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Speaker 1: Well, we'll see how this goes. I mean, it's always

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Speaker 1: interesting when I don't sleep. You never know what's going

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Speaker 1: to come out of my mouth. Oh look at you,

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Speaker 1: just well rested, bragger. Well we have actually we have

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Speaker 1: an interesting little debate happening here today about the topic,

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Speaker 1: and I'll bring you guys in on the conversation if

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Speaker 1: you listen to the Wednesday podcast. I talked to Stephanie James.

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Speaker 1: She's an author in spite psychotherapist insomnia, and she just

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Speaker 1: wrote a book called My Big, Fat, Juicy Life and

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Speaker 1: Everything After. And so the whole podcast was really interesting

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Speaker 1: because the book is about obviously building your best life,

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Speaker 1: living in the moment, all of that kind of stuff.

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Speaker 1: But she says, you know, a lot of what drives

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Speaker 1: us in this life is fear. And one of the

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Speaker 1: biggest fears that we all have is dying, you know,

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Speaker 1: and it's kind of just that unknown. It's the thing

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Speaker 1: we try to pretend like won't ever happen, even though

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Speaker 1: we see it all the time. It's like part of

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Speaker 1: a human process. We talked a lot about that, and

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Speaker 1: she said, you know, a lot of what happens when

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Speaker 1: you do address that and you do kind of start

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Speaker 1: looking at death differently, as if it's not the ending,

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Speaker 1: but your energy lives on in all these different ways

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Speaker 1: and things like that. How it can then help you

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Speaker 1: almost live a bigger, fatter, juicier life because it's almost

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Speaker 1: that theory of like live like you were dying, you know,

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Speaker 1: like you start thinking about, Okay, this is going to happen.

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Speaker 1: I don't want to waste any of the time that

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Speaker 1: I have here, and what kind of mark do I

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Speaker 1: want to leave on this world?

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Speaker 2: You know?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean it's I used to have a really

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Speaker 3: horrible fear of dying, is to dream about it all

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Speaker 3: the time as a kid. Yeah, as a kid, and

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Speaker 3: it's something that I've had to work I had to

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Speaker 3: work through in my life. But I also, you know,

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Speaker 3: I it became really apparent to me that the more

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Speaker 3: time that I spent worrying about dying was I wasn't

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Speaker 3: like enjoying the moments that I was right in and

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Speaker 3: once that click, and I'm like, if I die, I die,

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Speaker 3: you know, Like, yeah, I truly believe it's out of

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Speaker 3: my control. I mean is that you can yeah, you know,

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Speaker 3: you can choose not to do fentanyl, you know, like

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Speaker 3: the things that I can choose to not take care.

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Speaker 2: Of your body, exercise, eat. Right.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, but now it's weird because it feels like a

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Speaker 3: different person. The idea of being scared of dying is

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Speaker 3: so foreign to me now.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, well I think that's good though.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean it certainly helped I travel a lot

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Speaker 3: and I used to hate being on a plane.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, because the point being it's out of our control ultimately, right,

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Speaker 1: Like you said, you can do the certain things in

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Speaker 1: your life to take care of yourself, to show up

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Speaker 1: in the best way you can, for your body, for

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Speaker 1: your health, for your mind, all the things, and we

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Speaker 1: don't really know what the cards hold, so you may

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Speaker 1: as well accept that, stop trying to control it, and

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Speaker 1: make sure to leave the biggest mark you can on

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Speaker 1: this lifetime energetically or however, whatever your purpose is. And

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Speaker 1: so we talked a lot about that, but it kind

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Speaker 1: of sparked this interesting thought within me of oh, that's

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Speaker 1: such interesting timing that she's releasing this book, because I

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Speaker 1: feel like we are living in a time and maybe

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Speaker 1: this has happened before and it just wasn't in my lifetime,

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Speaker 1: but feels like we're living in this time that is

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Speaker 1: so guided by fear, and it's everywhere. It's on social media.

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Speaker 1: We talk about it a lot. Actually on this podcast.

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Speaker 1: I feel like we've addressed all the things that can

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Speaker 1: come up from the different shades of social media. I

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Speaker 1: even posted I think I posted a question. I think

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Speaker 1: it was this week because I started thinking about this

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Speaker 1: as I was talking to Stephanie, but asking people what

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Speaker 1: their relationship with the media was, and just I keep

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Speaker 1: having these conversations where people are like, Oh, I don't

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Speaker 1: believe the media. I don't believe anything this in the news.

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Speaker 1: And I was like, well, why, Like what's happening that's

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Speaker 1: making people feel that way.

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Speaker 2: So I've put a.

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Speaker 1: Poll up on my Instagram and I told you ninety

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Speaker 1: five percent of their responses and this was from both

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Speaker 1: sides politically, Like it wasn't one side politically saying this

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Speaker 1: or not, but it was both sides. We're saying, I

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Speaker 1: don't believe in the news anymore because all they are

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Speaker 1: is they're using fear to get us to click. Like

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Speaker 1: fear mongering is just taken over and they're trying to

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Speaker 1: drive their sales. They're trying to drive their clicks, and

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Speaker 1: so they try to tap into our fear, and so

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Speaker 1: I thought it was interesting because we are living in

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Speaker 1: this time driven by fear, but it seems like in

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Speaker 1: this weird way too, it's almost pushing us to have

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Speaker 1: to like be more awake and alert, which is ultimately

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Speaker 1: what Stephanie was saying, like to be present in your life.

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Speaker 1: But so when I brought this topic up to you,

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Speaker 1: you were very hesitant. So tell the listeners, kind of,

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Speaker 1: let's tell them what we were talking about before.

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Speaker 3: Well, I mean there were a couple of reasons. Obviously.

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Speaker 3: One of the things is we don't want and we

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Speaker 3: do sometimes. We don't want to make this podcast political.

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Speaker 3: It's supposed to be light and fun, but we live

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Speaker 3: in a world where politics is so front and center

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Speaker 3: now that it really creeps into everything. So it's hard

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Speaker 3: not to. So I didn't want this conversation to get

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Speaker 3: super political. Number two, I actually, in my heart of hearts,

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Speaker 3: want to believe that good journalism still exists and that

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Speaker 3: there are outlets that are doing the work and telling

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Speaker 3: the truth, whether it's what we want to hear or not.

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Speaker 3: And I also recognize that places make mistakes, and I

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Speaker 3: see retractions and corrections all the time. But I'm also

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Speaker 3: you know, very hyper aware that we live in an

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Speaker 3: add world where everyone's giving everything three seconds of attention

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Speaker 3: and it's a lot easier to read a headline than

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Speaker 3: it is to read the whole story. And you know,

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Speaker 3: I recognize that these are these are for profit companies,

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Speaker 3: like they feed off of us coming back to them

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Speaker 3: over and over and over again. And so I just don't, like,

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Speaker 3: I want to be careful to not perpetuate the politicization.

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Speaker 3: Is that politicalization?

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Speaker 2: Why would you ask me?

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Speaker 3: I can't the of the like fake news because there

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Speaker 3: is real news.

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Speaker 2: You were saying, Yeah, like movement.

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Speaker 3: Is a movement that was created to so distrust and so,

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Speaker 3: and now distrust is being weaponized. And so I just

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Speaker 3: like I wanted to, I don't want us to perpetuate that.

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Speaker 3: That's sad. I get where you're coming from. And you know,

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Speaker 3: I think there's a million reasons why it feels so

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Speaker 3: prevalent now, and it's and it is like you know,

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Speaker 3: when we were kids, you know, back in the dark ages,

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Speaker 3: you know, you had three television stations and the news

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Speaker 3: came on from five to six during dinner and again

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Speaker 3: from ten to eleven. We now live in a world

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Speaker 3: where the news is on twenty four hours. You know,

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Speaker 3: there's news. There's not just one news station. There are

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Speaker 3: multiple news stations that are pumping out news twenty four

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Speaker 3: hours a day. You know, we have our phones in

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Speaker 3: our hands twenty four hours a day. We're on Instagram

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Speaker 3: where people think that their journalists twenty four hours a day.

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Speaker 3: So it's just it is just so much more prevalent.

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Speaker 3: Like when we were talking earlier, like I said, I

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Speaker 3: can remember, they've always used fear on the news. They'd

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Speaker 3: be like, what's in your tap water? Tune in at

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Speaker 3: six to find out how you can avoid it, And

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Speaker 3: it was just like relacious stuff. And even still, like

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Speaker 3: I go home and my parents watch the local news,

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Speaker 3: which I kind of love to do when I'm home,

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Speaker 3: but it's always like that kind of shit. Murder, all

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Speaker 3: the murders that have happened.

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Speaker 1: It's all the love that you giggled when you said

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Speaker 1: that I know all the murders.

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Speaker 3: It's just so funny because like that's not news, you

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Speaker 3: know what I mean, Like the murder, well, it is

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Speaker 3: just something that happened, Yeah, you know what I mean.

