WEBVTT - Taking Your Own Advice with Shelly Tygielski 0:00:00.880 --> 0:00:05.920 Oh, good afternoon people, Good morning, good evening. Buenos has 0:00:05.960 --> 0:00:09.760 Buenos Chard's Buenos no Chase. Welcome to the Dear Chelsea Podcast. 0:00:09.840 --> 0:00:13.039 We are in season two and Hi Catherine, how are 0:00:13.080 --> 0:00:17.079 you doing. Hi? I'm great today. Oh yeah, you look 0:00:17.120 --> 0:00:20.840 so chipper. I love it. Well. Thanks. I've had my 0:00:20.960 --> 0:00:23.720 coffee or I've been drinking this mud water, which is 0:00:23.840 --> 0:00:26.119 very tasty, and I'm not missing coffee. So what is 0:00:26.160 --> 0:00:29.800 mud and water? It's adaptogen's. It's like some kind of 0:00:29.880 --> 0:00:32.280 mushroom thing and it has like a little bit of caffeine, 0:00:32.440 --> 0:00:35.120 like a tea amount of caffeine. But it tastes like 0:00:35.200 --> 0:00:39.880 Chai tasting. Drinking chis Chis with oat milk. That's what 0:00:40.000 --> 0:00:42.080 Joe gets me when he goes to Coffee Bean. That's 0:00:42.080 --> 0:00:45.200 his favorite place. But what the funk is chis Chi tea? 0:00:46.320 --> 0:00:48.159 I don't. I think it's a tea. And I think 0:00:48.159 --> 0:00:49.760 you can get a latta version, like if you go 0:00:49.800 --> 0:00:52.120 to a Starbucks or something or go to a coffee shop. 0:00:52.400 --> 0:00:54.200 But yeah, I think it's a tea. Is it sugar? 0:00:54.520 --> 0:00:57.680 It has a lot of ad sugar and a little 0:00:57.720 --> 0:01:00.560 bit you could say easy sugar, but I think it'd 0:01:00.560 --> 0:01:02.880 be too spicy without sugar. I have an iced chie 0:01:02.960 --> 0:01:05.240 with oat milk. I like that and I guzzle it. 0:01:05.400 --> 0:01:08.800 I love it. Oh my god, it's so delicious. And 0:01:08.840 --> 0:01:10.480 then I was like, what am I drinking? I don't 0:01:10.480 --> 0:01:13.640 even know what's in this. I like a hot a 0:01:13.800 --> 0:01:16.040 soy chai latte because I think that as a little 0:01:16.120 --> 0:01:18.480 extra natural sweetness from the soy milk. That's why I 0:01:18.480 --> 0:01:20.240 like the problem with hot drinks with me. As soon 0:01:20.280 --> 0:01:22.000 as I have a sip of anything hot, I start 0:01:22.040 --> 0:01:26.240 to perspire underneath my arms and a couple of other places. 0:01:27.760 --> 0:01:31.280 I have a very special friend today. Okay, So on 0:01:31.319 --> 0:01:34.440 this podcast we talk about the Pandemic of Love a 0:01:34.440 --> 0:01:40.720 lot that my friend Shelley to Gelski started founded and 0:01:41.160 --> 0:01:44.600 executes on the regular. And I know that because I 0:01:44.600 --> 0:01:47.000 have people hit me up on Instagram for money all 0:01:47.280 --> 0:01:50.040 the time, and I finally have somewhere to send them 0:01:50.040 --> 0:01:53.559 besides giving them my own money. There's actually a resource 0:01:53.720 --> 0:01:57.400 for people. And what's even well, not more exciting, but 0:01:57.520 --> 0:02:01.120 equally as exciting as Pandemic of of is that she 0:02:01.200 --> 0:02:04.320 has a new book that comes out on October and 0:02:04.360 --> 0:02:06.440 it's called Sit Down to Rise Up, which is a 0:02:06.440 --> 0:02:09.880 book I've mentioned earlier, but I really can't say enough 0:02:10.000 --> 0:02:12.959 amazing things about it, and I have to encourage all 0:02:13.000 --> 0:02:15.400 of our listeners to go get a copy of this 0:02:15.480 --> 0:02:18.280 book to make you a better member of your community, 0:02:18.320 --> 0:02:21.000 to make you feel like a contributor and somebody who 0:02:21.080 --> 0:02:23.440 is there not just for yourself, but for your neighbors 0:02:23.760 --> 0:02:26.400 and for the people that are really in need. Because 0:02:26.560 --> 0:02:28.919 there are times in our lives where we need help, 0:02:29.120 --> 0:02:30.840 and there are times in our lives where we can 0:02:30.840 --> 0:02:34.040 give help. So it is good for everybody to be 0:02:34.120 --> 0:02:36.560 a community member and a team