WEBVTT - Man Up 0:00:13.520 --> 0:00:16.279 It's I Do Part two and it's your favorite real 0:00:16.320 --> 0:00:19.480 life bessies, Belma and Louise. It's been a minute since 0:00:19.480 --> 0:00:22.120 we've been on the podcast, but we're so excited about 0:00:22.160 --> 0:00:26.360 today's episodes. Today it's all about getting inside the mind 0:00:26.400 --> 0:00:29.120 of a man. How did they think? What are they like? 0:00:29.400 --> 0:00:32.400 So let's bring in our single guy, JD. And he 0:00:32.520 --> 0:00:34.720 is a total smoke show. So it's going to be 0:00:34.760 --> 0:00:36.840 so much fun unpacking with such a hotti. 0:00:37.040 --> 0:00:39.239 Well, JD, we have an on pretty good authority that 0:00:39.280 --> 0:00:43.199 you're an amazing guy. We obviously have friends of friends, 0:00:43.800 --> 0:00:46.320 so we're super excited to talk to you today and 0:00:46.920 --> 0:00:49.639 really want to just dive deep into your head so 0:00:49.680 --> 0:00:52.239 that you can help all of the female listeners out 0:00:52.240 --> 0:00:55.040 there figure out what we're doing right and maybe what 0:00:55.080 --> 0:00:57.600 we're doing wrong, and just give us a little direction. 0:00:58.000 --> 0:01:01.959 So kind of diving into the first question, help us 0:01:02.040 --> 0:01:06.720 understand how do you meet good quality guys out there? 0:01:07.000 --> 0:01:08.640 Yeah, it's a tough one to start out, but I'll 0:01:08.640 --> 0:01:12.840 tell you there's no one place I would say. Obviously, 0:01:13.720 --> 0:01:15.360 it can be a bar, it could be bumble, it 0:01:15.360 --> 0:01:18.720 could be anything like that. But if you want to 0:01:18.760 --> 0:01:21.800 get a little more strategic. I would say places where 0:01:21.800 --> 0:01:24.400 you have a shared interest. Right. I have a friend 0:01:24.840 --> 0:01:27.760 who is super into stailing, who's a woman, and she 0:01:28.640 --> 0:01:31.560 goes to bars in saucely Do and Tibron and goes 0:01:31.600 --> 0:01:34.759 to yacht club parties. She wants to meet someone who's 0:01:34.760 --> 0:01:37.160 into sailing like she is. So if you have a 0:01:37.200 --> 0:01:41.679 shared interest surfing, skiing, doing things where you're likely to 0:01:41.680 --> 0:01:44.880 meet somebody with a shared interest. Otherwise you've got bars, 0:01:44.920 --> 0:01:48.840 you've got bumble hinge, you know, eharmonymatch dot com and 0:01:48.880 --> 0:01:52.680 all that. I've seen those. All of those work for people, right, 0:01:52.680 --> 0:01:56.480 And I don't think there's necessary. It's a bad idea 0:01:56.520 --> 0:01:59.160 to try multiple options. Question. 0:01:59.280 --> 0:02:02.360 Now, what I have found in this day and age 0:02:02.880 --> 0:02:06.600 is because everybody is attached to their devices, even the 0:02:06.640 --> 0:02:07.440 apps or whatever. 0:02:08.040 --> 0:02:11.560 How often do you approach. 0:02:11.480 --> 0:02:14.760 A table of I mean, obviously approaching a table with 0:02:14.880 --> 0:02:17.280 five women is daunting, but even like two girls sitting 0:02:17.320 --> 0:02:20.280 at a bar, how often do you do the old 0:02:20.360 --> 0:02:23.840 school method of perhaps sending over a glass of wine, 0:02:24.520 --> 0:02:27.440 or sending a note on a napkin, or going up 0:02:27.480 --> 0:02:28.239 and saying hello. 0:02:28.560 --> 0:02:32.359 It feels like those days are few and far between. 