1
00:00:00,320 --> 00:00:03,240
Speaker 1: I shared my husband's darkest secret. He just found out,

2
00:00:03,279 --> 00:00:06,560
Speaker 1: and I'm terrified. Should I leave him? This is OKOP,

3
00:00:06,720 --> 00:00:09,520
Speaker 1: where we read the craziest true stories on Earth. I'm

4
00:00:09,600 --> 00:00:14,280
Speaker 1: John and Sam. Should Op leave the relationship? Stitches and

5
00:00:14,400 --> 00:00:17,480
Speaker 1: snitches have a thing in common, they do. What is that?

6
00:00:17,600 --> 00:00:19,200
Speaker 2: Nitches get divorced?

7
00:00:19,400 --> 00:00:22,959
Speaker 1: Well, that's true. You get divorced from not having pain.

8
00:00:23,160 --> 00:00:26,440
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I think I think stitches get divorced. Yes,

9
00:00:26,880 --> 00:00:30,440
Speaker 2: there we go. It's called over. If you're giving my deepest,

10
00:00:30,520 --> 00:00:33,960
Speaker 2: darkest secrets away, I get out of here, get kicked

11
00:00:34,000 --> 00:00:35,479
Speaker 2: to the curb, Get curb stopped.

12
00:00:35,479 --> 00:00:38,360
Speaker 1: Actually, there's only one way to find out. Spill that

13
00:00:38,640 --> 00:00:43,720
Speaker 1: tea and no links. Thirty eight fifty seven says I,

14
00:00:44,000 --> 00:00:46,640
Speaker 1: twenty eight female had woken up this morning because the

15
00:00:46,680 --> 00:00:48,920
Speaker 1: sheets I was lying on were wet.

16
00:00:49,240 --> 00:00:50,160
Speaker 2: Did you wet the bet?

17
00:00:50,280 --> 00:00:53,320
Speaker 1: I assumed our child six female had had an accident.

18
00:00:53,640 --> 00:00:57,560
Speaker 1: Good assumption. But when I checked where the wetness came from,

19
00:00:57,960 --> 00:01:01,680
Speaker 1: to my surprise, turn out, it wasn't her, but my

20
00:01:01,960 --> 00:01:04,400
Speaker 1: husband had wet the bed.

21
00:01:04,760 --> 00:01:09,120
Speaker 2: Okay, yikes, but hey, it happens to the best of us,

22
00:01:09,640 --> 00:01:11,440
Speaker 2: does it, does it? Sam?

23
00:01:11,520 --> 00:01:13,600
Speaker 1: You have something you want to confess to us.

24
00:01:13,520 --> 00:01:15,120
Speaker 2: I'm a bed wetter. Oh God.

25
00:01:16,040 --> 00:01:18,319
Speaker 1: After I had taken a shower, I woke him up

26
00:01:18,360 --> 00:01:21,120
Speaker 1: and told him that he had wet the bed. No

27
00:01:21,200 --> 00:01:24,040
Speaker 1: great way to break that news. At first he denied it.

28
00:01:24,480 --> 00:01:27,360
Speaker 1: Then I guess he realized he indeed had done it,

29
00:01:27,800 --> 00:01:30,480
Speaker 1: and he got this mortified look on his face, jumped

30
00:01:30,600 --> 00:01:33,080
Speaker 1: right out of bed and started to try to rip

31
00:01:33,120 --> 00:01:35,640
Speaker 1: the bedding off. As we have pull on sheets and

32
00:01:35,680 --> 00:01:38,400
Speaker 1: our child was sleeping on the other side. He didn't

33
00:01:38,440 --> 00:01:41,479
Speaker 1: get them off. Jesus gonna spin his child in the air.

34
00:01:41,520 --> 00:01:45,440
Speaker 1: It's like, oh my gosh.

35
00:01:45,480 --> 00:01:49,400
Speaker 2: And also it's a pea cocoon. Oh go godikes.

36
00:01:49,520 --> 00:01:53,040
Speaker 1: It looks stupid and honestly quite funny, so I chuckled.

37
00:01:53,520 --> 00:01:57,080
Speaker 1: He angrily told me that it wasn't funny, so I stopped.

38
00:01:57,400 --> 00:01:59,400
Speaker 1: At that point, the only thing his pulling off the

39
00:01:59,400 --> 00:02:02,280
Speaker 1: sheets had accomplished was to wake up our child, who

40
00:02:02,320 --> 00:02:04,280
Speaker 1: was confused and asked what was going on?

41
00:02:04,880 --> 00:02:07,960
Speaker 2: Why is the bed wet? Daddy huh?

42
00:02:08,000 --> 00:02:11,359
Speaker 1: He didn't say anything, just idiotically continued to try to

43
00:02:11,400 --> 00:02:14,760
Speaker 1: get the sheets off. So when he didn't reply, man

44
00:02:14,840 --> 00:02:17,120
Speaker 1: not get the sheets off, like red flag.

45
00:02:17,240 --> 00:02:19,560
Speaker 2: If your man doesn't know how to change the sheets,

46
00:02:19,720 --> 00:02:20,720
Speaker 2: then that's a red flag.

47
00:02:20,960 --> 00:02:22,960
Speaker 1: Bo I thought you were gonna say, if he ain't

48
00:02:23,000 --> 00:02:25,959
Speaker 1: strong enough to rip them sheets off the bed. Yeah,

49
00:02:25,960 --> 00:02:27,480
Speaker 1: that is a little weird that he's still struggling.

50
00:02:27,560 --> 00:02:30,240
Speaker 2: Maybe there's slippery from all the wetness. Oh see.

51
00:02:30,919 --> 00:02:34,000
Speaker 1: So when he didn't reply to the daughter asking what

52
00:02:34,120 --> 00:02:37,959
Speaker 1: had happened, I just told her that he had wet

53
00:02:38,080 --> 00:02:38,520
Speaker 1: the bed.

54
00:02:38,760 --> 00:02:41,280
Speaker 2: Oh, I mean, come on, don' let's say that to

55
00:02:41,360 --> 00:02:41,959
Speaker 2: your daughter.

56
00:02:42,400 --> 00:02:44,800
Speaker 1: At that he just froze and looked at me with

57
00:02:44,840 --> 00:02:47,480
Speaker 1: this weird look on his face, almost like he was

58
00:02:47,520 --> 00:02:48,920
Speaker 1: about to cry or something.

59
00:02:49,160 --> 00:02:50,280
Speaker 2: He's so embarrassed.

60
00:02:51,080 --> 00:02:54,919
Speaker 1: Our child asked why he wet the bed h And

61
00:02:55,080 --> 00:02:58,240
Speaker 1: as he still was completely silent, I went to say

62
00:02:58,280 --> 00:03:01,520
Speaker 1: something along the line of that sumtime times accidents happened.

63
00:03:01,919 --> 00:03:05,119
Speaker 1: He just stood there staring at me. If Lukes could

64
00:03:05,200 --> 00:03:08,880
Speaker 1: kill I would be dead. And I'm not exaggerating when

65
00:03:08,919 --> 00:03:12,440
Speaker 1: I say he looked at me with pure hate. I've

66
00:03:12,480 --> 00:03:14,560
Speaker 1: never been afraid of him, but for a second or

67
00:03:14,560 --> 00:03:17,600
Speaker 1: two I thought he might attack me. Then he just

68
00:03:17,720 --> 00:03:19,960
Speaker 1: dropped the things he'd managed to get off the bed

69
00:03:20,120 --> 00:03:23,000
Speaker 1: on the floor, left the room and locked himself in

70
00:03:23,040 --> 00:03:26,480
Speaker 1: the bathroom for about forty five minutes.

71
00:03:27,160 --> 00:03:30,880
Speaker 2: Man is Man is struggling. I don't know if it's

72
00:03:30,880 --> 00:03:33,600
Speaker 2: a cool thing to be like daddy with the bed.

73
00:03:33,919 --> 00:03:36,240
Speaker 1: Yeah, I feel like the mom like it was just

74
00:03:36,280 --> 00:03:37,760
Speaker 1: one of those like it was just the reflex.

75
00:03:37,800 --> 00:03:39,280
Speaker 2: And then she's like, I don't think she meant to

76
00:03:39,280 --> 00:03:41,040
Speaker 2: do it, but it's just it's just it's not a

77
00:03:41,040 --> 00:03:42,120
Speaker 2: good luck, not fun.

78
00:03:42,160 --> 00:03:44,440
Speaker 1: But also forty five minutes in the bathroom, like.

79
00:03:45,760 --> 00:03:49,360
Speaker 2: Man's listening to Taylor Swift and crying. Right now, he's

80
00:03:49,360 --> 00:03:52,040
Speaker 2: sitting in the shower looking up and being like why me.

81
00:03:52,320 --> 00:03:54,520
Speaker 1: When he came out, he got dressed in a hurry

82
00:03:54,560 --> 00:03:57,520
Speaker 1: and just left, saying that you can take her to school.

83
00:03:57,800 --> 00:04:00,680
Speaker 1: He didn't even look at me. His behavior annoyed me,

84
00:04:00,800 --> 00:04:02,880
Speaker 1: but I just let him be, as I did want

85
00:04:02,920 --> 00:04:04,560
Speaker 1: to argue with him when he was in such a

86
00:04:04,560 --> 00:04:05,040
Speaker 1: bad mood.

87
00:04:05,080 --> 00:04:07,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, he's he's he's embarrassed.

88
00:04:07,120 --> 00:04:09,400
Speaker 1: When I got home from work, he was still sulking

89
00:04:09,480 --> 00:04:12,720
Speaker 1: and basically ignored me. I was still annoyed with him

90
00:04:12,760 --> 00:04:16,359
Speaker 1: from the morning, so his behavior annoyed me even more

91
00:04:16,760 --> 00:04:19,160
Speaker 1: so I told him to get over it, that it

92
00:04:19,240 --> 00:04:21,000
Speaker 1: wasn't the end of the world that he wet the

93
00:04:21,000 --> 00:04:23,640
Speaker 1: bed and to stop taking it out on me.

94
00:04:23,920 --> 00:04:26,320
Speaker 2: I mean, true, true, she has a point.

95
00:04:26,720 --> 00:04:30,440
Speaker 1: And then he accused me of having humiliated him when

96
00:04:30,480 --> 00:04:34,080
Speaker 1: I told our child. I found that utterly ridiculous on

97
00:04:34,160 --> 00:04:37,159
Speaker 1: so many levels. So I angrily told him that he

98
00:04:37,240 --> 00:04:39,840
Speaker 1: humiliated himself when he effing went the.

99
00:04:39,800 --> 00:04:45,159
Speaker 2: Bed, not me. Oh gee, wow, wow dude.

100
00:04:45,240 --> 00:04:49,200
Speaker 1: I mean, I mean, he's so embarrassed.

101
00:04:49,240 --> 00:04:52,640
Speaker 2: He's so embarrassed. He's not he's not acting as an

102
00:04:52,680 --> 00:04:56,520
Speaker 2: adult right now, for sure, But give the man a break.

103
00:04:57,360 --> 00:04:59,919
Speaker 1: He didn't take that too well and just said f

104
00:05:00,120 --> 00:05:02,760
Speaker 1: you and went off to his computer, And now he

105
00:05:02,880 --> 00:05:06,680
Speaker 1: refuses to talk to me. I'm gonna be honest, I'm

106
00:05:06,760 --> 00:05:09,800
Speaker 1: throwing up a red flag, Oka why I think. Look,

107
00:05:09,839 --> 00:05:11,720
Speaker 1: I think they're both being the ahole here right now.

108
00:05:11,839 --> 00:05:15,320
Speaker 1: Like the wife is like like she's not being sensitive.

109
00:05:15,760 --> 00:05:19,080
Speaker 1: Likely it's obviously very embarrassing, which honestly, like when you went,

110
00:05:19,160 --> 00:05:21,600
Speaker 1: it's not like you intend or like could hold it in.

