Speaker 1: You're listening to Comedy Central.
Speaker 2: M Ever since Joe Biden dropped out for being old
Speaker 2: as shit, lots of people have been saying, what about
Speaker 2: Donald Trump. He's also an old man. But listen, Trump
Speaker 2: has energy. Okay, look how much he got done this weekend.
Speaker 2: He held a rally, he started at a crypto company
Speaker 2: you definitely should put all your money into. And he
Speaker 2: got in nine hoes of golf, well, five hose. That
Speaker 2: was a bit of an interruption.
Speaker 3: Tonight the chili, new details and the apparent second assassination
Speaker 3: attempt on Donald Trump.
Speaker 2: Yo again, Hey, will you people stop trying to assassinate
Speaker 2: Donald Trump. Not only is it morally wrong, but you're
Speaker 2: also just giving him more things to brag about. They
Speaker 2: only tried to kill Overham Lincoln once. That makes me
Speaker 2: twice as great as him. But yes, this weekend, a
Speaker 2: crazy person tried to hunt Donald Trump his natural habitat
Speaker 2: his golf course.
Speaker 4: Investigators say a Secret Service agent monitoring the woods ahead
Speaker 4: of mister Trump as he played golf on Sunday, saw
Speaker 4: a rifle barrel through the tree line and opened fire.
Speaker 5: The subject, who did not have line of sight to
Speaker 5: the former president, fled the scene.
Speaker 6: He did not fire or get off any shots.
Speaker 5: At our agent's.
Speaker 4: Cell phone record show he had been in place at
Speaker 4: the edge of the golf course for nearly twelve hours.
Speaker 2: This guy managed to walk into Trump's golf course and
Speaker 2: stay there undetected for twelve hours. Okay, and I don't
Speaker 2: know if you've thought about this, Trump, but maybe you
Speaker 2: should consider building, you know, like a wall.
Speaker 3: Like I don't know if you're like a.
Speaker 2: You know, a wall guy.
Speaker 6: Just just think about it.
Speaker 7: But by the.
Speaker 2: Way, have you noticed that the news reports are all
Speaker 2: like a harrowing neo tragedy sending chills through a nation.
Speaker 2: And meanwhile, everyone you actually know is like, oh, oh yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2: I saw that. Yeah. I mean, we have to act
Speaker 2: like it's a big deal. But it doesn't really have
Speaker 2: the same impact of the first one. You know. It's
Speaker 2: kind of like Black Panther two. You're like, yeah, I
Speaker 2: guess I'll see it. I mean, how's that gonna work?
Speaker 7: Now?
Speaker 2: The Cicco Service is getting a lot of heat for
Speaker 2: letting that guy get this far, but don't worry, they're
Speaker 2: taking action as part of.
Speaker 4: That increase focus on security. The Palm Beach County Sheriff
Speaker 4: now says that mar A Lago behind me has the
Speaker 4: highest security level possible, equivalent to when Donald Trump was president.
Speaker 2: That's right, the highest security level possible. It goes security,
Speaker 2: maximum security, and then Homer Loane level. I'm talking paint
Speaker 2: cans on the stairs, scary movies playing really loud, a
Speaker 2: codboard cutout of Trump in the windows, moving back and forth,
Speaker 2: and if things get really bad, Trump's scary old friend
Speaker 2: will show up.
Speaker 6: And protect it.
Speaker 2: Now, the motive of the assassin remains unclear, so we'll
Speaker 2: have to look at who might have a reason to
Speaker 2: be angry at Donald Trump.
Speaker 3: On Sunday, three hours before the attempt on his life,
Speaker 3: Trump laired I hate Taylor Swift on Truth's so Shaw,
Speaker 3: reacting to her bombshell endorsement of Kamala Harris.
Speaker 2: Donald tweeting, I hate Taylor Swift. That's dangerous. I mean
Speaker 2: I would I would rather buy one of those hesblop
Speaker 2: pages than tweet I hate Taylor Swift. I think I
Speaker 2: think Trump needs to stick to racism. It's less divisive.
Speaker 2: But the assassin this weekend was probably not a swiftye Okay,
Speaker 2: he doesn't fit the mo swifty is on nonviolent They
Speaker 2: prefer the cyber bully you until you kill yourself. So
Speaker 2: why did this guy come for Trump? I mean, according
Speaker 2: to JD. Vance, Trump's VP and the worst thing that
Speaker 2: happened to cat ladies since feline aids. Democrats made him
Speaker 2: do it.
Speaker 8: The left needs to tone down the rhetoric and needs
Speaker 8: to cut this crap out. We cannot tell the American
Speaker 8: people that one candidate is a fascist and if he's elected,
Speaker 8: it is going to be the end of American democracy.
Speaker 2: Yeah, liberals, stop accurately describing Trump. Okay, you're putting him
Speaker 2: in danger when you repeat the things he says verbato.