0:02:32.760 --> 0:02:35.880 Yeah, that's a fair point. I'm very comfortable going up 0:02:35.919 --> 0:02:37.680 to a group of maybe two or three girls. I 0:02:37.680 --> 0:02:40.680 think if the group is five, six, eight girls, I'm 0:02:40.680 --> 0:02:42.880 probably not going to write. But if it's just two 0:02:43.000 --> 0:02:47.920 or three, I'm happy to go up and start a 0:02:47.919 --> 0:02:50.040 conversation or send a drink to a lot of them 0:02:50.080 --> 0:02:52.639 and try to start a conversation that way. So yeah, 0:02:52.680 --> 0:02:54.400 I do think. I think if you're trying to meet 0:02:54.400 --> 0:02:57.040 a guy, going out in really big groups is going 0:02:57.080 --> 0:03:00.280 to be intimidating. I would focus on having one or 0:03:00.280 --> 0:03:01.320 two people there with you. 0:03:01.760 --> 0:03:05.519 And what about how often do you experience the reverse 0:03:06.360 --> 0:03:09.480 like a girl kind of you know, seizing the day 0:03:09.680 --> 0:03:12.919 and being you know, super confident in her own skin 0:03:12.960 --> 0:03:15.640 and doing that. I mean, I recently, Selma and I 0:03:15.639 --> 0:03:18.280 have heard stories about you know, girls we know that 0:03:18.320 --> 0:03:20.920 are literally going out on a Saturday night to a 0:03:20.960 --> 0:03:23.800 hot spot and sitting at a bar by herself. That 0:03:23.960 --> 0:03:27.000 takes so much courage and confidence. 0:03:27.600 --> 0:03:31.600 Yeah, I see. I think maybe people are more confident now. 0:03:31.639 --> 0:03:33.639 I don't know, but I've definitely had people come up 0:03:34.080 --> 0:03:36.839 and just say, hey, what's your deal? Or I had 0:03:37.040 --> 0:03:39.320 a woman say, can your dog is cute? Can I 0:03:39.360 --> 0:03:41.880 walk your dog? Sometime? Like, but I do think I 0:03:41.920 --> 0:03:44.960 think people are willing to try things and take a 0:03:45.720 --> 0:03:46.560 take a chance. 0:03:47.000 --> 0:03:49.119 I think the dog. The dog is a good one. 0:03:49.360 --> 0:03:51.360 The dog is a good one. I mean, I feel 0:03:51.360 --> 0:03:54.200 like we're really missing talking about walking the dog or 0:03:54.280 --> 0:03:57.720 using your dog is like also servicing. Look at that 0:03:57.800 --> 0:04:02.440 she is servicing already. Can you imagine how antiquated? Right? 0:04:02.840 --> 0:04:04.880 Yeah, I mean not only that she and then she said, 0:04:04.880 --> 0:04:06.040 I said, well do you are you just going to 0:04:06.120 --> 0:04:07.800 drop the dog at my place? And she said, well, no, 0:04:08.480 --> 0:04:11.520 I'm at the back of this restaurant. Just come and 0:04:11.560 --> 0:04:13.680 get the dog from there. And then we sat and 0:04:13.760 --> 0:04:16.240 ended up having dinner and drake, So she really she 0:04:16.279 --> 0:04:17.160 had a good game plan. 0:04:17.520 --> 0:04:19.920 She larned you in. I also think that that's one 0:04:19.920 --> 0:04:21.520 of the things that there are a lot of things 0:04:21.520 --> 0:04:23.760 that we don't maybe have going for us as we 0:04:23.800 --> 0:04:26.760 age and like forty fifty years old whatever. But I 0:04:26.839 --> 0:04:29.839 do think, like I feel so sorry for our children 0:04:30.040 --> 0:04:34.240 because I do think that the thought of randomly walking 0:04:34.320 --> 0:04:37.640 up to somebody is so foreign to them because they 0:04:37.640 --> 0:04:41.159 are so into their devices and they don't meet anyone 0:04:41.240 --> 0:04:43.760 naturally anymore, or they feel like they know people before 0:04:43.800 --> 0:04:46.880 they've even met them because again all the cyberstalking and everything. 0:04:47.240 --> 0:04:51.640 But I do think that probably our generation there still 0:04:51.880 --> 0:04:54.039 exists a little bit of that, like we had to 0:04:54.080 --> 0:04:58.679 go out and meet people naturally, and maybe just even 0:04:58.720 --> 0:05:01.720 talking about this today it makes me realize like we 0:05:01.720 --> 0:05:03.599 should have hold onto that and try to we should 0:05:03.720 --> 0:05:05.279 like standing in a Starbucks line. 0:05:05.279 --> 0:05:06.840 I mean, I was telling a friend of mine who 0:05:06.920 --> 0:05:09.640 never goes out, I said, Love isn't going to drop out. 0:05:09.480 --> 0:05:12.640 Of Netflix, right, you might have said that to me. No, 0:05:12.760 --> 0:05:14.559 but like you have to go out into the world, 0:05:14.560 --> 0:05:18.640 and it's believing. It's hard, but it's just changed so much. 0:05:19.000 --> 0:05:19.560 Being at the moment. 