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Speaker 1: Okay, hi Catherine, Oh hi Chelsea, I got hello. Welcome

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Speaker 1: to the studio. We're in studio together in Los Angeles,

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Speaker 1: Los Angeles.

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Speaker 2: I love when we get to be together.

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Speaker 1: I know, I know, it's so nice. Ye and now

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Speaker 1: that we sit on the same side of the window,

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Speaker 1: especially especially not especially guys. I did an announcement on

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Speaker 1: my Instagram a PSAs I like to call them about

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Speaker 1: the words especially and espresso, that they do not have

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Speaker 1: exes in them, that they are s's. Actually, you know,

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Speaker 1: there were a couple of comments about it's like, oh,

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Speaker 1: that's being really racist, thinking about how different cultures use

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Speaker 1: language and different educational systems, and it's a socioeconomic classes

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Speaker 1: thing to say. I'm like, not at all. That's that

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Speaker 1: is a thing that like white college educated people are

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Speaker 1: abusing that word when they say especially, I don't.

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Speaker 2: Because I get it wrong. I got it wrong.

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Speaker 1: Did you say especially honestly don't remember? Well exhibit A.

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Speaker 1: Then I mean it's just can tell anyway. Oh fuck, I.

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Speaker 2: Liked your regime regimen correction because I mean, man, I

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Speaker 2: hear it all the time and it drives me nuts.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, so and then why is that not racist? Regime

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Speaker 1: A regiment and or classes. If it's like it's like, no,

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Speaker 1: you're correcting grammar or grammar should be used correctly and uniformly.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Anyway, I love language and that's my passion. And I

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Speaker 1: have just announced new stand updates for my Little Big

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Speaker 1: Bitch tour. Guys. I announced twenty five new cities. These

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Speaker 1: are probably a lot of the cities people have been

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Speaker 1: mentioning in the comments. I start out in East Hampton.

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Speaker 1: I go to New York, d C, Durham, North Carolina, LA, Phoenix, Cleveland, Columbus, Pittsburgh, Milwaukee, Chicago, Madison, Portland,

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Speaker 1: to name just some. There are more. You can go

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Speaker 1: to Chelsea Handler dot com. I am on tour and

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Speaker 1: I have dates coming up for the next three months

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Speaker 1: and then more dates coming up in the fall. So

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Speaker 1: those have all been announced. They're on my Instagram page,

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Speaker 1: or you can go to Chelsea Hamler dot com. Thank you.

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Speaker 1: My guest today is an old friend from Chelsea Lately

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Speaker 1: Days who everyone will know. He's on RuPaul's Drag Race.

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Speaker 1: He is the co host of The Drew Barrymore Show,

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Speaker 1: and he has his own new podcast which is called

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Speaker 1: Hello Ross Ross Matthews. Everybody, Hi, Hi, Hi.

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Speaker 2: Who's there.

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Speaker 3: I'm so happy to see you.

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Speaker 1: Hi, cutie, Patunity, fresh.

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Speaker 3: And fruity, extra fruity.

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Speaker 1: What's up?

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Speaker 3: Where are you in?

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Speaker 4: La?

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Speaker 1: I am? Where are you Palm Springs?

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Speaker 3: No? No, no, we're We bought a house in Long Island,

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Speaker 3: so we're here because we're starting Drew up again.

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Speaker 1: I thought you bought a place in Palm Springs.

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Speaker 3: So I have a house in Palm Springs. And then

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Speaker 3: when I came here for drew and then married, wellie,

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Speaker 3: he's faced in Long Island because that's where he works here. Okay,

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Speaker 3: So we bought a house here and I love it

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Speaker 3: out here.

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Speaker 1: Oh that's great, and so are you going to keep

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Speaker 1: your place in Palm Springs?

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Speaker 3: We're back and forth. My brother lives there. It's like

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Speaker 3: a compound, you know. My brother lives there with the dogs.

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Speaker 3: He watches them.

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Speaker 5: Cute.

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Speaker 1: I love it. Congratulations, thank you.

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Speaker 3: There's so much to catch up on. And Hi.

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Speaker 1: By the way, Hi, this is my producer, Katherine.

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Speaker 3: Hi, Katherine, everybody.

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Speaker 1: Ross Matthews is here today. Hello, Hello Ross Matthews.

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Speaker 3: It is so good to see you. It has been

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Speaker 3: too long, I mean, even though we did get to

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Speaker 3: get together and have like a happy hour thing not

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Speaker 3: that long ago. Yeah it was you remember, Yeah, I

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Speaker 3: was there. You were there, Yeah, yeah, New York City.

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Speaker 1: I what barber? Were we at the famous Ritz Saint Regis?

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Speaker 1: Saint Regis? That's right, what's that bar called?

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Speaker 3: I never remember? But they have the popcorn in my

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Speaker 3: life there, remember that truffle popcorn that I have since emulated.

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Speaker 3: I figured out how to make it so good.

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Speaker 1: We had a little reunion. It was Fortune and Jack's

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Speaker 1: and Wellie Ross's now husband, and Joe Boy myself and

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Speaker 1: we all went and it was so much fun and

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Speaker 1: it was like a little Yeah, that was a really

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Speaker 1: fun night.

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Speaker 2: I saw those pictures on the Instagram.

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Speaker 1: Uh they were on the ground. Well, Joe Koy and

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Speaker 1: I have broken up. Ross. I'm sure that you've heard.

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Speaker 3: I know, I did hear. I texted you.

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Speaker 4: I know.

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Speaker 3: I love you both, and that one, that one hurt.

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Speaker 3: I have to say. Did it hurt me as much

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Speaker 3: as it hurt you? Hurt me more?

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Speaker 1: Maybe? I don't know. No, it hurt me. It was.

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Speaker 1: It was painful. It was you know, it's hard to

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Speaker 1: break up anytime, especially when you you know, thought you

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Speaker 1: were gonna be with somebody for a long time. It's

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Speaker 1: hard to like, go, wait a second, this isn't what

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Speaker 1: I thought it was gonna be. That sucks, it's not.

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Speaker 3: Also, I think so many people invested in you guys,

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Speaker 3: do you know. I think it was it was something

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Speaker 3: we needed after the pandemic, and you know what it

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Speaker 3: was still it was beautiful. It was beautiful for what

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Speaker 3: it was and when it was. And I hope your

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Speaker 3: heart is good.

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Speaker 1: Yeah it is.

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Speaker 2: I'm good now.

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Speaker 1: I feel a lot of I've healed a lot in

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Speaker 1: the last couple of months. It's only been a couple months,

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Speaker 1: but I feel a lot. I think now we were

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Speaker 1: talking about this on another podcast. I have to say,

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Speaker 1: like having the skills from going to therapy about how

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Speaker 1: to deal with grieving and the end of a relationship

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Speaker 1: and to act like an adult instead of like a

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Speaker 1: kid is the best gift ever.

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Speaker 2: Too.

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Speaker 1: Like, I love the way that I have behaved, and

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Speaker 1: I can't say that about many times in my life.

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Speaker 3: I've been there for some of those times.

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Speaker 1: You can attest to my bad behavior. But like, especially

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Speaker 1: with breakups, when there's drama, or there's hurt feelings, or

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Speaker 1: there's egos involved, it's so easy to lower your vibration

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Speaker 1: and to fight nasty instead of taking the high road

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Speaker 1: and always just being like, it's okay, it's okay. It

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Speaker 1: didn't work out.

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Speaker 3: Can we go deep for a second, because I had

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Speaker 3: a thought, Sure, I think grief grief, and I'm someone

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Speaker 3: who's dealt with grief. Right, I lost both my parents.

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Speaker 3: It's tough, you know, you have to learn that you've

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Speaker 3: done that as well. I think grief is grief, whether

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Speaker 3: it's a breakup or a death or a loss, it is.

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Speaker 3: It is what it is, and I feel like the

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Speaker 3: first time you really experience grief is how you approach

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Speaker 3: it for the rest of forever, you know what I mean,

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Speaker 3: until you do the work to change it. And so

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Speaker 3: if you first experienced grief as a young kid, maybe

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Speaker 3: you went back there even in adulthood until you learned

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Speaker 3: how to navigate it correctly, and you did. It's the

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Speaker 3: young kid. I think about that all the time, that

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Speaker 3: you went through that when you're.

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Speaker 1: So yeah, that's true. Glenna Doyle said something like that.

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Speaker 1: She had heard something like sometimes you recreate all of

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Speaker 1: your childhood trauma to try and correct it and correct

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Speaker 1: your reaction to it, and the ending to things, and yeah,

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Speaker 1: I agree with that. I mean, the only thing you

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Speaker 1: can ever hope for in this lifetime is to become

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Speaker 1: more evolved. I mean, for me, I always just want

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Speaker 1: to get more informed, more evolved, and become a better

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Speaker 1: version of myself.

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Speaker 3: Right, Yeah, And you fuck it up the first time,

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Speaker 3: in the second time, the third time, and by like

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Speaker 3: the fourth time, let's get our shit together, right, And

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Speaker 3: that that's kind of life. If you can buy the

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Speaker 3: fourth time kind of figure it out, then you're you're

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Speaker 3: on the right track.

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Speaker 1: And also, I think something that's really valid is having

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Speaker 1: an interest. We were just talking to somebody who thought,

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Speaker 1: you know, therapy was self indulgent or navel gazing or unnecessary.

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Speaker 1: It's like, it is so important to be with somebody

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Speaker 1: who has the capacity and the knowledge to be smart

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Speaker 1: enough to understand that there are things inside of us

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Speaker 1: that need to be examined, that there are you have

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Speaker 1: to self examine. You have to understand why you do

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Speaker 1: things so that you don't hurt people and that you

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Speaker 1: don't behave in a childish way when you're an adult,

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Speaker 1: you know, like that's no funny.

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Speaker 3: You have to do that. But I think if you

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Speaker 3: want to be in any sort of elevated relationship with

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Speaker 3: yourself or with anybody else that really can go anywhere,

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Speaker 3: then you have to do the work. I mean some

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Speaker 3: people are fine just sitting there, not examining things, not

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Speaker 3: working it out. But I promise you and you're you know,

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Speaker 3: I look at your growth just in terms of like

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Speaker 3: your heart, just knowing you for how many years has

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Speaker 3: it been now almost twenty years?

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Speaker 1: Probably?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, probably? You know. I see it in you, and

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Speaker 3: not that you needed to, but I see a different

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Speaker 3: version of you now, an evolved version. I think we

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Speaker 3: all do, you know? And I love that you're so

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Speaker 3: open about that dream. Well, I mean it's it is

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Speaker 3: a compliment, it is.

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Speaker 1: I know you've been through some difficult breakups and now

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Speaker 1: you're in a real happy relationship. How would did that

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Speaker 1: work for you? That kind of arc?

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Speaker 3: I think you have to be grateful and sort of

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Speaker 3: make such peace with whatever you've been through because it

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Speaker 3: does sort of form who you are. And I have

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Speaker 3: been able. You know, I met my husband, which is

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Speaker 3: so weird to say, but my husband I met almost

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Speaker 3: three years ago, and if I hadn't met him when

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Speaker 3: I met him as a human, I was when I

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Speaker 3: met him. I wouldn't have been ready for what he

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Speaker 3: has done for me in terms of holding a mirror

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Speaker 3: up to me and holding a mirror up to the world.

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Speaker 3: You know, is a person of color, a gay immigrant

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Speaker 3: person of color, who's worked his way up in this

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Speaker 3: life to become a doctor of education. And he just

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Speaker 3: showed me what that journey was like. And it made

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Speaker 3: me understand what being a white man here was like

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Speaker 3: and what being a flawed human is like. And he's

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Speaker 3: just made me so much better. And I wouldn't have

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Speaker 3: been ready for it if I hadn't gone through all

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Speaker 3: of it, you know, And here I am. I think

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Speaker 3: I'm ready.

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Speaker 1: Oh. I love that his husband's name is Wellington, which

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Speaker 1: I love. I love a name like Wellington. It sounds

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Speaker 1: like he should be on Oh what's that stupid team?

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Speaker 3: Ye Abby well That but the.

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Speaker 1: Other the updated Child Bridgerton show, Yeah, Bridgerton.

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Speaker 3: You know. The best thing about well is, you know,

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Speaker 3: he's a very important educational thinker and all that. But

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Speaker 3: every time I go what do you want for dinner?

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Speaker 3: He goes, you want beef Wellington, And then he shakes it.

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Speaker 3: He goes, you like your beef Wellington? Well done?

