1 00:00:00,120 --> 00:00:03,920 Speaker 1: The number one health and wellness podcast, Say Set Jay Set. 2 00:00:04,200 --> 00:00:13,159 Speaker 2: Studies show that a child's emotional intelligence and resilience is 3 00:00:13,240 --> 00:00:17,640 Speaker 2: strongly shaped by their parents' approach to discipline and communication, 4 00:00:18,320 --> 00:00:21,080 Speaker 2: But with so much parenting advice out there, it can 5 00:00:21,160 --> 00:00:24,480 Speaker 2: be hard to know what really works. We're judged in 6 00:00:24,600 --> 00:00:27,400 Speaker 2: many roles in our lives, but it seems we're judge 7 00:00:27,440 --> 00:00:31,360 Speaker 2: the most in our roles as parents. There's no handbook 8 00:00:31,400 --> 00:00:35,320 Speaker 2: to parenting, yet we're expected to never make any mistakes. 9 00:00:36,080 --> 00:00:40,599 Speaker 2: Parenting is fulfilling, but challenging. Every stage comes with new lessons. 10 00:00:41,159 --> 00:00:47,160 Speaker 2: Today's guests bring different perspectives, psychologists, experienced parents, and public 11 00:00:47,240 --> 00:00:51,919 Speaker 2: figures balancing family with busy careers. Let's start with one 12 00:00:51,960 --> 00:00:56,920 Speaker 2: of the biggest parenting struggles, discipline. Discipline is about teaching, 13 00:00:57,240 --> 00:01:00,360 Speaker 2: not punishing. It's so important that we know how to 14 00:01:00,440 --> 00:01:04,360 Speaker 2: set boundaries in a way that builds confidence, not fear. 15 00:01:04,959 --> 00:01:09,280 Speaker 2: It's important that we create a safe, supportive environment where 16 00:01:09,400 --> 00:01:13,480 Speaker 2: kids can learn from mistakes. Doctor Eliza Pressman will be 17 00:01:13,600 --> 00:01:17,520 Speaker 2: talking about how discipline is about teaching, not punishing. 18 00:01:18,000 --> 00:01:21,679 Speaker 3: I feel like discipline is so controversial, but I think 19 00:01:21,680 --> 00:01:24,040 Speaker 3: of it as all feelings are welcome, All behaviors are 20 00:01:24,080 --> 00:01:27,480 Speaker 3: not so if I had to sum it up, and 21 00:01:27,600 --> 00:01:30,839 Speaker 3: I think we do think of discipline as punishment versus teaching, 22 00:01:31,040 --> 00:01:35,160 Speaker 3: and it's teaching because it actually influences your growth and development. 23 00:01:35,360 --> 00:01:38,160 Speaker 3: It's not just for my entertainment. Then your kids trust 24 00:01:38,200 --> 00:01:40,280 Speaker 3: you a little bit more and the relationship is stronger. 25 00:01:41,120 --> 00:01:44,040 Speaker 3: But I think the key with discipline is not being 26 00:01:44,120 --> 00:01:48,520 Speaker 3: afraid of how our kids react to it, and having 27 00:01:48,640 --> 00:01:52,760 Speaker 3: the strength of purpose and belief that if they do 28 00:01:53,120 --> 00:01:56,200 Speaker 3: have a negative reaction to it, we can love them 29 00:01:56,200 --> 00:01:57,840 Speaker 3: all the way through it, but we're not going to 30 00:01:58,000 --> 00:02:01,760 Speaker 3: change our minds about it. Because that's where it gets messy, 31 00:02:02,040 --> 00:02:04,360 Speaker 3: is that if we're talking all about how important the 32 00:02:04,400 --> 00:02:08,080 Speaker 3: relationship is and then you have this limit that you set, 33 00:02:08,919 --> 00:02:11,280 Speaker 3: like this is my expectation of you, and your child 34 00:02:11,320 --> 00:02:14,080 Speaker 3: doesn't like it this simply like you know, I take 35 00:02:14,120 --> 00:02:16,320 Speaker 3: the phone away at night or the iPad or whatever, 36 00:02:18,160 --> 00:02:21,799 Speaker 3: and your child is freaking out about it. Then you go, well, 37 00:02:21,880 --> 00:02:25,040 Speaker 3: now I've messed with the relationship, and so I guess 38 00:02:25,080 --> 00:02:28,520 Speaker 3: I should. They're crying and I need to get back 39 00:02:28,560 --> 00:02:31,000 Speaker 3: in there, So okay, I'll give you more time or 40 00:02:31,080 --> 00:02:34,560 Speaker 3: whatever it is. And that's where we get confused. I 41 00:02:34,680 --> 00:02:38,040 Speaker 3: think if parents really understood that feelings aren't dangerous, that 42 00:02:38,160 --> 00:02:40,520 Speaker 3: kids aren't going to say thank you for the boundaries 43 00:02:40,520 --> 00:02:42,799 Speaker 3: and limits that we set, and that we set them 44 00:02:42,840 --> 00:02:47,160 Speaker 3: with the intention of physical and emotional safety about not 45 00:02:47,360 --> 00:02:50,519 Speaker 3: just them but other people. Like we're not just raising 46 00:02:50,600 --> 00:02:53,000 Speaker 3: kids in a vacuum. They have to move through the 47 00:02:53,080 --> 00:02:56,519 Speaker 3: world and think about community and other humans, and so 48 00:02:56,680 --> 00:03:00,440 Speaker 3: what's comfortable for them might not be thoughtful to other people. 49 00:03:00,600 --> 00:03:04,399 Speaker 3: And so it's that balance between be there for yourself 50 00:03:04,520 --> 00:03:07,600 Speaker 3: but also not to the extent that you can't you 51 00:03:07,680 --> 00:03:10,240 Speaker 3: know that you're entitled and don't respect that there are 52 00:03:10,240 --> 00:03:12,359 Speaker 3: other people in the world. I mean, there's three kind 53 00:03:12,400 --> 00:03:16,120 Speaker 3: of parenting styles outside of neglectful, which is not you know, 54 00:03:16,240 --> 00:03:18,880 Speaker 3: that's a whole other thing. But there's like the permissive, 55 00:03:19,360 --> 00:03:21,840 Speaker 3: which is best friend parenting, and it is so sensitive. 56 00:03:21,919 --> 00:03:23,240 Speaker 3: They do like you and you can play as many 57 00:03:23,280 --> 00:03:26,640 Speaker 3: video games as you want and all that's great, except 58 00:03:26,760 --> 00:03:30,200 Speaker 3: for it you have no nobody's steering the ship, and 59 00:03:30,360 --> 00:03:33,760 Speaker 3: so it actually can lead to anxiety and depression and 60 00:03:33,919 --> 00:03:37,880 Speaker 3: a sense that you are too responsible for things. And 61 00:03:38,000 --> 00:03:41,160 Speaker 3: the other side of it is authoritarian, where it's fear 62 00:03:41,200 --> 00:03:43,200 Speaker 3: based and it's just rules and it's just because I 63 00:03:43,280 --> 00:03:45,520 Speaker 3: said so, but without the like, I know you really 64 00:03:45,600 --> 00:03:48,440 Speaker 3: love doing this, and I wouldn't stop you from doing 65 00:03:48,520 --> 00:03:50,280 Speaker 3: it if I didn't know that it was better for 66 00:03:50,360 --> 00:03:54,640 Speaker 3: your brain or whatever. So that's the middle path of 67 00:03:54,760 --> 00:03:58,600 Speaker 3: like authoritative where you're sensitive but you stick with your 68 00:03:58,640 --> 00:04:02,040 Speaker 3: limits and boundaries because you know that that's going to 69 00:04:02,080 --> 00:04:04,960 Speaker 3: benefit your kids. Even when you have limits and rules, 70 00:04:06,120 --> 00:04:08,960 Speaker 3: you want your kids to know, as you're describing your mom, 71 00:04:09,200 --> 00:04:13,240 Speaker 3: that they have you, so if you do mess up, 72 00:04:14,400 --> 00:04:17,560 Speaker 3: you can still go to them instead of being terrified. 