111
00:05:21,680 --> 00:05:23,960
Speaker 1: Like people just went the bed in their sleep by accident,

112
00:05:24,040 --> 00:05:25,520
Speaker 1: so it's not like, oh, why did you do this?

113
00:05:25,600 --> 00:05:26,400
Speaker 2: Okay, that's stupid.

114
00:05:26,839 --> 00:05:33,520
Speaker 1: But he is having such an overreaction like locking himself

115
00:05:33,520 --> 00:05:35,440
Speaker 1: in the bathroom for forty five minutes. To me, I

116
00:05:35,440 --> 00:05:38,280
Speaker 1: don't know. I'm just like, it's making me suspicious.

117
00:05:38,320 --> 00:05:41,520
Speaker 2: It's not that I will fall for you. For you,

118
00:05:41,960 --> 00:05:46,840
Speaker 2: it's just like to like emo sad music. As he's

119
00:05:46,880 --> 00:05:51,440
Speaker 2: in the shower crying and being yeah, I feel I

120
00:05:51,480 --> 00:05:54,080
Speaker 2: feel bad for him, dude, I feel bad. I like like,

121
00:05:54,400 --> 00:05:56,960
Speaker 2: I think he's being an I think everyone's the asshole here.

122
00:05:57,200 --> 00:06:00,560
Speaker 2: She's not being sensitive to him being embarrassed, and he's

123
00:06:00,920 --> 00:06:03,160
Speaker 2: acting like a child. And I won't put it on

124
00:06:03,440 --> 00:06:03,839
Speaker 2: just yet.

125
00:06:03,960 --> 00:06:06,640
Speaker 1: But you know, with our type of stories, there might

126
00:06:06,680 --> 00:06:10,240
Speaker 1: be over There might be a tinfoil conspiracy. I feel coming,

127
00:06:10,279 --> 00:06:13,080
Speaker 1: but I don't have enough yet. But I might be close,

128
00:06:13,560 --> 00:06:15,320
Speaker 1: might be close, but we'll see. We got to keep reading.

129
00:06:15,480 --> 00:06:18,800
Speaker 2: I have a feeling I am going to put my

130
00:06:18,800 --> 00:06:21,200
Speaker 2: tinfoil hat on. Oh okay, here, we have a feeling

131
00:06:21,240 --> 00:06:25,080
Speaker 2: that this is going to blow massively out of it's

132
00:06:25,080 --> 00:06:27,640
Speaker 2: already blowing out of a portion. I think it's gonna

133
00:06:27,640 --> 00:06:29,080
Speaker 2: go even bigger.

134
00:06:29,400 --> 00:06:31,880
Speaker 1: I agree your your your prediction was so crazy it

135
00:06:31,920 --> 00:06:37,240
Speaker 1: blew myfoil hat right off. I just feel confused. I

136
00:06:37,240 --> 00:06:40,160
Speaker 1: think he's the one that behaved poorly and immature, and

137
00:06:40,200 --> 00:06:43,159
Speaker 1: that I haven't done anything wrong. The last thing I

138
00:06:43,200 --> 00:06:45,599
Speaker 1: said may have been harsh, but I feel like he

139
00:06:45,839 --> 00:06:48,960
Speaker 1: had it coming. Yet I feel like perhaps I was

140
00:06:49,000 --> 00:06:52,080
Speaker 1: too mean to him. Am I the a hole? We

141
00:06:52,160 --> 00:06:55,679
Speaker 1: have some some edits, but real quick, everyone watching Sam,

142
00:06:55,720 --> 00:06:58,000
Speaker 1: please answer the question for me? Is OPE the a hole?

143
00:06:58,040 --> 00:07:02,159
Speaker 2: Specifically? I think slightly, yeah, only for not being like

144
00:07:02,720 --> 00:07:07,320
Speaker 2: a little bit more sensitive to something that's embarrassing. That

145
00:07:07,400 --> 00:07:10,120
Speaker 2: being said, I think he is also the asshole and

146
00:07:10,320 --> 00:07:16,040
Speaker 2: possibly probably almost definitely more of an asshole than OP.

147
00:07:16,560 --> 00:07:18,760
Speaker 2: Like I think the asshole meter is like him than OP,

148
00:07:18,960 --> 00:07:21,840
Speaker 2: but they'll both exist on the meter. Currently, in my eyes,

149
00:07:21,960 --> 00:07:22,920
Speaker 2: I would totally agree.

150
00:07:22,960 --> 00:07:24,800
Speaker 1: I think I feel the same about the assessment and

151
00:07:24,800 --> 00:07:27,160
Speaker 1: that everyone's kind of the ahole as of right now.

152
00:07:27,200 --> 00:07:28,840
Speaker 2: But I want to know what you guys think. Put

153
00:07:28,880 --> 00:07:32,040
Speaker 2: your answers in the comments. Argue with us. We love

154
00:07:32,040 --> 00:07:35,760
Speaker 2: it onto the edits. Does coming in your sleep count?

155
00:07:35,800 --> 00:07:37,840
Speaker 2: Is we wetting the bed? No?

156
00:07:38,360 --> 00:07:40,720
Speaker 1: Because there's not much of a mess and uh.

157
00:07:40,640 --> 00:07:42,960
Speaker 2: I mean it depends how much you're throwing out. That's

158
00:07:42,960 --> 00:07:44,920
Speaker 2: true if you're if you're but like, are you getting

159
00:07:44,960 --> 00:07:47,480
Speaker 2: all the sheets wet? I? Mean not the whole sheets,

160
00:07:47,480 --> 00:07:51,480
Speaker 2: but like I mean a portion maybe poor. And if

161
00:07:51,520 --> 00:07:54,040
Speaker 2: you're if you're sleeping nude and you have if you've been,

162
00:07:54,080 --> 00:07:55,440
Speaker 2: you've been doing nont November.

163
00:07:55,880 --> 00:07:57,600
Speaker 1: I think maybe that breaks no no November.

164
00:07:57,680 --> 00:08:00,720
Speaker 2: But that breaks no no, it does not that breaks

165
00:08:00,760 --> 00:08:01,600
Speaker 2: no nut November.

166
00:08:02,200 --> 00:08:06,120
Speaker 1: I heard no nuts zero zero the dream nut.

167
00:08:06,280 --> 00:08:09,840
Speaker 2: What happens in the dream is? I guess really yeah.

168
00:08:09,440 --> 00:08:11,480
Speaker 1: Let us know in the if that breaks no no.

169
00:08:11,600 --> 00:08:14,520
Speaker 2: November, it's coming in your sleeve break no no. Let

170
00:08:14,560 --> 00:08:18,880
Speaker 2: us know. Do girls have nut dreams? Literally wet dreams?

171
00:08:19,200 --> 00:08:22,040
Speaker 2: They have wet dreams, they must, but like, like, do

172
00:08:22,120 --> 00:08:24,440
Speaker 2: you like do they orgasm in their dreams?

173
00:08:24,600 --> 00:08:25,760
Speaker 1: I'm sure it's possible.

174
00:08:26,120 --> 00:08:30,760
Speaker 2: Do girls? Do girls do girls of orgasm in their dreams?

175
00:08:31,160 --> 00:08:32,840
Speaker 2: But the answers in the comments.

176
00:08:32,640 --> 00:08:35,960
Speaker 1: Asking all of the craziest questions on today's episode, we

177
00:08:36,000 --> 00:08:38,880
Speaker 1: do have some edits back on our story. I don't know,

178
00:08:39,280 --> 00:08:40,840
Speaker 1: that is the question. I feel like we have to

179
00:08:40,840 --> 00:08:42,400
Speaker 1: completely I feel like we have to go in blind

180
00:08:42,400 --> 00:08:43,240
Speaker 1: and completely.

181
00:08:42,960 --> 00:08:47,160
Speaker 2: Rely on done that let us know.

182
00:08:47,679 --> 00:08:51,319
Speaker 1: But on to edit number one, I just want to

183
00:08:51,360 --> 00:08:54,240
Speaker 1: clarify that I did not tell our child to be

184
00:08:54,320 --> 00:08:57,360
Speaker 1: mean or to humiliate my husband. I told her because

185
00:08:57,440 --> 00:08:59,800
Speaker 1: I didn't know what else to say, and it was

186
00:09:00,000 --> 00:09:02,800
Speaker 1: why obvious what had happened. I thought it was just

187
00:09:02,920 --> 00:09:04,199
Speaker 1: best to be honest.

188
00:09:04,240 --> 00:09:06,080
Speaker 2: I could just say like, oh, I spilled something on

189
00:09:06,120 --> 00:09:07,120
Speaker 2: there totally. Yeah.

190
00:09:07,480 --> 00:09:10,920
Speaker 1: She didn't have to say that. The kid's young enough.

191
00:09:10,960 --> 00:09:11,160
Speaker 2: You know.

192
00:09:11,559 --> 00:09:14,280
Speaker 1: I didn't tell her in any humiliating way, just as

193
00:09:14,320 --> 00:09:16,520
Speaker 1: a matter of fact, without making it a big thing.

194
00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:19,840
Speaker 1: I didn't think my husband would feel that bad about it.

195
00:09:19,920 --> 00:09:22,320
Speaker 2: I'll come on, yeah, come on, yeah.

196
00:09:22,400 --> 00:09:25,400
Speaker 1: At at number two, for some reason, someone has posted

197
00:09:25,600 --> 00:09:28,160
Speaker 1: to a post claiming that it's mine. It's not and

198
00:09:28,240 --> 00:09:30,520
Speaker 1: this doesn't have anything to do with me, and my

199
00:09:30,640 --> 00:09:31,920
Speaker 1: husband doesn't have cancer.

200
00:09:32,280 --> 00:09:35,360
Speaker 2: Well that's good news. Oh it's like wedding the bad

201
00:09:35,480 --> 00:09:37,440
Speaker 2: like I sign a cancer. I guess maybe someone was

202
00:09:37,480 --> 00:09:38,320
Speaker 2: trying to like cancer.

203
00:09:38,600 --> 00:09:40,600
Speaker 1: Someone was really trying to read the tea leaves there

204
00:09:40,600 --> 00:09:43,200
Speaker 1: and put together pieces that didn't mean to belong together.

205
00:09:43,520 --> 00:09:45,760
Speaker 1: And we are on to the first update.

206
00:09:46,200 --> 00:09:46,880
Speaker 2: Let's get it.

207
00:09:47,160 --> 00:09:50,640
Speaker 1: And so this first one was posted November thirtieth, and

208
00:09:50,720 --> 00:09:54,040
Speaker 1: this update is December first. Thanks to everyone that made

209
00:09:54,040 --> 00:09:56,760
Speaker 1: me see the situation from my husband's side and made

210
00:09:56,800 --> 00:10:01,720
Speaker 1: me realize that I'm an a hole or worse, so

211
00:10:01,720 --> 00:10:03,319
Speaker 1: OP is accepting accepting that.

212
00:10:03,559 --> 00:10:07,360
Speaker 2: I'm glad. I feel like he again he was embarrassed,

213
00:10:07,360 --> 00:10:09,480
Speaker 2: like sensitively totally.

214
00:10:10,040 --> 00:10:12,720
Speaker 1: I reread my original post, and there are some things

215
00:10:12,720 --> 00:10:15,120
Speaker 1: that I would like to elaborate on before I come

216
00:10:15,200 --> 00:10:18,280
Speaker 1: to the true update. I did feel empathy and I

217
00:10:18,360 --> 00:10:20,760
Speaker 1: did care about my husband. I was gentle when I

218
00:10:20,800 --> 00:10:23,880
Speaker 1: told him after I'd woken up. However, his reaction caught

219
00:10:23,880 --> 00:10:26,040
Speaker 1: me off guard, and the time from when he got

220
00:10:26,120 --> 00:10:28,240
Speaker 1: up from the bed until he'd locked himself in the

221
00:10:28,240 --> 00:10:31,440
Speaker 1: bathroom couldn't have been more than a minute. After that,

222
00:10:31,559 --> 00:10:32,560
Speaker 1: I felt it was best to.

