic. I would say places where
Speaker 3: you have a shared interest. Right. I have a friend
Speaker 3: who is super into stailing, who's a woman, and she
Speaker 3: goes to bars in saucely Do and Tibron and goes
Speaker 3: to yacht club parties. She wants to meet someone who's
Speaker 3: into sailing like she is. So if you have a
Speaker 3: shared interest surfing, skiing, doing things where you're likely to
Speaker 3: meet somebody with a shared interest. Otherwise you've got bars,
Speaker 3: you've got bumble hinge, you know, eharmonymatch dot com and
Speaker 3: all that. I've seen those. All of those work for people, right,
Speaker 3: And I don't think there's necessary. It's a bad idea
Speaker 3: to try multiple options. Question.
Speaker 1: Now, what I have found in this day and age
Speaker 1: is because everybody is attached to their devices, even the
Speaker 1: apps or whatever.
Speaker 2: How often do you approach.
Speaker 4: A table of I mean, obviously approaching a table with
Speaker 4: five women is daunting, but even like two girls sitting
Speaker 4: at a bar, how often do you do the old
Speaker 4: school method of perhaps sending over a glass of wine,
Speaker 4: or sending a note on a napkin, or going up
Speaker 4: and saying hello.
Speaker 2: It feels like those days are few and far between.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's a fair point. I'm very comfortable going up
Speaker 3: to a group of maybe two or three girls. I
Speaker 3: think if the group is five, six, eight girls, I'm
Speaker 3: probably not going to write. But if it's just two
Speaker 3: or three, I'm happy to go up and start a
Speaker 3: conversation or send a drink to a lot of them
Speaker 3: and try to start a conversation that way. So yeah,
Speaker 3: I do think. I think if you're trying to meet
Speaker 3: a guy, going out in really big groups is going
Speaker 3: to be intimidating. I would focus on having one or
Speaker 3: two people there with you.
Speaker 1: And what about how often do you experience the reverse
Speaker 1: like a girl kind of you know, seizing the day
Speaker 1: and being you know, super confident in her own skin
Speaker 1: and doing that. I mean, I recently, Selma and I
Speaker 1: have heard stories about you know, girls we know that
Speaker 1: are literally going out on a Saturday night to a
Speaker 1: hot spot and sitting at a bar by herself. That
Speaker 1: takes so much courage and confidence.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I see. I think maybe people are more confident now.
Speaker 3: I don't know, but I've definitely had people come up
Speaker 3: and just say, hey, what's your deal? Or I had
Speaker 3: a woman say, can your dog is cute? Can I
Speaker 3: walk your dog? Sometime? Like, but I do think I
Speaker 3: think people are willing to try things and take a
Speaker 3: take a chance.
Speaker 2: I think the dog. The dog is a good one.
Speaker 2: The dog is a good one. I mean, I feel
Speaker 2: like we're really missing talking about walking the dog or
Speaker 2: using your dog is like also servicing. Look at that
Speaker 2: she is servicing already. Can you imagine how antiquated? Right?
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean not only that she and then she said,
Speaker 3: I said, well do you are you just going to
Speaker 3: drop the dog at my place? And she said, well, no,
Speaker 3: I'm at the back of this restaurant. Just come and
Speaker 3: get the dog from there. And then we sat and
Speaker 3: ended up having dinner and drake, So she really she
Speaker 3: had a good game plan.
Speaker 2: She larned you in. I also think that that's one
Speaker 2: of the things that there are a lot of things
Speaker 2: that we don't maybe have going for us as we
Speaker 2: age and like forty fifty years old whatever. But I
Speaker 2: do think, like I feel so sorry for our children
Speaker 2: because I do think that the thought of randomly walking
Speaker 2: up to somebody is so foreign to them because they
Speaker 2: are so into their devices and they don't meet anyone
Speaker 2: naturally anymore, or they feel like they know people before
Speaker 2: they've even met them because again all the cyberstalking and everything.
Speaker 2: But I do think that probably our generation there still
Speaker 2: exists a little bit of that, like we had to
Speaker 2: go out and meet people naturally, and maybe just even
Speaker 2: talking about this today it makes me realize like we
Speaker 2: should have hold onto that and try to we should
Speaker 2: like standing in a Starbucks line.
Speaker 1: I mean, I was telling a friend of mine who
Speaker 1: never goes out, I said, Love isn't going to drop out.
Speaker 2: Of Netflix, right, you might have said that to me. No,
Speaker 2: but like you have to go out into the world,
Speaker 2: and it's believing. It's hard, but it's just changed so much.
Speaker 2: Being at the moment.
Speaker 1: I remember when I graduated, I went to well, we
Speaker 1: all went to cal but graduating and in San Francisco.
Speaker 1: Back then, they had singles night at Safeway at the
Speaker 1: market on Sundays as an opportunity to meet people.
Speaker 2: And I was like, they don't do that stuff anymore.
Speaker 3: Single Safeway is pretty legendary. I would say, yeah, I have.
Speaker 3: I do have one tip to make it easier for
Speaker 3: people to gain that confidence, Like instead of saying to somebody, hey,
Speaker 3: I find you really attractive, or for the woman to
Speaker 3: say like do you have a girlfriend, like lower the
Speaker 3: like just say hey, I think your shirt is really cool,
Speaker 3: or like you have a just compliment something about the
Speaker 3: woman or the man, and then it's not that they
Speaker 3: could deal like hey, I just think it's a cool
Speaker 3: you have cool earrings. You're not taking this huge risk.
Speaker 3: It's like, right, you have a boyfriend or girlfriend, you
Speaker 3: can you can lower the bar of stress by just
Speaker 3: complimenting something like oh, your shoes your pants are like,
Speaker 3: your shoes are cool, and then that's not that stressful
Speaker 3: and they don't have to be like I do or
Speaker 3: don't have a boyfriend. So it lowers the pressure on
Speaker 3: both sides. So just ask a non threatening question like
Speaker 3: I like your sure.
Speaker 2: Felm and I had an interesting thing happened.
