Speaker 1: Okay, hi Catherine, Oh hi Chelsea, I got hello. Welcome
Speaker 1: to the studio. We're in studio together in Los Angeles,
Speaker 1: Los Angeles.
Speaker 2: I love when we get to be together.
Speaker 1: I know, I know, it's so nice. Ye and now
Speaker 1: that we sit on the same side of the window,
Speaker 1: especially especially not especially guys. I did an announcement on
Speaker 1: my Instagram a PSAs I like to call them about
Speaker 1: the words especially and espresso, that they do not have
Speaker 1: exes in them, that they are s's. Actually, you know,
Speaker 1: there were a couple of comments about it's like, oh,
Speaker 1: that's being really racist, thinking about how different cultures use
Speaker 1: language and different educational systems, and it's a socioeconomic classes
Speaker 1: thing to say. I'm like, not at all. That's that
Speaker 1: is a thing that like white college educated people are
Speaker 1: abusing that word when they say especially, I don't.
Speaker 2: Because I get it wrong. I got it wrong.
Speaker 1: Did you say especially honestly don't remember? Well exhibit A.
Speaker 1: Then I mean it's just can tell anyway. Oh fuck, I.
Speaker 2: Liked your regime regimen correction because I mean, man, I
Speaker 2: hear it all the time and it drives me nuts.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so and then why is that not racist? Regime
Speaker 1: A regiment and or classes. If it's like it's like, no,
Speaker 1: you're correcting grammar or grammar should be used correctly and uniformly.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Anyway, I love language and that's my passion. And I
Speaker 1: have just announced new stand updates for my Little Big
Speaker 1: Bitch tour. Guys. I announced twenty five new cities. These
Speaker 1: are probably a lot of the cities people have been
Speaker 1: mentioning in the comments. I start out in East Hampton.
Speaker 1: I go to New York, d C, Durham, North Carolina, LA, Phoenix, Cleveland, Columbus, Pittsburgh, Milwaukee, Chicago, Madison, Portland,
Speaker 1: to name just some. There are more. You can go
Speaker 1: to Chelsea Handler dot com. I am on tour and
Speaker 1: I have dates coming up for the next three months
Speaker 1: and then more dates coming up in the fall. So
Speaker 1: those have all been announced. They're on my Instagram page,
Speaker 1: or you can go to Chelsea Hamler dot com. Thank you.
Speaker 1: My guest today is an old friend from Chelsea Lately
Speaker 1: Days who everyone will know. He's on RuPaul's Drag Race.
Speaker 1: He is the co host of The Drew Barrymore Show,
Speaker 1: and he has his own new podcast which is called
Speaker 1: Hello Ross Ross Matthews. Everybody, Hi, Hi, Hi.
Speaker 2: Who's there.
Speaker 3: I'm so happy to see you.
Speaker 1: Hi, cutie, Patunity, fresh.
Speaker 3: And fruity, extra fruity.
Speaker 1: What's up?
Speaker 3: Where are you in?
Speaker 4: La?
Speaker 1: I am? Where are you Palm Springs?
Speaker 3: No? No, no, we're We bought a house in Long Island,
Speaker 3: so we're here because we're starting Drew up again.
Speaker 1: I thought you bought a place in Palm Springs.
Speaker 3: So I have a house in Palm Springs. And then
Speaker 3: when I came here for drew and then married, wellie,
Speaker 3: he's faced in Long Island because that's where he works here. Okay,
Speaker 3: So we bought a house here and I love it
Speaker 3: out here.
Speaker 1: Oh that's great, and so are you going to keep
Speaker 1: your place in Palm Springs?
Speaker 3: We're back and forth. My brother lives there. It's like
Speaker 3: a compound, you know. My brother lives there with the dogs.
Speaker 3: He watches them.
Speaker 5: Cute.
Speaker 1: I love it. Congratulations, thank you.
Speaker 3: There's so much to catch up on. And Hi.
Speaker 1: By the way, Hi, this is my producer, Katherine.
Speaker 3: Hi, Katherine, everybody.
Speaker 1: Ross Matthews is here today. Hello, Hello Ross Matthews.
Speaker 3: It is so good to see you. It has been
Speaker 3: too long, I mean, even though we did get to
Speaker 3: get together and have like a happy hour thing not
Speaker 3: that long ago. Yeah it was you remember, Yeah, I
Speaker 3: was there. You were there, Yeah, yeah, New York City.
Speaker 1: I what barber? Were we at the famous Ritz Saint Regis?
Speaker 1: Saint Regis? That's right, what's that bar called?
Speaker 3: I never remember? But they have the popcorn in my
Speaker 3: life there, remember that truffle popcorn that I have since emulated.
Speaker 3: I figured out how to make it so good.
Speaker 1: We had a little reunion. It was Fortune and Jack's
Speaker 1: and Wellie Ross's now husband, and Joe Boy myself and
Speaker 1: we all went and it was so much fun and
Speaker 1: it was like a little Yeah, that was a really
Speaker 1: fun night.
Speaker 2: I saw those pictures on the Instagram.
Speaker 1: Uh they were on the ground. Well, Joe Koy and
Speaker 1: I have broken up. Ross. I'm sure that you've heard.
Speaker 3: I know, I did hear. I texted you.
Speaker 4: I know.
Speaker 3: I love you both, and that one, that one hurt.
Speaker 3: I have to say. Did it hurt me as much
Speaker 3: as it hurt you? Hurt me more?
Speaker 1: Maybe? I don't know. No, it hurt me. It was.
Speaker 1: It was painful. It was you know, it's hard to
Speaker 1: break up anytime, especially when you you know, thought you
Speaker 1: were gonna be with somebody for a long time. It's
Speaker 1: hard to like, go, wait a second, this isn't what
Speaker 1: I thought it was gonna be. That sucks, it's not.
Speaker 3: Also, I think so many people invested in you guys,
Speaker 3: do you know. I think it was it was something
Speaker 3: we needed after the pandemic, and you know what it
Speaker 3: was still it was beautiful. It was beautiful for what
Speaker 3: it was and when it was. And I hope your
Speaker 3: heart is good.
Speaker 1: Yeah it is.
Speaker 2: I'm good now.
Speaker 1: I feel a lot of I've healed a lot in
Speaker 1: the last couple of months. It's only been a couple months,
Speaker 1: but I feel a lot. I think now we were
Speaker 1: talking about this on another podcast. I have to say,
Speaker 1: like having the skills from going to therapy about how
Speaker 1: to deal with grieving and the end of a relationship
Speaker 1: and to act like an adult instead of like a
Speaker 1: kid is the best gift ever.
Speaker 2: Too.
Speaker 1: Like, I love the way that I have behaved, and
Speaker 1: I can't say that about many times in my life.
Speaker 3: I've been there for some of those times.
Speaker 1: You can attest to my bad behavior. But like, especially
Speaker 1: with breakups, when there's drama, or there's hurt feelings, or
Speaker 1: there's egos involved, it's so easy to lower your vibration
Speaker 1: and to fight nasty instead of taking the high road
Speaker 1: and always just being like, it's okay, it's okay. It
Speaker 1: didn't work out.
Speaker 3: Can we go deep for a second, because I had
Speaker 3: a thought, Sure, I think grief grief, and I'm someone
Speaker 3: who's dealt with grief. Right, I lost both my parents.
Speaker 3: It's tough, you know, you have to learn that you've
Speaker 3: done that as well. I think grief is grief, whether
Speaker 3: it's a breakup or a death or a loss, it is.
Speaker 3: It is what it is, and I feel like the
Speaker 3: first time you really experience grief is how you approach
Speaker 3: it for the rest of forever, you know what I mean,
Speaker 3: until you do the work to change it. And so
Speaker 3: if you first experienced grief as a young kid, maybe
Speaker 3: you went back there even in adulthood until you learned
Speaker 3: how to navigate it correctly, and you did. It's the
Speaker 3: young kid. I think about that all the time, that
Speaker 3: you went through that when you're.