73 00:04:17,920 --> 00:04:20,040 Speaker 3: And so that's this weird thing where it's like, here 74 00:04:20,080 --> 00:04:24,200 Speaker 3: are my expectations. Also, I want to name the fact 75 00:04:24,200 --> 00:04:26,920 Speaker 3: that you're going to blow it sometimes, and I want 76 00:04:26,960 --> 00:04:29,680 Speaker 3: to be the person you come to, and that's something 77 00:04:29,760 --> 00:04:32,479 Speaker 3: to say, not when they're struggling. And I think part 78 00:04:32,520 --> 00:04:34,160 Speaker 3: of the reason why it's hard to get kids to 79 00:04:34,200 --> 00:04:35,720 Speaker 3: open up is because we try to get in there 80 00:04:35,800 --> 00:04:38,960 Speaker 3: when they're in the center of the struggle instead of 81 00:04:39,080 --> 00:04:42,800 Speaker 3: like building the vocabulary and connection outside of it. So 82 00:04:42,920 --> 00:04:47,480 Speaker 3: you have the conversations and you give the language when 83 00:04:47,560 --> 00:04:50,600 Speaker 3: nobody's in the heat of the moment, so that when 84 00:04:50,600 --> 00:04:54,640 Speaker 3: the heat of the moment comes, they already know that 85 00:04:54,760 --> 00:04:56,720 Speaker 3: they can come to you and you can just say 86 00:04:56,760 --> 00:04:59,800 Speaker 3: to them, I can tell something's going on, I'm here 87 00:05:00,160 --> 00:05:04,400 Speaker 3: ever or if ever, and then just leave space. A 88 00:05:04,480 --> 00:05:06,840 Speaker 3: lot of times doing something with a kid who's not 89 00:05:06,960 --> 00:05:11,400 Speaker 3: opening up, like going for a drive even so that 90 00:05:11,480 --> 00:05:15,200 Speaker 3: you're not looking at each other. And you know, I 91 00:05:15,320 --> 00:05:17,720 Speaker 3: can't think of any sport right now because I'm not 92 00:05:18,120 --> 00:05:22,839 Speaker 3: super sporty, but you know, like playing I'm like, what is. 93 00:05:22,839 --> 00:05:24,680 Speaker 4: It called when one does a game with someone? 94 00:05:25,000 --> 00:05:25,080 Speaker 2: Now? 95 00:05:25,400 --> 00:05:29,080 Speaker 4: Thank you? So you go play pickleball. You're playing pickleball. 96 00:05:29,200 --> 00:05:30,000 Speaker 4: It's going to come up. 97 00:05:30,520 --> 00:05:35,800 Speaker 3: But you want to just like put little tiny moments 98 00:05:35,960 --> 00:05:40,040 Speaker 3: where you say, I'm askable, I'm tellable, and I'm not 99 00:05:40,200 --> 00:05:42,280 Speaker 3: going to say anything. And one of the things that 100 00:05:42,480 --> 00:05:45,160 Speaker 3: helps is that when your kids do tell you something, 101 00:05:46,200 --> 00:05:48,680 Speaker 3: you say thank you for telling me before you have 102 00:05:48,800 --> 00:05:52,760 Speaker 3: any other reaction, and that may be your only reaction, 103 00:05:53,200 --> 00:05:55,640 Speaker 3: and then you give them a little space and then 104 00:05:55,680 --> 00:05:59,920 Speaker 3: you say, is there anything I can do with younger kids? 105 00:06:00,040 --> 00:06:02,279 Speaker 3: You want to be This is going to sound ridiculous 106 00:06:02,279 --> 00:06:04,400 Speaker 3: if you don't think about animals this way, but I do, 107 00:06:04,760 --> 00:06:07,360 Speaker 3: So tell me if it resonates, but you kind of 108 00:06:07,400 --> 00:06:09,600 Speaker 3: want to be a dog. You're wagging your tail when 109 00:06:09,600 --> 00:06:12,000 Speaker 3: you're excited to see them. You're always there and you're 110 00:06:12,040 --> 00:06:15,880 Speaker 3: like really enthusiastic, and they need that. But then as 111 00:06:15,960 --> 00:06:19,520 Speaker 3: they get older, imagine you're eleven to twenty five year 112 00:06:19,520 --> 00:06:23,240 Speaker 3: old self, you need to be a cat. So you're 113 00:06:23,360 --> 00:06:27,000 Speaker 3: like a little You're there, you're always around, you're not 114 00:06:27,600 --> 00:06:32,000 Speaker 3: you might you're touching their feet, like you're not overly 115 00:06:32,480 --> 00:06:36,680 Speaker 3: on top of them. But if they're interested, they can 116 00:06:36,760 --> 00:06:39,880 Speaker 3: come to you, but you're not going anywhere. So it's 117 00:06:40,080 --> 00:06:43,680 Speaker 3: like it's this safe thing where you're there for them, 118 00:06:43,960 --> 00:06:48,000 Speaker 3: but it's it's not so intense. And then they have 119 00:06:48,160 --> 00:06:50,640 Speaker 3: the opportunity to open up a little bit, and when 120 00:06:50,680 --> 00:06:52,839 Speaker 3: they do, you don't pounce like a dog. You stay 121 00:06:52,880 --> 00:06:57,720 Speaker 3: a cat who's like welcoming the information, but not you know, saying, 122 00:06:58,000 --> 00:07:00,360 Speaker 3: oh my god. And then you know, because you don't 123 00:07:00,400 --> 00:07:04,039 Speaker 3: want your kids to think you can't handle my truth, 124 00:07:04,640 --> 00:07:06,599 Speaker 3: so I'm not you're not the person to tell. 125 00:07:06,680 --> 00:07:08,720 Speaker 2: Yeah, And I feel that's the hardest time to be 126 00:07:08,880 --> 00:07:11,840 Speaker 2: the cat, because you're scared about them getting involved in 127 00:07:11,880 --> 00:07:15,560 Speaker 2: the worst, worst things, like whether it's drugs or you know, 128 00:07:16,040 --> 00:07:19,280 Speaker 2: addiction to social media or getting involved in the wrong circles, 129 00:07:19,400 --> 00:07:21,280 Speaker 2: Like that's the age at which it's going to happen. 130 00:07:21,400 --> 00:07:22,200 Speaker 4: Yeah, it's terrifying. 131 00:07:22,280 --> 00:07:24,080 Speaker 2: So yeah, it's terrifying. So they're not and they're getting 132 00:07:24,080 --> 00:07:26,200 Speaker 2: a driver's license. They can drink now, you know, as 133 00:07:26,320 --> 00:07:28,400 Speaker 2: you know, as they get older, it's like it's almost 134 00:07:28,440 --> 00:07:30,040 Speaker 2: like those are the times where you want to be 135 00:07:30,240 --> 00:07:33,960 Speaker 2: more hands on and you are fit. 136 00:07:34,080 --> 00:07:37,520 Speaker 3: That's why I say you're physically present, Like I think 137 00:07:37,800 --> 00:07:42,080 Speaker 3: toddlers and teenagers need you more present than anybody. But 138 00:07:42,200 --> 00:07:45,000 Speaker 3: we think teenagers are like off on their own and whatever. 139 00:07:45,200 --> 00:07:47,960 Speaker 3: But you're home, like if they're going to a party, 140 00:07:48,760 --> 00:07:51,280 Speaker 3: you're home to greet them and look into their eyes, 141 00:07:51,760 --> 00:07:53,680 Speaker 3: so you don't need to ask if they've been drinking, 142 00:07:53,760 --> 00:07:55,960 Speaker 3: because you will know when you hug them and look 143 00:07:56,000 --> 00:07:58,840 Speaker 3: in their eyes, and you can have a conversation in 144 00:07:58,920 --> 00:08:01,680 Speaker 3: a different kind of way. Then if you're sort of 145 00:08:01,920 --> 00:08:06,440 Speaker 3: like I'm out, you're out, you're older, you know, take 146 00:08:06,480 --> 00:08:09,800 Speaker 3: an uber, don't drive drunk. I'll see you tomorrow. So 147 00:08:09,960 --> 00:08:14,320 Speaker 3: I think your presence is important. But the sense that 148 00:08:14,400 --> 00:08:17,520 Speaker 3: you're like kind of all over them verbally has you 149 00:08:17,600 --> 00:08:20,480 Speaker 3: have to pull back a little bit, and it's terrifying. 