Speaker 1: We were it was a Sunday, fun day for us,
Speaker 1: and we were sitting at the bar at South Beverly
Speaker 1: Gril Do you remember this Selmud? I do remember, And
Speaker 1: there was this like really handsome guy and for literally
Speaker 1: an hour we were talking to him and.
Speaker 4: We were thinking, well, one of us is definitely going
Speaker 4: to get those guys nuver.
Speaker 2: And then all of a sudden, you now see had
Speaker 2: a girlfriend, which was just interesting on so many levels.
Speaker 2: Do you remember that after like forty five minutes of
Speaker 2: him being pretty flirty, he.
Speaker 1: Didn't buy us a drink, So maybe that was really
Speaker 1: the side if we were buying our own drinks.
Speaker 3: It doesn't sound like he likes his all for very much,
Speaker 3: but that's right.
Speaker 1: Or that he's or that he's faithful, little gray area
Speaker 1: ye issues here.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I think we we salvaged ourselves on that one. Okay,
Speaker 2: what about like when you first see a girl, for example,
Speaker 2: a first date. We have curated and we feel like
Speaker 2: it's kind of tried and true for us where it's
Speaker 2: like what we feel super comfortable in its genes, so
Speaker 2: it's kind of casual and not you know, it kind
Speaker 2: of takes you to any restaurant that you might go to,
Speaker 2: but also like a really cute top that's not too
Speaker 2: revealing but still like you look good at it. So
Speaker 2: that's kind of our look. But I mean, we're not
Speaker 2: djusting for each other, right, well we are? We are, Oh, no,
Speaker 2: we are, we are.
Speaker 1: We have funny have all the same stuff, so the
Speaker 1: outfit is actually the great pair of jeans and we
Speaker 1: have nine thousand options and then a great top and
Speaker 1: like we've got pretty much all the same leather jackets
Speaker 1: that we toss over our shoulders, kind of like for warmth.
Speaker 2: And we do text each other before we go out
Speaker 2: together because of highly probable that we're wearing the same outfit.
Speaker 2: But the question is what, like when you first meet
Speaker 2: a girl, what are you looking for or what are
Speaker 2: things that you notice where you're like, oh my gosh,
Speaker 2: great look or attractive?
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, well, I guess just clothing wise. I agree
Speaker 3: with the whole genes look and not having something that's
Speaker 3: crazy revealing. I think that's a good a good move.
Speaker 3: I will say one mistake I see women make sometimes
Speaker 3: is they go with some really cool pair of like
Speaker 3: flats that they have, And I would say I would
Speaker 3: say most men find a little bit of like a
Speaker 3: sandal or a wedge or something. Most men find that
Speaker 3: attractive unless they're you know, five foot four something. I
Speaker 3: would say most men would prefer that to your to
Speaker 3: your favorite flat show.
Speaker 1: That's that's interesting. What about makeup? What's your feeling on makeup?
Speaker 1: And kind of like Glamorama.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it can be. It's nice when you don't, you
Speaker 3: don't have the reaction that it's a ton coming your
Speaker 3: way from I think that's a nice a nice vibe.
Speaker 3: But I mean, yeah, a little makeup's great if it's
Speaker 3: if it's really over the top, it might turn some
Speaker 3: people off. Some people might not care. But for me personally,
Speaker 3: a little bit more of a sporty I don't know,
Speaker 3: athletic vibe is more of my vibe. Some men might
Speaker 3: want someone who to just glamor and they freaking love it.
Speaker 1: It's just although they better look the same when they
Speaker 1: wake up in the morning. Well that would be But
Speaker 1: that actually brings an interesting point. So when you're making
Speaker 1: a first date or a second date with somebody, do
Speaker 1: you prefer the hike slash coffee, throw on leggings kind
Speaker 1: of a thing, or do you prefer the you know,
Speaker 1: going out, glass of wine, a little bit of alcohol
Speaker 1: makes people a little more comfortable for the first date.
Speaker 2: What's your preference.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I do think on the first date it's it's
Speaker 3: it's better not to do it date a middle of
Speaker 3: the daytime thing because you're trying to get a you're
Speaker 3: trying to get a spark and a romance going. So
Speaker 3: you could do a happy hour thing where hey, we're
Speaker 3: going to go for a hike at five and then
Speaker 3: we're going to meet and open some wine and have dinner.
Speaker 3: So I've done that before. I met somebody at four
Speaker 3: point thirty eight out like a roof deck and then
Speaker 3: we went to whatever. But the so, yeah, don't do
Speaker 3: a midday date and on your first date. You can
Speaker 3: hike on your second date. I think the key in
Speaker 3: the first date is to see if there's some type
Speaker 3: of spark there, and a three hour hike at you know,
Speaker 3: ten am is is not the right move.
Speaker 1: We're going to have to go back to that spark comment.
Speaker 1: But actually I do want to ask a question so
Speaker 1: on the concept of happy hour when a woman is sober,
Speaker 1: is that something that should be brought up.
Speaker 2: Before the date? Is it something that you know?
Speaker 1: Is it feel weird when you guys are ordering your
Speaker 1: drink and she's like, I'll just have some hot water
Speaker 1: and lemon, Like, what is your feeling on that? Because
Speaker 1: we have a lot of sober friends who before a
Speaker 1: date kind of feel nervous about it. And I said
Speaker 1: recently to somebody, I said, look, if he's not okay
Speaker 1: with that, then he's not your guy, because you should
Speaker 1: be proud of your journey and where you are at yeah.
Speaker 3: One hundred percent. If somebody doesn't think that their date
Speaker 3: drinks enough, I think they have some other things we're
Speaker 3: I've been there. If a woman is at ease and
Speaker 3: confident and doesn't need alcohol, then more power tour. The
Speaker 3: point is for someone to be at ease in their
Speaker 3: own skin, and if they do that, If somebody has
Speaker 3: that without drinking, I'd say that's bonus points. I don't
Speaker 3: think it's negative points at all.
Speaker 2: But I think I think if you, I mean, if
Speaker 2: you are feeling uncomfortable about it yourself about not drinking,
Speaker 2: I think it is best to let the person know
Speaker 2: before you go out, because it clears the air. If
Speaker 2: there is an issue, it comes up before the date.
