WEBVTT - I Choose … to Make Them Laugh WITH Me with Ross Mathews 0:00:01.639 --> 0:00:09.200 You're listening to I Choose Me with Jenny Girl. Hi. Everyone, 0:00:09.240 --> 0:00:12.360 welcome to I Choose Me. This podcast is all about 0:00:12.360 --> 0:00:16.200 the choices we make, and today I am joined by 0:00:16.600 --> 0:00:21.400 Ross Matthews, someone who built his entire career on raising 0:00:21.440 --> 0:00:25.320 his hand and betting on himself. Ross has made bold 0:00:25.440 --> 0:00:29.800 choices in his personal life, trusting his instincts even when 0:00:29.840 --> 0:00:32.440 people close to him didn't fully understand them at first. 0:00:33.240 --> 0:00:36.519 Now he is happily married to an educator, and together 0:00:36.680 --> 0:00:40.360 they've written the sweetest book, Teo and To. We'll get 0:00:40.360 --> 0:00:43.440 into how they met and why this story mattered to them. 0:00:43.960 --> 0:00:46.760 I'm so excited to be joined by my good friend 0:00:46.880 --> 0:00:47.680 Ross Matthews. 0:00:48.080 --> 0:00:49.320 Hello. 0:00:49.479 --> 0:00:51.239 Oh my gosh, when did we see each other last time? 0:00:51.280 --> 0:00:52.800 I think it was on the set of Drew Barrymore? 0:00:52.880 --> 0:00:55.400 Right, I think it was it? Was it true Barrymore? 0:00:55.560 --> 0:00:57.440 Or did we do pictionary with that? 0:00:58.320 --> 0:01:00.279 Oh my gosh, no, I think did. 0:01:00.640 --> 0:01:01.080 I don't know. 0:01:01.120 --> 0:01:04.000 We were on Patuonary together and both of us sucked. 0:01:04.520 --> 0:01:07.800 No, truly terrible. But I will tell you this, I 0:01:07.880 --> 0:01:09.560 was terrible at it. But they experience every time I 0:01:09.560 --> 0:01:10.959 see you, every time I get to talk to you, 0:01:11.000 --> 0:01:13.200 and you know who I am. It's always like not 0:01:13.360 --> 0:01:15.319 weird for me. Do you understand what I mean? Like 0:01:15.319 --> 0:01:18.400 you are kind, but I still I'm still like I 0:01:18.480 --> 0:01:20.120 know who you are and you know who I am. 0:01:20.160 --> 0:01:24.480 Like it's always weird, Kase, it's a compliment I do. 0:01:24.600 --> 0:01:27.080 I do, But it's kind of like a weird Hollywood thing, 0:01:27.240 --> 0:01:30.720 like when you I feel like when you are somebody 0:01:30.720 --> 0:01:32.520 in the public eye and you meet somebody else in 0:01:32.560 --> 0:01:36.840 the public eye, it is as if we know each other, 0:01:37.440 --> 0:01:38.080 but we don't. 0:01:38.280 --> 0:01:40.679 Sometimes we don't. But I've known you for like a 0:01:40.720 --> 0:01:45.560 really long time school, but you didn't even know that. So, yes, 0:01:45.560 --> 0:01:46.479 that's weird. 0:01:46.840 --> 0:01:49.800 I think we also were both on that here. Remember 0:01:49.800 --> 0:01:52.720 twenty twenty before things went buck wild with the pandemic, 0:01:53.240 --> 0:01:55.320 we were both at the Hero Dog Show. Do you 0:01:55.400 --> 0:01:55.880 remember that? 0:01:56.240 --> 0:01:58.840 I do remember that. Yeah, I love doing the dogs rescut. 0:01:58.880 --> 0:02:00.600 My dog is right over there watch us do this, 0:02:00.640 --> 0:02:02.160 So that's always so important to Hi. 0:02:02.200 --> 0:02:05.800 Audrey, I know her name, that's weird, but ah Audrey Awdrey, 0:02:06.200 --> 0:02:08.240 what she doing over there? Just sleep and. 0:02:08.760 --> 0:02:12.960 She's aging gracefully and I've had her twelve years and 0:02:13.000 --> 0:02:15.320 she's like a rescue. So I don't exactly know, but 0:02:16.280 --> 0:02:19.400 she leaps, she runs, she cares, she eats, so she's happy. 0:02:19.560 --> 0:02:21.119 What a good life you've given her. 0:02:21.240 --> 0:02:22.880 Yeah, I wesh. She's had a lot of facial work 0:02:22.880 --> 0:02:25.799 because I won't I won't allow wrinkles in the house. 