Speaker 1: Call It What It Is with Jessica Capshaw and Camil Luddington,
Speaker 1: an iHeartRadio podcast.
Speaker 2: Hello, Hello, Hello, Hello Call It crew, and welcome to
Speaker 2: another episode.
Speaker 3: Of Call It What It Is.
Speaker 4: For this one a little juiced.
Speaker 3: Really juice, because why who are we sitting across from
Speaker 3: right now?
Speaker 2: I love that you're like the last name. Let's not
Speaker 2: say the last name? Are we saying it's a neat autumn?
Speaker 1: Normally to totally be like no, obviously, Safania, I've got it.
Speaker 3: I know, but you caught me. I was like, Stefani,
Speaker 3: I know it's the last This is a common last
Speaker 3: name in Italy, in the South.
Speaker 2: I have a funny Starbucks name spelling story. Sorry, I
Speaker 2: was in line with Starbucks and Steven Spielberg.
Speaker 1: How is this by the way, in the d said
Speaker 1: what please have Stefania tell her.
Speaker 3: Story two stories?
Speaker 2: Doesn't like the story with Steven Spielberg. When I realized
Speaker 2: that you guys were to yes, so we were already
Speaker 2: together exactly. I just like a couple of first couple
Speaker 2: of episodes. I was meeting a producer there and he
Speaker 2: was like, oh, come, Stefania, let's go say hi to Stephen.
Speaker 2: And I was like, who's Steven. It was like literally
Speaker 2: the first words that came out of my mouth were like, Hi,
Speaker 2: I always make out with your daughter.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's what I've never heard that story. What did
Speaker 3: he say? I was like, FROs and I was like
Speaker 3: he was like, that is so funny.
Speaker 2: And then it was like, let's do a video for
Speaker 2: her stories that I had made a short film with Steven.
Speaker 3: A short film with Steven Spielberg.
Speaker 1: And by the way, just for the record, I think
Speaker 1: people are always surprised by this. I'm leading the witness.
Speaker 1: Just how fantastic and nice is he?
Speaker 2: Come on? I mean, come on.
Speaker 3: Warmer and kinder and less assuming.
Speaker 1: And I've watched it my whole life obviously, but the
Speaker 1: way that he, you know, is in the world and
Speaker 1: and just treats the people around him, and it's just
Speaker 1: he's he's pretty special.
Speaker 2: Even after the third time the guy asked to spell
Speaker 2: to tell him his name, he was like, fully like
Speaker 2: zero ego and face.
Speaker 1: Well, as long as we're on the story of Starbucks
Speaker 1: and Steven Spielberg, He's there a lot.
Speaker 4: I'm just saying, there is a morning thing. Yeah, it's
Speaker 4: a morning thing.
Speaker 1: There was a tipping point where obviously our entire lives.
Speaker 1: If people came up to talk to us when many
Speaker 1: of us were out, they were clearly going to talk
Speaker 1: to him, right, And then there was this tipping point
Speaker 1: where all of a sudden, it was like, everyone's to.
Speaker 4: Talk to me.
Speaker 1: So I don't know, it's maybe a couple of months ago,
Speaker 1: and we're in New York City and we actually were
Speaker 1: not We hadn't even we weren't going to start works together.
Speaker 4: I had gone somewhere else.
Speaker 1: He was at the Starbucks and I came in and
Speaker 1: he didn't know that I was there, and then I.
Speaker 4: Run into him, which I love running into your family.
Speaker 3: So I was like, oh Jesus. So we're hanging in.
Speaker 1: And this woman comes over and then she joins in.
Speaker 4: The and he's like, oh gosh, what's happening.
Speaker 1: She was like just like a really big fan, and
Speaker 1: he got just sort of just stand there and be
Speaker 1: like just a guy.
Speaker 3: He didn't get.
Speaker 4: Even look at him.
Speaker 3: Listens exactly.
Speaker 4: What can I say, come on.
Speaker 3: Okay, I'm so happy that you're here.
Speaker 1: And I feel like we just could could start off
Speaker 1: with the fact that.
Speaker 3: I mean, it.
Speaker 4: Seems like a long time ago, but it wasn't that
Speaker 4: long ago.
Speaker 1: When when we last Seffania came into our lives.
Speaker 3: Well, what's funny is that we did a rewatch up,
Speaker 3: but we did our first rewatch of Grey's Anatomy and
Speaker 3: you you guys, it's a weird cookie episode, you guys.
Speaker 3: So we just talked about her first impression of you,
Speaker 3: because I was like, if you have a love interest
Speaker 3: and Stefania walks in, you're.
Speaker 1: Like, yeah, you're like when you're like when, So, how
Speaker 1: long ago.
Speaker 3: Was it that you start on Grace.
Speaker 2: I think it was seven years eight years ago, eight
Speaker 2: years ago, and I was like, that's that long it was.
Speaker 3: It's like this weird time where that people don't understand
Speaker 3: it just goes so fast.
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, So.
Speaker 1: This is what we were saying, was that when okay,
Speaker 1: so eight years ago, I had just had Josie. Because
Speaker 1: so we were saying that we started a new season
Speaker 1: and Christa came and said, you know, the love interest
Speaker 1: from last season is not coming back.
Speaker 4: You're going to have a new love interest.
Speaker 1: We're going to figure it out. I don't know what
Speaker 1: it's gonna be, we're gonna figure it out. And in
Speaker 1: the meantime, it had been positioned. Stefani was going to
Speaker 1: be a tweeny like and in between me, like you know,
Speaker 1: passion relationship whatever, and I was like okay, great, So
Speaker 1: we didn't really get to have like a chemistry read
Speaker 1: like hey.
Speaker 3: Where do you like where do you see like what
Speaker 3: do you both like?
Speaker 4: What are your hidden talents?
Speaker 2: Like?
Speaker 3: How do you see this going?
Speaker 2: Like?
Speaker 1: We got nothing? We were like thrown into the deep end. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and yeah I just had a baby. We had this
Speaker 1: like makeout scene because my character was like going back
Speaker 1: and that was the.
Speaker 3: Best makeout that this is where de Luca walks in
Speaker 3: on you.
Speaker 4: Yes, this was pre intimacy coordinator.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and Stefani was saying brand new first like puppy energy.
Speaker 2: I was like, yes, sure, jump from the window.
Speaker 3: I though it, yeah, like you're off and she was.
Speaker 1: Puppy energy and I was postpartim entergy and I was like,
Speaker 1: you know, you have your wordroom meeting where they're like okay,
Speaker 1: so you know what do you what do you want
Speaker 1: to wear? And then what do you want to take off?
Speaker 1: Because all those scenes are so much better. Clothing comes off,
Speaker 1: you know, around and they're like what do you want
Speaker 1: to take off?
Speaker 3: On my nothing or you make it so there's twenty layers,
Speaker 3: so you're like, you just can't.
Speaker 2: Yes, the episode of.
Speaker 3: Joey and Friends when he's in all the clothes, you'll
Speaker 3: never get to skin.
Speaker 1: I never landed on a boost a type thing, yeah,
Speaker 1: which was so cute.
Speaker 4: Oh, I don't think I ever saw that stuff. I
Speaker 4: was just way too hard on myself.
Speaker 3: Guys, it's like, and I've seen that, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1: And then so then, but you were fantastic and you
Speaker 1: honestly you were saying you had puppy energy.
Speaker 4: I mean, I've been.
Speaker 1: There for a whole lot longer, and I was a
Speaker 1: whole lot less comfortable, Like I just was like, what.
Speaker 2: What are we doing?
Speaker 4: Okay crag And she was so fantastic.
Speaker 3: Was that the first thing you show?
Speaker 2: Yeah, and with Willen directing, so.
Speaker 3: Shitting myself, I was like, oh my god, she's.
Speaker 2: Like but the thing they gave me make me like
Speaker 2: grounded is that we're speaking Italian. So I was like,
Speaker 2: she doesn't know, nobody knows. I'm fine.
Speaker 1: And then that was most saf because I was in
Speaker 1: between you and I was looking at him, and then
Speaker 1: I was looking at you, and I was like, yeah,
Speaker 1: that was really exactly.
