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Speaker 1: Welcome to Jay dot M, a production of My Heart Radio.

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Speaker 1: What's up, everybody? How are you doing? Hopefully you're well

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Speaker 1: When I'm sitting here trying to start down some of

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Speaker 1: this Carl of Flower pizza. And you can hear the

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Speaker 1: way I said it, that's not all that great. You're

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Speaker 1: putting in your effort for the new year to be healthier.

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Speaker 1: I love it. Yeah, I'm trying, you know something different?

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Speaker 1: What's up? Like I said, let me get to o

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Speaker 1: my mouth, so you got me cursing already? Lie here

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Speaker 1: listen you said it. I did. Hi. Hi, everybody, what's up?

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Speaker 1: This is Jill Scott and you're listening to Jay dot

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Speaker 1: IL with my home girls like Saint Clair and Age

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Speaker 1: a great danceller. Hello, Hello, Hello, you buying a lot

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Speaker 1: of have to go aging. I've waited my whole life

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Speaker 1: to be a three Namer Like I never even realized

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Speaker 1: that I was until I started doing this podcast. I

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Speaker 1: was like, wait a minute, I'm a three Namer. I

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Speaker 1: was like a three Namer. I can't change my name

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Speaker 1: to doctor Jill Scott, yes or nil? Life like that?

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Speaker 1: You know, humanities English a bunch of stuff. I ask you,

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Speaker 1: I'll use it. Wherever I can. You have got an

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Speaker 1: honorary thing though, right, Like, I'm gonna use it wherever

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Speaker 1: I can. Yeah, hell yeah, I'm feel that hopefully at

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Speaker 1: some point one of these universities and let me teach something.

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Speaker 1: I'm sure I know something. Well, yes, girl, you know

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Speaker 1: you're about to get a bunch of letters now, Yes,

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Speaker 1: definitely teach something. I would love, John, I'm something. I

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Speaker 1: enjoyed all the stuff I've done as far, it's been

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Speaker 1: real nice, real cool. I could see you definitely doing that.

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Speaker 1: That would be dope. I would take thank you, great

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Speaker 1: damp and class. You know, I gotta tell it's funny.

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Speaker 1: In my mind, I was like, I'll take a few

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Speaker 1: classes from jail. It depends on the subject, but she

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Speaker 1: definitely is an expert on quite a few things. So

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Speaker 1: we just you know, that is that is the part

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Speaker 1: of the life. Man, Like I have been waiting for

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Speaker 1: this my whole life, to be able to share some

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Speaker 1: knowledge and some wisdom from living. But I remember being, uh,

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Speaker 1: you know, in my twenties and thinking that forty was

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Speaker 1: old as ship. Hell yeah, so old like forty yeah.

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Speaker 1: But at the same time, and know I've been waiting

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Speaker 1: for this moment I like this good. Yeah. I remember

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Speaker 1: my mother turning forty, and I remember thinking, you know,

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Speaker 1: my mama looked good for forty, like because they and like,

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Speaker 1: oh well my mom is killing forty, okay, whatever. But

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Speaker 1: I do think that it was that was the moment

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Speaker 1: where a little bit of that realization that Okay, I

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Speaker 1: kind of have lived a little bit of life, but

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Speaker 1: my my Auntie's they don't quite respect that yet. And

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Speaker 1: I used to feel resentful about that. So I think

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Speaker 1: a lot of times what happens is we remember feeling

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Speaker 1: resentful when we were young from older women, and we're like, no, no, no,

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Speaker 1: I'm still the person trying to prove themselves. I'm still

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Speaker 1: the person that's trying to get towards my goals. If

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Speaker 1: I say I'm Auntie, that means I'm that person who's,

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Speaker 1: you know, beyond that moment of learning and and and

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Speaker 1: and and and being the student and the young woman

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Speaker 1: and the full of energy and full of potential. And

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Speaker 1: I just think that's bullshit. You're still that young woman.

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Speaker 1: You just know what you know, and it's time to

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Speaker 1: impart that on the next group of young women so

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Speaker 1: they don't make those same mistakes. Hopefully, hopefully, or have

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Speaker 1: some perspective or at least just once. Yeah, yeah, just

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Speaker 1: just once is good enough if you can, man, don't

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Speaker 1: go back nine times. Listen. So, speaking of making mistakes

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Speaker 1: and going back and doing it over and over again,

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Speaker 1: we're talking about generational curses today. Generational curses that is

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Speaker 1: that stuff that your grandmama did or your grandfather great

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Speaker 1: grandfather did, and your mom does, or your dad does,

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Speaker 1: or auntie does or you know, people who have influence

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Speaker 1: over your existence that they've done and then you do

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Speaker 1: and somehow, some way you end up teaching your children

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Speaker 1: to do the same. That's generational, you know. So we're

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Speaker 1: talking about at today. That's something that's real prevalent in

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Speaker 1: the black community. Holding on the stuff like grandma got diabetes,

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Speaker 1: Mama got diabetes. You know, kids might have early diabetes.

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Speaker 1: You know, it's it's a it's a real thing. What

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Speaker 1: are some generational curses that you think of. I've noticed

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Speaker 1: in my family that people don't live till they're very old.

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Speaker 1: I'm thinking back on my parents who are both gone

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Speaker 1: and they never reached seventy mm hmmm. I think back

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Speaker 1: on my grandmother. Now, my mother's mother lived to be

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Speaker 1: almost nine, but she did spend about a decade with dementia.

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Speaker 1: And then also I think about my father's mother, who

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Speaker 1: passed when I was eight or nine years old. So

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Speaker 1: if I think about that, my dad was just in

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Speaker 1: his thirties, so that means my grandmother wasn't very old

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Speaker 1: when she passed his mother, So I'm there. I thought

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Speaker 1: about that a lot recently, like about who I have

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Speaker 1: got to take care of myself because longevity does not

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Speaker 1: see to be a thing that I have on my

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Speaker 1: side now maybe, and I don't take away the possibility

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Speaker 1: that there are some environmental things that might add to that,

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Speaker 1: whether it be poverty, whether it be trauma, or some

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Speaker 1: of the reasons why the folks in my family have

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Speaker 1: not had this extended life. But it makes me more

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Speaker 1: aware of just like, Okay, I'm forty two, I take

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Speaker 1: care of my body. So that's been a motivated for

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Speaker 1: me coming out and especially in this particular a year

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Speaker 1: after watching obviously going through it, a year of folks

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Speaker 1: dealing with, you know, the possibility of how strong their

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Speaker 1: bodies are to take on something like a virus. Was

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Speaker 1: it all health related or just untimely? Gonna say both

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Speaker 1: you know, I think I think there were some mental

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Speaker 1: and emotional aspects of it that fuel the physical aspects.

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Speaker 1: You know, my mother was a chronic asthmatic, and so

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Speaker 1: obviously she grew up in a time here with people

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Speaker 1: smoke cigarettes a lot, They were around people who smoke

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Speaker 1: cigarettes a lot. Everybody did that, so she, you know,

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Speaker 1: already had like a predisposed thing going on. But I

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Speaker 1: also believe that I feel that her life, that her

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Speaker 1: trying to handle different emotional traumas throughout her life that

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Speaker 1: had not been dealt with, added to the physical So

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Speaker 1: I just think those things work together. So for me,

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Speaker 1: I'm really trying to pay attention to my mental health

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Speaker 1: and my physical health because I just realized how those

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Speaker 1: things can give you a one to punch, and particularly

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Speaker 1: as a black person period, male or female or otherwise,

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Speaker 1: that we are just predisposed to have these kinds of

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Speaker 1: issues just from the gate. Then you started adding on

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Speaker 1: your personal life and things like that. So anyway, with

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Speaker 1: my family, I just want to take you to the

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Speaker 1: fact that yes, this is this is serious. Health seems

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Speaker 1: like it's a really big deal. Like I mean, obviously

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Speaker 1: I don't mean to say like it seems like it

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Speaker 1: is a really big deal, particularly our say in impoverished communities,

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Speaker 1: in black communities, like even if you've got some money,

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Speaker 1: like our thing. The women in my family, I'm the shortest.

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Speaker 1: I'm I'm five six and a little bit of change,

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Speaker 1: but everybody is is five ten and up pretty much

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Speaker 1: my mother, you know, six one, Like all the women

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Speaker 1: in our and our family are really large women like amazons.

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Speaker 1: That's what I don't always say. I always thought that

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Speaker 1: was dope because when the ship go down, don't you know,

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Speaker 1: don't let the girls fakest swing honey and and pick

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Speaker 1: up things honey, like they're not a not a joke,

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Speaker 1: but it's the I won't say being fat, but I'll

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Speaker 1: say having fat. I don't like that. I with somebody said,

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Speaker 1: oh I'm fat, Like, no, you have fat, You're not fat,

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Speaker 1: You're a person with fat. Like I'm not trying to

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Speaker 1: be so politically, but that just irks me, Like that

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Speaker 1: just irts me insensitively, like to say somebody is cancer, No,

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Speaker 1: you have cancer and you aren't cancer, you know what

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Speaker 1: I mean? And you can people don't even say that.

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Speaker 1: They only do it with fat. Really when you think

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Speaker 1: about it, right, right, that that hurts me, but you know,

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Speaker 1: I have a generation, several generations of women. My mother

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Speaker 1: was long and skinny until she was about sixty, so

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Speaker 1: she was about sixty with me. You know, I noticed,

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Speaker 1: I'm I'm up and them down. I'm up and him down.

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Speaker 1: I'm up and or down. I like to be down,

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Speaker 1: but I'm happy Europe. I wanted to tell you, like,

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Speaker 1: I'm just happier, you know, like when y'all think about

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Speaker 1: health and like our you know, the generations before us.

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Speaker 1: It's funny. I was just out riding my bike yesterday

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Speaker 1: and I got so excited because I live in an area,

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Speaker 1: live in an area where we were not a lot

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Speaker 1: of blacks, but I just saw so many black people

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Speaker 1: out on your bikes. And I said to my boyfriend,

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Speaker 1: I was like, Yo, this is what COVID can do

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Speaker 1: for us, right, But then you know this, COVID can

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Speaker 1: really take us outside, Like COVID can really help us

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Speaker 1: get healthy. COVID, you know what I'm saying, outside of

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Speaker 1: healthy and reading and doing your stuff. But then when

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Speaker 1: you think back to like our moms and our grandma's.

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Speaker 1: Big ups to my mom because I think she's kind

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Speaker 1: of broke a not a curse. But in the sense

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Speaker 1: of being aware of fitness and health, that's something I

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Speaker 1: have a privilege that her mother may not have had,

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Speaker 1: you know what I mean, Like, I don't know. We

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Speaker 1: felt like we didn't have time, were doing so much.

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Speaker 1: It was there's too much going on to think about selves.

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Speaker 1: And now we're like, well, it comes from us being

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Speaker 1: accustomed to the scraps anyway. So when you look at

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Speaker 1: a box of noodles, I know, y'all be like, you

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Speaker 1: know what they called. I don't know them people. I

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Speaker 1: don't want them people coming from me. But what I'm

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Speaker 1: saying is it, what is this sixteen seven hundred milligrams

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Speaker 1: of soldi in person some noodles that if you try

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Speaker 1: and splurt and put some cut up hot dogs in,

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Speaker 1: which is also a salt factory, and then you put

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Speaker 1: some hot sauce on that you know it's which is

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Speaker 1: more salt, and then you might have one or two

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Speaker 1: of those a day like that. That was the cornerstone

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Speaker 1: of the broke Gass diet. Damn. That was lunch with

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Speaker 1: soda and zero water. A lot of college diets too,

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Speaker 1: especially freshman A lot of college diet was can of

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Speaker 1: dried noodles in them packets of death, those death packets.

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Speaker 1: I've seen people put two death packets, death packets, death

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Speaker 1: packets on some noodles, Like I had a little packet

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Speaker 1: and gonna put some chicken in here. Yeah, yeah you're not.

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Speaker 1: But listen, there was What's Up the Time? That was

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Speaker 1: like the first thing to team that ever made for

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Speaker 1: deeth many for a culture mall, and that was an

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Speaker 1: extra Asian that he had like a secret. What he

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Speaker 1: would do was he would put all the death pack

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Speaker 1: on first in the water, no, no water on the noodles.

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Speaker 1: Then the water. He would pour the water on the

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Speaker 1: noodles after all the noodles had been seasoned up, and

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Speaker 1: then he pour and just a little bit of water

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Speaker 1: because he liked to build newly instead. Yeah. Yes, he

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Speaker 1: had like a whole thing that I had like a

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Speaker 1: tuna sandwich to go with it. It was cute person.

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Speaker 1: We live and we learned, and then I don't know,

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Speaker 1: what does the human body need? Let's let's let's do

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Speaker 1: some investigated water, right, Yeah, I mean, obviously the human

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Speaker 1: body needs water, but how much human Hey siri, how

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Speaker 1: much how much salt does the human body need per day? Okay.

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Speaker 1: I found this on the web for how much how

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Speaker 1: much salt does the human body need per day? Okay?

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Speaker 1: The American Heart Association recommends no more than twenty three

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Speaker 1: hundred milligrams a day and moving towards an ideal limit

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Speaker 1: of no more than fift hundred milligrams per day for

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Speaker 1: most adults. Now, the damn noodle packet seventeen under milligrams AsSalt.

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Speaker 1: That's me that you're gonna be hungry later on. Absolutely,

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Speaker 1: I mean trust me when I tell you, y'all hit

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Speaker 1: the nail on the head when it comes to the

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Speaker 1: health aspect. But you know, and not not to you know,

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Speaker 1: cast aside the idea that someone this is just about

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Speaker 1: what we had access to, Like I mean, it's just

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Speaker 1: it's just about what do we have, What do we have?