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Speaker 1: Oh yeah, so Ross is on Drew Barrymore show. They're

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Speaker 1: a delightful combo platter, I must say. And you guys

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Speaker 1: are going back? What season are you going back to? Yeah?

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Speaker 3: Season three we're starting. And you know, Chelsea, you've known

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Speaker 3: me for a long time. And when I grew up

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Speaker 3: in a little farmtown, I used to watch Regis and

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Speaker 3: Kathy Lee just like talk and think like, oh my god,

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Speaker 3: they get to like talk to each other and then

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Speaker 3: interview celebrities. That's what I want to do and it's

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Speaker 3: been the goal forever and I can't believe I get

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Speaker 3: to do it every day with Drew Barrymore. It's crazy

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Speaker 3: you claim on the show, right, and it was so

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Speaker 3: nice to have you on. And she's just a dream.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, Drew's a very special, unique individual. Drew has gone

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Speaker 1: through her sets of trauma and yeah, all of this stuff,

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Speaker 1: but she always manages to be sunny side up is

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Speaker 1: how I would describe her. She's always Yeah, I mean

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Speaker 1: she can you know, she's not perfect in terms of

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Speaker 1: like being in a happy moood all the time, but

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Speaker 1: her genuine spirit is.

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Speaker 3: That her like neutral vibrates above happy, you know what

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Speaker 3: I mean? Just when she's in that gear and I

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Speaker 3: kind of do that too, But you know, she's somebody

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Speaker 3: who again has put in the work. Can you think

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Speaker 3: about where she's been? Sometimes I'll bring it up, you know,

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Speaker 3: what were you doing when you were thirteen? And she'll

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Speaker 3: be like, I was in the mental institution. Oh okay,

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Speaker 3: well I understood, so, but she's really like been through

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Speaker 3: it and come out on this place just full of

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Speaker 3: gratitude and not a Pollyanna, not cheesy. She really comes

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Speaker 3: by honestly, but she's the real deal. You know, I

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Speaker 3: didn't know her before doing the show. I just sort

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Speaker 3: of popped in one day and we like clicked.

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Speaker 1: How long did it? How long did it take you

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Speaker 1: guys to click?

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Speaker 3: About about three and a half minutes, I think. And

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Speaker 3: then she was like can you come back tomorrow?

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Speaker 1: And I was like, yore?

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Speaker 3: And then they said can you come back next week?

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Speaker 1: Okay?

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Speaker 3: And then I just never left Chelsea. It's like, yeah,

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Speaker 3: when I did your show, I just showed up. Same

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Speaker 3: thing on Rue Paul, same thing on Jay Leno. I

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Speaker 3: just sort of show up and then people are like,

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Speaker 3: I guess we'll keep them. I'm like a rescue dog,

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Speaker 3: you know, they're like, I like him. I guess I'm

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Speaker 3: used to him.

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Speaker 1: That's cute. That's cute. So what goes on on Long Island?

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Speaker 1: What part of Long Island are you on?

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Speaker 3: So we're on the north shore. I don't know anything about.

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Speaker 3: All I knew about Long Island is that it was

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Speaker 3: far away from California. But uh, we just bought a

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Speaker 3: house here because my husband, like I said, he works

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Speaker 3: out here and then it's a quick train run into

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Speaker 3: the city. But I love it. I thought it was

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Speaker 3: sort of like cheesy, and then I realized, oh, this

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Speaker 3: is where the Barefoot Kntessa lives. And then it all started.

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Speaker 3: It all started making sense to me. I was like,

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Speaker 3: I can have burrata and capre say and you know,

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Speaker 3: I could flip my denim collar up and life is

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Speaker 3: gonna be great. So I love it here. And you

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Speaker 3: know what, can I tell you a quick story that

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Speaker 3: I don't know if what I'm gonna tell you anyway. So

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Speaker 3: I had a dream. I've always been scared of cats

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Speaker 3: because there's this terrible neighbor cat that was so mean

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Speaker 3: to me growing up. So I just scared. And then

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Speaker 3: about fifteen years ago, I had a dream about a

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Speaker 3: gray cat. I've thought about this gray cat for fifteen years,

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Speaker 3: you know, thinking about one day a gray cat's going

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Speaker 3: to show up. I bought this house on Long Island.

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Speaker 3: The morning after we moved in, I walked into the

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Speaker 3: backyard and a gray cat walks up to me and

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Speaker 3: starts nuzzling me. And I named her Joy until I

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Speaker 3: found out that she's a boy. So now it's Joy Boy,

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Speaker 3: and Joy Boy is here every single day, and it

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Speaker 3: means to me I'm on the right track, right I'm

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Speaker 3: supposed to be.

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Speaker 1: That's such a cute story. I'm into all of that shit.

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Speaker 1: I'm all into symbolism and signs. Catherine and I just

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Speaker 1: started reading this book about this neuroscientist who basically discovers

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Speaker 1: mysticism and spirituality and the meaning of the universe and

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Speaker 1: which scientists are like, no, nothing ever, nothing ever happens

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Speaker 1: because it's supposed to. Everything's an accident. Everything's an accident

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Speaker 1: unless it's proven by science. And she just had her

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Speaker 1: you know, switch flipped.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, either way, I think it works.

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Speaker 1: Either way.

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Speaker 3: I don't know.

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Speaker 1: Well, for you it does.

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Speaker 3: I'll take what I can get.

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Speaker 1: She had her switch flipped, and she's like, oh no,

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Speaker 1: there's like a cosmic element to everything, and there's symbolism,

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Speaker 1: and there's premissary premonitiary premonitionary premonitionary dreams.

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Speaker 3: I think it's just missionary missionary premonitionary dreams.

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Speaker 1: Like my friend Wendy always has premonitionary dreams. She dreams

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Speaker 1: something and then it happens, and it's like, what's that about?

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Speaker 1: You know what I mean? Because we all have a

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Speaker 1: like a psychic ability, and I just I love that stuff.

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Speaker 1: I think that the more open minded you are, the

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Speaker 1: more you see.

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Speaker 3: It's so well put. I used to roll my eyes

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Speaker 3: at like crystals and bullshit. I always called it that

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Speaker 3: until I went through my big breakup and then I

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Speaker 3: someone i'm a friend brought me to a crystal store

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Speaker 3: and like literally a piece of stone changed my life.

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Speaker 3: It's moltivite and I just have hung on to it.

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Speaker 3: And I thought to myself, you know, if the moon

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Speaker 3: can pull the tide, there's something going on with energy.

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Speaker 3: So if you can just accept it as opposed to

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Speaker 3: try to explain it to yourself, Like I like what

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Speaker 3: you said, you see things other people can't see.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, if you are to walk into a room where

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Speaker 2: like two people have just been arguing. You feel it.

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Speaker 2: That's energy, that's all that is. When they say you

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Speaker 2: can cut it with a knife, it's true.

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Speaker 1: Well, it's also like when somebody fakes their energy when

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Speaker 1: they come in and they try to be happy, but

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Speaker 1: you can tell something's gone on and they're not in

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Speaker 1: a good spot. That's that's energy, and it's completely transferable

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Speaker 1: and well and it's transparent, like you can totally see

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Speaker 1: right through it. So yeah, people who don't take that

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Speaker 1: seriously or think my beliefs are my beliefs and it's

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Speaker 1: intransigent and I'm not willing to change my opinion, It's like, well,

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Speaker 1: then you're wrong. Definitely. If you're not willing to have

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Speaker 1: your mind change, then you're wrong.

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Speaker 3: Yeah yeah yeah. And if you just can accept the

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Speaker 3: fact that even you're in stack is energy, then there

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Speaker 3: you go. Yeah, that's right there. We've all felt that thing,

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Speaker 3: you know.

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Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, absolutely so Ross. On our podcast, we

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Speaker 1: take callers and we give advice, and these are real

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Speaker 1: life situations and serious problems. So you better fucking have

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Speaker 1: a shot at tequila and get ready.

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Speaker 3: Okay, Okay, I'm just all I have here is water,

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Speaker 3: But I'm going to be hydra.

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Speaker 1: That's my breast milk that I said to you.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, it's utterly delicious.

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Speaker 1: Think it's almond milk. Actually, I pump fresh almond milk

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Speaker 1: every morning.

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Speaker 3: That's nuts.

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Speaker 2: Well, let's take a quick break and we'll be right

356
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Speaker 2: back for some.

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Speaker 1: Okay, Ross and I are going to give each other

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Speaker 1: a little rubber ducky massage. Now we'll be right back,

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Speaker 1: and we're back.

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Speaker 2: I'm so fast. All right, Well, our first I just want.

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Speaker 1: To mention before you start that there is a neon

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Speaker 1: sign behind Ross with his name written in cursive and

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Speaker 1: pink neon, and I would expect nothing fucking less.

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Speaker 3: Thank you, it's all. I have a remote control and

365
00:15:06,440 --> 00:15:07,920
Speaker 3: I can change that to blue if you want.

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Speaker 6: Boom.

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Speaker 1: Look at that.

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Speaker 3: I got this on at a little boutique called Amazon.

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Speaker 1: Oh, I've never heard of Amazon. It's cute, and I

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Speaker 1: also had no idea it was pronounced like that, so

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Speaker 1: look at me learning.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I think it's French.

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Speaker 2: Well, our first question comes from sad friend. Dear Chelsea,

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Speaker 2: one of my good friends, someone who I considered my

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Speaker 2: best friend in college, just unfollowed me on Instagram. She

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Speaker 2: didn't tell me about this, and I just figured it

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Speaker 2: out three months later. I confronted her about it, and

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Speaker 2: she said she doesn't like my boyfriend. She told me

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Speaker 2: that she didn't want to see him on my stories

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Speaker 2: and my posts. The problem is, this is not a

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Speaker 2: new boyfriend. We've been dating for eight years, all throughout college.

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Speaker 2: I didn't realize she disliked my boyfriend this much, and

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Speaker 2: it's not a sentiment I've received from any of my

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Speaker 2: other friends. She mentioned once in passing that she didn't

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Speaker 2: want to hang around him, and I thought, okay, whatever,

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Speaker 2: But I just think it's so weird that she unfollowed me.

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Speaker 2: It also makes me think that her hatred of him

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Speaker 2: matters more than our friendship. I don't even hang out

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Speaker 2: with them together, so I'm not sure what the problem is.

390
00:16:09,280 --> 00:16:10,720
Speaker 2: Do you think it's a sign that she no longer

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Speaker 2: wants to be friends and this was her way of

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Speaker 2: saying it. I'm not sure I even want to continue

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Speaker 2: the friendship if she couldn't have an open conversation with

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Speaker 2: me about this before she resorted to unfollowing me and

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Speaker 2: not telling me about it. Sincerely, a sad friend.

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Speaker 1: Oh that hurts your feelings?

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Speaker 3: That is sad. I have a very strong opinion about

398
00:16:30,440 --> 00:16:33,840
Speaker 3: this though, Yes, tell us okay, goodbye, thank you so much.

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Speaker 3: If you're gonna unfollow me after knowing me that with

400
00:16:36,400 --> 00:16:38,040
Speaker 3: instead of picking up the phone and saying, hey, I

401
00:16:38,040 --> 00:16:39,440
Speaker 3: have a real problem with your boyfriend. There's some things

402
00:16:39,440 --> 00:16:42,720
Speaker 3: about him. I don't like it about his characters, qualities

403
00:16:42,920 --> 00:16:45,080
Speaker 3: as a human, and I think maybe you can do better.

404
00:16:45,280 --> 00:16:47,040
Speaker 3: You're not gonna have that grown up conversation, but you're

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Speaker 3: gonna unfollow me, Well, you're not capable of being my

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Speaker 3: friend anymore, Thank you so much.

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00:16:51,320 --> 00:16:55,920
Speaker 1: Next, Yeah, absolutely, I mean fuck that person. Unfollowing somebody

408
00:16:56,000 --> 00:16:58,480
Speaker 1: is as a friend is really aggressive. I don't even

409
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Speaker 1: want to unfollow others celebrities that annoy me that I'm

410
00:17:01,400 --> 00:17:03,320
Speaker 1: not friends with, because I know they're going to see it.

411
00:17:03,720 --> 00:17:06,760
Speaker 1: So you can easily mute somebody when you don't want

412
00:17:06,800 --> 00:17:09,679
Speaker 1: to see anything that they're doing. That's an option everybody.