Speaker 2: I also come from the dance world, and in Italy,
Speaker 2: when you dance, you're half like in a bikini all
Speaker 2: the time, so it was very comfortable.
Speaker 4: Only in Italy you dance in biginnis pretty much pretty much.
Speaker 2: I have a funny story actually, so my dancing career
Speaker 2: started in Italy and we literally go to auditions with
Speaker 2: bikinis and high heels, and then I moved to London.
Speaker 2: I mean, I go to London for a week to
Speaker 2: check it out and see if I can work there.
Speaker 2: And I literally show up at the audition room wearing
Speaker 2: the same thing that I will wear at an audition
Speaker 2: in Italy, but everybody else was like super hip hop.
Speaker 2: I looked like a stripper, like everybody was like down.
Speaker 1: The Halliday were like yes, you were like oh maybe no, no, but.
Speaker 2: I did it. I actually booked a job because stood
Speaker 2: out like a sore thumb.
Speaker 4: I was like, yeah, that was great, Yeah.
Speaker 3: Oh my god, that's so you felt that was honestly
Speaker 3: your first scene that you shot. I don't think I
Speaker 3: knew that. That's amazing. What did you think of, Jessica,
Speaker 3: What was first impression?
Speaker 2: I loved everybody. I felt like I was super nervous.
Speaker 2: I and everybody was so welcoming and warm. Everybody came
Speaker 2: like like came to introduce themselves, and she was super
Speaker 2: sweet and like we were reading next to each other,
Speaker 2: and I was like.
Speaker 3: I feel like it was excited, but I.
Speaker 2: Had read so many horror stories about me people getting
Speaker 2: specifically her. I really put one out there dress no
Speaker 2: people getting fired after table reads. So at the table
Speaker 2: reader was actually very very nervous because I was like,
Speaker 2: oh my god, if they don't like me, this is
Speaker 2: not going to happen. So I was like, again, yeah, I've.
Speaker 1: Had it happen in a sitcom where I was how
Speaker 1: it happens more in sitcoms, I guess people to.
Speaker 3: Be fun and you got yeah.
Speaker 2: But I was definitely super intimidated. I mean, I also
Speaker 2: my best friend. My best friend's favorite show was Crazy Anatomy,
Speaker 2: and she's in a gay relationship. They have just adopt
Speaker 2: the two kids by the way, and and like Calli
Speaker 2: and Arizona were like their favor So I.
Speaker 3: Was like, so now you're coming in to pressure. Oh wow.
Speaker 4: Yeah, And so I was like, oh my god, oh
Speaker 4: my gosh, so crazy. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I just think that there there is this pressure to
Speaker 1: be exactly as you were before you had a baby
Speaker 1: and just come back and hit the ground running and
Speaker 1: just like that. There's only like a physical act of
Speaker 1: having a baby or delivering a baby, but right if
Speaker 1: you have a baby, there's so many other things going
Speaker 1: on and you're in your brain and your mind and
Speaker 1: your function and your sense of self and.
Speaker 4: Your security and everything is kind of like wild. So
Speaker 4: you got that part of me.
Speaker 2: I mean, I apologies didn't feel that. But a party
Speaker 2: takes a woman's body two years to fully recover from
Speaker 2: a delivery.
Speaker 4: I believe that.
Speaker 2: What.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I love the I'm ob on the show and
Speaker 3: I'm like, I'm sorry, why there it is two years.
Speaker 2: Years to fully recover.
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's crazy.
Speaker 1: Well you came on honestly everybody. I remember everybody loving you.
Speaker 1: You were just so kind and so fun and you
Speaker 1: always brought energy. I remember you telling me a story.
Speaker 1: I remember because I also that was the other thing
Speaker 1: I was going to say, is that that was my
Speaker 1: fourth baby. And I do remember being super preoccupied, Like
Speaker 1: I remember being like I was at work and then
Speaker 1: I was like as soon as I was out of work,
Speaker 1: I was.
Speaker 4: In the car and like speeding home.
Speaker 1: So I was definitely in that part of my life,
Speaker 1: the vulnerability and like just the because, like you said.
Speaker 4: When you you came with such excitement.
Speaker 1: But then when you when you get to work together
Speaker 1: for a while and you have this time sat at
Speaker 1: the chairs or whatever, you actually do get to know people,
Speaker 1: and then all of a sudden you do hear these
Speaker 1: you hear these stories and you get a different sense
Speaker 1: of them and it's not all just you know, one thing,
Speaker 1: like we're all going through something or have been through
Speaker 1: something and how we deal with it and sharing that
Speaker 1: is actually I do think very much contributes to our
Speaker 1: chemistry together on shows.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's funny because when we were watched during the
Speaker 3: rewatch back, you guys have a couple of scenes together
Speaker 3: and I was like, damn your chemistry, Like if you
Speaker 3: had stayed on our show, like this could have worked.
Speaker 4: Yeah, why was it that?
Speaker 3: Do you remember? Creatively? Why why that did not end
Speaker 3: up happening? What was the conversation of you going from
Speaker 3: one show to the other.
Speaker 2: Oh, there was no conversation at first. That was just
Speaker 2: like no, it was like going from episode to episode
Speaker 2: to episode and again because it was so new, I
Speaker 2: was like any every epis it was like yeah, yes.
Speaker 2: And it wasn't until season three, my third season, so
Speaker 2: season sixteen of Grade that I started going to station
Speaker 2: and then it was like kind of a random pitch
Speaker 2: from Christa and then at the table read, the chemistry
Speaker 2: between THEO and I was so good that they were like, yeah, okay,
Speaker 2: let's keep it going.
Speaker 3: Yes, okay, let's talk about the chemistry. Yes, you felt
Speaker 3: that instantly even at the table read.
Speaker 2: Yes, wow, yeah, wow?
Speaker 3: Is there okay? So your characters, because it's just sometimes
Speaker 3: this happens on shows, and it happened on Station nineteen
Speaker 3: where you have all that, you have an ensemble cast,
Speaker 3: and you have all these different couples and then just
Speaker 3: one couple ends up just being explosive, like the fans
Speaker 3: just blow up. Oh and that happened for you guys,
Speaker 3: It did for sure. Did you know that the fan
Speaker 3: reaction to you guys? Did you feel that very early
Speaker 3: on or did it take time? I felt like.
Speaker 2: That's a good question. I feel like we felt that
Speaker 2: it was easy, but it was effortless. It was easy.
Speaker 2: It wasn't like, let's make this work, let's make this special.
Speaker 2: It was just like it was easy to show up
Speaker 2: and yeah, but I feel like it was a similar
Speaker 2: thing between Arizona and Karina, Like I was supposed to
Speaker 2: be there for two episodes and then it was just
Speaker 2: easy and worked and from two episodes, and like it
Speaker 2: was supposed to be like a quick love, like yes,
Speaker 2: the passionate thing, it just ended up becoming more like
Speaker 2: a love story. Yeah.
Speaker 3: Did the fandom embrace this station intin relationship instantly?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Yeah, because I think also the way the Karina in
Speaker 2: Arizona broke up was very like definite. She went to
Speaker 2: Cali and nobody was mad at that.
Speaker 3: They were like sure like.
Speaker 1: Arizona when I left on season fourteen. Yeah, yeah, I'm
Speaker 1: imagining or I'm making up that Meg Meg bringing Arizona.
Speaker 1: She had to like come up with whether or not
Speaker 1: she was going to address where Arizona was and she
Speaker 1: was CALLI.
Speaker 4: Or wasn't And so we didn't. They didn't, they did.
Speaker 4: They left it.
Speaker 1: So I you know, there was like a little bit
Speaker 1: of a moment at the at your wedding that was
Speaker 1: it teased it.
Speaker 4: But it never said it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, Okay, I think it's smart to leave that money. Yeah,
Speaker 3: because I feel like it's potential for story. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 3: you're not locking yourself into anything in one episode that
Speaker 3: you're back for.
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's true. I think Arizona.
Speaker 1: I mean I feel like what we probably needed that
Speaker 1: would have like sealed deal sealed the deal is if
Speaker 1: we'd had some kind of obstacle. We needed an obstacle.
