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Speaker 1: It's I Do Part two and it's your favorite real

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Speaker 1: life bessies, Belma and Louise. It's been a minute since

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Speaker 1: we've been on the podcast, but we're so excited about

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Speaker 1: today's episodes. Today it's all about getting inside the mind

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Speaker 1: of a man. How did they think? What are they like?

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Speaker 1: So let's bring in our single guy, JD. And he

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Speaker 1: is a total smoke show. So it's going to be

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Speaker 1: so much fun unpacking with such a hotti.

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Speaker 2: Well, JD, we have an on pretty good authority that

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Speaker 2: you're an amazing guy. We obviously have friends of friends,

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Speaker 2: so we're super excited to talk to you today and

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Speaker 2: really want to just dive deep into your head so

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Speaker 2: that you can help all of the female listeners out

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Speaker 2: there figure out what we're doing right and maybe what

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Speaker 2: we're doing wrong, and just give us a little direction.

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Speaker 2: So kind of diving into the first question, help us

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Speaker 2: understand how do you meet good quality guys out there?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, it's a tough one to start out, but I'll

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Speaker 3: tell you there's no one place I would say. Obviously,

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Speaker 3: it can be a bar, it could be bumble, it

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Speaker 3: could be anything like that. But if you want to

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Speaker 3: get a little more strategic. I would say places where

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Speaker 3: you have a shared interest. Right. I have a friend

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Speaker 3: who is super into stailing, who's a woman, and she

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Speaker 3: goes to bars in saucely Do and Tibron and goes

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Speaker 3: to yacht club parties. She wants to meet someone who's

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Speaker 3: into sailing like she is. So if you have a

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Speaker 3: shared interest surfing, skiing, doing things where you're likely to

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Speaker 3: meet somebody with a shared interest. Otherwise you've got bars,

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Speaker 3: you've got bumble hinge, you know, eharmonymatch dot com and

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Speaker 3: all that. I've seen those. All of those work for people, right,

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Speaker 3: And I don't think there's necessary. It's a bad idea

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Speaker 3: to try multiple options. Question.

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Speaker 1: Now, what I have found in this day and age

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Speaker 1: is because everybody is attached to their devices, even the

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Speaker 1: apps or whatever.

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Speaker 2: How often do you approach.

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Speaker 4: A table of I mean, obviously approaching a table with

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Speaker 4: five women is daunting, but even like two girls sitting

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Speaker 4: at a bar, how often do you do the old

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Speaker 4: school method of perhaps sending over a glass of wine,

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Speaker 4: or sending a note on a napkin, or going up

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Speaker 4: and saying hello.

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Speaker 2: It feels like those days are few and far between.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, that's a fair point. I'm very comfortable going up

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Speaker 3: to a group of maybe two or three girls. I

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Speaker 3: think if the group is five, six, eight girls, I'm

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Speaker 3: probably not going to write. But if it's just two

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Speaker 3: or three, I'm happy to go up and start a

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Speaker 3: conversation or send a drink to a lot of them

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Speaker 3: and try to start a conversation that way. So yeah,

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Speaker 3: I do think. I think if you're trying to meet

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Speaker 3: a guy, going out in really big groups is going

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Speaker 3: to be intimidating. I would focus on having one or

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Speaker 3: two people there with you.

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Speaker 1: And what about how often do you experience the reverse

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Speaker 1: like a girl kind of you know, seizing the day

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Speaker 1: and being you know, super confident in her own skin

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Speaker 1: and doing that. I mean, I recently, Selma and I

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Speaker 1: have heard stories about you know, girls we know that

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Speaker 1: are literally going out on a Saturday night to a

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Speaker 1: hot spot and sitting at a bar by herself. That

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Speaker 1: takes so much courage and confidence.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I see. I think maybe people are more confident now.

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Speaker 3: I don't know, but I've definitely had people come up

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Speaker 3: and just say, hey, what's your deal? Or I had

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Speaker 3: a woman say, can your dog is cute? Can I

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Speaker 3: walk your dog? Sometime? Like, but I do think I

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Speaker 3: think people are willing to try things and take a

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Speaker 3: take a chance.

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Speaker 2: I think the dog. The dog is a good one.

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Speaker 2: The dog is a good one. I mean, I feel

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Speaker 2: like we're really missing talking about walking the dog or

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Speaker 2: using your dog is like also servicing. Look at that

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Speaker 2: she is servicing already. Can you imagine how antiquated? Right?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean not only that she and then she said,

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Speaker 3: I said, well do you are you just going to

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Speaker 3: drop the dog at my place? And she said, well, no,

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Speaker 3: I'm at the back of this restaurant. Just come and

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Speaker 3: get the dog from there. And then we sat and

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Speaker 3: ended up having dinner and drake, So she really she

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Speaker 3: had a good game plan.

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Speaker 2: She larned you in. I also think that that's one

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Speaker 2: of the things that there are a lot of things

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Speaker 2: that we don't maybe have going for us as we

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Speaker 2: age and like forty fifty years old whatever. But I

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Speaker 2: do think, like I feel so sorry for our children

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Speaker 2: because I do think that the thought of randomly walking

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Speaker 2: up to somebody is so foreign to them because they

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Speaker 2: are so into their devices and they don't meet anyone

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Speaker 2: naturally anymore, or they feel like they know people before

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Speaker 2: they've even met them because again all the cyberstalking and everything.

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Speaker 2: But I do think that probably our generation there still

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Speaker 2: exists a little bit of that, like we had to

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Speaker 2: go out and meet people naturally, and maybe just even

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Speaker 2: talking about this today it makes me realize like we

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Speaker 2: should have hold onto that and try to we should

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Speaker 2: like standing in a Starbucks line.

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Speaker 1: I mean, I was telling a friend of mine who

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Speaker 1: never goes out, I said, Love isn't going to drop out.

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Speaker 2: Of Netflix, right, you might have said that to me. No,

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Speaker 2: but like you have to go out into the world,

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Speaker 2: and it's believing. It's hard, but it's just changed so much.

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Speaker 2: Being at the moment.

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Speaker 1: I remember when I graduated, I went to well, we

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Speaker 1: all went to cal but graduating and in San Francisco.

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Speaker 1: Back then, they had singles night at Safeway at the

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Speaker 1: market on Sundays as an opportunity to meet people.

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Speaker 2: And I was like, they don't do that stuff anymore.

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Speaker 3: Single Safeway is pretty legendary. I would say, yeah, I have.

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Speaker 3: I do have one tip to make it easier for

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Speaker 3: people to gain that confidence, Like instead of saying to somebody, hey,

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Speaker 3: I find you really attractive, or for the woman to

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Speaker 3: say like do you have a girlfriend, like lower the

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Speaker 3: like just say hey, I think your shirt is really cool,

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Speaker 3: or like you have a just compliment something about the

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Speaker 3: woman or the man, and then it's not that they

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Speaker 3: could deal like hey, I just think it's a cool

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Speaker 3: you have cool earrings. You're not taking this huge risk.

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Speaker 3: It's like, right, you have a boyfriend or girlfriend, you

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Speaker 3: can you can lower the bar of stress by just

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Speaker 3: complimenting something like oh, your shoes your pants are like,

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Speaker 3: your shoes are cool, and then that's not that stressful

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Speaker 3: and they don't have to be like I do or

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Speaker 3: don't have a boyfriend. So it lowers the pressure on

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Speaker 3: both sides. So just ask a non threatening question like

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Speaker 3: I like your sure.

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Speaker 2: Felm and I had an interesting thing happened.

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Speaker 1: We were it was a Sunday, fun day for us,

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Speaker 1: and we were sitting at the bar at South Beverly

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Speaker 1: Gril Do you remember this Selmud? I do remember, And

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Speaker 1: there was this like really handsome guy and for literally

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Speaker 1: an hour we were talking to him and.

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Speaker 4: We were thinking, well, one of us is definitely going

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Speaker 4: to get those guys nuver.

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Speaker 2: And then all of a sudden, you now see had

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Speaker 2: a girlfriend, which was just interesting on so many levels.

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Speaker 2: Do you remember that after like forty five minutes of

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Speaker 2: him being pretty flirty, he.

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Speaker 1: Didn't buy us a drink, So maybe that was really

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Speaker 1: the side if we were buying our own drinks.

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Speaker 3: It doesn't sound like he likes his all for very much,

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Speaker 3: but that's right.

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Speaker 1: Or that he's or that he's faithful, little gray area

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Speaker 1: ye issues here.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I think we we salvaged ourselves on that one. Okay,

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Speaker 2: what about like when you first see a girl, for example,

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Speaker 2: a first date. We have curated and we feel like

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Speaker 2: it's kind of tried and true for us where it's

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Speaker 2: like what we feel super comfortable in its genes, so

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Speaker 2: it's kind of casual and not you know, it kind

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Speaker 2: of takes you to any restaurant that you might go to,

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Speaker 2: but also like a really cute top that's not too

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Speaker 2: revealing but still like you look good at it. So

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Speaker 2: that's kind of our look. But I mean, we're not

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Speaker 2: djusting for each other, right, well we are? We are, Oh, no,

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Speaker 2: we are, we are.

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Speaker 1: We have funny have all the same stuff, so the

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Speaker 1: outfit is actually the great pair of jeans and we

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Speaker 1: have nine thousand options and then a great top and

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Speaker 1: like we've got pretty much all the same leather jackets

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Speaker 1: that we toss over our shoulders, kind of like for warmth.