Speaker 1: So yeah, that's true. Glenna Doyle said something like that.
Speaker 1: She had heard something like sometimes you recreate all of
Speaker 1: your childhood trauma to try and correct it and correct
Speaker 1: your reaction to it, and the ending to things, and yeah,
Speaker 1: I agree with that. I mean, the only thing you
Speaker 1: can ever hope for in this lifetime is to become
Speaker 1: more evolved. I mean, for me, I always just want
Speaker 1: to get more informed, more evolved, and become a better
Speaker 1: version of myself.
Speaker 3: Right, Yeah, And you fuck it up the first time,
Speaker 3: in the second time, the third time, and by like
Speaker 3: the fourth time, let's get our shit together, right, And
Speaker 3: that that's kind of life. If you can buy the
Speaker 3: fourth time kind of figure it out, then you're you're
Speaker 3: on the right track.
Speaker 1: And also, I think something that's really valid is having
Speaker 1: an interest. We were just talking to somebody who thought,
Speaker 1: you know, therapy was self indulgent or navel gazing or unnecessary.
Speaker 1: It's like, it is so important to be with somebody
Speaker 1: who has the capacity and the knowledge to be smart
Speaker 1: enough to understand that there are things inside of us
Speaker 1: that need to be examined, that there are you have
Speaker 1: to self examine. You have to understand why you do
Speaker 1: things so that you don't hurt people and that you
Speaker 1: don't behave in a childish way when you're an adult,
Speaker 1: you know, like that's no funny.
Speaker 3: You have to do that. But I think if you
Speaker 3: want to be in any sort of elevated relationship with
Speaker 3: yourself or with anybody else that really can go anywhere,
Speaker 3: then you have to do the work. I mean some
Speaker 3: people are fine just sitting there, not examining things, not
Speaker 3: working it out. But I promise you and you're you know,
Speaker 3: I look at your growth just in terms of like
Speaker 3: your heart, just knowing you for how many years has
Speaker 3: it been now almost twenty years?
Speaker 1: Probably?
Speaker 3: Yeah, probably? You know. I see it in you, and
Speaker 3: not that you needed to, but I see a different
Speaker 3: version of you now, an evolved version. I think we
Speaker 3: all do, you know? And I love that you're so
Speaker 3: open about that dream. Well, I mean it's it is
Speaker 3: a compliment, it is.
Speaker 1: I know you've been through some difficult breakups and now
Speaker 1: you're in a real happy relationship. How would did that
Speaker 1: work for you? That kind of arc?
Speaker 3: I think you have to be grateful and sort of
Speaker 3: make such peace with whatever you've been through because it
Speaker 3: does sort of form who you are. And I have
Speaker 3: been able. You know, I met my husband, which is
Speaker 3: so weird to say, but my husband I met almost
Speaker 3: three years ago, and if I hadn't met him when
Speaker 3: I met him as a human, I was when I
Speaker 3: met him. I wouldn't have been ready for what he
Speaker 3: has done for me in terms of holding a mirror
Speaker 3: up to me and holding a mirror up to the world.
Speaker 3: You know, is a person of color, a gay immigrant
Speaker 3: person of color, who's worked his way up in this
Speaker 3: life to become a doctor of education. And he just
Speaker 3: showed me what that journey was like. And it made
Speaker 3: me understand what being a white man here was like
Speaker 3: and what being a flawed human is like. And he's
Speaker 3: just made me so much better. And I wouldn't have
Speaker 3: been ready for it if I hadn't gone through all
Speaker 3: of it, you know, And here I am. I think
Speaker 3: I'm ready.
Speaker 1: Oh. I love that his husband's name is Wellington, which
Speaker 1: I love. I love a name like Wellington. It sounds
Speaker 1: like he should be on Oh what's that stupid team?
Speaker 3: Ye Abby well That but the.
Speaker 1: Other the updated Child Bridgerton show, Yeah, Bridgerton.
Speaker 3: You know. The best thing about well is, you know,
Speaker 3: he's a very important educational thinker and all that. But
Speaker 3: every time I go what do you want for dinner?
Speaker 3: He goes, you want beef Wellington, And then he shakes it.
Speaker 3: He goes, you like your beef Wellington? Well done?
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, so Ross is on Drew Barrymore show. They're
Speaker 1: a delightful combo platter, I must say. And you guys
Speaker 1: are going back? What season are you going back to? Yeah?
Speaker 3: Season three we're starting. And you know, Chelsea, you've known
Speaker 3: me for a long time. And when I grew up
Speaker 3: in a little farmtown, I used to watch Regis and
Speaker 3: Kathy Lee just like talk and think like, oh my god,
Speaker 3: they get to like talk to each other and then
Speaker 3: interview celebrities. That's what I want to do and it's
Speaker 3: been the goal forever and I can't believe I get
Speaker 3: to do it every day with Drew Barrymore. It's crazy
Speaker 3: you claim on the show, right, and it was so
Speaker 3: nice to have you on. And she's just a dream.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Drew's a very special, unique individual. Drew has gone
Speaker 1: through her sets of trauma and yeah, all of this stuff,
Speaker 1: but she always manages to be sunny side up is
Speaker 1: how I would describe her. She's always Yeah, I mean
Speaker 1: she can you know, she's not perfect in terms of
Speaker 1: like being in a happy moood all the time, but
Speaker 1: her genuine spirit is.
Speaker 3: That her like neutral vibrates above happy, you know what
Speaker 3: I mean? Just when she's in that gear and I
Speaker 3: kind of do that too, But you know, she's somebody
Speaker 3: who again has put in the work. Can you think
Speaker 3: about where she's been? Sometimes I'll bring it up, you know,
Speaker 3: what were you doing when you were thirteen? And she'll
Speaker 3: be like, I was in the mental institution. Oh okay,
Speaker 3: well I understood, so, but she's really like been through
Speaker 3: it and come out on this place just full of
Speaker 3: gratitude and not a Pollyanna, not cheesy. She really comes
Speaker 3: by honestly, but she's the real deal. You know, I
Speaker 3: didn't know her before doing the show. I just sort
Speaker 3: of popped in one day and we like clicked.
Speaker 1: How long did it? How long did it take you
Speaker 1: guys to click?
Speaker 3: About about three and a half minutes, I think. And
Speaker 3: then she was like can you come back tomorrow?
Speaker 1: And I was like, yore?
Speaker 3: And then they said can you come back next week?
Speaker 1: Okay?
Speaker 3: And then I just never left Chelsea. It's like, yeah,
Speaker 3: when I did your show, I just showed up. Same
Speaker 3: thing on Rue Paul, same thing on Jay Leno. I
Speaker 3: just sort of show up and then people are like,
Speaker 3: I guess we'll keep them. I'm like a rescue dog,
Speaker 3: you know, they're like, I like him. I guess I'm
Speaker 3: used to him.
Speaker 1: That's cute. That's cute. So what goes on on Long Island?
Speaker 1: What part of Long Island are you on?
Speaker 3: So we're on the north shore. I don't know anything about.
Speaker 3: All I knew about Long Island is that it was
Speaker 3: far away from California. But uh, we just bought a
Speaker 3: house here because my husband, like I said, he works
Speaker 3: out here and then it's a quick train run into
Speaker 3: the city. But I love it. I thought it was
Speaker 3: sort of like cheesy, and then I realized, oh, this
Speaker 3: is where the Barefoot Kntessa lives. And then it all started.
Speaker 3: It all started making sense to me. I was like,
Speaker 3: I can have burrata and capre say and you know,
Speaker 3: I could flip my denim collar up and life is
Speaker 3: gonna be great. So I love it here. And you
Speaker 3: know what, can I tell you a quick story that
Speaker 3: I don't know if what I'm gonna tell you anyway. So
Speaker 3: I had a dream. I've always been scared of cats
Speaker 3: because there's this terrible neighbor cat that was so mean
Speaker 3: to me growing up. So I just scared. And then
Speaker 3: about fifteen years ago, I had a dream about a
Speaker 3: gray cat. I've thought about this gray cat for fifteen years,
Speaker 3: you know, thinking about one day a gray cat's going
Speaker 3: to show up. I bought this house on Long Island.