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Speaker 1: What did we know? What we're we using? And it's

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Speaker 1: just twenty y'all. I just want you to know. For Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I'm sorry, Agent finished on with your wisdom. The death

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Speaker 1: That's why it's the death pack. Now she's gonna eat

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Speaker 1: for the rest of the day, sugar soaked up the

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Speaker 1: sodium because that's I'm on, that's out of black. That's

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Speaker 1: my issue. But My grandmother lived to be ninety one

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Speaker 1: years old, and she ate pork rins till the end.

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Speaker 1: She was with all of it. And yeah, I'm and

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna tell you I was eating. I ate somethings. Oh,

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Speaker 1: I ate them with my whole heart and my shoes off,

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Speaker 1: my whole heart. Yes, I ate chiles, Yes, yes, I

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Speaker 1: ate chiplings until they passed away. My grandmother passed. That

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Speaker 1: meant no chicklings in that area. And my aunt Shirley passed,

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Speaker 1: and that meant no more chicklings in life. I'm so shocked,

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Speaker 1: and I wouldn't need nobody's chickless. I mean, they got chipless, died,

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Speaker 1: and I'm I'm more. Oh my god, it's horrible. But nonetheless,

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Speaker 1: I think this sounds even worse. My grandmother used to

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Speaker 1: put a cat full of bleach in the water when

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Speaker 1: she cleaned the chicklings. You already know it's a miracle.

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Speaker 1: I'm alive. I said, that's why you two so white.

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Speaker 1: It's a miracle. I'm alive. You know. I think it's

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Speaker 1: a miracle. Most of us are alive. I never get

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Speaker 1: my mother told me that as a kid. She was like,

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Speaker 1: oh girl, she was like somelac was new, honey, she was.

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Speaker 1: She said, people used to dilute child. I look condensed milk. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: oh my god, condensed. You know how sweet that is,

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Speaker 1: con I said, mom, oh my gosh. She was like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: she said that was like for if people couldn't, you know, breastfeed,

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Speaker 1: or they chose not had to work or whatever. She said,

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Speaker 1: people used to do that. We'll see. So I think

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Speaker 1: it's a it's a survival thing, which most of our

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Speaker 1: generational stuff is. It's it's kind of shifting out of

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Speaker 1: survival mode and to thrive mode, Like how do we

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Speaker 1: thrive beyond these kinds of things? And I don't doubt

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Speaker 1: that a little bit of all these things we mentioned,

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Speaker 1: it's work together in a nice little cluster for to

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Speaker 1: affect my family and so many others. So I'm really

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Speaker 1: sure that if we went through the layers, that we

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Speaker 1: will be able to find evidence of all these things,

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Speaker 1: you know, the food, the access to food, the health care,

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Speaker 1: the mental health, to YadA, YadA, YadA. Because I just yeah,

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Speaker 1: and now we got some bitch ass systems to answer

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Speaker 1: the question earlier question to about how our parent grandparents

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Speaker 1: live to me that long and eat so eat like that.

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Speaker 1: It's like, I feel like our systems are bitch. Asked, now, well,

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Speaker 1: I don't think that we're eating a lot of food.

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Speaker 1: This is my opinion. Things science science. Things don't taste

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Speaker 1: the way they used to taste. Like I don't understand

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Speaker 1: seedless grapes. I don't understand how that happens. I don't.

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Speaker 1: I don't like to start thinking about these things. I

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Speaker 1: just I'm just coming to this realization that, like my life,

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Speaker 1: bananas used to have seeds. They used to have little

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Speaker 1: black seats. Yes they did. I don't even yes they did.

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Speaker 1: Remember The GMOs thing is deep, the gm O thing

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Speaker 1: is this something that we have in our laps that

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Speaker 1: our parents didn't necessarily have. So we're gonna have to

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Speaker 1: take these you know, yeah, counting to the next level.

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Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, Because now it's funny. I just started I

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Speaker 1: know this about I should be so more educated, but

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Speaker 1: I just started going on the Trader Joe's and saying,

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Speaker 1: you know what, suck them big ass bananas. I'm going

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Speaker 1: for it once that small, because I don't think they've

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Speaker 1: really ppposed to be that big. I don't think the

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Speaker 1: chicken wings are supposed to be that big Where did

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Speaker 1: that chicken come from? Chicken? I remember when they around

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Speaker 1: the hood they started selling these big as chicken wings

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Speaker 1: at the Chinese store. I said, just can't be right.

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Speaker 1: What chickens and how many wings? Did? What? Any how

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Speaker 1: could that be? I'm not eating man, I'm skirt. Where

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Speaker 1: they get the food from the corner store, at the

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Speaker 1: carry out or whether it depend on where you're from,

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Speaker 1: or the bodega where they get it from anywhere, and

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Speaker 1: it's all I'm just yeah. But also to the bodega

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Speaker 1: in the corner store one of the first places in

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Speaker 1: the hood to start accepting E D T for hot food.

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Speaker 1: So again we're talking about access and what people got

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Speaker 1: and what they can get. They're still having food deserts

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Speaker 1: to this day. Like cousin talks about this all the time.

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Speaker 1: She grew up and see Pleasant Maryland. Kevin Durance from there.

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Speaker 1: He does a lot of work there. Point is that

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Speaker 1: she's like when her mom lives, they shut down the

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Speaker 1: only grocery store, turned it into like a hair supply.

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Speaker 1: What they're doing now, they're doing those alternated hair supplies

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Speaker 1: all over in Black neighbor especi in Maryland. They're huge

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Speaker 1: you're like many mall sides. Yeah, no, no groceries. What

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Speaker 1: they're gonna what they're gonna get it from? And then

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Speaker 1: the cost of food, right, brilliant. I mean this is

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Speaker 1: a capitalistic society. I hate to have to remind people

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Speaker 1: all the time. This place we got not this place

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Speaker 1: is not intended to care for your health and well being.

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Speaker 1: It is intended to make money on all kinds of

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Speaker 1: Sometimes they don't don't want our money though, Jill, that's

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Speaker 1: the thing is our death. I don't know, it's it's interesting,

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Speaker 1: like it's gonna fight p G County. I know, I

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Speaker 1: men just before the largest black middle class in the country.

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Speaker 1: Child ain't got no hope, booms, ain't got no trader.

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Speaker 1: They they got money, but they ain't got access. They

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Speaker 1: got a giant maybe every fix ten miles, you know,

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Speaker 1: but which no deepness, the deepness of how this thing

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Speaker 1: is like a tunnel, it just keeps going further and

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Speaker 1: further more conversation after the break, Okay, so okay, so

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Speaker 1: and so how how do we what do we do that?

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Speaker 1: So here we are we are definitely anti age, whether

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Speaker 1: we decide to acknowledge it or not. I think it's

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Speaker 1: the Banning Together portion of the show. Like I there

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Speaker 1: were desperate I will say desperate, but there were definitely

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Speaker 1: some serious lean times in my adolescence. And the women,

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Speaker 1: my mother and a few other people in the neighborhood,

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Speaker 1: they would take the hike, get up early in the morning,

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Speaker 1: go to the docks and get all the fresh fruits

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Speaker 1: and vegetables in bulk, divving it up amongst themselves, you know,

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Speaker 1: so everybody had some definitely standing life in their government cheese.

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Speaker 1: Definitely get the milk, but we took baths in the milk.

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Speaker 1: We didn't need that um milk baths as children. I

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Speaker 1: would I would I would get that today, if you know,

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Speaker 1: if I could get the powdered milk, because my skin

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Speaker 1: was soft. My very very dear friend who has started

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Speaker 1: a foundation called Bridge Builder Program, Inc. And what he

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Speaker 1: does is he gives food to people, you know, on

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Speaker 1: a normal basis. And he said he noticed that when

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Speaker 1: the when the government was giving out stuff, he would

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Speaker 1: go to place to place to see what they were doing,

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Speaker 1: and it was all the same stuff everywhere. It wasn't

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Speaker 1: like they were giving out greeps or carrots or you know, apples.

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Speaker 1: It was all the same package dried stuff for everybody,

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Speaker 1: you know, which is which is alarming? Yeah, I mean

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Speaker 1: it's it's it's a rationing kind of mentality, but it's

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Speaker 1: like you don't deserve. It's elevating what we feel people

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Speaker 1: deserve and they humanity of folks. It's like every person

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Speaker 1: deserves to thrive, not to just survive. So that's that's

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Speaker 1: the idea is kind of moving away from that thinking,

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Speaker 1: and that thinking can poison us even within our communities too,

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Speaker 1: because even within our communities we decide who's worthy. I

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Speaker 1: think we also need to try stuff. Yeah, I think.

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Speaker 1: I think a generational curse is also. I know plenty

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Speaker 1: of people that only eat chicken tenders and French fries

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Speaker 1: in in hogies and cheese steaks like that is the

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Speaker 1: food group that is all. They ether're not interested in

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Speaker 1: trying anything else. I think that it's important to try stuff.

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Speaker 1: It's it's a cacophony of food and deliciousness out here

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Speaker 1: in the world, and it's worth giving it a shot.

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Speaker 1: My mother used to take me to bookbinders. I don't

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Speaker 1: know if I told you all this story. I'll tell you.

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Speaker 1: My mother used to take me to bookbinders and she

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Speaker 1: would order a bowl of snapper soup. So oh, this

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Speaker 1: is I'm not saying it was like an all the

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Speaker 1: time thing. It was just something that she would do

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Speaker 1: occasionally at different places. She knew she could afford a

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Speaker 1: bowl of soup at one of the best restaurants in

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Speaker 1: the city of Philadelphia, so we would go there. We

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Speaker 1: will get dressed, go to the art museum, then go

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Speaker 1: to the bookbinders and share a bowl of snapper soup.

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Speaker 1: She didn't tell me until after I had licked the

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Speaker 1: spoon three times and that was turtle, and I was like,

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Speaker 1: when did you just give me? And it was turtle.

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Speaker 1: And then we tried the horseradish, and you know, that

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00:23:34,600 --> 00:23:39,040
Speaker 1: was thrilling and made sweatpop out of my forehead. But

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Speaker 1: that I really appreciated, you know, even though it wasn't

381
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Speaker 1: a lot of money, that kind of effort to make

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Speaker 1: sure that I had a wide palette, you know, to

383
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Speaker 1: try different things. I think it's really important to get

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Speaker 1: outside of your chicken tenders and your French fries and

385
00:23:55,480 --> 00:23:58,280
Speaker 1: your hoobies and cheese steaks or whatever it is, you

386
00:23:58,320 --> 00:24:01,359
Speaker 1: know in your neighborhood, to just make an attempt to

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00:24:01,400 --> 00:24:04,560
Speaker 1: do something a little different. Widen the palette and widen

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00:24:04,640 --> 00:24:09,479
Speaker 1: your children's palette as well. Ki, we sometimes, you know,

389
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Speaker 1: not the most expensive thing in the market, Like what

390
00:24:12,840 --> 00:24:15,439
Speaker 1: is a coume quoet, Let's try it? You know what

391
00:24:15,680 --> 00:24:19,360
Speaker 1: is what is this? Just keeping keeping this the spirit

392
00:24:19,440 --> 00:24:23,480
Speaker 1: of a quest? Yeah, just that idea. But you and

393
00:24:23,520 --> 00:24:25,399
Speaker 1: your mom did. It's kind of dope. And I know

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Speaker 1: everybody can't do it as frequently, or it wasn't frequent,

395
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Speaker 1: but even if it isn't frequent, even if but still

396
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Speaker 1: the idea and I think my parents would do the

397
00:24:33,800 --> 00:24:37,720
Speaker 1: same is getting dressed up, eating something different and getting

398
00:24:37,720 --> 00:24:39,840
Speaker 1: a little culture. Whether it was a free museum, but

399
00:24:40,160 --> 00:24:44,080
Speaker 1: it was a play or something like that is just

400
00:24:44,720 --> 00:24:51,640
Speaker 1: it does something, yes, and just continuing to expand the palette,

401
00:24:51,800 --> 00:24:56,400
Speaker 1: just expanding the palate, mental palate, spiritual palette, emotional palette,

402
00:24:56,920 --> 00:25:02,520
Speaker 1: all of that. Okay, generational curses. You mentioned something earlier

403
00:25:02,560 --> 00:25:06,280
Speaker 1: like yeah about dating kep me talking about man and

404
00:25:06,320 --> 00:25:09,320
Speaker 1: we're gonna do that. Really, we're gonna the generational curses.

405
00:25:09,680 --> 00:25:12,760
Speaker 1: So and thinking about generational curses, I was trying to

406
00:25:12,800 --> 00:25:15,359
Speaker 1: think myself because my duke, my dad is the youngest

407
00:25:15,359 --> 00:25:18,280
Speaker 1: of nine eighty one years old, so I'm not really

408
00:25:18,320 --> 00:25:20,840
Speaker 1: well burst on the generations on that side of my family.

409
00:25:21,280 --> 00:25:23,840
Speaker 1: And then with my mom, it's a it's a little different.