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Speaker 3: Like there's plenty of other things that you can report

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Speaker 3: on that are far more interesting than another person got murdered,

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Speaker 3: Like it just sucks, but that's not news. But that's

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Speaker 3: what they know. Like they can be like shooting, you know,

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Speaker 3: talking about shooting at the Walmart coming up at five,

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Speaker 3: you know, and then yeah, yeah, we love to look

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Speaker 3: at you know, they call it a rubber necking when

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Speaker 3: you want to look at a car accident. Like there's

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Speaker 3: something innate in us that like loves drama and and

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Speaker 3: and the fear plays into that, like it creates like

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Speaker 3: and I think I've said this, you know, on here before,

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Speaker 3: and I know I've said it to a lot of friends,

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Speaker 3: but like fear and excitement kind of feel the same.

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Speaker 2: It's so true.

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Speaker 3: And so it's they both are dopamine, create a dopamine

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Speaker 3: response and get your body. Like I was researching today

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Speaker 3: and this is really interesting, Like you know the term

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Speaker 3: scared to death, like you literally can. It's very rare,

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Speaker 3: but you can be scared to death. And it's because

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Speaker 3: when when your body has a fear response, the unnecessary

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Speaker 3: things in that moment, like digestion and certain processes that

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Speaker 3: our bodies are just doing all the time because it's

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Speaker 3: just this working organism. Some of those things shut down,

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Speaker 3: So that makes sense. The fight or flight can take over,

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Speaker 3: and if you get so scared, you might shut down

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Speaker 3: parts of your body that can't recovery that kill you. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Wow, I mean, And that was kind of one of

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Speaker 1: the big things we talked about. I do you think

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Speaker 1: it's really interesting because I'm usually the one trying to

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Speaker 1: stay more even keel, and You're like, oh, you're worked

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Speaker 1: up about something, and I'm sitting over here and I'm like,

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Speaker 1: I am the biggest skeptic now, like I truly am.

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Speaker 2: I trust me, I.

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Speaker 3: Could go there. Yeah, I just don't want to.

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Speaker 2: I get that.

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Speaker 1: I think for me, it was a healthy I needed

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Speaker 1: a little healthy dose of skepticism to come into my

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Speaker 1: life because for a while I was living my nature

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Speaker 1: is to just trust, like that's just my nature distrust

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Speaker 1: or just to trust, like I just trust until I'm

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Speaker 1: given reason not to. And that's really hindered me in

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Speaker 1: the past in multiple places. You know, friendships, relationships work,

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Speaker 1: all of these different areas. I started to see this

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Speaker 1: pattern where I was like, wait, why did I give

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Speaker 1: that person my trust? They hadn't earned it necessarily, But

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Speaker 1: it's just a part of my programming. And so I've

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Speaker 1: had to really adopt a new mentality because I thought, well,

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Speaker 1: if a news outlet of some sort that I considered news,

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Speaker 1: you know, was posting something, it had to be true.

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Speaker 1: And what I'm realizing now is a lot of times

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Speaker 1: it's gossip, like you said, and there's so many things

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Speaker 1: that aren't necessarily true journalistic news sources. It's just sensationalized news.

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Speaker 3: And so we need is one person, one source to

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Speaker 3: say that it's true.

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Speaker 2: Trust me, Yeah they can.

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Speaker 3: Then they can say, oh, well, we were given that

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Speaker 3: by a source, which they don't have to reveal.

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Speaker 2: They don't and they don't have to fact check it.

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Speaker 3: A news place can pick up that story and reference

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Speaker 3: it as news.

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Speaker 1: Which is terrible because it's just not the truth. And

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Speaker 1: I mean, I'm I said, I wasn't going to talk

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Speaker 1: about this, but this is the experience that I lived,

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Speaker 1: and so I thought it didn't register to me that

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Speaker 1: this would happen. But this happened to me six years ago,

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Speaker 1: where it was like one statement was said in an

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Speaker 1: interview that actually didn't even say what the headlines were running,

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Speaker 1: but like a statement was made, a story was told,

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Speaker 1: a fake narrative was made, on a reality show, and

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Speaker 1: then the headlines ran this whole other version of this story,

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Speaker 1: and like you said, then it was like a snowball

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Speaker 1: effect where one thing ran it and it just all

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Speaker 1: of a sudden became this storyline that was run across

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Speaker 1: the board, even like on things like Good Morning America,

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Speaker 1: and they were saying it as if it was fact.

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Speaker 1: And so there will always be people out in the

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Speaker 1: world that believe this about me because it was on

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Speaker 1: things like that, Like I would have thought, if something's

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Speaker 1: on Good Morning America, it's true. But do you think

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Speaker 1: they ever called.

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Speaker 2: Me a fact check?

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Speaker 3: No?

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Speaker 2: Do you think that they even researched into the story?

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Speaker 3: No?

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Speaker 2: Like I told you, the only person that.

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Speaker 3: Actually the links that you would have to go to

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Speaker 3: get a retraction from them would be really costly and timely.

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Speaker 2: Everything that I would they.

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Speaker 3: Would do it. You would eventually win.

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Speaker 1: But who wants to say the energy and costs well,

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Speaker 1: and like going up, that's the problem. It's like a

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Speaker 1: single girl living in the world going up against Good

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Speaker 1: Morning America. Like they have endless resources that I don't have.

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Speaker 1: You know, Yeah, the only person that called to check

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Speaker 1: anything with me was TMZ. But I actually didn't trust

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Speaker 1: them to answer it, you know, like because I know

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Speaker 1: they always are wanting the most gossip. But I actually

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Speaker 1: now look back and I'm like, well, should I respect

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Speaker 1: TMZ the most because they're the only people who actually

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Speaker 1: called me to be like, we're going to give you

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Speaker 1: a chance to tell your side of the story. And

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Speaker 1: I was like, I don't want to be a part

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Speaker 1: of this story.

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Speaker 3: It's actually could be something about the fact that how

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Speaker 3: how often they break stories and that they're actually probably

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Speaker 3: doing some real journalism.

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Speaker 2: Real yeah, I don't know.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, But but that is like a digression because I

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Speaker 1: think this is happening on many different late levels, and

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Speaker 1: even if you want to take politics out, it's just

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Speaker 1: over and over and over. I think there's so many

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Speaker 1: things that are coming out or being said, or you know,

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Speaker 1: people trying to do cancel culture and all of that

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Speaker 1: kind of stuff. Like you really do have to go

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Speaker 1: do your research to get the real story, and like

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Speaker 1: you still might not get the real story because a

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Speaker 1: lot of times there's other factors playing into it of

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Speaker 1: like why that narrative wouldn't be out there, or why

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Speaker 1: that person didn't speak out or anything like that. And

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Speaker 1: I just think that it's really I don't know, it's

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Speaker 1: just really changed the way that I view things. But

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Speaker 1: I needed to have a little bit, like I said,

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Speaker 1: a healthy dose of skepticism to know that, Okay, if

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Speaker 1: I read something, I need to go research. I need

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Speaker 1: to decide what I feel is true for me. And

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Speaker 1: then I need to also know when to just lay

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Speaker 1: this stuff down and not be reading it all the time, right, and.

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Speaker 3: Then there you know, Look, there are some things that

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Speaker 3: are black and white, and there's a lot of things

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Speaker 3: that are black and white, you.

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Speaker 1: Know, Like I feel like everything in adult life is gray,

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Speaker 1: Like I truly do.

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Speaker 3: Like even when you think about like diet crazes, for example,

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Speaker 3: Like there are people that will be like I did

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Speaker 3: keto and I lost one hundred and fifty pounds and

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Speaker 3: I'm in the best shape of my life. And there

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Speaker 3: are plenty of people who have tried it and it

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Speaker 3: doesn't work for their body type.

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Speaker 2: Right, So it is true for.

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Speaker 3: One person, but it is not true for another. Yeah, nothing,

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Speaker 3: But that doesn't mean that keto is real or not real,

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Speaker 3: you know. Yeah, yeah, you have to and that's what

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Speaker 3: I know. It's a weird example because we were talking

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Speaker 3: about news stuff. But I think it's really important that

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Speaker 3: we have to like figure out what works for us.

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Speaker 3: I mean, you'll you'll read a study like Harvard researchers

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Speaker 3: find that salt is you know, essential blah blah blah,

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Speaker 3: and then you might see some other university that's like,

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Speaker 3: salt is the worst thing you can put in your body.

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Speaker 3: And both of those things are true based on the

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Speaker 3: research that they did, but it's probably also like there's

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Speaker 3: points in there. It's like, well, if you're not just

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Speaker 3: pumping your body full assault, it's probably fine, you know,

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Speaker 3: but if you're pouring a pound of salts on everything

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Speaker 3: you eat, yeah, it's probably bad for you.

