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Speaker 1: Trust me.

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Speaker 2: Trust me. I'm like a swat person.

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Speaker 1: I've never lived.

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Speaker 2: To you, if.

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Speaker 3: You think that one person has all the answers, don't

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Speaker 3: welcome to trust me. The podcast is about colts, extreme

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Speaker 3: belief and the abuse of power from two life forms

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Speaker 3: who actually lived it.

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Speaker 1: I am Lola.

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Speaker 4: Blanc and I'm Megan Elizabeth.

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Speaker 3: Today our guest is Amber don Lee. She's a comedian,

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Speaker 3: actress and filmmaker who grew up in a Mormon fundamentalist group.

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Speaker 3: She's gonna tell us how she was abandoned by her

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Speaker 3: mother and adopted by new parents, who then joined several

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Speaker 3: different fundamentalist warmon groups, but most notably this one called

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Speaker 3: the Zion Society, led by this self proclaimed prophet named

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Speaker 3: Arvin Shreeve.

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Speaker 4: Yep, She's also going to tell us about how they

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Speaker 4: sowed lingerie to sell the strippers insane and how the

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Speaker 4: children were sexually abused not only by Arvin Shreef, but

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Speaker 4: by the other women and by other children at his instruction.

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Speaker 3: And we will get into how she doesn't let that

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Speaker 3: trump a run her life.

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Speaker 4: You do still need to give a big trigger warning

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Speaker 4: for this one.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, there's some tough stuff in this episode, so triple

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Speaker 3: trigger warning. We will be discussing sexual assault in some detail,

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Speaker 3: and we will specifically be discussing sexual assault of a child,

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Speaker 3: namely Amber, So proceed only if you are prepared for that. Please,

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Speaker 3: before we get into the heavy shit, Megan, I.

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Speaker 1: Have to ask you. I just have to know, Oh,

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Speaker 1: give it.

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Speaker 3: What on earth is the cultiest thing that's happened to

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Speaker 3: you this week?

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Speaker 4: Well, I guess it's gonna have to be.

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Speaker 1: New Year's resolutions. Tell me more, because that was actually

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Speaker 1: gonna be mine.

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Speaker 4: No, I mean, it's such a call to just like

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Speaker 4: believe that every year has to get better than the next,

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Speaker 4: and you know, it's just it's taking like I think

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Speaker 4: it's a way for us to all feel like we

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Speaker 4: have control over our lives and if we just did

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Speaker 4: this one little thing, everything would be okay, which is

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Speaker 4: kind of magical thinking and blah blah blah blah blah.

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Speaker 4: But I'm never going to give it up because I

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Speaker 4: love New Year's and my resolution is to have more

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Speaker 4: fun this year.

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Speaker 1: Is it is that your resolution? Yeah?

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Speaker 3: Wow, that is really nice. And mine are all career based.

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Speaker 3: It's always career. I'm too fucking ambitious. I don't know

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Speaker 3: how to have fun, Megan.

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Speaker 1: Haven't you read Hamlet, Lola? No, I haven't.

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Speaker 3: Is this what's wrong with my life? That I haven't

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Speaker 3: read Hamlet?

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Speaker 1: Well, he was destroyed because of too much ambition. Oh

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Speaker 1: fuck that's me. Yes, totally mean.

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Speaker 4: Yeah whoopsies whoops Uh dude.

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Speaker 1: You know me.

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Speaker 3: I'm not a magical thinker. I am a skeptic all

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Speaker 3: the way. You might even say I'm a cynic, But

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Speaker 3: when it comes to the New Year, there's just that

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Speaker 3: little bit of magical thinking that I have to allow

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Speaker 3: myself because you know what, we got to have something.

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Speaker 1: And I'm like, New Year.

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Speaker 3: Babe, he gonna fucking man. I don't believe in manifestation,

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Speaker 3: but I still am gonna proceed as though I am

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Speaker 3: manifesting these things.

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Speaker 4: I mean, okay, how can you not believe in manifestation?

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Speaker 1: I just can. I just give the craziest example that

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Speaker 1: happened yesterday. Okay.

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Speaker 4: I woke up and there's this guy, the last guy

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Speaker 4: that I dated. I randomly thought about him. I was like, oh, weird,

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Speaker 4: yeah he exists, And then twenty seconds later I thought

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Speaker 4: of this actress and was like, remember heard weird fucking divorce?

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Speaker 1: And like I don't know the med two thousands. That

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Speaker 1: was crazy. I'm gonna look her up. I look her up.

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Speaker 4: And then twenty seconds after that, my friend texts me

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Speaker 4: and is like, did you know that guy and that

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Speaker 4: actress are dating?

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Speaker 1: What the heck?

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Speaker 4: And they hadn't made it public or anything.

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Speaker 1: You're all you're telling me right now.

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Speaker 3: All I'm hearing is a coincidence happened, and you're projecting, meaning.

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Speaker 4: Two coincidences leading into three coincidences.

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Speaker 1: Huge, huge, I wish I could fine.

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Speaker 3: It would be too much work to pull out my

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Speaker 3: psych textbook right now.

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Speaker 1: But there's this little section on.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, but you're being too Freudian. You need to be

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Speaker 4: young Ian. And you know it's a synchronicity. My unconscious

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Speaker 4: made it. It doesn't have to be magical, but it's

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Speaker 4: like fucking weird.

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Speaker 1: That's weird. But here's the thing.

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Speaker 3: How many times did you think about people throughout the

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Speaker 3: past five years.

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Speaker 1: That you did it? They've always immediately popped.

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Speaker 3: In, Like thousands of times we think about random people

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Speaker 3: and nothing happens with them, but we don't notice those times.

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Speaker 3: We don't flag those because we only flag it when

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Speaker 3: it's unusual. So that's what we notice, which I think

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Speaker 3: is more likely than you know, something magical happening. But anyway,

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Speaker 3: Neary's resolutions manifestation, the way that I see it is

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Speaker 3: more just like.

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Speaker 1: I know that.

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Speaker 3: Actually, statistics do show that when you have a concrete

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Speaker 3: goal that you like write down, you're more likely to

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Speaker 3: achieve it than if it's just like.

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Speaker 1: Oh, I like to do this at some point, you know, just.

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Speaker 3: Because it means you're working actively toward that thing and

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Speaker 3: it's in the back of your mind.

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Speaker 4: All the time and tension, baby.

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Speaker 3: So anyway, I would like to make a movie.

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Speaker 1: That's what I want. That's what I want from my year.

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Speaker 3: I don't know that I'm gonna be able to actually

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Speaker 3: get to make a movie this year, but I would

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Speaker 3: like to at least be on my.

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Speaker 1: Way to directing a film.

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Speaker 4: Amen.

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Speaker 3: I've made some shorts, I'm gonna make another short, and

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Speaker 3: I would like to make feature film. And I can't

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Speaker 3: put it on my goal list because it's out of

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Speaker 3: my control. But it really, really really just sundance, Sundance, baby,

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Speaker 3: I want to get into fucking sundance. But anyway, so,

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Speaker 3: but I still have a tiny bit of magical thinking

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Speaker 3: around it, and you know what, fuck it.

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Speaker 4: Bucket, You're in the right place with me. You know

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Speaker 4: I'm down. I am fucking down.

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Speaker 1: I know you are.

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Speaker 3: I want a word besides a manifest though, how about

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Speaker 3: create actively take steps towards Yeah? Great, I know it

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Speaker 3: sounds real sexy. I'm gonna actively take steps toward directing

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Speaker 3: a film I getting in the sundance boom.

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Speaker 4: Well, you can take this part out, but if you

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Speaker 4: think about it, you know, the feel is infinite. So

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Speaker 4: if you just energize certain outcomes, you can be drawn

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Speaker 4: to them.

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Speaker 3: What did you just say?

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Speaker 1: What did you just say?

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Speaker 4: Okay, the future is infinite, there's infinite possibilities, right, Yeah,

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Speaker 4: So if you envision future events happening, you're automatically connecting

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Speaker 4: to that field and connecting to that thing happening and

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Speaker 4: giving it a little buzz like a little buze, and

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Speaker 4: you're drawing yourself towards it.

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Speaker 3: Or you're selecting a goal and you're choosing to take

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Speaker 3: steps to move toward that thing.

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Speaker 4: We're saying the same exact thing, but you guys, the

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Speaker 4: important thing is amberg on, Like that's where we're that's

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Speaker 4: where we're headed.

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Speaker 1: This story is epic, epic, and harrowing.

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Speaker 3: Oh yes, but a great example of somebody who does

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Speaker 3: not let her pass determine her future.

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Speaker 4: Some might say she manifested energetically a better future for herself.

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Speaker 3: Nope, all right, let's talk to Amber.

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Speaker 2: Okay, hi, Amber, oh Hi, we have a lot to

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Speaker 2: cover with you.

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Speaker 1: Sure. I mean start us from the beginning, from the beginning.

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Speaker 1: While my biological mother rose, she took me to a

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Speaker 1: head shop when I was a baby, at two years old,

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Speaker 1: and she traded me there for a pipe.

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Speaker 3: Basically, a hedgehop is a smoke shop for anyone who

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Speaker 3: is confused about that, because I did not know what

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Speaker 3: a head shop is.

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Speaker 1: And so the people at the head shop they became

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Speaker 1: my new parents. And they were already fundamental because they

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Speaker 1: worked at a they owned a head shop, and they

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Speaker 1: would have like extreme you know groups coming in with

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Speaker 1: all of this, you know, propaganda government and you know,

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Speaker 1: anti government stuff. And so when the Mormon missionaries showed

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Speaker 1: up to the head shop, what are they doing there?

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Speaker 1: I don't know. They were like mainstream regular Mormons. This

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Speaker 1: is how it began for us. It's just through mainstream Mormonism.

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Speaker 1: They became they got baptized Mormon uh, they decided to

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Speaker 1: move to the Promised Land of Utah. They moved to Logan, Utah,

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Speaker 1: and then we lived in Ogden and Roy and in

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Speaker 1: Paradise and you know everywhere. They were very poor, my parents,

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Speaker 1: and so they became friends with a woman who opened

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Speaker 1: up her home to our family, like she would adopt

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Speaker 1: families instead of like cats, and we were a pretty

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Speaker 1: feral family. So we moved in with this woman. Helen

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Speaker 1: and she h started investigating like outside profits, because they

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Speaker 1: were mainstream Mormon, and they felt that there were things

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Speaker 1: that the mainstream Mormon religion had changed because they did

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Speaker 1: change certain beliefs like polygamy, and there's contradictions within the

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Speaker 1: church now is if they believed it or if they

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Speaker 1: didn't believe it. Some history is being changed along the

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Speaker 1: way for tax purposes and just to so that the

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Speaker 1: Mormon religion can stay mainstream. So once my parents started investigating,

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Speaker 1: you know, on a slide show, because that's how God

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Speaker 1: provides absolutely PowerPoint, yeah, power point all the way on

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Speaker 1: a broken projector too, because that is how you learn

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Speaker 1: the truth. Okay, yes, on a power point and that

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Speaker 1: is proof. And if there's shag carpet in the house.

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Speaker 4: You know it's the truth, and if you don't believe it,

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Speaker 4: you are so crazy you are.

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Speaker 1: And if you don't believe it, then you're just not

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Speaker 1: gonna make it to heaven. Because you had an opportunity

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Speaker 1: to know the truth. And that makes it different because

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Speaker 1: if you were just like to be naive and and

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Speaker 1: stupid and not have the opportunity to learn, but now

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Speaker 1: you know the truth, and if you reject it and

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Speaker 1: walk away, that's pretty scary because you're for sure gonna

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Speaker 1: go thanks for the depths of hell. So sure, what's joy? Cool?

