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Speaker 1: Lisa Lampanelli is not a licensed therapist or life coach.

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Speaker 1: She is a meddling advice giving yanta and know it all,

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Speaker 1: and her words come from her head, her heart, and

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Speaker 1: often out of her ass. His podcast should not be

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Speaker 1: misconstrued as therapy. I should be taking with a huge

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Speaker 1: strain of salt for entertainment purposes only.

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Speaker 2: These.

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Speaker 3: You need help, You're the problem. Come on, come down,

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Speaker 3: go leab, take a pill.

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Speaker 4: I think you're insane. Do what I said, dumb ass,

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Speaker 4: Listen to me. What are we here? I have no idea.

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Speaker 4: It's Lisa lamp Now got suck beckon suck back into

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Speaker 4: world of entertainment. Welcome to Shrink This with Lisa Lambinelli,

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Speaker 4: the podcast that no one cares about.

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Speaker 5: And I'm not.

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Speaker 4: Even sorry I'm here with who introduce yourself?

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Speaker 2: It's me. I'm sorry.

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Speaker 4: It's all right. You may wicked your ass off, you're

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Speaker 4: late to the party, but I love it. This is

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Speaker 4: Nick scope Letti, my unpaid, untalented sidekick, loser friend. And

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Speaker 4: of course we're here with Celia the much Belieguered, the

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Speaker 4: much maligned producer who is put upon and constantly changing

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Speaker 4: your footwear because of my demands. So congratulations, you've upped

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Speaker 4: your game this week.

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Speaker 2: Thank you.

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Speaker 4: I appreciate who said talk so to send us a letter.

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Speaker 4: This is again a podcast where we give advice. It

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Speaker 4: might not be good good, it might be a little good,

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Speaker 4: it might be fully bad. But to at least get

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Speaker 4: your question on the air or have a chance to

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Speaker 4: send it to shrink this show at gmail dot com.

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Speaker 4: That is shrink this show at gmail dot com. If

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Speaker 4: you haven't listened to all our other episodes, listen now.

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Speaker 4: Not like we're not gonna say the same shit we

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Speaker 4: say every other time. Correct correct, correct from the show. Yeah,

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Speaker 4: oh it's doing so, it's killing it. We've had four

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Speaker 4: episodes and four downloads. Not gonna breast.

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Speaker 2: Though, It's so true.

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Speaker 4: Now, Nick, our subject everywhere. I'm not apologizing for that.

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Speaker 4: I'm not because it is a human function to cough.

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Speaker 4: And I will say that is what our show is about.

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Speaker 6: This episode.

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Speaker 4: As you know, every episode, we take one issue that's

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Speaker 4: been plaguing me over the week and had letters from

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Speaker 4: people talking about and asking advice on, and we are

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Speaker 4: dissecting it to the best of our ability. So this

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Speaker 4: issue we're going to talk about today, I will set

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Speaker 4: up by saying I teach, as Nick knows, I teach

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Speaker 4: stand up and storytelling at a college in Connecticut.

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Speaker 6: Now these are not children.

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Speaker 4: I would say they are eighteen, nineteen twenty. The oldest

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Speaker 4: student's twenty six, but he's remedial. I know, disgusting. I

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Speaker 4: hate higher education for elders. Leave it to the kids.

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Speaker 6: There are future.

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Speaker 4: So anyway, I'm teaching class and there's one student. I

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Speaker 4: can't use his name obviously he's named after let's just

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Speaker 4: say a town in Texas, so let's call him Houston.

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Speaker 6: He is.

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Speaker 4: I had him last semester, I have him this semester.

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Speaker 4: He is literally my favorite student, hands down. He probably

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Speaker 4: is every teacher's favorite student because he's very open. He's

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Speaker 4: a great actor, he has a good sense of humor

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Speaker 4: run him, and he can make fun of himself.

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Speaker 6: So I all week.

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Speaker 4: So I taught him last Thursday, and all week I

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Speaker 4: have been torturing myself because I'm like, oh, we were

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Speaker 4: pretty joky last week in class, and by we, I

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Speaker 4: mean he and I. But of course my jokes always

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Speaker 4: tend to be insulting, which is terrible, and I apologize,

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Speaker 4: but too bad. And I made a living so he

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Speaker 4: said something about wanting to work on a stand up

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Speaker 4: bit about being quote non athletic, and like, if you've

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Speaker 4: ever seen a kid who's non athletic, it's this kid.

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Speaker 4: He has a five inch thigh gap, he's like one

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Speaker 4: hundred and twenty pounds. So all we were joking about

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Speaker 4: non athleticism during the class.

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Speaker 6: So I figured, oh, he opened the door.

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Speaker 4: So when someone else said about being non athletic, I

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Speaker 4: would just joke about Houston. I would say to him, well,

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Speaker 4: if you want to see a real non athlete looking

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Speaker 4: over further than this guy or whatever it was, and

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Speaker 4: he would laugh.

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Speaker 6: So I'm leaving school that day.

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Speaker 4: I'm take the elevator down to the garage, and I'm like,

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Speaker 4: did I hurt his feelings?

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Speaker 6: Oh? My god, I hurt his feelings? Uh? Oh, I better?

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Speaker 4: What do I do? What do I do? I know

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Speaker 4: what I'll do. I'll overcompensate and I'll because I know

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Speaker 4: it's like in his best interest, because I feel when

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Speaker 4: someone hurts your feelings, you should tell them. So he's

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Speaker 4: a kid, though, so I figure, is it my job

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Speaker 4: as a human to apologize because he's younger than me?

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Speaker 4: Or should I not interrupt? His journey to adulthood by

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Speaker 4: being like, he should bring it up, So instead I

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Speaker 4: didn't either. I overcomplimented him in an email to try

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Speaker 4: to make up for this supposed error that I made.

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Speaker 4: So I said him this great email about how I

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Speaker 4: loved having him class and oh my god, I'm so

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Speaker 4: proud of him and all the growth he's had and

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Speaker 4: never heard back. So I've had six days of living

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Speaker 4: neck aches, back aches, torture about should I bring up

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Speaker 4: to him, Hey, man, if I hurt your feelings, I'm

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Speaker 4: really sorry.

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Speaker 6: But then the art.

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Speaker 4: Of part of me is like, well, isn't it his job?

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Speaker 6: So I want to do an.

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Speaker 4: Episode today on whose job is it to apologize or

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Speaker 4: bring to someone's attention that an apology is needed.

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Speaker 6: I've had been.

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Speaker 4: On the receiving end of a lot of codependency work

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Speaker 4: where they clearly state, you know, in twelve step programs,

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Speaker 4: it's that person's job to tell you what they need.

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Speaker 4: But is that harder for some people? What's the deal?

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Speaker 4: So I'm still, even at sixty three years old, kind

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Speaker 4: of going, oh, maybe I have to step in and

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Speaker 4: just kind of like take responsibility first, Have you had

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Speaker 4: this stuff happen to you, Nick.

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Speaker 2: I mean, I'm pretty perfect. I've never oh yeah, done anything.

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Speaker 6: Wrong that is true.

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Speaker 2: Ever, I've had a little bit of it. I would

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Speaker 2: say I definitely get in modes where I know that

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Speaker 2: feeling when you're talking about like torturing yourself. Yeah, Like

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Speaker 2: if it would be like a conversation for me would

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Speaker 2: probably be like a conversation or something I said to

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Speaker 2: someone at work and like whatever. Then I would go

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Speaker 2: home and I'd be.

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Speaker 6: Like, ah, yeah.

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Speaker 2: And then you don't see him for a while, and

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Speaker 2: then you're.

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Speaker 4: Like yeah, and every time you see him there's a

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Speaker 4: perceived coldness, like you whether that's just our projection, Yeah,

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Speaker 4: it's like no, maybe they were just like not in

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Speaker 4: the mood to talk that day, but we take it

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Speaker 4: it's all self focused in making ourselves the center of

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Speaker 4: the world, because here I am thinking this kid gives

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Speaker 4: a shit about me for seven days and hasn't answered

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Speaker 4: my complimentary email back when he's just like a college

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Speaker 4: kid who's busy and.

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Speaker 6: Might not be hurt, right, you know.

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Speaker 4: I remember, Yeah, I have a friend who's been sober

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Speaker 4: for got thirty something years, so he's worked a lot

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Speaker 4: of these codependency issues out and even he falls prey

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Speaker 4: to it. I remember, I was always joking I have

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Speaker 4: a third rescue dog named Pete, who's legitimately like, I mean,

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Speaker 4: as dumb as you get. So I was telling my buddy,

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Speaker 4: who's sober. I was telling him, Oh my god, this

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Speaker 4: dog is so dumb, but he's so adorable and so happy.

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Speaker 4: I got him like me, and yeah, kind of like

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Speaker 4: a little lap dog like you. So he sends me

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Speaker 4: this really funny meme of uh chihuahua, which PD is.

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Speaker 6: Sends me a meme of.

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Speaker 4: A Chihuahua like very like bumping into a wall, like

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Speaker 4: very special needsy.

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Speaker 6: So it was really funny, like it was just like

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Speaker 6: when my dog narded.

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Speaker 4: So I didn't see it because I didn't go on

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Speaker 4: Instagram for a little while. And I get a text

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Speaker 4: from him two days apparently after he sent it, and

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Speaker 4: he goes, listen, I just want to say, I know

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Speaker 4: we were joking about PD, but it was way out

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Speaker 4: of line for me to send you the meme where

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Speaker 4: I probably hurt your feelings about this dog thing, And

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Speaker 4: I go, oh, I just didn't see it. So even

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Speaker 4: a guy who's worked on themselves relentlessly for forty years

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Speaker 4: thirty years, whatever it is still falls prey to the

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Speaker 4: oh my god, I have to torture myself over this thing.

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Speaker 6: And one basically if that hurt my feelings.

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Speaker 4: It's fine, it didn't, it would be my job to say, hey, man,

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Speaker 4: I know we get around, but like if that's a

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Speaker 4: little tender, don't joke about that, right. But it's a

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Speaker 4: really slippery slope. So even the people have the most

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Speaker 4: inside who are the most you know, the people in

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Speaker 4: your life who's worked on themselves the most, even they

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Speaker 4: fall prey to that.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I have to like work if I'm upset about

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Speaker 2: something or in an argument with someone, I have to

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Speaker 2: like work to like I've worked out all It takes

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Speaker 2: like a few days. I'll work out all the scenarios

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Speaker 2: in my head and yeah, mad, And it's like this

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Speaker 2: person they fucked me.

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Speaker 6: Yeah, yeah.

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Speaker 2: By like two days later you go up to and

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Speaker 2: I'm just like, hey, that my bad was this is

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Speaker 2: like in a bad mood, I'm sorry I said that, etcetera, etcetera.

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Speaker 4: Like it's just like and do they act like do

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Speaker 4: they even know what you're talking about?

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Speaker 2: Sometimes yes, for sure, Like that there was one in

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Speaker 2: the in a actually yesterday at work, I was on

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Speaker 2: my phone. It's a girl but started talking to me

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Speaker 2: and I didn't hear because I was on my phone

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Speaker 2: and she's very pretty girl and she was like nick

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Speaker 2: and I was like what. She goes and she's like,

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Speaker 2: I was talking to you. I go, oh, it is

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Speaker 2: the first time a guy hasn't paid attention to you ever.

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Speaker 2: And I got real okay, and she goes, well, it's

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Speaker 2: that listens like it's that time of the month. I go,

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Speaker 2: you still get those I thought you were in your

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Speaker 2: And I was like, okay, we got a.

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Speaker 4: Your problem is your funny, That's the problem.

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Speaker 2: And I fucking started and then literally she but she's cool,

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Speaker 2: thank god, And literally like three minutes later, I went

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Speaker 2: over her and I got to stand up, give me

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Speaker 2: a hugger. I'm really sorry.

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Speaker 4: Oh so your molested on top of it?

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Speaker 5: See actually me to do it?

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Speaker 6: Yeah, affection.

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Speaker 2: She was like, no, I'm just in a bet. We

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Speaker 2: both apologize to each other, but like it was in

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Speaker 2: three minutes.

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Speaker 6: And I was like, it is best to kind of

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Speaker 6: just nip it in the.

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Speaker 2: Bud one hundred percent because I know that feeling of

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Speaker 2: like stewing and then your like you said your body

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Speaker 2: starts to ache and ship.

