1
00:00:01,320 --> 00:00:04,600
Speaker 1: Hey, lady, is doctor dim here. If you like this

2
00:00:04,720 --> 00:00:07,240
Speaker 1: show and you want to make your own, let me

3
00:00:07,280 --> 00:00:10,840
Speaker 1: tell you about the free platform Anchor. It's a creation

4
00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:13,800
Speaker 1: tool that allows you to record and edit your podcast

5
00:00:13,920 --> 00:00:17,280
Speaker 1: right from your phone or computer. You can add songs

6
00:00:17,280 --> 00:00:21,000
Speaker 1: from Spotify and create any type of content that you

7
00:00:21,079 --> 00:00:24,400
Speaker 1: are looking for. Anchor will distribute it all for you

8
00:00:24,760 --> 00:00:28,440
Speaker 1: so it can be heard on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and more.

9
00:00:29,160 --> 00:00:32,040
Speaker 1: Download the free Anchor app or go to anchor dot

10
00:00:32,159 --> 00:00:33,800
Speaker 1: fm to get started.

11
00:00:35,400 --> 00:00:38,240
Speaker 2: On this week's episode of Cultivating her Space.

12
00:00:39,400 --> 00:00:45,640
Speaker 1: I can't emphasize this enough that our pussy's, our Regina's opportunias,

13
00:00:45,800 --> 00:00:49,199
Speaker 1: or whatever it is, our lady parts, whatever it is

14
00:00:49,320 --> 00:00:53,480
Speaker 1: you want to call it, it's yours.

15
00:00:53,760 --> 00:00:57,720
Speaker 2: Today's episode is sure to provide you with motivation, inspiration,

16
00:00:58,040 --> 00:01:01,920
Speaker 2: or a fresh perspective. If you have any AHA moments

17
00:01:02,040 --> 00:01:05,840
Speaker 2: or appreciate anything from this episode, please leave us a

18
00:01:05,880 --> 00:01:08,800
Speaker 2: review to let us know we're on the right track. Also,

19
00:01:09,319 --> 00:01:13,200
Speaker 2: we release episodes every Friday, so be sure to subscribe

20
00:01:13,280 --> 00:01:18,000
Speaker 2: on iTunes and visit cultivatinghurspace dot com to access our

21
00:01:18,080 --> 00:01:22,600
Speaker 2: exclusive after show and other bonus content from the Patreon tab.

22
00:01:24,440 --> 00:01:28,720
Speaker 1: Welcome to Cultivating her Space, a podcast dedicated to uplifting

23
00:01:28,760 --> 00:01:29,480
Speaker 1: women like you.

24
00:01:30,400 --> 00:01:32,240
Speaker 3: We're your hosts.

25
00:01:31,959 --> 00:01:36,080
Speaker 1: Doctor Dominique Broussard, a college professor and psychologist.

26
00:01:35,680 --> 00:01:39,720
Speaker 4: And Terry Lomax, a techie and motivational speaker. In a

27
00:01:39,760 --> 00:01:44,760
Speaker 4: world where black women are often misrepresented and misunderstood, please

28
00:01:44,840 --> 00:01:49,520
Speaker 4: join us as we initiate authentic conversations on everything from

29
00:01:49,600 --> 00:01:52,680
Speaker 4: five Roads to faith friends, and create a safe space

30
00:01:52,720 --> 00:01:59,920
Speaker 4: where black women can just be Hey, lady, it's tear

31
00:02:00,160 --> 00:02:03,520
Speaker 4: here from cultivating her Space. Are you tired of working

32
00:02:03,600 --> 00:02:06,360
Speaker 4: hard for your money? Do you want your business to

33
00:02:06,440 --> 00:02:09,480
Speaker 4: run smoothly when you're out of office? If you want

34
00:02:09,480 --> 00:02:12,560
Speaker 4: to learn how to automate your business cash flow and

35
00:02:12,800 --> 00:02:16,560
Speaker 4: increase your impact and influence, join me from our free

36
00:02:16,600 --> 00:02:21,960
Speaker 4: workshop at brandw terry dot com. Again, that's brand with

37
00:02:22,280 --> 00:02:27,160
Speaker 4: Terry dot Com. My name is spelled Teubri. I hope

38
00:02:27,160 --> 00:02:28,000
Speaker 4: to see you there, lady.

39
00:02:29,680 --> 00:02:34,560
Speaker 1: All right, lady, so we are expanding our quote of

40
00:02:34,600 --> 00:02:41,480
Speaker 1: the day to give you a poem Antoinette's Tail. The

41
00:02:41,560 --> 00:02:45,960
Speaker 1: thing is, dudes can't handle if a woman takes the

42
00:02:46,000 --> 00:02:52,000
Speaker 1: same liberties as them, especially with regards to sex, like

43
00:02:52,160 --> 00:02:57,280
Speaker 1: our society teaches to be so wrapped up in themselves

44
00:02:58,040 --> 00:03:03,680
Speaker 1: in their own conquests that they forget we're sexual beings

45
00:03:03,720 --> 00:03:10,800
Speaker 1: as well. Plus their egos are often way too fragile

46
00:03:11,960 --> 00:03:15,880
Speaker 1: to ever handle a woman who owns and has any

47
00:03:15,919 --> 00:03:19,160
Speaker 1: real agency over her body. And we're to blame as

48
00:03:19,200 --> 00:03:23,280
Speaker 1: well because we're out here telling them that the pussy

49
00:03:23,360 --> 00:03:28,520
Speaker 1: is theirs, when in actuality it's ours.

50
00:03:29,160 --> 00:03:38,240
Speaker 4: Period. Well, okay, let me just say that. I guess

51
00:03:38,280 --> 00:03:40,320
Speaker 4: at this point, lady, you may or may not have

52
00:03:40,560 --> 00:03:45,040
Speaker 4: listened to Jazmine Sullivan's album Hotels, And I have to

53
00:03:45,080 --> 00:03:48,360
Speaker 4: say I saw a trending online don but life has

54
00:03:48,400 --> 00:03:51,320
Speaker 4: just been busy and listening to new music isn't a

55
00:03:51,400 --> 00:03:54,160
Speaker 4: huge priority, so I didn't really think much of it

56
00:03:54,280 --> 00:03:56,840
Speaker 4: until one of my homeboys from Philly, because you know

57
00:03:56,840 --> 00:03:59,440
Speaker 4: she's from Philly, right, One of my homeboys hit me up,

58
00:04:00,680 --> 00:04:02,680
Speaker 4: did you hear our Girls album? And I was like no,

59
00:04:02,880 --> 00:04:05,119
Speaker 4: And then you were like, yo, tea, like you put

60
00:04:05,120 --> 00:04:07,080
Speaker 4: me on. So I was like, okay, damn y'all, let

61
00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:08,920
Speaker 4: me go ahead and see what I'm missing. And I

62
00:04:08,960 --> 00:04:11,920
Speaker 4: tuned in and I said, oh my gosh, it was

63
00:04:11,960 --> 00:04:16,599
Speaker 4: so bombed. She can sing her ass off. Number one. Yes, okay, yes,

64
00:04:16,800 --> 00:04:20,680
Speaker 4: but the tracks were just it's like you ever just

65
00:04:20,680 --> 00:04:23,039
Speaker 4: feel like someone is peeking through your window? Lady, You

66
00:04:23,040 --> 00:04:24,920
Speaker 4: may feel this way when we're talking on the podcast,

67
00:04:25,000 --> 00:04:27,159
Speaker 4: like who told Dom and Terry was going on in

68
00:04:27,160 --> 00:04:30,560
Speaker 4: my life? It just felt like somebody went through my

69
00:04:30,640 --> 00:04:34,080
Speaker 4: twenties and was just telling some of my business. And

70
00:04:34,080 --> 00:04:39,159
Speaker 4: I was just like, you know, so, I know you,

71
00:04:39,279 --> 00:04:42,839
Speaker 4: Dom are gonna talk a lot about the psychological impact

72
00:04:43,480 --> 00:04:48,000
Speaker 4: as we dive into some of the songs, and I

73
00:04:48,360 --> 00:04:54,039
Speaker 4: will offer whatever experiences or you know, narratives from friends

74
00:04:54,240 --> 00:04:57,799
Speaker 4: or anonymous folks that resonate. But it was good, ladies.

75
00:04:57,800 --> 00:05:00,240
Speaker 4: So if you have not listened to the album, you're

76
00:05:00,240 --> 00:05:02,760
Speaker 4: probably go listen now and then come back to this

77
00:05:02,800 --> 00:05:06,200
Speaker 4: episode because Hotels is the truth?

78
00:05:06,680 --> 00:05:08,839
Speaker 3: Oh is it? Is?

79
00:05:08,920 --> 00:05:10,360
Speaker 4: It? All? Right?

80
00:05:10,720 --> 00:05:17,920
Speaker 1: So the first song bodies, I mean, let's just break

81
00:05:17,960 --> 00:05:20,840
Speaker 1: down what it really is about. Right. It's about the

82
00:05:20,960 --> 00:05:22,880
Speaker 1: number of people that you were having sex with.

83
00:05:23,120 --> 00:05:23,360
Speaker 4: Right.

84
00:05:23,880 --> 00:05:30,479
Speaker 1: And when we think about why people use the word pope,

85
00:05:30,640 --> 00:05:39,360
Speaker 1: it's to insist that a woman is bad or there

86
00:05:39,400 --> 00:05:44,960
Speaker 1: is something wrong or something shameful about a woman who

87
00:05:45,320 --> 00:05:50,279
Speaker 1: has sex with multiple people. That has always baffled me

88
00:05:51,560 --> 00:05:57,680
Speaker 1: that as a society, we have these contradictions that we

89
00:05:57,800 --> 00:06:02,520
Speaker 1: expect in a lot of ways. We send these messages

90
00:06:03,720 --> 00:06:09,799
Speaker 1: that we want women to be chased in virginal until

91
00:06:09,800 --> 00:06:14,200
Speaker 1: they're married, right, and then all of a sudden, when

92
00:06:14,240 --> 00:06:17,640
Speaker 1: they're married, they're supposed to become the biggest freaks.

93
00:06:19,080 --> 00:06:20,520
Speaker 3: Hello, where are they gonna learn that?

94
00:06:21,640 --> 00:06:26,200
Speaker 1: You can't realistically expect a woman to maintain her virginity

95
00:06:26,279 --> 00:06:31,040
Speaker 1: until she's married, with the current average age of marriage

96
00:06:31,400 --> 00:06:34,960
Speaker 1: being twenty six or twenty seven, and then all of

97
00:06:34,960 --> 00:06:38,480
Speaker 1: a sudden, she knows everything about her sexuality and yours

98
00:06:39,000 --> 00:06:47,839
Speaker 1: to please you. But yet we villainize women who have

99
00:06:48,000 --> 00:06:49,680
Speaker 1: sex with multiple people.

100
00:06:50,279 --> 00:06:52,360
Speaker 4: I just wanted to take a moment to read the

101
00:06:52,480 --> 00:06:54,840
Speaker 4: lyrics of I think this is the course of the hook.

102
00:06:54,880 --> 00:06:57,120
Speaker 4: I don't have the thing put up in front of me,

103
00:06:57,240 --> 00:06:59,960
Speaker 4: but for I dive in, I just have to read it.

104
00:07:00,120 --> 00:07:02,560
Speaker 4: Judzmin is so brilliant. But anyway, what she says is

105
00:07:03,040 --> 00:07:06,000
Speaker 4: got to stop getting fucked up? What did I have

106
00:07:06,120 --> 00:07:08,520
Speaker 4: in my cup? I don't know where I woke up.