410
00:25:23,880 --> 00:25:26,600
Speaker 1: So my mom is young as a five. My grandmother

411
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Speaker 1: passed a couple of years ago at ninety something years old,

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Speaker 1: so I'm and I live with my grandmother for most

413
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Speaker 1: of my life with my mother. So that being said,

414
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Speaker 1: the one generational curse that I thought of, Mommy don't

415
00:25:37,200 --> 00:25:42,120
Speaker 1: listen to the show though, is I would like to

416
00:25:42,240 --> 00:25:44,920
Speaker 1: leave this planet with someone. I feel like a lot

417
00:25:44,920 --> 00:25:48,320
Speaker 1: of women in my family, my my aunts, my mom,

418
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Speaker 1: and I still I'm gonna kick up my mother, gonna

419
00:25:50,720 --> 00:25:54,359
Speaker 1: we're gonna find something. It's not over here. But my grandmom,

420
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Speaker 1: I just I that is just something that I would

421
00:25:57,920 --> 00:26:00,960
Speaker 1: not like to continue in that way. I don't know,

422
00:26:01,800 --> 00:26:07,480
Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't know why a partnership thing

423
00:26:07,600 --> 00:26:11,560
Speaker 1: is so super hard. Yeah, that's so hard. It's so

424
00:26:11,720 --> 00:26:16,359
Speaker 1: much conversation around why black women have this experience and

425
00:26:16,480 --> 00:26:23,040
Speaker 1: multiple generations, so many theories, so many judgments and misplaced judgments,

426
00:26:23,080 --> 00:26:28,879
Speaker 1: so much advice that's shitty about how to change it.

427
00:26:29,280 --> 00:26:32,600
Speaker 1: So much. It's so much that they didn't deal with it.

428
00:26:35,800 --> 00:26:39,040
Speaker 1: It's like, it's a lot, it's a lie, it's at

429
00:26:39,760 --> 00:26:41,960
Speaker 1: The one thing I will say is this, in terms

430
00:26:41,960 --> 00:26:45,680
Speaker 1: of breaking that generational curse, there's a truth that I

431
00:26:45,720 --> 00:26:48,800
Speaker 1: have spoken about multiple times on this show, which I'm

432
00:26:48,840 --> 00:26:51,399
Speaker 1: always praying that black men don't get mad at me

433
00:26:51,480 --> 00:26:55,160
Speaker 1: about it because I love them so dearly, But being

434
00:26:55,280 --> 00:27:00,600
Speaker 1: partnered to black men is an extensive amount of emotional

435
00:27:00,680 --> 00:27:05,840
Speaker 1: labor and in order to do it, and I really

436
00:27:05,880 --> 00:27:08,679
Speaker 1: think it exists no matter how evolved the man is.

437
00:27:09,400 --> 00:27:11,520
Speaker 1: I think we live in a racist country, we live

438
00:27:11,520 --> 00:27:13,960
Speaker 1: in a racist world. We live in a place where

439
00:27:13,960 --> 00:27:17,119
Speaker 1: white supremacy is on a constant attack. And so the

440
00:27:17,240 --> 00:27:20,800
Speaker 1: thing is that being made to someone who has so

441
00:27:20,880 --> 00:27:26,280
Speaker 1: much access to that attack, that's you know, being constantly

442
00:27:26,359 --> 00:27:29,320
Speaker 1: bombardi with it. It's just a lot. And if we're

443
00:27:29,359 --> 00:27:31,720
Speaker 1: gonna break that curse, we have to address the fact

444
00:27:31,720 --> 00:27:34,560
Speaker 1: that that's real, and then address what we have to

445
00:27:34,600 --> 00:27:37,919
Speaker 1: do to support black women or any women who have

446
00:27:38,040 --> 00:27:40,320
Speaker 1: really made it with black men, but particularly black women,

447
00:27:40,359 --> 00:27:42,960
Speaker 1: because then we have to deal with our own experiences also.

448
00:27:43,600 --> 00:27:47,359
Speaker 1: But we gotta address that. That's that's got to be addressed. Well.

449
00:27:47,400 --> 00:27:50,600
Speaker 1: This is also the generational curse. I feel like, of uhum,

450
00:27:50,680 --> 00:27:53,719
Speaker 1: every woman because most of the women and our families

451
00:27:53,720 --> 00:27:57,280
Speaker 1: didn't have partners, and so it's just years of just

452
00:27:57,359 --> 00:28:01,160
Speaker 1: watching them do everything and have everything on their back

453
00:28:01,560 --> 00:28:05,520
Speaker 1: without any assistance. And here we go feminists, feminism and

454
00:28:05,600 --> 00:28:09,920
Speaker 1: womanism and the differences there. I think that the black

455
00:28:09,920 --> 00:28:14,640
Speaker 1: woman's feminism or her her feminist experience or her woman's experience,

456
00:28:14,840 --> 00:28:16,919
Speaker 1: or you know, the fact that they had to create

457
00:28:16,960 --> 00:28:19,600
Speaker 1: something for themselves in the first place, is that their

458
00:28:19,600 --> 00:28:24,639
Speaker 1: feminist experience is just really particular. It has some very

459
00:28:24,680 --> 00:28:29,280
Speaker 1: specific things that are just that that are just unique

460
00:28:29,280 --> 00:28:32,840
Speaker 1: to Black women and how we experience our lives as like, uh,

461
00:28:32,880 --> 00:28:35,920
Speaker 1: you know, understating our worth and our dignity and our

462
00:28:36,040 --> 00:28:41,040
Speaker 1: self determination, all of those things just affect us in

463
00:28:41,080 --> 00:28:44,560
Speaker 1: a very specific way. And if we're not talking about

464
00:28:44,600 --> 00:28:48,040
Speaker 1: that specifically, then we're not going to be able to

465
00:28:48,080 --> 00:28:51,440
Speaker 1: really give ourselves the tools to be good mates and

466
00:28:51,520 --> 00:28:54,880
Speaker 1: to want good mates for ourselves. That's just also to

467
00:28:55,000 --> 00:29:00,880
Speaker 1: a corner bite of the thing for me, because this

468
00:29:00,880 --> 00:29:04,560
Speaker 1: this is this is my my new mission, is to

469
00:29:04,720 --> 00:29:09,000
Speaker 1: spend time with couples that enjoy each other, that that

470
00:29:09,000 --> 00:29:12,920
Speaker 1: that like and and enjoy each other. You're maybe you're saying,

471
00:29:12,960 --> 00:29:16,560
Speaker 1: I don't know anybody didn't then actively search for somebody,

472
00:29:16,840 --> 00:29:21,600
Speaker 1: and you know, much pressure on Asia because well when

473
00:29:21,640 --> 00:29:24,080
Speaker 1: I tell you that, I mean, I got a lot

474
00:29:24,080 --> 00:29:26,680
Speaker 1: of married friends and and they do like each other.

475
00:29:26,720 --> 00:29:30,720
Speaker 1: But I will say, and I know pressure, Asia, but

476
00:29:30,880 --> 00:29:34,239
Speaker 1: the about the amount of like and and even when

477
00:29:34,320 --> 00:29:37,000
Speaker 1: y'all y'all got y'all just y'all fight or whatever, the

478
00:29:37,080 --> 00:29:39,320
Speaker 1: friendship is like no other. So it's like I look

479
00:29:39,360 --> 00:29:42,440
Speaker 1: at my other married friends and I go, but y'alling

480
00:29:42,520 --> 00:29:45,920
Speaker 1: body else would not understand Asia and fatigue going back

481
00:29:45,960 --> 00:29:50,440
Speaker 1: and forth. They wouldn't understand because we argue. Yeah, but

482
00:29:50,680 --> 00:29:54,920
Speaker 1: what I'm saying is that y'all bigger like homies. Yeah.

483
00:29:56,280 --> 00:29:58,600
Speaker 1: What I'm not about to do exam. We talked. We

484
00:29:58,680 --> 00:30:02,040
Speaker 1: do talk very very and most of the couples that

485
00:30:02,120 --> 00:30:05,000
Speaker 1: I know that are really happy with each other talk

486
00:30:05,240 --> 00:30:08,400
Speaker 1: really really plain with two with and to each other.

487
00:30:09,240 --> 00:30:12,160
Speaker 1: And that's that's that's something that I've learned that that

488
00:30:12,920 --> 00:30:16,200
Speaker 1: I'm trying to to, you know, make it, dude, you know,

489
00:30:16,360 --> 00:30:18,680
Speaker 1: some kind of sweet so you don't get so angry.

490
00:30:18,720 --> 00:30:22,160
Speaker 1: But sometimes it ain't sweet. Sometimes it is and I

491
00:30:22,280 --> 00:30:27,320
Speaker 1: have to say it. I said it and enough. Yes,

492
00:30:27,760 --> 00:30:34,640
Speaker 1: that's again, if we're breaking this this curse. The curse

493
00:30:34,920 --> 00:30:40,680
Speaker 1: has seeds and in distrust. So it's re establishing trust.

494
00:30:41,320 --> 00:30:43,640
Speaker 1: Those couples that you say talk to each other like that,

495
00:30:43,640 --> 00:30:46,600
Speaker 1: that's because there's a trust level. The trust is I

496
00:30:46,640 --> 00:30:50,720
Speaker 1: know that no matter how you say a thing, that

497
00:30:50,880 --> 00:30:54,200
Speaker 1: you're not seeking to hurt me, right, so I can

498
00:30:54,320 --> 00:30:57,040
Speaker 1: hear it whichever way you did this ship because I know,

499
00:30:57,120 --> 00:30:59,440
Speaker 1: at the end of the day you're saying this to

500
00:30:59,560 --> 00:31:03,560
Speaker 1: me would have loved and so or out of just

501
00:31:03,680 --> 00:31:08,520
Speaker 1: honestly trying to keep everything honest and real. So that

502
00:31:08,520 --> 00:31:12,480
Speaker 1: that trust, that right there has to be re established

503
00:31:12,760 --> 00:31:18,440
Speaker 1: between black men and black women and continue. I had

504
00:31:18,480 --> 00:31:20,840
Speaker 1: that moment in an argument last week. I'm so interested

505
00:31:21,120 --> 00:31:23,080
Speaker 1: that you said that because I was being broke down

506
00:31:23,120 --> 00:31:25,840
Speaker 1: as but why do you say, why do you why

507
00:31:25,840 --> 00:31:28,360
Speaker 1: do you do this this way? Not necessarily what you're saying,

508
00:31:28,360 --> 00:31:30,280
Speaker 1: but why do you do this this way? I'm just quiet,

509
00:31:30,280 --> 00:31:32,840
Speaker 1: I'm listening. I'm listening. I'm listening, and I'm just analyzing.

510
00:31:32,840 --> 00:31:34,760
Speaker 1: I want to jump out and say nothing because I'm learning,

511
00:31:34,760 --> 00:31:36,400
Speaker 1: I'm evolving. I'm not the same person. You know what

512
00:31:36,480 --> 00:31:39,360
Speaker 1: I'm saying. I'm listening, and I just burst it out

513
00:31:39,360 --> 00:31:42,959
Speaker 1: with like, this is the way I love like, and

514
00:31:43,000 --> 00:31:46,000
Speaker 1: I love hard and excuse me if I make some

515
00:31:46,160 --> 00:31:48,120
Speaker 1: you know, but stakes on the way, but I need

516
00:31:48,160 --> 00:31:51,440
Speaker 1: you to understand that I this is me loving like.

517
00:31:51,560 --> 00:31:54,240
Speaker 1: And I just felt like in that moment, those conversations

518
00:31:54,240 --> 00:31:58,240
Speaker 1: about you know, the way we love essential and keeping

519
00:31:58,280 --> 00:32:01,200
Speaker 1: up keeping up those conversations and the conversations with with

520
00:32:01,320 --> 00:32:05,120
Speaker 1: our moms and finding out and our grandparents were really

521
00:32:05,120 --> 00:32:08,120
Speaker 1: went on, like what is the root of these relationships was?

522
00:32:08,840 --> 00:32:11,000
Speaker 1: You know, I'm talking to my mom about my aunts,

523
00:32:11,000 --> 00:32:13,320
Speaker 1: and she's like, you know, your your one aunt who

524
00:32:13,440 --> 00:32:15,440
Speaker 1: furnished most of the children and our family. She had

525
00:32:15,480 --> 00:32:17,640
Speaker 1: five kids and they had five six were right here.

526
00:32:18,000 --> 00:32:20,080
Speaker 1: You know, she got married when she was fourteen years old.

527
00:32:20,120 --> 00:32:22,400
Speaker 1: Your grandmother made her marry this person, and so no

528
00:32:22,520 --> 00:32:25,720
Speaker 1: she after that man who left her, she really wasn't

529
00:32:25,840 --> 00:32:28,280
Speaker 1: having nothing any other men in her life, right, you mean,

530
00:32:28,360 --> 00:32:30,440
Speaker 1: basically even did to finish her education. But I didn't

531
00:32:30,440 --> 00:32:32,000
Speaker 1: know this as a little girl growing up. I was

532
00:32:32,040 --> 00:32:34,640
Speaker 1: just like, damn, there was a lot of kids around here.

533
00:32:34,640 --> 00:32:35,840
Speaker 1: I know, that's not what I want to be like

534
00:32:35,920 --> 00:32:39,840
Speaker 1: babies and babies and no man. And but that is

535
00:32:39,840 --> 00:32:43,560
Speaker 1: a curse that you broke. Sure, but I'm also conscient

536
00:32:43,600 --> 00:32:46,480
Speaker 1: that I now have understand why that happened, Like we

537
00:32:46,560 --> 00:32:49,320
Speaker 1: gotta understand our family members and just the way that

538
00:32:49,360 --> 00:32:52,160
Speaker 1: things have happened, the real stories, because we only know

539
00:32:52,240 --> 00:32:55,280
Speaker 1: surface stories about ship and I'm like, no, there's more. Yeah,

540
00:32:55,560 --> 00:33:00,000
Speaker 1: there's always really the humanity replacing a humanity on our people,

541
00:33:00,200 --> 00:33:03,280
Speaker 1: on our families, And said, oh, that that's not just

542
00:33:03,320 --> 00:33:06,440
Speaker 1: a story, that's not just family teeth. That was somebody's heart,

543
00:33:07,000 --> 00:33:12,200
Speaker 1: that was somebody's fear. And I wonder some times maybe

544
00:33:12,200 --> 00:33:18,000
Speaker 1: we know too much. Sometimes it's too much information. Sometimes

545
00:33:18,560 --> 00:33:25,200
Speaker 1: knowing something can just crack what you thought and and

546
00:33:25,320 --> 00:33:31,240
Speaker 1: change your trajectory because it just blew your mind. I'll

547
00:33:31,240 --> 00:33:34,240
Speaker 1: tell you this, this blew my mind. I didn't know

548
00:33:34,600 --> 00:33:39,040
Speaker 1: my mother, my two uncles and two other aunts. Grandmother

549
00:33:39,080 --> 00:33:43,080
Speaker 1: had five children. I had no idea that my my

550
00:33:43,360 --> 00:33:49,200
Speaker 1: most beloved uncle, David, was the son of another man.