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Speaker 4: Oh my god, everything hurts, and I'm like, oh, it's shocking.

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Speaker 4: I threw out my back and my neck because I'm

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Speaker 4: afraid a nineteen year old upset about me and probably

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Speaker 4: never read them.

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Speaker 6: So I go like, ye constantly.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, So I send him the thing, and but the

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Speaker 4: fact that then he ignores it because I'm like, well,

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Speaker 4: the minute he writes back, I'll feel better. So it's

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Speaker 4: almost the universe telling me like, no, you got to

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Speaker 4: make this better within yourself. So either have the balls

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Speaker 4: to send a real email or talk to him and say, hey, man,

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Speaker 4: you know, I know we get joking in class, but

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Speaker 4: I feel I may have been on the line and

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Speaker 4: have him be an adult.

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Speaker 6: And say it.

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Speaker 4: But then, of course, from day to day, the next

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Speaker 4: day it's like, listen, man, fuck that kid. Let me

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Speaker 4: tell you something. First of all, answer a teacher when

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Speaker 4: they send you an email. Second of all, how about

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Speaker 4: you don't be a pussy and you say excuse me,

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Speaker 4: miss so, and so that hurt my feelings because that's

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Speaker 4: obviously the most respectable way to act, right, And then

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Speaker 4: I go by of course, the fourth day, I'm like

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Speaker 4: just spinning and then yesterday I knew I was going

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Speaker 4: to see him, and I said, you know what, I'm

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Speaker 4: going to show up early, and I'm going to say

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Speaker 4: can I speak to you? And I'm going to be

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Speaker 4: the adult idiot, even though it's codependent, and say, gosh, Houston,

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Speaker 4: I really hope I didn't hurt your feelings last week.

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Speaker 4: That would really, you know, that would be terrible for

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Speaker 4: me to do.

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Speaker 6: So are you okay?

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Speaker 4: So instead what happens is I don't get there early.

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Speaker 4: I self sabotage that move because, oh god forbid, you

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Speaker 4: don't drive through a place and get your big diet coke.

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Speaker 4: And then he came a little.

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Speaker 6: Late to class.

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Speaker 4: I'm like, damn it, and I figure, I know, we'll

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Speaker 4: walk to our carns together and I'll sus it out.

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Speaker 4: I'll suss out the situation. I go down, I'm so,

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Speaker 4: how is your week great? And he goes, you know,

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Speaker 4: I got your email congratulating me about at school. I

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Speaker 4: just didn't know what to say, so I just ignored it.

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Speaker 4: And I was and I go, no, that's fine. I go,

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Speaker 4: you could usually just say thank you, I said, or

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Speaker 4: ignore it is fine, and goes, well, I just didn't

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Speaker 4: know what to say.

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Speaker 6: I'm uncomfortable with.

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Speaker 4: Compliments, so I'm thinking I worried a week that I

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Speaker 4: was This kid was mad that I was mean to him.

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Speaker 4: Apparently he doesn't like compliments either, So you can't win

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Speaker 4: with this fucking kid.

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Speaker 6: I think what we're saying.

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Speaker 4: Is this fuck I hate him right now. But yeah,

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Speaker 4: it's like it's such a slippery slope of like knowing

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Speaker 4: what's right. Like that whole thing in codependency where they

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Speaker 4: talk about no is a complete sentence.

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Speaker 6: So basically, suppose.

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Speaker 4: My idiot I don't have idiot friends like this, but

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Speaker 4: supposed like, oh no, no, no, I mean idiot friends

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Speaker 4: like this who want you to go on a trip

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Speaker 4: with them and you just don't want to go.

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Speaker 6: In codependency work, you just have to say no. You

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Speaker 6: don't have to say no.

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Speaker 4: I don't want to know that timing isn't right for me. No,

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Speaker 4: it doesn't sound like my thing. People should be able.

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Speaker 6: To accept a no.

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Speaker 4: And as old as I am and as much as

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Speaker 4: I work on myself, I don't think I've ever been

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Speaker 4: able to leave it at a no.

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Speaker 6: It's too hard.

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Speaker 4: So those things about not apologizing even though you.

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Speaker 6: Think you hurt.

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Speaker 4: So many feelings are just being blunt and saying nope.

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Speaker 4: That is almost impossible. You know, I had to turn down.

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Speaker 4: I got invited to a wedding in the summer, and

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Speaker 4: I don't want to go because it's too far. There's

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Speaker 4: a lot of plane transfers. I'm trying to cut down

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Speaker 4: on activity this year. I'm just trying to be a

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Speaker 4: lot more mindful of what I say yes to. And

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Speaker 4: I had to be super careful how I worded the

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Speaker 4: reply to the invitation, because I was like, I want

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Speaker 4: to just go nope, but that's not how you keep

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Speaker 4: friends either.

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Speaker 6: And do I owe them an explanation?

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Speaker 4: Not really, but they at least deserve a no. I

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Speaker 4: wish I could attend, However, this doesn't work for me.

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Speaker 4: Can't wait to celebrate with you in person, but it's

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Speaker 4: hard to just leave it at these blunt rules that

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Speaker 4: we know are correct.

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Speaker 2: Thumbs down emoji in there. You both should really one

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Speaker 2: gift of the guy from Gladiator just going o cauld.

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Speaker 4: I just send them like a egg.

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Speaker 2: Plant all the time.

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Speaker 4: Well, I know, and poop an eggplant and a poop.

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Speaker 2: Egg plant, poop rainbow. What else? That's really a water

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Speaker 2: emoji sometimes well.

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Speaker 4: Ps, wait, I just started ignoring you and I'm not apologizing.

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Speaker 4: What what would you rather be? Err on the side

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Speaker 4: of the person who anticipates, hey, I'm countable to myself

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Speaker 4: and I may owe them an apology, or the person

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Speaker 4: who's like, well, it's up to them, Like, who would

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Speaker 4: you rather be?

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Speaker 2: I think it really it so depends on the situation,

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Speaker 2: But I would say I would probably be the person

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Speaker 2: who would be Now, I would be the person and

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Speaker 2: more likely to be like, hey, I'm sorry and apologize

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Speaker 2: and just make it all good, even if I still

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Speaker 2: have a little bit of like, you know, you were

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Speaker 2: fucking wrong there, but I'll still I would rather do

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Speaker 2: that because I used to do be the opposite way.

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Speaker 2: Just hold grudges and I can hold them.

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Speaker 6: But but but, but that's not what I'm saying.

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Speaker 4: I'm not saying it's a grudge to hold on to

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Speaker 4: that fear that they are withholding some kind of there's

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Speaker 4: a little nick in the friendship, a little like it's

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Speaker 4: a little scar that kind of like they're letting fester.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. No, I would be more likely to apologize and

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Speaker 2: bring it up now back in the day.

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Speaker 4: I know, why aren't they all just fucking man up.

335
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Speaker 4: Why aren't they all woman up? Tit up, dick up.

336
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Speaker 4: I was like, I honestly wish it was a perfect

337
00:16:32,400 --> 00:16:34,640
Speaker 4: world that everyone could just say, hey, man, that hurt

338
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Speaker 4: my feelings. It's the best. Because I recently did that

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Speaker 4: to somebody.

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Speaker 6: I think it really threw them off.

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Speaker 4: Like people are not used to people just going hey,

342
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Speaker 4: you know that kind of hurt. Oh, I'm sorry, you're mad?

343
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Speaker 4: I go, no, I'm not mad, it just hurt. Yeah,

344
00:16:59,560 --> 00:17:01,080
Speaker 4: and they don't don't know what to do with it.

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Speaker 6: But that's hard to say too. That's vulnerable saying I'm

346
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Speaker 6: hurt versus I'm mad.

347
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Speaker 2: Yea too is people are like, oh, I could say

348
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Speaker 2: things and joke around with her and blah blah blah,

349
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Speaker 2: and so they get excited to do it.

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Speaker 4: Yeah yeah, not really no place.

351
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Speaker 6: What's up?

352
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Speaker 2: Cut?

353
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Speaker 6: Actually actually not anymore.

354
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Speaker 4: I mean, if you want to see it all come out, Yeah,

355
00:17:26,800 --> 00:17:30,480
Speaker 4: I went I did a sorry not sorry recently because somebody.

356
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Speaker 4: It was in class one day, my adult stand up class,

357
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Speaker 4: and I don't God bless them, but there was this

358
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Speaker 4: one woman and she was really pushing back on advice

359
00:17:43,560 --> 00:17:45,280
Speaker 4: and I'm like, well, why are you paying for the class.

360
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Speaker 4: And then I said, look, after like twelve pushbacks, I said,

361
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Speaker 4: you know what, honestly, if this doesn't work for you,

362
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Speaker 4: maybe this isn't the class for you. And then I

363
00:17:54,720 --> 00:17:57,520
Speaker 4: go sorry, and then I go, wait a minute, I'm

364
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Speaker 4: not sorry. I go I think what I just that

365
00:18:00,280 --> 00:18:02,920
Speaker 4: you was perfect? So I take my sorry back.

366
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Speaker 2: And then Lisa was like, you should kill yourself?

367
00:18:04,800 --> 00:18:07,439
Speaker 4: Lady, Well, yeah, how dare you?

368
00:18:07,560 --> 00:18:10,080
Speaker 6: Nick? Suicide is a big bad topic.

369
00:18:10,920 --> 00:18:14,240
Speaker 4: So if you have a question for us right to

370
00:18:14,560 --> 00:18:18,040
Speaker 4: shrink this show at gmail dot com?

371
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Speaker 6: That shrink this show at gmail dot com.

372
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Speaker 4: And Nick, do you have some letters for people who

373
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Speaker 4: are apologetically does there?

374
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Speaker 2: Does?

375
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Speaker 6: I hate them all already? Oh my god?

376
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Speaker 2: Okay, all right, so Lisa, I love you so much.

377
00:18:34,320 --> 00:18:35,199
Speaker 2: My name's Andrew.

378
00:18:35,359 --> 00:18:36,920
Speaker 6: Oh gosh, okay.

379
00:18:37,160 --> 00:18:40,160
Speaker 2: I'm writing from Denver, Colorado.

380
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Speaker 6: Rocky, fuck you.

381
00:18:45,920 --> 00:18:49,960
Speaker 2: I've been overthinking this situation with my coworker. I think

382
00:18:50,119 --> 00:18:52,400
Speaker 2: I might have upset her during a meeting last week

383
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Speaker 2: when I disagreed with her about a plan for a rollout.

384
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Speaker 4: Skinny's very technically, it's a lot of business.

385
00:18:59,119 --> 00:19:06,040
Speaker 2: Yeah, the our didn't business? Spread cheek, spread your cheeks?

386
00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:09,720
Speaker 2: She hasn't said anything to me about it, but she

387
00:19:09,800 --> 00:19:13,639
Speaker 2: has also been seemingly avoiding me. Ah, bring it up

388
00:19:13,680 --> 00:19:16,240
Speaker 2: and risk making it weird, or just assume she's fine.

389
00:19:16,600 --> 00:19:19,440
Speaker 2: I hate leaving things unresolved, but maybe I'm just making

390
00:19:19,440 --> 00:19:21,080
Speaker 2: it worse by obsessing over it.

391
00:19:21,400 --> 00:19:24,680
Speaker 4: Yeah, this guy's between a rock and hard place. Nick,

392
00:19:24,760 --> 00:19:27,280
Speaker 4: let me see that letter in person. Walk that thing

393
00:19:27,400 --> 00:19:30,520
Speaker 4: over here. No, I want to come on and look

394
00:19:30,520 --> 00:19:31,840
Speaker 4: at those thighs rubbing together.

395
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Speaker 6: Listen this guy.

396
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Speaker 4: First of all, I love that he at least calls

397
00:19:38,760 --> 00:19:42,120
Speaker 4: himself out on his overthinking because I was obsessing about

398
00:19:42,119 --> 00:19:44,600
Speaker 4: this stuff too. I get it, and he is making

399
00:19:44,600 --> 00:19:47,240
Speaker 4: it worse by obsessing over it. Like literally, in my

400
00:19:47,560 --> 00:19:50,359
Speaker 4: situation last week, it could have been like, Okay, you

401
00:19:50,400 --> 00:19:53,639
Speaker 4: know what you're gonna say, You're gonna apologize on Thursday,

402
00:19:54,359 --> 00:19:56,800
Speaker 4: and let's move on with our life. But of course

403
00:19:57,160 --> 00:20:00,200
Speaker 4: that doesn't happen. So I get where he's coming from.