107
00:07:08,960 --> 00:07:11,400
Speaker 4: I keep on pressing my luck. I don't know where

108
00:07:11,440 --> 00:07:15,120
Speaker 4: I woke up, and I'm like, fuck, I remember a

109
00:07:15,280 --> 00:07:18,680
Speaker 4: night like that or two goddamn. And the thing about

110
00:07:18,680 --> 00:07:20,800
Speaker 4: it is, I love that she created this album too,

111
00:07:20,800 --> 00:07:22,280
Speaker 4: don because I think a lot of times there's a

112
00:07:22,320 --> 00:07:26,240
Speaker 4: lot of shame and guilt. Luckily, I'm like, oooh, I

113
00:07:26,280 --> 00:07:29,360
Speaker 4: made it out of those times and I survived because girls,

114
00:07:29,400 --> 00:07:31,960
Speaker 4: some of those nights were rough. But I mean just

115
00:07:32,040 --> 00:07:35,600
Speaker 4: being honest about the experiences that many women have and

116
00:07:36,120 --> 00:07:37,840
Speaker 4: some of them them don't, right cause I have friends

117
00:07:37,880 --> 00:07:39,440
Speaker 4: that are on both sides of the spectrum. I have

118
00:07:39,480 --> 00:07:42,840
Speaker 4: some friends that are virgins at the age that we

119
00:07:42,920 --> 00:07:45,280
Speaker 4: are now, and then I have some friends stay out

120
00:07:45,320 --> 00:07:46,960
Speaker 4: on these streets, you know what I mean. And it's like,

121
00:07:47,160 --> 00:07:49,200
Speaker 4: I don't think there should be judgment, although I was

122
00:07:49,280 --> 00:07:52,160
Speaker 4: raised very religious Dome and there was a time where

123
00:07:52,200 --> 00:07:55,240
Speaker 4: I judge others and myself harshly, especially women. But like

124
00:07:55,280 --> 00:07:57,680
Speaker 4: you said, I'm going to use men in particular. But

125
00:07:57,720 --> 00:08:00,320
Speaker 4: I think most people want to have a fun sexual part, right,

126
00:08:00,360 --> 00:08:02,280
Speaker 4: Like you want to have some bomb ass sex. The

127
00:08:02,360 --> 00:08:04,480
Speaker 4: thing about it is, it's like, like you said, men

128
00:08:04,640 --> 00:08:06,720
Speaker 4: want to have you want to freak, but then you

129
00:08:06,760 --> 00:08:09,480
Speaker 4: want her to be pure at the same time, and

130
00:08:10,240 --> 00:08:13,600
Speaker 4: it's like that don't add up, son, It don't add up.

131
00:08:13,600 --> 00:08:15,640
Speaker 4: But I also like, when I think about the conversations

132
00:08:15,680 --> 00:08:18,800
Speaker 4: I've had with my homeboys, like the honest conversations, they

133
00:08:18,840 --> 00:08:22,000
Speaker 4: would much prefer from the guys that I've chatted with

134
00:08:22,200 --> 00:08:24,000
Speaker 4: that have been honest with me, they have nothing to

135
00:08:24,160 --> 00:08:26,640
Speaker 4: lie to me about it. They're like, I would prefer

136
00:08:27,160 --> 00:08:30,720
Speaker 4: the hood rat hoe that's been around the block as

137
00:08:30,720 --> 00:08:34,120
Speaker 4: opposed to the pretty pressy girl who's like, you know

138
00:08:34,160 --> 00:08:35,360
Speaker 4: what I mean, because they want to have a good

139
00:08:35,400 --> 00:08:38,200
Speaker 4: time and not all men. I'm not trying to stereotype y'all,

140
00:08:38,400 --> 00:08:40,280
Speaker 4: but I'm just saying the conversations that I've had, the

141
00:08:40,320 --> 00:08:43,040
Speaker 4: real conversations behind closed doors, that's what they say. And

142
00:08:43,080 --> 00:08:45,439
Speaker 4: I think that a lot of times women are ashamed

143
00:08:45,880 --> 00:08:49,280
Speaker 4: for being sexual, right, there's this misconception that we don't

144
00:08:49,360 --> 00:08:52,400
Speaker 4: like sex, and like it's only guys. And I don't

145
00:08:52,440 --> 00:08:54,040
Speaker 4: know about you, but a lot of the women that

146
00:08:54,120 --> 00:08:57,640
Speaker 4: I know, they like to get dicked down or licked down,

147
00:08:57,840 --> 00:09:01,760
Speaker 4: or they just enjoy pleasure in general. And what I

148
00:09:01,840 --> 00:09:05,280
Speaker 4: do think is that it's a lie that men try to,

149
00:09:06,200 --> 00:09:10,160
Speaker 4: you know, perpetuate, but also put on women. Because it's

150
00:09:10,200 --> 00:09:13,400
Speaker 4: like we said in the antoinettees tell their ego they

151
00:09:13,400 --> 00:09:16,640
Speaker 4: can't take it like as a lot of times the

152
00:09:16,679 --> 00:09:20,080
Speaker 4: women are more sexual than the men, right right, Like.

153
00:09:20,080 --> 00:09:23,120
Speaker 1: It's it's like it's a problem if as a woman,

154
00:09:23,880 --> 00:09:26,400
Speaker 1: I tell you what.

155
00:09:28,000 --> 00:09:32,320
Speaker 3: I want sexually right now, right.

156
00:09:32,520 --> 00:09:35,880
Speaker 1: And if we go back to our episode with doctor

157
00:09:35,960 --> 00:09:40,000
Speaker 1: James Widely and we talk about like how couples can

158
00:09:40,200 --> 00:09:45,240
Speaker 1: have those conversations, how emotional maturity allows you to have

159
00:09:45,320 --> 00:09:50,000
Speaker 1: the conversation where both parties can talk about what brings

160
00:09:50,040 --> 00:09:55,840
Speaker 1: them pleasure and there's no judgment, right, And so you know,

161
00:09:55,920 --> 00:09:59,600
Speaker 1: I think when when I hear if we go back

162
00:09:59,640 --> 00:10:04,760
Speaker 1: to that particular song, what comes up for me is

163
00:10:05,320 --> 00:10:13,480
Speaker 1: I get scared for her in terms of STIs and pregnancy, yeah, right,

164
00:10:14,040 --> 00:10:18,720
Speaker 1: and then her just general physical safety. Recognizing that a

165
00:10:18,760 --> 00:10:20,160
Speaker 1: lot of us have been there.

166
00:10:21,800 --> 00:10:24,679
Speaker 4: Where you have.

167
00:10:26,320 --> 00:10:29,600
Speaker 3: Had a lot to drink and you.

168
00:10:29,520 --> 00:10:32,840
Speaker 1: Don't know you look over and you're like, I don't

169
00:10:32,880 --> 00:10:34,920
Speaker 1: even know who this dude is or how I ended

170
00:10:35,000 --> 00:10:38,800
Speaker 1: up here, right, and just thinking about like for me

171
00:10:38,880 --> 00:10:43,560
Speaker 1: in that moment, and I recognize that that's my older self, right,

172
00:10:44,720 --> 00:10:49,880
Speaker 1: Like my immediate thought in that moment was, damn, I

173
00:10:49,880 --> 00:10:54,160
Speaker 1: hope they use protection and I hope she can go

174
00:10:54,240 --> 00:10:57,400
Speaker 1: get an sci test after all this is done, and

175
00:10:57,440 --> 00:11:00,400
Speaker 1: if she needs to get that Plan B pill to

176
00:11:00,440 --> 00:11:01,600
Speaker 1: make sure she's not pregnant.

177
00:11:01,920 --> 00:11:04,720
Speaker 3: Right, And then.

178
00:11:04,800 --> 00:11:09,360
Speaker 1: And then I started thinking about, Okay, how can she

179
00:11:09,440 --> 00:11:13,400
Speaker 1: continue to do this safely? Right? Like, if she's like

180
00:11:13,480 --> 00:11:17,120
Speaker 1: I want to explore, how can she continue to do

181
00:11:17,160 --> 00:11:17,760
Speaker 1: this safely?

182
00:11:18,440 --> 00:11:21,000
Speaker 4: Yeap, that makes sense. Time. I'm with you as far

183
00:11:21,040 --> 00:11:26,400
Speaker 4: as my older self younger self, Oh it's different, right,

184
00:11:26,480 --> 00:11:28,400
Speaker 4: Like when you think back to how you were and

185
00:11:28,440 --> 00:11:30,720
Speaker 4: who you were and what you did then or what

186
00:11:30,760 --> 00:11:33,679
Speaker 4: we did, then, it's like there is a huge difference.

187
00:11:34,080 --> 00:11:37,800
Speaker 4: I believe, like at that time, you know what you're

188
00:11:37,840 --> 00:11:40,240
Speaker 4: supposed to do. Right, They're like, oh, yeah, I learned this,

189
00:11:40,320 --> 00:11:42,680
Speaker 4: I learned that. But then sometimes it's say, oh, I'm

190
00:11:42,720 --> 00:11:45,000
Speaker 4: just young and living. But I'm with you. I know

191
00:11:45,040 --> 00:11:48,600
Speaker 4: my older self is much more responsible and definitely would

192
00:11:48,640 --> 00:11:52,800
Speaker 4: have those thoughts. And I will say when I was

193
00:11:52,880 --> 00:12:00,319
Speaker 4: younger and made some irresponsible decisions around sex, oftentimes, I

194
00:12:00,400 --> 00:12:02,640
Speaker 4: want to say, like not probably ninety eight percent of

195
00:12:02,679 --> 00:12:06,560
Speaker 4: the time I was either tipsy, drunk, or high in

196
00:12:06,600 --> 00:12:07,400
Speaker 4: those settings.

197
00:12:07,480 --> 00:12:07,720
Speaker 1: Right.

198
00:12:08,280 --> 00:12:11,200
Speaker 4: And so I think about now where I am in

199
00:12:11,200 --> 00:12:13,560
Speaker 4: life and how I have a great appreciation for being

200
00:12:13,640 --> 00:12:16,520
Speaker 4: sober and like knowing what the hell's going around in

201
00:12:16,520 --> 00:12:19,840
Speaker 4: my environment. But I think sometimes when you're young and

202
00:12:20,559 --> 00:12:22,480
Speaker 4: just feel like you're invincible and you just have a

203
00:12:22,520 --> 00:12:25,040
Speaker 4: different perspective. But no, you're right, especially in this time,

204
00:12:25,480 --> 00:12:27,400
Speaker 4: I know that the world just seems to be getting

205
00:12:27,559 --> 00:12:30,160
Speaker 4: shadier and shadier. So I feel like, yes, we definitely

206
00:12:30,160 --> 00:12:33,680
Speaker 4: want to promote safety, you know, if you are still

207
00:12:33,679 --> 00:12:35,560
Speaker 4: in that stage in life, we're like, girl, I'm turned up,

208
00:12:35,559 --> 00:12:38,600
Speaker 4: I'm having a good time. Just you know, be safe, girl.

209
00:12:39,120 --> 00:12:40,360
Speaker 3: Exactly exactly.

210
00:12:40,400 --> 00:12:42,280
Speaker 1: And I think the thing that I want to also

211
00:12:42,360 --> 00:12:46,240
Speaker 1: think about or bring up is, you know how people

212
00:12:46,320 --> 00:12:49,520
Speaker 1: talk about their body count right and keeping their body

213
00:12:49,520 --> 00:12:50,080
Speaker 1: count low.

214
00:12:50,920 --> 00:12:55,760
Speaker 3: And the thing that I think about is.

215
00:12:56,679 --> 00:13:00,880
Speaker 1: You know, yes, that's cool if you want to focus

216
00:13:00,920 --> 00:13:04,920
Speaker 1: on keeping your body count low. But to me, what's

217
00:13:04,960 --> 00:13:09,960
Speaker 1: more important is the why, Like why are you getting

218
00:13:10,000 --> 00:13:15,880
Speaker 1: into those situations like like what's coming up for you?

219
00:13:16,720 --> 00:13:23,000
Speaker 1: And also protecting yourself and recognizing and educating yourself too,

220
00:13:23,040 --> 00:13:26,679
Speaker 1: and recognizing that even in your efforts to keep your

221
00:13:26,720 --> 00:13:32,120
Speaker 1: body count low, the reality in terms of one getting

222
00:13:32,120 --> 00:13:35,839
Speaker 1: pregnant or two attracting an STI, it only takes one

223
00:13:35,880 --> 00:13:36,760
Speaker 1: time with one person.

224
00:13:37,559 --> 00:13:38,000
Speaker 4: Mm hmm.