Speaker 2: We didn't get like a fule like you can't be
Speaker 2: together because right something.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and so then because then if we could have
Speaker 1: overcome it, then people would have championed it.
Speaker 3: Okay, So then was there any storyline that you guys
Speaker 3: had on the show that you were not into that
Speaker 3: you kind of have wished had played a different way.
Speaker 2: I mean, everybody knows that, the zion Art fans know that.
Speaker 2: But I feel like at the end, I was a
Speaker 2: little sick of talking about IVF. I was like, yeah,
Speaker 2: I was like, okay, well, she's almost being pregnant for
Speaker 2: three years for three seasons. But because I feel like
Speaker 2: we were tied to Gray's anatomy and the interns thing
Speaker 2: was that it three seasons was one year, So three
Speaker 2: seasons of trying one year of trying to be pregnant
Speaker 2: became a little bit like yeah, yeah, but that's the
Speaker 2: only thing. And also I love that storyline. When we
Speaker 2: first started, it's just that we.
Speaker 3: Because we screwed up the grace. Yeah did, Yeah, we did.
Speaker 3: It's true. Is there a storyline that or a moment
Speaker 3: that was your favorite moment?
Speaker 2: There was like a couple. There was one episode that
Speaker 2: was a stand alone and we all shot it in
Speaker 2: the apartment with Peter Page. It was the first episode
Speaker 2: Peter Page directed, and it was so much fun because
Speaker 2: he felt like a play. We had like ten pages
Speaker 2: of intense dialog. We shot it all as a one,
Speaker 2: like one scene, and so there was as an actor
Speaker 2: was so.
Speaker 3: That's really fun.
Speaker 4: Yeah, we got to meet Peter we did. Yeah, and
Speaker 4: he was so fantastic. Yeah, he's so God's so smart.
Speaker 3: Yes, yeah, man.
Speaker 2: He's super passionate.
Speaker 3: Love that show too, You can love the show. He
Speaker 3: love the characters.
Speaker 4: He really cared.
Speaker 3: Yeah, Hey, does anyone care if we talk about sex?
Speaker 3: Because why because it's it's it's a love Okay, it's
Speaker 3: love month. It's Valentine's Day month. And we teased you
Speaker 3: out to the to the the whole fandom of the universe,
Speaker 3: the Raised Sage nineteen universe. They went crazy. The fact
Speaker 3: that we said we're going to talk about.
Speaker 2: Sex with her.
Speaker 3: We made them even crazier, made them, yeah, out of
Speaker 3: their minds, let's do it. And this started from a
Speaker 3: conver It's not just out of nowhere. This started from
Speaker 3: a conversation. We saw Stefania.
Speaker 1: When was it that Chicago. We're just sit around talking
Speaker 1: about sex either. Yeah, you want to know what we do?
Speaker 3: Yeah, we were at convention and we're talking about Well,
Speaker 3: we got to go to dinner together and then we
Speaker 3: got to see each other at the convention. And what
Speaker 3: happens it is when we haven't seen each other for
Speaker 3: a while, there's a download, right, there's like, what is
Speaker 3: going on?
Speaker 2: Are you?
Speaker 3: What's how the kids? And that's what happened, and we
Speaker 3: got on the subject of sex. We got we talked
Speaker 3: about sex, and so we're going to get into it.
Speaker 3: But first I found it very interesting and I wanted
Speaker 3: to start with this. Gen Z is not having.
Speaker 4: Or gen Z gen Z is between thirteen and twenty.
Speaker 3: Eight years old. They're having less sex and previous generations.
Speaker 3: Many people tightened their social circles when the pandemic. Search
Speaker 3: In general, people coming of age in an era of
Speaker 3: dating apps say the notion of starting a relationship with
Speaker 3: someone they meet in person seems like a piece of nostalgia.
Speaker 1: That's sad, funny sad though, like a piece of nostalgia,
Speaker 1: like a relic from the oldie days, like a relationship.
Speaker 4: What are you talking about?
Speaker 3: That's it?
Speaker 2: No more relationships people than do that because it's nostalgic.
Speaker 1: By the way, I've told this story before, I did
Speaker 1: talk to someone who's probably in the twenty eight year
Speaker 1: old category and they were like, oh my gosh, I
Speaker 1: would never talk to someone in real life. I'd never
Speaker 1: say hi to someone I thought was cute at a bar,
Speaker 1: and I was.
Speaker 3: Like, wow, there's no meat cutes out in the world.
Speaker 3: They call to meet you, right, like when you're out
Speaker 3: a meet cutes. When you meet someone in the real
Speaker 3: world and you have that like sitcoming like cute, you're
Speaker 3: like you had that, like hey often, so the meet
Speaker 3: c isn't happening.
Speaker 2: I've never had that before. By the way, in my life,
Speaker 2: nobody I'm talking to me at a bar never. But
Speaker 2: I also am a weird like when I see somebody
Speaker 2: you never.
Speaker 3: Sat at a bar and someone's like a bar if
Speaker 3: no one's ever connected. While happened.
Speaker 4: So he sat at bars and no one's come.
Speaker 2: No one, No one has come, never to me with friends,
Speaker 2: with friends or alone. No, I've never gone alone with friends.
Speaker 3: But like male, I doesn't have to term people.
Speaker 2: But this is one thing that I have to disclose
Speaker 2: by myself. Like if I like somebody, I'm like, where
Speaker 2: do I hide?
Speaker 3: Oh?
Speaker 2: I don't make eye contact. That don't provoke the like.
Speaker 3: Little nudge nudge, way I die.
Speaker 4: Is very I was just talking with the iconac is
Speaker 4: very important.
Speaker 1: Right, you have to like the first step in the
Speaker 1: how much in that nostalgia?
Speaker 2: How many don't I can't? Right? Right? Right?
Speaker 3: When does he get creepy?
Speaker 2: Like? When is it? Okay?
Speaker 1: Like?
Speaker 2: How many seconds? Oh?
Speaker 1: I think I'm talking to my friend her and I'm like.
Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, she's so cute. Oh no, it could
Speaker 3: have been two seconds last.
Speaker 1: But five seconds worked because.
Speaker 3: I guess what can I say?
Speaker 4: I've got moves.
Speaker 2: Why I'm gonna try to Okay, Okay, So we're talking
Speaker 2: at the bar again. Yeah, I like you, my.
Speaker 3: Friend I was in I was ready to leave that.
Speaker 4: I was you nicer. Guess.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm just saying, maybe the reason why these people
Speaker 1: are not having sex is they're not from my generation.
Speaker 1: We're I Banging was the first step of foreplay, and
Speaker 1: for play is a very important.
Speaker 3: Part of sex.
Speaker 2: That's a point.
Speaker 1: And I think that what's happening is that there's so
Speaker 1: much digital.
Speaker 3: Diddling.
Speaker 1: That's like there's no real foreplay. There's no there's no look,
Speaker 1: there's no brush by, there's no like skin Grays made
Speaker 1: an entire meal and they got me every time when
Speaker 1: they'd have Meredith and Derek and then elevator together, and.
Speaker 3: They don't have that anymore.
Speaker 2: So, yes, it starts with the eyes.
Speaker 3: You get on in there.
Speaker 4: And then and then you brush by, and then you and.
Speaker 3: Then there's the foreplay.
Speaker 1: And I think for play is probably happening less and
Speaker 1: so people are missing out on the banging, the real banging.
Speaker 2: I think there is definitely true. I think there is
Speaker 2: multiple reasons today they feel less pressure to have a relationship,
Speaker 2: Like they're more focused on their career, they're more ambitious,
Speaker 2: that they just give less attention to having a relationship
Speaker 2: with boys or.
Speaker 3: Girls or yeah, or making a family right exactly exactly exactly.
Speaker 1: But then you always hear what what ends up happening,
Speaker 1: which is that they bump up against the thing that's
Speaker 1: harder to control, which is like the timeline of you know.
Speaker 4: Liability, right if they want to you know what.
Speaker 3: I think that we used to think that like it
Speaker 3: had to be done in twenties, early thirties.
Speaker 2: It's not true, not anymore. Yeah.