223
00:10:32,600 --> 00:10:33,240
Speaker 2: Leave him alone.

224
00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:35,840
Speaker 1: I know I was an a hole for telling our child,

225
00:10:36,080 --> 00:10:38,560
Speaker 1: but I didn't do it to be mean or humiliate him.

226
00:10:38,800 --> 00:10:41,760
Speaker 1: It was a stupid, wrongful decision, and I regret it.

227
00:10:41,840 --> 00:10:44,120
Speaker 2: I think I believe that which is not like a

228
00:10:44,160 --> 00:10:46,240
Speaker 2: reflex kind of what we said, a reflex totally.

229
00:10:46,600 --> 00:10:49,320
Speaker 1: Further, it's not easy to show someone that you care

230
00:10:49,520 --> 00:10:52,320
Speaker 1: when you're being ignored. I did text him after he

231
00:10:52,400 --> 00:10:54,760
Speaker 1: left and asked if he was okay, but he left

232
00:10:54,760 --> 00:10:57,360
Speaker 1: it on read. I asked him again when I got home,

233
00:10:57,480 --> 00:10:59,559
Speaker 1: but he didn't answer me. I asked him if we

234
00:10:59,600 --> 00:11:02,480
Speaker 1: could talk about it. No answer. I asked him if

235
00:11:02,480 --> 00:11:04,200
Speaker 1: he could at least tell me why he was so

236
00:11:04,280 --> 00:11:07,880
Speaker 1: mad at me. No answer. I gave up and went

237
00:11:07,920 --> 00:11:10,360
Speaker 1: to make dinner. After dinner, I asked him if he

238
00:11:10,400 --> 00:11:13,880
Speaker 1: could stop ignoring me, and guess what, Sam he ignored her.

239
00:11:14,160 --> 00:11:14,880
Speaker 2: No answer.

240
00:11:15,440 --> 00:11:17,720
Speaker 1: I asked him if he wanted to leave, to which

241
00:11:17,720 --> 00:11:20,880
Speaker 1: he replies, you can stay. I don't care. Damn my

242
00:11:21,040 --> 00:11:23,800
Speaker 1: red Hey, I threw up the red flag. I threw

243
00:11:23,840 --> 00:11:26,360
Speaker 1: up the red flag. So I ask him again if

244
00:11:26,400 --> 00:11:29,120
Speaker 1: he will stop ignoring me if I stay, and when

245
00:11:29,200 --> 00:11:32,840
Speaker 1: he says no, is when I had had it. And

246
00:11:32,960 --> 00:11:35,480
Speaker 1: while I don't think ignoring someone like that is okay,

247
00:11:35,800 --> 00:11:38,120
Speaker 1: I know I handled it really badly and I do

248
00:11:38,160 --> 00:11:41,760
Speaker 1: feel awful for being outright mean to him. Anyways, I

249
00:11:41,800 --> 00:11:44,120
Speaker 1: texted him early this morning to say that I was

250
00:11:44,200 --> 00:11:46,600
Speaker 1: so sorry and asked if he was willing to talk

251
00:11:46,640 --> 00:11:49,480
Speaker 1: after work so that way I could apologize. I think

252
00:11:49,640 --> 00:11:50,320
Speaker 1: that's a good move.

253
00:11:50,640 --> 00:11:53,319
Speaker 2: I feel like he's going to do something crazy right right,

254
00:11:53,400 --> 00:11:56,640
Speaker 2: feel like we're building up to something crazy. You know

255
00:11:56,720 --> 00:11:59,199
Speaker 2: what you have to do. You have to give me

256
00:11:59,240 --> 00:12:02,920
Speaker 2: a crazy whack. Okay, my crazy wacky prediction. My conspiracy

257
00:12:02,960 --> 00:12:05,360
Speaker 2: theory is he hooked up with someone from work because

258
00:12:05,400 --> 00:12:08,720
Speaker 2: he was so embarrassed and his manhood was thrown so threatened,

259
00:12:08,760 --> 00:12:12,600
Speaker 2: so he needed to like infuel himself with some toxic

260
00:12:12,679 --> 00:12:15,840
Speaker 2: masculinity to get over the fact that he peed the bed.

261
00:12:16,000 --> 00:12:17,400
Speaker 2: Oh oh oh.

262
00:12:17,160 --> 00:12:20,000
Speaker 1: So he after wetting the bed, did this, you know,

263
00:12:20,040 --> 00:12:21,439
Speaker 1: hooked up with someone's like I need to.

264
00:12:21,440 --> 00:12:23,520
Speaker 2: Like, I'm a man. See I'm a little boy.

265
00:12:24,880 --> 00:12:28,240
Speaker 1: This literally feels like like like a five like his daughter,

266
00:12:28,440 --> 00:12:30,439
Speaker 1: you know, a six year old being like, I'm not

267
00:12:30,520 --> 00:12:30,960
Speaker 1: a baby.

268
00:12:31,000 --> 00:12:33,160
Speaker 2: I'm a big gum, a big boy. I'm a big girl.

269
00:12:33,240 --> 00:12:36,200
Speaker 2: He's a big boy. Doesn't feel great. But that's that

270
00:12:36,360 --> 00:12:41,120
Speaker 2: is a wild prediction. I can't believe that anyone would

271
00:12:41,120 --> 00:12:43,400
Speaker 2: do that. Well, but that's my conspiracy theory. I need

272
00:12:43,400 --> 00:12:46,040
Speaker 2: to take it off. Let's see what actually happened.

273
00:12:46,080 --> 00:12:49,920
Speaker 1: He texted me back and okay, around noon, so he's

274
00:12:49,960 --> 00:12:52,440
Speaker 1: agreeing to meet and hears the apology. We met up

275
00:12:52,480 --> 00:12:55,240
Speaker 1: at home and he understandably was cold to me when

276
00:12:55,240 --> 00:12:58,800
Speaker 1: we met. I didn't say much. I apologize for everything,

277
00:12:59,000 --> 00:13:01,520
Speaker 1: for laughing, for telling our child, for telling him to

278
00:13:01,559 --> 00:13:04,160
Speaker 1: get over it, and for the part I'm most ashamed

279
00:13:04,200 --> 00:13:07,960
Speaker 1: of that. I told him he humiliated himself. That's good,

280
00:13:08,040 --> 00:13:09,200
Speaker 1: that's good, that's a good apology.

281
00:13:09,240 --> 00:13:09,840
Speaker 2: I agree.

282
00:13:09,880 --> 00:13:11,720
Speaker 1: He was just silent the whole time, and when I

283
00:13:11,800 --> 00:13:14,920
Speaker 1: was done, he just asked why I told our child.

284
00:13:15,400 --> 00:13:18,079
Speaker 1: I explained, and after that we just sat in silence

285
00:13:18,120 --> 00:13:21,000
Speaker 1: in what felt like forever. Then right out of nowhere,

286
00:13:21,360 --> 00:13:24,520
Speaker 1: he went something like, I scared you, right, And I

287
00:13:24,559 --> 00:13:27,360
Speaker 1: told him that he briefly did. He said that he

288
00:13:27,400 --> 00:13:30,600
Speaker 1: could feel that. I asked what made him react so strong,

289
00:13:30,800 --> 00:13:33,880
Speaker 1: but he didn't know. Just said that he panicked when

290
00:13:33,920 --> 00:13:36,199
Speaker 1: he realized that he'd wet the bed, that it got

291
00:13:36,240 --> 00:13:38,600
Speaker 1: even worse than when I told our child, and that

292
00:13:38,679 --> 00:13:41,200
Speaker 1: he got so effing angry with me for it. I

293
00:13:41,240 --> 00:13:44,679
Speaker 1: apologized again for making him feel that way. He apologized

294
00:13:44,679 --> 00:13:47,080
Speaker 1: for making me feel scared. What did he do that

295
00:13:47,200 --> 00:13:48,080
Speaker 1: actually scared?

296
00:13:48,080 --> 00:13:48,280
Speaker 2: It? Was?

297
00:13:48,320 --> 00:13:50,400
Speaker 1: It just like the So there was like a moment

298
00:13:50,720 --> 00:13:53,920
Speaker 1: when they were standing there where I think it's one

299
00:13:53,920 --> 00:13:55,600
Speaker 1: of those things where it's like it's like they look

300
00:13:55,640 --> 00:13:58,840
Speaker 1: over you feel the energy and op he literally said like, oh,

301
00:13:58,880 --> 00:14:00,439
Speaker 1: I thought he was going to like hit. I thought

302
00:14:00,440 --> 00:14:02,199
Speaker 1: he was literally gonna come for me with like the

303
00:14:02,320 --> 00:14:06,040
Speaker 1: energy that he had right there, which he also kind

304
00:14:06,040 --> 00:14:10,440
Speaker 1: of he's acknowledging basically, not fully, but he's addressing it

305
00:14:10,480 --> 00:14:12,840
Speaker 1: to a degree, it seems here. I'm not going to

306
00:14:12,840 --> 00:14:14,960
Speaker 1: go through all what we said after that. It was

307
00:14:15,000 --> 00:14:18,360
Speaker 1: a long talk, but in conclusion, none of us are

308
00:14:18,400 --> 00:14:21,400
Speaker 1: happy with how we acted, and we both apologized for it.

309
00:14:21,640 --> 00:14:24,560
Speaker 1: He wasn't that bugged about me laughing, but we both

310
00:14:24,600 --> 00:14:28,000
Speaker 1: agreed that I shouldn't have told our child. However, he's

311
00:14:28,040 --> 00:14:30,320
Speaker 1: no longer mad about it and doesn't think of it

312
00:14:30,360 --> 00:14:33,080
Speaker 1: as a big deal. We both think that he shouldn't

313
00:14:33,120 --> 00:14:35,440
Speaker 1: have ignored me like that, and that I handled it

314
00:14:35,480 --> 00:14:36,560
Speaker 1: poorly and was mean.

315
00:14:36,880 --> 00:14:39,040
Speaker 2: Wait is this just going to get resolved right now?

316
00:14:39,120 --> 00:14:43,520
Speaker 1: Like, we have both accepted each other's apologies, but I

317
00:14:43,600 --> 00:14:46,200
Speaker 1: still feel bad for being so mean to him. But

318
00:14:46,360 --> 00:14:52,480
Speaker 1: on all we are on good terms now. So we

319
00:14:52,520 --> 00:14:56,800
Speaker 1: do have some relevant comments from augs Goliath. Wow, I

320
00:14:56,880 --> 00:14:59,440
Speaker 1: just read your original post. You really are an a

321
00:14:59,560 --> 00:15:02,480
Speaker 1: hole and seemed oblivious to it. The way you talked

322
00:15:02,520 --> 00:15:05,400
Speaker 1: about it really triggered me. I've experienced people like you,

323
00:15:05,480 --> 00:15:08,359
Speaker 1: even dated one, where it seems like you can't empathize

324
00:15:08,360 --> 00:15:11,480
Speaker 1: with someone who might react emotionally to things different than you,

325
00:15:11,960 --> 00:15:14,240
Speaker 1: and then when someone has the audacity to give you

326
00:15:14,280 --> 00:15:17,320
Speaker 1: the mental angst of considering whether you did something hurtful,

327
00:15:17,560 --> 00:15:19,960
Speaker 1: you go even harder, trying to put them in their place,

328
00:15:20,400 --> 00:15:23,160
Speaker 1: almost like it's some kind of defense mechanism to protect

329
00:15:23,160 --> 00:15:26,200
Speaker 1: your ego. And the way you were talking to and

330
00:15:26,400 --> 00:15:31,200
Speaker 1: about your husband also sounds abusive. Oh p response, Yes,

331
00:15:31,480 --> 00:15:33,720
Speaker 1: I really effed up in that situation, and I was

332
00:15:33,720 --> 00:15:34,560
Speaker 1: oblivious to it.

333
00:15:34,560 --> 00:15:36,600
Speaker 2: Wow, just like admitting I.

