WEBVTT - Ep 231: K*MMing out of depression 0:00:02.520 --> 0:00:05.800 Guess what decision We're about to make a horrible decisions. 0:00:08.280 --> 0:00:14.920 Welcome to horrible. I'm wheezy. Oh there was a pause there. 0:00:15.560 --> 0:00:19.720 I'm your girl, Mandy a k A dead bitch, a 0:00:19.840 --> 0:00:22.520 k A pit stallion a k A full court pumps 0:00:22.880 --> 0:00:25.520 a k A. I'm just glad I have a fucking voice. 0:00:25.840 --> 0:00:28.800 So goddamn. We're trying to do a timely episode and 0:00:28.840 --> 0:00:30.960 there's not really much going on besides the fact that 0:00:31.560 --> 0:00:35.280 I'm depressed and cuomo Is has resigned. He so did 0:00:35.560 --> 0:00:37.640 what what about? Um? What about you? Let's get a 0:00:37.640 --> 0:00:41.639 catch up for you, catch up for me. I mean, 0:00:41.680 --> 0:00:44.400 I ain't gonna hold your bit's been active, I've been been. 0:00:44.520 --> 0:00:46.800 I mean there's just a lot. There's a lot I 0:00:46.920 --> 0:00:49.600 can't talk about just yet. I don't want to talk 0:00:49.640 --> 0:00:54.120 about just a lot like it's a lot. No, um, 0:00:54.320 --> 0:00:59.800 more so work but no, uh, boyfriend, who's my ex? 0:01:00.000 --> 0:01:03.680 Who my boyfriend? We're doing We're doing good, but we're 0:01:03.680 --> 0:01:08.200 not doing good? Confused about when it's you know, and 0:01:08.200 --> 0:01:13.240 that could be confused? They can be confused. Um. I'm happy. 0:01:13.640 --> 0:01:18.080 I'm happy, and I am currently having a whole lot 0:01:18.160 --> 0:01:21.240 of sex and the best sex of my life. And 0:01:21.280 --> 0:01:24.240 when they say you'll get it in your thirties, it's 0:01:24.319 --> 0:01:27.760 true the best sex of your life. Oh, I thought 0:01:27.800 --> 0:01:33.160 you meant the beach juice pill he takes. It's not there. No, 0:01:33.400 --> 0:01:37.480 feel don't believe know, I mean you know it is. 0:01:37.600 --> 0:01:39.680 It's it's great sex. And I'm actually trying to like 0:01:39.760 --> 0:01:43.600 tone it down because like now I'm having orgies at 0:01:43.640 --> 0:01:46.120 my house and I'm like, right now, so much girl 0:01:46.880 --> 0:01:49.360 I had there was seven people at my house. Woke up. 0:01:49.360 --> 0:01:50.920 I had to have my cleaner coming again because I 0:01:50.960 --> 0:01:55.920 was like, this is intense. So at this point, everywhere 0:01:55.920 --> 0:01:58.760 we go we meet couples, we we be friend couples. 0:01:59.400 --> 0:02:02.160 And at this point we met a couple at the 0:02:02.200 --> 0:02:05.200 beach said Hey, want to join us for dinner. I 0:02:05.240 --> 0:02:07.040 went from dinner to hey, well want to come to 0:02:07.080 --> 0:02:09.200 the house, and then from there, I don't know. I 0:02:09.240 --> 0:02:11.880 really am weasy because I'm also I was on every 0:02:11.919 --> 0:02:15.840 type of edible, shroom, liquor and everything else. And it 0:02:15.960 --> 0:02:18.240 was great when you invited the couple to dinner. Did 0:02:18.280 --> 0:02:19.920 you just want like a couple that was friends or 0:02:19.919 --> 0:02:22.240 did you definitely want to Well, no, the girl, the 0:02:22.240 --> 0:02:24.280 girl was fine and she sat by at the beach 0:02:24.280 --> 0:02:26.040 the whole day, and I was like, what about the 0:02:26.080 --> 0:02:29.600 nigga you ain't working? No, no, that couple was definitely 0:02:29.680 --> 0:02:32.800 new into the lifestyle, so they just watched me with 0:02:32.840 --> 0:02:34.680 the other couple and the other couple had a unicorn. 0:02:35.960 --> 0:02:38.400 Where did you meet the other couple at a party? 