225
00:13:38,880 --> 00:13:45,520
Speaker 1: So for me, the bigger picture is not necessarily how

226
00:13:45,600 --> 00:13:51,439
Speaker 1: many people you may be sleeping with, but how safely

227
00:13:51,640 --> 00:13:57,160
Speaker 1: are you doing that, and then recognizing that in conversations

228
00:13:57,200 --> 00:14:02,600
Speaker 1: with potential partners, because there should become conversations in conversations

229
00:14:02,600 --> 00:14:07,360
Speaker 1: with potential partners that if we are in a space of.

230
00:14:08,880 --> 00:14:12,000
Speaker 3: Emotional maturity, that we are.

231
00:14:11,880 --> 00:14:17,559
Speaker 1: Not judging the other person based on how many people

232
00:14:18,280 --> 00:14:24,640
Speaker 1: they slept with previously. It's about having a conversation and

233
00:14:24,680 --> 00:14:31,600
Speaker 1: communicating what you want out of this encounter. So and

234
00:14:31,680 --> 00:14:35,560
Speaker 1: being honest with yourself around Yeah, this is just a

235
00:14:35,960 --> 00:14:41,120
Speaker 1: hit it and quitted one and done situation, or Okay,

236
00:14:41,200 --> 00:14:47,240
Speaker 1: we stumbled upon this, I think I'm developing feelings, I

237
00:14:47,240 --> 00:14:52,680
Speaker 1: think I want more, or we've been laying the foundation

238
00:14:52,840 --> 00:14:56,040
Speaker 1: for a while and this is a monogamous.

239
00:14:55,440 --> 00:14:57,080
Speaker 3: Situation, like whatever.

240
00:14:57,160 --> 00:15:00,640
Speaker 1: It is just being clear in the communication around what

241
00:15:00,680 --> 00:15:01,600
Speaker 1: it is that you want.

242
00:15:02,320 --> 00:15:06,280
Speaker 4: Mm hmm. I would agree with that. And I know

243
00:15:06,360 --> 00:15:09,600
Speaker 4: that Antoinette's tale is next, but we did start off

244
00:15:09,600 --> 00:15:13,800
Speaker 4: the episode with that poem or that tale, So is

245
00:15:13,800 --> 00:15:15,680
Speaker 4: there anything that you want to add to that dime.

246
00:15:16,360 --> 00:15:21,560
Speaker 1: Just a reminder. I can't emphasize this enough that our pussy's,

247
00:15:21,600 --> 00:15:25,800
Speaker 1: our Regina's opportunias or whatever it is, our lady parts,

248
00:15:25,840 --> 00:15:28,000
Speaker 1: whatever it is you want.

249
00:15:27,720 --> 00:15:30,080
Speaker 3: To call it, it's yours.

250
00:15:31,760 --> 00:15:35,040
Speaker 4: That's right. I own a girl, And that takes us

251
00:15:35,120 --> 00:15:38,080
Speaker 4: to our next song, which is pick Up Your Feelings.

252
00:15:38,920 --> 00:15:41,440
Speaker 4: And I don't know about you, don but this song

253
00:15:41,520 --> 00:15:44,560
Speaker 4: right here, it reminded me of when I went through

254
00:15:44,560 --> 00:15:47,400
Speaker 4: those relationship issues in the past and had to break

255
00:15:47,440 --> 00:15:51,360
Speaker 4: up with Ninjas, and when it was all done, I

256
00:15:51,400 --> 00:15:53,600
Speaker 4: was like, you know what, I'm done done, because you know,

257
00:15:53,760 --> 00:15:56,240
Speaker 4: sometimes some of us we go back a couple of

258
00:15:56,320 --> 00:15:58,720
Speaker 4: times and we're like, Okay, now it's really done. So

259
00:15:59,160 --> 00:16:01,280
Speaker 4: been there, done that. It made me think about those

260
00:16:01,280 --> 00:16:02,800
Speaker 4: moments where I was like, okay, this is done, done

261
00:16:02,840 --> 00:16:05,240
Speaker 4: for real, and when I'm done, like, I'm really done.

262
00:16:05,720 --> 00:16:11,560
Speaker 4: So one of the lyrics there that really like just

263
00:16:11,640 --> 00:16:13,800
Speaker 4: resonated with me was when she said I deserve so

264
00:16:13,920 --> 00:16:16,200
Speaker 4: much more than you gave to me, so now I'm

265
00:16:16,240 --> 00:16:18,080
Speaker 4: saving me and I was like, yes.

266
00:16:17,960 --> 00:16:24,120
Speaker 1: Girl, Yes, Yes, that's that beautiful space when you are

267
00:16:24,240 --> 00:16:27,160
Speaker 1: at that point when you recognize when it hits you,

268
00:16:27,760 --> 00:16:30,880
Speaker 1: like for real, for real hits you, because like you said,

269
00:16:30,920 --> 00:16:33,640
Speaker 1: there may be multiple points where it hits you and

270
00:16:33,720 --> 00:16:38,200
Speaker 1: you like uh, and then circle back around. But when

271
00:16:38,240 --> 00:16:42,680
Speaker 1: you get to that final point where you're like, no, player,

272
00:16:42,920 --> 00:16:47,080
Speaker 1: I am done done. Sorry for you, because once I

273
00:16:47,160 --> 00:16:51,320
Speaker 1: hit that point of I am done done, there ain't

274
00:16:51,400 --> 00:16:57,080
Speaker 1: no coming back. And it doesn't matter where your feelings are.

275
00:16:57,720 --> 00:17:00,440
Speaker 1: My feelings say that we are done because what has

276
00:17:00,480 --> 00:17:04,520
Speaker 1: been transpiring in this interaction. I have finally got to

277
00:17:04,600 --> 00:17:07,800
Speaker 1: a space where I recognize that it is no longer

278
00:17:07,880 --> 00:17:14,480
Speaker 1: serving me. So holler back. A matter of fact, don't

279
00:17:14,520 --> 00:17:17,120
Speaker 1: holler back, right right, don't.

280
00:17:18,800 --> 00:17:19,480
Speaker 4: Keep it moving.

281
00:17:21,440 --> 00:17:24,359
Speaker 1: But you know, I think when I come back to

282
00:17:24,400 --> 00:17:27,439
Speaker 1: this though, right like, I think what I love about

283
00:17:27,440 --> 00:17:32,240
Speaker 1: this is that this particular song is about telling the

284
00:17:32,320 --> 00:17:35,680
Speaker 1: partner because I also want to acknowledge that it might

285
00:17:35,720 --> 00:17:37,640
Speaker 1: not just be a dude that you're messing with, right

286
00:17:38,920 --> 00:17:44,879
Speaker 1: that just telling this person that we're done, and what

287
00:17:45,400 --> 00:17:50,560
Speaker 1: happens in those moments when it's one person who has

288
00:17:50,800 --> 00:17:53,760
Speaker 1: more feelings than the other person. Right So, even though

289
00:17:53,760 --> 00:17:55,720
Speaker 1: the title of the song is pick up your Feelings,

290
00:17:55,800 --> 00:17:59,719
Speaker 1: and the intention is that it's about the other person,

291
00:18:00,560 --> 00:18:03,520
Speaker 1: I also want to acknowledge that there are times when

292
00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:06,359
Speaker 1: we might be in.

293
00:18:06,280 --> 00:18:10,320
Speaker 3: A sexual relationship with someone and.

294
00:18:12,359 --> 00:18:16,439
Speaker 1: We end up falling for them, and I say falling

295
00:18:16,480 --> 00:18:18,439
Speaker 1: for them, and I want to be clear, like I

296
00:18:18,440 --> 00:18:18,800
Speaker 1: want to.

297
00:18:18,720 --> 00:18:22,680
Speaker 3: Be more specific. You start to develop.

298
00:18:22,359 --> 00:18:27,200
Speaker 1: Romantic feelings and you start to want more from them

299
00:18:27,400 --> 00:18:32,840
Speaker 1: out of the relationship in just sex, and they might

300
00:18:32,880 --> 00:18:37,200
Speaker 1: not be ready for that. They might be like, sorry, Sis,

301
00:18:37,240 --> 00:18:40,760
Speaker 1: all I want is sex. That's all I can handle

302
00:18:40,840 --> 00:18:44,920
Speaker 1: right now. So then you left picking up your feelings

303
00:18:45,280 --> 00:18:45,679
Speaker 1: mm hm.

304
00:18:46,240 --> 00:18:52,000
Speaker 4: And that's rough. It is tough.

305
00:18:52,520 --> 00:18:54,680
Speaker 1: It can be tough because you're left with that decision

306
00:18:54,760 --> 00:19:01,600
Speaker 1: of Okay, if I'm starting to have develop deeper feelings

307
00:19:01,600 --> 00:19:03,320
Speaker 1: and this person isn't.

308
00:19:04,200 --> 00:19:05,160
Speaker 3: What am I going to do?

309
00:19:05,600 --> 00:19:07,399
Speaker 1: And I think the thing that I want to like

310
00:19:07,760 --> 00:19:09,320
Speaker 1: remind ourselves is that.

311
00:19:09,240 --> 00:19:10,960
Speaker 3: We always have choice.

312
00:19:12,640 --> 00:19:16,960
Speaker 1: That even in that moment that's a crossroads or I

313
00:19:17,000 --> 00:19:20,600
Speaker 1: read a fork in the road, we can say I

314
00:19:20,640 --> 00:19:23,760
Speaker 1: have communicated that I have feelings that are deeper than

315
00:19:23,840 --> 00:19:26,560
Speaker 1: sex and I want more than just a sexual relationship

316
00:19:26,800 --> 00:19:29,359
Speaker 1: and this person, So we've communicated our feelings and this

317
00:19:29,400 --> 00:19:33,960
Speaker 1: person is like sorry, We can decide do we want

318
00:19:34,000 --> 00:19:36,720
Speaker 1: to continue in this knowing where our feelings are, knowing

319
00:19:36,720 --> 00:19:38,400
Speaker 1: that we're not on the same page with this other

320
00:19:38,480 --> 00:19:41,679
Speaker 1: person or do we want to say, you know what,

321
00:19:41,800 --> 00:19:47,000
Speaker 1: I need to protect my feelings, protect myself and leave

322
00:19:47,080 --> 00:19:51,040
Speaker 1: this situation to prevent myself from being further hurt.

323
00:19:51,920 --> 00:19:55,800
Speaker 4: Yes, yes, yes, yes, everything you just said. I'm just

324
00:19:55,840 --> 00:19:58,720
Speaker 4: like I'm telling you, lady, when you listen to this album,

325
00:19:58,840 --> 00:20:01,520
Speaker 4: depending on where you are your life, it'll bring you

326
00:20:01,600 --> 00:20:03,439
Speaker 4: back to certain points. It brings me back to my

327
00:20:03,520 --> 00:20:07,760
Speaker 4: twenties personally, so yeah, yeah, I'm just like, oh wow.

328
00:20:09,280 --> 00:20:11,600
Speaker 4: And speaking of oh wow, we just got to dive

329
00:20:11,640 --> 00:20:15,120
Speaker 4: right into Ari's Tale where Ari Lennox talks a bit

330
00:20:15,160 --> 00:20:18,960
Speaker 4: about she had some good d that she was willing

331
00:20:19,040 --> 00:20:21,440
Speaker 4: to give up her career for. Okay, she I appreciate

332
00:20:21,480 --> 00:20:25,320
Speaker 4: her authenticity and her understandings because in Ari's tale, Slash

333
00:20:25,400 --> 00:20:28,200
Speaker 4: put it down. That's what it's all about. It's about

334
00:20:28,359 --> 00:20:30,399
Speaker 4: you get digmatized.

335
00:20:32,480 --> 00:20:34,040
Speaker 3: It's happened to the best.

336
00:20:34,280 --> 00:20:39,439
Speaker 1: Yeah, like you said, I appreciate Ari Lennox putting it

337
00:20:39,480 --> 00:20:42,320
Speaker 1: out there, letting us know that, hey, this was somebody

338
00:20:42,359 --> 00:20:44,560
Speaker 1: and she and if I'm remember it correctly, this was

339
00:20:44,560 --> 00:20:49,160
Speaker 1: somebody in the industry, someone who could have like catapulted

340
00:20:49,200 --> 00:20:53,560
Speaker 1: her career, right, And I say that not to diminish

341
00:20:53,600 --> 00:20:57,320
Speaker 1: anything that she's done on her own. But the sense

342
00:20:57,320 --> 00:21:00,359
Speaker 1: that I got from her story is that this person

343
00:21:00,520 --> 00:21:04,199
Speaker 1: was in a much higher position of power than she was.