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Speaker 2: And we do text each other before we go out

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Speaker 2: together because of highly probable that we're wearing the same outfit.

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Speaker 2: But the question is what, like when you first meet

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Speaker 2: a girl, what are you looking for or what are

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Speaker 2: things that you notice where you're like, oh my gosh,

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Speaker 2: great look or attractive?

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Speaker 3: Oh yeah, well, I guess just clothing wise. I agree

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Speaker 3: with the whole genes look and not having something that's

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Speaker 3: crazy revealing. I think that's a good a good move.

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Speaker 3: I will say one mistake I see women make sometimes

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Speaker 3: is they go with some really cool pair of like

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Speaker 3: flats that they have, And I would say I would

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Speaker 3: say most men find a little bit of like a

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Speaker 3: sandal or a wedge or something. Most men find that

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Speaker 3: attractive unless they're you know, five foot four something. I

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Speaker 3: would say most men would prefer that to your to

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Speaker 3: your favorite flat show.

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Speaker 1: That's that's interesting. What about makeup? What's your feeling on makeup?

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Speaker 1: And kind of like Glamorama.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, it can be. It's nice when you don't, you

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Speaker 3: don't have the reaction that it's a ton coming your

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Speaker 3: way from I think that's a nice a nice vibe.

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Speaker 3: But I mean, yeah, a little makeup's great if it's

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Speaker 3: if it's really over the top, it might turn some

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Speaker 3: people off. Some people might not care. But for me personally,

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Speaker 3: a little bit more of a sporty I don't know,

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Speaker 3: athletic vibe is more of my vibe. Some men might

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Speaker 3: want someone who to just glamor and they freaking love it.

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Speaker 1: It's just although they better look the same when they

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Speaker 1: wake up in the morning. Well that would be But

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Speaker 1: that actually brings an interesting point. So when you're making

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Speaker 1: a first date or a second date with somebody, do

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Speaker 1: you prefer the hike slash coffee, throw on leggings kind

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Speaker 1: of a thing, or do you prefer the you know,

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Speaker 1: going out, glass of wine, a little bit of alcohol

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Speaker 1: makes people a little more comfortable for the first date.

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Speaker 2: What's your preference.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I do think on the first date it's it's

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Speaker 3: it's better not to do it date a middle of

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Speaker 3: the daytime thing because you're trying to get a you're

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Speaker 3: trying to get a spark and a romance going. So

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Speaker 3: you could do a happy hour thing where hey, we're

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Speaker 3: going to go for a hike at five and then

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Speaker 3: we're going to meet and open some wine and have dinner.

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Speaker 3: So I've done that before. I met somebody at four

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Speaker 3: point thirty eight out like a roof deck and then

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Speaker 3: we went to whatever. But the so, yeah, don't do

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Speaker 3: a midday date and on your first date. You can

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Speaker 3: hike on your second date. I think the key in

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Speaker 3: the first date is to see if there's some type

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Speaker 3: of spark there, and a three hour hike at you know,

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Speaker 3: ten am is is not the right move.

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Speaker 1: We're going to have to go back to that spark comment.

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Speaker 1: But actually I do want to ask a question so

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Speaker 1: on the concept of happy hour when a woman is sober,

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Speaker 1: is that something that should be brought up.

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Speaker 2: Before the date? Is it something that you know?

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Speaker 1: Is it feel weird when you guys are ordering your

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Speaker 1: drink and she's like, I'll just have some hot water

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Speaker 1: and lemon, Like, what is your feeling on that? Because

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Speaker 1: we have a lot of sober friends who before a

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Speaker 1: date kind of feel nervous about it. And I said

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Speaker 1: recently to somebody, I said, look, if he's not okay

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Speaker 1: with that, then he's not your guy, because you should

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Speaker 1: be proud of your journey and where you are at yeah.

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Speaker 3: One hundred percent. If somebody doesn't think that their date

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Speaker 3: drinks enough, I think they have some other things we're

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Speaker 3: I've been there. If a woman is at ease and

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Speaker 3: confident and doesn't need alcohol, then more power tour. The

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Speaker 3: point is for someone to be at ease in their

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Speaker 3: own skin, and if they do that, If somebody has

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Speaker 3: that without drinking, I'd say that's bonus points. I don't

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Speaker 3: think it's negative points at all.

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Speaker 2: But I think I think if you, I mean, if

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Speaker 2: you are feeling uncomfortable about it yourself about not drinking,

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Speaker 2: I think it is best to let the person know

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Speaker 2: before you go out, because it clears the air. If

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Speaker 2: there is an issue, it comes up before the date.

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Speaker 2: I mean, we've talked about this. He's like, we have

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Speaker 2: friends who don't drink, and they've never drinking is not

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Speaker 2: such a non issue for them. They don't even think

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Speaker 2: of it as like, oh, like you have a problem

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Speaker 2: with me ordering a drink. But we have other friends

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Speaker 2: who are like, I'm kind of uncomfortable. What if they

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Speaker 2: don't like the fact that I don't drink. And I

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Speaker 2: think that that kind of gets back to just being

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Speaker 2: super authentic with who you are and if there's things

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Speaker 2: that you are insecure, not that you want to dump

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Speaker 2: everything before you've even met somebody, But I don't think

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Speaker 2: it's the wrong thing to let somebody know before you

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Speaker 2: show up for the date, just so like expectations are set.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I guess, I just I guess that's true. I

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Speaker 3: don't think it's some big monster thing you have to

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Speaker 3: reveal if you forget to say it before you go

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Speaker 3: on to d I don't think it's that big of

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Speaker 3: a deal, right, Like it is like, oh my god,

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Speaker 3: I can't believe you did tell me that you don't drink,

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Speaker 3: like it isn't you know? Or that you have ten kids,

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Speaker 3: or that you're married. Right, It's not one of those

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Speaker 3: types of gotchas. Where for me if someone said, oh, yeah,

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Speaker 3: I'm I'm trying out this non drinking thing, I'd be like, right,

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Speaker 3: like good for you whatever. I just I don't think

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Speaker 3: it's a big elephant in the room. I guess is not.

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Speaker 3: And I think a lot of people these days are

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Speaker 3: into fitness and not drinking and other sober curious and

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Speaker 3: all those kind of things.

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Speaker 1: Right, So, circling back to the concept of a spark,

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Speaker 1: So this is something that some and I speak about

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Speaker 1: a lot on all of our dates, So I think

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Speaker 1: when we were all starting out in life, the butterflies

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Speaker 1: the spark.

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Speaker 2: Were like, yes, soule me right.

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Speaker 3: I don't know.

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Speaker 2: That doesn't always happen anymore.

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Speaker 1: And I'm wondering now if that goes to that theory

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Speaker 1: of that spark is really a mirror to kind of

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Speaker 1: your childhood wounds that need to be resolved, right, And

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Speaker 1: do you believe.

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Speaker 2: You have to have an initial kind of.

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Speaker 1: Kind of chemistry or do you feel that an amazing

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Speaker 1: relationship can grow from each date as you begin to

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Speaker 1: unpeel the onion and learn about their character and who

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Speaker 1: they are, Like, how important do you think that in

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Speaker 1: a spark?

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Speaker 3: Is? Yeah, a great question, man. I've had people that

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Speaker 3: I was very initially superficially attracted to and then became

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Speaker 3: less attracted to them as I got to know them, right,

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Speaker 3: And I've had the opposite right where somebody is maybe

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Speaker 3: not you know, you weren't as drawn to them just superficially,

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Speaker 3: but you got to know them and you just got

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Speaker 3: more attracted than as a person. So I think you

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Speaker 3: either have to be attracted to their looks or who

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Speaker 3: they are one of those attractions is going to show

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Speaker 3: up on your first daid and or the combination of that.

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Speaker 3: So I guess it doesn't have to be all all looks.

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Speaker 3: I've gone on dates with people that I didn't find

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Speaker 3: that attractive and I'm like, I don't know if this

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Speaker 3: is going to go anywhere, but I ended up being

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Speaker 3: super intrigued by who they were as a person, and

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Speaker 3: the spark came from there and we ended up continued

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Speaker 3: to date. So I don't It doesn't matter where it

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Speaker 3: comes from, but there needs to be somewhere you're intrigued

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Speaker 3: or interested or there's a spark about who they are.

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Speaker 1: How many dates do you give it before you decide that?

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Speaker 1: Do you at least go on a second date?

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Speaker 3: Yeah? If you don't, If you don't feel intrigued or

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Speaker 3: interested or attracted to the person by the second date,

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Speaker 3: there's a good chance that it's not going to happen

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Speaker 3: on the third date. But yeah, I'd say something should

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Speaker 3: happen on by the second date. Or maybe you're you

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Speaker 3: guys are both bark up the wrong tree, that's my view.

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Speaker 1: And then do you pretty head on say it was

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Speaker 1: great meeting you, I wish you the best of Black

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Speaker 1: didn't feel a romantic connection?

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Speaker 2: Or do you ghost?

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Speaker 1: I mean, what's your move in terms of exiting something

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Speaker 1: that you're not into?

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Speaker 3: Yeah. I think people can handle the truth. I think

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Speaker 3: they prefer it. So I would tell somebody, hey, it's

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Speaker 3: it was very cool getting to know you. I don't

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Speaker 3: I don't see a huge connection with us, and but

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Speaker 3: it was totally my privilege to have time with you

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Speaker 3: like that.

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Speaker 1: I like that. Let's filma, let's take note on that

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Speaker 1: privilege word.

