Speaker 1: The number one health and wellness podcast, Say Set Jay Set.
Speaker 2: Studies show that a child's emotional intelligence and resilience is
Speaker 2: strongly shaped by their parents' approach to discipline and communication,
Speaker 2: But with so much parenting advice out there, it can
Speaker 2: be hard to know what really works. We're judged in
Speaker 2: many roles in our lives, but it seems we're judge
Speaker 2: the most in our roles as parents. There's no handbook
Speaker 2: to parenting, yet we're expected to never make any mistakes.
Speaker 2: Parenting is fulfilling, but challenging. Every stage comes with new lessons.
Speaker 2: Today's guests bring different perspectives, psychologists, experienced parents, and public
Speaker 2: figures balancing family with busy careers. Let's start with one
Speaker 2: of the biggest parenting struggles, discipline. Discipline is about teaching,
Speaker 2: not punishing. It's so important that we know how to
Speaker 2: set boundaries in a way that builds confidence, not fear.
Speaker 2: It's important that we create a safe, supportive environment where
Speaker 2: kids can learn from mistakes. Doctor Eliza Pressman will be
Speaker 2: talking about how discipline is about teaching, not punishing.
Speaker 3: I feel like discipline is so controversial, but I think
Speaker 3: of it as all feelings are welcome, All behaviors are
Speaker 3: not so if I had to sum it up, and
Speaker 3: I think we do think of discipline as punishment versus teaching,
Speaker 3: and it's teaching because it actually influences your growth and development.
Speaker 3: It's not just for my entertainment. Then your kids trust
Speaker 3: you a little bit more and the relationship is stronger.
Speaker 3: But I think the key with discipline is not being
Speaker 3: afraid of how our kids react to it, and having
Speaker 3: the strength of purpose and belief that if they do
Speaker 3: have a negative reaction to it, we can love them
Speaker 3: all the way through it, but we're not going to
Speaker 3: change our minds about it. Because that's where it gets messy,
Speaker 3: is that if we're talking all about how important the
Speaker 3: relationship is and then you have this limit that you set,
Speaker 3: like this is my expectation of you, and your child
Speaker 3: doesn't like it this simply like you know, I take
Speaker 3: the phone away at night or the iPad or whatever,
Speaker 3: and your child is freaking out about it. Then you go, well,
Speaker 3: now I've messed with the relationship, and so I guess
Speaker 3: I should. They're crying and I need to get back
Speaker 3: in there, So okay, I'll give you more time or
Speaker 3: whatever it is. And that's where we get confused. I
Speaker 3: think if parents really understood that feelings aren't dangerous, that
Speaker 3: kids aren't going to say thank you for the boundaries
Speaker 3: and limits that we set, and that we set them
Speaker 3: with the intention of physical and emotional safety about not
Speaker 3: just them but other people. Like we're not just raising
Speaker 3: kids in a vacuum. They have to move through the
Speaker 3: world and think about community and other humans, and so
Speaker 3: what's comfortable for them might not be thoughtful to other people.
Speaker 3: And so it's that balance between be there for yourself
Speaker 3: but also not to the extent that you can't you
Speaker 3: know that you're entitled and don't respect that there are
Speaker 3: other people in the world. I mean, there's three kind
Speaker 3: of parenting styles outside of neglectful, which is not you know,
Speaker 3: that's a whole other thing. But there's like the permissive,
Speaker 3: which is best friend parenting, and it is so sensitive.
Speaker 3: They do like you and you can play as many
Speaker 3: video games as you want and all that's great, except
Speaker 3: for it you have no nobody's steering the ship, and
Speaker 3: so it actually can lead to anxiety and depression and
Speaker 3: a sense that you are too responsible for things. And
Speaker 3: the other side of it is authoritarian, where it's fear
Speaker 3: based and it's just rules and it's just because I
Speaker 3: said so, but without the like, I know you really
Speaker 3: love doing this, and I wouldn't stop you from doing
Speaker 3: it if I didn't know that it was better for
Speaker 3: your brain or whatever. So that's the middle path of
Speaker 3: like authoritative where you're sensitive but you stick with your
Speaker 3: limits and boundaries because you know that that's going to
Speaker 3: benefit your kids. Even when you have limits and rules,
Speaker 3: you want your kids to know, as you're describing your mom,
Speaker 3: that they have you, so if you do mess up,
Speaker 3: you can still go to them instead of being terrified.