Speaker 2: But JD. Vans has a point. The left needs to
Speaker 2: stop calling its political opponents fascist. Okay, you don't see
Speaker 2: Donald Trump doing that all the time.
Speaker 7: She's a Marxist, she's a fascist. She's a Marxist communist
Speaker 7: fascist socialist. We have a fascist person running. There's a
Speaker 7: radical left Marxist communist fascist. She's a Marxist communist fascist person.
Speaker 2: That last one felt like he ran out of woods
Speaker 2: to end it is. She's a Marxist communist, fascist dermatologist.
Speaker 2: I mean, Trump has called Kamala fascist so much I'm
Speaker 2: not sure he knows her name. It's like when you
Speaker 2: say to a coworker, oh hey, hey, yeah, good to
Speaker 2: see you, my fascist buddy. Don't forget the rules of
Speaker 2: slurs either. Okay, you can use if you are one.
Speaker 2: That's why I can call someone else Ronnie, but you
Speaker 2: can't call me ronnie. Okay, that's our words. But look,
Speaker 2: whether or not you think the rhetoric should be toned down,
Speaker 2: it's just not something that Trump and Vents actually believe in.
Speaker 2: I mean, for the past week, the city of Springfield
Speaker 2: has been overrun with bomb threats after Trump and Vents
Speaker 2: claimed that Haitian immigrants are eating everyone's cats and dogs,
Speaker 2: which there is no evidence of. I mean, people love
Speaker 2: posting photos of their food. Okay, so we would have
Speaker 2: seen it by now. But when Trump was asked about
Speaker 2: those bomb threats, he didn't seem too concerned.
Speaker 4: Did you announce the bomb threats in Springfield, Ohio?
Speaker 9: I don't know what happened with the bomb threats.
Speaker 7: I know that it's been taken over by illegal migrants.
Speaker 2: Yeah, the guy who wants everyone to believe he's super
Speaker 2: concerned about political violence can't even bring himself to say
Speaker 2: he's against bomb threats. I mean, what more information are
Speaker 2: you waiting for. It's a bomb threat, you need to
Speaker 2: know who the bomb was going to vote for. I mean,
Speaker 2: I can't believe this guy is saying that. Very find
Speaker 2: bomb threats on both sides. You know, this isn't a
Speaker 2: trick question. This is a layup for politicians. So I
Speaker 2: do support the troops. So do you like Killa Swift
Speaker 2: to say yes, it's a layup? So any of the
Speaker 2: heater rhetoric in this country change? Probably not, But there
Speaker 2: was at least one moment over the weekend that offered
Speaker 2: a glimmer of hope.
Speaker 10: President Biden tonight spoke on the phone with Trump. The
Speaker 10: White House describes the conversation as cordial, with Biden sharing
Speaker 10: his relief that the former president is safe, and then
Speaker 10: Trump thanking Biden for the call.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, Joe Biden, I forgot about that guy. That's right,
Speaker 2: he's the president. It's so nice when two eighty old
Speaker 2: men can speak to each other on the last piece
Speaker 2: of technology they can truly understand. And I know you're
Speaker 2: thinking it would be great if we knew exactly what
Speaker 2: they talked about on that call. Well, luckily we had
Speaker 2: the Daily Show. God hands on the very real audio recorded.
Speaker 7: Hello, Hey, Donnie, it's me President Joe uh Biden Biden.
Speaker 7: Myname's Joe Brandon. I just want to say I'm glad
Speaker 7: you're safe. Directing Secretary Service, make sure may law go
Speaker 7: completely secure.
Speaker 1: Thank you, Joe, and let me just say, please come back.
Speaker 1: Huh please, Joe. This race has no fun without you.
Speaker 1: Everyone is shooting at me. This black lady keeps laughing
Speaker 1: at me in the debates. I need you back, Joe.
Speaker 1: We had good times together.
Speaker 3: Didn't we.
Speaker 7: Of course we did, Donnie r Goes. She was us
Speaker 7: sinking in my life purpose Nowadays no one even pays
Speaker 7: attention to me. Just yesterday, phoot down fire stairs. Jill
Speaker 7: just walked over me.
Speaker 1: Then tell everyone you're back in the race. You can
Speaker 1: call me a threat to democracy. I'll call you a
Speaker 1: demented head of an international crime family. It'll be like
Speaker 1: old times.
Speaker 7: Don't you think I want to They won't let me,
Speaker 7: and she posts you. Yes, shot my door right now,
Speaker 7: a baseball man. Sorry, Donny, I gotta go.
Speaker 1: I gotta go to jd Vance just called women walking
Speaker 1: embryo bags, so I gotta deal with that.
Speaker 2: Good Bye, Joe.