0:05:19.560 --> 0:05:21.880 I remember when I graduated, I went to well, we 0:05:21.920 --> 0:05:25.000 all went to cal but graduating and in San Francisco. 0:05:25.080 --> 0:05:27.320 Back then, they had singles night at Safeway at the 0:05:27.400 --> 0:05:31.600 market on Sundays as an opportunity to meet people. 0:05:32.480 --> 0:05:34.400 And I was like, they don't do that stuff anymore. 0:05:34.520 --> 0:05:38.000 Single Safeway is pretty legendary. I would say, yeah, I have. 0:05:38.600 --> 0:05:40.880 I do have one tip to make it easier for 0:05:40.920 --> 0:05:44.000 people to gain that confidence, Like instead of saying to somebody, hey, 0:05:44.040 --> 0:05:47.279 I find you really attractive, or for the woman to 0:05:47.320 --> 0:05:49.599 say like do you have a girlfriend, like lower the 0:05:49.800 --> 0:05:53.359 like just say hey, I think your shirt is really cool, 0:05:53.440 --> 0:05:57.760 or like you have a just compliment something about the 0:05:57.800 --> 0:05:59.800 woman or the man, and then it's not that they 0:05:59.839 --> 0:06:01.520 could deal like hey, I just think it's a cool 0:06:01.560 --> 0:06:04.640 you have cool earrings. You're not taking this huge risk. 0:06:04.720 --> 0:06:07.920 It's like, right, you have a boyfriend or girlfriend, you 0:06:07.920 --> 0:06:10.400 can you can lower the bar of stress by just 0:06:10.480 --> 0:06:13.760 complimenting something like oh, your shoes your pants are like, 0:06:13.760 --> 0:06:16.640 your shoes are cool, and then that's not that stressful 0:06:16.920 --> 0:06:19.240 and they don't have to be like I do or 0:06:19.240 --> 0:06:21.880 don't have a boyfriend. So it lowers the pressure on 0:06:21.960 --> 0:06:25.320 both sides. So just ask a non threatening question like 0:06:25.560 --> 0:06:26.360 I like your sure. 0:06:26.920 --> 0:06:28.520 Felm and I had an interesting thing happened. 0:06:28.600 --> 0:06:30.960 We were it was a Sunday, fun day for us, 0:06:31.080 --> 0:06:33.240 and we were sitting at the bar at South Beverly 0:06:33.279 --> 0:06:35.240 Gril Do you remember this Selmud? I do remember, And 0:06:35.279 --> 0:06:38.880 there was this like really handsome guy and for literally 0:06:38.960 --> 0:06:41.080 an hour we were talking to him and. 0:06:41.000 --> 0:06:43.400 We were thinking, well, one of us is definitely going 0:06:43.440 --> 0:06:44.279 to get those guys nuver. 0:06:44.560 --> 0:06:45.880 And then all of a sudden, you now see had 0:06:45.880 --> 0:06:49.119 a girlfriend, which was just interesting on so many levels. 0:06:49.160 --> 0:06:51.360 Do you remember that after like forty five minutes of 0:06:51.440 --> 0:06:52.839 him being pretty flirty, he. 0:06:52.839 --> 0:06:54.840 Didn't buy us a drink, So maybe that was really 0:06:55.000 --> 0:06:58.360 the side if we were buying our own drinks. 0:06:58.680 --> 0:07:00.760 It doesn't sound like he likes his all for very much, 0:07:00.800 --> 0:07:01.680 but that's right. 