404
00:20:01,359 --> 00:20:07,919
Speaker 4: This whole thing about she's seemingly avoiding me, Like, but

405
00:20:08,200 --> 00:20:08,679
Speaker 4: is she.

406
00:20:09,280 --> 00:20:10,120
Speaker 2: Like in your head?

407
00:20:10,320 --> 00:20:13,520
Speaker 4: I know so much of this is just imagined. I

408
00:20:14,080 --> 00:20:15,679
Speaker 4: used to have a notebook that on the cover it

409
00:20:15,680 --> 00:20:20,760
Speaker 4: said list of imagined slights, so meaning like, what do

410
00:20:20,880 --> 00:20:23,040
Speaker 4: people say that they actually didn't mean anything?

411
00:20:23,040 --> 00:20:24,680
Speaker 6: But I'm going to keep a list and keep it

412
00:20:24,760 --> 00:20:25,640
Speaker 6: tally of who's the.

413
00:20:25,600 --> 00:20:28,760
Speaker 4: Asshole and I hate them? Okay, So I don't know

414
00:20:28,840 --> 00:20:34,479
Speaker 4: with him, I think honestly, if the price of keeping

415
00:20:34,480 --> 00:20:39,280
Speaker 4: it inside is more than the price of asking, you

416
00:20:39,400 --> 00:20:42,200
Speaker 4: got to figure out which gives you less pain exactly.

417
00:20:42,440 --> 00:20:46,879
Speaker 4: So you're overthinking, you're obsessing. Do we morally know that

418
00:20:46,920 --> 00:20:49,040
Speaker 4: it's her job to come up to you and say, hey, man,

419
00:20:49,280 --> 00:20:51,560
Speaker 4: that was kind of bad. I wish we could talk

420
00:20:51,560 --> 00:20:54,240
Speaker 4: about it. Sure, But if it's going to ruin your

421
00:20:54,280 --> 00:20:57,120
Speaker 4: week and you're not emotionally there have done the work

422
00:20:57,160 --> 00:21:00,399
Speaker 4: to get emotionally out of that habit, then just go

423
00:21:00,520 --> 00:21:03,480
Speaker 4: up to her and be like, hey, can we talk

424
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Speaker 4: about what happened in the meeting last week?

425
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Speaker 2: Yeah? I would say that, go up to her, address it,

426
00:21:08,080 --> 00:21:10,160
Speaker 2: get it out in the open. Also to my question

427
00:21:10,200 --> 00:21:13,360
Speaker 2: would be what is his relationship with her besides work?

428
00:21:13,440 --> 00:21:15,719
Speaker 2: Like is it like a friend? Does he really care

429
00:21:15,760 --> 00:21:17,760
Speaker 2: about her? Does he have to work with her a ton?

430
00:21:17,880 --> 00:21:21,240
Speaker 2: Does she have power over him? Like? What's the dynamic?

431
00:21:21,520 --> 00:21:21,600
Speaker 4: Like?

432
00:21:21,800 --> 00:21:23,520
Speaker 6: So much is not being unsaid.

433
00:21:23,840 --> 00:21:26,720
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's just like I don't know, like I think

434
00:21:26,880 --> 00:21:29,320
Speaker 2: Belie is right, like, just go and address it. See

435
00:21:29,359 --> 00:21:32,199
Speaker 2: where you're at. Oh, it's just a close friend or

436
00:21:32,200 --> 00:21:34,000
Speaker 2: something like. What's I don't know the dynamic here.

437
00:21:34,119 --> 00:21:36,639
Speaker 4: I just think I live in a fantasy world of

438
00:21:36,680 --> 00:21:39,560
Speaker 4: going wow, I wish they I think if all people

439
00:21:39,640 --> 00:21:41,200
Speaker 4: just went up to each other, that would be great,

440
00:21:41,240 --> 00:21:44,560
Speaker 4: but they're not gonna. And the tenseness and that whole

441
00:21:44,600 --> 00:21:47,560
Speaker 4: tension around the office. Oh and then just go in

442
00:21:47,640 --> 00:21:50,800
Speaker 4: every day and be like, oh God, does she hate me?

443
00:21:51,560 --> 00:21:52,639
Speaker 4: And is that our problem?

444
00:21:52,760 --> 00:21:57,040
Speaker 6: Yeah? Yeah, it is. Our problem is giving a shit

445
00:21:57,240 --> 00:21:57,960
Speaker 6: if people hate us?

446
00:21:57,960 --> 00:22:01,920
Speaker 4: When he clearly probably did nothing wrong, like he disagreed

447
00:22:01,960 --> 00:22:05,240
Speaker 4: with her for a plan for a rollout spreadsheet, PowerPoint

448
00:22:05,359 --> 00:22:06,160
Speaker 4: whatever it is.

449
00:22:06,520 --> 00:22:07,520
Speaker 6: I don't know what that means.

450
00:22:07,640 --> 00:22:08,920
Speaker 2: What is the rollout about?

451
00:22:09,040 --> 00:22:11,360
Speaker 4: Yeah? Can you right back to us, Andrew and tell

452
00:22:11,440 --> 00:22:13,680
Speaker 4: us what in Denver, Colorado are you rolling out?

453
00:22:13,680 --> 00:22:14,479
Speaker 6: Other than joints.

454
00:22:14,600 --> 00:22:17,600
Speaker 4: That's all they do, is they smoke the pot. Because

455
00:22:17,600 --> 00:22:19,399
Speaker 4: when I was the last time I played in Denver

456
00:22:19,480 --> 00:22:23,000
Speaker 4: before my retirement, I remember I said, when I was

457
00:22:23,040 --> 00:22:25,480
Speaker 4: on stage, I said, could the lights go up please?

458
00:22:25,640 --> 00:22:28,280
Speaker 4: And of course the big pothead who was running the

459
00:22:28,359 --> 00:22:31,560
Speaker 4: lights of the theater was outside smoking a dube and

460
00:22:31,600 --> 00:22:36,040
Speaker 4: I said, denver to me, So you know, when Andrew

461
00:22:36,280 --> 00:22:40,040
Speaker 4: just die and go smoke the pot next letter?

462
00:22:40,280 --> 00:22:46,040
Speaker 2: Fuck you? All right? So, dear Lisa, in the past year,

463
00:22:46,200 --> 00:22:49,200
Speaker 2: I've lost twenty five pounds. Yoh, bet talk about to

464
00:22:49,280 --> 00:22:53,679
Speaker 2: find gravity. Oh, I feel much better about myself. Last

465
00:22:53,680 --> 00:22:56,200
Speaker 2: week I saw an at that I'm not crazy about.

466
00:22:56,520 --> 00:22:57,920
Speaker 2: H We've all been there.

467
00:22:57,840 --> 00:23:04,000
Speaker 6: And not with a capital C. No fist bumps, no shocks.

468
00:23:04,080 --> 00:23:07,240
Speaker 2: Hell yeah. And she told me how much better I look,

469
00:23:07,280 --> 00:23:09,960
Speaker 2: and that she couldn't believe how big I allowed myself

470
00:23:10,000 --> 00:23:10,520
Speaker 2: to gets.

471
00:23:10,800 --> 00:23:15,840
Speaker 6: She has. I thought I apologized about this already.

472
00:23:15,480 --> 00:23:15,640
Speaker 4: But.

473
00:23:17,520 --> 00:23:19,719
Speaker 2: Oh my god, I feel like that was way out

474
00:23:19,760 --> 00:23:21,760
Speaker 2: of line. But I don't think she has any idea,

475
00:23:21,840 --> 00:23:22,639
Speaker 2: which she doesn't.

476
00:23:22,920 --> 00:23:23,720
Speaker 6: No, she does not.

477
00:23:23,760 --> 00:23:25,800
Speaker 2: Should I call her and ask for an apology and

478
00:23:25,920 --> 00:23:29,879
Speaker 2: explain why I'm hurt. I'm not a confrontational person, so

479
00:23:29,920 --> 00:23:31,680
Speaker 2: what the fuck do I do about it?

480
00:23:31,920 --> 00:23:32,280
Speaker 6: Okay?

481
00:23:32,960 --> 00:23:36,680
Speaker 4: I was with her till the not confrontational part. I

482
00:23:37,680 --> 00:23:43,119
Speaker 4: so object strongly to the I'm not confrontational, which means

483
00:23:43,720 --> 00:23:47,400
Speaker 4: you need to grow the fuck up and if something

484
00:23:47,520 --> 00:23:50,840
Speaker 4: bothers you or hurt you say something that is just

485
00:23:50,960 --> 00:23:54,520
Speaker 4: giving yourself the chance to build tons and years of

486
00:23:54,640 --> 00:23:58,879
Speaker 4: resentment and be angry internally and hold on to all

487
00:23:58,920 --> 00:24:02,200
Speaker 4: of it instead of everything. Isn't a confrontation. It's just

488
00:24:02,320 --> 00:24:06,520
Speaker 4: a discussion. It's just a conversation. So if I I

489
00:24:06,560 --> 00:24:09,919
Speaker 4: remember once I was meeting with you and Andrew and

490
00:24:09,960 --> 00:24:13,879
Speaker 4: Bow that, these guys that we ostensibly write with every week,

491
00:24:14,800 --> 00:24:16,840
Speaker 4: and I remember I was like, I'm mad at Bo,

492
00:24:17,600 --> 00:24:19,560
Speaker 4: And I said to you and Andrew, wait in your

493
00:24:19,600 --> 00:24:21,679
Speaker 4: cars because I got to talk to him about something.

494
00:24:22,359 --> 00:24:25,920
Speaker 4: And I'm like, there should be no fear about bringing up, hey, Bo,

495
00:24:26,040 --> 00:24:28,840
Speaker 4: what you did. I didn't like, let's talk about it.

496
00:24:29,040 --> 00:24:30,840
Speaker 4: Obviously you didn't do it in front of you guys,

497
00:24:31,160 --> 00:24:32,679
Speaker 4: And they just told you guys about it later and

498
00:24:32,680 --> 00:24:37,760
Speaker 4: we all laughed. But that's not confrontational. There's not two

499
00:24:37,800 --> 00:24:41,320
Speaker 4: types of people, those of us who don't like confrontation

500
00:24:41,520 --> 00:24:45,119
Speaker 4: and then co opt everybody to tack of our feelings

501
00:24:45,160 --> 00:24:48,000
Speaker 4: where we resent them, or people who just bull in

502
00:24:48,080 --> 00:24:51,239
Speaker 4: a china shop going and be like, look, motherfucker. Like

503
00:24:51,240 --> 00:24:54,040
Speaker 4: there's that in between ground of just going hey, aunt,

504
00:24:54,400 --> 00:24:56,840
Speaker 4: let's make it aunt, Lisa, because that sounds like something

505
00:24:56,880 --> 00:24:59,800
Speaker 4: I would have said years ago, like now I know better.

506
00:25:00,000 --> 00:25:03,439
Speaker 4: Now I know like no, because also, like you know

507
00:25:04,400 --> 00:25:08,800
Speaker 4: who says less weight equals more attractive, Like it's just

508
00:25:08,840 --> 00:25:09,880
Speaker 4: like fat phobia.

509
00:25:09,960 --> 00:25:12,600
Speaker 6: It's just bullshit. So how about you say you.

510
00:25:12,520 --> 00:25:16,080
Speaker 4: Look great, how you feel in whatever? So anyway, years ago,

511
00:25:16,080 --> 00:25:18,920
Speaker 4: I would have definitely been like, dude, you fucking let

512
00:25:18,920 --> 00:25:19,640
Speaker 4: yourself go?

513
00:25:19,840 --> 00:25:20,760
Speaker 6: What the fuck?

514
00:25:21,920 --> 00:25:22,120
Speaker 2: Yeah?

515
00:25:22,280 --> 00:25:27,840
Speaker 4: Many hung those kids wit hang like if that was

516
00:25:27,960 --> 00:25:32,399
Speaker 4: me and some and also these aunts though are formidable,

517
00:25:32,600 --> 00:25:35,440
Speaker 4: Like there is a certain fear level of some of

518
00:25:35,480 --> 00:25:38,360
Speaker 4: these elder relatives because you're like, oh my god, she's

519
00:25:38,400 --> 00:25:40,080
Speaker 4: gonna yell at me, she's gonna be mad at me.