Speaker 3: The morning after we moved in, I walked into the
Speaker 3: backyard and a gray cat walks up to me and
Speaker 3: starts nuzzling me. And I named her Joy until I
Speaker 3: found out that she's a boy. So now it's Joy Boy,
Speaker 3: and Joy Boy is here every single day, and it
Speaker 3: means to me I'm on the right track, right I'm
Speaker 3: supposed to be.
Speaker 1: That's such a cute story. I'm into all of that shit.
Speaker 1: I'm all into symbolism and signs. Catherine and I just
Speaker 1: started reading this book about this neuroscientist who basically discovers
Speaker 1: mysticism and spirituality and the meaning of the universe and
Speaker 1: which scientists are like, no, nothing ever, nothing ever happens
Speaker 1: because it's supposed to. Everything's an accident. Everything's an accident
Speaker 1: unless it's proven by science. And she just had her
Speaker 1: you know, switch flipped.
Speaker 3: Yeah, either way, I think it works.
Speaker 1: Either way.
Speaker 3: I don't know.
Speaker 1: Well, for you it does.
Speaker 3: I'll take what I can get.
Speaker 1: She had her switch flipped, and she's like, oh no,
Speaker 1: there's like a cosmic element to everything, and there's symbolism,
Speaker 1: and there's premissary premonitiary premonitionary premonitionary dreams.
Speaker 3: I think it's just missionary missionary premonitionary dreams.
Speaker 1: Like my friend Wendy always has premonitionary dreams. She dreams
Speaker 1: something and then it happens, and it's like, what's that about?
Speaker 1: You know what I mean? Because we all have a
Speaker 1: like a psychic ability, and I just I love that stuff.
Speaker 1: I think that the more open minded you are, the
Speaker 1: more you see.
Speaker 3: It's so well put. I used to roll my eyes
Speaker 3: at like crystals and bullshit. I always called it that
Speaker 3: until I went through my big breakup and then I
Speaker 3: someone i'm a friend brought me to a crystal store
Speaker 3: and like literally a piece of stone changed my life.
Speaker 3: It's moltivite and I just have hung on to it.
Speaker 3: And I thought to myself, you know, if the moon
Speaker 3: can pull the tide, there's something going on with energy.
Speaker 3: So if you can just accept it as opposed to
Speaker 3: try to explain it to yourself, Like I like what
Speaker 3: you said, you see things other people can't see.
Speaker 2: Yeah, if you are to walk into a room where
Speaker 2: like two people have just been arguing. You feel it.
Speaker 2: That's energy, that's all that is. When they say you
Speaker 2: can cut it with a knife, it's true.
Speaker 1: Well, it's also like when somebody fakes their energy when
Speaker 1: they come in and they try to be happy, but
Speaker 1: you can tell something's gone on and they're not in
Speaker 1: a good spot. That's that's energy, and it's completely transferable
Speaker 1: and well and it's transparent, like you can totally see
Speaker 1: right through it. So yeah, people who don't take that
Speaker 1: seriously or think my beliefs are my beliefs and it's
Speaker 1: intransigent and I'm not willing to change my opinion, It's like, well,
Speaker 1: then you're wrong. Definitely. If you're not willing to have
Speaker 1: your mind change, then you're wrong.
Speaker 3: Yeah yeah yeah. And if you just can accept the
Speaker 3: fact that even you're in stack is energy, then there
Speaker 3: you go. Yeah, that's right there. We've all felt that thing,
Speaker 3: you know.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, absolutely so Ross. On our podcast, we
Speaker 1: take callers and we give advice, and these are real
Speaker 1: life situations and serious problems. So you better fucking have
Speaker 1: a shot at tequila and get ready.
Speaker 3: Okay, Okay, I'm just all I have here is water,
Speaker 3: But I'm going to be hydra.
Speaker 1: That's my breast milk that I said to you.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, it's utterly delicious.
Speaker 1: Think it's almond milk. Actually, I pump fresh almond milk
Speaker 1: every morning.
Speaker 3: That's nuts.
Speaker 2: Well, let's take a quick break and we'll be right
Speaker 2: back for some.
Speaker 1: Okay, Ross and I are going to give each other
Speaker 1: a little rubber ducky massage. Now we'll be right back,
Speaker 1: and we're back.
Speaker 2: I'm so fast. All right, Well, our first I just want.
Speaker 1: To mention before you start that there is a neon
Speaker 1: sign behind Ross with his name written in cursive and
Speaker 1: pink neon, and I would expect nothing fucking less.
Speaker 3: Thank you, it's all. I have a remote control and
Speaker 3: I can change that to blue if you want.
Speaker 6: Boom.
Speaker 1: Look at that.
Speaker 3: I got this on at a little boutique called Amazon.
Speaker 1: Oh, I've never heard of Amazon. It's cute, and I
Speaker 1: also had no idea it was pronounced like that, so
Speaker 1: look at me learning.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think it's French.
Speaker 2: Well, our first question comes from sad friend. Dear Chelsea,
Speaker 2: one of my good friends, someone who I considered my
Speaker 2: best friend in college, just unfollowed me on Instagram. She
Speaker 2: didn't tell me about this, and I just figured it
Speaker 2: out three months later. I confronted her about it, and
Speaker 2: she said she doesn't like my boyfriend. She told me
Speaker 2: that she didn't want to see him on my stories
Speaker 2: and my posts. The problem is, this is not a
Speaker 2: new boyfriend. We've been dating for eight years, all throughout college.
Speaker 2: I didn't realize she disliked my boyfriend this much, and
Speaker 2: it's not a sentiment I've received from any of my
Speaker 2: other friends. She mentioned once in passing that she didn't
Speaker 2: want to hang around him, and I thought, okay, whatever,
Speaker 2: But I just think it's so weird that she unfollowed me.
Speaker 2: It also makes me think that her hatred of him
Speaker 2: matters more than our friendship. I don't even hang out
Speaker 2: with them together, so I'm not sure what the problem is.
Speaker 2: Do you think it's a sign that she no longer
Speaker 2: wants to be friends and this was her way of
Speaker 2: saying it. I'm not sure I even want to continue
Speaker 2: the friendship if she couldn't have an open conversation with
Speaker 2: me about this before she resorted to unfollowing me and
Speaker 2: not telling me about it. Sincerely, a sad friend.
Speaker 1: Oh that hurts your feelings?
Speaker 3: That is sad. I have a very strong opinion about
Speaker 3: this though, Yes, tell us okay, goodbye, thank you so much.
Speaker 3: If you're gonna unfollow me after knowing me that with
Speaker 3: instead of picking up the phone and saying, hey, I
Speaker 3: have a real problem with your boyfriend. There's some things
Speaker 3: about him. I don't like it about his characters, qualities
Speaker 3: as a human, and I think maybe you can do better.
Speaker 3: You're not gonna have that grown up conversation, but you're
Speaker 3: gonna unfollow me, Well, you're not capable of being my
Speaker 3: friend anymore, Thank you so much.
Speaker 1: Next, Yeah, absolutely, I mean fuck that person. Unfollowing somebody
Speaker 1: is as a friend is really aggressive. I don't even
Speaker 1: want to unfollow others celebrities that annoy me that I'm
Speaker 1: not friends with, because I know they're going to see it.
Speaker 1: So you can easily mute somebody when you don't want
Speaker 1: to see anything that they're doing. That's an option everybody.
