Speaker 1: So this is the era of the teen pushback, and
Speaker 1: everyone's dealing in different ways. I have my own therapists.
Speaker 1: I have a therapist that my daughter speaks to that
Speaker 1: I also speak to to navigate certain things. But this
Speaker 1: is the testing stage now. I have a great kid,
Speaker 1: and she doesn't disrespect me, and she's not what anybody
Speaker 1: would think is really spoiled because I've got a tight
Speaker 1: leash on which even with the tight leash, you know,
Speaker 1: there's a lot of pushback right now and like snapping
Speaker 1: of the leash. And I see that people have wretched
Speaker 1: situations going on with their teenagers. And I can also
Speaker 1: see that because I'm the person that you know, is
Speaker 1: constantly organizing my drawers and throwing out expired condiments and
Speaker 1: wiping down the inside of my you know, produce drawer
Speaker 1: on the fridge. And what I mean by that is
Speaker 1: that I'm on the case at all times. I'm that bitch.
Speaker 1: Don't let hemework build up, I don't procrastinate. And I'm
Speaker 1: like that with parenting too, Like I don't just like
Speaker 1: roll my eyes and look at someone else embarrassingly. If
Speaker 1: my daughter disrespects me. If my daughter disrespects me, that
Speaker 1: least she's getting snapped hard, something's getting taken away. There
Speaker 1: are consequences. I do. It's weird. There's no leeway. It's
Speaker 1: called zero tolerance policy with the life that my child
Speaker 1: has to be disrespectful at all. So even with that,
Speaker 1: I do get other ways, like like there could be
Speaker 1: there just can be pushback sometimes with things or like
Speaker 1: where my daughter thinks that she's a peer, Like she
Speaker 1: thinks she's appear and she's gonna give a commentary on
Speaker 1: something I'm doing and tell me why she doesn't agree
Speaker 1: with it, or she thinks it's inappropriate or she thinks,
Speaker 1: you know, it's disrespectful or a different word, and it's
Speaker 1: like Hi, Like she said to me something that she
Speaker 1: thought was you know, not appropriate recently, and it was
Speaker 1: it was, it was not. I mean I've spoken to
Speaker 1: her therapist about it and he said it was you know,
Speaker 1: if handled properly, it's appropriate. And I said to her,
Speaker 1: listen to me, you're fourteen years old. So I just
Speaker 1: don't want there to be any confusion that you're my peer.
Speaker 1: I will validate feelings that you have about certain different
Speaker 1: things in life, in your schedule in school and what
Speaker 1: you want and what we want. I will validate. I
Speaker 1: will listen to the way you feel, because we don't
Speaker 1: want our kids in their bedrooms crying alone, not feeling
Speaker 1: like they're not hurt. It's a very very emotional time.
Speaker 1: So I will listen and validate that. Being said, this
Speaker 1: is in an open forum where we're peers, and I
Speaker 1: do what my fourteen year old wants me to do,
Speaker 1: like that's where the line is. And I think that's
Speaker 1: where parents get jammed up and they don't understand what
Speaker 1: the line is. You just feel like if your child's
Speaker 1: unhappy about something, then all of a sudden, you just
Speaker 1: want to do everything to make them happy. If they
Speaker 1: start crying, or if something goes on, or if something breaks,
Speaker 1: you want to mend it. If something stayed, you want
Speaker 1: to replace it. You know, we get into this situation
Speaker 1: where we just want to make them happy, and they
Speaker 1: know that, and even if it's not intellectual, they energetically
Speaker 1: know that and they do exploit that. So if my
Speaker 1: daughter says to me, well, I don't think that's appropriate,
Speaker 1: I said to her, I said, well, let me tell
Speaker 1: you something. I said. There are a lot of things
Speaker 1: that you might think are not appropriate. I said, let's
Speaker 1: talk about this. What if I was broke. I was
Speaker 1: a broke mom, I couldn't afford our rent, and I
Speaker 1: was going to go by the airport and get on
Speaker 1: a stripper pole, get naked and dance for men for money.
Speaker 1: I think that would be totally appropriate if I was broken,
Speaker 1: I need to pay for your school and pay for
Speaker 1: food to be on the table. I find that, Tobay,
Speaker 1: I would find that to be totally appropriate, and I
Speaker 1: would do it. So just because you don't think something
Speaker 1: is appropriate, it doesn't mean anything. I'm an adult who's
Speaker 1: an excellent parent, who's more involved than parents that don't
Speaker 1: work in many cases. So I'll validate a feeling you have.