520
00:25:40,720 --> 00:25:43,600
Speaker 4: I often wonder I'm the Peppa person if I hurt

521
00:25:43,600 --> 00:25:47,040
Speaker 4: someone's feelings, I'm formidable. So I don't know. If they

522
00:25:47,040 --> 00:25:49,000
Speaker 4: would tell me they'd be afraid, I'd be like, ah,

523
00:25:49,080 --> 00:25:52,760
Speaker 4: fuck you, And I honestly wouldn't. I wouldn't start crying

524
00:25:52,800 --> 00:25:54,959
Speaker 4: white girl tears of like and make it about me.

525
00:25:55,000 --> 00:25:56,920
Speaker 4: I'd be like, oh man, I'm really sorry that hurt

526
00:25:57,200 --> 00:25:59,080
Speaker 4: you know how like white women always have to cry

527
00:25:59,119 --> 00:26:01,880
Speaker 4: about It's like how to just switch to your issue now?

528
00:26:01,960 --> 00:26:03,160
Speaker 6: Now I have to feel sorry for you.

529
00:26:04,000 --> 00:26:06,720
Speaker 4: So if that was me, I would love if Denise

530
00:26:06,800 --> 00:26:09,879
Speaker 4: could come up to me and say, gosh, I'm not

531
00:26:10,080 --> 00:26:14,880
Speaker 4: usually comfortable with conversations like this. I fear confrontation, but.

532
00:26:15,920 --> 00:26:17,119
Speaker 6: You hurt my feelings.

533
00:26:17,200 --> 00:26:20,199
Speaker 4: When you said I looked terrible before or whatever the

534
00:26:20,280 --> 00:26:22,800
Speaker 4: verbiage was, I'd be like, oh my god, I didn't

535
00:26:22,840 --> 00:26:23,399
Speaker 4: intend that.

536
00:26:24,119 --> 00:26:24,919
Speaker 6: I'm so sorry.

537
00:26:25,119 --> 00:26:27,720
Speaker 4: Look, that would be so mature and great. But if

538
00:26:27,720 --> 00:26:31,280
Speaker 4: you're going to write your story is I'm not confrontational.

539
00:26:31,960 --> 00:26:35,040
Speaker 4: You'll never have a confrontation, you'll never have an equal friendship,

540
00:26:35,080 --> 00:26:37,199
Speaker 4: you'll never have an equal marriage, and you'll just be

541
00:26:37,280 --> 00:26:40,199
Speaker 4: a doormat. That is my feelings, and I'm right. So

542
00:26:40,280 --> 00:26:44,880
Speaker 4: you know what, go eat yourself to death. Sacramento Mallory.

543
00:26:45,200 --> 00:26:46,520
Speaker 2: That was the name. I forgot to read it.

544
00:26:46,640 --> 00:26:50,639
Speaker 4: I love that. I mean, what do you think? I

545
00:26:50,680 --> 00:26:53,119
Speaker 4: mean the aunt? What the aunt did was inarguably wrong.

546
00:26:53,560 --> 00:26:56,320
Speaker 4: What we know what the aunt did was in arguably.

547
00:26:57,400 --> 00:27:01,360
Speaker 2: I I I have. It's weird because I with my family,

548
00:27:01,960 --> 00:27:04,920
Speaker 2: I have the hardest boundaries of all time. Like if

549
00:27:04,960 --> 00:27:07,119
Speaker 2: they say shit or anything, that's gonna interfere. But like

550
00:27:07,200 --> 00:27:10,320
Speaker 2: I will for a sports reference, I'll stiff arm those

551
00:27:10,320 --> 00:27:12,159
Speaker 2: fuckers to the ground, get away from me.

552
00:27:12,520 --> 00:27:14,640
Speaker 6: We only have women and gay men listening to this.

553
00:27:14,720 --> 00:27:15,760
Speaker 6: So I hope you're happy.

554
00:27:16,280 --> 00:27:20,240
Speaker 4: I hope you're happy now that.

555
00:27:24,359 --> 00:27:26,560
Speaker 2: But at the same time, like I understand it, it's like,

556
00:27:26,600 --> 00:27:28,880
Speaker 2: what's it gonna you know when you say, even aunt,

557
00:27:28,880 --> 00:27:31,600
Speaker 2: you're not crazy of Maybe you apologize and it makes

558
00:27:31,600 --> 00:27:35,439
Speaker 2: your guys relationship better. That's true. It could maybe you

559
00:27:35,520 --> 00:27:37,520
Speaker 2: apologize and she's like, oh, what are you want of

560
00:27:37,560 --> 00:27:38,600
Speaker 2: those liberals?

561
00:27:40,359 --> 00:27:43,480
Speaker 4: Those good fatties are good too, chicks.

562
00:27:43,800 --> 00:27:45,359
Speaker 6: How does she turn into Jennifer Cooler?

563
00:27:46,760 --> 00:27:49,359
Speaker 2: But I mean also too, Like if it's an aunt,

564
00:27:49,720 --> 00:27:51,560
Speaker 2: that's like, say, this is a grown woman, I would

565
00:27:51,600 --> 00:27:55,200
Speaker 2: assume So for aunts like in her seventies.

566
00:27:55,520 --> 00:27:57,879
Speaker 6: They're not gonna know. Sometimes you just got to the

567
00:27:57,880 --> 00:27:58,800
Speaker 6: old people.

568
00:27:58,520 --> 00:28:01,640
Speaker 2: That pass him benefit of the doubt. Man, Like at

569
00:28:01,680 --> 00:28:04,399
Speaker 2: some point it's like, are you gonna call up your

570
00:28:04,880 --> 00:28:07,159
Speaker 2: seventy five year old great aunt and be like, you

571
00:28:07,240 --> 00:28:09,280
Speaker 2: know what you said? Just let them.

572
00:28:10,280 --> 00:28:12,520
Speaker 4: I remember years ago when my mother said to me,

573
00:28:12,600 --> 00:28:15,760
Speaker 4: my mother would always joke around about how lousy my

574
00:28:15,840 --> 00:28:16,560
Speaker 4: boyfriends were.

575
00:28:16,720 --> 00:28:19,920
Speaker 6: Yeah, and it was like hurt my feeling says, it's

576
00:28:19,920 --> 00:28:21,919
Speaker 6: clearly this is years.

577
00:28:21,640 --> 00:28:25,000
Speaker 4: Ago, like before I dated somebody decent and I clearly

578
00:28:25,040 --> 00:28:29,119
Speaker 4: picked badly and she was worried. But every time she

579
00:28:29,200 --> 00:28:32,760
Speaker 4: said it, I'd feel worse about the choice I made.

580
00:28:32,840 --> 00:28:37,719
Speaker 4: And that sounds like what's going on with Mallory because

581
00:28:37,720 --> 00:28:41,480
Speaker 4: she feels bad that she she knows internally she didn't

582
00:28:41,600 --> 00:28:45,360
Speaker 4: like herself at the other weighth and it makes her

583
00:28:45,440 --> 00:28:46,760
Speaker 4: feel like shit.

584
00:28:47,200 --> 00:28:49,040
Speaker 6: I did let myself go, and I.

585
00:28:49,000 --> 00:28:52,720
Speaker 4: Wish I hadn't. I was like, I wish I hadn't

586
00:28:52,760 --> 00:28:55,280
Speaker 4: dated those kind of guys. It just reminds you of

587
00:28:55,560 --> 00:28:58,080
Speaker 4: your past and how it was ugly. So I remember

588
00:28:58,080 --> 00:28:59,760
Speaker 4: saying to my mother. I just said one day, I said,

589
00:28:59,800 --> 00:29:01,880
Speaker 4: you know, I really wish you wouldn't bring up guys.

590
00:29:01,920 --> 00:29:03,200
Speaker 6: It makes me I can't.

591
00:29:02,960 --> 00:29:05,240
Speaker 4: Believe I said it, because talk about formidable like you

592
00:29:05,280 --> 00:29:08,760
Speaker 4: think I'm tough. My mother, would you send it in

593
00:29:09,160 --> 00:29:12,200
Speaker 4: shut up bah blah, but she would.

594
00:29:13,160 --> 00:29:14,800
Speaker 6: I said that, I go, you gotta stop.

595
00:29:14,840 --> 00:29:15,040
Speaker 4: I go.

596
00:29:15,120 --> 00:29:15,720
Speaker 6: I don't like that.

597
00:29:15,840 --> 00:29:18,280
Speaker 4: I said, I don't date guys like that anymore. So

598
00:29:18,280 --> 00:29:20,760
Speaker 4: it makes me feel bad that you say that. Yeah,

599
00:29:21,080 --> 00:29:25,400
Speaker 4: and she never did it again. There's something about even

600
00:29:25,480 --> 00:29:28,000
Speaker 4: tough women like me and her that you tell us

601
00:29:28,040 --> 00:29:34,280
Speaker 4: and we fucking remember so those non confrontational people. I mean,

602
00:29:34,320 --> 00:29:36,440
Speaker 4: it'd be great if you could stop writing the story

603
00:29:36,520 --> 00:29:39,360
Speaker 4: of like you're the victim and don't like to come

604
00:29:39,680 --> 00:29:43,360
Speaker 4: from people. It's just like educate us instead in what hurts.

605
00:29:44,000 --> 00:29:46,080
Speaker 4: Like if you said to me, even though we joke

606
00:29:46,120 --> 00:29:49,160
Speaker 4: a lot, if you said, you know, I know my

607
00:29:49,240 --> 00:29:51,200
Speaker 4: mom died when I was six, and I joke about it,

608
00:29:51,240 --> 00:29:54,080
Speaker 4: but you know, if you joke about it, it hurts, I'd

609
00:29:54,080 --> 00:29:57,040
Speaker 4: be like, oh shit, like I would never forget that again.

610
00:29:57,360 --> 00:30:00,280
Speaker 4: I would it would never happen again like that.

611
00:30:00,400 --> 00:30:03,640
Speaker 2: Like again, the intent like like you and your mother

612
00:30:03,720 --> 00:30:05,560
Speaker 2: are like like she was just saying it to be

613
00:30:05,600 --> 00:30:08,560
Speaker 2: like having fun and joking around. Yeah, and that's the

614
00:30:08,560 --> 00:30:11,360
Speaker 2: same thing with you. Like everything you said. That's why

615
00:30:11,600 --> 00:30:13,640
Speaker 2: none of us, like Bo and Andrew and all of us, like,

616
00:30:13,680 --> 00:30:16,040
Speaker 2: none of us take it because we're like this is fun,

617
00:30:16,160 --> 00:30:21,520
Speaker 2: like this means right whatever, But yeah, the intention is

618
00:30:21,560 --> 00:30:23,560
Speaker 2: never to hurt someone, like you know, someone like your

619
00:30:23,600 --> 00:30:25,280
Speaker 2: mother was like, like you said, you told her once

620
00:30:25,480 --> 00:30:28,160
Speaker 2: you are, I'll never forget I love you, and you're like,

621
00:30:28,200 --> 00:30:30,640
Speaker 2: please don't say that, and she was like good, all right, cool.

622
00:30:30,560 --> 00:30:35,640
Speaker 4: And I think It's like being an adult means having

623
00:30:35,680 --> 00:30:39,720
Speaker 4: those hard conversations. So I think the more this girl grows,

624
00:30:40,280 --> 00:30:44,320
Speaker 4: she'll be like, well, you're not either yes, confrontational or

625
00:30:44,440 --> 00:30:47,160
Speaker 4: not at all. You're somewhere in between of like educating

626
00:30:47,200 --> 00:30:48,200
Speaker 4: people how to treat you.

627
00:30:48,320 --> 00:30:49,040
Speaker 6: That's all it is.

628
00:30:49,200 --> 00:30:51,040
Speaker 4: And then if the aunt's still a cunt, you just

629
00:30:51,120 --> 00:30:55,040
Speaker 4: write her off or you say, well, you know what, Yeah,

630
00:30:55,440 --> 00:30:57,640
Speaker 4: I guess I can't trust you with my feelings anymore.

631
00:30:57,880 --> 00:31:00,320
Speaker 2: Yeah, they're just like, you know, put a little, don't

632
00:31:00,360 --> 00:31:01,920
Speaker 2: salt the steps next time it snows.