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Speaker 2: That would be good for us to.

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Speaker 1: And what happens when you're like a month or two

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Speaker 1: in to something and it's it's good, it has some

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Speaker 1: good elements, but in your heart you think maybe you're

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Speaker 1: fitting a square peg into a round hole, but yet

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Speaker 1: you know.

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Speaker 2: There's a lot of good there. What do you what

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Speaker 2: do you do?

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Speaker 5: Luis? Are you maybe asking for a friend that you're

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Speaker 5: really close to?

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Speaker 1: Yes, I'm asking for a friend and a community.

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Speaker 2: Close about a friend.

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Speaker 5: It sounds really close to home.

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Speaker 3: So was your question?

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Speaker 2: Was my question? Was?

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Speaker 3: I want to make?

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Speaker 1: My question is you've given it a period of significant

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Speaker 1: period of time and it's it's good, but it's not

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Speaker 1: in your heart? It doesn't feel maybe one hundred percent,

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Speaker 1: and that you're kind of fitting a square peg into

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Speaker 1: a round hole and you're at different paces.

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Speaker 6: I don't know, like, yeah, well, I would just say

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Speaker 6: if you're two months in, I mean often when you're

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Speaker 6: with somebody that you really connect with, month two things

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Speaker 6: are like, it's a feeling really pretty amazing.

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Speaker 3: Can I if I don't know if I can use

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Speaker 3: the F word on your show, but that it doesn't

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Speaker 3: usually feel kind of like blah and terrible in months two,

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Speaker 3: if there's a good, strong chnecy.

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Speaker 2: I don't say terrible. I'm saying it's even.

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Speaker 3: I'm just saying, if you're having those thoughts in month two,

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Speaker 3: I would you know, I would share them and say, hey,

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Speaker 3: I think you and I are a good fit. I

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Speaker 3: don't And I actually said this to someone. I think

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Speaker 3: we're a good fit. I don't think we're a great fit.

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Speaker 3: And I think that's a fair.

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Speaker 2: Oh that's another good one, and I'm going for greatness.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, we're only here once, so well, and that's why.

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Speaker 2: I keep saying to Luise, I feel like Louise, if

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Speaker 2: I do say, if I can call you out, I

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Speaker 2: feel like you often question when you go out with

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Speaker 2: great people, like is something wrong with you or your

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Speaker 2: standards too high? And they're a great person, and you

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Speaker 2: list off all of the reasons they're amazing, and it's true,

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Speaker 2: their resume and everything about them is amazing, but that

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Speaker 2: doesn't mean that they're amazing for you.

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Speaker 5: And I think we all do deserve the most And

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Speaker 5: why cash in your chips now if you don't feel

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Speaker 5: that feeling for people or a person.

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Speaker 3: One hundred percent? Well, I mean yeah, I mean I

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Speaker 3: had a two year marriage, had a twenty year marriage,

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Speaker 3: so I can tell you how to get it wrong

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Speaker 3: quickly and how to get it wrong slowly. But the

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Speaker 3: last few years have been amazing.

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Speaker 1: Wait, thirds of charms, so the next person you end

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Speaker 1: up with is going to be your golden ticket.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, but you say unicorn. I had somebody that I

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Speaker 2: dated that was married twice before and he kept saying

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Speaker 2: third times the charm, and I was like, well, I've

387
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Speaker 2: only been married once, so who are you talking about?

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Speaker 2: Your time was his charm.

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Speaker 3: I don't think it matters whether it's the second tier

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Speaker 3: of the four time. I think the key is that

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Speaker 3: you've stopped some of the maybe the patterns that you

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Speaker 3: used to fall into. I know that one of the

393
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Speaker 3: what we were just talking about was, at least for me,

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Speaker 3: it was settling for something that wasn't great, or that

395
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Speaker 3: some behaviors that weren't great, and actually the just wanting

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Speaker 3: it to be great. The last few years of my

397
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Speaker 3: of my dating has been better than the rest of

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Speaker 3: my life all put together. And it was basically just

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Speaker 3: raising the bar, setting boundaries and being more picky and like,

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Speaker 3: and I'm not talking about looks. I'm just saying being

401
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Speaker 3: more picky about the connection. Like if it feels pretty average,

402
00:19:39,320 --> 00:19:43,919
Speaker 3: it's probably pretty frickin' average, and like that's your connection

403
00:19:44,080 --> 00:19:47,840
Speaker 3: is average, and it's that's it should feel better than that,

404
00:19:48,320 --> 00:19:52,400
Speaker 3: and that's that's that's you know. And so having boundaries

405
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Speaker 3: and being picky, I gotta say those are a big deal.

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Speaker 1: I just read the most fabulous book on boundaries transforming

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Speaker 1: and it's so interesting that that's the word you're bringing

408
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Speaker 1: up because I'm practicing boundaries. But I don't like to

409
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Speaker 1: upset people or but I agree with you. Boundaries are

410
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Speaker 1: absolutely key.

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Speaker 2: And a relationships at two way street, it has to

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Speaker 2: work for both people, right, I mean, I don't know, Okay,

413
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Speaker 2: moving on to children, because I think we all have

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Speaker 2: children and they're getting older and so in our.

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Speaker 5: Forties or fifties.

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Speaker 2: The big question is, you know, when you date people,

417
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Speaker 2: does it matter how old their kids are? Do they

418
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Speaker 2: have kids, do they not have kids? And jad what

419
00:20:38,080 --> 00:20:40,640
Speaker 2: do you what's your take on that for you?

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Speaker 5: Like, what do you prefer?

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Speaker 3: And what are novo zones for you? Yeah? For me,

422
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Speaker 3: I have two kids, So if someone else has kids,

423
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Speaker 3: it's great, we would share that in commons, So that's fantastic.

424
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Speaker 3: If they don't, that's okay too, But I would actually

425
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Speaker 3: prefer if they did. Age wise, it doesn't matter to

426
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Speaker 3: me whether they're young or old. I'd say the biggest

427
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Speaker 3: The only time that came up is when somebody was

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Speaker 3: out of town and they had such young kids that

429
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Speaker 3: it just there. There was no way to you know,

430
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Speaker 3: for us to be in the same location.

431
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Speaker 2: Right, So you would date somebody with a two year old,

432
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Speaker 2: like you would date somebody to somebody's in the same.

433
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Speaker 3: City as you and they have a two year old,

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Speaker 3: that would be fine, although I do would prefer someone

435
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Speaker 3: to not be I would not prefer a twenty year

436
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Speaker 3: age gap. So as long as they're there they have

437
00:21:28,160 --> 00:21:31,640
Speaker 3: a two year old, but they're ideally, you know, ten

438
00:21:31,720 --> 00:21:33,160
Speaker 3: years or less age difference.

439
00:21:33,520 --> 00:21:37,240
Speaker 1: Kudos to you about your age, about the whole age

440
00:21:37,240 --> 00:21:41,679
Speaker 1: appropriate thing, because we see a lot of that huge

441
00:21:41,760 --> 00:21:45,360
Speaker 1: age split with the kind of cliche fifty year old

442
00:21:45,359 --> 00:21:47,080
Speaker 1: guy and the twenty five year old girl and then

443
00:21:47,080 --> 00:21:49,360
Speaker 1: all of a sudden they want kids and then you're

444
00:21:49,400 --> 00:21:54,240
Speaker 1: either reversing a vasectomy or you're breaking up, and it's

445
00:21:54,359 --> 00:21:55,720
Speaker 1: it's all super interesting.

446
00:21:56,119 --> 00:21:58,879
Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't. I mean I tried that when I

447
00:21:58,920 --> 00:22:04,200
Speaker 3: first first got single about four years ago, and I

448
00:22:05,240 --> 00:22:09,800
Speaker 3: tried dating people in their you know, thirties and as

449
00:22:09,880 --> 00:22:11,800
Speaker 3: well as forties and fifties, and I will tell you

450
00:22:13,880 --> 00:22:16,800
Speaker 3: without a doubt, it was a deeper connection with somebody

451
00:22:16,800 --> 00:22:19,000
Speaker 3: you have something at common with, right, And some of

452
00:22:19,000 --> 00:22:21,600
Speaker 3: the people I was attracted to in their thirties was fun,

453
00:22:21,800 --> 00:22:24,040
Speaker 3: but after a date or two, there was no that

454
00:22:24,160 --> 00:22:26,560
Speaker 3: we didn't have anything in common. And so I think,

455
00:22:26,960 --> 00:22:29,840
Speaker 3: unless you're really looking for something, unless someone's looking for

456
00:22:29,880 --> 00:22:34,600
Speaker 3: something very superficial and short term and casual, you're you're

457
00:22:34,680 --> 00:22:36,560
Speaker 3: barking up the wrong tree. If you want to be

458
00:22:36,720 --> 00:22:39,040
Speaker 3: if you want to find someone you're connected with, it

459
00:22:39,080 --> 00:22:43,080
Speaker 3: would be gonna You're gonna have a much better chance

460
00:22:43,119 --> 00:22:47,200
Speaker 3: of being successful. If they're at least, you know, eight,

461
00:22:47,359 --> 00:22:49,080
Speaker 3: maybe either are five ten years young or five ten

462
00:22:49,119 --> 00:22:50,920
Speaker 3: years old, or maybe they're the exact same age. You've

463
00:22:50,920 --> 00:22:54,320
Speaker 3: got a much better chance of having things in common

464
00:22:54,320 --> 00:22:57,640
Speaker 3: and having a deep and deeper connection. That's my view,

465
00:22:57,880 --> 00:23:01,560
Speaker 3: but other people might have views on that. But I look,

466
00:23:01,600 --> 00:23:03,080
Speaker 3: I tried it. I didn't like it.