Speaker 1: But yeah, your friend is an asshole. That's not a
Speaker 1: real reason. How could she dislike your boyfriend after eight
Speaker 1: years and then not say anything and that's how she
Speaker 1: tells you. So I'm glad that you're open to not
Speaker 1: being friends with her again, because that's probably the root
Speaker 1: I would take, Not probably that is the root I
Speaker 1: would take.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 3: I would also look at the boyfriend though, just in
Speaker 3: case maybe the friend had a point, you know what
Speaker 3: I mean, like examine, just let that sink into but
Speaker 3: goodbye to the friends. She's not grown up.
Speaker 1: Yeah. And also you can take a survey from your
Speaker 1: other friends and see if there's an issue with your
Speaker 1: boyfriend that anybody else has. You know, if you're interested
Speaker 1: in learning about that, or you think that there might
Speaker 1: be something up with your boyfriend or your boyfriend might
Speaker 1: be an asshole, then you should ask your other friends
Speaker 1: and whose opinions you trust. And when you're asking for honesty,
Speaker 1: that gives a person a lot more license and a
Speaker 1: bigger avenue to be honest rather than them giving you
Speaker 1: unsolicited opinions.
Speaker 3: You being a grown up like this, These people are
Speaker 3: probably almost thirty because eight years ago they were in college, right,
Speaker 3: so they're almost thirty being a grown up, and your
Speaker 3: biggest move is to unfollowize.
Speaker 1: I don't even like when Instagram comes up in regular
Speaker 1: conversations and somebody says, like when any adult says something
Speaker 1: about somebody being followed or following someone on Instagram, I'm like,
Speaker 1: excuse me, sir, how old are you.
Speaker 3: Yeah, here's a sentence I've never said to my like, oh,
Speaker 3: she didn't like my photo. I never once who would
Speaker 3: say that.
Speaker 1: It's like Instagram is our touchstone for like being alive.
Speaker 1: I don't like that to be the barometer for anything. Yeah.
Speaker 2: Ever, I have to say I kind of have a
Speaker 2: little bit of a different opinion on this. I honestly
Speaker 2: feel like, if you're following me, if you're not following me,
Speaker 2: like who cares, sort of like do your thing. I
Speaker 2: have friends that I love in real life and I
Speaker 2: cannot follow them online because they're frankly just obnoxious on
Speaker 2: But at the same time, I do think that a
Speaker 2: lot of people believe that Instagram or TikTok is a
Speaker 2: proxy for friendship. It's like, if you're not sending me memes,
Speaker 2: if you're not following me, you're not my friend. But
Speaker 2: at the same time, I think the mute button can
Speaker 2: be your very best friend and spare everybody's feelings. But
Speaker 2: I don't know, what do you guys think about this?
Speaker 2: A lot of people take it so seriously.
Speaker 3: I don't know. It's kind of sad to be that
Speaker 3: to care that much about it, don't you think? I mean,
Speaker 3: am I just old? Do we miss the window of
Speaker 3: Like we didn't grow up with Instagram, so maybe we
Speaker 3: don't get the value of it. We're just sort of like.
Speaker 1: I get the value of it, but I don't like
Speaker 1: the relationship with it when it becomes a little bit
Speaker 1: too interdependent. I mean, yes, I'm on Instagram all the time.
Speaker 1: I'm checking things, I'm writing to people, I'm answering things,
Speaker 1: and I'm looking at my.
Speaker 3: You're a good commentor you're always in there.
Speaker 1: I'd like to give people support and do that, but
Speaker 1: I also don't like it to run me. Like if
Speaker 1: I if I notice that I've been on or my
Speaker 1: screen time says, oh you've been up five hours, You've
Speaker 1: added this week or day or whatever, I'm like, oh
Speaker 1: fuck yeah. And then I if I'm on vacation, I
Speaker 1: put my phone down. I don't touch it, you know,
Speaker 1: usually all day. So I it is a very tricky relationship.
Speaker 1: And we know it's addictive. It's addicting, and you become
Speaker 1: an addict, and I mean I already have enough addictions,
Speaker 1: so so I don't need that to be one of
Speaker 1: another one, you know, I get it well.
Speaker 2: Our next question comes from Noah, and he's on the
Speaker 2: phone with us here.
Speaker 1: Oh is it Noah from the Affair?
Speaker 2: Of course it is okay. I love that character, Dear Chelsea.
Speaker 2: I've been single for a few years now and haven't
Speaker 2: gotten past two ish dates with anyone since that time.
Speaker 2: I'm pretty independent, but nevertheless a bit of a romantic.
Speaker 2: I wouldn't say I'm in a rush because I have
Speaker 2: very close friends who I spend a good deal of
Speaker 2: time with, and during the height of the pandemic, I
Speaker 2: was quite content being alone, reading, watching TV, taking long walks,
Speaker 2: without the expectation to interact with society. But things are
Speaker 2: changing now and I'm wanting more. I live in Minneapolis,
Speaker 2: and the population of gay men here isn't what it
Speaker 2: is in say, Chicago, NYC or San Francisco. It's a big,
Speaker 2: small town, and you can expect that if you start
Speaker 2: to date someone, you probably know their ex Plus, everyone
Speaker 2: here settles down, further limiting available men to complicate it
Speaker 2: even more. I'm a kinky bottom, and finding men that
Speaker 2: compliment that part of me, or that are open to
Speaker 2: open relationships is even harder. If they exist here. I
Speaker 2: already know who they are. Despite having the best friends
Speaker 2: I've ever had in my life, and the fact that
Speaker 2: the quality of life here is so nice. I live
Speaker 2: blocks away from four different lakes, multiple parks, and pay
Speaker 2: less than seven hundred dollars for my rent. I want
Speaker 2: to move eventually, but I'm a historian and museum professional,
Speaker 2: and believe it or not, there isn't a huge job
Speaker 2: market for historians these days. I'm willing to date long distance,
Speaker 2: but how do you even meet someone to begin a
Speaker 2: long distance relationship? How do I make moves towards what
Speaker 2: I want when I seem stuck where I am? Noah, Hi,
Speaker 2: goa Hi, Noah.
Speaker 3: I didn't know it was going to actually be here.
Speaker 3: No hy, we were just going to talk about you
Speaker 3: like you weren't here.
Speaker 5: Oh my gosh. Well I'm glad to be here with
Speaker 5: both of you, all of you.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, well we have our gay man is here
Speaker 1: today so he can. Really I'm going to let you
Speaker 1: jump off on this ross you take aware.
Speaker 3: You're in lucky little kinky bottom because Uncle Ross is here.
Speaker 1: Other kiky bottoms on the zoom.
Speaker 3: Well, listen, I love that you put that out there,
Speaker 3: and that is the number one thing you can do
Speaker 3: when you're looking for love and you're I should say,
Speaker 3: when you're ready for love is to put it out there. Now,
Speaker 3: do not poo poo on Minneapolis. It is a great
Speaker 3: gay city.
Speaker 5: You know.
Speaker 3: I every time I'm in Minneapolis, I go to the
Speaker 3: saloon and order the what the tater tots because they
Speaker 3: are Chris they are perfect. Minneapolis is. It is very
Speaker 3: gay there. But I also understand when you say it's
Speaker 3: a little big city. And so if you meet someone,
Speaker 3: you do probably know their ex. Have you found that
Speaker 3: when you put it out there? Are you on the
Speaker 3: apps like putting it out there what you're into in
Speaker 3: terms of sexually?
Speaker 4: Oh?
Speaker 6: Yeah, I'm on the apps and I don't have a
Speaker 6: hard time finding what I need sexually. It's finding that
Speaker 6: component of like the romantic with the sexual because there
Speaker 6: are folks that are in relationship here and open, and
Speaker 6: so I can usually find folks that are into what
Speaker 6: I'm into. It just so happens that they're not available
Speaker 6: to date.
Speaker 3: I wonder if simultaneously, if you could be like on
Speaker 3: the grinder the hookup apps to be getting your kinky
Speaker 3: bottom insatiable needs fed, and simultaneously on a different kind
Speaker 3: of app right, like maybe the Tinder where it's not
Speaker 3: all about whole pictures, right.
