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Speaker 1: Oh, good afternoon people, Good morning, good evening. Buenos has

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Speaker 1: Buenos Chard's Buenos no Chase. Welcome to the Dear Chelsea Podcast.

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Speaker 1: We are in season two and Hi Catherine, how are

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Speaker 1: you doing. Hi? I'm great today. Oh yeah, you look

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Speaker 1: so chipper. I love it. Well. Thanks. I've had my

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Speaker 1: coffee or I've been drinking this mud water, which is

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Speaker 1: very tasty, and I'm not missing coffee. So what is

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Speaker 1: mud and water? It's adaptogen's. It's like some kind of

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Speaker 1: mushroom thing and it has like a little bit of caffeine,

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Speaker 1: like a tea amount of caffeine. But it tastes like

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Speaker 1: Chai tasting. Drinking chis Chis with oat milk. That's what

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Speaker 1: Joe gets me when he goes to Coffee Bean. That's

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Speaker 1: his favorite place. But what the funk is chis Chi tea?

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Speaker 1: I don't. I think it's a tea. And I think

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Speaker 1: you can get a latta version, like if you go

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Speaker 1: to a Starbucks or something or go to a coffee shop.

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Speaker 1: But yeah, I think it's a tea. Is it sugar?

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Speaker 1: It has a lot of ad sugar and a little

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Speaker 1: bit you could say easy sugar, but I think it'd

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Speaker 1: be too spicy without sugar. I have an iced chie

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Speaker 1: with oat milk. I like that and I guzzle it.

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Speaker 1: I love it. Oh my god, it's so delicious. And

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Speaker 1: then I was like, what am I drinking? I don't

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Speaker 1: even know what's in this. I like a hot a

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Speaker 1: soy chai latte because I think that as a little

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Speaker 1: extra natural sweetness from the soy milk. That's why I

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Speaker 1: like the problem with hot drinks with me. As soon

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Speaker 1: as I have a sip of anything hot, I start

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Speaker 1: to perspire underneath my arms and a couple of other places.

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Speaker 1: I have a very special friend today. Okay, So on

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Speaker 1: this podcast we talk about the Pandemic of Love a

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Speaker 1: lot that my friend Shelley to Gelski started founded and

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Speaker 1: executes on the regular. And I know that because I

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Speaker 1: have people hit me up on Instagram for money all

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Speaker 1: the time, and I finally have somewhere to send them

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Speaker 1: besides giving them my own money. There's actually a resource

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Speaker 1: for people. And what's even well, not more exciting, but

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Speaker 1: equally as exciting as Pandemic of of is that she

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Speaker 1: has a new book that comes out on October and

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Speaker 1: it's called Sit Down to Rise Up, which is a

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Speaker 1: book I've mentioned earlier, but I really can't say enough

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Speaker 1: amazing things about it, and I have to encourage all

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Speaker 1: of our listeners to go get a copy of this

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Speaker 1: book to make you a better member of your community,

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Speaker 1: to make you feel like a contributor and somebody who

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Speaker 1: is there not just for yourself, but for your neighbors

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Speaker 1: and for the people that are really in need. Because

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Speaker 1: there are times in our lives where we need help,

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Speaker 1: and there are times in our lives where we can

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Speaker 1: give help. So it is good for everybody to be

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Speaker 1: a community member and a team builder, if you will.

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Speaker 1: I don't know what that means, but I've heard it's

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Speaker 1: a corporate term and I like it anyway. Please welcome

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Speaker 1: Shelley Sigelski. Hi Shelly, Hi, Hi Shelly. And I became

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Speaker 1: friends at the Wisdom two point oh conference with Dan,

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Speaker 1: my psychiatrist. She knows Dan, I do, and I'm at

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Speaker 1: her backstage and she was wearing one of her ridiculously colorful,

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Speaker 1: bright outfits, and I just, in a sea of psycho iatris, neurophysicists, neuroscientists,

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Speaker 1: blah blah blah blah blah, spiritualist, I just looked at

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Speaker 1: her outfit and I'll never forget. I think you had

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Speaker 1: rainbow sneakers in a whole rainbow out. Yeah. And we

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Speaker 1: met backstage and she was normal, and I was like,

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Speaker 1: you know, I felt, well, you are. You're a normal

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Speaker 1: person for the most part, but not a regular person.

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Speaker 1: You're a normal person. And we went out that night

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Speaker 1: for drinks. I was with my sissy Samoe, and my

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Speaker 1: sister and my older sister because it was in San Francisco,

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Speaker 1: and we went out for drinks that night and we

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Speaker 1: just all hit it off. And now she's really good

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Speaker 1: friends with my sister Simone I am, and they spend

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Speaker 1: so much time to get Yeah, that's your sister too. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: My sister's like, I'll take Shelley, thank you, love her.

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Speaker 1: I know she's good. She's good. So let's talk about

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Speaker 1: the book first, because this is your first book. It

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Speaker 1: is my first book. It's nerve racking, is it. It's

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Speaker 1: frightening and it's exciting at the same time, for sure,

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Speaker 1: because you're putting so much of yourself out there and

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Speaker 1: you're really nervous about what the reception is going to be.

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Speaker 1: But the book is really about connecting the inner work

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Speaker 1: with the outer world. It's frustrating for me as somebody

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Speaker 1: who's in this industrial wellness complex that is constantly trying

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Speaker 1: to sell you things. You know, more, more beauty products,

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Speaker 1: more chai latte, is more of everything. And it's frustrating

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Speaker 1: for me because I see so many people who spend

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Speaker 1: so much time just working on themselves constantly, and I'm like,

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Speaker 1: in pursuit of what just so that you could be

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Speaker 1: better or because you actually want to show up differently

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Speaker 1: in the world. And so the whole premise of the

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Speaker 1: book is really to knock people off their asses a

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Speaker 1: little bit and encourage them to not just sit down

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Speaker 1: in meditation and do the inner work, but to rise

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Speaker 1: up and actually make it effective for everybody, the fact

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Speaker 1: that you're a better person because a better version of

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Speaker 1: the world starts with the best version of ourselves, right,

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Speaker 1: And you don't even necessarily need to meditate to rise up.

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Speaker 1: You don't need to sit down to rise up. But

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Speaker 1: it is a great tool to help you once you

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Speaker 1: can apply that to yourself. It's easier to apply it

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Speaker 1: to the old. But you know, one you can do one.

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Speaker 1: You can rise up and you don't have to meditate.

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Speaker 1: If anyone is here, like fuck, I can't do it.

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Speaker 1: I can't rise up because I can't meditate. Everyone can meditate, Chelsea.

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Speaker 1: You know that. I know that everyone can meditate. I

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Speaker 1: know that. Well, actually that's not true. Well everyone can,

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Speaker 1: but a lot of people get really really they lose

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Speaker 1: interests really quickly. That's true. But I think it's also

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Speaker 1: because we set these like lofty goals for ourselves and

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Speaker 1: we think like, oh, I need to sit down for

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Speaker 1: twenty minutes and burn incense and chant and have a mantra,

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Speaker 1: and that you can actually just meditate in increments of

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Speaker 1: like ninety seconds a day, and that's been proven to

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Speaker 1: be really effective, So you can incrementally just reset multiple

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Speaker 1: times throughout the day and still show up differently. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: I was on a tour bus recently with Joe Coy.

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Speaker 1: You know Joe. Obviously we've spent some time with him.

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Speaker 1: You saw him this morning at my house. When because

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Speaker 1: Shelley supped at my house last night and Joe also

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Speaker 1: slept at my house last night without not together, we

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Speaker 1: didn't sleep. Actually, well maybe we did. I just want

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Speaker 1: to clarify that. And I was on his tour bus

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Speaker 1: traveling and I didn't have any alone time, because when

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Speaker 1: I'm with Joe, I'm with Joe all the time, and

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Speaker 1: I didn't have any alone time to meditate, and I

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Speaker 1: did that. I just was like I was with seven

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Speaker 1: men on a bus, oh my god, driving through the

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Speaker 1: middle of the night to our hotel that we would

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Speaker 1: arrive at five in the morning, living a life that

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Speaker 1: I don't want to live. I mean that I didn't

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Speaker 1: want to live, but I will because I like to

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Speaker 1: be with him, and I would do that. I did

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Speaker 1: those like little bursts like ninety seconds just breathing, like

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Speaker 1: just sitting alone and taking three or four really deep

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Speaker 1: inhales and really slow egg shales and just calming yourself

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Speaker 1: and calming your brain. And that does really work too.

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Speaker 1: I feel like, because I like to be such a

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Speaker 1: good student because I never went to college. So I

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Speaker 1: feel like if I don't meditate twenty minutes every single

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Speaker 1: day that I'm and if I missed two days in raw,

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Speaker 1: I'm like, it's ober, I'm gonna get arrested, you know.

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Speaker 1: Like it's a nice little kind of thing to do.

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Speaker 1: And I know eckart tole I talks about that too,

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Speaker 1: that it's not about necessarily sitting and meditating for a

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Speaker 1: certain period of time. It's about taking those breaks throughout

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Speaker 1: the day. So that's always good advice. So the book

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Speaker 1: talks about how to kind of do all of that.

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Speaker 1: And in the book you talk about how you started

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Speaker 1: a meditation group in Florida where you lived with twelve

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Speaker 1: friends on the beach in Hollywood, Florida. I had twelve

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Speaker 1: girlfriends that we're all going through very different times of

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Speaker 1: their lives, like one just had cancer, another one was

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Speaker 1: going through divorce, another was an empty nester. Everybody was

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Speaker 1: going through some sort of like a cluster fuck moment

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Speaker 1: in their lives. And I was that annoying friend who

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Speaker 1: would always tell people like you should meditate. And finally

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Speaker 1: one of my friends called me out and she said, well,

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Speaker 1: then teach us how to meditate, Like stop telling us

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Speaker 1: what to do and actually just teach us. So I said, yeah, great,

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Speaker 1: let's all just meet on the beach on the Sunday morning,

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Speaker 1: And we did in November of and within six months

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Speaker 1: we had a thousand people show up to meditate together

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Speaker 1: just through word of mouth, which was incredible, and so

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Speaker 1: the community, which stopped meeting obviously due to COVID. The

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Speaker 1: last time I actually was on that beach, was on

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Speaker 1: March of eventually had fifteen thousand people that were part

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Speaker 1: of that group, which is really phenomenal in a testament

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Speaker 1: to how you can just you know, snowball things by

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Speaker 1: just continuously showing up. Oh that's amazing. Fifteen thousand people,

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Speaker 1: that's so crazy. And you came from corporate America. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: she was running a Fortune five hundred company. Was something

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Speaker 1: along those lines. I like to throw around corporate terms. Sure, yeah,

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Speaker 1: sure she was. But you were running a company, Yes,

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Speaker 1: I was. I was running a company with employees and

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Speaker 1: fourteen markets across the country, and I was as miserable

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Speaker 1: as it could be. Like I finally reached my goal.

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Speaker 1: I was like, yes, I finally made it. I wanted

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Speaker 1: to be a CEO, was very living a very gold

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Speaker 1: centered life. And I was thirty six years old and

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Speaker 1: I remember working late one night. Everybody was gone from

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Speaker 1: the office. Was me and like the person like cleaning

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Speaker 1: the floor, and I just looked around and I started

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Speaker 1: to cry. I just wept, and I was like, I'm

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Speaker 1: so miserable. Is this really as good as my life's

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Speaker 1: going to get? Now? Like I finally reached my goal? Right?

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Speaker 1: This my whole life had been finding for this, and

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Speaker 1: I realized that night like that something really big and

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Speaker 1: drastic had to happen. And when I got home that night,

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Speaker 1: after sitting in traffic because is always under construction, I'm

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Speaker 1: sure that will resonate with anyone on that I got

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Speaker 1: home and my son, who at the time was I

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Speaker 1: think like fourteen years old, looked at me and he said,

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Speaker 1: you know, mom, you know what the happiest day of

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Speaker 1: my life is going to be. And I said what?

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Speaker 1: And he said the day you quit your damn job.

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Speaker 1: And I was like, whoa, you should start taking your

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Speaker 1: own advice lady. You know, yeah, that's that. But that

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Speaker 1: woke you up? Right? Did it? Totally? Did it threw

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Speaker 1: me out of the nest? So out of the mouth

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Speaker 1: of babes? Isn't that what parents say? Out of the

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Speaker 1: mouths of babes? Yes, exactly, And then something else I

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Speaker 1: don't know the rest of the saying. And that's because

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Speaker 1: I'm barren. Okay, So today since I do have have

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Speaker 1: somebody who actually has a lot of experience. Oh and

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Speaker 1: I also went to a retreat, let's just quickly recap that.

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Speaker 1: So I was on Martha's Viniard. A few summers ago,

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Speaker 1: Kelly strong armed me into coming to a retreat in Barry, Pennsylvania,

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Speaker 1: Barry Massachusetts, Barry Massachuse, sorry, my bad, that's right, Barry, Massachusetts,

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Speaker 1: And like an idiot, I said, sure, sure. It was

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Speaker 1: a gun violence survival retreat. So basically a lot of

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Speaker 1: people from Parkland and a lot of people from Differentsburg, Chicago,

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Speaker 1: outside Chicago were there, and so I was like, really,

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Speaker 1: is this appropriate a for me to even be there?

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Speaker 1: But it was because you know, once you get there,

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Speaker 1: everyone was staying on what is that place called, It's

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Speaker 1: called the Forest Refuge. It's a Buddhist meditation center that's

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Speaker 1: part of I m S, which is Insite Meditation Society

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Speaker 1: that was founded by Sharon Salzburg and Jack Cornfeld, right, okay,

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Speaker 1: and those two are very big in the meditation mindfulness game.

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Speaker 1: And I stayed at a hotel because obviously that was

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Speaker 1: breakfast and Bradley called a hotel, right, right, I stayed

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Speaker 1: at what was available closest to the spot. After the

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Speaker 1: first couple of days, so there was like you know,

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Speaker 1: breakout sessions, you have kind of like group sessions. You

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Speaker 1: get put with a group and then lunch comes and

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Speaker 1: everyone prepares the lunch together. Yeah, they're different. You have

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Speaker 1: you have a Yogi job, and I obviously, you know,

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Speaker 1: can't prepare anything you cut carrot video, because I mean

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Speaker 1: I can cut a carrot. But once I got wind

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Speaker 1: of like that would be the male situation, I had

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Speaker 1: to start to think outside the box. And so one

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Speaker 1: day I was like, I was like, I can eat

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Speaker 1: soup and like vegetarian food, but at some point I'm

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Speaker 1: going to need something a little bit spicier or with

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Speaker 1: a little bit more, you know, action. So I finally

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Speaker 1: found a pizza place, and I remember going on like

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Speaker 1: day three, I went and I was like, I'm fucking

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Speaker 1: done with this food. I am going off on some pizza.

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Speaker 1: And I went to this pizza place and I ordered

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Speaker 1: garlic knots an entire pizza. And I sat down at

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Speaker 1: the table and as soon as I and I had

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Speaker 1: all the food spread out in front of me, and

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Speaker 1: I was like, I am going off. I've eat nothing

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Speaker 1: like cabbage and soup and what it was very bish. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: something I didn't know that I didn't need. And then

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Speaker 1: two other people from the retreat walked at the same time,

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Speaker 1: and I just looked like I looked like Harvey Weinstein

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Speaker 1: at a dinner table, like it was so disgusting what

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Speaker 1: I was preparing to just shove down my throat. And

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Speaker 1: as I looked up, I'm like, oh, no, I'm not.