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Speaker 1: So they became excommunicated from the mainstream Mormon church for

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Speaker 1: their association. Mainstream Mormons really want to push away that

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Speaker 1: whole scene. Basically, they want to like get away from

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Speaker 1: it and so that people won't think, you know, Mormons polygamy,

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Speaker 1: they won't combine the two. The thing is is that

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Speaker 1: they're combined because the foundation of polygamy within these fundamental

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Speaker 1: groups comes from Joseph Smith, the founder of the Mormon religion,

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Speaker 1: and Brigham Young His how do you say, predecessor? I

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Speaker 1: don't know, I didn't go to school. That's a whole

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Speaker 1: lot came after Justice Smith. So yes, that predecessor, one

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Speaker 1: of the next prophets, next dude, you know, next dude. Yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: the next prophet dude, that was Brigham Young. So you know,

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Speaker 1: they they all had pligamous wives. Some of the members

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Speaker 1: of the church back in the eighteen hundreds went one

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Speaker 1: way where they stayed with polygamy regardless of what anybody

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Speaker 1: else thought. Even though their prophet, Joseph Smith was chased

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Speaker 1: down by a mob and murdered for it. In his

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Speaker 1: gel it was like a big extreme crazy thing back then.

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Speaker 1: He was kind of an outlaw guy, Joseph Smith. He

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Speaker 1: had a lot of tickets. He was persecuted for you, yes,

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Speaker 1: and they really really like go with.

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Speaker 3: That, like, yeah, poor him, poor Joseph, because he was

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Speaker 3: the true prophet and that makes people uncomfortable, so they

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Speaker 3: have to persecute him.

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Speaker 1: Exactly, which is how they get away with so many

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Speaker 1: of the things that they do today in groups, is

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Speaker 1: they're like, and people will persecute us because they won't understand. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: So where were we. We were in Utah somewhere. Okay,

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Speaker 1: So their excommunicut from the mainstream church, they decided to

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Speaker 1: join the polygamous cults because you know, we were oh well, first,

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Speaker 1: you know, they did the extreme things, like they took

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Speaker 1: us out of public school, like in the third grade

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Speaker 1: because the government was running elementary school. And there's like

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Speaker 1: all those evil teachers you know, who are underpaid teaching

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Speaker 1: us stuff there like like that, my parents are fucking crazy.

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Speaker 3: Which fundamentalist group was this?

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Speaker 1: This was originally the FLDS when I went out of school, okay,

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Speaker 1: because they were listening to war It was like the

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Speaker 1: Warren Jeff's cult, right.

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Speaker 3: Warren Jeffs, for anyone who does not remember, is the

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Speaker 3: leader of the FLDS who has been in prison for

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Speaker 3: a long time and he's no longer in contact with them.

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Speaker 3: We talked about him a bit on the FLDS episode.

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Speaker 1: Okay, So that was like the main, bigger group in Utah,

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Speaker 1: and then a whole bunch of splinter groups started coming

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Speaker 1: out of that because people started to realize that they

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Speaker 1: were the prophets, not him. The challenge for me is

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Speaker 1: that I knew for the outside world. Well I say

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Speaker 1: the outside world, because kindergarten, first grade, second grade, I

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Speaker 1: was out in the wild outside world. So I did

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Speaker 1: get a little bit of public school and stuff. So

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Speaker 1: I got that little taste of what it's like to

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Speaker 1: be normal. Yeah, and then they went extreme, so we

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Speaker 1: were taken out of school. Then they became vegetarian. We

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Speaker 1: ate out of dumpsters a lot because we were really broke.

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Speaker 1: But my dad he believeth So we would like get

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Speaker 1: down on our knees in the back of a grocery

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Speaker 1: store and we would say a prayer for and bless

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Speaker 1: our food that we got out of the dumpster, you know.

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Speaker 1: And it was like so embarrassing because I would just be,

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Speaker 1: you know, on my knees looking at the other kids,

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Speaker 1: like my age walking by laughing, and I'm like, oh, yeah,

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Speaker 1: they must be so jealous that we got to the

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Speaker 1: food first, you know, so bad for them, right, more kids.

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Speaker 1: So everything was so extreme with my dad. Everything was

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Speaker 1: anti government. Procter and Gambole brand was from the government,

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Speaker 1: which meant like no tide soap, no like all of

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Speaker 1: these different brands they were. They started becoming just really

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Speaker 1: fundamental about every single thing. Like for lunch, we had

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Speaker 1: a scoop of apple sauce, a scoop of cottage cheese,

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Speaker 1: five prunes. That was like for a whole year. Who

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Speaker 1: they did that, and then and then we would have

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Speaker 1: to like weigh in.

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Speaker 4: That is literally the worst lunch I've ever heard of.

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Speaker 4: This scribe like, I never heard of a grocer combination.

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Speaker 1: And sometimes with walnuts and raisins to make it perfect,

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Speaker 1: I would get it on a paper plate where they

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Speaker 1: melt together. And I'm like, the cottage cheeses apple, oh, yes,

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Speaker 1: and so and now my husband has apple sauce. I'm like,

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Speaker 1: it goes to the garage fridge. Yeah, and he's like,

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Speaker 1: it's just apple sauce. I don't care. Now that's trigger

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Speaker 1: because you don't understand. I'm like, it's a trigger. It's

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Speaker 1: a trigger. He's like, it's freaking apple sauce. I'm like,

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Speaker 1: just stop and put it in the garage and leave

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Speaker 1: the apple sauce out of the house. No cottage cheese,

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Speaker 1: no apple sauce, and no prunes, especially not five, Like

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Speaker 1: what is five the perfect amount? Well, you know, but

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Speaker 1: that's what God wanted. Well, of course, and you were

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Speaker 1: saying you had to weigh in, I would weigh in.

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Speaker 1: And I didn't actually have to do the weigh ins

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Speaker 1: like everyone else did, meaning my sisters and Helen's kids,

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Speaker 1: because I was always underweight and really thin and very skinny.

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Speaker 1: So It was really easy for me to stay the skinned,

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Speaker 1: but they wanted you to be skinny. They wanted you, guys,

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Speaker 1: just to make sure that I stayed underweight. Basically, it's

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Speaker 1: like just to stay a certain weight and why the

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Speaker 1: reason just to be taking care of your body. Plus

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Speaker 1: I don't know, I don't know. Huh. My mother that

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Speaker 1: mom was overweight and so she would have problems with food.

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Speaker 1: But we were so hungry for food most of the

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Speaker 1: time that we would we never had to worry about

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Speaker 1: gain I didn't have to worry because I mean, if

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Speaker 1: you have spare Lena for lunch, it's bare Lena pill.

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Speaker 1: I'm not going to gain weight. So you know, they

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Speaker 1: became very extreme with the food. They became really extreme

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Speaker 1: with what we would have to like study scriptures, and

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Speaker 1: you know it's from the scriptures that the Mormons. There's

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Speaker 1: a scripture in there that says that a man can

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Speaker 1: get direct contact with God himself and so but that

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Speaker 1: scripture they use that that I've got direct contact. God

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Speaker 1: told me that I'm a prophet. Of course, like God

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Speaker 1: told me I was one hundred and fifteen supermodel. But

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Speaker 1: you know, it doesn't make it true.

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Speaker 4: So a new person off of Warren Jeffs was like,

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Speaker 4: actually I'm the prophet.

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Speaker 1: Yes, I keep having these dreams and then they the

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Speaker 1: people believe them and then they break off with them

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Speaker 1: and they're like, you know, his group is better because

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Speaker 1: they would do things this way. This was a former

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Speaker 1: Jeff's follower. Yes, and what was his name? What's his deal? Uh? Well,

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Speaker 1: there there was about there's a couple of hundred of

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Speaker 1: followers for they went on to follow this man, Arvin

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Speaker 1: Shreve got it, Okay, how have I not heard of him? Well?

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Speaker 1: He's an amazing gardener okay, and I don't know. People

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Speaker 1: are like, how did you get so many people don't

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Speaker 1: follow him? I'm like, have you seen his rose garden?

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Speaker 1: I mean those are two die for like rose Garden,

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Speaker 1: are go to the depth of hell? Rose Garden. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: So he was a gardener who had a revelation that

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Speaker 1: he was the prophet, and so people started to follow him.

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Speaker 1: His group is where my parents they joined in. And

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Speaker 1: so it was me and my parents and my sisters,

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Speaker 1: and they started as soon as we join, they divide

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Speaker 1: up the families right away. They take away their superpower

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Speaker 1: by dividing up the families. You know, So that they

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Speaker 1: can't stay strong. Yeah, so I went and because I

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Speaker 1: am special, I went with the Prophets group. So there's

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Speaker 1: two groups. There's one that's the prophet in all of

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Speaker 1: his sister counsel, which meant the women and children and

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Speaker 1: stuff that he was in charge of. And then there's

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Speaker 1: another sister counsel of the group, which they had the

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Speaker 1: head of their family, which was not a prophet but

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Speaker 1: a follower. He had a priesthood. So it was like

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Speaker 1: getting picked for the losing team in Dodgebob. Yes, and

347
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Speaker 1: I got picked for the winning teape being because I

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Speaker 1: was a really hot kid, you know, and I wonder

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Speaker 1: are you at this point, I was twelve? Okay, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: so I was, you know, right in my beauty, like really,

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Speaker 1: I mean, I was like gangly and I was a kid.

352
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Speaker 1: I was twelve. I was twelve. So we joined the group,

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Speaker 1: and then my dad he would start to argue with

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Speaker 1: the prophet, like I don't want my family divide it up,

355
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Speaker 1: and why is Amber over at that house and my

356
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Speaker 1: other kids are over at this house? And he caused

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Speaker 1: problems and so they kicked my dad out of the cult.

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Speaker 1: They love to do that. They didn't have to kick

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Speaker 1: out the men. Yeah, so all of them. Yeah, man,

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Speaker 1: and you also young boys because because they don't have

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Speaker 1: their petition, especially if you're like yeah, if you're like

362
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Speaker 1: a okay looking guy and you know whatever, and it's

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Speaker 1: basically they want you to just come, drop off the

364
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Speaker 1: women and leave. So basically, my parents they did leave,

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Speaker 1: and I told them I'm not going again. I didn't

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Speaker 1: want to be around my parents because they were abusive.

367
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Speaker 1: I didn't want and they were homeless most of the time,

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Speaker 1: and they were like always angry at me, and I

369
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Speaker 1: was always in trouble. And I liked being in the

370
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Speaker 1: cult because in the cult there were so many rules

371
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Speaker 1: and things that I could do, and like I got

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Speaker 1: to go and ownen hard food and food. They had

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Speaker 1: food and we were like canning food for the end

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Speaker 1: of the world. I mean there was food forever, oh wow. Yeah,

375
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Speaker 1: and peaches forever. And salsa parties guys, so also like

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Speaker 1: eat salsa, eating the salsa and chips parties. We would

377
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Speaker 1: warm up the salsa and we would all get around.

378
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Speaker 1: It was so fun. You guys would read.

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Speaker 4: Scriptures well that kind of yeah, that kind of brings

380
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Speaker 4: us into We kind of tried to tie on what

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Speaker 4: was good about it?

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Speaker 1: And that sounds like there was a community, so it

383
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Speaker 1: was actually I'm gonna tell you there there was a

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Speaker 1: lot of bad things that happened. I mean, nobody wants

385
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Speaker 1: to be raped, blah blah blah, but there was a

386
00:19:24,440 --> 00:19:27,520
Speaker 1: good part of it. Two, you would wake up in

387
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Speaker 1: the morning, your hair would go a certain way because

388
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Speaker 1: of the spin wheel, like how your hair goes with

389
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Speaker 1: the colors of makeup that you would could wear the

390
00:19:34,760 --> 00:19:37,320
Speaker 1: color outfits that you would wear. We would pray every day,

391
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Speaker 1: should I wear like the peach dress or should I

392
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Speaker 1: wear like the peach dress? You know, like praying which one? Oh,

393
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Speaker 1: I know the peach dress. I'll wear the peach dress

394
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Speaker 1: because peach was the color that they chose for me.

395
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Speaker 1: And I threw. I cried because I'm like such a

396
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Speaker 1: fashionista today, like I love like wearing outrageous outfits, and

397
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Speaker 1: they put me in like peach ough all the time,

398
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Speaker 1: and that because that's what the color that like. Apparently

399
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Speaker 1: God likes on me most so, like I have nothing

400
00:20:01,760 --> 00:20:04,480
Speaker 1: peach in my wardrobe today. Nothing. Of course. I went

401
00:20:04,600 --> 00:20:07,480
Speaker 1: to God and for fashion too for me, like I

402
00:20:07,600 --> 00:20:10,560
Speaker 1: love doing like fashion. Now it's because I was told

403
00:20:10,600 --> 00:20:13,159
Speaker 1: what to wear. You wear the simple plane things, and

404
00:20:13,200 --> 00:20:15,600
Speaker 1: now I show up in like bizarre, weird, creepy outfit.