0:07:01.720 --> 0:07:04.560 Or that he's or that he's faithful, little gray area 0:07:04.640 --> 0:07:06.359 ye issues here. 0:07:06.440 --> 0:07:11.320 Yeah, yeah, I think we we salvaged ourselves on that one. Okay, 0:07:11.400 --> 0:07:14.560 what about like when you first see a girl, for example, 0:07:14.760 --> 0:07:18.360 a first date. We have curated and we feel like 0:07:18.520 --> 0:07:20.440 it's kind of tried and true for us where it's 0:07:20.520 --> 0:07:23.040 like what we feel super comfortable in its genes, so 0:07:23.080 --> 0:07:26.080 it's kind of casual and not you know, it kind 0:07:26.080 --> 0:07:27.880 of takes you to any restaurant that you might go to, 0:07:29.040 --> 0:07:33.240 but also like a really cute top that's not too 0:07:33.320 --> 0:07:35.920 revealing but still like you look good at it. So 0:07:37.280 --> 0:07:40.080 that's kind of our look. But I mean, we're not 0:07:40.160 --> 0:07:42.520 djusting for each other, right, well we are? We are, Oh, no, 0:07:42.600 --> 0:07:43.240 we are, we are. 0:07:43.280 --> 0:07:45.400 We have funny have all the same stuff, so the 0:07:45.400 --> 0:07:48.000 outfit is actually the great pair of jeans and we 0:07:48.040 --> 0:07:50.520 have nine thousand options and then a great top and 0:07:50.560 --> 0:07:52.840 like we've got pretty much all the same leather jackets 0:07:52.880 --> 0:07:56.640 that we toss over our shoulders, kind of like for warmth. 0:07:56.920 --> 0:07:58.560 And we do text each other before we go out 0:07:58.600 --> 0:08:01.760 together because of highly probable that we're wearing the same outfit. 0:08:01.880 --> 0:08:05.880 But the question is what, like when you first meet 0:08:05.880 --> 0:08:09.200 a girl, what are you looking for or what are 0:08:09.200 --> 0:08:11.040 things that you notice where you're like, oh my gosh, 0:08:11.240 --> 0:08:12.480 great look or attractive? 0:08:13.160 --> 0:08:16.480 Oh yeah, well, I guess just clothing wise. I agree 0:08:16.520 --> 0:08:20.880 with the whole genes look and not having something that's 0:08:21.480 --> 0:08:23.720 crazy revealing. I think that's a good a good move. 0:08:24.000 --> 0:08:27.000 I will say one mistake I see women make sometimes 0:08:27.120 --> 0:08:30.360 is they go with some really cool pair of like 0:08:30.480 --> 0:08:32.959 flats that they have, And I would say I would 0:08:32.960 --> 0:08:36.959 say most men find a little bit of like a 0:08:37.880 --> 0:08:41.839 sandal or a wedge or something. Most men find that 0:08:41.920 --> 0:08:44.400 attractive unless they're you know, five foot four something. I 0:08:44.440 --> 0:08:47.560 would say most men would prefer that to your to 0:08:47.640 --> 0:08:48.800 your favorite flat show. 0:08:49.120 --> 0:08:52.640 That's that's interesting. What about makeup? What's your feeling on makeup? 0:08:52.720 --> 0:08:54.000 And kind of like Glamorama. 0:08:55.679 --> 0:08:59.760 Yeah, it can be. It's nice when you don't, you 0:08:59.800 --> 0:09:01.839 don't have the reaction that it's a ton coming your 0:09:01.840 --> 0:09:05.199 way from I think that's a nice a nice vibe. 0:09:05.320 --> 0:09:08.040 But I mean, yeah, a little makeup's great if it's 0:09:08.160 --> 0:09:10.320 if it's really over the top, it might turn some 0:09:10.360 --> 0:09:14.080 people off. Some people might not care. But for me personally, 0:09:14.360 --> 0:09:17.120 a little bit more of a sporty I don't know, 0:09:17.200 --> 0:09:20.600 athletic vibe is more of my vibe. Some men might 0:09:20.640 --> 0:09:24.079 want someone who to just glamor and they freaking love it. 0:09:24.080 --> 0:09:27.160 It's just although they better look the same when they 0:09:27.160 --> 0:09:30.240 wake up in the morning. Well that would be But 0:09:30.280 --> 0:09:33.600 that actually brings an interesting point. So when you're making 0:09:33.720 --> 0:09:36.360 a first date or a second date with somebody, do 0:09:36.400 --> 0:09:42.160 you prefer the hike slash coffee, throw on leggings kind 0:09:42.200 --> 0:09:44.720 of a thing, or do you prefer the you know, 0:09:45.280 --> 0:09:48.120 going out, glass of wine, a little bit of alcohol 0:09:48.200 --> 0:09:50.720 makes people a little more comfortable for the first date. 0:09:51.160 --> 0:09:52.040 What's your preference. 