150 00:08:20,880 --> 00:08:24,120 Speaker 3: But if you've cultivated the relationship and you've set the 151 00:08:24,280 --> 00:08:30,000 Speaker 3: expectations from you know, about substances and social media and whatever, 152 00:08:30,960 --> 00:08:34,920 Speaker 3: it's easier. But when something's really bothering them, what they 153 00:08:35,040 --> 00:08:37,520 Speaker 3: need is to know that they don't have to explain 154 00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:40,360 Speaker 3: it and they can just come to you and be sad. 155 00:08:41,480 --> 00:08:45,880 Speaker 3: Attachment relationships are dynamic, so you aren't just like it 156 00:08:46,040 --> 00:08:48,240 Speaker 3: used to be. We used to think, like, you know, 157 00:08:48,440 --> 00:08:53,000 Speaker 3: you have a baby, you develop the secure attachment. It's 158 00:08:53,080 --> 00:08:55,840 Speaker 3: like a bond and that's it. But we know now 159 00:08:55,960 --> 00:08:58,240 Speaker 3: it's dynamic, and so if you have a five year 160 00:08:58,280 --> 00:08:59,959 Speaker 3: old or a sixteen year old or a thirty five 161 00:09:00,160 --> 00:09:04,240 Speaker 3: year old, you can still grow that healthy attachment relationship, 162 00:09:04,400 --> 00:09:07,640 Speaker 3: So you can change. Our job is not to fix, 163 00:09:08,320 --> 00:09:12,040 Speaker 3: it's to be there, and that's what secure attachment is. 164 00:09:12,120 --> 00:09:15,280 Speaker 3: Even in your adult relationships, it's like, who can sit 165 00:09:15,400 --> 00:09:19,680 Speaker 3: with me through all of these experiences, through these feelings, 166 00:09:20,040 --> 00:09:24,760 Speaker 3: because the idea of being happy isn't really about always 167 00:09:24,840 --> 00:09:28,400 Speaker 3: being happy. It's about knowing you can come back from 168 00:09:29,120 --> 00:09:31,520 Speaker 3: whatever it is that you're going through and you will 169 00:09:31,600 --> 00:09:34,959 Speaker 3: be happy again. And if our kids experience the range 170 00:09:35,040 --> 00:09:37,800 Speaker 3: of things that come their way, and they know that 171 00:09:37,880 --> 00:09:41,079 Speaker 3: they have someone sort of sitting by their side. They 172 00:09:41,679 --> 00:09:45,920 Speaker 3: end up in this relationship that is securely attached and 173 00:09:46,040 --> 00:09:50,079 Speaker 3: it's not like one and done and if it didn't. 174 00:09:50,160 --> 00:09:52,240 Speaker 3: You know, that's the thing that I think is the 175 00:09:52,320 --> 00:09:56,920 Speaker 3: trickiest is feeling like I'm responsible for my child's constant happiness. 176 00:09:57,640 --> 00:10:00,400 Speaker 3: I have to feel ashamed if I wasn't there for 177 00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:03,040 Speaker 3: every moment or if I couldn't fix that feeling, which 178 00:10:03,679 --> 00:10:06,720 Speaker 3: you can't, as you know. And I think sometimes people 179 00:10:06,760 --> 00:10:09,320 Speaker 3: feel like they're maybe better or worse at different stages, 180 00:10:10,200 --> 00:10:13,559 Speaker 3: and so there's you know, like this assumption that we're 181 00:10:13,559 --> 00:10:15,599 Speaker 3: going to kind of know what to do, like the 182 00:10:15,760 --> 00:10:17,920 Speaker 3: idea that you do come home from the hospital and 183 00:10:18,080 --> 00:10:23,480 Speaker 3: you're just like, okay, I guess I just feel like 184 00:10:23,559 --> 00:10:25,920 Speaker 3: in adulthood this happens all the time. Like I remember 185 00:10:26,800 --> 00:10:29,280 Speaker 3: just the first time I was, you know, in my 186 00:10:29,400 --> 00:10:31,839 Speaker 3: twenties and I had my own apartment and I was like, wait, 187 00:10:32,160 --> 00:10:35,720 Speaker 3: I can just decide what I'm doing. I can open 188 00:10:35,760 --> 00:10:37,640 Speaker 3: a bottle of wine. Like there were things that I 189 00:10:37,840 --> 00:10:41,000 Speaker 3: still was like I'm going to It's bizarre, And now 190 00:10:41,240 --> 00:10:44,160 Speaker 3: like that I'm the last, you know, person in charge 191 00:10:44,200 --> 00:10:46,480 Speaker 3: of whatever, and there's nobody that I'm supposed to ask 192 00:10:46,559 --> 00:10:47,559 Speaker 3: and I can make a decision. 193 00:10:47,960 --> 00:10:50,520 Speaker 4: I'm still kind of like, is that okay? 194 00:10:50,960 --> 00:10:51,200 Speaker 1: Yeah? 195 00:10:51,360 --> 00:10:54,000 Speaker 3: And so the idea that you're just like in charge 196 00:10:54,040 --> 00:10:58,439 Speaker 3: of raising a whole human being or more is really 197 00:10:59,600 --> 00:11:03,800 Speaker 3: daunted and we all kind of think everybody else knows. 198 00:11:05,120 --> 00:11:05,559 Speaker 4: We don't know. 199 00:11:06,040 --> 00:11:09,560 Speaker 2: The next clip is from doctor Daniel Aman, who talks 200 00:11:09,600 --> 00:11:14,160 Speaker 2: about the importance of presence and emotional connection. He talks 201 00:11:14,200 --> 00:11:17,959 Speaker 2: about this special time technique, which is the importance of 202 00:11:18,080 --> 00:11:22,360 Speaker 2: twenty minutes a day of uninterrupted physical time with children 203 00:11:22,760 --> 00:11:26,319 Speaker 2: plus active listening. He talks about the need to set firm, 204 00:11:26,679 --> 00:11:32,920 Speaker 2: loving boundaries with consistent follow through and small intentional actions 205 00:11:33,280 --> 00:11:35,400 Speaker 2: that make a big difference in connection. 206 00:11:35,960 --> 00:11:39,480 Speaker 1: If you want to have influence with your children, if 207 00:11:39,520 --> 00:11:44,400 Speaker 1: you want them to seriously consider your values, they have 208 00:11:44,559 --> 00:11:47,240 Speaker 1: to be connected with them. And what does that take? 209 00:11:47,880 --> 00:11:52,560 Speaker 1: Time Like actual physical time where you're not on your phone, 210 00:11:53,440 --> 00:11:56,440 Speaker 1: but you put the phone away and you spend twenty 211 00:11:56,520 --> 00:11:59,600 Speaker 1: minutes a day with a child. So there's an exercise 212 00:11:59,640 --> 00:12:02,360 Speaker 1: I talk about in the book that I love so 213 00:12:02,640 --> 00:12:07,040 Speaker 1: much that you know all the things I've recommended to 214 00:12:07,120 --> 00:12:09,839 Speaker 1: my patients over the last forty five years. When I 215 00:12:09,960 --> 00:12:13,640 Speaker 1: decided to be a psychiatrist forty five years ago. Special time, 216 00:12:14,040 --> 00:12:19,079 Speaker 1: it's magic and twenty minutes a day. Do something with 217 00:12:19,160 --> 00:12:22,560 Speaker 1: your child. Child wants to do that's reasonable, you can 218 00:12:22,600 --> 00:12:24,439 Speaker 1: do in twenty minutes. So it's like, not take me 219 00:12:24,559 --> 00:12:31,040 Speaker 1: to Nordstroms. And during that time, no commands, no questions, 220 00:12:31,320 --> 00:12:36,520 Speaker 1: no directions, It's just time to be together. And it's 221 00:12:36,760 --> 00:12:41,079 Speaker 1: money in the relational bank. And I remember when I 222 00:12:41,200 --> 00:12:47,679 Speaker 1: first figured this out. My literary agent had a child 223 00:12:47,840 --> 00:12:50,480 Speaker 1: later in life. We were talking on the phone and 224 00:12:50,559 --> 00:12:53,520 Speaker 1: he's like, my daughter, Laura doesn't want to have anything 225 00:12:53,559 --> 00:12:56,400 Speaker 1: to do with me, and she's two, and he said, 226 00:12:56,480 --> 00:12:59,480 Speaker 1: that's like a girl thing, right, a mother daughter thing. 