Speaker 3: And so that's this weird thing where it's like, here
Speaker 3: are my expectations. Also, I want to name the fact
Speaker 3: that you're going to blow it sometimes, and I want
Speaker 3: to be the person you come to, and that's something
Speaker 3: to say, not when they're struggling. And I think part
Speaker 3: of the reason why it's hard to get kids to
Speaker 3: open up is because we try to get in there
Speaker 3: when they're in the center of the struggle instead of
Speaker 3: like building the vocabulary and connection outside of it. So
Speaker 3: you have the conversations and you give the language when
Speaker 3: nobody's in the heat of the moment, so that when
Speaker 3: the heat of the moment comes, they already know that
Speaker 3: they can come to you and you can just say
Speaker 3: to them, I can tell something's going on, I'm here
Speaker 3: ever or if ever, and then just leave space. A
Speaker 3: lot of times doing something with a kid who's not
Speaker 3: opening up, like going for a drive even so that
Speaker 3: you're not looking at each other. And you know, I
Speaker 3: can't think of any sport right now because I'm not
Speaker 3: super sporty, but you know, like playing I'm like, what is.
Speaker 4: It called when one does a game with someone?
Speaker 2: Now?
Speaker 4: Thank you? So you go play pickleball. You're playing pickleball.
Speaker 4: It's going to come up.
Speaker 3: But you want to just like put little tiny moments
Speaker 3: where you say, I'm askable, I'm tellable, and I'm not
Speaker 3: going to say anything. And one of the things that
Speaker 3: helps is that when your kids do tell you something,
Speaker 3: you say thank you for telling me before you have
Speaker 3: any other reaction, and that may be your only reaction,
Speaker 3: and then you give them a little space and then
Speaker 3: you say, is there anything I can do with younger kids?
Speaker 3: You want to be This is going to sound ridiculous
Speaker 3: if you don't think about animals this way, but I do,
Speaker 3: So tell me if it resonates, but you kind of
Speaker 3: want to be a dog. You're wagging your tail when
Speaker 3: you're excited to see them. You're always there and you're
Speaker 3: like really enthusiastic, and they need that. But then as
Speaker 3: they get older, imagine you're eleven to twenty five year
Speaker 3: old self, you need to be a cat. So you're
Speaker 3: like a little You're there, you're always around, you're not
Speaker 3: you might you're touching their feet, like you're not overly
Speaker 3: on top of them. But if they're interested, they can
Speaker 3: come to you, but you're not going anywhere. So it's
Speaker 3: like it's this safe thing where you're there for them,
Speaker 3: but it's it's not so intense. And then they have
Speaker 3: the opportunity to open up a little bit, and when
Speaker 3: they do, you don't pounce like a dog. You stay
Speaker 3: a cat who's like welcoming the information, but not you know, saying,
Speaker 3: oh my god. And then you know, because you don't
Speaker 3: want your kids to think you can't handle my truth,
Speaker 3: so I'm not you're not the person to tell.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And I feel that's the hardest time to be
Speaker 2: the cat, because you're scared about them getting involved in
Speaker 2: the worst, worst things, like whether it's drugs or you know,
Speaker 2: addiction to social media or getting involved in the wrong circles,
Speaker 2: Like that's the age at which it's going to happen.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's terrifying.
Speaker 2: So yeah, it's terrifying. So they're not and they're getting
Speaker 2: a driver's license. They can drink now, you know, as
Speaker 2: you know, as they get older, it's like it's almost
Speaker 2: like those are the times where you want to be
Speaker 2: more hands on and you are fit.
Speaker 3: That's why I say you're physically present, Like I think
Speaker 3: toddlers and teenagers need you more present than anybody. But
Speaker 3: we think teenagers are like off on their own and whatever.
Speaker 3: But you're home, like if they're going to a party,
Speaker 3: you're home to greet them and look into their eyes,
Speaker 3: so you don't need to ask if they've been drinking,
Speaker 3: because you will know when you hug them and look
Speaker 3: in their eyes, and you can have a conversation in
Speaker 3: a different kind of way. Then if you're sort of
Speaker 3: like I'm out, you're out, you're older, you know, take
Speaker 3: an uber, don't drive drunk. I'll see you tomorrow. So
Speaker 3: I think your presence is important. But the sense that
Speaker 3: you're like kind of all over them verbally has you
Speaker 3: have to pull back a little bit, and it's terrifying.