Speaker 1: No, but well no, but sometimes if you that's a
Speaker 1: privilege on some level because you might need medical and
Speaker 1: that's expensive.
Speaker 3: So I think the generation is willing to take the risk. Yeah,
Speaker 3: I think that, you know, and they're willing to be like,
Speaker 3: you know what, it's still not right right now, and
Speaker 3: whatever happens will happen. Yeah, and they're not feeling that
Speaker 3: pressure just to get it done so that they can.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's very specific.
Speaker 1: So this this generation thing, you know, I mean, yeah,
Speaker 1: they did go through COVID and everything else, but I
Speaker 1: don't know.
Speaker 2: I mean, I have two nieces. They're like twenty nineteen
Speaker 2: and twenty three. And I was talking to one of
Speaker 2: them and she was like I met somebody, and I
Speaker 2: was like, okay, and then what now? And she was like, well,
Speaker 2: I'm gonna see them for a few weeks to see
Speaker 2: if I even like them as a person. And then
Speaker 2: I'll take it from there. And I was like, I'm sorry, Yes.
Speaker 4: They're gonna get banged. They banging party there st.
Speaker 2: I was like, wow, this is so machure, so so
Speaker 2: and I was like, I am a disaster. I got
Speaker 2: into like a bomb. But then there's fires and ashes
Speaker 2: and you're like, no waits as a person. Yeah.
Speaker 3: I text my nieces for gen z yeah, and I said,
Speaker 3: why do you think you guys are having less sex
Speaker 3: and as a generation with you? And they were like,
Speaker 3: no one we know goes out.
Speaker 2: Wow, that's no good, Like we don't go out anymore, right.
Speaker 3: Phone, And so I think it's the same. I think
Speaker 3: even just like socially, there's not you know, everyone's sort
Speaker 3: of content because they have social access on their phones, right,
Speaker 3: so they're feeling like they're being social. We would sit
Speaker 3: and be like, we haven't talked to anybody. We got
Speaker 3: to go get out. We would get bored.
Speaker 2: There is it's so important to get bored because then
Speaker 2: you come up with things to do and say and
Speaker 2: to I get out of the border and I feel
Speaker 2: like they don't get bored anymore.
Speaker 3: Did you grow.
Speaker 4: Up feeling comfortable talking about sex?
Speaker 5: Oh?
Speaker 2: Not at all.
Speaker 4: I mean it's like massive taboo. Yeah you too, Oh.
Speaker 1: God, I have said, I don't think I put all
Speaker 1: the letters that are in masturbation together to form masturbation.
Speaker 4: Until I was in my thirties, it just was not.
Speaker 4: It was There were so many reasons.
Speaker 2: Why I was just no what dance for me was
Speaker 2: my outlet or my sensuality because I felt like I
Speaker 2: was on stage, I was playing a.
Speaker 4: Character so could be very centraal.
Speaker 2: So I loved it because I could express a part
Speaker 2: of me that I wasn't really allowed to express at
Speaker 2: home obviously or like amongst.
Speaker 1: People there, and also respected for it exactly and seen
Speaker 1: as doing something wonderful exactly.
Speaker 3: How do your family feel that you're on a show
Speaker 3: that talks about also your O B. Yeah, we're talking
Speaker 3: about sex, toys and like all of it.
Speaker 2: I don't think I've had a lot of conversations with
Speaker 2: them about I feel like I have an older aunt
Speaker 2: that is very conservative. She was like, would you know
Speaker 2: I have picked a different role? I was like, if
Speaker 2: you only knew how hard was to get this one.
Speaker 4: When you arrive in Los Angeles.
Speaker 2: But I was like, that's Funny's just so lets you
Speaker 2: know how a little perspective they have, and I was like,
Speaker 2: you know, you were all the products around, not bringing
Speaker 2: She was also brought up in a Catholic environment, very conservative,
Speaker 2: but I was like liberation. It felt so good to
Speaker 2: just talk about.
Speaker 4: All of that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but for me it was a late awakening as well.
Speaker 2: Like I got my first vibrator five years ago, and
Speaker 2: I was like, what.
Speaker 1: Was I.
Speaker 3: Vibrator five years ago?
Speaker 2: Seven years ago?
Speaker 3: Yes, seven years ago?
Speaker 2: Years ago?
Speaker 3: Can we ask which one? Because we had a whole
Speaker 3: sex toy episode, you know, Yeah, I.
Speaker 2: Tried a few, and I feel like I've settled on
Speaker 2: the little what is it.
Speaker 3: The little curve. That's when we got lifted right, the
Speaker 3: little kurvy curve.
Speaker 4: I don't remember the curvy curve.
Speaker 2: The curvy curve is good.
Speaker 3: We really reach all the story that Pop had a
Speaker 3: really funny story about Jessica going and buying her very
Speaker 3: first vibrator because she was.
Speaker 4: It wasn't my first, wasn't one of them.
Speaker 3: One of many collection, And she pretended in the store
Speaker 3: that it was like a gift to somebody else, like gift,
Speaker 3: but when you went in to buy your first vibrator
Speaker 3: seven years ago.
Speaker 2: Oh oh, no, no, no, I couldn't.
Speaker 4: Or did you were like a sampling?
Speaker 2: I did, and then I figured out and returned then
Speaker 2: because obviously, again vibrators, I don't know a lot too many.
Speaker 3: I love that. I love that you did that for yourself, though.
Speaker 3: Are you seeing someone now?
Speaker 2: No?
Speaker 3: You are single? Oh my god. Okay, so we talked
Speaker 3: about sex in Chicago, Yes, we did. And you had
Speaker 3: read a book or many books about sex.
Speaker 2: Several seven. Yeah, and I my sex revolution era?
Speaker 3: Right about the sex revolution? Okay, yeah, what started the
Speaker 3: sex revolution era?
Speaker 2: I feel like there was so much I didn't know,
Speaker 2: and I was like, I'm having a like a great
Speaker 2: time having sex on my own, like being sexual on
Speaker 2: my own, and when there is a partner involved, it's
Speaker 2: always so hard. There's like so much people pleasing you
Speaker 2: don't want. I feel like we don't get told how
Speaker 2: to communicate our needs. We don't get we don't get
Speaker 2: taught how to prioritize ourselves and our measure. It always like,
Speaker 2: you know, it's always like the other person and you're like,
Speaker 2: I want to make sure that they're comfortable. I'm I'm
Speaker 2: sure that they orgasm, and you want to sure and
Speaker 2: in doing that, I feel like we I was fully
Speaker 2: neglecting myself and I was like, hang on a second,
Speaker 2: let me read more about it. And it's also there's
Speaker 2: like I think porn messed us up because it is
Speaker 2: like this perception that sex is vaginal intercourse when eighty
Speaker 2: percent of women statistics again, do not reach orgasm through
Speaker 2: vaginal intercourse alone. They need Every time I say this,
Speaker 2: I think about careinga because she said it in one
Speaker 2: of the first.
Speaker 3: Yes, a perfect little bundle.
Speaker 2: On the outside outside simulation.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: So I was like, there's a beautiful book called Come
Speaker 2: as You Are.
Speaker 3: Yes, Okay, it's like people read it.
Speaker 4: I'm not I have it. I might even have as
Speaker 4: an audiobook, but.
Speaker 1: I've heard of it and people reade about it.
Speaker 3: Tell me, I don't know what that is.
Speaker 2: We're all different, and I feel like raising our differences
Speaker 2: is such an important part of our own sexuality and
Speaker 2: figuring out what is it that we like, what is
Speaker 2: it that we don't like, and learning how to communicate
Speaker 2: that to our partner, like listen, I need, yeah this,
Speaker 2: I need that. I am not comfortable with this, and
Speaker 2: I feel like I feel like I've always felt bad
Speaker 2: saying I don't like this. It's so funny because I
Speaker 2: feel like I'm a pretty confident person in real life,
Speaker 2: but then in the intimate settings it's like this, like
Speaker 2: weird old school, like the woman has to please.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but also don't you remember, like I can't reaching
Speaker 1: way back in my memory, but you would do the
Speaker 1: like you do the scoot or the like you like
Speaker 1: move like if something was happening sexual. Yeah, you would
Speaker 1: be like you would like you wouldn't want to say
Speaker 1: like you're not there, or like you go to the
Speaker 1: left or the right.