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00:17:10,040 --> 00:17:12,560
Speaker 1: But yeah, your friend is an asshole. That's not a

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Speaker 1: real reason. How could she dislike your boyfriend after eight

415
00:17:15,760 --> 00:17:18,159
Speaker 1: years and then not say anything and that's how she

416
00:17:18,200 --> 00:17:20,960
Speaker 1: tells you. So I'm glad that you're open to not

417
00:17:21,320 --> 00:17:23,640
Speaker 1: being friends with her again, because that's probably the root

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00:17:23,720 --> 00:17:25,960
Speaker 1: I would take, Not probably that is the root I

419
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Speaker 1: would take.

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Speaker 5: Yeah.

421
00:17:27,119 --> 00:17:28,800
Speaker 3: I would also look at the boyfriend though, just in

422
00:17:28,800 --> 00:17:30,320
Speaker 3: case maybe the friend had a point, you know what

423
00:17:30,359 --> 00:17:32,960
Speaker 3: I mean, like examine, just let that sink into but

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00:17:33,200 --> 00:17:34,520
Speaker 3: goodbye to the friends. She's not grown up.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. And also you can take a survey from your

426
00:17:36,440 --> 00:17:38,399
Speaker 1: other friends and see if there's an issue with your

427
00:17:38,400 --> 00:17:41,080
Speaker 1: boyfriend that anybody else has. You know, if you're interested

428
00:17:41,320 --> 00:17:43,320
Speaker 1: in learning about that, or you think that there might

429
00:17:43,359 --> 00:17:45,320
Speaker 1: be something up with your boyfriend or your boyfriend might

430
00:17:45,320 --> 00:17:47,480
Speaker 1: be an asshole, then you should ask your other friends

431
00:17:47,480 --> 00:17:50,600
Speaker 1: and whose opinions you trust. And when you're asking for honesty,

432
00:17:51,320 --> 00:17:54,399
Speaker 1: that gives a person a lot more license and a

433
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Speaker 1: bigger avenue to be honest rather than them giving you

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Speaker 1: unsolicited opinions.

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Speaker 3: You being a grown up like this, These people are

436
00:18:01,880 --> 00:18:04,320
Speaker 3: probably almost thirty because eight years ago they were in college, right,

437
00:18:04,400 --> 00:18:06,399
Speaker 3: so they're almost thirty being a grown up, and your

438
00:18:06,440 --> 00:18:08,119
Speaker 3: biggest move is to unfollowize.

439
00:18:09,080 --> 00:18:11,320
Speaker 1: I don't even like when Instagram comes up in regular

440
00:18:11,359 --> 00:18:14,800
Speaker 1: conversations and somebody says, like when any adult says something

441
00:18:14,840 --> 00:18:18,159
Speaker 1: about somebody being followed or following someone on Instagram, I'm like,

442
00:18:18,280 --> 00:18:20,159
Speaker 1: excuse me, sir, how old are you.

443
00:18:20,720 --> 00:18:22,960
Speaker 3: Yeah, here's a sentence I've never said to my like, oh,

444
00:18:23,000 --> 00:18:26,200
Speaker 3: she didn't like my photo. I never once who would

445
00:18:26,240 --> 00:18:26,480
Speaker 3: say that.

446
00:18:26,640 --> 00:18:29,840
Speaker 1: It's like Instagram is our touchstone for like being alive.

447
00:18:30,240 --> 00:18:33,040
Speaker 1: I don't like that to be the barometer for anything. Yeah.

448
00:18:33,080 --> 00:18:35,119
Speaker 2: Ever, I have to say I kind of have a

449
00:18:35,160 --> 00:18:38,440
Speaker 2: little bit of a different opinion on this. I honestly

450
00:18:38,440 --> 00:18:40,760
Speaker 2: feel like, if you're following me, if you're not following me,

451
00:18:41,000 --> 00:18:46,320
Speaker 2: like who cares, sort of like do your thing. I

452
00:18:46,359 --> 00:18:48,159
Speaker 2: have friends that I love in real life and I

453
00:18:48,200 --> 00:18:51,439
Speaker 2: cannot follow them online because they're frankly just obnoxious on

454
00:18:52,920 --> 00:18:55,560
Speaker 2: But at the same time, I do think that a

455
00:18:55,560 --> 00:18:59,560
Speaker 2: lot of people believe that Instagram or TikTok is a

456
00:18:59,640 --> 00:19:03,000
Speaker 2: proxy for friendship. It's like, if you're not sending me memes,

457
00:19:03,040 --> 00:19:05,520
Speaker 2: if you're not following me, you're not my friend. But

458
00:19:05,560 --> 00:19:07,720
Speaker 2: at the same time, I think the mute button can

459
00:19:07,760 --> 00:19:11,000
Speaker 2: be your very best friend and spare everybody's feelings. But

460
00:19:11,040 --> 00:19:12,480
Speaker 2: I don't know, what do you guys think about this?

461
00:19:12,640 --> 00:19:14,600
Speaker 2: A lot of people take it so seriously.

462
00:19:15,640 --> 00:19:17,639
Speaker 3: I don't know. It's kind of sad to be that

463
00:19:18,000 --> 00:19:20,520
Speaker 3: to care that much about it, don't you think? I mean,

464
00:19:20,560 --> 00:19:22,520
Speaker 3: am I just old? Do we miss the window of

465
00:19:22,600 --> 00:19:24,520
Speaker 3: Like we didn't grow up with Instagram, so maybe we

466
00:19:24,560 --> 00:19:26,520
Speaker 3: don't get the value of it. We're just sort of like.

467
00:19:26,720 --> 00:19:28,840
Speaker 1: I get the value of it, but I don't like

468
00:19:29,040 --> 00:19:32,200
Speaker 1: the relationship with it when it becomes a little bit

469
00:19:32,240 --> 00:19:36,160
Speaker 1: too interdependent. I mean, yes, I'm on Instagram all the time.

470
00:19:36,359 --> 00:19:39,800
Speaker 1: I'm checking things, I'm writing to people, I'm answering things,

471
00:19:39,840 --> 00:19:40,600
Speaker 1: and I'm looking at my.

472
00:19:40,720 --> 00:19:42,320
Speaker 3: You're a good commentor you're always in there.

473
00:19:42,640 --> 00:19:44,439
Speaker 1: I'd like to give people support and do that, but

474
00:19:44,480 --> 00:19:46,440
Speaker 1: I also don't like it to run me. Like if

475
00:19:46,480 --> 00:19:48,359
Speaker 1: I if I notice that I've been on or my

476
00:19:48,400 --> 00:19:50,920
Speaker 1: screen time says, oh you've been up five hours, You've

477
00:19:50,920 --> 00:19:53,080
Speaker 1: added this week or day or whatever, I'm like, oh

478
00:19:53,280 --> 00:19:56,040
Speaker 1: fuck yeah. And then I if I'm on vacation, I

479
00:19:56,080 --> 00:19:57,960
Speaker 1: put my phone down. I don't touch it, you know,

480
00:19:58,080 --> 00:20:01,400
Speaker 1: usually all day. So I it is a very tricky relationship.

481
00:20:01,440 --> 00:20:03,960
Speaker 1: And we know it's addictive. It's addicting, and you become

482
00:20:04,000 --> 00:20:06,359
Speaker 1: an addict, and I mean I already have enough addictions,

483
00:20:06,400 --> 00:20:09,560
Speaker 1: so so I don't need that to be one of

484
00:20:09,680 --> 00:20:14,480
Speaker 1: another one, you know, I get it well.

485
00:20:14,520 --> 00:20:17,399
Speaker 2: Our next question comes from Noah, and he's on the

486
00:20:17,440 --> 00:20:18,399
Speaker 2: phone with us here.

487
00:20:18,760 --> 00:20:20,159
Speaker 1: Oh is it Noah from the Affair?

488
00:20:20,400 --> 00:20:24,240
Speaker 2: Of course it is okay. I love that character, Dear Chelsea.

489
00:20:24,560 --> 00:20:26,720
Speaker 2: I've been single for a few years now and haven't

490
00:20:26,720 --> 00:20:29,560
Speaker 2: gotten past two ish dates with anyone since that time.

491
00:20:29,960 --> 00:20:32,680
Speaker 2: I'm pretty independent, but nevertheless a bit of a romantic.

492
00:20:32,920 --> 00:20:34,439
Speaker 2: I wouldn't say I'm in a rush because I have

493
00:20:34,560 --> 00:20:36,199
Speaker 2: very close friends who I spend a good deal of

494
00:20:36,240 --> 00:20:38,320
Speaker 2: time with, and during the height of the pandemic, I

495
00:20:38,359 --> 00:20:42,040
Speaker 2: was quite content being alone, reading, watching TV, taking long walks,

496
00:20:42,280 --> 00:20:46,000
Speaker 2: without the expectation to interact with society. But things are

497
00:20:46,080 --> 00:20:49,160
Speaker 2: changing now and I'm wanting more. I live in Minneapolis,

498
00:20:49,240 --> 00:20:51,359
Speaker 2: and the population of gay men here isn't what it

499
00:20:51,400 --> 00:20:55,359
Speaker 2: is in say, Chicago, NYC or San Francisco. It's a big,

500
00:20:55,400 --> 00:20:57,800
Speaker 2: small town, and you can expect that if you start

501
00:20:57,840 --> 00:21:01,240
Speaker 2: to date someone, you probably know their ex Plus, everyone

502
00:21:01,280 --> 00:21:05,439
Speaker 2: here settles down, further limiting available men to complicate it

503
00:21:05,440 --> 00:21:08,040
Speaker 2: even more. I'm a kinky bottom, and finding men that

504
00:21:08,080 --> 00:21:10,439
Speaker 2: compliment that part of me, or that are open to

505
00:21:10,480 --> 00:21:13,959
Speaker 2: open relationships is even harder. If they exist here. I

506
00:21:13,960 --> 00:21:17,000
Speaker 2: already know who they are. Despite having the best friends

507
00:21:17,040 --> 00:21:18,679
Speaker 2: I've ever had in my life, and the fact that

508
00:21:18,720 --> 00:21:21,200
Speaker 2: the quality of life here is so nice. I live

509
00:21:21,280 --> 00:21:24,280
Speaker 2: blocks away from four different lakes, multiple parks, and pay

510
00:21:24,359 --> 00:21:26,840
Speaker 2: less than seven hundred dollars for my rent. I want

511
00:21:26,880 --> 00:21:30,280
Speaker 2: to move eventually, but I'm a historian and museum professional,

512
00:21:30,280 --> 00:21:32,480
Speaker 2: and believe it or not, there isn't a huge job

513
00:21:32,520 --> 00:21:35,960
Speaker 2: market for historians these days. I'm willing to date long distance,

514
00:21:36,040 --> 00:21:38,159
Speaker 2: but how do you even meet someone to begin a

515
00:21:38,160 --> 00:21:41,080
Speaker 2: long distance relationship? How do I make moves towards what

516
00:21:41,119 --> 00:21:45,359
Speaker 2: I want when I seem stuck where I am? Noah, Hi,

517
00:21:45,520 --> 00:21:48,600
Speaker 2: goa Hi, Noah.

518
00:21:48,640 --> 00:21:50,400
Speaker 3: I didn't know it was going to actually be here.

519
00:21:50,600 --> 00:21:53,240
Speaker 3: No hy, we were just going to talk about you

520
00:21:53,280 --> 00:21:53,960
Speaker 3: like you weren't here.

521
00:21:54,600 --> 00:21:56,320
Speaker 5: Oh my gosh. Well I'm glad to be here with

522
00:21:56,400 --> 00:21:57,200
Speaker 5: both of you, all of you.

523
00:21:57,920 --> 00:22:02,640
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, well we have our gay man is here

524
00:22:02,680 --> 00:22:04,679
Speaker 1: today so he can. Really I'm going to let you

525
00:22:04,760 --> 00:22:07,879
Speaker 1: jump off on this ross you take aware.

526
00:22:07,640 --> 00:22:11,400
Speaker 3: You're in lucky little kinky bottom because Uncle Ross is here.

527
00:22:12,000 --> 00:22:13,840
Speaker 1: Other kiky bottoms on the zoom.

528
00:22:14,280 --> 00:22:16,480
Speaker 3: Well, listen, I love that you put that out there,

529
00:22:16,520 --> 00:22:18,080
Speaker 3: and that is the number one thing you can do

530
00:22:18,119 --> 00:22:20,040
Speaker 3: when you're looking for love and you're I should say,

531
00:22:20,040 --> 00:22:22,320
Speaker 3: when you're ready for love is to put it out there. Now,

532
00:22:22,560 --> 00:22:25,840
Speaker 3: do not poo poo on Minneapolis. It is a great

533
00:22:26,000 --> 00:22:26,840
Speaker 3: gay city.