344
00:21:06,400 --> 00:21:07,960
Speaker 3: At least that's my interpretation of it.

345
00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:10,000
Speaker 1: I might have read it wrong, heard it wrong, but

346
00:21:10,040 --> 00:21:12,119
Speaker 1: that was my interpretation of it, right, is that this

347
00:21:12,160 --> 00:21:16,240
Speaker 1: person was in a higher position and they put it down.

348
00:21:17,440 --> 00:21:20,360
Speaker 4: Now what I got from this down that's an interesting perspective.

349
00:21:20,400 --> 00:21:22,280
Speaker 4: I love having these conversations because we can kind of

350
00:21:22,320 --> 00:21:26,119
Speaker 4: share eg of our perspectives. I got that she was

351
00:21:26,119 --> 00:21:28,960
Speaker 4: saying because in her little quote, she says, bitch, do

352
00:21:29,000 --> 00:21:31,080
Speaker 4: you know what Google says? And she's like, yes, yes

353
00:21:31,119 --> 00:21:33,359
Speaker 4: I do. But I also know what that dick said,

354
00:21:33,359 --> 00:21:34,919
Speaker 4: and that dick spoke life in to me. And I

355
00:21:34,960 --> 00:21:39,199
Speaker 4: felt like maybe it was some bumb ass dude and

356
00:21:39,960 --> 00:21:41,879
Speaker 4: maybe she would just letting him do all these crazy

357
00:21:41,880 --> 00:21:43,360
Speaker 4: things that people were like, girl, like if you look

358
00:21:43,400 --> 00:21:46,040
Speaker 4: at Google, who is this clown? But she was like, well,

359
00:21:46,080 --> 00:21:48,400
Speaker 4: I don't care what Google says. I know who I am.

360
00:21:48,880 --> 00:21:50,920
Speaker 4: But Dick was that good that I was willing to

361
00:21:51,000 --> 00:21:52,600
Speaker 4: you know what I mean. That's that's what I gathered

362
00:21:52,640 --> 00:21:55,920
Speaker 4: from it. But I think in either situation the best

363
00:21:55,920 --> 00:21:57,560
Speaker 4: of us, right, it happens to the best of us

364
00:21:57,560 --> 00:21:59,560
Speaker 4: where you're like, yo, why am I putting up with

365
00:21:59,760 --> 00:22:01,000
Speaker 4: this nonsense?

366
00:22:01,600 --> 00:22:07,000
Speaker 1: Right? Like the dude is like, clearly, all the signs

367
00:22:07,000 --> 00:22:10,359
Speaker 1: are there that he ain't no good, he does not

368
00:22:10,680 --> 00:22:15,000
Speaker 1: mean me any good in any acceptal when it comes

369
00:22:15,000 --> 00:22:15,560
Speaker 1: to that DP.

370
00:22:16,560 --> 00:22:18,120
Speaker 4: And it can be the same for women too, because,

371
00:22:18,160 --> 00:22:20,480
Speaker 4: like you mentioned, if you're in the same sex relationship,

372
00:22:20,960 --> 00:22:22,400
Speaker 4: it's like it can be the same if the sex

373
00:22:22,480 --> 00:22:26,040
Speaker 4: is bomb. It's just so sometimes mind boggling that sex

374
00:22:26,080 --> 00:22:30,480
Speaker 4: can be such a powerful force in a connection where

375
00:22:30,520 --> 00:22:32,399
Speaker 4: we are sometimes well enough to put up with some

376
00:22:32,480 --> 00:22:36,560
Speaker 4: bs because it's just that bomb, right, But many times

377
00:22:36,600 --> 00:22:38,920
Speaker 4: it's fleeting. I will say, you know here.

378
00:22:40,280 --> 00:22:41,280
Speaker 3: Here's why it's fleeting.

379
00:22:41,920 --> 00:22:45,679
Speaker 1: It's because when you have an orgasm, your body is

380
00:22:45,720 --> 00:22:51,040
Speaker 1: releasing endorphins, and so it becomes like a drug. That like,

381
00:22:51,160 --> 00:22:55,720
Speaker 1: so endorphins are like a hormone and so or chemical

382
00:22:55,720 --> 00:23:00,119
Speaker 1: in our brain, and that endorphin is about pleasure, and

383
00:23:00,200 --> 00:23:02,480
Speaker 1: our brains are wired.

384
00:23:02,240 --> 00:23:05,040
Speaker 3: For us to produce or seek pleasure.

385
00:23:06,080 --> 00:23:10,000
Speaker 1: So if you think about it, our brains help our

386
00:23:10,040 --> 00:23:11,160
Speaker 1: body do things to.

387
00:23:11,160 --> 00:23:14,080
Speaker 3: Protect us from pain. All right, But.

388
00:23:14,080 --> 00:23:16,720
Speaker 1: The opposite of that, or the other end of the

389
00:23:16,760 --> 00:23:21,960
Speaker 1: spectrum from that is pleasure, And so our brains want

390
00:23:22,119 --> 00:23:27,959
Speaker 1: us to seek pleasure, So okay, then we our bodies

391
00:23:28,000 --> 00:23:31,240
Speaker 1: get conditioned. So you got this person that you're messing

392
00:23:31,320 --> 00:23:37,560
Speaker 1: around with, and every time you're with them, your body

393
00:23:37,840 --> 00:23:39,320
Speaker 1: releases in doorphins.

394
00:23:40,440 --> 00:23:43,520
Speaker 3: You have an orgasm every time y'all have sex.

395
00:23:45,240 --> 00:23:50,199
Speaker 1: Hell yeah, your brain is like, uh yeah, why not

396
00:23:50,600 --> 00:23:54,160
Speaker 1: like those couple of moments of pleasure last, let's fuck?

397
00:23:54,280 --> 00:23:58,000
Speaker 3: That could carry us through some difficult.

398
00:23:57,560 --> 00:24:02,119
Speaker 1: Times, right, So our bodies, our brains will trick us

399
00:24:02,160 --> 00:24:05,280
Speaker 1: and tell us like, yes, this, you better keep going

400
00:24:05,320 --> 00:24:07,000
Speaker 1: for that. You don't know when that next, and you

401
00:24:07,000 --> 00:24:08,960
Speaker 1: don't know when you'll get that next orgasm, so you

402
00:24:09,040 --> 00:24:13,280
Speaker 1: might as well keep bringing that around. When the reality

403
00:24:13,840 --> 00:24:17,160
Speaker 1: is that if that's all that they're bringing to the table,

404
00:24:18,359 --> 00:24:24,240
Speaker 1: then those few moments of pleasure truly don't make up

405
00:24:24,320 --> 00:24:29,280
Speaker 1: for everything else negative that comes with that. And I

406
00:24:29,359 --> 00:24:32,640
Speaker 1: say that from a space of that's my value, right,

407
00:24:33,359 --> 00:24:35,720
Speaker 1: But other folks may say, well.

408
00:24:37,119 --> 00:24:37,879
Speaker 3: It is worth it.

409
00:24:39,080 --> 00:24:41,919
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's a good point. It definitely depends on your value.

410
00:24:42,040 --> 00:24:43,960
Speaker 4: It's funny because when you were saying that, it was

411
00:24:43,960 --> 00:24:47,040
Speaker 4: like damn. Sometimes we think like oh, it's love or

412
00:24:47,040 --> 00:24:49,920
Speaker 4: like oh I have strong feelings, and it's like, well, boom,

413
00:24:50,240 --> 00:24:52,159
Speaker 4: if you take the sex out of the situation, what

414
00:24:52,359 --> 00:24:54,560
Speaker 4: you have right and you let that person get sick

415
00:24:55,080 --> 00:24:56,920
Speaker 4: or let you know, you get into a situation where

416
00:24:56,920 --> 00:24:58,280
Speaker 4: you can't have sex and it's just like, yo, they

417
00:24:58,280 --> 00:25:00,879
Speaker 4: get on my nerves. I don't like being around them.

418
00:25:00,920 --> 00:25:03,280
Speaker 4: Its like it's probably just a sex. But I actually

419
00:25:03,640 --> 00:25:07,240
Speaker 4: know someone who was in a situation where they had

420
00:25:07,280 --> 00:25:10,880
Speaker 4: some bomb sex everything. It was just so amazing, got

421
00:25:10,880 --> 00:25:14,240
Speaker 4: into a relationship, you know, things got more serious and

422
00:25:14,359 --> 00:25:18,119
Speaker 4: now it's like years later, Yeah, the sex is great,

423
00:25:18,280 --> 00:25:22,159
Speaker 4: but yo, I gotta pay all the damn bills, Like

424
00:25:22,240 --> 00:25:24,840
Speaker 4: I gotta do all the like he literally is not

425
00:25:24,880 --> 00:25:28,440
Speaker 4: doing shit, but it can be down and that's all

426
00:25:28,480 --> 00:25:31,159
Speaker 4: he's bringing to the table, and it's like, damn, well

427
00:25:31,960 --> 00:25:33,800
Speaker 4: is it really worth it? It depends on your values,

428
00:25:33,840 --> 00:25:35,960
Speaker 4: because I know, for me personally, I'm like, we're gonna

429
00:25:35,960 --> 00:25:37,600
Speaker 4: need to have a balance here. You got to bring

430
00:25:37,640 --> 00:25:40,040
Speaker 4: more than just to d you know what I mean? Right,

431
00:25:40,240 --> 00:25:42,320
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, I feel you people.

432
00:25:42,040 --> 00:25:44,840
Speaker 1: Can evolve, right, So, like you may be at a

433
00:25:44,880 --> 00:25:47,720
Speaker 1: point in life where that is your value right where

434
00:25:47,840 --> 00:25:50,840
Speaker 1: that is what is most important to you at that time.

435
00:25:51,400 --> 00:25:55,840
Speaker 1: And I think the key is just being clear and

436
00:25:56,000 --> 00:26:00,720
Speaker 1: honest with yourself about this is what I want right.

437
00:26:01,920 --> 00:26:03,840
Speaker 1: I'm not worried about a commitment. I don't care who

438
00:26:04,160 --> 00:26:05,719
Speaker 1: as long as we say, but I don't care who

439
00:26:05,800 --> 00:26:10,040
Speaker 1: else he fucking but he comes and he brings it.

440
00:26:12,640 --> 00:26:16,200
Speaker 1: That's all I need. As long as you were honest

441
00:26:16,240 --> 00:26:21,040
Speaker 1: with yourself that that's truly all that you need, then cool.

442
00:26:21,320 --> 00:26:23,520
Speaker 4: We don't have on It on our list to talk

443
00:26:23,520 --> 00:26:26,600
Speaker 4: about one of the other tracks on the album, but

444
00:26:26,640 --> 00:26:29,560
Speaker 4: I just wanted to say, lady, make sure your kids

445
00:26:29,680 --> 00:26:31,720
Speaker 4: or your your nieces and nephews are not around and

446
00:26:31,760 --> 00:26:34,120
Speaker 4: you listen to on it, because on it is nasty.

447
00:26:34,320 --> 00:26:36,760
Speaker 4: I love it. It's a great song. But that song

448
00:26:36,800 --> 00:26:38,480
Speaker 4: we have you felt in some type of way. You're like,

449
00:26:38,520 --> 00:26:40,880
Speaker 4: oh my, that'll have you clutching your pearls for real.

450
00:26:40,960 --> 00:26:43,560
Speaker 4: So yes, yeah, listen it on your own time, and

451
00:26:43,560 --> 00:26:47,080
Speaker 4: we're gonna move on to Donna's Tale.

452
00:26:47,880 --> 00:26:49,879
Speaker 1: I mean, honestly, I think that we need to listen

453
00:26:49,920 --> 00:26:52,359
Speaker 1: to the entire album away from the children.

454
00:26:52,320 --> 00:26:56,960
Speaker 4: But at point, actually just take some time for yourself

455
00:26:56,960 --> 00:26:57,840
Speaker 4: about thirty minutes.