551
00:33:50,000 --> 00:33:55,000
Speaker 1: He had died in the war. And I was like, what, Like,

552
00:33:55,080 --> 00:33:58,320
Speaker 1: I thought, you know, my grandmother and grandfather, you know,

553
00:33:58,440 --> 00:34:01,840
Speaker 1: we're always together. So they went on with their lives,

554
00:34:01,840 --> 00:34:09,560
Speaker 1: and they obviously got married and had four children besides David. Recently,

555
00:34:09,600 --> 00:34:14,960
Speaker 1: I found out that my grandfather, biological grandfather, had a

556
00:34:15,000 --> 00:34:23,720
Speaker 1: whole wife somewhere else. While yes, I said, I'm collecting

557
00:34:23,800 --> 00:34:29,359
Speaker 1: the purse. What the what? And then she met my grandfather,

558
00:34:29,719 --> 00:34:32,719
Speaker 1: the not my biological grandfather, but the grandfather that I

559
00:34:32,760 --> 00:34:36,799
Speaker 1: grew up with, that loved her beautifully. Like if that's

560
00:34:36,840 --> 00:34:38,799
Speaker 1: the stuff that I'm talking about, in order to to

561
00:34:38,960 --> 00:34:43,239
Speaker 1: do something different, you have to see something different. If

562
00:34:43,280 --> 00:34:49,320
Speaker 1: all the relationships are cantankerous and and I'm leaving, You're leaving.

563
00:34:49,640 --> 00:34:53,040
Speaker 1: Everything is a war and a battle. You have to

564
00:34:53,239 --> 00:34:56,440
Speaker 1: search out other kinds of people. You can't just you

565
00:34:56,480 --> 00:34:59,440
Speaker 1: gotta get out of the pond that you're in by

566
00:34:59,480 --> 00:35:03,799
Speaker 1: any means necessary, because you're you're gonna trap yourself into

567
00:35:03,880 --> 00:35:07,080
Speaker 1: the same kinds of existence. There is a balance I

568
00:35:07,120 --> 00:35:10,600
Speaker 1: think between my opinion. No, no, no, no, I agree

569
00:35:10,600 --> 00:35:12,680
Speaker 1: with you. Actually I think that I just think that

570
00:35:12,760 --> 00:35:15,160
Speaker 1: it's gonna be a have to be a balance between

571
00:35:16,239 --> 00:35:21,200
Speaker 1: normalizing trauma and accepting that life is going to have

572
00:35:21,280 --> 00:35:24,799
Speaker 1: a lot of different twists and turns, and that you know,

573
00:35:25,200 --> 00:35:29,880
Speaker 1: no relationship is perfect and that in relationship being beyond

574
00:35:30,080 --> 00:35:33,040
Speaker 1: just you know, the romantic or the married or the partners,

575
00:35:33,080 --> 00:35:36,880
Speaker 1: but then also within like you know, siblings, relationships with parents,

576
00:35:37,440 --> 00:35:39,279
Speaker 1: all of those different things, like the way that we

577
00:35:39,360 --> 00:35:42,600
Speaker 1: express love, how we learn how to love, those things

578
00:35:42,640 --> 00:35:45,680
Speaker 1: are gonna look really different depending on a person's experience.

579
00:35:45,719 --> 00:35:49,680
Speaker 1: So it's not just kind of muscling through and ignoring

580
00:35:49,760 --> 00:35:52,360
Speaker 1: it or anything. But it's also, like you said, not

581
00:35:53,239 --> 00:35:56,799
Speaker 1: as you delve deep into those stories, just coming to

582
00:35:56,960 --> 00:36:01,960
Speaker 1: accept that, yeah, you can see person who's exceptionally loved,

583
00:36:02,000 --> 00:36:05,600
Speaker 1: but also that's capable of these other things, or that

584
00:36:05,680 --> 00:36:09,239
Speaker 1: they had to live through these other things and humanizing

585
00:36:09,239 --> 00:36:12,960
Speaker 1: our family and humanizing ourselves and so saying, okay, this

586
00:36:13,000 --> 00:36:15,320
Speaker 1: is like a growth thing. And someone had to judge

587
00:36:15,360 --> 00:36:18,279
Speaker 1: my father as a twenty one year old man and

588
00:36:18,320 --> 00:36:20,279
Speaker 1: that was the only judgment they had of him for

589
00:36:20,320 --> 00:36:22,760
Speaker 1: the rest of his life. It would be a sad,

590
00:36:22,840 --> 00:36:26,839
Speaker 1: sad situation. That is never fair. It's not fair. And

591
00:36:26,880 --> 00:36:29,400
Speaker 1: so all the ways that we kind of taking the

592
00:36:29,440 --> 00:36:32,640
Speaker 1: information about who we are and what we come from,

593
00:36:33,000 --> 00:36:35,240
Speaker 1: we do have to make sure to find that balance

594
00:36:35,280 --> 00:36:38,440
Speaker 1: to where we're not saying, oh well, it's normal to

595
00:36:38,520 --> 00:36:41,359
Speaker 1: kind of suffer, but also that it's normal to have

596
00:36:41,440 --> 00:36:44,000
Speaker 1: challenges and that people are not just monolithic, and that

597
00:36:44,480 --> 00:36:46,959
Speaker 1: you know, not even your own family, there's just gonna

598
00:36:47,000 --> 00:36:49,719
Speaker 1: be something in there. Because Jill, are you saying that

599
00:36:49,760 --> 00:36:53,040
Speaker 1: now that you have this information, that you're you're disappointed

600
00:36:53,120 --> 00:36:54,840
Speaker 1: or is it just give you like a broader picture

601
00:36:54,840 --> 00:37:02,200
Speaker 1: of who they were as individuals. I initially I was disappointed.

602
00:37:02,680 --> 00:37:06,520
Speaker 1: M M, I did. I had no idea, no clue.

603
00:37:07,080 --> 00:37:08,960
Speaker 1: Is that but if it's funny because I feel like

604
00:37:08,960 --> 00:37:13,319
Speaker 1: we put grandparents on this kind of grandparental pedestal all

605
00:37:13,360 --> 00:37:19,360
Speaker 1: the yeah, but you know what, and I guess nobody

606
00:37:19,400 --> 00:37:22,359
Speaker 1: told me because it wasn't my business. I love that

607
00:37:22,400 --> 00:37:26,240
Speaker 1: man and he loved me. That was a good old uncle.

608
00:37:26,600 --> 00:37:30,960
Speaker 1: I enjoyed him. And he died early in life. My

609
00:37:31,080 --> 00:37:35,839
Speaker 1: grandfather died at least twenty years before my grandmother did.

610
00:37:36,320 --> 00:37:39,120
Speaker 1: That is a thing in our family, you know, where

611
00:37:39,160 --> 00:37:44,120
Speaker 1: the men don't live long. That is like scary, but

612
00:37:44,239 --> 00:37:47,560
Speaker 1: it's a very real thing. We have these amazons of

613
00:37:47,640 --> 00:37:51,440
Speaker 1: women and then the men don't last. One generational curse

614
00:37:51,520 --> 00:37:54,120
Speaker 1: that I have avoided thus far. And I don't know,

615
00:37:54,480 --> 00:37:58,040
Speaker 1: you know, I just saw something and it's and it

616
00:37:58,160 --> 00:38:00,600
Speaker 1: frightened me. I saw people in my family least staying

617
00:38:00,600 --> 00:38:05,480
Speaker 1: together in unhappy marriages, not even unhappy. Unhappy is lightweight,

618
00:38:06,200 --> 00:38:11,000
Speaker 1: you know, miserable just because they promised, just cause just because,

619
00:38:11,200 --> 00:38:15,279
Speaker 1: or because it's you know, it's easier, or whatever the

620
00:38:15,320 --> 00:38:17,120
Speaker 1: case may be. I don't know, but I know that

621
00:38:17,200 --> 00:38:19,360
Speaker 1: I don't want to do that. I know that I

622
00:38:19,400 --> 00:38:24,040
Speaker 1: don't want to be somewhere, you know, pretending that everything

623
00:38:24,120 --> 00:38:27,120
Speaker 1: is okay when I just can't stand this. To see you,

624
00:38:27,120 --> 00:38:32,759
Speaker 1: you know, I didn't have that, and I really feel

625
00:38:32,800 --> 00:38:35,680
Speaker 1: like I have and I'm I'm like, okay, I know

626
00:38:35,840 --> 00:38:37,800
Speaker 1: I know what is a short now, honey? You like,

627
00:38:41,880 --> 00:38:47,719
Speaker 1: maybe I don't. I just short. I haven't picked what

628
00:38:47,880 --> 00:38:51,760
Speaker 1: I needed, And at this age, I'm learning to figure

629
00:38:51,800 --> 00:38:56,319
Speaker 1: out what it is that I needn't right versus what

630
00:38:56,400 --> 00:38:58,719
Speaker 1: I want. And I know that I don't want to

631
00:38:58,880 --> 00:39:02,320
Speaker 1: be I don't to sit around explaining my soul to

632
00:39:02,520 --> 00:39:06,600
Speaker 1: somebody all the time, ma'am. So that means they gotta

633
00:39:06,600 --> 00:39:09,040
Speaker 1: get to know my soul. They gotta get to know it.

634
00:39:09,719 --> 00:39:12,120
Speaker 1: I really get to know it, and that means time.

635
00:39:13,040 --> 00:39:15,840
Speaker 1: That that means time. Yes, I enjoy you. You enjoy me.

636
00:39:15,920 --> 00:39:18,600
Speaker 1: We're great together and look at us growing and blossoming.

637
00:39:19,120 --> 00:39:22,719
Speaker 1: That's awesome. But we also need time because life is

638
00:39:22,719 --> 00:39:24,839
Speaker 1: going to throw some curveballs and we need to see

639
00:39:24,840 --> 00:39:28,719
Speaker 1: how we handle them. It can we do together? You

640
00:39:28,800 --> 00:39:31,879
Speaker 1: go away into a cave, you know, and and and

641
00:39:32,160 --> 00:39:36,080
Speaker 1: deal with it all. Like my zul probably hate me

642
00:39:36,120 --> 00:39:39,280
Speaker 1: for this, I doubt it, but it used to really

643
00:39:39,360 --> 00:39:43,000
Speaker 1: bother me that whenever Lave was sick, he would never

644
00:39:43,080 --> 00:39:46,799
Speaker 1: let me take care of Hey, I'm cool, I got it,

645
00:39:46,840 --> 00:39:50,120
Speaker 1: I'm cool. I'm like, let me just get you the

646
00:39:50,239 --> 00:39:55,239
Speaker 1: soup and too, because sure you know that you're all right.

647
00:39:55,360 --> 00:39:58,080
Speaker 1: Let me pluff pluff up your pills something, you know,

648
00:39:58,120 --> 00:40:01,359
Speaker 1: because you're my friend. And is how I showed my

649
00:40:01,520 --> 00:40:05,080
Speaker 1: love because you don't feel good. But he was very

650
00:40:05,120 --> 00:40:08,399
Speaker 1: I know, just the way. I'm alright, I'm a man,

651
00:40:08,520 --> 00:40:13,759
Speaker 1: I'm okay. Well nothing mine. The minute that mine get

652
00:40:13,800 --> 00:40:18,480
Speaker 1: a toeache, it's like and he get sick. That off this.

653
00:40:18,600 --> 00:40:20,959
Speaker 1: So that's that's another thing too. He rarely gets ill.

654
00:40:21,239 --> 00:40:24,840
Speaker 1: I find that when he does, he asks like the

655
00:40:24,880 --> 00:40:33,959
Speaker 1: whole child daring. I think it's ship but it's so sweet.

656
00:40:33,680 --> 00:40:37,720
Speaker 1: I mean, yes, if you need me that is nice.

657
00:40:38,080 --> 00:40:40,719
Speaker 1: I think I said, look here, I'm not coming back

658
00:40:40,800 --> 00:40:43,480
Speaker 1: up these steps more than two times. I think we

659
00:40:43,560 --> 00:40:46,640
Speaker 1: need to be needed. I do. I think we need

660
00:40:46,680 --> 00:40:49,960
Speaker 1: to be needed. And I'm sure if you go down

661
00:40:49,960 --> 00:40:54,719
Speaker 1: to step like sex friends second, come back up here,

662
00:40:54,760 --> 00:40:58,600
Speaker 1: he gonna be sleep. I just gotta, I gotta. I can't,

663
00:40:58,640 --> 00:41:00,640
Speaker 1: I can't let it go. But that's but I mean,

664
00:41:01,160 --> 00:41:05,120
Speaker 1: the thing to me, the unhappy marriage piece is that

665
00:41:05,680 --> 00:41:08,000
Speaker 1: especially the thing with being in a toxic margor like

666
00:41:08,040 --> 00:41:11,839
Speaker 1: I hear hear this a lot, that that people are

667
00:41:12,000 --> 00:41:16,600
Speaker 1: over this idea that like, I don't covet this title

668
00:41:17,400 --> 00:41:22,320
Speaker 1: so much that I'm willing to sacrifice my whole spiritual self,

669
00:41:22,880 --> 00:41:25,960
Speaker 1: my entire well being just to say that I'm married

670
00:41:25,960 --> 00:41:29,319
Speaker 1: to somebody, and you know, and that is something that

671
00:41:29,360 --> 00:41:32,480
Speaker 1: I feel like people have done. It's that I've done that.