Speaker 7: Wait Donnie, run away with me. What Let me at
Speaker 7: your old road tree at five o'clock. We'll drive some
Speaker 7: small Latino country and run for president there. Oh my god,
Speaker 7: is this really happening?
Speaker 1: Are you serious, Joe?
Speaker 7: I'm as serious as you represent democracy too. You are
Speaker 7: old friend.
Speaker 1: You have that senator bitch. You've made me the happiest
Speaker 1: man alive.
Speaker 2: That's not the big news. If there's one issue that
Speaker 2: Vota say is the most important to them in this election,
Speaker 2: it's the economy. It's the top of the list, right
Speaker 2: above crime, healthcare, and Haitian immigrants eating my grandmother. Oh wait, sorry,
Speaker 2: she's just outside gardening.
Speaker 11: My bad, My bad.
Speaker 2: But today the Federal Reserve told all the people bitching
Speaker 2: about the economy to shut the fuck up.
Speaker 6: This is CNN breaking news.
Speaker 12: We do have breaking news.
Speaker 13: Just into CNN the Federal Reserve making its announcement on
Speaker 13: interest rate cuts.
Speaker 14: The Fed just delivered its first interest rate cuts since COVID,
Speaker 14: and it is a big one.
Speaker 15: Half a percentage point.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, it's you. I assume.
Speaker 6: From the way he said it.
Speaker 2: I mean, I guess this is a big deal. A
Speaker 2: lowes's interest rates mean lower cop payments, credit corp payments,
Speaker 2: and of course cheaper home loans. So you know that
Speaker 2: house you couldn't afford, Well, a half point decrease means
Speaker 2: that now you can afford a bus ticket to drive
Speaker 2: past it. American dream alive. But who cares about a
Speaker 2: federal reserve? What about those of us outside the system?
Speaker 2: Hm us rebels. We don't keep out money in social
Speaker 2: constructs like banks, so we don't have to pay taxes. Well,
Speaker 2: you're in luck, my friend, because the last real American
Speaker 2: has just announced the new investment opportunity that's gonna make
Speaker 2: your wallet blow up like a hes bull up pager in.
Speaker 14: The crypto space, Donald Trump has officially rolled out World
Speaker 14: Liberty Financial, a crypto adventure that will sell tokens to
Speaker 14: wealthy investors. Or this just one day after an apparent
Speaker 14: assassination attempt on his life.
Speaker 2: Yes, having a near death experience has made Trump focus
Speaker 2: on what truly matters in life, selling crypto and this
Speaker 2: is great news. Donald Trump, the world's most trustworthy businessman,
Speaker 2: is now in crypto, the world's most trustworthy business And
Speaker 2: what could make this deal better than Trump? How about
Speaker 2: more Trumps?
Speaker 3: Also involved in the crypto adventure are Donald Trump's sons
Speaker 3: Donald Trump Junior, Eric Trump, and even eighteen year old
Speaker 3: Baron Trump, whose official title is D five Visionary.
Speaker 2: Oh shit, they got four Trumps now, I mean, forget
Speaker 2: Nepo babies. That's a whole Nepo nursery. I mean, look,
Speaker 2: I'm one hundred percent in this. Okay, shut up and
Speaker 2: take my money. I just have a few questions, like
Speaker 2: how does this work and what is it?
Speaker 7: So?
Speaker 15: This new Trump backed business called World Liberty Financial, yet
Speaker 15: to release key details about it's finances or exact purpose.
Speaker 15: Its website, though prominently features photos of Trump and touts
Speaker 15: a digital currency kind of like bitcoin, but the value
Speaker 15: of that currency would be pegged to the US dollar.
Speaker 13: World Liberty Financial announced it will sell tokens to accredited investors.
Speaker 13: Those don't be transferable or earn a yield, but they
Speaker 13: will allow holders to vote on the company's future. Users
Speaker 13: can transact directly with each other without the middleman of
Speaker 13: a bank, and everything is going to occur on the blockchain.
Speaker 13: And that's essentially a public digital letter.
Speaker 2: I'm in. I'm just not sure what I'm in. It
Speaker 2: is a little confusing, so maybe we could, I don't know,
Speaker 2: do that thing from the Big Short and have Mogol
Speaker 2: Robbie explain this Trump business to us in a bathtub.
Speaker 10: It's a scam.
Speaker 2: Oh right, yeah, yeah, I.
Speaker 6: See it now.
Speaker 2: But still, I mean, that's just one person's opinion. Is
Speaker 2: there anyone else who's an expert on scams, who's had
Speaker 2: some thoughts a few years ago on crypto bitcoin?
Speaker 7: It just seems like a scam.
Speaker 4: Quote, I am not a fan of bitcoin and other
Speaker 4: cryptocurrencies which are not money and whose value is highly
Speaker 4: volatile and based on thin air.
