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Speaker 1: My husband has been getting happy ending massages for years.

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Speaker 2: I was gonna leave him. But here's the thing.

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Speaker 3: The happy ending massages are just like fairy tales, right,

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Speaker 3: you know.

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Speaker 1: You you go down on the yellow brick road and

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Speaker 1: magic happens at the end of the rainbow. That's every

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Speaker 1: single happy ending. The magic is the yellow brick road

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Speaker 1: turned into the white brick road.

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Speaker 2: Wow, that is beautiful, Sam, Oh.

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Speaker 3: Guess what the secret ingredient is? Same?

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Speaker 2: All right, let's find out today.

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Speaker 1: I found out that my thirty two female husband thirty

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Speaker 1: three male has been getting happy ending massages for the

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Speaker 1: last several years. He said, it's only happened a couple

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Speaker 1: of times. But nonetheless, it's happened. It's it's only been

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Speaker 1: a couple of times. Sam, Hey, base, it's like you're overreacting,

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Speaker 1: you know, five or six times a year.

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Speaker 3: So you gave me a happy ending massage. I wouldn't

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Speaker 3: need to go elsewhere.

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Speaker 2: Or maybe if you.

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Speaker 1: Got some happy ending massages, you know, free for all.

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Speaker 1: There we go, we're all about it.

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Speaker 3: Said they can do couples, and they said they can

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Speaker 3: do a couples happy ending massages. Hey has two hands.

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Speaker 2: That's what I'm saying an actual DJ.

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Speaker 1: I have had my suspicions for years, but I never

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Speaker 1: brought it up as I was not able to confirm

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Speaker 1: them years years. Could you imagine how many massages are

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Speaker 1: you getting? I mean just like five massages a year

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Speaker 1: for like five years. That's twenty five massages.

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Speaker 2: I mean that's a.

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Speaker 3: Lot of chances. Well, I guess that when you say

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Speaker 3: like that, it doesn't seem like that much honestly.

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Speaker 1: Really, but that's like twenty five Imagine cheating twenty five

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Speaker 1: times in a five year relationship, Like that's easy, easy.

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Speaker 3: Those are a rookie number.

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Speaker 1: Sam's love life just always getting blasted on this podcast.

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Speaker 3: I am very loyal, He's very very jokes.

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Speaker 2: This is all jokes.

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Speaker 1: Today I checked his location to see if he was

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Speaker 1: on his way home from work, and I noticed that

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Speaker 1: he was that a massage parlor.

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Speaker 3: So it's like massage parlors is given to happy endings

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Speaker 3: every which way.

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Speaker 1: You know, it's really a good question because like, how

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Speaker 1: do they not get caught more?

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Speaker 2: I guess I could just get it under the radar.

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Speaker 3: There's actually massage parlor called Happy Ending Massage, like right

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Speaker 3: around the corner from my apartment. Can I see your

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Speaker 3: loyalty card. That's what I meant by loyalty, by the way.

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Speaker 2: Exactly loyalty.

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Speaker 3: I would never go to another one go to another

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Speaker 3: such a.

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Speaker 1: Good guy Andrew Tape. Now, I just called him to

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Speaker 1: say hey and check in. He told me that he's

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Speaker 1: still at work and will see me soon.

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Speaker 3: Excuse me, No, that see me more like ce men. Bro.

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Speaker 2: Come on, Oh that's a whole different happy ending. That's

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Speaker 2: happy tongs.

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Speaker 1: I replied, really, and he said no, I'm at a

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Speaker 1: massage parlor getting a shoulder massage.

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Speaker 3: Bro. I think all like like in this relationship, if

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Speaker 3: she's been that like suspicious for like years, yes, they

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Speaker 3: should have had a conversation where it was just like, hey,

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Speaker 3: if you you you're banned from all the side or at.

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Speaker 2: Least like is this going on like years?

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Speaker 3: Like?

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Speaker 2: Not knowing that would torture me, my god. So I

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Speaker 2: called him out on his lie and I hung up

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Speaker 2: on him. Damn boom.

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Speaker 1: Fast forward to him coming home quickly to talk about this.