334
00:15:36,560 --> 00:15:39,880
Speaker 1: Wouldn't say that I normally have a hard time empathizing

335
00:15:39,880 --> 00:15:42,760
Speaker 1: with people, but in this case I clearly did. I

336
00:15:42,840 --> 00:15:46,160
Speaker 1: wasn't expecting him to react so strongly, and it completely

337
00:15:46,200 --> 00:15:48,560
Speaker 1: caught me off guard. As I said, I've been with

338
00:15:48,640 --> 00:15:51,120
Speaker 1: him for nine years and I usually know pretty well

339
00:15:51,160 --> 00:15:54,040
Speaker 1: how he will react, what makes him upset, and what doesn't.

340
00:15:54,280 --> 00:15:56,360
Speaker 1: But now I just got it all wrong, and I'm

341
00:15:56,360 --> 00:15:59,720
Speaker 1: not at all happy about it. I'm curious on everyone's

342
00:15:59,800 --> 00:16:01,480
Speaker 1: take here, and of course you was well, Sam, but

343
00:16:02,040 --> 00:16:06,240
Speaker 1: I think the commenter might be like, the dial is

344
00:16:06,320 --> 00:16:07,560
Speaker 1: kind of turned too far.

345
00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:10,440
Speaker 2: I agree, I agree, I think OP is the a hole,

346
00:16:10,440 --> 00:16:14,600
Speaker 2: but the abusive, Yeah, it's a little bit too much.

347
00:16:14,680 --> 00:16:17,640
Speaker 1: Yeah, like once. I feel like once Ope realized what

348
00:16:17,760 --> 00:16:20,400
Speaker 1: was what was going wrong, she was like fully retreat back.

349
00:16:20,720 --> 00:16:22,640
Speaker 1: Everything I did was wrong. I need to make sure

350
00:16:22,680 --> 00:16:25,320
Speaker 1: I apologize for it. And really I.

351
00:16:25,320 --> 00:16:27,240
Speaker 2: Thought there was going to be more. I know that's

352
00:16:27,480 --> 00:16:30,480
Speaker 2: where that's kind of where it ends left us. Then

353
00:16:30,560 --> 00:16:35,480
Speaker 2: I mean great, like I'm glad it got resolved well

354
00:16:35,880 --> 00:16:39,440
Speaker 2: and and like everyone was kind of happy. And the

355
00:16:39,520 --> 00:16:42,000
Speaker 2: people that apologize apologize, and it seems like they came

356
00:16:42,040 --> 00:16:44,720
Speaker 2: together and found a way to get stronger in the relationship.

357
00:16:45,120 --> 00:16:47,920
Speaker 1: But dang, I wanted a little more drama. I know, right,

358
00:16:48,840 --> 00:16:50,920
Speaker 1: Usually usually there is more tea. But there is one

359
00:16:50,960 --> 00:16:55,120
Speaker 1: more relevant comment Away Enthusiasm forty eight fifty three says,

360
00:16:55,240 --> 00:16:57,960
Speaker 1: as someone who remembers fights like this from my childhood,

361
00:16:58,000 --> 00:17:00,360
Speaker 1: have either of you talked to your daughter? That's an

362
00:17:00,360 --> 00:17:04,040
Speaker 1: interesting point, hmm, Op I have we talked about it

363
00:17:04,040 --> 00:17:06,920
Speaker 1: in the morning as she thought he was behaving strange

364
00:17:07,119 --> 00:17:09,439
Speaker 1: where he just left again when I put her to

365
00:17:09,440 --> 00:17:11,280
Speaker 1: bed yesterday and some in between.

366
00:17:11,600 --> 00:17:12,640
Speaker 2: I don't know if he has.

367
00:17:13,000 --> 00:17:15,480
Speaker 1: He did sleep in her room together with her last night,

368
00:17:15,600 --> 00:17:18,200
Speaker 1: but when he went to bed, she was already asleep.

369
00:17:18,640 --> 00:17:22,040
Speaker 1: Otherwise I didn't think they interacted that much yesterday, not

370
00:17:22,160 --> 00:17:24,920
Speaker 1: that he ignored her or was rude to her at all,

371
00:17:25,160 --> 00:17:27,280
Speaker 1: but I think that she could sense that he was

372
00:17:27,320 --> 00:17:30,320
Speaker 1: in a bad mood and stayed away from him. Tonight,

373
00:17:30,400 --> 00:17:32,640
Speaker 1: she's at my parents' house, as I thought it would

374
00:17:32,640 --> 00:17:34,760
Speaker 1: be good for us to talk without her and for

375
00:17:34,840 --> 00:17:37,600
Speaker 1: her not to have to deal with our crap. I

376
00:17:37,680 --> 00:17:41,240
Speaker 1: feel so bad for her being caught up in this.

377
00:17:42,080 --> 00:17:44,720
Speaker 2: I mean that's that. I feel that's pretty mature.

378
00:17:45,000 --> 00:17:47,360
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I think it's a smart move, and it's

379
00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:49,520
Speaker 1: again a good thing to consider because it seems like

380
00:17:49,920 --> 00:17:52,520
Speaker 1: not innocuous. I mean, this situation did kind of like

381
00:17:52,600 --> 00:17:55,439
Speaker 1: start in a kind of small place and really inflated

382
00:17:55,480 --> 00:17:58,600
Speaker 1: like several sizes above where it originally was. But like,

383
00:17:59,200 --> 00:18:00,920
Speaker 1: I think it's a great point, like if your kid

384
00:18:01,000 --> 00:18:03,480
Speaker 1: like senses something is off, like for instance, the moment

385
00:18:03,760 --> 00:18:05,359
Speaker 1: when Op was like, oh my gosh, she's he going

386
00:18:05,440 --> 00:18:07,960
Speaker 1: to like attack me right now, maybe the kid feels that,

387
00:18:08,359 --> 00:18:10,400
Speaker 1: you know, and like you don't really know until you.

388
00:18:10,359 --> 00:18:13,679
Speaker 2: Like exactly try it's to that kind of energy one

389
00:18:13,760 --> 00:18:16,639
Speaker 2: hundred percent. I could understand if the kid did feel that.

390
00:18:16,640 --> 00:18:19,720
Speaker 1: One hundred percent. So, uh, my question to everyone here

391
00:18:19,880 --> 00:18:22,200
Speaker 1: is we kind of all I feel like we both

392
00:18:22,200 --> 00:18:24,320
Speaker 1: have this feeling of like it's just like like, oh,

393
00:18:24,600 --> 00:18:28,320
Speaker 1: it's over, Like do we think it's truly results to resolve?

394
00:18:28,600 --> 00:18:30,880
Speaker 2: Is this resolved? And how would you react if your

395
00:18:30,920 --> 00:18:33,159
Speaker 2: partner what the bed? What would you say you?

396
00:18:34,040 --> 00:18:34,920
Speaker 1: What would you say?

397
00:18:35,760 --> 00:18:37,240
Speaker 2: I don't know. I feel it'd be like a damn

398
00:18:37,280 --> 00:18:40,840
Speaker 2: that happens. I don't know. I don't think I would

399
00:18:41,720 --> 00:18:44,919
Speaker 2: maybe something. Is there any medical worries? I don't know.

400
00:18:45,359 --> 00:18:47,520
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, that didn't even cross the moment. And I

401
00:18:47,560 --> 00:18:50,840
Speaker 1: think for me, like because it's so embarrassing, and in

402
00:18:50,880 --> 00:18:53,520
Speaker 1: these types of situations, I try to be like like hey,

403
00:18:54,240 --> 00:18:56,679
Speaker 1: like let me wash the sheets. It's all good, Like

404
00:18:56,800 --> 00:18:59,359
Speaker 1: I I want you to be more worried.

405
00:18:59,480 --> 00:19:01,200
Speaker 2: I think they would want to wash their own sheet.

406
00:19:01,080 --> 00:19:04,840
Speaker 1: That is true, but like more so just and trying

407
00:19:04,880 --> 00:19:06,960
Speaker 1: to appease as much as possible, like I don't care.

408
00:19:07,200 --> 00:19:10,920
Speaker 2: I don't know I even like them. Oh why don't

409
00:19:10,960 --> 00:19:12,680
Speaker 2: you be me next?

410
00:19:13,000 --> 00:19:16,280
Speaker 1: Let's let's run run. That's but you know what I

411
00:19:16,320 --> 00:19:20,359
Speaker 1: do want to run you missed? Oh god, but you

412
00:19:20,400 --> 00:19:21,720
Speaker 1: know what I do want to run back.

413
00:19:22,359 --> 00:19:27,600
Speaker 2: I was there's this guy in Germany, uh and Apparently

414
00:19:27,800 --> 00:19:29,960
Speaker 2: there's also a dude in New York that like, well,

415
00:19:30,040 --> 00:19:32,600
Speaker 2: like these dudes will like go right next to the

416
00:19:32,840 --> 00:19:37,200
Speaker 2: urinals and ask people to pee in their mouths. I

417
00:19:37,280 --> 00:19:40,320
Speaker 2: which which wish I could be that person? Is that

418
00:19:40,359 --> 00:19:41,360
Speaker 2: what you're about to say?

419
00:19:41,520 --> 00:19:43,679
Speaker 1: Can I do a small okay story time because I

420
00:19:43,680 --> 00:19:47,320
Speaker 1: revealed this on on another podcast, So quick, okay story

421
00:19:47,320 --> 00:19:49,760
Speaker 1: time before we get into the next one. I love's

422
00:19:49,800 --> 00:19:54,960
Speaker 1: golden showers, that don't. I used to dislocate my knee

423
00:19:54,960 --> 00:19:57,280
Speaker 1: all the time when I was in high school. And

424
00:19:58,000 --> 00:20:02,119
Speaker 1: so I was literally coming back from Thanksgiving. I was

425
00:20:02,760 --> 00:20:06,080
Speaker 1: on a call with our podcast team, running to the

426
00:20:06,080 --> 00:20:08,880
Speaker 1: bathroom to then run back into the car and hop

427
00:20:08,920 --> 00:20:11,600
Speaker 1: on another call with our podcast team on the way

428
00:20:11,640 --> 00:20:13,399
Speaker 1: to the airport and like be on it through the

429
00:20:13,400 --> 00:20:15,639
Speaker 1: airport or whatever. So it's very you know, like I was,

430
00:20:15,680 --> 00:20:20,120
Speaker 1: I was dashing about. So I went and I started

431
00:20:20,400 --> 00:20:24,359
Speaker 1: peeing in the toilet, and my knee dislocated, and like

432
00:20:24,440 --> 00:20:27,040
Speaker 1: it's been so long, I like didn't realize what happened,

433
00:20:27,400 --> 00:20:29,480
Speaker 1: and I think it snapped into play back into place

434
00:20:29,520 --> 00:20:32,439
Speaker 1: I I I checked it, and then ever since I

435
00:20:32,520 --> 00:20:35,600
Speaker 1: have been my knee has been like a little weaker.

436
00:20:35,640 --> 00:20:37,520
Speaker 1: I think the tendons like whatever, I need to go

437
00:20:37,560 --> 00:20:39,800
Speaker 1: to the doctor. I haven't gone to the doctor, but

438
00:20:40,040 --> 00:20:40,480
Speaker 1: I am.

439
00:20:40,560 --> 00:20:42,000
Speaker 2: Did you pee everywhere? Uh?

440
00:20:42,080 --> 00:20:43,879
Speaker 1: You know, I I really kept it in attack. I

441
00:20:44,400 --> 00:20:47,640
Speaker 1: leaned to the right. The thing is, it went back

442
00:20:47,680 --> 00:20:49,879
Speaker 1: into place, so.

443
00:20:50,000 --> 00:20:53,800
Speaker 2: Then I like almost no spillach, very little spilach, very

444
00:20:53,800 --> 00:20:54,280
Speaker 2: little split.

445
00:20:54,520 --> 00:20:56,560
Speaker 1: But I did clean it up afterwards.

446
00:20:57,280 --> 00:20:59,000
Speaker 2: I'm glad you just didn't leave it there.