467
00:23:13,160 --> 00:23:18,280
Speaker 1: Do you care JD when you meet a girl on

468
00:23:18,359 --> 00:23:22,439
Speaker 1: an app and she's lied about her age and the

469
00:23:22,480 --> 00:23:23,639
Speaker 1: pictures aren't recent.

470
00:23:24,320 --> 00:23:26,880
Speaker 3: Yeah, again, I don't care as much about their age

471
00:23:27,000 --> 00:23:30,080
Speaker 3: as the as the part that they need to lie

472
00:23:30,200 --> 00:23:32,520
Speaker 3: or feel like they need to be somebody different. If

473
00:23:32,520 --> 00:23:35,240
Speaker 3: someone's not comfortable in their own skin when they're twenty one,

474
00:23:35,480 --> 00:23:38,120
Speaker 3: I get it, you're still becoming an adult. But if

475
00:23:38,119 --> 00:23:40,600
Speaker 3: you're already an adult and you're lying to people, that's

476
00:23:40,600 --> 00:23:42,560
Speaker 3: a big turn off for me. I don't care whether

477
00:23:42,600 --> 00:23:45,680
Speaker 3: you're forty or fifty. But I care about is authenticity,

478
00:23:45,680 --> 00:23:47,080
Speaker 3: and yeah, just be authentic.

479
00:23:47,119 --> 00:23:49,159
Speaker 1: I mean, like, come on, yeah, it's like a gayway

480
00:23:49,240 --> 00:23:50,399
Speaker 1: to future lying, right.

481
00:23:50,640 --> 00:23:54,000
Speaker 3: Yeah, Like I said, if you're eighteen and you're super insecure,

482
00:23:54,040 --> 00:23:55,679
Speaker 3: maybe that's different. But if you're a grown up, like,

483
00:23:55,720 --> 00:23:56,679
Speaker 3: come on, act it.

484
00:23:56,880 --> 00:24:01,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, do you have a preference on women who are

485
00:24:02,680 --> 00:24:06,919
Speaker 1: career oriented professionals or do you prefer somebody who is

486
00:24:06,960 --> 00:24:07,840
Speaker 1: more available?

487
00:24:09,359 --> 00:24:11,520
Speaker 2: And you know, if you know, like.

488
00:24:11,480 --> 00:24:13,959
Speaker 1: A stay at home mom or somebody who's more of

489
00:24:13,960 --> 00:24:17,560
Speaker 1: a a homemaker. What is your you know, what are

490
00:24:17,600 --> 00:24:18,720
Speaker 1: you more attracted to?

491
00:24:19,320 --> 00:24:23,320
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean I guess I I'm attracted to intelligence

492
00:24:23,359 --> 00:24:27,240
Speaker 3: and most it depends on what stage they're in. Right,

493
00:24:27,240 --> 00:24:30,360
Speaker 3: As I said, I if if we're having kids together,

494
00:24:30,520 --> 00:24:33,400
Speaker 3: that's different. But if if they have young kids there

495
00:24:33,640 --> 00:24:36,040
Speaker 3: and they don't have to work, that's great. If they

496
00:24:36,280 --> 00:24:41,320
Speaker 3: if that's fine for them. But I'm I'm I'm not.

497
00:24:42,040 --> 00:24:44,200
Speaker 3: I would just say I'm not not attracted to people

498
00:24:44,240 --> 00:24:47,399
Speaker 3: who focused on full time with their kids, or they

499
00:24:47,480 --> 00:24:50,480
Speaker 3: focus on their career and or they tried to juggle

500
00:24:50,520 --> 00:24:54,120
Speaker 3: they're juggling both. Either is fine. I would say, there's

501
00:24:54,160 --> 00:24:58,399
Speaker 3: nothing there's neither one is unattractive it there's there's no

502
00:24:58,600 --> 00:25:02,000
Speaker 3: downside there. I think if the person is if if

503
00:25:02,040 --> 00:25:05,000
Speaker 3: they're intelligent and they're hard working and they make choices

504
00:25:05,040 --> 00:25:08,040
Speaker 3: like what's I just don't see a negative there. I

505
00:25:08,040 --> 00:25:09,919
Speaker 3: think if I was if I was just about to

506
00:25:10,000 --> 00:25:12,960
Speaker 3: if I was just about to have kids, and then

507
00:25:12,960 --> 00:25:15,880
Speaker 3: I'd be having a different conversation with somebody about interesting,

508
00:25:16,040 --> 00:25:17,359
Speaker 3: what do you want to do with kids?

509
00:25:17,400 --> 00:25:20,400
Speaker 1: Do you know guys who are not into career women

510
00:25:20,680 --> 00:25:24,720
Speaker 1: and who subscribe to the concept of somebody who's you know,

511
00:25:24,800 --> 00:25:29,120
Speaker 1: at home waving on them hand and foot and doing

512
00:25:29,160 --> 00:25:30,879
Speaker 1: all that, or do you feel like it's a little

513
00:25:30,880 --> 00:25:34,720
Speaker 1: more balanced now, like you know, the traditional fifties mad

514
00:25:34,800 --> 00:25:37,760
Speaker 1: men wife versus I don't know.

515
00:25:37,800 --> 00:25:41,280
Speaker 3: I mean, I think this is a we're talking about

516
00:25:41,320 --> 00:25:44,000
Speaker 3: like a one percent scenario or a five percent scenario.

517
00:25:44,000 --> 00:25:47,159
Speaker 3: I think in the real world, both people are probably

518
00:25:47,160 --> 00:25:53,640
Speaker 3: working or doing something, and if there are, there are

519
00:25:53,680 --> 00:25:56,160
Speaker 3: people that have the ability that not work, and that's great.

520
00:25:57,200 --> 00:25:59,040
Speaker 2: I think it's about other things though, I don't think

521
00:25:59,200 --> 00:26:02,040
Speaker 2: necessarily about working or not working. I think I think

522
00:26:02,080 --> 00:26:06,040
Speaker 2: a fear for some divorced men are that like, hey,

523
00:26:06,200 --> 00:26:09,119
Speaker 2: I just got out of something and it was heavy

524
00:26:09,520 --> 00:26:13,880
Speaker 2: or it was financially very costly, and as much as

525
00:26:13,920 --> 00:26:17,119
Speaker 2: I'm looking for another relationship, I don't know if I

526
00:26:17,160 --> 00:26:19,159
Speaker 2: have it in me to like take on a second

527
00:26:19,160 --> 00:26:23,320
Speaker 2: family or support a woman. So I think that is

528
00:26:23,400 --> 00:26:25,920
Speaker 2: more often the case for at least that I never

529
00:26:26,080 --> 00:26:29,800
Speaker 2: see than it's like, do I want somebody staying at

530
00:26:29,800 --> 00:26:31,320
Speaker 2: home and doting on me full time?

531
00:26:31,600 --> 00:26:33,359
Speaker 3: Yeah? I agree, I don't. I don't think there's too

532
00:26:33,400 --> 00:26:37,080
Speaker 3: many mad men types still out there. They're saying, you know,

533
00:26:37,280 --> 00:26:39,240
Speaker 3: please have a home cooked meal when I walk in

534
00:26:39,280 --> 00:26:41,840
Speaker 3: the door. I think I think your point is really valid,

535
00:26:41,840 --> 00:26:45,760
Speaker 3: which is if somebody thinks somebody is has a huge

536
00:26:45,800 --> 00:26:51,240
Speaker 3: financial like they were married and that person was there

537
00:26:51,560 --> 00:26:54,840
Speaker 3: thirty thousand dollars a month that kept their life a flood,

538
00:26:54,880 --> 00:26:57,639
Speaker 3: and now they don't have that and there, and it's

539
00:26:57,359 --> 00:27:02,960
Speaker 3: a it's adding to your financial situation because that's on you.

540
00:27:03,119 --> 00:27:05,320
Speaker 3: I would say, if someone doesn't work, but they have

541
00:27:05,359 --> 00:27:08,240
Speaker 3: the ability to not work, or they do work because

542
00:27:08,280 --> 00:27:09,760
Speaker 3: they want to work, or they don't need to work

543
00:27:09,800 --> 00:27:11,760
Speaker 3: and they do other things, that's great. But if they're

544
00:27:11,800 --> 00:27:15,199
Speaker 3: showing up with this huge, huge financial thing like can

545
00:27:15,240 --> 00:27:17,840
Speaker 3: you please take over my twenty five grand a month

546
00:27:17,880 --> 00:27:21,560
Speaker 3: of payments, that's that's probably going to get some people

547
00:27:21,640 --> 00:27:24,280
Speaker 3: a little bit, a little bit.

548
00:27:24,520 --> 00:27:26,480
Speaker 2: Unsure of the gibi.

549
00:27:26,680 --> 00:27:29,360
Speaker 3: That would give somebody pause. But outside of somebody having

550
00:27:29,440 --> 00:27:33,720
Speaker 3: a financial crisis that needs solving. I don't think people

551
00:27:33,760 --> 00:27:35,600
Speaker 3: care if somebody works or doesn't work.