672
00:41:32,920 --> 00:41:35,480
Speaker 1: The whole thing is, I gotta get married, I gotta

673
00:41:35,560 --> 00:41:38,560
Speaker 1: be someone's wife, I gotta be somebody's husband, because they

674
00:41:38,680 --> 00:41:41,719
Speaker 1: men do it too. Men get married to say I'm

675
00:41:41,719 --> 00:41:43,799
Speaker 1: the head of a house, I'm a I'm a man,

676
00:41:44,040 --> 00:41:47,680
Speaker 1: I'm some somebody's husband. And it's like the the whole

677
00:41:47,880 --> 00:41:54,479
Speaker 1: thing around that has become income in question a major lack,

678
00:41:55,080 --> 00:41:58,800
Speaker 1: and I was trying to fill the lack, and I

679
00:41:58,960 --> 00:42:04,120
Speaker 1: made a series of of stupid mistakes based on that. Yeah,

680
00:42:04,320 --> 00:42:08,759
Speaker 1: I mean, well, I don't think we all married and

681
00:42:09,840 --> 00:42:12,480
Speaker 1: get married. Yeah, I think we all get married for

682
00:42:12,600 --> 00:42:16,120
Speaker 1: reasons that are not tied into healthy decisions. Because I

683
00:42:16,440 --> 00:42:19,560
Speaker 1: honestly feel this, and I will admit myself for myself. First,

684
00:42:20,320 --> 00:42:23,160
Speaker 1: that I was young, I had thoughts about what marriage

685
00:42:23,200 --> 00:42:26,480
Speaker 1: work that weren't correct, and I had trauma that I

686
00:42:26,560 --> 00:42:29,400
Speaker 1: was choosing from my trauma. Oh, this is what my

687
00:42:29,520 --> 00:42:31,480
Speaker 1: dad was like. Let me pick a dude who's nothing

688
00:42:31,560 --> 00:42:35,560
Speaker 1: like that. Let me pick a man who is specifically

689
00:42:35,800 --> 00:42:39,880
Speaker 1: catered to what I want. No, that I mean, I

690
00:42:39,920 --> 00:42:42,920
Speaker 1: can't admit that. That's just real. That's what we do.

691
00:42:43,239 --> 00:42:46,759
Speaker 1: So first of all, stop stigmatizing people for picking from

692
00:42:46,800 --> 00:42:51,760
Speaker 1: a bad place. It happens. And and stop stigmatizing people

693
00:42:51,760 --> 00:42:55,360
Speaker 1: for struggling through their marriages, because that happens too. So

694
00:42:55,400 --> 00:42:58,520
Speaker 1: I'm saying, oh, I'm single because I ain't trying to settle. Well,

695
00:42:58,760 --> 00:43:00,640
Speaker 1: just because a person is in a bad patch don't

696
00:43:00,680 --> 00:43:04,399
Speaker 1: mean they settled all right. It means they're they're trying

697
00:43:04,400 --> 00:43:08,480
Speaker 1: to figure their ship out. And I think also too

698
00:43:08,719 --> 00:43:11,719
Speaker 1: that it's not worth it to stay married just to

699
00:43:11,760 --> 00:43:14,200
Speaker 1: say you're married to someone. And we have to then

700
00:43:14,239 --> 00:43:17,480
Speaker 1: take away some of this way that we've romanticized marriage

701
00:43:17,840 --> 00:43:20,719
Speaker 1: and how we put marriage up on this pedestal as

702
00:43:20,719 --> 00:43:22,759
Speaker 1: this thing that's beyond reproach. As long as you can

703
00:43:22,800 --> 00:43:41,359
Speaker 1: say you did it ridiculous, we'll be right back. Can

704
00:43:41,440 --> 00:43:44,000
Speaker 1: I just say to the people listening as the none

705
00:43:44,120 --> 00:43:47,200
Speaker 1: never been married, never even been as person on this situation.

706
00:43:47,640 --> 00:43:51,880
Speaker 1: Asia has got me to rethinking and remixing marriage so

707
00:43:52,080 --> 00:43:54,960
Speaker 1: much in my head that like I'm literally sitting here

708
00:43:55,040 --> 00:43:58,799
Speaker 1: ordering myself like so like it is it because all

709
00:43:58,920 --> 00:44:02,040
Speaker 1: your life that dad was what you know, the American dream?

710
00:44:02,160 --> 00:44:05,040
Speaker 1: Or is it because in my mind when my mother

711
00:44:05,080 --> 00:44:06,680
Speaker 1: and father got together, I got one of those rare

712
00:44:06,719 --> 00:44:09,960
Speaker 1: situations where my mother and father was like, I love you,

713
00:44:10,040 --> 00:44:12,279
Speaker 1: we need to do this and then let's make a

714
00:44:12,400 --> 00:44:14,520
Speaker 1: baby because it needs to be more than just you.

715
00:44:14,880 --> 00:44:16,720
Speaker 1: That's what sucked me. Now, mind you, they got divorced

716
00:44:16,719 --> 00:44:20,920
Speaker 1: six six years after I was born, but it maybe

717
00:44:21,000 --> 00:44:23,839
Speaker 1: still some drama here about I believe that what they

718
00:44:23,880 --> 00:44:26,800
Speaker 1: thought they were setting up, it's still possible. And I

719
00:44:26,840 --> 00:44:29,200
Speaker 1: don't know, maybe because they still they still type friends now.

720
00:44:29,320 --> 00:44:32,480
Speaker 1: But I'm just trying again to everybody listening. I'm just

721
00:44:32,520 --> 00:44:34,879
Speaker 1: saying that you have Asia and your life now and Jill,

722
00:44:34,920 --> 00:44:38,920
Speaker 1: and so we are reevaluating these institutions that were planting

723
00:44:38,960 --> 00:44:41,680
Speaker 1: in our heads since well, I don't think that what

724
00:44:41,800 --> 00:44:43,680
Speaker 1: your parents have done it and what they planned to

725
00:44:43,719 --> 00:44:46,640
Speaker 1: do was not successful. It was not nullified because they

726
00:44:46,680 --> 00:44:49,200
Speaker 1: decided to walk away from the marriage after six years.

727
00:44:49,560 --> 00:44:52,840
Speaker 1: They came together with intention, They did something out of intention,

728
00:44:53,239 --> 00:44:55,399
Speaker 1: not only to love one another, but then to make

729
00:44:55,440 --> 00:44:58,200
Speaker 1: a child, and so the marriage didn't last. We give

730
00:44:58,280 --> 00:45:01,400
Speaker 1: us a funk. Look at how beautiful you are. Hey,

731
00:45:00,960 --> 00:45:05,480
Speaker 1: So that doesn't mean forever. Even this is forever. It's

732
00:45:05,560 --> 00:45:09,560
Speaker 1: not nullified. Okay, you know what I'm saying. Like, No,

733
00:45:09,920 --> 00:45:11,680
Speaker 1: it's hard to be program. I mean, I'm just saying,

734
00:45:11,719 --> 00:45:14,200
Speaker 1: y'all know that it's also again because we have to

735
00:45:14,280 --> 00:45:17,920
Speaker 1: talk a nuance. It's also not okay to say to

736
00:45:18,000 --> 00:45:21,080
Speaker 1: someone who's been in it for thirty years that their

737
00:45:21,120 --> 00:45:25,319
Speaker 1: time don't mean nothing either. See, that's not cool either. Oh,

738
00:45:25,400 --> 00:45:27,440
Speaker 1: just because you've been together a long time don't mean nothing.

739
00:45:27,480 --> 00:45:30,440
Speaker 1: Oh no, it means a lot. What that means something

740
00:45:32,840 --> 00:45:39,360
Speaker 1: I definitely have appreciated. Like I said earlier, seeing happy couples,

741
00:45:39,960 --> 00:45:45,680
Speaker 1: seeing fulfilled individuals start a partnership and continue moving towards

742
00:45:45,719 --> 00:45:49,600
Speaker 1: that partnership. That's what I'm talking about the rest. My

743
00:45:49,719 --> 00:45:52,839
Speaker 1: first choice was a good choice. Life showed itself and

744
00:45:53,040 --> 00:45:56,040
Speaker 1: we ended up party ways after that. I didn't make

745
00:45:56,040 --> 00:45:59,200
Speaker 1: a good choice because I had something, I had a plan,

746
00:45:59,640 --> 00:46:01,400
Speaker 1: I had a playing in my mind what I was

747
00:46:01,440 --> 00:46:05,080
Speaker 1: gonna do, and because I can, I will and it wasn't.

748
00:46:05,080 --> 00:46:09,000
Speaker 1: It just wasn't a good choice. And I don't regret it.

749
00:46:10,000 --> 00:46:12,520
Speaker 1: I don't regret anything. I don't. I don't regret that

750
00:46:13,280 --> 00:46:17,960
Speaker 1: because I've I've learned so much about myself in the process.

751
00:46:18,640 --> 00:46:20,879
Speaker 1: I'm not somebody that can sit around and be a

752
00:46:20,920 --> 00:46:24,640
Speaker 1: miserable or unhappy. There's too many blessings. There's too many

753
00:46:24,680 --> 00:46:28,280
Speaker 1: things to be joyful about. And it's not just the stuff.

754
00:46:28,360 --> 00:46:31,160
Speaker 1: It literally is the sunshine and in these windows right now,

755
00:46:31,640 --> 00:46:34,120
Speaker 1: like there's a reason to smile, there is a reason

756
00:46:34,200 --> 00:46:37,920
Speaker 1: to be My my pillow was comfortable, you know what

757
00:46:37,920 --> 00:46:41,120
Speaker 1: I mean, Like, like there's so there's stuff I can

758
00:46:41,200 --> 00:46:44,760
Speaker 1: find reasons I didn't enjoy so much my cauliflower pizza.

759
00:46:45,040 --> 00:46:50,399
Speaker 1: But you know, I'm not hungry, you know what, I'm

760
00:46:50,440 --> 00:46:53,160
Speaker 1: just trying to find something else. I was trying to

761
00:46:53,200 --> 00:46:56,759
Speaker 1: find a good in the darkness. I think another generational

762
00:46:57,040 --> 00:47:05,280
Speaker 1: curse is oh seeking approval from people who you shouldn't

763
00:47:05,280 --> 00:47:10,880
Speaker 1: be seeking approval from. Mm hmmm. You know the cousin

764
00:47:11,120 --> 00:47:17,080
Speaker 1: or the auntie, older mother, father that has never traveled

765
00:47:17,120 --> 00:47:21,560
Speaker 1: the world, and you're asking and talking to them about

766
00:47:21,600 --> 00:47:26,200
Speaker 1: if you should go to Italy for the summer. They

767
00:47:26,200 --> 00:47:29,239
Speaker 1: don't know. That's not who you talk to, baby, not,

768
00:47:29,680 --> 00:47:33,880
Speaker 1: that's not That's not how you talk to So I'm saying,

769
00:47:34,320 --> 00:47:41,720
Speaker 1: finding your people like finding your tribe, and yes, find

770
00:47:41,719 --> 00:47:44,640
Speaker 1: your folks. Find people that can I know that I

771
00:47:44,680 --> 00:47:47,359
Speaker 1: can call either of you at any time and talk

772
00:47:47,400 --> 00:47:49,840
Speaker 1: about a police like I want to go to Razil.

773
00:47:50,080 --> 00:47:53,799
Speaker 1: Tell me I know that you have answers. And if

774
00:47:53,800 --> 00:47:57,200
Speaker 1: you don't have answers and you know somebody that has answers, no,

775
00:47:57,480 --> 00:47:59,760
Speaker 1: that's a that's a good circle of people to be around.

776
00:48:00,280 --> 00:48:02,840
Speaker 1: If you have dreams that are bigger than your blocked

777
00:48:03,160 --> 00:48:05,879
Speaker 1: or bigger than your neighborhood, you need to find other

778
00:48:05,920 --> 00:48:08,359
Speaker 1: people who have dreams bigger than their block in their

779
00:48:08,360 --> 00:48:13,359
Speaker 1: neighborhood period. Yeah, because your your your ideas are gonna

780
00:48:13,400 --> 00:48:22,359
Speaker 1: get shut down again and again and again. Ain't going

781
00:48:22,440 --> 00:48:26,040
Speaker 1: on the other side. Why would I go to the

782
00:48:26,080 --> 00:48:29,520
Speaker 1: other side of the vel. It's the same side, this opposite,

783
00:48:30,400 --> 00:48:33,520
Speaker 1: the same thing. What you want to go over there for?