0:02:25.880 --> 0:02:28.880 But other than that, she's perfectly fine. I'm so so glad. 0:02:30.000 --> 0:02:30.600 Oh my god. 0:02:30.639 --> 0:02:34.959 Okay, I love your origin story into the business. I mean, 0:02:35.040 --> 0:02:37.960 you've had this incredible career that you and only you 0:02:38.520 --> 0:02:41.640 made happen all on your own, all from the very beginning, 0:02:42.200 --> 0:02:45.280 just by being one hundred percent authentic to who you are. 0:02:46.040 --> 0:02:48.760 And I remember watching your stuff on jay Leno and 0:02:48.840 --> 0:02:52.679 wondering where in the world did they get this adorable 0:02:52.720 --> 0:02:55.080 man and how did they hit the jackpot like this, 0:02:55.240 --> 0:02:58.040 like you were just like you came on the screen 0:02:58.160 --> 0:03:01.240 and it was wow, he's got it. 0:03:01.919 --> 0:03:06.200 Oh I I'll go back a little further, and thank 0:03:06.200 --> 0:03:07.919 you for saying that. I'll go back a little further. 0:03:07.960 --> 0:03:11.080 So I grew up in a little farmtown, loving pop culture, 0:03:11.160 --> 0:03:15.160 feeling like I was like a weird gay cartoon human, 0:03:15.440 --> 0:03:17.360 you know, like just like I did not fit in 0:03:17.400 --> 0:03:19.640 this little farm town. I didn't know exactly what I was, 0:03:19.680 --> 0:03:22.440 but it wasn't exactly this, and I just loved pop 0:03:22.440 --> 0:03:24.960 culture and I just had this like you know when 0:03:24.960 --> 0:03:27.240 you're young and you just like burn for things and 0:03:27.280 --> 0:03:29.040 you just you can't explain it and you need to 0:03:29.120 --> 0:03:31.120 draw to think. So I knew I was going to 0:03:31.120 --> 0:03:32.679 be on TV, and I knew I was going to 0:03:32.720 --> 0:03:35.680 be working in talk. I just at seven years old, 0:03:35.720 --> 0:03:37.200 I pointed to Regis and told my mom, I'm going 0:03:37.280 --> 0:03:39.600 to do that, you know, Oh my god. And so 0:03:39.680 --> 0:03:42.440 I went to college. I thought, oh, what do you do? 0:03:43.040 --> 0:03:45.560 I got a degree in communication. But while I was 0:03:45.640 --> 0:03:49.120 doing that, I thought and senior year, I thought, I 0:03:49.200 --> 0:03:50.760 got I've got to like get a gig. I don't 0:03:50.760 --> 0:03:52.600 know how to do this. So I got an unpaid 0:03:52.640 --> 0:03:55.800 internship Atlanta, which I remember driving to the interview for it, 0:03:55.800 --> 0:03:58.360 and I remember thinking, this is how it's going to start. Now. 0:03:58.360 --> 0:04:00.600 Mind you it was unpaid it, but I just knew it. 0:04:00.600 --> 0:04:01.560 I had goosebumps. 0:04:01.600 --> 0:04:02.440 I got goosebumps. 0:04:02.480 --> 0:04:04.840 Well you know when you know things. I just knew it. 0:04:04.920 --> 0:04:07.360 And I worked there for free, for like, I mean 0:04:07.480 --> 0:04:12.400 a whole semester, and then my last day, well a 0:04:13.000 --> 0:04:16.240 little other thing. I also am nosy, so I wanted 0:04:16.240 --> 0:04:17.960 to know. And I love television, so I wanted to 0:04:18.000 --> 0:04:19.800 know what a writer was, what a producer was, who 0:04:19.839 --> 0:04:22.040 pulled the curtain or the cord so the curtain could open? Who? 0:04:22.160 --> 0:04:24.599 I wanted to know everything. So instead of like doing 0:04:24.640 --> 0:04:25.880 what I was supposed to do, which was like making 0:04:25.880 --> 0:04:28.200 copies and coffee, I would just go to the writers 0:04:28.200 --> 0:04:29.520 and producers and be like, can you tell me? Like 0:04:29.560 --> 0:04:30.120 just what do you do? 0:04:30.480 --> 0:04:30.680 You know? 0:04:31.120 --> 0:04:32.760 And one of them thought I was funny. So when 0:04:32.800 --> 0:04:35.239 a comic dropped out of covering the Ocean's eleven premiere, 0:04:35.320 --> 0:04:38.520 that writer said, you know who's funny is Ross in 0:04:38.560 --> 0:04:39.080 the Hallway? 