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Speaker 1: But point being, you need to go see who did

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Speaker 1: they study for that, what was the actual research they

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Speaker 1: were doing all of that stuff. The interesting thing though, is,

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Speaker 1: if you really think about it, and I think this

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Speaker 1: is kind of what we wanted to talk about mostly today,

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Speaker 1: If they are using fear tactics to get us to

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Speaker 1: click through on things, it has to be working. So

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Speaker 1: what is our abdiction or obsession or desire to have

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Speaker 1: fear like or why are we so hooked to fear?

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Speaker 2: You know what I mean?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, look there's even outside of the media,

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Speaker 3: there's there's big business in fear. There's Halloween is a

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Speaker 3: massive business, haunted houses, roller coasters, guy diving, like you know,

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Speaker 3: bungee jumping, shit that I would never do. It's all

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Speaker 3: fear based, and it's because it's they're all They all

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Speaker 3: cause a dopamine hit in some way and it feels

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Speaker 3: really good. I mean, it's a physiological, psychological sort of

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Speaker 3: thing that's happening with us. But I also think to

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Speaker 3: most of those things that I listed, I mean, I'm

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Speaker 3: not I can't get into the bungee jumping and skydiving.

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Speaker 2: Because I think those both are afraid of hip.

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Speaker 3: But like most of those things, watching a scary movie

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Speaker 3: or going house or whatever, you know that you are safe.

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Speaker 2: So ultimately, yeah, you're able.

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Speaker 3: It's like, I think the reason why that stuff can

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Speaker 3: be addictive is because you know that you're safe and

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Speaker 3: you're looking for that. It is a dopamine rush. It's

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Speaker 3: very similar to I would imagine as like if you're

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Speaker 3: taking a drug, it's you know that you like And

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Speaker 3: I'm not saying drugs are safe here, but you just

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Speaker 3: know that you're safe so you can go do it.

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Speaker 3: Several times and just get that hit it yeah, and

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Speaker 3: walk out of it alive. And there's also the sort

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Speaker 3: of group mentality of it all too, like you feel

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Speaker 3: safer because.

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Speaker 2: You're with others in the herd.

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Speaker 3: And I think in the end, outside of the dopamine,

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Speaker 3: there is some reward and you come out on the

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Speaker 3: other side and you're like, see, I could do scary

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Speaker 3: things like right, you get that too.

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Speaker 1: Well, you get the end result, which is the reward

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Speaker 1: to your body and your nervous system and all that stuff.

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Speaker 1: I think what I see happening now reminds me more

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Speaker 1: of when I was in a really toxic relationship and

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Speaker 1: I could not get out of that relationship, even though

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Speaker 1: it was terrible for me. We kept breaking up, we

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Speaker 1: kept getting back together. I knew I was in a

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Speaker 1: toxic cycle, but I couldn't stop. And my therapist finally

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Speaker 1: explained it to me of like, this is a chemical

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Speaker 1: addiction that your body has now created all these like

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Speaker 1: fight or flight responses that it gets hooked to, and

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Speaker 1: you're searching for the thing to calm your anxiety. But

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Speaker 1: what you're doing is just activating it every time you

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Speaker 1: go back, you know. But the person I was in

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Speaker 1: a relationship with subconsciously or whatever must have known that too,

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Speaker 1: because he would you know, it was a typical trauma

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Speaker 1: bond if anyone knows about those, and if not, if

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Speaker 1: you just Google search it, it's basically just exactly what

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Speaker 1: I just described, where you're in this dynamic with a

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Speaker 1: person where you're each being activated with your nervous systems

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Speaker 1: into your fight or flight, and then you get hooked

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Speaker 1: to those intense ups and downs of the chemicals in

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Speaker 1: your body. Obviously, no one wants to be in a

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Speaker 1: toxic relationship and no one wants to be doing that dance.

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Speaker 1: It's exhausting. I mean I always say and like, it

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Speaker 1: almost fucking killed me. It was so terrible. It definitely

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Speaker 1: like put had a big impact on my life. But

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Speaker 1: that's kind of more of what I see happening now,

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Speaker 1: Like what you're talking about, I feel like could be Okay,

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Speaker 1: this is like an exciting, maybe thriller way to embrace fear,

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Speaker 1: and then this is now we've taken it too far,

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Speaker 1: and we're on social media so often or we're seeing

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Speaker 1: all these news alerts so often that we're like almost

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Speaker 1: subconsciously hooked to the intense fight or flight that that's creating,

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Speaker 1: and so we go back looking for more, even if

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Speaker 1: we're sitting here bitching about it.

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Speaker 2: It's so interesting, Like I.

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Speaker 3: Wonder if there're any psychology into the like seeing bad

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Speaker 3: things happen to other people like you feeling like, thank God,

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Speaker 3: it's not that didn't happen to me, you know, even

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Speaker 3: though it's.

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Speaker 1: Like it's almost but it's almost creating fear of but look,

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Speaker 1: it happened to them, it could happen to me, It

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Speaker 1: happened to Like I saw this interesting post recently, and

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Speaker 1: I wish I had the reference to give you guys,

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Speaker 1: but he basically was talking about I think he was

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Speaker 1: maybe a part of Stoicism, And don't quote me on

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Speaker 1: that because I don't fully know, but it was very

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Speaker 1: It was something very like Buddhist like or Stoicism, which

398
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Speaker 1: are very different, but leaning into the thing of being present,

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Speaker 1: not digesting all of the things that we're digesting all

400
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Speaker 1: the time, because our brains truly weren't made for that.

401
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Speaker 1: Like I think, go back to Cavean days, you only

402
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Speaker 1: knew what was happening in your small little community, and

403
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Speaker 1: now we know what's happening in every part of the

404
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Speaker 1: world and even space, and our brains have not adapted

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Speaker 1: to that yet, so our nervous systems are living in

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Speaker 1: this insane place, and I think that is part of

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Speaker 1: what they're tapping into with more fear. And it's again,

408
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Speaker 1: like we said, news has always done that, but like

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Speaker 1: they're not doing something because it's not working, Like we're

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Speaker 1: participating in the problem every time we click or every

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Speaker 1: time we do something. So there is this interesting thing

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Speaker 1: of responsibility that I think we have to take on too,

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Speaker 1: of how we start navigating this fear based culture and

414
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Speaker 1: truly taking the time to be present in our own

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Speaker 1: lives and facing that fear saying like it's happening anyway

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Speaker 1: in a way, you know, like some of this stuff

417
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Speaker 1: is like out of my control. I can't go stop

418
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Speaker 1: certain wars or anything like that. What I can do

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Speaker 1: is show up in my life in this day, in

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Speaker 1: this moment in a way that.

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Speaker 3: I would feel a response to it.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, like that I would feel like I'm helping something

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Speaker 1: versus hurting it.

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Speaker 3: Well, I also think it's important to point out that

425
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Speaker 3: this is normal, you know, like you are not crazy

426
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Speaker 3: if you feel like you were locked in this fear response,

427
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Speaker 3: like oh for sure about the bodies that we're in

428
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Speaker 3: and how evolution works. You know, there wasn't it wasn't

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Speaker 3: that long ago that we didn't have technology, and like.

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Speaker 4: It was in our lifetime and yeah, you're saying I

431
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Speaker 4: didn't have Like we lived in caves and we had

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Speaker 4: to hunt, you know, like with rocks and stones and

433
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Speaker 4: sticks and shit, you know, and our whole existence was

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Speaker 4: predicated on fear.

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Speaker 3: It was like we had to sort of survival mode.

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Speaker 3: The male was generally out hunting and was doing everything

437
00:21:54,920 --> 00:21:58,040
Speaker 3: he could not do to become prey, and the mother

438
00:21:58,280 --> 00:22:00,360
Speaker 3: was like taking care of the kids and make sure

439
00:22:00,359 --> 00:22:03,119
Speaker 3: that they didn't become prayer. And the second you let

440
00:22:03,200 --> 00:22:06,639
Speaker 3: your guard down, you became prey. You did something stupid. So,

441
00:22:07,520 --> 00:22:10,200
Speaker 3: you know, not a lot of time has passed when

442
00:22:10,240 --> 00:22:13,360
Speaker 3: you compare it to how quickly the computer has gone

443
00:22:13,440 --> 00:22:15,560
Speaker 3: from something that was like the size of a house

444
00:22:16,160 --> 00:22:19,040
Speaker 3: to you know, a little phone that you can carry around.

445
00:22:19,080 --> 00:22:20,800
Speaker 3: And by the way, this phone does a lot more

446
00:22:20,800 --> 00:22:22,119
Speaker 3: than that house sized computer did.

447
00:22:22,480 --> 00:22:25,000
Speaker 2: God, yeah, think about everything.

448
00:22:25,359 --> 00:22:28,800
Speaker 3: Yes, you know, our bodies have not evolved as quickly,

449
00:22:29,480 --> 00:22:32,159
Speaker 3: so it is a very natural thing for us to

450
00:22:32,280 --> 00:22:33,560
Speaker 3: like sort of live in the state.

