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Speaker 1: Hello, and welcome back to the Psychology of Your Twenties,

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Speaker 1: the podcast where we talk through some of the big

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Speaker 1: life changes and transitions of our twenties and what they

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Speaker 1: mean for our psychology. Hello, lovely people, how are we

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Speaker 1: going on this fine day where you're listening in the world.

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Speaker 1: Thanks for joining, Thanks for tuning in to the Psychology

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Speaker 1: of your Twenties. It's lovely to have you here. This week,

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Speaker 1: we're talking about emotional intelligence, or EQ as some people

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Speaker 1: call it, and why it's different from normal intelligence from

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Speaker 1: our IQ. This topic it's different because well, maybe it's

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Speaker 1: not different. I think it's kind of common with some

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Speaker 1: of the topics we talk about, but it's just as

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Speaker 1: important in our twenties as it is in the rest

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Speaker 1: of our lives. But the reason I want to talk

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Speaker 1: about in the context of our twenties is because this

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Speaker 1: decade is when our brain is in those final kind

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Speaker 1: of stages of development, when our frontal lobe is yet

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Speaker 1: to form, when it's in its most critical kind of

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Speaker 1: stage to build those final skills, those final neurons, and

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Speaker 1: with that where we can kind of perfect our emotional intelligence.

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Speaker 1: And I just thought it would be really really interesting.

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Speaker 1: I think it's such a crucial part of success in life,

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Speaker 1: of achieving the things that you want, having healthy relationships,

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Speaker 1: all the things that I think at the base of

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Speaker 1: happiness and success. And I think a really common misconception

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Speaker 1: about emotional intelligence is that, like intelligence to some degree,

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Speaker 1: or like some other innate skill, it's not something that

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Speaker 1: can be taught. It's not something that can be developed.

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Speaker 1: What you're born with. The emotional intelligence that you're born

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Speaker 1: with is what you get. It's the cards that you're

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Speaker 1: dealt for the rest of your life. And that is

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Speaker 1: just totally untrue. It is fundamentally a skill. Emotional intelligence

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Speaker 1: is a skill, and it can be learned. You can

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Speaker 1: alter how you see people, how you see yourself, and

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Speaker 1: how you react to them. Although there are some people

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Speaker 1: who perhaps are more naturally adept, the same way that

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Speaker 1: there are people who are better at sports or have

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Speaker 1: more analytical brains or more creative brains, and that stuff

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Speaker 1: is really to do with your upbringing, your temperament, the

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Speaker 1: personality you are kind of dealt with upon conception and

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Speaker 1: upon birth. That is a huge misconception, and there is

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Speaker 1: a huge misconception around emotional intelligence being something that is

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Speaker 1: stagnant being something that is permanent. What you're born with,

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Speaker 1: the skills that you're born with is what you get,

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Speaker 1: which is completely untrue, and we're going to talk about

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Speaker 1: that today. How do you curate and develop and build

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Speaker 1: emotional intelligence in your twenties because it is so foundational

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Speaker 1: and critical for every year, every decade, every emotional experience

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Speaker 1: going forward. So emotional intelligence it's an interesting kind of

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Speaker 1: corner of psychology because unlike some of the other topics

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Speaker 1: I talk about, I focus a lot on positive psychology

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Speaker 1: and social psychology, emotional intelligence is normally talked about in

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Speaker 1: relation to organizational psychology. You may have guessed what that is,

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Speaker 1: but organizational psychology really has a lot to do with

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Speaker 1: the workplace and how we interact yeah with people in

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Speaker 1: the workplace, and how leaders are born, how we influence people.