0:09:53.280 --> 0:09:58.760 Yeah, I do think on the first date it's it's 0:09:58.840 --> 0:10:00.840 it's better not to do it date a middle of 0:10:00.880 --> 0:10:03.640 the daytime thing because you're trying to get a you're 0:10:03.640 --> 0:10:05.680 trying to get a spark and a romance going. So 0:10:06.360 --> 0:10:07.840 you could do a happy hour thing where hey, we're 0:10:07.840 --> 0:10:09.440 going to go for a hike at five and then 0:10:09.440 --> 0:10:12.640 we're going to meet and open some wine and have dinner. 0:10:12.920 --> 0:10:14.960 So I've done that before. I met somebody at four 0:10:15.000 --> 0:10:17.840 point thirty eight out like a roof deck and then 0:10:17.840 --> 0:10:21.320 we went to whatever. But the so, yeah, don't do 0:10:21.360 --> 0:10:24.360 a midday date and on your first date. You can 0:10:24.440 --> 0:10:26.400 hike on your second date. I think the key in 0:10:26.440 --> 0:10:29.160 the first date is to see if there's some type 0:10:29.160 --> 0:10:31.440 of spark there, and a three hour hike at you know, 0:10:31.559 --> 0:10:34.280 ten am is is not the right move. 0:10:34.360 --> 0:10:36.240 We're going to have to go back to that spark comment. 0:10:36.240 --> 0:10:39.200 But actually I do want to ask a question so 0:10:40.360 --> 0:10:45.520 on the concept of happy hour when a woman is sober, 0:10:47.120 --> 0:10:50.760 is that something that should be brought up. 0:10:50.679 --> 0:10:53.680 Before the date? Is it something that you know? 0:10:53.880 --> 0:10:55.760 Is it feel weird when you guys are ordering your 0:10:55.840 --> 0:10:58.480 drink and she's like, I'll just have some hot water 0:10:58.559 --> 0:11:01.360 and lemon, Like, what is your feeling on that? Because 0:11:01.400 --> 0:11:04.000 we have a lot of sober friends who before a 0:11:04.080 --> 0:11:06.800 date kind of feel nervous about it. And I said 0:11:06.800 --> 0:11:09.320 recently to somebody, I said, look, if he's not okay 0:11:09.360 --> 0:11:12.240 with that, then he's not your guy, because you should 0:11:12.280 --> 0:11:15.880 be proud of your journey and where you are at yeah. 0:11:15.640 --> 0:11:19.080 One hundred percent. If somebody doesn't think that their date 0:11:19.160 --> 0:11:22.120 drinks enough, I think they have some other things we're 0:11:22.360 --> 0:11:24.240 I've been there. If a woman is at ease and 0:11:24.280 --> 0:11:28.800 confident and doesn't need alcohol, then more power tour. The 0:11:28.840 --> 0:11:30.920 point is for someone to be at ease in their 0:11:30.920 --> 0:11:33.280 own skin, and if they do that, If somebody has 0:11:33.320 --> 0:11:36.720 that without drinking, I'd say that's bonus points. I don't 0:11:36.720 --> 0:11:38.200 think it's negative points at all. 0:11:38.559 --> 0:11:41.560 But I think I think if you, I mean, if 0:11:41.600 --> 0:11:46.160 you are feeling uncomfortable about it yourself about not drinking, 0:11:46.400 --> 0:11:50.480 I think it is best to let the person know 0:11:50.880 --> 0:11:54.000 before you go out, because it clears the air. If 0:11:54.040 --> 0:11:56.240 there is an issue, it comes up before the date. 0:11:56.880 --> 0:12:00.320 I mean, we've talked about this. He's like, we have 0:12:00.400 --> 0:12:05.280 friends who don't drink, and they've never drinking is not 0:12:05.480 --> 0:12:07.719 such a non issue for them. They don't even think 0:12:07.760 --> 0:12:10.240 of it as like, oh, like you have a problem 0:12:10.240 --> 0:12:11.800 with me ordering a drink. But we have other friends 0:12:11.800 --> 0:12:14.000 who are like, I'm kind of uncomfortable. What if they 0:12:14.000 --> 0:12:15.760 don't like