534
00:22:26,600 --> 00:22:26,800
Speaker 5: You know.

535
00:22:26,880 --> 00:22:28,760
Speaker 3: I every time I'm in Minneapolis, I go to the

536
00:22:28,800 --> 00:22:31,560
Speaker 3: saloon and order the what the tater tots because they

537
00:22:31,560 --> 00:22:35,320
Speaker 3: are Chris they are perfect. Minneapolis is. It is very

538
00:22:35,320 --> 00:22:37,520
Speaker 3: gay there. But I also understand when you say it's

539
00:22:37,520 --> 00:22:40,680
Speaker 3: a little big city. And so if you meet someone,

540
00:22:40,720 --> 00:22:42,840
Speaker 3: you do probably know their ex. Have you found that

541
00:22:42,880 --> 00:22:44,399
Speaker 3: when you put it out there? Are you on the

542
00:22:44,520 --> 00:22:46,800
Speaker 3: apps like putting it out there what you're into in

543
00:22:46,880 --> 00:22:47,720
Speaker 3: terms of sexually?

544
00:22:48,480 --> 00:22:48,600
Speaker 4: Oh?

545
00:22:48,680 --> 00:22:50,560
Speaker 6: Yeah, I'm on the apps and I don't have a

546
00:22:50,600 --> 00:22:54,639
Speaker 6: hard time finding what I need sexually. It's finding that

547
00:22:54,720 --> 00:22:58,320
Speaker 6: component of like the romantic with the sexual because there

548
00:22:58,320 --> 00:23:01,600
Speaker 6: are folks that are in relationship here and open, and

549
00:23:01,680 --> 00:23:04,679
Speaker 6: so I can usually find folks that are into what

550
00:23:04,720 --> 00:23:07,560
Speaker 6: I'm into. It just so happens that they're not available

551
00:23:07,680 --> 00:23:08,280
Speaker 6: to date.

552
00:23:08,840 --> 00:23:12,520
Speaker 3: I wonder if simultaneously, if you could be like on

553
00:23:12,600 --> 00:23:15,320
Speaker 3: the grinder the hookup apps to be getting your kinky

554
00:23:15,320 --> 00:23:20,800
Speaker 3: bottom insatiable needs fed, and simultaneously on a different kind

555
00:23:20,840 --> 00:23:23,320
Speaker 3: of app right, like maybe the Tinder where it's not

556
00:23:23,320 --> 00:23:24,840
Speaker 3: all about whole pictures, right.

557
00:23:25,320 --> 00:23:27,600
Speaker 5: I have a variety of them. Yeah, you do.

558
00:23:27,960 --> 00:23:29,720
Speaker 3: And are you finding and then, Chelsea, I'll let you

559
00:23:29,760 --> 00:23:32,040
Speaker 3: speak on your own show, But are you finding that

560
00:23:32,359 --> 00:23:35,000
Speaker 3: on these apps where you like it's about finding love

561
00:23:35,760 --> 00:23:37,560
Speaker 3: that there's just the well is dry?

562
00:23:38,240 --> 00:23:38,440
Speaker 5: Yeah?

563
00:23:38,480 --> 00:23:43,840
Speaker 6: So I've got the Hinge, Tender, Scruff and Grinder, So

564
00:23:44,000 --> 00:23:47,000
Speaker 6: like those four and I do definitely use.

565
00:23:47,000 --> 00:23:49,240
Speaker 3: That's a nice buffet of dating apps. I like your

566
00:23:49,280 --> 00:23:50,479
Speaker 3: I like you, I like your choices.

567
00:23:51,320 --> 00:23:53,600
Speaker 5: I use Hinge and Tender, yeah, more for dates.

568
00:23:53,760 --> 00:23:57,399
Speaker 6: But like I said, like, I've had a handful of

569
00:23:57,400 --> 00:23:59,760
Speaker 6: first dates and we never get past the second and

570
00:24:00,600 --> 00:24:02,520
Speaker 6: I don't really know why that is.

571
00:24:02,760 --> 00:24:05,240
Speaker 5: Sometimes the kinky stuff comes up on those dates, sometimes

572
00:24:05,240 --> 00:24:05,719
Speaker 5: it doesn't.

573
00:24:06,000 --> 00:24:08,480
Speaker 6: But I've only had like a handful in the past

574
00:24:08,480 --> 00:24:12,000
Speaker 6: two years, and that's just not a lot of prospects.

575
00:24:12,680 --> 00:24:15,080
Speaker 3: Now, Chelsea, it seems to me though, that no is

576
00:24:15,119 --> 00:24:17,239
Speaker 3: just kind of dating. I mean, isn't that it that

577
00:24:17,280 --> 00:24:19,080
Speaker 3: you have some sex on this side? You have some

578
00:24:19,200 --> 00:24:20,920
Speaker 3: dates and hope that they get to a number three

579
00:24:20,960 --> 00:24:23,000
Speaker 3: and a four into that and they won't until like

580
00:24:23,400 --> 00:24:25,199
Speaker 3: it's the right guy. But isn't this kind of just

581
00:24:25,520 --> 00:24:26,000
Speaker 3: the game?

582
00:24:26,560 --> 00:24:28,679
Speaker 1: Well, first of all, Noah, you said something that is

583
00:24:28,960 --> 00:24:32,480
Speaker 1: pretty negative, and there's no way that you know everybody

584
00:24:32,520 --> 00:24:35,680
Speaker 1: in Minneapolis and that you've experienced every gay person there

585
00:24:35,800 --> 00:24:39,200
Speaker 1: and that everyone that's available has you've already met. That's

586
00:24:39,240 --> 00:24:41,840
Speaker 1: just not true. So that kind of thinking has like

587
00:24:41,880 --> 00:24:44,600
Speaker 1: a negative pattern in your brain when you shut things

588
00:24:44,640 --> 00:24:46,959
Speaker 1: down and you're like, well, what's the point here? So

589
00:24:47,119 --> 00:24:49,280
Speaker 1: you have to kind of wash that out. You haven't

590
00:24:49,280 --> 00:24:51,800
Speaker 1: met everybody in Minneapolis and you never will, and you

591
00:24:51,840 --> 00:24:54,240
Speaker 1: haven't met every gay bottom or top. Sorry, you're looking

592
00:24:54,240 --> 00:24:56,359
Speaker 1: for a top probably, and you want to have an

593
00:24:56,359 --> 00:24:58,800
Speaker 1: open relationship, right, that's what you're interested in.

594
00:24:59,119 --> 00:25:02,119
Speaker 5: Yeah, that preferred. I'm open to monogamy.

595
00:25:02,160 --> 00:25:03,919
Speaker 6: It's just one of those things that I know that

596
00:25:03,960 --> 00:25:07,119
Speaker 6: I am needy, and so it's unreasonable for me to

597
00:25:07,160 --> 00:25:09,879
Speaker 6: expect one person to be able to fulfill all of

598
00:25:09,920 --> 00:25:13,199
Speaker 6: those things. But if they think that they could or

599
00:25:13,240 --> 00:25:15,080
Speaker 6: would be willing to do that, I would be open

600
00:25:15,160 --> 00:25:16,240
Speaker 6: to monogamy as well.

601
00:25:16,280 --> 00:25:18,720
Speaker 1: Wow, look at that. That's a great answer. I love

602
00:25:18,760 --> 00:25:21,920
Speaker 1: that you're being You're actually being selfless about it because

603
00:25:21,920 --> 00:25:23,840
Speaker 1: you don't want to put that onus on another person

604
00:25:24,200 --> 00:25:27,080
Speaker 1: to constantly have to be penetrating you. I get that.

605
00:25:27,080 --> 00:25:30,600
Speaker 1: That's very nice of you, sweet, but there are other Okay,

606
00:25:30,640 --> 00:25:32,560
Speaker 1: so all the dating apps you've got covered, I would

607
00:25:32,600 --> 00:25:35,159
Speaker 1: say continue on that. You're doing the Lord's work and

608
00:25:35,200 --> 00:25:37,560
Speaker 1: that's fun, and you're going to meet people. It might

609
00:25:37,560 --> 00:25:39,480
Speaker 1: not be on the timeline that you want, but somebody's

610
00:25:39,480 --> 00:25:41,480
Speaker 1: going to come along that's also going to be wanting

611
00:25:41,480 --> 00:25:43,720
Speaker 1: a relationship and you're going to find that person. But

612
00:25:43,760 --> 00:25:45,880
Speaker 1: I think you should also cast a wider net. I mean,

613
00:25:45,880 --> 00:25:48,320
Speaker 1: I know you're casting a pretty wide net, but in

614
00:25:48,520 --> 00:25:50,480
Speaker 1: terms of not being on dating sites, like what kind

615
00:25:50,480 --> 00:25:52,240
Speaker 1: of stuff do you like to do? There's like all

616
00:25:52,280 --> 00:25:54,200
Speaker 1: sorts of gym shit you could get into where you're

617
00:25:54,200 --> 00:25:57,239
Speaker 1: going to meet people gym activities, whether you're into like

618
00:25:57,359 --> 00:25:59,800
Speaker 1: volleyball or what do you like to do.

619
00:26:00,240 --> 00:26:03,159
Speaker 5: So I'm actually heavily involved in the gay kickball and

620
00:26:03,200 --> 00:26:03,960
Speaker 5: gay dodge policy.

621
00:26:04,040 --> 00:26:04,399
Speaker 3: There we go.

622
00:26:04,520 --> 00:26:06,160
Speaker 5: So I'm a captain of my team.

623
00:26:06,359 --> 00:26:07,480
Speaker 1: Oh the captain.

624
00:26:08,040 --> 00:26:09,159
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's so hot.

625
00:26:09,720 --> 00:26:11,800
Speaker 5: I also like teach the rules to all the nevies.

626
00:26:11,840 --> 00:26:14,280
Speaker 6: So every time we have a beginning of the season,

627
00:26:14,680 --> 00:26:17,040
Speaker 6: all of these new gays or like new people that

628
00:26:17,080 --> 00:26:20,120
Speaker 6: are playing the sports are coming to me and I'm

629
00:26:20,160 --> 00:26:22,200
Speaker 6: teaching the rules, so I get to see and meet

630
00:26:22,200 --> 00:26:24,080
Speaker 6: a lot of people that way as well. So it's

631
00:26:24,080 --> 00:26:26,640
Speaker 6: actually how I met my last boyfriend, which we broke

632
00:26:26,720 --> 00:26:27,760
Speaker 6: up in twenty nineteen.

633
00:26:27,920 --> 00:26:30,560
Speaker 1: So okay, well, it sounds like you're doing everything you

634
00:26:30,600 --> 00:26:32,399
Speaker 1: need to be doing. When was the last time that

635
00:26:32,440 --> 00:26:34,080
Speaker 1: you were in a relationship twenty nineteen?

636
00:26:34,960 --> 00:26:37,119
Speaker 5: Yeah, we broke up in December of twenty nineteen.

637
00:26:37,280 --> 00:26:39,680
Speaker 1: Okay, and you're ready to get into another one.

638
00:26:40,560 --> 00:26:41,280
Speaker 5: Yeah, I think so.

639
00:26:41,440 --> 00:26:43,399
Speaker 6: I needed a while after that one, and that was

640
00:26:43,440 --> 00:26:47,040
Speaker 6: my first long term relationship, and after that was the

641
00:26:47,040 --> 00:26:49,560
Speaker 6: first time I realized that I could, like, actually have

642
00:26:49,600 --> 00:26:52,080
Speaker 6: a relationship. Prior to that, I wasn't really looking for

643
00:26:52,200 --> 00:26:55,119
Speaker 6: something long term because I didn't realize that I was

644
00:26:55,160 --> 00:26:57,439
Speaker 6: capable of it. And then it happened and I was like,

645
00:26:57,480 --> 00:26:59,560
Speaker 6: you know what, I really liked that, and it ended

646
00:26:59,600 --> 00:27:03,000
Speaker 6: for other reasons, but I was like, I enjoyed that,

647
00:27:03,040 --> 00:27:05,320
Speaker 6: and I would like to get something like that again.

648
00:27:05,560 --> 00:27:06,680
Speaker 3: How old are you again? Remind me?

649
00:27:06,720 --> 00:27:08,119
Speaker 5: Noah, I'm twenty seven.