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Speaker 1: But it is a lot more general than that. I

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Speaker 1: think that beyond the workplaces perhaps where it has its

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Speaker 1: greatest relevance and its greatest applicability. And there's been some

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Speaker 1: huge talk around emotional intelligence recently. It's kind of become

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Speaker 1: very popular part of the psychobabble, as we would say,

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Speaker 1: as more people begin discovering it, begin discovering its applicability

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Speaker 1: beyond the workplace, beyond corporate life, and see that it

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Speaker 1: is so fundamental to all these other areas that are

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Speaker 1: beyond how we make money and how we control the

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Speaker 1: tides of business. I think so. I think that first

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Speaker 1: kind of came about in the nineteen sixties and seventies,

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Speaker 1: but it's been popularized a lot more recently, and with

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Speaker 1: that we're seeing a lot of cultural trends around emotional

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Speaker 1: intelligence also emerge. It's now taught in Harvard Business schools,

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Speaker 1: in Harvard Business School and other business schools, and I

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Speaker 1: think it's one of those things where I've always had

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Speaker 1: these discussions with my friends where at Uni Woods now,

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Speaker 1: that person's really intelligent, but they have pretty low EQ.

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Speaker 1: They're not very emotionally intelligent. So it's part of that

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Speaker 1: distinction I think these days that we have between I

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Speaker 1: don't want to say natural intelligence, but academic intelligence and

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Speaker 1: what we traditionally think of as intelligence and those more soft,

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Speaker 1: nuanced skills around how we relate to others. Even though

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Speaker 1: it's taught at Harvard Business School, I think that it

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Speaker 1: does have a lot of relevance to all those who

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Speaker 1: aren't there. If you are there, tell me what they're

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Speaker 1: saying about it, tell me if I'm accurate. But it

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Speaker 1: is really really important and it differs from IQ in

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Speaker 1: so many ways. Like I said, IQ, we often think

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Speaker 1: of as analytical skills as the way that we process

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Speaker 1: factual information, how we absorb information, our memory, how we

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Speaker 1: use it. But emotional intelligence really rests in our social

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Speaker 1: relationships and in our own emotional awareness, which we'll talk

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Speaker 1: about later on, and how we interact with people, how

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Speaker 1: we influence people, beyond our general knowledge and beyond how

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Speaker 1: we process information. So let's take a bit more of

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Speaker 1: a deep dive into the compos of emotional intelligence in

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Speaker 1: our twenties, the benefits of a high EQ, and how

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Speaker 1: to develop your emotional intelligence even further if that's something

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Speaker 1: you're interested in. So firstly, let's get our basic information down.

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Speaker 1: What is EQ? What is emotional intelligence? Well, at its

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Speaker 1: most primitive kind of basic level, emotional intelligence refers to

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Speaker 1: our ability to understand, use, and manage our own emotions

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Speaker 1: in positive ways that affect us and affect others. It

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Speaker 1: kind of encompasses how to communicate effectively, how to have

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Speaker 1: those healthy positive relationships, how to succeed at your personal goals.

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Speaker 1: This really interesting study found that when children when kids

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Speaker 1: had higher emotional intelligence, they did a lot better at school.

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Speaker 1: They did a lot better socially obviously, but academically as well.

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Speaker 1: It's such a crucial component to exceeding in the world,

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Speaker 1: into having a healthy professional life, being able to follow

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Speaker 1: through with your commitments, and also making informed decisions. So

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Speaker 1: emotional intelligence really involves those core areas of the frontal lobe,

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Speaker 1: which are responsible for how we see the world, how

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Speaker 1: we interpret the world, and how we process our emotions

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Speaker 1: and make decisions based on what they're telling us. So

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Speaker 1: emotional intelligence it has four main components. These are self awareness,

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Speaker 1: self regulation, social awareness, and social regulation or control. I

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Speaker 1: don't really like the word control in this situation. I

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Speaker 1: think it suggests that emotional intelligence is something that we

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Speaker 1: want to develop and build in order to influence people

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Speaker 1: for our own gain. But it's more about leading, and

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Speaker 1: it's more about being able to dance around other people's

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Speaker 1: feelings and understand their emotional concerns and their emotional needs.

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Speaker 1: So emotional intelligence really starts with you. It starts with

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Speaker 1: self awareness. And self awareness I think is something that

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Speaker 1: is misunderstood in psychology or in those who kind of

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Speaker 1: dabble in psychology to a pretty large degree. In some

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Speaker 1: we often say it is being able to recognize our faults,

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Speaker 1: knowing ourselves pretty well, but it's a little bit deeper

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Speaker 1: than that. It. Self awareness is really about being able

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Speaker 1: to recognize and understand your own emotions, being able to

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Speaker 1: name your emotions but also know why you're feeling them.