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Speaker 1: I told him I've had a suspicion for him quickly,

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Speaker 1: but I told him I've had a suspicion for years,

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Speaker 1: but I could never prove it after a few good points.

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Speaker 2: What good points?

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Speaker 3: Wait? No, he had points apparently like like in terms of, oh,

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Speaker 3: it wasn't bab like, I didn't do it.

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Speaker 1: I I a few good points, I guess, a few rationalizations.

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Speaker 3: Or maybe that's what he calls his boners during his

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Speaker 3: happy ending.

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Speaker 1: I had a few good points in that last se

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Speaker 1: He's he's racking up his loyalty rewards. After all this,

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Speaker 1: he sat me down and admitted he has done this

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Speaker 1: a handful of times, a handful.

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Speaker 3: And that's being generous, buddy. In what world are you

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Speaker 3: a handful?

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Speaker 1: Seriously, I think you're you're an arm load, my guy,

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Speaker 1: as much as an arm.

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Speaker 3: I'm saying you're a pinky load world.

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Speaker 2: I was saying, the amount of happy endings he's gotten.

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Speaker 3: I was saying, the the the girth, the girth of

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Speaker 3: his weien, you know, is a pink not a handful,

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Speaker 3: It's a pinky pinky pinky ful thumbleful, a thimble thimbleful.

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Speaker 1: So I dropped a bomb on him and told him

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Speaker 1: I want to separate.

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Speaker 3: Yep, good for you, queen, Yes you know it only

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Speaker 3: took you five only.

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Speaker 2: Five years, only a few years.

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Speaker 1: I said this because I've caught him in a few

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Speaker 1: different sheeting scenarios over our.

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Speaker 3: Relationship, girls, you deserve better mass seriously, varying from some

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Speaker 3: flirty text slash messages over social media, a physical encounter,

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Speaker 3: and and a failed meetup.

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Speaker 2: My god, Jan.

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Speaker 3: Is either the worst cheater ever or is putting up numbers.

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Speaker 3: Because it's like, if those are the times that she's.

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Speaker 2: Found out that cheating.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, the cheating iceberg. Actually that's a really good thing.

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Speaker 3: Ladies and fellas. If you are catching your partner cheating

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Speaker 3: or of suspicious activity, just know just the tip, Just

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Speaker 3: what's about the surface. There's a lot below.

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Speaker 2: Now.

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Speaker 1: He has worked through these issues in counseling over the

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Speaker 1: last several years and has been in a good place lately,

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Speaker 1: So lying to me really caught me off guard today.

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Speaker 3: How has he been in a good place? Man? Still

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Speaker 3: getting these massages? How many massages does one man need?

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Speaker 1: You know, Like, you can only be so loose and limber. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I become putty at some point.

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Speaker 3: It's gonna become a blog. His bones just dissolving, like,

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Speaker 3: oh my god, imagine that one scene from Harry Potter

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Speaker 3: where he's like and then the bone.

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Speaker 1: Now he's been to a therapist in the past who's

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Speaker 1: told him he has an addiction.

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Speaker 2: To doing it.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, he does.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, But then there was another therapist who said that

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Speaker 1: he didn't and he didn't have to worry.

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Speaker 2: Okay, just keep going on doing God, yeah, just the happiness,

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Speaker 2: A little massage.

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Speaker 3: Here, and he didn't hurt anyone.

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Speaker 2: He told me today that he needs help because he

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Speaker 2: feels ashamed of doing these things, but it.

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Speaker 1: Feels like he doesn't know what else to do because

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Speaker 1: it's an escape for him.

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Speaker 3: I feel real bad for this guy. This man deserves

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Speaker 3: the most sympathy points.

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Speaker 1: Oh my god, any man I know truly, like I

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Speaker 1: mean Sam, he would not be able to escape without this,

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Speaker 1: he would be trapped.

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Speaker 3: What else would he do?

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Speaker 2: You have a sad ending?

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Speaker 3: He would, he would he would build trains, We would

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Speaker 3: have a hobby.

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Speaker 2: Disgusting. How could one ever imagine?

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Speaker 3: All?