Speaker 4: I agree, like no one it didn't.
Speaker 1: No one made it like a thing that instruct instruct
Speaker 1: or even like it would feel like construction as opposed to.
Speaker 3: So you would feel wrong, like you'd be like you
Speaker 3: would feel like you're a moment.
Speaker 2: You also feel like there's something wrong with you because
Speaker 2: shows you that women do it like that and they're
Speaker 2: totally happy with that, but I'm not, So there's something
Speaker 2: wrong with me. And so reading that book kind of
Speaker 2: makes you understand that there's nothing wrong with each and
Speaker 2: every one of us, and it's okay.
Speaker 3: But you have to have both partners.
Speaker 2: You have to have somebody.
Speaker 1: You have one partner, Yes, that and also it's like,
Speaker 1: if you've seen one virginia, you've seen one vagina. And
Speaker 1: also I was like, only like, you know, yesterday years old,
Speaker 1: not quite close to when. Literally, I didn't even know
Speaker 1: that vaginas looked as different as they do.
Speaker 3: Literally just had this conversation. I had no giants know
Speaker 3: the vaginas could look so different.
Speaker 4: I have no idea so different. Phoenis has come in
Speaker 4: lots of different shapes, sizes, vaginas do to.
Speaker 2: Okay, going back to sex, I feel like this is
Speaker 2: one thing that pisses me off about penis vagina that
Speaker 2: we women. For us is so much harder to have
Speaker 2: casual sex. I've never been able to have a one
Speaker 2: eight stand. I think they're so overrated. I think I
Speaker 2: was like, so you never.
Speaker 3: Have I've never had a one I never had a
Speaker 3: one eight stent.
Speaker 2: I tried the casual sex, but I think I'm doing
Speaker 2: it wrong because there's nothing casual but no, because my
Speaker 2: freaking oxydosin kicks in. And even though the person, I
Speaker 2: was like, I'm not into this person, but I was like,
Speaker 2: I'll reach out just you know, because to be nice,
Speaker 2: thank you, And then I ended up getting freaking ghosted
Speaker 2: by people that I didn't care about in the first place,
Speaker 2: and then.
Speaker 3: My ego is that fair?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 3: Yeah, we didn't do it right. Wait, this is the
Speaker 3: conversation that we had in Chicago. I found really fascinating.
Speaker 3: And you were telling me about that oxytocin. Yes, and
Speaker 3: so can you tell it to our listeners right now,
Speaker 3: because I was like, whoa.
Speaker 2: Apparently when women have sex for the first time, they
Speaker 2: immediately release oxytocin, which is the hormone of love. They
Speaker 2: call it now it makes you feel happy and in love,
Speaker 2: and men only released stosterone. So if you happen to
Speaker 2: have a one night stand with a man, the woman
Speaker 2: walks away from it feeling like, oh my god, I
Speaker 2: love it, and the guys like, I go Starbucks, I
Speaker 2: go do something else, and they even if it.
Speaker 3: Was bad sex, Yes, it was bad sex.
Speaker 2: And and men only released oxytocin when they start developing
Speaker 2: feeling for the other person.
Speaker 3: So there really is no emotional almost casual sex for
Speaker 3: a lot of women. I feel like.
Speaker 4: Maybe there is.
Speaker 1: Well, go back to that, and do you know women
Speaker 1: that are good at it?
Speaker 4: Do you casual sex?
Speaker 2: I wish? I mean, what's their secret? Are they just
Speaker 2: very secure, maybe emotional.
Speaker 4: Because it's not me.
Speaker 1: So I don't know what I'm trying to think of
Speaker 1: what they reported expectations.
Speaker 4: I think one thing I say.
Speaker 3: Like when they when they like.
Speaker 1: When they went into it, it was specifically for that.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm going to my first.
Speaker 2: Time always sucks because I'm not comfortable. I don't feel safe,
Speaker 2: I don't feel secure. So I'm like, why am I
Speaker 2: even doing this? Yeah? Yeah, so what's the point? And
Speaker 2: so I've stopped and the casual sex is not for me,
Speaker 2: But I feel like, yeah, is.
Speaker 3: There have you set like a new rule for yourself
Speaker 3: where you're like you have you?
Speaker 2: You gave me a rule? It was like five dates?
Speaker 3: Well I had I had back that day. I was
Speaker 3: a five date rule. You had to take me out
Speaker 3: on five dates.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: I felt like by five dates where I would be
Speaker 3: able to have a vibe and I would sort of
Speaker 3: know like what are you maybe looking for a little bit,
Speaker 3: and then I could make the decision myself but also
Speaker 3: make them wait, Okay, So.
Speaker 2: This is my problems that I meet somebody and I
Speaker 2: see and I have a very objective perception of who
Speaker 2: they are, red flags everything. The minute I get intimate
Speaker 2: with them, the red flags disappear and I only see
Speaker 2: the good things. And so I'm going to start adopting
Speaker 2: my niece's thing a few weeks. If I like you
Speaker 2: as a person, yeah, and like, also listen to my
Speaker 2: first instinct.
Speaker 3: See.
Speaker 1: I don't know any thing about anything in the dating world,
Speaker 1: but I feel like now with all this optionality that
Speaker 1: I hear about happening in the app.
Speaker 3: World, that.
Speaker 1: Because I mean, let's face, it's not like every time
Speaker 1: you meet someone or the first time you meet someone
Speaker 1: it's like.
Speaker 4: Giant fireworks going off.
Speaker 2: Right.
Speaker 1: So let's say you like someone but you're still trying
Speaker 1: to figure out if you really like them. Then if
Speaker 1: you're waiting all this time, is there this moment where
Speaker 1: the other person is like, Okay, great, I'm waiting. So
Speaker 1: I guess if I'm waiting, this is casual. And so
Speaker 1: if this is casual, then I'm still this is what
Speaker 1: I'm imagining again, I don't have to wait.
Speaker 2: Queen of Blue Balls, When I was younger, what did
Speaker 2: they tell us?
Speaker 5: Came up?
Speaker 4: And I felt bad, Oh my god, I gave you love?
Speaker 3: I love it? How can I am possibly give you
Speaker 3: love it? I love it?
Speaker 2: Power because I lose the power I was.
Speaker 4: I clearly have just established myself as.
Speaker 3: More of a people. Oh no, you have blue balls?
Speaker 2: Okay, can we fix it?
Speaker 3: Sorry about I didn't give it a blue balls either.
Speaker 3: Right now, you're on the sexual revolutionary journey for yourself.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I tried that, like I'm going to have sex like
Speaker 2: a man thing. It didn't work out for me.
Speaker 3: Okay, so I don't work out for you. That's okay.
Speaker 1: You know what, you have a basis now, you have
Speaker 1: a starting point exactly, and maybe you're just not good
Speaker 1: at it yet.
Speaker 2: No, I think I'm going back to my twenties how
Speaker 2: I used to handle relationships in my twenties.
Speaker 4: Just time, be easy. Yes.
Speaker 3: Do you feel more confident now that if you were
Speaker 3: to get into a relationship and become intimate, that you
Speaker 3: can vocalize what you need?
Speaker 2: Yeah, definitely, that's awesome.
Speaker 4: She couldn't handle my five sec and stare a second ago.
Speaker 3: Believe she loved it. I said, calm it down, I'm sweating.
Speaker 2: See.
Speaker 1: I think that that's sort of a magical, wonderful thing.
Speaker 1: And I think it's got to do with mindset and also,
Speaker 1: you know how your life unfolds but looking at your
Speaker 1: life and saying, I'm going to go back to where
Speaker 1: I was in my twenties.
Speaker 4: And be.
Speaker 3: Clearly so much more grown.