456
00:26:58,200 --> 00:27:05,800
Speaker 1: Yes, yes, okay, so Dona's tail had me cracking up.

457
00:27:07,880 --> 00:27:09,880
Speaker 4: So, yes, I was.

458
00:27:09,880 --> 00:27:16,280
Speaker 1: Cracking up because I have heard women have this conversation,

459
00:27:16,600 --> 00:27:18,040
Speaker 1: right of.

460
00:27:19,400 --> 00:27:21,720
Speaker 3: Well, I want X, Y and.

461
00:27:21,760 --> 00:27:25,160
Speaker 1: Z, So we're gonna have sex tonight.

462
00:27:25,200 --> 00:27:26,560
Speaker 3: I'm gonna put it. I'm gonna put it on him

463
00:27:26,600 --> 00:27:30,240
Speaker 3: tonight so that I can.

464
00:27:30,160 --> 00:27:37,239
Speaker 1: Get what I want, right, whether that's a vacation, a

465
00:27:37,320 --> 00:27:40,639
Speaker 1: new handbag, or you just want to be left alone

466
00:27:40,680 --> 00:27:42,439
Speaker 1: for a day or two. Right, you want him to

467
00:27:42,560 --> 00:27:44,560
Speaker 1: you want to be able to not have to worry

468
00:27:44,600 --> 00:27:47,120
Speaker 1: about cooking and cleaning or any of the other things,

469
00:27:47,640 --> 00:27:49,600
Speaker 1: or even having sex for a couple of days.

470
00:27:49,640 --> 00:27:51,880
Speaker 3: Right, So you put.

471
00:27:51,680 --> 00:27:57,480
Speaker 1: It on him, and in the moment that he is

472
00:27:57,520 --> 00:28:02,200
Speaker 1: getting close to climaxing or having an orgasm, that's when

473
00:28:02,240 --> 00:28:03,600
Speaker 1: you make your demands.

474
00:28:04,160 --> 00:28:07,320
Speaker 4: Really wait, so they they make the demand as they're

475
00:28:07,359 --> 00:28:10,040
Speaker 4: having the sex at that point.

476
00:28:10,080 --> 00:28:11,720
Speaker 3: What else is he gonna say? Is he gonna say

477
00:28:12,119 --> 00:28:12,720
Speaker 3: when he's in the.

478
00:28:14,119 --> 00:28:19,520
Speaker 4: Exactly exactly interesting? Okay? Okay, I thought it was after

479
00:28:19,800 --> 00:28:22,119
Speaker 4: is when they would do it. But that that's interesting now, Okay,

480
00:28:22,160 --> 00:28:23,480
Speaker 4: what else it could.

481
00:28:23,240 --> 00:28:25,560
Speaker 1: Happen both It could happen both ways, right, like if

482
00:28:25,640 --> 00:28:30,119
Speaker 1: you if you catch him before you fall asleep, but

483
00:28:30,320 --> 00:28:34,600
Speaker 1: right after he's had that orgasm, then yeah, you could

484
00:28:34,880 --> 00:28:37,960
Speaker 1: potentially get him to say and agree to whatever.

485
00:28:37,640 --> 00:28:40,960
Speaker 3: It is that you want, right And.

486
00:28:40,840 --> 00:28:45,240
Speaker 1: So I think the thing is with this is wanting

487
00:28:45,360 --> 00:28:47,640
Speaker 1: to be again. I think it all goes back to

488
00:28:47,720 --> 00:28:54,960
Speaker 1: like awareness and intentionality. So okay, recognizing that this is

489
00:28:55,000 --> 00:28:59,360
Speaker 1: exactly what you're doing this for and also being aware

490
00:29:00,320 --> 00:29:04,120
Speaker 1: that he may use you for the same things.

491
00:29:04,480 --> 00:29:07,280
Speaker 4: I'm just thinking that too. Right, I'm going to ask

492
00:29:07,320 --> 00:29:08,680
Speaker 4: her this thing. Let me go put it on a

493
00:29:08,680 --> 00:29:09,400
Speaker 4: real quick.

494
00:29:10,280 --> 00:29:14,640
Speaker 1: Right, right, Like, oh, I want the homies to come

495
00:29:14,640 --> 00:29:21,000
Speaker 1: over to watch the game, you know pre covid.

496
00:29:20,240 --> 00:29:23,480
Speaker 3: I want the howies to come over to watch the game.

497
00:29:24,080 --> 00:29:27,080
Speaker 1: And I know, I know she hates having people up

498
00:29:27,120 --> 00:29:30,400
Speaker 1: in the house, So let me go put it on

499
00:29:30,480 --> 00:29:34,560
Speaker 1: her real good and get her to agree to this, right.

500
00:29:35,040 --> 00:29:37,840
Speaker 1: And So I think the thing is is that if

501
00:29:37,840 --> 00:29:43,840
Speaker 1: we're honest, this happens in relationships. But the key is

502
00:29:43,880 --> 00:29:47,840
Speaker 1: that we want to be clear and we want to

503
00:29:47,880 --> 00:29:52,280
Speaker 1: be aware that this is what we're doing right that like, yep,

504
00:29:52,800 --> 00:29:57,200
Speaker 1: Thursday night, we're getting it in because it's about that

505
00:29:57,240 --> 00:30:00,680
Speaker 1: time for me to purchase that vacation because the airline

506
00:30:00,720 --> 00:30:03,160
Speaker 1: is about to have a sale and so are the resorts.

507
00:30:03,600 --> 00:30:08,360
Speaker 1: So and he gets paid Friday morning, So I'm gonna

508
00:30:08,400 --> 00:30:12,280
Speaker 1: put it on him if next thing we know, Friday morning,

509
00:30:12,280 --> 00:30:13,600
Speaker 1: we got that vacation paid for.

510
00:30:14,920 --> 00:30:18,600
Speaker 3: Just be clear that that is what you're.

511
00:30:18,400 --> 00:30:22,480
Speaker 1: Doing, right, and because I think the issue that comes

512
00:30:22,560 --> 00:30:26,320
Speaker 1: up for a lot of women is that you do

513
00:30:26,400 --> 00:30:30,600
Speaker 1: it and then afterwards there's guilt and shame that comes up.

514
00:30:32,760 --> 00:30:36,560
Speaker 1: In some cases, it's not even guilt and shame, it's

515
00:30:37,600 --> 00:30:42,960
Speaker 1: negative self self worth that develops over time where you

516
00:30:43,200 --> 00:30:45,560
Speaker 1: end up feeling like and we'll get to this piece

517
00:30:45,600 --> 00:30:47,520
Speaker 1: a little later in a different song, but then you

518
00:30:47,600 --> 00:30:51,040
Speaker 1: end up wondering, is this all that you're worth? Is

519
00:30:51,080 --> 00:30:52,920
Speaker 1: this the only thing that you're bringing to the table.

520
00:30:53,720 --> 00:30:55,760
Speaker 1: So just be clear about what it is that you

521
00:30:55,920 --> 00:30:56,720
Speaker 1: why you're doing it.

522
00:30:57,480 --> 00:30:58,880
Speaker 4: That's a good point, Jim. I feel like there are

523
00:30:58,880 --> 00:31:01,400
Speaker 4: definitely gonna be some ladies to listen that I'll be like, yeah, girl,

524
00:31:01,520 --> 00:31:03,680
Speaker 4: mm hmm, you know I'd be doing that, and then

525
00:31:03,720 --> 00:31:05,800
Speaker 4: some are like, oh my gosh, no, it's manipulation. So

526
00:31:05,840 --> 00:31:08,520
Speaker 4: I think it depends on like your dynamic, what works

527
00:31:08,560 --> 00:31:12,280
Speaker 4: for you and yeah, I'm with you. Though when I

528
00:31:12,280 --> 00:31:14,880
Speaker 4: think about it, I'm like, I remember, I feel like

529
00:31:14,920 --> 00:31:18,000
Speaker 4: the old heads, the older women, they'll definitely talk about that, like, yeah,

530
00:31:18,160 --> 00:31:21,680
Speaker 4: this has happened or whatever. So interesting, interesting, especially when

531
00:31:21,680 --> 00:31:23,240
Speaker 4: you think about it in a relationship.

532
00:31:23,800 --> 00:31:24,080
Speaker 3: Yeah.

533
00:31:24,120 --> 00:31:27,440
Speaker 4: Now, the next song here that we're going to talk

534
00:31:27,480 --> 00:31:33,000
Speaker 4: about is lost one. And so the question I guess is,

535
00:31:33,320 --> 00:31:37,320
Speaker 4: if you've ever been in an unhealthy relationship, have you

536
00:31:37,440 --> 00:31:41,000
Speaker 4: wished that your ex was miserable without you or that

537
00:31:41,080 --> 00:31:43,640
Speaker 4: y'all will get back together? That is an interesting question.

538
00:31:44,280 --> 00:31:47,480
Speaker 4: I think that's a normal feeling to want them to

539
00:31:47,480 --> 00:31:48,120
Speaker 4: be miserable.

540
00:31:48,840 --> 00:31:54,200
Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah, misery loves miserable company.

541
00:31:55,040 --> 00:31:59,840
Speaker 1: Mm hm. So if you're having that thought, then that

542
00:32:00,000 --> 00:32:04,360
Speaker 1: that's an indication for you. That's information for you that

543
00:32:04,840 --> 00:32:12,440
Speaker 1: you are in an unhappy, perhaps miserable space, right, because

544
00:32:12,440 --> 00:32:14,040
Speaker 1: if you think about it, if you are in a

545
00:32:14,120 --> 00:32:20,200
Speaker 1: position where you are functioning at a higher vibration, you're

546
00:32:20,200 --> 00:32:22,120
Speaker 1: not wishing negativity on someone else.

547
00:32:22,800 --> 00:32:24,400
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's a good point.

548
00:32:24,600 --> 00:32:28,600
Speaker 1: But when you're in the throes of like, and usually

549
00:32:28,640 --> 00:32:30,959
Speaker 1: this is when you're in the throes of like, recovering

550
00:32:31,000 --> 00:32:35,640
Speaker 1: from the relationship, working on your own healing. You may

551
00:32:35,720 --> 00:32:40,720
Speaker 1: be in that low vibrational place of I'm unhappy, so

552
00:32:40,800 --> 00:32:43,480
Speaker 1: everybody else around me got to be unhappy, and especially

553
00:32:43,520 --> 00:32:46,720
Speaker 1: that dude who broke my heart, he better be miserable.

554
00:32:46,920 --> 00:32:49,960
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, yeah, I was thinking because I'm like, if

555
00:32:50,000 --> 00:32:52,320
Speaker 4: he broke your heart or if they broke your heart,

556
00:32:52,880 --> 00:32:55,000
Speaker 4: and I can definitely see how you be like, yo,

557
00:32:55,400 --> 00:32:57,959
Speaker 4: I don't want you to succeed in nothing. You just

558
00:32:58,000 --> 00:33:00,520
Speaker 4: gonna be miserable your whole life. And then I'm like,

559
00:33:00,920 --> 00:33:03,239
Speaker 4: there are situations where you are the one breaking up

560
00:33:03,240 --> 00:33:07,040
Speaker 4: with them, and in that case, I feel like most

561
00:33:07,120 --> 00:33:08,840
Speaker 4: times you're like I want you to be happy, Like

562
00:33:08,880 --> 00:33:11,000
Speaker 4: I want you to be happy and be with somebody

563
00:33:11,080 --> 00:33:13,600
Speaker 4: and leave me alone. I'm trying. I'm trying to end this.

564
00:33:13,600 --> 00:33:14,120
Speaker 3: You know what I mean.

565
00:33:14,280 --> 00:33:16,760
Speaker 4: Right, So, you're right, it depends on where your where

566
00:33:16,760 --> 00:33:17,640
Speaker 4: your energy is.