447
00:20:59,240 --> 00:21:04,240
Speaker 1: Yes, it was my sister's bathroom, so uh but yeah,

448
00:21:04,280 --> 00:21:06,560
Speaker 1: so now I'm terrified of being standing up.

449
00:21:06,600 --> 00:21:09,320
Speaker 2: Yeah, John, John's a sitter. Yeah, I'm a sitter. Yeah,

450
00:21:09,359 --> 00:21:10,960
Speaker 2: I've been. I've been. I'm a sitter, not a quitter.

451
00:21:11,000 --> 00:21:15,199
Speaker 2: He's rocking. He's rocking. Except we did pee standing up

452
00:21:15,200 --> 00:21:17,359
Speaker 2: next to each other a couple of days ago. We did.

453
00:21:18,160 --> 00:21:19,640
Speaker 1: I didn't have I didn't have fun.

454
00:21:19,760 --> 00:21:20,359
Speaker 2: I had fun.

455
00:21:20,440 --> 00:21:23,640
Speaker 1: I I because of the standing. If I was sitting, dude,

456
00:21:23,800 --> 00:21:26,080
Speaker 1: I would have had a flash. Dude, I would have

457
00:21:26,119 --> 00:21:26,720
Speaker 1: been like, whoa.

458
00:21:26,840 --> 00:21:30,240
Speaker 2: But yeah, hmm, a little fear inspired But you know

459
00:21:30,280 --> 00:21:33,920
Speaker 2: what sometimes inspires fear in me? What going to read

460
00:21:33,960 --> 00:21:38,720
Speaker 2: this next story? Oh God, I outed my wife's asexuality

461
00:21:38,800 --> 00:21:41,320
Speaker 2: after her friend's made fun of me, am I the

462
00:21:41,359 --> 00:21:44,280
Speaker 2: a hole. This is okay, op where we give you

463
00:21:44,400 --> 00:21:49,119
Speaker 2: the craziest stories on Earth. I'm Sam, and John is

464
00:21:49,160 --> 00:21:52,240
Speaker 2: op the a hole for outing his wife is asexual.

465
00:21:52,359 --> 00:21:55,600
Speaker 1: I mean off rip with absolutely no details on the

466
00:21:55,640 --> 00:21:58,560
Speaker 1: story whatever, I'm gonna go with the heck yeah, a

467
00:21:58,760 --> 00:21:59,560
Speaker 1: heck yes.

468
00:21:59,720 --> 00:21:59,920
Speaker 2: Why?

469
00:22:00,200 --> 00:22:03,159
Speaker 1: The question is what what reason do you possibly have?

470
00:22:03,320 --> 00:22:06,159
Speaker 2: And from our friends, I'm also very curious about a

471
00:22:06,720 --> 00:22:09,359
Speaker 2: sexual relationship that is married.

472
00:22:09,480 --> 00:22:12,520
Speaker 1: Right are they Here's a question? Are they both a sexual?

473
00:22:12,720 --> 00:22:15,600
Speaker 1: That is a good question, and is op like, hey,

474
00:22:15,680 --> 00:22:18,760
Speaker 1: we gotta is the partner hiding it for some reason?

475
00:22:18,760 --> 00:22:21,520
Speaker 2: And Opie's like, hey, we should be open. Well, John,

476
00:22:22,119 --> 00:22:26,040
Speaker 2: there's only one way to find out. Still that tea

477
00:22:26,080 --> 00:22:30,439
Speaker 2: all right? So this comes from Flagpole Sida eighty seven

478
00:22:31,040 --> 00:22:33,200
Speaker 2: and this was also on November twenty, twenty thirty three.

479
00:22:33,240 --> 00:22:36,560
Speaker 2: So a little backstory. We've been together for nine years,

480
00:22:36,800 --> 00:22:41,320
Speaker 2: married a little over three. We both had incredibly high

481
00:22:41,359 --> 00:22:43,080
Speaker 2: sex drives in the beginning.

482
00:22:43,440 --> 00:22:46,919
Speaker 3: In the beginning, oh good, high sex drives back in

483
00:22:46,960 --> 00:22:50,600
Speaker 3: the days. And then God turned on the lights and

484
00:22:50,640 --> 00:22:54,159
Speaker 3: then we were like you you ugly and like normal.

485
00:22:54,200 --> 00:22:57,199
Speaker 3: After some time they began to come and go. We

486
00:22:57,320 --> 00:22:59,320
Speaker 3: used to never go more than a few days without

487
00:22:59,359 --> 00:23:01,720
Speaker 3: having sex. We got married just before the pandemic, which

488
00:23:01,840 --> 00:23:03,240
Speaker 3: might have added to things.

489
00:23:03,760 --> 00:23:06,040
Speaker 2: But the long and short of it is, after some

490
00:23:06,160 --> 00:23:09,240
Speaker 2: personal therapy at the beginning of twenty twenty, my wife

491
00:23:09,280 --> 00:23:13,359
Speaker 2: concluded that she was asexual and mostly had sex for

492
00:23:13,440 --> 00:23:16,440
Speaker 2: my benefit and to maintain the relationship.

493
00:23:16,560 --> 00:23:17,280
Speaker 1: Wow.

494
00:23:17,760 --> 00:23:21,920
Speaker 2: Wow, dang, that's kind of rough. Wow, that's rough. So

495
00:23:21,960 --> 00:23:24,400
Speaker 2: opia is not asexual.

496
00:23:24,119 --> 00:23:26,600
Speaker 1: And super quick question, I just want to know what

497
00:23:26,640 --> 00:23:29,879
Speaker 1: you all like, how would you react if your partner

498
00:23:29,920 --> 00:23:33,200
Speaker 1: told you that it's a very sexual Yeah.

499
00:23:32,800 --> 00:23:34,760
Speaker 2: I mean I think it's like a at least for me,

500
00:23:34,840 --> 00:23:37,960
Speaker 2: it's an important part of the relationship. It's definitely a

501
00:23:38,000 --> 00:23:41,760
Speaker 2: big component. I feel like I would feel like I

502
00:23:41,960 --> 00:23:45,040
Speaker 2: was like it would it would feel more like just

503
00:23:45,040 --> 00:23:49,160
Speaker 2: like we're close friends. Yeah, if we didn't have that component, yeah, because.

504
00:23:48,920 --> 00:23:52,280
Speaker 1: It's it's not just literally the sex, but what about

505
00:23:52,320 --> 00:23:54,480
Speaker 1: also the touch intimimacy.

506
00:23:54,640 --> 00:23:56,840
Speaker 2: And I'm a very physical touch person, so I think

507
00:23:57,080 --> 00:24:00,720
Speaker 2: the intimacy would be an issue for me. And it's

508
00:24:00,760 --> 00:24:03,800
Speaker 2: also like you're you just don't like that. It's like

509
00:24:03,800 --> 00:24:05,520
Speaker 2: it's not a match. It's like it's like the same,

510
00:24:05,680 --> 00:24:09,120
Speaker 2: it's the same as if, like someone is gay and

511
00:24:09,200 --> 00:24:11,760
Speaker 2: you're straight and you like don't want to like like

512
00:24:11,840 --> 00:24:13,520
Speaker 2: date someone of the same sex. I think it's like,

513
00:24:14,119 --> 00:24:15,920
Speaker 2: I think it would be fine to say, like, oh,

514
00:24:15,920 --> 00:24:18,080
Speaker 2: I don't necessarily want to date someone a sexual.

515
00:24:18,480 --> 00:24:20,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I feel like I would react the same way.

516
00:24:20,960 --> 00:24:24,280
Speaker 2: But I'm I'm very ruper. What you guys you think?

517
00:24:24,400 --> 00:24:26,960
Speaker 2: You please tell us? Yeah, especially if anyone is a

518
00:24:27,119 --> 00:24:30,160
Speaker 2: sexual too, Like, how would you expect a partner? Trees?

519
00:24:30,640 --> 00:24:34,480
Speaker 2: Looking back, I can kind of see it now, and John,

520
00:24:35,000 --> 00:24:40,919
Speaker 2: what we all said. There's always signs, always, always red flags.

521
00:24:40,920 --> 00:24:45,080
Speaker 2: Where's that red flag? John? It would have been nice

522
00:24:45,240 --> 00:24:47,840
Speaker 2: to know beforehand, but it is what it is. She

523
00:24:47,960 --> 00:24:50,480
Speaker 2: still offers sex once in a while because she knows

524
00:24:50,560 --> 00:24:52,720
Speaker 2: I want to have it, but I turn it down

525
00:24:53,200 --> 00:24:57,080
Speaker 2: every time. It's no fun having sex with someone just

526
00:24:57,160 --> 00:24:59,399
Speaker 2: doing it for your benefit. And if I'm going to

527
00:24:59,400 --> 00:25:01,359
Speaker 2: have sex with someone one they should actually want to

528
00:25:01,359 --> 00:25:08,960
Speaker 2: have sex with me, not just for maintenance. Oh for maintenance. Yeah.

529
00:25:09,119 --> 00:25:12,840
Speaker 2: Fast forward, fast forward to this past Friday. We went

530
00:25:12,880 --> 00:25:15,560
Speaker 2: to a party at one of her friend's houses. I

531
00:25:15,600 --> 00:25:18,000
Speaker 2: know a few people, so it's never too bad. Although

532
00:25:18,040 --> 00:25:20,800
Speaker 2: I'm not a big party guy. As usual, we end

533
00:25:20,920 --> 00:25:23,320
Speaker 2: up being one of the last to leave. The last

534
00:25:23,400 --> 00:25:26,119
Speaker 2: hour or so of these parties are usually chill, just

535
00:25:26,119 --> 00:25:29,440
Speaker 2: sit around in the living room chat catch up. It's quiet,

536
00:25:29,640 --> 00:25:35,520
Speaker 2: but the conversations eventually turn sexual and personal, and I

537
00:25:35,560 --> 00:25:40,040
Speaker 2: hate it, Oh God, for obvious reasons, namely having to

538
00:25:40,080 --> 00:25:42,600
Speaker 2: hear all these women talk about how much they love

539
00:25:42,800 --> 00:25:46,200
Speaker 2: having sex with their husbands partners and all the things

540
00:25:46,240 --> 00:25:48,760
Speaker 2: they do, knowing I'll never have.

541
00:25:48,600 --> 00:25:50,439
Speaker 1: That, but I see you in the comments if you

542
00:25:50,560 --> 00:25:52,320
Speaker 1: know what's about to go down.

543
00:25:52,880 --> 00:25:55,840
Speaker 2: The worst part, though, is my wife makes up all

544
00:25:55,920 --> 00:25:59,320
Speaker 2: these wild stories and things we do not even have

545
00:25:59,440 --> 00:26:02,280
Speaker 2: done in the past, just flat out lies because she's

546
00:26:02,320 --> 00:26:05,679
Speaker 2: embarrassed of her asexuality. I just kind of nod along

547
00:26:05,760 --> 00:26:09,080
Speaker 2: since she's not really comfortable with other people knowing. I

548
00:26:09,119 --> 00:26:11,600
Speaker 2: feel like, I mean, they're staying together, but I feel

549
00:26:11,640 --> 00:26:13,840
Speaker 2: like this is like a really this is a big

550
00:26:14,000 --> 00:26:17,359
Speaker 2: thing that I don't think has been worked through enough. Obviously.

551
00:26:17,440 --> 00:26:19,440
Speaker 2: It feels like they just skirt it over. They skirt

552
00:26:19,480 --> 00:26:21,480
Speaker 2: it over. This is a big thing, Like, this is

553
00:26:21,520 --> 00:26:23,960
Speaker 2: a big thing. Come on. I had to come back

554
00:26:23,960 --> 00:26:27,760
Speaker 2: from the bathroom to them having a conversation about oral sex,

555
00:26:28,359 --> 00:26:31,000
Speaker 2: one story about how someone didn't like it at first

556
00:26:31,320 --> 00:26:34,639
Speaker 2: now they love it, another about wishing they got it more,

557
00:26:34,840 --> 00:26:38,240
Speaker 2: another about liking it more than sex sometimes. And then

558
00:26:38,400 --> 00:26:41,359
Speaker 2: it comes time for my wife to talk. Oh no,

559
00:26:41,520 --> 00:26:45,760
Speaker 2: and they're prying for the dirty details. Oh God, for whatever,

560
00:26:46,200 --> 00:26:48,880
Speaker 2: my wife decides to tell the truth and say that

561
00:26:49,320 --> 00:26:52,680
Speaker 2: she can't remember the last time someone went down on her.