Speaker 2: I mean, we've talked about this. He's like, we have
Speaker 2: friends who don't drink, and they've never drinking is not
Speaker 2: such a non issue for them. They don't even think
Speaker 2: of it as like, oh, like you have a problem
Speaker 2: with me ordering a drink. But we have other friends
Speaker 2: who are like, I'm kind of uncomfortable. What if they
Speaker 2: don't like the fact that I don't drink. And I
Speaker 2: think that that kind of gets back to just being
Speaker 2: super authentic with who you are and if there's things
Speaker 2: that you are insecure, not that you want to dump
Speaker 2: everything before you've even met somebody, But I don't think
Speaker 2: it's the wrong thing to let somebody know before you
Speaker 2: show up for the date, just so like expectations are set.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I guess, I just I guess that's true. I
Speaker 3: don't think it's some big monster thing you have to
Speaker 3: reveal if you forget to say it before you go
Speaker 3: on to d I don't think it's that big of
Speaker 3: a deal, right, Like it is like, oh my god,
Speaker 3: I can't believe you did tell me that you don't drink,
Speaker 3: like it isn't you know? Or that you have ten kids,
Speaker 3: or that you're married. Right, It's not one of those
Speaker 3: types of gotchas. Where for me if someone said, oh, yeah,
Speaker 3: I'm I'm trying out this non drinking thing, I'd be like, right,
Speaker 3: like good for you whatever. I just I don't think
Speaker 3: it's a big elephant in the room. I guess is not.
Speaker 3: And I think a lot of people these days are
Speaker 3: into fitness and not drinking and other sober curious and
Speaker 3: all those kind of things.
Speaker 1: Right, So, circling back to the concept of a spark,
Speaker 1: So this is something that some and I speak about
Speaker 1: a lot on all of our dates, So I think
Speaker 1: when we were all starting out in life, the butterflies
Speaker 1: the spark.
Speaker 2: Were like, yes, soule me right.
Speaker 3: I don't know.
Speaker 2: That doesn't always happen anymore.
Speaker 1: And I'm wondering now if that goes to that theory
Speaker 1: of that spark is really a mirror to kind of
Speaker 1: your childhood wounds that need to be resolved, right, And
Speaker 1: do you believe.
Speaker 2: You have to have an initial kind of.
Speaker 1: Kind of chemistry or do you feel that an amazing
Speaker 1: relationship can grow from each date as you begin to
Speaker 1: unpeel the onion and learn about their character and who
Speaker 1: they are, Like, how important do you think that in
Speaker 1: a spark?
Speaker 3: Is? Yeah, a great question, man. I've had people that
Speaker 3: I was very initially superficially attracted to and then became
Speaker 3: less attracted to them as I got to know them, right,
Speaker 3: And I've had the opposite right where somebody is maybe
Speaker 3: not you know, you weren't as drawn to them just superficially,
Speaker 3: but you got to know them and you just got
Speaker 3: more attracted than as a person. So I think you
Speaker 3: either have to be attracted to their looks or who
Speaker 3: they are one of those attractions is going to show
Speaker 3: up on your first daid and or the combination of that.
Speaker 3: So I guess it doesn't have to be all all looks.
Speaker 3: I've gone on dates with people that I didn't find
Speaker 3: that attractive and I'm like, I don't know if this
Speaker 3: is going to go anywhere, but I ended up being
Speaker 3: super intrigued by who they were as a person, and
Speaker 3: the spark came from there and we ended up continued
Speaker 3: to date. So I don't It doesn't matter where it
Speaker 3: comes from, but there needs to be somewhere you're intrigued
Speaker 3: or interested or there's a spark about who they are.
Speaker 1: How many dates do you give it before you decide that?
Speaker 1: Do you at least go on a second date?
Speaker 3: Yeah? If you don't, If you don't feel intrigued or
Speaker 3: interested or attracted to the person by the second date,
Speaker 3: there's a good chance that it's not going to happen
Speaker 3: on the third date. But yeah, I'd say something should
Speaker 3: happen on by the second date. Or maybe you're you
Speaker 3: guys are both bark up the wrong tree, that's my view.
Speaker 1: And then do you pretty head on say it was
Speaker 1: great meeting you, I wish you the best of Black
Speaker 1: didn't feel a romantic connection?
Speaker 2: Or do you ghost?
Speaker 1: I mean, what's your move in terms of exiting something
Speaker 1: that you're not into?
Speaker 3: Yeah. I think people can handle the truth. I think
Speaker 3: they prefer it. So I would tell somebody, hey, it's
Speaker 3: it was very cool getting to know you. I don't
Speaker 3: I don't see a huge connection with us, and but
Speaker 3: it was totally my privilege to have time with you
Speaker 3: like that.
Speaker 1: I like that. Let's filma, let's take note on that
Speaker 1: privilege word.
Speaker 2: That would be good for us to.
Speaker 1: And what happens when you're like a month or two
Speaker 1: in to something and it's it's good, it has some
Speaker 1: good elements, but in your heart you think maybe you're
Speaker 1: fitting a square peg into a round hole, but yet
Speaker 1: you know.
Speaker 2: There's a lot of good there. What do you what
Speaker 2: do you do?
Speaker 5: Luis? Are you maybe asking for a friend that you're
Speaker 5: really close to?
Speaker 1: Yes, I'm asking for a friend and a community.
Speaker 2: Close about a friend.
Speaker 5: It sounds really close to home.
Speaker 3: So was your question?
Speaker 2: Was my question? Was?
Speaker 3: I want to make?
Speaker 1: My question is you've given it a period of significant
Speaker 1: period of time and it's it's good, but it's not
Speaker 1: in your heart? It doesn't feel maybe one hundred percent,
Speaker 1: and that you're kind of fitting a square peg into
Speaker 1: a round hole and you're at different paces.
Speaker 6: I don't know, like, yeah, well, I would just say
Speaker 6: if you're two months in, I mean often when you're
Speaker 6: with somebody that you really connect with, month two things
Speaker 6: are like, it's a feeling really pretty amazing.
Speaker 3: Can I if I don't know if I can use
Speaker 3: the F word on your show, but that it doesn't
Speaker 3: usually feel kind of like blah and terrible in months two,
Speaker 3: if there's a good, strong chnecy.