Speaker 3: But if you've cultivated the relationship and you've set the
Speaker 3: expectations from you know, about substances and social media and whatever,
Speaker 3: it's easier. But when something's really bothering them, what they
Speaker 3: need is to know that they don't have to explain
Speaker 3: it and they can just come to you and be sad.
Speaker 3: Attachment relationships are dynamic, so you aren't just like it
Speaker 3: used to be. We used to think, like, you know,
Speaker 3: you have a baby, you develop the secure attachment. It's
Speaker 3: like a bond and that's it. But we know now
Speaker 3: it's dynamic, and so if you have a five year
Speaker 3: old or a sixteen year old or a thirty five
Speaker 3: year old, you can still grow that healthy attachment relationship,
Speaker 3: So you can change. Our job is not to fix,
Speaker 3: it's to be there, and that's what secure attachment is.
Speaker 3: Even in your adult relationships, it's like, who can sit
Speaker 3: with me through all of these experiences, through these feelings,
Speaker 3: because the idea of being happy isn't really about always
Speaker 3: being happy. It's about knowing you can come back from
Speaker 3: whatever it is that you're going through and you will
Speaker 3: be happy again. And if our kids experience the range
Speaker 3: of things that come their way, and they know that
Speaker 3: they have someone sort of sitting by their side. They
Speaker 3: end up in this relationship that is securely attached and
Speaker 3: it's not like one and done and if it didn't.
Speaker 3: You know, that's the thing that I think is the
Speaker 3: trickiest is feeling like I'm responsible for my child's constant happiness.
Speaker 3: I have to feel ashamed if I wasn't there for
Speaker 3: every moment or if I couldn't fix that feeling, which
Speaker 3: you can't, as you know. And I think sometimes people
Speaker 3: feel like they're maybe better or worse at different stages,
Speaker 3: and so there's you know, like this assumption that we're
Speaker 3: going to kind of know what to do, like the
Speaker 3: idea that you do come home from the hospital and
Speaker 3: you're just like, okay, I guess I just feel like
Speaker 3: in adulthood this happens all the time. Like I remember
Speaker 3: just the first time I was, you know, in my
Speaker 3: twenties and I had my own apartment and I was like, wait,
Speaker 3: I can just decide what I'm doing. I can open
Speaker 3: a bottle of wine. Like there were things that I
Speaker 3: still was like I'm going to It's bizarre, And now
Speaker 3: like that I'm the last, you know, person in charge
Speaker 3: of whatever, and there's nobody that I'm supposed to ask
Speaker 3: and I can make a decision.
Speaker 4: I'm still kind of like, is that okay?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 3: And so the idea that you're just like in charge
Speaker 3: of raising a whole human being or more is really
Speaker 3: daunted and we all kind of think everybody else knows.
Speaker 4: We don't know.
Speaker 2: The next clip is from doctor Daniel Aman, who talks
Speaker 2: about the importance of presence and emotional connection. He talks
Speaker 2: about this special time technique, which is the importance of
Speaker 2: twenty minutes a day of uninterrupted physical time with children
Speaker 2: plus active listening. He talks about the need to set firm,
Speaker 2: loving boundaries with consistent follow through and small intentional actions
Speaker 2: that make a big difference in connection.
Speaker 1: If you want to have influence with your children, if
Speaker 1: you want them to seriously consider your values, they have
Speaker 1: to be connected with them. And what does that take?