builder, if you will. 0:02:36.840 --> 0:02:38.480 I don't know what that means, but I've heard it's 0:02:38.480 --> 0:02:41.359 a corporate term and I like it anyway. Please welcome 0:02:41.360 --> 0:02:45.680 Shelley Sigelski. Hi Shelly, Hi, Hi Shelly. And I became 0:02:45.760 --> 0:02:49.320 friends at the Wisdom two point oh conference with Dan, 0:02:49.440 --> 0:02:52.720 my psychiatrist. She knows Dan, I do, and I'm at 0:02:52.720 --> 0:02:56.800 her backstage and she was wearing one of her ridiculously colorful, 0:02:56.960 --> 0:03:03.000 bright outfits, and I just, in a sea of psycho iatris, neurophysicists, neuroscientists, 0:03:03.000 --> 0:03:06.680 blah blah blah blah blah, spiritualist, I just looked at 0:03:06.680 --> 0:03:09.440 her outfit and I'll never forget. I think you had 0:03:09.560 --> 0:03:13.120 rainbow sneakers in a whole rainbow out. Yeah. And we 0:03:13.200 --> 0:03:17.960 met backstage and she was normal, and I was like, 0:03:18.240 --> 0:03:21.720 you know, I felt, well, you are. You're a normal 0:03:21.760 --> 0:03:24.720 person for the most part, but not a regular person. 0:03:24.880 --> 0:03:27.520 You're a normal person. And we went out that night 0:03:27.560 --> 0:03:29.200 for drinks. I was with my sissy Samoe, and my 0:03:29.240 --> 0:03:31.200 sister and my older sister because it was in San Francisco, 0:03:31.639 --> 0:03:33.800 and we went out for drinks that night and we 0:03:33.919 --> 0:03:36.280 just all hit it off. And now she's really good 0:03:36.320 --> 0:03:39.000 friends with my sister Simone I am, and they spend 0:03:39.040 --> 0:03:42.840 so much time to get Yeah, that's your sister too. Yeah. 0:03:43.200 --> 0:03:45.600 My sister's like, I'll take Shelley, thank you, love her. 0:03:45.800 --> 0:03:48.800 I know she's good. She's good. So let's talk about 0:03:48.840 --> 0:03:51.040 the book first, because this is your first book. It 0:03:51.160 --> 0:03:54.000 is my first book. It's nerve racking, is it. It's 0:03:54.080 --> 0:03:56.560 frightening and it's exciting at the same time, for sure, 0:03:56.600 --> 0:03:59.120 because you're putting so much of yourself out there and 0:03:59.160 --> 0:04:01.760 you're really nervous about what the reception is going to be. 0:04:02.440 --> 0:04:05.240 But the book is really about connecting the inner work 0:04:05.280 --> 0:04:08.320 with the outer world. It's frustrating for me as somebody 0:04:08.360 --> 0:04:11.680 who's in this industrial wellness complex that is constantly trying 0:04:11.680 --> 0:04:15.320 to sell you things. You know, more, more beauty products, 0:04:15.360 --> 0:04:20.599 more chai latte, is more of everything. And it's frustrating 0:04:20.640 --> 0:04:22.520 for me because I see so many people who spend 0:04:22.560 --> 0:04:25.600 so much time just working on themselves constantly, and I'm like, 0:04:25.920 --> 0:04:28.760 in pursuit of what just so that you could be 0:04:28.760 --> 0:04:32.000 better or because you actually want to show up differently 0:04:32.040 --> 0:04:34.040 in the world. And so the whole premise of the 0:04:34.080 --> 0:04:36.920 book is really to knock people off their asses a 0:04:36.960 --> 0:04:39.480 little bit and encourage them to not just sit down 0:04:39.480 --> 0:04:41.600 in meditation and do the inner work, but to rise 0:04:41.720 --> 0:04:44.880 up and actually make it effective for everybody, the fact 0:04:44.920 --> 0:04:47.440 that you're a better person because a better version of 0:04:47.480 --> 0:04:50.200 the world starts with the best version of ourselves, right, 0:04:50.240 --> 0:04:53.200 And you don't even necessarily need to meditate to rise up. 0:04:53.640 --> 0:04:55.240 You don't need to sit down to rise up. But 0:04:55.279 --> 0:04:57.640 it is a great tool to help you once you 0:04:57.640 --> 0:04:59.600 can apply that to yourself. It's easier to apply it 0:04:59.640 --> 0:05:02.240 to the old. But you know, one you can do one. 0:05:02.400 --> 0:05:04.480 You can rise up and you don't have to meditate. 