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Speaker 1: It gives you so much information about the world to

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Speaker 1: have an understanding of how you cognitively react to things,

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Speaker 1: and it is the foundation of emotional intelligence, being able

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Speaker 1: to respond effectively not to what others are thinking, but

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Speaker 1: at the very beginning, what you're thinking. A big part

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Speaker 1: about self awareness, I think, is realizing that all of

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Speaker 1: life's events, everything that you experience, everything that's hard or

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Speaker 1: good or sad or happy, these events are innately neutral.

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Speaker 1: They don't have any natural, intuitive assigned meaning until we

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Speaker 1: evaluate it as either good or bad. And that's an

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Speaker 1: internal process that creates feelings and it's responsible for how

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Speaker 1: we feel and react. So when something happens in our lives,

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Speaker 1: there is an unconscious evaluation that occurs in our brain

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Speaker 1: that assigns that event as either being positive or negative,

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Speaker 1: and that information that processing the meaning we assigned to

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Speaker 1: an event comes from external sources what we're expected to feel,

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Speaker 1: but also our own learning and how we've responded to

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Speaker 1: things in the past, how things made us feel in

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Speaker 1: the past, so that we have a basis for knowing

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Speaker 1: how we should react, either in a socially appropriate manner

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Speaker 1: or in a way that matches how you expect yourself

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Speaker 1: to feel. But being able to recognize that all events

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Speaker 1: are innately neutral. This allows you to identify why you're

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Speaker 1: having a feeling in that moment, and what is that

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Speaker 1: feeling kind of attached to. Is it a normal feeling,

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Speaker 1: is it something that seems appropriate given the circumstances, or

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Speaker 1: is it based on learning and based on experiences. So

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Speaker 1: that's the whole thing about self awareness, as being able

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Speaker 1: to look at your emotions, name your emotions, and understand

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Speaker 1: why you're feeling it. That is the bedrock of emotional intelligence.

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Speaker 1: Once you're able to identify your feelings. Once you have

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Speaker 1: that high level of self awareness, the other building block

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Speaker 1: of emotional intelligence, the next kind of core ingredient is

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Speaker 1: self regulation. It's all fine and good and well to

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Speaker 1: be able to recognize your emotions, to be able to

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Speaker 1: sit back and say, oh, I'm mad, and I'm mad

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Speaker 1: because of this, and this is triggering me because of this,

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Speaker 1: and being able to know their source, whether it's endogenous

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Speaker 1: or exogynous, internal or external. But that is really no

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Speaker 1: use in terms of your broader emotional intelligence and ability

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Speaker 1: to relate to others unless you're able to control your

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Speaker 1: impulsive feelings, to control your behaviors and manage emotions in

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Speaker 1: healthy ways, and then from that being able to take

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Speaker 1: initiative and to follow through on your commitments, relate, and

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Speaker 1: be able to relate to others and adapt to your

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Speaker 1: changing circumstances. So this is about self regulation. You've had

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Speaker 1: that feeling, you've identified it, but the next step is

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Speaker 1: what you do with it. How do you react to

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Speaker 1: how you're feeling, and how you able to bring that

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Speaker 1: into your broader life, into what you want from life

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Speaker 1: and integrate it in a positive way. Emotional regulation kind

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Speaker 1: of captures all of this. It captures being adaptive to

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Speaker 1: changing circumstances. And it's different from self awareness because self

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Speaker 1: awareness is basically cognition, but self regulation is action is

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Speaker 1: action in response to that recognition. So on the back

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Speaker 1: of these two internal processes, we also have social awareness. Now,

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Speaker 1: this is probably, I think where most people see emotional

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Speaker 1: intelligence as lying as this is where a lot of

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Speaker 1: people I think misguided in thinking that emotional intelligence is

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Speaker 1: actually social awareness. And in some ways it is. But

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Speaker 1: the critical thing about those two prior ideas is that

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Speaker 1: you can't actually have social awareness without having self awareness

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Speaker 1: and self regulation. You can't show empathy, You can't react

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Speaker 1: to social cues or feel socially comfortable without first understanding

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Speaker 1: how other people might be feeling emotions because you have

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Speaker 1: felt them and you can recognize them and name them yourself.