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Speaker 1: And then I'm like, wait, they're fucking here too. It's

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Speaker 1: a small town. Oh my god. And then the last night,

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Speaker 1: I remember there was that cute black guy there that

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Speaker 1: I was like, how they came for him? I can't

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Speaker 1: remember it. It was the last night we all had

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Speaker 1: drinks and then we invited them over and they came over,

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Speaker 1: and I was like, oh God, if I hook up

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Speaker 1: at this retreat, it will all be worth it. I

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Speaker 1: mean it was worth it anyway obviously, but that would

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Speaker 1: have just been even better. But I'm glad I didn't

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Speaker 1: hook up with him anyway, because then I saw that

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Speaker 1: picture of him on the beach. Anyway, So we're going

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Speaker 1: to take some callers, and I see we actually, Catherine,

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Speaker 1: who do we have? First? We actually have Alex who

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Speaker 1: we talked to last season and you sent him to

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Speaker 1: see Shelley at Pandemic of Love. So he is going

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Speaker 1: to join us and tell us a little bit about

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Speaker 1: his experience. Hi Alex. Hi, Alex could just cry, I swear,

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Speaker 1: how wonderful. Oh my gosh, Shelley, it's so good to

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Speaker 1: see you. Oh my god, Hi, Chelsea, are so cute, stopping,

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Speaker 1: they are so cute to Oh my god, look how

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Speaker 1: happy you are. I remember last time we spoke, you

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Speaker 1: were so remember, oh my god, so Alex. For our listeners,

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Speaker 1: let me just recap. So the last time Alex called in,

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Speaker 1: you were really stressed out about your rent, about seeing

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Speaker 1: your father, who had just recently been diagnosed right with

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Speaker 1: some cancer. Yeah he was radiation yet, yes, and you

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Speaker 1: had no You were a hot mess because you were

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Speaker 1: dealing with so much stress, and it was in the

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Speaker 1: middle of COVID and you didn't think you could afford

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Speaker 1: your rent. You didn't you didn't know if you're gonna

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Speaker 1: get kicked out, and you you couldn't afford to go to

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Speaker 1: your father. And I said to get in touch with

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Speaker 1: pandemic of love, and within I don't know, seventy two hours,

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Speaker 1: you had a plane ticket back to see your dad.

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Speaker 1: I mean, talk about miracle working, Shelley. That is a miracle.

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Speaker 1: I mean, it's just a conduit, really right, It's just

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Speaker 1: so it's it is beautiful. It's it's I just in retrospect,

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Speaker 1: I feel like at the time, I was like flailing

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Speaker 1: and like I felt like I was drowning and there

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Speaker 1: was like nothing to grab onto because it was like,

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Speaker 1: my dad's sick, my job has been negatively impacted by

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Speaker 1: the pandemic, my housing situation is kind of messed up,

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Speaker 1: and it just felt like there was no kind of

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Speaker 1: safe ground. And yeah, it was wild how quickly Shelley

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Speaker 1: was just like, what do you need? I'm here for you.

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Speaker 1: It's really the last thing you think about when you're

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Speaker 1: in the midst of all that was asked somebody for help.

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Speaker 1: It was just the last thing that came to mind,

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Speaker 1: because I I think that what's fundamental about your organization, Shelley,

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Speaker 1: is that there's a realization that the last eighteen months

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Speaker 1: are bizarre and not normal, and what we're going through

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Speaker 1: is not horrible, and we can't have prepared for this

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Speaker 1: even if we wanted to so right, and we all

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Speaker 1: need each other. I think oftentimes we're so in this

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Speaker 1: state of freeze, right, fight flight or freeze, and so

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Speaker 1: a lot of us just freeze when we're like flailing

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Speaker 1: as you described it, and we we don't know what

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Speaker 1: to do, so we don't do anything. Yeah, you know,

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Speaker 1: and asking for help is like very intimidating. What's also

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Speaker 1: special about your kind of care is that I intentionally,

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Speaker 1: I don't know if you felt this at all, but

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Speaker 1: I like, after maybe the first week or so, kind

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Speaker 1: of took a step back from sending you updates because

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Speaker 1: you're so upfront with all of the people you're helping

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Speaker 1: who are in such enormous need, and it's really difficult

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Speaker 1: to feel worthy of help, you know, amongst all those people.

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Speaker 1: And I kind of took a step back and just thought,

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Speaker 1: you know, you helped me like cover when I read checks.

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Speaker 1: You helped me cover a wildly late electric and gas bill.

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Speaker 1: And then I was just like, you know what, I

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Speaker 1: don't think I need any more. And then about a

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Speaker 1: month later you d M to me and you're like,

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Speaker 1: so that trip to se your dad, I was like, what, Like,

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Speaker 1: how is I thought that like it was a wrap

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Speaker 1: on this, Like just you entered my heart. You you care,

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Speaker 1: you love like relentlessly, and I think that is such

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Speaker 1: like a special guest, especially like as somebody's a teacher

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Speaker 1: to to love still relentlessly for so many people, is like,

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Speaker 1: that is so true. I wake up and there's text

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Speaker 1: from her going, you are special, you are loved. You

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Speaker 1: need to hear this today, And I'm like, what, I mean,

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Speaker 1: where does that capacity come from? I would say it

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Speaker 1: comes from twenty years of meta practice, loving kinds practice,

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Speaker 1: but really just expanding your heart out. I think the

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Speaker 1: more we we love on people, the more that it

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Speaker 1: just bounces back and comes back to us, you know,

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Speaker 1: and it's contagious, like I've become I feel like a

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Speaker 1: better teacher. Are small interactions with each other, it's really

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Speaker 1: really special. I decried about I'm gonna cry, Alex, well

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Speaker 1: now everyone I know and are you crying a little bit?

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Speaker 1: Can you cry? Can you start crying too? So tell us?

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Speaker 1: How's your dad doing? By the way, yeah, how was

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Speaker 1: your trip? You know how those trips to see your

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Speaker 1: parents I think get more special as you enture your

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Speaker 1: like mid twenties. We smoked the blunt together and we

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Speaker 1: went and visit We went visited my mom's grave stone,

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Speaker 1: which we haven't probably haven't done such well. And I

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Speaker 1: hadn't been home in over two years. So just being home,

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Speaker 1: I think after being in the city and experiencing that

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Speaker 1: really intense drop of the pandemic was it was nice.

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Speaker 1: It's a really good breath of fresh air, so it

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Speaker 1: was amazing. His doctor apparently thinks that he will be

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Speaker 1: find the next two years at least. So definitely about

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Speaker 1: the fresh air because I was looking pretty bleak for

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Speaker 1: a minute. Oh that's great, that's great news. That's amazing.

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Speaker 1: Oh I'm so happy. I'm so happy too. And that's

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Speaker 1: the other thing is I told us to Shelley already,

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Speaker 1: but like I didn't realize how valuable that trip was

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Speaker 1: because I hadn't seen I got in two years and

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Speaker 1: I might only have two arms left with him. So

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Speaker 1: it's truly a priceless gift that you gave me, Shelley,

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Speaker 1: Thank you well. It came through Chelsea and it was

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Speaker 1: through her community. So let's remember that it takes a community.

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Speaker 1: That's the whole premise of this, right, It's not one person.

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Speaker 1: It's like we're all. If you are brave enough to

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Speaker 1: ask for help, which you were and you are, then

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Speaker 1: it allows for that floodgate of love to come in.

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Speaker 1: And I'm so happy that we were able to surround

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Speaker 1: you with that love. That's amazing. You're worth it. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: and it's great to hear that. You're also like reciprocating

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Speaker 1: that out to other people, you know, because when you

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Speaker 1: are loved, you love right, and when I feel it,

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Speaker 1: I want to give it. So it's always important to

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Speaker 1: remember to instead of withholding or retreating, to always move

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Speaker 1: towards someone and towards another person. Yeah, loneliness to sort

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Speaker 1: of selfish in a way. It's like in receiving love,

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Speaker 1: you're actually able to become a vessel for that. It's

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Speaker 1: almost like if you nor that care, it's kind of

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Speaker 1: a lost possibility. And how's your teaching going? By the way,

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Speaker 1: I love it. I love it. You have to come

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Speaker 1: to my show at the Beacon, so both of you

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Speaker 1: that you're both coming on you will both be there

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Speaker 1: that same week. Yeah, you'll get us both in the

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Speaker 1: same week. O fun. I love it, Alex. I love

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Speaker 1: these updates. That's so fucking awesome. I can't wait to

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Speaker 1: meet you and hug you in person. Me too, Thank

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Speaker 1: you so much, you too, thank you? Okay, bye? I

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Speaker 1: love you, love you, love you. Yeah, he deserves our love, right,

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Speaker 1: everyone does. Amazing, Joe says, I love you to everyone,

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Speaker 1: And I'm just going to start saying it too. Yes,

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Speaker 1: he should, because everybody loves you. Everybody tells you they

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Speaker 1: love you. Well, I know, I know. I sometimes I

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Speaker 1: don't say I love you too people because I find

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Speaker 1: it to be insincere. But you know what, it's just

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Speaker 1: good to say I love you, I think so too,

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Speaker 1: or even love you. You don't have to like make

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Speaker 1: it romantic. Okay, Katherine, So what else do we have today? Well,

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Speaker 1: today we're talking about bettering yourself and I feel like

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Speaker 1: we just did talking to Alex. We're talking about self love,

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Speaker 1: continuing education, healing from a bad relationship, all kinds of

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Speaker 1: ways people are betting themselves. Okay, let's do it. That

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00:20:18,119 --> 00:20:21,160
Speaker 1: sounds like a great place to take a quick break,

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Speaker 1: and we'll be back with some collars. Sounds good. Okay,

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Speaker 1: we're back and Katherine's taking off her blazer. She's really

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Speaker 1: listening up. My pants are still off, and Shelley's wearing

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Speaker 1: a a jumpsuit. Actually, I have that exact jumpsuit and

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Speaker 1: I literally wore it just for you because you're the

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Speaker 1: jumpsuit queen, and I was like, what should I wear?

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna wear a jumpsuit. I just had to pack

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Speaker 1: for my tour, and I was like, I thought I

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Speaker 1: was going away for four days, and then I found

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Speaker 1: out I was going away for three weeks. It's like,

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Speaker 1: all fun, how many jumpsuits is that? You? Like? You

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Speaker 1: need TED? You need TED outfits. I'm like, I'm gonna

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Speaker 1: need another influx of jumpsuits. But anyway, never mind that

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Speaker 1: part of the conversation. It doesn't really make any sense

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Speaker 1: to anybody who can't visualize what I'm talking about. Okay,

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Speaker 1: So who's next? So our first question today comes from Alyssa.

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Speaker 1: She says, Dear Chelsea, my name is Alyssa, and I'm

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Speaker 1: calling in from Denver, Colorado, and I am seeking your

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Speaker 1: advice on how to cultivate the best relationship with yourself.

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Speaker 1: I just got out of a long term relationship that

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Speaker 1: ended during the pandemic. I thought it was going to

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Speaker 1: end in marriage, turns out it just ended. I'm really

424
00:21:37,440 --> 00:21:41,000
Speaker 1: actually feeling empowered by the decisions I've made that feel

425
00:21:41,000 --> 00:21:44,000
Speaker 1: true to myself, and at the same time, I feel

426
00:21:44,040 --> 00:21:47,359
Speaker 1: nervous about how to move forward. So I thought I

427
00:21:47,359 --> 00:21:49,879
Speaker 1: would call in and just ask for what advice you

428
00:21:49,960 --> 00:21:54,040
Speaker 1: might give to someone who is newly single and interested

429
00:21:54,560 --> 00:22:01,600
Speaker 1: in renewing that relationship with themselves. Oh that's always good. Nice, Yeah,

430
00:22:01,640 --> 00:22:04,080
Speaker 1: because when you go inward, that's when you start to

431
00:22:04,119 --> 00:22:06,760
Speaker 1: get good stuff going right. When you're ready to take

432
00:22:06,800 --> 00:22:09,760
Speaker 1: a look at yourself and create a deeper relationship with

433
00:22:09,800 --> 00:22:12,600
Speaker 1: yourself is when then you really start to glow. Yeah.

434
00:22:12,640 --> 00:22:15,639
Speaker 1: I think it was Walt Whitman who wrote Alone and

435
00:22:15,680 --> 00:22:19,040
Speaker 1: the Soul Emerges. So if you're willing to go in

436
00:22:19,600 --> 00:22:21,760
Speaker 1: and go deep, when you get quiet, things can get

437
00:22:21,800 --> 00:22:25,840
Speaker 1: really really loud, and that's pretty amazing. Yeah. It's also

438
00:22:25,920 --> 00:22:29,440
Speaker 1: good like that for decision making when you get really quiet.

439
00:22:29,520 --> 00:22:32,600
Speaker 1: That's something I've learned through meditation. When you can't decide

440
00:22:32,600 --> 00:22:34,800
Speaker 1: on something or you're having trouble making a decision, to

441
00:22:34,880 --> 00:22:38,399
Speaker 1: just go and sit alone in silence, and the answer

442
00:22:38,520 --> 00:22:40,720
Speaker 1: does come to you, comes to you in your gut

443
00:22:40,760 --> 00:22:43,080
Speaker 1: and you know like, oh that okay, this is what's

444
00:22:43,359 --> 00:22:47,320
Speaker 1: This is the real me, not your ego. That's yeah,

445
00:22:47,480 --> 00:22:50,679
Speaker 1: it's like your real me, your soul who you are,

446
00:22:50,680 --> 00:22:53,040
Speaker 1: telling you what to do right, And we usually do

447
00:22:53,240 --> 00:22:56,320
Speaker 1: exactly the opposite. We usually ask for advice from like

448
00:22:56,480 --> 00:22:59,119
Speaker 1: everybody who shouldn't even be giving us advice, Just like

449
00:22:59,200 --> 00:23:02,240
Speaker 1: clutter this base with like all this noise, that's my

450
00:23:02,320 --> 00:23:04,840
Speaker 1: signature dish or it was to go around and just

451
00:23:04,920 --> 00:23:07,200
Speaker 1: gets and then I'm looking just for somebody to agree

452
00:23:07,200 --> 00:23:08,840
Speaker 1: with me, you know, And once I get something agree

453
00:23:08,880 --> 00:23:11,120
Speaker 1: with me, I'm like, Okay, that's the right decision, right,

454
00:23:11,160 --> 00:23:13,639
Speaker 1: which you would have gotten to anyway had you gone

455
00:23:13,680 --> 00:23:17,720
Speaker 1: to your loan space. So Alyssa, I think you're totally

456
00:23:17,720 --> 00:23:19,560
Speaker 1: on the right track. First of all, you should commend

457
00:23:19,560 --> 00:23:24,720
Speaker 1: yourself for even having the the awareness, the self awareness

458
00:23:24,760 --> 00:23:27,480
Speaker 1: to know that you need to hit pause for a

459
00:23:27,560 --> 00:23:31,040
Speaker 1: moment to sort of recalibrate and get in touch with yourself,

460
00:23:31,080 --> 00:23:33,600
Speaker 1: because most people can just jump from one relationship to

461
00:23:33,600 --> 00:23:36,359
Speaker 1: the next, or you know, they try to fill that void,

462
00:23:36,440 --> 00:23:39,639
Speaker 1: if you will, that exists with something else, with a

463
00:23:39,760 --> 00:23:42,840
Speaker 1: vice or with another boyfriend, or with activities or business.