567
00:33:18,680 --> 00:33:21,360
Speaker 1: And I also think about it from the perspective of

568
00:33:21,520 --> 00:33:25,040
Speaker 1: what if you were the unhealthy one in the relationship, right,

569
00:33:26,240 --> 00:33:33,960
Speaker 1: Like you are sad and upset because you recognize that, oh,

570
00:33:34,000 --> 00:33:36,160
Speaker 1: this was a good dude, this was a good person

571
00:33:36,640 --> 00:33:40,600
Speaker 1: who I messed up, Like the space that I was

572
00:33:40,640 --> 00:33:45,240
Speaker 1: in caused this shit to fall apart. And that can

573
00:33:45,320 --> 00:33:51,200
Speaker 1: be a hard feeling to sit with, right of, like damn,

574
00:33:52,480 --> 00:33:57,120
Speaker 1: I lost one. Yeah, like I lost one.

575
00:33:57,760 --> 00:33:58,600
Speaker 3: I did that.

576
00:33:59,560 --> 00:34:04,440
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's a good point. Hindsight twenty twenty Lady, One

577
00:34:04,440 --> 00:34:06,280
Speaker 4: of the last songs that we're going to dive into

578
00:34:07,360 --> 00:34:09,480
Speaker 4: is just some real ass shit. So you have to

579
00:34:09,480 --> 00:34:11,120
Speaker 4: stay tuned for that. We're going to dive into it

580
00:34:11,120 --> 00:34:15,359
Speaker 4: in just a bit before we do. Precious's tales say

581
00:34:15,400 --> 00:34:18,120
Speaker 4: that five times real fast, right, you know what I'm saying.

582
00:34:18,160 --> 00:34:21,120
Speaker 4: But that tale, that was an interesting one. So this

583
00:34:21,160 --> 00:34:23,439
Speaker 4: is a tale. And what I read dom is that

584
00:34:23,480 --> 00:34:26,839
Speaker 4: a lot of these tales in the album are from

585
00:34:26,960 --> 00:34:30,120
Speaker 4: jazz AND's friends and people that are quite close to her.

586
00:34:30,200 --> 00:34:32,760
Speaker 4: So and she was really grateful that they were open

587
00:34:32,840 --> 00:34:35,560
Speaker 4: to just being so vulnerable and sharing these aspects of

588
00:34:35,600 --> 00:34:38,160
Speaker 4: their lives and stories, you know, publicly in this way,

589
00:34:38,160 --> 00:34:39,640
Speaker 4: which I thought was really cool. I'm like, oh, that's

590
00:34:39,640 --> 00:34:42,120
Speaker 4: really dope to kind of get that perspective of your people.

591
00:34:42,640 --> 00:34:45,160
Speaker 4: And so one of the first things that Precious says

592
00:34:45,239 --> 00:34:48,120
Speaker 4: and this tale is to be honest, money makes me

593
00:34:48,200 --> 00:34:52,799
Speaker 4: come and she talks a bit about her should we

594
00:34:52,840 --> 00:34:55,680
Speaker 4: pause right after that, Let's just like a little moment

595
00:34:55,680 --> 00:34:57,920
Speaker 4: of silence. After that, I thought it was interesting. I

596
00:34:57,960 --> 00:35:02,600
Speaker 4: appreciated her authenticity. Although I don't resonate with this holistically,

597
00:35:02,960 --> 00:35:06,759
Speaker 4: I do appreciate her authenticity. And one other thing that

598
00:35:06,840 --> 00:35:11,200
Speaker 4: Jasmine Settleman was saying is she wanted to provide the

599
00:35:11,320 --> 00:35:15,000
Speaker 4: why behind why someone show up the way that they do.

600
00:35:15,040 --> 00:35:16,960
Speaker 4: So you might see a gold digger, or you might

601
00:35:17,000 --> 00:35:19,840
Speaker 4: see this Instagram model who's doing X y Z, but

602
00:35:20,440 --> 00:35:22,239
Speaker 4: you don't know her story, Like you don't know what

603
00:35:22,360 --> 00:35:25,080
Speaker 4: got her to this point and what formed that perspective.

604
00:35:25,520 --> 00:35:28,160
Speaker 4: So I thought that was interesting about this. Personally, it's like,

605
00:35:28,200 --> 00:35:30,480
Speaker 4: even though that's not my story. And although I used

606
00:35:30,480 --> 00:35:32,959
Speaker 4: to be a very judgmental person, I've worked a lot

607
00:35:33,000 --> 00:35:36,440
Speaker 4: on just seeking more understanding and realizing everyone's not going

608
00:35:36,480 --> 00:35:39,160
Speaker 4: to be like me and have my perspective or life experience,

609
00:35:39,239 --> 00:35:42,920
Speaker 4: and so okay, that's cool. You know, your perspective and

610
00:35:42,960 --> 00:35:46,239
Speaker 4: belief can exist here while mine coexists you know here,

611
00:35:46,280 --> 00:35:49,279
Speaker 4: and that's fine. So again, I think it's good she

612
00:35:49,360 --> 00:35:51,640
Speaker 4: knows what she wants. She's like, you're gonna have some money,

613
00:35:51,880 --> 00:35:53,879
Speaker 4: and she's like, I'm going to do my own work too,

614
00:35:54,360 --> 00:35:56,279
Speaker 4: but I'm not going to be with anyone that's broke,

615
00:35:56,360 --> 00:35:59,480
Speaker 4: and it came from her growing up in poverty, like

616
00:35:59,760 --> 00:36:02,040
Speaker 4: you know, not having money. And I'm like, okay, that

617
00:36:02,120 --> 00:36:03,799
Speaker 4: makes sense. I see how you could get to that

618
00:36:03,880 --> 00:36:09,120
Speaker 4: place if you know you grew up without money.

619
00:36:09,640 --> 00:36:14,080
Speaker 1: What I love about that is she has is taking

620
00:36:14,239 --> 00:36:16,920
Speaker 1: agency for what brings her pleasure.

621
00:36:17,280 --> 00:36:20,760
Speaker 3: So she is saying, dude.

622
00:36:20,560 --> 00:36:22,200
Speaker 1: You want to be with me or a person you

623
00:36:22,239 --> 00:36:25,360
Speaker 1: want to be with me, here is what you need

624
00:36:25,840 --> 00:36:30,960
Speaker 1: if you want to satisfy me. So you want me

625
00:36:31,000 --> 00:36:33,920
Speaker 1: to come where that money at? Like, you can't be broke?

626
00:36:34,040 --> 00:36:35,080
Speaker 4: What a bag at?

627
00:36:35,280 --> 00:36:35,440
Speaker 1: Right?

628
00:36:35,560 --> 00:36:35,880
Speaker 4: Okay?

629
00:36:36,320 --> 00:36:37,520
Speaker 3: And I can't.

630
00:36:38,080 --> 00:36:43,640
Speaker 1: I refuse to judge that right because there are so

631
00:36:43,920 --> 00:36:50,520
Speaker 1: many of us out there who don't know what we

632
00:36:50,640 --> 00:36:57,920
Speaker 1: want mm or struggle with identifying what brings us pleasure

633
00:36:58,040 --> 00:37:03,160
Speaker 1: in a relationship. And so to me, when you were

634
00:37:03,239 --> 00:37:09,760
Speaker 1: in a space where you can authentically identify what brings

635
00:37:09,800 --> 00:37:13,960
Speaker 1: you pleasure no matter what it is, Yes, that is

636
00:37:14,000 --> 00:37:14,880
Speaker 1: what's important, you know.

637
00:37:14,920 --> 00:37:15,239
Speaker 4: I think.

638
00:37:15,280 --> 00:37:19,040
Speaker 1: I think I keep going back to our episode about

639
00:37:19,560 --> 00:37:23,400
Speaker 1: sex with doctor James Wady and thinking about the example

640
00:37:23,400 --> 00:37:26,719
Speaker 1: that he gave about the person who likes their elbows kiss,

641
00:37:26,760 --> 00:37:29,000
Speaker 1: and I remember I was a little judgmental in that moment,

642
00:37:29,040 --> 00:37:31,960
Speaker 1: like your elbow though, like that shows that shows own

643
00:37:32,280 --> 00:37:36,000
Speaker 1: like oh what, but I had I stepped back from

644
00:37:36,080 --> 00:37:38,640
Speaker 1: that and had to realize that, hey, you know what.

645
00:37:39,480 --> 00:37:42,000
Speaker 3: That person knows what they.

646
00:37:41,840 --> 00:37:47,160
Speaker 1: Want, yes, and they have no shame in telling you

647
00:37:47,280 --> 00:37:50,400
Speaker 1: what it is, and so they're gonna always be not always,

648
00:37:51,040 --> 00:37:58,120
Speaker 1: they're gonna have an easier time being satisfied because they

649
00:37:58,200 --> 00:38:02,480
Speaker 1: can identify what it is that they want.

650
00:38:03,440 --> 00:38:07,200
Speaker 4: Beautifully stated dom And I think that we really have

651
00:38:07,280 --> 00:38:09,799
Speaker 4: to get out of this. And I say we, as

652
00:38:09,800 --> 00:38:11,960
Speaker 4: in the people that it resonates with, right have to

653
00:38:11,960 --> 00:38:15,560
Speaker 4: get out of this sort of judgmental mindset or the

654
00:38:15,640 --> 00:38:17,600
Speaker 4: hope is that we will transition out of it as

655
00:38:17,600 --> 00:38:20,120
Speaker 4: we evolve, where we think that everyone has to like

656
00:38:20,160 --> 00:38:22,640
Speaker 4: what we like. So because I like this type of porn,

657
00:38:23,000 --> 00:38:25,560
Speaker 4: or because I like this type of pleasure, or because

658
00:38:25,680 --> 00:38:28,000
Speaker 4: it's almost there are no kids involved in people not

659
00:38:28,080 --> 00:38:30,200
Speaker 4: hurting other people, you know what I mean, there's no

660
00:38:30,280 --> 00:38:32,680
Speaker 4: violence and you know it's not just like okay, this

661
00:38:32,800 --> 00:38:35,799
Speaker 4: is illegal or some shit like that. Then you let

662
00:38:35,800 --> 00:38:38,440
Speaker 4: people be free to do what makes them happy. And

663
00:38:38,480 --> 00:38:40,400
Speaker 4: if someone and I'm with you, because there was a

664
00:38:40,440 --> 00:38:43,280
Speaker 4: time where I would have, you know, read that someone said,

665
00:38:43,320 --> 00:38:46,160
Speaker 4: oh money makes me come. Oh my gosh, it's so superficial,

666
00:38:46,160 --> 00:38:48,360
Speaker 4: like I could see my old self being so judgmental.

667
00:38:48,400 --> 00:38:51,720
Speaker 4: But that's your thing, don't It doesn't have to resonate

668
00:38:51,760 --> 00:38:54,440
Speaker 4: with me. That's okay. And like you said, if someone

669
00:38:54,600 --> 00:38:58,239
Speaker 4: has the sense of self to know what they like

670
00:38:58,280 --> 00:39:01,680
Speaker 4: and what brings them pleasure, go for it right.

671
00:39:02,000 --> 00:39:05,840
Speaker 1: Right, because I guarantee you that there's somebody out there

672
00:39:06,800 --> 00:39:10,399
Speaker 1: who is willing to give them the pleasure that they

673
00:39:10,400 --> 00:39:11,200
Speaker 1: are asking for.

674
00:39:12,120 --> 00:39:14,239
Speaker 4: That's right. She said it in the thing she said

675
00:39:14,320 --> 00:39:17,160
Speaker 4: I know that. Well. She says something about I know

676
00:39:17,239 --> 00:39:20,480
Speaker 4: that somebody gonna cash me out, And I'm like, okay,

677
00:39:20,560 --> 00:39:22,880
Speaker 4: if that's what you know, boo, you go find your person,

678
00:39:22,960 --> 00:39:25,680
Speaker 4: and then that's that's y'all are good fit for one another.

679
00:39:26,480 --> 00:39:28,360
Speaker 4: That's not my thing, but that's cool that it's yours,

680
00:39:28,440 --> 00:39:32,680
Speaker 4: you know what I mean? Okay, Now let's dive into

681
00:39:32,840 --> 00:39:40,040
Speaker 4: Amanda's tale and girl like Me featureing her all. Right, now,

682
00:39:41,000 --> 00:39:45,520
Speaker 4: this is one that I would assume many of us have.

683
00:39:46,719 --> 00:39:48,360
Speaker 4: If you if it doesn't resonate with you, you've at

684
00:39:48,440 --> 00:39:50,120
Speaker 4: least thought about it at some point in your life.