405
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Speaker 1: I mean the modesty.

406
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Speaker 4: I had to dress like a fucking like American girl

407
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Speaker 4: doll every day. And if somebody tries to put me

408
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Speaker 4: in something like high like, I'm like, get it off

409
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Speaker 4: of me.

410
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Speaker 1: So yeah, it's it's oh yeah, horrible. Yeah. So and

411
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Speaker 1: on the outside of those homes there, it was like

412
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Speaker 1: a cul de sact that we lived in. So it

413
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Speaker 1: wasn't like the other cults where you go like off

414
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Speaker 1: on down dirt road and there's like a cult. This

415
00:20:40,600 --> 00:20:45,199
Speaker 1: was like mainstream like suburbia, and all of the yards

416
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Speaker 1: and all of the I mean, it was so beautiful

417
00:20:48,119 --> 00:20:51,199
Speaker 1: because he was, you know, a gardening landscaper, right, and

418
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Speaker 1: then they would have like underground tunnels and everything that

419
00:20:53,520 --> 00:20:57,720
Speaker 1: they were building and underground rooms underneath these gardens for

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Speaker 1: the end of the world to come, and we would

421
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Speaker 1: have stockpiles of like so of like guns and bombs

422
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Speaker 1: and like just all kinds of parafernali like not paraphernalia,

423
00:21:09,040 --> 00:21:13,600
Speaker 1: wrong word druggy. They would have like all kinds of

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Speaker 1: like you know, massive firearms.

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Speaker 3: So and when did they Was there a time that

426
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Speaker 3: the end of the world was supposed to happen or

427
00:21:22,119 --> 00:21:23,960
Speaker 3: just in the general near future.

428
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Speaker 1: Just basically, I mean the date would change, like there

429
00:21:27,440 --> 00:21:30,040
Speaker 1: was a time when you know, Warren Jeffs he went

430
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Speaker 1: to the park with everybody, like Warren Jeffs is a

431
00:21:33,960 --> 00:21:36,160
Speaker 1: different profit. Just to so that those who are listening

432
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Speaker 1: don't get confused, I'm talking about the previous, the previous.

433
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Speaker 1: You know, there's so many profits, so many profits. Oh

434
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Speaker 1: and here's what's the funniest part is they all think

435
00:21:44,840 --> 00:21:47,640
Speaker 1: that there were like some reincarnated great person, Like there's

436
00:21:47,640 --> 00:21:50,240
Speaker 1: the prophet that uh after that was that was in

437
00:21:50,280 --> 00:21:54,080
Speaker 1: the Mantai group that said he was a reincarnated Joseph Smith.

438
00:21:54,720 --> 00:21:57,199
Speaker 3: Yeah, my prophet who I believed in also thought I

439
00:21:57,200 --> 00:21:59,719
Speaker 3: can't remember. Maybe he was Brigham Young. He's the reincarnated

440
00:21:59,720 --> 00:22:01,439
Speaker 3: som one and more Minister is your Prophet?

441
00:22:02,800 --> 00:22:06,520
Speaker 1: Okay, that's a funny name for the podcast. Who's Your Prophet?

442
00:22:07,000 --> 00:22:11,080
Speaker 3: Yeah, we believed in a random guy who was unrelated

443
00:22:11,080 --> 00:22:14,000
Speaker 3: to FLDS, but he was a prophet and now he

444
00:22:14,040 --> 00:22:15,480
Speaker 3: has his own, his own group.

445
00:22:15,560 --> 00:22:18,200
Speaker 1: We're leaving him nameless so he doesn't get more attention.

446
00:22:18,320 --> 00:22:23,640
Speaker 1: We don't like to get an insta. Hell e, he's

447
00:22:23,640 --> 00:22:24,560
Speaker 1: a youtubeoga.

448
00:22:25,480 --> 00:22:28,959
Speaker 3: Oh my, I think we've made fun of his YouTube

449
00:22:29,000 --> 00:22:30,200
Speaker 3: on every single episode.

450
00:22:30,280 --> 00:22:33,560
Speaker 1: Now, this is Your Prophet is a great title. That's

451
00:22:33,640 --> 00:22:38,400
Speaker 1: so funny. Yeah, yeah, uh, you know, there was things

452
00:22:38,400 --> 00:22:42,120
Speaker 1: started becoming very strange. Like ever since I was a kid,

453
00:22:42,119 --> 00:22:44,040
Speaker 1: I've always liked to put on shows in my backyard.

454
00:22:44,080 --> 00:22:46,439
Speaker 1: I'm still doing it today, by the way. So they

455
00:22:46,440 --> 00:22:49,280
Speaker 1: would put on shows for the local strippers, and we

456
00:22:49,320 --> 00:22:53,199
Speaker 1: would so lingerie as children, and we would model it

457
00:22:53,240 --> 00:22:57,679
Speaker 1: for the local strippers because the Prophet Arvin wanted to,

458
00:22:58,520 --> 00:23:00,560
Speaker 1: you know, bring in more women and children. A lot

459
00:23:00,560 --> 00:23:02,919
Speaker 1: of strippers are single mothers and they're very broken, and

460
00:23:03,280 --> 00:23:06,320
Speaker 1: all of us kids, we would sew lingerie and we

461
00:23:06,320 --> 00:23:08,120
Speaker 1: would make all these outfits and then we would put

462
00:23:08,160 --> 00:23:10,879
Speaker 1: on shows with dance routines and stuff like that, and

463
00:23:10,880 --> 00:23:13,000
Speaker 1: we'd have like a stripper come visit. We'd reader some

464
00:23:13,040 --> 00:23:16,840
Speaker 1: scriptures the kids, me and the girls that I made

465
00:23:16,880 --> 00:23:18,480
Speaker 1: up the dance routines, and I have to tell you

466
00:23:18,960 --> 00:23:21,200
Speaker 1: they were really good. The music sucked, but wait, what

467
00:23:21,240 --> 00:23:24,600
Speaker 1: was the music? Oh my gosh. We would model lingerie

468
00:23:24,600 --> 00:23:27,119
Speaker 1: as kids to music that was like spiritual hymns, and

469
00:23:27,160 --> 00:23:29,399
Speaker 1: I can tell you nobody can get turned on by

470
00:23:29,480 --> 00:23:32,040
Speaker 1: hymns my God, and I would get I got enough argument.

471
00:23:32,080 --> 00:23:33,639
Speaker 1: I'm like, I heard that song on the way to

472
00:23:33,720 --> 00:23:36,639
Speaker 1: the fabric store, the ooh baby, do you know what

473
00:23:36,720 --> 00:23:40,080
Speaker 1: it's worth? Oh, Heaven is a place on Earth? And

474
00:23:40,119 --> 00:23:43,239
Speaker 1: you were like, weah, Like that's my song. They're like

475
00:23:43,280 --> 00:23:45,359
Speaker 1: this is devil music. I'm like, you're talking about heaven

476
00:23:45,359 --> 00:23:48,399
Speaker 1: on earth. They're like Belinda Carlisle devil music. And I

477
00:23:48,560 --> 00:23:51,399
Speaker 1: was like, that's it. But I wanted that song, you know,

478
00:23:51,560 --> 00:23:54,280
Speaker 1: for the Lingerie show. I mean, I was the kid

479
00:23:54,280 --> 00:23:56,920
Speaker 1: that was modeling lingerie. I should get something that I

480
00:23:56,960 --> 00:23:57,520
Speaker 1: didn't wanted.

481
00:23:57,560 --> 00:24:00,320
Speaker 3: But no, is this group like the FLDS and you

482
00:24:01,359 --> 00:24:04,160
Speaker 3: were all wearing the long dresses and the braided hair

483
00:24:04,359 --> 00:24:06,920
Speaker 3: or was it not as strict as far as wardrobe goes.

484
00:24:07,040 --> 00:24:09,919
Speaker 1: In the FLDS group before the Arbon Treef group, there

485
00:24:09,920 --> 00:24:11,679
Speaker 1: are garments that are worn that are like, you know,

486
00:24:11,800 --> 00:24:13,960
Speaker 1: long sleeves, and we would wear the long gunny sack

487
00:24:14,040 --> 00:24:17,720
Speaker 1: dresses in that group. But in the Arbon Shreef group,

488
00:24:17,720 --> 00:24:19,400
Speaker 1: which is the main group, I spent the most time

489
00:24:19,440 --> 00:24:21,800
Speaker 1: and we didn't wear the long dresses, which was something

490
00:24:21,840 --> 00:24:25,000
Speaker 1: I actually liked. But what we did is we would

491
00:24:25,040 --> 00:24:26,359
Speaker 1: have to go in front of the prophet and he

492
00:24:26,400 --> 00:24:28,720
Speaker 1: would do things like he had a color whell and

493
00:24:28,800 --> 00:24:32,159
Speaker 1: what color we looked best in, how long or short

494
00:24:32,200 --> 00:24:35,800
Speaker 1: our skirts should be? Everything was hand home zone, how

495
00:24:35,800 --> 00:24:39,080
Speaker 1: our shirts should be, what color looks best, and like

496
00:24:39,160 --> 00:24:42,080
Speaker 1: what Heavenly Father thinks is our look. So he was

497
00:24:42,080 --> 00:24:44,680
Speaker 1: like a fashion design He was a fashion designer and

498
00:24:44,880 --> 00:24:50,400
Speaker 1: a gardener. This guy sounds great, I know. Well, actually

499
00:24:50,440 --> 00:24:52,760
Speaker 1: it was actually us kids that were the fashion designers.

500
00:24:52,880 --> 00:24:55,840
Speaker 1: I have to say. I made some really sexy lingerie

501
00:24:55,920 --> 00:24:56,400
Speaker 1: as a kid.

502
00:24:56,560 --> 00:24:58,400
Speaker 4: So you'd bring a stripper in. I mean, the strippers

503
00:24:58,480 --> 00:25:00,520
Speaker 4: must have been like, this is the crazy shit I've

504
00:25:00,520 --> 00:25:03,480
Speaker 4: ever seen. These little kids are like modeling one.

505
00:25:03,600 --> 00:25:05,359
Speaker 1: I was as a kid thinking I'm gonna dance, so

506
00:25:05,400 --> 00:25:07,560
Speaker 1: good for her, she's gonna want to join us. Yeah,

507
00:25:07,600 --> 00:25:11,000
Speaker 1: and what would their reactions usually be, uh, just shock

508
00:25:11,280 --> 00:25:13,880
Speaker 1: looking at us, like did this ever work? It did?

509
00:25:14,119 --> 00:25:16,919
Speaker 1: Oh wow. One of the women who did join, and

510
00:25:16,960 --> 00:25:19,919
Speaker 1: actually it was because of her and her son that

511
00:25:20,000 --> 00:25:22,879
Speaker 1: was there. Her ex husband was concerned about what was

512
00:25:22,920 --> 00:25:24,960
Speaker 1: going on in the group. Her son got raped in

513
00:25:24,960 --> 00:25:28,120
Speaker 1: the group by the prophet and was one of the cases.

514
00:25:28,920 --> 00:25:33,359
Speaker 1: When it actually came down to the end, the FBI

515
00:25:33,440 --> 00:25:37,840
Speaker 1: actually ended up raiding the group and they adults were arrested,

516
00:25:38,200 --> 00:25:40,679
Speaker 1: including many of the women, because the women were the

517
00:25:40,680 --> 00:25:43,000
Speaker 1: ones that would bring the that would teach us things

518
00:25:43,000 --> 00:25:46,000
Speaker 1: as like teach the children games like rape in the

519
00:25:46,080 --> 00:25:48,600
Speaker 1: dark was a game. It was called that the name

520
00:25:48,600 --> 00:25:49,840
Speaker 1: of the game was rape in the dark.

521
00:25:49,920 --> 00:25:53,000
Speaker 3: Oh my god, no son for the rapist, not for

522
00:25:53,040 --> 00:25:55,399
Speaker 3: the leader. So who's who's doing the raping?