784
00:48:34,440 --> 00:48:36,160
Speaker 1: Translation is I ain't going to North Philly. I mean

785
00:48:36,160 --> 00:48:40,520
Speaker 1: it's not really all my life. Sorry, hard all of

786
00:48:40,600 --> 00:48:44,840
Speaker 1: those parts. I have a quick one too, is living

787
00:48:44,920 --> 00:48:47,279
Speaker 1: up to potential, because like that's the thing too with

788
00:48:47,400 --> 00:48:50,640
Speaker 1: my parents that always has haunted me a bit. My

789
00:48:50,800 --> 00:48:54,520
Speaker 1: father was really a great tennis player, and he had

790
00:48:54,560 --> 00:48:57,360
Speaker 1: like a lot of potential to play professionally, but he

791
00:48:57,400 --> 00:48:59,520
Speaker 1: couldn't get over a couple of things, the fact that

792
00:48:59,520 --> 00:49:02,719
Speaker 1: he was just unfortunately just get onto a fault and

793
00:49:02,760 --> 00:49:06,560
Speaker 1: also struggle with addiction. So some when I said ghetto,

794
00:49:06,680 --> 00:49:09,720
Speaker 1: it's that mentality of you can't trust anyone, so therefore

795
00:49:09,760 --> 00:49:12,600
Speaker 1: you always you almost kind of messed your ship up

796
00:49:12,800 --> 00:49:15,440
Speaker 1: just because you're like you can't really trust anybody, and

797
00:49:15,480 --> 00:49:18,920
Speaker 1: you know, and you're always trying to hustle No not necessary,

798
00:49:19,239 --> 00:49:23,759
Speaker 1: And my mom just wasn't encouraged. She just was not

799
00:49:24,000 --> 00:49:26,920
Speaker 1: encouraged but my mom said to me, which I didn't

800
00:49:26,920 --> 00:49:29,520
Speaker 1: know until her last five year just now, she was like,

801
00:49:29,560 --> 00:49:31,960
Speaker 1: you know, being a little girl and being a young girl,

802
00:49:32,000 --> 00:49:34,880
Speaker 1: I wasn't encouraged to go to college. I wasn't encouraged

803
00:49:34,960 --> 00:49:37,400
Speaker 1: to I wasn't something that you know much. We love

804
00:49:37,520 --> 00:49:39,600
Speaker 1: my grandma, but you know, she didn't think of that either.

805
00:49:40,280 --> 00:49:42,160
Speaker 1: So she was like, I never even thought that I

806
00:49:42,200 --> 00:49:45,239
Speaker 1: could go to college. Which hearing that at forty some

807
00:49:45,480 --> 00:49:48,200
Speaker 1: years old, it's also one of the mom's where you're like, yeah,

808
00:49:48,239 --> 00:49:50,879
Speaker 1: my we knew each other better, Like, wow, I think

809
00:49:50,920 --> 00:49:54,120
Speaker 1: I know you. I just I don't know. I thought

810
00:49:54,160 --> 00:49:56,439
Speaker 1: my grandmother was the smartest person I had ever met.

811
00:49:57,480 --> 00:50:01,640
Speaker 1: She had only go into the sixth grade. She probably

812
00:50:01,880 --> 00:50:04,520
Speaker 1: is a smart person you've ever met. Ship No, I'm

813
00:50:04,560 --> 00:50:07,200
Speaker 1: just telling you, Like I mean, I've known some really

814
00:50:07,280 --> 00:50:12,359
Speaker 1: intelligent folks that I would trust, any trust beyond anybody

815
00:50:12,760 --> 00:50:16,280
Speaker 1: that have very little quote unquote you know, uh, formal education.

816
00:50:16,719 --> 00:50:18,239
Speaker 1: But one of the things I've been trying to get

817
00:50:18,280 --> 00:50:22,040
Speaker 1: across to my kids about formal education is this formal

818
00:50:22,239 --> 00:50:26,120
Speaker 1: education just open to those possibilities of your thinking and

819
00:50:26,160 --> 00:50:29,080
Speaker 1: how you think, and you know what I mean, It

820
00:50:29,160 --> 00:50:32,560
Speaker 1: gives you language. Sometimes language is a thing that free

821
00:50:32,560 --> 00:50:34,680
Speaker 1: your life. You can think a bunch of stuff and

822
00:50:34,719 --> 00:50:37,880
Speaker 1: have a lot of really great like analysis about a

823
00:50:37,920 --> 00:50:40,640
Speaker 1: lot of things. But if you don't have the language,

824
00:50:41,360 --> 00:50:44,080
Speaker 1: it doesn't matter. You can't explain it. Yeah, you can't

825
00:50:44,320 --> 00:50:46,640
Speaker 1: explain it. You can't teach other people, can't teach yourself,

826
00:50:46,680 --> 00:50:49,040
Speaker 1: you can't analyze your own ship. Like my ten year

827
00:50:49,080 --> 00:50:51,319
Speaker 1: old I told you, it was just funny to me

828
00:50:51,400 --> 00:50:58,240
Speaker 1: because this kid really has language, and it's so wild

829
00:50:58,280 --> 00:51:01,080
Speaker 1: to me because it's hard to he's a kid like that,

830
00:51:01,120 --> 00:51:03,319
Speaker 1: because you're used to just saying boom, this is what

831
00:51:03,400 --> 00:51:06,520
Speaker 1: it is. But when they can run your ragged let

832
00:51:06,520 --> 00:51:08,880
Speaker 1: me run your rioting down like this, this is this

833
00:51:08,960 --> 00:51:12,839
Speaker 1: the d the dune. But that's why education is different now,

834
00:51:12,880 --> 00:51:15,239
Speaker 1: Like I feel like education is different for your kids

835
00:51:15,360 --> 00:51:18,160
Speaker 1: versus if my mom would have probably got an education

836
00:51:18,200 --> 00:51:20,799
Speaker 1: as a boomer, right well, yea, because it would have

837
00:51:20,800 --> 00:51:24,080
Speaker 1: been late right well, Not just that, but she may

838
00:51:24,080 --> 00:51:26,160
Speaker 1: not have been a flight attendant her whole life. Maybe

839
00:51:26,200 --> 00:51:28,799
Speaker 1: she would have made supervisor. Maybe you know that would

840
00:51:28,800 --> 00:51:30,400
Speaker 1: have may be able to have shown her that they

841
00:51:30,400 --> 00:51:32,759
Speaker 1: are bigger places to go in the company. I don't

842
00:51:32,760 --> 00:51:34,480
Speaker 1: know she ever even thought about that. So I'm just

843
00:51:34,560 --> 00:51:36,880
Speaker 1: it's just interested in now because you told me about

844
00:51:37,200 --> 00:51:39,400
Speaker 1: just the way that a Kill has kind of explained

845
00:51:39,480 --> 00:51:41,239
Speaker 1: y'all have talked about college, and I'm like, yeah, I

846
00:51:41,280 --> 00:51:43,239
Speaker 1: see that now. I don't know if I saw that then,

847
00:51:43,520 --> 00:51:45,600
Speaker 1: but I think that they made it so that you

848
00:51:45,640 --> 00:51:49,400
Speaker 1: can see this way that yeah, oh yeah, that'ship to

849
00:51:49,480 --> 00:51:52,360
Speaker 1: while me out. I've learned so much about that process.

850
00:51:52,440 --> 00:51:55,120
Speaker 1: It's hard around here because the kids see it. And

851
00:51:55,200 --> 00:51:57,480
Speaker 1: now Nina, she's like, I don't want to go to college.

852
00:51:57,560 --> 00:52:00,239
Speaker 1: I'm like, well why, and then she give him all

853
00:52:00,280 --> 00:52:02,840
Speaker 1: the reasons and I can't argue with any of them.

854
00:52:02,840 --> 00:52:05,959
Speaker 1: To my girlfriend's nephew said he's not going to college

855
00:52:06,000 --> 00:52:08,319
Speaker 1: right now because he's making too much money on Taketo. Yeah.

856
00:52:08,400 --> 00:52:10,360
Speaker 1: Jet hit me with that when he was like, mamma

857
00:52:10,480 --> 00:52:13,160
Speaker 1: be a YouTube star, and I was like, oh my god.

858
00:52:16,520 --> 00:52:18,480
Speaker 1: In the meantime, I'm gonna need you to raise up

859
00:52:18,480 --> 00:52:20,600
Speaker 1: this math grade and go in there with your tutor.

860
00:52:20,920 --> 00:52:23,080
Speaker 1: That's what I'm gonna need you to do until then,

861
00:52:23,280 --> 00:52:28,080
Speaker 1: because until then, until then, I'll be wanting the cosby

862
00:52:28,120 --> 00:52:30,360
Speaker 1: showing these niggas like listen, let me pull out and

863
00:52:30,360 --> 00:52:33,040
Speaker 1: show you what my monthly bills are. Do you just

864
00:52:33,120 --> 00:52:35,840
Speaker 1: let me know you know what you wanta do, what

865
00:52:35,960 --> 00:52:37,759
Speaker 1: you got on it, Because this is just stay the

866
00:52:37,760 --> 00:52:41,359
Speaker 1: whole thing. What do you have on it? The job

867
00:52:41,400 --> 00:52:44,000
Speaker 1: you're gonna get ain't gonna cover none of this, you

868
00:52:44,040 --> 00:52:47,000
Speaker 1: feel me, And that's why I'm just like, look, just

869
00:52:47,080 --> 00:52:49,640
Speaker 1: fear out what you wanna do, and then we'll figure

870
00:52:49,640 --> 00:52:52,399
Speaker 1: out the work. But don't try to skip the work.

871
00:52:52,760 --> 00:52:55,200
Speaker 1: That's my thing, Like the work gonna look different. Just

872
00:52:55,239 --> 00:52:57,040
Speaker 1: decide what you want to do. If you don't know

873
00:52:57,080 --> 00:53:00,600
Speaker 1: what you want to do, don't go spend my money. Right, Fine,

874
00:53:00,960 --> 00:53:03,200
Speaker 1: you don't know what you wanna do, you figure that.

875
00:53:03,200 --> 00:53:06,280
Speaker 1: Ship out of community college, which is fine and beautiful

876
00:53:06,800 --> 00:53:09,840
Speaker 1: and and you can at least take some classes to

877
00:53:09,960 --> 00:53:12,520
Speaker 1: kind of help expand the way you think. But this

878
00:53:12,680 --> 00:53:15,439
Speaker 1: is like I'm looking into who's teaching, I'm looking into

879
00:53:15,440 --> 00:53:17,960
Speaker 1: what's going on, because it's like, if they don't have

880
00:53:18,000 --> 00:53:20,640
Speaker 1: a system set up to really support students, what's the

881
00:53:20,719 --> 00:53:23,360
Speaker 1: purpose of them being in these schools And they're going

882
00:53:23,400 --> 00:53:26,120
Speaker 1: into damn debt in the whole, the whole, not for

883
00:53:26,200 --> 00:53:29,200
Speaker 1: what When they don't have anything there to assist. I

884
00:53:29,200 --> 00:53:31,040
Speaker 1: don't want you to just pay to go to a class.

885
00:53:31,040 --> 00:53:34,360
Speaker 1: I'm gonna funk if that class is that Harvard or

886
00:53:34,400 --> 00:53:38,240
Speaker 1: at CCP, you have that money to be on the computer?

887
00:53:38,320 --> 00:53:43,040
Speaker 1: Because what does college looking like? Post want? No, we

888
00:53:43,200 --> 00:53:45,239
Speaker 1: pulled I killed his senior year. He did not go.

889
00:53:46,080 --> 00:53:47,879
Speaker 1: I know, That's what I'm saying, Like I don't even

890
00:53:47,920 --> 00:53:50,640
Speaker 1: know having college conversation. I'm like, what does college look

891
00:53:50,680 --> 00:53:53,920
Speaker 1: like in the future, Like it looks like ship right now.

892
00:53:54,040 --> 00:53:56,760
Speaker 1: My son's not getting advised to do anything. His advisor

893
00:53:56,880 --> 00:53:59,000
Speaker 1: has changed three times in the four times that he's

894
00:53:59,040 --> 00:54:02,040
Speaker 1: been in school and was one of the top HBC

895
00:54:02,280 --> 00:54:04,439
Speaker 1: using the whole fucking country. And they're expensive as ship,

896
00:54:04,960 --> 00:54:06,880
Speaker 1: and they got my son about to graduating with no

897
00:54:07,000 --> 00:54:11,640
Speaker 1: guidance m And I'm like, nah, funk that You're not

898
00:54:11,680 --> 00:54:13,799
Speaker 1: gonna get another dime on my money until this ship

899
00:54:13,880 --> 00:54:17,319
Speaker 1: is sort of the funk out and I'm not doing it.

900
00:54:17,360 --> 00:54:19,279
Speaker 1: And and my son is with me, he's behind me

901
00:54:19,320 --> 00:54:21,440
Speaker 1: on the whole thing, and we're on the same page.

902
00:54:21,960 --> 00:54:23,919
Speaker 1: But but let me tell you what. My son singer

903
00:54:23,960 --> 00:54:26,799
Speaker 1: here and college has looked like he's put out his

904
00:54:26,840 --> 00:54:30,000
Speaker 1: own album he's learned how to sound engineer. He's learned

905
00:54:30,040 --> 00:54:33,200
Speaker 1: how to mix his own record, he's mixed other people's records.

906
00:54:33,360 --> 00:54:35,560
Speaker 1: He set up his own house at his own studio.

907
00:54:35,880 --> 00:54:38,319
Speaker 1: He's in the middle of writing a second project. Like

908
00:54:38,400 --> 00:54:40,839
Speaker 1: he puts up his own merchandise. It's just like man

909
00:54:41,239 --> 00:54:44,319
Speaker 1: and he's teaching. He's teaching and and recruiting for the

910
00:54:44,320 --> 00:54:46,759
Speaker 1: school he went to. You have to say his name

911
00:54:46,880 --> 00:54:51,239
Speaker 1: and where our listeners can find him and his music. Well,

912
00:54:51,280 --> 00:54:53,480
Speaker 1: oh yeah, his name is I Killed a Woud And

913
00:54:53,520 --> 00:54:55,480
Speaker 1: he has his novel out called Born to Be Loved,

914
00:54:55,520 --> 00:54:59,440
Speaker 1: and that is the title is named after my mother

915
00:55:00,000 --> 00:55:01,680
Speaker 1: because she used to have a shirt they used to

916
00:55:01,680 --> 00:55:03,040
Speaker 1: say for wanting to be loved, and we used to

917
00:55:03,120 --> 00:55:06,720
Speaker 1: always tell her that she was. And the last photo

918
00:55:06,800 --> 00:55:08,840
Speaker 1: that she posted on social media was a picture of

919
00:55:08,840 --> 00:55:12,080
Speaker 1: her and my son out together, and so they that.