685
00:39:51,040 --> 00:39:55,840
Speaker 4: The question is your worth tied to your pussy or

686
00:39:55,840 --> 00:39:59,240
Speaker 4: whatever you want to call you vagina or your lady

687
00:39:59,239 --> 00:40:01,600
Speaker 4: parts whatever? I know sometimes because he can be such

688
00:40:01,600 --> 00:40:04,799
Speaker 4: a oh my gosh, like a you know, uncomfortable word

689
00:40:04,800 --> 00:40:08,680
Speaker 4: for some folks, but is your word tied to your vagina?

690
00:40:09,239 --> 00:40:13,000
Speaker 4: We would use the formal term for the moment. That

691
00:40:13,160 --> 00:40:15,440
Speaker 4: is a good question, dom who.

692
00:40:16,280 --> 00:40:20,240
Speaker 1: That is a deep question. It is no pun intended.

693
00:40:25,120 --> 00:40:30,279
Speaker 1: I think that as we reflect on each of the

694
00:40:30,360 --> 00:40:36,160
Speaker 1: different songs or tales that we mentioned so far, you

695
00:40:36,200 --> 00:40:42,160
Speaker 1: can easily ask that question, right, And my hope would

696
00:40:42,200 --> 00:40:47,040
Speaker 1: be that each of those women would be able to say, no,

697
00:40:48,760 --> 00:40:54,000
Speaker 1: that I am so much more than my lady parts.

698
00:40:54,840 --> 00:40:57,200
Speaker 4: So when you think about Amanda's tale, right, just to

699
00:40:57,239 --> 00:40:59,600
Speaker 4: give you more context, lady, if you didn't listen to

700
00:40:59,600 --> 00:41:02,000
Speaker 4: the album, hopefully you have, but she talks about how,

701
00:41:02,360 --> 00:41:05,600
Speaker 4: in many ways her let's see her vagina it was

702
00:41:05,719 --> 00:41:09,360
Speaker 4: very much defining her and she felt as though she

703
00:41:09,440 --> 00:41:11,960
Speaker 4: was in competition with these Instagram girls and didn't have

704
00:41:12,080 --> 00:41:15,040
Speaker 4: much to offer, and so sex became her superpower and

705
00:41:15,080 --> 00:41:17,400
Speaker 4: that's where she found her worth. And she knew, you know,

706
00:41:17,440 --> 00:41:19,480
Speaker 4: if he don't want me for nothing else. He gonna

707
00:41:19,480 --> 00:41:21,360
Speaker 4: come back to get this thing right here, Okay, like

708
00:41:21,400 --> 00:41:23,799
Speaker 4: he gonna come back for this. And I don't know

709
00:41:23,840 --> 00:41:25,920
Speaker 4: about you, don but I think about times in my

710
00:41:26,040 --> 00:41:31,600
Speaker 4: journey where one, I'll say, growing up, I was taught

711
00:41:31,640 --> 00:41:36,520
Speaker 4: to value my brain. And so for me, that's always

712
00:41:36,640 --> 00:41:39,880
Speaker 4: like being smart in some capacity or no one words,

713
00:41:39,880 --> 00:41:42,960
Speaker 4: knowing something that has always been something that has been

714
00:41:43,040 --> 00:41:45,399
Speaker 4: valuable to me, like it was good to get a's

715
00:41:45,440 --> 00:41:47,640
Speaker 4: and b. So I say that to say I can't

716
00:41:47,680 --> 00:41:50,799
Speaker 4: necessarily resonate with saying that my sex was like my

717
00:41:50,960 --> 00:41:54,280
Speaker 4: only offering, but I will say that I've definitely felt

718
00:41:54,280 --> 00:41:57,319
Speaker 4: the times that a part of my worth has been

719
00:41:57,360 --> 00:42:01,319
Speaker 4: tied to that aspect of self. And I think a

720
00:42:01,320 --> 00:42:02,799
Speaker 4: lot of it has to do with media, A lot

721
00:42:02,800 --> 00:42:04,600
Speaker 4: of it has to do with music. I mean, how

722
00:42:04,640 --> 00:42:07,000
Speaker 4: many of us, what was it? Was it Foxy Brown

723
00:42:07,640 --> 00:42:10,440
Speaker 4: talking about you know you having the ill? No, not

724
00:42:10,520 --> 00:42:11,719
Speaker 4: like you, just you know what I mean? Like you?

725
00:42:12,520 --> 00:42:15,080
Speaker 4: We hear about like you you want to have some

726
00:42:15,120 --> 00:42:17,200
Speaker 4: good pussy like that should be honest. That's that's a

727
00:42:17,200 --> 00:42:19,400
Speaker 4: conversation that comes around, like you want to have that

728
00:42:19,560 --> 00:42:22,279
Speaker 4: wop and you want to be able to do what

729
00:42:22,320 --> 00:42:24,239
Speaker 4: you need to do in the bedroom to you know,

730
00:42:24,280 --> 00:42:27,279
Speaker 4: make your partner happy. And so I think that, yes,

731
00:42:27,320 --> 00:42:31,120
Speaker 4: there have definitely been times, but to me, it's been

732
00:42:31,160 --> 00:42:33,560
Speaker 4: like a package deal. It's been like that's been the

733
00:42:33,760 --> 00:42:35,759
Speaker 4: icing on the cake, you know what I mean, Like

734
00:42:35,800 --> 00:42:38,240
Speaker 4: you get all this stuff over here, you get these things,

735
00:42:38,239 --> 00:42:40,719
Speaker 4: but then I'm gonna really get you with boom, you

736
00:42:40,719 --> 00:42:42,319
Speaker 4: know what I mean, I would put it, put it

737
00:42:42,360 --> 00:42:46,760
Speaker 4: over here, like oh, so it's like it's it's adding

738
00:42:46,800 --> 00:42:49,360
Speaker 4: to the package. But I think that if you're in

739
00:42:49,400 --> 00:42:51,440
Speaker 4: a position where that's the only thing that you have

740
00:42:52,040 --> 00:42:55,000
Speaker 4: that's valuable. And I don't know, this is just me

741
00:42:55,080 --> 00:42:57,719
Speaker 4: from my perspective now, I feel like it goes back

742
00:42:57,719 --> 00:42:59,959
Speaker 4: to what you value because there may be someone listen

743
00:43:00,640 --> 00:43:03,360
Speaker 4: and they're like, I'm okay with knowing that this is

744
00:43:03,360 --> 00:43:06,200
Speaker 4: the only thing I have to value. But for me personally,

745
00:43:06,320 --> 00:43:08,560
Speaker 4: I would love to be able to offer more than that,

746
00:43:08,680 --> 00:43:10,879
Speaker 4: because anyone could do that, you know what I mean.

747
00:43:11,120 --> 00:43:12,120
Speaker 3: So I think that's the.

748
00:43:12,160 --> 00:43:18,120
Speaker 1: Thing, right, Yeah, And maybe this is my value that

749
00:43:19,239 --> 00:43:25,839
Speaker 1: I want us to recognize that we are more than

750
00:43:26,000 --> 00:43:30,880
Speaker 1: just our vagina, right, that we do bring more.

751
00:43:30,680 --> 00:43:35,120
Speaker 3: To the table than just sex. And that it is

752
00:43:35,160 --> 00:43:36,040
Speaker 3: a package deal.

753
00:43:36,160 --> 00:43:39,040
Speaker 1: Like you said that, Yes, your sex game could be

754
00:43:39,280 --> 00:43:42,960
Speaker 1: top notch, but that is not the only thing that

755
00:43:43,000 --> 00:43:45,520
Speaker 1: you are bringing to the table. And if you are

756
00:43:45,600 --> 00:43:49,160
Speaker 1: in a space where you believe that that is the

757
00:43:49,200 --> 00:43:52,360
Speaker 1: only thing that you're bringing to the table, I would

758
00:43:52,480 --> 00:43:58,520
Speaker 1: encourage you to spend some time going inward and reflecting

759
00:43:59,560 --> 00:44:05,800
Speaker 1: and recognizing and identifying all the beautiful complexities and layers

760
00:44:05,840 --> 00:44:13,600
Speaker 1: that you have that truly allow you to bring more

761
00:44:13,640 --> 00:44:16,160
Speaker 1: to the table than just your sex.

762
00:44:17,200 --> 00:44:19,319
Speaker 4: I'm with you, and it makes me think about the

763
00:44:19,360 --> 00:44:22,120
Speaker 4: concept of like diversifying your assets, you know what I mean.

764
00:44:22,719 --> 00:44:24,759
Speaker 4: My thing is, I don't think we should put all

765
00:44:24,800 --> 00:44:27,160
Speaker 4: of our and this is again my perspective personally. I

766
00:44:27,160 --> 00:44:29,239
Speaker 4: don't think we should put all of our eggs in

767
00:44:29,280 --> 00:44:31,960
Speaker 4: one basket, in the basket of who we are, if

768
00:44:31,960 --> 00:44:35,239
Speaker 4: that makes sense. And so I think about Easter Ray.

769
00:44:35,440 --> 00:44:38,479
Speaker 4: She had this episode on Insecure when you talked about

770
00:44:38,520 --> 00:44:41,120
Speaker 4: having a was it broken pussy or broken vagina or

771
00:44:41,160 --> 00:44:44,160
Speaker 4: something like that, And I remember there are times where

772
00:44:44,719 --> 00:44:47,160
Speaker 4: you know, as a woman where my I want to say,

773
00:44:47,200 --> 00:44:49,719
Speaker 4: lady parts have been out of commission for whether it's

774
00:44:49,760 --> 00:44:52,520
Speaker 4: been just that time of the month and it's just

775
00:44:52,640 --> 00:44:55,560
Speaker 4: crazy heavy and I'm just like, you know what, I'm

776
00:44:55,600 --> 00:44:57,279
Speaker 4: just gonna chill right now, you know what I mean.

777
00:44:57,440 --> 00:45:00,239
Speaker 4: Or a yeast infection or something like that. It's like,

778
00:45:00,280 --> 00:45:03,440
Speaker 4: I'm just uncomfortable right now. And there have definitely been

779
00:45:03,480 --> 00:45:07,759
Speaker 4: times where I'm like, dang, this part of me is not,

780
00:45:08,840 --> 00:45:11,880
Speaker 4: you know, performing the way that I would normally be

781
00:45:11,960 --> 00:45:13,840
Speaker 4: able to show, you know, to perform a show up,

782
00:45:13,920 --> 00:45:16,560
Speaker 4: or it's just out of commission right now, and there's

783
00:45:16,560 --> 00:45:19,120
Speaker 4: a certain part of you that's kind of like, oh damn.

784
00:45:19,880 --> 00:45:21,919
Speaker 4: You know, if that's all you have to offer, when

785
00:45:21,920 --> 00:45:26,520
Speaker 4: that is not at its optimal level, then what else

786
00:45:26,560 --> 00:45:28,600
Speaker 4: are you bringing? Right Like? How are you feeling about

787
00:45:28,640 --> 00:45:33,040
Speaker 4: yourself when that's not there? And I do think that men, definitely,

788
00:45:33,400 --> 00:45:36,840
Speaker 4: I think their worth is definitely tied to their penis

789
00:45:36,920 --> 00:45:38,279
Speaker 4: or dick size or whatever you want to call it.

790
00:45:38,320 --> 00:45:40,160
Speaker 4: I mean, based on not even size, but just the

791
00:45:40,239 --> 00:45:43,560
Speaker 4: game and their dick in general. I think that comes

792
00:45:43,560 --> 00:45:45,359
Speaker 4: from society to domin I know when I talk about

793
00:45:45,400 --> 00:45:47,279
Speaker 4: men in particular, but it makes me think about how

794
00:45:47,920 --> 00:45:51,759
Speaker 4: their size, the sex game, how long they last, like

795
00:45:52,120 --> 00:45:55,440
Speaker 4: all that is very much tied to a lot of

796
00:45:56,239 --> 00:45:58,520
Speaker 4: men's worth, right, And the thing.