562
00:26:58,840 --> 00:27:02,840
Speaker 2: Of course, she left out the key bit of context,

563
00:27:03,240 --> 00:27:06,480
Speaker 2: which turned into the group haranguing of how I need

564
00:27:06,520 --> 00:27:09,040
Speaker 2: to put in more effort, how my wife probably gives

565
00:27:09,080 --> 00:27:12,240
Speaker 2: me head all the time and I don't return the favor,

566
00:27:12,600 --> 00:27:17,399
Speaker 2: and how it's typical of men to be selfish lovers. Uh. Oh,

567
00:27:17,440 --> 00:27:21,360
Speaker 2: I can cope boiling. And he's like, I don't want

568
00:27:21,359 --> 00:27:26,040
Speaker 2: to say it. I want to say I took it

569
00:27:26,119 --> 00:27:29,760
Speaker 2: for a few minutes, hoping my wife would hoping my

570
00:27:29,840 --> 00:27:32,080
Speaker 2: wife would jump in and stop it, which would would

571
00:27:32,200 --> 00:27:34,720
Speaker 2: would be the considerate thing to do, right, She just

572
00:27:34,840 --> 00:27:38,560
Speaker 2: kept quietly saying it's okay, it's okay, I don't mind.

573
00:27:38,640 --> 00:27:41,480
Speaker 2: He does other stuff blah blah blah, which I feel

574
00:27:41,480 --> 00:27:44,600
Speaker 2: like is maybe her way of it feels like kind

575
00:27:44,600 --> 00:27:47,159
Speaker 2: of I think it kind of depends on how she's

576
00:27:47,640 --> 00:27:51,840
Speaker 2: she's already said the bad thing. Yeah, this does seem

577
00:27:51,880 --> 00:27:53,560
Speaker 2: like she's like kind of putting a little effort to

578
00:27:54,080 --> 00:27:56,840
Speaker 2: subside it, but maybe not enough. Yeah, she already said

579
00:27:56,840 --> 00:28:00,840
Speaker 2: a bad thing. It's true. But they kept going. Finally,

580
00:28:01,280 --> 00:28:04,560
Speaker 2: one of her friends, who as an anecdote I effing

581
00:28:04,680 --> 00:28:09,639
Speaker 2: despised because she's overly confrontational for absolutely no reason, demands

582
00:28:09,640 --> 00:28:12,959
Speaker 2: to know why I don't eat out my wife more often,

583
00:28:14,880 --> 00:28:19,520
Speaker 2: very friend friend group in a room full of like

584
00:28:19,760 --> 00:28:25,359
Speaker 2: nine other people. Bro. I look to my wife and

585
00:28:25,440 --> 00:28:28,960
Speaker 2: asked if she'd like to chime in, but my wife doesn't.

586
00:28:29,880 --> 00:28:31,280
Speaker 2: Do you think the wife should have said something at

587
00:28:31,280 --> 00:28:31,680
Speaker 2: this point?

588
00:28:32,080 --> 00:28:37,160
Speaker 1: I feel like she should, at least, like if she said, oh,

589
00:28:37,240 --> 00:28:40,600
Speaker 1: actually I don't like it, you know, just to like,

590
00:28:40,600 --> 00:28:42,440
Speaker 1: like everyone's coming for.

591
00:28:42,440 --> 00:28:46,280
Speaker 2: Op just just say she doesn't prefer it. Yeah, yeah,

592
00:28:46,320 --> 00:28:49,719
Speaker 2: oh man, something like that. Something. Do you think OPI's

593
00:28:49,720 --> 00:28:52,719
Speaker 2: gonna say something? I feel it, I feel it. I

594
00:28:52,800 --> 00:28:55,240
Speaker 2: see you, I see you in the comments. If you

595
00:28:55,280 --> 00:28:58,880
Speaker 2: know what OPI's about to do. Opie shrugs and says

596
00:28:59,080 --> 00:29:02,320
Speaker 2: that I actually I really enjoy performing oral sex on women,

597
00:29:02,760 --> 00:29:05,520
Speaker 2: but that my wife doesn't let me because we don't

598
00:29:05,520 --> 00:29:06,040
Speaker 2: have sex.

599
00:29:06,520 --> 00:29:10,440
Speaker 1: Hmm, okay, don't know if I would phrase it that way.

600
00:29:10,840 --> 00:29:15,320
Speaker 1: He's salty, he's salty, he's salty. My wife's face dropped

601
00:29:15,680 --> 00:29:17,800
Speaker 1: and she shot a look at me. I didn't even

602
00:29:17,840 --> 00:29:21,200
Speaker 1: explicitly say she was asexual. I just said we don't

603
00:29:21,240 --> 00:29:24,240
Speaker 1: have sex and haven't for a few years. When further

604
00:29:24,280 --> 00:29:27,880
Speaker 1: ha asked about it, she immediately begins apologizing for me,

605
00:29:28,280 --> 00:29:30,560
Speaker 1: explaining that things have been rocky, so we haven't been

606
00:29:30,600 --> 00:29:33,200
Speaker 1: having sex much, which I immediately shut down because that's

607
00:29:33,240 --> 00:29:36,320
Speaker 1: not even remotely true. If anything, things have been great lately.

608
00:29:36,720 --> 00:29:39,200
Speaker 1: If she's been having issues or doubts, this would be

609
00:29:39,400 --> 00:29:42,800
Speaker 1: my first time hearing them. I finally gave up. I

610
00:29:42,880 --> 00:29:44,920
Speaker 1: told my wife I was going home, but she said

611
00:29:44,960 --> 00:29:47,560
Speaker 1: she wasn't done yet or ready to leave. I logged

612
00:29:47,560 --> 00:29:49,400
Speaker 1: into Uber on her phone so she could use my

613
00:29:49,400 --> 00:29:51,640
Speaker 1: account and told her she can take it home or

614
00:29:51,680 --> 00:29:53,920
Speaker 1: stay the night, but that I would not sit here

615
00:29:53,960 --> 00:29:56,280
Speaker 1: and be a punging bag because she was ashamed to

616
00:29:56,320 --> 00:29:59,600
Speaker 1: admit she was asexual. My wife immediately ran to the

617
00:29:59,600 --> 00:30:02,400
Speaker 1: bathroom and I was told to leave.

618
00:30:03,880 --> 00:30:06,680
Speaker 2: You know, who's the a hole here? Who the friend group?

619
00:30:06,920 --> 00:30:09,840
Speaker 2: The friend group, the friend group. I think everyone's a

620
00:30:09,840 --> 00:30:14,040
Speaker 2: little a holy here. Yeah, an a hole for digging

621
00:30:14,080 --> 00:30:17,320
Speaker 2: into stuff that is too personal. Maybe and maybe and

622
00:30:17,880 --> 00:30:20,640
Speaker 2: they should have seen the signs that people were uncomfortable.

623
00:30:20,880 --> 00:30:21,400
Speaker 1: Totally.

624
00:30:22,200 --> 00:30:25,280
Speaker 2: The wife is the a hole for throwing OPI under

625
00:30:25,280 --> 00:30:28,120
Speaker 2: the bus yep OPI is the a hole for taking

626
00:30:28,120 --> 00:30:29,160
Speaker 2: the truth a little too far.

627
00:30:29,560 --> 00:30:31,240
Speaker 1: I mean, this is a huge group of a we

628
00:30:31,320 --> 00:30:34,920
Speaker 1: got a butts galore, big group of booty a holes.

629
00:30:35,040 --> 00:30:37,960
Speaker 2: Yep. She came home not long after me and hasn't

630
00:30:37,960 --> 00:30:41,760
Speaker 2: spoken to me much since except half heartily apologize, but

631
00:30:41,840 --> 00:30:45,960
Speaker 2: that outing her like I did was worse, which I

632
00:30:46,040 --> 00:30:48,000
Speaker 2: wonder if you guys agree. Do you think it's worse

633
00:30:48,000 --> 00:30:50,720
Speaker 2: to out someone as a sexual or worse to say

634
00:30:50,880 --> 00:30:55,840
Speaker 2: to I guess, lie about the contents of your sex

635
00:30:55,880 --> 00:30:58,520
Speaker 2: life to your friend group. I apologize for outing her,

636
00:30:58,760 --> 00:31:01,480
Speaker 2: but that she didn't leave me much choice. A few

637
00:31:01,480 --> 00:31:03,720
Speaker 2: of her friends have messaged me, calling me every name

638
00:31:03,880 --> 00:31:05,920
Speaker 2: up and down the book and saying they're going to

639
00:31:05,960 --> 00:31:10,440
Speaker 2: convince her to leave me. Who are these friendsop It?

640
00:31:11,360 --> 00:31:12,080
Speaker 2: Stop it?

641
00:31:12,400 --> 00:31:13,800
Speaker 1: I'm calling red flag on the friend group.

642
00:31:13,880 --> 00:31:15,120
Speaker 2: Red flag on the friend group.

643
00:31:15,240 --> 00:31:18,760
Speaker 1: Dude, they like, imagine you're in a group of people

644
00:31:19,120 --> 00:31:22,520
Speaker 1: and someone's like you should eat this is your wife

645
00:31:22,600 --> 00:31:25,360
Speaker 1: out more like I don't know, Like it's just like.

646
00:31:25,440 --> 00:31:26,800
Speaker 2: Well, you don't have any contexts.

647
00:31:26,800 --> 00:31:30,400
Speaker 1: You don't have any context and a much more reasonable

648
00:31:30,440 --> 00:31:34,000
Speaker 1: scenario like let's say, uh the wife was like maybe

649
00:31:34,000 --> 00:31:35,760
Speaker 1: it was like the three of them, or even just

650
00:31:35,760 --> 00:31:38,640
Speaker 1: the wife and a close friend, and she was recounting

651
00:31:38,640 --> 00:31:40,480
Speaker 1: this stuff, and then the friend was like, wait a second,

652
00:31:40,520 --> 00:31:42,600
Speaker 1: like he doesn't please you, like all this stuff.

653
00:31:42,280 --> 00:31:44,080
Speaker 2: Like you should make sure that you you have to

654
00:31:44,480 --> 00:31:48,320
Speaker 2: want resversation maybe but not in front of the husband.

655
00:31:48,520 --> 00:31:49,720
Speaker 2: And yeah, it's.

656
00:31:49,640 --> 00:31:53,320
Speaker 1: Just just not the way to go about it.

657
00:31:53,360 --> 00:31:55,000
Speaker 2: And the fact that I'm saying, oh, like we're going

658
00:31:55,040 --> 00:31:58,640
Speaker 2: to convince her to leave you? Yeah, red flag for

659
00:31:58,680 --> 00:32:01,760
Speaker 2: the friend group for sure. One or two of the

660
00:32:01,760 --> 00:32:05,080
Speaker 2: boyfriends slash husband's messaged me and said they were sorry

661
00:32:05,160 --> 00:32:07,640
Speaker 2: and didn't know what to do, but offered to buy

662
00:32:07,680 --> 00:32:10,400
Speaker 2: me a beer if I wanted, which I guess is nice,

663
00:32:10,520 --> 00:32:15,080
Speaker 2: all right. Another of the friends in an openly poly relationship,

664
00:32:15,520 --> 00:32:21,200
Speaker 2: actually offered to have sex with me. I'm lost, John's

665
00:32:21,200 --> 00:32:22,000
Speaker 2: bricked up right now.

666
00:32:24,840 --> 00:32:27,200
Speaker 1: No, No, this is crazy.