552
00:27:35,680 --> 00:27:38,080
Speaker 2: But I've found and I don't know, I've just been

553
00:27:38,119 --> 00:27:40,080
Speaker 2: listening to a bunch of interviews lately, and maybe it's

554
00:27:40,119 --> 00:27:44,399
Speaker 2: like the girlfriends that I hang out with. I feel

555
00:27:44,440 --> 00:27:49,520
Speaker 2: like I am seeing a lot of women that, yes,

556
00:27:49,600 --> 00:27:52,719
Speaker 2: they want to meet somebody, but they don't want it

557
00:27:52,760 --> 00:27:55,560
Speaker 2: to be there everything. You know, They're not looking for

558
00:27:55,600 --> 00:27:58,879
Speaker 2: a traditional life or somebody that they want to spend

559
00:27:58,880 --> 00:28:01,280
Speaker 2: necessarily all their time I'm with, because they do have

560
00:28:01,359 --> 00:28:03,560
Speaker 2: other interests, especially when all of a sudden you're fifty,

561
00:28:03,840 --> 00:28:05,760
Speaker 2: you have a lot of years, right and you've developed

562
00:28:05,800 --> 00:28:08,000
Speaker 2: kind of your own life, and especially if you've been

563
00:28:08,000 --> 00:28:10,679
Speaker 2: divorced for a while. But I feel like I'm seeing

564
00:28:10,720 --> 00:28:12,520
Speaker 2: more and more women who are like, yeah, I really

565
00:28:12,560 --> 00:28:15,960
Speaker 2: want to meet somebody, but I don't know necessarily how

566
00:28:16,000 --> 00:28:20,000
Speaker 2: much I want to compromise. And I think some of

567
00:28:20,040 --> 00:28:25,119
Speaker 2: the men that I see out there, that these women

568
00:28:25,520 --> 00:28:27,880
Speaker 2: or we are lucky and fortunate enough to connect with,

569
00:28:28,880 --> 00:28:32,800
Speaker 2: they seem to want more like more attention and are

570
00:28:32,800 --> 00:28:36,960
Speaker 2: a little more needy and I'm not necessarily it doesn't

571
00:28:37,000 --> 00:28:38,360
Speaker 2: really tell well.

572
00:28:38,200 --> 00:28:39,960
Speaker 3: That might be specific to the two of you that

573
00:28:40,080 --> 00:28:42,720
Speaker 3: the men are just saying, look, it's going well, and

574
00:28:42,720 --> 00:28:44,720
Speaker 3: they're just trying to, you know, get more of you.

575
00:28:44,760 --> 00:28:50,920
Speaker 3: But but yeah, I think I think if a man

576
00:28:51,240 --> 00:28:54,040
Speaker 3: is confident in his own skin and he's going to

577
00:28:54,160 --> 00:28:57,280
Speaker 3: feel the vibe and the pace that the woman wants,

578
00:28:57,280 --> 00:29:00,520
Speaker 3: if she's feeling like two days a week is perfect,

579
00:29:00,880 --> 00:29:03,480
Speaker 3: like you're if you don't pick up on those clues,

580
00:29:03,520 --> 00:29:06,120
Speaker 3: you're probably not paying attention. And if you're like, well, no,

581
00:29:06,200 --> 00:29:07,720
Speaker 3: we have to see each other six days a.

582
00:29:07,720 --> 00:29:09,320
Speaker 2: Week, it's like go back to the pool. It's like,

583
00:29:09,360 --> 00:29:10,920
Speaker 2: go back to the pool. So you think they're both

584
00:29:10,960 --> 00:29:12,880
Speaker 2: they're men that want the two days a week and

585
00:29:12,880 --> 00:29:13,720
Speaker 2: they're men that want the fun.

586
00:29:13,920 --> 00:29:16,000
Speaker 3: Yeah, I agree. I think there's plenty of people that

587
00:29:16,040 --> 00:29:19,040
Speaker 3: are happy to have an independent person with a full

588
00:29:19,080 --> 00:29:20,800
Speaker 3: life that wants to hang out a couple of days

589
00:29:20,840 --> 00:29:24,360
Speaker 3: a week. You're you know, everyone's person is out there.

590
00:29:24,880 --> 00:29:28,160
Speaker 1: So when you're dating somebody new, what are some of

591
00:29:28,160 --> 00:29:31,680
Speaker 1: the women's interests that you think are sexy versus something

592
00:29:31,720 --> 00:29:34,280
Speaker 1: that couldtentially be a turnoff to you.

593
00:29:34,600 --> 00:29:36,200
Speaker 3: Well, I'm going to go in reverse order and start

594
00:29:36,200 --> 00:29:40,520
Speaker 3: with the turnoffs. I would say, if the only hobbies

595
00:29:40,560 --> 00:29:45,880
Speaker 3: they can come up with are shopping, travel, and I'm

596
00:29:45,920 --> 00:29:48,000
Speaker 3: a foodie. I like to go out and eat and drink.

597
00:29:49,240 --> 00:29:52,200
Speaker 3: Those I would say don't really count because we all

598
00:29:52,240 --> 00:29:54,560
Speaker 3: eat and drink, and we all travel, and we all

599
00:29:55,440 --> 00:29:58,560
Speaker 3: buy stuff. So I don't think. I think if somebody,

600
00:29:58,560 --> 00:30:01,120
Speaker 3: if that's someone's list, I would say, that's a bit

601
00:30:01,120 --> 00:30:04,120
Speaker 3: of a red flag. Like you, you you should have

602
00:30:04,160 --> 00:30:07,440
Speaker 3: other things besides that, So that's kind of the the

603
00:30:07,480 --> 00:30:11,440
Speaker 3: red flag list. In terms of I don't know what sex.

604
00:30:11,560 --> 00:30:14,600
Speaker 3: I think just somebody who has who's passionate about stuff

605
00:30:14,600 --> 00:30:18,920
Speaker 3: and has interest and it's not just TV or whatever

606
00:30:19,000 --> 00:30:21,400
Speaker 3: they want to they want to do things. I'm obviously,

607
00:30:22,440 --> 00:30:24,560
Speaker 3: I'm kind of an outdoorsy person, so I like people

608
00:30:24,600 --> 00:30:29,360
Speaker 3: that are active and do some active stuff. I also

609
00:30:29,440 --> 00:30:32,360
Speaker 3: like people that you know, read and are in book clubs.

610
00:30:32,360 --> 00:30:35,440
Speaker 3: So I don't think it matters what you're into as

611
00:30:35,440 --> 00:30:38,000
Speaker 3: long as you're into something, and hopefully some of them overlap.

612
00:30:39,600 --> 00:30:43,320
Speaker 3: But yeah, don't don't say shopping, travel and eating out.

613
00:30:43,440 --> 00:30:44,760
Speaker 3: I would say stay away from that.

614
00:30:45,080 --> 00:30:47,400
Speaker 1: When you're on a date or you've gone on a

615
00:30:47,400 --> 00:30:52,320
Speaker 1: few dates, what is your feeling on sharing the bill,

616
00:30:53,240 --> 00:30:55,640
Speaker 1: paying the bill, like what do you think is kind

617
00:30:55,680 --> 00:31:00,880
Speaker 1: of like the financial at different ages? Obviously it's different,

618
00:31:00,920 --> 00:31:03,160
Speaker 1: right in different generations. But you are a guy who

619
00:31:03,240 --> 00:31:06,960
Speaker 1: dates age appropriate, right, you've raised children. What is your

620
00:31:07,040 --> 00:31:07,760
Speaker 1: feeling on that?

621
00:31:08,200 --> 00:31:09,600
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, I don't know if it's because I'm

622
00:31:09,600 --> 00:31:12,400
Speaker 3: in my fifties and but I would say for me,

623
00:31:13,320 --> 00:31:16,480
Speaker 3: you should be picking up the first and second date

624
00:31:16,800 --> 00:31:19,400
Speaker 3: the man some a little old school that way.

625
00:31:19,400 --> 00:31:20,760
Speaker 2: That answer works for us.

626
00:31:21,160 --> 00:31:23,680
Speaker 3: We don't. We believe in shil I don't get it. Look,

627
00:31:23,720 --> 00:31:26,880
Speaker 3: I very you know women are equals and powerful, but

628
00:31:26,920 --> 00:31:28,400
Speaker 3: at the same time you get a chance to be

629
00:31:28,400 --> 00:31:31,400
Speaker 3: a man and and take care of someone on a

630
00:31:31,640 --> 00:31:34,720
Speaker 3: date that you've asked them out, Like, I don't. I

631
00:31:34,760 --> 00:31:37,240
Speaker 3: don't see if you don't want to pay for the

632
00:31:37,320 --> 00:31:39,400
Speaker 3: verst or second date, you've asked out the wrong person.

633
00:31:39,680 --> 00:31:40,239
Speaker 3: That's my bed.

634
00:31:40,440 --> 00:31:42,200
Speaker 2: I mean, JD, I feel like we should clone you.

635
00:31:42,680 --> 00:31:44,400
Speaker 2: Like your answers are amazing.

636
00:31:44,680 --> 00:31:46,320
Speaker 3: Again, if you ask someone there, thank you. If you

637
00:31:46,320 --> 00:31:49,000
Speaker 3: have someone of their twenties who's living in their parents'

638
00:31:49,040 --> 00:31:50,800
Speaker 3: basement that might say, they might say.

639
00:31:50,680 --> 00:31:54,120
Speaker 1: Sure, it's a different different for sure.

640
00:32:04,200 --> 00:32:08,240
Speaker 2: Okay, what about like how heavy do you go in

641
00:32:08,360 --> 00:32:13,360
Speaker 2: terms of conversation when you first start dating somebody, I e. Politics.