451
00:22:33,960 --> 00:22:36,359
Speaker 1: Yeah, no, I agree. I just think it's good that

452
00:22:36,359 --> 00:22:38,040
Speaker 1: we're talking about it. And that's why I wanted to

453
00:22:38,040 --> 00:22:40,360
Speaker 1: talk about it on the podcast because and that's why

454
00:22:40,359 --> 00:22:42,480
Speaker 1: I wanted to ask that question on my social media too.

455
00:22:42,560 --> 00:22:46,040
Speaker 1: I wanted to gauge if everyone across the board was

456
00:22:46,040 --> 00:22:48,480
Speaker 1: feeling that, if it was one side or another was

457
00:22:48,480 --> 00:22:53,200
Speaker 1: more feeling that, if it was my more artistic, crunchy

458
00:22:53,480 --> 00:22:55,760
Speaker 1: granola friends that were feeling it, or if it was

459
00:22:56,040 --> 00:22:58,600
Speaker 1: the same as for the business people that were living

460
00:22:58,600 --> 00:23:00,880
Speaker 1: out in the financial world, you know, like and it

461
00:23:01,080 --> 00:23:04,080
Speaker 1: was it was just across the board the same thing.

462
00:23:04,480 --> 00:23:06,359
Speaker 1: And all I think we can do then is just

463
00:23:06,400 --> 00:23:08,760
Speaker 1: bring that awareness and talk to each other about it,

464
00:23:08,840 --> 00:23:10,320
Speaker 1: Like that's what we always say we want to do

465
00:23:10,320 --> 00:23:12,760
Speaker 1: on this podcast. And I have to say, like, I

466
00:23:12,800 --> 00:23:15,719
Speaker 1: do find some hope in that that we're talking about it,

467
00:23:15,760 --> 00:23:18,560
Speaker 1: that people are having this healthy dose of skepticism and

468
00:23:18,600 --> 00:23:23,200
Speaker 1: going Okay, I can't just blindly trust even the FDA anymore.

469
00:23:23,240 --> 00:23:27,119
Speaker 1: I can't just blindly trust the Heart Association, like I

470
00:23:27,160 --> 00:23:30,960
Speaker 1: can't blindly trust the government the news, Like I need

471
00:23:31,000 --> 00:23:33,879
Speaker 1: to go and know myself. What that sounds like to

472
00:23:33,920 --> 00:23:37,680
Speaker 1: me is a mature adult. Yeah, but we just tried

473
00:23:37,720 --> 00:23:39,520
Speaker 1: to not do that because we all all have so

474
00:23:39,640 --> 00:23:40,760
Speaker 1: much else on our plate.

475
00:23:41,160 --> 00:23:41,720
Speaker 2: Yeah.

476
00:23:42,480 --> 00:23:46,320
Speaker 1: I had an interesting experience this weekend because this was unintentional.

477
00:23:46,520 --> 00:23:49,880
Speaker 1: But I am trying to get back into my gardening.

478
00:23:50,720 --> 00:23:54,639
Speaker 1: And this has always been this thing that I've really

479
00:23:54,720 --> 00:23:58,120
Speaker 1: desired to make gardening my hobby. But then I'll get

480
00:23:58,160 --> 00:24:00,760
Speaker 1: busy and everything dies, you know, or I kill it

481
00:24:00,840 --> 00:24:03,600
Speaker 1: or something. But this this is my year, I feel it,

482
00:24:03,680 --> 00:24:05,639
Speaker 1: and so I was really trying to just get my

483
00:24:05,760 --> 00:24:06,600
Speaker 1: yard in shape.

484
00:24:06,640 --> 00:24:09,840
Speaker 2: And yeah, you did well. You came over.

485
00:24:10,040 --> 00:24:12,800
Speaker 1: You were powerwashing for me like a true friend. It

486
00:24:12,880 --> 00:24:15,439
Speaker 1: was amazing. We had like a party of your My

487
00:24:15,480 --> 00:24:18,840
Speaker 1: mom was like helping me pick out plants. Another friend

488
00:24:18,840 --> 00:24:22,200
Speaker 1: of ours came over. It was just like an outside day,

489
00:24:22,440 --> 00:24:24,960
Speaker 1: you know, like we were all doing work around the

490
00:24:25,040 --> 00:24:27,000
Speaker 1: house kind of thing. And the thing you left my

491
00:24:27,080 --> 00:24:29,119
Speaker 1: house and did it at your house, and like it

492
00:24:29,280 --> 00:24:31,080
Speaker 1: just it was this thing of like, oh, yeah, these

493
00:24:31,119 --> 00:24:33,440
Speaker 1: are the activities that I can do to like make

494
00:24:33,480 --> 00:24:35,840
Speaker 1: my life better in this moment. But I did it

495
00:24:35,880 --> 00:24:39,240
Speaker 1: for two days. And while I did get a finger

496
00:24:39,240 --> 00:24:42,240
Speaker 1: injury from a old rose bush, which is another interesting

497
00:24:42,240 --> 00:24:46,560
Speaker 1: story for another time I realized I would go hours

498
00:24:46,760 --> 00:24:49,919
Speaker 1: without looking at my phone and I did have music playing,

499
00:24:50,040 --> 00:24:52,120
Speaker 1: but like that was it. It was like my phone

500
00:24:52,240 --> 00:24:54,359
Speaker 1: was in the house, even plugged in. I forgot about

501
00:24:54,400 --> 00:24:57,639
Speaker 1: it because I was so I know that's why you

502
00:24:57,640 --> 00:25:00,679
Speaker 1: love powerwashing, but like I was just off in my

503
00:25:00,720 --> 00:25:05,600
Speaker 1: own world, really focused on planting these gardens. And not

504
00:25:05,680 --> 00:25:07,760
Speaker 1: only was I in the best mood. I mean it

505
00:25:07,800 --> 00:25:10,840
Speaker 1: was beautiful outside, so that helped, but then I came inside.

506
00:25:10,880 --> 00:25:12,560
Speaker 1: I was like, Oh, I'm gonna make this recipe I've

507
00:25:12,600 --> 00:25:13,320
Speaker 1: been wanting to do.

508
00:25:13,960 --> 00:25:15,440
Speaker 2: I was like chatty.

509
00:25:15,880 --> 00:25:19,199
Speaker 1: I was in just like bringing joy to my boyfriend,

510
00:25:19,320 --> 00:25:22,119
Speaker 1: you know, like there was all these things that I

511
00:25:22,280 --> 00:25:25,480
Speaker 1: showed up in this way where I thought to myself,

512
00:25:25,520 --> 00:25:28,080
Speaker 1: why am I so happy right now? And it was

513
00:25:28,160 --> 00:25:33,000
Speaker 1: just like being outside, grounded, doing an activity, being present

514
00:25:33,000 --> 00:25:37,240
Speaker 1: in that activity, accomplishment, the sense of accomplishment, but also

515
00:25:37,440 --> 00:25:41,119
Speaker 1: not giving so much energy to what's happening on my phone.

516
00:25:41,400 --> 00:25:44,000
Speaker 1: Like I missed some text messages, but life went on.

517
00:25:44,080 --> 00:25:47,320
Speaker 2: It was fine. And then it was like, I don't remember.

518
00:25:46,880 --> 00:25:49,679
Speaker 1: When I opened Instagram that weekend, and it just dawned

519
00:25:49,720 --> 00:25:52,159
Speaker 1: on me, Wow, this has really impacting me more than

520
00:25:52,200 --> 00:25:55,240
Speaker 1: I really want to give attention to because you know,

521
00:25:55,280 --> 00:25:57,000
Speaker 1: I'll make up this story that I have to be

522
00:25:57,080 --> 00:26:00,720
Speaker 1: so locked in to stay current and up to date

523
00:26:00,760 --> 00:26:03,679
Speaker 1: with what's happening. But the reality is is the best

524
00:26:03,720 --> 00:26:06,760
Speaker 1: I have felt in life in probably a couple of months,

525
00:26:07,040 --> 00:26:09,040
Speaker 1: was the moment I just actually went and lived my life.