the fact that I don't drink. And I 0:12:15.800 --> 0:12:18.240 think that that kind of gets back to just being 0:12:18.559 --> 0:12:20.880 super authentic with who you are and if there's things 0:12:20.880 --> 0:12:23.320 that you are insecure, not that you want to dump 0:12:23.360 --> 0:12:26.959 everything before you've even met somebody, But I don't think 0:12:27.000 --> 0:12:29.200 it's the wrong thing to let somebody know before you 0:12:29.240 --> 0:12:32.640 show up for the date, just so like expectations are set. 0:12:33.600 --> 0:12:36.160 Yeah, I guess, I just I guess that's true. I 0:12:37.160 --> 0:12:40.560 don't think it's some big monster thing you have to 0:12:40.600 --> 0:12:42.560 reveal if you forget to say it before you go 0:12:42.559 --> 0:12:44.240 on to d I don't think it's that big of 0:12:44.240 --> 0:12:46.920 a deal, right, Like it is like, oh my god, 0:12:46.960 --> 0:12:49.120 I can't believe you did tell me that you don't drink, 0:12:49.200 --> 0:12:51.800 like it isn't you know? Or that you have ten kids, 0:12:51.840 --> 0:12:53.600 or that you're married. Right, It's not one of those 0:12:53.640 --> 0:12:57.079 types of gotchas. Where for me if someone said, oh, yeah, 0:12:57.120 --> 0:13:00.280 I'm I'm trying out this non drinking thing, I'd be like, right, 0:13:00.480 --> 0:13:03.280 like good for you whatever. I just I don't think 0:13:03.280 --> 0:13:05.400 it's a big elephant in the room. I guess is not. 0:13:05.559 --> 0:13:07.319 And I think a lot of people these days are 0:13:08.240 --> 0:13:12.480 into fitness and not drinking and other sober curious and 0:13:12.520 --> 0:13:13.360 all those kind of things. 0:13:13.440 --> 0:13:17.080 Right, So, circling back to the concept of a spark, 0:13:17.240 --> 0:13:19.240 So this is something that some and I speak about 0:13:19.280 --> 0:13:22.400 a lot on all of our dates, So I think 0:13:22.440 --> 0:13:24.760 when we were all starting out in life, the butterflies 0:13:24.840 --> 0:13:25.760 the spark. 0:13:25.440 --> 0:13:27.320 Were like, yes, soule me right. 0:13:28.280 --> 0:13:28.720 I don't know. 0:13:29.840 --> 0:13:31.320 That doesn't always happen anymore. 0:13:31.880 --> 0:13:33.800 And I'm wondering now if that goes to that theory 0:13:33.840 --> 0:13:36.480 of that spark is really a mirror to kind of 0:13:36.520 --> 0:13:40.160 your childhood wounds that need to be resolved, right, And 0:13:40.520 --> 0:13:41.680 do you believe. 0:13:41.960 --> 0:13:44.400 You have to have an initial kind of. 0:13:45.960 --> 0:13:49.280 Kind of chemistry or do you feel that an amazing 0:13:49.360 --> 0:13:54.000 relationship can grow from each date as you begin to 0:13:54.120 --> 0:13:58.040 unpeel the onion and learn about their character and who 0:13:58.080 --> 0:13:59.800 they are, Like, how important do you think that in 0:13:59.760 --> 0:14:00.600 a spark? 0:14:00.679 --> 0:14:03.080 Is? Yeah, a great question, man. I've had people that 0:14:03.120 --> 0:14:07.560 I was very initially superficially attracted to and then became 0:14:07.679 --> 0:14:09.720 less attracted to them as I got to know them, right, 0:14:09.760 --> 0:14:13.120 And I've had the opposite right where somebody is maybe 0:14:13.160 --> 0:14:16.800 not you know, you weren't as drawn to them just superficially, 0:14:16.880 --> 0:14:18.959 but you got to know them and you just got 0:14:18.960 --> 0:14:21.000 more attracted than as a person. So I think you 0:14:21.080 --> 0:14:24.520 either have to be attracted to their looks or who 0:14:24.560 --> 0:14:26.720 they are one of those attractions is going to show 0:14:26.800 --> 0:14:31.840 up on your first daid and or the combination of that. 0:14:32.000 --> 0:14:37.440 So I guess it doesn't have to be all all looks. 