464
00:23:43,240 --> 00:23:46,600
Speaker 1: So congratulations on that you're on your way. I would

465
00:23:46,600 --> 00:23:52,240
Speaker 1: say that I'm a very big fan of two things. First, journaling.

466
00:23:52,920 --> 00:23:56,399
Speaker 1: I write in journals every day. I have for the

467
00:23:56,480 --> 00:23:58,960
Speaker 1: last I don't know, God, since I was like in

468
00:23:59,000 --> 00:24:01,320
Speaker 1: fifth grade or something and somebody bought me a diary,

469
00:24:01,440 --> 00:24:03,760
Speaker 1: like a pink diary with like a unicorn on it.

470
00:24:04,320 --> 00:24:07,000
Speaker 1: But I actually think that writing things down helps you

471
00:24:07,119 --> 00:24:11,359
Speaker 1: sort your thoughts out, and if you are intimidated by

472
00:24:11,480 --> 00:24:15,600
Speaker 1: blank page, there's so many different options for journals that

473
00:24:15,640 --> 00:24:19,359
Speaker 1: already have prompts that are listed that can really help

474
00:24:19,400 --> 00:24:23,159
Speaker 1: you get your juices flowing and help you think through

475
00:24:23,760 --> 00:24:26,320
Speaker 1: a lot of kind of like bigger questions that maybe

476
00:24:26,359 --> 00:24:29,280
Speaker 1: when you're so busy in a relationship, because you give

477
00:24:29,320 --> 00:24:32,080
Speaker 1: so much of yourself when you're in a dedicated relationship,

478
00:24:32,720 --> 00:24:35,680
Speaker 1: it can help you actually sort of bring the focus

479
00:24:35,680 --> 00:24:38,920
Speaker 1: and the center back to yourself and really ask questions like, well,

480
00:24:38,920 --> 00:24:40,720
Speaker 1: what do I want with my life? You know, what

481
00:24:40,760 --> 00:24:42,320
Speaker 1: do I want to do? What do how do I

482
00:24:42,359 --> 00:24:44,480
Speaker 1: want to show up? And and what do I really

483
00:24:44,480 --> 00:24:46,760
Speaker 1: want for my next relationship? And it can help you

484
00:24:46,800 --> 00:24:50,680
Speaker 1: just sort of exfoliate all of that through through writing

485
00:24:50,840 --> 00:24:53,560
Speaker 1: very gently. The other thing I would say is that

486
00:24:54,000 --> 00:24:57,360
Speaker 1: you know, you should really consider and think about how

487
00:24:57,400 --> 00:25:00,240
Speaker 1: you want to invest in yourself right now that you

488
00:25:00,240 --> 00:25:02,880
Speaker 1: have all this free time and you're not in a relationship.

489
00:25:03,480 --> 00:25:06,320
Speaker 1: What are some of the things that maybe you did

490
00:25:06,359 --> 00:25:09,480
Speaker 1: not allow yourself to do, you know, whether it's taking

491
00:25:09,680 --> 00:25:13,600
Speaker 1: a class or learning a language, or traveling or really

492
00:25:13,640 --> 00:25:16,400
Speaker 1: anything that you could possibly think of that you may

493
00:25:16,520 --> 00:25:20,520
Speaker 1: have given up on or not even embarked on because

494
00:25:20,680 --> 00:25:24,280
Speaker 1: you were in a relationship and a relationship is compromised.

495
00:25:24,280 --> 00:25:26,840
Speaker 1: We always have to do that, but some relationships are

496
00:25:26,880 --> 00:25:29,359
Speaker 1: worth doing that for because you can grow together with

497
00:25:29,400 --> 00:25:32,520
Speaker 1: the person. But I would say, just pick one thing,

498
00:25:33,000 --> 00:25:36,639
Speaker 1: pick one thing that you are willing to explore that

499
00:25:36,640 --> 00:25:39,160
Speaker 1: you've always wanted to explore, and gift yourself with that,

500
00:25:39,240 --> 00:25:44,000
Speaker 1: and you'll see how amazing things can unfold. And who knows,

501
00:25:44,200 --> 00:25:47,600
Speaker 1: maybe you'll meet your next partner when you're embarking on

502
00:25:47,640 --> 00:25:51,040
Speaker 1: that journey. Yeah, I think that's great advice. I like

503
00:25:51,080 --> 00:25:53,160
Speaker 1: what you said because I would ever suggest journaling because

504
00:25:53,160 --> 00:25:55,360
Speaker 1: I don't do it, and I just I won't do it.

505
00:25:55,760 --> 00:25:58,280
Speaker 1: But I like that because I think a lot of

506
00:25:58,280 --> 00:26:00,320
Speaker 1: people benefit from it and it's really help to put

507
00:26:00,359 --> 00:26:02,440
Speaker 1: your thoughts down on paper. My thoughts are always coming

508
00:26:02,440 --> 00:26:03,840
Speaker 1: out of my mouth, so it's like I don't have

509
00:26:03,880 --> 00:26:07,399
Speaker 1: to worry about it. Also, you know, meditation, which I

510
00:26:07,400 --> 00:26:09,360
Speaker 1: suggest to everyone, is a really good way to get

511
00:26:09,400 --> 00:26:12,080
Speaker 1: to know yourself because you start to understand how your

512
00:26:12,119 --> 00:26:14,560
Speaker 1: brain works and what and the distractions that your mind

513
00:26:14,680 --> 00:26:18,080
Speaker 1: kind of has a pattern with. So the thing that

514
00:26:18,119 --> 00:26:20,359
Speaker 1: we talked about a lot on this podcast is when

515
00:26:20,560 --> 00:26:22,560
Speaker 1: you're not feeling like you're doing it well or you're

516
00:26:22,560 --> 00:26:26,199
Speaker 1: doing it right. But that's what meditation is. It's getting

517
00:26:26,240 --> 00:26:30,040
Speaker 1: focus again. It's losing focus and then reclaiming the focus,

518
00:26:30,320 --> 00:26:33,880
Speaker 1: and it's setting yourself up to understand that your only

519
00:26:33,960 --> 00:26:36,639
Speaker 1: job is to sit there with your breath and focus

520
00:26:36,680 --> 00:26:38,800
Speaker 1: and as soon as your mind drifts, to take it

521
00:26:38,840 --> 00:26:41,520
Speaker 1: back to the focus. But understanding that your mind is

522
00:26:41,600 --> 00:26:45,439
Speaker 1: going to continuously drift. That is part of meditation and

523
00:26:45,480 --> 00:26:47,800
Speaker 1: it helps so much. I just read this other book

524
00:26:48,160 --> 00:26:50,920
Speaker 1: about meditation and it was I won't mention the name

525
00:26:50,960 --> 00:26:53,320
Speaker 1: because we're only talking about sit down to rise up

526
00:26:53,359 --> 00:26:56,720
Speaker 1: from for the rest of our lives, and which is

527
00:26:56,720 --> 00:27:00,160
Speaker 1: a book that everyone needs to buy. And the two

528
00:27:00,160 --> 00:27:05,440
Speaker 1: biggest benefits, they said, we're impulsivity and focus. So now

529
00:27:05,760 --> 00:27:09,280
Speaker 1: when I can have a crazy, crazy day with eight

530
00:27:09,440 --> 00:27:12,080
Speaker 1: five things scheduled, but I can be focused at every

531
00:27:12,119 --> 00:27:14,240
Speaker 1: single thing that I'm at. And that is a result

532
00:27:14,240 --> 00:27:17,159
Speaker 1: of meditation. Because before I had severe a d h

533
00:27:17,280 --> 00:27:18,800
Speaker 1: D or a d D I don't know, it was

534
00:27:18,840 --> 00:27:21,200
Speaker 1: never diagnosed. I don't need anybody to diagnose it because

535
00:27:21,200 --> 00:27:24,320
Speaker 1: I can diagnose myself and I know a college, yeah,

536
00:27:24,359 --> 00:27:27,200
Speaker 1: and I needed and a doctor that doesn't have a degree,

537
00:27:27,680 --> 00:27:31,640
Speaker 1: a degree less doctor. And my reactions, you know, reactions

538
00:27:31,680 --> 00:27:34,320
Speaker 1: to things. Now I can go, oh, look, look how

539
00:27:34,520 --> 00:27:36,879
Speaker 1: how fast your chest is beating because of something that

540
00:27:36,960 --> 00:27:40,639
Speaker 1: just happened. Now I noticed my body before my brain

541
00:27:40,800 --> 00:27:43,720
Speaker 1: does something with it. You know, I go, oh, oh,

542
00:27:43,840 --> 00:27:46,080
Speaker 1: that's you having a reaction to something, and you know what,

543
00:27:46,119 --> 00:27:47,840
Speaker 1: You're not going to do it this time. And my

544
00:27:47,920 --> 00:27:51,200
Speaker 1: focus is so much better than it was. So that's

545
00:27:51,240 --> 00:27:53,480
Speaker 1: also a great way to get to know yourself and

546
00:27:53,560 --> 00:27:56,960
Speaker 1: to get to know your thought patterns and to rehabituate

547
00:27:57,080 --> 00:28:01,119
Speaker 1: yourself with different thought patterns. And yeah, again, also the

548
00:28:01,160 --> 00:28:03,120
Speaker 1: fact that you're even asking the question means that you've

549
00:28:03,119 --> 00:28:06,399
Speaker 1: taken the first step into discovering yourself and getting to

550
00:28:06,400 --> 00:28:09,000
Speaker 1: know yourself better. And I love what you said about

551
00:28:09,080 --> 00:28:12,080
Speaker 1: maybe not having that had the time in a relationship

552
00:28:12,160 --> 00:28:15,560
Speaker 1: to explore certain things, but then being able to do that,

553
00:28:15,640 --> 00:28:17,679
Speaker 1: you know, taking the time now to go, you know,

554
00:28:17,720 --> 00:28:20,920
Speaker 1: do whatever it is that you find interesting. And meeting

555
00:28:20,960 --> 00:28:24,000
Speaker 1: somebody like that is a strong possibility because when you

556
00:28:24,040 --> 00:28:26,719
Speaker 1: say to the world or the universe or whatever you

557
00:28:26,760 --> 00:28:29,879
Speaker 1: think when your energy is like, hey, I'm getting healthy

558
00:28:30,000 --> 00:28:32,600
Speaker 1: as healthy as I can be, all you're going to

559
00:28:32,680 --> 00:28:36,479
Speaker 1: attract is other healthy people. That's right. Yeah, you're definitely

560
00:28:36,520 --> 00:28:39,640
Speaker 1: putting that energy out there. So it's a major domino effect.

561
00:28:39,720 --> 00:28:41,840
Speaker 1: It's just like you know, if you sit, if you

562
00:28:41,880 --> 00:28:45,240
Speaker 1: complain about something, then that becomes your narrative, and if

563
00:28:45,280 --> 00:28:47,920
Speaker 1: you are happy about something, then that becomes your narrative.

564
00:28:48,000 --> 00:28:49,360
Speaker 1: So it's like, what do you want to spend your

565
00:28:49,360 --> 00:28:53,320
Speaker 1: time doing? Being happy or complaining? What you focus on expands.

566
00:28:53,520 --> 00:28:56,160
Speaker 1: There you go, Katherine, there you go. Yeah, Catherine is

567
00:28:56,200 --> 00:29:00,320
Speaker 1: also a psychiatric unicorn. I do my best a degreeless doctor.

568
00:29:00,320 --> 00:29:03,200
Speaker 1: We're all degree with doctors here. Do you have a degree,

569
00:29:03,400 --> 00:29:05,960
Speaker 1: We don't want to talk to you. If you have

570
00:29:06,040 --> 00:29:09,520
Speaker 1: a degree, we are not interested in communicating. My degree

571
00:29:09,520 --> 00:29:14,160
Speaker 1: is in playwriting, so that's perfect. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, Well

572
00:29:14,200 --> 00:29:16,440
Speaker 1: then maybe you'd be interested in start journal and starting

573
00:29:16,440 --> 00:29:18,520
Speaker 1: to journal with Catherine if you haven't already, since you're

574
00:29:18,520 --> 00:29:23,960
Speaker 1: already good at writing. Okay, anyway, well that was good, right, Yeah.

575
00:29:24,040 --> 00:29:26,720
Speaker 1: I think Alissa, you've got some tools in your toolbox,

576
00:29:26,760 --> 00:29:29,400
Speaker 1: and just keep adding more tools in your toolbox. That's

577
00:29:29,440 --> 00:29:31,680
Speaker 1: the point. Yeah, and I'm glad that your relations You know,

578
00:29:31,760 --> 00:29:34,560
Speaker 1: every time a relationship ends, it is a beginning of

579
00:29:34,560 --> 00:29:37,280
Speaker 1: something new and begainning of a new phase of your relationship.

580
00:29:37,600 --> 00:29:39,720
Speaker 1: So when anything ends in my life now I have

581
00:29:39,880 --> 00:29:42,560
Speaker 1: that attitude like, Okay, that wasn't meant to be for

582
00:29:42,840 --> 00:29:46,200
Speaker 1: much longer, or that's over. But look how exciting the

583
00:29:46,240 --> 00:29:50,840
Speaker 1: next thing is. Because anytime something ends, something exciting begins.

584
00:29:51,000 --> 00:29:53,640
Speaker 1: That's just the way the world works. And you know,

585
00:29:53,880 --> 00:29:56,400
Speaker 1: you can speak from a personal space because you had

586
00:29:56,440 --> 00:29:59,560
Speaker 1: spent the last few years not in a relationship, right

587
00:29:59,600 --> 00:30:02,720
Speaker 1: several years, and you really did a lot of deep

588
00:30:02,800 --> 00:30:07,160
Speaker 1: dive like work on yourself, went to therapy, tried new things,

589
00:30:07,200 --> 00:30:10,120
Speaker 1: said yes to a lot of things, and you were

590
00:30:10,160 --> 00:30:13,520
Speaker 1: able to create new connections and really discover a better

591
00:30:13,600 --> 00:30:15,600
Speaker 1: version of yourself. Yeah, and you know what, a lot

592
00:30:15,640 --> 00:30:19,520
Speaker 1: of my relationships didn't survive my therapy. Not a lot,

593
00:30:19,560 --> 00:30:22,000
Speaker 1: but a couple of important relationships in my life didn't

594
00:30:22,000 --> 00:30:25,960
Speaker 1: survive therapy. And that was also a good thing for me.