633
00:31:02,240 --> 00:31:06,320
Speaker 4: I love that an old people injury fully advocates for that.

634
00:31:08,040 --> 00:31:09,440
Speaker 4: Got one more, We got one more?

635
00:31:09,560 --> 00:31:10,200
Speaker 6: Oh my god.

636
00:31:10,360 --> 00:31:12,880
Speaker 4: I better like them better than that fat hole.

637
00:31:13,080 --> 00:31:15,560
Speaker 2: See this is James from Manitoba.

638
00:31:15,680 --> 00:31:20,000
Speaker 6: Oh my god, Canadia, Canada. I love them so.

639
00:31:20,800 --> 00:31:23,200
Speaker 2: Dear Lisa, my wife has brought to my attention that

640
00:31:23,280 --> 00:31:24,560
Speaker 2: I apologize too much.

641
00:31:24,760 --> 00:31:26,680
Speaker 4: Oh god, I hate that type of part.

642
00:31:26,720 --> 00:31:27,480
Speaker 6: Sorry Celia.

643
00:31:28,080 --> 00:31:30,680
Speaker 4: That Celia, even men do it.

644
00:31:30,760 --> 00:31:34,440
Speaker 6: Supposedly sight this do I reach for the thing?

645
00:31:34,640 --> 00:31:37,400
Speaker 2: Says something? Well, then I think that that man needs

646
00:31:37,400 --> 00:31:38,280
Speaker 2: to be my husband's.

647
00:31:38,320 --> 00:31:39,840
Speaker 6: Then we apologize to each other, Oh.

648
00:31:39,760 --> 00:31:41,600
Speaker 4: My god, and you would be the couple no one

649
00:31:41,640 --> 00:31:49,320
Speaker 4: wants around exactly. No, I'm sorry, dependent okay, go ahead.

650
00:31:49,920 --> 00:31:52,280
Speaker 2: So my wife brought to my attendency. I apologize too much,

651
00:31:52,360 --> 00:31:54,320
Speaker 2: she says. We'll be out to dinner, and if the

652
00:31:54,320 --> 00:31:56,360
Speaker 2: waiter comes over and I'm not ready to order, I'll

653
00:31:56,400 --> 00:31:59,120
Speaker 2: say sorry four or five times, and then it makes

654
00:31:59,160 --> 00:32:02,400
Speaker 2: the person uncomfort. I feel like people don't apologize enough.

655
00:32:02,520 --> 00:32:07,280
Speaker 4: Oh god, so he's overcompensating for they are so nice

656
00:32:07,800 --> 00:32:10,200
Speaker 4: a different breed, Nick, That's the only place I ever

657
00:32:10,240 --> 00:32:13,000
Speaker 4: played where in an autograph line they're like, thank you,

658
00:32:13,080 --> 00:32:17,400
Speaker 4: miss Lampinelly, thank you, miss lamps and ps. Then I

659
00:32:17,480 --> 00:32:21,440
Speaker 4: instituted that elsewhere. I said it is not.

660
00:32:22,800 --> 00:32:26,080
Speaker 6: Lease, it's miss Lampinelly.

661
00:32:26,320 --> 00:32:26,880
Speaker 2: You say.

662
00:32:28,280 --> 00:32:31,040
Speaker 4: Later face, and said, how did you let yourself go

663
00:32:31,240 --> 00:32:32,320
Speaker 4: your fat hunt?

664
00:32:32,960 --> 00:32:33,400
Speaker 6: Go ahead?

665
00:32:34,160 --> 00:32:36,000
Speaker 2: He says he feels like people don't apologize enough that

666
00:32:36,040 --> 00:32:38,520
Speaker 2: it's appreciated, no matter how many times I say it.

667
00:32:38,600 --> 00:32:39,320
Speaker 2: What do you think?

668
00:32:40,760 --> 00:32:45,719
Speaker 4: Because it becomes meaningless as fuck. All the I'm sorries

669
00:32:46,080 --> 00:32:48,160
Speaker 4: they add up to one big Hi.

670
00:32:48,160 --> 00:32:49,000
Speaker 6: I'm a people pleaser.

671
00:32:49,080 --> 00:32:50,840
Speaker 4: HI like me, like me, like me, like me, like me?

672
00:32:52,320 --> 00:32:55,120
Speaker 4: If you're not, I get saying once to the you

673
00:32:55,120 --> 00:32:57,920
Speaker 4: know what actually I get saying it to the waiter

674
00:32:58,000 --> 00:33:00,280
Speaker 4: if they've come back like three times in a half

675
00:33:00,320 --> 00:33:03,320
Speaker 4: hour and you're like, oh, I'm sorry, we're you know,

676
00:33:03,400 --> 00:33:05,640
Speaker 4: we talk a lot. There's this one restaurant that me

677
00:33:05,640 --> 00:33:10,760
Speaker 4: and my friend go to in Madison, Connecticut, beautiful, rich

678
00:33:10,760 --> 00:33:12,720
Speaker 4: people town. No, when we go there once every couple

679
00:33:12,760 --> 00:33:15,280
Speaker 4: of weeks and have dinner for five hours, they know

680
00:33:15,400 --> 00:33:18,680
Speaker 4: that they know now not to even ask us what

681
00:33:18,720 --> 00:33:21,080
Speaker 4: we want until an hour in because they know we're

682
00:33:21,080 --> 00:33:23,800
Speaker 4: not even gonna have looked at the menu yet. But

683
00:33:24,040 --> 00:33:26,200
Speaker 4: if you're not in a place where they know that,

684
00:33:26,440 --> 00:33:28,520
Speaker 4: and they're coming back and just trying to do their job,

685
00:33:28,600 --> 00:33:31,040
Speaker 4: I get after like the third time, being like, oh,

686
00:33:31,080 --> 00:33:33,640
Speaker 4: I'm sorry, man, we're a little different. We talk a

687
00:33:33,680 --> 00:33:36,760
Speaker 4: lot first, and we'll give you a signal. But the

688
00:33:37,360 --> 00:33:42,160
Speaker 4: weird people pleasy, manipulative, I'm sorry, is just sound a

689
00:33:42,200 --> 00:33:44,960
Speaker 4: little cloying, and they lose meaning.

690
00:33:45,520 --> 00:33:47,200
Speaker 6: I don't either.

691
00:33:47,600 --> 00:33:50,760
Speaker 2: I mean, honestly, it's like when a woman does it.

692
00:33:50,840 --> 00:33:53,080
Speaker 6: I'm like, it's low self esteeming.

693
00:33:53,360 --> 00:33:55,719
Speaker 2: It's not great. When a guy does it, I really

694
00:33:55,800 --> 00:33:56,520
Speaker 2: hate ith.

695
00:33:56,640 --> 00:34:00,560
Speaker 4: Yeah, Well, because women, we can almost underst stand it,

696
00:34:00,680 --> 00:34:03,640
Speaker 4: how you know, with the patriarchy. We've been conditioned to

697
00:34:03,640 --> 00:34:05,360
Speaker 4: be apologetic in general.

698
00:34:05,480 --> 00:34:07,880
Speaker 6: But shut up. There such a non bro.

699
00:34:09,360 --> 00:34:12,759
Speaker 4: And so we kind of get it. But with men,

700
00:34:12,840 --> 00:34:17,400
Speaker 4: you go, hmmm, wow, that poor guy. Let's see what's

701
00:34:17,560 --> 00:34:18,640
Speaker 4: inside that vault.

702
00:34:18,920 --> 00:34:21,759
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, if I could put a little just like

703
00:34:21,800 --> 00:34:23,359
Speaker 2: a little bow on it. This is something I think

704
00:34:23,360 --> 00:34:27,839
Speaker 2: about all the time since I've met Lisa. So since

705
00:34:27,840 --> 00:34:31,400
Speaker 2: I met you, of you've been very upfront about your

706
00:34:31,440 --> 00:34:34,440
Speaker 2: emotions and been very direct and things like that. And

707
00:34:34,520 --> 00:34:36,920
Speaker 2: you know, I've been at therapy and worked on myself

708
00:34:36,960 --> 00:34:38,960
Speaker 2: and I've found that it in a way, and I

709
00:34:39,000 --> 00:34:41,160
Speaker 2: know these people are in their heads and they're overthinking things,

710
00:34:41,200 --> 00:34:44,760
Speaker 2: but being more direct just overall for me in any regard,

711
00:34:44,760 --> 00:34:47,360
Speaker 2: whether it's apologizing or anything else, has made me feel

712
00:34:47,719 --> 00:34:51,040
Speaker 2: more relaxed and freer than probably in my life.

713
00:34:51,440 --> 00:34:51,880
Speaker 6: Wow.

714
00:34:51,880 --> 00:34:53,759
Speaker 2: So that that was one thing that just came to

715
00:34:53,800 --> 00:34:55,040
Speaker 2: me that I was like, I need to say this,

716
00:34:55,160 --> 00:34:57,960
Speaker 2: because that was I would have avoided everything at all

717
00:34:58,000 --> 00:35:02,200
Speaker 2: costs or been like it's there. Yeah, I'm just guarding

718
00:35:02,239 --> 00:35:05,440
Speaker 2: the shit out of my emotions all day. So I

719
00:35:05,480 --> 00:35:07,959
Speaker 2: think being direct about it and just being honest about

720
00:35:08,040 --> 00:35:10,200
Speaker 2: your feelings no matter what the situation. No matter who

721
00:35:10,200 --> 00:35:12,839
Speaker 2: it's with, there are situations, maybe like with the old aunt,

722
00:35:12,880 --> 00:35:17,080
Speaker 2: you're like whatever, she's eighty, Yeah, she'll it's fine, right,

723
00:35:17,360 --> 00:35:20,799
Speaker 2: I get it. But I think overall being able to

724
00:35:20,880 --> 00:35:24,000
Speaker 2: address it and apologize and being okay with the outcome

725
00:35:24,040 --> 00:35:25,600
Speaker 2: of it too, because I think a lot of it

726
00:35:25,680 --> 00:35:28,440
Speaker 2: and tell me if I'm wrong, But I think a

727
00:35:28,520 --> 00:35:31,560
Speaker 2: lot of it comes with like wanting to be liked.

728
00:35:31,800 --> 00:35:34,000
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, and like I want I want to know

729
00:35:34,320 --> 00:35:37,879
Speaker 2: everything's were okay, right everyone, We're cool. Yeah, And it's

730
00:35:37,920 --> 00:35:39,640
Speaker 2: once you stop caring about that. I mean, you're not

731
00:35:39,640 --> 00:35:41,680
Speaker 2: walking around being an asshole to people, right, but you're

732
00:35:41,719 --> 00:35:44,080
Speaker 2: just being direct and relaying your emotions. And to me,

733
00:35:44,400 --> 00:35:47,279
Speaker 2: I know personally, it's been super freeing and been very

734
00:35:47,280 --> 00:35:49,680
Speaker 2: relaxing and I haven't had those freak out moments of

735
00:35:49,760 --> 00:35:51,120
Speaker 2: holding on to stuff as much.

736
00:35:51,280 --> 00:35:51,960
Speaker 6: Yeah yeah, yeah.

737
00:35:52,040 --> 00:35:54,359
Speaker 4: And I think to the people, first of all, I'm

738
00:35:54,400 --> 00:35:57,359
Speaker 4: that landed for me that I've changed your life and

739
00:35:57,480 --> 00:36:00,279
Speaker 4: you're you have died without me, So thank you, thank

740
00:36:00,320 --> 00:36:01,000
Speaker 4: you for saying that.

741
00:36:01,120 --> 00:36:04,400
Speaker 6: I'm not sorry. No, the whole thing.

742
00:36:04,239 --> 00:36:08,680
Speaker 4: About wanting to be liked is such a manipulative thing

743
00:36:09,280 --> 00:36:12,000
Speaker 4: because like and again, This is not saying, oh, why

744
00:36:12,400 --> 00:36:16,880
Speaker 4: you know the waiter's meaningless. He's not, but like, why

745
00:36:16,920 --> 00:36:19,120
Speaker 4: do you care so much if he likes you? Clearly

746
00:36:19,160 --> 00:36:22,640
Speaker 4: that's childhood stuff. Clearly it's like mommy and daddy have

747
00:36:22,719 --> 00:36:24,160
Speaker 4: to like me. Now everybody has to like you know

748
00:36:24,239 --> 00:36:24,560
Speaker 4: what I mean?