0:04:39.279 --> 0:04:41.359 And Ross in the Hallway? Oh my god, can you 0:04:41.400 --> 0:04:42.919 make a show called Ross in the Hallway. 0:04:43.400 --> 0:04:46.120 It's not a bad idea, but it just was. I 0:04:46.160 --> 0:04:48.280 think it was undeniable. I look back now, people ask 0:04:48.320 --> 0:04:50.200 how did it happen? I really don't know, except that 0:04:50.279 --> 0:04:51.080 I knew that it would. 0:04:51.240 --> 0:04:53.640 It was just destiny. Did you have like a big 0:04:53.760 --> 0:04:57.039 picture plan for the career that you wanted? Like it 0:04:57.160 --> 0:04:59.360 sounds like you knew from the very beginning, But once 0:04:59.360 --> 0:05:02.480 you got your foot in that door, what was it 0:05:02.560 --> 0:05:05.240 that you were like, this is what I want? Ultimately, 0:05:05.360 --> 0:05:06.640 and this is how I'm going to get there. 0:05:07.400 --> 0:05:09.440 Well, it's all it sounds like you're saying, like, Okay, 0:05:09.440 --> 0:05:11.160 I want to walk, I want to go to the 0:05:11.160 --> 0:05:14.039 moon one day. It sounds as outlandish as that, but like, okay, 0:05:14.120 --> 0:05:15.920 I just knew. I was like, well, I better start 0:05:15.960 --> 0:05:18.160 preparing what you're gonna eat on the moon because it's 0:05:18.560 --> 0:05:20.520 I am no, one hundred percent certain this is happening. 0:05:20.560 --> 0:05:23.640 So when they told me, what they did is they 0:05:23.640 --> 0:05:25.560 brought me in that day to the head writer's office 0:05:25.600 --> 0:05:27.240 and said, you know, would you want to go cover 0:05:27.520 --> 0:05:30.360 with George cliney the Ocean's eleven premiere? And I'm like, ew, 0:05:30.480 --> 0:05:33.200 would I? And so I was like yes, like yes, 0:05:33.320 --> 0:05:35.480 when now you know yeah no? And so I had 0:05:35.520 --> 0:05:38.400 like an hour before it happened to like sit by myself, 0:05:38.960 --> 0:05:42.240 and I remember thinking like this really this crazy moment 0:05:42.279 --> 0:05:44.200 of clarity, Jenny. I don't know if you have these. 0:05:44.240 --> 0:05:45.320 I think we all are lucky to have a few 0:05:45.360 --> 0:05:48.320 in our lives where I remember thinking, Okay, they're going 0:05:48.400 --> 0:05:49.960 to laugh at you at first, just get them to 0:05:50.040 --> 0:05:52.279 left with you by the end. Because this was a 0:05:52.279 --> 0:05:55.760 different time in television like Will and Grace, maybe had 0:05:55.760 --> 0:05:58.400 been on a couple episodes. Ellen had just come out 0:05:58.520 --> 0:05:59.479 and been put away. 0:06:00.160 --> 0:06:00.360 You know. 0:06:00.440 --> 0:06:02.760 It was the year was two thousand and it was 0:06:02.800 --> 0:06:05.600 two thousand in one. Yeah, it was two thousand and 0:06:05.640 --> 0:06:09.360 one December six thousand and one, and I just just thought, like, Okay, 0:06:09.360 --> 0:06:11.479 they're not ready for this, but just get them, get 0:06:11.480 --> 0:06:13.640 them with you by the end, and you have like 0:06:13.640 --> 0:06:16.000 a six minute segment on Leto's what I had, So 0:06:16.040 --> 0:06:19.440 I had six minutes to earn earn it, and it 0:06:19.480 --> 0:06:21.479 was like that for the first few years. That was 0:06:21.520 --> 0:06:23.480 my goal. And I did that show for fourteen years, 0:06:23.520 --> 0:06:26.120 and I remember every time going out there reminding myself 0:06:26.279 --> 0:06:28.280 they're going to laugh at you at first, get them 0:06:28.279 --> 0:06:29.719 to root for you by the end and laugh with you. 0:06:30.240 --> 0:06:30.840 And I did. 0:06:31.640 --> 0:06:33.080 Oh, I love that so much. 0:06:33.720 --> 0:06:34.200 Thanks. 