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Speaker 1: So social awareness really encompasses being able to understand other

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Speaker 1: people's emotions and their emotional concerns, and their needs and

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Speaker 1: their social concerns, and how you can provide them or

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Speaker 1: maybe take them away. So you begin to see yourself

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Speaker 1: not as a sole individual, not as your own feelings,

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Speaker 1: but see your feelings and how you might react in

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Speaker 1: relationship to other people, both recognizing how your reactions affect them,

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Speaker 1: but also how you might actually understand their reactions a

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Speaker 1: lot better by looking internally and thinking how would I

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Speaker 1: react in that situation, what would I be feeling? And

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Speaker 1: that's social awareness. A critical thing about this element of

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Speaker 1: EQ is that it's the hardest to learn. It's the

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Speaker 1: most intuitive. I know, I'm kind of contradicting myself, and

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Speaker 1: you know I said that emotional awareness and emotional intelligence

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Speaker 1: is something that we can learn, which it is, but

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Speaker 1: the hardest part of it is being able to apply

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Speaker 1: that to other people because other people are unpredictable. As

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Speaker 1: I always say this to my friend Erin, but people

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Speaker 1: aren't always going to react the way that you would

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Speaker 1: to a situation. People have their own cultural experience, as

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Speaker 1: their own personal learning experiences that have taught them to

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Speaker 1: behave in different ways and reaction to their feelings. It's

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Speaker 1: also the part that is most kind of biologically determined.

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Speaker 1: Social awareness is normally something that some people have at

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Speaker 1: a higher level compared to others. And a good example

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Speaker 1: of this is people with autism who might struggle with

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Speaker 1: social awareness. That's no fault of theirs. It's not like

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Speaker 1: they're not trying hard. It's that it is something that

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Speaker 1: is more innate, and it is the most difficult component

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Speaker 1: of EQ to master. But once you do, you get

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Speaker 1: that final stage, that final step, that final component, which

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Speaker 1: is where ideas of leadership and influence really come into it,

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Speaker 1: and that's relationship management regulating other people. So in this

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Speaker 1: final stage, you know how to develop and maintain good relationships.

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Speaker 1: You can communicate clearly, you can inspire and influence others,

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Speaker 1: and you can manage their emotions and needs because you

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Speaker 1: understand them. You have that self awareness and that social awareness,

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Speaker 1: and with that, much like self regulation, you can apply

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Speaker 1: it to your interactions with others. These final two steps

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Speaker 1: are just I think the thing that really trips the

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Speaker 1: most people over because social awareness is an isolated activity.

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Speaker 1: You can kind of do that yourself by sitting down

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Speaker 1: and evaluating your feelings and journaling and going to therapy

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Speaker 1: or doing whatever you need to do to connect with

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Speaker 1: your own emotions and feelings, but being able to learn

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Speaker 1: what they look like in others is a much more

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Speaker 1: difficult task because emotional reactions and experiences, as we said,

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Speaker 1: are not universal. Okay, So, hilst all these components that

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Speaker 1: we've talked about are crucial and important to emotional intelligence,

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Speaker 1: to being able to relate to others, some people may

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Speaker 1: only have one or two components, and that's where they

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Speaker 1: kind of get stuck. Maybe there's someone who can influence people,

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Speaker 1: but they're still really aloof and have low social awareness.

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Speaker 1: Although it's probably unlikely that they're intentionally influencing people, they

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Speaker 1: still have that capability. They still have that capacity despite

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Speaker 1: being low in social regulation and social awareness. And on

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Speaker 1: the flip side, you can have a high degree of

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Speaker 1: self awareness, really understand and have deep knowledge of how

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Speaker 1: you feel and how your emotions relate to the world,

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Speaker 1: but still remain unable to manage relationships and unable to

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Speaker 1: step into that social regulation element that we're talking about.

