WEBVTT - Election/Olympics Edition - Emergency Pod

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<v Speaker 1>Cash Show. Hey guys, Daniel Tosh, host of The Toss Show.

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<v Speaker 1>Time for another emergency pod, Eddie. Hit the sirensippeep, Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>are those sirens we've used?

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<v Speaker 2>Why you have to look it up?

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<v Speaker 1>You should have done that before we started the emergency pod.

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<v Speaker 1>I just got back from Tahoe. Now you wouldn't know

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<v Speaker 1>that from watching the show, because this show now runs

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<v Speaker 1>like clockwork. We're having episodes drop every Tuesday, six am,

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<v Speaker 1>West Coast. But the reality I was gone for one month.

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<v Speaker 1>I was not here. And when I'm in Tahoe, when

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<v Speaker 1>I'm in the mountains, I'm off grid. My phone's in

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<v Speaker 1>airplane mode the entire time. I'm getting no intel of

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<v Speaker 1>what's going on in the real world. I'm up there

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<v Speaker 1>with my R six Cobalt. By the way, is Cobalt

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<v Speaker 1>a sponsor of this show? Because they should be, Man,

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<v Speaker 1>I love my twenty twenty three Cobalt are six all right? Anyway,

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<v Speaker 1>So I had a great time with my family and

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<v Speaker 1>friends on the lake, and now I'm back and I'm told.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm told he was a busy month, Eddie. What I missed?

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<v Speaker 2>You missed a lot, buddy. Someone tried to assassinate Donald Trump.

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<v Speaker 1>Whoa are you talking about? Is his character?

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<v Speaker 2>No? His ear?

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<v Speaker 1>His ear. But I'm glad that he's still alive. And

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<v Speaker 1>I don't know if he can hear this or not.

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<v Speaker 1>But that's yeah, that's big. I'm sure people have people

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<v Speaker 1>been talking about it?

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<v Speaker 2>Oh yeah, yeah, a lot of banter.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, so a lot of people have their take. Well,

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<v Speaker 1>I tell you what, I'm glad God saved him. Has

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<v Speaker 1>anyone said that. Have they been courageous enough to openly

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<v Speaker 1>say that God saved him? Now, if that is true

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<v Speaker 1>and that is what you believe, which I'm totally okay with,

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<v Speaker 1>then you also have to except that God shot them. Interesting.

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<v Speaker 1>So yeah, yeah, you know, mysterious ways this is. This

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<v Speaker 1>is a probably an unnecessary take to an assassination attempt,

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<v Speaker 1>but you know, you think about how many Second Amendment

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<v Speaker 1>nuts would be at this rally, and I think the

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<v Speaker 1>lesson is that there's not enough guns. We need more

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<v Speaker 1>guns everybody, because because clearly that didn't that didn't help

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<v Speaker 1>the situation. Here's another thing I'll say, when something like

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<v Speaker 1>this happens to somebody like that, it always makes me

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<v Speaker 1>feel good that I don't spend a fortune on security,

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<v Speaker 1>because if somebody can can do that to a presidential

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<v Speaker 1>candidate that has secret service, a former president of America,

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<v Speaker 1>Then what chance do I have? None? If somebody wants

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<v Speaker 1>to take a shot at me, it's it's it's gonna happen.

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<v Speaker 1>So I'm you know, I'll just stick with my ring

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<v Speaker 1>cam and hope for the best. Anyway, you know, good

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<v Speaker 1>job to everyone on his security team, and your medals

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<v Speaker 1>and walking papers are in the mail. I right, they

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<v Speaker 1>didn't do a good job. All right? Did I miss

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<v Speaker 1>anything else?

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, we got a Biden dropped out of the race.

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<v Speaker 2>Whohoa whoa Yeah, started doing tons of drugs with Hunter.

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<v Speaker 2>Now he's talking about revamping the entire Supreme Court because

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<v Speaker 2>he's got zero fucks to give.