667
00:32:27,920 --> 00:32:31,720
Speaker 2: I showed my wife immediately, she says, she knows it

668
00:32:31,800 --> 00:32:34,400
Speaker 2: must have been shitty to sit there and take it,

669
00:32:34,680 --> 00:32:37,920
Speaker 2: but that they're not really my friends. So some momentary

670
00:32:37,920 --> 00:32:40,800
Speaker 2: discomfort from people I don't really associate with is in

671
00:32:40,880 --> 00:32:45,320
Speaker 2: comparable to her prolonged discomfort of significant people in her

672
00:32:45,400 --> 00:32:49,720
Speaker 2: life now knowing she's asexual. But are these people that

673
00:32:49,760 --> 00:32:52,240
Speaker 2: you want to have in your life that is so

674
00:32:52,240 --> 00:32:54,880
Speaker 2: so significant? Maybe you should be honest with them.

675
00:32:55,520 --> 00:32:58,760
Speaker 1: Yeah, Like I am not getting good vibes at all.

676
00:32:58,680 --> 00:33:00,760
Speaker 2: From this friend. The friend group is kind of trash. Yeah,

677
00:33:00,840 --> 00:33:04,440
Speaker 2: and also like, wait, we're just gonna completely skim over

678
00:33:04,560 --> 00:33:06,840
Speaker 2: the fact that one of her friends was like all

679
00:33:06,880 --> 00:33:07,480
Speaker 2: of sex with you.

680
00:33:07,640 --> 00:33:10,880
Speaker 1: Yeah, I And honestly, like again, I would love to

681
00:33:10,920 --> 00:33:14,600
Speaker 1: hear from the asexual community in our comments and help

682
00:33:14,680 --> 00:33:18,440
Speaker 1: enlighten us, Like in a scenario like this, is it

683
00:33:18,960 --> 00:33:23,040
Speaker 1: a maybe not a common occurrence, but a a a

684
00:33:23,200 --> 00:33:25,800
Speaker 1: thing to do where it's like, Hey, I found out

685
00:33:25,920 --> 00:33:29,640
Speaker 1: into the relationship, into the marriage, specifically that I'm a sexual.

686
00:33:29,720 --> 00:33:33,240
Speaker 2: I feel like opening one side of the relationship probably

687
00:33:33,280 --> 00:33:34,840
Speaker 2: would make sense. I imagine that.

688
00:33:34,920 --> 00:33:38,400
Speaker 1: I imagine somebody's come across this as a solution. The

689
00:33:38,480 --> 00:33:41,160
Speaker 1: question is and I truly don't know, and why. I'm

690
00:33:41,320 --> 00:33:43,720
Speaker 1: curious to hear from from our community. Who is a

691
00:33:43,720 --> 00:33:46,920
Speaker 1: part of that community? Does that like hurt at all?

692
00:33:47,000 --> 00:33:49,600
Speaker 1: I guess knowing that it's like it's one thing too?

693
00:33:50,200 --> 00:33:52,280
Speaker 1: Is there is there no feelings involved there?

694
00:33:52,280 --> 00:33:56,560
Speaker 2: I don't know. I imagine there is age different. Yeah,

695
00:33:56,760 --> 00:33:58,440
Speaker 2: it's also completely different person.

696
00:33:58,280 --> 00:34:00,480
Speaker 1: But it's not a sexual people aren't full on poly

697
00:34:00,520 --> 00:34:02,360
Speaker 1: relationships self exactly, that happen exactly.

698
00:34:02,520 --> 00:34:05,760
Speaker 2: So I completely disagree, but can kind of see where

699
00:34:05,800 --> 00:34:09,080
Speaker 2: she's coming from. So am I the A hole? Here?

700
00:34:09,239 --> 00:34:12,640
Speaker 2: There is some edits that I will get into right now,

701
00:34:13,080 --> 00:34:16,759
Speaker 2: but really quick, got check is OPDA hole yes or no? Yes?

702
00:34:16,840 --> 00:34:17,560
Speaker 1: Everyone's a hole?

703
00:34:17,600 --> 00:34:19,759
Speaker 2: Everyone's the A hole? I agree. Put your answers in

704
00:34:19,800 --> 00:34:21,960
Speaker 2: the comments right now and why. But let's get into

705
00:34:22,000 --> 00:34:24,239
Speaker 2: the edit. So a few things I can't reply to

706
00:34:24,320 --> 00:34:26,040
Speaker 2: because there's so many comments and I can't reply to

707
00:34:26,080 --> 00:34:28,520
Speaker 2: all of them. But one, I actually don't mind not

708
00:34:28,640 --> 00:34:30,799
Speaker 2: having sex because I genuinely love her.

709
00:34:31,160 --> 00:34:36,480
Speaker 1: Oh, I mean that is huge. That is not to

710
00:34:36,520 --> 00:34:37,400
Speaker 1: be understated.

711
00:34:37,560 --> 00:34:39,520
Speaker 2: There are times it does get to me, and this

712
00:34:39,680 --> 00:34:42,080
Speaker 2: was admittedly one of them, but they are very rare,

713
00:34:42,200 --> 00:34:44,480
Speaker 2: maybe two or three times a year. No part of

714
00:34:44,520 --> 00:34:46,719
Speaker 2: me believes that she bait and switched me for the ring.

715
00:34:47,120 --> 00:34:50,719
Speaker 2: That's just not who she is. Two, she's asexual. She's

716
00:34:50,719 --> 00:34:53,400
Speaker 2: not effing other guys. I'm not some cuck waiting at

717
00:34:53,440 --> 00:34:56,400
Speaker 2: home like a few DMS insinuated. I went with her

718
00:34:56,520 --> 00:34:58,560
Speaker 2: for a few therapy sessions where she let me know

719
00:34:58,960 --> 00:35:02,960
Speaker 2: I fully support her. Three. Yes, I'm aware that technically

720
00:35:03,440 --> 00:35:07,160
Speaker 2: it is my fault. We don't have sex. Asexuality is

721
00:35:07,200 --> 00:35:10,040
Speaker 2: a spectrum. Yes, she feels no desire to have sex.

722
00:35:10,320 --> 00:35:13,480
Speaker 2: She physically likes sex, but otherwise she could live without it.

723
00:35:13,719 --> 00:35:15,520
Speaker 2: My boundary is I don't want to have sex with

724
00:35:15,560 --> 00:35:19,439
Speaker 2: someone who doesn't desire me. I'm not undermining asexuality by

725
00:35:19,440 --> 00:35:22,960
Speaker 2: having that boundary. And Four, the issue here isn't that

726
00:35:23,000 --> 00:35:25,680
Speaker 2: I'm with someone who is asexual. I'm not sure why

727
00:35:25,680 --> 00:35:28,080
Speaker 2: people are telling me my marriage is over. I never

728
00:35:28,080 --> 00:35:30,640
Speaker 2: suggested it. The issue is how she handles it and

729
00:35:30,680 --> 00:35:32,719
Speaker 2: expects me to take the brunt of this kind of

730
00:35:32,760 --> 00:35:36,799
Speaker 2: BS because she's ashamed of it. Which that is good clarification, right,

731
00:35:36,880 --> 00:35:40,319
Speaker 2: Like I mean, it seems like because OPI is so

732
00:35:40,400 --> 00:35:43,680
Speaker 2: in love with her, it doesn't like sex isn't the

733
00:35:43,719 --> 00:35:45,600
Speaker 2: most important part of their relationship.

734
00:35:45,080 --> 00:35:48,719
Speaker 1: Which I'm almost like, like, I mean again, this friend

735
00:35:48,719 --> 00:35:51,239
Speaker 1: group sounds crazy, But what if that's what came out

736
00:35:51,280 --> 00:35:54,800
Speaker 1: of that conversation where it's like, imagine in an alternate

737
00:35:54,840 --> 00:35:58,040
Speaker 1: world where the wife was like, yeah, you know what,

738
00:35:58,160 --> 00:36:03,400
Speaker 1: I'm actually a sexual and you know, but we want

739
00:36:03,440 --> 00:36:05,520
Speaker 1: to stay in this relationship where both we're both happy

740
00:36:05,560 --> 00:36:06,479
Speaker 1: to still see too.

741
00:36:06,400 --> 00:36:08,160
Speaker 2: Both love each other. Like that would be such a

742
00:36:08,160 --> 00:36:10,600
Speaker 2: healthier way of going about it instead of lying. Yeah,

743
00:36:10,640 --> 00:36:12,440
Speaker 2: but it sounds like this friend group is low key

744
00:36:12,480 --> 00:36:13,439
Speaker 2: kind of toxic. Yeah.

745
00:36:13,480 --> 00:36:15,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, they you know, they probably would have freaked out

746
00:36:15,560 --> 00:36:15,920
Speaker 1: either way.

747
00:36:16,000 --> 00:36:18,840
Speaker 2: Yeah, they sound just they sound pretty terrible. I think

748
00:36:19,239 --> 00:36:21,680
Speaker 2: you should break up. You should divorce the friend group,

749
00:36:21,960 --> 00:36:26,239
Speaker 2: divorce the group. Worse, d worse, dve worse. Who But

750
00:36:26,280 --> 00:36:28,840
Speaker 2: we do have an update. Let's get into it. So

751
00:36:29,320 --> 00:36:32,160
Speaker 2: TLDR of the original posts was, during therapy, my wife

752
00:36:32,239 --> 00:36:34,359
Speaker 2: came to accept she was asexual, didn't want to tell

753
00:36:34,360 --> 00:36:36,759
Speaker 2: anyone out of embarrassment, made up sex stories about us,

754
00:36:36,760 --> 00:36:38,520
Speaker 2: and let her friends chew me out during a party

755
00:36:38,520 --> 00:36:42,120
Speaker 2: instead of telling them off because of embarrassment of being asexual,

756
00:36:42,360 --> 00:36:44,279
Speaker 2: and I out at her when I said I was

757
00:36:44,320 --> 00:36:46,320
Speaker 2: sick of being a punching bag because she was ashamed

758
00:36:46,320 --> 00:36:50,640
Speaker 2: of her sexuality. That was a nice little recap. So

759
00:36:51,040 --> 00:36:53,480
Speaker 2: I deleted the original post as it got pretty overwhelming.

760
00:36:53,560 --> 00:36:55,759
Speaker 2: It was cross posted to a few other subreddits. I

761
00:36:55,760 --> 00:36:58,080
Speaker 2: got a lot of hate dms. It even made it

762
00:36:58,080 --> 00:37:02,560
Speaker 2: to those tiktoks where a tts reads it with Minecraft gameplay. Oh,

763
00:37:02,560 --> 00:37:04,759
Speaker 2: I guess that's like a like a robot reading yeah,

764
00:37:05,120 --> 00:37:07,719
Speaker 2: which led to precisely where I am now. It had

765
00:37:07,760 --> 00:37:10,440
Speaker 2: come across one of her friend's feeds two days ago,

766
00:37:10,680 --> 00:37:13,319
Speaker 2: who sent it to her, which led to a conversation

767
00:37:13,440 --> 00:37:17,360
Speaker 2: in a fairly productive few days. So basically the tiktoks

768
00:37:17,360 --> 00:37:21,960
Speaker 2: went super viral and it spread to the life, which

769
00:37:22,000 --> 00:37:24,840
Speaker 2: actually actually it spread to a friend, which spread it

770
00:37:24,840 --> 00:37:28,279
Speaker 2: to the wife, which actually relied to productive conversation. Wow,

771
00:37:29,040 --> 00:37:33,279
Speaker 2: you're a welcome Ope, we do into public service in

772
00:37:33,320 --> 00:37:36,040
Speaker 2: the time. Since I did apologize for outing her, and

773
00:37:36,080 --> 00:37:38,879
Speaker 2: she apologized to me for letting it get that far,

774
00:37:39,239 --> 00:37:41,200
Speaker 2: she ended up telling all her friends and none of

775
00:37:41,200 --> 00:37:44,160
Speaker 2: them cared and were entirely supportive. Yeah, she asked them

776
00:37:44,200 --> 00:37:46,480
Speaker 2: to apologize to me because it was her who put

777
00:37:46,520 --> 00:37:49,120
Speaker 2: me in that situation, but only one of them has

778
00:37:49,800 --> 00:37:54,600
Speaker 2: red flag. That friend group is like a full of

779
00:37:54,600 --> 00:37:57,440
Speaker 2: red flash divor and it was a half hearted one

780
00:37:57,440 --> 00:38:01,280
Speaker 2: at that paraphrasing, but basically, yes, but maybe it's best

781
00:38:01,320 --> 00:38:03,680
Speaker 2: if you don't come to catherings anymore sort of thing.