227 00:12:59,559 --> 00:13:02,240 Speaker 1: They don't want anything. I'm like, no, Carl, you're ignoring her. 228 00:13:02,360 --> 00:13:04,640 Speaker 1: What what do you mean I'm ignoring I'm like, you're 229 00:13:04,679 --> 00:13:09,360 Speaker 1: ignoring her. Do this and he said that won't work. 230 00:13:10,040 --> 00:13:13,360 Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, great, you represent an idiot. My own 231 00:13:13,559 --> 00:13:15,520 Speaker 1: literary agent won't do what I say. 232 00:13:16,280 --> 00:13:16,559 Speaker 2: Do it. 233 00:13:16,920 --> 00:13:19,200 Speaker 1: In fact, I'm going to put you in my schedule 234 00:13:19,559 --> 00:13:21,719 Speaker 1: for three weeks. I'm going to call you get the 235 00:13:21,800 --> 00:13:25,839 Speaker 1: party started, and so three weeks go by, I call 236 00:13:25,920 --> 00:13:31,720 Speaker 1: them up, Carl Daniel, she won't leave me alone. As 237 00:13:31,760 --> 00:13:34,040 Speaker 1: soon as I walk in the door, she grabs my 238 00:13:34,200 --> 00:13:37,360 Speaker 1: leg and wants her time. All she wants to do 239 00:13:37,960 --> 00:13:42,160 Speaker 1: is be with me. I'm like, that's a problem. That's 240 00:13:42,200 --> 00:13:46,440 Speaker 1: what we want, right, that's what we're after. So actual 241 00:13:46,600 --> 00:13:51,599 Speaker 1: physical time. And now parents are so busy they're not 242 00:13:52,280 --> 00:13:56,840 Speaker 1: spending this one on one alone time listening. So that's 243 00:13:56,880 --> 00:14:00,520 Speaker 1: the second part of it. So time, actual physical cold time, 244 00:14:01,280 --> 00:14:06,079 Speaker 1: and shut up. It's so important. You love them so 245 00:14:06,320 --> 00:14:09,840 Speaker 1: much you want to pour all of your knowledge, all 246 00:14:09,880 --> 00:14:12,800 Speaker 1: of your wisdom that you worked your whole life on 247 00:14:13,920 --> 00:14:18,000 Speaker 1: and downloaded into their head. Don't do that, listen to them. 248 00:14:18,160 --> 00:14:23,240 Speaker 1: And therapists learn this technique called active listening that whenever 249 00:14:23,640 --> 00:14:27,080 Speaker 1: someone says something, you don't interrupt and tell them how 250 00:14:27,120 --> 00:14:32,040 Speaker 1: to think. You repeat it back, and you listen for 251 00:14:32,200 --> 00:14:36,560 Speaker 1: the feelings behind the words. So if my son came 252 00:14:36,640 --> 00:14:38,560 Speaker 1: home and said, Dad, I want to have blue hair, 253 00:14:39,440 --> 00:14:41,600 Speaker 1: I don't know what your father would have said, but 254 00:14:41,720 --> 00:14:44,560 Speaker 1: I know what mine would have said. No, when el, 255 00:14:44,600 --> 00:14:46,120 Speaker 1: as long as you live in this house, so you 256 00:14:46,200 --> 00:14:47,040 Speaker 1: can have blue air. 257 00:14:47,640 --> 00:14:48,400 Speaker 2: But what does that do? 258 00:14:49,560 --> 00:14:53,640 Speaker 1: It just stops the conversation, or it starts to fight. 259 00:14:54,040 --> 00:14:57,880 Speaker 1: Active listening teaches you repeat back what you hear, Oh, 260 00:14:57,960 --> 00:15:00,720 Speaker 1: you want to have blue hair, and then be quiet 261 00:15:01,080 --> 00:15:05,560 Speaker 1: long enough for them to like explain what's really going on. 262 00:15:06,480 --> 00:15:09,480 Speaker 1: And he might say, all the kids are wearing their 263 00:15:09,520 --> 00:15:12,720 Speaker 1: hair blue. Now, I've been to a school. I know 264 00:15:12,880 --> 00:15:16,600 Speaker 1: not everybody's blue headed. And if I would have said 265 00:15:16,640 --> 00:15:18,200 Speaker 1: that to my dad, I don't know what your dad 266 00:15:18,240 --> 00:15:21,000 Speaker 1: would have said. I don't care what anybody else is doing. 267 00:15:21,040 --> 00:15:22,840 Speaker 1: As long as you live in this house, you're not 268 00:15:22,920 --> 00:15:25,200 Speaker 1: going to have blue hair. If they're going to jump 269 00:15:25,240 --> 00:15:27,920 Speaker 1: off a bridge or you going with them, that one 270 00:15:28,000 --> 00:15:28,200 Speaker 1: for you. 271 00:15:28,280 --> 00:15:29,680 Speaker 2: I've had that plenty of guys. 272 00:15:29,960 --> 00:15:34,600 Speaker 1: And what does it do? Stops the conversation or it 273 00:15:34,720 --> 00:15:38,240 Speaker 1: starts a bite, sounds like you want to be like 274 00:15:38,360 --> 00:15:44,000 Speaker 1: the other kids. Completely different conversation. But that's and he 275 00:15:44,160 --> 00:15:46,240 Speaker 1: might say, Dad, you know sometimes I feel like I 276 00:15:46,320 --> 00:15:48,880 Speaker 1: don't fit in. Now, my mother would have said, what 277 00:15:48,920 --> 00:15:50,360 Speaker 1: do you mean you don't fit in? Of course you 278 00:15:50,440 --> 00:15:52,480 Speaker 1: fit in. You're a good boy, you're a good looking boy, 279 00:15:52,600 --> 00:15:56,920 Speaker 1: you're a nice boy. And that's not helpful either. What's 280 00:15:56,960 --> 00:15:59,960 Speaker 1: as helpful as so sometimes you feel like you don't 281 00:16:01,000 --> 00:16:04,880 Speaker 1: and then give it a breath. So they're the one 282 00:16:05,160 --> 00:16:08,640 Speaker 1: solving their problem. Now. At the end of half an hour, 283 00:16:09,040 --> 00:16:10,840 Speaker 1: he says, I still want to have blue hair, and 284 00:16:10,880 --> 00:16:12,360 Speaker 1: I tell them no, where in hell as long as 285 00:16:13,360 --> 00:16:18,000 Speaker 1: my house, because it's not cool to look weird. I mean, 286 00:16:18,040 --> 00:16:19,600 Speaker 1: if you look where, you're going to hang out with 287 00:16:19,680 --> 00:16:25,640 Speaker 1: weird people. Right, It's okay to have boundaries around behavior. 288 00:16:25,760 --> 00:16:29,240 Speaker 1: Some parents they have like no boundaries, and I think 289 00:16:29,440 --> 00:16:31,400 Speaker 1: some boundaries are appropriate. 