595
00:30:26,440 --> 00:30:28,480
Speaker 1: It was a good thing to get rid of that

596
00:30:28,600 --> 00:30:33,240
Speaker 1: kind of unhealthy attachments or negativity. And even though it

597
00:30:33,320 --> 00:30:35,560
Speaker 1: felt it was like, oh, you get healthy and you

598
00:30:35,600 --> 00:30:38,320
Speaker 1: realize you want to be around healthy people, and you

599
00:30:38,360 --> 00:30:41,520
Speaker 1: want to have healthy relationships that have boundaries and that

600
00:30:41,600 --> 00:30:44,600
Speaker 1: are adult like instead of, you know, living out your

601
00:30:44,680 --> 00:30:49,440
Speaker 1: childhood as an adult. Amen, Sister Hustle Ama lic Um Well.

602
00:30:49,480 --> 00:30:53,280
Speaker 1: Our next question comes from Clayton. He is in Chicago.

603
00:30:53,720 --> 00:30:57,520
Speaker 1: He says, Dear Chelsea. Back in twenty nineteen, I started

604
00:30:57,520 --> 00:31:00,520
Speaker 1: at a company where I knew the CEO, and taking

605
00:31:00,520 --> 00:31:02,560
Speaker 1: this position allowed me to go back to school in

606
00:31:02,600 --> 00:31:06,160
Speaker 1: the evenings. The CEO has been super supportive. I told

607
00:31:06,160 --> 00:31:07,640
Speaker 1: her I would need to go down to four days

608
00:31:07,640 --> 00:31:10,600
Speaker 1: a week at work, working longer hours during those four days.

609
00:31:10,640 --> 00:31:14,000
Speaker 1: She agreed, and all is good. Several people left the

610
00:31:14,000 --> 00:31:16,440
Speaker 1: company in the past two years, and many of those

611
00:31:16,480 --> 00:31:19,720
Speaker 1: responsibilities got added to my role, the most recent being

612
00:31:19,760 --> 00:31:23,400
Speaker 1: an extremely time consuming data entry position that layers on

613
00:31:23,440 --> 00:31:27,040
Speaker 1: top of my current full time responsibilities. When discussing my

614
00:31:27,080 --> 00:31:29,960
Speaker 1: concerns about workload with HR, I asked if there would

615
00:31:29,960 --> 00:31:33,360
Speaker 1: be a monetary supplement for taking on these additional responsibilities.

616
00:31:33,880 --> 00:31:37,640
Speaker 1: The HR person promptly replied no, there will not, and

617
00:31:37,680 --> 00:31:39,480
Speaker 1: went on to say that they didn't think I was

618
00:31:39,560 --> 00:31:43,360
Speaker 1: contributing enough to the company to justify my current salary.

619
00:31:43,920 --> 00:31:46,320
Speaker 1: I was taken aback as I take pride in my

620
00:31:46,360 --> 00:31:48,520
Speaker 1: work ethic and the quality of work I put out.

621
00:31:48,920 --> 00:31:51,200
Speaker 1: I'm typically a happy person, but I can't get the

622
00:31:51,240 --> 00:31:54,120
Speaker 1: negative thoughts of work out of my mind. How do

623
00:31:54,160 --> 00:31:56,680
Speaker 1: I flush this negativity out of my system and get

624
00:31:56,720 --> 00:32:00,240
Speaker 1: back to the self. I enjoy being Clayton and he's

625
00:32:00,280 --> 00:32:04,040
Speaker 1: with us. Hi, Clayton, Hey, how are you? We're good?

626
00:32:04,080 --> 00:32:07,640
Speaker 1: How are you? I'm doing great? Well, that's really frustrating,

627
00:32:07,720 --> 00:32:10,000
Speaker 1: I can see. I can imagine how frustrating that must

628
00:32:10,000 --> 00:32:12,360
Speaker 1: be to take on extra work and then be told

629
00:32:12,360 --> 00:32:15,480
Speaker 1: you're not doing enough, which is complete and utter horseship. Yeah,

630
00:32:15,640 --> 00:32:18,120
Speaker 1: I have. I have some probing questions though, to just

631
00:32:18,280 --> 00:32:22,520
Speaker 1: learn a little bit more. So you're still in school? Yes, yes,

632
00:32:22,800 --> 00:32:25,840
Speaker 1: I have two years last got you? So you're you're

633
00:32:25,880 --> 00:32:28,560
Speaker 1: still working four days a week and I'll put that

634
00:32:28,600 --> 00:32:31,320
Speaker 1: in quotations because I'm sure it's not actually four days

635
00:32:31,320 --> 00:32:34,800
Speaker 1: a week. It's just for Monday through Thursday, let's say.

636
00:32:34,800 --> 00:32:38,720
Speaker 1: But you're working weekends probably and over time. Are you

637
00:32:38,760 --> 00:32:42,840
Speaker 1: still friends with the CEO of the company? I am, yeah,

638
00:32:42,960 --> 00:32:46,200
Speaker 1: we have a really nice report. Okay, And have you

639
00:32:46,720 --> 00:32:50,640
Speaker 1: had this conversation with the CEO, or do you feel

640
00:32:50,720 --> 00:32:53,240
Speaker 1: like it's something that you don't want to go to

641
00:32:54,560 --> 00:32:58,000
Speaker 1: or risk the report of the relationship with the CEO. Yeah,

642
00:32:58,080 --> 00:33:00,800
Speaker 1: I haven't gone to her yet. May mean because when

643
00:33:00,800 --> 00:33:04,200
Speaker 1: I was talking to the HR person she prefaced it

644
00:33:04,400 --> 00:33:10,240
Speaker 1: as we think instead of I think. So the confusing

645
00:33:10,280 --> 00:33:14,160
Speaker 1: thing for me is, really, if this was an issue,

646
00:33:15,200 --> 00:33:18,640
Speaker 1: I'm surprised that she didn't say anything to me. Right.

647
00:33:19,040 --> 00:33:22,080
Speaker 1: In other words, if you weren't contributing enough before, your

648
00:33:22,120 --> 00:33:25,080
Speaker 1: supervisor should have at least mentioned that to you and said, Clayton,

649
00:33:25,120 --> 00:33:28,160
Speaker 1: we don't think you're doing enough, rather than just saddling

650
00:33:28,200 --> 00:33:31,840
Speaker 1: you with additional workload and then saying, well, you're not

651
00:33:31,880 --> 00:33:34,480
Speaker 1: doing enough. So here we're saddling you with more work

652
00:33:34,720 --> 00:33:37,920
Speaker 1: for no additional pay. So I get. I get how

653
00:33:37,960 --> 00:33:41,960
Speaker 1: you're feeling, and you know, it's a tricky situation because

654
00:33:41,960 --> 00:33:45,600
Speaker 1: I understand that you probably don't want to jeopardize your

655
00:33:45,600 --> 00:33:49,280
Speaker 1: relationship with the CEO, that you have a nice rapport.

656
00:33:49,800 --> 00:33:53,480
Speaker 1: But I also think that you do need some clarity,

657
00:33:53,640 --> 00:33:56,760
Speaker 1: and I think that you deserve some clarity. You know,

658
00:33:56,880 --> 00:33:59,920
Speaker 1: if I was in your position, and I had spent

659
00:34:00,040 --> 00:34:03,080
Speaker 1: twenty years in the corporate world, so I can speak

660
00:34:03,160 --> 00:34:07,680
Speaker 1: from from a place of personal experience. In situations where

661
00:34:07,680 --> 00:34:11,320
Speaker 1: I had a rapport with the CEO or reported directly

662
00:34:11,360 --> 00:34:15,560
Speaker 1: to that individual, I would carefully and I'll say carefully

663
00:34:15,719 --> 00:34:18,440
Speaker 1: because I don't think you should come at it like, oh,

664
00:34:18,480 --> 00:34:21,200
Speaker 1: I'm your friends, so let's have a friendly discussion, but

665
00:34:21,280 --> 00:34:25,160
Speaker 1: in a careful and respectful way. I would maybe try

666
00:34:25,160 --> 00:34:28,760
Speaker 1: to be a little bit vulnerable, and I would word

667
00:34:29,440 --> 00:34:32,880
Speaker 1: something very carefully, like really kind of rehearse it ahead

668
00:34:32,920 --> 00:34:35,560
Speaker 1: of time. Right. There's there's a really great book called

669
00:34:35,560 --> 00:34:39,880
Speaker 1: Difficult Conversations that you should get. It's great because it

670
00:34:39,960 --> 00:34:44,160
Speaker 1: actually creates this model for you that is like pretend

671
00:34:44,200 --> 00:34:46,319
Speaker 1: your person a and pretend your person being. You can

672
00:34:46,360 --> 00:34:49,520
Speaker 1: actually have somebody else train with you. You could already

673
00:34:49,520 --> 00:34:52,120
Speaker 1: prepare what you want to say. You can go through

674
00:34:52,160 --> 00:34:55,200
Speaker 1: the process before you actually show up to have the

675
00:34:55,239 --> 00:34:57,600
Speaker 1: conversation with the CEO, so that you don't feel nervous

676
00:34:57,680 --> 00:35:00,400
Speaker 1: or stick to your stomach or however you physiale logically

677
00:35:00,440 --> 00:35:03,280
Speaker 1: feel before you have to do something that is really

678
00:35:03,280 --> 00:35:06,440
Speaker 1: nerve racking, and you can be prepared when you go

679
00:35:06,520 --> 00:35:10,640
Speaker 1: in to just have a really respectful conversation and at

680
00:35:10,680 --> 00:35:13,719
Speaker 1: the at the worst case scenario, Right, the worst case

681
00:35:13,719 --> 00:35:17,480
Speaker 1: scenario is that you don't get a raise, but you

682
00:35:17,560 --> 00:35:21,279
Speaker 1: get clarity, right, And you can preface everything by saying

683
00:35:21,320 --> 00:35:24,400
Speaker 1: I love working here, and I appreciate the support that

684
00:35:24,480 --> 00:35:26,880
Speaker 1: you all have given me, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera, all the

685
00:35:26,880 --> 00:35:28,920
Speaker 1: things that you want to say. But I would say

686
00:35:28,960 --> 00:35:32,479
Speaker 1: that you should just prepare yourself for a conversation, ask

687
00:35:32,600 --> 00:35:36,680
Speaker 1: for a private meeting with the CEO, and very respectfully

688
00:35:36,800 --> 00:35:41,279
Speaker 1: just air your grievances to just get clarity. Maybe you

689
00:35:41,320 --> 00:35:44,239
Speaker 1: won't walk out with more money, but you sure as

690
00:35:44,280 --> 00:35:46,320
Speaker 1: hell at least we'll walk out with some clarity around

691
00:35:46,320 --> 00:35:49,120
Speaker 1: the fact that you are appreciated at the company and

692
00:35:49,160 --> 00:35:51,399
Speaker 1: that you are doing enough, and that you are enough

693
00:35:51,520 --> 00:35:54,640
Speaker 1: so that you don't have to feel resentful and find

694
00:35:54,680 --> 00:35:58,960
Speaker 1: that that's doing over time. Yeah, and just because the

695
00:35:59,160 --> 00:36:01,800
Speaker 1: HR person said as we, I mean, that's what they say.

696
00:36:01,840 --> 00:36:04,640
Speaker 1: They say we for a reason, right, How what is

697
00:36:04,640 --> 00:36:07,000
Speaker 1: your relationship like with the CEO? Like, what kind of

698
00:36:07,120 --> 00:36:10,320
Speaker 1: report do you have? I used to work for her husband.

699
00:36:10,600 --> 00:36:13,680
Speaker 1: They both have startup companies, and I jumped over to

700
00:36:13,760 --> 00:36:16,160
Speaker 1: hers so I could go back to school. And what

701
00:36:16,320 --> 00:36:18,960
Speaker 1: is the size of the company. It's a small company.

702
00:36:19,080 --> 00:36:22,640
Speaker 1: There's like less than forty people, So then it does

703
00:36:22,680 --> 00:36:25,600
Speaker 1: sound totally appropriate to talk to her. I agree, I

704
00:36:25,640 --> 00:36:28,120
Speaker 1: think so. I think if you hold it back, you're

705
00:36:28,160 --> 00:36:31,200
Speaker 1: just going to be brewing and stewing with Yeah. Yeah,

706
00:36:31,239 --> 00:36:33,520
Speaker 1: I can see it in your face. So for if

707
00:36:33,680 --> 00:36:36,160
Speaker 1: not for any other reason than to alleviate the bad

708
00:36:36,200 --> 00:36:38,520
Speaker 1: feeling that you have about the information that she gave you,

709
00:36:38,560 --> 00:36:43,040
Speaker 1: which is insensitive and ikey all around. Yeah, agree, Yeah,

710
00:36:43,160 --> 00:36:45,920
Speaker 1: but don't let her, you know, dictate your mood. You

711
00:36:46,120 --> 00:36:48,920
Speaker 1: talking to the CEO is taking it into your own hands,

712
00:36:49,160 --> 00:36:51,560
Speaker 1: since you have your own personal relationship with her, and

713
00:36:51,600 --> 00:36:54,399
Speaker 1: that's saying, Okay, this is not okay with me, and

714
00:36:54,640 --> 00:36:56,600
Speaker 1: I need a better answer for this, and I need to,

715
00:36:56,719 --> 00:36:58,719
Speaker 1: you know, have a better piece of mind about it,

716
00:36:59,000 --> 00:37:01,960
Speaker 1: which is also taking charge of the situation, which is

717
00:37:02,000 --> 00:37:04,400
Speaker 1: exactly what you should be doing to have a better

718
00:37:04,440 --> 00:37:08,680
Speaker 1: piece of mind exactly. Let us know how that conversation goes, Clayton,

719
00:37:08,800 --> 00:37:10,800
Speaker 1: and have it sooner than later. Are you prepared to

720
00:37:10,880 --> 00:37:15,600
Speaker 1: do that? Definitely? Yeah? Great, Well that's great, Thank you

721
00:37:15,680 --> 00:37:17,879
Speaker 1: so much. Yeah, I hope everything works out, But keep

722
00:37:17,920 --> 00:37:23,000
Speaker 1: us posted. I want to hear back. Thanks Clayton, good luck, Okay, bye,

723
00:37:23,719 --> 00:37:25,040
Speaker 1: that was good. I'm glad you were here for that

724
00:37:25,080 --> 00:37:28,480
Speaker 1: corporate ship because I wouldn't know what My sister Simone,

725
00:37:28,520 --> 00:37:32,440
Speaker 1: who Shelley spreads with, she fucking works in corporate America. Yes,

726
00:37:32,520 --> 00:37:35,880
Speaker 1: she died biotech firm and San Francisco, And when she

727
00:37:35,920 --> 00:37:38,320
Speaker 1: talks about work, I want to stab myself in the throat.

728
00:37:38,880 --> 00:37:43,000
Speaker 1: It's so fucking boring. It is so boring, and she

729
00:37:43,080 --> 00:37:45,640
Speaker 1: has to manage people, and then she's got a supervisor

730
00:37:45,920 --> 00:37:49,400
Speaker 1: and all of that. I'm not moving part. What the fuck?

731
00:37:49,600 --> 00:37:51,600
Speaker 1: And She's like, Chelsea, it's not like I want to

732
00:37:51,640 --> 00:37:54,239
Speaker 1: be doing all of this. Everybody has to do this.