0:14:37.440 --> 0:14:39.320 I've gone on dates with people that I didn't find 0:14:39.520 --> 0:14:41.120 that attractive and I'm like, I don't know if this 0:14:41.200 --> 0:14:43.520 is going to go anywhere, but I ended up being 0:14:43.640 --> 0:14:45.640 super intrigued by who they were as a person, and 0:14:46.160 --> 0:14:49.240 the spark came from there and we ended up continued 0:14:49.280 --> 0:14:52.120 to date. So I don't It doesn't matter where it 0:14:52.160 --> 0:14:55.840 comes from, but there needs to be somewhere you're intrigued 0:14:56.080 --> 0:14:59.480 or interested or there's a spark about who they are. 0:15:00.120 --> 0:15:03.400 How many dates do you give it before you decide that? 0:15:04.120 --> 0:15:05.720 Do you at least go on a second date? 0:15:06.280 --> 0:15:08.760 Yeah? If you don't, If you don't feel intrigued or 0:15:08.800 --> 0:15:11.440 interested or attracted to the person by the second date, 0:15:13.320 --> 0:15:16.280 there's a good chance that it's not going to happen 0:15:16.320 --> 0:15:18.720 on the third date. But yeah, I'd say something should 0:15:18.720 --> 0:15:22.640 happen on by the second date. Or maybe you're you 0:15:22.680 --> 0:15:25.800 guys are both bark up the wrong tree, that's my view. 0:15:26.400 --> 0:15:29.160 And then do you pretty head on say it was 0:15:29.240 --> 0:15:30.960 great meeting you, I wish you the best of Black 0:15:31.000 --> 0:15:32.520 didn't feel a romantic connection? 0:15:32.880 --> 0:15:34.520 Or do you ghost? 0:15:34.680 --> 0:15:37.200 I mean, what's your move in terms of exiting something 0:15:37.680 --> 0:15:39.080 that you're not into? 0:15:39.680 --> 0:15:42.200 Yeah. I think people can handle the truth. I think 0:15:42.240 --> 0:15:46.000 they prefer it. So I would tell somebody, hey, it's 0:15:46.120 --> 0:15:47.720 it was very cool getting to know you. I don't 0:15:48.280 --> 0:15:52.920 I don't see a huge connection with us, and but 0:15:53.000 --> 0:15:55.560 it was totally my privilege to have time with you 0:15:55.600 --> 0:15:55.760 like that. 0:15:55.920 --> 0:15:58.080 I like that. Let's filma, let's take note on that 0:15:58.160 --> 0:15:58.920 privilege word. 0:15:59.040 --> 0:16:00.040 That would be good for us to. 0:16:00.560 --> 0:16:02.840 And what happens when you're like a month or two 0:16:03.120 --> 0:16:08.160 in to something and it's it's good, it has some 0:16:08.160 --> 0:16:11.520 good elements, but in your heart you think maybe you're 0:16:11.520 --> 0:16:15.120 fitting a square peg into a round hole, but yet 0:16:15.760 --> 0:16:16.120 you know. 0:16:16.080 --> 0:16:19.000 There's a lot of good there. What do you what 0:16:19.040 --> 0:16:19.480 do you do? 0:16:19.960 --> 0:16:23.040 Luis? Are you maybe asking for a friend that you're 0:16:23.080 --> 0:16:23.720 really close to? 0:16:24.360 --> 0:16:28.880 Yes, I'm asking for a friend and a community. 0:16:27.560 --> 0:16:28.720 Close about a friend. 0:16:29.440 --> 0:16:30.640 It sounds really close to home. 0:16:30.960 --> 0:16:31.800 So was your question? 0:16:32.360 --> 0:16:33.480 Was my question? Was? 0:16:33.840 --> 0:16:34.240 I want to make? 0:16:35.160 --> 0:16:38.560 My question is you've given it a period of significant 0:16:38.560 --> 0:16:44.800 period of time and it's it's good, but it's not 0:16:45.600 --> 0:16:49.680 in your heart? It doesn't feel maybe one hundred percent, 0:16:50.040 --> 0:16:52.320 and that you're kind of fitting a square peg into 0:16:52.320 --> 0:16:55.720 a round hole and you're at different paces. 0:16:56.080 --> 0:16:58.560 I don't know, like, yeah, well, I would just say 0:16:58.600 --> 0:17:03.920 if you're two months in, I mean often when you're 0:17:03.920 --> 0:17:07.080 with somebody that you really connect with, month two things 0:17:07.119 --> 0:17:10.600 are like, it's a feeling really pretty amazing. 