290 00:16:31,720 --> 00:16:34,800 Speaker 2: What does loving discipline look like? Because I think it's 291 00:16:35,440 --> 00:16:37,040 Speaker 2: it sounds good like we were all like, yeah, I 292 00:16:37,280 --> 00:16:39,160 Speaker 2: would love to be disciplined, but I'd love to be loving. 293 00:16:39,280 --> 00:16:41,640 Speaker 2: And often we don't even figure out what that means 294 00:16:41,680 --> 00:16:44,480 Speaker 2: in the workplace, let alone with kids. We're either loving 295 00:16:44,760 --> 00:16:46,280 Speaker 2: or disciplined, but we're not. 296 00:16:46,320 --> 00:16:50,160 Speaker 1: I think it should be both. What does it look like, Well, 297 00:16:50,240 --> 00:16:53,560 Speaker 1: you know, we haven't gotten to rules. I think families 298 00:16:53,560 --> 00:16:58,080 Speaker 1: should have them. Anxiety has rules, so like tell the truth, 299 00:16:58,680 --> 00:17:01,040 Speaker 1: so do it, mom, And I'd say the first time. 300 00:17:01,240 --> 00:17:04,720 Speaker 1: I love that rule because you know your chance of 301 00:17:04,800 --> 00:17:06,760 Speaker 1: abusing the child. If you tell a child to do 302 00:17:06,880 --> 00:17:10,280 Speaker 1: something five times your chance of abusing that child just 303 00:17:10,400 --> 00:17:14,880 Speaker 1: went up significantly, and so if you have the expectation 304 00:17:15,880 --> 00:17:20,960 Speaker 1: they'll do things the first time, it's like, Caitlina, you know, 305 00:17:21,119 --> 00:17:22,960 Speaker 1: I want you to take out the trash like in 306 00:17:23,080 --> 00:17:27,040 Speaker 1: the next half hour. And if she doesn't, it's like, sweetheart, 307 00:17:27,680 --> 00:17:30,800 Speaker 1: you have a choice. You can take it out now, 308 00:17:32,040 --> 00:17:33,719 Speaker 1: or you can have this consequence and then you can 309 00:17:33,760 --> 00:17:35,399 Speaker 1: take it out. I don't care. It's up to you. 310 00:17:35,920 --> 00:17:39,080 Speaker 1: And I love that part of not being attached to it. 311 00:17:39,960 --> 00:17:43,040 Speaker 1: I love her. I'm really clear, and she's gotten that 312 00:17:43,160 --> 00:17:48,120 Speaker 1: consequence if she doesn't move, stop threatening them and then 313 00:17:48,240 --> 00:17:54,000 Speaker 1: not following through, because you teach them that you have 314 00:17:54,119 --> 00:17:56,520 Speaker 1: to tell them and get angry and be a bit 315 00:17:56,640 --> 00:17:59,080 Speaker 1: crazy in order for them to do what you ask 316 00:17:59,160 --> 00:18:00,240 Speaker 1: them to do. 317 00:18:01,320 --> 00:18:03,800 Speaker 2: And I like the rules and rhythms and routines. I 318 00:18:03,880 --> 00:18:06,960 Speaker 2: remember in my home after dinner, me and my sister 319 00:18:07,000 --> 00:18:08,840 Speaker 2: were clean up and we had a little rotor of 320 00:18:09,240 --> 00:18:11,280 Speaker 2: who washed up that day and who cleaned the table 321 00:18:11,359 --> 00:18:13,520 Speaker 2: that day, and it was just something that went around 322 00:18:13,600 --> 00:18:16,720 Speaker 2: every day. We take it in turns and my sister 323 00:18:16,800 --> 00:18:18,399 Speaker 2: was four years younger than me, and we just do 324 00:18:18,480 --> 00:18:20,280 Speaker 2: it together, and it became this thing that we just 325 00:18:20,359 --> 00:18:23,040 Speaker 2: did and it became natural, became a habit, and it 326 00:18:23,119 --> 00:18:25,680 Speaker 2: made us accountable and responsible to each other as well 327 00:18:26,080 --> 00:18:28,000 Speaker 2: as well as our parents. And it was a really 328 00:18:28,080 --> 00:18:30,720 Speaker 2: neat way of kind of giving us that rules. And 329 00:18:31,119 --> 00:18:32,680 Speaker 2: you know, I think sometimes we think of rules as 330 00:18:32,760 --> 00:18:35,560 Speaker 2: like strict rules and guidelines, but actually it can be 331 00:18:35,760 --> 00:18:37,440 Speaker 2: just a rhythm and a routine. 332 00:18:38,080 --> 00:18:43,040 Speaker 1: And it building competence and skill and you're part of 333 00:18:43,200 --> 00:18:48,880 Speaker 1: the family rather than you're entitled to live in that family. Yeah. Yeah, 334 00:18:49,040 --> 00:18:54,840 Speaker 1: And the earlier you start, the better it is. For kids. 335 00:18:54,880 --> 00:18:57,680 Speaker 1: I mean, it's it's hard if you not spend any 336 00:18:57,720 --> 00:19:00,960 Speaker 1: time with children. By the time they're fourteen, their friends 337 00:19:01,000 --> 00:19:05,120 Speaker 1: are more important than you are. And that's the heartbreaking 338 00:19:05,240 --> 00:19:11,120 Speaker 1: thing I've learned is if you're not spending time with them, 339 00:19:11,400 --> 00:19:15,000 Speaker 1: their friends will take your place, and they may not 340 00:19:15,200 --> 00:19:19,080 Speaker 1: have the advice, they may not have the right ear 341 00:19:20,119 --> 00:19:24,160 Speaker 1: for you, and it makes them more vulnerable to all 342 00:19:24,480 --> 00:19:27,200 Speaker 1: the scary stuff that's on social media. 343 00:19:27,720 --> 00:19:31,680 Speaker 2: You're about to hear from Kim Kardashian, And this is 344 00:19:31,760 --> 00:19:35,240 Speaker 2: really about parenting in the public eye. Now, you may 345 00:19:35,320 --> 00:19:37,000 Speaker 2: not have a life in the public eye, but you 346 00:19:37,119 --> 00:19:39,919 Speaker 2: may wonder what other parents think about you. You may 347 00:19:40,000 --> 00:19:43,560 Speaker 2: feel judged about what family members think about how you parent, 348 00:19:44,119 --> 00:19:46,119 Speaker 2: and we all feel like we live in this bubble 349 00:19:46,160 --> 00:19:51,040 Speaker 2: of people's constant opinions, expectations, and obligations of what a 350 00:19:51,280 --> 00:19:54,520 Speaker 2: good parent should look like. In this segment, you will 351 00:19:54,560 --> 00:19:59,560 Speaker 2: hear about how Kim balances career, fame, and raising grounded kids. 352 00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:03,200 Speaker 2: She talks a lot about overcoming mom guilt and being 353 00:20:03,280 --> 00:20:06,560 Speaker 2: present with their kids even with a busy schedule and 354 00:20:06,680 --> 00:20:08,920 Speaker 2: a busy work life. I think this is something a 355 00:20:08,960 --> 00:20:10,600 Speaker 2: lot of you may be able to relate to and 356 00:20:10,640 --> 00:20:13,720 Speaker 2: connect with. She also talks about the importance of open 357 00:20:13,800 --> 00:20:18,639 Speaker 2: communication in navigating tough conversations, and she talks about how 358 00:20:18,720 --> 00:20:21,879 Speaker 2: she creates a sense of normalcy despite being in the 359 00:20:21,920 --> 00:20:24,720 Speaker 2: public eye and having such a big brand. 360 00:20:25,240 --> 00:20:28,920 Speaker 5: Mom guilt is probably the hardest thing. I think that 361 00:20:29,480 --> 00:20:34,159 Speaker 5: you have to also separate though, and understand that you 362 00:20:34,359 --> 00:20:35,760 Speaker 5: need your own bit of sanity. 363 00:20:36,359 --> 00:20:39,160 Speaker 4: So you have to do what makes you happy. 