Speaker 2: I don't say terrible. I'm saying it's even.
Speaker 3: I'm just saying, if you're having those thoughts in month two,
Speaker 3: I would you know, I would share them and say, hey,
Speaker 3: I think you and I are a good fit. I
Speaker 3: don't And I actually said this to someone. I think
Speaker 3: we're a good fit. I don't think we're a great fit.
Speaker 3: And I think that's a fair.
Speaker 2: Oh that's another good one, and I'm going for greatness.
Speaker 3: Yeah, we're only here once, so well, and that's why.
Speaker 2: I keep saying to Luise, I feel like Louise, if
Speaker 2: I do say, if I can call you out, I
Speaker 2: feel like you often question when you go out with
Speaker 2: great people, like is something wrong with you or your
Speaker 2: standards too high? And they're a great person, and you
Speaker 2: list off all of the reasons they're amazing, and it's true,
Speaker 2: their resume and everything about them is amazing, but that
Speaker 2: doesn't mean that they're amazing for you.
Speaker 5: And I think we all do deserve the most And
Speaker 5: why cash in your chips now if you don't feel
Speaker 5: that feeling for people or a person.
Speaker 3: One hundred percent? Well, I mean yeah, I mean I
Speaker 3: had a two year marriage, had a twenty year marriage,
Speaker 3: so I can tell you how to get it wrong
Speaker 3: quickly and how to get it wrong slowly. But the
Speaker 3: last few years have been amazing.
Speaker 1: Wait, thirds of charms, so the next person you end
Speaker 1: up with is going to be your golden ticket.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but you say unicorn. I had somebody that I
Speaker 2: dated that was married twice before and he kept saying
Speaker 2: third times the charm, and I was like, well, I've
Speaker 2: only been married once, so who are you talking about?
Speaker 2: Your time was his charm.
Speaker 3: I don't think it matters whether it's the second tier
Speaker 3: of the four time. I think the key is that
Speaker 3: you've stopped some of the maybe the patterns that you
Speaker 3: used to fall into. I know that one of the
Speaker 3: what we were just talking about was, at least for me,
Speaker 3: it was settling for something that wasn't great, or that
Speaker 3: some behaviors that weren't great, and actually the just wanting
Speaker 3: it to be great. The last few years of my
Speaker 3: of my dating has been better than the rest of
Speaker 3: my life all put together. And it was basically just
Speaker 3: raising the bar, setting boundaries and being more picky and like,
Speaker 3: and I'm not talking about looks. I'm just saying being
Speaker 3: more picky about the connection. Like if it feels pretty average,
Speaker 3: it's probably pretty frickin' average, and like that's your connection
Speaker 3: is average, and it's that's it should feel better than that,
Speaker 3: and that's that's that's you know. And so having boundaries
Speaker 3: and being picky, I gotta say those are a big deal.
Speaker 1: I just read the most fabulous book on boundaries transforming
Speaker 1: and it's so interesting that that's the word you're bringing
Speaker 1: up because I'm practicing boundaries. But I don't like to
Speaker 1: upset people or but I agree with you. Boundaries are
Speaker 1: absolutely key.
Speaker 2: And a relationships at two way street, it has to
Speaker 2: work for both people, right, I mean, I don't know, Okay,
Speaker 2: moving on to children, because I think we all have
Speaker 2: children and they're getting older and so in our.
Speaker 5: Forties or fifties.
Speaker 2: The big question is, you know, when you date people,
Speaker 2: does it matter how old their kids are? Do they
Speaker 2: have kids, do they not have kids? And jad what
Speaker 2: do you what's your take on that for you?
Speaker 5: Like, what do you prefer?
Speaker 3: And what are novo zones for you? Yeah? For me,
Speaker 3: I have two kids, So if someone else has kids,
Speaker 3: it's great, we would share that in commons, So that's fantastic.
Speaker 3: If they don't, that's okay too, But I would actually
Speaker 3: prefer if they did. Age wise, it doesn't matter to
Speaker 3: me whether they're young or old. I'd say the biggest
Speaker 3: The only time that came up is when somebody was
Speaker 3: out of town and they had such young kids that
Speaker 3: it just there. There was no way to you know,
Speaker 3: for us to be in the same location.
Speaker 2: Right, So you would date somebody with a two year old,
Speaker 2: like you would date somebody to somebody's in the same.
Speaker 3: City as you and they have a two year old,
Speaker 3: that would be fine, although I do would prefer someone
Speaker 3: to not be I would not prefer a twenty year
Speaker 3: age gap. So as long as they're there they have
Speaker 3: a two year old, but they're ideally, you know, ten
Speaker 3: years or less age difference.
Speaker 1: Kudos to you about your age, about the whole age
Speaker 1: appropriate thing, because we see a lot of that huge
Speaker 1: age split with the kind of cliche fifty year old
Speaker 1: guy and the twenty five year old girl and then
Speaker 1: all of a sudden they want kids and then you're
Speaker 1: either reversing a vasectomy or you're breaking up, and it's
Speaker 1: it's all super interesting.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't. I mean I tried that when I
Speaker 3: first first got single about four years ago, and I
Speaker 3: tried dating people in their you know, thirties and as
Speaker 3: well as forties and fifties, and I will tell you
Speaker 3: without a doubt, it was a deeper connection with somebody
Speaker 3: you have something at common with, right, And some of
Speaker 3: the people I was attracted to in their thirties was fun,
Speaker 3: but after a date or two, there was no that
Speaker 3: we didn't have anything in common. And so I think,
Speaker 3: unless you're really looking for something, unless someone's looking for
Speaker 3: something very superficial and short term and casual, you're you're
Speaker 3: barking up the wrong tree. If you want to be
Speaker 3: if you want to find someone you're connected with, it
Speaker 3: would be gonna You're gonna have a much better chance
Speaker 3: of being successful. If they're at least, you know, eight,
Speaker 3: maybe either are five ten years young or five ten
Speaker 3: years old, or maybe they're the exact same age. You've
Speaker 3: got a much better chance of having things in common
Speaker 3: and having a deep and deeper connection. That's my view,
Speaker 3: but other people might have views on that. But I look,
Speaker 3: I tried it. I didn't like it.