749
00:36:24,760 --> 00:36:25,680
Speaker 6: So we get it.

750
00:36:25,680 --> 00:36:30,680
Speaker 4: It's all deep internal work. But it's manipulating the world

751
00:36:30,880 --> 00:36:33,600
Speaker 4: to make you feel better. And sometimes it's sitting with

752
00:36:33,640 --> 00:36:36,799
Speaker 4: the uncomfortable stuff like oh my god, he's coming in

753
00:36:36,840 --> 00:36:39,520
Speaker 4: for the third time. I can't put myself beneath him

754
00:36:39,520 --> 00:36:43,080
Speaker 4: by apologizing. I have no growth if I'm not uncomfortable,

755
00:36:43,120 --> 00:36:45,080
Speaker 4: because no growth comes without discomfort.

756
00:36:45,520 --> 00:36:45,759
Speaker 2: Yeah.

757
00:36:45,840 --> 00:36:48,640
Speaker 4: I mean the few weeks ago that I told someone

758
00:36:48,640 --> 00:36:53,560
Speaker 4: they hurt my feelings, she's definitely pulled back. Yeah, And

759
00:36:53,680 --> 00:36:56,520
Speaker 4: I'm like, I've noticed. I've noticed the lack of the

760
00:36:56,600 --> 00:37:01,439
Speaker 4: texts or the very brief texts and the little time,

761
00:37:02,239 --> 00:37:07,120
Speaker 4: as we say in the psychology business, d counter less contact.

762
00:37:07,280 --> 00:37:11,879
Speaker 4: And I'm like, interesting, So even sometimes doing the right

763
00:37:11,920 --> 00:37:14,880
Speaker 4: thing of saying that hurt my feelings will make that wrong.

764
00:37:14,719 --> 00:37:15,680
Speaker 6: Person pull back.

765
00:37:16,320 --> 00:37:19,480
Speaker 4: So if people pleasing was my intention, it sure didn't work.

766
00:37:20,000 --> 00:37:22,440
Speaker 4: So I think it's just that truthfulness. I don't think

767
00:37:22,440 --> 00:37:24,920
Speaker 4: you can go wrong with the truth. Obviously not harsh

768
00:37:25,520 --> 00:37:31,000
Speaker 4: and saying shitty things like but saying that hurt. Yeah,

769
00:37:31,280 --> 00:37:33,479
Speaker 4: we land on the right person, right.

770
00:37:33,640 --> 00:37:36,319
Speaker 2: One of the things I think about all the time is,

771
00:37:36,560 --> 00:37:38,279
Speaker 2: and this is like a few years ago, when we

772
00:37:38,280 --> 00:37:39,759
Speaker 2: would go to the diner and if we were sitting

773
00:37:39,719 --> 00:37:41,200
Speaker 2: in a certain area and if there was a table

774
00:37:41,239 --> 00:37:44,360
Speaker 2: that was being really loud, yeah or whatever, and you

775
00:37:44,360 --> 00:37:45,960
Speaker 2: were like, let's move, we need to sit here.

776
00:37:46,120 --> 00:37:47,520
Speaker 6: Yeah, me or me?

777
00:37:47,680 --> 00:37:49,879
Speaker 2: I'm like at that time, I was like no, no, no.

778
00:37:51,160 --> 00:37:53,000
Speaker 2: I was like, no, we could just say it's fine,

779
00:37:53,000 --> 00:37:54,160
Speaker 2: they'll probably be leaving soon.

780
00:37:54,280 --> 00:37:54,520
Speaker 6: Yeah.

781
00:37:54,600 --> 00:37:56,879
Speaker 2: Well I would do that.

782
00:37:57,080 --> 00:38:00,400
Speaker 4: Of course, because we're not being like it's worse to

783
00:38:00,400 --> 00:38:03,200
Speaker 4: sit and give them a bad energy of like looking

784
00:38:03,239 --> 00:38:05,680
Speaker 4: at them because they're loud, or like shushing them or.

785
00:38:05,920 --> 00:38:07,680
Speaker 6: And what we didn't even get up in a huff.

786
00:38:07,920 --> 00:38:08,080
Speaker 2: Yeah.

787
00:38:08,120 --> 00:38:09,960
Speaker 4: I was like, hey, man, why don't we go over there?

788
00:38:09,960 --> 00:38:13,320
Speaker 4: It's cool and it's just taking care of you first.

789
00:38:13,400 --> 00:38:17,040
Speaker 4: Maybe that's the whole point. Yeah, what would make you

790
00:38:17,080 --> 00:38:20,360
Speaker 4: feel best to do in the moment of Oh, I

791
00:38:20,400 --> 00:38:24,000
Speaker 4: could either apologize or I could hold this thing in

792
00:38:24,160 --> 00:38:26,600
Speaker 4: because I know it's better for that person's growth. Whatever

793
00:38:26,680 --> 00:38:29,920
Speaker 4: makes you feel better, but understand they're not going to

794
00:38:29,960 --> 00:38:31,279
Speaker 4: grow if you keep caretaking.

795
00:38:31,520 --> 00:38:34,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, on the side of just get it out there,

796
00:38:34,280 --> 00:38:36,640
Speaker 2: I mean, if you're just being sincere and just having

797
00:38:36,719 --> 00:38:38,719
Speaker 2: a conversation with someone, if they can't handle it.

798
00:38:38,680 --> 00:38:41,560
Speaker 4: Then I mean, have you ever apologized for something in

799
00:38:41,640 --> 00:38:44,000
Speaker 4: the person has absolutely no idea what you're talking about.

800
00:38:44,760 --> 00:38:47,680
Speaker 6: It is the best because you realize what an idiot

801
00:38:47,719 --> 00:38:48,160
Speaker 6: you were.

802
00:38:48,000 --> 00:38:54,040
Speaker 4: For overthinking at I remember, okay, years ago, I okay,

803
00:38:54,040 --> 00:38:56,160
Speaker 4: when I was like thirteen, I got a pair of tap.

804
00:38:56,000 --> 00:38:58,760
Speaker 6: Shoes for like some show amazing.

805
00:38:58,320 --> 00:39:01,680
Speaker 4: And my dad I don't even know why, because we

806
00:39:01,760 --> 00:39:04,160
Speaker 4: joked around a lot, but he's a soft spoken guy.

807
00:39:04,640 --> 00:39:06,920
Speaker 4: I took the tap shoe and I like hit him

808
00:39:06,920 --> 00:39:09,560
Speaker 4: on the arm with it, like just spink and I

809
00:39:09,600 --> 00:39:12,520
Speaker 4: didn't think it would hurt, and he goes ow like,

810
00:39:12,640 --> 00:39:16,560
Speaker 4: I guess it really hit the wrong spot. Thirty fucking

811
00:39:16,680 --> 00:39:19,960
Speaker 4: years in therapy, I was always somehow came around to

812
00:39:20,600 --> 00:39:23,120
Speaker 4: I feel terrible. Oh my god, I hurt my father.

813
00:39:23,160 --> 00:39:25,000
Speaker 4: I heard him physically, Oh my god.

814
00:39:24,800 --> 00:39:25,359
Speaker 6: What do I do?

815
00:39:25,680 --> 00:39:27,759
Speaker 4: And once Trigg finally goes to me, why don't you

816
00:39:27,800 --> 00:39:31,160
Speaker 4: just like apologize, like, well, what a novel I did.

817
00:39:32,480 --> 00:39:34,919
Speaker 4: I go up to my dad. I'm like forty something

818
00:39:34,960 --> 00:39:37,280
Speaker 4: years old, and I go, Dad, I've been torturing myself

819
00:39:37,320 --> 00:39:37,640
Speaker 4: about this.

820
00:39:37,680 --> 00:39:38,440
Speaker 6: I'm really sorry.

821
00:39:38,840 --> 00:39:40,799
Speaker 4: When I was thirteen, I hit you with a tap

822
00:39:40,800 --> 00:39:42,040
Speaker 4: shoe in the arm and he goes.

823
00:39:41,880 --> 00:39:44,640
Speaker 6: What are you talking about? And I go.

824
00:39:46,360 --> 00:39:47,200
Speaker 2: At the time, yeah, no.

825
00:39:47,360 --> 00:39:50,000
Speaker 4: Seventy something like I hit you in the arm and

826
00:39:50,520 --> 00:39:53,279
Speaker 4: you went out and he goes, I don't remember that,

827
00:39:54,000 --> 00:39:56,600
Speaker 4: And honest at his funeral, part of the eulogy was,

828
00:39:56,640 --> 00:39:58,920
Speaker 4: my dad did not hold on to those things.

829
00:39:59,120 --> 00:39:59,359
Speaker 2: Yeah.

830
00:39:59,400 --> 00:40:01,600
Speaker 4: My dad was like always he would hold on to

831
00:40:01,680 --> 00:40:03,080
Speaker 4: the good and then the bad kind of like it

832
00:40:03,160 --> 00:40:06,440
Speaker 4: was like whatever, Yeah, so it hurt me more to

833
00:40:06,480 --> 00:40:09,040
Speaker 4: hold on to it. So all I can say is,

834
00:40:09,120 --> 00:40:12,399
Speaker 4: go hit an elderly person in the arm. We're right

835
00:40:12,440 --> 00:40:19,319
Speaker 4: now to me, I know on the street, say you're sorry.

836
00:40:19,840 --> 00:40:21,759
Speaker 4: Our third segment is always leased as fuck up of

837
00:40:21,800 --> 00:40:24,360
Speaker 4: the week. You would think I fucked up enough that

838
00:40:24,520 --> 00:40:27,520
Speaker 4: I tortured a small child in one of my classes

839
00:40:27,560 --> 00:40:30,160
Speaker 4: and made fun of him and then never apologized and

840
00:40:30,239 --> 00:40:33,160
Speaker 4: kind of skirted the issue. But this actually isn't a

841
00:40:33,160 --> 00:40:34,960
Speaker 4: fuck up that I did this week. I was just

842
00:40:35,040 --> 00:40:38,640
Speaker 4: thinking of other times I've had sorry moments, but this

843
00:40:38,719 --> 00:40:42,000
Speaker 4: one I absolutely felt bad amount. So I was in

844
00:40:42,040 --> 00:40:44,560
Speaker 4: the city a few months ago and I was going

845
00:40:44,640 --> 00:40:48,640
Speaker 4: to see a much lauded Broadway show, something that in

846
00:40:48,840 --> 00:40:52,880
Speaker 4: arguably has great reviews. Because I read the New York Times. Mister,

847
00:40:53,320 --> 00:40:55,800
Speaker 4: I know what's going on on the bads. I follow

848
00:40:55,840 --> 00:40:58,160
Speaker 4: everything going on in the Great White Way, and I said,

849
00:40:58,200 --> 00:41:01,279
Speaker 4: hot diggity, I'm going to see l So I went

850
00:41:01,320 --> 00:41:03,480
Speaker 4: to see Elf, and I was online at the Hershey store,

851
00:41:03,480 --> 00:41:06,600
Speaker 4: because god forbid, I would kill time outside waiting in

852
00:41:06,640 --> 00:41:07,000
Speaker 4: a line.

853
00:41:07,080 --> 00:41:08,720
Speaker 6: What am I a farmer?

854
00:41:09,239 --> 00:41:12,400
Speaker 4: So I was killing time with my little friend Trevor,

855
00:41:12,440 --> 00:41:14,560
Speaker 4: who's twelve, and I treat to these things so we'll

856
00:41:14,600 --> 00:41:17,239
Speaker 4: take cold care of me when I'm elderly. And I

857
00:41:17,440 --> 00:41:20,480
Speaker 4: was online and a woman why, she said, what are

858
00:41:20,520 --> 00:41:21,720
Speaker 4: you going to see?

859
00:41:21,880 --> 00:41:23,239
Speaker 6: As New Yorkers do?

860
00:41:23,880 --> 00:41:26,120
Speaker 4: And I said, why am I going to see Elf?