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Speaker 1: So it is kind of a four piece puzzle where

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Speaker 1: if you don't have one piece, if you're missing one

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Speaker 1: of them, your emotional development. But emotional intelligence, we would

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Speaker 1: say is under developed, so all pieces are just as crucial.

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Speaker 1: You can't just skip a step. But the other caveat

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Speaker 1: is that emotional intelligence is also highly dependent on others.

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Speaker 1: It is relational. Maybe that's been pretty clear so far.

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Speaker 1: But you can't influence others if other people don't exist,

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Speaker 1: and you can't understand their emotions and relate to them

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Speaker 1: and have good relationships with them if they didn't have

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Speaker 1: those emotions in the first place. So yeah, it's incredibly relational,

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Speaker 1: and it's depending on how other people are reacting in

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Speaker 1: their feelings. You might have all components of EQ, but

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Speaker 1: say you have a relationship with someone who's a psychopath

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Speaker 1: or completely lacking in self awareness, they will struggle and

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Speaker 1: you will struggle to display your beautifully high levels of

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Speaker 1: EQ with them. I knew someone like this who had

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Speaker 1: really low self awareness. It's really hard to meet their

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Speaker 1: emotional needs and to understand how they're feeling because they

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Speaker 1: don't even recognize it themselves. That person probably is unsure

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Speaker 1: of what their emotional needs are. Or if they're someone

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Speaker 1: who's psychopathic or can't have empathy or doesn't have consistent emotions,

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Speaker 1: they might have disturbed social and emotional needs. So it

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Speaker 1: is really hard to navigate those relationships, even if you're

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Speaker 1: an expert, even if you're really skilled and have all

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Speaker 1: of the tools that you would need for emotional intelligence.

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Speaker 1: Like I said, it's relational. It might also be Another

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Speaker 1: instance that I can think of is if you're in

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Speaker 1: the workplace, which is where emotional intelligence is often investigated.

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Speaker 1: There are some really conflict seeking people out there. We've

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Speaker 1: talked about this in some of our other episodes. Conflict

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Speaker 1: seeking people a people who are excited and exhilarated and

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Speaker 1: get a lot of stimulation from creating fuss and having

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Speaker 1: fights with people and gossiping. These people are going to

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Speaker 1: be really hard to regulate or to influence or to

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Speaker 1: relate to if you're not someone like that, because you're

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Speaker 1: never going to understand their perspective. You're not a conflict

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Speaker 1: seeking person if you don't like confrontation. Managing the emotions

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Speaker 1: or understanding the emotions of someone who is is going

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Speaker 1: to be a pretty hard task, even if you have

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Speaker 1: high levels of self awareness in relations to the emotions

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Speaker 1: you feel. But if you think about someone who has

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Speaker 1: really high EQ, who's very skilled at perception, they may

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Speaker 1: still be able to manage this or dance around these

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Speaker 1: kinds of people. Give that person who has a need

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Speaker 1: for conflict a little taste without disrupting the peace and

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Speaker 1: others because they have experienced other emotional situations and they've

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Speaker 1: been able to cultivate that skill and that response to

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Speaker 1: changing circumstances. So, what are some of the benefits of

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Speaker 1: having high emotional intelligence being one of those people who

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Speaker 1: can navigate all situations effortlessly well. Emotional intelligence, like I've

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Speaker 1: already said, it affects things like your performance at work

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Speaker 1: or school, you can really easily navigate the social complexities

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Speaker 1: of a workplace. You can lead and motivate others, excel

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Speaker 1: in your career. People with EQ often test higher on

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Speaker 1: most job indicators. They're better at things like job interviews,

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Speaker 1: they're better at managing internal conflict. It also really influences

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Speaker 1: some other things, like your physical health and your mental health.