Speaker 1: Time Like actual physical time where you're not on your phone,
Speaker 1: but you put the phone away and you spend twenty
Speaker 1: minutes a day with a child. So there's an exercise
Speaker 1: I talk about in the book that I love so
Speaker 1: much that you know all the things I've recommended to
Speaker 1: my patients over the last forty five years. When I
Speaker 1: decided to be a psychiatrist forty five years ago. Special time,
Speaker 1: it's magic and twenty minutes a day. Do something with
Speaker 1: your child. Child wants to do that's reasonable, you can
Speaker 1: do in twenty minutes. So it's like, not take me
Speaker 1: to Nordstroms. And during that time, no commands, no questions,
Speaker 1: no directions, It's just time to be together. And it's
Speaker 1: money in the relational bank. And I remember when I
Speaker 1: first figured this out. My literary agent had a child
Speaker 1: later in life. We were talking on the phone and
Speaker 1: he's like, my daughter, Laura doesn't want to have anything
Speaker 1: to do with me, and she's two, and he said,
Speaker 1: that's like a girl thing, right, a mother daughter thing.
Speaker 1: They don't want anything. I'm like, no, Carl, you're ignoring her.
Speaker 1: What what do you mean I'm ignoring I'm like, you're
Speaker 1: ignoring her. Do this and he said that won't work.
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, great, you represent an idiot. My own
Speaker 1: literary agent won't do what I say.
Speaker 2: Do it.
Speaker 1: In fact, I'm going to put you in my schedule
Speaker 1: for three weeks. I'm going to call you get the
Speaker 1: party started, and so three weeks go by, I call
Speaker 1: them up, Carl Daniel, she won't leave me alone. As
Speaker 1: soon as I walk in the door, she grabs my
Speaker 1: leg and wants her time. All she wants to do
Speaker 1: is be with me. I'm like, that's a problem. That's
Speaker 1: what we want, right, that's what we're after. So actual
Speaker 1: physical time. And now parents are so busy they're not
Speaker 1: spending this one on one alone time listening. So that's
Speaker 1: the second part of it. So time, actual physical cold time,
Speaker 1: and shut up. It's so important. You love them so
Speaker 1: much you want to pour all of your knowledge, all
Speaker 1: of your wisdom that you worked your whole life on
Speaker 1: and downloaded into their head. Don't do that, listen to them.
Speaker 1: And therapists learn this technique called active listening that whenever
Speaker 1: someone says something, you don't interrupt and tell them how
Speaker 1: to think. You repeat it back, and you listen for
Speaker 1: the feelings behind the words. So if my son came
Speaker 1: home and said, Dad, I want to have blue hair,
Speaker 1: I don't know what your father would have said, but
Speaker 1: I know what mine would have said. No, when el,
Speaker 1: as long as you live in this house, so you
Speaker 1: can have blue air.
Speaker 2: But what does that do?
Speaker 1: It just stops the conversation, or it starts to fight.
Speaker 1: Active listening teaches you repeat back what you hear, Oh,
Speaker 1: you want to have blue hair, and then be quiet
Speaker 1: long enough for them to like explain what's really going on.
Speaker 1: And he might say, all the kids are wearing their
Speaker 1: hair blue. Now, I've been to a school. I know
Speaker 1: not everybody's blue headed. And if I would have said
Speaker 1: that to my dad, I don't know what your dad
Speaker 1: would have said. I don't care what anybody else is doing.
Speaker 1: As long as you live in this house, you're not
Speaker 1: going to have blue hair. If they're going to jump
Speaker 1: off a bridge or you going with them, that one
Speaker 1: for you.
Speaker 2: I've had that plenty of guys.
Speaker 1: And what does it do? Stops the conversation or it
Speaker 1: starts a bite, sounds like you want to be like
Speaker 1: the other kids. Completely different conversation. But that's and he
Speaker 1: might say, Dad, you know sometimes I feel like I
Speaker 1: don't fit in. Now, my mother would have said, what
Speaker 1: do you mean you don't fit in? Of course you
Speaker 1: fit in. You're a good boy, you're a good looking boy,
Speaker 1: you're a nice boy. And that's not helpful either. What's
Speaker 1: as helpful as so sometimes you feel like you don't
Speaker 1: and then give it a breath. So they're the one
Speaker 1: solving their problem. Now. At the end of half an hour,
Speaker 1: he says, I still want to have blue hair, and
Speaker 1: I tell them no, where in hell as long as
Speaker 1: my house, because it's not cool to look weird. I mean,
Speaker 1: if you look where, you're going to hang out with
Speaker 1: weird people. Right, It's okay to have boundaries around behavior.
Speaker 1: Some parents they have like no boundaries, and I think
Speaker 1: some boundaries are appropriate.