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<v Speaker 1>I hope you're right. I hope that old geriatric son

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<v Speaker 1>of a bitch has the best time for his final

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<v Speaker 1>six months in office. Just starts paying off every kid's

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<v Speaker 1>student loans, starts mailing out abortion pills to everyone in

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<v Speaker 1>the South, just banning shit left and right, start making

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<v Speaker 1>new laws. Guns are illegal, You're not allowed to stand

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<v Speaker 1>during the national anthem. It just really really go out

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<v Speaker 1>with a bang. He dropped out right, right, So he

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<v Speaker 1>is eligible to run again in twenty twenty eight. Technically, yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>that'd be great. I think an older Biden, a wiser,

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<v Speaker 1>more mature Biden. That'll be fun to watch. You know what,

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<v Speaker 1>what really should happen? Trump should be like, Oh, because

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<v Speaker 1>I was beating Biden, you have him drop out, so

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<v Speaker 1>he should he should be two can play at that game?

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<v Speaker 1>He drops out? Huh? And guess who he gets to

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<v Speaker 1>replace him?

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<v Speaker 2>Who?

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<v Speaker 1>You take a guess?

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<v Speaker 2>Joe Biden? Did I guess it? No?

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<v Speaker 1>I like that he drops out gets Joe Biden to run.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh man, the R and C would have a fit.

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<v Speaker 1>People would lose their mind. People wouldn't know our egg's

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<v Speaker 1>gonna get more expensive or less. I don't even know,

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<v Speaker 1>Oh man, I miss anything else.

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<v Speaker 2>The Olympics kicked off.

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<v Speaker 1>No, I watched a lot of the Olympics in Paris, France.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh beautiful, and the opening ceremony that got people upset.

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<v Speaker 1>In the moment, it didn't even register. I just thought

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<v Speaker 1>they were just re enacting famous pieces of artwork. Upset

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<v Speaker 1>a lot of the Christians. You wouldn't You wouldn't make

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<v Speaker 1>fun of Muslims like this? Well, yeah, no shit, because

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<v Speaker 1>they'll kill us, you know, Christians need need to up

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<v Speaker 1>their game. You know, somebody tells a joke about you,

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<v Speaker 1>and then you like, strap some T and t t

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<v Speaker 1>your chest and blow the whole community up. We'll stop

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<v Speaker 1>making those jokes. I watched a lot of the Olympics.

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<v Speaker 1>I'll be honest with you. I didn't tune into everything.

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<v Speaker 1>I think some people be surprised of what I was

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<v Speaker 1>interested what I wasn't interested in. Let me say this too,

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<v Speaker 1>abo about the gymnastics between the male and the female.

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<v Speaker 1>I mean, can we even call them women anymore? I mean,

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<v Speaker 1>it's getting so complicated. Do you know what? The only

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<v Speaker 1>difference between male and female on the floor exercises, As

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<v Speaker 1>far as I can tell, there's no music for the men. No,

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<v Speaker 1>we're too manly to have music, So they take out

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<v Speaker 1>a few of those dumb elements where you're like, after

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<v Speaker 1>or Simone Biles does twenty flips in the air, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>then she has to strike a pose and do some

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<v Speaker 1>weird dance for five seconds. They don't do that, and

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<v Speaker 1>then there's no music in the men and the men

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<v Speaker 1>do like one little you know, break dance routine, But

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<v Speaker 1>for the most part, it's just get to the corners.

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<v Speaker 1>Run and do a bunch of flips and try to

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<v Speaker 1>stick it and not go out of bounds. And I

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<v Speaker 1>just I can't help but think in my head, they're like,

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<v Speaker 1>why can't the men like I don't think, Oh, why

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<v Speaker 1>do the women have to have music? Oh? Because they

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<v Speaker 1>want to make it sexier for the women and men.

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<v Speaker 1>They want to make it cooler, Like, we don't need music,

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<v Speaker 1>we're not dancing, we're too cool for that. I disagree.