Speaker 1: But everything is in an open forum for discussion. Where
Speaker 1: we go, what we eat, what we do, who we
Speaker 1: hang out with. None of that is an open forum
Speaker 1: for discussion, and we don't have to do everything that
Speaker 1: you want to do. This is like somehow these kids
Speaker 1: think that like this is a democracy. We're all like,
Speaker 1: you know, we're on a board together and we're allvoting
Speaker 1: for everything, and it's not we're not voting for chicken
Speaker 1: fingers over pasta any more than we're voting for where
Speaker 1: we're going on vacation any more than we're voting for
Speaker 1: what we're doing, or if you're doing your homework, or
Speaker 1: if you want to go here, do that, take that class,
Speaker 1: not take that class, Go to your therapy, go to
Speaker 1: your doctor, get your teeth clean. Like it's called the
Speaker 1: tough shit program, because the tough Ship program in my
Speaker 1: house is balanced with Oh, we're going to Paris Fashion Week, Brinn.
Speaker 1: This will be the second time you've been to Paris.
Speaker 1: So I've got to keep that leash tight because I've
Speaker 1: got a kid who's had experiences that I can't even
Speaker 1: imagine at her age having had my daughter's going to
Speaker 1: Paris for the second time now, I want to share
Speaker 1: that with her. But I don't want any of you
Speaker 1: or myself to ever think that like I act like
Speaker 1: that's normal, or I think that this is a free
Speaker 1: for all, Like I'm not going to be punitive and
Speaker 1: not take her on something I think she'd love, But
Speaker 1: I'm also not you know, buying her everything she wants
Speaker 1: and giving her everything. And I've posted about this before,
Speaker 1: like on Christmas and on her birthday, she will get
Speaker 1: influencer gifts. So like influencer gifts come in or pr gift,
Speaker 1: they're called to me and to Brin too, because they're
Speaker 1: not stupid. They know I might not post about it,
Speaker 1: but she might post about it to her fifty thousand followers,
Speaker 1: and it's then they might get pressed about it because
Speaker 1: it's my daughter and I know the whole game. So
Speaker 1: she gets gifts because she's Brinn and my daughter. But
Speaker 1: I don't just put them in her room. You think,
Speaker 1: like every time she gets a necklace or a sweatsuit
Speaker 1: or whatever, like she's gonna get no fucking way. I'd
Speaker 1: have the most spoiled kid ever. And I've seen it,
Speaker 1: and I've seen celebrities kids with like you know, air
Speaker 1: Mez clothing and Gucci sneakers, Like this is not my house,
Speaker 1: like her backpack for schools from Amazon, and it's not
Speaker 1: me cosplaying poor. Believe me, she has some nice things too.
Speaker 1: We're not going to Paris Fashion Week and she's wearing,
Speaker 1: you know, clothes I found on the street. But she
Speaker 1: is wearing clothes she already has in her closet. Because
Speaker 1: I'm wearing clothes that I already have in my closet.
Speaker 1: I'm not shopping for Paris fashion weekend. She'll shop her
Speaker 1: own closet too. She's not a royal, a member of
Speaker 1: the royal family, So stuff comes and I put it
Speaker 1: in a gift closet. Then it's on her birth the
Speaker 1: things that I know that she would love, that are special,
Speaker 1: that are special treats, then she'll get that stuff for
Speaker 1: her birthday over Christmas. But there are not that many
Speaker 1: things that I'll actually buy, just because there's so much
Speaker 1: stuff around here, and I don't. I don't spoil her.
Speaker 1: She is spoiled because of experiences, but I don't. I try.
Speaker 1: I try not to materialistically spoil her. I actually am
Speaker 1: hesitating because I think that you know, I couldn't afford
Speaker 1: a taxi in my late thirties to go on a
Speaker 1: date downtown. I literally couldn't, and I would be walking
Speaker 1: like sixty bucks. That was my only exercise I ever
Speaker 1: got because I couldn't afford a taxi and I was broken,
Speaker 1: and I would get insufficient funds notices and I would
Speaker 1: put my money in the ATM machine and out would
Speaker 1: come like you have no money and be a nightmare.
Speaker 1: And then I'd bounce checks and I was always scared.
Speaker 1: So like she goes out to dinner with her friends
Speaker 1: and she can pay for it. She goes, and she
Speaker 1: does ask me, can I get Bobuck? Can I get Starbucks?
Speaker 1: But like I say yes? Or she gets a pokey bowl,
Speaker 1: like we order in a pokey bowl. Every time she
Speaker 1: gets a pokey bowl, I want to pokey myself in
Speaker 1: the eye because I'm like, oh, I have a fucking
Speaker 1: rich kid. Shit, you know. And it's not a free
Speaker 1: for all every night. It's not like every night is
Speaker 1: poke ball night, but it's just, you know, it's hard.