0:06:34.560 --> 0:06:39.040 I mean, that's it that you were able to tell 0:06:39.120 --> 0:06:42.719 What would you tell that guy now? That Young Ross? 0:06:43.520 --> 0:06:45.040 In many ways, I think Young Ross had a lot 0:06:45.040 --> 0:06:47.560 more answers than current Ross stuff. You know, Like I 0:06:48.240 --> 0:06:51.520 don't know, I think when we start including logic on 0:06:51.560 --> 0:06:54.479 our plans, we sort of fall over ourselves. I think 0:06:54.520 --> 0:06:58.480 it's better to just know that you can live on 0:06:58.520 --> 0:07:02.000 the moon and not think about the oxygen. Does that 0:07:02.040 --> 0:07:03.640 make it? That's a metaphor, you And it's what I'm saying, 0:07:03.640 --> 0:07:04.160 Oh I do. 0:07:04.120 --> 0:07:05.520 I like metaphors? Thank you. 0:07:05.640 --> 0:07:07.360 Yeah, I don't know. I don't know that I could 0:07:07.360 --> 0:07:10.720 do it now. I think I would think about, you know, well, 0:07:10.800 --> 0:07:15.000 what are the sponsors want and what's the democratic audience. 0:07:14.280 --> 0:07:16.760 That like, as we get older, we have all these 0:07:17.360 --> 0:07:20.520 like we understand our responsibilities so much more, and then 0:07:20.880 --> 0:07:22.560 it kind of gets in the way. 0:07:23.120 --> 0:07:24.840 Yeah, I think, like you know that saying like you, 0:07:24.960 --> 0:07:26.400 I don't want to know how the sausage is made, 0:07:26.440 --> 0:07:27.960 Like I don't want to really know how it works. 0:07:28.360 --> 0:07:30.600 I think there's there's a lot to that because the 0:07:30.640 --> 0:07:32.880 sausage is made is kind of gross and you kind 0:07:32.880 --> 0:07:35.080 of know everything that goes into it. And now I 0:07:35.120 --> 0:07:37.360 produce TV and I've been doing this for almost twenty 0:07:37.360 --> 0:07:40.880 five years, Jenny, and like, I just think I got 0:07:40.920 --> 0:07:44.840 to just not give a crap what the sponsors thought 0:07:44.920 --> 0:07:47.680 and just be funny. And I like, I think I'm 0:07:47.760 --> 0:07:49.440 kind of trying to get back to that a little bit. 0:07:50.080 --> 0:07:53.280 I know, it's weird. It's life is so weird, and 0:07:53.400 --> 0:07:55.840 like getting older is such a weird gift, but it is. 0:07:56.000 --> 0:07:57.800 Can I ask you how old you are? Is that rude? 0:07:58.000 --> 0:07:58.080 No? 0:07:58.240 --> 0:07:59.440 I just turned forty six. 0:08:00.200 --> 0:08:01.240 My picks for is. 0:08:01.400 --> 0:08:04.240 But my parents died young, both of them relatively long young, 0:08:04.320 --> 0:08:05.960 and I think that there was a little gift in 0:08:06.000 --> 0:08:08.680 there for me, as painful as it was that I'm 0:08:08.680 --> 0:08:11.280 still trying to figure out, which is this understanding that 0:08:11.320 --> 0:08:13.560 there's no take to My dad was fifty nine when 0:08:13.600 --> 0:08:15.440 he died, you know, so I think about, God, I 0:08:15.440 --> 0:08:18.480 have what fourteen years left if I get to that point? 0:08:18.560 --> 0:08:20.400 So what do you want to do? And that's what 0:08:20.680 --> 0:08:22.840 I'm kind of not struggling with. That is what I'm 0:08:22.880 --> 0:08:26.960 processing right now. So when you ask me, like, I 0:08:27.040 --> 0:08:29.120 forget how you exactly phrased it, but I'm a very 0:08:29.120 --> 0:08:30.880 different person than I was twenty five years ago in 0:08:30.960 --> 0:08:32.640 terms of my relationship with the world. 