Speaker 1: The other thing that I thought of when I was
Speaker 1: thinking about you and sitting here with you today was
Speaker 1: that you I see you with the fans, and I
Speaker 1: see the way that Station nineteen has rolled out for you,
Speaker 1: and just this incredible presence and relationship that you created
Speaker 1: on television for people to see and to experience and
Speaker 1: to again I see people with you, I see people
Speaker 1: interact and like, they're so grateful to you for having
Speaker 1: brought this role, because it allowed for them to see
Speaker 1: themselves in a show there was mainstream and wonderful and
Speaker 1: accepted and whole and all these things.
Speaker 4: So you have done that, and that is so beautiful
Speaker 4: to watch. And I.
Speaker 1: Think that it made me also think of when I started,
Speaker 1: And it wasn't so much more or so much before you,
Speaker 1: but when I came to Grays and it was revealed
Speaker 1: in episode three that my character was gay, there were
Speaker 1: no other gay series regular characters on television. We were
Speaker 1: doing something that other it just hadn't kind of hadn't
Speaker 1: been done, and it was paired with the fact that
Speaker 1: I had spent my entire career up until then doing
Speaker 1: half hour sitcoms where it wasn't.
Speaker 4: A lot of sexy time.
Speaker 3: Wow, And then I was on you know, a.
Speaker 1: Legal show a lot of sexy time, and then here
Speaker 1: I was in this show than a character and then
Speaker 1: having all this sexy time, and I'd sort of seen
Speaker 1: myself as this psch you know, I'm just gonna be
Speaker 1: you know, I don't I don't even know what I'd
Speaker 1: pegged myself as. But I hadn't seen myself as sexy.
Speaker 3: I just didn't.
Speaker 1: I didn't own myself as a sexy person. And so
Speaker 1: I look at the time that you know, we were
Speaker 1: telling all those stories, and I'm really proud that that
Speaker 1: Sata and I were able to bring these scenes to life,
Speaker 1: given that I kind of wasn't so confident, and then
Speaker 1: you know, you and I getting to play and being
Speaker 1: a little bit more confident.
Speaker 4: But again, what was the first thing I said? I
Speaker 4: just had a baby.
Speaker 3: And like, I do.
Speaker 1: Think that when you talk about sex, this is all
Speaker 1: going back to whether you're having it or or not.
Speaker 1: I think that having a vibrant, healthy and robust sex
Speaker 1: life does maybe come.
Speaker 3: Side saddle or at least there's a sidecar.
Speaker 1: Of confidence for you know, being knowing who you are
Speaker 1: coming into a relationship and being like this is not
Speaker 1: like this is how I like it, take it or
Speaker 1: leave it, but like this is how I like it,
Speaker 1: you know, like I like, I like a little of
Speaker 1: this first and again the foreplay.
Speaker 4: Like and maybe you know, I don't, I don't know.
Speaker 1: Just having having role models that are showing you like, yeah,
Speaker 1: that that the that the dance is fun. It makes
Speaker 1: like coming a lot more fun and feel a lot better.
Speaker 3: When you have that, even if it's going to be casual.
Speaker 4: I guess I'm making this up.
Speaker 1: I don't know, but like you've gotten some sort of
Speaker 1: like lead up. It's not just like you know, you're
Speaker 1: straight into it because I don't think I'm not a doctor,
Speaker 1: but I don't think that that's how you know, a
Speaker 1: lot of people feel about it. I just don't think
Speaker 1: that they can go straight into like banging and not.
Speaker 2: At least women, mostly women, I think for us is
Speaker 2: a lot more. Yeah, but yeah, like I think even men,
Speaker 2: like in general, like we need a little bit more
Speaker 2: than just hey you want to hook up?
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, exactly, Yeah, yeah, definitely all right. Basically I
Speaker 4: think that it's a funny and nice characters need to
Speaker 4: come back to take two.
Speaker 3: I would love that, honest.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, you know what, you know what, I
Speaker 2: can pitch this, let's pitch this, and there is the chemistry,
Speaker 2: but they're never doing anything because.
Speaker 5: Which is so there's attention where these two characters you
Speaker 5: can feel the tension, but they I'm like kids and
Speaker 5: they never do so amazing.
Speaker 3: Okay, ready for this questions? Okay, you go, you got
Speaker 3: to ask ask what is your biggest turn on on? Yeah?
Speaker 2: Patient?
Speaker 3: Oh wow?
Speaker 2: Yeah, tolerance, patience.
Speaker 3: Because I got that's very sexy.
Speaker 2: Somebody's patient. It means it's gonna say they're going to
Speaker 2: take their tongue.
Speaker 3: That's a great.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Lena says, what is your favorite possession in bed?
Speaker 1: Wow? What the I was just so you know you
Speaker 1: considering you kissing part of it?
Speaker 3: Kissing is your favorite part? Yeah?
Speaker 4: Kissing, y'all like I can make out forever?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 3: I know why kissing?
Speaker 2: I know?
Speaker 3: Yeah, I love a makeout sash.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Okay, as Stella.
Speaker 1: This happens more than you would think. Estella wrote in
Speaker 1: and said, I am twenty and have never had an
Speaker 1: orgasm in my life. I have tried toys and I
Speaker 1: feel like nothing works. Do you have any advice?
Speaker 2: And I feel like you're not alone in I'd like
Speaker 2: to sell you alone in that does. I feel like
Speaker 2: it's super important thing. I feel like there's a lot
Speaker 2: of resources resources there. I feel like come as you
Speaker 2: are as a great resource. There's also a lot of
Speaker 2: sex therapists that actually do physical manipulation that can help
Speaker 2: with like figuring out what some blocks can be. It's
Speaker 2: mostly it's usually it's mental, it's psychological. It's like you
Speaker 2: decide that you can't and it's like, yeah, you make
Speaker 2: yourself not able to. But I feel like comas you're
Speaker 2: as a great resource. And I feel like there's actually
Speaker 2: a great TV series on Netflix about sex specifically, and
Speaker 2: there's a few therapists that can be I mean, and
Speaker 2: you know what it's called I can't, I can't sex life.
Speaker 3: It could be that possibly called sex life.
Speaker 2: Possibly called sex life. I think I'll get back, maybe
Speaker 2: I'll comment on your guys on the podcast once it
Speaker 2: comes out with like specific resources. Yeah, I love that.
Speaker 2: Yeah absolutely.
Speaker 1: Shannas asked did you learn anything about sex from Korena well, I.
Speaker 2: Feel like my sex reinvolution started with her, Like because
Speaker 2: of her study, I started research and looking into it,
Speaker 2: and you know, like a Sarah Parell was amazing inspiration
Speaker 2: and I feel like all this filled those I love
Speaker 2: how free and willing to.
Speaker 1: I want to have ask her on this show. So
Speaker 1: maybe you need to come back for that.
Speaker 3: Oh my god, would you come back on for it?
Speaker 3: Oh my god, It's okay.
Speaker 1: She's amazing because she's also what I think is so
Speaker 1: magical about her is that she really is talking about
Speaker 1: the mind and the body.
Speaker 3: Exact and the relationships because.
Speaker 2: And she just makes everything okay, everything exactly, have a judgment,
Speaker 2: just whatever it is, It's okay. Mating and Captivity is
Speaker 2: such a good book.
Speaker 4: Mating and Captivity book. Why did you skip over the
Speaker 4: first question? Why don't you read that it last?
Speaker 3: Jessica Capshaw would like me to read leases?
Speaker 2: What is it?
Speaker 3: What was it like to kiss the Queen? Jessica Capshaw
Speaker 3: Queen the Queen's typo obviously, but what was hot?
Speaker 1: Hot?
Speaker 3: It was?
Speaker 2: It made up like a fair mom actually, But I
Speaker 2: think one of the sexiest things that that Karina and Arizona.
Speaker 1: Was a little bit the dance of like I feel
Speaker 1: like Arizona was always like trying to be at work.
Speaker 1: Karina was always just like right.
Speaker 4: Over her shoulder.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think I can like.
Speaker 4: Yes, And I was always like.
Speaker 3: Work, Mike. I just had a total memory.
Speaker 2: What do you remember the original scene?
Speaker 3: Please sell?
Speaker 2: Please do?
Speaker 3: I just thought about that too.