Speaker 2: What does loving discipline look like? Because I think it's
Speaker 2: it sounds good like we were all like, yeah, I
Speaker 2: would love to be disciplined, but I'd love to be loving.
Speaker 2: And often we don't even figure out what that means
Speaker 2: in the workplace, let alone with kids. We're either loving
Speaker 2: or disciplined, but we're not.
Speaker 1: I think it should be both. What does it look like, Well,
Speaker 1: you know, we haven't gotten to rules. I think families
Speaker 1: should have them. Anxiety has rules, so like tell the truth,
Speaker 1: so do it, mom, And I'd say the first time.
Speaker 1: I love that rule because you know your chance of
Speaker 1: abusing the child. If you tell a child to do
Speaker 1: something five times your chance of abusing that child just
Speaker 1: went up significantly, and so if you have the expectation
Speaker 1: they'll do things the first time, it's like, Caitlina, you know,
Speaker 1: I want you to take out the trash like in
Speaker 1: the next half hour. And if she doesn't, it's like, sweetheart,
Speaker 1: you have a choice. You can take it out now,
Speaker 1: or you can have this consequence and then you can
Speaker 1: take it out. I don't care. It's up to you.
Speaker 1: And I love that part of not being attached to it.
Speaker 1: I love her. I'm really clear, and she's gotten that
Speaker 1: consequence if she doesn't move, stop threatening them and then
Speaker 1: not following through, because you teach them that you have
Speaker 1: to tell them and get angry and be a bit
Speaker 1: crazy in order for them to do what you ask
Speaker 1: them to do.
Speaker 2: And I like the rules and rhythms and routines. I
Speaker 2: remember in my home after dinner, me and my sister
Speaker 2: were clean up and we had a little rotor of
Speaker 2: who washed up that day and who cleaned the table
Speaker 2: that day, and it was just something that went around
Speaker 2: every day. We take it in turns and my sister
Speaker 2: was four years younger than me, and we just do
Speaker 2: it together, and it became this thing that we just
Speaker 2: did and it became natural, became a habit, and it
Speaker 2: made us accountable and responsible to each other as well
Speaker 2: as well as our parents. And it was a really
Speaker 2: neat way of kind of giving us that rules. And
Speaker 2: you know, I think sometimes we think of rules as
Speaker 2: like strict rules and guidelines, but actually it can be
Speaker 2: just a rhythm and a routine.
Speaker 1: And it building competence and skill and you're part of
Speaker 1: the family rather than you're entitled to live in that family. Yeah. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And the earlier you start, the better it is. For kids.
Speaker 1: I mean, it's it's hard if you not spend any
Speaker 1: time with children. By the time they're fourteen, their friends
Speaker 1: are more important than you are. And that's the heartbreaking
Speaker 1: thing I've learned is if you're not spending time with them,
Speaker 1: their friends will take your place, and they may not
Speaker 1: have the advice, they may not have the right ear
Speaker 1: for you, and it makes them more vulnerable to all
Speaker 1: the scary stuff that's on social media.
Speaker 2: You're about to hear from Kim Kardashian, And this is
Speaker 2: really about parenting in the public eye. Now, you may
Speaker 2: not have a life in the public eye, but you
Speaker 2: may wonder what other parents think about you. You may
Speaker 2: feel judged about what family members think about how you parent,
Speaker 2: and we all feel like we live in this bubble
Speaker 2: of people's constant opinions, expectations, and obligations of what a
Speaker 2: good parent should look like. In this segment, you will
Speaker 2: hear about how Kim balances career, fame, and raising grounded kids.
Speaker 2: She talks a lot about overcoming mom guilt and being
Speaker 2: present with their kids even with a busy schedule and
Speaker 2: a busy work life. I think this is something a
Speaker 2: lot of you may be able to relate to and
Speaker 2: connect with. She also talks about the importance of open
Speaker 2: communication in navigating tough conversations, and she talks about how
Speaker 2: she creates a sense of normalcy despite being in the
Speaker 2: public eye and having such a big brand.
Speaker 5: Mom guilt is probably the hardest thing. I think that
Speaker 5: you have to also separate though, and understand that you
Speaker 5: need your own bit of sanity.
Speaker 4: So you have to do what makes you happy.