650
00:27:08,440 --> 00:27:10,560
Speaker 3: Oh good, So you're right, you're righting where you should

651
00:27:10,640 --> 00:27:14,320
Speaker 3: be doing. Exactly what you should be doing. Don't rush it. Noah, Okay,

652
00:27:14,880 --> 00:27:16,439
Speaker 3: if you keep on this path, you're going to be

653
00:27:16,520 --> 00:27:19,680
Speaker 3: just fine finding somebody, somebody something. And you've got a

654
00:27:19,760 --> 00:27:21,840
Speaker 3: lot of living to do, honey, Okay, a lot of

655
00:27:21,880 --> 00:27:24,680
Speaker 3: bottoming for you to do. Got it.

656
00:27:25,200 --> 00:27:28,520
Speaker 1: Don't bought them out. Don't bought them out. And also,

657
00:27:28,600 --> 00:27:31,000
Speaker 1: you know, like, if this is what you desire, a loving,

658
00:27:31,119 --> 00:27:34,280
Speaker 1: compassionate relationship, write that down, Write that down on and

659
00:27:34,280 --> 00:27:36,960
Speaker 1: put it on your refrigerator, and every single morning, write

660
00:27:37,000 --> 00:27:39,640
Speaker 1: it down again, write it down to start your day.

661
00:27:39,800 --> 00:27:43,760
Speaker 1: I am capable and deserving of a loving, healthy relationship

662
00:27:43,920 --> 00:27:47,400
Speaker 1: with another man. And just that is your mantra. Say

663
00:27:47,400 --> 00:27:50,560
Speaker 1: it to yourself, like the manifestation is everything. It fucking works.

664
00:27:50,840 --> 00:27:53,439
Speaker 1: People talk about stuff all the time. By putting that

665
00:27:53,480 --> 00:27:55,879
Speaker 1: in your brain activity, not only are you changing your

666
00:27:55,880 --> 00:27:59,320
Speaker 1: own energy, you're changing your thought process. And instead of

667
00:27:59,400 --> 00:28:01,960
Speaker 1: looking at it as a negative, you have to start going.

668
00:28:02,440 --> 00:28:04,359
Speaker 1: I can't wait to meet the people in Minneapolis I

669
00:28:04,400 --> 00:28:06,840
Speaker 1: haven't met yet. I can't wait to meet those guys.

670
00:28:07,119 --> 00:28:09,760
Speaker 1: You know, there's a new kickball season starting. Guess what's

671
00:28:09,800 --> 00:28:11,800
Speaker 1: going to happen. There's a whole new crop for you

672
00:28:12,320 --> 00:28:14,840
Speaker 1: so and anything you can add to that. I mean,

673
00:28:14,920 --> 00:28:17,080
Speaker 1: it sounds like you're pretty busy and with all of it,

674
00:28:17,160 --> 00:28:19,720
Speaker 1: but I mean, these are great qualities to have. These

675
00:28:19,720 --> 00:28:22,879
Speaker 1: are great activities to be doing. You know, captaining a

676
00:28:23,040 --> 00:28:25,439
Speaker 1: kickball team is a great way to meet people. But

677
00:28:25,440 --> 00:28:27,359
Speaker 1: if there's any other sports out there that you feel

678
00:28:27,359 --> 00:28:29,600
Speaker 1: like you're into, do that too. If you have time,

679
00:28:29,960 --> 00:28:31,800
Speaker 1: You're only just going to meet more people and make

680
00:28:31,800 --> 00:28:34,480
Speaker 1: your life broader, healthier, and more well balanced.

681
00:28:34,920 --> 00:28:35,560
Speaker 5: Yeah, you're right.

682
00:28:35,680 --> 00:28:38,520
Speaker 3: I'm not worried about you know and not worried about it.

683
00:28:38,560 --> 00:28:40,360
Speaker 1: I'm not worried about you know it either. You're twenty

684
00:28:40,400 --> 00:28:42,880
Speaker 1: seven years old. Be patient, don't be in a rush.

685
00:28:42,920 --> 00:28:45,840
Speaker 1: There's no rush. There's no rush. This is going to come.

686
00:28:46,080 --> 00:28:47,920
Speaker 1: You'd rather get the right person in time than to

687
00:28:48,000 --> 00:28:50,840
Speaker 1: get the wrong person quickly, right, yep, correct.

688
00:28:50,960 --> 00:28:52,600
Speaker 6: Yeah, that's the thing that I need to work on,

689
00:28:52,760 --> 00:28:55,360
Speaker 6: is the patients, because I think that way too. It's

690
00:28:55,440 --> 00:28:58,280
Speaker 6: just like, I know what I want and there's no

691
00:28:58,400 --> 00:29:01,800
Speaker 6: reason to compromise on that for right now because I'm

692
00:29:01,800 --> 00:29:02,960
Speaker 6: not and.

693
00:29:02,960 --> 00:29:04,920
Speaker 1: I want to say thank you for your AIDS poster

694
00:29:05,080 --> 00:29:07,680
Speaker 1: in the background so that the first words I see

695
00:29:07,720 --> 00:29:09,000
Speaker 1: behind your head are aids.

696
00:29:09,200 --> 00:29:09,920
Speaker 3: Thank you to that.

697
00:29:10,880 --> 00:29:13,520
Speaker 6: I am a queer historian, so I've gotten all over

698
00:29:14,680 --> 00:29:17,400
Speaker 6: So yeah, so beautiful.

699
00:29:18,040 --> 00:29:19,560
Speaker 2: Just to sort of put a cap on that, Chelsea

700
00:29:19,640 --> 00:29:23,160
Speaker 2: Kinna mentioned this earlier, but also like putting that out

701
00:29:23,200 --> 00:29:25,560
Speaker 2: there that you know you're ready for a relationship that's

702
00:29:25,640 --> 00:29:27,800
Speaker 2: kind of what you're interested in. Next, like putting that

703
00:29:27,840 --> 00:29:30,239
Speaker 2: out to your friends as well, putting it out there

704
00:29:30,280 --> 00:29:32,880
Speaker 2: to yourself every day, but also like drop that into

705
00:29:32,880 --> 00:29:35,360
Speaker 2: conversation because you never know who's like, oh my gosh,

706
00:29:35,480 --> 00:29:37,120
Speaker 2: I was just talking to this other person the other

707
00:29:37,200 --> 00:29:38,920
Speaker 2: day about this. I gotta connect these two.

708
00:29:39,360 --> 00:29:40,880
Speaker 1: Sure, we'll keep.

709
00:29:40,800 --> 00:29:43,040
Speaker 2: Us posted, let us know how we go.

710
00:29:43,040 --> 00:29:44,960
Speaker 1: Good luck, You're going to be just fine.

711
00:29:45,680 --> 00:29:46,680
Speaker 5: I have a date Saturday.

712
00:29:46,760 --> 00:29:56,320
Speaker 3: So glad you and your eager butthole. Okay, I I

713
00:29:56,400 --> 00:29:57,040
Speaker 3: love Noah.

714
00:29:57,200 --> 00:29:59,360
Speaker 1: I want only gay questions for Ross.

715
00:30:00,800 --> 00:30:02,200
Speaker 2: And I was like, is this too on the nose?

716
00:30:02,240 --> 00:30:05,160
Speaker 3: I don't know, No, right on the nose.

717
00:30:09,560 --> 00:30:13,960
Speaker 2: Well, we have another caller. This is Chloe. Chloe says

718
00:30:13,960 --> 00:30:17,080
Speaker 2: dear Chelsea. I'm twenty eight and recently moved to New

719
00:30:17,160 --> 00:30:19,880
Speaker 2: York to pursue stand up. In twenty twenty one, I

720
00:30:20,360 --> 00:30:23,040
Speaker 2: ended a bad relationship, and two weeks later, I lost

721
00:30:23,040 --> 00:30:24,840
Speaker 2: my grandmother, who was more like a mom to me,

722
00:30:25,120 --> 00:30:27,360
Speaker 2: and shit really hit the fan in a way that

723
00:30:27,400 --> 00:30:30,320
Speaker 2: I'm now profoundly grateful for. I gained a lot of

724
00:30:30,400 --> 00:30:33,240
Speaker 2: weight in the months immediately after the breakup and losing

725
00:30:33,240 --> 00:30:35,840
Speaker 2: my grandmother. My weight is a part of my story

726
00:30:35,880 --> 00:30:38,400
Speaker 2: though forever I've been thin, i've been fat, I've been

727
00:30:38,400 --> 00:30:41,680
Speaker 2: in between. I've made the decision to pursue weight loss

728
00:30:41,720 --> 00:30:44,320
Speaker 2: surgery not because it's an easy way out, but because

729
00:30:44,320 --> 00:30:47,120
Speaker 2: I'm finally living my dream and just logistically don't have

730
00:30:47,200 --> 00:30:49,600
Speaker 2: time for major weight loss if I also want to

731
00:30:49,600 --> 00:30:52,560
Speaker 2: pursue stand up and work full time. I feel so

732
00:30:52,680 --> 00:30:54,840
Speaker 2: grateful for my life not going the way I really

733
00:30:54,880 --> 00:30:57,640
Speaker 2: clung to because I would never have started doing stand up,

734
00:30:57,760 --> 00:31:00,120
Speaker 2: which makes me feel more alive and in love in

735
00:31:00,240 --> 00:31:03,520
Speaker 2: any person, place, or thing outside of myself ever has.

736
00:31:03,960 --> 00:31:06,440
Speaker 2: But the thought of any surgery makes me feel anxious.

737
00:31:06,720 --> 00:31:08,600
Speaker 2: I've done a ton of research and know that this

738
00:31:08,680 --> 00:31:10,960
Speaker 2: is a safe and routine surgery, but I'm scared of

739
00:31:11,000 --> 00:31:14,320
Speaker 2: being that point oh one percent of fatalities. You know

740
00:31:14,360 --> 00:31:16,520
Speaker 2: how hard the grind is trying to make it and

741
00:31:16,520 --> 00:31:18,680
Speaker 2: stand up when you're just beginning, and in the little

742
00:31:18,720 --> 00:31:20,680
Speaker 2: time I have to myself, I'd like to start dating

743
00:31:20,720 --> 00:31:22,760
Speaker 2: again as well, but I'm too scared to do so

744
00:31:22,840 --> 00:31:25,160
Speaker 2: in a larger body. The world is just a lot

745
00:31:25,240 --> 00:31:28,479
Speaker 2: kinder to you in a smaller frame. Weight loss surgery

746
00:31:28,520 --> 00:31:30,200
Speaker 2: seems like a step that will let me have my

747
00:31:30,320 --> 00:31:33,840
Speaker 2: cake and eat it too. Figuratively speaking, I'd love to

748
00:31:33,840 --> 00:31:36,080
Speaker 2: know your thoughts and my predicament, and maybe what decision

749
00:31:36,120 --> 00:31:39,640
Speaker 2: you would make if you were in my shoes. Chloe, Hi, Cli.

750
00:31:39,640 --> 00:31:46,240
Speaker 1: Choe, Hi, Hi, Hi cutie, how are you? I'm good?

751
00:31:46,360 --> 00:31:47,400
Speaker 4: How are you guys?

752
00:31:47,520 --> 00:31:49,560
Speaker 1: Well, you're in luck. We have a very special guest

753
00:31:49,600 --> 00:31:51,520
Speaker 1: here today, Ross Matthews is here.

754
00:31:52,120 --> 00:31:57,280
Speaker 3: Cowhi Hi, Okay, you are so cute. We just listened

755
00:31:57,280 --> 00:31:59,320
Speaker 3: to your letter. Girl. I feel you in so many

756
00:31:59,360 --> 00:32:01,000
Speaker 3: different ways. I get it.

757
00:32:01,520 --> 00:32:04,240
Speaker 4: Thank you. Yeah, this is great that you're here. I

758
00:32:04,240 --> 00:32:06,800
Speaker 4: feel like you would understand I know a lot about

759
00:32:06,800 --> 00:32:07,880
Speaker 4: your story and everything.