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<v Speaker 1>I think we need music for both of them. I think, yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>let's take off a tenth. If you don't shake your hips, fellas,

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<v Speaker 1>shake your hips about surfing.

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<v Speaker 2>Colin jos was sent home because of medical reasons.

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<v Speaker 1>What Colin Colin Johansson?

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<v Speaker 2>He surfs, You know he's a corresponding.

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<v Speaker 1>Right here we go, I'm gonna have to do a

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<v Speaker 1>surfing rant. Tune out if you don't care. I love surfing.

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<v Speaker 1>I've surfed my whole life. I don't tune in because

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<v Speaker 1>the coverage is stupid. The announcers I'm not talking about Colin.

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<v Speaker 1>Colin might have done a great job, but they always

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<v Speaker 1>just trying to amp it up so much instead of going, oh,

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<v Speaker 1>the surf sucks today, guys. The reason the scores are

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<v Speaker 1>two point fives is because the waves suck. This. You know,

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<v Speaker 1>if you're watching a basketball game and a team isn't scoring,

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<v Speaker 1>the announcers aren't like constantly reminding you these are the

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<v Speaker 1>greatest athletes in the world. They're like, ah, these guys

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<v Speaker 1>suck right now, this is a boring game, Charles Barkley.

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<v Speaker 1>But this is unwatchable. So when it's you know, head

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<v Speaker 1>high and choppy, I'm not excited to see women's pro

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<v Speaker 1>surfing and chopu when the scores are three point four. Oh,

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<v Speaker 1>somebody didn't catch a wave. That happened multiple times, like

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<v Speaker 1>somebody like didn't catch a wave. No sets came in.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh that was a fun thirty minutes, wasn't it. Imagine

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<v Speaker 1>if you're in track and field and they're like, well,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm sorry, there's there's no track for you, and laying

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<v Speaker 1>four none didn't come, so deal with it. Here's another thing.

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<v Speaker 1>So it was into heating and it was at this famous

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<v Speaker 1>break that is very dangerous when it's big and heavy,

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<v Speaker 1>but they always do this in serve. It's surfing. Though

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<v Speaker 1>the announcer is big, the water is only one inch deep,

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<v Speaker 1>and only these people can surf this and it's not true.

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<v Speaker 1>It's just not true. Yes, when that place is firing,

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<v Speaker 1>the lineup thins out. But the reality is all these

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<v Speaker 1>places that they try to pretend are so impossible to surf.

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<v Speaker 1>If there's not a pro contest, there's two hundred people

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<v Speaker 1>out surfing there and they're having fun and they're not dying.

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<v Speaker 1>On every wave it's one inch deep. If that person

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<v Speaker 1>goes one more foot, their leg would be cut off.

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<v Speaker 1>Shut up. There's a million other reasons I can explain

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<v Speaker 1>why it's bad. Nobody watched it. Who has that kind

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<v Speaker 1>of time? So it's at one break and then there's

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<v Speaker 1>two people in water at a time. Imagine if they

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<v Speaker 1>held the Olympics tennis tournament, but you only played it

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<v Speaker 1>on one court and that's how long it was. Oh okay,

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<v Speaker 1>does anybody have fourteen hours today to kill to watch

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<v Speaker 1>this like it's it's nonsense. Tennis gets it right. If

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<v Speaker 1>there's a star player, you get to play on the

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<v Speaker 1>best court at the best time, and they don't care

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<v Speaker 1>that it's not a complete even playing field, that some

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<v Speaker 1>other random guy plays some side court that nobody's watching.