Speaker 5: You have to working. For me, I love working, so
Speaker 5: that makes me happy. Anytime I think something's really hard,
Speaker 5: I dive into work or if there's challenges, like I
Speaker 5: love to dive into my work, and that's like a
Speaker 5: bit of my therapy and my routine to keep me going.
Speaker 5: But I think, you know, I have chats with my
Speaker 5: girlfriends when our kids are having tantrums and there could
Speaker 5: be things going on that we don't even know about,
Speaker 5: and you feel like you're the worst mom if something's
Speaker 5: going on and you can't fix it, you have no
Speaker 5: idea how to change it. Your kids are fighting whatever
Speaker 5: it is, and my friends and I will text each
Speaker 5: other and be like in tears, literally locking ourselves in
Speaker 5: the room like away from a kid having a tantrum.
Speaker 5: When that's not what you should do. You should go
Speaker 5: and lean into them, but sometimes it's so overwhelming. That
Speaker 5: was probably the only time I'd be hard on myself.
Speaker 5: Is am I a good mom? I try to do everything,
Speaker 5: And I think how to balance work with that is
Speaker 5: when you're home being really present. Kids all they want
Speaker 5: is time. They just want your time. You can give
Speaker 5: them all these amazing, big experiences and they'll remember them
Speaker 5: and they're great, but they'll always remember you being present.
Speaker 5: And I think that's just the most most important thing
Speaker 5: in all of your relationships. Think about what a kid wants.
Speaker 5: A kid just wants your time, So why wouldn't everyone
Speaker 5: else you have to kind of treat everyone like that
Speaker 5: if you want these meaningful relationships in your life, and
Speaker 5: you have to be present, and it's okay to feel
Speaker 5: like you are not one hundred percent at being the
Speaker 5: best mom. I say this all the time. There's no manual.
Speaker 5: They do not come with a manual. Everyone's doing the
Speaker 5: best that they can and I just feel so lucky
Speaker 5: that I have a good group of girlfriends and all
Speaker 5: of our kids are experiencing different things from I mean,
Speaker 5: imagine all the things that they divorce, everything that they
Speaker 5: have to go through. We're okay. They will be okay
Speaker 5: and they will feel the love and support and that's
Speaker 5: all you can do. It'll be okay. I'll talk to
Speaker 5: my kids about anything they want to ask me about.
Speaker 5: I am so open and honest with my kids. I
Speaker 5: think that's the only way to be And it could
Speaker 5: be things that they might not understand, and I'll wait
Speaker 5: to find the appropriate time to talk about it. I
Speaker 5: think they grew up seeing the cameras and they grew
Speaker 5: up seeing that even as babies, you know, we'd walk
Speaker 5: out and there'd be paparazzi. So it's not really something
Speaker 5: that they acknowledge. A lot, But you know, my daughter's
Speaker 5: really vocal. She'll tell them when she doesn't want them
Speaker 5: around and to leave her alone and to stop. And
Speaker 5: I'd love that they use their little voices. But they
Speaker 5: also have such a normal life and such a different
Speaker 5: life away from all of that too, And that's why
Speaker 5: I love that my sisters and I all had babies
Speaker 5: at the same time, so they can be with each
Speaker 5: other and have these experiences together.
Speaker 2: What's the biggest lesson you learned from your mom that
Speaker 2: you trying to pass on to the kids.
Speaker 5: I think just how she makes people feel really heard
Speaker 5: and welcomed. She really is the most warm, welcoming person,
Speaker 5: and it's just like her overall. It seems superficial, but
Speaker 5: it's not like her party planning skills. It's not even that,
Speaker 5: it's just the welcomingness of I don't even know if
Speaker 5: these are words I'm saying, like just her ability to
Speaker 5: be so warm and to make everyone feel like they
Speaker 5: were invited here. I'm going to create this special Easter
Speaker 5: dinner with like the things on the table, you know,
Speaker 5: that she had when we were growing.
Speaker 4: Up at my dad's house.