364 00:20:39,240 --> 00:20:42,159 Speaker 5: You have to working. For me, I love working, so 365 00:20:42,280 --> 00:20:45,560 Speaker 5: that makes me happy. Anytime I think something's really hard, 366 00:20:45,800 --> 00:20:49,520 Speaker 5: I dive into work or if there's challenges, like I 367 00:20:49,680 --> 00:20:51,480 Speaker 5: love to dive into my work, and that's like a 368 00:20:51,560 --> 00:20:54,800 Speaker 5: bit of my therapy and my routine to keep me going. 369 00:20:55,400 --> 00:20:56,760 Speaker 5: But I think, you know, I have chats with my 370 00:20:56,840 --> 00:20:59,880 Speaker 5: girlfriends when our kids are having tantrums and there could 371 00:20:59,880 --> 00:21:04,040 Speaker 5: be things going on that we don't even know about, 372 00:21:04,600 --> 00:21:08,800 Speaker 5: and you feel like you're the worst mom if something's 373 00:21:08,880 --> 00:21:12,520 Speaker 5: going on and you can't fix it, you have no 374 00:21:12,680 --> 00:21:15,840 Speaker 5: idea how to change it. Your kids are fighting whatever 375 00:21:15,960 --> 00:21:19,560 Speaker 5: it is, and my friends and I will text each 376 00:21:19,600 --> 00:21:23,960 Speaker 5: other and be like in tears, literally locking ourselves in 377 00:21:24,040 --> 00:21:26,760 Speaker 5: the room like away from a kid having a tantrum. 378 00:21:26,800 --> 00:21:28,480 Speaker 5: When that's not what you should do. You should go 379 00:21:28,640 --> 00:21:33,000 Speaker 5: and lean into them, but sometimes it's so overwhelming. That 380 00:21:33,200 --> 00:21:35,840 Speaker 5: was probably the only time I'd be hard on myself. 381 00:21:36,600 --> 00:21:40,880 Speaker 5: Is am I a good mom? I try to do everything, 382 00:21:40,960 --> 00:21:44,240 Speaker 5: And I think how to balance work with that is 383 00:21:44,280 --> 00:21:47,239 Speaker 5: when you're home being really present. Kids all they want 384 00:21:47,359 --> 00:21:51,159 Speaker 5: is time. They just want your time. You can give 385 00:21:51,200 --> 00:21:54,119 Speaker 5: them all these amazing, big experiences and they'll remember them 386 00:21:54,160 --> 00:21:57,720 Speaker 5: and they're great, but they'll always remember you being present. 387 00:21:58,640 --> 00:22:00,760 Speaker 5: And I think that's just the most most important thing 388 00:22:00,840 --> 00:22:04,320 Speaker 5: in all of your relationships. Think about what a kid wants. 389 00:22:04,520 --> 00:22:07,840 Speaker 5: A kid just wants your time, So why wouldn't everyone 390 00:22:07,880 --> 00:22:10,800 Speaker 5: else you have to kind of treat everyone like that 391 00:22:11,000 --> 00:22:15,920 Speaker 5: if you want these meaningful relationships in your life, and 392 00:22:16,040 --> 00:22:18,960 Speaker 5: you have to be present, and it's okay to feel 393 00:22:19,040 --> 00:22:25,200 Speaker 5: like you are not one hundred percent at being the 394 00:22:25,280 --> 00:22:29,120 Speaker 5: best mom. I say this all the time. There's no manual. 395 00:22:29,680 --> 00:22:32,040 Speaker 5: They do not come with a manual. Everyone's doing the 396 00:22:32,119 --> 00:22:34,800 Speaker 5: best that they can and I just feel so lucky 397 00:22:34,840 --> 00:22:38,439 Speaker 5: that I have a good group of girlfriends and all 398 00:22:38,520 --> 00:22:42,000 Speaker 5: of our kids are experiencing different things from I mean, 399 00:22:42,119 --> 00:22:45,919 Speaker 5: imagine all the things that they divorce, everything that they 400 00:22:46,000 --> 00:22:49,399 Speaker 5: have to go through. We're okay. They will be okay 401 00:22:50,320 --> 00:22:52,440 Speaker 5: and they will feel the love and support and that's 402 00:22:52,480 --> 00:22:55,200 Speaker 5: all you can do. It'll be okay. I'll talk to 403 00:22:55,280 --> 00:22:57,240 Speaker 5: my kids about anything they want to ask me about. 404 00:22:57,640 --> 00:23:00,680 Speaker 5: I am so open and honest with my kids. I 405 00:23:00,800 --> 00:23:03,600 Speaker 5: think that's the only way to be And it could 406 00:23:03,640 --> 00:23:07,480 Speaker 5: be things that they might not understand, and I'll wait 407 00:23:07,760 --> 00:23:10,920 Speaker 5: to find the appropriate time to talk about it. I 408 00:23:11,000 --> 00:23:13,360 Speaker 5: think they grew up seeing the cameras and they grew 409 00:23:13,440 --> 00:23:16,720 Speaker 5: up seeing that even as babies, you know, we'd walk 410 00:23:16,800 --> 00:23:19,399 Speaker 5: out and there'd be paparazzi. So it's not really something 411 00:23:19,520 --> 00:23:23,639 Speaker 5: that they acknowledge. A lot, But you know, my daughter's 412 00:23:23,720 --> 00:23:25,719 Speaker 5: really vocal. She'll tell them when she doesn't want them 413 00:23:25,760 --> 00:23:28,200 Speaker 5: around and to leave her alone and to stop. And 414 00:23:28,920 --> 00:23:31,520 Speaker 5: I'd love that they use their little voices. But they 415 00:23:31,560 --> 00:23:35,240 Speaker 5: also have such a normal life and such a different 416 00:23:35,359 --> 00:23:38,560 Speaker 5: life away from all of that too, And that's why 417 00:23:38,600 --> 00:23:40,639 Speaker 5: I love that my sisters and I all had babies 418 00:23:40,680 --> 00:23:42,960 Speaker 5: at the same time, so they can be with each 419 00:23:42,960 --> 00:23:44,840 Speaker 5: other and have these experiences together. 420 00:23:45,080 --> 00:23:46,920 Speaker 2: What's the biggest lesson you learned from your mom that 421 00:23:46,920 --> 00:23:48,240 Speaker 2: you trying to pass on to the kids. 422 00:23:48,400 --> 00:23:52,080 Speaker 5: I think just how she makes people feel really heard 423 00:23:52,920 --> 00:23:56,560 Speaker 5: and welcomed. She really is the most warm, welcoming person, 424 00:23:56,720 --> 00:24:00,040 Speaker 5: and it's just like her overall. It seems superficial, but 425 00:24:00,160 --> 00:24:04,159 Speaker 5: it's not like her party planning skills. It's not even that, 426 00:24:04,440 --> 00:24:08,639 Speaker 5: it's just the welcomingness of I don't even know if 427 00:24:08,640 --> 00:24:12,000 Speaker 5: these are words I'm saying, like just her ability to 428 00:24:12,160 --> 00:24:15,520 Speaker 5: be so warm and to make everyone feel like they 429 00:24:15,600 --> 00:24:18,840 Speaker 5: were invited here. I'm going to create this special Easter 430 00:24:19,680 --> 00:24:22,480 Speaker 5: dinner with like the things on the table, you know, 431 00:24:22,600 --> 00:24:24,680 Speaker 5: that she had when we were growing. 432 00:24:24,520 --> 00:24:25,560 Speaker 4: Up at my dad's house. 