Speaker 1: I talk to Mark Cuban about this. Now, I'm not
Speaker 1: a billionaire like Mark Cuban, but like I go on
Speaker 1: a plane and I take her with me, I'm not,
Speaker 1: you know, sitting here and coach with me in first class.
Speaker 1: I would, but I'm not gonna do it just to
Speaker 1: be like spiteful, you know. So it's a dance and
Speaker 1: it's not easy. I'm doing my very best. I haven't
Speaker 1: taken her on enough charity. That's annoying that I haven't
Speaker 1: done that. She was supposed to come one time to
Speaker 1: North Carolina, but she got sick right before, and I
Speaker 1: haven't gone on a relief mission myself, like physically in
Speaker 1: a minute, and you know, and sometimes it's really dangerous there,
Speaker 1: and I don't want to take her into a place
Speaker 1: where people have like, you know, rat feces and water
Speaker 1: up to their ankles in Puerto Rico. So it's like
Speaker 1: I'm doing a fine job. I'm doing a better than
Speaker 1: fine job because I crack, you know, the whip. But
Speaker 1: I'm doing a fine job because I think I'm doing
Speaker 1: a better than fine job. I think I'm doing a
Speaker 1: better I'll tell you something of my therapist said, So
Speaker 1: when you snap at your kids, you know, when you
Speaker 1: go to a ten, you snap, so, my therapist said,
Speaker 1: And you should explain this to your children, my therapist
Speaker 1: said to my daughter, because like sometimes there'll be too
Speaker 1: many things, like it's too many spoiled things, too many
Speaker 1: rude comments, Like then there's the sorry, I'm sorry, I'm
Speaker 1: so sorry, or they delay a little while and then
Speaker 1: there's an apology. But then two days later it happens again,
Speaker 1: and then you snap. And my therapist said, the thing
Speaker 1: is you think because every time you say sorry, you
Speaker 1: think you took the slate to zero. But when the
Speaker 1: first time it happened, you took the slate to one.
Speaker 1: Then you took it up. Then the next time it happened,
Speaker 1: you added to it. The apology might have taken a
Speaker 1: little off, but then you got to three. Now a
Speaker 1: couple of other things happen, and your mom is just
Speaker 1: she's done. She's at a ten. So I'm just like,
Speaker 1: so the littlest thing will happen where it's not even
Speaker 1: that big of a thing, but my daughter will get,
Speaker 1: you know, a little snippy about something, a little disrespectful,
Speaker 1: and I'll just go, I'll launch. I'll fucking launch because
Speaker 1: I'm at a ten from all of it. And then
Speaker 1: I'll say, you know what, I'm done. It's been like,
Speaker 1: it's been like five different things and now I have
Speaker 1: no patience, you know how you get like that? So
Speaker 1: them intellectually and emotionally understanding how we operate differently. You know.
Speaker 1: Ramona Singer used to be the apologizer. She would say yes,
Speaker 1: walk into the next scene and think like everything was okay.
Speaker 1: It's like, what are you talking about. You just called
Speaker 1: someone you know a drug addict. You just said the
Speaker 1: worst thing you've ever said to anyone. In the next scene,
Speaker 1: we're all supposed to be happy and hugging like it's
Speaker 1: jarring and reality TV has a bigger forgiveness scale than
Speaker 1: other places because you have to work with them on TV.
Speaker 1: But like, what the fuck? So you know, if you
Speaker 1: ever want, I'll give you all my free therapy advice.
Speaker 1: I'll give you all my free therapy advice. And my
Speaker 1: therapist said, what did he say? He said, when you're
Speaker 1: having a dispute with your child, to tell them how
Speaker 1: you feel like it made me feel this when you
Speaker 1: said that to me, like or the way you said
Speaker 1: that makes me feel like this right, but not to
Speaker 1: character assassinate. So don't get into which we all do
Speaker 1: and I've done. You're spoiled, you're entitled, you're don't get
Speaker 1: into that because it's character assassination and it like makes
Speaker 1: the person self loathing and it's just not gonna get
Speaker 1: you where you need to go. Doesn't mean you have
Speaker 1: to be touchy feely. How do you feel about everything?
Speaker 1: I think it's a disgrace that that was said that way,
Speaker 1: and this is how it made me feel. You know,
Speaker 1: like you can get into it, but not to like
Speaker 1: character assassinate the person that does do damage. You know,
Speaker 1: there's a certain point and there's a little bit of
Speaker 1: guilt that he said. That is good, like a little
Speaker 1: bit of guilt on your kid, But too much guilt.
Speaker 1: I did everything for you, and I wouldn't be here
Speaker 1: if you know that is it's too far. So there's
Speaker 1: got to be, like everything else in life, a balance,
Speaker 1: a balance to the whole thing. So that's where I stand.