797
00:45:58,480 --> 00:46:04,480
Speaker 1: Is is that when you are in a healthy relationship,

798
00:46:05,640 --> 00:46:10,080
Speaker 1: and I use the word relationship, and that is all encompassing, right,

799
00:46:10,200 --> 00:46:13,120
Speaker 1: So even if it's just this person that you call up,

800
00:46:13,160 --> 00:46:15,839
Speaker 1: we just we just fucking right to just just put

801
00:46:15,880 --> 00:46:18,799
Speaker 1: it bluntly like, we just fucking Even if that is

802
00:46:18,880 --> 00:46:23,719
Speaker 1: the arrangement, the reality is that you still bring more

803
00:46:23,760 --> 00:46:28,840
Speaker 1: to the table than just that, right, and in healthy

804
00:46:28,960 --> 00:46:36,480
Speaker 1: interactions outside of the we just fucking in healthy relationships,

805
00:46:38,000 --> 00:46:41,000
Speaker 1: if you happen to be out of commission for whatever reason,

806
00:46:42,120 --> 00:46:47,000
Speaker 1: your partner is going to be understanding of that mm hmm,

807
00:46:47,840 --> 00:46:52,560
Speaker 1: respectful of that, and you all will find other ways

808
00:46:52,960 --> 00:46:58,200
Speaker 1: to interact, engage and please one another that doesn't involve sex.

809
00:46:58,239 --> 00:47:02,479
Speaker 1: Because the other thing too is that men have times

810
00:47:02,480 --> 00:47:06,359
Speaker 1: when they're not functioning m h and they expect their

811
00:47:06,360 --> 00:47:09,080
Speaker 1: partners to be understanding, and so the reverse should happen

812
00:47:09,120 --> 00:47:13,440
Speaker 1: as well, right, So our worth should not be tied

813
00:47:13,640 --> 00:47:18,360
Speaker 1: to our sex game, Like, we have to recognize that

814
00:47:18,480 --> 00:47:25,600
Speaker 1: we truly are multifaceted people and there is so much

815
00:47:25,719 --> 00:47:30,000
Speaker 1: more to us than our sex game.

816
00:47:30,760 --> 00:47:32,520
Speaker 4: Tom, I just want to close out with this one

817
00:47:32,600 --> 00:47:39,600
Speaker 4: quote from this article from Pitchfork about Jasmine's album, and

818
00:47:39,640 --> 00:47:41,080
Speaker 4: I just want to share this quick thing with you,

819
00:47:41,120 --> 00:47:46,600
Speaker 4: so it says the albums perspectives do contradict themselves at times.

820
00:47:47,239 --> 00:47:50,040
Speaker 4: Hoeing goes from a source of pride and abundance to

821
00:47:50,080 --> 00:47:55,560
Speaker 4: one of shame. Sullivan's songwriting is agile. These conflicting judgments

822
00:47:55,600 --> 00:47:58,520
Speaker 4: and desires live in women, and both live in one

823
00:47:58,560 --> 00:48:01,600
Speaker 4: woman at once. And I want to close out by saying,

824
00:48:01,640 --> 00:48:06,279
Speaker 4: dom I at eight months pregnant, participated in the Busset challenge. Yes,

825
00:48:06,640 --> 00:48:10,359
Speaker 4: my Instagram. Wow, it's funny because I won't even tell

826
00:48:10,360 --> 00:48:12,320
Speaker 4: the story behind it. But anyway, I did the challenge,

827
00:48:12,520 --> 00:48:15,440
Speaker 4: and you know what's funny, dom A lot of people commented,

828
00:48:15,480 --> 00:48:17,120
Speaker 4: but it was very sad to see. I noticed that

829
00:48:17,160 --> 00:48:21,680
Speaker 4: one black woman commented and she said something along the

830
00:48:21,719 --> 00:48:23,600
Speaker 4: lines that I remember. The two words she used were

831
00:48:23,719 --> 00:48:26,880
Speaker 4: sick and yuck. She's like, this is sick yuck. And

832
00:48:26,920 --> 00:48:29,880
Speaker 4: I was just like, thisis what's being triggered up in you,

833
00:48:30,000 --> 00:48:32,120
Speaker 4: Like why are you uncomfortable with the pregnant woman was

834
00:48:32,120 --> 00:48:34,719
Speaker 4: comfortable in her body, t working a little something. But

835
00:48:34,760 --> 00:48:36,719
Speaker 4: it brought me back to this and I began to

836
00:48:36,760 --> 00:48:40,200
Speaker 4: have more empathy but she deleted it so fast that

837
00:48:41,080 --> 00:48:44,080
Speaker 4: when I refreshed my timeline again, it was gone. I

838
00:48:44,120 --> 00:48:45,680
Speaker 4: was able to go to her profile, and then the

839
00:48:45,719 --> 00:48:47,560
Speaker 4: next time I scrolled, I was like, oh, dang, it's gone,

840
00:48:47,560 --> 00:48:49,080
Speaker 4: but I was like, who is this person with this

841
00:48:49,160 --> 00:48:49,920
Speaker 4: private profile?

842
00:48:50,160 --> 00:48:50,359
Speaker 3: What?

843
00:48:50,920 --> 00:48:54,239
Speaker 4: So luckily my people's didn't come for the comment section

844
00:48:54,320 --> 00:48:56,760
Speaker 4: because I don't think she wanted that energy. I probably

845
00:48:56,760 --> 00:48:59,960
Speaker 4: wouldn't said anything, but the people that support me probably

846
00:49:00,000 --> 00:49:01,760
Speaker 4: would have said something. And it made me think about

847
00:49:02,080 --> 00:49:07,160
Speaker 4: the judgment and these conflicting, you know, desires that live

848
00:49:07,360 --> 00:49:09,839
Speaker 4: in women, because when you think about stuff like that,

849
00:49:09,840 --> 00:49:12,080
Speaker 4: that's her stuff showing up. Because I was living my

850
00:49:12,160 --> 00:49:14,840
Speaker 4: best life. I was fine, your fani was good, my

851
00:49:14,880 --> 00:49:17,200
Speaker 4: baby's good, like we could over here. But something was

852
00:49:17,239 --> 00:49:21,560
Speaker 4: triggered in you that made you want to, you know,

853
00:49:22,280 --> 00:49:24,680
Speaker 4: share that type of energy with another woman who was

854
00:49:24,760 --> 00:49:26,800
Speaker 4: just you know, being in her body and being comfortable.

855
00:49:27,200 --> 00:49:29,799
Speaker 4: So very complex, what do you think?

856
00:49:30,560 --> 00:49:30,960
Speaker 3: Very much?

857
00:49:30,960 --> 00:49:33,000
Speaker 1: So I think, first of all, I think that woman

858
00:49:33,080 --> 00:49:34,879
Speaker 1: probably knew better than to take it down.

859
00:49:34,960 --> 00:49:37,239
Speaker 3: And my suspicion is that she's probably I.

860
00:49:37,400 --> 00:49:41,200
Speaker 1: In a hashtag and saying this on multiple people's pages

861
00:49:41,480 --> 00:49:45,520
Speaker 1: because I think it's probably something within her, like you said,

862
00:49:45,680 --> 00:49:48,759
Speaker 1: all right, but I want to go back to the

863
00:49:49,440 --> 00:49:54,000
Speaker 1: comment from the article about it just being complex, like

864
00:49:54,040 --> 00:50:01,000
Speaker 1: this album, naming and acknowledging the complexity and nuances.

865
00:50:01,400 --> 00:50:04,680
Speaker 3: Of how we feel.

866
00:50:06,160 --> 00:50:16,000
Speaker 1: In regards to our sexuality and recognizing that it's okay.

867
00:50:16,280 --> 00:50:22,799
Speaker 1: It's normal to have conflicting thoughts, ideas, and emotions when

868
00:50:22,800 --> 00:50:26,439
Speaker 1: we are trying to figure stuff out, and to take

869
00:50:26,520 --> 00:50:31,160
Speaker 1: that as information, right, to take that as a reminder

870
00:50:31,200 --> 00:50:34,600
Speaker 1: to ourselves, an indicator to ourselves of Okay, wait, I'm

871
00:50:34,640 --> 00:50:36,239
Speaker 1: having conflicting thoughts and.

872
00:50:36,200 --> 00:50:37,360
Speaker 3: Emotions right now.

873
00:50:38,360 --> 00:50:41,760
Speaker 1: Let me pause and go inward to sort it out,

874
00:50:41,880 --> 00:50:44,400
Speaker 1: to figure out what where do I really stand?

875
00:50:45,560 --> 00:50:48,200
Speaker 4: Okay, So I feel like we're at time right now.

876
00:50:48,320 --> 00:50:50,399
Speaker 4: But now I want to talk to you about how

877
00:50:50,440 --> 00:50:52,719
Speaker 4: to respond when people do let's say, she left the

878
00:50:52,719 --> 00:50:54,440
Speaker 4: common up. I want to talk about how to respond

879
00:50:54,480 --> 00:50:57,879
Speaker 4: in those situations. And there's another example that I saw

880
00:50:57,920 --> 00:51:00,239
Speaker 4: on social media that makes me want to ask ask

881
00:51:00,280 --> 00:51:03,000
Speaker 4: you where do you draw the line on these things

882
00:51:03,000 --> 00:51:05,440
Speaker 4: on like the freedom that women have. So I want

883
00:51:05,480 --> 00:51:07,239
Speaker 4: to talk about those but lady, we're going to hop

884
00:51:07,320 --> 00:51:10,719
Speaker 4: over into Patreon and jump into the after show, so

885
00:51:10,800 --> 00:51:13,799
Speaker 4: please visit our website Herspace podcast dot com, click on

886
00:51:13,880 --> 00:51:16,920
Speaker 4: Patreon and join us for this conversation and let us

887
00:51:16,960 --> 00:51:19,239
Speaker 4: know what you think after you listen in and hear

888
00:51:19,280 --> 00:51:21,840
Speaker 4: these questions, so we will see you on the other side.

889
00:51:23,520 --> 00:51:26,839
Speaker 1: Hey lady, it's doctor Dom here from the Cultivating her

890
00:51:26,880 --> 00:51:30,600
Speaker 1: Space Podcast. Do you have a burning question you're dying

891
00:51:30,680 --> 00:51:34,319
Speaker 1: to get feedback on? Do you want an unbiased perspective

892
00:51:34,560 --> 00:51:39,680
Speaker 1: on a situation you're facing. If so, visit cultivatinghirspace dot

893
00:51:39,719 --> 00:51:44,480
Speaker 1: com and click ask doctor Dom under the start here option.

894
00:51:45,080 --> 00:51:48,439
Speaker 1: Every Tuesday, I'll choose a few questions and answer them

895
00:51:48,640 --> 00:51:54,840
Speaker 1: at random. Thanks for joining us today. Please note that

896
00:51:54,960 --> 00:52:00,879
Speaker 1: our show may contain conversations about self help, advice, health, empowerment,

897
00:52:01,360 --> 00:52:04,560
Speaker 1: and mental health, but is by no means meant to

898
00:52:04,600 --> 00:52:08,600
Speaker 1: be a substitute for an ongoing formal relationship with a

899
00:52:08,640 --> 00:52:12,440
Speaker 1: trained mental health provider. If you are someone you know

900
00:52:13,000 --> 00:52:15,960
Speaker 1: is in need of mental health care, please visit a

901
00:52:16,040 --> 00:52:21,440
Speaker 1: Therapy for Black Girls directory Psychology today or contact your

902
00:52:21,480 --> 00:52:22,400
Speaker 1: insurance provider.

903
00:52:23,280 --> 00:52:24,960
Speaker 4: If you liked what you heard and want to keep

904
00:52:25,000 --> 00:52:29,560
Speaker 4: the conversation going, visit our website Cultivatinghurspace dot com and

905
00:52:29,680 --> 00:52:32,200
Speaker 4: be sure to click the Patreon tab to get access

906
00:52:32,239 --> 00:52:37,080
Speaker 4: to video content, bonuses, and our weekly after show and

907
00:52:37,160 --> 00:52:41,560
Speaker 4: before we meet again, repeat after me, I'm aligned with

908
00:52:41,680 --> 00:52:43,040
Speaker 4: my inevitable outcome.

909
00:52:44,040 --> 00:52:46,120
Speaker 3: We'll see you next week, lady