526
00:26:09,520 --> 00:26:12,760
Speaker 3: Yeah, you know, it's funny because it's bringing politics back,

527
00:26:12,800 --> 00:26:15,359
Speaker 3: but you know there's the whole like we need to

528
00:26:15,400 --> 00:26:19,919
Speaker 3: feel like the good old days again, and and yeah, A,

529
00:26:20,160 --> 00:26:22,960
Speaker 3: it's impossible to go back in time, and B the

530
00:26:23,080 --> 00:26:27,320
Speaker 3: approach that they're taking is so wrong rather than making

531
00:26:27,359 --> 00:26:31,280
Speaker 3: it pointing out what really truly is making us feel

532
00:26:31,480 --> 00:26:34,000
Speaker 3: like we're like sort of lost in this world, and

533
00:26:34,040 --> 00:26:36,760
Speaker 3: it is. It's the fact that we're just not connected

534
00:26:36,800 --> 00:26:40,880
Speaker 3: to ourselves anymore. And I think there is a way

535
00:26:41,080 --> 00:26:44,280
Speaker 3: a path back to the good old days in the

536
00:26:44,359 --> 00:26:46,680
Speaker 3: sense that it's like if we can teach each other

537
00:26:47,040 --> 00:26:51,119
Speaker 3: to have a healthier relationship with the news, with our phone,

538
00:26:51,440 --> 00:26:55,520
Speaker 3: with social media, and it's it's true. I mean, I

539
00:26:55,640 --> 00:26:57,960
Speaker 3: joke about the power watching thing, but it's it is

540
00:26:58,119 --> 00:27:01,679
Speaker 3: one of the few times that I feel pure joy

541
00:27:01,920 --> 00:27:04,919
Speaker 3: because A there is the sense of accomplishment. I watch it,

542
00:27:04,960 --> 00:27:09,480
Speaker 3: I'm like, it's immediate too. You see the cleaning, I'm

543
00:27:09,520 --> 00:27:15,120
Speaker 3: completely undistracted. I finish exhausted, so like I sleep well

544
00:27:15,119 --> 00:27:20,399
Speaker 3: that night. I also like time stands still a little

545
00:27:20,400 --> 00:27:23,320
Speaker 3: bit when you're that focused on something that you're enjoying,

546
00:27:24,000 --> 00:27:26,560
Speaker 3: because it's like you like, I'll come home and I'll

547
00:27:26,600 --> 00:27:28,680
Speaker 3: be like, now I need a food prep and it's

548
00:27:28,680 --> 00:27:32,200
Speaker 3: just yeah saying where it's like when one domino falls, yep,

549
00:27:32,320 --> 00:27:35,480
Speaker 3: it just makes you feel happier and healthier.

550
00:27:36,000 --> 00:27:38,840
Speaker 1: It's the thing you said though about your we've lost

551
00:27:39,000 --> 00:27:42,440
Speaker 1: connection with ourselves, and I keep saying, oh, I love

552
00:27:42,480 --> 00:27:44,640
Speaker 1: to connect with others, and I do, and I think

553
00:27:44,640 --> 00:27:47,600
Speaker 1: that's equally as important. But I think you're hitting the

554
00:27:47,680 --> 00:27:50,520
Speaker 1: nail on the head by saying that it starts with

555
00:27:50,640 --> 00:27:52,840
Speaker 1: our relationships with ourselves. And I know for me, when

556
00:27:52,880 --> 00:27:56,520
Speaker 1: I'm finding myself constantly picking up my phone to check something,

557
00:27:57,080 --> 00:27:59,000
Speaker 1: it's because I'm having a hard time sitting in the

558
00:27:59,040 --> 00:28:02,199
Speaker 1: quiet by myself with myself. Right, there's a reason that

559
00:28:02,280 --> 00:28:04,480
Speaker 1: I'm like looking for the distraction. And I think I

560
00:28:04,560 --> 00:28:06,600
Speaker 1: told you I had a somatic therapist once. Tell me

561
00:28:06,640 --> 00:28:09,280
Speaker 1: that movement, that scrolling movement we do on the phone

562
00:28:09,760 --> 00:28:12,639
Speaker 1: is an attempt to calm our nervous system. And so

563
00:28:13,240 --> 00:28:15,480
Speaker 1: you know, I'm not I don't do this perfectly at all,

564
00:28:15,520 --> 00:28:18,680
Speaker 1: but like when I do notice it, sometimes I start

565
00:28:18,720 --> 00:28:21,000
Speaker 1: to ask myself, Okay, what's going on? Or why are

566
00:28:21,040 --> 00:28:23,639
Speaker 1: you not wanting to be present with yourself right now?

567
00:28:24,240 --> 00:28:25,600
Speaker 2: And it was wild.

568
00:28:25,680 --> 00:28:28,000
Speaker 1: It was like the more that I did outside, the

569
00:28:28,000 --> 00:28:30,040
Speaker 1: more I wanted the inside of my house to match

570
00:28:30,080 --> 00:28:34,640
Speaker 1: that and just be comfortable and like clean and organized. Yeah,

571
00:28:34,800 --> 00:28:36,240
Speaker 1: I mean you asked me what I was cooking. I

572
00:28:36,280 --> 00:28:40,760
Speaker 1: had been mule prepping some some shretted chicken in my

573
00:28:41,520 --> 00:28:43,920
Speaker 1: croc pod and then I made another recipe. So I

574
00:28:43,960 --> 00:28:47,280
Speaker 1: had food all week this week already planned and prepped,

575
00:28:47,280 --> 00:28:49,320
Speaker 1: and I ate healthier because of it.

576
00:28:49,360 --> 00:28:50,200
Speaker 2: I felt good.

577
00:28:50,680 --> 00:28:53,680
Speaker 1: It was just interesting to me to observe. Wow, Like

578
00:28:54,120 --> 00:28:55,680
Speaker 1: that's how I used to live life all the time,

579
00:28:55,800 --> 00:28:58,960
Speaker 1: especially as a kid. And here we are kind of

580
00:28:59,000 --> 00:29:01,000
Speaker 1: going why, my some is, why do I need to

581
00:29:01,000 --> 00:29:03,880
Speaker 1: be on antidepression drugs? Why don't you know like all

582
00:29:03,920 --> 00:29:05,800
Speaker 1: of these things that we talk about.

583
00:29:06,160 --> 00:29:09,480
Speaker 3: It's funny. I'm reading the book called Atomic Habits, but

584
00:29:10,120 --> 00:29:14,120
Speaker 3: clear right now? Yeah, And so many of the points

585
00:29:14,160 --> 00:29:16,600
Speaker 3: that he brings up apply to this, and the one

586
00:29:16,640 --> 00:29:20,960
Speaker 3: that keeps coming up as you're talking is the idea

587
00:29:21,120 --> 00:29:24,720
Speaker 3: that we want instant We want to feel an instant

588
00:29:24,800 --> 00:29:27,360
Speaker 3: change in instant gratification some things, you know, whether it's

589
00:29:27,400 --> 00:29:31,200
Speaker 3: wiping your phone or taking an antidepressant drug or whatever.

590
00:29:31,520 --> 00:29:33,280
Speaker 3: And one of the things that he stresses when you're

591
00:29:33,320 --> 00:29:36,880
Speaker 3: trying to break an old habit. An example that he

592
00:29:36,920 --> 00:29:48,800
Speaker 3: gives is quitting smoking. It's really hard to quit smoking

593
00:29:48,840 --> 00:29:51,800
Speaker 3: because you feel so good when you smoke that cigarette, right,

594
00:29:52,200 --> 00:29:55,760
Speaker 3: and we as human beings have a really hard time

595
00:29:55,920 --> 00:30:00,600
Speaker 3: seeing the benefits of long term change versus short change.

596
00:30:00,960 --> 00:30:03,720
Speaker 3: So we're more we're more inclined to pick that cigarette

597
00:30:03,760 --> 00:30:06,480
Speaker 3: up to make our stress go away, and we're less

598
00:30:06,480 --> 00:30:08,280
Speaker 3: worried about the fact that the cigarette's going to kill

599
00:30:08,320 --> 00:30:11,920
Speaker 3: us in thirty years or you know, or if it's

600
00:30:12,000 --> 00:30:14,800
Speaker 3: like you know, your your thing is to eat ice cream,

601
00:30:14,840 --> 00:30:18,720
Speaker 3: that's mine. I stress eat and I would much rather

602
00:30:19,120 --> 00:30:22,120
Speaker 3: beat myself up and feel better with the ice cream

603
00:30:22,120 --> 00:30:24,520
Speaker 3: in my belly then be mad at myself for being

604
00:30:24,560 --> 00:30:27,960
Speaker 3: fat in thirty years. And so we have to start

605
00:30:28,480 --> 00:30:32,640
Speaker 3: to train ourselves to be more worried about the long

606
00:30:32,760 --> 00:30:36,520
Speaker 3: term thing, the long term goal than the immediate gratification,

607
00:30:37,000 --> 00:30:40,000
Speaker 3: and that is you know, and I'm like, depression is

608
00:30:40,000 --> 00:30:43,000
Speaker 3: a real thing. Like so I don't, Oh, sure, I'm flippant,

609
00:30:43,120 --> 00:30:47,440
Speaker 3: but part of the depress, like getting working with depression

610
00:30:47,440 --> 00:30:50,000
Speaker 3: and living with depression, is figuring out the source of

611
00:30:50,040 --> 00:30:53,560
Speaker 3: the depression so that you can attack that versus just

612
00:30:53,640 --> 00:30:56,320
Speaker 3: taking the pill because the pill is a band aid.

613
00:30:56,640 --> 00:30:59,200
Speaker 1: Well, that's that's always my argument, you know, I say

614
00:30:59,240 --> 00:31:00,480
Speaker 1: that all this timeless podcast.