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Speaker 1: Right?

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Speaker 3: Here?

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Speaker 2: Question question question?

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Speaker 3: Would you rather your partner have one like passionate love,

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Speaker 3: affair full like right, full, terrible at where you can imagine?

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Speaker 3: Where's you can imagine? Or twenty five happy ending massages?

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Speaker 2: Oh my god.

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Speaker 1: Oh, I'm gonna have to I'm gonna have to go

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Speaker 1: with the one time, because like the twenty five is

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Speaker 1: saying like something's wrong, like like if you get I

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Speaker 1: guess one is like out of your system maybe and

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Speaker 1: you're good, but like I don't know, twenty five that's

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Speaker 1: that's insane, Okay.

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Speaker 3: So I actually would go with the twenty five really

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Speaker 3: just because I feel like it's less emotionally evolved. It's

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Speaker 3: like remember you know how like the nineteen fifties, like

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Speaker 3: the you would have these husbands or like my wife

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Speaker 3: is hysterical, right, and that like the doctor would be like,

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Speaker 3: all right, we have a secure for this, and they

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Speaker 3: would literally just get a vibrator and like jerk the

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Speaker 3: woman off into the orgasm and they wouldn't be hysterical.

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Speaker 3: They just gave him franquilizers that too, But they also

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Speaker 3: like the doctor, like women would go in for their

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Speaker 3: like monthly checkup, which is just like their monthly orgasm,

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Speaker 3: and basically the doctors would give them happy endings, so

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Speaker 3: they would be like like less hysterical. Oh what, yeah,

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Speaker 3: that's crazy the thing that happened all the time.

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Speaker 2: Oh my god.

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Speaker 3: I would I would rather that kind of occurs them.

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Speaker 3: It's just like a medical.

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Speaker 2: Procedure, right, right, Wow, damn.

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Speaker 1: I never knew that maybe maybe that could we could

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Speaker 1: create a subscription of.

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Speaker 2: The modern day. You know what I mean?

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Speaker 3: Happy endings, doctor yeah, doctor happy, and your wife is

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Speaker 3: having trouble, get it off.

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Speaker 2: Just call up seven doctor happy, call doctor happy, not us.

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Speaker 3: Those are new names.

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Speaker 1: Doctor happy is the name of our subscription service that

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Speaker 1: we're going to be launching. And feelllion dollar business. I

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Speaker 1: mean that Loki would be a billion dollars.

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Speaker 3: Just say, we got a lot of satisfied customers. Whether

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Speaker 3: we stay together or not, I am concerned. I will

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Speaker 3: still support him in any way I can to help him,

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Speaker 3: especially because we have children together.

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Speaker 2: Oh yai, bro, we are going to support in any

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Speaker 2: way by any means necessary.

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Speaker 3: Okay, I think like, if you really want to support

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Speaker 3: him by any means necessary, open up your own massage

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Speaker 3: parlor and start cranking out those massages. Boom, got those

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Speaker 3: happy endings.

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Speaker 1: Let's let's turn these lemons into business lemonade, ye know,

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Speaker 1: And then he can get a bunch of different clients,

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Speaker 1: make a billion dollars, a bunch of husbands in a

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Speaker 1: family involved. It's going to be beautiful. I don't think

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Speaker 1: he's a bad guy. At heart, he just has issues,

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Speaker 1: very very uh open, very empathetic.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, maybe even he is to have an open marriage

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Speaker 3: maybe that's that's maybe maybe, but like only open to

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Speaker 3: happy endings.

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Speaker 2: Yes, there we go. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: What I'm wondering is has anybody dealt with this? And

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Speaker 1: is there any first and is there any good first

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Speaker 1: steps in helping with a situation like this. We've done counseling,

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Speaker 1: both individually and together, but I feel like he needs

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Speaker 1: a retreat or meetings or a support system or something.

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Speaker 1: How can I support him through this?

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Speaker 3: Getting happy ending massages in a relationship is not necessarily bad,

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Speaker 3: if that is something that you have talked about, Yeah,

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Speaker 3: if you want to, Yeah, yeah, what is bad here

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Speaker 3: is the lack of trust and the fact that he's

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Speaker 3: been lying for five years to your face.