0:05:04.520 --> 0:05:07.159 If anyone is here, like fuck, I can't do it. 0:05:07.520 --> 0:05:11.599 I can't rise up because I can't meditate. Everyone can meditate, Chelsea. 0:05:11.680 --> 0:05:14.480 You know that. I know that everyone can meditate. I 0:05:14.640 --> 0:05:17.440 know that. Well, actually that's not true. Well everyone can, 0:05:17.520 --> 0:05:20.880 but a lot of people get really really they lose 0:05:20.920 --> 0:05:24.000 interests really quickly. That's true. But I think it's also 0:05:24.080 --> 0:05:26.880 because we set these like lofty goals for ourselves and 0:05:26.880 --> 0:05:29.000 we think like, oh, I need to sit down for 0:05:29.320 --> 0:05:32.280 twenty minutes and burn incense and chant and have a mantra, 0:05:32.400 --> 0:05:35.480 and that you can actually just meditate in increments of 0:05:35.560 --> 0:05:39.279 like ninety seconds a day, and that's been proven to 0:05:39.360 --> 0:05:43.560 be really effective, So you can incrementally just reset multiple 0:05:43.600 --> 0:05:47.040 times throughout the day and still show up differently. Yeah. 0:05:47.080 --> 0:05:49.039 I was on a tour bus recently with Joe Coy. 0:05:49.200 --> 0:05:51.880 You know Joe. Obviously we've spent some time with him. 0:05:52.240 --> 0:05:54.120 You saw him this morning at my house. When because 0:05:54.120 --> 0:05:56.320 Shelley supped at my house last night and Joe also 0:05:56.360 --> 0:05:58.680 slept at my house last night without not together, we 0:05:58.680 --> 0:06:02.320 didn't sleep. Actually, well maybe we did. I just want 0:06:02.360 --> 0:06:04.920 to clarify that. And I was on his tour bus 0:06:05.000 --> 0:06:08.600 traveling and I didn't have any alone time, because when 0:06:08.600 --> 0:06:11.359 I'm with Joe, I'm with Joe all the time, and 0:06:11.480 --> 0:06:14.720 I didn't have any alone time to meditate, and I 0:06:14.760 --> 0:06:16.799 did that. I just was like I was with seven 0:06:16.839 --> 0:06:19.200 men on a bus, oh my god, driving through the 0:06:19.240 --> 0:06:21.279 middle of the night to our hotel that we would 0:06:21.360 --> 0:06:23.400 arrive at five in the morning, living a life that 0:06:23.480 --> 0:06:25.920 I don't want to live. I mean that I didn't 0:06:25.920 --> 0:06:27.880 want to live, but I will because I like to 0:06:27.920 --> 0:06:31.560 be with him, and I would do that. I did 0:06:31.560 --> 0:06:34.480 those like little bursts like ninety seconds just breathing, like 0:06:34.560 --> 0:06:38.239 just sitting alone and taking three or four really deep 0:06:38.320 --> 0:06:42.560 inhales and really slow egg shales and just calming yourself 0:06:42.600 --> 0:06:45.279 and calming your brain. And that does really work too. 0:06:45.720 --> 0:06:47.400 I feel like, because I like to be such a 0:06:47.400 --> 0:06:50.560 good student because I never went to college. So I 0:06:50.560 --> 0:06:52.960 feel like if I don't meditate twenty minutes every single 0:06:53.000 --> 0:06:54.680 day that I'm and if I missed two days in raw, 0:06:54.720 --> 0:06:57.880 I'm like, it's ober, I'm gonna get arrested, you know. 0:06:58.040 --> 0:06:59.680 Like it's a nice little kind of thing to do. 0:06:59.800 --> 0:07:02.040 And I know eckart tole I talks about that too, 0:07:02.120 --> 0:07:05.599 that it's not about necessarily sitting and meditating for a 0:07:05.640 --> 0:07:08.279 certain period of time. It's about taking those breaks throughout 0:07:08.320 --> 0:07:11.040 the day. So that's always good advice. So the book 0:07:11.160 --> 0:07:13.160 talks about how to kind of do all of that. 0:07:13.320 --> 0:07:15.000 And in the book you talk about how you started 0:07:15.000 --> 0:07:17.880 a meditation group in Florida where you lived with twelve 0:07:17.920 --> 0:07:21.120 friends on the beach in Hollywood, Florida. I had twelve 0:07:21.120 --> 0:07:23.640 girlfriends that we're all going through very different times of 0:07:23.680 --> 0:07:26.440 their lives, like one just had cancer, another one was 0:07:26.520 --> 0:07:29.600 going through divorce, another was an empty nester. Everybody was 0:07:29.640 --> 0:07:31.960 going through some sort of like a cluster fuck moment 0:07:31.960 --> 0:07:35.040 in their lives. And I was that annoying friend who 0:07:35.040 --> 0:07:39.280 would always tell people like you should meditate. And finally 0:07:39.320 --> 0:07:41.400 one of my friends called me out and she said, well, 0:07:41.640 --> 0:07:44.120 then teach us how to meditate, Like stop telling us 0:07:44.160 --> 0:07:46.560 what to do and actually just teach us. So I said, yeah, great, 0:07:46.600 --> 0:07:48.760 let's all just meet on the beach on the Sunday morning, 0:07:48.760 --> 0:07:53.480 And we did in November of and within six months 0:07:53.520 --> 0:07:56.280 we had a thousand people show up to meditate together 0:07:56.440 --> 0:07:59.040 just through word of mouth, which was incredible, and so 0:07:59.080 --> 0:08:02.960 the community, which stopped meeting obviously due to COVID. The 0:08:03.040 --> 0:08:05.000 last time I actually was on that beach, was on 0:08:05.080 --> 0:08:09.240 March of eventually had fifteen thousand people that were part 0:08:09.240 --> 0:08:12.000 of that group, which is really phenomenal in a testament 0:08:12.040 --> 0:08:15.040 to how you can just you know, snowball things by 0:08:15.120 --> 0:08:19.200 just continuously showing up. Oh that's amazing. Fifteen thousand people, 0:08:19.240 --> 0:08:22.119 that's so crazy. And you came from corporate America. Yeah, 0:08:22.160 --> 0:08:25.960 she was running a Fortune five hundred company. Was something 0:08:25.960 --> 0:08:29.400 along those lines. I like to throw around corporate terms. Sure, yeah, 0:08:29.520 --> 0:08:31.840 sure she was. But you were running a company, Yes, 0:08:31.920 --> 0:08:34.720 I was. I was running a company with employees and 0:08:34.800 --> 0:08:38.120 fourteen markets across the country, and I was as miserable 0:08:38.160 --> 0:08:40.640 as it could be. Like I finally reached my goal. 0:08:41.040 --> 0:08:43.520 I was like, yes, I finally made it. I wanted 0:08:43.520 --> 0:08:45.840 to be a CEO, was very living a very gold 0:08:46.120 --> 0:08:49.520 centered life. And I was thirty six years old and 0:08:49.559 --> 0:08:53.000 I remember working late one night. Everybody was gone from 0:08:53.000 --> 0:08:55.080 the office. Was me and like the person like cleaning 0:08:55.080 --> 0:08:57.880 the floor, and I just looked around and I started 0:08:57.880 --> 0:09:00.320 to cry. I just wept, and I was like, I'm 0:09:00.360 --> 0:09:03.079 so miserable. Is this really as good as my life's 0:09:03.080 --> 0:09:05.560 going to get? Now? Like I finally reached my goal? Right? 0:09:06.000 --> 0:09:08.200 This my whole life had been finding for this, and 0:09:08.240 --> 0:09:11.040 I realized that night like that something really big and 0:09:11.120 --> 0:09:14.080 drastic had to happen. And when I got home that night, 0:09:14.559 --> 0:09:18.600 after sitting in traffic because is always under construction, I'm 0:09:18.600 --> 0:09:22.200 sure that will resonate with anyone on that I got 0:09:22.240 --> 0:09:24.240 home and my son, who at the time was I 0:09:24.280 --> 0:09:27.800 think like fourteen years old, looked at me and he said, 0:09:27.840 --> 0:09:30.080 you know, mom, you know what the happiest day of 0:09:30.080 --> 0:09:31.760 my life is going to be. And I said what? 0:09:32.200 --> 0:09:34.560 And he said the day you quit your damn job. 0:09:34.960 --> 0:09:38.240 And I was like, whoa, you should start taking your 0:09:38.280 --> 0:09:42.680 own advice lady. You know, yeah, that's that. But that 0:09:42.720 --> 0:09:45.280 woke you up? Right? Did it? Totally? Did it threw 0:09:45.280 --> 0:09:47.800 me out of the nest? So out of the mouth 0:09:47.880 --> 0:09:50.680 of babes? Isn't that what parents say? Out of the 0:09:50.760 --> 0:09:54.240 mouths of babes? Yes, exactly, And then something else I 0:09:54.280 --> 0:09:56.200 don't know the rest of