615
00:31:00,680 --> 00:31:01,160
Speaker 2: I don't.

616
00:31:01,720 --> 00:31:05,640
Speaker 1: I'm on steroids right now for my finger issue, but

617
00:31:05,960 --> 00:31:08,080
Speaker 1: I and I was on an antibiotic this week because

618
00:31:08,120 --> 00:31:12,200
Speaker 1: of it too, because I got an infection. But I

619
00:31:12,240 --> 00:31:14,080
Speaker 1: hated it. I hated every minute of it. I think

620
00:31:14,120 --> 00:31:15,920
Speaker 1: that's probably why I didn't sleep last night. The steroid

621
00:31:15,960 --> 00:31:18,240
Speaker 1: makes me feel fucking crazy. I don't do well on them.

622
00:31:18,240 --> 00:31:19,840
Speaker 1: They're so intense.

623
00:31:20,680 --> 00:31:23,080
Speaker 2: But I knew I needed to do that exactly.

624
00:31:23,240 --> 00:31:25,920
Speaker 1: Like there are times that I really am grateful for

625
00:31:26,040 --> 00:31:31,160
Speaker 1: Western medicine, for sure, and I don't think that should

626
00:31:31,200 --> 00:31:34,640
Speaker 1: be the only thing we do ever, And so like

627
00:31:34,760 --> 00:31:37,120
Speaker 1: in the same vein, it's if we're keeping it on

628
00:31:37,160 --> 00:31:40,320
Speaker 1: my finger, I'm doing things like putting casserole in my

629
00:31:40,360 --> 00:31:43,600
Speaker 1: belly button to suck out any toxins. I'm like trying

630
00:31:43,600 --> 00:31:46,240
Speaker 1: to call my nervous system so my body isn't stressed

631
00:31:46,240 --> 00:31:49,800
Speaker 1: and can fight off infection. Like doing both is always

632
00:31:49,880 --> 00:31:52,120
Speaker 1: to me the best option. And so like we had

633
00:31:52,120 --> 00:31:56,440
Speaker 1: that lady, the Ozimpic revolution person, and she was saying, like, right,

634
00:31:56,560 --> 00:31:59,640
Speaker 1: like just taking ozimpic shouldn't be your solution. Taking a

635
00:31:59,720 --> 00:32:02,920
Speaker 1: zimp and making lifestyle changes should like it should be

636
00:32:02,960 --> 00:32:05,640
Speaker 1: the both. And I think, yeah, I think all of

637
00:32:05,680 --> 00:32:08,320
Speaker 1: that works here. And I think when you're really trying

638
00:32:08,360 --> 00:32:11,800
Speaker 1: to live a big, fat, juicy life, it should kind

639
00:32:11,840 --> 00:32:14,719
Speaker 1: of cover all the bases and think about ways that

640
00:32:14,760 --> 00:32:18,920
Speaker 1: you're not just doing the instant gratification, what truly makes

641
00:32:18,960 --> 00:32:19,520
Speaker 1: you happy.

642
00:32:19,640 --> 00:32:21,800
Speaker 2: Like if I asked you what what.

643
00:32:21,800 --> 00:32:24,520
Speaker 1: Would be ways that you're trying to live your biggest, fattest,

644
00:32:24,560 --> 00:32:28,120
Speaker 1: juiciest life, what would it be. I'm kind of putting

645
00:32:28,120 --> 00:32:30,000
Speaker 1: you on the spot here, but well, if.

646
00:32:29,960 --> 00:32:32,600
Speaker 3: It's short if it's short term, it would be like

647
00:32:33,280 --> 00:32:35,560
Speaker 3: going out on a boat doing the things that make

648
00:32:35,640 --> 00:32:39,120
Speaker 3: me have the most fun out of the gate, you know, powerwashing.

649
00:32:39,920 --> 00:32:40,640
Speaker 3: I haven't told you.

650
00:32:40,560 --> 00:32:41,360
Speaker 2: He loves it.

651
00:32:41,760 --> 00:32:46,000
Speaker 3: This is this is breaking news. The old man across

652
00:32:46,000 --> 00:32:49,000
Speaker 3: the street if I have powerwashes his walkway And he

653
00:32:49,080 --> 00:32:51,240
Speaker 3: told me no, he liked it how it looked.

654
00:32:51,400 --> 00:32:52,080
Speaker 2: He told me no.

655
00:32:53,280 --> 00:32:55,920
Speaker 3: He was like I saw him because I never see

656
00:32:56,000 --> 00:32:58,840
Speaker 3: him and he was outspraying his weeds the other day

657
00:32:58,920 --> 00:33:00,920
Speaker 3: and I had gone to on my trash canon and

658
00:33:00,960 --> 00:33:02,880
Speaker 3: I was like, here's my opportunity and this.

659
00:33:02,920 --> 00:33:04,800
Speaker 1: First of all, you need to tell the listeners that

660
00:33:04,800 --> 00:33:06,800
Speaker 1: you brought this up to me last weekend and asked

661
00:33:06,800 --> 00:33:08,520
Speaker 1: if it was creepy if you went over to his

662
00:33:08,640 --> 00:33:11,280
Speaker 1: house and asked if you could powerwash drive away.

663
00:33:11,680 --> 00:33:13,360
Speaker 3: And she said no, it's notice.

664
00:33:13,360 --> 00:33:15,080
Speaker 2: I said no. I thought it would be a nice offer.

665
00:33:15,440 --> 00:33:18,200
Speaker 3: It's like a nice gesture. But in hindsight, I think

666
00:33:18,200 --> 00:33:19,760
Speaker 3: he thought I insulted his sidewalk.

667
00:33:19,800 --> 00:33:21,760
Speaker 1: But well, and also I think people will probably be like,

668
00:33:21,760 --> 00:33:24,040
Speaker 1: why is this person being so nice to me and generous,

669
00:33:24,400 --> 00:33:25,200
Speaker 1: Like what's the motive?

670
00:33:25,200 --> 00:33:28,760
Speaker 3: I sorted the conversation. Hey, I was like across the street,

671
00:33:28,760 --> 00:33:31,959
Speaker 3: I was like, hey, sir, I have a crazy question

672
00:33:32,040 --> 00:33:33,800
Speaker 3: for you, and it's like I've probably got a crazy

673
00:33:33,840 --> 00:33:37,920
Speaker 3: answer for you. And I was like, and my I

674
00:33:37,960 --> 00:33:40,400
Speaker 3: hadn't showered. My hair looked insane, and I was like,

675
00:33:40,400 --> 00:33:43,960
Speaker 3: oh boy, I was barefoot. Oh wow, Like I have

676
00:33:44,000 --> 00:33:47,160
Speaker 3: an unhealthy obsession with powerwashing. I was like, I find

677
00:33:47,160 --> 00:33:50,760
Speaker 3: it really therapeutic. I love it. And I was curious

678
00:33:50,800 --> 00:33:53,720
Speaker 3: if you would let me powerwash your walkway.

679
00:33:54,080 --> 00:33:55,520
Speaker 2: Did you think you wanted to be charged?

680
00:33:56,760 --> 00:33:58,720
Speaker 3: That wouldn't cost you anything. I just loved doing it,

681
00:33:58,800 --> 00:34:01,480
Speaker 3: and he was like, well, you know the problem with

682
00:34:01,560 --> 00:34:03,600
Speaker 3: power washing is once you do one thing, you gotta

683
00:34:03,640 --> 00:34:05,840
Speaker 3: do it all. He's like, I have a power washer

684
00:34:05,880 --> 00:34:09,120
Speaker 3: in my garage. I don't use it. I like how

685
00:34:09,160 --> 00:34:12,400
Speaker 3: it looks, and all right, well, the offer stands. If

686
00:34:12,400 --> 00:34:13,920
Speaker 3: you feel like you want it done, I'm.

687
00:34:13,760 --> 00:34:15,560
Speaker 2: Happy to do it, take what you like and leave

688
00:34:15,600 --> 00:34:17,240
Speaker 2: the rest walk away.

689
00:34:17,040 --> 00:34:19,480
Speaker 3: Feeling like that's an asshole. But I bring it up

690
00:34:19,520 --> 00:34:21,520
Speaker 3: for two reasons when I was talking about power washing,

691
00:34:21,600 --> 00:34:25,520
Speaker 3: and two, sometimes you have to face your fears. And

692
00:34:25,600 --> 00:34:28,879
Speaker 3: I was like, worried about like feeling like a weirdo. Yeah,

693
00:34:28,920 --> 00:34:31,239
Speaker 3: and I also really want to power washes walk away

694
00:34:31,520 --> 00:34:34,239
Speaker 3: and he might have said yes, so like I could

695
00:34:34,280 --> 00:34:37,480
Speaker 3: have gotten some gratification from this, and now I can

696
00:34:37,560 --> 00:34:39,920
Speaker 3: move on, like I can get rid of the idea

697
00:34:40,280 --> 00:34:42,560
Speaker 3: power washing that and I don't have to think about it.