920
00:55:12,320 --> 00:55:15,160
Speaker 1: I think at the end of the day, we got

921
00:55:15,200 --> 00:55:19,520
Speaker 1: young people who know what's in them. They know they've

922
00:55:19,560 --> 00:55:23,200
Speaker 1: got something in there. It's just our job to facilitate

923
00:55:23,280 --> 00:55:26,640
Speaker 1: how we're going to take what's in there and give

924
00:55:26,719 --> 00:55:31,160
Speaker 1: them a pathway into their passion and purpose. And that

925
00:55:31,239 --> 00:55:34,560
Speaker 1: to me is that's the goal for me and the

926
00:55:34,680 --> 00:55:43,440
Speaker 1: confidence and fly because the confidence is tough. That's another

927
00:55:43,480 --> 00:55:46,600
Speaker 1: thing that generational curses is very big in our family

928
00:55:46,880 --> 00:55:49,600
Speaker 1: because our men don't seem to live very long. I

929
00:55:49,600 --> 00:55:51,240
Speaker 1: don't know if it's I don't know if that's actually

930
00:55:51,239 --> 00:55:53,480
Speaker 1: the case that it's because of it, but I noticed

931
00:55:53,520 --> 00:55:58,280
Speaker 1: the men in our family are super cottage and I think,

932
00:55:58,600 --> 00:56:01,680
Speaker 1: and that to me, us is the recipe for poo

933
00:56:01,760 --> 00:56:11,600
Speaker 1: put girl's not. I cannot. But there's there's the coddling,

934
00:56:11,920 --> 00:56:16,000
Speaker 1: and then there's also the taking away of their vulnerability also.

935
00:56:16,520 --> 00:56:18,920
Speaker 1: So it's like it's like it's like we live in

936
00:56:18,960 --> 00:56:25,520
Speaker 1: these polarized places where either enabling our men or we

937
00:56:25,600 --> 00:56:28,759
Speaker 1: are so rough and tough on them that there's no

938
00:56:28,960 --> 00:56:32,400
Speaker 1: room for their vulnerability and their growth and kindness. We

939
00:56:32,520 --> 00:56:36,000
Speaker 1: as like sweet Nanny and she comes and visit sometimes

940
00:56:36,000 --> 00:56:39,480
Speaker 1: when we just can't make the schedule works. That's she

941
00:56:39,520 --> 00:56:44,080
Speaker 1: always has come through. And love her to pieces so kind.

942
00:56:44,520 --> 00:56:47,520
Speaker 1: But what I tell you, if there's a chore that

943
00:56:47,640 --> 00:56:50,080
Speaker 1: my child is supposed to do, she will do his chores.

944
00:56:50,560 --> 00:56:53,040
Speaker 1: And I was like, we're about to break the friendship here,

945
00:56:54,160 --> 00:56:56,560
Speaker 1: We're about to break friendship. I need you to understand

946
00:56:56,600 --> 00:56:59,600
Speaker 1: that those are his chores and he has to do them.

947
00:56:59,680 --> 00:57:02,879
Speaker 1: If he wants his allowance every week, then these things

948
00:57:02,920 --> 00:57:04,800
Speaker 1: must be done in order for me to get paid.

949
00:57:04,840 --> 00:57:07,040
Speaker 1: I have to do my job. Don't you have to

950
00:57:07,040 --> 00:57:10,000
Speaker 1: do your job to get paid. Why are you teaching

951
00:57:10,080 --> 00:57:12,879
Speaker 1: him that you'll do it for him, that somebody's gonna

952
00:57:12,920 --> 00:57:15,640
Speaker 1: do it for him. That is unacceptable. Don't do that again.

953
00:57:16,080 --> 00:57:20,160
Speaker 1: I beg of you, and I'm telling beg of you,

954
00:57:20,240 --> 00:57:23,280
Speaker 1: and I'm telling you he will. He can't. We can't

955
00:57:23,320 --> 00:57:28,400
Speaker 1: do that. I've seen. I've had cousins were there, their

956
00:57:28,440 --> 00:57:32,960
Speaker 1: mom did their homework, their whole life. Can't hardly, you know,

957
00:57:35,160 --> 00:57:38,200
Speaker 1: put money into a savings account. I don't know how

958
00:57:38,280 --> 00:57:40,240
Speaker 1: much to check. You know, you didn't add your check

959
00:57:40,320 --> 00:57:43,480
Speaker 1: together for you put them in their baby Do you

960
00:57:43,560 --> 00:57:47,120
Speaker 1: know how much your electric feelings every month? You know,

961
00:57:47,320 --> 00:57:51,280
Speaker 1: like the things that are normal that most people have

962
00:57:51,360 --> 00:57:56,520
Speaker 1: to deal with. Just I can't. I don't want. That's

963
00:57:56,560 --> 00:57:58,680
Speaker 1: the good side of it, because he probably is nice. Ship.

964
00:57:58,760 --> 00:58:01,560
Speaker 1: I had two uncles that at coddle, and they are

965
00:58:01,720 --> 00:58:03,800
Speaker 1: on two different edges of things, Like the one who

966
00:58:03,840 --> 00:58:06,240
Speaker 1: they thought who was told a whole like you're gonna

967
00:58:06,320 --> 00:58:09,160
Speaker 1: be great, you're and you've got those pretty brown eyes.

968
00:58:09,440 --> 00:58:11,800
Speaker 1: You're so attractive. Blah blah blah blah blah. Turned to

969
00:58:11,880 --> 00:58:14,640
Speaker 1: a whole asshole, beating up, beating on women and whatever

970
00:58:14,680 --> 00:58:17,120
Speaker 1: and ever. And there's the other Uncle made he rest

971
00:58:17,120 --> 00:58:19,680
Speaker 1: in peace, Uncle Ray. But Uncle Ray was all about

972
00:58:19,680 --> 00:58:22,520
Speaker 1: the business, not really about the loving. You know, women

973
00:58:22,560 --> 00:58:24,800
Speaker 1: would come and go, but he was all about the business.

974
00:58:24,800 --> 00:58:26,360
Speaker 1: You came, you couldn't get in his car because he

975
00:58:26,440 --> 00:58:28,560
Speaker 1: drove a Porsche. You know. We didn't want nobody in

976
00:58:28,600 --> 00:58:31,440
Speaker 1: that car but him, So he was on that side.

977
00:58:32,480 --> 00:58:35,560
Speaker 1: But both coddle. I remember watching as a kid and going,

978
00:58:36,080 --> 00:58:38,160
Speaker 1: why do these men they don't gotta wash the dish

979
00:58:38,160 --> 00:58:40,120
Speaker 1: like we didn't. We didn't, we didn't cooked all this pool.

980
00:58:40,160 --> 00:58:41,800
Speaker 1: But these holidays and these niggas just stad up on

981
00:58:41,840 --> 00:58:43,840
Speaker 1: the couch and fall asleep and they ain't even brought

982
00:58:43,840 --> 00:58:48,000
Speaker 1: no rushes. How many people got people like that in

983
00:58:48,040 --> 00:58:50,640
Speaker 1: the I'm gonna say this. We have a thing in

984
00:58:50,680 --> 00:58:53,920
Speaker 1: our household called community. And it's like I say all

985
00:58:53,920 --> 00:58:57,680
Speaker 1: the times, everybody has a responsibility to the community. You

986
00:58:57,800 --> 00:59:02,200
Speaker 1: can't live here if you're not going to put in

987
00:59:02,280 --> 00:59:04,800
Speaker 1: to the well being of us. All So that means

988
00:59:04,800 --> 00:59:06,960
Speaker 1: that if I ask you clean something up and you

989
00:59:06,960 --> 00:59:09,720
Speaker 1: didn't put it there, it doesn't matter. We all have

990
00:59:09,880 --> 00:59:12,120
Speaker 1: to we all have to make sure that our home,

991
00:59:12,280 --> 00:59:14,680
Speaker 1: our space looks a certain way, and that we deal

992
00:59:14,720 --> 00:59:17,320
Speaker 1: with it a certain way because the whole community benefits

993
00:59:17,360 --> 00:59:21,800
Speaker 1: from these these common areas, the common areas everybody's responsibility.

994
00:59:21,880 --> 00:59:24,160
Speaker 1: So what if you didn't do it, because I just

995
00:59:24,280 --> 00:59:26,360
Speaker 1: I can't. I can't deal with that part of it.

996
00:59:26,440 --> 00:59:30,760
Speaker 1: But you know, I got two boys, and my son,

997
00:59:31,080 --> 00:59:35,680
Speaker 1: my oldest son, is very independent. But I think also

998
00:59:36,320 --> 00:59:39,480
Speaker 1: that he experienced the life and watched not only himself,

999
00:59:39,480 --> 00:59:44,560
Speaker 1: but other young men lose their ability to to need help.

1000
00:59:45,520 --> 00:59:48,880
Speaker 1: Sometimes my oldest son don't ask for help because he

1001
00:59:48,960 --> 00:59:52,040
Speaker 1: still believes that whole energy. Like I'm a boy, I'm

1002
00:59:52,160 --> 00:59:54,640
Speaker 1: i'm twenty one, I'm a man. I'm not supposed to

1003
00:59:54,680 --> 00:59:57,400
Speaker 1: ask my parents for any help. He said that to me.

1004
00:59:57,440 --> 00:59:59,080
Speaker 1: That's so funny you say that. I'm like, what you mean,

1005
00:59:59,120 --> 01:00:01,120
Speaker 1: you ain't gonna, as your parents say the experson, everything

1006
01:00:01,120 --> 01:00:05,760
Speaker 1: you're doing for the other room crazy And I'm like,

1007
01:00:05,880 --> 01:00:08,520
Speaker 1: and my thing is, like I've seen that happen. And

1008
01:00:09,080 --> 01:00:11,120
Speaker 1: you know, he went to an all boys high school,

1009
01:00:11,800 --> 01:00:15,880
Speaker 1: watching young men get penalized for just being young men

1010
01:00:16,800 --> 01:00:19,200
Speaker 1: just if they loud, or they this, or they that.

1011
01:00:19,400 --> 01:00:23,439
Speaker 1: It's like everything is punitive, everything is that there's no

1012
01:00:23,680 --> 01:00:27,840
Speaker 1: space for them to be vulnerable at all. So I

1013
01:00:27,880 --> 01:00:30,480
Speaker 1: do think I agree with y'all in terms of the coddling,

1014
01:00:30,840 --> 01:00:33,640
Speaker 1: because that's not the way that we as black people,

1015
01:00:33,680 --> 01:00:38,120
Speaker 1: as women, that we are supposed to counteract that other thing. No,

1016
01:00:38,280 --> 01:00:40,440
Speaker 1: but that's as we still end up doing it by

1017
01:00:40,480 --> 01:00:42,280
Speaker 1: ourselves because they don't. No, man don't feel like he

1018
01:00:42,320 --> 01:00:50,040
Speaker 1: needs it. They like she cool and then and then

1019
01:00:50,080 --> 01:00:52,280
Speaker 1: get on TV talking about I got me a strong

1020
01:00:52,440 --> 01:00:59,120
Speaker 1: black one and giving me a choice. Listen, strong black women.

1021
01:00:59,120 --> 01:01:00,720
Speaker 1: I don't want to hear that you and I need

1022
01:01:00,760 --> 01:01:03,600
Speaker 1: there until he opens the door for every woman that

1023
01:01:03,720 --> 01:01:07,040
Speaker 1: there is. I'm sorry, we're just gonna be in the car. Then,

1024
01:01:08,760 --> 01:01:12,520
Speaker 1: do do do do do do so while you stand

1025
01:01:12,560 --> 01:01:15,240
Speaker 1: outside and look around, we're just gonna be in the car.

1026
01:01:16,000 --> 01:01:17,560
Speaker 1: Are you trying to tell me I can't get the

1027
01:01:17,600 --> 01:01:20,840
Speaker 1: door open for me? And I'm I'm going in this game? Stop, Jake,

1028
01:01:24,600 --> 01:01:31,720
Speaker 1: what are we I'm sitting right here? Oh sorry? Ron,

1029
01:01:32,040 --> 01:01:35,080
Speaker 1: Thank you, thank you so much, thank you you get

1030
01:01:35,120 --> 01:01:39,040
Speaker 1: all the sweetness, but I'm not moving. Hey, Jil, are

1031
01:01:39,080 --> 01:01:41,680
Speaker 1: you driving the car? And so yeah, gotta get out. Listen,

1032
01:01:43,920 --> 01:01:45,600
Speaker 1: I'm gonna just park this car and I'm await for

1033
01:01:45,640 --> 01:01:49,760
Speaker 1: you to come around here, open this door, around, come around,

1034
01:01:49,920 --> 01:01:54,760
Speaker 1: rich around at the door. My sons are not opening

1035
01:01:54,840 --> 01:01:56,320
Speaker 1: up the doors for me, so I had to step

1036
01:01:56,320 --> 01:01:59,240
Speaker 1: my game up. They're gonna be like that was this mom.

1037
01:01:59,560 --> 01:02:02,320
Speaker 1: I'm like, little, it's too late. I'm not not jail.