523
00:25:55,760 --> 00:25:59,399
Speaker 1: Yeah, well, you know, you pick they do it world

524
00:25:59,440 --> 00:26:01,359
Speaker 1: like a spin will who's the rapist? And then the

525
00:26:01,440 --> 00:26:04,000
Speaker 1: rapist gets to do whatever they want to whoever they want.

526
00:26:04,600 --> 00:26:08,320
Speaker 1: And then the adult women would teach the young girls

527
00:26:08,680 --> 00:26:11,159
Speaker 1: how to do what they called the s w L,

528
00:26:11,240 --> 00:26:14,480
Speaker 1: which is a sexual way of life. So they would

529
00:26:14,520 --> 00:26:18,119
Speaker 1: teach us things like how to please a woman? Where

530
00:26:18,160 --> 00:26:22,880
Speaker 1: are her zones, where are her you know, special parts,

531
00:26:23,160 --> 00:26:25,560
Speaker 1: how do you make her come? What is an orgasmic?

532
00:26:25,760 --> 00:26:28,639
Speaker 1: Blah blah blah. So yeah, they said that the prophet

533
00:26:28,720 --> 00:26:33,120
Speaker 1: himself did not know how to He couldn't like satisfy

534
00:26:33,440 --> 00:26:37,200
Speaker 1: sexually all of the women. Right, Yeah, So the women

535
00:26:37,240 --> 00:26:39,400
Speaker 1: would need to be able to sexually satisfy each other

536
00:26:39,520 --> 00:26:41,640
Speaker 1: because there'd be so many women eventually, you know, by

537
00:26:41,640 --> 00:26:43,919
Speaker 1: the end of the world that he can't get to

538
00:26:43,920 --> 00:26:46,880
Speaker 1: all of them. Wow, that is so fucked up. It is,

539
00:26:47,080 --> 00:26:49,200
Speaker 1: it is. And so when he was arrested, he was

540
00:26:49,320 --> 00:26:53,199
Speaker 1: arrested with, you know, for raping children and sodomy upon children,

541
00:26:53,359 --> 00:26:57,120
Speaker 1: and then also for a pedastripe for raping a little boy,

542
00:26:57,160 --> 00:27:01,240
Speaker 1: because they would start teaching little boys things too, and

543
00:27:01,280 --> 00:27:03,120
Speaker 1: they would try to mess with your mind as well

544
00:27:03,160 --> 00:27:06,120
Speaker 1: with the adults, like they would say things like this,

545
00:27:06,359 --> 00:27:13,000
Speaker 1: these children are actually in heaven. They were your adult sisters.

546
00:27:13,320 --> 00:27:16,280
Speaker 1: They're not sisters in this world. And then they're twins

547
00:27:16,320 --> 00:27:18,000
Speaker 1: and they're older than you and heaven and their names

548
00:27:18,000 --> 00:27:21,439
Speaker 1: are different. Like they just really like mix everything up.

549
00:27:21,480 --> 00:27:23,240
Speaker 1: So you're very confused. I don't even know. Yeah, I

550
00:27:23,240 --> 00:27:24,600
Speaker 1: don't even know. I'm confused by that.

551
00:27:24,760 --> 00:27:27,800
Speaker 4: Yeah, but I'm like, so are these women who are

552
00:27:27,800 --> 00:27:32,160
Speaker 4: teaching you. Let's do they look like like strict like people.

553
00:27:32,400 --> 00:27:34,399
Speaker 1: They look like what you would see as like a

554
00:27:34,960 --> 00:27:39,000
Speaker 1: very conservative woman walking down the street. Share Sharon cap

555
00:27:39,280 --> 00:27:41,879
Speaker 1: I actually have a little bit of a resentment towards her,

556
00:27:41,920 --> 00:27:44,800
Speaker 1: I should probably work on that. But because she took

557
00:27:44,840 --> 00:27:47,120
Speaker 1: the things away from me that were important and send

558
00:27:47,200 --> 00:27:49,600
Speaker 1: me off to be raped by a prophet, I don't

559
00:27:49,600 --> 00:27:51,919
Speaker 1: forgive her because she also put in the news that

560
00:27:51,960 --> 00:27:53,840
Speaker 1: she was used as a scapegoat, that she didn't do

561
00:27:53,880 --> 00:27:56,000
Speaker 1: any of that. Uh huh. And I was like because

562
00:27:56,040 --> 00:27:59,880
Speaker 1: when she went to prison, but she was very much

563
00:28:00,040 --> 00:28:02,520
Speaker 1: in charge of the sexual way of life and it

564
00:28:02,560 --> 00:28:05,760
Speaker 1: was her job in the group to have lessons every

565
00:28:05,800 --> 00:28:09,080
Speaker 1: day to teach each person a thing. Now every day, Yeah,

566
00:28:09,080 --> 00:28:11,560
Speaker 1: they're different lessons, like you know and so and then

567
00:28:11,600 --> 00:28:14,359
Speaker 1: we would be sent off to bed like with another

568
00:28:14,440 --> 00:28:18,719
Speaker 1: child or with another woman and you know, told to

569
00:28:18,760 --> 00:28:22,480
Speaker 1: have a sexual way of life. So wow, I had

570
00:28:22,520 --> 00:28:24,440
Speaker 1: a little I had a friend that I hadn't grown

571
00:28:24,520 --> 00:28:26,160
Speaker 1: up with. And I'll just leave her name out of this.

572
00:28:26,440 --> 00:28:28,680
Speaker 1: She'd never find this or listen. But still, for her sake,

573
00:28:28,720 --> 00:28:30,760
Speaker 1: on sleave her name out. That grew up that was

574
00:28:30,760 --> 00:28:32,679
Speaker 1: in the cult with me, that we grew up together,

575
00:28:33,200 --> 00:28:36,600
Speaker 1: and her family and my family were friends. And I

576
00:28:36,680 --> 00:28:39,320
Speaker 1: had such a crush on her brother because he was

577
00:28:39,320 --> 00:28:41,600
Speaker 1: like older than me, a boy, but he wasn't in

578
00:28:41,640 --> 00:28:45,640
Speaker 1: the group because you know, he laughed. And anyway, so

579
00:28:45,920 --> 00:28:48,400
Speaker 1: they would force us to make out and this is

580
00:28:48,440 --> 00:28:50,920
Speaker 1: my friend, so you and the girl. Yeah, and so

581
00:28:50,960 --> 00:28:53,040
Speaker 1: I would be like, okay, I'm just going to pretend

582
00:28:53,080 --> 00:28:55,760
Speaker 1: like your your brother and I would just pretend like

583
00:28:55,800 --> 00:28:57,440
Speaker 1: she was her brother because I had such a crush

584
00:28:57,480 --> 00:29:01,480
Speaker 1: on her brother's sad. I mean, it's all very sad.

585
00:29:01,560 --> 00:29:03,960
Speaker 1: But what's what's sadder is that she also had to

586
00:29:04,000 --> 00:29:07,760
Speaker 1: make out with her sister, but her real sister, and

587
00:29:07,800 --> 00:29:09,880
Speaker 1: so there was a there's been a lot of like

588
00:29:10,560 --> 00:29:14,520
Speaker 1: trauma and therapy all around that for them too.

589
00:29:15,080 --> 00:29:19,520
Speaker 3: So wow, So how was this all? Like was the

590
00:29:19,600 --> 00:29:22,920
Speaker 3: profit observing all of this? Like was this for his pleasure?

591
00:29:23,080 --> 00:29:25,840
Speaker 1: Yeah, he would watch, but the well, like the rape

592
00:29:25,840 --> 00:29:27,640
Speaker 1: in the dark that would happen like when he's off

593
00:29:27,680 --> 00:29:30,560
Speaker 1: doing something else, and different women would have different turns

594
00:29:30,600 --> 00:29:34,360
Speaker 1: spending the night with him and stuff like that. So yeah,

595
00:29:34,360 --> 00:29:36,720
Speaker 1: we would just uh, you know, and then they would

596
00:29:36,760 --> 00:29:39,880
Speaker 1: have a schedule. It's your your turn to go here,

597
00:29:39,960 --> 00:29:43,120
Speaker 1: which you have to go there. Everybody has schedule for everything.

598
00:29:43,560 --> 00:29:47,240
Speaker 1: After the group, after the group was rated and everybody,

599
00:29:47,240 --> 00:29:49,959
Speaker 1: you know, the FBI came in and everybody and they

600
00:29:49,960 --> 00:29:52,240
Speaker 1: didn't know what to do with me because the last

601
00:29:52,400 --> 00:29:56,120
Speaker 1: my parents had left me there, so twelve, oh you

602
00:29:56,200 --> 00:29:59,160
Speaker 1: know I was fourteen at that then wow. So they

603
00:30:00,920 --> 00:30:02,720
Speaker 1: and then I I and they like take took me.

604
00:30:02,760 --> 00:30:04,720
Speaker 1: And it's like I didn't have a birth certificate, I

605
00:30:04,760 --> 00:30:08,080
Speaker 1: didn't have like anything social Security number. I hadn't been

606
00:30:08,120 --> 00:30:10,680
Speaker 1: to public school. What's the Times table? What do you mean?

607
00:30:10,680 --> 00:30:13,800
Speaker 1: A holocaust of what? What's that look? People didn't go

608
00:30:13,840 --> 00:30:15,960
Speaker 1: to the moon? You guys? That's it was a video

609
00:30:16,520 --> 00:30:18,720
Speaker 1: so I made it so you'd believe it. It's propaganda

610
00:30:18,880 --> 00:30:22,680
Speaker 1: and like, oh dinosaurs, yeah right, they never existed. I

611
00:30:22,680 --> 00:30:25,960
Speaker 1: mean I was like, you know, a mess. So I

612
00:30:26,000 --> 00:30:28,880
Speaker 1: showed up to like foster care in New Mexico. They

613
00:30:28,920 --> 00:30:31,360
Speaker 1: sent me to the state of New Mexico and made

614
00:30:31,400 --> 00:30:36,320
Speaker 1: New Mexico my official parents, so wow. Yeah, and then

615
00:30:36,360 --> 00:30:38,760
Speaker 1: I went through ten different foster homes back to back

616
00:30:38,840 --> 00:30:42,320
Speaker 1: immediately because I was just like such a mess. I

617
00:30:42,360 --> 00:30:45,800
Speaker 1: mean I walked, I walked into my foster home and

618
00:30:45,920 --> 00:30:49,760
Speaker 1: I had a lovely, uh woman or young girl who

619
00:30:49,840 --> 00:30:51,840
Speaker 1: was my roommate there, and she was black, and I

620
00:30:51,880 --> 00:30:53,520
Speaker 1: proceeded to let her know that she could be my

621
00:30:53,600 --> 00:30:57,680
Speaker 1: slave in heaven. I mean, because it was what I

622
00:30:57,760 --> 00:31:00,440
Speaker 1: was taught, and I had no idea that if anything,

623
00:31:00,920 --> 00:31:05,000
Speaker 1: And how ridiculous and and and ignorant I was. And

624
00:31:05,040 --> 00:31:07,280
Speaker 1: then I was thrown into high school and then they're

625
00:31:07,280 --> 00:31:10,160
Speaker 1: doing like algebra and calculus on the board and I

626
00:31:10,200 --> 00:31:13,560
Speaker 1: do not even know how to do mathematics basic. And

627
00:31:14,160 --> 00:31:16,040
Speaker 1: I knew how to read really well because I could

628
00:31:16,080 --> 00:31:20,440
Speaker 1: read the scriptures, and but and and history. They made

629
00:31:20,480 --> 00:31:21,920
Speaker 1: up the history that I was supposed to be taught.