0:17:10.600 --> 0:17:11.719 Can I if I don't know if I can use 0:17:11.720 --> 0:17:14.399 the F word on your show, but that it doesn't 0:17:14.480 --> 0:17:18.440 usually feel kind of like blah and terrible in months two, 0:17:19.040 --> 0:17:20.840 if there's a good, strong chnecy. 0:17:21.040 --> 0:17:23.840 I don't say terrible. I'm saying it's even. 0:17:24.160 --> 0:17:26.879 I'm just saying, if you're having those thoughts in month two, 0:17:26.960 --> 0:17:29.240 I would you know, I would share them and say, hey, 0:17:28.760 --> 0:17:31.000 I think you and I are a good fit. I 0:17:31.040 --> 0:17:33.360 don't And I actually said this to someone. I think 0:17:33.359 --> 0:17:35.320 we're a good fit. I don't think we're a great fit. 0:17:35.880 --> 0:17:37.200 And I think that's a fair. 0:17:37.440 --> 0:17:40.840 Oh that's another good one, and I'm going for greatness. 0:17:41.080 --> 0:17:43.919 Yeah, we're only here once, so well, and that's why. 0:17:43.760 --> 0:17:47.320 I keep saying to Luise, I feel like Louise, if 0:17:47.320 --> 0:17:49.880 I do say, if I can call you out, I 0:17:49.960 --> 0:17:54.760 feel like you often question when you go out with 0:17:54.880 --> 0:17:59.240 great people, like is something wrong with you or your 0:17:59.280 --> 0:18:03.600 standards too high? And they're a great person, and you 0:18:03.640 --> 0:18:06.480 list off all of the reasons they're amazing, and it's true, 0:18:06.600 --> 0:18:11.239 their resume and everything about them is amazing, but that 0:18:11.280 --> 0:18:13.200 doesn't mean that they're amazing for you. 0:18:13.560 --> 0:18:17.600 And I think we all do deserve the most And 0:18:18.560 --> 0:18:21.560 why cash in your chips now if you don't feel 0:18:21.560 --> 0:18:24.360 that feeling for people or a person. 0:18:24.560 --> 0:18:28.639 One hundred percent? Well, I mean yeah, I mean I 0:18:29.680 --> 0:18:31.919 had a two year marriage, had a twenty year marriage, 0:18:31.920 --> 0:18:34.280 so I can tell you how to get it wrong 0:18:34.359 --> 0:18:36.359 quickly and how to get it wrong slowly. But the 0:18:37.119 --> 0:18:38.600 last few years have been amazing. 0:18:39.000 --> 0:18:41.159 Wait, thirds of charms, so the next person you end 0:18:41.240 --> 0:18:43.320 up with is going to be your golden ticket. 0:18:43.680 --> 0:18:46.440 Yeah, but you say unicorn. I had somebody that I 0:18:46.560 --> 0:18:49.320 dated that was married twice before and he kept saying 0:18:49.359 --> 0:18:50.760 third times the charm, and I was like, well, I've 0:18:50.760 --> 0:18:53.120 only been married once, so who are you talking about? 0:18:54.200 --> 0:18:55.359 Your time was his charm. 0:18:55.600 --> 0:18:57.680 I don't think it matters whether it's the second tier 0:18:57.720 --> 0:18:59.399 of the four time. I think the key is that 0:18:59.440 --> 0:19:04.320 you've stopped some of the maybe the patterns that you 0:19:04.440 --> 0:19:06.800 used to fall into. I know that one of the 0:19:07.280 --> 0:19:10.760 what we were just talking about was, at least for me, 0:19:10.800 --> 0:19:14.800 it was settling for something that wasn't great, or that 0:19:15.040 --> 0:19:19.439 some behaviors that weren't great, and actually the just wanting 0:19:19.440 --> 0:19:21.800 it to be great. The last few years of my 0:19:22.119 --> 0:19:24.040 of my dating has been better than the rest of 0:19:24.080 --> 0:19:26.320 my life all put together. And it was basically just 0:19:26.840 --> 0:19:31.600 raising the bar, setting boundaries and being more picky and like, 0:19:32.320 --> 0:19:34.880 and I'm not talking about looks. I'm just saying being 0:19:34.960 --> 0:19:38.960