Speaker 5: I have a variety of them. Yeah, you do.
Speaker 3: And are you finding and then, Chelsea, I'll let you
Speaker 3: speak on your own show, But are you finding that
Speaker 3: on these apps where you like it's about finding love
Speaker 3: that there's just the well is dry?
Speaker 5: Yeah?
Speaker 6: So I've got the Hinge, Tender, Scruff and Grinder, So
Speaker 6: like those four and I do definitely use.
Speaker 3: That's a nice buffet of dating apps. I like your
Speaker 3: I like you, I like your choices.
Speaker 5: I use Hinge and Tender, yeah, more for dates.
Speaker 6: But like I said, like, I've had a handful of
Speaker 6: first dates and we never get past the second and
Speaker 6: I don't really know why that is.
Speaker 5: Sometimes the kinky stuff comes up on those dates, sometimes
Speaker 5: it doesn't.
Speaker 6: But I've only had like a handful in the past
Speaker 6: two years, and that's just not a lot of prospects.
Speaker 3: Now, Chelsea, it seems to me though, that no is
Speaker 3: just kind of dating. I mean, isn't that it that
Speaker 3: you have some sex on this side? You have some
Speaker 3: dates and hope that they get to a number three
Speaker 3: and a four into that and they won't until like
Speaker 3: it's the right guy. But isn't this kind of just
Speaker 3: the game?
Speaker 1: Well, first of all, Noah, you said something that is
Speaker 1: pretty negative, and there's no way that you know everybody
Speaker 1: in Minneapolis and that you've experienced every gay person there
Speaker 1: and that everyone that's available has you've already met. That's
Speaker 1: just not true. So that kind of thinking has like
Speaker 1: a negative pattern in your brain when you shut things
Speaker 1: down and you're like, well, what's the point here? So
Speaker 1: you have to kind of wash that out. You haven't
Speaker 1: met everybody in Minneapolis and you never will, and you
Speaker 1: haven't met every gay bottom or top. Sorry, you're looking
Speaker 1: for a top probably, and you want to have an
Speaker 1: open relationship, right, that's what you're interested in.
Speaker 5: Yeah, that preferred. I'm open to monogamy.
Speaker 6: It's just one of those things that I know that
Speaker 6: I am needy, and so it's unreasonable for me to
Speaker 6: expect one person to be able to fulfill all of
Speaker 6: those things. But if they think that they could or
Speaker 6: would be willing to do that, I would be open
Speaker 6: to monogamy as well.
Speaker 1: Wow, look at that. That's a great answer. I love
Speaker 1: that you're being You're actually being selfless about it because
Speaker 1: you don't want to put that onus on another person
Speaker 1: to constantly have to be penetrating you. I get that.
Speaker 1: That's very nice of you, sweet, but there are other Okay,
Speaker 1: so all the dating apps you've got covered, I would
Speaker 1: say continue on that. You're doing the Lord's work and
Speaker 1: that's fun, and you're going to meet people. It might
Speaker 1: not be on the timeline that you want, but somebody's
Speaker 1: going to come along that's also going to be wanting
Speaker 1: a relationship and you're going to find that person. But
Speaker 1: I think you should also cast a wider net. I mean,
Speaker 1: I know you're casting a pretty wide net, but in
Speaker 1: terms of not being on dating sites, like what kind
Speaker 1: of stuff do you like to do? There's like all
Speaker 1: sorts of gym shit you could get into where you're
Speaker 1: going to meet people gym activities, whether you're into like
Speaker 1: volleyball or what do you like to do.
Speaker 5: So I'm actually heavily involved in the gay kickball and
Speaker 5: gay dodge policy.
Speaker 3: There we go.
Speaker 5: So I'm a captain of my team.
Speaker 1: Oh the captain.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's so hot.
Speaker 5: I also like teach the rules to all the nevies.
Speaker 6: So every time we have a beginning of the season,
Speaker 6: all of these new gays or like new people that
Speaker 6: are playing the sports are coming to me and I'm
Speaker 6: teaching the rules, so I get to see and meet
Speaker 6: a lot of people that way as well. So it's
Speaker 6: actually how I met my last boyfriend, which we broke
Speaker 6: up in twenty nineteen.
Speaker 1: So okay, well, it sounds like you're doing everything you
Speaker 1: need to be doing. When was the last time that
Speaker 1: you were in a relationship twenty nineteen?
Speaker 5: Yeah, we broke up in December of twenty nineteen.
Speaker 1: Okay, and you're ready to get into another one.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I think so.
Speaker 6: I needed a while after that one, and that was
Speaker 6: my first long term relationship, and after that was the
Speaker 6: first time I realized that I could, like, actually have
Speaker 6: a relationship. Prior to that, I wasn't really looking for
Speaker 6: something long term because I didn't realize that I was
Speaker 6: capable of it. And then it happened and I was like,
Speaker 6: you know what, I really liked that, and it ended
Speaker 6: for other reasons, but I was like, I enjoyed that,
Speaker 6: and I would like to get something like that again.
Speaker 3: How old are you again? Remind me?
Speaker 5: Noah, I'm twenty seven.
Speaker 3: Oh good, So you're right, you're righting where you should
Speaker 3: be doing. Exactly what you should be doing. Don't rush it. Noah, Okay,
Speaker 3: if you keep on this path, you're going to be
Speaker 3: just fine finding somebody, somebody something. And you've got a
Speaker 3: lot of living to do, honey, Okay, a lot of
Speaker 3: bottoming for you to do. Got it.
Speaker 1: Don't bought them out. Don't bought them out. And also,
Speaker 1: you know, like, if this is what you desire, a loving,
Speaker 1: compassionate relationship, write that down, Write that down on and
Speaker 1: put it on your refrigerator, and every single morning, write
Speaker 1: it down again, write it down to start your day.
Speaker 1: I am capable and deserving of a loving, healthy relationship
Speaker 1: with another man. And just that is your mantra. Say
Speaker 1: it to yourself, like the manifestation is everything. It fucking works.
Speaker 1: People talk about stuff all the time. By putting that
Speaker 1: in your brain activity, not only are you changing your
Speaker 1: own energy, you're changing your thought process. And instead of
Speaker 1: looking at it as a negative, you have to start going.
Speaker 1: I can't wait to meet the people in Minneapolis I
Speaker 1: haven't met yet. I can't wait to meet those guys.
Speaker 1: You know, there's a new kickball season starting. Guess what's
Speaker 1: going to happen. There's a whole new crop for you
Speaker 1: so and anything you can add to that. I mean,
Speaker 1: it sounds like you're pretty busy and with all of it,
Speaker 1: but I mean, these are great qualities to have. These
Speaker 1: are great activities to be doing. You know, captaining a
Speaker 1: kickball team is a great way to meet people. But
Speaker 1: if there's any other sports out there that you feel
Speaker 1: like you're into, do that too. If you have time,
Speaker 1: You're only just going to meet more people and make
Speaker 1: your life broader, healthier, and more well balanced.
Speaker 5: Yeah, you're right.
Speaker 3: I'm not worried about you know and not worried about it.
Speaker 1: I'm not worried about you know it either. You're twenty
Speaker 1: seven years old. Be patient, don't be in a rush.
Speaker 1: There's no rush. There's no rush. This is going to come.
Speaker 1: You'd rather get the right person in time than to
Speaker 1: get the wrong person quickly, right, yep, correct.
Speaker 6: Yeah, that's the thing that I need to work on,
Speaker 6: is the patients, because I think that way too. It's
Speaker 6: just like, I know what I want and there's no
Speaker 6: reason to compromise on that for right now because I'm
Speaker 6: not and.
Speaker 1: I want to say thank you for your AIDS poster
Speaker 1: in the background so that the first words I see
Speaker 1: behind your head are aids.
Speaker 3: Thank you to that.
Speaker 6: I am a queer historian, so I've gotten all over
Speaker 6: So yeah, so beautiful.