630
00:31:21,920 --> 00:31:23,960
Speaker 1: So I was homeschooled but not really taught anything. We

631
00:31:24,080 --> 00:31:27,560
Speaker 1: just had recess. Like I was thinking to you, Megan earlier,

632
00:31:27,600 --> 00:31:30,840
Speaker 1: I was like lots of recess. So I'd never helped

633
00:31:30,840 --> 00:31:33,640
Speaker 1: anybody because I kind of went into undercover right away after,

634
00:31:33,760 --> 00:31:35,560
Speaker 1: Like I'm not going to tell anybody I was raised

635
00:31:35,560 --> 00:31:39,240
Speaker 1: in a cult. How embarrassing because my parents were. This

636
00:31:39,400 --> 00:31:41,280
Speaker 1: wasn't the only cult that my parents were in, Like

637
00:31:41,520 --> 00:31:43,479
Speaker 1: we had lived in previous groups like one up in

638
00:31:43,520 --> 00:31:48,240
Speaker 1: Montana we lived in with in Pinestale, Montana, then where

639
00:31:48,360 --> 00:31:51,280
Speaker 1: we were in the FLDS, and then we were it's

640
00:31:51,320 --> 00:31:55,280
Speaker 1: like and then my my parents ended up in the

641
00:31:55,400 --> 00:31:59,280
Speaker 1: very last one, which was in uh, where's that Manti

642
00:31:59,400 --> 00:32:02,080
Speaker 1: Utah and that prophet has died, and that was another

643
00:32:02,080 --> 00:32:02,680
Speaker 1: break off groups.

644
00:32:02,680 --> 00:32:04,040
Speaker 4: Like it's like, do you are you still in contact

645
00:32:04,080 --> 00:32:05,360
Speaker 4: with them?

646
00:32:05,520 --> 00:32:07,880
Speaker 1: Well, my mom, who was in the group died and

647
00:32:07,920 --> 00:32:09,600
Speaker 1: my dad, who was kicked out of the group, is

648
00:32:09,680 --> 00:32:15,000
Speaker 1: now living in Hawaii and he was rebaptized Mormon because

649
00:32:15,000 --> 00:32:17,560
Speaker 1: he got away from the polygamy stuff, and so now

650
00:32:17,560 --> 00:32:20,720
Speaker 1: he's a Mormon, but he's still crazy. He never did

651
00:32:20,800 --> 00:32:26,400
Speaker 1: pick up any other wives. He was never worthy enough. No,

652
00:32:26,520 --> 00:32:29,680
Speaker 1: he was just like he defied authority. Yeah, and that's

653
00:32:29,680 --> 00:32:31,480
Speaker 1: why I think why we got into it in the

654
00:32:31,480 --> 00:32:36,120
Speaker 1: first place, and the reason my parents left me there

655
00:32:36,200 --> 00:32:39,080
Speaker 1: is I was just like I was such a problem

656
00:32:39,200 --> 00:32:42,920
Speaker 1: child from being adopted and from always feeling different anyway,

657
00:32:43,040 --> 00:32:45,840
Speaker 1: that I was always seeking more than the average girl.

658
00:32:46,200 --> 00:32:47,720
Speaker 1: So when I was in the group, I was like

659
00:32:47,840 --> 00:32:50,160
Speaker 1: still seeking outside when I shouldn't be. I was watching

660
00:32:50,200 --> 00:32:52,280
Speaker 1: what other people were doing, like when we would go

661
00:32:52,320 --> 00:32:56,280
Speaker 1: to the Fabric Sword. I wanted to be like other people. Yeah,

662
00:32:56,280 --> 00:32:58,240
Speaker 1: but we were very limited on what we could watch.

663
00:32:58,320 --> 00:33:01,880
Speaker 1: We couldn't watch TV, we couldn't watch videos or movies

664
00:33:01,920 --> 00:33:04,760
Speaker 1: except for approved movies that they would pick out for us,

665
00:33:04,760 --> 00:33:07,320
Speaker 1: like the prophet picked out like Summer Lovers with Daryl Hannah.

666
00:33:07,480 --> 00:33:11,680
Speaker 1: We could watch that dirty Dancing. We got to watch that, Yeah,

667
00:33:11,800 --> 00:33:16,560
Speaker 1: dirty dancing. I guess, well no, because it was like, really,

668
00:33:16,760 --> 00:33:18,680
Speaker 1: if it were to be written the right way, then

669
00:33:19,000 --> 00:33:23,400
Speaker 1: Johnny really loves Penny and Baby. We loved both women,

670
00:33:24,000 --> 00:33:26,680
Speaker 1: and remember that beautiful scene where they're all three dancing together.

671
00:33:26,920 --> 00:33:30,480
Speaker 1: That's how it's really supposed to be. It been, Yeah,

672
00:33:30,520 --> 00:33:33,200
Speaker 1: and then you know, like Johnny wanted Baby and Penny

673
00:33:33,280 --> 00:33:35,680
Speaker 1: in the corner, and it really was an abortion because

674
00:33:36,240 --> 00:33:38,000
Speaker 1: you know, she was pregnant by him, and that's how

675
00:33:38,040 --> 00:33:42,360
Speaker 1: it should have been. So is fascinating. Yeah, and then

676
00:33:42,400 --> 00:33:45,480
Speaker 1: Dolly Parton. We could watch Dolly Parton because even though

677
00:33:45,520 --> 00:33:48,120
Speaker 1: she didn't know it, she was part of our group too,

678
00:33:48,200 --> 00:33:51,400
Speaker 1: just in Heaven before we came to Earth, and on

679
00:33:51,440 --> 00:33:54,600
Speaker 1: Earth she was told, oh my God, and our prophet

680
00:33:54,600 --> 00:33:57,040
Speaker 1: told us he's like, but on earth she was given

681
00:33:57,160 --> 00:33:59,560
Speaker 1: a job of no purpose, but she'll be with us

682
00:33:59,600 --> 00:34:01,200
Speaker 1: after we I'll die. And I was like, I want

683
00:34:01,200 --> 00:34:04,120
Speaker 1: a job with no purpose. Yeah, I want to be

684
00:34:04,320 --> 00:34:05,320
Speaker 1: just like Dolly Parton.

685
00:34:05,480 --> 00:34:07,720
Speaker 3: Should we Let's let's tell Dolly Parton.

686
00:34:07,960 --> 00:34:09,920
Speaker 1: Yeah. So I was like Dolly Parton doesn't even know

687
00:34:09,960 --> 00:34:13,160
Speaker 1: that she's going to go to the highest planet with us.

688
00:34:13,920 --> 00:34:19,480
Speaker 1: A lucky she has no clue. I mean, she doesn't

689
00:34:19,480 --> 00:34:21,160
Speaker 1: even know that she was part of our group. Some

690
00:34:21,200 --> 00:34:24,799
Speaker 1: people have it all. Wait till I tell her how

691
00:34:24,800 --> 00:34:27,040
Speaker 1: many wives did this guy? What does his name? And keep?

692
00:34:27,560 --> 00:34:30,560
Speaker 1: His name is Arvin Arvin Shreve, Yeah, shriek. You know

693
00:34:30,560 --> 00:34:32,920
Speaker 1: what a sexy name that is? Arvin Vin?

694
00:34:35,040 --> 00:34:35,279
Speaker 4: Yeah.

695
00:34:35,320 --> 00:34:37,120
Speaker 1: I mean if you look at pictures of that guy,

696
00:34:37,239 --> 00:34:40,440
Speaker 1: can you imagine, well, okay, spell his last name s

697
00:34:40,719 --> 00:34:45,719
Speaker 1: h R E E v E Arvin Shreeve, Like, who

698
00:34:45,760 --> 00:34:47,600
Speaker 1: would want to do that guy?

699
00:34:47,760 --> 00:34:51,200
Speaker 3: He looks like an old, balding, chubby man with glasses.

700
00:34:51,320 --> 00:34:54,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, and he smells like grass because he's a gardener

701
00:34:55,040 --> 00:34:59,000
Speaker 1: and not the good kind. Here's the thing about cult leaders, too,

702
00:34:59,080 --> 00:35:03,200
Speaker 1: is there not like the big atrocious, like big grand

703
00:35:03,280 --> 00:35:06,520
Speaker 1: personalities that you just would think of as a cult leader.

704
00:35:06,840 --> 00:35:09,720
Speaker 1: They're the nice guys that are like like Warren Jeffs.

705
00:35:09,760 --> 00:35:12,040
Speaker 1: He would put people to sleep with his tone like, oh,

706
00:35:12,080 --> 00:35:14,000
Speaker 1: I'm going to talk to you about this for hours

707
00:35:14,040 --> 00:35:15,719
Speaker 1: like this, and the same time I was just talking

708
00:35:15,719 --> 00:35:20,680
Speaker 1: about this. He's so boring. It's been brainwashing Arvin Shreeve.

709
00:35:20,960 --> 00:35:25,040
Speaker 1: He was the nicest, sweetest old man that would just

710
00:35:25,040 --> 00:35:31,680
Speaker 1: talk so sweet, Oh, this is so nice scriptures and

711
00:35:31,719 --> 00:35:34,279
Speaker 1: it was. Yeah, it was very very very creepy. Yeah,

712
00:35:34,320 --> 00:35:37,160
Speaker 1: but I just but because he was the one that

713
00:35:37,160 --> 00:35:40,440
Speaker 1: everybody was trying to get approval from around me, then

714
00:35:40,520 --> 00:35:42,319
Speaker 1: you before you know it, you're like, but hey, did

715
00:35:42,320 --> 00:35:44,120
Speaker 1: you see me? Did you notice me? Look at me?

716
00:35:44,200 --> 00:35:46,400
Speaker 1: Look at me. You want to be you want to

717
00:35:46,440 --> 00:35:48,200
Speaker 1: stand out totally the prophet.

718
00:35:48,239 --> 00:35:50,960
Speaker 4: You're like doing a one person talent show for arving exact.

719
00:35:51,160 --> 00:35:53,080
Speaker 1: And also, but these and there were how many wives?

720
00:35:53,280 --> 00:35:57,000
Speaker 1: Oh there are? To answer your question, it just depends

721
00:35:57,000 --> 00:36:00,719
Speaker 1: on if you count the children too, like, because they

722
00:36:00,760 --> 00:36:02,680
Speaker 1: had children wives that were supposed to grow up and

723
00:36:02,719 --> 00:36:05,120
Speaker 1: to become his wives, right, and they were teaching those

724
00:36:05,239 --> 00:36:07,640
Speaker 1: children as young as four years old sexual way of

725
00:36:07,680 --> 00:36:13,960
Speaker 1: life too. So god, he I'm just guessing like twenty wives,

726
00:36:14,440 --> 00:36:17,520
Speaker 1: just guessing twenty to thirty and then a lot more

727
00:36:17,640 --> 00:36:20,000
Speaker 1: then the other guy probably had about like twenty to thirty.

728
00:36:20,120 --> 00:36:23,440
Speaker 1: It wasn't a huge group this one. It was a

729
00:36:23,480 --> 00:36:27,640
Speaker 1: lot of lives that were destroyed because of what Arvind did.

730
00:36:28,160 --> 00:36:31,880
Speaker 1: Do you forgive the women more than him. No, yeah,

731
00:36:32,440 --> 00:36:34,560
Speaker 1: I don't. I forgive him more than the women say

732
00:36:34,640 --> 00:36:39,440
Speaker 1: more because I don't think that men are like already

733
00:36:39,480 --> 00:36:42,720
Speaker 1: necessarily messed up. But there's there should be a trust

734
00:36:43,840 --> 00:36:46,360
Speaker 1: between women to take care of each other, I think.

735
00:36:46,520 --> 00:36:52,880
Speaker 1: And the women used their soft, feminine, motherly maternal instincts

736
00:36:53,120 --> 00:36:54,799
Speaker 1: and turned it on its head to turn it into

737
00:36:54,840 --> 00:37:00,080
Speaker 1: something sexual, which was really sick and really really wrong.

738
00:37:00,120 --> 00:37:05,520
Speaker 1: And I forgave Sherry Sharon right away, who because she

739
00:37:05,680 --> 00:37:07,719
Speaker 1: was one who raped me and who sent me to

740
00:37:07,719 --> 00:37:11,560
Speaker 1: be raped by Arvin Shreeve and taught the sexual way

741
00:37:11,600 --> 00:37:13,880
Speaker 1: of life to all of the children and ran the games.