861
00:41:26,239 --> 00:41:27,680
Speaker 4: And she goes, oh, I heard it's great, and I

862
00:41:27,680 --> 00:41:29,920
Speaker 4: said yes, And of course I have to be like braggy,

863
00:41:30,000 --> 00:41:32,520
Speaker 4: So I was like, yes, I saw the original production

864
00:41:32,600 --> 00:41:34,919
Speaker 4: on Broadway five years ago and it was so good,

865
00:41:34,920 --> 00:41:37,600
Speaker 4: and I just can't wait for this new one, and

866
00:41:37,640 --> 00:41:43,640
Speaker 4: we're going backstage. And there at the time was a

867
00:41:43,640 --> 00:41:45,959
Speaker 4: show on Broadway and I will mention its name because

868
00:41:45,960 --> 00:41:49,080
Speaker 4: I don't care because it's long gone that god possibly

869
00:41:49,120 --> 00:41:51,920
Speaker 4: the worst reviews in years, and it was called Tammy

870
00:41:52,000 --> 00:41:55,360
Speaker 4: Faye the Musical and it was written by Elton John

871
00:41:55,600 --> 00:41:59,960
Speaker 4: and it certainly answered the question is he going down

872
00:42:00,320 --> 00:42:06,120
Speaker 4: and blind? Because it was just much milind terrible, terrible show,

873
00:42:06,560 --> 00:42:09,799
Speaker 4: inarguably the worst show in many years. So I said

874
00:42:09,840 --> 00:42:12,440
Speaker 4: to her, what are you going to see? And she

875
00:42:12,640 --> 00:42:15,759
Speaker 4: said Tammy Faye and I literally couldn't hide it. I

876
00:42:15,880 --> 00:42:19,800
Speaker 4: just go, oh, I'm sorry, Like it wasn't even a thought.

877
00:42:20,400 --> 00:42:23,879
Speaker 4: I just go sorry, And then the look on her

878
00:42:23,880 --> 00:42:28,719
Speaker 4: face and I go, but no, no, I know it's

879
00:42:28,719 --> 00:42:32,160
Speaker 4: got terrible reviews, but we just go to see everything.

880
00:42:32,360 --> 00:42:34,200
Speaker 4: And she points out her other yen to friend who

881
00:42:34,239 --> 00:42:36,840
Speaker 4: she goes see everything with, and I hated them instantly,

882
00:42:36,840 --> 00:42:38,840
Speaker 4: because you have somebody to go see everything with it,

883
00:42:38,960 --> 00:42:42,360
Speaker 4: I don't, Joe, And I said, I'm not sorry. I

884
00:42:42,360 --> 00:42:45,239
Speaker 4: hope you have a terrible day, hot diggity dew. We're

885
00:42:45,320 --> 00:42:46,200
Speaker 4: going to see Elf.

886
00:42:46,760 --> 00:42:50,440
Speaker 6: But the sorry, I blurted out, I like later on.

887
00:42:50,520 --> 00:42:53,480
Speaker 4: I was like, did I make her feel bad for

888
00:42:53,560 --> 00:42:56,759
Speaker 4: making this choice? Well, if you're so stupid that you're

889
00:42:56,760 --> 00:43:01,279
Speaker 4: gonna go see something that the reviews are out there, lady,

890
00:43:01,480 --> 00:43:03,560
Speaker 4: I'm not the one who's hurting your feelings that much.

891
00:43:03,760 --> 00:43:06,880
Speaker 4: But I did feel it was a bit of a

892
00:43:06,880 --> 00:43:10,560
Speaker 4: fuck up on my behalf. Maybe a little bit well

893
00:43:10,560 --> 00:43:13,319
Speaker 4: because it was blurdy. It wasn't thought. It wasn't like,

894
00:43:13,400 --> 00:43:14,960
Speaker 4: let me think of how to make fun of her.

895
00:43:14,960 --> 00:43:18,120
Speaker 2: It was like, sorry, Yeah, is seeing Tammy Fay on

896
00:43:18,160 --> 00:43:20,239
Speaker 2: Broadway like the equivalent of someone who's like, oh my god,

897
00:43:20,239 --> 00:43:22,080
Speaker 2: I watched The Housewives on TV?

898
00:43:22,400 --> 00:43:26,080
Speaker 4: No because it was No, because I hate reality TV.

899
00:43:26,440 --> 00:43:29,000
Speaker 4: I think it's just dumbed down America a lot and

900
00:43:29,040 --> 00:43:32,239
Speaker 4: giving us a license to be disgusting. Yeah, but no,

901
00:43:32,280 --> 00:43:36,080
Speaker 4: it's like seeing a very badly reviewed movie but paying

902
00:43:36,160 --> 00:43:37,680
Speaker 4: about five times the amount.

903
00:43:38,400 --> 00:43:40,120
Speaker 2: Yeah. I mean, I didn't know if that's the version

904
00:43:40,120 --> 00:43:42,560
Speaker 2: of like, I know plenty of very smart, cool people

905
00:43:42,600 --> 00:43:44,560
Speaker 2: who are like, well, the Housewives are like mine, that's

906
00:43:44,600 --> 00:43:46,120
Speaker 2: my dumb show I like to watch.

907
00:43:46,360 --> 00:43:46,640
Speaker 6: No.

908
00:43:46,760 --> 00:43:48,880
Speaker 4: Yeah, so it's not a guilty pleasure show. No, it

909
00:43:48,960 --> 00:43:51,600
Speaker 4: was going it was supposed to be something that was

910
00:43:51,640 --> 00:43:55,560
Speaker 4: a huge hit. They they they shot for excellent and

911
00:43:55,640 --> 00:44:00,120
Speaker 4: got dog shit emoji with like the egg play and

912
00:44:00,200 --> 00:44:02,319
Speaker 4: stuck in it so that they had dick in an

913
00:44:02,440 --> 00:44:03,200
Speaker 4: ass shit.

914
00:44:03,840 --> 00:44:05,000
Speaker 6: Yeah I should have said that to her.

915
00:44:05,080 --> 00:44:07,279
Speaker 4: Oh my god, I heard it's like an eggplant dick

916
00:44:07,280 --> 00:44:11,080
Speaker 4: in an ass shit. I think I was a nice right,

917
00:44:11,320 --> 00:44:13,400
Speaker 4: So I think with that one, I didn't torture myself

918
00:44:13,440 --> 00:44:18,640
Speaker 4: as much because it was involuntary. If it's like someone, oh,

919
00:44:18,680 --> 00:44:21,480
Speaker 4: like when you step on someone's or when somebody steps

920
00:44:21,520 --> 00:44:23,799
Speaker 4: on your foot and you say sorry, like we've all

921
00:44:23,840 --> 00:44:27,640
Speaker 4: done that. Yeah, it's almost involuntary. We know it's not right.

922
00:44:27,760 --> 00:44:31,200
Speaker 4: Why am I apologizing for being stepped on? But it's

923
00:44:31,200 --> 00:44:35,320
Speaker 4: still okay, Like we blurt things all the time, it's fine.

924
00:44:35,600 --> 00:44:37,400
Speaker 4: I think the look on my face was just like, oh,

925
00:44:37,440 --> 00:44:40,800
Speaker 4: I fucked up, but I'm sure it'll be into No,

926
00:44:40,880 --> 00:44:41,719
Speaker 4: I know it's gonna suck.

927
00:44:41,960 --> 00:44:49,480
Speaker 2: Or maybe that lady that show, God, there it goes, or.

928
00:44:49,400 --> 00:44:51,080
Speaker 4: She said I don't know what that blue hair cut

929
00:44:51,200 --> 00:44:51,719
Speaker 4: was talking about.

930
00:44:51,760 --> 00:45:01,959
Speaker 5: This was great, but I have a thing.

931
00:45:01,960 --> 00:45:04,280
Speaker 4: Too, where like if she came out of that show

932
00:45:04,320 --> 00:45:10,440
Speaker 4: and said that I couldn't like her, I'm really prejudiced.

933
00:45:10,480 --> 00:45:11,960
Speaker 6: When it comes to bad taste.

934
00:45:12,320 --> 00:45:13,960
Speaker 4: I'm not saying I have the greatest taste, but I

935
00:45:13,960 --> 00:45:17,480
Speaker 4: at least know sort of a bar like I'll forgive.

936
00:45:17,520 --> 00:45:19,719
Speaker 4: I have two friends who are really into reality TV.

937
00:45:20,320 --> 00:45:22,640
Speaker 4: They know better than to discuss it with me. They

938
00:45:22,680 --> 00:45:25,680
Speaker 4: know I'm disgusted by it. I don't think it's good

939
00:45:25,760 --> 00:45:28,560
Speaker 4: for the world or the country. I think it's terrible.

940
00:45:28,640 --> 00:45:31,480
Speaker 4: It teaches people to behave badly. If the housewime's getting

941
00:45:31,480 --> 00:45:34,640
Speaker 4: away with it, so can I. It's not harmless, so

942
00:45:34,719 --> 00:45:36,799
Speaker 4: they don't know not to talk about it. But we

943
00:45:36,920 --> 00:45:40,319
Speaker 4: have a taste level that's similar. So they never will

944
00:45:40,360 --> 00:45:43,000
Speaker 4: mention a horribly bad movie and I have to hate them.

945
00:45:43,719 --> 00:45:46,160
Speaker 4: We have a friend BO who sometimes he'll mention a

946
00:45:46,200 --> 00:45:48,400
Speaker 4: horribly bad movie and I'm like, I kind of have

947
00:45:48,480 --> 00:45:50,960
Speaker 4: to hate you a little, not enough to break up

948
00:45:51,000 --> 00:45:54,560
Speaker 4: the friendship, but I don't have you to do you

949
00:45:54,600 --> 00:45:55,640
Speaker 4: have no discernment?

950
00:45:55,760 --> 00:45:59,000
Speaker 6: Do you have no taste at all?

951
00:45:59,120 --> 00:46:01,319
Speaker 4: That's why there's some shit I will not tell my

952
00:46:01,400 --> 00:46:04,000
Speaker 4: friends to watch because if they don't like it, they're

953
00:46:04,040 --> 00:46:04,440
Speaker 4: dead to me.

954
00:46:04,719 --> 00:46:07,680
Speaker 2: Yeah. I was actually told Bo to watch a few

955
00:46:07,719 --> 00:46:10,479
Speaker 2: movies and they'll text me back like this kind of sucks. Yeah,

956
00:46:10,520 --> 00:46:13,160
Speaker 2: he's and the movie is like one of the ones

957
00:46:13,200 --> 00:46:16,640
Speaker 2: that I love and tell me it's okay an interview

958
00:46:16,680 --> 00:46:17,400
Speaker 2: with a vampire.

959
00:46:17,520 --> 00:46:19,480
Speaker 6: Yeah, it's good.

960
00:46:18,440 --> 00:46:22,200
Speaker 2: I was watching is like, this is ridiculous. Of course

961
00:46:22,239 --> 00:46:26,400
Speaker 2: it's ridicuou it's a fantasy jump and vampires in the

962
00:46:26,400 --> 00:46:27,280
Speaker 2: eighteen hundreds.

963
00:46:27,400 --> 00:46:29,759
Speaker 4: Yeah, it wasn't supposed they weren't going for realism.

964
00:46:30,520 --> 00:46:32,160
Speaker 6: Yeah, so weird.

965
00:46:32,680 --> 00:46:35,960
Speaker 4: Yeah, I feel like, yeah, I would have hated her more,

966
00:46:36,000 --> 00:46:38,759
Speaker 4: and she would have deserved not just a sorry, but

967
00:46:38,840 --> 00:46:39,720
Speaker 4: like a big slap.

968
00:46:39,840 --> 00:46:41,200
Speaker 2: You're like a stabbing.

969
00:46:40,960 --> 00:46:43,080
Speaker 6: Yeah, and I'd be like we were elf, I'm gonna

970
00:46:43,160 --> 00:46:43,600
Speaker 6: kill you.

971
00:46:43,520 --> 00:46:48,000
Speaker 2: Now, right, bring Faye back, dude.

972
00:46:47,960 --> 00:46:50,160
Speaker 6: No, oh my god, I just okay.

973
00:46:50,200 --> 00:46:53,799
Speaker 4: So we were all in agreement that Yeah, on the

974
00:46:53,840 --> 00:46:58,040
Speaker 4: cunt scale of the zero to cunt, it was maybe

975
00:46:58,239 --> 00:47:00,960
Speaker 4: a little cringe, yeah, but full blown count would have

976
00:47:00,960 --> 00:47:03,040
Speaker 4: been like, sorry, you're going to see that piece of

977
00:47:03,080 --> 00:47:04,399
Speaker 4: shit and then do like a.