Speaker 2: Just to sort of put a cap on that, Chelsea
Speaker 2: Kinna mentioned this earlier, but also like putting that out
Speaker 2: there that you know you're ready for a relationship that's
Speaker 2: kind of what you're interested in. Next, like putting that
Speaker 2: out to your friends as well, putting it out there
Speaker 2: to yourself every day, but also like drop that into
Speaker 2: conversation because you never know who's like, oh my gosh,
Speaker 2: I was just talking to this other person the other
Speaker 2: day about this. I gotta connect these two.
Speaker 1: Sure, we'll keep.
Speaker 2: Us posted, let us know how we go.
Speaker 1: Good luck, You're going to be just fine.
Speaker 5: I have a date Saturday.
Speaker 3: So glad you and your eager butthole. Okay, I I
Speaker 3: love Noah.
Speaker 1: I want only gay questions for Ross.
Speaker 2: And I was like, is this too on the nose?
Speaker 3: I don't know, No, right on the nose.
Speaker 2: Well, we have another caller. This is Chloe. Chloe says
Speaker 2: dear Chelsea. I'm twenty eight and recently moved to New
Speaker 2: York to pursue stand up. In twenty twenty one, I
Speaker 2: ended a bad relationship, and two weeks later, I lost
Speaker 2: my grandmother, who was more like a mom to me,
Speaker 2: and shit really hit the fan in a way that
Speaker 2: I'm now profoundly grateful for. I gained a lot of
Speaker 2: weight in the months immediately after the breakup and losing
Speaker 2: my grandmother. My weight is a part of my story
Speaker 2: though forever I've been thin, i've been fat, I've been
Speaker 2: in between. I've made the decision to pursue weight loss
Speaker 2: surgery not because it's an easy way out, but because
Speaker 2: I'm finally living my dream and just logistically don't have
Speaker 2: time for major weight loss if I also want to
Speaker 2: pursue stand up and work full time. I feel so
Speaker 2: grateful for my life not going the way I really
Speaker 2: clung to because I would never have started doing stand up,
Speaker 2: which makes me feel more alive and in love in
Speaker 2: any person, place, or thing outside of myself ever has.
Speaker 2: But the thought of any surgery makes me feel anxious.
Speaker 2: I've done a ton of research and know that this
Speaker 2: is a safe and routine surgery, but I'm scared of
Speaker 2: being that point oh one percent of fatalities. You know
Speaker 2: how hard the grind is trying to make it and
Speaker 2: stand up when you're just beginning, and in the little
Speaker 2: time I have to myself, I'd like to start dating
Speaker 2: again as well, but I'm too scared to do so
Speaker 2: in a larger body. The world is just a lot
Speaker 2: kinder to you in a smaller frame. Weight loss surgery
Speaker 2: seems like a step that will let me have my
Speaker 2: cake and eat it too. Figuratively speaking, I'd love to
Speaker 2: know your thoughts and my predicament, and maybe what decision
Speaker 2: you would make if you were in my shoes. Chloe, Hi, Cli.
Speaker 1: Choe, Hi, Hi, Hi cutie, how are you? I'm good?
Speaker 4: How are you guys?
Speaker 1: Well, you're in luck. We have a very special guest
Speaker 1: here today, Ross Matthews is here.
Speaker 3: Cowhi Hi, Okay, you are so cute. We just listened
Speaker 3: to your letter. Girl. I feel you in so many
Speaker 3: different ways. I get it.
Speaker 4: Thank you. Yeah, this is great that you're here. I
Speaker 4: feel like you would understand I know a lot about
Speaker 4: your story and everything.
Speaker 3: Well, I get it in so many ways in terms
Speaker 3: of like what it's like to be a person of
Speaker 3: size trying to be funny, you know what I mean,
Speaker 3: trying to get into show business. I understand about putting
Speaker 3: on weight when you're grieving the loss of somebody you
Speaker 3: love so much. And I understand the journey of wanting
Speaker 3: to try to be the best version of yourself you
Speaker 3: can be so you can be in the fight, right yeah, yeah,
Speaker 3: But I would tell you Chloe that just by like
Speaker 3: having this conversation with yourself and having with us, you're
Speaker 3: already in the fight. There's no right way or wrong
Speaker 3: way to do this. So whatever you need to do
Speaker 3: to get you where you want to be so you
Speaker 3: are ready to take on whatever's going to come your way,
Speaker 3: do it. And when you think about being the one
Speaker 3: percent of the small chance of something terrible could happen
Speaker 3: to you if you want to head with the weight
Speaker 3: lesser dream, okay, but I mean something terrible could be
Speaker 3: happened tomorrow, But I wouldn't be afraid. Don't go to
Speaker 3: the negative place. Do whatever you need to to get
Speaker 3: to where you want to go and be who you
Speaker 3: want to be. I didn't do weight loss surgery. It
Speaker 3: wasn't for me because I mostly I was scared. I mean,
Speaker 3: I only have my back teeth taking out what they
Speaker 3: called your wisdom teeth. That's like my most hardcore surgery.
Speaker 3: So it wasn't for me, but I understand it's unique
Speaker 3: for every weight loss. It's so personal for people. There's
Speaker 3: no shame in anything. But I'm so proud of you
Speaker 3: for showing up for yourself.
Speaker 4: Thank you. Yeah. I really wanted advice from people who
Speaker 4: aren't family members, because I feel like their opinions are
Speaker 4: informed by their love for me and wanting me to
Speaker 4: be safe and not take that risk. But I know
Speaker 4: myself and like it's just something that I've been struggling with,
Speaker 4: truly since fourth grade. Roberta Morales calls me fat, and
Speaker 4: it's like, okay, that's.
Speaker 3: I know, Roberta.
Speaker 4: Yeah. So I just want to like take this thing
Speaker 4: away that has been torturing me for so long. And
Speaker 4: I really I want to live, you know, in so
Speaker 4: many ways. I am. I moved to New York and
Speaker 4: I'm pursuing stand up and I am like living in
Speaker 4: a lot of ways, and I feel brave and I
Speaker 4: love myself in those ways. I feel like if I
Speaker 4: can do this thing that can just also help me
Speaker 4: feel like cute and sexy and cool, then like why.
Speaker 3: Not IM proud? Proud of yourself, right, that's part of it.
Speaker 5: Two.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I got it. But I also want you know,
Speaker 3: just as is. You are just fabulous as is too,
Speaker 3: you know what I mean, And you got to love
Speaker 3: it yourself right now here today too.
Speaker 1: Yeah. I think it's a tricky endeavor to like think
Speaker 1: of one thing that's going to fix everything, you know,
Speaker 1: Like people do that with the relationships a lot. They
Speaker 1: think if they get married, they'll fix the relationship, or
Speaker 1: if they have a baby, they'll fix the relationship, and
Speaker 1: that works the opposite way. You know, whatever problems you have,
Speaker 1: we're going to be exasperated by thinking that there's a
Speaker 1: one solution. So what I would say to you is
Speaker 1: to not look at that as the end all be
Speaker 1: all I think. I think it's fine if you want to
Speaker 1: get that surgery done, but you should also work towards
Speaker 1: that surgery and get yourself into a really healthy place
Speaker 1: so that you're not just trying to remove whatever you
Speaker 1: want to remove, that you're actually actively pursuing the path
Speaker 1: that you want to go down, which is one where
Speaker 1: you feel a little bit more healthy and a little
Speaker 1: bit more fit right, and you want to be attractive,
Speaker 1: and that to you means weight loss surgery. But on
Speaker 1: the way to that surgery, you should actually start taking
Speaker 1: really good care of yourself, you know, incorporating exercise, incorporating
Speaker 1: healthier foods, and actually mindfully working towards that goal, because
Speaker 1: it's kind of like going in to get an operation
Speaker 1: without doing it with the right intention is something that
Speaker 1: can easily backfire. You know, you can gain that weight
Speaker 1: back if you're not mindful. You can go in and
Speaker 1: feel great for two months and then just let it
Speaker 1: all go to shit. I've seen people do that. I've
Speaker 1: seen people get light bo or lap band surgery and
Speaker 1: then they end up right back where they started. So
Speaker 1: it's a very intentional thing that you have to be
Speaker 1: mindful of. These are your goals to feel good about yourself.