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Speaker 1: So if you're unable to manage your emotions, you're probably

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Speaker 1: not managing your stress either, and this can lead to

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Speaker 1: some pretty serious health problems. So uncontrolled stress, as we know,

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Speaker 1: raises blood pressure, suppresses the immune system when we have

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Speaker 1: high levels of cortisol, and therefore increases things like the

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Speaker 1: risk of heart attacks and strokes, and speeds up the

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Speaker 1: aging process. So that's where that self awareness component is

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Speaker 1: really important to the other areas of your health, because

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Speaker 1: if you aren't able to recognize how you're feeling, recognize

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Speaker 1: what is influencing, you might experience greater stress and greater arousal,

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Speaker 1: and that also contributes to mental health. Uncontrolled emotions and

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Speaker 1: stress can also impact how you feel emotionally, making you

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Speaker 1: more vulnerable to anxiety and depression. And if you're able

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Speaker 1: to understand and get comfortable with or manage your emotions.

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Speaker 1: Then you're able to form stronger relationships, which stops you

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Speaker 1: from feeling lonely and isolated, gives you more control over

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Speaker 1: your emotional experiences, improves your relationships, and also finally your

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Speaker 1: social intelligence. Yes, emotional and social intelligence, if you couldn't

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Speaker 1: tell from this episode and what we've talked about so far,

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Speaker 1: are very much connected. And being in tune with your

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Speaker 1: emotions definitely serves a social purpose. As we can say

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Speaker 1: from that social awareness and social regular component. It connects

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Speaker 1: you to other people and the world around you and

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Speaker 1: enables you to recognize you friend from foe. You can

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Speaker 1: measure another person's interest in you, pursue healthier relationships, balance

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Speaker 1: your nervous system through social communication, and feel really loved

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Speaker 1: and happy. So emotional intelligence is probably another important difference

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Speaker 1: it has to just general intelligence. Is it's more linked

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Speaker 1: to just a general sense of well being and peace

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Speaker 1: and comfort and being able to navigate what life kind

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Speaker 1: of throws at you. So a big part of this

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Speaker 1: conversation and a big promise I made was I was

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Speaker 1: going to tell you how you can increase your EQ.

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Speaker 1: So there was a reason we talked about emotional intelligence

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Speaker 1: in terms of those four key components, because they're all

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Speaker 1: equally crucial, but you can also build your EQ by

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Speaker 1: focusing on each one of them. So starting it self

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Speaker 1: awareness managing your stress is just the first step to

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Speaker 1: building emotional intelligence. Being able to recognize your emotions as well,

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Speaker 1: that's also really crucial, and if you can't get over that,

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Speaker 1: if you're unable to do that, it's unlikely that you'll

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Speaker 1: be able to increase your emotional intelligence. So you should

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Speaker 1: be able to manage core feelings like anger, sadness, fear,

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Speaker 1: and joy in order to feel the full breadth of

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Speaker 1: emotional experiences, but also know how you react to them.

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Speaker 1: So the questions to ask are when I encounter an emotion,

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Speaker 1: how do I react? Are those emotions accompanied by physical sensations?

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Speaker 1: Do you experience individual feelings and emotion or can you

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Speaker 1: feel them at the same time, So anger and sadness,

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Speaker 1: it's really interesting. Some people feel them as different sensations

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Speaker 1: and can't feel them at the same time, whereas others

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Speaker 1: feel them as one and can have that kind of nuance.

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Speaker 1: Me personally, I can't be angry and sad at the

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Speaker 1: same time. It's a different experience. There's also that question

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Speaker 1: of can you experience intense emotions? What do they feel like?

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Speaker 1: And all of this is contributing to you being able

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Speaker 1: to pay attention to your emotions. That is the biggest

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Speaker 1: factor in building EQ and the biggest recommendation a lot

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Speaker 1: of scientists and psychologists have is when you feel an emotion,

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Speaker 1: do you have a process for sitting back, recognizing it,

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Speaker 1: understanding why you're feeling that way, and being able to

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Speaker 1: realize is it internal? Can I do something about it?