433 00:24:25,640 --> 00:24:28,960 Speaker 5: Like she just has all this like really special nostalgic 434 00:24:29,640 --> 00:24:32,119 Speaker 5: stuff around all the time and always tries to make 435 00:24:32,160 --> 00:24:35,119 Speaker 5: everyone feel so special, but with like a gathering so 436 00:24:35,280 --> 00:24:38,480 Speaker 5: that everyone feels comfortable and can hang around like. She 437 00:24:38,640 --> 00:24:41,960 Speaker 5: just loves people in her space and loves to create 438 00:24:42,040 --> 00:24:44,879 Speaker 5: these memories. And I think that we all got that 439 00:24:45,000 --> 00:24:47,480 Speaker 5: from her, and we will all if I can just 440 00:24:47,560 --> 00:24:51,440 Speaker 5: pass that on to my kids, just the experiences that 441 00:24:51,560 --> 00:24:54,359 Speaker 5: we have as a family, whether we're just sitting in 442 00:24:54,400 --> 00:24:57,800 Speaker 5: our pajamas and hanging out, we make the time to 443 00:24:57,880 --> 00:25:01,520 Speaker 5: be together. And I hope that my kids want to 444 00:25:01,600 --> 00:25:04,000 Speaker 5: make the time to be together when they grow up, 445 00:25:04,359 --> 00:25:09,280 Speaker 5: with their cousins and their aunts and just the whole family. 446 00:25:09,640 --> 00:25:12,159 Speaker 2: I'm sure they will. Yeah, I think sure, Yeah, I 447 00:25:12,200 --> 00:25:15,760 Speaker 2: think you've managed to hold onto it in your entire generation, 448 00:25:15,960 --> 00:25:18,480 Speaker 2: and so yeah, they see that. I think kids mirror 449 00:25:18,600 --> 00:25:21,600 Speaker 2: so much of what they see around them. And I 450 00:25:21,680 --> 00:25:24,159 Speaker 2: remember when I met my wife, her grandma is her 451 00:25:24,200 --> 00:25:27,159 Speaker 2: favorite human on the planet. And it's really interesting how 452 00:25:27,200 --> 00:25:30,320 Speaker 2: when someone you love you know who their favorite human is, 453 00:25:30,880 --> 00:25:33,680 Speaker 2: you automatically start loving them. Yeah, and I wasn't really 454 00:25:33,720 --> 00:25:36,600 Speaker 2: close to my grandparents, but I'm closer to Rady's grandparents, 455 00:25:36,640 --> 00:25:38,800 Speaker 2: like Grandma and I am to my own grandparents because 456 00:25:39,320 --> 00:25:41,560 Speaker 2: you see your love for the person that you love, 457 00:25:41,680 --> 00:25:44,040 Speaker 2: and so I think when your kids see the love 458 00:25:44,080 --> 00:25:46,359 Speaker 2: that you have for your sisters and your cousins and 459 00:25:46,440 --> 00:25:47,520 Speaker 2: your aunts. 460 00:25:47,240 --> 00:25:49,479 Speaker 5: And uncles, and now, if only all my kids can 461 00:25:49,640 --> 00:25:53,119 Speaker 5: love their siblings, that would be amazing. They're in a 462 00:25:53,200 --> 00:25:53,879 Speaker 5: fighting phase. 463 00:25:54,160 --> 00:25:56,680 Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, and you guys went through that phase. 464 00:25:56,680 --> 00:26:02,480 Speaker 4: I'm just but yeah, it's still going on, never ending. 465 00:26:02,640 --> 00:26:03,600 Speaker 1: That's never going to start. 466 00:26:03,840 --> 00:26:07,600 Speaker 2: This next segment is from Jessica Alba, where she talks 467 00:26:07,640 --> 00:26:11,040 Speaker 2: about motherhood and personal growth. A big part of what 468 00:26:11,160 --> 00:26:15,400 Speaker 2: she shares is how motherhood reshaped her career and priorities. 469 00:26:16,160 --> 00:26:19,080 Speaker 2: Maybe you've just started a new job, maybe you started 470 00:26:19,119 --> 00:26:21,960 Speaker 2: a new side hustle. Maybe you just had your first 471 00:26:22,119 --> 00:26:26,920 Speaker 2: child and everything's changing, or maybe your kids just left 472 00:26:26,960 --> 00:26:30,800 Speaker 2: the home. All of these transitions impact the way we work, 473 00:26:31,240 --> 00:26:34,480 Speaker 2: live and think. It affects our relationship with our spouse, 474 00:26:34,640 --> 00:26:37,560 Speaker 2: our partner, whoever that may be, and it impacts our 475 00:26:37,640 --> 00:26:41,680 Speaker 2: relationship with our work. In this segment, Jessica Albert talks 476 00:26:41,680 --> 00:26:45,200 Speaker 2: about how she teaches her kids resilience, self worth, and 477 00:26:45,440 --> 00:26:48,840 Speaker 2: using success for good. She also talks about how she's 478 00:26:49,160 --> 00:26:52,760 Speaker 2: trying and been able to find balance between her personal 479 00:26:52,840 --> 00:26:56,159 Speaker 2: ambitions and family life. I think this is such an 480 00:26:56,200 --> 00:26:58,680 Speaker 2: important thing that we're all trying to juggle, and it 481 00:26:58,720 --> 00:26:59,760 Speaker 2: will really resonate with you. 482 00:26:59,720 --> 00:27:03,720 Speaker 6: You know. I think because it was such a struggle 483 00:27:03,760 --> 00:27:06,600 Speaker 6: in so hard for my parents. They were young when 484 00:27:06,640 --> 00:27:09,480 Speaker 6: they had me, and every day was a very it 485 00:27:09,560 --> 00:27:13,520 Speaker 6: was a very kind of tumultuous environment, just because they 486 00:27:13,560 --> 00:27:17,200 Speaker 6: were in survival mode every day, struggling to get by. 487 00:27:17,840 --> 00:27:22,080 Speaker 6: And they also didn't have necessarily the maturity or the 488 00:27:22,200 --> 00:27:27,560 Speaker 6: tools to have context like this podcast. Right, There wasn't 489 00:27:27,600 --> 00:27:30,600 Speaker 6: this podcast that my parents were, you know, young, there 490 00:27:30,680 --> 00:27:34,720 Speaker 6: were We live now in a culture where so many, 491 00:27:35,520 --> 00:27:38,280 Speaker 6: so much of the stuff that just wasn't sort of 492 00:27:38,400 --> 00:27:42,399 Speaker 6: serving humanity has been broken down, and there's this generation 493 00:27:43,480 --> 00:27:49,720 Speaker 6: that's sort of thinking through, like I guess sort of like, yes, 494 00:27:49,920 --> 00:27:55,720 Speaker 6: we built these civilizations based off of like necessity, a 495 00:27:55,800 --> 00:27:58,720 Speaker 6: lot of these things that are power and ego driven, right, 496 00:27:59,560 --> 00:28:05,800 Speaker 6: But now we're in a place where it's more about compassion, mindfulness, right, openness, 497 00:28:05,920 --> 00:28:09,600 Speaker 6: and that's how we're going to thrive and and you know, 498 00:28:09,880 --> 00:28:14,800 Speaker 6: continue to thrive as a human race. And and so 499 00:28:15,080 --> 00:28:19,800 Speaker 6: I think, you know, for my kids. I try to 500 00:28:19,960 --> 00:28:24,520 Speaker 6: exemplify whatever that is. And and at the same time, 501 00:28:24,680 --> 00:28:27,600 Speaker 6: you know, they are very aware of my faults, right, 502 00:28:27,800 --> 00:28:31,720 Speaker 6: They're very aware that I, you know, get stressed, and I, 503 00:28:32,119 --> 00:28:35,359 Speaker 6: you know, get irritable, and I don't sleep enough and 504 00:28:36,080 --> 00:28:39,640 Speaker 6: all of those things. But you know, we have a 505 00:28:39,800 --> 00:28:43,120 Speaker 6: we have a dialogue about it, and and you know, 506 00:28:43,200 --> 00:28:48,680 Speaker 6: I try to create a space of compassion obviously for 507 00:28:50,040 --> 00:28:52,720 Speaker 6: for them, but also you know, just for them to 508 00:28:53,240 --> 00:28:56,760 Speaker 6: to sort of like know that I'm trying. I think 509 00:28:56,800 --> 00:29:01,680 Speaker 6: I just wanted peace, and I wanted security, and I 510 00:29:01,800 --> 00:29:05,880 Speaker 6: wanted a sense of financial security to me meant that 511 00:29:06,920 --> 00:29:11,200 Speaker 6: you could then have peace and not be so stressed out. 512 00:29:11,720 --> 00:29:14,360 Speaker 6: I also knew that, like my parents in a lot 513 00:29:14,400 --> 00:29:19,120 Speaker 6: of ways were just sort of like products of certain systems. 