Speaker 1: Do you care JD when you meet a girl on
Speaker 1: an app and she's lied about her age and the
Speaker 1: pictures aren't recent.
Speaker 3: Yeah, again, I don't care as much about their age
Speaker 3: as the as the part that they need to lie
Speaker 3: or feel like they need to be somebody different. If
Speaker 3: someone's not comfortable in their own skin when they're twenty one,
Speaker 3: I get it, you're still becoming an adult. But if
Speaker 3: you're already an adult and you're lying to people, that's
Speaker 3: a big turn off for me. I don't care whether
Speaker 3: you're forty or fifty. But I care about is authenticity,
Speaker 3: and yeah, just be authentic.
Speaker 1: I mean, like, come on, yeah, it's like a gayway
Speaker 1: to future lying, right.
Speaker 3: Yeah, Like I said, if you're eighteen and you're super insecure,
Speaker 3: maybe that's different. But if you're a grown up, like,
Speaker 3: come on, act it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, do you have a preference on women who are
Speaker 1: career oriented professionals or do you prefer somebody who is
Speaker 1: more available?
Speaker 2: And you know, if you know, like.
Speaker 1: A stay at home mom or somebody who's more of
Speaker 1: a a homemaker. What is your you know, what are
Speaker 1: you more attracted to?
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean I guess I I'm attracted to intelligence
Speaker 3: and most it depends on what stage they're in. Right,
Speaker 3: As I said, I if if we're having kids together,
Speaker 3: that's different. But if if they have young kids there
Speaker 3: and they don't have to work, that's great. If they
Speaker 3: if that's fine for them. But I'm I'm I'm not.
Speaker 3: I would just say I'm not not attracted to people
Speaker 3: who focused on full time with their kids, or they
Speaker 3: focus on their career and or they tried to juggle
Speaker 3: they're juggling both. Either is fine. I would say, there's
Speaker 3: nothing there's neither one is unattractive it there's there's no
Speaker 3: downside there. I think if the person is if if
Speaker 3: they're intelligent and they're hard working and they make choices
Speaker 3: like what's I just don't see a negative there. I
Speaker 3: think if I was if I was just about to
Speaker 3: if I was just about to have kids, and then
Speaker 3: I'd be having a different conversation with somebody about interesting,
Speaker 3: what do you want to do with kids?
Speaker 1: Do you know guys who are not into career women
Speaker 1: and who subscribe to the concept of somebody who's you know,
Speaker 1: at home waving on them hand and foot and doing
Speaker 1: all that, or do you feel like it's a little
Speaker 1: more balanced now, like you know, the traditional fifties mad
Speaker 1: men wife versus I don't know.
Speaker 3: I mean, I think this is a we're talking about
Speaker 3: like a one percent scenario or a five percent scenario.
Speaker 3: I think in the real world, both people are probably
Speaker 3: working or doing something, and if there are, there are
Speaker 3: people that have the ability that not work, and that's great.
Speaker 2: I think it's about other things though, I don't think
Speaker 2: necessarily about working or not working. I think I think
Speaker 2: a fear for some divorced men are that like, hey,
Speaker 2: I just got out of something and it was heavy
Speaker 2: or it was financially very costly, and as much as
Speaker 2: I'm looking for another relationship, I don't know if I
Speaker 2: have it in me to like take on a second
Speaker 2: family or support a woman. So I think that is
Speaker 2: more often the case for at least that I never
Speaker 2: see than it's like, do I want somebody staying at
Speaker 2: home and doting on me full time?
Speaker 3: Yeah? I agree, I don't. I don't think there's too
Speaker 3: many mad men types still out there. They're saying, you know,
Speaker 3: please have a home cooked meal when I walk in
Speaker 3: the door. I think I think your point is really valid,
Speaker 3: which is if somebody thinks somebody is has a huge
Speaker 3: financial like they were married and that person was there
Speaker 3: thirty thousand dollars a month that kept their life a flood,
Speaker 3: and now they don't have that and there, and it's
Speaker 3: a it's adding to your financial situation because that's on you.
Speaker 3: I would say, if someone doesn't work, but they have
Speaker 3: the ability to not work, or they do work because
Speaker 3: they want to work, or they don't need to work
Speaker 3: and they do other things, that's great. But if they're
Speaker 3: showing up with this huge, huge financial thing like can
Speaker 3: you please take over my twenty five grand a month
Speaker 3: of payments, that's that's probably going to get some people
Speaker 3: a little bit, a little bit.
Speaker 2: Unsure of the gibi.
Speaker 3: That would give somebody pause. But outside of somebody having
Speaker 3: a financial crisis that needs solving. I don't think people
Speaker 3: care if somebody works or doesn't work.
Speaker 2: But I've found and I don't know, I've just been
Speaker 2: listening to a bunch of interviews lately, and maybe it's
Speaker 2: like the girlfriends that I hang out with. I feel
Speaker 2: like I am seeing a lot of women that, yes,
Speaker 2: they want to meet somebody, but they don't want it
Speaker 2: to be there everything. You know, They're not looking for
Speaker 2: a traditional life or somebody that they want to spend
Speaker 2: necessarily all their time I'm with, because they do have
Speaker 2: other interests, especially when all of a sudden you're fifty,
Speaker 2: you have a lot of years, right and you've developed
Speaker 2: kind of your own life, and especially if you've been
Speaker 2: divorced for a while. But I feel like I'm seeing
Speaker 2: more and more women who are like, yeah, I really
Speaker 2: want to meet somebody, but I don't know necessarily how
Speaker 2: much I want to compromise. And I think some of
Speaker 2: the men that I see out there, that these women
Speaker 2: or we are lucky and fortunate enough to connect with,
Speaker 2: they seem to want more like more attention and are
Speaker 2: a little more needy and I'm not necessarily it doesn't
Speaker 2: really tell well.
Speaker 3: That might be specific to the two of you that
Speaker 3: the men are just saying, look, it's going well, and
Speaker 3: they're just trying to, you know, get more of you.