978
00:47:04,320 --> 00:47:06,799
Speaker 6: Bunch of roast jokes about it. That wouldn't have been good.

979
00:47:06,800 --> 00:47:09,240
Speaker 2: See, I've had the benefit of having you as a friend,

980
00:47:09,280 --> 00:47:11,319
Speaker 2: so like everything I've gone to see I know is

981
00:47:11,320 --> 00:47:11,879
Speaker 2: going to be good.

982
00:47:12,000 --> 00:47:14,360
Speaker 6: Yeah, you have no choice, but like now there's.

983
00:47:14,200 --> 00:47:16,080
Speaker 2: A part of me that's like, I want to see

984
00:47:16,120 --> 00:47:17,120
Speaker 2: what bad looks like.

985
00:47:17,840 --> 00:47:20,200
Speaker 4: I don't think you do, really because especially for that

986
00:47:20,280 --> 00:47:21,200
Speaker 4: kind of money.

987
00:47:21,080 --> 00:47:22,719
Speaker 2: Well yeah, well I would have to be like a

988
00:47:23,120 --> 00:47:25,440
Speaker 2: you know, a lottery ticket or.

989
00:47:25,360 --> 00:47:27,720
Speaker 4: Some shit like yeah, yeah, we'll tell you some badly

990
00:47:27,760 --> 00:47:29,080
Speaker 4: reviewed stuff and you can got.

991
00:47:30,880 --> 00:47:31,200
Speaker 6: It.

992
00:47:31,440 --> 00:47:34,239
Speaker 4: Not even a snobby thing because my taste level. Hey,

993
00:47:34,280 --> 00:47:37,600
Speaker 4: I don't understand opera. I don't understand jazz. Like there's

994
00:47:37,600 --> 00:47:40,239
Speaker 4: a lot of things I'm not smart enough to get right,

995
00:47:40,719 --> 00:47:43,640
Speaker 4: but I just know it's never I always have two

996
00:47:43,640 --> 00:47:46,160
Speaker 4: friends who are in the entertainment business that i'll call

997
00:47:46,320 --> 00:47:48,880
Speaker 4: when I don't like either a TV show or a play,

998
00:47:49,200 --> 00:47:52,239
Speaker 4: and I'll go, no, these guys are smart, And I'll go,

999
00:47:53,239 --> 00:47:56,160
Speaker 4: why do I hate such and such And I'll name

1000
00:47:56,200 --> 00:47:58,120
Speaker 4: the movie or whatever, and they go, oh, because you

1001
00:47:58,120 --> 00:48:00,560
Speaker 4: don't like dot dot dot, or they'll say because it's

1002
00:48:00,560 --> 00:48:04,960
Speaker 4: just inarguably shitty. So I don't have the taste level

1003
00:48:05,040 --> 00:48:06,839
Speaker 4: they have. But I also kind of think I have

1004
00:48:06,920 --> 00:48:11,200
Speaker 4: some discernment. Like it's like when you know you're not gorgeous,

1005
00:48:12,000 --> 00:48:15,520
Speaker 4: but you know what ugly is, like, you know, like

1006
00:48:15,840 --> 00:48:20,320
Speaker 4: my father always is the women he idolized, he thought.

1007
00:48:20,600 --> 00:48:22,919
Speaker 4: And of course they're probably the two most beautiful women

1008
00:48:22,920 --> 00:48:27,799
Speaker 4: who ever lived, Audrey Hepburn and Grace Kelly. So I

1009
00:48:27,880 --> 00:48:31,560
Speaker 4: never looked like either, but boy did I know that?

1010
00:48:31,600 --> 00:48:35,720
Speaker 4: They sure look better than most. So I can judge

1011
00:48:35,719 --> 00:48:39,000
Speaker 4: that without being that. You know, like my off Broadway

1012
00:48:39,040 --> 00:48:41,440
Speaker 4: show could have closed early, gotten a bad review.

1013
00:48:41,480 --> 00:48:41,880
Speaker 6: Whatever.

1014
00:48:42,719 --> 00:48:44,759
Speaker 4: Just because I can't make it doesn't mean I don't

1015
00:48:44,760 --> 00:48:53,920
Speaker 4: know it when I see it. Yes, Sissy, anybody got

1016
00:48:53,920 --> 00:48:54,440
Speaker 4: down for that?

1017
00:48:55,480 --> 00:48:57,000
Speaker 6: Sorry I'm from New Orleans?

1018
00:48:57,040 --> 00:49:00,360
Speaker 4: Still sorry, I am none.

1019
00:49:00,960 --> 00:49:02,719
Speaker 6: Yeah, I hate when people do that too.

1020
00:49:02,920 --> 00:49:04,440
Speaker 4: We have to do an episode on people who are

1021
00:49:04,640 --> 00:49:10,200
Speaker 4: way over identify with like saying things correctly, Like they'll

1022
00:49:10,239 --> 00:49:13,239
Speaker 4: be like van go instead of ango, or they'll be

1023
00:49:13,360 --> 00:49:17,040
Speaker 4: like no, it's like that was in that movie Manhattan.

1024
00:49:17,360 --> 00:49:20,200
Speaker 4: That would yell a movie and she's the pretentious ladies

1025
00:49:20,239 --> 00:49:23,359
Speaker 4: going van and like no, I have to instantly hate

1026
00:49:23,400 --> 00:49:27,200
Speaker 4: you or they uh tell you, how would you say

1027
00:49:27,520 --> 00:49:31,040
Speaker 4: New Orleans if you're from there New Orleans? No, Well

1028
00:49:31,080 --> 00:49:34,360
Speaker 4: you're a human. But don't they go nolens knowledge?

1029
00:49:34,560 --> 00:49:37,120
Speaker 6: Yeah? Do they do that? White people do that?

1030
00:49:37,520 --> 00:49:40,920
Speaker 4: I mean, like weird people do it. I think it's like,

1031
00:49:41,080 --> 00:49:43,080
Speaker 4: let the black people say it the way they want

1032
00:49:43,160 --> 00:49:45,719
Speaker 4: because like their Cajun and they bucking all are a loud,

1033
00:49:46,000 --> 00:49:48,480
Speaker 4: but stop being white and trying to say things like that.

1034
00:49:49,400 --> 00:49:49,960
Speaker 6: Yeah, I don't like.

1035
00:49:50,000 --> 00:49:54,160
Speaker 4: Yelling that, doing that, saying that we better not or

1036
00:49:54,160 --> 00:49:54,919
Speaker 4: else we get switch.

1037
00:49:54,960 --> 00:49:57,640
Speaker 6: You owe us an apology.

1038
00:49:57,920 --> 00:50:01,160
Speaker 2: Never. My grandmother, who is Fromans, used to go to

1039
00:50:01,640 --> 00:50:03,560
Speaker 2: New Orleans all the time and she would call it

1040
00:50:03,719 --> 00:50:06,799
Speaker 2: New Orleans like she would pronounce every like that she's

1041
00:50:06,840 --> 00:50:09,920
Speaker 2: been Orleans. I love it there.

1042
00:50:09,800 --> 00:50:12,480
Speaker 4: And I'm like that's but you know what else's kind

1043
00:50:12,480 --> 00:50:19,120
Speaker 4: of dopes hiss Italians because man and be the guy

1044
00:50:19,160 --> 00:50:21,920
Speaker 4: at the restaurant. The diner isn't going to know just

1045
00:50:22,000 --> 00:50:25,440
Speaker 4: a Manicotti or pointed it, like stop showing off your

1046
00:50:25,560 --> 00:50:26,480
Speaker 4: dumb knowledge.

1047
00:50:26,840 --> 00:50:27,840
Speaker 6: Like I don't like all that.

1048
00:50:28,000 --> 00:50:31,200
Speaker 2: Yeah, I feel weird at a restaurant. There's like I always

1049
00:50:31,239 --> 00:50:33,319
Speaker 2: go Ricotta. I'm like, we're good.

1050
00:50:33,800 --> 00:50:39,600
Speaker 4: Yeah, my sister, My sister always goes you want some MutS.

1051
00:50:40,400 --> 00:50:43,080
Speaker 6: I like the soprano Italian where it's just.

1052
00:50:43,000 --> 00:50:46,680
Speaker 2: Like you go the loops, you want some mutsuts.

1053
00:50:46,960 --> 00:50:48,560
Speaker 6: Yeah, we gotta go.

1054
00:50:48,640 --> 00:50:53,360
Speaker 4: We're getting that signal from our boss Celia saying wrap

1055
00:50:53,520 --> 00:50:57,120
Speaker 4: that shut up, you two girls. I've been going on

1056
00:50:57,320 --> 00:50:59,920
Speaker 4: too long, God damn, and I tried.

1057
00:50:59,719 --> 00:51:00,480
Speaker 6: To rest you.

1058
00:51:00,520 --> 00:51:04,800
Speaker 4: And look what happens after this. Well, this has been great.

1059
00:51:05,000 --> 00:51:08,480
Speaker 4: I don't feel sorry at all to anyone right now.

1060
00:51:09,040 --> 00:51:12,480
Speaker 4: We're hopefully you've learned a little something. Please tune in

1061
00:51:12,560 --> 00:51:15,200
Speaker 4: once again to shrink this.

1062
00:51:15,719 --> 00:51:20,520
Speaker 6: But Lisa Allie I can be found and Lisa Lampelli

1063
00:51:20,680 --> 00:51:21,920
Speaker 6: on maybe one.

1064
00:51:21,880 --> 00:51:23,600
Speaker 4: Or two socials I don't know and I don't care.

1065
00:51:24,440 --> 00:51:26,600
Speaker 6: And nick can be found somewhere.

1066
00:51:26,520 --> 00:51:35,120
Speaker 2: Where Nicky wash that's right? What what? What? You don't?

1067
00:51:36,080 --> 00:51:36,560
Speaker 4: Please?

1068
00:51:36,640 --> 00:51:37,040
Speaker 6: Everyone?

1069
00:51:37,080 --> 00:51:39,560
Speaker 4: Make sure to follow us and listen to us on

1070
00:51:40,160 --> 00:51:43,279
Speaker 4: where she always rights out what we have to say.

1071
00:51:43,320 --> 00:51:45,960
Speaker 4: And I feel a bit reasonful that I have to

1072
00:51:46,239 --> 00:51:51,000
Speaker 4: promote an app that I don't even have. Yeah, just kidding,

1073
00:51:51,239 --> 00:51:56,080
Speaker 4: of course, I haven't wait, I'm pulling up on my phone, booder. Oh,

1074
00:51:56,120 --> 00:51:59,839
Speaker 4: it hung up on me I Heart Radio app? Where

1075
00:51:59,840 --> 00:52:03,439
Speaker 4: are you no? Make sure to listen read the last line,

1076
00:52:03,440 --> 00:52:05,480
Speaker 4: because Celia's get some trouble if we don't.

1077
00:52:05,920 --> 00:52:07,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, you can listen on your iHeart Radio app or

1078
00:52:08,000 --> 00:52:09,920
Speaker 2: wherever you get your podcasts.

1079
00:52:09,960 --> 00:52:13,200
Speaker 4: Well, you think i'd be able to get my head

1080
00:52:13,239 --> 00:52:16,160
Speaker 4: around saying that I just can't promote something.

1081
00:52:17,160 --> 00:52:18,480
Speaker 6: I just feel like being used.

1082
00:52:20,880 --> 00:52:23,960
Speaker 4: I feel like all the hell they've given us, all

1083
00:52:23,960 --> 00:52:27,440
Speaker 4: the free studio space and the half assed engineer we

1084
00:52:27,640 --> 00:52:36,680
Speaker 4: have almostank abuse. This is elder abuse.

1085
00:52:37,040 --> 00:52:40,200
Speaker 6: I think he's talking to me. No, thank you for

1086
00:52:40,280 --> 00:52:41,040
Speaker 6: listening to shrink this.

1087
00:52:41,400 --> 00:52:44,920
Speaker 4: Listen to us, like we said on your iHeart app,

1088
00:52:45,120 --> 00:52:49,239
Speaker 4: iHeart Radio app. Goddamn it, wherever, get your podcast. God

1089
00:52:49,239 --> 00:52:53,399
Speaker 4: bless see you next week or whatever