514 00:29:19,480 --> 00:29:23,720 Speaker 6: When you have to support a family, how can you 515 00:29:24,080 --> 00:29:27,880 Speaker 6: sort of like get ahead. And they were learning as 516 00:29:27,920 --> 00:29:30,280 Speaker 6: they were going, you know, it's sort of like flying 517 00:29:30,360 --> 00:29:32,880 Speaker 6: the plane and fixing it at the same time. It 518 00:29:32,960 --> 00:29:34,800 Speaker 6: wasn't until I became a parent I think that I 519 00:29:34,920 --> 00:29:39,200 Speaker 6: had I really understood how difficult it was for them 520 00:29:40,640 --> 00:29:43,840 Speaker 6: just being so young and not necessarily having the tools 521 00:29:44,160 --> 00:29:48,280 Speaker 6: and not having you know, they're a setup right to thrive. 522 00:29:48,640 --> 00:29:52,000 Speaker 6: I felt like I had a purpose. 523 00:29:52,040 --> 00:29:52,840 Speaker 4: I didn't know what it was. 524 00:29:52,920 --> 00:29:55,240 Speaker 6: It came from very simple, humble. 525 00:29:56,520 --> 00:29:56,920 Speaker 4: Family. 526 00:29:57,560 --> 00:30:00,560 Speaker 6: What I've done in my life and what i've was 527 00:30:00,600 --> 00:30:03,440 Speaker 6: in no way, shape or form given to me, handed 528 00:30:03,520 --> 00:30:05,840 Speaker 6: to me. I mean, I think, if anything, there was 529 00:30:05,920 --> 00:30:09,680 Speaker 6: nothing but blocks and challenges and walls and reasons why 530 00:30:09,800 --> 00:30:13,640 Speaker 6: I shouldn't dream or even have the audacity to think 531 00:30:13,720 --> 00:30:17,360 Speaker 6: that I could become anything. Every stage of every piece 532 00:30:17,400 --> 00:30:19,720 Speaker 6: of my life, I feel like I'm always looking to 533 00:30:20,000 --> 00:30:23,880 Speaker 6: be better and do better. So when I actually got 534 00:30:23,920 --> 00:30:28,160 Speaker 6: the opportunity to be an actress and I started working 535 00:30:28,240 --> 00:30:31,520 Speaker 6: on a regular basis, I prayed a lot, you know, 536 00:30:31,560 --> 00:30:33,920 Speaker 6: whether it's God or spirit or whatever it is that 537 00:30:34,000 --> 00:30:37,360 Speaker 6: people pray to. I felt like if I could just 538 00:30:37,520 --> 00:30:40,520 Speaker 6: channel like I want to do good. I know I'm 539 00:30:40,560 --> 00:30:42,719 Speaker 6: here to do good. I'm not sure what that end 540 00:30:42,760 --> 00:30:46,240 Speaker 6: goal is, but I promise that if I get any breakthrough, 541 00:30:47,080 --> 00:30:50,400 Speaker 6: I will do good with my success. And I always 542 00:30:50,600 --> 00:30:55,880 Speaker 6: attributed success with being able to do good. And then 543 00:30:55,920 --> 00:31:00,960 Speaker 6: when I became a mom, you know that really my 544 00:31:01,160 --> 00:31:04,720 Speaker 6: sense of self and I would say my insecurities as 545 00:31:04,760 --> 00:31:10,080 Speaker 6: a person over silly things kept me. I think from 546 00:31:10,120 --> 00:31:12,800 Speaker 6: fully realizing my potential before I became a mom, but 547 00:31:12,840 --> 00:31:15,200 Speaker 6: when I became a mom, those insecurities sort of went away. 548 00:31:15,560 --> 00:31:18,480 Speaker 2: I hope you took away a lot of practical, emotional 549 00:31:18,560 --> 00:31:21,920 Speaker 2: advice and insight from this episode, and here are some 550 00:31:22,040 --> 00:31:27,400 Speaker 2: of my takeaways. Parenting isn't about being perfect, It's about 551 00:31:27,440 --> 00:31:30,480 Speaker 2: being present and growing together. I think when we have 552 00:31:30,560 --> 00:31:34,120 Speaker 2: that pressure of perfection, we actually sometimes act out in 553 00:31:34,280 --> 00:31:40,160 Speaker 2: negative ways, even towards children. That pressure of perfection becomes 554 00:31:40,400 --> 00:31:43,240 Speaker 2: why we're angry. Really we're angry at ourselves, but we're 555 00:31:43,280 --> 00:31:46,560 Speaker 2: taking it out on that child. That stress that we 556 00:31:46,800 --> 00:31:49,479 Speaker 2: carry of wanting to be perfect parents and be perfect 557 00:31:49,560 --> 00:31:52,560 Speaker 2: all the time makes us act in ways that we 558 00:31:52,640 --> 00:31:56,280 Speaker 2: don't love afterwards, and we might regret, whether it's setting boundaries, 559 00:31:56,360 --> 00:32:00,960 Speaker 2: building strong connections, or balancing life. Today's insight show we're 560 00:32:01,000 --> 00:32:04,320 Speaker 2: not alone in this journey. Every single person who's a 561 00:32:04,440 --> 00:32:07,960 Speaker 2: parent is struggling with what we've talked about today. It 562 00:32:08,040 --> 00:32:10,240 Speaker 2: doesn't matter how many resources you have, it doesn't matter 563 00:32:10,320 --> 00:32:13,719 Speaker 2: what access you have. Everyone is going through and up 564 00:32:13,840 --> 00:32:16,120 Speaker 2: and down. And I think we can also relate to 565 00:32:16,200 --> 00:32:18,800 Speaker 2: that through having been kids in our lives. If you 566 00:32:18,920 --> 00:32:21,520 Speaker 2: think back to being a child. I'm sure your parents 567 00:32:21,560 --> 00:32:24,360 Speaker 2: had ups and downs. I'm sure they had days, weeks, months, 568 00:32:24,400 --> 00:32:27,760 Speaker 2: and years that we're challenging. It's natural for you to 569 00:32:27,840 --> 00:32:30,880 Speaker 2: do that as well. Sometimes we're trying so hard not 570 00:32:31,040 --> 00:32:34,200 Speaker 2: to be our parents that we end up repeating the 571 00:32:34,280 --> 00:32:38,040 Speaker 2: same mistakes. I hope that this episode resonated with you. 572 00:32:38,560 --> 00:32:40,400 Speaker 2: I hope you'll share it with a parent who needs 573 00:32:40,440 --> 00:32:42,840 Speaker 2: to hear it. I hope you'll listen to it with 574 00:32:42,960 --> 00:32:45,080 Speaker 2: your friends who are parents as well, so you can 575 00:32:45,120 --> 00:32:48,640 Speaker 2: find a space to be vulnerable, open and connect more deeply. 576 00:32:49,240 --> 00:32:52,080 Speaker 2: Thank you so much for listening. If you love this episode, 577 00:32:52,320 --> 00:32:55,719 Speaker 2: you'll enjoy my interview with doctor Daniel Ahman on how 578 00:32:55,800 --> 00:32:58,120 Speaker 2: to change your life by changing your brain. 579 00:32:58,600 --> 00:33:03,520 Speaker 1: If we want to healthy mind, it actually starts with 580 00:33:03,640 --> 00:33:06,800 Speaker 1: a healthy brain. You know. I've had the blessing or 581 00:33:06,880 --> 00:33:11,320 Speaker 1: the curse to scan over a thousand convicted felons and 582 00:33:11,480 --> 00:33:15,280 Speaker 1: over one hundred murderers, and their brains are very damaged.