0:08:32.679 --> 0:08:37.760 Right, absolutely, I mean I think I thought about that 0:08:37.800 --> 0:08:42.160 too when my dad passed away, for sure, Like that 0:08:42.320 --> 0:08:48.439 sense of mortality becomes such a realistic element in your life. 0:08:48.640 --> 0:08:51.120 Yeah, And I ought to be clear, I'm not like 0:08:51.480 --> 0:08:55.560 obsessed with dying. I'm obsessed with living, right, And you 0:08:55.559 --> 0:08:58.240 want to live? I want to live? You will live? Yeah? 0:08:58.320 --> 0:09:02.360 Yeah, Yeah, you talk about choosing yourself as a way 0:09:02.360 --> 0:09:05.360 to be a better person in your relationships in life. 0:09:05.360 --> 0:09:09.439 How did you come to know that it starts with you? 0:09:13.440 --> 0:09:15.320 I mean, I don't think I knew that younger. I 0:09:15.320 --> 0:09:19.120 think I think my husband had a lot to do 0:09:19.200 --> 0:09:21.959 with it. And Neil meeting him like six years ago, 0:09:22.559 --> 0:09:23.400 your husband. 0:09:23.080 --> 0:09:25.520 Who is a teacher, who is a hero. 0:09:26.240 --> 0:09:30.480 He's so smart, so smart, and like he we go 0:09:30.559 --> 0:09:32.079 off to work and come home and like, what do 0:09:32.160 --> 0:09:34.080 you do? And I'm like, oh, like on the set today, 0:09:34.080 --> 0:09:36.040 I dress up like Dolly Parton and made chili and 0:09:36.080 --> 0:09:38.280 my nail fell off and I go, what did you 0:09:38.320 --> 0:09:40.120 do it? He'll be like, well, there was some at 0:09:40.200 --> 0:09:44.000 risk youth who we counseled through. I'm like, understood, I 0:09:44.120 --> 0:09:46.680 understand which one of us makes a real difference in 0:09:46.679 --> 0:09:47.000 the world. 0:09:47.120 --> 0:09:49.319 That's so crazy. I love it so much. 0:09:49.640 --> 0:09:52.040 Wild which is my dinner is so fun because we 0:09:52.040 --> 0:09:53.560 really catch up on our day and our days are 0:09:53.600 --> 0:09:56.960 so different. But it starts with me, you know. I 0:09:56.960 --> 0:10:01.200 think it's time and age that teach you use you 0:10:01.200 --> 0:10:03.280 your role in it. You know, it's about I was 0:10:03.320 --> 0:10:05.920 just talking to my brother this morning about something that 0:10:05.960 --> 0:10:09.959 happened with somebody else, and I heard myself say well, 0:10:10.160 --> 0:10:11.600 rather than just be like, well, screw with them and 0:10:11.640 --> 0:10:14.040 have that, but it was like, well, you know, they've 0:10:14.080 --> 0:10:15.920 been going through a lot, and I wonder in their 0:10:16.040 --> 0:10:18.319 childhood if they had you know. And I think that 0:10:18.320 --> 0:10:19.800 that's the kind of stuff you get to know as 0:10:19.840 --> 0:10:23.720 you're older, Like you can trace back your own reflex 0:10:23.760 --> 0:10:26.760 in your own response to things and have empathy for others. 0:10:26.800 --> 0:10:29.160 Right, And I think also, yeah, you start to be 0:10:29.200 --> 0:10:33.320 a little less reactive out of the gate, at least 0:10:33.320 --> 0:10:35.040 for me. That's why are you getting good at it? 0:10:36.200 --> 0:10:40.240 I'm getting better at it. I'm definitely getting better at it. 0:10:40.280 --> 0:10:42.760 I think that that's one of the things that I've 0:10:42.840 --> 0:10:47.480 really noticed about getting older is that I have that 0:10:48.520 --> 0:10:51.640 ability to give it a beat. I'll really think things 0:10:51.640 --> 0:10:53.880 through for a second and then respond instead of just 0:10:53.960 --> 0:10:57.000 firing off something which didn't really serve me very well. 0:10:57.040 --> 0:10:59.120 So I think it's a matter of like looking at 0:10:59.160 --> 0:11:02.520 your life and saying, what has served me, well, what 0:11:02.600 --> 0:11:05.720 have I done, whether it's in my career or whether 0:11:05.720 --> 0:11:07.760 it's in my personal life, what have I done that 0:11:08.080 --> 0:11:10.520 got me the results that I wanted or made me 0:11:10.600 --> 0:11:13.640 feel authentic in living the life that I want being 0:11:13.640 --> 0:11:15.520 the person that I want, and you're able to really 0:11:15.600 --> 0:11:20.800 kind of sort of you know, itemize those things. 