the saying. And that's because 0:09:56.280 --> 0:10:00.120 I'm barren. Okay, So today since I do have have 0:10:00.200 --> 0:10:02.440 somebody who actually has a lot of experience. Oh and 0:10:02.480 --> 0:10:06.480 I also went to a retreat, let's just quickly recap that. 0:10:06.760 --> 0:10:08.880 So I was on Martha's Viniard. A few summers ago, 0:10:09.040 --> 0:10:13.600 Kelly strong armed me into coming to a retreat in Barry, Pennsylvania, 0:10:14.080 --> 0:10:18.439 Barry Massachusetts, Barry Massachuse, sorry, my bad, that's right, Barry, Massachusetts, 0:10:18.440 --> 0:10:20.400 And like an idiot, I said, sure, sure. It was 0:10:20.480 --> 0:10:24.120 a gun violence survival retreat. So basically a lot of 0:10:24.120 --> 0:10:28.239 people from Parkland and a lot of people from Differentsburg, Chicago, 0:10:28.440 --> 0:10:32.240 outside Chicago were there, and so I was like, really, 0:10:32.360 --> 0:10:35.040 is this appropriate a for me to even be there? 0:10:35.440 --> 0:10:37.679 But it was because you know, once you get there, 0:10:37.760 --> 0:10:41.640 everyone was staying on what is that place called, It's 0:10:41.679 --> 0:10:44.840 called the Forest Refuge. It's a Buddhist meditation center that's 0:10:44.880 --> 0:10:47.520 part of I m S, which is Insite Meditation Society 0:10:47.559 --> 0:10:50.960 that was founded by Sharon Salzburg and Jack Cornfeld, right, okay, 0:10:51.000 --> 0:10:53.920 and those two are very big in the meditation mindfulness game. 0:10:54.559 --> 0:10:57.240 And I stayed at a hotel because obviously that was 0:10:57.920 --> 0:11:01.079 breakfast and Bradley called a hotel, right, right, I stayed 0:11:01.400 --> 0:11:04.760 at what was available closest to the spot. After the 0:11:04.840 --> 0:11:06.480 first couple of days, so there was like you know, 0:11:06.520 --> 0:11:09.000 breakout sessions, you have kind of like group sessions. You 0:11:09.000 --> 0:11:11.559 get put with a group and then lunch comes and 0:11:11.640 --> 0:11:16.520 everyone prepares the lunch together. Yeah, they're different. You have 0:11:16.559 --> 0:11:19.040 you have a Yogi job, and I obviously, you know, 0:11:19.120 --> 0:11:22.800 can't prepare anything you cut carrot video, because I mean 0:11:22.920 --> 0:11:25.360 I can cut a carrot. But once I got wind 0:11:25.400 --> 0:11:27.480 of like that would be the male situation, I had 0:11:27.480 --> 0:11:30.120 to start to think outside the box. And so one 0:11:30.200 --> 0:11:31.720 day I was like, I was like, I can eat 0:11:31.720 --> 0:11:34.040 soup and like vegetarian food, but at some point I'm 0:11:34.040 --> 0:11:36.640 going to need something a little bit spicier or with 0:11:36.679 --> 0:11:39.440 a little bit more, you know, action. So I finally 0:11:39.440 --> 0:11:41.640 found a pizza place, and I remember going on like 0:11:41.800 --> 0:11:44.360 day three, I went and I was like, I'm fucking 0:11:44.559 --> 0:11:47.600 done with this food. I am going off on some pizza. 0:11:47.760 --> 0:11:49.680 And I went to this pizza place and I ordered 0:11:49.880 --> 0:11:53.880 garlic knots an entire pizza. And I sat down at 0:11:53.960 --> 0:11:56.400 the table and as soon as I and I had 0:11:56.440 --> 0:11:57.920 all the food spread out in front of me, and 0:11:57.920 --> 0:11:59.880 I was like, I am going off. I've eat nothing 0:12:00.120 --> 0:12:03.880 like cabbage and soup and what it was very bish. Yeah, 0:12:05.080 --> 0:12:07.400 something I didn't know that I didn't need. And then 0:12:07.600 --> 0:12:11.720 two other people from the retreat walked at the same time, 0:12:12.280 --> 0:12:16.080 and I just looked like I looked like Harvey Weinstein 0:12:16.200 --> 0:12:18.720 at a dinner table, like it was so disgusting what 0:12:18.800 --> 0:12:21.320 I was preparing to just shove down my throat. And 0:12:21.440 --> 0:12:23.800 as I looked up, I'm like, oh, no, I'm not. 0:12:24.320 --> 0:12:26.640 And then I'm like, wait, they're fucking here too. It's 0:12:26.640 --> 0:12:29.400 a