760
00:32:08,600 --> 00:32:10,720
Speaker 3: Well, I get it in so many ways in terms

761
00:32:10,720 --> 00:32:13,280
Speaker 3: of like what it's like to be a person of

762
00:32:13,440 --> 00:32:15,640
Speaker 3: size trying to be funny, you know what I mean,

763
00:32:15,720 --> 00:32:18,400
Speaker 3: trying to get into show business. I understand about putting

764
00:32:18,440 --> 00:32:20,680
Speaker 3: on weight when you're grieving the loss of somebody you

765
00:32:20,800 --> 00:32:24,000
Speaker 3: love so much. And I understand the journey of wanting

766
00:32:24,080 --> 00:32:26,240
Speaker 3: to try to be the best version of yourself you

767
00:32:26,280 --> 00:32:29,880
Speaker 3: can be so you can be in the fight, right yeah, yeah,

768
00:32:29,920 --> 00:32:32,000
Speaker 3: But I would tell you Chloe that just by like

769
00:32:32,120 --> 00:32:34,360
Speaker 3: having this conversation with yourself and having with us, you're

770
00:32:34,400 --> 00:32:36,960
Speaker 3: already in the fight. There's no right way or wrong

771
00:32:36,960 --> 00:32:39,440
Speaker 3: way to do this. So whatever you need to do

772
00:32:39,560 --> 00:32:41,360
Speaker 3: to get you where you want to be so you

773
00:32:41,440 --> 00:32:44,120
Speaker 3: are ready to take on whatever's going to come your way,

774
00:32:44,640 --> 00:32:46,600
Speaker 3: do it. And when you think about being the one

775
00:32:46,640 --> 00:32:49,080
Speaker 3: percent of the small chance of something terrible could happen

776
00:32:49,160 --> 00:32:50,720
Speaker 3: to you if you want to head with the weight

777
00:32:50,760 --> 00:32:53,640
Speaker 3: lesser dream, okay, but I mean something terrible could be

778
00:32:53,680 --> 00:32:57,200
Speaker 3: happened tomorrow, But I wouldn't be afraid. Don't go to

779
00:32:57,280 --> 00:33:00,480
Speaker 3: the negative place. Do whatever you need to to get

780
00:33:00,520 --> 00:33:02,160
Speaker 3: to where you want to go and be who you

781
00:33:02,280 --> 00:33:04,440
Speaker 3: want to be. I didn't do weight loss surgery. It

782
00:33:04,480 --> 00:33:07,120
Speaker 3: wasn't for me because I mostly I was scared. I mean,

783
00:33:07,160 --> 00:33:09,040
Speaker 3: I only have my back teeth taking out what they

784
00:33:09,040 --> 00:33:12,400
Speaker 3: called your wisdom teeth. That's like my most hardcore surgery.

785
00:33:12,680 --> 00:33:15,160
Speaker 3: So it wasn't for me, but I understand it's unique

786
00:33:15,160 --> 00:33:17,360
Speaker 3: for every weight loss. It's so personal for people. There's

787
00:33:17,360 --> 00:33:19,920
Speaker 3: no shame in anything. But I'm so proud of you

788
00:33:20,000 --> 00:33:21,240
Speaker 3: for showing up for yourself.

789
00:33:21,720 --> 00:33:26,200
Speaker 4: Thank you. Yeah. I really wanted advice from people who

790
00:33:26,240 --> 00:33:31,240
Speaker 4: aren't family members, because I feel like their opinions are

791
00:33:31,440 --> 00:33:34,520
Speaker 4: informed by their love for me and wanting me to

792
00:33:34,600 --> 00:33:38,360
Speaker 4: be safe and not take that risk. But I know

793
00:33:38,520 --> 00:33:41,920
Speaker 4: myself and like it's just something that I've been struggling with,

794
00:33:42,760 --> 00:33:46,520
Speaker 4: truly since fourth grade. Roberta Morales calls me fat, and

795
00:33:46,560 --> 00:33:48,280
Speaker 4: it's like, okay, that's.

796
00:33:49,600 --> 00:33:50,320
Speaker 3: I know, Roberta.

797
00:33:51,280 --> 00:33:56,880
Speaker 4: Yeah. So I just want to like take this thing

798
00:33:57,040 --> 00:34:00,640
Speaker 4: away that has been torturing me for so long. And

799
00:34:00,920 --> 00:34:03,840
Speaker 4: I really I want to live, you know, in so

800
00:34:04,000 --> 00:34:07,760
Speaker 4: many ways. I am. I moved to New York and

801
00:34:07,760 --> 00:34:10,160
Speaker 4: I'm pursuing stand up and I am like living in

802
00:34:10,200 --> 00:34:11,840
Speaker 4: a lot of ways, and I feel brave and I

803
00:34:11,880 --> 00:34:14,880
Speaker 4: love myself in those ways. I feel like if I

804
00:34:14,920 --> 00:34:18,480
Speaker 4: can do this thing that can just also help me

805
00:34:18,560 --> 00:34:22,920
Speaker 4: feel like cute and sexy and cool, then like why.

806
00:34:22,640 --> 00:34:25,920
Speaker 3: Not IM proud? Proud of yourself, right, that's part of it.

807
00:34:26,040 --> 00:34:26,200
Speaker 5: Two.

808
00:34:26,719 --> 00:34:29,520
Speaker 3: Yeah, I got it. But I also want you know,

809
00:34:29,600 --> 00:34:32,600
Speaker 3: just as is. You are just fabulous as is too,

810
00:34:32,920 --> 00:34:34,279
Speaker 3: you know what I mean, And you got to love

811
00:34:34,280 --> 00:34:35,879
Speaker 3: it yourself right now here today too.

812
00:34:36,480 --> 00:34:38,560
Speaker 1: Yeah. I think it's a tricky endeavor to like think

813
00:34:38,600 --> 00:34:40,840
Speaker 1: of one thing that's going to fix everything, you know,

814
00:34:41,000 --> 00:34:42,880
Speaker 1: Like people do that with the relationships a lot. They

815
00:34:42,880 --> 00:34:45,480
Speaker 1: think if they get married, they'll fix the relationship, or

816
00:34:45,520 --> 00:34:48,400
Speaker 1: if they have a baby, they'll fix the relationship, and

817
00:34:48,719 --> 00:34:51,799
Speaker 1: that works the opposite way. You know, whatever problems you have,

818
00:34:51,840 --> 00:34:54,279
Speaker 1: we're going to be exasperated by thinking that there's a

819
00:34:54,320 --> 00:34:57,520
Speaker 1: one solution. So what I would say to you is

820
00:34:57,560 --> 00:34:59,400
Speaker 1: to not look at that as the end all be

821
00:34:59,520 --> 00:35:01,160
Speaker 1: all I think. I think it's fine if you want to

822
00:35:01,200 --> 00:35:03,520
Speaker 1: get that surgery done, but you should also work towards

823
00:35:03,520 --> 00:35:06,920
Speaker 1: that surgery and get yourself into a really healthy place

824
00:35:07,160 --> 00:35:09,400
Speaker 1: so that you're not just trying to remove whatever you

825
00:35:09,440 --> 00:35:13,040
Speaker 1: want to remove, that you're actually actively pursuing the path

826
00:35:13,080 --> 00:35:15,120
Speaker 1: that you want to go down, which is one where

827
00:35:15,200 --> 00:35:17,479
Speaker 1: you feel a little bit more healthy and a little

828
00:35:17,520 --> 00:35:20,640
Speaker 1: bit more fit right, and you want to be attractive,

829
00:35:20,640 --> 00:35:22,839
Speaker 1: and that to you means weight loss surgery. But on

830
00:35:22,880 --> 00:35:26,280
Speaker 1: the way to that surgery, you should actually start taking

831
00:35:26,320 --> 00:35:30,160
Speaker 1: really good care of yourself, you know, incorporating exercise, incorporating

832
00:35:30,200 --> 00:35:35,040
Speaker 1: healthier foods, and actually mindfully working towards that goal, because

833
00:35:35,080 --> 00:35:37,280
Speaker 1: it's kind of like going in to get an operation

834
00:35:37,440 --> 00:35:40,920
Speaker 1: without doing it with the right intention is something that

835
00:35:40,920 --> 00:35:43,960
Speaker 1: can easily backfire. You know, you can gain that weight

836
00:35:44,000 --> 00:35:46,040
Speaker 1: back if you're not mindful. You can go in and

837
00:35:46,040 --> 00:35:47,920
Speaker 1: feel great for two months and then just let it

838
00:35:47,920 --> 00:35:50,080
Speaker 1: all go to shit. I've seen people do that. I've

839
00:35:50,080 --> 00:35:52,799
Speaker 1: seen people get light bo or lap band surgery and

840
00:35:52,840 --> 00:35:54,799
Speaker 1: then they end up right back where they started. So

841
00:35:54,840 --> 00:35:57,520
Speaker 1: it's a very intentional thing that you have to be

842
00:35:57,640 --> 00:36:00,920
Speaker 1: mindful of. These are your goals to feel good about yourself.

843
00:36:00,920 --> 00:36:03,799
Speaker 1: There's nothing wrong with that, there is no shame in that.

844
00:36:04,080 --> 00:36:06,120
Speaker 1: But you have to be on your own team in

845
00:36:06,160 --> 00:36:08,840
Speaker 1: pursuit of this. You know, you have to get yourself

846
00:36:08,840 --> 00:36:11,480
Speaker 1: to a place that is ready for the surgery, and

847
00:36:11,520 --> 00:36:13,600
Speaker 1: you might even start to lose weight and go, wait

848
00:36:13,600 --> 00:36:15,400
Speaker 1: a second, this isn't as hard as I thought it

849
00:36:15,440 --> 00:36:18,040
Speaker 1: was going to be, and you might not want the surgery.

850
00:36:18,040 --> 00:36:19,439
Speaker 1: Do you have the surgery set yet?

851
00:36:19,920 --> 00:36:22,719
Speaker 4: Yeah? So I actually I had a date and then

852
00:36:23,520 --> 00:36:25,480
Speaker 4: just in the past few days I pushed it back

853
00:36:25,520 --> 00:36:28,520
Speaker 4: a little bit just to give myself more time, Like

854
00:36:28,560 --> 00:36:32,840
Speaker 4: I'm I quit smoking good Girl, just to like prepare

855
00:36:33,000 --> 00:36:35,920
Speaker 4: get my body as healthy as I can be. And

856
00:36:35,920 --> 00:36:38,080
Speaker 4: then I also pushed it back because I was like,

857
00:36:38,239 --> 00:36:40,719
Speaker 4: I do want to get to a place of more

858
00:36:40,760 --> 00:36:45,560
Speaker 4: acceptance and self love before I make that move, and

859
00:36:45,680 --> 00:36:49,600
Speaker 4: like spend more time in this body. But also, like

860
00:36:49,640 --> 00:36:53,080
Speaker 4: you said, be more conscientious of what I put in

861
00:36:53,120 --> 00:36:57,080
Speaker 4: my body. Get into an exercise routine. And it's hard,

862
00:36:57,160 --> 00:37:00,719
Speaker 4: Like I was telling Catherine, I work full time. I'm an assistant,

863
00:37:00,680 --> 00:37:02,680
Speaker 4: and then I work a few nights at a comedy club.

864
00:37:02,960 --> 00:37:05,439
Speaker 4: And then when I'm not doing those things, I'm trying

865
00:37:05,480 --> 00:37:10,080
Speaker 4: to be at mic. So like my life feels really chaotic,

866
00:37:11,520 --> 00:37:14,400
Speaker 4: but still still just trying to be intentional up to

867
00:37:14,440 --> 00:37:14,880
Speaker 4: that point.

868
00:37:15,120 --> 00:37:17,279
Speaker 1: Yeah, do you get any exercise in Like are you

869
00:37:17,320 --> 00:37:18,360
Speaker 1: walking around the city.

870
00:37:19,360 --> 00:37:23,520
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm always walking those subway steps get me. I

871
00:37:23,600 --> 00:37:26,080
Speaker 4: do like soul cycle, I.

872
00:37:26,120 --> 00:37:29,080
Speaker 1: Can, but like, yeah, I think just leading up to them.

873
00:37:29,080 --> 00:37:31,320
Speaker 1: When do you have the surgery set for now?

874
00:37:31,360 --> 00:37:33,080
Speaker 4: It's the second week of January.

875
00:37:33,640 --> 00:37:37,320
Speaker 1: Oh, you have plenty of time. You have plenty of time.

876
00:37:37,440 --> 00:37:39,160
Speaker 1: I think that you should really try to get you know,

877
00:37:39,239 --> 00:37:41,640
Speaker 1: you can download one of those apps like Noom that

878
00:37:41,719 --> 00:37:43,160
Speaker 1: I did that a couple of weeks ago when I

879
00:37:43,160 --> 00:37:45,080
Speaker 1: had to prepare for a photo shoot. It doesn't matter

880
00:37:45,080 --> 00:37:47,000
Speaker 1: how you busy you are. The busier I am, the

881
00:37:47,040 --> 00:37:49,080
Speaker 1: easier it is to be healthy for me because I

882
00:37:49,120 --> 00:37:50,920
Speaker 1: have less time to fuck around and like, go oh,

883
00:37:50,960 --> 00:37:53,080
Speaker 1: I want to actually taco from Taco Bell. It's like no,

884
00:37:53,160 --> 00:37:55,520
Speaker 1: I don't. I'm going to have this epics bar or

885
00:37:55,560 --> 00:37:57,320
Speaker 1: this protein bar, or I'm going to make a shake.