0:02:38.919 --> 0:02:46.639 That where you meet the unicorn? I'm sorry, no, just 0:02:46.680 --> 0:02:49.200 don't ask me. That's why I'm saying, like I'm confused 0:02:49.240 --> 0:02:52.360 because I never thought that I would be this deep 0:02:52.440 --> 0:02:55.400 into the lifestyle. And I know you hate that word, 0:02:55.919 --> 0:02:58.120 but I don't hate. I'll just be joking about it because, 0:02:58.160 --> 0:03:01.200 like Mandy says it, like I'm in. When I say 0:03:01.240 --> 0:03:04.880 I am in the lifestyle, holy fucking ship, like to 0:03:04.880 --> 0:03:07.440 where I'm just like, okay, I want to dip my 0:03:07.480 --> 0:03:09.080 toe out of the water just for a little bit 0:03:09.080 --> 0:03:11.640 and go back to normalcy and then we can come back, 0:03:11.880 --> 0:03:13.720 like I guess I feel like how you felt like 0:03:13.760 --> 0:03:16.880 when you were like me and Obey go everywhere and 0:03:16.880 --> 0:03:20.160 we can suck anyone we wants. It becomes kind of 0:03:20.200 --> 0:03:22.440 like so fucked up to say that it really is 0:03:24.240 --> 0:03:26.120 great when you like we're just on the reason to 0:03:26.280 --> 0:03:29.240 have one that kind of like people being people, be 0:03:29.280 --> 0:03:33.080 typing us essays how do I get fucked? And I 0:03:33.200 --> 0:03:34.960 just be like, we'd be like, god, damn. We have 0:03:35.000 --> 0:03:39.160 a lot every week, we're in threesomes, foursomes, flasoms, ship like, okay, 0:03:39.520 --> 0:03:43.400 break time and break. So they just all slept over. 0:03:43.440 --> 0:03:45.440 What did the cat? Didn't sleep over? But what did 0:03:45.440 --> 0:03:50.000 the cat do? The cat? The cat is At this point, 0:03:50.080 --> 0:03:52.200 Body just knows. I'm a whole body, by the way, 0:03:52.240 --> 0:03:55.200 for y'all just tuning in. Is my cat. Bro. We're 0:03:55.200 --> 0:04:00.960 sitting here eating Strom chocolates, playing games. I'm dripping and dancing, 0:04:01.080 --> 0:04:04.040 and body just up on a goddamn chair just looking 0:04:04.080 --> 0:04:08.600 at everyone, just sitting looking at everyone. And you know, 0:04:09.000 --> 0:04:13.600 black people at least released two out of five just 0:04:13.640 --> 0:04:16.360 don't funk with cats or allergic. So now I just 0:04:16.400 --> 0:04:19.400 have this. They're tech ready when anyone comes in my house. Hey, 0:04:19.560 --> 0:04:22.920 not sure your feelings on cats, but here's our tech, 0:04:23.320 --> 0:04:25.600 here's their tech. I don't know what I would do 0:04:25.720 --> 0:04:29.000 if Nina started. What would I do? For those of 0:04:29.040 --> 0:04:32.000 you watching on YouTube? My child is here. I haven't 0:04:32.000 --> 0:04:36.200 had sex in friend her yet. It will happen, she 0:04:36.400 --> 0:04:39.080 he it. You don't know how they want to be Idina, 0:04:39.920 --> 0:04:44.039 It don't matter. You don't know how they want to 0:04:44.040 --> 0:04:47.440 be identified. You didn't know and which we got chewed 0:04:47.440 --> 0:04:49.920 out for it. I know, So we need to sit here, 0:04:50.000 --> 0:04:52.599 go check. I'm gonna say that the names. Don't just 0:04:52.680 --> 0:04:56.839 classify your child by what you don't know. They want 0:04:56.839 --> 0:04:58.920 to be referred to us. Well, she I think she's 0:04:58.920 --> 0:05:02.280 also a hole like me, But I just know she 0:05:02.400 --> 0:05:06.120 don't like niggas like that my cat, my cat don't 0:05:06.120 --> 0:05:12.520 like niggasine, what is racist? As pets? Harmy? Are? I 0:05:12.560 --> 0:05:17.160 mean if anyone loves curb your enthusiasm like me, I said, 0:05:17.240 --> 0:05:20.800 nigga okay, do you remember that? Larry Day was like, 0:05:20.839 --> 0:05:24.640 I didn't say me. I said, you are. So we're 0:05:24.640 --> 0:05:28.200 talking about males here like niggas, which is great. But 0:05:28.240 --> 0:05:31.400 I knew that because when she when I when I 0:05:31.440 --> 0:05:34.080 got the dog, her brother was there and he was 0:05:34.080 --> 0:05:38.040 getting on her nerves and she was like please, and 0:05:38.080 --> 0:05:41.240 I was like, this is my dog hates niggas too, 0:05:41.640 --> 0:05:44.279 which don't hate