Speaker 2: Okay, pretty persuasive, But I think I'm gonna need to
Speaker 2: see him say that in a bathtub naked. There you go,
Speaker 2: there you go. Now I know it's a scam and
Speaker 2: I'm turned on. I'm sorry, guys, I really thought this
Speaker 2: was a sure thing. But of course Don Trump doesn't
Speaker 2: know anything about crypto Now, if he had some actual
Speaker 2: financial experts who are running the company for him, that
Speaker 2: would be a different story.
Speaker 5: One of the deal makers behind World Liberty Financial is
Speaker 5: Chase Hero, who previously sold Colon cleansers online after serving
Speaker 5: time in prison for dealing marijuana.
Speaker 2: Wow, Trump's partner in this is a weird dealer turned
Speaker 2: prisoner turned Colon Clean's Marketer.
Speaker 7: I mean.
Speaker 2: Clearly he understands the concepts of diversifying your portfolio. I mean,
Speaker 2: maybe I can trust this thing. But is there anything
Speaker 2: Chase hero said that makes it clear he understands how
Speaker 2: the crypto business works.
Speaker 11: You can literally sell in the can wrapped in piss
Speaker 11: covered in human skin for a billion dollars if the
Speaker 11: story's right, because people will buy it. And that is
Speaker 11: what is going on in the crypto space. And like
Speaker 11: I said by other video, I'm not going to question
Speaker 11: the right wrong of all that. All I'm saying is,
Speaker 11: as a human being, you have the ability to make
Speaker 11: a ton of money right now.
Speaker 2: So the guy running Trump's crypto company says, crypto is basically,
Speaker 2: and I quote, a can of shit wrapped in piss
Speaker 2: that you can sell to idiots. I mean that is crazy.
Speaker 2: I did not know you could wrap something in piss.
Speaker 2: It's a liquid. This guy's a genius. I can't wait
Speaker 2: to give him my money. I just wish there was
Speaker 2: just one more guy who could lend his credibility to
Speaker 2: this company.
Speaker 6: World Liberty Financial also has Chase Heroes longtime partner Zachary Folkman,
Speaker 6: a former pickup artist who under the name Zach Bauer,
Speaker 6: founded a company called Date Hotter Girls.
Speaker 14: How many guys came here to learn how to take
Speaker 14: girls home and bang them?
Speaker 2: Finally the answer, Finally, the answer to the question what
Speaker 2: if Jesus had herpes? So to sum it up, I
Speaker 2: could not be more excited to trust my kids insulin
Speaker 2: money with these three guys, Donald Trump, a shit in
Speaker 2: a can salesman, and timUL Russell brand. But the question
Speaker 2: is is this investment right for you? Only you can
Speaker 2: answer that. But I must say I found that new
Speaker 2: ad very persuasive.
Speaker 9: Attention Donald Trump fans, introducing World Liberty Financial, the President's
Speaker 9: latest venture.
Speaker 6: How does it work well?
Speaker 9: Using the blockchain we meant a crypto coin, or we
Speaker 9: exchange other crypto coins, or maybe we platform the D
Speaker 9: five blah blah blah. Look, we don't know what this
Speaker 9: is yet, but you know the deal. Trump's name is
Speaker 9: on it, so you buy it, okay. Crypto is a
Speaker 9: complex intersection of finance and technology, and we don't know
Speaker 9: shit about it either.
Speaker 5: But what we do know is you like Trump.
Speaker 9: Trump like money, you give Trump money, don't actly? You
Speaker 9: need to do your due diligence here, Oh, let me,
Speaker 9: read the perspectus and make sure this is a sound
Speaker 9: financial decision. Thank you, pay us. Oh you want a chart, fine,
Speaker 9: here's a chart.
Speaker 5: This is you giving money to Trump.
Speaker 9: You comprehending all this warm buffet. I'm sorry, but we
Speaker 9: have less than fifty days to the election to cram
Speaker 9: in all the cash grabs we can, so we don't
Speaker 9: have time for a bunch of questions like are we
Speaker 9: ensured by the FDIC Are.
Speaker 5: You kidding me?
Speaker 9: The only fdicee here is you, the fucking dummies investing cash.
Speaker 5: Give us your money.
Speaker 9: If you don't have money, then get it, take out
Speaker 9: a loan, steal it from your daughter's wallet, rob a bank,
Speaker 9: rob a blood bank, and sell the blood on the
Speaker 9: black market.
Speaker 6: Don't get Trump involved unless it works.
Speaker 9: Then he wants a cut the hold on hold onut,
Speaker 9: I have a financial disclosure we legally have to read.
Speaker 9: This is a grift. You are the mark.
Speaker 6: Ignore that or don't. You're gonna fall for it?
Speaker 8: World liberty, financial Trump, crypto, blockchain, blah blah blah.
Speaker 11: Money.
Speaker 6: Please explore more.
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