733
00:37:54,320 --> 00:37:56,200
Speaker 1: It's a part of my responsibility. It's not like I'm

734
00:37:56,239 --> 00:37:58,719
Speaker 1: doing it for fun, Like I have this role in

735
00:37:58,760 --> 00:38:06,080
Speaker 1: a company. I'm like why why? But yeah, Corporate America

736
00:38:06,200 --> 00:38:09,359
Speaker 1: makes my stomach. It's just like everybody. I have no

737
00:38:09,440 --> 00:38:12,239
Speaker 1: respect for authority figures either, you know, me telling me

738
00:38:12,360 --> 00:38:15,120
Speaker 1: what to do. The other day, I was driving, I

739
00:38:15,160 --> 00:38:17,040
Speaker 1: was in Spain. We were driving down the street to

740
00:38:17,080 --> 00:38:19,319
Speaker 1: my house and the police. You're not allowed to drive

741
00:38:19,360 --> 00:38:21,760
Speaker 1: on the street unless you have a house on the street.

742
00:38:22,040 --> 00:38:24,279
Speaker 1: And because it's kind of like an esplanade, and the

743
00:38:24,680 --> 00:38:27,640
Speaker 1: Spanish police were like, hey, hey, no cars, no cars.

744
00:38:27,640 --> 00:38:29,600
Speaker 1: I'm like, I lived down there, and they're like, no,

745
00:38:29,680 --> 00:38:31,799
Speaker 1: it doesn't matter. Where's your and my friends in the car,

746
00:38:32,080 --> 00:38:33,960
Speaker 1: And I go, yeah, it doesn't matter. I live right there.

747
00:38:34,000 --> 00:38:35,880
Speaker 1: I can drive right here. You're not telling me what

748
00:38:35,960 --> 00:38:38,279
Speaker 1: to do. And I just kept driving and my friend goes,

749
00:38:38,360 --> 00:38:41,000
Speaker 1: you have the pass right here, like on your dashboard,

750
00:38:41,640 --> 00:38:43,520
Speaker 1: just stop it and I'll show it to them. And

751
00:38:43,520 --> 00:38:48,160
Speaker 1: I was like, funk those guys. So I have no

752
00:38:48,280 --> 00:38:51,319
Speaker 1: regard for any authority figure telling me what to do.

753
00:38:51,440 --> 00:38:53,520
Speaker 1: I just don't like it, especially when it's a man.

754
00:38:53,560 --> 00:38:56,000
Speaker 1: Didn't you have, like ever have like a real job

755
00:38:56,160 --> 00:38:59,520
Speaker 1: before you? Like, well, I dried into comedy, like oh no, no,

756
00:38:59,640 --> 00:39:02,320
Speaker 1: I mean I tried to be attempt I would get fired.

757
00:39:02,600 --> 00:39:05,720
Speaker 1: I could not transfer a phone call. I waited tables.

758
00:39:05,719 --> 00:39:07,040
Speaker 1: That was all I could do. But I got fired

759
00:39:07,040 --> 00:39:08,920
Speaker 1: from that too, because I would tell people off all

760
00:39:08,960 --> 00:39:11,520
Speaker 1: the time. I would just go off on people i

761
00:39:11,560 --> 00:39:13,080
Speaker 1: didn't look me in the eyes. I'd like, you don't

762
00:39:13,080 --> 00:39:14,680
Speaker 1: even deserve to eat here if you can't look at

763
00:39:14,680 --> 00:39:17,200
Speaker 1: your server in the eyes. I would go off on

764
00:39:17,239 --> 00:39:19,520
Speaker 1: people because people are so fucking rude when they eat

765
00:39:19,560 --> 00:39:23,120
Speaker 1: at restaurants. You know they have no no table manners

766
00:39:23,160 --> 00:39:26,440
Speaker 1: and no bedside manner. But no, I can't. My sister

767
00:39:26,480 --> 00:39:29,000
Speaker 1: Smone said to me once she goes when I was upset,

768
00:39:29,080 --> 00:39:31,239
Speaker 1: you know, in my twenties, when things weren't going the

769
00:39:31,239 --> 00:39:33,439
Speaker 1: way I wanted to or as quickly as I wanted to,

770
00:39:33,680 --> 00:39:36,359
Speaker 1: remember her going, you will succeed at this because you

771
00:39:36,440 --> 00:39:42,279
Speaker 1: cannot do anything else. I can hear her say. She's like,

772
00:39:42,400 --> 00:39:45,080
Speaker 1: you don't worry. You're never gonna have a real job

773
00:39:45,120 --> 00:39:48,440
Speaker 1: because you wouldn't be able to keep it. So anyway,

774
00:39:48,440 --> 00:39:50,520
Speaker 1: those were the words of encouragement from my big sister.

775
00:39:51,640 --> 00:39:57,120
Speaker 1: What's next, Catherine. Okay, So our next caller, Amber says,

776
00:39:57,200 --> 00:39:59,759
Speaker 1: Dear Chelsea, I just got out of a three year

777
00:39:59,800 --> 00:40:03,080
Speaker 1: real relationship. In most aspects, I've never been more confident

778
00:40:03,080 --> 00:40:05,480
Speaker 1: in my life. I just got a great new job,

779
00:40:05,520 --> 00:40:07,920
Speaker 1: I've been in therapy for a year, and I'm finally

780
00:40:07,960 --> 00:40:12,480
Speaker 1: financially secure. But inside I feel deep sexual shame. For

781
00:40:12,520 --> 00:40:15,440
Speaker 1: the last nine months of this relationship, there was no sex,

782
00:40:15,920 --> 00:40:19,320
Speaker 1: no physical connection, nothing more than what felt like friendship

783
00:40:19,760 --> 00:40:22,480
Speaker 1: over time. When I would make a move, my boyfriend

784
00:40:22,520 --> 00:40:25,240
Speaker 1: would make me feel like I was being inappropriate or pushy.

785
00:40:25,520 --> 00:40:27,799
Speaker 1: It's now been a year since I've had sex, and

786
00:40:27,840 --> 00:40:30,719
Speaker 1: not only am I incredibly frustrated, but I've become very

787
00:40:30,760 --> 00:40:33,640
Speaker 1: insecure about the length of time, and that makes me

788
00:40:33,719 --> 00:40:37,640
Speaker 1: even more frustrated. Now I'm so fragile with being rejected

789
00:40:37,680 --> 00:40:40,080
Speaker 1: sexually that I can't even imagine being able to cuttle

790
00:40:40,120 --> 00:40:42,600
Speaker 1: up next to someone again. I went back onto a

791
00:40:42,680 --> 00:40:44,799
Speaker 1: dating app to see if I felt a connection, and

792
00:40:44,880 --> 00:40:47,800
Speaker 1: I did, but when they wanted to meet and probably

793
00:40:47,800 --> 00:40:51,320
Speaker 1: have sex, I freaked out and deleted my profile. Clearly

794
00:40:51,360 --> 00:40:53,560
Speaker 1: I'm not ready, But how do I manage to get

795
00:40:53,600 --> 00:40:57,640
Speaker 1: back in the dating pool after this negative experience? Amber? Oh?

796
00:40:57,760 --> 00:41:03,600
Speaker 1: Hi amber II. Yeah, it's great to meet you. Oh,

797
00:41:03,800 --> 00:41:07,840
Speaker 1: thank you. It's great to meet you too. This is Shelly. Hi, Hi, Shelly.

798
00:41:07,920 --> 00:41:10,759
Speaker 1: Nice to meet you. She's our special guest today. She's

799
00:41:10,760 --> 00:41:13,200
Speaker 1: a very good friend of mine who gives very sagacious advice.

800
00:41:13,239 --> 00:41:15,400
Speaker 1: So you're in for a real treat. First of all,

801
00:41:15,440 --> 00:41:16,799
Speaker 1: I just want to say to you that I have

802
00:41:16,880 --> 00:41:20,719
Speaker 1: gone multiple times for years without sex. I don't know

803
00:41:20,760 --> 00:41:22,719
Speaker 1: what the longest was, but definitely more than a year,

804
00:41:22,840 --> 00:41:26,040
Speaker 1: So that is not uncommon. So there's no reason to

805
00:41:26,040 --> 00:41:28,560
Speaker 1: beat yourself up about that. You know that happens all

806
00:41:28,600 --> 00:41:31,080
Speaker 1: the time to people, And there's no reason just to

807
00:41:31,080 --> 00:41:33,759
Speaker 1: have sex just so you cannot go a year without it.

808
00:41:34,080 --> 00:41:37,880
Speaker 1: That's lamer than going a year. And yeah, it sounds

809
00:41:37,920 --> 00:41:40,560
Speaker 1: like your last boyfriend just kind of did a number

810
00:41:40,600 --> 00:41:45,320
Speaker 1: on you that you're still recovering from. Right, Absolutely definitely

811
00:41:45,440 --> 00:41:49,000
Speaker 1: feels like I'm just still recovering from that, I think,

812
00:41:49,160 --> 00:41:52,719
Speaker 1: So yeah, I definitely just I'm not ready to go

813
00:41:52,840 --> 00:41:54,759
Speaker 1: there yet, but I know when I am ready, I

814
00:41:54,800 --> 00:41:58,040
Speaker 1: still feel that a little bit scared, a little nervous,

815
00:41:58,200 --> 00:42:00,040
Speaker 1: and I just hate the idea of being ridge I

816
00:42:00,080 --> 00:42:04,000
Speaker 1: did again, so right, Right, But you're not alone in that.

817
00:42:04,080 --> 00:42:06,960
Speaker 1: You know, so many people experience that, that fear of

818
00:42:06,960 --> 00:42:09,279
Speaker 1: rejection and that fear of being intimate again, the fear

819
00:42:09,320 --> 00:42:11,400
Speaker 1: of like I mean, I used to be so uncomfortable

820
00:42:11,440 --> 00:42:12,880
Speaker 1: going on dates with people that I would have to

821
00:42:12,880 --> 00:42:14,840
Speaker 1: have like two cocktails before I could even show up

822
00:42:14,880 --> 00:42:16,839
Speaker 1: because I'm like, what do I do? How do I act?

823
00:42:16,880 --> 00:42:19,200
Speaker 1: What do I say? You know, I put a giving

824
00:42:19,200 --> 00:42:21,600
Speaker 1: off this energy that I was just like so guarded

825
00:42:21,680 --> 00:42:24,239
Speaker 1: and so like get away from me, you know, and

826
00:42:24,280 --> 00:42:27,399
Speaker 1: knowing that you're not ready a is incredible because that's

827
00:42:27,400 --> 00:42:30,480
Speaker 1: knowing yourself and fear of rejection is a very common

828
00:42:30,520 --> 00:42:32,839
Speaker 1: feeling and that's something that you can easily work through

829
00:42:33,160 --> 00:42:35,239
Speaker 1: and it takes a little bit of time, but you know,

830
00:42:35,840 --> 00:42:39,479
Speaker 1: you can get there. And you're totally hot, You're totally young.

831
00:42:39,680 --> 00:42:41,640
Speaker 1: I mean, you got all this stuff going for you.

832
00:42:41,640 --> 00:42:44,160
Speaker 1: You're gonna find somebody, you know. Not a lot of

833
00:42:44,200 --> 00:42:47,880
Speaker 1: people spend their lives being single forever. Being single is

834
00:42:47,880 --> 00:42:50,600
Speaker 1: a period of time that you have to really really

835
00:42:50,840 --> 00:42:54,000
Speaker 1: take advantage of. You know, I have been single for

836
00:42:54,120 --> 00:42:57,560
Speaker 1: years and I'm recently in a new relationship and I'm

837
00:42:57,640 --> 00:43:00,320
Speaker 1: so glad that I spent that much time alone because

838
00:43:00,360 --> 00:43:03,080
Speaker 1: now he'll he'll never leave me alone, Like I will

839
00:43:03,120 --> 00:43:06,640
Speaker 1: not be alone again. So I put all the time

840
00:43:06,640 --> 00:43:10,120
Speaker 1: and effort into myself for this purpose, and you know,

841
00:43:10,280 --> 00:43:12,719
Speaker 1: that's the way it works. Shelly, what do you Let's

842
00:43:12,719 --> 00:43:14,640
Speaker 1: talk to her a little bit. What do you well?

843
00:43:14,719 --> 00:43:17,840
Speaker 1: I I actually I have a question regarding like intimacy.

844
00:43:17,920 --> 00:43:21,360
Speaker 1: Do you have other types of intimate relationships in your life?

845
00:43:21,400 --> 00:43:24,399
Speaker 1: Meaning do you have friends or family members that you're

846
00:43:24,440 --> 00:43:27,200
Speaker 1: really like loving on that you can like hug and

847
00:43:27,280 --> 00:43:31,000
Speaker 1: be intimate with in a physical way that isn't inappropriate

848
00:43:31,000 --> 00:43:35,000
Speaker 1: of course, Right. I'm really close with my family, I

849
00:43:35,040 --> 00:43:37,440
Speaker 1: have a really great group of friends. I have a

850
00:43:37,480 --> 00:43:41,040
Speaker 1: dog that I rescued ago, Right, So I do feel

851
00:43:41,080 --> 00:43:43,839
Speaker 1: like I have so many other great things going in

852
00:43:43,880 --> 00:43:47,560
Speaker 1: my life, and it just felt like this one piece

853
00:43:47,640 --> 00:43:52,280
Speaker 1: kept overshadowing everything else amazing that is happening in life

854
00:43:52,400 --> 00:43:55,799
Speaker 1: right now, and getting my dream job and finally being

855
00:43:55,880 --> 00:43:59,680
Speaker 1: financially secure and figuring out my mental health, and so

856
00:43:59,840 --> 00:44:02,360
Speaker 1: I just kept feeling like, why do I go back

857
00:44:02,400 --> 00:44:05,680
Speaker 1: to this specific piece? Right, So, I do feel so

858
00:44:05,760 --> 00:44:08,719
Speaker 1: grateful that I do have that really great connection with

859
00:44:08,800 --> 00:44:12,040
Speaker 1: friends and family, and and yeah, I think we live

860
00:44:12,040 --> 00:44:14,960
Speaker 1: in this like culture now that and I've been married

861
00:44:14,960 --> 00:44:18,000
Speaker 1: now for fifteen years, so I don't necessarily fully understand

862
00:44:18,000 --> 00:44:20,640
Speaker 1: this culture of you know, dating apps, because it just

863
00:44:20,880 --> 00:44:23,399
Speaker 1: there were no apps when when I got married. But

864
00:44:24,239 --> 00:44:27,120
Speaker 1: I think that there's so much pressure to sort of

865
00:44:27,280 --> 00:44:31,080
Speaker 1: create that one on one connection really quickly and for

866
00:44:31,160 --> 00:44:33,440
Speaker 1: it to like work out or for it to become

867
00:44:33,480 --> 00:44:36,880
Speaker 1: intimate really quickly as well. And I kind of feel

868
00:44:36,920 --> 00:44:39,759
Speaker 1: like my best advice would be especially because you have

869
00:44:39,800 --> 00:44:42,080
Speaker 1: a great group. It sounds like you've a great network

870
00:44:42,120 --> 00:44:44,799
Speaker 1: and a community of friends and family and people who

871
00:44:44,800 --> 00:44:47,320
Speaker 1: love and care about you. And especially now that we're

872
00:44:47,360 --> 00:44:49,440
Speaker 1: in a phase where you can at least go outside

873
00:44:49,600 --> 00:44:52,480
Speaker 1: and like, you know, not have to be stuck in

874
00:44:52,520 --> 00:44:56,160
Speaker 1: a house for eighteen months. You can actually go to

875
00:44:56,200 --> 00:44:59,120
Speaker 1: the old fashioned way of trying to meet somebody in

876
00:44:59,120 --> 00:45:02,640
Speaker 1: a natural set sting, right, And that maybe takes the

877
00:45:02,719 --> 00:45:06,880
Speaker 1: pressure off because things can happen and naturally unfold slowly

878
00:45:07,040 --> 00:45:09,680
Speaker 1: and carefully, as opposed to it going from zero to

879
00:45:09,719 --> 00:45:13,040
Speaker 1: sixte and like a matter of a minute, right. And

880
00:45:13,080 --> 00:45:15,400
Speaker 1: I agree with Chelsea. I think that, you know, we

881
00:45:15,440 --> 00:45:18,040
Speaker 1: put a lot of pressure on ourselves and we're like, oh,

882
00:45:18,120 --> 00:45:22,000
Speaker 1: I need to just have an intimate relationship or go

883
00:45:22,120 --> 00:45:24,000
Speaker 1: have sex because I haven't had sex in a year.