886
00:37:57,680 --> 00:38:00,560
Speaker 1: So take advantage of the fact that you're busy and

887
00:38:00,960 --> 00:38:04,120
Speaker 1: use this time to get ready for the surgery and

888
00:38:04,360 --> 00:38:06,839
Speaker 1: really start to get develop some healthy habits that will

889
00:38:06,840 --> 00:38:09,400
Speaker 1: be with you post surgery as well. You want to

890
00:38:09,400 --> 00:38:11,560
Speaker 1: get in the habit of walking everywhere. You want to

891
00:38:11,600 --> 00:38:14,520
Speaker 1: get in the habit of eating healthy, not eating shit.

892
00:38:14,640 --> 00:38:17,040
Speaker 1: Don't eat shit that just makes you feel shit. It's

893
00:38:17,040 --> 00:38:18,600
Speaker 1: not good for your brain and it's not good for

894
00:38:18,640 --> 00:38:22,239
Speaker 1: your body. And develop all these healthy habits that will

895
00:38:22,239 --> 00:38:25,720
Speaker 1: take you through the surgery. And not drinking and smoking excellent,

896
00:38:25,760 --> 00:38:28,680
Speaker 1: do not drink or smoke before surgery. I speak from experience.

897
00:38:29,440 --> 00:38:31,560
Speaker 3: I would also say to just make it a choice

898
00:38:31,560 --> 00:38:34,120
Speaker 3: by choice, meal by meal thing. Eventually it all adds

899
00:38:34,200 --> 00:38:36,600
Speaker 3: up and it becomes habit. You know, those choices start

900
00:38:36,640 --> 00:38:40,399
Speaker 3: become the new normal, and you'll be so shocked how

901
00:38:40,520 --> 00:38:43,040
Speaker 3: in between now and January, just by your actions and

902
00:38:43,080 --> 00:38:45,760
Speaker 3: your choices, you're going to see results. Things will happen

903
00:38:45,800 --> 00:38:47,840
Speaker 3: for you, and you may decide you don't need the surgery,

904
00:38:47,840 --> 00:38:49,239
Speaker 3: but if you want it, down the line to get it.

905
00:38:49,320 --> 00:38:51,400
Speaker 3: I'm just saying, the way that you're showing up for

906
00:38:51,400 --> 00:38:54,920
Speaker 3: yourself now having these conversations is impressive, and keep it up.

907
00:38:55,280 --> 00:38:59,280
Speaker 4: Yeah. I feel like, honestly, once I set the date

908
00:38:59,400 --> 00:39:02,279
Speaker 4: and pay the time deposit, I got a second job

909
00:39:02,440 --> 00:39:06,520
Speaker 4: just to save for it. Like those decisions actually did

910
00:39:06,600 --> 00:39:10,440
Speaker 4: empower me to start making healthier decisions now, because it's

911
00:39:10,719 --> 00:39:12,480
Speaker 4: that it's felt like more real.

912
00:39:13,160 --> 00:39:15,239
Speaker 2: As you're kind of going on this journey and sort

913
00:39:15,239 --> 00:39:17,080
Speaker 2: of figuring out what's right for you. I have a

914
00:39:17,160 --> 00:39:19,440
Speaker 2: couple podcasts that I think would be really helpful for

915
00:39:19,480 --> 00:39:23,239
Speaker 2: you to listen to. First is Half Size Me with

916
00:39:23,360 --> 00:39:26,240
Speaker 2: Coach Heather. She's one of those people who like fits

917
00:39:26,280 --> 00:39:29,279
Speaker 2: in one pant leg of her old pants and lost

918
00:39:29,360 --> 00:39:30,880
Speaker 2: a lot of weight and kept it off for a

919
00:39:30,920 --> 00:39:34,399
Speaker 2: decade or more. She takes the approach of slow and

920
00:39:34,440 --> 00:39:37,520
Speaker 2: steady is the only thing that wins the race. It's

921
00:39:37,920 --> 00:39:41,640
Speaker 2: non judgmental, it's really really helpful, and I just think

922
00:39:41,640 --> 00:39:44,440
Speaker 2: it's a really great podcast to be listening to. The

923
00:39:44,480 --> 00:39:48,640
Speaker 2: second one is called Maintenance Phase, and the two hosts

924
00:39:48,680 --> 00:39:53,000
Speaker 2: of this are incredible journalists, but they go about debunking

925
00:39:53,080 --> 00:39:57,960
Speaker 2: a lot of wellness and diet culture stuff. They talk

926
00:39:58,000 --> 00:40:00,000
Speaker 2: a lot about anti fat bias, they talk a lot

927
00:40:00,080 --> 00:40:04,600
Speaker 2: lot about being healthy no matter your size, and why

928
00:40:04,640 --> 00:40:08,919
Speaker 2: in individual's health, markers are much more important than their

929
00:40:09,040 --> 00:40:11,919
Speaker 2: weight in a lot of cases. So yeah, check out

930
00:40:11,920 --> 00:40:14,919
Speaker 2: Maintenance Phase. Take a listen to both of those. There's

931
00:40:14,960 --> 00:40:17,680
Speaker 2: sort of two different perspectives on the same topic and

932
00:40:17,719 --> 00:40:19,200
Speaker 2: that's why I think they'd be really helpful for you

933
00:40:19,320 --> 00:40:21,319
Speaker 2: to listen to sort of at the same time.

934
00:40:21,960 --> 00:40:25,080
Speaker 4: Yeah, thank you, I'm always listening to a podcast.

935
00:40:25,480 --> 00:40:25,920
Speaker 2: Awesome.

936
00:40:26,440 --> 00:40:26,840
Speaker 1: Perfect.

937
00:40:27,400 --> 00:40:29,280
Speaker 3: I'm so happy to meet you, Chloe, and good luck. Okay,

938
00:40:29,320 --> 00:40:31,879
Speaker 3: and if I'm ever seeing your headlining somewhere, I'm gonna

939
00:40:31,880 --> 00:40:32,319
Speaker 3: come see you.

940
00:40:32,880 --> 00:40:33,120
Speaker 1: Yeah.

941
00:40:33,239 --> 00:40:36,279
Speaker 4: Okay, I'm like five months in.

942
00:40:36,560 --> 00:40:40,839
Speaker 1: So ray, good for you. That's so fucking brave. Bang.

943
00:40:41,360 --> 00:40:44,920
Speaker 4: Yeah, okay, cause it's been crazy and I love all of.

944
00:40:45,960 --> 00:40:47,280
Speaker 1: We love you too, Chloe.

945
00:40:48,160 --> 00:40:48,759
Speaker 3: Thank you, Chloe.

946
00:40:48,800 --> 00:40:50,200
Speaker 2: All right, We'll talk to you soon, Chloe.

947
00:40:50,480 --> 00:40:50,880
Speaker 1: Bye.

948
00:40:52,440 --> 00:40:54,440
Speaker 3: I still get that. I still get just being like

949
00:40:54,520 --> 00:40:56,800
Speaker 3: confused with the weight loss and health and just thinking

950
00:40:56,880 --> 00:40:58,520
Speaker 3: like where do you even start. It's like a big

951
00:40:58,600 --> 00:41:00,680
Speaker 3: pile of laundry're like, which fucking piece do I fold?

952
00:41:00,719 --> 00:41:02,680
Speaker 3: I don't even know where to start. That's what it

953
00:41:02,719 --> 00:41:04,720
Speaker 3: feels like. It's just so confusing and daunting.

954
00:41:04,960 --> 00:41:09,560
Speaker 1: I used to be so obsessed, obsessed with my weight, obsessed,

955
00:41:10,040 --> 00:41:13,239
Speaker 1: and I'm still not better. I mean, I'm less obsessed,

956
00:41:13,280 --> 00:41:15,000
Speaker 1: but I still have it, you know what I mean.

957
00:41:15,560 --> 00:41:17,600
Speaker 1: Like I'm getting ready for I have a shoot on Saturday,

958
00:41:17,640 --> 00:41:21,279
Speaker 1: and for me to do a shoot, I can't even socialize, Like,

959
00:41:21,640 --> 00:41:24,760
Speaker 1: but it's so I mean, I have so much education

960
00:41:25,080 --> 00:41:28,200
Speaker 1: and what is good for you that I know exactly

961
00:41:28,280 --> 00:41:31,160
Speaker 1: what to do. I know to space my meals apart

962
00:41:31,200 --> 00:41:33,960
Speaker 1: three and a half hours. I know to eat proteins,

963
00:41:34,000 --> 00:41:36,320
Speaker 1: a little bit fat and a little bit of healthy carbs,

964
00:41:36,320 --> 00:41:38,239
Speaker 1: and I know not to drink and I know not you.

965
00:41:38,160 --> 00:41:40,080
Speaker 3: Know, I get that I can look at any picture

966
00:41:40,239 --> 00:41:42,279
Speaker 3: from any decade and know exactly what I wait that

967
00:41:42,360 --> 00:41:43,719
Speaker 3: day Oh my god.

968
00:41:43,880 --> 00:41:45,359
Speaker 1: Do you weigh yourself every day too?

969
00:41:45,680 --> 00:41:48,080
Speaker 3: Every day? Every day? When I when I put on

970
00:41:48,239 --> 00:41:50,480
Speaker 3: I don't. That's that's when I'm I haven't looked, you

971
00:41:50,520 --> 00:41:51,680
Speaker 3: know what I mean when I cause you know me,

972
00:41:51,719 --> 00:41:53,279
Speaker 3: I call myself a weight detective. If I lose it,

973
00:41:53,280 --> 00:41:55,800
Speaker 3: I can always find it again. This time is been different,

974
00:41:55,960 --> 00:41:58,480
Speaker 3: like because it's been a It's about accountability, you know

975
00:41:58,520 --> 00:42:00,200
Speaker 3: what I mean. You know, at a certain age you

976
00:42:00,239 --> 00:42:02,640
Speaker 3: kind of figure out what behavior is going to fuck

977
00:42:02,640 --> 00:42:03,640
Speaker 3: you up in the long run, you know.

978
00:42:04,040 --> 00:42:06,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, right, well, you've been looking good for a while,

979
00:42:06,520 --> 00:42:08,719
Speaker 1: though you haven't put on weight in a while, right.

980
00:42:09,239 --> 00:42:10,880
Speaker 3: No, I haven't. They took you long enough to mention it.

981
00:42:10,920 --> 00:42:13,279
Speaker 3: Thank you so much. Yeah, I do look great, And no,

982
00:42:13,360 --> 00:42:14,520
Speaker 3: I really am feeling.

983
00:42:14,360 --> 00:42:16,080
Speaker 1: I can't wait to do a reboot of Chelsea later

984
00:42:16,200 --> 00:42:17,960
Speaker 1: so we can all just hang out and make fun

985
00:42:17,960 --> 00:42:19,360
Speaker 1: of each other on the round table.

986
00:42:19,840 --> 00:42:20,719
Speaker 3: Are we going to do that?

987
00:42:20,840 --> 00:42:23,040
Speaker 1: Are we in we're talking about it. We're we're in

988
00:42:23,120 --> 00:42:26,839
Speaker 1: official discussions. Yes, and we'll see if the right thing.

989
00:42:27,239 --> 00:42:28,719
Speaker 1: I don't know, I don't know where to put this

990
00:42:28,880 --> 00:42:30,839
Speaker 1: or where at the right place is for that, you know,

991
00:42:30,960 --> 00:42:33,879
Speaker 1: if it's a streamer feels like network television is over

992
00:42:34,080 --> 00:42:36,520
Speaker 1: in terms of late night shows, so I don't really

993
00:42:36,520 --> 00:42:38,799
Speaker 1: want to put myself in that category. I want to,

994
00:42:39,239 --> 00:42:41,439
Speaker 1: I don't know. I have to figure out if there's

995
00:42:41,480 --> 00:42:44,080
Speaker 1: a right fit. But yeah, we're definitely talking about it.

996
00:42:44,360 --> 00:42:46,400
Speaker 3: All right, let's discuss it happy hour. We'll solve it.

997
00:42:46,480 --> 00:42:48,759
Speaker 1: Okay, we'll solve the world's crisis in a happy hour

998
00:42:49,600 --> 00:42:53,160
Speaker 1: and then I can give you all the dish excellent.

999
00:42:53,320 --> 00:42:55,480
Speaker 2: Well, we're going to take another quick break and then

1000
00:42:55,600 --> 00:42:57,480
Speaker 2: we'll be right back with Chelsea and.