0:11:21.440 --> 0:11:22.840 Yeah, what am luxury that we can do that? 0:11:22.920 --> 0:11:23.040 Right? 0:11:23.040 --> 0:11:25.200 You think about like I wonder if my mom ever 0:11:25.240 --> 0:11:27.040 got to have I mean, I'm sure she did, but 0:11:27.080 --> 0:11:29.800 she was so busy just kind of surviving, getting through 0:11:29.840 --> 0:11:33.120 it all. Like, isn't it great that I hope everyone Like, 0:11:33.800 --> 0:11:35.040 I don't know, I think if I had like two 0:11:35.080 --> 0:11:37.120 little kids running around stuff, when I have this time 0:11:37.160 --> 0:11:40.120 to try to be so try to get evolved, you know, 0:11:40.320 --> 0:11:42.679 like what a luxury it is. But it really is 0:11:42.679 --> 0:11:44.920 a luxury, And I'm so grateful to kind of be 0:11:44.960 --> 0:11:45.640 aging like this. 0:11:46.160 --> 0:11:48.640 Yeah. Yeah, we're lucky for sure, But I think it 0:11:48.720 --> 0:11:53.120 gets everybody. Whether you're a busy mom running around, we 0:11:53.160 --> 0:11:55.840 all have our moments where we are reflective. I think 0:11:55.880 --> 0:11:57.960 at some point. 0:11:57.400 --> 0:11:58.720 See, I don't think I could do it, the fact 0:11:58.720 --> 0:12:00.440 that you have kids and do all this, Like I 0:12:00.440 --> 0:12:02.599 am so simple that if I had I have a 0:12:02.679 --> 0:12:04.640 chihuah one, I'm like, it's really hard for me to 0:12:04.679 --> 0:12:07.280 find time to reflect, you know what I mean, I 0:12:07.280 --> 0:12:09.080 don't know how you do it. I look at like Drew, 0:12:09.120 --> 0:12:10.800 I see her work every day. I go to the 0:12:10.840 --> 0:12:14.120 same hours as her, and like she also has like 0:12:14.559 --> 0:12:17.400 two human beings who are growing up that she's dealing with. 0:12:17.440 --> 0:12:20.640 And I just I don't know, Like, how did you 0:12:20.720 --> 0:12:22.920 do it? How do you rise up and like do 0:12:22.960 --> 0:12:23.280 all that? 0:12:23.920 --> 0:12:26.880 You know, there's no like rhyme or reason. There's no 0:12:27.000 --> 0:12:29.080 reason why I'm able to do it. It just when 0:12:29.120 --> 0:12:31.840 you get in a situation, you all of a sudden 0:12:31.960 --> 0:12:34.400 just get the wherewithal to make it happen, like it 0:12:34.440 --> 0:12:38.120 comes with the territory, and then you just do you 0:12:38.240 --> 0:12:38.800 just go. 0:12:39.760 --> 0:12:41.400 I guess what's the other choice is not Yeah, I 0:12:41.440 --> 0:12:43.840 guess you just do it? Maybe I would, maybe you 0:12:43.880 --> 0:12:47.080 know what, maybe maybe we all can rise up to it. 0:12:47.120 --> 0:12:48.880 I don't know. Maybe I don't know, but I don't 0:12:48.880 --> 0:12:50.800 want to sell myself short. But I'll know, my god, 0:12:51.559 --> 0:12:52.280 no never. 0:12:55.559 --> 0:12:59.400 I'm Kristin Davis, host of the podcast Are You a Charlotte? 