642
00:32:13,800 --> 00:32:16,080
Speaker 2: You know, I don't think I don't know anyone who

643
00:32:16,120 --> 00:32:20,240
Speaker 2: goes in their credit score, but like you know, like

644
00:32:20,600 --> 00:32:23,280
Speaker 2: what's your what's your comfort level with like when you

645
00:32:23,320 --> 00:32:25,720
Speaker 2: first meet somebody in terms of like okay, let's start

646
00:32:25,800 --> 00:32:28,160
Speaker 2: high And it doesn't maybe even make sense to ask

647
00:32:28,200 --> 00:32:30,760
Speaker 2: these questions until I really know or we get deeper

648
00:32:30,800 --> 00:32:32,920
Speaker 2: into a relationship or do you like to vet people

649
00:32:33,000 --> 00:32:33,560
Speaker 2: out quickly?

650
00:32:34,120 --> 00:32:35,920
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's a good question. I mean I think some

651
00:32:35,960 --> 00:32:38,120
Speaker 3: of that stuff's going to come out anyway. I was

652
00:32:38,280 --> 00:32:41,240
Speaker 3: I was on a first date with someone. I didn't

653
00:32:41,240 --> 00:32:44,400
Speaker 3: ask about their politics, but it came out anyway, and

654
00:32:44,440 --> 00:32:47,040
Speaker 3: then I didn't choose a second day with the person,

655
00:32:47,120 --> 00:32:50,280
Speaker 3: So I don't I don't really have a rule for that.

656
00:32:50,360 --> 00:32:53,560
Speaker 3: I would say, you know, conversations go where they are,

657
00:32:53,600 --> 00:32:55,280
Speaker 3: and I usually just try to let them flow if

658
00:32:55,600 --> 00:32:58,960
Speaker 3: if there's something you really need to know, like if

659
00:32:59,000 --> 00:33:01,040
Speaker 3: I was a woman who was thirty five who wanted kids,

660
00:33:01,200 --> 00:33:03,200
Speaker 3: I might on the first or second date say hey,

661
00:33:03,320 --> 00:33:05,400
Speaker 3: what are your thoughts about kids? Like I but I

662
00:33:05,400 --> 00:33:08,280
Speaker 3: don't personally have I think I think things are going

663
00:33:08,360 --> 00:33:12,680
Speaker 3: to come out. People are gonna tell you about themselves.

664
00:33:12,680 --> 00:33:18,040
Speaker 3: That's the whole point. And but yeah, I will now lately, lately,

665
00:33:18,120 --> 00:33:21,400
Speaker 3: I think i'd be curious about if I haven't figured

666
00:33:21,400 --> 00:33:23,480
Speaker 3: out the politics by the second date, I might ask

667
00:33:23,560 --> 00:33:25,880
Speaker 3: because it is becoming a little bit more of a

668
00:33:26,000 --> 00:33:29,720
Speaker 3: divisive issue, and if it didn't come out naturally, I

669
00:33:29,800 --> 00:33:30,960
Speaker 3: might ask, Okay.

670
00:33:30,720 --> 00:33:32,960
Speaker 2: So politics is important to you. I mean, it's for

671
00:33:33,280 --> 00:33:34,400
Speaker 2: people's political.

672
00:33:34,080 --> 00:33:37,960
Speaker 3: Views, it is. It doesn't necessarily matter well it, Yeah,

673
00:33:38,040 --> 00:33:41,600
Speaker 3: it matters how open minded someone is politically versus maybe

674
00:33:41,680 --> 00:33:44,880
Speaker 3: how far they are to the extreme. That does matter

675
00:33:44,920 --> 00:33:47,280
Speaker 3: to me. A debt, them having.

676
00:33:47,080 --> 00:33:49,400
Speaker 2: Debt, Yeah, people have debt. Maybe that goes up there

677
00:33:49,400 --> 00:33:50,840
Speaker 2: with shopping. If she's a shopper, I.

678
00:33:52,440 --> 00:33:54,480
Speaker 3: Don't think of minds. If somebody has a little bit

679
00:33:54,520 --> 00:33:54,920
Speaker 3: of debt.

680
00:33:54,800 --> 00:33:57,200
Speaker 1: I mean, well, as long as the expectations you're not

681
00:33:57,560 --> 00:33:58,640
Speaker 1: cleaning up the debt.

682
00:33:58,840 --> 00:34:01,600
Speaker 3: Yeah, if somebody's in full financial crisis, that's fine. If

683
00:34:01,600 --> 00:34:04,280
Speaker 3: they came out of a divorce and they lost and

684
00:34:04,320 --> 00:34:07,040
Speaker 3: their business went under and they're in debt, that's fine.

685
00:34:07,240 --> 00:34:09,400
Speaker 3: I think it's more an issue of somebody who's like

686
00:34:09,840 --> 00:34:12,960
Speaker 3: I have this lifestyle, I want to maintain it, and

687
00:34:13,880 --> 00:34:16,359
Speaker 3: would you please maintain it as long as as long

688
00:34:16,400 --> 00:34:19,000
Speaker 3: as someone say something like that, you could say, hey,

689
00:34:19,040 --> 00:34:20,719
Speaker 3: I just my business just went under. I'm one hundred

690
00:34:20,719 --> 00:34:22,000
Speaker 3: grand in debt, or I.

691
00:34:21,920 --> 00:34:24,279
Speaker 2: Got a divorce, But it's not this reckless spending that

692
00:34:24,320 --> 00:34:25,200
Speaker 2: basically les.

693
00:34:25,080 --> 00:34:27,800
Speaker 3: Right, I got a divorce and I'm in debt because

694
00:34:27,800 --> 00:34:30,400
Speaker 3: of that, and but it'll all work itself out. I

695
00:34:30,440 --> 00:34:33,919
Speaker 3: don't think that's I don't think that's attractive or unattractive.

696
00:34:34,200 --> 00:34:37,120
Speaker 3: It's it's it's not. I don't think it's an issue

697
00:34:37,200 --> 00:34:40,640
Speaker 3: unless you're really saying, please take on my my my

698
00:34:40,719 --> 00:34:43,840
Speaker 3: golf club and my yacht club and my shopping allowance.

699
00:34:43,920 --> 00:34:47,880
Speaker 1: And that's pretty transparent usually with both girls, right.

700
00:34:48,360 --> 00:34:50,960
Speaker 3: I think so. But yeah, so I don't. I don't

701
00:34:50,960 --> 00:34:53,560
Speaker 3: think being in debt or being wealthy or not wealthy

702
00:34:53,600 --> 00:34:56,759
Speaker 3: for men is an issue at all. I don't. It's

703
00:34:56,800 --> 00:34:58,839
Speaker 3: not even on the top twenty Well.

704
00:34:58,920 --> 00:35:02,680
Speaker 2: I would say though that you know, the last person

705
00:35:02,680 --> 00:35:06,760
Speaker 2: that I dated, we both said that we felt fortunate

706
00:35:06,960 --> 00:35:11,720
Speaker 2: because we both had the luxury to be able to travel. Right,

707
00:35:12,160 --> 00:35:15,120
Speaker 2: Because if somebody can't do some of the same things

708
00:35:15,120 --> 00:35:18,879
Speaker 2: that you can at a certain point, right before you're

709
00:35:18,920 --> 00:35:23,120
Speaker 2: truly committed. That can limit what one person can do,

710
00:35:23,400 --> 00:35:25,919
Speaker 2: or it puts the burden all on somebody else.

711
00:35:26,480 --> 00:35:29,319
Speaker 3: It could. But at the same point, if I have

712
00:35:29,719 --> 00:35:32,640
Speaker 3: if I have the means to travel ten times as

713
00:35:32,680 --> 00:35:35,040
Speaker 3: much as the other person, then why am I not

714
00:35:35,280 --> 00:35:37,239
Speaker 3: just picking up their travel bill?

715
00:35:37,520 --> 00:35:37,560
Speaker 2: Like?

716
00:35:38,480 --> 00:35:41,560
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, if you're like, I want to travel

717
00:35:41,560 --> 00:35:43,320
Speaker 3: every month, the other person's like, well, I can't afford

718
00:35:43,320 --> 00:35:47,880
Speaker 3: to do it every year, go on six trips right on?

719
00:35:48,280 --> 00:35:50,200
Speaker 3: Like pay for three or four of their trips, Like

720
00:35:50,239 --> 00:35:53,160
Speaker 3: I don't. I If you're that much more fortunate, then

721
00:35:53,320 --> 00:35:55,880
Speaker 3: share with the person that you want to spend time with. So,

722
00:35:56,000 --> 00:35:58,120
Speaker 3: I I don't know, I don't see that as a big,

723
00:35:58,280 --> 00:36:00,840
Speaker 3: a big issue. I think if somebody works, if they're

724
00:36:00,880 --> 00:36:02,879
Speaker 3: opened up in AIRBB in a restaurant and they work

725
00:36:02,960 --> 00:36:06,200
Speaker 3: one hundred hours a week, that's more of an issue

726
00:36:06,239 --> 00:36:10,600
Speaker 3: if you're not getting time with them, right you might, right? Yeah?

727
00:36:10,640 --> 00:36:12,920
Speaker 1: And So in terms of attraction, though, what would you

728
00:36:12,920 --> 00:36:16,440
Speaker 1: say your top three qualities that you look for in

729
00:36:16,480 --> 00:36:18,920
Speaker 1: a woman and a potential love interest.