Speaker 3: But but yeah, I think I think if a man
Speaker 3: is confident in his own skin and he's going to
Speaker 3: feel the vibe and the pace that the woman wants,
Speaker 3: if she's feeling like two days a week is perfect,
Speaker 3: like you're if you don't pick up on those clues,
Speaker 3: you're probably not paying attention. And if you're like, well, no,
Speaker 3: we have to see each other six days a.
Speaker 2: Week, it's like go back to the pool. It's like,
Speaker 2: go back to the pool. So you think they're both
Speaker 2: they're men that want the two days a week and
Speaker 2: they're men that want the fun.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I agree. I think there's plenty of people that
Speaker 3: are happy to have an independent person with a full
Speaker 3: life that wants to hang out a couple of days
Speaker 3: a week. You're you know, everyone's person is out there.
Speaker 1: So when you're dating somebody new, what are some of
Speaker 1: the women's interests that you think are sexy versus something
Speaker 1: that couldtentially be a turnoff to you.
Speaker 3: Well, I'm going to go in reverse order and start
Speaker 3: with the turnoffs. I would say, if the only hobbies
Speaker 3: they can come up with are shopping, travel, and I'm
Speaker 3: a foodie. I like to go out and eat and drink.
Speaker 3: Those I would say don't really count because we all
Speaker 3: eat and drink, and we all travel, and we all
Speaker 3: buy stuff. So I don't think. I think if somebody,
Speaker 3: if that's someone's list, I would say, that's a bit
Speaker 3: of a red flag. Like you, you you should have
Speaker 3: other things besides that, So that's kind of the the
Speaker 3: red flag list. In terms of I don't know what sex.
Speaker 3: I think just somebody who has who's passionate about stuff
Speaker 3: and has interest and it's not just TV or whatever
Speaker 3: they want to they want to do things. I'm obviously,
Speaker 3: I'm kind of an outdoorsy person, so I like people
Speaker 3: that are active and do some active stuff. I also
Speaker 3: like people that you know, read and are in book clubs.
Speaker 3: So I don't think it matters what you're into as
Speaker 3: long as you're into something, and hopefully some of them overlap.
Speaker 3: But yeah, don't don't say shopping, travel and eating out.
Speaker 3: I would say stay away from that.
Speaker 1: When you're on a date or you've gone on a
Speaker 1: few dates, what is your feeling on sharing the bill,
Speaker 1: paying the bill, like what do you think is kind
Speaker 1: of like the financial at different ages? Obviously it's different,
Speaker 1: right in different generations. But you are a guy who
Speaker 1: dates age appropriate, right, you've raised children. What is your
Speaker 1: feeling on that?
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, I don't know if it's because I'm
Speaker 3: in my fifties and but I would say for me,
Speaker 3: you should be picking up the first and second date
Speaker 3: the man some a little old school that way.
Speaker 2: That answer works for us.
Speaker 3: We don't. We believe in shil I don't get it. Look,
Speaker 3: I very you know women are equals and powerful, but
Speaker 3: at the same time you get a chance to be
Speaker 3: a man and and take care of someone on a
Speaker 3: date that you've asked them out, Like, I don't. I
Speaker 3: don't see if you don't want to pay for the
Speaker 3: verst or second date, you've asked out the wrong person.
Speaker 3: That's my bed.
Speaker 2: I mean, JD, I feel like we should clone you.
Speaker 2: Like your answers are amazing.
Speaker 3: Again, if you ask someone there, thank you. If you
Speaker 3: have someone of their twenties who's living in their parents'
Speaker 3: basement that might say, they might say.
Speaker 1: Sure, it's a different different for sure.
Speaker 2: Okay, what about like how heavy do you go in
Speaker 2: terms of conversation when you first start dating somebody, I e. Politics.
Speaker 2: You know, I don't think I don't know anyone who
Speaker 2: goes in their credit score, but like you know, like
Speaker 2: what's your what's your comfort level with like when you
Speaker 2: first meet somebody in terms of like okay, let's start
Speaker 2: high And it doesn't maybe even make sense to ask
Speaker 2: these questions until I really know or we get deeper
Speaker 2: into a relationship or do you like to vet people
Speaker 2: out quickly?
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's a good question. I mean I think some
Speaker 3: of that stuff's going to come out anyway. I was
Speaker 3: I was on a first date with someone. I didn't
Speaker 3: ask about their politics, but it came out anyway, and
Speaker 3: then I didn't choose a second day with the person,
Speaker 3: So I don't I don't really have a rule for that.
Speaker 3: I would say, you know, conversations go where they are,
Speaker 3: and I usually just try to let them flow if
Speaker 3: if there's something you really need to know, like if
Speaker 3: I was a woman who was thirty five who wanted kids,
Speaker 3: I might on the first or second date say hey,
Speaker 3: what are your thoughts about kids? Like I but I
Speaker 3: don't personally have I think I think things are going
Speaker 3: to come out. People are gonna tell you about themselves.
Speaker 3: That's the whole point. And but yeah, I will now lately, lately,
Speaker 3: I think i'd be curious about if I haven't figured
Speaker 3: out the politics by the second date, I might ask
Speaker 3: because it is becoming a little bit more of a
Speaker 3: divisive issue, and if it didn't come out naturally, I
Speaker 3: might ask, Okay.
Speaker 2: So politics is important to you. I mean, it's for
Speaker 2: people's political.
Speaker 3: Views, it is. It doesn't necessarily matter well it, Yeah,
Speaker 3: it matters how open minded someone is politically versus maybe
Speaker 3: how far they are to the extreme. That does matter
Speaker 3: to me. A debt, them having.
Speaker 2: Debt, Yeah, people have debt. Maybe that goes up there
Speaker 2: with shopping. If she's a shopper, I.
Speaker 3: Don't think of minds. If somebody has a little bit
Speaker 3: of debt.
Speaker 1: I mean, well, as long as the expectations you're not
Speaker 1: cleaning up the debt.
Speaker 3: Yeah, if somebody's in full financial crisis, that's fine. If
Speaker 3: they came out of a divorce and they lost and
Speaker 3: their business went under and they're in debt, that's fine.