Speaker 1: There's nothing wrong with that, there is no shame in that.
Speaker 1: But you have to be on your own team in
Speaker 1: pursuit of this. You know, you have to get yourself
Speaker 1: to a place that is ready for the surgery, and
Speaker 1: you might even start to lose weight and go, wait
Speaker 1: a second, this isn't as hard as I thought it
Speaker 1: was going to be, and you might not want the surgery.
Speaker 1: Do you have the surgery set yet?
Speaker 4: Yeah? So I actually I had a date and then
Speaker 4: just in the past few days I pushed it back
Speaker 4: a little bit just to give myself more time, Like
Speaker 4: I'm I quit smoking good Girl, just to like prepare
Speaker 4: get my body as healthy as I can be. And
Speaker 4: then I also pushed it back because I was like,
Speaker 4: I do want to get to a place of more
Speaker 4: acceptance and self love before I make that move, and
Speaker 4: like spend more time in this body. But also, like
Speaker 4: you said, be more conscientious of what I put in
Speaker 4: my body. Get into an exercise routine. And it's hard,
Speaker 4: Like I was telling Catherine, I work full time. I'm an assistant,
Speaker 4: and then I work a few nights at a comedy club.
Speaker 4: And then when I'm not doing those things, I'm trying
Speaker 4: to be at mic. So like my life feels really chaotic,
Speaker 4: but still still just trying to be intentional up to
Speaker 4: that point.
Speaker 1: Yeah, do you get any exercise in Like are you
Speaker 1: walking around the city.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm always walking those subway steps get me. I
Speaker 4: do like soul cycle, I.
Speaker 1: Can, but like, yeah, I think just leading up to them.
Speaker 1: When do you have the surgery set for now?
Speaker 4: It's the second week of January.
Speaker 1: Oh, you have plenty of time. You have plenty of time.
Speaker 1: I think that you should really try to get you know,
Speaker 1: you can download one of those apps like Noom that
Speaker 1: I did that a couple of weeks ago when I
Speaker 1: had to prepare for a photo shoot. It doesn't matter
Speaker 1: how you busy you are. The busier I am, the
Speaker 1: easier it is to be healthy for me because I
Speaker 1: have less time to fuck around and like, go oh,
Speaker 1: I want to actually taco from Taco Bell. It's like no,
Speaker 1: I don't. I'm going to have this epics bar or
Speaker 1: this protein bar, or I'm going to make a shake.
Speaker 1: So take advantage of the fact that you're busy and
Speaker 1: use this time to get ready for the surgery and
Speaker 1: really start to get develop some healthy habits that will
Speaker 1: be with you post surgery as well. You want to
Speaker 1: get in the habit of walking everywhere. You want to
Speaker 1: get in the habit of eating healthy, not eating shit.
Speaker 1: Don't eat shit that just makes you feel shit. It's
Speaker 1: not good for your brain and it's not good for
Speaker 1: your body. And develop all these healthy habits that will
Speaker 1: take you through the surgery. And not drinking and smoking excellent,
Speaker 1: do not drink or smoke before surgery. I speak from experience.
Speaker 3: I would also say to just make it a choice
Speaker 3: by choice, meal by meal thing. Eventually it all adds
Speaker 3: up and it becomes habit. You know, those choices start
Speaker 3: become the new normal, and you'll be so shocked how
Speaker 3: in between now and January, just by your actions and
Speaker 3: your choices, you're going to see results. Things will happen
Speaker 3: for you, and you may decide you don't need the surgery,
Speaker 3: but if you want it, down the line to get it.
Speaker 3: I'm just saying, the way that you're showing up for
Speaker 3: yourself now having these conversations is impressive, and keep it up.
Speaker 4: Yeah. I feel like, honestly, once I set the date
Speaker 4: and pay the time deposit, I got a second job
Speaker 4: just to save for it. Like those decisions actually did
Speaker 4: empower me to start making healthier decisions now, because it's
Speaker 4: that it's felt like more real.
Speaker 2: As you're kind of going on this journey and sort
Speaker 2: of figuring out what's right for you. I have a
Speaker 2: couple podcasts that I think would be really helpful for
Speaker 2: you to listen to. First is Half Size Me with
Speaker 2: Coach Heather. She's one of those people who like fits
Speaker 2: in one pant leg of her old pants and lost
Speaker 2: a lot of weight and kept it off for a
Speaker 2: decade or more. She takes the approach of slow and
Speaker 2: steady is the only thing that wins the race. It's
Speaker 2: non judgmental, it's really really helpful, and I just think
Speaker 2: it's a really great podcast to be listening to. The
Speaker 2: second one is called Maintenance Phase, and the two hosts
Speaker 2: of this are incredible journalists, but they go about debunking
Speaker 2: a lot of wellness and diet culture stuff. They talk
Speaker 2: a lot about anti fat bias, they talk a lot
Speaker 2: lot about being healthy no matter your size, and why
Speaker 2: in individual's health, markers are much more important than their
Speaker 2: weight in a lot of cases. So yeah, check out
Speaker 2: Maintenance Phase. Take a listen to both of those. There's
Speaker 2: sort of two different perspectives on the same topic and
Speaker 2: that's why I think they'd be really helpful for you
Speaker 2: to listen to sort of at the same time.
Speaker 4: Yeah, thank you, I'm always listening to a podcast.
Speaker 2: Awesome.
Speaker 1: Perfect.
Speaker 3: I'm so happy to meet you, Chloe, and good luck. Okay,
Speaker 3: and if I'm ever seeing your headlining somewhere, I'm gonna
Speaker 3: come see you.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Okay, I'm like five months in.
Speaker 1: So ray, good for you. That's so fucking brave. Bang.
Speaker 4: Yeah, okay, cause it's been crazy and I love all of.
Speaker 1: We love you too, Chloe.
Speaker 3: Thank you, Chloe.
Speaker 2: All right, We'll talk to you soon, Chloe.
Speaker 1: Bye.
Speaker 3: I still get that. I still get just being like
Speaker 3: confused with the weight loss and health and just thinking
Speaker 3: like where do you even start. It's like a big
Speaker 3: pile of laundry're like, which fucking piece do I fold?
Speaker 3: I don't even know where to start. That's what it
Speaker 3: feels like. It's just so confusing and daunting.
Speaker 1: I used to be so obsessed, obsessed with my weight, obsessed,
Speaker 1: and I'm still not better. I mean, I'm less obsessed,
Speaker 1: but I still have it, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: Like I'm getting ready for I have a shoot on Saturday,
Speaker 1: and for me to do a shoot, I can't even socialize, Like,
Speaker 1: but it's so I mean, I have so much education
Speaker 1: and what is good for you that I know exactly
Speaker 1: what to do. I know to space my meals apart
Speaker 1: three and a half hours. I know to eat proteins,
Speaker 1: a little bit fat and a little bit of healthy carbs,
Speaker 1: and I know not to drink and I know not you.
Speaker 3: Know, I get that I can look at any picture
Speaker 3: from any decade and know exactly what I wait that
Speaker 3: day Oh my god.
Speaker 1: Do you weigh yourself every day too?
Speaker 3: Every day? Every day? When I when I put on
Speaker 3: I don't. That's that's when I'm I haven't looked, you
Speaker 3: know what I mean when I cause you know me,
Speaker 3: I call myself a weight detective. If I lose it,
Speaker 3: I can always find it again. This time is been different,
Speaker 3: like because it's been a It's about accountability, you know
Speaker 3: what I mean. You know, at a certain age you
Speaker 3: kind of figure out what behavior is going to fuck
Speaker 3: you up in the long run, you know.