884
00:45:24,080 --> 00:45:27,120
Speaker 1: And really it's not about that. I think it sounds like,

885
00:45:27,400 --> 00:45:30,840
Speaker 1: especially from what you're saying, like it's really more about

886
00:45:31,160 --> 00:45:34,760
Speaker 1: intimacy and not just having that like one night stand,

887
00:45:34,880 --> 00:45:37,080
Speaker 1: you know, and just like Okay, I did it, I

888
00:45:37,120 --> 00:45:39,000
Speaker 1: got over it, because I actually think that that could

889
00:45:39,120 --> 00:45:41,359
Speaker 1: also cause a lot of issues. You know, you can

890
00:45:41,920 --> 00:45:45,279
Speaker 1: then start self analyzing yourself if it didn't go the

891
00:45:45,320 --> 00:45:46,839
Speaker 1: way you wanted it to go. So I would just

892
00:45:46,840 --> 00:45:51,440
Speaker 1: say focus on your friends, focus on the intimate relationships

893
00:45:51,480 --> 00:45:55,040
Speaker 1: you do have, and put yourself out there in in

894
00:45:55,160 --> 00:45:59,399
Speaker 1: new ways that you haven't done before, right Like, say, yes,

895
00:45:59,640 --> 00:46:02,359
Speaker 1: go out to the events and to the things that

896
00:46:02,400 --> 00:46:05,040
Speaker 1: are of course being safe in the world that we

897
00:46:05,080 --> 00:46:07,839
Speaker 1: live in today, but go out and just try new

898
00:46:07,880 --> 00:46:10,800
Speaker 1: things and and do new things with all the people

899
00:46:10,840 --> 00:46:14,440
Speaker 1: that you love. And when you radiate in that environment

900
00:46:14,520 --> 00:46:16,719
Speaker 1: of the people that you feel safe and comfortable with,

901
00:46:17,440 --> 00:46:20,360
Speaker 1: you'll start to attract other people into that space as well.

902
00:46:21,120 --> 00:46:23,960
Speaker 1: That's great advice. Yeah, yeah, And you have to think

903
00:46:23,960 --> 00:46:27,120
Speaker 1: of abundance, right, Like what you said is all abundance.

904
00:46:27,200 --> 00:46:29,480
Speaker 1: You have a rescue dog, you have a close relationship

905
00:46:29,520 --> 00:46:32,680
Speaker 1: with your family, you have friends. Those are all wonderful

906
00:46:32,760 --> 00:46:35,600
Speaker 1: things that you have an abundance. And if you focus

907
00:46:35,640 --> 00:46:38,480
Speaker 1: on that, that attracts more and more abundance instead of

908
00:46:38,520 --> 00:46:41,399
Speaker 1: focusing on what you don't have in this moment. You know,

909
00:46:41,719 --> 00:46:43,400
Speaker 1: you want to focus on when you do have the

910
00:46:43,400 --> 00:46:46,359
Speaker 1: opportunity to be with somebody that you've done the work,

911
00:46:46,440 --> 00:46:48,879
Speaker 1: the inner work, and that you've done the self esteem work,

912
00:46:49,120 --> 00:46:52,160
Speaker 1: and that your ex boyfriend doesn't define you. He doesn't

913
00:46:52,160 --> 00:46:55,839
Speaker 1: define how you think about yourself. You decide what you are,

914
00:46:56,000 --> 00:46:57,799
Speaker 1: who you are, and how you're going to be in

915
00:46:57,800 --> 00:47:01,080
Speaker 1: this world. And you're lovely and anyone would be lucky

916
00:47:01,120 --> 00:47:02,920
Speaker 1: to be with you. So like, no, I'm not worried

917
00:47:02,920 --> 00:47:05,440
Speaker 1: for a second about you. I think we always just

918
00:47:05,480 --> 00:47:08,439
Speaker 1: get into situations where we think we're single and we're

919
00:47:08,480 --> 00:47:11,400
Speaker 1: like we panic. It's like, no, that's a cause for

920
00:47:11,480 --> 00:47:16,760
Speaker 1: celebration too. Single dumb is celebratory. And you experienced great

921
00:47:16,840 --> 00:47:20,319
Speaker 1: relationships with your friends and your family, especially when there's

922
00:47:20,360 --> 00:47:23,960
Speaker 1: no love distraction, you know, because when love comes in

923
00:47:24,440 --> 00:47:28,000
Speaker 1: then it is a big, big distraction. Falling in love

924
00:47:28,080 --> 00:47:30,719
Speaker 1: is a huge distraction. So put in the time and

925
00:47:30,719 --> 00:47:32,560
Speaker 1: effort now so that your family and friends don't get

926
00:47:32,560 --> 00:47:37,120
Speaker 1: mad at you when you do fall in love. That's

927
00:47:37,160 --> 00:47:40,200
Speaker 1: great and it actually also you inspired me. I really

928
00:47:40,239 --> 00:47:42,879
Speaker 1: loved skiing, and now I can work remotely, so I'm

929
00:47:42,880 --> 00:47:46,560
Speaker 1: thinking about going to Breckon Ridge for all of February

930
00:47:47,160 --> 00:47:52,040
Speaker 1: and working. And I mean I was like, you know,

931
00:47:52,480 --> 00:47:55,520
Speaker 1: this also frees me from having to, you know, hang

932
00:47:55,560 --> 00:47:58,440
Speaker 1: around San Diego, and so I can move around and

933
00:47:58,480 --> 00:48:00,719
Speaker 1: do things, and actually you and iron me, I thought,

934
00:48:00,840 --> 00:48:05,280
Speaker 1: oh I could do that. Now I'm so I'm trying

935
00:48:05,320 --> 00:48:07,719
Speaker 1: to kind of get in that mode of thinking of

936
00:48:07,719 --> 00:48:11,840
Speaker 1: those things. Hearing it from you two is really helpful.

937
00:48:11,960 --> 00:48:15,400
Speaker 1: So I really see a Ski love relationship in the future.

938
00:48:17,200 --> 00:48:19,479
Speaker 1: I love Breckon Ridge. That's a great place. I love seen.

939
00:48:19,640 --> 00:48:23,759
Speaker 1: I love Margarita's. Yeah, Reckon Ridge is great. That's where

940
00:48:23,760 --> 00:48:25,959
Speaker 1: I learned. Well, that's already a great decision you made.

941
00:48:26,040 --> 00:48:30,360
Speaker 1: So good for you and have asked and keep us posted. Okay,

942
00:48:30,600 --> 00:48:33,560
Speaker 1: if there's any great developments or you have anything to share,

943
00:48:33,640 --> 00:48:36,719
Speaker 1: always call back. I will thank you so much. It

944
00:48:36,800 --> 00:48:39,880
Speaker 1: was so great to meet you. Thank you, Thank you

945
00:48:39,920 --> 00:48:45,040
Speaker 1: so much. Bye. I love energy like that. Oh, go ahead,

946
00:48:45,360 --> 00:48:48,520
Speaker 1: do you want to cough on me? I went down

947
00:48:48,560 --> 00:48:51,480
Speaker 1: the wrong pipe? Yeah? How does that happen with water?

948
00:48:51,760 --> 00:48:54,279
Speaker 1: I don't know, And I always I always thought I

949
00:48:54,320 --> 00:48:57,120
Speaker 1: only had one pipe. Do we have more than one pipe? Listen?

950
00:48:57,160 --> 00:48:58,759
Speaker 1: I didn't know that there were three holes down there

951
00:48:58,760 --> 00:49:00,959
Speaker 1: for a lot of time either. I was like wait

952
00:49:01,000 --> 00:49:04,240
Speaker 1: what my friend my sister had to explain. She's like, Chelsea, honestly,

953
00:49:04,640 --> 00:49:06,880
Speaker 1: between you not knowing the difference between the moon and

954
00:49:06,920 --> 00:49:10,000
Speaker 1: the sun, and you don't know the three holes that

955
00:49:10,000 --> 00:49:11,919
Speaker 1: are down there. I'm like, wait, I thought I thought

956
00:49:11,960 --> 00:49:17,440
Speaker 1: your period and your vagina we're the same. Fuck. I'm

957
00:49:17,480 --> 00:49:20,520
Speaker 1: a mess. I'm like, where is that hole? She's like what?

958
00:49:21,320 --> 00:49:23,160
Speaker 1: I'm like, I thought that when you put a tampa

959
00:49:23,360 --> 00:49:25,880
Speaker 1: forget it. Let's not even get into it. But I

960
00:49:25,920 --> 00:49:27,960
Speaker 1: can't be the only one. Lord, I don't know what

961
00:49:28,040 --> 00:49:30,160
Speaker 1: I was doing during class when I was growing up

962
00:49:30,160 --> 00:49:32,720
Speaker 1: not there. I was not paying attention, and that's for sure.

963
00:49:33,120 --> 00:49:34,880
Speaker 1: But I didn't start smoking weed until I was like

964
00:49:34,880 --> 00:49:37,279
Speaker 1: an adult, So I guess I probably found some other

965
00:49:37,440 --> 00:49:43,240
Speaker 1: I probably was on pop Rocks, Pop Rocks and Colah. Yeah, Amber,

966
00:49:43,280 --> 00:49:45,759
Speaker 1: I wish we could look at being single the same

967
00:49:45,800 --> 00:49:48,000
Speaker 1: way we look at when you meet someone. Yeah, you know,

968
00:49:48,080 --> 00:49:50,600
Speaker 1: because the beginning of being single and then like that

969
00:49:50,640 --> 00:49:53,200
Speaker 1: whole you know, for lack of a better term, journey

970
00:49:53,239 --> 00:49:57,759
Speaker 1: of being single is where you grow up. That's where

971
00:49:57,760 --> 00:49:59,560
Speaker 1: you grow and you become your best self. And I

972
00:49:59,600 --> 00:50:02,000
Speaker 1: wish but looked at that and in that way like

973
00:50:02,080 --> 00:50:05,120
Speaker 1: I just met someone, it's called me, and we're going

974
00:50:05,160 --> 00:50:08,320
Speaker 1: to be together. I decided, I've just found out recently

975
00:50:08,360 --> 00:50:11,040
Speaker 1: that I like my own company right, and that was

976
00:50:11,080 --> 00:50:14,280
Speaker 1: something that helped me so much, was spending time alone

977
00:50:14,360 --> 00:50:16,880
Speaker 1: for the first time in my life without having so

978
00:50:16,960 --> 00:50:20,160
Speaker 1: much noise and groups of large, large groups of people

979
00:50:20,200 --> 00:50:22,600
Speaker 1: around me. That was something when I got to know

980
00:50:22,680 --> 00:50:25,919
Speaker 1: myself a lot better, or by just remaining alone even

981
00:50:25,960 --> 00:50:28,319
Speaker 1: when I was bored, I would be like, you can't

982
00:50:28,360 --> 00:50:31,080
Speaker 1: be bored, Like, go read a book, go watch a show,

983
00:50:31,200 --> 00:50:33,480
Speaker 1: go take a walk, Like you can't do that anymore.

984
00:50:33,520 --> 00:50:36,399
Speaker 1: You're not bored. And it's good too. Yeah, it's good

985
00:50:36,440 --> 00:50:40,160
Speaker 1: to get down with yourself. Yeah, loneliness that turns into solitude.

986
00:50:40,840 --> 00:50:44,680
Speaker 1: It's so great, well, I think Emmer. Also, as women,

987
00:50:45,239 --> 00:50:47,319
Speaker 1: we tend to blame ourselves when someone else has a

988
00:50:47,360 --> 00:50:50,480
Speaker 1: reaction in that type of way. We just talked to her.

989
00:50:50,520 --> 00:50:53,080
Speaker 1: She's gorgeous, we saw her on the video. She's got

990
00:50:53,080 --> 00:50:55,919
Speaker 1: a cool job. She's clearly articulate. Like him, not wanting

991
00:50:55,960 --> 00:50:59,480
Speaker 1: to have sex had nothing to do with her exactly there.

992
00:50:59,480 --> 00:51:02,040
Speaker 1: As women, you're so right, Catherine, Like every time, I

993
00:51:02,080 --> 00:51:03,799
Speaker 1: can't tell you how many guys have not been able

994
00:51:03,840 --> 00:51:06,399
Speaker 1: to perform sexually in the bedroom with me. When Push

995
00:51:06,440 --> 00:51:08,319
Speaker 1: came to shop, when I was on a date, or

996
00:51:08,360 --> 00:51:10,040
Speaker 1: I've gone out in a couple of days with somebody,

997
00:51:10,200 --> 00:51:12,239
Speaker 1: or I've brought someone back to my house where they

998
00:51:12,239 --> 00:51:15,200
Speaker 1: could not have a sex. Whatever is it is about

999
00:51:15,239 --> 00:51:17,920
Speaker 1: me was so emasculating and such a turn off that

1000
00:51:17,960 --> 00:51:20,240
Speaker 1: they could not get a direction that I would literally

1001
00:51:20,280 --> 00:51:22,120
Speaker 1: say to my friends, this is my vagina smell like

1002
00:51:22,239 --> 00:51:24,600
Speaker 1: is something? Can somebody smell my vagina? Because I think

1003
00:51:24,640 --> 00:51:26,920
Speaker 1: something's wrong with my vagina. It's like, no, it has

1004
00:51:26,960 --> 00:51:30,400
Speaker 1: nothing to do with you. I mean, it probably has

1005
00:51:30,440 --> 00:51:32,200
Speaker 1: a little to do with you, but more of your person,

1006
00:51:32,320 --> 00:51:34,839
Speaker 1: you know, like, but it's not. It's like everyone's going

1007
00:51:34,840 --> 00:51:36,440
Speaker 1: through their own ship. And when a man doesn't want

1008
00:51:36,440 --> 00:51:38,680
Speaker 1: to have sex with his girlfriend, that's because something's going

1009
00:51:38,680 --> 00:51:42,080
Speaker 1: on with him. That's right, Yeah, totally, he needs to

1010
00:51:42,120 --> 00:51:44,040
Speaker 1: do the deep dive. He should call it next time.