698
00:34:42,560 --> 00:34:45,160
Speaker 3: It's not gonna like be one of those things that's

699
00:34:45,200 --> 00:34:47,440
Speaker 3: like a monkey on my shoulder, if that's a term.

700
00:34:47,640 --> 00:34:48,959
Speaker 3: Every time I walk by his house.

701
00:34:49,280 --> 00:34:52,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, now you're like he likes it that way him

702
00:34:52,719 --> 00:34:53,800
Speaker 2: live his life to each.

703
00:34:53,600 --> 00:34:56,200
Speaker 3: Their own, you Bill, I'm gonna have clean stalking.

704
00:34:55,840 --> 00:34:56,279
Speaker 2: From him.

705
00:34:59,200 --> 00:34:59,919
Speaker 3: My house is going.

706
00:35:02,400 --> 00:35:02,640
Speaker 2: Yeah.

707
00:35:02,680 --> 00:35:05,840
Speaker 1: I mean, I think overall, when I think about what

708
00:35:06,000 --> 00:35:10,520
Speaker 1: I've noticed recently that is making me the happiest. Again

709
00:35:10,880 --> 00:35:12,880
Speaker 1: when I think about too, when I go to Charleston

710
00:35:12,920 --> 00:35:16,040
Speaker 1: to see my boyfriend and I'm realizing, like, obviously I'm

711
00:35:16,080 --> 00:35:18,200
Speaker 1: so excited to be with him and we don't get

712
00:35:18,200 --> 00:35:19,719
Speaker 1: to see each other all the time, and so that

713
00:35:19,840 --> 00:35:22,839
Speaker 1: is a big part of my peace and like happiness

714
00:35:22,880 --> 00:35:26,520
Speaker 1: happening in those moments. And also before I go there,

715
00:35:26,640 --> 00:35:28,879
Speaker 1: I really try to knock out as much work as

716
00:35:28,880 --> 00:35:30,960
Speaker 1: I can so that when I'm there, I can just

717
00:35:31,000 --> 00:35:35,240
Speaker 1: be present and not so focused, like having my focus

718
00:35:35,280 --> 00:35:38,000
Speaker 1: kind of in a million different places. So that's another

719
00:35:38,040 --> 00:35:39,719
Speaker 1: thing for me, is like I don't want to work

720
00:35:39,760 --> 00:35:41,799
Speaker 1: my life away the way that I used to and

721
00:35:41,840 --> 00:35:45,040
Speaker 1: not be able to enjoy it because I'm realizing how

722
00:35:45,120 --> 00:35:48,840
Speaker 1: much slowing down, how much not having to be on

723
00:35:49,080 --> 00:35:52,720
Speaker 1: all the time, how much just being present with whatever

724
00:35:52,840 --> 00:35:56,040
Speaker 1: is around me makes me happier. And if it doesn't

725
00:35:56,080 --> 00:35:58,240
Speaker 1: make me happier, then I need to build a better life.

726
00:35:58,560 --> 00:36:00,879
Speaker 3: Well, you know what's funny is take your boyfriend out

727
00:36:00,880 --> 00:36:04,120
Speaker 3: of the equation. Yeah, And what it is is you're

728
00:36:04,160 --> 00:36:06,239
Speaker 3: taking time to do what you want to do for yourself.

729
00:36:06,440 --> 00:36:08,680
Speaker 1: That's exactly right. I'm not like you focusing on a

730
00:36:08,719 --> 00:36:09,920
Speaker 1: client all the time.

731
00:36:10,160 --> 00:36:13,480
Speaker 3: You're doing what you want to do. And I think

732
00:36:13,480 --> 00:36:16,839
Speaker 3: it's a really important lesson to like notice that, Like,

733
00:36:17,440 --> 00:36:20,799
Speaker 3: and if you weren't doing willing to do that, you

734
00:36:20,840 --> 00:36:23,320
Speaker 3: probably wouldn't have a boyfriend because you would be working

735
00:36:23,360 --> 00:36:25,560
Speaker 3: too much to make the time in your life to

736
00:36:25,800 --> 00:36:27,000
Speaker 3: have that relationship.

737
00:36:27,280 --> 00:36:30,160
Speaker 2: Right, So I think it's really important to.

738
00:36:30,120 --> 00:36:33,239
Speaker 3: Point out that it is like taking time for yourself

739
00:36:33,360 --> 00:36:36,960
Speaker 3: because it's you know, I know myself. I know a

740
00:36:36,960 --> 00:36:39,400
Speaker 3: lot of people that sit around and like think, like,

741
00:36:39,480 --> 00:36:42,759
Speaker 3: well why am I single? You know what I mean,

742
00:36:42,800 --> 00:36:45,359
Speaker 3: it's not because of no one out there is going

743
00:36:45,400 --> 00:36:45,680
Speaker 3: to like.

744
00:36:45,719 --> 00:36:48,080
Speaker 2: Me, but like how much space do you actually have

745
00:36:48,200 --> 00:36:48,600
Speaker 2: for it?

746
00:36:48,960 --> 00:36:49,200
Speaker 1: Yeah?

747
00:36:49,640 --> 00:36:51,200
Speaker 2: Like, how much space do you actually have?

748
00:36:51,280 --> 00:36:54,799
Speaker 3: For giving it. You know, I have to if that's

749
00:36:54,880 --> 00:36:57,480
Speaker 3: really important to me. I have to evaluate my life

750
00:36:58,280 --> 00:37:00,719
Speaker 3: and be brave enough to get to the things that

751
00:37:00,760 --> 00:37:01,520
Speaker 3: aren't serving me.

752
00:37:02,000 --> 00:37:04,359
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's kind of dawning on me too. This goes

753
00:37:04,480 --> 00:37:07,560
Speaker 1: back to the facing death piece, because I think as

754
00:37:07,560 --> 00:37:11,400
Speaker 1: I'm getting older, I'm realizing, like the thing about work

755
00:37:11,440 --> 00:37:14,520
Speaker 1: for me. Obviously, when COVID happened and I had some

756
00:37:14,560 --> 00:37:17,600
Speaker 1: other big things happen at that same time, that changed

757
00:37:17,800 --> 00:37:19,680
Speaker 1: the name of the game for work for me for

758
00:37:19,760 --> 00:37:23,279
Speaker 1: a moment, and I think when you feel like you've

759
00:37:23,400 --> 00:37:26,080
Speaker 1: lost a lot of stuff, it does make you go, wait,

760
00:37:26,680 --> 00:37:29,000
Speaker 1: was this serving me the way that I was convincing

761
00:37:29,040 --> 00:37:30,359
Speaker 1: myself that it was, like.

762
00:37:30,520 --> 00:37:31,600
Speaker 2: Was I actually happy?

763
00:37:31,680 --> 00:37:33,680
Speaker 1: You know, like I asked myself a lot of those questions.

764
00:37:33,920 --> 00:37:36,920
Speaker 1: I'm also I went through like the forty whatever you

765
00:37:36,920 --> 00:37:39,919
Speaker 1: want to call midlife. It's not midlife crisis, but it's

766
00:37:40,280 --> 00:37:42,799
Speaker 1: it's that moment where you're I do think when people

767
00:37:42,880 --> 00:37:45,360
Speaker 1: hit forty, they look at their life and they go, Okay,

768
00:37:45,400 --> 00:37:47,719
Speaker 1: am I happy? And that's a lot of times what

769
00:37:47,840 --> 00:37:50,200
Speaker 1: sends people into their crisis is if they realize they're not.

770
00:37:50,800 --> 00:37:52,759
Speaker 1: I didn't go into a crisis, but I very much

771
00:37:52,880 --> 00:37:56,120
Speaker 1: was like, Okay, as I rebuild life and as life

772
00:37:56,200 --> 00:37:58,440
Speaker 1: comes back after COVID and stuff, I want to put

773
00:37:58,600 --> 00:38:01,280
Speaker 1: energy into the things that are geting giving me energy back.

774
00:38:01,400 --> 00:38:04,160
Speaker 1: Or I want to like make sure that I love

775
00:38:04,480 --> 00:38:06,759
Speaker 1: the parts of my work that I am still doing

776
00:38:06,800 --> 00:38:09,560
Speaker 1: and putting so much time into and so much energy.