1001
00:42:57,480 --> 00:43:06,600
Speaker 1: Ross and we're back, you know what. Oh my god.

1002
00:43:06,760 --> 00:43:09,000
Speaker 1: Speaking of terrible voices, like when I try to sing,

1003
00:43:09,400 --> 00:43:12,799
Speaker 1: I was doing a Peloton ABS class yesterday morning, and

1004
00:43:12,960 --> 00:43:15,400
Speaker 1: the girl who ran it, I don't know what her

1005
00:43:15,480 --> 00:43:18,719
Speaker 1: name was, but she started singing and I looked at

1006
00:43:18,800 --> 00:43:20,400
Speaker 1: my phone. It was on my phone. I'm on a

1007
00:43:20,440 --> 00:43:23,320
Speaker 1: mat in my I'm in there's mental house in Beverly Hills.

1008
00:43:23,360 --> 00:43:25,160
Speaker 1: And I looked at the phone, going, are you fucking

1009
00:43:25,239 --> 00:43:28,520
Speaker 1: kidding me? You can She just tried to sing along

1010
00:43:28,560 --> 00:43:30,560
Speaker 1: to the song, but her voice was worse than mine.

1011
00:43:30,840 --> 00:43:32,879
Speaker 1: And I looked at her like she was standing next

1012
00:43:32,880 --> 00:43:35,440
Speaker 1: to me, and I was like excuse me, you can't

1013
00:43:35,520 --> 00:43:38,279
Speaker 1: sing ever again on this app And then she did

1014
00:43:38,320 --> 00:43:41,120
Speaker 1: it again. And this morning I got up and I

1015
00:43:41,120 --> 00:43:42,520
Speaker 1: was like, all right, which apps class am I going

1016
00:43:42,600 --> 00:43:45,000
Speaker 1: to do? And I was like, all right, she's out,

1017
00:43:45,160 --> 00:43:47,359
Speaker 1: Like she it's over for her. She tried to.

1018
00:43:47,280 --> 00:43:49,000
Speaker 3: Say, See, that's the difference between you and me. I'd

1019
00:43:49,000 --> 00:43:52,040
Speaker 3: be like, what time are you saying this again? Tomorrow?

1020
00:43:53,400 --> 00:43:54,799
Speaker 3: I need trying to be here.

1021
00:43:56,160 --> 00:43:58,160
Speaker 2: Well, ros this is the part of our show where

1022
00:43:58,200 --> 00:44:00,680
Speaker 2: we ask if you have any advice you'd like from Chelsea.

1023
00:44:01,840 --> 00:44:06,040
Speaker 2: You know, I actually do One thing I revere about Chelsea.

1024
00:44:06,120 --> 00:44:09,040
Speaker 2: I just respect so much about you is that you

1025
00:44:09,680 --> 00:44:14,760
Speaker 2: have no problem like with letting it get uncomfortable with people,

1026
00:44:15,160 --> 00:44:17,680
Speaker 2: you know what I mean, Like if somebody's acting a fool,

1027
00:44:17,760 --> 00:44:20,359
Speaker 2: you'll tell them, If somebody is a dick, you'll alert them.

1028
00:44:20,400 --> 00:44:22,359
Speaker 3: If somebody's in your space to tell them. I feel

1029
00:44:22,360 --> 00:44:24,840
Speaker 3: like I constantly have to be human lubricants. I'm always

1030
00:44:24,880 --> 00:44:27,160
Speaker 3: just kind of like, Okay, that's gonna be fine, Everything's

1031
00:44:27,160 --> 00:44:28,920
Speaker 3: gonna be fine, trying to make everything okay even if

1032
00:44:28,960 --> 00:44:32,280
Speaker 3: it's not real, Like, how do we become more comfortable

1033
00:44:32,320 --> 00:44:34,680
Speaker 3: with the with the uncomfortable.

1034
00:44:34,840 --> 00:44:37,680
Speaker 1: Honestly, I believe that there is a lot of dignity

1035
00:44:37,840 --> 00:44:43,640
Speaker 1: in being truthful and direct. It's undignified to pretend that

1036
00:44:43,760 --> 00:44:46,319
Speaker 1: something's okay when it's not. I feel that way. I

1037
00:44:46,360 --> 00:44:49,560
Speaker 1: feel like if somebody's acting in a weird way, like

1038
00:44:49,680 --> 00:44:52,280
Speaker 1: it's oh, there's nice ways to say it and nicer

1039
00:44:52,360 --> 00:44:54,520
Speaker 1: ways to say it. As I've learned over the years,

1040
00:44:54,560 --> 00:44:57,160
Speaker 1: it's not like, hey, fucking moron, It's like, hey, is

1041
00:44:57,200 --> 00:45:00,759
Speaker 1: everything okay? Like what's going on? Or this makes me uncomfortable?

1042
00:45:00,880 --> 00:45:03,400
Speaker 1: Or you seem like you're a little bit out of whack,

1043
00:45:03,520 --> 00:45:06,400
Speaker 1: or this dynamic isn't working. Like, it's good to set boundaries.

1044
00:45:06,440 --> 00:45:10,200
Speaker 1: People respect that, and I've become much more gentle about

1045
00:45:10,200 --> 00:45:12,800
Speaker 1: my confrontations, you know what I mean.

1046
00:45:12,920 --> 00:45:14,759
Speaker 3: Because I have heard you say, what what's wrong with you?

1047
00:45:14,760 --> 00:45:15,960
Speaker 3: Fucking I've heard you say that.

1048
00:45:15,960 --> 00:45:17,000
Speaker 1: Of course. Yeah.

1049
00:45:17,080 --> 00:45:20,759
Speaker 3: Yeah, so even you have like sort of reformed how

1050
00:45:20,760 --> 00:45:21,080
Speaker 3: you do.

1051
00:45:21,080 --> 00:45:23,360
Speaker 1: It, yeah, because that doesn't feel good to the person.

1052
00:45:23,400 --> 00:45:25,799
Speaker 1: You know, if somebody's acting weird, or somebody's encroaching on

1053
00:45:25,840 --> 00:45:29,200
Speaker 1: your physical space or your personal you know, however they're

1054
00:45:29,200 --> 00:45:31,799
Speaker 1: infringing on you, or that you don't like the way

1055
00:45:31,840 --> 00:45:34,840
Speaker 1: that you feel there's no shame in saying, hey, I

1056
00:45:34,920 --> 00:45:36,680
Speaker 1: just need you to back up a little bit, or

1057
00:45:36,680 --> 00:45:40,239
Speaker 1: I actually need a minute by myself, or I'm feeling overwhelmed.

1058
00:45:40,280 --> 00:45:42,400
Speaker 1: You know, it depends. If somebody's a really sensitive person,

1059
00:45:42,400 --> 00:45:44,719
Speaker 1: it's always better to put it on yourself and act

1060
00:45:44,760 --> 00:45:48,360
Speaker 1: like it's your problem, not theirs. But if somebody is consistently,

1061
00:45:48,880 --> 00:45:51,680
Speaker 1: you know, causing a problem, or you don't like the

1062
00:45:51,719 --> 00:45:54,480
Speaker 1: way they're behaving like, there is a lot of dignity

1063
00:45:54,560 --> 00:45:57,440
Speaker 1: in being upfront and saying, hey, this is how this

1064
00:45:57,560 --> 00:46:01,600
Speaker 1: makes me feel. Not you are asshole, you behave badly.

1065
00:46:01,640 --> 00:46:04,600
Speaker 1: It's like this is not comfortable for me at this point.

1066
00:46:04,680 --> 00:46:07,160
Speaker 1: You know, I had to learn that a lot, especially

1067
00:46:07,160 --> 00:46:11,040
Speaker 1: if somebody is throwing daggers at you and you're in

1068
00:46:11,080 --> 00:46:15,120
Speaker 1: a fight. It is very hard to regain composure because

1069
00:46:15,160 --> 00:46:20,279
Speaker 1: you're in defense mode and nothing in that area ever

1070
00:46:20,360 --> 00:46:23,279
Speaker 1: gets resolved. If two people are going at it, there's

1071
00:46:23,320 --> 00:46:25,800
Speaker 1: no there's not going to be any come to Jesus moment.

1072
00:46:26,080 --> 00:46:29,040
Speaker 1: But I would say putting up guardrails not to be

1073
00:46:29,239 --> 00:46:32,520
Speaker 1: overly guarded, but putting up guardrails when people have overstepped

1074
00:46:32,960 --> 00:46:35,600
Speaker 1: is a very dignified thing to do and the person

1075
00:46:35,640 --> 00:46:38,239
Speaker 1: that you do it with will most likely respect you

1076
00:46:38,280 --> 00:46:40,120
Speaker 1: more if it's handled correctly.

1077
00:46:40,640 --> 00:46:43,279
Speaker 3: That actually is a big aha thing for me right

1078
00:46:43,320 --> 00:46:46,360
Speaker 3: now when you're saying that, it's like respectful and dignified

1079
00:46:46,480 --> 00:46:49,040
Speaker 3: to be more honest with another person to sort of say, hey,

1080
00:46:49,040 --> 00:46:51,040
Speaker 3: this is the reality, this makes me uncomfortable, or this

1081
00:46:51,080 --> 00:46:53,000
Speaker 3: needs to stop, or this as opposed to just like

1082
00:46:53,080 --> 00:46:56,959
Speaker 3: ha ha and you move on. That's almost like undignified

1083
00:46:57,040 --> 00:47:00,439
Speaker 3: and disrespectful to them. I just find myself, as getting

1084
00:47:00,480 --> 00:47:03,040
Speaker 3: older and you know, becoming an adult and things, i

1085
00:47:03,080 --> 00:47:05,680
Speaker 3: find myself needing to have those kind of confrontational moments

1086
00:47:05,680 --> 00:47:08,719
Speaker 3: more often. And I'm tired of like whimping out and

1087
00:47:09,200 --> 00:47:11,040
Speaker 3: just not doing it like a grown up, you know.

1088
00:47:11,120 --> 00:47:13,000
Speaker 3: So I'm not really trying to force myself to have

1089
00:47:13,040 --> 00:47:17,400
Speaker 3: those Wellington quotes. Brenne Brown calls them courageous conversations, you know,

1090
00:47:17,560 --> 00:47:20,200
Speaker 3: that's what they call them. So, yeah, trying to force

1091
00:47:20,239 --> 00:47:20,839
Speaker 3: myself to do.

1092
00:47:20,760 --> 00:47:23,760
Speaker 1: That, yeah, because there's it is undignified to be fake.

1093
00:47:24,480 --> 00:47:25,000
Speaker 1: That's it.

1094
00:47:25,040 --> 00:47:27,960
Speaker 3: That's the word fake, right, Yeah. If we're not addressing it,

1095
00:47:27,960 --> 00:47:30,560
Speaker 3: we're faking it. Yeah, that's so lame.

1096
00:47:30,840 --> 00:47:32,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, faking is lame.

1097
00:47:32,440 --> 00:47:35,880
Speaker 3: Speaking is lame. Thank you, Thank you, Little Chelsea. I

1098
00:47:35,920 --> 00:47:38,879
Speaker 3: know you're unqualified to give advice at all, but you're

1099
00:47:38,960 --> 00:47:39,520
Speaker 3: very good at it.

1100
00:47:40,239 --> 00:47:42,360
Speaker 1: Oh. I love you, Ross, I love you. I can't

1101
00:47:42,360 --> 00:47:44,040
Speaker 1: wait to see you. You know what? We should go

1102
00:47:44,040 --> 00:47:45,520
Speaker 1: to that boat place that I love.

1103
00:47:46,000 --> 00:47:47,000
Speaker 3: I don't know what I'd go there.

1104
00:47:47,080 --> 00:47:50,120
Speaker 1: Okay, we're gonna figure it out Wednesday night happy hour, all.

1105
00:47:50,080 --> 00:47:52,040
Speaker 3: Right, Okay, let's keep that boat place afloat.

1106
00:47:52,120 --> 00:47:54,120
Speaker 1: Okay, we will love you.

1107
00:47:55,200 --> 00:47:57,560
Speaker 2: If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email

1108
00:47:57,640 --> 00:48:00,680
Speaker 2: a Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com and be

1109
00:48:00,719 --> 00:48:03,760
Speaker 2: sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited

1110
00:48:03,760 --> 00:48:07,400
Speaker 2: and engineered by Brad Dickert executive producer Katherine Law and

1111
00:48:07,480 --> 00:48:09,919
Speaker 2: be sure to check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot

1112
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Speaker 2: com