1011
00:51:44,200 --> 00:51:46,319
Speaker 1: Or maybe he was cheating, you know, who knows, Maybe

1012
00:51:46,320 --> 00:51:47,960
Speaker 1: he had something going on on the side, and maybe

1013
00:51:47,960 --> 00:51:51,680
Speaker 1: he doesn't like women. Maybe he's gay. Yea. Our next

1014
00:51:51,800 --> 00:51:56,080
Speaker 1: email comes from Charlotte. She says, dear Chelsea, so I

1015
00:51:56,120 --> 00:51:58,120
Speaker 1: have two sons that I love with all my heart.

1016
00:51:58,320 --> 00:52:01,040
Speaker 1: Their thirty five and twenty eight, and I've raised both

1017
00:52:01,040 --> 00:52:04,480
Speaker 1: by myself, since their douchebag father basically wanted nothing to

1018
00:52:04,520 --> 00:52:06,360
Speaker 1: do with them after I packed our ship up and

1019
00:52:06,440 --> 00:52:09,400
Speaker 1: left him. I've told my son's to never bring me

1020
00:52:09,440 --> 00:52:11,680
Speaker 1: a grandchild. I tell them, if you want to bring

1021
00:52:11,719 --> 00:52:14,360
Speaker 1: me something to cuddle up with, bring me another rescue pup.

1022
00:52:14,760 --> 00:52:18,000
Speaker 1: I really don't want grandchildren. Is there something wrong with

1023
00:52:18,040 --> 00:52:21,400
Speaker 1: me because I don't want any? Charlotte, No, that sounds

1024
00:52:21,600 --> 00:52:27,040
Speaker 1: pretty accurate. I mean, Charlotte, I'm with you. I mean, well,

1025
00:52:27,080 --> 00:52:29,640
Speaker 1: from my perspective, I don't know about that. Well, what

1026
00:52:29,680 --> 00:52:31,640
Speaker 1: do you think she doesn't want grandchildren for? Well, I

1027
00:52:31,640 --> 00:52:34,080
Speaker 1: think because she doesn't want the responsibility. She's like, man,

1028
00:52:34,120 --> 00:52:36,840
Speaker 1: I've been I was saddled with these two kids, you know,

1029
00:52:36,880 --> 00:52:38,640
Speaker 1: when I was a single mom for a few years,

1030
00:52:38,680 --> 00:52:41,440
Speaker 1: and it was really tough. And yeah, you have no

1031
00:52:41,640 --> 00:52:45,000
Speaker 1: time for yourself, you have no money, you're broke, you're tired,

1032
00:52:45,040 --> 00:52:47,360
Speaker 1: you're angry all the time. You certainly don't have time

1033
00:52:47,480 --> 00:52:52,239
Speaker 1: to date. Suddenly she's raised these two grown men who

1034
00:52:52,400 --> 00:52:55,400
Speaker 1: she loves dearly. But she's looking back at that period

1035
00:52:55,440 --> 00:52:58,680
Speaker 1: of her life obviously with some form of trauma. Right,

1036
00:52:58,760 --> 00:53:02,680
Speaker 1: So there's some unresolved trauma that's there, that's now sort

1037
00:53:02,719 --> 00:53:06,400
Speaker 1: of creating this filter, this lens that she's looking at

1038
00:53:06,560 --> 00:53:10,800
Speaker 1: children through. And so it's like all children, all children.

1039
00:53:10,920 --> 00:53:14,280
Speaker 1: And so if my kids get married and they decide

1040
00:53:14,320 --> 00:53:17,240
Speaker 1: to have children, then I'm going to be saddled somehow

1041
00:53:17,280 --> 00:53:20,080
Speaker 1: with those children. And at the end of the day,

1042
00:53:20,120 --> 00:53:22,800
Speaker 1: a we both know it's not her decision whether or

1043
00:53:22,840 --> 00:53:25,120
Speaker 1: not they are going to have children or not, right,

1044
00:53:25,160 --> 00:53:27,920
Speaker 1: I feel like it should be she raises two sons

1045
00:53:27,920 --> 00:53:29,640
Speaker 1: by herself. I feel like she should have a saying

1046
00:53:29,640 --> 00:53:33,280
Speaker 1: whether or not they procreate. Well, I think more people

1047
00:53:33,280 --> 00:53:35,439
Speaker 1: need to have less children. Quite frankly, you know, that's

1048
00:53:35,440 --> 00:53:38,919
Speaker 1: a whole different discussion for another day. I I could

1049
00:53:38,960 --> 00:53:41,240
Speaker 1: agree with that, I could get on that bus for sure,

1050
00:53:41,760 --> 00:53:44,040
Speaker 1: but I would say that it's not her choice. And

1051
00:53:44,160 --> 00:53:47,600
Speaker 1: but what is her choice is, you know, the boundaries

1052
00:53:47,600 --> 00:53:50,760
Speaker 1: that she's able to set once they do have children,

1053
00:53:51,080 --> 00:53:53,680
Speaker 1: and what type of grandmother she wants to be. I

1054
00:53:53,760 --> 00:53:58,480
Speaker 1: know grandma's that are like my mother, very like hands

1055
00:53:58,520 --> 00:54:03,760
Speaker 1: on and actually suffer vacating sometimes often most of the time. Actually,

1056
00:54:03,800 --> 00:54:05,480
Speaker 1: if I'm just trying to soften that a little bit,

1057
00:54:05,480 --> 00:54:07,000
Speaker 1: but she's not going to listen to this podcast. You

1058
00:54:07,080 --> 00:54:09,560
Speaker 1: never know, she'll hear about it from somebody. I promise you,

1059
00:54:10,640 --> 00:54:13,160
Speaker 1: I love you, mom, I really do. But you could

1060
00:54:13,200 --> 00:54:14,719
Speaker 1: be that type of grandma, or you could be the

1061
00:54:14,719 --> 00:54:17,279
Speaker 1: type of grandma that's out and about, like a Vanderbilt

1062
00:54:17,360 --> 00:54:20,400
Speaker 1: or something that's like just traveling the world and popping

1063
00:54:20,440 --> 00:54:22,799
Speaker 1: in once in a while with like a few trinkets

1064
00:54:22,840 --> 00:54:25,400
Speaker 1: and then darling, would you like to go have a

1065
00:54:25,480 --> 00:54:29,000
Speaker 1: martini together? And then like you leave again? You know, right, right,

1066
00:54:29,160 --> 00:54:31,080
Speaker 1: I don't want to be a grandmother. I just know

1067
00:54:31,200 --> 00:54:33,400
Speaker 1: children lead to more children, lead to more children, and

1068
00:54:33,400 --> 00:54:35,920
Speaker 1: I don't want anybody to ever refer to me as Bunny,

1069
00:54:36,000 --> 00:54:38,880
Speaker 1: which is a new nickname that grandmothers are using, Imny

1070
00:54:39,200 --> 00:54:43,360
Speaker 1: Bunny why exactly because Mimi's out And then there's the

1071
00:54:43,480 --> 00:54:46,680
Speaker 1: other one, nana, mem all the words that people want

1072
00:54:46,680 --> 00:54:48,920
Speaker 1: to create so that they don't have to be called grandma.

1073
00:54:48,960 --> 00:54:51,160
Speaker 1: What's wrong with grandma? I know some people because they

1074
00:54:51,160 --> 00:54:52,880
Speaker 1: think it's to make some old if they're a grandmother,

1075
00:54:52,920 --> 00:54:55,120
Speaker 1: so they want a different name, you know, But like, look,

1076
00:54:55,160 --> 00:54:59,000
Speaker 1: you're such a great aunt. You've really taken all of

1077
00:54:59,000 --> 00:55:01,680
Speaker 1: those children that you didn't want to have under your wing,

1078
00:55:02,040 --> 00:55:04,960
Speaker 1: right And you are involved, but you have boundaries. So

1079
00:55:05,040 --> 00:55:07,680
Speaker 1: when it's time for you to focus on your ship,

1080
00:55:08,480 --> 00:55:12,279
Speaker 1: you just extracate heres out. I go move. I just

1081
00:55:12,400 --> 00:55:13,920
Speaker 1: leave them in my house and then I go move

1082
00:55:13,960 --> 00:55:16,480
Speaker 1: into another house. I've done that a couple of times.

1083
00:55:17,239 --> 00:55:21,280
Speaker 1: You guys will stay here, I'm leaving. That's a separate

1084
00:55:21,320 --> 00:55:24,520
Speaker 1: conversation too. You know what, You're a great at giving advice.

1085
00:55:24,600 --> 00:55:27,040
Speaker 1: I mean, I have nothing else to add. Shelley's the

1086
00:55:27,120 --> 00:55:32,080
Speaker 1: fucking one in charge today. She's much more insightful because

1087
00:55:32,120 --> 00:55:33,960
Speaker 1: I just end up. You know, you have a wider

1088
00:55:34,000 --> 00:55:37,720
Speaker 1: breadth of experience with different types of personalities and different

1089
00:55:37,719 --> 00:55:41,000
Speaker 1: life experiences, so it's very helpful to hear your insight

1090
00:55:41,080 --> 00:55:43,760
Speaker 1: on all of them. I'm a degreeless doctor. Yes, aren't

1091
00:55:43,760 --> 00:55:46,760
Speaker 1: we all. Well, let's take a quick break and we'll

1092
00:55:46,760 --> 00:55:51,000
Speaker 1: come back and finish up. Okay, that sounds. I love

1093
00:55:51,000 --> 00:55:54,040
Speaker 1: when Katherine's like captain of this ship. She's like, we're

1094
00:55:54,080 --> 00:55:56,600
Speaker 1: gonna get you a captain's hat, Katherine. Yes, she's like

1095
00:55:56,880 --> 00:56:07,439
Speaker 1: Perry Gilpin's character and Frasier. Oh yeah, what was her name? Ra? Yes? Yes,

1096
00:56:07,719 --> 00:56:16,040
Speaker 1: she was my favorite on that show. Less. Okay, and

1097
00:56:16,080 --> 00:56:19,799
Speaker 1: we're back. We're back, and this is your last reminder

1098
00:56:19,840 --> 00:56:23,400
Speaker 1: to pick up a copy. Order your copy please of

1099
00:56:23,560 --> 00:56:26,359
Speaker 1: Shelley to gel Ski's new book, which is called Sit

1100
00:56:26,400 --> 00:56:29,200
Speaker 1: Down to Rise Up. I wrote the foreword for it. Yes,

1101
00:56:29,239 --> 00:56:33,640
Speaker 1: you did so suck on that. It was great, so authentic.

1102
00:56:33,719 --> 00:56:35,959
Speaker 1: I loved it. Thank you for doing that. Oh my god,

1103
00:56:36,000 --> 00:56:38,400
Speaker 1: my pleasure. I thought's the least I can do. Do

1104
00:56:38,440 --> 00:56:40,400
Speaker 1: you know how many thousands of dollars you've saved me?

1105
00:56:40,520 --> 00:56:42,160
Speaker 1: With all the people that come to me asking for

1106
00:56:42,200 --> 00:56:45,440
Speaker 1: their rent money, hundreds of thousands of I'm keeping tab.

1107
00:56:45,600 --> 00:56:47,240
Speaker 1: I used to do it. I used to give people

1108
00:56:47,239 --> 00:56:50,160
Speaker 1: money and then I mean, I can't believe that, but

1109
00:56:50,200 --> 00:56:53,680
Speaker 1: it always backfires. Like I one woman needed teeth, so

1110
00:56:53,760 --> 00:56:55,759
Speaker 1: I gave her like twenty grand to get teeth. Then

1111
00:56:55,800 --> 00:56:58,000
Speaker 1: she needed another set of teeth because the teeth she got,

1112
00:56:58,040 --> 00:57:00,200
Speaker 1: she said, weren't good enough. I was like, what kind

1113
00:57:00,200 --> 00:57:02,399
Speaker 1: of vicious cycle is this? How many sets of teeth

1114
00:57:02,440 --> 00:57:04,239
Speaker 1: do I need to get you? I had made a

1115
00:57:04,280 --> 00:57:06,400
Speaker 1: joke about people who have no teeth on my on

1116
00:57:06,400 --> 00:57:10,200
Speaker 1: my TV show, so I felt obligated. Oh my god,

1117
00:57:10,880 --> 00:57:12,839
Speaker 1: but you you know, people still tell me that you're

1118
00:57:12,880 --> 00:57:15,480
Speaker 1: one of the only people that still responds to them

1119
00:57:15,719 --> 00:57:18,840
Speaker 1: on d M because they're like I wrote a hundred

1120
00:57:18,840 --> 00:57:23,320
Speaker 1: different celebrities and the only response I got was from Chelsea. Well,

1121
00:57:23,360 --> 00:57:25,040
Speaker 1: you know what, I feel like people really need to

1122
00:57:25,080 --> 00:57:27,080
Speaker 1: be heard and seeing. I really feel that way. I

1123
00:57:27,120 --> 00:57:29,080
Speaker 1: like to notice people and I like them to feel

1124
00:57:29,440 --> 00:57:34,120
Speaker 1: like they're heard. I mean at least once, know what

1125
00:57:34,120 --> 00:57:39,560
Speaker 1: I mean? Yeah, I know. Okay, anyway, okay, So what

1126
00:57:39,600 --> 00:57:42,720
Speaker 1: else do we have? Katherine? So we have one quick

1127
00:57:42,840 --> 00:57:46,040
Speaker 1: question and this is really right in the wheelhouse for

1128
00:57:46,080 --> 00:57:50,280
Speaker 1: both of you. Dear Chelsea, you briefly mentioned using cannabis

1129
00:57:50,400 --> 00:57:54,040
Speaker 1: while meditating. What do you recommend and how much cannabis

1130
00:57:54,120 --> 00:57:58,000
Speaker 1: is too much for meditation? Gavin, I would say keep

1131
00:57:58,040 --> 00:58:00,920
Speaker 1: it very light, because you know, sometimes with cannabis you

1132
00:58:00,960 --> 00:58:03,720
Speaker 1: lose your train of thought, which is actually great for meditation,

1133
00:58:06,000 --> 00:58:07,840
Speaker 1: your train of thought, but but your mind can wander

1134
00:58:07,920 --> 00:58:10,240
Speaker 1: more easily sometimes when you're stoned. So I like to

1135
00:58:10,360 --> 00:58:12,840
Speaker 1: keep it light. Just two and a half milligrams or

1136
00:58:12,840 --> 00:58:15,600
Speaker 1: five milligrams, max, I would say, for just to get

1137
00:58:15,600 --> 00:58:19,120
Speaker 1: you into a relaxed state so that you can sit

1138
00:58:19,200 --> 00:58:22,000
Speaker 1: still and you don't want to overdo it, so that

1139
00:58:22,040 --> 00:58:23,840
Speaker 1: you're you know, you're a blotto. You want to be

1140
00:58:23,880 --> 00:58:27,160
Speaker 1: present for your meditation, that's right. Yeah, I would say

1141
00:58:27,200 --> 00:58:30,000
Speaker 1: micro dosing for sure to help you get into that state,

1142
00:58:30,080 --> 00:58:34,080
Speaker 1: because otherwise I tend to either fall asleep or think

1143
00:58:34,120 --> 00:58:37,720
Speaker 1: about food. Yeah. Right, The food is a problem. It's

1144
00:58:37,720 --> 00:58:40,480
Speaker 1: a big problem. Yeah. I mean we were in New

1145
00:58:40,520 --> 00:58:42,880
Speaker 1: York the other night and I gave Joe an edible

1146
00:58:42,920 --> 00:58:44,760
Speaker 1: because if I don't, I have to start drugging him

1147
00:58:44,760 --> 00:58:47,840
Speaker 1: in around eleven, because if I don't, he will stay

1148
00:58:47,920 --> 00:58:50,800
Speaker 1: up until three in the morning. And I'm just like, no,

1149
00:58:50,960 --> 00:58:53,600
Speaker 1: we're not doing that. We're not doing that. So I

1150
00:58:53,600 --> 00:58:55,560
Speaker 1: always give him a litt chocolate when it gets off stage.