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Speaker 2: And doing having multiple other affairs.

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Speaker 3: But like again, it's not like it's not the act

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Speaker 3: of like, yeah, like having sex with somebody else, they're

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Speaker 3: both down for it. It's the it's the lying. And

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Speaker 3: so I feel like like like he should have been

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Speaker 3: showing a pattern of behavior for like five years of

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Speaker 3: like him just not being the most truthful person, yeah,

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Speaker 3: and not changing. But they have kids together.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, but I mean, you know, it sucks, but like,

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Speaker 1: at the end of the day, I don't think I

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Speaker 1: think you're putting this bearing this weight on your shoulders,

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Speaker 1: and I do not think you have to bear all

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Speaker 1: of that weight. I would still get him help and

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Speaker 1: support because he is the father of your children.

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Speaker 2: You want there to be a good relationship there.

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Speaker 1: But I think, like I would figure out, like how

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Speaker 1: can you be removed in a way where it's like

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Speaker 1: you have to worry about this less long term, you

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Speaker 1: know what I mean, find.

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Speaker 2: And find someone who doesn't do this to you, Like

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Speaker 2: I think that this you don't deserve this.

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Speaker 3: I'm also I'm wondering, like do are they having sex?

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Speaker 2: That's a good question because it's like is.

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Speaker 3: There enough intimacy in the related a marriage? Yeah, because

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Speaker 3: I like, all right, let's say you are saying like, Okay,

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Speaker 3: I want to stay together with this guy, which I advise,

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Speaker 3: but like maybe the thing that like you have to

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Speaker 3: take a hard look at is Okay, if I do

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Speaker 3: want to stay in this, what does my intimacy look like?

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Speaker 3: And maybe how can how can we come to a

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Speaker 3: place where we can be intimate together? Uh? So he's

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Speaker 3: not as inclined to cheat, but like that feels like

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Speaker 3: it's like that feels like it's putting blame on her. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: it's like I'd work on her. Yeah, it's just like

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Speaker 3: I mean, I think, like, really, she's like this guy

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Speaker 3: is bad, you know, like I don't know if it's

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Speaker 3: it's worth saving. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Usually we kind of just like, oh, we'll give a

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Speaker 1: high level whatever, but this one, I'm like, bro, leave

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Speaker 1: his ass, like, yeah, this is not this is ultimately

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Speaker 1: not your problem to bear. Help him where you can, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: get him into find like a support group or something,

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Speaker 1: and then that's and then that's that he's in it

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Speaker 1: and he's doing want you want him to be a

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Speaker 1: good father still to the children.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, so, but that doesn't this shouldn't come at her

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Speaker 1: expense ultimately.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: So, but I do understand like when you have kids

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Speaker 3: complicates thing. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: But but at the end of the day, like Sam

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Speaker 1: just said, happy endings and marriages is okay? Yeah, frame editors,

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Speaker 1: frame a picture of Sam with.

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Speaker 3: That quote, and you know what it also is Okay,

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Speaker 3: oh my god, what Sam r slash? Okay, hope you

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Speaker 3: show on BRED if you want to submit a story

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Speaker 3: to us and have us read it and give us

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Speaker 3: you know, give you our sage wisdom. We will and

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Speaker 3: and can do that. Shower us with your stories, Shower

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Speaker 3: us with your semen and your pee. Give us a

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Speaker 3: golden shower. Do you want to do guys? I saw Babylon.

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Speaker 3: You know Babylon. No saw Babylon. It's like with like Margot, Robbie,

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Speaker 3: Tobe McGuire, Brad pitt. I thought it was okay. Some

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Speaker 3: people hated it. But the opening scene, like or one

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Speaker 3: of the opening scenes is this like super obese dude

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Speaker 3: getting pete on at a Hollywood party and he's like,

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Speaker 3: little Biggie likes it.

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Speaker 2: Little Biggie likes it.

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Speaker 3: Now that's that's a cinema. We want to do that

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Speaker 3: to us, you know the hotline, Please do it