742
00:37:13,920 --> 00:37:19,520
Speaker 1: And so I had a big like forgive forgiveness streak

743
00:37:19,560 --> 00:37:22,759
Speaker 1: for her years ago, Like how sad for her. She

744
00:37:22,840 --> 00:37:26,120
Speaker 1: must have been really you know, brainwashed too, because she

745
00:37:26,280 --> 00:37:28,920
Speaker 1: was really into it and leading it. And then when

746
00:37:28,920 --> 00:37:32,279
Speaker 1: I read an article online about her saying that she

747
00:37:32,320 --> 00:37:35,960
Speaker 1: was a scapegoat and knowing how much she really didn't

748
00:37:36,000 --> 00:37:38,319
Speaker 1: knowing she didn't even get prosecuted for what she did

749
00:37:38,360 --> 00:37:41,520
Speaker 1: to me because she didn't I did not tell I

750
00:37:41,640 --> 00:37:45,799
Speaker 1: was the one of the There were about well twelve

751
00:37:45,840 --> 00:37:49,120
Speaker 1: adults were arrested, and and then a lot of children

752
00:37:49,200 --> 00:37:51,680
Speaker 1: had to go to court, and I refuse. I didn't.

753
00:37:51,880 --> 00:37:54,680
Speaker 1: I said nothing because I was like I was still loyal.

754
00:37:55,320 --> 00:37:57,440
Speaker 1: I was off in foster care in New Mexico, thinking

755
00:37:57,480 --> 00:37:59,279
Speaker 1: I still hope I can get to heaven even though

756
00:37:59,320 --> 00:38:02,520
Speaker 1: I'm having a black here in public school. Right as

757
00:38:02,560 --> 00:38:05,439
Speaker 1: soon as I get out of foster care, I'm going back. Yeah, Like.

758
00:38:07,320 --> 00:38:11,239
Speaker 3: To what extent do you think he was directing her

759
00:38:11,400 --> 00:38:13,160
Speaker 3: to do these things?

760
00:38:13,200 --> 00:38:15,680
Speaker 1: But I think that she was also encouraging it, as

761
00:38:16,640 --> 00:38:23,200
Speaker 1: I'm really she's co signing his his crap basically, yeah,

762
00:38:23,239 --> 00:38:25,840
Speaker 1: And that's the same as it in like the Elizabeth

763
00:38:26,160 --> 00:38:29,440
Speaker 1: Elizabeth Smart that was kidnapped and they're like, well, what

764
00:38:29,520 --> 00:38:33,000
Speaker 1: about the wife. I blame her more than even the

765
00:38:33,040 --> 00:38:37,440
Speaker 1: guy that kidnapped her, because a woman seeing what's happening

766
00:38:37,640 --> 00:38:42,200
Speaker 1: to this young girl and not stopping it, it's just

767
00:38:42,280 --> 00:38:43,800
Speaker 1: even it's even worse.

768
00:38:44,719 --> 00:38:50,880
Speaker 3: I tend to have empathy for, just generally speaking, people

769
00:38:50,920 --> 00:38:55,480
Speaker 3: who make choices while they are brainwashed that they would

770
00:38:55,600 --> 00:39:01,200
Speaker 3: never make otherwise, only because like when I believed in

771
00:39:01,440 --> 00:39:04,120
Speaker 3: my dude, Like I was a kid, obviously, but like

772
00:39:05,040 --> 00:39:07,520
Speaker 3: I could easily have grown up and still bleed in

773
00:39:07,520 --> 00:39:08,080
Speaker 3: that guy.

774
00:39:07,960 --> 00:39:11,120
Speaker 1: And would have done anything because I thought that I

775
00:39:11,400 --> 00:39:11,839
Speaker 1: had to.

776
00:39:12,560 --> 00:39:16,239
Speaker 3: I had to or I would be separated from my

777
00:39:16,360 --> 00:39:19,000
Speaker 3: family in heaven, I would never see them again. I

778
00:39:19,040 --> 00:39:22,759
Speaker 3: would like burn forever for all eternity. And this is

779
00:39:22,800 --> 00:39:25,520
Speaker 3: what God demanded of me. And it's a test. It

780
00:39:25,600 --> 00:39:28,840
Speaker 3: was always a test, you know, like Abraham and Isaac,

781
00:39:28,960 --> 00:39:31,640
Speaker 3: like if you don't do this horrible thing. And that's

782
00:39:31,880 --> 00:39:34,279
Speaker 3: and that's how my mom got put into sex trafficking.

783
00:39:34,440 --> 00:39:37,759
Speaker 3: Like she would never she was like she was the

784
00:39:37,760 --> 00:39:40,720
Speaker 3: most like she was such a good Molly and Mormon.

785
00:39:41,040 --> 00:39:42,719
Speaker 1: You know, a lot of these women that came in

786
00:39:42,760 --> 00:39:47,400
Speaker 1: were very pure ex Mormons, or you know, they had

787
00:39:47,480 --> 00:39:49,560
Speaker 1: gone through a divorce or something had happened in their

788
00:39:49,560 --> 00:39:51,759
Speaker 1: life where they were off their step. Yeah, you know.

789
00:39:52,080 --> 00:39:55,240
Speaker 3: And that's not to say there's ever ever an excuse

790
00:39:55,400 --> 00:39:58,120
Speaker 3: for abusing a child, of course, or abusing anyone. But

791
00:39:58,200 --> 00:39:59,799
Speaker 3: I just would be hesitant to say that I blame

792
00:39:59,840 --> 00:40:03,480
Speaker 3: the person who's under the spell of coercive control more

793
00:40:03,719 --> 00:40:06,359
Speaker 3: than the person who is coercively controlling them.

794
00:40:06,480 --> 00:40:09,960
Speaker 1: Also, I mean my parents were crazy, I mean for sure,

795
00:40:10,360 --> 00:40:14,799
Speaker 1: but even as crazy as they were, they left, you know, right,

796
00:40:15,080 --> 00:40:17,440
Speaker 1: So yeah, my dad's all, I've been kicked out of

797
00:40:17,520 --> 00:40:18,720
Speaker 1: worse cults than this before.

798
00:40:20,680 --> 00:40:24,880
Speaker 3: Your dad sounds fascinating because he's he's so resistant to authority,

799
00:40:24,960 --> 00:40:28,400
Speaker 3: but then keeps looking for authority in all these different places.

800
00:40:28,440 --> 00:40:31,319
Speaker 1: But he would never accept anyone else's authority ever. He

801
00:40:31,360 --> 00:40:33,839
Speaker 1: got kicked out of so many cults three four, four

802
00:40:33,880 --> 00:40:34,879
Speaker 1: cults he got kicked out.

803
00:40:34,800 --> 00:40:38,400
Speaker 3: Of pretty fantastic and then all for being like rebellious.

804
00:40:37,800 --> 00:40:40,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, and for questioning this and for going up against

805
00:40:40,960 --> 00:40:42,440
Speaker 1: the prophet, whoever the prophet was.

806
00:40:42,600 --> 00:40:47,680
Speaker 4: I feel like he's like the big Lebowski of cults,

807
00:40:47,560 --> 00:40:52,719
Speaker 4: like so many problems. Yeah, nope, Wow, Yeah, Do you

808
00:40:52,760 --> 00:40:53,520
Speaker 4: still talk to him?

809
00:40:53,840 --> 00:40:56,239
Speaker 1: I do. I actually went to Hawaii for the first

810
00:40:56,280 --> 00:40:58,920
Speaker 1: time to see him. I had not seen him in

811
00:40:58,960 --> 00:41:01,040
Speaker 1: over a decade. I had a lot of anger towards

812
00:41:01,120 --> 00:41:03,640
Speaker 1: him when I was younger, because I just I hated

813
00:41:03,719 --> 00:41:08,120
Speaker 1: him for abusing me, not sexually. He did not abuse

814
00:41:08,120 --> 00:41:12,640
Speaker 1: me sexually. He abused me and my sisters though emotionally physically,

815
00:41:12,680 --> 00:41:15,279
Speaker 1: and he definitely neglected us because we were like living

816
00:41:15,320 --> 00:41:21,000
Speaker 1: and off the grid. So but he's so much older

817
00:41:21,000 --> 00:41:22,920
Speaker 1: now and I went back and he started talking of

818
00:41:23,000 --> 00:41:25,239
Speaker 1: about all these crazy weird things he still believes in.

819
00:41:25,360 --> 00:41:27,200
Speaker 1: And now I just see him as an old man

820
00:41:27,280 --> 00:41:30,600
Speaker 1: rambling and the things he says. The things he says

821
00:41:30,760 --> 00:41:34,279
Speaker 1: is that sounds word like, the word sounds worse, the

822
00:41:35,600 --> 00:41:39,919
Speaker 1: thing sounds weird. The word sounds weird anyway, So that's

823
00:41:39,920 --> 00:41:43,040
Speaker 1: cool top of that.

824
00:41:43,480 --> 00:41:46,440
Speaker 3: Yeah, do you have empathy for him, for for all,

825
00:41:46,640 --> 00:41:48,000
Speaker 3: for putting you through all of that?

826
00:41:48,560 --> 00:41:53,640
Speaker 1: Yes? Yeah. For my parents, yes, they were. They were uneducated,

827
00:41:54,760 --> 00:41:58,920
Speaker 1: ignorant seekers of truth. They really thought that they were

828
00:41:58,960 --> 00:42:04,799
Speaker 1: finding true. They never ever, my parents never ever thought

829
00:42:04,840 --> 00:42:07,439
Speaker 1: about like getting involved in some kind of word sexual thing. Ever,

830
00:42:08,000 --> 00:42:11,560
Speaker 1: that's not them. They were. They went because they believed

831
00:42:11,600 --> 00:42:14,399
Speaker 1: in a higher truth. They were searching for something. They

832
00:42:14,400 --> 00:42:18,200
Speaker 1: were searching for purpose, and everybody is searching for purpose.

833
00:42:18,239 --> 00:42:20,279
Speaker 1: If you have somebody that has a stronger opinion than

834
00:42:20,320 --> 00:42:22,359
Speaker 1: you that comes in and says, I believe in this

835
00:42:22,680 --> 00:42:24,400
Speaker 1: and this is the way it is, and you're looking,

836
00:42:24,560 --> 00:42:27,759
Speaker 1: You're like, they probably know because they really seem to

837
00:42:27,760 --> 00:42:28,840
Speaker 1: believe it totally.

838
00:42:28,880 --> 00:42:33,320
Speaker 4: That's how I get roped into, like, oh, relationships with narcissist.

839
00:42:33,360 --> 00:42:36,320
Speaker 1: So that's the strongest belief system is the one louder

840
00:42:36,400 --> 00:42:39,240
Speaker 1: about it. Totally, totally. I mean that's why Donald Trump

841
00:42:39,320 --> 00:42:42,720
Speaker 1: is president. I know. Yeah, but they're teaching the children

842
00:42:42,760 --> 00:42:46,000
Speaker 1: there to believe in that, you know the craziest things.

843
00:42:46,200 --> 00:42:49,520
Speaker 1: They're teaching children how to become strippers. And and I

844
00:42:49,600 --> 00:42:53,120
Speaker 1: became one because I knew how so shocking.

845
00:42:53,280 --> 00:42:56,560
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's like, so you were in you were in

846
00:42:56,600 --> 00:42:58,120
Speaker 3: with them for two years.

847
00:42:57,960 --> 00:43:00,360
Speaker 1: You know, it was a couple years longer than that.

848
00:43:00,480 --> 00:43:04,520
Speaker 1: It was about four years, so I was about eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen.

849
00:43:05,400 --> 00:43:05,600
Speaker 4: Yeah.

850
00:43:06,280 --> 00:43:11,200
Speaker 1: Ugh, And he was raping you during this like yeah, period, yes,

851
00:43:11,239 --> 00:43:14,280
Speaker 1: but I don't remember like multiple rapes. Yeah, I remember

852
00:43:14,360 --> 00:43:17,680
Speaker 1: a couple of specific instances with him, Like I remember

853
00:43:17,960 --> 00:43:24,040
Speaker 1: a rape specific where, but it it wasn't a traumatizing, big,

854
00:43:24,120 --> 00:43:28,280
Speaker 1: scary rape like you would think, well, because that's your prophet.

855
00:43:28,520 --> 00:43:31,080
Speaker 1: He was a prophet. He was like that, soft and gentle,

856
00:43:31,120 --> 00:43:33,440
Speaker 1: and he had a very very small penis, and so

857
00:43:34,800 --> 00:43:40,680
Speaker 1: because of that, I wasn't deeply hurt physically, Like I

858
00:43:40,719 --> 00:43:42,880
Speaker 1: wasn't hurt physically to the point of where I felt,

859
00:43:44,440 --> 00:43:46,560
Speaker 1: you know, broken down and everything the next day from

860
00:43:46,640 --> 00:43:49,080
Speaker 1: him taking virginity and all of that. I wasn't like that.