hate, but they do be getting on 0:05:44.320 --> 0:05:46.599 the nerves. But I don't know. I was with the 0:05:46.720 --> 0:05:50.200 orgy what other things. I was literally about to be 0:05:50.279 --> 0:05:53.520 like wheezy now update us on your life. Like I 0:05:53.600 --> 0:05:55.359 was just gonna talk about how my foot is broken, 0:05:55.440 --> 0:05:57.400 but like, let's get back to the cat. I mean, 0:05:57.440 --> 0:06:00.919 mine only gets broken because I'm getting like eight and 0:06:00.960 --> 0:06:04.280 a half rounds in the morning after having orgies the 0:06:04.400 --> 0:06:07.800 night before. You know, it's just a lot. So you 0:06:07.880 --> 0:06:10.160 prepare the cat to go up and look, and then 0:06:10.200 --> 0:06:12.120 you do not prepare to cats to look. Did you 0:06:12.160 --> 0:06:13.840 get food? You don't get a little create you're something 0:06:13.839 --> 0:06:16.360 for the cat? No, the cat doesn't have a crate, 0:06:17.279 --> 0:06:20.080 got full roam of the month apartment? Oh no, that's 0:06:20.120 --> 0:06:21.800 why i'd be scratching on the door when you're getting fucked. 0:06:21.839 --> 0:06:26.880 Absolutely not the bed. He actually is under the bed. 0:06:27.360 --> 0:06:30.280 While while I'm fucking normally you heard that, you hear 0:06:30.360 --> 0:06:34.680 my child. I will say this one thing, having an 0:06:34.680 --> 0:06:37.440 animal in the house that knows your schedule, because now 0:06:37.520 --> 0:06:39.120 this little bit, they were like, oh, make sure you 0:06:39.120 --> 0:06:42.320 feed her at eight, one and five. Absolutely not, she 0:06:42.400 --> 0:06:44.719 eats when I get up. I'm not about to just 0:06:44.839 --> 0:06:49.040 fucking who told you that? The like the puppy trainers 0:06:49.040 --> 0:06:52.880 and all these dogs eat three meals a day puppies, 0:06:52.920 --> 0:06:54.359 But I was like, she eats when I get up 0:06:54.400 --> 0:06:55.920 that's when we start. And if mommy goes to sleep 0:06:55.960 --> 0:06:57.320 at two am, you go to sleep it two and 0:06:57.320 --> 0:06:59.679 you need it ten thirty as well. I'm not about 0:06:59.680 --> 0:07:02.880 to do bullshit, are you kidding me? Also hate to 0:07:02.880 --> 0:07:06.760 say it, but you know I did get the dog, 0:07:06.880 --> 0:07:11.360 but my mother. But it's really an emotional support dog, 0:07:11.440 --> 0:07:12.960 like to the court, Like when people say that, like 0:07:13.120 --> 0:07:16.240 I realized that last night was real, Like it's she's 0:07:16.400 --> 0:07:18.320 really an emotional support dog. Like I was having an 0:07:18.320 --> 0:07:21.320 anxiety attack, it was getting really bad. The dog fucking 0:07:21.320 --> 0:07:23.800 called me down. I was like, I am a white woman. 0:07:26.240 --> 0:07:28.680 And when I realized that, I said, let me look 0:07:28.720 --> 0:07:32.480 up service dog because Delta now charges for emotional support animals. 0:07:34.040 --> 0:07:38.880 What's wrong, mama? So basically, a service dog is free 0:07:38.880 --> 0:07:41.840 on all flights, and the dog can be a service 0:07:41.880 --> 0:07:47.080 dog as long as you register it and the trainer 0:07:47.320 --> 0:07:49.760 doesn't need a certain amount of hours. I just put 0:07:49.840 --> 0:07:52.960 myself as the trainer and when I go onto Delta 0:07:53.040 --> 0:07:54.960 one turn my flight to l A and they're like, 0:07:55.000 --> 0:07:57.560 that's a service do me? Like, bitch, read the paper? 0:07:57.640 --> 0:08:01.680 How thank you? Have you spoken to her during your 0:08:01.720 --> 0:08:06.400 tough times? Yeah? You talk to your dog? Yeah? What 0:08:06.600 --> 0:08:08.880 the fund is wrong with us. I mean, you don't 0:08:08.880 --> 0:08:11.920 talk to your cat with Mandy. You gotta be like, Body, 0:08:12.000 --> 0:08:14.640 get the funk out of here. Bro. Yeah, I'll be 0:08:14.640 --> 0:08:16.480 talking to him like a little bit. I mean, because 0:08:16.520 --> 0:08:19.360 he could getting on my motherfucking nerves. That's what a guy. 0:08:19.720 --> 0:08:24.880 So Also, I'm needy, but he's needier. So like, if 0:08:24.920 --> 0:08:27.000 I just want to watch TV, that's how I relax. 