730
00:36:19,640 --> 00:36:22,880
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's a that's a good one, but a tough one.

731
00:36:23,520 --> 00:36:28,200
Speaker 3: I would say. I mean, there's some basic physical attraction

732
00:36:28,280 --> 00:36:30,440
Speaker 3: that someone is within your age group, and you know

733
00:36:30,560 --> 00:36:32,959
Speaker 3: it is not forty years older or forty years older.

734
00:36:32,960 --> 00:36:36,880
Speaker 3: But assuming that you have some attraction and you're not

735
00:36:38,400 --> 00:36:42,759
Speaker 3: unattracted to somebody, I think for me it would be yeah,

736
00:36:42,800 --> 00:36:47,160
Speaker 3: I mean like like playful sense of humor, not taking

737
00:36:47,160 --> 00:36:49,799
Speaker 3: themselves too seriously. I think somebody with that kind of

738
00:36:49,840 --> 00:36:56,960
Speaker 3: positive energy is very attractive. Someone who is well, I'm

739
00:36:56,960 --> 00:36:59,360
Speaker 3: starting to think about the negatives, but so I'm just gonna.

740
00:36:59,120 --> 00:37:02,160
Speaker 2: Go say negative. Though, your top three negatives I'd be

741
00:37:02,200 --> 00:37:02,800
Speaker 2: curious about.

742
00:37:02,960 --> 00:37:06,440
Speaker 3: I would say, you know, people that are super critical

743
00:37:06,760 --> 00:37:11,480
Speaker 3: or or very controlling are probably are the the two

744
00:37:11,520 --> 00:37:14,080
Speaker 3: things that I would be the least attracted to. I

745
00:37:14,080 --> 00:37:17,160
Speaker 3: think people who are have kind of a positive comfort

746
00:37:17,200 --> 00:37:19,000
Speaker 3: in their own skin. They're playful, they have a good

747
00:37:19,040 --> 00:37:25,040
Speaker 3: sense of humor. Confidence is super attractive. I mean confidence

748
00:37:25,200 --> 00:37:29,280
Speaker 3: and personality are probably the two biggest things I would

749
00:37:29,280 --> 00:37:32,880
Speaker 3: say for me for attraction. I mean that is it.

750
00:37:33,040 --> 00:37:36,400
Speaker 3: We talked about authenticity earlier. I mean that comfort and

751
00:37:36,480 --> 00:37:39,719
Speaker 3: ease in yourself, not taking yourself or life too seriously,

752
00:37:40,480 --> 00:37:45,759
Speaker 3: all of that authenticity part is huge. Yeah for me personally. Again,

753
00:37:45,920 --> 00:37:47,680
Speaker 3: guys may have a different list, but for me, it's

754
00:37:47,840 --> 00:37:50,960
Speaker 3: it's that's at the very top, and then obviously some

755
00:37:51,640 --> 00:37:54,840
Speaker 3: it's it's nice to have a physical attraction to somebody

756
00:37:54,880 --> 00:37:59,920
Speaker 3: and that they're they're not you know, they're not you know,

757
00:38:00,160 --> 00:38:01,600
Speaker 3: thirty years older or thirty younger.

758
00:38:01,640 --> 00:38:02,440
Speaker 2: They're not hard to look at.

759
00:38:02,560 --> 00:38:04,520
Speaker 3: Yes, it'd be nice if they were easy on the eyes,

760
00:38:04,560 --> 00:38:06,080
Speaker 3: but that's great.

761
00:38:05,960 --> 00:38:06,520
Speaker 2: That's a plus.

762
00:38:06,719 --> 00:38:10,239
Speaker 1: I also think laughing and lightheartedness and levity and the

763
00:38:10,360 --> 00:38:13,919
Speaker 1: ability to banter is important too. And I found that

764
00:38:13,960 --> 00:38:18,160
Speaker 1: a lot of the people that I have dated lately,

765
00:38:18,880 --> 00:38:23,480
Speaker 1: you know, tend to be a little more serious.

766
00:38:23,040 --> 00:38:24,000
Speaker 2: And it's kind of hard.

767
00:38:24,120 --> 00:38:26,799
Speaker 1: And I find that that is tough for me when

768
00:38:26,800 --> 00:38:31,279
Speaker 1: I'm dating people and there isn't that kind of human lightness,

769
00:38:31,320 --> 00:38:34,120
Speaker 1: And that's that's tough for me. And what I've learned

770
00:38:34,200 --> 00:38:37,080
Speaker 1: is is if you start out kind of not funny,

771
00:38:37,160 --> 00:38:41,359
Speaker 1: you don't get funnier, right, I don't know, So that's

772
00:38:41,360 --> 00:38:44,400
Speaker 1: something that's tough. Wait, I wanted to ask something before

773
00:38:44,400 --> 00:38:47,840
Speaker 1: I forget back to the conversation about kids and everything.

774
00:38:48,600 --> 00:38:49,520
Speaker 2: What do you do.

775
00:38:50,120 --> 00:38:54,200
Speaker 1: When you meet somebody and you're dating them and they

776
00:38:54,239 --> 00:38:59,600
Speaker 1: are strange from their children. Because I was dating somebody

777
00:38:59,640 --> 00:39:01,799
Speaker 1: who lost custody.

778
00:39:01,440 --> 00:39:04,879
Speaker 2: Of his kids. And I have to tell you it

779
00:39:04,920 --> 00:39:06,600
Speaker 2: was a really big red.

780
00:39:06,400 --> 00:39:11,480
Speaker 1: Flag for me because my children are everything and nothing

781
00:39:11,520 --> 00:39:13,440
Speaker 1: is more important than my relationship with them.

782
00:39:13,800 --> 00:39:17,280
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean it, it is. It is a red flag.

783
00:39:17,360 --> 00:39:19,960
Speaker 3: I think if you've gone on a couple of dates

784
00:39:20,000 --> 00:39:22,040
Speaker 3: and you're still interested in the person and you're attracted

785
00:39:22,040 --> 00:39:25,200
Speaker 3: to who they are, and you're the connection is still growing,

786
00:39:26,000 --> 00:39:27,880
Speaker 3: somewhere around the second or third date, you're going to

787
00:39:28,080 --> 00:39:31,319
Speaker 3: ask them like what happened? Like how did how did

788
00:39:31,320 --> 00:39:32,880
Speaker 3: it go down? Because you're going to want to know

789
00:39:33,120 --> 00:39:36,560
Speaker 3: was it did you have did you have a spouse

790
00:39:36,600 --> 00:39:40,440
Speaker 3: that cut you out of you know, did they figure

791
00:39:40,440 --> 00:39:42,040
Speaker 3: out some way to cut you out of the picture

792
00:39:42,080 --> 00:39:44,879
Speaker 3: and then you know you got you had a hard

793
00:39:44,880 --> 00:39:48,520
Speaker 3: time getting back in or did you you know, sleep

794
00:39:48,560 --> 00:39:51,719
Speaker 3: with her best friend or the assistant or like like

795
00:39:52,080 --> 00:39:53,759
Speaker 3: you're going to want to know the story, right and

796
00:39:53,760 --> 00:39:56,080
Speaker 3: I wouldn't necessarily find it out on date, you know,

797
00:39:56,280 --> 00:39:59,359
Speaker 3: first or second date, but by the third date, like, hey,

798
00:39:59,360 --> 00:40:01,839
Speaker 3: tell me about your kids, and you're going to want

799
00:40:01,840 --> 00:40:03,319
Speaker 3: to know what the hell? That might even be a

800
00:40:03,320 --> 00:40:05,000
Speaker 3: second I mean it's really more of a second I thing.

801
00:40:05,080 --> 00:40:08,839
Speaker 3: But yeah, but it doesn't. Being a strange doesn't necessarily

802
00:40:08,880 --> 00:40:11,240
Speaker 3: mean the person as a bad person for sure.

803
00:40:11,520 --> 00:40:13,160
Speaker 2: But there is a story there.

804
00:40:13,360 --> 00:40:15,120
Speaker 3: Yeah, but you need to know the story, you go.

805
00:40:15,440 --> 00:40:17,440
Speaker 2: I guess along those lines a bit of a segue,

806
00:40:17,480 --> 00:40:21,080
Speaker 2: but kind of on topic, is you know, when you're

807
00:40:21,120 --> 00:40:24,160
Speaker 2: twenty or thirty, I think you look at somebody's family

808
00:40:24,480 --> 00:40:26,560
Speaker 2: to help kind of get a better idea of maybe

809
00:40:26,640 --> 00:40:30,600
Speaker 2: their values, or just to get again a better lens

810
00:40:30,760 --> 00:40:33,720
Speaker 2: and view into like what they might be or become.

811
00:40:34,480 --> 00:40:39,279
Speaker 2: How important do you think people's friends or family or

812
00:40:39,320 --> 00:40:42,600
Speaker 2: things like that are now that we're like forty or fifty, right,

813
00:40:42,680 --> 00:40:45,359
Speaker 2: because it's different, like a lot of it's a one

814
00:40:45,360 --> 00:40:48,120
Speaker 2: on one relationship. So does that still matter or does

815
00:40:48,160 --> 00:40:48,400
Speaker 2: it not?