861
00:43:49,200 --> 00:43:55,200
Speaker 1: I was like that was it. And but while it

862
00:43:55,239 --> 00:43:58,040
Speaker 1: was happening, I remember looking up and seeing like lace

863
00:43:58,120 --> 00:44:00,720
Speaker 1: curtains on the walls and just thinking like like why

864
00:44:01,000 --> 00:44:03,759
Speaker 1: do I have to do this to get to heaven? Yeah?

865
00:44:04,040 --> 00:44:06,440
Speaker 1: And why? And I was kind of like, well, it's

866
00:44:06,480 --> 00:44:09,560
Speaker 1: a test to see if you can be with somebody

867
00:44:09,560 --> 00:44:12,279
Speaker 1: who's not attractive and who is old enough to be

868
00:44:12,320 --> 00:44:16,239
Speaker 1: your grandfather. It's a test. And I was like, I'm

869
00:44:16,280 --> 00:44:19,160
Speaker 1: gonna pass this test. I'm gonna make him my I'm

870
00:44:19,200 --> 00:44:22,480
Speaker 1: he's gonna love me the most. And I'm like a kid,

871
00:44:22,840 --> 00:44:25,200
Speaker 1: and looking back at pictures of me as a kid,

872
00:44:25,239 --> 00:44:28,200
Speaker 1: like I was a kid. I was never I didn't

873
00:44:28,239 --> 00:44:30,800
Speaker 1: develop early. I developed late. I didn't have a period

874
00:44:30,880 --> 00:44:33,239
Speaker 1: until I was like almost eighteen, Like I was a

875
00:44:33,320 --> 00:44:37,399
Speaker 1: late developer. That's so fucking horrible. And I moved until

876
00:44:37,440 --> 00:44:41,880
Speaker 1: I bought him in Florida.

877
00:44:43,000 --> 00:44:48,560
Speaker 3: I'm sorry that happened. That's really awful. Thought that guy forever. Yeah,

878
00:44:48,719 --> 00:44:51,000
Speaker 3: I mean, but the thing about it is is that

879
00:44:51,080 --> 00:44:54,799
Speaker 3: it's okay. And that's the part that I never have

880
00:44:54,880 --> 00:44:57,280
Speaker 3: even I haven't even said that before right until this moment,

881
00:44:57,640 --> 00:44:59,560
Speaker 3: Like I've been on Good Morning America and I've been

882
00:44:59,560 --> 00:45:01,759
Speaker 3: on news shows all over the place, and it's always like,

883
00:45:02,040 --> 00:45:05,560
Speaker 3: here's the horrible traumatic story, and oh, you're okay, and

884
00:45:05,640 --> 00:45:08,239
Speaker 3: it's a lot of trauma. And there are things that

885
00:45:08,280 --> 00:45:10,440
Speaker 3: have happened in my life to me that were worse

886
00:45:10,480 --> 00:45:11,600
Speaker 3: than that, But.

887
00:45:14,160 --> 00:45:17,720
Speaker 1: That was something that I kind of like, maybe because

888
00:45:17,760 --> 00:45:19,080
Speaker 1: it was traumatic, I just kind of like put it

889
00:45:19,080 --> 00:45:20,600
Speaker 1: away right when I went into foster care and it

890
00:45:20,640 --> 00:45:24,279
Speaker 1: didn't come out until years later. And now it seems

891
00:45:24,320 --> 00:45:26,359
Speaker 1: to be like the most interesting thing about me, which

892
00:45:26,360 --> 00:45:28,799
Speaker 1: is also very weird, because I'm like, I hated that

893
00:45:28,880 --> 00:45:31,680
Speaker 1: part of my life. You know, other things have happened,

894
00:45:31,680 --> 00:45:35,520
Speaker 1: but I don't feel like this big trauma that over

895
00:45:36,480 --> 00:45:41,480
Speaker 1: being in with him. I've because I've I've studied so

896
00:45:41,640 --> 00:45:45,040
Speaker 1: much about it that I understand like where he was

897
00:45:45,080 --> 00:45:49,600
Speaker 1: coming from with his sick thinking, his mental disabilities. How

898
00:45:49,640 --> 00:45:52,080
Speaker 1: come people follow cults. I started to try to understand

899
00:45:52,080 --> 00:45:53,480
Speaker 1: it from a point of view that was outside and

900
00:45:53,480 --> 00:45:57,600
Speaker 1: bigger than me, and seeing it that way and realizing, look,

901
00:45:57,640 --> 00:45:59,799
Speaker 1: this is not personal. This guy did not say I'm

902
00:45:59,800 --> 00:46:02,880
Speaker 1: good to go out and find Amber and destroy her life.

903
00:46:03,160 --> 00:46:06,480
Speaker 1: So I'm not gonna let him rent my brain space

904
00:46:07,320 --> 00:46:10,239
Speaker 1: for the rest of my life fucking awesome. And if

905
00:46:10,280 --> 00:46:12,239
Speaker 1: I need to pull out my trauma bag every once

906
00:46:12,239 --> 00:46:14,760
Speaker 1: in a while so that I can explain what happened,

907
00:46:15,239 --> 00:46:17,760
Speaker 1: or if I can laugh about what happened or cry

908
00:46:17,800 --> 00:46:20,279
Speaker 1: about what happened, then I can. But then I put

909
00:46:20,280 --> 00:46:21,840
Speaker 1: it back into the trauma bag and I try to

910
00:46:21,920 --> 00:46:24,759
Speaker 1: keep it just like you know, yeah that happened. That

911
00:46:24,920 --> 00:46:27,600
Speaker 1: was one chapter, or you know, that was a lot

912
00:46:27,600 --> 00:46:30,279
Speaker 1: of chapters. Okay, it was a whole freaking book of

913
00:46:30,320 --> 00:46:33,480
Speaker 1: my life. But he didn't ruin me, and I'm not

914
00:46:33,520 --> 00:46:35,680
Speaker 1: gonna let that. I'm not gonna let him ruin me.

915
00:46:35,719 --> 00:46:37,319
Speaker 1: And I'm not going to hate him enough to let

916
00:46:37,400 --> 00:46:39,800
Speaker 1: him eat away at my heart. I'm not gonna hate

917
00:46:39,840 --> 00:46:41,759
Speaker 1: Sherry enough to let it eat away at my heart,

918
00:46:41,760 --> 00:46:43,359
Speaker 1: even though I did google to see where she lives,

919
00:46:43,360 --> 00:46:44,799
Speaker 1: to see if she has a happy life and all.

920
00:46:44,840 --> 00:46:49,279
Speaker 1: But you know, like it's not the most biggest important thing.

921
00:46:49,640 --> 00:46:52,320
Speaker 1: Yeah that's amazing, Yeah, that is amazing.

922
00:46:53,120 --> 00:46:56,920
Speaker 4: Do you have any like residual feelings of like needing,

923
00:46:57,000 --> 00:46:59,600
Speaker 4: like feeling like Mormonism is right or anything like that.

924
00:46:59,680 --> 00:47:02,360
Speaker 1: I did. I went back to the Mormon Church much later.

925
00:47:02,960 --> 00:47:05,440
Speaker 1: I even got married in the Mormon bishop office with

926
00:47:05,480 --> 00:47:08,440
Speaker 1: my husband that I have now, who's raising and wonderful,

927
00:47:08,480 --> 00:47:11,560
Speaker 1: and he's not Mormon now I mean not practicing. But

928
00:47:11,640 --> 00:47:14,400
Speaker 1: if I do go to a church, I go to

929
00:47:14,440 --> 00:47:18,720
Speaker 1: a Mormon church. And when I pray, my prayers sound

930
00:47:18,800 --> 00:47:23,080
Speaker 1: like a Mormon prayer, but not the extreme, but just

931
00:47:23,160 --> 00:47:26,000
Speaker 1: the basic. And and there are so many things that

932
00:47:26,239 --> 00:47:28,840
Speaker 1: I do not believe, such as like okay, you guys,

933
00:47:28,840 --> 00:47:32,480
Speaker 1: you change the polygamy. Come on, it's right there, like,

934
00:47:32,600 --> 00:47:35,239
Speaker 1: you know, like all these different little things. And I'm

935
00:47:35,280 --> 00:47:37,560
Speaker 1: not religious, and I don't believe in religion. I think

936
00:47:37,600 --> 00:47:41,000
Speaker 1: it's great a way to control the masses of like

937
00:47:41,040 --> 00:47:42,839
Speaker 1: give them guilt that if they steal things, they're going

938
00:47:42,880 --> 00:47:45,160
Speaker 1: to hell, and they won't steal things, and you know,

939
00:47:45,719 --> 00:47:48,399
Speaker 1: things like that. But it's you know, for me, it's

940
00:47:48,440 --> 00:47:50,319
Speaker 1: like they do it for control. You know, that's what

941
00:47:50,360 --> 00:47:52,200
Speaker 1: religion is for. And that's what cults are for. They're

942
00:47:52,200 --> 00:47:54,719
Speaker 1: just trying to control you. And and they do. And

943
00:47:55,480 --> 00:47:58,320
Speaker 1: you can slip into a cult as fast as you

944
00:47:58,360 --> 00:48:00,080
Speaker 1: can slip on a banana pillar and not know it.

945
00:48:00,600 --> 00:48:03,879
Speaker 3: You go look at the YouTube comments on like Jonestown

946
00:48:04,040 --> 00:48:06,000
Speaker 3: or whatever it may be. All the comments are like

947
00:48:06,239 --> 00:48:07,400
Speaker 3: these fucking.

948
00:48:07,080 --> 00:48:11,080
Speaker 1: Idiots, and they're not idiots. They're doctors, they're scientists, they're

949
00:48:11,160 --> 00:48:12,760
Speaker 1: the speakers of something better.

950
00:48:13,400 --> 00:48:17,480
Speaker 3: And sometimes they're just regular freaking people who just like

951
00:48:18,200 --> 00:48:20,000
Speaker 3: I heard the wrong thing at the wrong time for

952
00:48:20,120 --> 00:48:20,800
Speaker 3: the wrong person.

953
00:48:21,360 --> 00:48:24,160
Speaker 1: I can't pay my rent, I'm homeless, I have three kids.

954
00:48:24,400 --> 00:48:25,840
Speaker 1: This guy's gonna take me to heaven?

955
00:48:26,360 --> 00:48:29,560
Speaker 3: Sure, or like finding a group of friends that feels

956
00:48:29,600 --> 00:48:32,080
Speaker 3: really safe and home and comfy, and then they you know,

957
00:48:32,200 --> 00:48:34,640
Speaker 3: you just happen. You just go with what they're going

958
00:48:34,680 --> 00:48:36,120
Speaker 3: with because you love that, Like.

959
00:48:36,160 --> 00:48:38,960
Speaker 1: Well, connection is a need. Human beings have that need.

960
00:48:39,000 --> 00:48:40,680
Speaker 1: They need to connect and they need to be part

961
00:48:40,719 --> 00:48:43,279
Speaker 1: of a group. Yeah, you know all do. So this

962
00:48:43,320 --> 00:48:44,719
Speaker 1: is the part where you're telling me that this is

963
00:48:44,760 --> 00:48:49,160
Speaker 1: my initiation into this cult. Yes, podcast, welcome, you're your leader.

964
00:48:49,320 --> 00:48:53,160
Speaker 1: Drank the kulaid, you thought it was water. It's sign

965
00:48:53,239 --> 00:48:55,440
Speaker 1: here no. And the thing is is I try to

966
00:48:55,480 --> 00:48:57,520
Speaker 1: take the traumas of my past and use them now

967
00:48:57,600 --> 00:48:59,759
Speaker 1: for for better things. I want to go and do

968
00:49:00,280 --> 00:49:04,640
Speaker 1: speeches across you know, you know, everywhere. That would be great,

969
00:49:04,840 --> 00:49:07,760
Speaker 1: just to go and do speeches and to share my story.