small town. Oh my god. And then the last night, 0:12:29.400 --> 0:12:31.280 I remember there was that cute black guy there that 0:12:31.360 --> 0:12:34.400 I was like, how they came for him? I can't 0:12:34.440 --> 0:12:36.360 remember it. It was the last night we all had 0:12:36.440 --> 0:12:38.720 drinks and then we invited them over and they came over, 0:12:38.760 --> 0:12:40.160 and I was like, oh God, if I hook up 0:12:40.160 --> 0:12:42.440 at this retreat, it will all be worth it. I 0:12:42.480 --> 0:12:44.960 mean it was worth it anyway obviously, but that would 0:12:44.960 --> 0:12:46.760 have just been even better. But I'm glad I didn't 0:12:46.760 --> 0:12:48.480 hook up with him anyway, because then I saw that 0:12:48.480 --> 0:12:50.720 picture of him on the beach. Anyway, So we're going 0:12:50.760 --> 0:12:54.040 to take some callers, and I see we actually, Catherine, 0:12:54.040 --> 0:12:58.000 who do we have? First? We actually have Alex who 0:12:58.080 --> 0:13:00.680 we talked to last season and you sent him to 0:13:00.760 --> 0:13:03.880 see Shelley at Pandemic of Love. So he is going 0:13:03.920 --> 0:13:05.640 to join us and tell us a little bit about 0:13:05.679 --> 0:13:13.400 his experience. Hi Alex. Hi, Alex could just cry, I swear, 0:13:14.040 --> 0:13:16.439 how wonderful. Oh my gosh, Shelley, it's so good to 0:13:16.480 --> 0:13:20.240 see you. Oh my god, Hi, Chelsea, are so cute, stopping, 0:13:21.800 --> 0:13:24.000 they are so cute to Oh my god, look how 0:13:24.040 --> 0:13:26.680 happy you are. I remember last time we spoke, you 0:13:26.720 --> 0:13:30.880 were so remember, oh my god, so Alex. For our listeners, 0:13:30.920 --> 0:13:33.760 let me just recap. So the last time Alex called in, 0:13:34.000 --> 0:13:37.280 you were really stressed out about your rent, about seeing 0:13:37.320 --> 0:13:40.080 your father, who had just recently been diagnosed right with 0:13:40.160 --> 0:13:43.840 some cancer. Yeah he was radiation yet, yes, and you 0:13:43.920 --> 0:13:46.200 had no You were a hot mess because you were 0:13:46.200 --> 0:13:48.360 dealing with so much stress, and it was in the 0:13:48.360 --> 0:13:51.520 middle of COVID and you didn't think you could afford 0:13:51.520 --> 0:13:53.000 your rent. You didn't you didn't know if you're gonna 0:13:53.000 --> 0:13:54.520 get kicked out, and you you couldn't afford to go to 0:13:54.559 --> 0:13:56.800 your father. And I said to get in touch with 0:13:56.880 --> 0:14:01.160 pandemic of love, and within I don't know, seventy two hours, 0:14:01.320 --> 0:14:03.200 you had a plane ticket back to see your dad. 0:14:03.520 --> 0:14:06.520 I mean, talk about miracle working, Shelley. That is a miracle. 0:14:07.000 --> 0:14:09.719 I mean, it's just a conduit, really right, It's just 0:14:09.760 --> 0:14:13.280 so it's it is beautiful. It's it's I just in retrospect, 0:14:13.320 --> 0:14:16.400 I feel like at the time, I was like flailing 0:14:16.880 --> 0:14:19.920 and like I felt like I was drowning and there 0:14:19.960 --> 0:14:22.120 was like nothing to grab onto because it was like, 0:14:22.600 --> 0:14:25.560 my dad's sick, my job has been negatively impacted by 0:14:25.560 --> 0:14:28.400 the pandemic, my housing situation is kind of messed up, 0:14:28.400 --> 0:14:30.840 and it just felt like there was no kind of 0:14:30.840 --> 0:14:34.960 safe ground. And yeah, it was wild how quickly Shelley 0:14:35.400 --> 0:14:38.640 was just like, what do you need? I'm here for you. 0:14:39.040 --> 0:14:42.600 It's really the last thing you think about when you're 0:14:42.640 --> 0:14:46.000 in the midst of all that was asked somebody for help. 0:14:46.080 --> 0:14:48.080 It was just the last thing that came to mind, 0:14:48.080 --> 0:14:51.800 because I I think that what's fundamental about your organization, Shelley, 0:14:51.920 --> 0:14:55.160 is that there's a realization that the last eighteen months 0:14:55.240 --> 0:14:59.480 are bizarre and not normal, and what we're going through 