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<v Speaker 1>Whatever surfing needs to adapt that they need to be like, Okay,

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<v Speaker 1>here's the marquee players. They get to surf this break

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<v Speaker 1>at this time, and it all happens at one time,

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<v Speaker 1>and the rest of the people are at some crappy

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<v Speaker 1>beach break down the street, like like get it going.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh I honestly, I can go on. I watched the

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<v Speaker 1>tennis and I was furious at the finals for men's

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<v Speaker 1>where Alcarez choked away two tie breakers. You had Djokovic's

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<v Speaker 1>number and then ugh and then he and then to

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<v Speaker 1>watch him fake weep on the court like he's just

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<v Speaker 1>so calculated. I don't buy it for second. That's the problem.

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<v Speaker 1>I watched the Olympics and then I just become a hater.

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<v Speaker 1>I don't want to be a hater. Another thing I'm

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<v Speaker 1>gonna say about the Olympics. I mean, I'm on a

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<v Speaker 1>crazy tear here. All medals aren't the same, can we agree?

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<v Speaker 1>Simone wins a medal, Wow, amazing And the parents and

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<v Speaker 1>the sacrifices that they went through for this, that's amazing.

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<v Speaker 1>But when I watch it and I got to read

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<v Speaker 1>it to make sure kayak cross small, no I that

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<v Speaker 1>looked for It's a race in this this kayak race,

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<v Speaker 1>and it's four people and they're in this this little

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<v Speaker 1>box that's fifteen feet in the air, and then it

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<v Speaker 1>when it starts, it tilts down and the four kayakers

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<v Speaker 1>fall off this thing fifteen feet high and fall into

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<v Speaker 1>this little makeshift river. And then they all paddle like

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<v Speaker 1>crazy and you know, bang into each other, and somebody

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<v Speaker 1>misses a turn and the race is over. I'm just like,

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<v Speaker 1>come on, I'm not I don't want to see the

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<v Speaker 1>story of what your parents sacrificed for this forty year

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<v Speaker 1>old guy to kayak this stupid little river. I wouldn't

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<v Speaker 1>get emotional. My kid did it for my country and

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<v Speaker 1>kayak cross small. Come at me in the comments about

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<v Speaker 1>that one about justifying how important it is to some country.

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<v Speaker 1>By the way, did flag football start in the Olympics.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh, I don't know yet.

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<v Speaker 1>I didn't watch it. I didn't watch any flag football.

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<v Speaker 1>And why didn't we Why don't we send our pros,

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<v Speaker 1>send our pros for flag football? Oh, it'd be fun,

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<v Speaker 1>I wouldn't mind, say, or better yet, send our retired pros,

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<v Speaker 1>way better, that'd be interesting. I know that one guy

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<v Speaker 1>got real popular during the Olympics, the pummel horse guy.

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<v Speaker 1>He was kind of a nerd, but he was a

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<v Speaker 1>specialist on that apparatus, and and he won bronze. But

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<v Speaker 1>here's what I didn't understand about it. When he would

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<v Speaker 1>take his glasses off, I mean just immediately like aw,

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<v Speaker 1>and then he does the routine. I'm like, well, keep

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<v Speaker 1>your glasses on, or get some contacts. You might you

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<v Speaker 1>might instead of bronze, maybe you're getting silver. If you

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<v Speaker 1>could see it, I almost felt like he was hamming

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<v Speaker 1>it up. You think he was hamming it up. I

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<v Speaker 1>think so. I think he was hamming it up. So anyway,

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<v Speaker 1>the Olympics, they were great. When do real sports start?

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<v Speaker 2>Oh?

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<v Speaker 1>Soon? All right? So yeah, the Olympics. We won the

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<v Speaker 1>metal count and in that all that matters. Although China

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<v Speaker 1>will be like, well we won more goals, but I

0:12:41.720 --> 0:12:43.360
<v Speaker 1>don't know that that's true. I think that it's not

0:12:43.440 --> 0:12:48.120
<v Speaker 1>officially over yet. So whatever. All right, that's the end

0:12:48.160 --> 0:12:54.280
<v Speaker 1>of the emergency pod Eddie hit the siren again. See

0:12:54.320 --> 0:12:55.120
<v Speaker 1>in four years.