Speaker 3: I think it's more an issue of somebody who's like
Speaker 3: I have this lifestyle, I want to maintain it, and
Speaker 3: would you please maintain it as long as as long
Speaker 3: as someone say something like that, you could say, hey,
Speaker 3: I just my business just went under. I'm one hundred
Speaker 3: grand in debt, or I.
Speaker 2: Got a divorce, But it's not this reckless spending that
Speaker 2: basically les.
Speaker 3: Right, I got a divorce and I'm in debt because
Speaker 3: of that, and but it'll all work itself out. I
Speaker 3: don't think that's I don't think that's attractive or unattractive.
Speaker 3: It's it's it's not. I don't think it's an issue
Speaker 3: unless you're really saying, please take on my my my
Speaker 3: golf club and my yacht club and my shopping allowance.
Speaker 1: And that's pretty transparent usually with both girls, right.
Speaker 3: I think so. But yeah, so I don't. I don't
Speaker 3: think being in debt or being wealthy or not wealthy
Speaker 3: for men is an issue at all. I don't. It's
Speaker 3: not even on the top twenty Well.
Speaker 2: I would say though that you know, the last person
Speaker 2: that I dated, we both said that we felt fortunate
Speaker 2: because we both had the luxury to be able to travel. Right,
Speaker 2: Because if somebody can't do some of the same things
Speaker 2: that you can at a certain point, right before you're
Speaker 2: truly committed. That can limit what one person can do,
Speaker 2: or it puts the burden all on somebody else.
Speaker 3: It could. But at the same point, if I have
Speaker 3: if I have the means to travel ten times as
Speaker 3: much as the other person, then why am I not
Speaker 3: just picking up their travel bill?
Speaker 2: Like?
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, if you're like, I want to travel
Speaker 3: every month, the other person's like, well, I can't afford
Speaker 3: to do it every year, go on six trips right on?
Speaker 3: Like pay for three or four of their trips, Like
Speaker 3: I don't. I If you're that much more fortunate, then
Speaker 3: share with the person that you want to spend time with. So,
Speaker 3: I I don't know, I don't see that as a big,
Speaker 3: a big issue. I think if somebody works, if they're
Speaker 3: opened up in AIRBB in a restaurant and they work
Speaker 3: one hundred hours a week, that's more of an issue
Speaker 3: if you're not getting time with them, right you might, right? Yeah?
Speaker 1: And So in terms of attraction, though, what would you
Speaker 1: say your top three qualities that you look for in
Speaker 1: a woman and a potential love interest.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's a that's a good one, but a tough one.
Speaker 3: I would say. I mean, there's some basic physical attraction
Speaker 3: that someone is within your age group, and you know
Speaker 3: it is not forty years older or forty years older.
Speaker 3: But assuming that you have some attraction and you're not
Speaker 3: unattracted to somebody, I think for me it would be yeah,
Speaker 3: I mean like like playful sense of humor, not taking
Speaker 3: themselves too seriously. I think somebody with that kind of
Speaker 3: positive energy is very attractive. Someone who is well, I'm
Speaker 3: starting to think about the negatives, but so I'm just gonna.
Speaker 2: Go say negative. Though, your top three negatives I'd be
Speaker 2: curious about.
Speaker 3: I would say, you know, people that are super critical
Speaker 3: or or very controlling are probably are the the two
Speaker 3: things that I would be the least attracted to. I
Speaker 3: think people who are have kind of a positive comfort
Speaker 3: in their own skin. They're playful, they have a good
Speaker 3: sense of humor. Confidence is super attractive. I mean confidence
Speaker 3: and personality are probably the two biggest things I would
Speaker 3: say for me for attraction. I mean that is it.
Speaker 3: We talked about authenticity earlier. I mean that comfort and
Speaker 3: ease in yourself, not taking yourself or life too seriously,
Speaker 3: all of that authenticity part is huge. Yeah for me personally. Again,
Speaker 3: guys may have a different list, but for me, it's
Speaker 3: it's that's at the very top, and then obviously some
Speaker 3: it's it's nice to have a physical attraction to somebody
Speaker 3: and that they're they're not you know, they're not you know,
Speaker 3: thirty years older or thirty younger.
Speaker 2: They're not hard to look at.
Speaker 3: Yes, it'd be nice if they were easy on the eyes,
Speaker 3: but that's great.
Speaker 2: That's a plus.
Speaker 1: I also think laughing and lightheartedness and levity and the
Speaker 1: ability to banter is important too. And I found that
Speaker 1: a lot of the people that I have dated lately,
Speaker 1: you know, tend to be a little more serious.
Speaker 2: And it's kind of hard.
Speaker 1: And I find that that is tough for me when
Speaker 1: I'm dating people and there isn't that kind of human lightness,
Speaker 1: And that's that's tough for me. And what I've learned
Speaker 1: is is if you start out kind of not funny,
Speaker 1: you don't get funnier, right, I don't know, So that's
Speaker 1: something that's tough. Wait, I wanted to ask something before
Speaker 1: I forget back to the conversation about kids and everything.
Speaker 2: What do you do.
Speaker 1: When you meet somebody and you're dating them and they
Speaker 1: are strange from their children. Because I was dating somebody
Speaker 1: who lost custody.
Speaker 2: Of his kids. And I have to tell you it
Speaker 2: was a really big red.
Speaker 1: Flag for me because my children are everything and nothing
Speaker 1: is more important than my relationship with them.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean it, it is. It is a red flag.
Speaker 3: I think if you've gone on a couple of dates
Speaker 3: and you're still interested in the person and you're attracted
Speaker 3: to who they are, and you're the connection is still growing,
Speaker 3: somewhere around the second or third date, you're going to
Speaker 3: ask them like what happened? Like how did how did
Speaker 3: it go down? Because you're going to want to know
Speaker 3: was it did you have did you have a spouse
Speaker 3: that cut you out of you know, did they figure
Speaker 3: out some way to cut you out of the picture
Speaker 3: and then you know you got you had a hard
Speaker 3: time getting back in or did you you know, sleep
Speaker 3: with her best friend or the assistant or like like
Speaker 3: you're going to want to know the story, right and
Speaker 3: I wouldn't necessarily find it out on date, you know,
Speaker 3: first or second date, but by the third date, like, hey,
Speaker 3: tell me about your kids, and you're going to want
Speaker 3: to know what the hell? That might even be a
Speaker 3: second I mean it's really more of a second I thing.