Speaker 5: Like she just has all this like really special nostalgic
Speaker 5: stuff around all the time and always tries to make
Speaker 5: everyone feel so special, but with like a gathering so
Speaker 5: that everyone feels comfortable and can hang around like. She
Speaker 5: just loves people in her space and loves to create
Speaker 5: these memories. And I think that we all got that
Speaker 5: from her, and we will all if I can just
Speaker 5: pass that on to my kids, just the experiences that
Speaker 5: we have as a family, whether we're just sitting in
Speaker 5: our pajamas and hanging out, we make the time to
Speaker 5: be together. And I hope that my kids want to
Speaker 5: make the time to be together when they grow up,
Speaker 5: with their cousins and their aunts and just the whole family.
Speaker 2: I'm sure they will. Yeah, I think sure, Yeah, I
Speaker 2: think you've managed to hold onto it in your entire generation,
Speaker 2: and so yeah, they see that. I think kids mirror
Speaker 2: so much of what they see around them. And I
Speaker 2: remember when I met my wife, her grandma is her
Speaker 2: favorite human on the planet. And it's really interesting how
Speaker 2: when someone you love you know who their favorite human is,
Speaker 2: you automatically start loving them. Yeah, and I wasn't really
Speaker 2: close to my grandparents, but I'm closer to Rady's grandparents,
Speaker 2: like Grandma and I am to my own grandparents because
Speaker 2: you see your love for the person that you love,
Speaker 2: and so I think when your kids see the love
Speaker 2: that you have for your sisters and your cousins and
Speaker 2: your aunts.
Speaker 5: And uncles, and now, if only all my kids can
Speaker 5: love their siblings, that would be amazing. They're in a
Speaker 5: fighting phase.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, and you guys went through that phase.
Speaker 4: I'm just but yeah, it's still going on, never ending.
Speaker 1: That's never going to start.
Speaker 2: This next segment is from Jessica Alba, where she talks
Speaker 2: about motherhood and personal growth. A big part of what
Speaker 2: she shares is how motherhood reshaped her career and priorities.
Speaker 2: Maybe you've just started a new job, maybe you started
Speaker 2: a new side hustle. Maybe you just had your first
Speaker 2: child and everything's changing, or maybe your kids just left
Speaker 2: the home. All of these transitions impact the way we work,
Speaker 2: live and think. It affects our relationship with our spouse,
Speaker 2: our partner, whoever that may be, and it impacts our
Speaker 2: relationship with our work. In this segment, Jessica Albert talks
Speaker 2: about how she teaches her kids resilience, self worth, and
Speaker 2: using success for good. She also talks about how she's
Speaker 2: trying and been able to find balance between her personal
Speaker 2: ambitions and family life. I think this is such an
Speaker 2: important thing that we're all trying to juggle, and it
Speaker 2: will really resonate with you.
Speaker 6: You know. I think because it was such a struggle
Speaker 6: in so hard for my parents. They were young when
Speaker 6: they had me, and every day was a very it
Speaker 6: was a very kind of tumultuous environment, just because they
Speaker 6: were in survival mode every day, struggling to get by.
Speaker 6: And they also didn't have necessarily the maturity or the
Speaker 6: tools to have context like this podcast. Right, There wasn't
Speaker 6: this podcast that my parents were, you know, young, there
Speaker 6: were We live now in a culture where so many,
Speaker 6: so much of the stuff that just wasn't sort of
Speaker 6: serving humanity has been broken down, and there's this generation
Speaker 6: that's sort of thinking through, like I guess sort of like, yes,
Speaker 6: we built these civilizations based off of like necessity, a
Speaker 6: lot of these things that are power and ego driven, right,
Speaker 6: But now we're in a place where it's more about compassion, mindfulness, right, openness,
Speaker 6: and that's how we're going to thrive and and you know,
Speaker 6: continue to thrive as a human race. And and so
Speaker 6: I think, you know, for my kids. I try to
Speaker 6: exemplify whatever that is. And and at the same time,
Speaker 6: you know, they are very aware of my faults, right,
Speaker 6: They're very aware that I, you know, get stressed, and I,
Speaker 6: you know, get irritable, and I don't sleep enough and
Speaker 6: all of those things. But you know, we have a
Speaker 6: we have a dialogue about it, and and you know,
Speaker 6: I try to create a space of compassion obviously for
Speaker 6: for them, but also you know, just for them to
Speaker 6: to sort of like know that I'm trying. I think
Speaker 6: I just wanted peace, and I wanted security, and I
Speaker 6: wanted a sense of financial security to me meant that
Speaker 6: you could then have peace and not be so stressed out.