777
00:38:10,080 --> 00:38:11,959
Speaker 1: And if I'm not, like, I want to be brave

778
00:38:12,080 --> 00:38:14,839
Speaker 1: enough to walk away, or I want to not live

779
00:38:14,840 --> 00:38:17,880
Speaker 1: in the fear of, well, what's going to happen if

780
00:38:17,920 --> 00:38:19,920
Speaker 1: I let stuff go or things like that. And so

781
00:38:20,040 --> 00:38:23,040
Speaker 1: in this weird way though, it's because I'm on the

782
00:38:23,080 --> 00:38:27,360
Speaker 1: other side of like death, it seems closer, I guess

783
00:38:27,440 --> 00:38:29,440
Speaker 1: than it was then. And I don't want to be

784
00:38:29,520 --> 00:38:31,360
Speaker 1: laying all my death out of life. Yeah, Like I

785
00:38:31,400 --> 00:38:33,560
Speaker 1: don't want to be laying on my deathbed going God,

786
00:38:33,600 --> 00:38:36,040
Speaker 1: I wish I would have just enjoyed time in my

787
00:38:36,120 --> 00:38:39,279
Speaker 1: garden more, you know, Like I wish I would have

788
00:38:39,280 --> 00:38:41,680
Speaker 1: spent more time with this person and been really present,

789
00:38:41,719 --> 00:38:44,520
Speaker 1: because if that's what they always say on people's deathbeds,

790
00:38:44,800 --> 00:38:46,800
Speaker 1: there's never a person that's like, God, I wish I

791
00:38:46,800 --> 00:38:50,200
Speaker 1: would have worked more, you know, right, So I don't know,

792
00:38:50,239 --> 00:38:53,440
Speaker 1: it's just trying to maybe shift priorities, facing the fears

793
00:38:53,480 --> 00:38:56,279
Speaker 1: of the realities of these bodies that we live in,

794
00:38:56,880 --> 00:38:59,520
Speaker 1: and also just looking at in your life, what is

795
00:38:59,560 --> 00:39:01,759
Speaker 1: bringing you all the fear and is it necessary?

796
00:39:01,840 --> 00:39:02,759
Speaker 2: Is it real for you?

797
00:39:02,920 --> 00:39:06,279
Speaker 1: Is it something you're signing up for to keep your

798
00:39:06,320 --> 00:39:08,799
Speaker 1: nervous system in this spider flight place that we've all

799
00:39:08,880 --> 00:39:11,560
Speaker 1: kind of gotten hooked into, or like, are we being

800
00:39:11,640 --> 00:39:14,480
Speaker 1: conscious and really doing the work to build the life

801
00:39:14,520 --> 00:39:16,359
Speaker 1: we want, the big, fat, juicy life. I don't know,

802
00:39:16,400 --> 00:39:17,720
Speaker 1: it's just a really interesting concept.

803
00:39:17,880 --> 00:39:20,560
Speaker 3: You have to think, like, fear is a really good

804
00:39:20,680 --> 00:39:22,920
Speaker 3: tool to keep you down.

805
00:39:23,640 --> 00:39:25,480
Speaker 2: Well, yeah, and and control you.

806
00:39:25,719 --> 00:39:28,719
Speaker 3: Yeah, if you're evaluating your life and you're like, wait,

807
00:39:28,760 --> 00:39:32,160
Speaker 3: this person makes me scared of things, like you know,

808
00:39:32,160 --> 00:39:34,600
Speaker 3: then you're out of their way for them to achieve

809
00:39:34,640 --> 00:39:37,960
Speaker 3: what they want to achieve, you know. And I think

810
00:39:38,280 --> 00:39:42,400
Speaker 3: obviously fear is a very healthy response because evolutionarily we

811
00:39:42,480 --> 00:39:45,600
Speaker 3: need it so we're on our a game and we're

812
00:39:45,880 --> 00:39:49,480
Speaker 3: standing guard and keeping ourselves safe. But I also think too,

813
00:39:50,520 --> 00:39:52,640
Speaker 3: you know, you can look at those fears and reframe

814
00:39:52,719 --> 00:39:54,480
Speaker 3: them and try it.

815
00:39:54,600 --> 00:39:58,799
Speaker 1: Sometimes they're just perceived threats, like they're not actually real. Like,

816
00:39:58,920 --> 00:40:01,000
Speaker 1: that's the thing I asked my a lot too, Is

817
00:40:01,040 --> 00:40:04,799
Speaker 1: this real? A lot of times things like you know,

818
00:40:04,840 --> 00:40:06,560
Speaker 1: I'm friends with so many people I work with, and

819
00:40:06,560 --> 00:40:08,520
Speaker 1: there could be certain things said that I would go, oh,

820
00:40:08,800 --> 00:40:12,360
Speaker 1: and it scares me, or like if my relationship gets

821
00:40:12,480 --> 00:40:14,759
Speaker 1: kind of weird or something for a minute, I can go, oh,

822
00:40:14,800 --> 00:40:17,520
Speaker 1: my god, like what's going to happen if this falls apart?

823
00:40:17,600 --> 00:40:20,040
Speaker 1: And I realize, Oh, it's because it's threatening my security

824
00:40:20,040 --> 00:40:22,480
Speaker 1: because then I get nervous that like the job will

825
00:40:22,520 --> 00:40:25,439
Speaker 1: go away or something will happen too, And I'm like, wait,

826
00:40:25,480 --> 00:40:28,360
Speaker 1: that's not a real that's not real, Like I'm making

827
00:40:28,400 --> 00:40:31,239
Speaker 1: that up. I'm attaching to that in my head. But

828
00:40:31,280 --> 00:40:34,680
Speaker 1: it's a perceived threat. And yes, I can give my

829
00:40:34,680 --> 00:40:36,919
Speaker 1: nervous system the love and be like, I see why

830
00:40:36,960 --> 00:40:39,600
Speaker 1: that's happening, But this is not That's not what's really

831
00:40:39,600 --> 00:40:43,239
Speaker 1: happening here, Like this is a totally separate thing. Just

832
00:40:43,280 --> 00:40:45,840
Speaker 1: not letting yourself go far eight hundred miles down the

833
00:40:45,920 --> 00:40:49,640
Speaker 1: road of a fear story and asking yourself is it

834
00:40:49,680 --> 00:40:51,160
Speaker 1: real or not? And sometimes it is?

835
00:40:51,440 --> 00:40:52,000
Speaker 2: But is it?

836
00:40:52,560 --> 00:40:55,799
Speaker 3: Yeah? That's all And I think it's important to recognize

837
00:40:55,800 --> 00:40:59,600
Speaker 3: that sooner than later, because you can carry that with

838
00:40:59,719 --> 00:41:03,560
Speaker 3: you so long just to find out that it wasn't real.

839
00:41:03,920 --> 00:41:04,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, for sure.

840
00:41:05,080 --> 00:41:06,960
Speaker 1: Well we kind of digress here at the end. But

841
00:41:07,120 --> 00:41:09,960
Speaker 1: I think it's really interesting to think about, and I

842
00:41:10,000 --> 00:41:13,839
Speaker 1: think it's really great that as kind of a collective

843
00:41:13,880 --> 00:41:17,360
Speaker 1: we're starting to just ask the questions and pay attention,

844
00:41:17,920 --> 00:41:21,120
Speaker 1: have a little more skepticism. I think we try to

845
00:41:21,200 --> 00:41:23,319
Speaker 1: keep the healthy dose is the way to do it,

846
00:41:23,400 --> 00:41:26,000
Speaker 1: and not just write off everything, but do your research,

847
00:41:26,160 --> 00:41:30,200
Speaker 1: like do your due diligence, ask yourself if something is

848
00:41:30,239 --> 00:41:32,239
Speaker 1: true for you, and then ask yourself also like are

849
00:41:32,239 --> 00:41:34,120
Speaker 1: you living in fear all the time? Or is this

850
00:41:34,800 --> 00:41:37,640
Speaker 1: like is the fear happening or is this perceived? Like

851
00:41:37,719 --> 00:41:39,839
Speaker 1: all of those things. If you have thoughts on it,

852
00:41:39,880 --> 00:41:42,360
Speaker 1: you can always email us at the Edge at velvetedge

853
00:41:42,400 --> 00:41:46,680
Speaker 1: dot com. We are open to different mindsets on this.

854
00:41:46,760 --> 00:41:48,080
Speaker 1: I mean, I know we touched on a couple of

855
00:41:48,080 --> 00:41:50,239
Speaker 1: different things that we were trying to stay away from.

856
00:41:50,280 --> 00:41:53,239
Speaker 1: But if we triggered something in you or hit a nerve,

857
00:41:53,440 --> 00:41:56,400
Speaker 1: let us know in a nice way please and we'll respond.

858
00:41:56,600 --> 00:41:58,919
Speaker 1: That's the Edge at velvetedge dot com. You can also

859
00:41:59,000 --> 00:42:02,640
Speaker 1: hit me up on Instagram. I'm at Velvet's Edge, Chip I'm.

860
00:42:02,480 --> 00:42:05,400
Speaker 3: At Chip Doors. It's c H I P d O

861
00:42:05,520 --> 00:42:07,160
Speaker 3: R S c H.

862
00:42:07,280 --> 00:42:09,560
Speaker 1: As you guys go into the weekend, when you're living

863
00:42:09,600 --> 00:42:12,040
Speaker 1: on the edge, I hope you are as remember.

864
00:42:11,719 --> 00:42:19,320
Speaker 3: Too by casual bye h