0:13:00.080 --> 0:13:04.280 Most anticipated guest from season three is here the Tray 0:13:04.520 --> 0:13:08.720 to My Charlotte. Kyle McLaughlin joins me to relive all 0:13:08.800 --> 0:13:12.880 of the magical Tray in Charlotte moments. He reveals what 0:13:12.960 --> 0:13:16.319 he thinks of Trey giving Charlotte a cardboard baby. 0:13:17.040 --> 0:13:18.640 Why would I bring her a cardboard baby? I was 0:13:18.679 --> 0:13:22.040 literally I was like, this doesn't track for me at all. 0:13:22.400 --> 0:13:25.000 When he found out Trey's shortcomings, I'm kind of. 0:13:24.960 --> 0:13:26.400 Excited to talking about it. You know, I think he's 0:13:26.480 --> 0:13:28.200 he's a guy spends time in Central Park. You know, 0:13:28.240 --> 0:13:29.680 he's probably don't know' be some. 0:13:29.679 --> 0:13:30.720 Surgery stuff, you know. 0:13:30.760 --> 0:13:32.520 And I was like, all this kind of stuff going on, 0:13:32.600 --> 0:13:34.720 and they were like, yeah, yeah, yeah, fine, and they said, 0:13:34.760 --> 0:13:38.160 but he's impotent, And I was like, he's impotent. 0:13:38.080 --> 0:13:40.439 And why he chose not to return to it? 0:13:40.679 --> 0:13:43.240 Just like that, They came and presented an idea, and 0:13:43.280 --> 0:13:44.920 I was like, I get I see it. 0:13:44.920 --> 0:13:46.960 It's so kind of a one joke idea. 0:13:47.120 --> 0:13:49.880 You don't want to miss this. Listen to Are you 0:13:49.920 --> 0:13:54.000 a Charlotte on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever 0:13:54.040 --> 0:13:55.160 you get your podcasts? 0:13:58.679 --> 0:14:01.959 Were there any choices I'm curious earlier in your life 0:14:02.000 --> 0:14:05.560 that maybe you were making or made that your friends 0:14:05.559 --> 0:14:08.880 and family maybe weren't sure about, or maybe they weren't 0:14:08.880 --> 0:14:11.840 supportive of. Did you have that growing up? Yeah? 0:14:11.920 --> 0:14:14.120 I mean, I mean when I tell you that I 0:14:14.400 --> 0:14:16.480 would say what I wanted to do in my life 0:14:16.480 --> 0:14:19.560 when I was little, and it never changed. The reaction 0:14:19.720 --> 0:14:21.760 wasn't always I mean, it was funny at first, and 0:14:21.800 --> 0:14:24.320 then I remember specific like relatives who I love and 0:14:24.360 --> 0:14:26.160 I'm close to, who were just looking out for me, 0:14:27.200 --> 0:14:29.600 telling me like what are you doing get a degree 0:14:29.960 --> 0:14:32.920 in public relations? Like if you want to be in media, 0:14:32.960 --> 0:14:35.600 what are you doing? And then even one moment I 0:14:35.640 --> 0:14:37.600 remember before my dad died, he got to see the 0:14:37.600 --> 0:14:42.000 first couple years of LENO and the beginning he asked me. 0:14:42.040 --> 0:14:45.440 I remember, like him being very cautious the way he 0:14:45.480 --> 0:14:48.160 asked me, but he said, like, do you think maybe 0:14:48.160 --> 0:14:52.560 they're making fun of you? And I remember knowing what 0:14:52.600 --> 0:14:55.160 you're saying, but I just said, like, truly, I don't 0:14:55.200 --> 0:14:58.080 give a shit, because like I want to use this 0:14:58.120 --> 0:14:59.200 they can make fun of me, but like what I 0:14:59.240 --> 0:15:01.520 was saying at the beginning, Jenny, I wanted to win. 0:15:01.560 --> 0:15:03.560 By the end, I was convinced I could, you know, 0:15:04.160 --> 0:15:05.760 I could get them to root for me by the end, 0:15:05.800 --> 0:15:07.760 and so I told him like, I don't care if 0:15:07.800 --> 0:15:10.720 they are and if and if they are, like I'm 0:15:10.720 --> 0:15:14.960 still going to use this platform. Yeah, yeah, but it 0:15:15.000 --> 0:15:17.160 did scare me a little bit, but I still was undeterred. 