0:08:27.400 --> 0:08:32.959 I watched guys, grocery games, chops, guys. Literally I don't 0:08:33.000 --> 0:08:36.000 know why. Yes, that is how I relaxed. Watched I 0:08:36.040 --> 0:08:39.920 watched those type of shows. And Body just demands so 0:08:40.000 --> 0:08:43.280 much attention. So if I'm not paying him attention, he 0:08:43.400 --> 0:08:45.880 goes around the house and just starts knocking shut off 0:08:46.440 --> 0:08:49.960 the tables, the bar, the whatever. And he just knocks 0:08:50.000 --> 0:08:51.760 it until I just be like Body, and then he 0:08:51.800 --> 0:08:54.040 wants me to chase him. I saw him on your laptop. 0:08:54.679 --> 0:08:57.439 He what I'm doing work? He comes and sits right 0:08:57.440 --> 0:08:59.000 on the line. Did he break your TV? You said 0:08:59.080 --> 0:09:01.760 he broke my TV, and I moved in. When when 0:09:01.840 --> 0:09:05.280 my ex spends the night, he'll wait, but he don't 0:09:05.280 --> 0:09:07.360 spend the night anymore. But he did, but he don't. 0:09:07.880 --> 0:09:11.000 He'll Body will wake up because Bodie normally wakes up 0:09:11.000 --> 0:09:13.480 with me. No, he'll go prop his ass on my 0:09:13.559 --> 0:09:19.240 nigga and stare at him. Now, I will tell you 0:09:19.320 --> 0:09:24.840 something about this. This is no no. This means that 0:09:25.320 --> 0:09:29.679 the home the parent in the home. Yes, it ues 0:09:29.800 --> 0:09:34.880 what it means. So basically, so my mom was my 0:09:34.960 --> 0:09:38.439 primary parents. And this is why Nina doesn't room for me. 0:09:38.960 --> 0:09:42.040 This is why he gets yelled at. She gets smacked. 0:09:42.520 --> 0:09:44.719 I want smack body. This is why I mean, she 0:09:44.760 --> 0:09:46.760 don't get smack smack because she's a baby. But this 0:09:46.800 --> 0:09:50.320 is why she's create trained. But cats are different. You'll 0:09:50.360 --> 0:09:53.280 smack a cat. Guess what he gonna do. Smack your 0:09:53.400 --> 0:09:56.360 as the fun back. That's what body be doing. Body 0:09:56.440 --> 0:09:58.720 will hit me the fun back. And now we're fighting. 0:09:59.080 --> 0:10:03.200 Now I'm literally like word nigga work before. Oh yeah, 0:10:03.200 --> 0:10:04.720 that's why I looks like I'm a cup. You know what, 0:10:04.840 --> 0:10:06.920 Let's take it. Let's take a cut. This is what 0:10:06.960 --> 0:10:12.079 color Nina is. She's black. What colors? Body bodies orange? 0:10:12.760 --> 0:10:17.959 The body is orange? Yeah, you played out huh. Anyway, 0:10:18.320 --> 0:10:20.320 so basically she's mad at me. She was like, bitch, 0:10:20.320 --> 0:10:21.800 I wanted to play. How do you know she's mad 0:10:21.840 --> 0:10:24.160 at you because she won't lay on me when she's 0:10:24.160 --> 0:10:26.760 mad at me. That's why she's in between my legs. Anyway, 0:10:26.800 --> 0:10:33.120 speaking of emotional support, So I my pussy is broken. 0:10:33.200 --> 0:10:36.679 I've been super depressed. Why is it broken? I just 0:10:36.720 --> 0:10:39.520 don't know. I think I just can't, like I'm just 0:10:39.559 --> 0:10:44.239 not horny. Oh um. And it's very difficult when you're depressed, 0:10:44.480 --> 0:10:48.440 and then people like, I'm very I can hup function 0:10:48.520 --> 0:10:51.360 at high levels while depressed. I can make jokes, I 0:10:51.400 --> 0:10:53.720 can do my job, and then I just have breakdowns 0:10:53.720 --> 0:10:59.880 at night. But for second, like I get it, Like 0:11:00.040 --> 0:11:03.840 the jokes help you push through. Man. So anyway, I 0:11:03.920 --> 0:11:06.080 knew and I knew it was time for like the 0:11:06.120 --> 0:11:08.240 dog or even my mom dog. So this was my plan. 0:11:08.280 --> 0:11:09.679 I was like, I'm gonna get the dog for my mom. 0:11:09.920 --> 0:11:12.640 And if I can't handle the dog and like it's 0:11:12.679 --> 0:11:15.079 just too much, and then it will definitely be for 0:11:15.160 --> 0:11:16.320 my mom. But now I'm gonna have to get a 0:11:16.360 --> 0:11:19.880 new dog because this is all these child um. But 0:11:19.920 --> 0:11:21.840 a lot of things just were like leading up to it. So, 0:11:21.920 --> 0:11:24.560 for one, what makes me angry about when you're depressed? 