1151
00:58:55,600 --> 00:58:58,320
Speaker 1: I'm like, here, honey, take this, because he's so apt

1152
00:58:58,600 --> 00:59:00,920
Speaker 1: right from the four Man, which I know that feeling.

1153
00:59:01,480 --> 00:59:04,080
Speaker 1: And then we got to pack to the hotel, and

1154
00:59:04,200 --> 00:59:07,080
Speaker 1: I mean when I say he ate everything in the

1155
00:59:07,080 --> 00:59:08,720
Speaker 1: mini bar, I first of all, I was getting it

1156
00:59:08,720 --> 00:59:11,000
Speaker 1: for him because he was in bed, sitting in bed,

1157
00:59:11,120 --> 00:59:13,440
Speaker 1: and I he had eaten a thing of pretzels. Then

1158
00:59:13,440 --> 00:59:14,880
Speaker 1: he opened up the pringles seas like you have to

1159
00:59:14,920 --> 00:59:16,800
Speaker 1: taste the sprinkles. I'm like, no, I have more experience

1160
00:59:16,840 --> 00:59:19,520
Speaker 1: with cannabis. I'm not going down that fucking booby trap,

1161
00:59:19,640 --> 00:59:21,960
Speaker 1: like I'm not going. I'm not putting a pringle in

1162
00:59:22,040 --> 00:59:23,720
Speaker 1: my mouth right now. And then I go, do you

1163
00:59:23,760 --> 00:59:25,120
Speaker 1: want to? So I went and got, you know, a

1164
00:59:25,120 --> 00:59:27,840
Speaker 1: healthy snack like the cranberry and nuts thing or whatever,

1165
00:59:28,240 --> 00:59:30,000
Speaker 1: and I brought that back. He polished that off, and

1166
00:59:30,000 --> 00:59:31,640
Speaker 1: he's like, is there another one of those? And I said,

1167
00:59:31,680 --> 00:59:34,240
Speaker 1: there is, Joe, but like, at a certain point, don't

1168
00:59:34,280 --> 00:59:39,000
Speaker 1: you need to stop fucking eating the point where he

1169
00:59:39,040 --> 00:59:41,680
Speaker 1: falls aslade And he was laughing so hard at me

1170
00:59:41,720 --> 00:59:43,680
Speaker 1: for yelling at him, like I was like, you really

1171
00:59:43,840 --> 00:59:46,240
Speaker 1: stop it. He has really bad eating habits, although he

1172
00:59:46,280 --> 00:59:48,800
Speaker 1: doesn't eat meat, so that's good. Oh that's great. I

1173
00:59:48,840 --> 00:59:52,640
Speaker 1: love him even more now. But he will eat an

1174
00:59:52,760 --> 00:59:56,720
Speaker 1: entire bag of cheddar cheese, cheddar cheese, sour cream potato chips,

1175
00:59:57,120 --> 01:00:00,920
Speaker 1: which makes me want to so my vagina closed. But

1176
01:00:02,000 --> 01:00:06,160
Speaker 1: we digress anyway, back to the question. Yeah, see, that's

1177
01:00:06,160 --> 01:00:08,960
Speaker 1: what happens in meditation. By the way, your mind just starts.

1178
01:00:09,040 --> 01:00:11,840
Speaker 1: We we went from like talking about meditation to talking

1179
01:00:11,840 --> 01:00:15,960
Speaker 1: about food to talking about your clothes vagina. So that's yeah,

1180
01:00:16,000 --> 01:00:18,480
Speaker 1: that's the story of our life. Before we go I

1181
01:00:18,520 --> 01:00:21,200
Speaker 1: want to also let everybody know that I announced new

1182
01:00:21,240 --> 01:00:25,560
Speaker 1: tour dates and announced my Canadian dates. So you guys

1183
01:00:25,600 --> 01:00:27,840
Speaker 1: have who have been asking when I'm performing in Canada,

1184
01:00:27,840 --> 01:00:33,720
Speaker 1: They're up. I'm coming to Winnipeg, Ontario, Vancouver, of course, Toronto, Calgary,

1185
01:00:33,840 --> 01:00:36,560
Speaker 1: I don't know, just look it up Chelsea Handler dot com.

1186
01:00:36,600 --> 01:00:38,960
Speaker 1: And I have many more dates in the States coming

1187
01:00:39,000 --> 01:00:45,160
Speaker 1: up to in November. I'm coming to Rochester, Buffalo, and Syracuse. Oh.

1188
01:00:45,240 --> 01:00:50,640
Speaker 1: Actually first, I'm coming this weekend St. Petersburg, Miami Beach, Orlando,

1189
01:00:51,080 --> 01:00:56,720
Speaker 1: and Jacksonville October, and then I'm coming to New York

1190
01:00:56,840 --> 01:00:59,400
Speaker 1: and then Denver. Anyway, go to Chelsea Handler dot com,

1191
01:00:59,520 --> 01:01:02,520
Speaker 1: go to live nation dot com, get your tickets, come

1192
01:01:02,600 --> 01:01:05,680
Speaker 1: see me on tour. Vaccinated in Horny. I'm fucking loving it.

1193
01:01:05,840 --> 01:01:07,840
Speaker 1: And I want to thank you Shelley for being here today.

1194
01:01:07,920 --> 01:01:10,520
Speaker 1: I want to thank Katherine, our producer, for being here

1195
01:01:10,560 --> 01:01:12,600
Speaker 1: every day. And I want to thank all of our

1196
01:01:12,640 --> 01:01:15,320
Speaker 1: callers and all of our listeners for making this such

1197
01:01:15,320 --> 01:01:18,080
Speaker 1: a great podcast. For all of the people that call

1198
01:01:18,160 --> 01:01:19,960
Speaker 1: and for me and for all of us. We really

1199
01:01:20,080 --> 01:01:23,120
Speaker 1: enjoy doing it and it feels like we're doing something good,

1200
01:01:23,320 --> 01:01:26,880
Speaker 1: you know, not just stupid. You aren't doing something good.

1201
01:01:27,080 --> 01:01:29,760
Speaker 1: You're doing great, You're doing something really good. You're creating

1202
01:01:29,800 --> 01:01:31,960
Speaker 1: a ripple. Well, I'm just trying to meet people who

1203
01:01:31,960 --> 01:01:34,320
Speaker 1: can do things so that I don't have to you know,

1204
01:01:34,560 --> 01:01:36,400
Speaker 1: people like you. I need more people like you in

1205
01:01:36,440 --> 01:01:38,160
Speaker 1: my life. So I could go, oh, yre, go to them,

1206
01:01:38,280 --> 01:01:41,680
Speaker 1: go to them. Outsource outsource. That's a mark of a

1207
01:01:41,680 --> 01:01:45,320
Speaker 1: true leader. Outsource thing. Oh is it okay? That's that's

1208
01:01:45,720 --> 01:01:49,000
Speaker 1: a term used in corporate America often. Oh good, Well,

1209
01:01:49,000 --> 01:01:52,040
Speaker 1: there we go, there we go, and uh yeah, And

1210
01:01:52,080 --> 01:01:55,959
Speaker 1: congratulations on your new book. Shall this is a huge victory.

1211
01:01:56,040 --> 01:01:58,440
Speaker 1: It is? It is. It's a huge accomplishment. And that

1212
01:01:58,520 --> 01:02:01,520
Speaker 1: actually ties into my question, shition, I have a question

1213
01:02:01,560 --> 01:02:04,439
Speaker 1: for you. I need advice. Yes, this is our new thing.

1214
01:02:04,560 --> 01:02:07,520
Speaker 1: I give advice at the very end. What is it? So?

1215
01:02:08,120 --> 01:02:10,840
Speaker 1: I have the book coming out, and as you know,

1216
01:02:11,000 --> 01:02:14,760
Speaker 1: there's a lot of weight that's put on the launch

1217
01:02:14,760 --> 01:02:18,080
Speaker 1: of the book and wanting for it to succeed. And

1218
01:02:18,120 --> 01:02:22,280
Speaker 1: your publishers have expectations, and your agent has expectations and

1219
01:02:22,640 --> 01:02:26,000
Speaker 1: just everybody and then you start feeding into that, right,

1220
01:02:26,040 --> 01:02:28,320
Speaker 1: So I've like fed into that and wanting to promote

1221
01:02:28,360 --> 01:02:31,080
Speaker 1: it and wanting it to be successful. But I guess,

1222
01:02:31,600 --> 01:02:33,240
Speaker 1: you know, because I read about this as well in

1223
01:02:33,240 --> 01:02:35,360
Speaker 1: the book. Like one of my biggest afflictions is that

1224
01:02:35,440 --> 01:02:38,600
Speaker 1: I suffer from like imposter syndrome and like self worth,

1225
01:02:38,680 --> 01:02:41,800
Speaker 1: you know, which is like intergenerational in a way. How

1226
01:02:41,840 --> 01:02:46,800
Speaker 1: do you or how have you disconnected your own self

1227
01:02:46,840 --> 01:02:49,760
Speaker 1: worth from a success or failure of something that you've

1228
01:02:49,800 --> 01:02:52,720
Speaker 1: done before? Like how do you not let that actually

1229
01:02:53,240 --> 01:02:56,920
Speaker 1: come back if something doesn't go exactly the way you

1230
01:02:56,960 --> 01:02:59,680
Speaker 1: wanted to go? You know? Like the book, I hope

1231
01:02:59,680 --> 01:03:01,640
Speaker 1: it does well, but let's say it doesn't land the

1232
01:03:01,680 --> 01:03:04,080
Speaker 1: way it's supposed to land, right, how do you not

1233
01:03:04,200 --> 01:03:07,200
Speaker 1: let it define your own self worth? I mean, I

1234
01:03:07,240 --> 01:03:09,240
Speaker 1: think that's a really you know, I think that's a

1235
01:03:09,360 --> 01:03:12,080
Speaker 1: very common thing for anybody who's putting themselves out there

1236
01:03:12,080 --> 01:03:15,360
Speaker 1: in any way, because you have expectations, right, And that's

1237
01:03:15,400 --> 01:03:18,800
Speaker 1: the first problem, is that you have expectations because you're expecting.

1238
01:03:18,800 --> 01:03:21,120
Speaker 1: I mean, I go through this with my books, you know,

1239
01:03:21,160 --> 01:03:23,040
Speaker 1: like if it's not number one, if it's number two,

1240
01:03:23,080 --> 01:03:24,880
Speaker 1: does that mean I've fallen? And says, I mean, I'm

1241
01:03:24,920 --> 01:03:26,360
Speaker 1: not as good as I was when I wrote the

1242
01:03:26,440 --> 01:03:28,920
Speaker 1: last book. And all of that ship. But you know,

1243
01:03:29,040 --> 01:03:31,680
Speaker 1: it goes back to everything that we know about ourselves,

1244
01:03:32,080 --> 01:03:35,280
Speaker 1: and it's it's our esteem that matters. It's what we're

1245
01:03:35,280 --> 01:03:38,160
Speaker 1: putting out there. That's a huge victory, that's an accomplishment.

1246
01:03:38,440 --> 01:03:41,280
Speaker 1: It's not about how many people by the book. It's

1247
01:03:41,280 --> 01:03:44,640
Speaker 1: about how many people are touched by the book. You know,

1248
01:03:44,800 --> 01:03:46,880
Speaker 1: how many people's lives are you going to change from

1249
01:03:46,920 --> 01:03:48,960
Speaker 1: them having read it? And that you're going to learn

1250
01:03:48,960 --> 01:03:51,040
Speaker 1: about right away because people are going to reach out

1251
01:03:51,080 --> 01:03:53,360
Speaker 1: to you on Instagram and d M you and then

1252
01:03:53,360 --> 01:03:55,160
Speaker 1: you're gonna be checking your d m s because you're

1253
01:03:55,200 --> 01:03:56,760
Speaker 1: gonna because I know you, and you're gonna want to

1254
01:03:56,800 --> 01:03:59,400
Speaker 1: help people, and they're gonna tell you what a difference

1255
01:03:59,400 --> 01:04:01,360
Speaker 1: that book may And when you look at it from

1256
01:04:01,360 --> 01:04:04,040
Speaker 1: that viewpoint instead of a number's viewpoint, you want to

1257
01:04:04,080 --> 01:04:05,920
Speaker 1: just look at it at the impact that you're having,

1258
01:04:06,160 --> 01:04:08,480
Speaker 1: because that's the ripple effect. It's just like starting your

1259
01:04:08,480 --> 01:04:11,880
Speaker 1: meditation on the beach with fifteen people. You know, sometimes

1260
01:04:11,880 --> 01:04:15,320
Speaker 1: books take time to catch fire or to catch on,

1261
01:04:15,440 --> 01:04:18,320
Speaker 1: and sometimes it happens instantly. But I would never ever

1262
01:04:18,440 --> 01:04:21,400
Speaker 1: have the expectation that it's going to be the biggest

1263
01:04:21,440 --> 01:04:23,080
Speaker 1: and the best right out of the gate. You have

1264
01:04:23,160 --> 01:04:25,640
Speaker 1: to know that it's going to take time and word

1265
01:04:25,680 --> 01:04:27,920
Speaker 1: of mouth, and that people are going to start spreading

1266
01:04:28,120 --> 01:04:31,240
Speaker 1: the information about the book and take into account what

1267
01:04:31,280 --> 01:04:36,200
Speaker 1: you just accomplished. You're publishing a book. You're publishing a book. Author.

1268
01:04:36,480 --> 01:04:44,320
Speaker 1: That's a fucking Badassah, that's badass. And we're all a

1269
01:04:44,400 --> 01:04:49,040
Speaker 1: little bit more of a badass after today's episode, right,

1270
01:04:49,160 --> 01:04:52,000
Speaker 1: everybody's a little bit more of a badass. Okay, I

1271
01:04:52,080 --> 01:04:55,320
Speaker 1: like that. Okay, thank you, Shelley. I love you. I

1272
01:04:55,360 --> 01:04:57,080
Speaker 1: love you too, and I'll see you and when we

1273
01:04:57,120 --> 01:04:58,840
Speaker 1: get in my car and drive back to my house,

1274
01:04:59,080 --> 01:05:03,600
Speaker 1: I can't wait. Bye Catherine, Bye, goodbye.