782
00:38:04,000 --> 00:38:05,880
Speaker 1: Maybe it's best if you don't come to what anymore?

783
00:38:05,920 --> 00:38:09,040
Speaker 2: Gatherings? Like, Yeah, it's okay, but we don't want to

784
00:38:09,040 --> 00:38:11,640
Speaker 2: see you anymore. What kind of apology is that? What

785
00:38:12,239 --> 00:38:13,600
Speaker 2: is wrong with you? People?

786
00:38:14,080 --> 00:38:14,840
Speaker 1: You suck?

787
00:38:15,000 --> 00:38:18,960
Speaker 2: They suck so much? Spells up with this friend group? Ruh?

788
00:38:19,640 --> 00:38:22,440
Speaker 2: Put not that put. This friend group is a giant

789
00:38:22,440 --> 00:38:24,200
Speaker 2: red flag in the chat. If you think they are

790
00:38:24,200 --> 00:38:27,440
Speaker 2: a red flag, throw it in red flags. We've started

791
00:38:27,600 --> 00:38:30,439
Speaker 2: back at couples counseling too. I was happy with where

792
00:38:30,480 --> 00:38:32,880
Speaker 2: things ended up after the initial conversation, but we decided

793
00:38:32,880 --> 00:38:35,719
Speaker 2: to go back to get everything out and hopefully find

794
00:38:35,719 --> 00:38:38,720
Speaker 2: a workable way forward. Okay, a few things I wanted

795
00:38:38,760 --> 00:38:42,879
Speaker 2: to address from the comments everywhere. Asexuality is real. She's

796
00:38:42,880 --> 00:38:46,440
Speaker 2: not low libido. She has no lobido and doesn't feel

797
00:38:46,480 --> 00:38:50,359
Speaker 2: the urge everyone else does. She believes she never has,

798
00:38:50,680 --> 00:38:53,279
Speaker 2: but talked yourself into thinking it because that's what she felt.

799
00:38:53,280 --> 00:38:56,640
Speaker 2: She was supposed to do. I wasn't paraphrasing, misunderstanding, or

800
00:38:56,640 --> 00:38:59,480
Speaker 2: putting words in her mouth. This is her description of it.

801
00:39:00,000 --> 00:39:02,200
Speaker 2: Hand full of people said it was entirely my fault

802
00:39:02,200 --> 00:39:04,840
Speaker 2: for us not having sex, as my boundary was harmful

803
00:39:04,880 --> 00:39:07,920
Speaker 2: to asexual people and childish. So I wanted to clarify

804
00:39:08,400 --> 00:39:11,680
Speaker 2: my wife was the one who's the phrasing of maintenance sex.

805
00:39:12,000 --> 00:39:13,880
Speaker 2: She has made it clear that she has no desire

806
00:39:13,920 --> 00:39:16,279
Speaker 2: for sex, but will do it for me occasionally if

807
00:39:16,280 --> 00:39:18,800
Speaker 2: I want it. In her words, it's attached. She is

808
00:39:18,840 --> 00:39:21,319
Speaker 2: happy to do to keep me happy. But I'm not

809
00:39:21,360 --> 00:39:24,239
Speaker 2: comfortable with that. It's more or less a favor, like

810
00:39:24,320 --> 00:39:27,000
Speaker 2: if I asked her to pick up my dry cleaning.

811
00:39:27,200 --> 00:39:29,520
Speaker 2: It's not selfish or childish to want a partner to

812
00:39:29,520 --> 00:39:33,239
Speaker 2: actually want to have sex with you totally. Otherwise, it's

813
00:39:33,320 --> 00:39:36,560
Speaker 2: just masturbating with someone else's body, which I'm not fine with.

814
00:39:36,880 --> 00:39:40,880
Speaker 2: That sounds crazy when you put it like that. Yeah,

815
00:39:41,200 --> 00:39:45,160
Speaker 2: not good, not good. I'm fine without sex. That part

816
00:39:45,200 --> 00:39:48,359
Speaker 2: was grossly overinflated in some comments. I was uncomfortable at

817
00:39:48,360 --> 00:39:51,080
Speaker 2: the lying and being thrown on the bus. I value

818
00:39:51,080 --> 00:39:53,920
Speaker 2: her for far more than sex anyway. There's more that

819
00:39:53,960 --> 00:39:57,560
Speaker 2: defines this relationship rather than just sex, which I feel

820
00:39:57,600 --> 00:39:59,480
Speaker 2: like at a certain point in a marriage like that

821
00:39:59,480 --> 00:40:02,680
Speaker 2: that is probably is true. Many people pointed out how

822
00:40:02,719 --> 00:40:05,359
Speaker 2: it was weird that her friends sit around and talk

823
00:40:05,400 --> 00:40:08,120
Speaker 2: about their sex lives. I believe so to some degree.

824
00:40:08,160 --> 00:40:11,120
Speaker 2: These aren't super raunchy conversations anyway, But I see no

825
00:40:11,200 --> 00:40:13,400
Speaker 2: issue in close friends being open about things like this.

826
00:40:13,760 --> 00:40:15,880
Speaker 2: It's no big deal to me personally. I don't think

827
00:40:15,880 --> 00:40:17,600
Speaker 2: it's a big deal to talk about sex with friends.

828
00:40:17,640 --> 00:40:19,880
Speaker 2: I think it's a big deal to be like invasive

829
00:40:20,120 --> 00:40:23,600
Speaker 2: and like confrontational and rude and mean, why do you

830
00:40:23,680 --> 00:40:26,880
Speaker 2: know your wife? Come on? A couple people sent me

831
00:40:26,920 --> 00:40:29,600
Speaker 2: resources on being a partner to someone who is asexual,

832
00:40:29,640 --> 00:40:31,759
Speaker 2: and I want to thank you for that nice and

833
00:40:31,800 --> 00:40:33,719
Speaker 2: then they linked to one that they felt that was

834
00:40:33,840 --> 00:40:37,640
Speaker 2: most helpful and her defense without me asking, since I

835
00:40:37,680 --> 00:40:40,120
Speaker 2: wouldn't be comfortable telling her who and who not to

836
00:40:40,160 --> 00:40:42,520
Speaker 2: be friends with. She has turned down a couple of

837
00:40:42,560 --> 00:40:45,080
Speaker 2: invites to go out since and has removed the two

838
00:40:45,239 --> 00:40:48,160
Speaker 2: main insticators from social media, which is enough for me,

839
00:40:48,200 --> 00:40:51,120
Speaker 2: which is great. Yes, some people were confused on the ages.

840
00:40:51,160 --> 00:40:54,399
Speaker 2: Everyone is late twenties, mid thirties, I am not going

841
00:40:54,440 --> 00:40:56,560
Speaker 2: to divorce her, so you can stop waste of your

842
00:40:56,560 --> 00:40:59,000
Speaker 2: time suggesting that. So, yeah, boring update, I know, but

843
00:40:59,080 --> 00:41:03,880
Speaker 2: everything is by wow, that is a wrap. Yeah, So

844
00:41:03,920 --> 00:41:07,120
Speaker 2: I guess like, like, finally, do you think OPI has

845
00:41:07,239 --> 00:41:10,560
Speaker 2: been fair to his wife and do you think he

846
00:41:10,600 --> 00:41:17,040
Speaker 2: has handled the asexuality and the I guess the friend

847
00:41:17,480 --> 00:41:20,520
Speaker 2: the friend the friend group dynamic with all of this information, well,

848
00:41:20,760 --> 00:41:21,320
Speaker 2: so let's.

849
00:41:21,120 --> 00:41:23,520
Speaker 1: Break it down on the first part of the story.

850
00:41:23,560 --> 00:41:24,640
Speaker 2: Before the first update.

851
00:41:25,000 --> 00:41:27,359
Speaker 1: Everyone's ahole, right, that was when they had this big

852
00:41:27,400 --> 00:41:29,520
Speaker 1: fight and like, yeah, the friend group is was mean,

853
00:41:29,560 --> 00:41:31,240
Speaker 1: and then the wife didn't come forward with the truth

854
00:41:31,280 --> 00:41:35,720
Speaker 1: and Op really stretched the truth. Then afterwards I think

855
00:41:35,800 --> 00:41:40,399
Speaker 1: that uh, Op and the wife really came together. They

856
00:41:40,440 --> 00:41:41,920
Speaker 1: recognized each other's size.

857
00:41:41,719 --> 00:41:45,080
Speaker 2: And they gotasher, they got closer, which is ideally what

858
00:41:45,440 --> 00:41:49,160
Speaker 2: these kinds of bad situations hopefully lead to. Like these

859
00:41:49,200 --> 00:41:52,200
Speaker 2: situations where you don't understand each other, it is an

860
00:41:52,440 --> 00:41:54,799
Speaker 2: opportunity to understand each other. And it seems like they

861
00:41:54,840 --> 00:41:55,800
Speaker 2: got closer after.

862
00:41:55,800 --> 00:41:58,279
Speaker 1: And what seemed clear to me was that this was

863
00:41:58,320 --> 00:42:00,600
Speaker 1: like this was really just like a moment lapse in

864
00:42:00,680 --> 00:42:03,440
Speaker 1: judgment with the whole incident of the friend group, and

865
00:42:03,800 --> 00:42:07,920
Speaker 1: generally speaking, OP is is totally open to and willing

866
00:42:07,960 --> 00:42:10,880
Speaker 1: to do what it takes to make his marriage work.

867
00:42:11,040 --> 00:42:14,400
Speaker 2: And really, if I think back to it, I think

868
00:42:14,680 --> 00:42:19,960
Speaker 2: if the friends hadn't been so like insanely confrontational, I

869
00:42:20,000 --> 00:42:23,800
Speaker 2: don't think this would have happened. Really, Yes, the problem

870
00:42:23,880 --> 00:42:26,120
Speaker 2: is not like I mean, yes, the wife said some

871
00:42:26,360 --> 00:42:29,040
Speaker 2: bad things and so did OP. Yeah, but the main

872
00:42:29,120 --> 00:42:34,320
Speaker 2: instigators are the friends. Like the friends maintain their assholishness

873
00:42:34,680 --> 00:42:38,040
Speaker 2: throughout all of these updates exactly, And so I'm just thinking, like,

874
00:42:38,440 --> 00:42:40,799
Speaker 2: I feel like we got to and it seems like

875
00:42:40,800 --> 00:42:43,040
Speaker 2: the wife has already done it with two of the friends. Yes,

876
00:42:43,200 --> 00:42:45,520
Speaker 2: dropping some of those friends is probably a good idea,

877
00:42:45,640 --> 00:42:46,160
Speaker 2: that's the way.

878
00:42:46,200 --> 00:42:48,319
Speaker 1: And I don't think they would have they both kind

879
00:42:48,360 --> 00:42:50,640
Speaker 1: of the OP and the wife reached kind of these

880
00:42:50,680 --> 00:42:52,799
Speaker 1: boiling points. Don't think they would have reached it with

881
00:42:53,000 --> 00:42:54,600
Speaker 1: if the friend group was not involved, or it was

882
00:42:54,600 --> 00:42:55,319
Speaker 1: a different friend group.

883
00:42:55,520 --> 00:42:59,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, good friend group. Yeah, I know. Seriously, but maybe

884
00:42:59,520 --> 00:43:01,719
Speaker 2: we should just read one more story. I think we

885
00:43:01,800 --> 00:43:02,160
Speaker 2: should