0:11:24.600 --> 0:11:27.160 Things to not say to a depressed person, But I 0:11:27.160 --> 0:11:31.480 don't understand your life is so great that, to me 0:11:31.600 --> 0:11:34.120 is a very fucked up thing to say to someone 0:11:34.160 --> 0:11:37.600 because you have no I too, someone told me not 0:11:37.720 --> 0:11:40.840 to complain because I have money and that I could 0:11:40.880 --> 0:11:43.400 do what I want to get out of it. What, 0:11:44.040 --> 0:11:46.480 Oh yeah, but you got money, so just go to 0:11:46.480 --> 0:11:48.680 the fucking spot like you're gonna be fine. Do you 0:11:48.679 --> 0:11:51.360 know many people are depressed that can't do that, Like, yes, 0:11:51.440 --> 0:11:54.480 I'm I'm I completely understand that, Like I have means 0:11:54.480 --> 0:11:56.440 to do things to make me feel better, but nick 0:11:56.480 --> 0:11:58.800 of that ship don't make you feel better. First off, 0:11:58.800 --> 0:12:02.160 I didn't even notice this steps of depression that we're happening. 0:12:02.720 --> 0:12:05.240 But when I found out I had to live in 0:12:05.360 --> 0:12:08.000 l A for some time out of the month, right 0:12:08.040 --> 0:12:10.680 every month, like a week, I'm like, Okay, no big deal. 0:12:10.679 --> 0:12:13.000 I'll have a crib there. It'll be nice, like fine, 0:12:13.800 --> 0:12:16.400 And then I was like, oh my god, like I'm 0:12:16.400 --> 0:12:18.600 I have clothes that I have to have there, and 0:12:18.640 --> 0:12:21.000 then clothes I have to have here after, Like I 0:12:21.040 --> 0:12:24.160 can't really plan for things ahead. I vacation so much, nigga. 0:12:24.160 --> 0:12:26.280 I moved to Mexico last year. I haven't been on 0:12:26.280 --> 0:12:28.880 one vacation because I feel like I have to like 0:12:29.080 --> 0:12:32.719 really be at everyone's back and call, whether that be 0:12:33.600 --> 0:12:37.720 my my studio, whether that be Horrible, whether it be Kenya. 0:12:38.080 --> 0:12:40.280 It's like everything in my life, I feel like I 0:12:40.320 --> 0:12:45.000 can't do it. So that sucked me up. And then 0:12:45.160 --> 0:12:48.040 also like the loneliness of having to travel so much, 0:12:48.120 --> 0:12:50.560 especially when you're not traveling for leader, when you're traveling 0:12:50.600 --> 0:12:53.600 for work in your loan, it's a different thing. Like 0:12:54.040 --> 0:12:56.480 I almost started talking to myself that it was like 0:12:56.480 --> 0:12:59.440 getting manic. I was just sitting in a hotel while 0:12:59.480 --> 0:13:02.840 I was like between moving, I was like, what are 0:13:02.880 --> 0:13:04.640 we gonna eat today? What should I eat today? And 0:13:04.679 --> 0:13:06.640 it was like some only child shoop you said that 0:13:06.720 --> 0:13:10.319 you We actually talked about that on Patreon because I 0:13:10.320 --> 0:13:12.200 think he wrote about it. But not only do you 0:13:12.200 --> 0:13:14.800 plan everything you say? You talk to yourself, yeah, but 0:13:14.840 --> 0:13:18.840 not like this. It was like it was crazy you 0:13:18.840 --> 0:13:21.800 were questioning it. What are you doing? Like are you 0:13:21.840 --> 0:13:25.520 really true or not? I'm not trying. I was like oh, 0:13:25.559 --> 0:13:28.920 And I was like, okay, this is a little bickle cuckoo. 