Speaker 3: But yeah, but it doesn't. Being a strange doesn't necessarily
Speaker 3: mean the person as a bad person for sure.
Speaker 2: But there is a story there.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but you need to know the story, you go.
Speaker 2: I guess along those lines a bit of a segue,
Speaker 2: but kind of on topic, is you know, when you're
Speaker 2: twenty or thirty, I think you look at somebody's family
Speaker 2: to help kind of get a better idea of maybe
Speaker 2: their values, or just to get again a better lens
Speaker 2: and view into like what they might be or become.
Speaker 2: How important do you think people's friends or family or
Speaker 2: things like that are now that we're like forty or fifty, right,
Speaker 2: because it's different, like a lot of it's a one
Speaker 2: on one relationship. So does that still matter or does
Speaker 2: it not?
Speaker 3: Agree? I think, well, I will say I think friends
Speaker 3: matter a lot. I think that is huge. I think
Speaker 3: family matters very because they didn't get to pick their family,
Speaker 3: and so for me, I rate that very low, and
Speaker 3: I rate the friends thing very very high.
Speaker 2: You are who you surround yourself with.
Speaker 3: Yeah, so that's it. I mean, I've I know people
Speaker 3: whose parents are an absolute nightmare and they are the
Speaker 3: loveliest person in the world. So what I mean, who care?
Speaker 3: Why does it matter?
Speaker 2: Okay, superficial question. So Louise and I talk about this
Speaker 2: when you're traveling. Okay, back to like the first first
Speaker 2: attraction that you might have when you're traveling or at
Speaker 2: an airport, you see a girl, if she's like in cozy,
Speaker 2: a cozy sweatsuit versus you know, she's a little more
Speaker 2: done up and like got an official outfit on. What
Speaker 2: are your thoughts?
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's interesting. If it's a weekday, I might think
Speaker 3: she's just come from work and it's not a big deal.
Speaker 3: But if if somebody is really dressed up on a weekend,
Speaker 3: it could be a little bit of a red flag.
Speaker 2: And I don't mean like she's like high maintenance with
Speaker 2: all her designer bags. I mean more like a put
Speaker 2: together off, Like is it okay to travel in a sweatsuit?
Speaker 3: I don't know. I don't think it matters that if
Speaker 3: a woman is If a woman is attractive to you,
Speaker 3: it's not gonna matter what she's wearing. I mean, somebody
Speaker 3: could look really cute and sweats and someone could look
Speaker 3: terrible all dressed up. So there's no I don't know it.
Speaker 1: Felmut travels and looks like a million bucks and I
Speaker 1: look literally like a schlumper in a sweatsuit.
Speaker 2: And my one friend said to me, once.
Speaker 1: She goes, you ain't going to meet a guy at
Speaker 1: the airport when you look like that, And I.
Speaker 2: Think it was me. Now a few people have said
Speaker 2: that I don't leave my house that much. Tracy said
Speaker 2: it to me. She's like, I really think you should
Speaker 2: change the outfit when you fly.
Speaker 3: I don't think it matters if it's sweats, as long
Speaker 3: as they're not if they're thirty year old sweats with
Speaker 3: holes in them, and they need to know it's like a.
Speaker 2: Matching cute track suit and like a.
Speaker 3: Right, Yeah, I think that. I think tracksuits and like
Speaker 3: whatever like it and a cute pair of tennis shoes
Speaker 3: around the shoes very can be very attractive. Like I don't.
Speaker 3: I don't think. I don't think it matters. Like I said,
Speaker 3: as long as you're not wearing something that needs to
Speaker 3: be donated to the goodwill, I think it's it's fine.
Speaker 2: Okay, fine, you're not my guy.
Speaker 3: Yeah, Look the odds are there's a million out there.
Speaker 3: You know I may not be the one.
Speaker 2: Do you have friends for us? No pressure?
Speaker 3: I don't. Well, if I list them on this call,
Speaker 3: then you have to delete it.
Speaker 1: You're awesome and you're super textured, and you're really you
Speaker 1: seem really healthy and you give thoughtful answers and very
Speaker 1: communicative and you know, emotionally mature and healthy. Like this
Speaker 1: has been a really informative conversation and I'm definitely learning
Speaker 1: a lot.
Speaker 3: I've enjoyed it a lot, and I have other tips
Speaker 3: and tricks out there if you want more, But I
Speaker 3: would say one I'll leave you with is when the
Speaker 3: ice is, where do you want to go? Say? Surprise me?
Speaker 3: That is very very sexy because you have now shown
Speaker 3: him you don't need to be a control and that
Speaker 3: you trust him, and that if he can't handle picking
Speaker 3: a restaurant, he's the wrong guy. So you've just basically
Speaker 3: honored him and now he gets to surprise you like
Speaker 3: that is a very sexy first move. Just want to
Speaker 3: leave you with that.
Speaker 1: So you should write a book, and you should be
Speaker 1: given iHeartRadio, it should give you your own podcast.
Speaker 3: Well, thank you, that's very kind of you. I'm just
Speaker 3: honored to be on this one. Thank you for having me.
Speaker 2: So nice to have met you.
Speaker 3: Yeah, very cool, nice to meet you. Nice to meet
Speaker 3: you both and I don't think either of you're going
Speaker 3: to have any trouble, but your listeners are going to
Speaker 3: learn a lot.
Speaker 2: Hi JD. That was amazing to get a man's perspective.
Speaker 2: I feel like we learned so much from this conversation today,
Speaker 2: and I know a lot of the things that we
Speaker 2: discussed I'm definitely going to put into action. So for
Speaker 2: all of you out there, if you have a question
Speaker 2: or need some advice from a single man, email or
Speaker 2: call us. All the infos in the show notes. Go
Speaker 2: ahead and follow us on socials. Make sure to rate
Speaker 2: and review this podcast. I do Part two, an iHeartRadio
Speaker 2: podcast where falling in love is the main objective.