0:14:59.560 --> 0:15:02.040 is not horrible, and we can't have prepared for this 0:15:02.200 --> 0:15:05.280 even if we wanted to so right, and we all 0:15:05.320 --> 0:15:09.000 need each other. I think oftentimes we're so in this 0:15:09.120 --> 0:15:12.640 state of freeze, right, fight flight or freeze, and so 0:15:12.840 --> 0:15:15.680 a lot of us just freeze when we're like flailing 0:15:16.400 --> 0:15:19.880 as you described it, and we we don't know what 0:15:19.960 --> 0:15:22.280 to do, so we don't do anything. Yeah, you know, 0:15:22.360 --> 0:15:26.280 and asking for help is like very intimidating. What's also 0:15:26.320 --> 0:15:30.560 special about your kind of care is that I intentionally, 0:15:30.560 --> 0:15:31.680 I don't know if you felt this at all, but 0:15:31.720 --> 0:15:34.200 I like, after maybe the first week or so, kind 0:15:34.240 --> 0:15:36.760 of took a step back from sending you updates because 0:15:37.320 --> 0:15:40.320 you're so upfront with all of the people you're helping 0:15:40.360 --> 0:15:43.520 who are in such enormous need, and it's really difficult 0:15:43.560 --> 0:15:46.440 to feel worthy of help, you know, amongst all those people. 0:15:46.840 --> 0:15:48.960 And I kind of took a step back and just thought, 0:15:48.960 --> 0:15:51.000 you know, you helped me like cover when I read checks. 0:15:51.000 --> 0:15:54.640 You helped me cover a wildly late electric and gas bill. 0:15:55.080 --> 0:15:56.440 And then I was just like, you know what, I 0:15:56.520 --> 0:15:58.440 don't think I need any more. And then about a 0:15:58.480 --> 0:16:00.880 month later you d M to me and you're like, 0:16:00.960 --> 0:16:04.560 so that trip to se your dad, I was like, what, Like, 0:16:05.080 --> 0:16:07.320 how is I thought that like it was a wrap 0:16:07.360 --> 0:16:13.000 on this, Like just you entered my heart. You you care, 0:16:13.800 --> 0:16:16.720 you love like relentlessly, and I think that is such 0:16:16.760 --> 0:16:19.880 like a special guest, especially like as somebody's a teacher 0:16:20.200 --> 0:16:23.480 to to love still relentlessly for so many people, is like, 0:16:24.560 --> 0:16:27.720 that is so true. I wake up and there's text 0:16:27.720 --> 0:16:30.280 from her going, you are special, you are loved. You 0:16:30.320 --> 0:16:33.480 need to hear this today, And I'm like, what, I mean, 0:16:33.600 --> 0:16:36.480 where does that capacity come from? I would say it 0:16:36.560 --> 0:16:41.600 comes from twenty years of meta practice, loving kinds practice, 0:16:41.640 --> 0:16:44.760 but really just expanding your heart out. I think the 0:16:44.800 --> 0:16:47.600 more we we love on people, the more that it 0:16:47.680 --> 0:16:50.240 just bounces back and comes back to us, you know, 0:16:50.520 --> 0:16:53.280 and it's contagious, like I've become I feel like a 0:16:53.280 --> 0:16:56.760 better teacher. Are small interactions with each other, it's really 0:16:56.800 --> 0:17:02.040 really special. I decried about I'm gonna cry, Alex, well 0:17:02.040 --> 0:17:05.320 now everyone I know and are you crying a little bit? 0:17:05.400 --> 0:17:08.520 Can you cry? Can you start crying too? So tell us? 0:17:08.520 --> 0:17:10.520 How's your dad doing? By the way, yeah, how was 0:17:10.560 --> 0:17:14.520 your trip? You know how those trips to see your 0:17:14.520 --> 0:17:16.840 parents I think get more special as you enture your 0:17:16.880 --> 0:17:20.160 like mid twenties. We smoked the blunt together and we 0:17:20.160 --> 0:17:22.760 went and visit We went visited my mom's grave stone, 0:17:22.760 --> 0:17:25.480 which we haven't probably haven't done such well. And I 0:17:25.840 --> 0:17:28.520 hadn't been home in over two years. So just being home, 0:17:28.560 --> 0:17:31.680 I think after being in the city and experiencing that 0:17:31.800 --> 0:17:35.480 really intense drop of the pandemic was it was nice. 0:17:35.520 --> 0:17:37.919 It's a really good breath of fresh air, so it 0:17:37.960 --> 0:17:41.639 was amazing. His doctor apparently thinks that he will be 0:17:41.680 --> 0:17:45.080 find the next two years at least. So definitely about 0:17:45.119 --> 0:17:46.639 the fresh air because I was looking pretty bleak for 0:17:46.680 --> 0:17:50.560 a minute. Oh that's great, that's great news. That's amazing. 