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Speaker 1: Or is it external? And should I change something about

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Speaker 1: my environment? And that's crucial. Once you understand how your

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Speaker 1: brain flows through those key pathways and those patterns, that's

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Speaker 1: when you have high levels of self awareness, really taking

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Speaker 1: time to evaluate what you do, how you respond, what

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Speaker 1: your reaction is. In order to engage your emotional intelligence,

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Speaker 1: you also have to be able to use your emotions

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Speaker 1: to make constructive decisions about your behavior self management. That

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Speaker 1: was a second component. So once you're able to recognize

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Speaker 1: your emotions, you have to be able to do something

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Speaker 1: with them right. You have to be able to respond

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Speaker 1: to them positively so you don't lose control of your

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Speaker 1: emotions or your ability to think things through and to

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Speaker 1: act thoughtfully and appropriately. A really good way to kind

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Speaker 1: of build this, and to build particularly your reaction to

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Speaker 1: stressful and emotionally intense experiences, is to stay really mindful

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Speaker 1: of what exactly is upsetting you about the information you're

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Speaker 1: receiving and why is it overriding your thoughts and self control.

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Speaker 1: A big piece of advice that someone once gave me

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Speaker 1: is never react in the moment. If you're in a

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Speaker 1: job interview, always take a moment, step back and think,

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Speaker 1: really think about what emotion you're feeling, what's your main reaction,

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Speaker 1: and how do I respond to that cautiously? What would

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Speaker 1: the best version of myself do? Here? A really great

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Speaker 1: way to apply this is when you are in emotionally

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Speaker 1: demanding situations. Maybe you're having an argument with someone. Take

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Speaker 1: a few minutes, take a day, take a couple hours,

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Speaker 1: and step back and think what would the highest version

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Speaker 1: of myself? What would the most emotionally intelligent version of

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Speaker 1: myself do in this situation. So the next key skill

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Speaker 1: that we talked about was social awareness, your ability to

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Speaker 1: recognize and interpret queues from other people, being able to

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Speaker 1: communicate with them and feel attached to them, and to

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Speaker 1: understand how they're feeling and in this situation, mindfulness is

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Speaker 1: an ally for emotional and social awareness. To build social awareness,

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Speaker 1: you need to be mindful of what other people are

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Speaker 1: feeling and experiencing, and you need to be able to

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Speaker 1: apply your own experiences to their reactions. There will be

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Speaker 1: subtle emotional shifts taking place in other people that you

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Speaker 1: have to be able to recognize. You have to be

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Speaker 1: able to recognize their goals and their objectives, and that's

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Speaker 1: where empathy really comes into play. Building that core skill

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Speaker 1: of empathy is so crucial. It is perhaps the most

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Speaker 1: crucial part the same way that social awareness is the

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Speaker 1: hardest part of emotional intelligence. Empathy is something that is

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Speaker 1: really difficult to curate. It's really difficult to develop, but

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Speaker 1: it really sits with in the same kind of area

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Speaker 1: as that self regulation. Taking a step back, mind mapping

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Speaker 1: out if I was in this situation, what would I

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Speaker 1: be feeling? Resting on your own self awareness to think

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Speaker 1: about what would my intentions here be, what would my

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Speaker 1: objectives be in this situation? And move forward with that knowledge,

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Speaker 1: think about someone else as if they are yourself. And

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Speaker 1: you know this is an expert advice, this is just

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Speaker 1: things that I have gained from the Internet and from

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Speaker 1: my your own personal experience, But think about someone else

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Speaker 1: as if they are yourself. What would you want here?

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Speaker 1: What would you be trying to get out of creating

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Speaker 1: reaction in someone or reacting a certain way, and how

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Speaker 1: do you leverage that in order to engage in relationship

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Speaker 1: management and social regulation, which is the final stage. Working

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Speaker 1: well with others is a process that, as we have

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Speaker 1: said time and time again in this episode, begins with

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Speaker 1: emotional awareness and your ability to recognize and understand what

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Speaker 1: other people are experiencing. So there are a few key

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Speaker 1: skills here. The first one is becoming aware of how

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Speaker 1: effectively to use nonverbal communication. It's impossible to avoid sending

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00:28:37,640 --> 00:28:42,320
Speaker 1: nonverbal messages. You cannot control the muscles in your face

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00:28:42,520 --> 00:28:46,000
Speaker 1: that react to other people, and that's how you worthlessly

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00:28:46,000 --> 00:28:48,760
Speaker 1: convey your own emotions. But it's also the tip of