0:15:17.200 --> 0:15:20.400 But yeah, I did have people. I mean, it's a 0:15:20.440 --> 0:15:22.400 crazy thing about when you were little, like I wasn't 0:15:22.440 --> 0:15:25.320 going to be an actress, Like okay, you know, but 0:15:25.400 --> 0:15:28.840 then look what you've done, and I don't what is 0:15:28.880 --> 0:15:30.720 that inside is that we just we hear that, we 0:15:30.800 --> 0:15:35.040 understand their nerves, we understand the pragmatism in their argument, 0:15:35.120 --> 0:15:36.320 but like, okay. 0:15:37.400 --> 0:15:39.560 Yeah, it doesn't align with what you have in mind, 0:15:39.680 --> 0:15:42.760 so yeah, just let it go. Yeah, do you think 0:15:42.800 --> 0:15:46.800 standing clear, being able to stand clear in those choices 0:15:47.240 --> 0:15:50.200 has ultimately helped you show up better and stronger and 0:15:50.200 --> 0:15:50.960 more authentic? 0:15:51.040 --> 0:15:58.600 Now yeah, yes, yeah, I'm processing. Yes, I think in 0:15:58.640 --> 0:16:02.680 the early days I had no choice but to show 0:16:02.720 --> 0:16:05.080 up like that because I got my one and I'm 0:16:05.080 --> 0:16:07.200 going to talk about in terms of my authenticity, right 0:16:07.240 --> 0:16:10.280 being a gay person on television back then everything. But 0:16:10.400 --> 0:16:12.480 I didn't have the luxury of ever being in the closet, 0:16:12.560 --> 0:16:15.160 Like can you imagine if I if. 0:16:15.080 --> 0:16:16.640 I was just like no, I don't mean to laugh, 0:16:16.720 --> 0:16:20.080 but no, exactly, nobody can put ross in a closet. 0:16:20.400 --> 0:16:22.840 No, right, like baby in the corner, Ross in the closet. 0:16:22.840 --> 0:16:26.720 It's not happening. And so I never had the pressure 0:16:26.960 --> 0:16:31.040 of not talking about it. You know, people are like, oh, what, 0:16:31.040 --> 0:16:33.680 what gave you the courage to talk about Are you nuts? 0:16:33.880 --> 0:16:36.320 I would have had to like, what wear flannel and 0:16:36.360 --> 0:16:38.600 not speak for a decade this is and I'd look 0:16:38.640 --> 0:16:41.440 like quiet lesbian, it's not happening with me. I'm never 0:16:41.520 --> 0:16:46.240 passing as a street man. So that was actually a 0:16:46.320 --> 0:16:51.240 really big gift in terms of standing by my authentic self. Yeah, 0:16:51.320 --> 0:16:52.120 no other choice. 0:16:52.480 --> 0:16:55.520 You give such great advice, and you know, I love 0:16:55.560 --> 0:16:58.000 your social platform what you're doing with it. But what 0:16:58.040 --> 0:17:00.880 would you say to a young person out there who 0:17:00.920 --> 0:17:05.480 doesn't have that feeling of safety or security that they 0:17:05.480 --> 0:17:09.080 can do it authentically one hundred percent all the time? 0:17:09.800 --> 0:17:12.119 What would you say to them and encourage them to 0:17:12.160 --> 0:17:13.360 make independent choices. 0:17:13.880 --> 0:17:16.000 Well, I think I would say, and I want I 0:17:16.040 --> 0:17:18.480 want this to be sort of a broad statement or 0:17:18.560 --> 0:17:21.119 broad advice to anybody who feels like maybe they are 0:17:21.160 --> 0:17:25.960 against the grain, whatever that means to you. I grew 0:17:26.000 --> 0:17:29.000 up in a little farmtown, and in my case, I 0:17:28.880 --> 0:17:31.640 was gay in a little farmtown, and I didn't see 0:17:31.640 --> 0:17:34.359 anybody else gay. I didn't see them on media. I didn't. 0:17:34.400 --> 0:17:37.160 I mean, maybe there was like a hairdresser you were 0:17:37.200 --> 0:17:39.640 like in town, like Larry or so. I don't know him, 0:17:39.640 --> 0:17:42.080 but you know, he seemed great. But like, there wasn't 0:17:42.119 --> 0:17:46.320 anybody that I could see as a gay grown up. 0:17:46.359 --> 0:17:48.159 So I remember thinking, as a little kid, can I 0:17:48.240 --> 0:17:51.159 become a grown up? Because I, you know, grown up 0:17:51.200 --> 0:17:52.920 like a grown up guy married a woman. I knew 0:17:52.920 --> 0:17:54.439 I was going to do that, So like, what is 0:17:54.680 --> 0:17:58.000 life then? I didn't know, right, And so what I 0:17:58.000 --> 0:18:00.240