Speaker 1: Yeah, right, well, you've been looking good for a while,
Speaker 1: though you haven't put on weight in a while, right.
Speaker 3: No, I haven't. They took you long enough to mention it.
Speaker 3: Thank you so much. Yeah, I do look great, And no,
Speaker 3: I really am feeling.
Speaker 1: I can't wait to do a reboot of Chelsea later
Speaker 1: so we can all just hang out and make fun
Speaker 1: of each other on the round table.
Speaker 3: Are we going to do that?
Speaker 1: Are we in we're talking about it. We're we're in
Speaker 1: official discussions. Yes, and we'll see if the right thing.
Speaker 1: I don't know, I don't know where to put this
Speaker 1: or where at the right place is for that, you know,
Speaker 1: if it's a streamer feels like network television is over
Speaker 1: in terms of late night shows, so I don't really
Speaker 1: want to put myself in that category. I want to,
Speaker 1: I don't know. I have to figure out if there's
Speaker 1: a right fit. But yeah, we're definitely talking about it.
Speaker 3: All right, let's discuss it happy hour. We'll solve it.
Speaker 1: Okay, we'll solve the world's crisis in a happy hour
Speaker 1: and then I can give you all the dish excellent.
Speaker 2: Well, we're going to take another quick break and then
Speaker 2: we'll be right back with Chelsea and.
Speaker 1: Ross and we're back, you know what. Oh my god.
Speaker 1: Speaking of terrible voices, like when I try to sing,
Speaker 1: I was doing a Peloton ABS class yesterday morning, and
Speaker 1: the girl who ran it, I don't know what her
Speaker 1: name was, but she started singing and I looked at
Speaker 1: my phone. It was on my phone. I'm on a
Speaker 1: mat in my I'm in there's mental house in Beverly Hills.
Speaker 1: And I looked at the phone, going, are you fucking
Speaker 1: kidding me? You can She just tried to sing along
Speaker 1: to the song, but her voice was worse than mine.
Speaker 1: And I looked at her like she was standing next
Speaker 1: to me, and I was like excuse me, you can't
Speaker 1: sing ever again on this app And then she did
Speaker 1: it again. And this morning I got up and I
Speaker 1: was like, all right, which apps class am I going
Speaker 1: to do? And I was like, all right, she's out,
Speaker 1: Like she it's over for her. She tried to.
Speaker 3: Say, See, that's the difference between you and me. I'd
Speaker 3: be like, what time are you saying this again? Tomorrow?
Speaker 3: I need trying to be here.
Speaker 2: Well, ros this is the part of our show where
Speaker 2: we ask if you have any advice you'd like from Chelsea.
Speaker 2: You know, I actually do One thing I revere about Chelsea.
Speaker 2: I just respect so much about you is that you
Speaker 2: have no problem like with letting it get uncomfortable with people,
Speaker 2: you know what I mean, Like if somebody's acting a fool,
Speaker 2: you'll tell them, If somebody is a dick, you'll alert them.
Speaker 3: If somebody's in your space to tell them. I feel
Speaker 3: like I constantly have to be human lubricants. I'm always
Speaker 3: just kind of like, Okay, that's gonna be fine, Everything's
Speaker 3: gonna be fine, trying to make everything okay even if
Speaker 3: it's not real, Like, how do we become more comfortable
Speaker 3: with the with the uncomfortable.
Speaker 1: Honestly, I believe that there is a lot of dignity
Speaker 1: in being truthful and direct. It's undignified to pretend that
Speaker 1: something's okay when it's not. I feel that way. I
Speaker 1: feel like if somebody's acting in a weird way, like
Speaker 1: it's oh, there's nice ways to say it and nicer
Speaker 1: ways to say it. As I've learned over the years,
Speaker 1: it's not like, hey, fucking moron, It's like, hey, is
Speaker 1: everything okay? Like what's going on? Or this makes me uncomfortable?
Speaker 1: Or you seem like you're a little bit out of whack,
Speaker 1: or this dynamic isn't working. Like, it's good to set boundaries.
Speaker 1: People respect that, and I've become much more gentle about
Speaker 1: my confrontations, you know what I mean.
Speaker 3: Because I have heard you say, what what's wrong with you?
Speaker 3: Fucking I've heard you say that.
Speaker 1: Of course. Yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeah, so even you have like sort of reformed how
Speaker 3: you do.
Speaker 1: It, yeah, because that doesn't feel good to the person.
Speaker 1: You know, if somebody's acting weird, or somebody's encroaching on
Speaker 1: your physical space or your personal you know, however they're
Speaker 1: infringing on you, or that you don't like the way
Speaker 1: that you feel there's no shame in saying, hey, I
Speaker 1: just need you to back up a little bit, or
Speaker 1: I actually need a minute by myself, or I'm feeling overwhelmed.
Speaker 1: You know, it depends. If somebody's a really sensitive person,
Speaker 1: it's always better to put it on yourself and act
Speaker 1: like it's your problem, not theirs. But if somebody is consistently,
Speaker 1: you know, causing a problem, or you don't like the
Speaker 1: way they're behaving like, there is a lot of dignity
Speaker 1: in being upfront and saying, hey, this is how this
Speaker 1: makes me feel. Not you are asshole, you behave badly.
Speaker 1: It's like this is not comfortable for me at this point.
Speaker 1: You know, I had to learn that a lot, especially
Speaker 1: if somebody is throwing daggers at you and you're in
Speaker 1: a fight. It is very hard to regain composure because
Speaker 1: you're in defense mode and nothing in that area ever
Speaker 1: gets resolved. If two people are going at it, there's
Speaker 1: no there's not going to be any come to Jesus moment.
Speaker 1: But I would say putting up guardrails not to be
Speaker 1: overly guarded, but putting up guardrails when people have overstepped
Speaker 1: is a very dignified thing to do and the person
Speaker 1: that you do it with will most likely respect you
Speaker 1: more if it's handled correctly.
Speaker 3: That actually is a big aha thing for me right
Speaker 3: now when you're saying that, it's like respectful and dignified
Speaker 3: to be more honest with another person to sort of say, hey,
Speaker 3: this is the reality, this makes me uncomfortable, or this
Speaker 3: needs to stop, or this as opposed to just like
Speaker 3: ha ha and you move on. That's almost like undignified
Speaker 3: and disrespectful to them. I just find myself, as getting
Speaker 3: older and you know, becoming an adult and things, i
Speaker 3: find myself needing to have those kind of confrontational moments
Speaker 3: more often. And I'm tired of like whimping out and
Speaker 3: just not doing it like a grown up, you know.
Speaker 3: So I'm not really trying to force myself to have
Speaker 3: those Wellington quotes. Brenne Brown calls them courageous conversations, you know,
Speaker 3: that's what they call them. So, yeah, trying to force
Speaker 3: myself to do.
Speaker 1: That, yeah, because there's it is undignified to be fake.
Speaker 1: That's it.
Speaker 3: That's the word fake, right, Yeah. If we're not addressing it,
Speaker 3: we're faking it. Yeah, that's so lame.
Speaker 1: Yeah, faking is lame.
Speaker 3: Speaking is lame. Thank you, Thank you, Little Chelsea. I
Speaker 3: know you're unqualified to give advice at all, but you're
Speaker 3: very good at it.
Speaker 1: Oh. I love you, Ross, I love you. I can't
Speaker 1: wait to see you. You know what? We should go
Speaker 1: to that boat place that I love.
Speaker 3: I don't know what I'd go there.
Speaker 1: Okay, we're gonna figure it out Wednesday night happy hour, all.
Speaker 3: Right, Okay, let's keep that boat place afloat.
Speaker 1: Okay, we will love you.
Speaker 2: If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email
Speaker 2: a Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com and be
Speaker 2: sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited
Speaker 2: and engineered by Brad Dickert executive producer Katherine Law and
Speaker 2: be sure to check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot
Speaker 2: com