816
00:40:49,600 --> 00:40:54,840
Speaker 3: Agree? I think, well, I will say I think friends

817
00:40:54,880 --> 00:40:57,799
Speaker 3: matter a lot. I think that is huge. I think

818
00:40:57,880 --> 00:41:02,920
Speaker 3: family matters very because they didn't get to pick their family,

819
00:41:03,400 --> 00:41:07,160
Speaker 3: and so for me, I rate that very low, and

820
00:41:07,200 --> 00:41:09,960
Speaker 3: I rate the friends thing very very high.

821
00:41:10,040 --> 00:41:11,719
Speaker 2: You are who you surround yourself with.

822
00:41:12,200 --> 00:41:14,399
Speaker 3: Yeah, so that's it. I mean, I've I know people

823
00:41:14,400 --> 00:41:16,719
Speaker 3: whose parents are an absolute nightmare and they are the

824
00:41:16,840 --> 00:41:19,640
Speaker 3: loveliest person in the world. So what I mean, who care?

825
00:41:19,880 --> 00:41:20,640
Speaker 3: Why does it matter?

826
00:41:21,040 --> 00:41:24,920
Speaker 2: Okay, superficial question. So Louise and I talk about this

827
00:41:25,760 --> 00:41:29,000
Speaker 2: when you're traveling. Okay, back to like the first first

828
00:41:29,000 --> 00:41:31,080
Speaker 2: attraction that you might have when you're traveling or at

829
00:41:31,080 --> 00:41:36,080
Speaker 2: an airport, you see a girl, if she's like in cozy,

830
00:41:36,160 --> 00:41:41,399
Speaker 2: a cozy sweatsuit versus you know, she's a little more

831
00:41:41,440 --> 00:41:45,799
Speaker 2: done up and like got an official outfit on. What

832
00:41:45,840 --> 00:41:46,759
Speaker 2: are your thoughts?

833
00:41:47,840 --> 00:41:50,359
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's interesting. If it's a weekday, I might think

834
00:41:50,400 --> 00:41:52,480
Speaker 3: she's just come from work and it's not a big deal.

835
00:41:52,480 --> 00:41:55,200
Speaker 3: But if if somebody is really dressed up on a weekend,

836
00:41:57,360 --> 00:41:59,840
Speaker 3: it could be a little bit of a red flag.

837
00:41:59,880 --> 00:42:02,480
Speaker 2: And I don't mean like she's like high maintenance with

838
00:42:02,520 --> 00:42:05,160
Speaker 2: all her designer bags. I mean more like a put

839
00:42:05,200 --> 00:42:08,080
Speaker 2: together off, Like is it okay to travel in a sweatsuit?

840
00:42:08,800 --> 00:42:11,160
Speaker 3: I don't know. I don't think it matters that if

841
00:42:11,160 --> 00:42:16,359
Speaker 3: a woman is If a woman is attractive to you,

842
00:42:16,640 --> 00:42:19,600
Speaker 3: it's not gonna matter what she's wearing. I mean, somebody

843
00:42:19,640 --> 00:42:23,520
Speaker 3: could look really cute and sweats and someone could look

844
00:42:24,120 --> 00:42:26,600
Speaker 3: terrible all dressed up. So there's no I don't know it.

845
00:42:26,800 --> 00:42:30,400
Speaker 1: Felmut travels and looks like a million bucks and I

846
00:42:30,480 --> 00:42:33,200
Speaker 1: look literally like a schlumper in a sweatsuit.

847
00:42:33,200 --> 00:42:34,920
Speaker 2: And my one friend said to me, once.

848
00:42:34,760 --> 00:42:36,719
Speaker 1: She goes, you ain't going to meet a guy at

849
00:42:36,719 --> 00:42:39,280
Speaker 1: the airport when you look like that, And I.

850
00:42:39,040 --> 00:42:41,560
Speaker 2: Think it was me. Now a few people have said

851
00:42:41,560 --> 00:42:44,359
Speaker 2: that I don't leave my house that much. Tracy said

852
00:42:44,360 --> 00:42:46,200
Speaker 2: it to me. She's like, I really think you should

853
00:42:46,280 --> 00:42:47,520
Speaker 2: change the outfit when you fly.

854
00:42:48,080 --> 00:42:50,080
Speaker 3: I don't think it matters if it's sweats, as long

855
00:42:50,120 --> 00:42:51,840
Speaker 3: as they're not if they're thirty year old sweats with

856
00:42:51,880 --> 00:42:53,399
Speaker 3: holes in them, and they need to know it's like a.

857
00:42:53,400 --> 00:42:55,839
Speaker 2: Matching cute track suit and like a.

858
00:42:56,400 --> 00:42:59,279
Speaker 3: Right, Yeah, I think that. I think tracksuits and like

859
00:42:59,480 --> 00:43:03,000
Speaker 3: whatever like it and a cute pair of tennis shoes

860
00:43:03,000 --> 00:43:05,680
Speaker 3: around the shoes very can be very attractive. Like I don't.

861
00:43:05,719 --> 00:43:08,200
Speaker 3: I don't think. I don't think it matters. Like I said,

862
00:43:08,200 --> 00:43:10,000
Speaker 3: as long as you're not wearing something that needs to

863
00:43:10,040 --> 00:43:12,840
Speaker 3: be donated to the goodwill, I think it's it's fine.

864
00:43:13,360 --> 00:43:14,799
Speaker 2: Okay, fine, you're not my guy.

865
00:43:15,360 --> 00:43:20,359
Speaker 3: Yeah, Look the odds are there's a million out there.

866
00:43:20,680 --> 00:43:21,799
Speaker 3: You know I may not be the one.

867
00:43:22,080 --> 00:43:25,240
Speaker 2: Do you have friends for us? No pressure?

868
00:43:25,400 --> 00:43:27,200
Speaker 3: I don't. Well, if I list them on this call,

869
00:43:27,280 --> 00:43:28,719
Speaker 3: then you have to delete it.

870
00:43:29,680 --> 00:43:34,279
Speaker 1: You're awesome and you're super textured, and you're really you

871
00:43:34,320 --> 00:43:38,560
Speaker 1: seem really healthy and you give thoughtful answers and very

872
00:43:38,600 --> 00:43:45,040
Speaker 1: communicative and you know, emotionally mature and healthy. Like this

873
00:43:45,120 --> 00:43:49,560
Speaker 1: has been a really informative conversation and I'm definitely learning

874
00:43:49,640 --> 00:43:50,080
Speaker 1: a lot.

875
00:43:50,400 --> 00:43:53,560
Speaker 3: I've enjoyed it a lot, and I have other tips

876
00:43:53,600 --> 00:43:56,640
Speaker 3: and tricks out there if you want more, But I

877
00:43:56,680 --> 00:44:00,040
Speaker 3: would say one I'll leave you with is when the

878
00:44:00,040 --> 00:44:02,800
Speaker 3: ice is, where do you want to go? Say? Surprise me?

879
00:44:03,600 --> 00:44:08,840
Speaker 3: That is very very sexy because you have now shown

880
00:44:08,880 --> 00:44:10,560
Speaker 3: him you don't need to be a control and that

881
00:44:10,640 --> 00:44:14,719
Speaker 3: you trust him, and that if he can't handle picking

882
00:44:14,719 --> 00:44:17,719
Speaker 3: a restaurant, he's the wrong guy. So you've just basically

883
00:44:17,760 --> 00:44:20,239
Speaker 3: honored him and now he gets to surprise you like

884
00:44:20,480 --> 00:44:23,480
Speaker 3: that is a very sexy first move. Just want to

885
00:44:23,560 --> 00:44:24,080
Speaker 3: leave you with that.

886
00:44:24,440 --> 00:44:27,400
Speaker 1: So you should write a book, and you should be

887
00:44:27,440 --> 00:44:31,200
Speaker 1: given iHeartRadio, it should give you your own podcast.

888
00:44:31,719 --> 00:44:33,640
Speaker 3: Well, thank you, that's very kind of you. I'm just

889
00:44:33,719 --> 00:44:35,440
Speaker 3: honored to be on this one. Thank you for having me.

890
00:44:35,520 --> 00:44:36,400
Speaker 2: So nice to have met you.

891
00:44:37,000 --> 00:44:39,000
Speaker 3: Yeah, very cool, nice to meet you. Nice to meet

892
00:44:39,000 --> 00:44:40,520
Speaker 3: you both and I don't think either of you're going

893
00:44:40,560 --> 00:44:42,560
Speaker 3: to have any trouble, but your listeners are going to

894
00:44:42,640 --> 00:44:43,080
Speaker 3: learn a lot.

895
00:44:43,680 --> 00:44:47,960
Speaker 2: Hi JD. That was amazing to get a man's perspective.

896
00:44:48,000 --> 00:44:51,080
Speaker 2: I feel like we learned so much from this conversation today,

897
00:44:51,120 --> 00:44:52,279
Speaker 2: and I know a lot of the things that we

898
00:44:52,360 --> 00:44:55,799
Speaker 2: discussed I'm definitely going to put into action. So for

899
00:44:55,880 --> 00:44:57,440
Speaker 2: all of you out there, if you have a question

900
00:44:57,600 --> 00:45:00,279
Speaker 2: or need some advice from a single man, email or

901
00:45:00,320 --> 00:45:03,200
Speaker 2: call us. All the infos in the show notes. Go

902
00:45:03,200 --> 00:45:05,520
Speaker 2: ahead and follow us on socials. Make sure to rate

903
00:45:05,560 --> 00:45:09,280
Speaker 2: and review this podcast. I do Part two, an iHeartRadio

904
00:45:09,360 --> 00:45:11,960
Speaker 2: podcast where falling in love is the main objective.