Speaker 1: I well, I'm actually so happy that I'm you never
Speaker 1: remember anything. I never God, this is not self serving,
Speaker 1: but this is so amazing that I just talked about
Speaker 1: what I talked about.
Speaker 3: Because it makes this makes sense.
Speaker 4: Okay, so again everything I've already said, I'm back. I
Speaker 4: just have a baby. I didn't.
Speaker 1: I really didn't consider myself super like sexual.
Speaker 4: I didn't have that like confidence in coming to these scenes.
Speaker 3: And and so the scene gets written and I read
Speaker 3: it probably before the table read, and the table read.
Speaker 2: That's what we write, that's.
Speaker 3: What we talk about, making me red sweaty and like, Okay,
Speaker 3: this is what I remember, but this could be different.
Speaker 1: Essentially, it was that she comes in while I'm working, yes,
Speaker 1: and has the over the shoulder.
Speaker 4: Moment, but is under the table with a hand fully like.
Speaker 2: Full in.
Speaker 3: Stimulation, and you're using your hand to sort of she
Speaker 3: down there, yes, and I I turned every ship read
Speaker 3: like red and was like did you shoot?
Speaker 2: Because ABC was like you crazy? Read the table like,
Speaker 2: what is it so hot?
Speaker 4: I start like beating faster than normal.
Speaker 3: I was like, oh my god, because I forgot about it.
Speaker 2: Oh, I just remember it, that's crazy.
Speaker 3: It was a student.
Speaker 1: Well you know what, I think you stimulated that memory
Speaker 1: by saying kiss the Queen Jessica.
Speaker 4: When you said those.
Speaker 3: Lies, I can't really read it. Did you want to
Speaker 3: borrow my glasses?
Speaker 2: And I said, okay, enough of that anyway, okay, okay.
Speaker 3: Hannah asks and we started this. I want to answer
Speaker 3: this too. What are your X doing sex? What can
Speaker 3: I go first?
Speaker 4: Which did you answer? I did?
Speaker 2: Let you smell? Smell wait, like natural.
Speaker 3: Smell. Ever have you ever had a Oh you've had
Speaker 3: a stinky hasn't everyone. I'm trying to think. No, I
Speaker 3: don't think I got a steak full on. They left.
Speaker 2: I had to change the sheets, like the morning, take.
Speaker 3: Shanley steamers, next morning, Steely, that's garbe it's cleaner.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's my Stanley Steamers. At three o'clock in the morning, shower,
Speaker 2: wash the hair, like everything. I was like, smell Yeah,
Speaker 2: just wrong, body, just so wrong.
Speaker 3: I was like, it was like body, I think it
Speaker 3: was like natural fair.
Speaker 2: Not agreed.
Speaker 3: Did you smell it before the clothes came off? God?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think that's actually might be the best that
Speaker 1: I've ever heard.
Speaker 3: What's I was gonna say? I really can't stand it
Speaker 3: when guys keep their socks on.
Speaker 1: That alkay's funny they keep their socks.
Speaker 3: Specifically talking about that business business, just the s I
Speaker 3: have and I have girlfriends who have had the experience
Speaker 3: where a guys decided to keep their socks on.
Speaker 2: Naked.
Speaker 1: There may be a real good reason there may be well,
Speaker 1: because that could be an that would.
Speaker 4: Be anick for me.
Speaker 1: Have you ever seen some of the nasty, nasty toes
Speaker 1: some men are walking around with.
Speaker 3: Yeah, well, maybe the socks should be on.
Speaker 4: That's maybe they're doing you a favor.
Speaker 2: Could you date them long term.
Speaker 4: If they kept their socks on all the time?
Speaker 1: Yeah, they had disgusting I think we would just to
Speaker 1: get a little pedicure, Yeah, and then feel.
Speaker 3: Really bad for the person that was Yeah, a little
Speaker 3: Valentine Valentine. Maybe pad of cures are going to be
Speaker 3: the gift yea, yeah.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, yeah, what is your turn off?
Speaker 2: Uh?
Speaker 3: We got to dig back into no good, dig back
Speaker 3: into you know, dating days.
Speaker 1: I oh, I mean remember when you had this problem before.
Speaker 1: I mean because you basically you said that all my
Speaker 1: all my ex were just really actually like knows like
Speaker 1: you just could not do that. I think this one
Speaker 1: guy smell is such a good one, and I really
Speaker 1: because it's actually instantly repellent. But I definitely like kissed
Speaker 1: a boy who man he was man. I kissed a
Speaker 1: man who.
Speaker 4: Had breath like he smelled like hot dogs, and I
Speaker 4: was like, this can't I don't even think I can
Speaker 4: do the hot dog.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 4: I actually tried a second time.
Speaker 1: I was like, maybe this is a fluke and then seconds.
Speaker 2: Not the worst, but it's not great either. No, I
Speaker 2: don't know about cigarette smell. I kind of love it.
Speaker 1: Well that's because you're like a yeah, yeah, my and
Speaker 1: also my advocate, my my, my, My. Funny part of
Speaker 1: the hot dog smell guy was that it happened like
Speaker 1: super early in my twenties, like New York, like makeout sash,
Speaker 1: and then he went on to become very famous and
Speaker 1: then when I saw him, whenever I saw him, I
Speaker 1: was like, you maybe your breath smells like hot dogs.
Speaker 2: We want the name, we want the name. Initial issues.
Speaker 3: Absolutely, this is one of those af these conversations.
Speaker 6: Yeah, yeah, yeah, Isabelle, how important is sexual compatibility for
Speaker 6: you in a relationship?
Speaker 2: Everything? Yeah that was your friends.
Speaker 4: Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, I agreed. This is my question.
Speaker 4: It's not from anyone, but it's an old question and
Speaker 4: we've been debating it for a while. Because it happened.
Speaker 4: We probably introduced it to the crew in the summer.
Speaker 3: Do you feel m oh, yeah, it is possible.
Speaker 4: For a man and a woman, uh huh to truly
Speaker 4: just be friends.
Speaker 3: Yes, no, yes, we have different opinions on it, she says, yes,
Speaker 3: I think, I think.
Speaker 2: No, but I I have some some of my closest
Speaker 2: friends are men. Yes, a lot of them are women,
Speaker 2: but I am so I have friends which when I'm
Speaker 2: we met, we had a lot of chemistry, but we
Speaker 2: never went for it, and so the chemistry is always
Speaker 2: kind of somewhere that they're saying, but we've never we've
Speaker 2: made the choice. And now the thought of having sex
Speaker 2: with them it makes me giggle. I'm like, yeah, never
Speaker 2: because we're like past that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, or you're in a relationship there in a relationship
Speaker 1: and you wouldn't.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but I feel like we've just been so long.
Speaker 3: I mean I have to say, I say, it's not possible.
Speaker 3: Of course it's possible. My very very best guy friend,
Speaker 3: my very very best friend, is a guy and.
Speaker 4: He married us.
Speaker 3: He married me and Matt, and we can totally like
Speaker 3: I was there, you were.
Speaker 4: There for it.
Speaker 3: We could go and we could go to the movie
Speaker 3: theater and we could have dinner. However, I do think
Speaker 3: it's extremely rare. I think that, like, could you if
Speaker 3: you were both single, could you go have dinner and
Speaker 3: get drunk and it not even be like a little
Speaker 3: like that.
Speaker 2: It's always that, but it is never acted. Okay, I
Speaker 2: have a lot of guy friends that are single and
Speaker 2: we've been drunk and I feel like we're at home. Yeah,
Speaker 2: but nothing has ever happened, but it's kind of fun.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I add to this though, that I feel like, if
Speaker 1: you are friends and there is anything that could make
Speaker 1: it tip away or whatever, but once you do, you
Speaker 1: can never go back to me exactly.
Speaker 3: I know that sucks. It changes for sure.
Speaker 2: And also that's why I don't.
Speaker 4: I think that's why you don't.
Speaker 1: Yeahnt especially Yeah, I have one where I wish I didn't.
Speaker 1: I mean, listen, you can't wish that you didn't, because
Speaker 1: I certainly enjoyed that the place of our relationship. But
Speaker 1: it's ultimately it wasn't worth it because.