0:13:29.480 --> 0:13:33.120 Then another thing that I started realizing was happening was like, 0:13:34.640 --> 0:13:39.040 for one, I was super dependent on physical touch from 0:13:39.080 --> 0:13:42.640 like anybody, Um, not anybody, I guess I'll take that 0:13:42.679 --> 0:13:45.600 back from obviously like a lover. But it was like 0:13:45.800 --> 0:13:49.560 really bad, like if the nigga turned in his sleep. 0:13:49.640 --> 0:13:51.200 I was like, oh my god, he hates me. And 0:13:51.200 --> 0:13:52.800 I know we all make jokes about that, but like 0:13:53.200 --> 0:13:55.120 my brain would do it for maybe two hours that 0:13:55.200 --> 0:13:59.200 that night, and I just couldn't understand. Then when I 0:13:59.240 --> 0:14:03.200 came home, m Um, this is and we he's been 0:14:03.240 --> 0:14:04.720 a guest on the show. I won't say his name 0:14:04.720 --> 0:14:06.800 because I don't know how vocal he's been about this, 0:14:06.880 --> 0:14:09.840 but I knew the depression was sinking in when I 0:14:09.880 --> 0:14:14.160 didn't want to wake up, and the showering felt like 0:14:14.200 --> 0:14:16.200 the longest thing in the world to do. And I'm 0:14:16.240 --> 0:14:18.240 not sure to be funny about because I know Coco tripping, 0:14:19.400 --> 0:14:23.240 but no, no, like you ain't been showering, but like 0:14:23.320 --> 0:14:28.640 it was just like, can not believe that's the Vanilla ship, 0:14:28.920 --> 0:14:33.080 but anyway, we'll get there. The showering, not even kidding, 0:14:33.440 --> 0:14:35.920 was like because I knew I had to change the 0:14:36.000 --> 0:14:39.160 clothes and get and move, and I was like, and 0:14:39.320 --> 0:14:42.760 when you are depressed and you can't get up, oh 0:14:42.800 --> 0:14:44.560 my god, no, I have to figure out. But this 0:14:44.600 --> 0:14:46.800 one was like it was just like everything was a 0:14:46.800 --> 0:14:50.840 lot of work. The dog, believe it or not, is 0:14:50.880 --> 0:14:54.920 now like routine for me. I gotta get up because 0:14:54.960 --> 0:14:57.440 I gotta feed somebody else, you know what I mean. 0:14:57.960 --> 0:14:59.920 Then another thing that pissed me off when I talked 0:15:00.000 --> 0:15:01.960 out how I wanted to get a dog. Oh, everyone 0:15:02.040 --> 0:15:04.520 told me how I was too busy, didn't have time 0:15:04.560 --> 0:15:07.040 for the dog, and I needed to just do whatever 0:15:07.040 --> 0:15:10.160 I was doing. First of all, the dog born to 0:15:11.000 --> 0:15:14.680 Oh no, man, no man, Just wait till the followers 0:15:14.680 --> 0:15:17.960 get involved. Bitch, I'm on a trip. I get ten 0:15:18.080 --> 0:15:22.120 d MS easily. So who's watching Bodie? So who's feeding Bodie? 0:15:22.480 --> 0:15:26.400 So did you bring body? I know how to take 0:15:26.400 --> 0:15:28.880 care of a fucking animal? That I think everyone thinks 0:15:28.880 --> 0:15:31.120 that we have our life, maybe because we don't have 0:15:31.200 --> 0:15:34.040 kids and we live this carefree everything's about me life. 0:15:34.400 --> 0:15:36.320 People do that when I travel, they make me feel 0:15:36.320 --> 0:15:39.520 bad that I left Bodie. Nigga's do that. So just wait. 0:15:39.880 --> 0:15:42.160 So you start just being out in the club and 0:15:42.200 --> 0:15:43.920 looking like you're having a good something, They're gonna ask 0:15:43.960 --> 0:15:48.520 you who's watching me? They? Oh, yeah, girl, girl. They 0:15:48.560 --> 0:15:50.520 act like we just don't know how to do nothing 0:15:50.520 --> 0:15:53.120 but literally dick and open our legs and at any 0:15:53.120 --> 0:15:56.200 given point that we're doing anything else to just enjoy ourselves. 0:15:56.680 --> 0:16:00.480 What about your responsibility? First, I take the dog to Lucien. 