0:17:50.640 --> 0:17:54.000 Oh I'm so happy. I'm so happy too. And that's 0:17:54.000 --> 0:17:55.760 the other thing is I told us to Shelley already, 0:17:55.760 --> 0:17:58.480 but like I didn't realize how valuable that trip was 0:17:58.560 --> 0:18:01.000 because I hadn't seen I got in two years and 0:18:01.160 --> 0:18:03.199 I might only have two arms left with him. So 0:18:03.280 --> 0:18:05.440 it's truly a priceless gift that you gave me, Shelley, 0:18:05.520 --> 0:18:08.439 Thank you well. It came through Chelsea and it was 0:18:08.480 --> 0:18:12.240 through her community. So let's remember that it takes a community. 0:18:12.280 --> 0:18:15.600 That's the whole premise of this, right, It's not one person. 0:18:15.800 --> 0:18:18.000 It's like we're all. If you are brave enough to 0:18:18.040 --> 0:18:21.360 ask for help, which you were and you are, then 0:18:22.000 --> 0:18:24.800 it allows for that floodgate of love to come in. 0:18:25.119 --> 0:18:27.199 And I'm so happy that we were able to surround 0:18:27.200 --> 0:18:29.840 you with that love. That's amazing. You're worth it. Yeah, 0:18:29.880 --> 0:18:32.640 and it's great to hear that. You're also like reciprocating 0:18:32.640 --> 0:18:36.080 that out to other people, you know, because when you 0:18:36.119 --> 0:18:38.919 are loved, you love right, and when I feel it, 0:18:39.000 --> 0:18:41.399 I want to give it. So it's always important to 0:18:41.400 --> 0:18:45.520 remember to instead of withholding or retreating, to always move 0:18:45.880 --> 0:18:50.919 towards someone and towards another person. Yeah, loneliness to sort 0:18:50.960 --> 0:18:54.840 of selfish in a way. It's like in receiving love, 0:18:54.920 --> 0:18:58.879 you're actually able to become a vessel for that. It's 0:18:58.920 --> 0:19:02.199 almost like if you nor that care, it's kind of 0:19:02.240 --> 0:19:09.720 a lost possibility. And how's your teaching going? By the way, 0:19:06.240 --> 0:19:11.720 I love it. I love it. You have to come 0:19:11.720 --> 0:19:14.320 to my show at the Beacon, so both of you 0:19:14.359 --> 0:19:16.720 that you're both coming on you will both be there 0:19:16.760 --> 0:19:19.199 that same week. Yeah, you'll get us both in the 0:19:19.320 --> 0:19:22.800 same week. O fun. I love it, Alex. I love 0:19:22.840 --> 0:19:26.159 these updates. That's so fucking awesome. I can't wait to 0:19:26.240 --> 0:19:29.400 meet you and hug you in person. Me too, Thank 0:19:29.440 --> 0:19:33.159 you so much, you too, thank you? Okay, bye? I 0:19:33.240 --> 0:19:38.400 love you, love you, love you. Yeah, he deserves our love, right, 0:19:38.560 --> 0:19:41.560 everyone does. Amazing, Joe says, I love you to everyone, 0:19:41.600 --> 0:19:43.359 And I'm just going to start saying it too. Yes, 0:19:43.440 --> 0:19:46.320 he should, because everybody loves you. Everybody tells you they 0:19:46.359 --> 0:19:48.879 love you. Well, I know, I know. I sometimes I 0:19:48.880 --> 0:19:50.840 don't say I love you too people because I find 0:19:50.840 --> 0:19:53.159 it to be insincere. But you know what, it's just 0:19:53.320 --> 0:19:55.200 good to say I love you, I think so too, 0:19:55.359 --> 0:19:57.360 or even love you. You don't have to like make 0:19:57.359 --> 0:20:03.680 it romantic. Okay, Katherine, So what else do we have today? Well, 0:20:03.720 --> 0:20:06.520 today we're talking about bettering yourself and I feel like 0:20:06.600 --> 0:20:10.080 we just did talking to Alex. We're talking about self love, 0:20:10.320 --> 0:20:14.240 continuing education, healing from a bad relationship, all kinds of 0:20:14.280 --> 0:20:18.080 ways people are betting themselves. Okay, let's do it. That 0:20:18.119 --> 0:20:21.160