Speaker 4: You lost your friendships of friendship.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that sucks.
Speaker 2: That's the thing that I hate about relationships that a
Speaker 2: lot of time, when a relationship ends, you're like, where
Speaker 2: does the love go? Five years?
Speaker 4: Eight years?
Speaker 2: So you were everything for one another? Why can you
Speaker 2: not say friends? I hate that.
Speaker 3: I don't think.
Speaker 1: I don't think the love goes away. I think it
Speaker 1: becomes quiet.
Speaker 3: Well, I just think that you can. I just I
Speaker 3: think it would be a very rare.
Speaker 4: All please write in and tell us that it's happened to.
Speaker 1: You were It's it's just so impossible to think that
Speaker 1: these two people that are in relationship that were friends
Speaker 1: the new each air like that are then in relationship
Speaker 1: in a romantic way. They're not going to stop baking
Speaker 1: each other in the exact same moment. And then I
Speaker 1: think our ego comes in and then we go like
Speaker 1: or you feel like on some level, now this.
Speaker 4: Friendship that was always.
Speaker 1: Equal is now not because you had something together and
Speaker 1: now you don't and you know who it.
Speaker 4: Was that was like, true, this is not for us.
Speaker 4: So true.
Speaker 2: It takes a very mature set of people, I think,
Speaker 2: to be able to do that, and it also takes time.
Speaker 2: I feel like you might be able to do that,
Speaker 2: but after like maybe being a part for an extended
Speaker 2: period of agreed.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, yeah, it makes me very sad.
Speaker 3: It's self pleasure important to you.
Speaker 2: Oh, super important. I have a glorious time with myself.
Speaker 3: Amazing. We love that. Yeah, I'm glad, no, because I
Speaker 3: feel like Grace was a great job of this. By
Speaker 3: the way, I feel like for guys for so long,
Speaker 3: they were like masturbation was like, yeah, that's guys do that,
Speaker 3: But for girls it was like, oh yeah, don't you
Speaker 3: feel that? And so like I just feel like that's
Speaker 3: got to change. So I love Oh yeah, we've talked
Speaker 3: about it, but I I love hearing the answer. Okay,
Speaker 3: Helen wants to know in real life, did your sexual
Speaker 3: preferences change at all when you decided to play a
Speaker 3: bisexual woman.
Speaker 2: That's a good question. I definitely, I definitely asked myself questions. Yeah,
Speaker 2: I definitely fantasized over like things that I were not
Speaker 2: really my first kiss was with a girl, Like my
Speaker 2: first ever kiss a kid was like to another girl.
Speaker 2: So I feel like it's always been.
Speaker 3: Everyone or is that like you didn't kiss You don't know,
Speaker 3: I've never kissed a girl.
Speaker 2: Interesting, but like I had full on like wife and
Speaker 2: wife get dates with this little girl, husband and wife.
Speaker 2: Yeah that's cute.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's really cute.
Speaker 4: Practice, Like I see people doing this.
Speaker 2: Have you seen people doing this thing practice?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 3: Apparently, but this is a workship but yeah, yeah, but
Speaker 3: this question is not a workshop question, is.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I feel like definitely, And I feel like again
Speaker 2: my sex revolution face started with like grays and stations.
Speaker 2: I feel like I started like, oh exploring.
Speaker 3: Do you feel more open to sort of like whoever
Speaker 3: you meet, it doesn't matter.
Speaker 2: And men and women all the time. Yeah, I don't know,
Speaker 2: but I'm like right now, I'm like trying to give myself.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna date myself for a bit. I feel like
Speaker 2: that's good that and figure out.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I think that's I think that's really cool.
Speaker 3: Have you talked about that before?
Speaker 2: No?
Speaker 3: Oh my god, they're going to go crazy. I'm going
Speaker 3: to go crazy. No, I think it's such a beautiful
Speaker 3: thing because I think that a lot of people, like,
Speaker 3: there's a girl here who's written to us saying, I've
Speaker 3: never had an orgasm in life, right, yeah, and she's
Speaker 3: twenty yeah. And to be in our forties and still
Speaker 3: figuring it out and knowing that it's a journey. I
Speaker 3: just think it's very powerful to share with anybody.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think that that's such an evolved way to
Speaker 1: come at it.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Literally, I feel like lately, like like a few
Speaker 2: weeks ago, I went out and that waitress was super cute,
Speaker 2: like tomboy, short hair, like cute, and we were flirting
Speaker 2: in the whole dinner, and I was like, Wow, I
Speaker 2: think I need to have sex with a woman because
Speaker 2: I think that's the only time that I would be
Speaker 2: able to put all the preconception like having sex with
Speaker 2: the man away and like interesting to be present, because
Speaker 2: I feel like that's what happens sometimes when you have
Speaker 2: sex you're not present. You're like, yeah, you can multitask naturally, ask.
Speaker 3: You know, so you just so I understand you're saying
Speaker 3: that you feel like you might be able to be
Speaker 3: more present with a woman.
Speaker 2: Thinks so interesting, What is it? What is it?
Speaker 4: Though that you.
Speaker 2: I think it's like upbringing this social like baggage that
Speaker 2: we bring with ourselves, Like we have to be a
Speaker 2: certain way with men, we have to be Like I
Speaker 2: feel like I've definitely used sex to manipulate somebody to
Speaker 2: like me more. Yeah, and where does that come from?
Speaker 2: Why do I start like it's definitely another thought that
Speaker 2: came from me? You know, like I'm battling a little
Speaker 2: bit with like what's me and what's stuff that people
Speaker 2: have told me? I've watched people do and I'm.
Speaker 3: Shaking it off. Yes, and so sex with a woman
Speaker 3: maybe wouldn't have all that noise.
Speaker 2: That pressure, would just like exactly exactly, it wouldn't have
Speaker 2: all that noise. That's what it feels like.
Speaker 4: I love this.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it is.
Speaker 3: A fantas Okay, I feel like you are in I
Speaker 3: feel like you're in a Your vibration is very evolved
Speaker 3: right now. Oh yeah, Like I feel like it's all
Speaker 3: very feel journey. Yeah, yeah for sure.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I usually I usually get to be older sister in
Speaker 1: this little duo, but I'm feeling.
Speaker 3: Younger, a little bit stid a bit.
Speaker 1: I love this, but I know, I mean, dare I
Speaker 1: say I do thing for those that have their eyes
Speaker 1: and ears open to it. This kind of conversation is happening,
Speaker 1: and I think it's so incredibly important, a great to
Speaker 1: every age, right, I mean reprogramming. We talk about it
Speaker 1: a lot where it's like it's the reset button that
Speaker 1: which has not served you.
Speaker 4: What the do you need it for anymore?
Speaker 5: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Idea, like what's like sub conscious programming?
Speaker 4: The book is because you were talking about Come As
Speaker 4: You Are.
Speaker 3: The other one is she comes first, She comes first.
Speaker 2: I love I So this is so hot hearing somebody.
Speaker 2: I'm listening to it so to somebody explain how they're
Speaker 2: going to go down.
Speaker 3: On the side of the one on one.
Speaker 6: She comes.
Speaker 4: You are, and she comes first.
Speaker 3: Authors of those books, which.
Speaker 2: Are Emily Nagowski. I think it's Come As You Are
Speaker 2: and I and Curner is she comes first, come on?
Speaker 3: Oh my god?
Speaker 2: Yes?
Speaker 3: Then and then yes a third. Yeah, it feels right.
Speaker 3: You can have the look I'll give you. Let's just
Speaker 3: don't give me that look. We just all like, look
Speaker 3: at look at what look? Okay, we have to let
Speaker 3: you go. Thank you for being just so open for
Speaker 3: the podcast and for all our listeners, I mean and
Speaker 3: open in life.
Speaker 4: Truly, every single time I see you, I so enjoy it.
Speaker 4: I love being with you, and thank you, thank you,
Speaker 4: thank you.
Speaker 2: Yeah right, you guys, it's been such a pleasure. Thank
Speaker 2: you so much.
Speaker 3: This is this is the first of many people. This
Speaker 3: is not Stefani's only podcast true moment, but the
Speaker 4: End of the episode