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00:28:48,880 --> 00:28:52,640
Speaker 1: how to read others. So engaging that emotional part of

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00:28:52,640 --> 00:28:56,600
Speaker 1: your brain to recognize what certain reactions mean in others

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00:28:56,880 --> 00:28:59,320
Speaker 1: is super important and can play a huge part in

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Speaker 1: your relationships. Open communication, talking about things when you see them,

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00:29:05,640 --> 00:29:09,600
Speaker 1: and using humor to relieve stress and laughter their natural

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00:29:09,600 --> 00:29:15,720
Speaker 1: antidotes to conflict and too heavy emotional situations, but creating

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00:29:15,760 --> 00:29:18,360
Speaker 1: that kind of space to be able to engage and

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00:29:18,400 --> 00:29:22,880
Speaker 1: have hard conversations with people, or have necessary conversations with people.

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Speaker 1: And the final kind of lesson and skill is learning

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Speaker 1: to see conflict as an opportunity to grow closer to others.

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Speaker 1: Conflict and disagreements, we've talked about it so much on

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Speaker 1: this podcast, but they're inevitable. They are just so normal,

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Speaker 1: And I think a big thing in our twenties is

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00:29:41,040 --> 00:29:44,080
Speaker 1: thinking we need to run away from confrontation, but that's

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00:29:44,120 --> 00:29:47,680
Speaker 1: just not the case. Confrontation and being able to resolve

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00:29:47,720 --> 00:29:50,760
Speaker 1: conflict in a healthy, constructive way can strength and trust

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Speaker 1: between people. So teach yourself and learn and appreciate that

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00:29:55,800 --> 00:29:59,160
Speaker 1: conflict doesn't necessarily mean a bad thing. It is a

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00:29:59,240 --> 00:30:02,479
Speaker 1: learning opportunity and it's important for your emotional intelligence to

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Speaker 1: be able to navigate that situation and learn what worked,

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Speaker 1: Learn what made you feel better, but what made other

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Speaker 1: people feel better as well, in order to increase your

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Speaker 1: EQ and kind of reap all those benefits that we've

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Speaker 1: talked about. Thank you so much for listening to this episode.

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Speaker 1: A little bit of a different one, a bit more

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Speaker 1: psychology base. Even though that's the idea of the podcast,

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00:30:29,280 --> 00:30:32,440
Speaker 1: delving into the mind, delving into social relationships, all in

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Speaker 1: a day's work. I found it really interesting to think

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00:30:35,360 --> 00:30:37,440
Speaker 1: about these things, think about how I could apply it

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Speaker 1: to my own life, and also knowing that I still

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Speaker 1: have a couple of years to really lay the foundations

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00:30:44,240 --> 00:30:49,320
Speaker 1: for an emotionally intelligent life and relationships full with EQ

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00:30:50,040 --> 00:30:53,520
Speaker 1: however you want to apply it, and in the workplace

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00:30:53,560 --> 00:30:56,040
Speaker 1: as well in my personal life, it is such an

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00:30:56,080 --> 00:31:00,160
Speaker 1: important skill. I hope that that has been clear to

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Speaker 1: you based on how much I've said about it in

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00:31:02,360 --> 00:31:05,920
Speaker 1: this podcast. But thank you again for listening as always,

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00:31:05,920 --> 00:31:07,720
Speaker 1: if you do feel cool to do so. If you've

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00:31:07,800 --> 00:31:10,960
Speaker 1: enjoyed this podcast or some of the other episodes, please

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00:31:11,040 --> 00:31:14,200
Speaker 1: leave us a review on either Spotify or Apple Podcasts.

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00:31:14,560 --> 00:31:19,120
Speaker 1: It really allows this community and this platform, this podcast

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00:31:19,200 --> 00:31:21,440
Speaker 1: to grow and to reach new people. So if you've

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00:31:21,440 --> 00:31:24,360
Speaker 1: gotten something out of it, I would really appreciate it.

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Speaker 1: It would make my day, and thank you again for listening.

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Speaker 1: Next week, we're talking about attachment styles, another social psychology episode,

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Speaker 1: but very very interesting. Nonetheless, have a beautiful day,