0:16:00.520 --> 0:16:02.120 Everybody knows I loves to eat to Lucy, and that's 0:16:02.120 --> 0:16:04.440 all I talk about. I take the talk to Lucien 0:16:04.720 --> 0:16:06.840 to go eat, take a picture. She's too young to 0:16:06.840 --> 0:16:15.720 be outside? Then wait, bitch, then she is young, but 0:16:16.080 --> 0:16:18.080 could they could be outside? She just can't be on 0:16:18.120 --> 0:16:21.600 the grass or things like that, as if I would ever, 0:16:21.880 --> 0:16:26.680 as if there's grass in New York. Just the co 0:16:26.840 --> 0:16:28.680 cream Giant couldn't have got you have dog and no 0:16:28.840 --> 0:16:31.680 funking look at anyone, look at this day? Please? So whatever? 0:16:32.320 --> 0:16:38.680 Um So. Then I went out one night, and you know, 0:16:38.760 --> 0:16:42.640 I don't drink a lot, I know, but like I said, 0:16:42.640 --> 0:16:45.400 I've been depressed. And I went out and Brianda and 0:16:45.480 --> 0:16:46.920 I went to go get some meat and we were 0:16:46.960 --> 0:16:49.960 talking about work and whatever. And then I realized how 0:16:50.000 --> 0:16:52.200 good I felt the second I had to drink. And 0:16:52.240 --> 0:16:55.080 I'm not that type of person at all, Like I 0:16:55.160 --> 0:16:57.960 like to drinks, have fun. This was the first time 0:16:57.960 --> 0:17:01.160 where I don't drink when you're depressed. When I felt like, oh, 0:17:01.240 --> 0:17:03.640 I'm fine when the one drink one of my system 0:17:03.680 --> 0:17:05.920 and I was like, oh bitch, this is bad if 0:17:05.920 --> 0:17:10.959 you feel good like this. Yeah, So I didn't get drunk. 0:17:11.160 --> 0:17:15.120 Literally was like, oh, like I'm too far gone. So 0:17:15.960 --> 0:17:19.879 I just really wanted to not have to answer to people. 0:17:19.920 --> 0:17:22.439 So I deleted my Instagram for a bit in my Twitter, 0:17:22.920 --> 0:17:25.600 and that felt really good because I will tell you, 0:17:25.600 --> 0:17:28.520 with someone. The liberating thing about it you realize nobody 0:17:28.560 --> 0:17:33.560 has access to you, and that ship feels so liberating. 0:17:34.080 --> 0:17:36.480 Oh my god. Like the fact that people have to 0:17:36.480 --> 0:17:41.360 text me to like check on me. Oh, it's like 0:17:41.800 --> 0:17:44.680 that actually felt better, like I had to like I'm 0:17:44.760 --> 0:17:49.400 strengthening existing relationships again, like um shout out to Rashida 0:17:50.119 --> 0:17:54.640 Hung Grandma was like checking on you, you know what's um, 0:17:55.880 --> 0:17:57.960 And then we started talking and now I have a 0:17:57.960 --> 0:17:59.679 trip to go see her and we're gonna go hiking. 0:17:59.720 --> 0:18:02.560 Like that would not have happened if we didn't have 0:18:02.640 --> 0:18:05.440 to actually speak, because we just know that on social 0:18:05.480 --> 0:18:08.440 media everybody's okay because if they're fucking highlight real. Sharona 0:18:08.440 --> 0:18:12.600 has text me like all my friends, um and anyway, 0:18:12.800 --> 0:18:15.320 it felt great to know that. And I'm not gonna 0:18:15.320 --> 0:18:17.239 say it was just like quote unquote cry for help thing, 0:18:17.280 --> 0:18:20.560 because it wasn't. I just wanted to delete everything. After 0:18:20.600 --> 0:18:24.199 that one drink, I gave rihon to the dog. Okay, 0:18:24.280 --> 0:18:27.000 mad at me now of the world, please fucking left 0:18:27.000 --> 0:18:30.720 to Mexico. I stated, I can't believe I went to 0:18:30.760 --> 0:18:34.119 Cancoon like a fucking spramebreaker, but it was just the 0:18:34.200 --> 0:18:36.720 quickest thing I could do and hot, and I stayed 0:18:36.760 --> 0:18:39.600 at the Ritz shout out to one of our followers 0:18:39.640 --> 0:18:42.919 who got me the wild discount Nigga for four fucking days. 0:18:43.200 --> 0:18:46.040 I barely left this resort. I spent one day crying 0:18:46.119 --> 0:18:48.560 real bad, and then the other day missing the dog 0:18:48.600 --> 0:18:50.480 real dead. Then then then the third day and I didn't drink. 