970
00:49:07,800 --> 00:49:12,080
Speaker 1: I'm working right now on occult comedy special because nobody

971
00:49:12,160 --> 00:49:16,080
Speaker 1: laughs about cults, and there's there's some very serious subjects.

972
00:49:17,160 --> 00:49:19,040
Speaker 1: Rape is a very serious thing, and it's a very

973
00:49:19,040 --> 00:49:23,160
Speaker 1: traumatic thing. Yeah, and you and people say, don't laugh

974
00:49:23,200 --> 00:49:27,160
Speaker 1: about things that are the most traumatic. But I've had

975
00:49:27,200 --> 00:49:30,000
Speaker 1: plenty of crying, and you know, once you finish crying,

976
00:49:30,080 --> 00:49:32,719
Speaker 1: you have to laugh. I mean you have to. You

977
00:49:32,800 --> 00:49:37,759
Speaker 1: have to in the deepest, darkest situations in real life.

978
00:49:37,760 --> 00:49:39,080
Speaker 1: That's when you laugh. Like I mean, if you're in

979
00:49:39,120 --> 00:49:41,239
Speaker 1: a big car wreck and you're just sitting there, I

980
00:49:41,280 --> 00:49:43,959
Speaker 1: mean I can see somebody saying, well, should have turned left,

981
00:49:44,000 --> 00:49:49,440
Speaker 1: should have taken supulvit? Yeah, you know whatever. And even

982
00:49:49,480 --> 00:49:53,160
Speaker 1: in like groups like AA or self help groups or

983
00:49:53,160 --> 00:49:55,120
Speaker 1: anything like that, it is about just being able to

984
00:49:55,160 --> 00:49:58,480
Speaker 1: turn the things from your past into something positive, because

985
00:49:58,480 --> 00:50:00,960
Speaker 1: you know, you can't control the past. It happened, there

986
00:50:01,040 --> 00:50:04,160
Speaker 1: is I mean, it happened. I have some parts I

987
00:50:04,160 --> 00:50:06,280
Speaker 1: don't remember. I have a lot of parts I do remember.

988
00:50:06,280 --> 00:50:09,400
Speaker 1: There's some really dark areas in there that I remember,

989
00:50:09,800 --> 00:50:13,040
Speaker 1: but I don't feel again. It's just I'm not letting

990
00:50:13,040 --> 00:50:18,360
Speaker 1: it rent the space in my brain. I consciously say like, Okay,

991
00:50:18,680 --> 00:50:20,200
Speaker 1: I'm going to do this and then I'm going to

992
00:50:20,239 --> 00:50:23,560
Speaker 1: do that. Like fortune example, today I brought my friend

993
00:50:23,600 --> 00:50:26,560
Speaker 1: with me, who is completely opposite of anything cult. She

994
00:50:26,600 --> 00:50:28,680
Speaker 1: doesn't even she won't even listen to this. She walked out.

995
00:50:29,920 --> 00:50:32,000
Speaker 1: I was like, where are you going? It's not listen,

996
00:50:32,040 --> 00:50:35,600
Speaker 1: It's all about me now listen. So that, like right

997
00:50:35,640 --> 00:50:38,640
Speaker 1: after doing this podcast is an example. Then I'll go

998
00:50:38,719 --> 00:50:41,000
Speaker 1: and start thinking about something else, like well, I'm gonna

999
00:50:41,000 --> 00:50:43,360
Speaker 1: go take selfies. Yeah yeah, and think about that and

1000
00:50:43,400 --> 00:50:45,279
Speaker 1: not even think about it again because it's like, okay, cool,

1001
00:50:45,320 --> 00:50:47,960
Speaker 1: put it back in the trauma bag. It happened, it's done.

1002
00:50:48,160 --> 00:50:51,319
Speaker 1: Now go and and live a regular life. Oh my gosh.

1003
00:50:52,640 --> 00:50:52,960
Speaker 3: Yeah.

1004
00:50:53,200 --> 00:50:55,000
Speaker 1: One thing I do want to mention though, is if

1005
00:50:55,040 --> 00:50:57,400
Speaker 1: you suspect as a listener, if you suspect that one

1006
00:50:57,400 --> 00:50:59,719
Speaker 1: of your family members isn't a cult or somebody that

1007
00:50:59,760 --> 00:51:01,919
Speaker 1: you as an occult, and that you can't get through

1008
00:51:01,960 --> 00:51:06,399
Speaker 1: and speak to them, keep trying, keep trying, and don't

1009
00:51:06,400 --> 00:51:08,799
Speaker 1: give up, because they need to know that there is

1010
00:51:08,840 --> 00:51:11,399
Speaker 1: that outside person that will be there for the moment

1011
00:51:11,440 --> 00:51:15,560
Speaker 1: when they're ready to go. Yeah, when they're ready, And

1012
00:51:15,600 --> 00:51:17,400
Speaker 1: they may hate you and tell you they hate you,

1013
00:51:17,680 --> 00:51:19,960
Speaker 1: that's okay. Keep reaching out to them because there will

1014
00:51:20,000 --> 00:51:23,400
Speaker 1: be a point, a soft moment that maybe, just maybe

1015
00:51:23,960 --> 00:51:26,040
Speaker 1: they will say, hey, can you come get me.

1016
00:51:26,320 --> 00:51:29,960
Speaker 4: It's so frustrating that, like we have to be the

1017
00:51:29,960 --> 00:51:33,719
Speaker 4: bigger person and yet they think that they're better. Yeah,

1018
00:51:33,760 --> 00:51:36,839
Speaker 4: and it's just this frustrating thing where it's like, oh

1019
00:51:36,880 --> 00:51:39,600
Speaker 4: my god, I have to like have all this openness

1020
00:51:39,600 --> 00:51:41,600
Speaker 4: and love for you in case you ever see the light,

1021
00:51:41,719 --> 00:51:44,240
Speaker 4: but in the meantime you think I'm like a demon.

1022
00:51:44,400 --> 00:51:47,120
Speaker 1: Yeah, you're an asshole, but they're told that you're from

1023
00:51:47,160 --> 00:51:49,640
Speaker 1: the outside world and that you're negative, an awful. Yeah.

1024
00:51:49,680 --> 00:51:52,160
Speaker 1: It's a frustrating cycle. It's not them, they are, like

1025
00:51:52,200 --> 00:51:54,160
Speaker 1: what you said is in a zone.

1026
00:51:54,719 --> 00:51:56,560
Speaker 3: But good on you for trying to connect with that

1027
00:51:56,640 --> 00:51:58,919
Speaker 3: family and trying to connect with those people who think

1028
00:51:58,960 --> 00:51:59,920
Speaker 3: that you're bad.

1029
00:52:00,239 --> 00:52:02,520
Speaker 1: And wear amazing outfits that can get a music too

1030
00:52:02,520 --> 00:52:05,680
Speaker 1: when you pull up play loud good music because they

1031
00:52:05,760 --> 00:52:12,520
Speaker 1: will like really like, oh, you know, they'll wake up amazing. Amber.

1032
00:52:12,719 --> 00:52:14,840
Speaker 3: Is there anything you want to promotere any social media

1033
00:52:14,880 --> 00:52:15,719
Speaker 3: you'd like to share out?

1034
00:52:15,920 --> 00:52:20,600
Speaker 1: Is I have an Instagram that has more followers than

1035
00:52:20,840 --> 00:52:22,880
Speaker 1: likes because they're all fake and I'm trying to get

1036
00:52:22,960 --> 00:52:28,440
Speaker 1: rid of those and add new people on yay. So

1037
00:52:29,040 --> 00:52:31,759
Speaker 1: if you want, you could find me at Instagram at

1038
00:52:31,840 --> 00:52:34,920
Speaker 1: Amber Dawn Lee and I'm doing fashion videos and stuff

1039
00:52:34,960 --> 00:52:37,600
Speaker 1: like that. I also have a YouTube channel, Amber Dawn Lee.

1040
00:52:37,680 --> 00:52:41,160
Speaker 1: Basically I'm all over the place Amber Dawn Lee and

1041
00:52:41,880 --> 00:52:44,040
Speaker 1: doing all kinds of different things. I am doing the

1042
00:52:44,160 --> 00:52:46,799
Speaker 1: Cult comedy special. I'm excited about that. So if you

1043
00:52:46,840 --> 00:52:49,040
Speaker 1: join me on social media, you can keep up. But

1044
00:52:49,160 --> 00:52:51,440
Speaker 1: thanks for inviting me to this podcast, y'all. Thank you

1045
00:52:51,480 --> 00:52:53,800
Speaker 1: for being here. You're great. Thank you.

1046
00:52:53,960 --> 00:52:58,440
Speaker 3: Well, Okay, so I'm pretty sure I know the answer here,

1047
00:52:58,520 --> 00:53:00,480
Speaker 3: but Megan, what do you think would you join the

1048
00:53:00,560 --> 00:53:01,400
Speaker 3: Zion Society?

1049
00:53:01,800 --> 00:53:02,080
Speaker 1: Fuck?

1050
00:53:02,239 --> 00:53:05,759
Speaker 4: No, I hate everything about it. I hate it. I

1051
00:53:05,880 --> 00:53:10,920
Speaker 4: hate Arvin to my core. What a monster, absolute monster monster.

1052
00:53:11,160 --> 00:53:12,560
Speaker 1: He is the worst.

1053
00:53:12,800 --> 00:53:15,120
Speaker 3: Neither of us are joining this group on in any way,

1054
00:53:15,120 --> 00:53:15,799
Speaker 3: shape or form.

1055
00:53:15,920 --> 00:53:17,000
Speaker 4: Oh fuck this group.

1056
00:53:17,120 --> 00:53:20,600
Speaker 3: Fuck this group, dude, I these this shit is fucked up.

1057
00:53:20,600 --> 00:53:23,160
Speaker 3: I mean, there are so many Mormon Fundamentals groups and

1058
00:53:23,239 --> 00:53:25,719
Speaker 3: there are such a wide variety of ways that they

1059
00:53:25,760 --> 00:53:29,279
Speaker 3: can be bad or be harmless, but this is like

1060
00:53:29,480 --> 00:53:34,239
Speaker 3: at the absolute worst and next to uh the the

1061
00:53:34,320 --> 00:53:36,640
Speaker 3: LeBaron family, which is a group that actually ended up

1062
00:53:36,680 --> 00:53:39,000
Speaker 3: murdering a couple people. But aside from that, this is

1063
00:53:39,040 --> 00:53:40,680
Speaker 3: I think the worst one.

1064
00:53:40,800 --> 00:53:41,240
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1065
00:53:41,360 --> 00:53:44,040
Speaker 4: I mean if you can make judgment calls like that, yeah,

1066
00:53:44,120 --> 00:53:45,400
Speaker 4: it's fucking disgusting.

1067
00:53:45,600 --> 00:53:49,120
Speaker 3: Yeah, poor Amber, But also go Amber for being a badass.

1068
00:53:49,200 --> 00:53:51,480
Speaker 4: Yeah, and think like so many things for her for

1069
00:53:51,560 --> 00:53:52,920
Speaker 4: talking to us totally.

1070
00:53:53,880 --> 00:53:55,000
Speaker 1: All right, Well that's it.

1071
00:53:55,160 --> 00:53:59,560
Speaker 3: So you can find me Lola on Instagram at Ula

1072
00:53:59,640 --> 00:54:01,759
Speaker 3: Lola o o h l A l O l A

1073
00:54:02,000 --> 00:54:04,480
Speaker 3: and on Twitter at O La loo la oh h

1074
00:54:04,680 --> 00:54:05,560
Speaker 3: l A l O l A.

1075
00:54:05,880 --> 00:54:08,399
Speaker 4: And you can find me at vipire Bitch, and.

1076
00:54:08,400 --> 00:54:10,920
Speaker 3: Our website is trust Me pod dot com. You can

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Speaker 3: find us at trust Me Podcast on Instagram and trust

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00:54:13,520 --> 00:54:14,720
Speaker 3: Me cult Pod on Twitter.

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Speaker 4: Okay, thank you guys so much for listening this week.

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00:54:18,680 --> 00:54:22,160
Speaker 4: Just a reminder to follow your gut, watch out for

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Speaker 4: red Cloud, and never ever trust me.

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Speaker 3: Bye.