Speaker 6: I also knew that, like my parents in a lot
Speaker 6: of ways were just sort of like products of certain systems.
Speaker 6: When you have to support a family, how can you
Speaker 6: sort of like get ahead. And they were learning as
Speaker 6: they were going, you know, it's sort of like flying
Speaker 6: the plane and fixing it at the same time. It
Speaker 6: wasn't until I became a parent I think that I
Speaker 6: had I really understood how difficult it was for them
Speaker 6: just being so young and not necessarily having the tools
Speaker 6: and not having you know, they're a setup right to thrive.
Speaker 6: I felt like I had a purpose.
Speaker 4: I didn't know what it was.
Speaker 6: It came from very simple, humble.
Speaker 4: Family.
Speaker 6: What I've done in my life and what i've was
Speaker 6: in no way, shape or form given to me, handed
Speaker 6: to me. I mean, I think, if anything, there was
Speaker 6: nothing but blocks and challenges and walls and reasons why
Speaker 6: I shouldn't dream or even have the audacity to think
Speaker 6: that I could become anything. Every stage of every piece
Speaker 6: of my life, I feel like I'm always looking to
Speaker 6: be better and do better. So when I actually got
Speaker 6: the opportunity to be an actress and I started working
Speaker 6: on a regular basis, I prayed a lot, you know,
Speaker 6: whether it's God or spirit or whatever it is that
Speaker 6: people pray to. I felt like if I could just
Speaker 6: channel like I want to do good. I know I'm
Speaker 6: here to do good. I'm not sure what that end
Speaker 6: goal is, but I promise that if I get any breakthrough,
Speaker 6: I will do good with my success. And I always
Speaker 6: attributed success with being able to do good. And then
Speaker 6: when I became a mom, you know that really my
Speaker 6: sense of self and I would say my insecurities as
Speaker 6: a person over silly things kept me. I think from
Speaker 6: fully realizing my potential before I became a mom, but
Speaker 6: when I became a mom, those insecurities sort of went away.
Speaker 2: I hope you took away a lot of practical, emotional
Speaker 2: advice and insight from this episode, and here are some
Speaker 2: of my takeaways. Parenting isn't about being perfect, It's about
Speaker 2: being present and growing together. I think when we have
Speaker 2: that pressure of perfection, we actually sometimes act out in
Speaker 2: negative ways, even towards children. That pressure of perfection becomes
Speaker 2: why we're angry. Really we're angry at ourselves, but we're
Speaker 2: taking it out on that child. That stress that we
Speaker 2: carry of wanting to be perfect parents and be perfect
Speaker 2: all the time makes us act in ways that we
Speaker 2: don't love afterwards, and we might regret, whether it's setting boundaries,
Speaker 2: building strong connections, or balancing life. Today's insight show we're
Speaker 2: not alone in this journey. Every single person who's a
Speaker 2: parent is struggling with what we've talked about today. It
Speaker 2: doesn't matter how many resources you have, it doesn't matter
Speaker 2: what access you have. Everyone is going through and up
Speaker 2: and down. And I think we can also relate to
Speaker 2: that through having been kids in our lives. If you
Speaker 2: think back to being a child. I'm sure your parents
Speaker 2: had ups and downs. I'm sure they had days, weeks, months,
Speaker 2: and years that we're challenging. It's natural for you to
Speaker 2: do that as well. Sometimes we're trying so hard not
Speaker 2: to be our parents that we end up repeating the
Speaker 2: same mistakes. I hope that this episode resonated with you.
Speaker 2: I hope you'll share it with a parent who needs
Speaker 2: to hear it. I hope you'll listen to it with
Speaker 2: your friends who are parents as well, so you can
Speaker 2: find a space to be vulnerable, open and connect more deeply.
Speaker 2: Thank you so much for listening. If you love this episode,
Speaker 2: you'll enjoy my interview with doctor Daniel Ahman on how
Speaker 2: to change your life by changing your brain.
Speaker 1: If we want to healthy mind, it actually starts with
Speaker 1: a healthy brain. You know. I've had the blessing or
Speaker 1: the curse to scan over a thousand convicted felons and
Speaker 1: over one hundred murderers, and their brains are very damaged.