0:18:51.240 --> 0:18:55.080 I was just chilling, but like I really needed to go, 0:18:55.520 --> 0:18:58.840 and Nigga took a whole fucking call. Keny has got 0:18:58.920 --> 0:19:00.560 a call every week we do. I was on that 0:19:00.680 --> 0:19:02.480 damn zon with ocean in the back, like yeah, and 0:19:02.640 --> 0:19:05.200 we bought a writer's scheduled and we've got this, Like 0:19:05.560 --> 0:19:07.919 it's crazy how I was like working through it. But 0:19:08.080 --> 0:19:12.320 now what I've really learned is one. There's the way 0:19:12.359 --> 0:19:14.680 that people can reach you, like that social media ship. 0:19:15.080 --> 0:19:17.200 I didn't realize how funked up it had me. It's 0:19:17.240 --> 0:19:20.040 not like I lie, but I'm not going to go 0:19:20.040 --> 0:19:21.920 in there and be like, oh my god, today sucks 0:19:21.920 --> 0:19:23.800 so much. I want to take an ambien. I'm not 0:19:23.840 --> 0:19:26.240 gonna do that. I'm not gonna make everyone else feel bad. 0:19:26.359 --> 0:19:28.600 I'm going to post the dog and smile because that's 0:19:28.600 --> 0:19:31.960 what we do. So it's not like you're fronting more 0:19:32.000 --> 0:19:34.480 than you. Almost can't do that to other people. And 0:19:34.520 --> 0:19:36.400 because I knew I was that bad, I was like, oh, 0:19:36.440 --> 0:19:39.520 I'm just gonna remove my complete self away from it. 0:19:39.680 --> 0:19:41.680 I did not. I'm so glad we didn't do Patreon 0:19:41.720 --> 0:19:44.480 this week for horrible decisions, because I was like, oh, 0:19:44.880 --> 0:19:46.359 things won't have me on as soon as I watch. 0:19:47.240 --> 0:19:51.199 I was that bad. Now I'm better, but I just 0:19:51.240 --> 0:19:54.480 can't get horny, which is really crazy. So I forced 0:19:54.520 --> 0:19:57.720 myself to master being on vacation, and that way you 0:19:57.880 --> 0:20:00.719 forced yourself to master me. Yeah, what I said an 0:20:00.720 --> 0:20:03.879 alarm and I was like, I'm a very sexual person. 0:20:03.920 --> 0:20:07.760 Not clearly, yeah, I mean if you look at the 0:20:07.800 --> 0:20:12.240 mug on the table, so anyway, I like basically set 0:20:12.240 --> 0:20:14.680 this alarm. I was just sleeping all day. I didn't 0:20:14.680 --> 0:20:16.159 want to get up. And when I tell you, this 0:20:16.200 --> 0:20:19.560 ship was gorgeous and andy, like, oh my god, they 0:20:19.560 --> 0:20:22.080 gave me this ocean front view balcony and all this 0:20:22.119 --> 0:20:25.320 ship like fucking old Bays sent me roses, tell me 0:20:25.320 --> 0:20:27.000 he wants me to feel good. It was just gorgeous 0:20:27.040 --> 0:20:28.800 over the top. And I don't know if anyone stayed 0:20:28.840 --> 0:20:31.679 at like a ritz, but the Rits is so old 0:20:31.720 --> 0:20:33.720 school rich. They got the maids coming with a little 0:20:33.760 --> 0:20:35.760 crown in the head and ship it'd be like, damn, 0:20:35.800 --> 0:20:41.560 this lady felt bad. But I just could not get 0:20:41.600 --> 0:20:43.760 out of bed. So I kept setting alarms to masturbate, 0:20:43.800 --> 0:20:45.400 and I was like, I'm not going to stop hearing 0:20:45.400 --> 0:20:48.600 now went until I masturbate. Once I did it, oh 0:20:48.640 --> 0:20:52.320 my god, so much anxiety like went away. I felt 0:20:52.440 --> 0:20:55.600 so much better. It's like I actually had to remind 0:20:55.600 --> 0:20:58.359 myself to do it. And although I'm not horny right now, 0:20:58.400 --> 0:21:00.880 it'll come back to me one day. It was crazy 0:21:01.320 --> 0:21:07.000 that coming completely cleared me of like it's a temporary 0:21:07.280 --> 0:21:11.240 um it it's very temporary. If you're in a in 0:21:11.280 --> 0:21:16.280 a depressed state and you do anything sexual, it's that 0:21:16.520 --> 0:21:19.199 jolts of oh that was good. But then dorphins are 0:21:19.200 --> 0:21:22.080 good and it's a stress reliever. But I started looking 0:21:22.080 --> 0:21:25.440 it up. It turns out because I was like, oh, 0:21:25.520 --> 0:21:27.800