1038
01:02:02,680 --> 01:02:09,600
Speaker 1: You got to get out. That is a very very

1039
01:02:09,720 --> 01:02:13,040
Speaker 1: endearing and respectful thing to do, I think if you

1040
01:02:13,200 --> 01:02:18,600
Speaker 1: like handling it alright, I get out my daughters. Daughters,

1041
01:02:19,120 --> 01:02:22,400
Speaker 1: how do you? Jill? Did you hear that she get

1042
01:02:22,400 --> 01:02:23,720
Speaker 1: out of the car and open the door for her

1043
01:02:23,720 --> 01:02:27,240
Speaker 1: mother too? Are you making me look bad? I'm not. Yeah,

1044
01:02:27,280 --> 01:02:29,000
Speaker 1: I'm gonna make my daughters do it too. That's why

1045
01:02:29,000 --> 01:02:30,520
Speaker 1: I told you. I said, I'm gonna get the daughters

1046
01:02:30,520 --> 01:02:37,320
Speaker 1: on it too. And father, yeah, that was a generationals know,

1047
01:02:38,280 --> 01:02:41,640
Speaker 1: there's some things that we can't do. I can't do it, mom, Dad,

1048
01:02:42,320 --> 01:02:45,960
Speaker 1: I can't do some things. But you know, I have

1049
01:02:46,080 --> 01:02:48,520
Speaker 1: to be mindful of how I want yet to treat

1050
01:02:49,080 --> 01:02:53,360
Speaker 1: whoever is in his future. Yeah, you know, and then

1051
01:02:53,400 --> 01:02:55,680
Speaker 1: now I want him to like it. I just want

1052
01:02:55,800 --> 01:02:59,960
Speaker 1: my sons to get some damn therapy. Weren't they bullsh

1053
01:03:00,040 --> 01:03:02,000
Speaker 1: it out and don't hand it to and lay it

1054
01:03:02,040 --> 01:03:07,560
Speaker 1: in some other woman's lap. Please don't do that. Ship,

1055
01:03:07,680 --> 01:03:11,240
Speaker 1: don't embarrass me any streams. Okay, don't get you some help.

1056
01:03:11,600 --> 01:03:15,200
Speaker 1: Go get you some help, son, because whatever's wrong with you,

1057
01:03:15,240 --> 01:03:19,240
Speaker 1: trust them. Believe it was gonna be something. It's breaking

1058
01:03:19,280 --> 01:03:23,040
Speaker 1: generational curses. I really believe it's about let's say you

1059
01:03:23,120 --> 01:03:25,680
Speaker 1: got to write it there. What are the things that

1060
01:03:25,680 --> 01:03:28,720
Speaker 1: that you don't care for that you've seen growing up?

1061
01:03:28,760 --> 01:03:31,560
Speaker 1: What are they put them up? And what do you

1062
01:03:31,560 --> 01:03:34,960
Speaker 1: do about? What do you do? What do you do?

1063
01:03:35,240 --> 01:03:37,640
Speaker 1: It's not up to me. It's not my job. It's

1064
01:03:37,800 --> 01:03:40,680
Speaker 1: your job to figure out. I'm not okay, I'm not

1065
01:03:40,720 --> 01:03:44,680
Speaker 1: gonna stay in unhappy relationships or miserable relationships. I'm not

1066
01:03:44,720 --> 01:03:49,320
Speaker 1: gonna do that, or lonely relationships or emotionally unavailable relationships.

1067
01:03:49,320 --> 01:03:51,800
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna do that to myself. Okay. I'm not

1068
01:03:51,840 --> 01:03:56,440
Speaker 1: gonna stay in a job that pays me well. But

1069
01:03:56,600 --> 01:03:59,560
Speaker 1: I don't feel fulfilled. I don't I want to move.

1070
01:03:59,640 --> 01:04:01,640
Speaker 1: I want to grow, I want to do something different.

1071
01:04:01,720 --> 01:04:05,080
Speaker 1: That's important. You know, to to do these things, and

1072
01:04:05,120 --> 01:04:07,160
Speaker 1: we're the first generation that has the privilege to do it.

1073
01:04:07,200 --> 01:04:10,400
Speaker 1: So should take advantage of take advantage of your privileges

1074
01:04:10,880 --> 01:04:14,200
Speaker 1: because you have some that's a good one, that's a

1075
01:04:14,200 --> 01:04:22,840
Speaker 1: good break. Take advantage of your privileges. Can they Yes? Yes,

1076
01:04:23,880 --> 01:04:27,439
Speaker 1: make a vow to yourself, to yourself that you're gonna

1077
01:04:27,480 --> 01:04:29,920
Speaker 1: do something different, and you're gonna try something different and

1078
01:04:30,000 --> 01:04:33,479
Speaker 1: get out of your way. Maybe that poverty mindset. Maybe

1079
01:04:33,520 --> 01:04:36,120
Speaker 1: you start a secret back account. Don't tell nobody in

1080
01:04:36,200 --> 01:04:39,720
Speaker 1: your family because you have a goal, you have a dream.

1081
01:04:39,880 --> 01:04:42,520
Speaker 1: Maybe you want to see rund In one day. You know,

1082
01:04:42,600 --> 01:04:44,960
Speaker 1: maybe you maybe you want to do something. Don't tell

1083
01:04:45,000 --> 01:04:47,480
Speaker 1: them because there's gonna be a reason. Old. Can I

1084
01:04:47,520 --> 01:04:50,280
Speaker 1: borrow thirty five dollars because I know that I'm gonna

1085
01:04:50,280 --> 01:04:53,440
Speaker 1: pay you back on Tuesday, but I need that thirty

1086
01:04:53,440 --> 01:04:55,520
Speaker 1: five dollars today? Do you know what I mean? Like,

1087
01:04:55,720 --> 01:04:58,360
Speaker 1: all of a sudden, if you tell everybody and I'm

1088
01:04:58,440 --> 01:05:01,960
Speaker 1: saving up and then they're not people they save, then

1089
01:05:01,960 --> 01:05:04,200
Speaker 1: what's gonna happen is they're gonna be coming at you

1090
01:05:04,320 --> 01:05:08,600
Speaker 1: again and again until your savings are depleted and where

1091
01:05:08,640 --> 01:05:13,760
Speaker 1: have you gone nowhere? And where have they gone nowhere?

1092
01:05:14,440 --> 01:05:18,919
Speaker 1: To challenge everybody also to the thing too, Like, yes,

1093
01:05:19,000 --> 01:05:21,160
Speaker 1: it always starts with the individual. And there's so much

1094
01:05:21,160 --> 01:05:23,560
Speaker 1: work in that, enough work in the individual to keep

1095
01:05:23,560 --> 01:05:27,240
Speaker 1: you busy forever, but to consider the arm or the

1096
01:05:27,320 --> 01:05:30,840
Speaker 1: peace of that individual work that spills out into the

1097
01:05:30,840 --> 01:05:35,320
Speaker 1: community as well, Because as we break our own generational curses,

1098
01:05:35,880 --> 01:05:38,320
Speaker 1: it would behoove us to be a part of a

1099
01:05:38,400 --> 01:05:42,840
Speaker 1: collective break in generational curses. And that part isn't is

1100
01:05:42,920 --> 01:05:46,120
Speaker 1: in community is a big part of that. So you've

1101
01:05:46,120 --> 01:05:50,800
Speaker 1: gotta spill what you know out into the streets otherwise

1102
01:05:50,840 --> 01:05:53,360
Speaker 1: it doesn't have the same type of longevity and tail

1103
01:05:53,440 --> 01:05:56,720
Speaker 1: that you wanted to have. And generation the word generation

1104
01:05:57,040 --> 01:06:03,880
Speaker 1: that that indicates long tail that we want. People I know,

1105
01:06:03,960 --> 01:06:06,840
Speaker 1: I might have a goal in mind and then I

1106
01:06:06,840 --> 01:06:09,360
Speaker 1: I'm a break from the goal and and I call

1107
01:06:09,640 --> 01:06:11,920
Speaker 1: their views and like, but like, don't do that, Jill,

1108
01:06:12,280 --> 01:06:17,960
Speaker 1: you said, you said, you know you need those kind

1109
01:06:17,960 --> 01:06:20,720
Speaker 1: of friends that will that won't let you, you know,

1110
01:06:21,120 --> 01:06:25,000
Speaker 1: play yourself. Yeah, yeah, I always stop you from you know,

1111
01:06:25,080 --> 01:06:27,840
Speaker 1: doing the thing that you dream of. You need you

1112
01:06:27,880 --> 01:06:30,439
Speaker 1: need currently just thought about what you said that that's

1113
01:06:30,440 --> 01:06:33,680
Speaker 1: so ill. It's unfortunate, but it's also an opportunity when

1114
01:06:33,720 --> 01:06:36,080
Speaker 1: you say, you know, go to the folks who know

1115
01:06:36,400 --> 01:06:39,200
Speaker 1: for your advice. And oftentimes when it comes to saving,

1116
01:06:39,280 --> 01:06:41,919
Speaker 1: when it comes to relationships, when it comes to making money,

1117
01:06:42,000 --> 01:06:44,920
Speaker 1: a lot of times those resources are not in your family.

1118
01:06:44,920 --> 01:06:49,240
Speaker 1: But that's okay, Yeah, don't in your family, Lester dan

1119
01:06:49,720 --> 01:06:52,040
Speaker 1: I said before, I don't know if people have ever

1120
01:06:52,160 --> 01:06:55,400
Speaker 1: understood it, but I'm saying it again. If you can

1121
01:06:55,480 --> 01:06:59,200
Speaker 1: tell me what to do, then you can tell me

1122
01:06:59,280 --> 01:07:02,680
Speaker 1: what to do. But if you can't tell me what

1123
01:07:02,760 --> 01:07:09,000
Speaker 1: to do, you can't tell me what to do. And

1124
01:07:09,080 --> 01:07:12,440
Speaker 1: there we have that, and there we have that, and

1125
01:07:14,440 --> 01:07:17,080
Speaker 1: thank you so much for listening. You know, we enjoy you.

1126
01:07:17,960 --> 01:07:22,080
Speaker 1: This conversation is to spark conversation and hopefully a revolution

1127
01:07:22,120 --> 01:07:34,760
Speaker 1: in your heart. Mind piece, How do you get an elephant?

1128
01:07:35,600 --> 01:07:45,120
Speaker 1: One by time? Hey, y'all, it's Eaves, a producer on

1129
01:07:45,160 --> 01:07:49,040
Speaker 1: the show, and it's time for another resource. In this episode,

1130
01:07:49,160 --> 01:07:52,960
Speaker 1: the ladies talked about not seeking information and advice from

1131
01:07:52,960 --> 01:07:55,680
Speaker 1: our family and friends on subjects that they are not

1132
01:07:55,880 --> 01:07:59,080
Speaker 1: qualified to speak on. Leah didn't really have people and

1133
01:07:59,120 --> 01:08:02,760
Speaker 1: her family who she could speak with about finances. So

1134
01:08:02,880 --> 01:08:05,240
Speaker 1: she went to do her own research and found the

1135
01:08:05,320 --> 01:08:08,440
Speaker 1: bogol Heads guides useful. There are several books in the series,

1136
01:08:08,520 --> 01:08:11,240
Speaker 1: like The bogle Heads Guide to the Three Fund Portfolio

1137
01:08:11,720 --> 01:08:14,760
Speaker 1: and The bogle Heads Guide to Investing. And if you've

1138
01:08:14,800 --> 01:08:18,400
Speaker 1: noticed any harmful patterns in your lineage, like Jill said,

1139
01:08:18,680 --> 01:08:21,320
Speaker 1: write them down. Even if you're not the one to

1140
01:08:21,439 --> 01:08:24,880
Speaker 1: change them, you can question why they exist, think about

1141
01:08:24,880 --> 01:08:27,759
Speaker 1: your own role in your lineage, and consider what legacy

1142
01:08:27,880 --> 01:08:30,439
Speaker 1: you want to leave behind. I'll drop links in the

1143
01:08:30,439 --> 01:09:00,240
Speaker 1: episode description. This podcast is hosted by Jill Scott, Yes

1144
01:09:00,280 --> 01:09:04,440
Speaker 1: st Clair and Age a Greaden Danceller. It's executive producers

1145
01:09:04,479 --> 01:09:08,120
Speaker 1: are Jill Scott, Shawn j and Brian Calhoun. It's produced

1146
01:09:08,120 --> 01:09:11,600
Speaker 1: by La st Clair and me Eve Jeff Coke. The

1147
01:09:11,720 --> 01:09:14,320
Speaker 1: editing and sound design for this episode we're done by

1148
01:09:14,400 --> 01:09:28,960
Speaker 1: Christina Loranger. Yeah yeah, yes, I was a lot so

1149
01:09:29,120 --> 01:09:33,760
Speaker 1: far as I've got the variable down in this my

1150
01:09:37,439 --> 01:09:45,880
Speaker 1: come on, come on, I'm not even want to say

1151
01:09:48,200 --> 01:09:57,320
Speaker 1: you know that was great. The longest silence would be better? Day,

1152
01:09:58,320 --> 01:10:04,880
Speaker 1: all right? Yeah? My, what the funk's throwing with? My mouth.

1153
01:10:05,120 --> 01:10:12,280
Speaker 1: Where happened, It happens from yesterday. They can't do from yesterday. Blessings.

1154
01:10:13,760 --> 01:10:17,200
Speaker 1: J dot Ill is a production of I heart Radio.

1155
01:10:17,640 --> 01:10:20,920
Speaker 1: For more podcasts from I heart Radio, visit the i

1156
01:10:21,080 --> 01:10:25,479
Speaker 1: heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to

1157
01:10:25,520 --> 01:10:26,639
Speaker 1: your favorite shows.