1 00:00:17,239 --> 00:00:21,280 Speaker 1: If it doesn't work, you're just not using enough. You're 2 00:00:21,320 --> 00:00:26,880 Speaker 1: listening to Software Radio Special Operations, military news and straight 3 00:00:26,880 --> 00:00:41,520 Speaker 1: talk with the guys and the community. Hello again, everyone, 4 00:00:41,600 --> 00:00:43,920 Speaker 1: Welcome back to Software Up Radio. I'm your host today, 5 00:00:43,920 --> 00:00:48,040 Speaker 1: Steve al Suri Software Up Radio on Time, on Target, 6 00:00:48,240 --> 00:00:52,760 Speaker 1: and we have a very special guest with us today. Um, 7 00:00:52,800 --> 00:00:57,440 Speaker 1: we have Sean also known as Buck Rogers can brat. 8 00:00:58,280 --> 00:01:02,880 Speaker 1: He's author. Uh. We're gonna talk about Sean's book. And 9 00:01:02,920 --> 00:01:05,200 Speaker 1: by the way, I have to say before, I love 10 00:01:05,280 --> 00:01:09,320 Speaker 1: the nickname Buck, so Buck Rogers is perfect. But anyway, Uh, 11 00:01:09,760 --> 00:01:14,240 Speaker 1: Sean has written a book. It's um, it's called Rising 12 00:01:14,280 --> 00:01:19,399 Speaker 1: Above and he talks about a simple car accident changed 13 00:01:19,480 --> 00:01:21,480 Speaker 1: the life of him when he was six years old 14 00:01:22,200 --> 00:01:26,919 Speaker 1: and everything from that point forward pretty much went haywire 15 00:01:27,040 --> 00:01:31,280 Speaker 1: for him until basically he became an adult. And we're 16 00:01:31,280 --> 00:01:34,680 Speaker 1: gonna get into all that. But Sean is a he's 17 00:01:34,680 --> 00:01:37,720 Speaker 1: a Green Beret, he was a police officer. It's now 18 00:01:37,720 --> 00:01:42,000 Speaker 1: an entrepreneur and he has my utmost respect. He's also 19 00:01:42,080 --> 00:01:48,160 Speaker 1: an ultra marathon or which hey, you know, Uh, all 20 00:01:48,200 --> 00:01:50,840 Speaker 1: I'll say is when I was in SF, I ran 21 00:01:50,920 --> 00:01:53,320 Speaker 1: because I had to, not because I liked to and 22 00:01:53,600 --> 00:01:55,640 Speaker 1: I ran an half marathon once and said I would 23 00:01:55,680 --> 00:01:57,720 Speaker 1: never do it again. So anyone who can do an 24 00:01:57,800 --> 00:02:00,840 Speaker 1: ultra marathon is tops in my book. He also does 25 00:02:00,880 --> 00:02:04,520 Speaker 1: a great podcast called The f n G Academy. So 26 00:02:04,560 --> 00:02:06,680 Speaker 1: now we have a guy from the fn G Academy 27 00:02:06,760 --> 00:02:09,560 Speaker 1: talking to a fo G. And for those of you 28 00:02:09,680 --> 00:02:12,799 Speaker 1: who don't know what that means, you can look it up. 29 00:02:13,080 --> 00:02:17,000 Speaker 1: So Jean halcomes Radio. Thanks thanks for having me man, 30 00:02:17,200 --> 00:02:20,280 Speaker 1: I appreciate you having me on another that's a great intro. 31 00:02:20,520 --> 00:02:25,200 Speaker 1: I like that definitely, yeah, oh yeah, and I'm definitely 32 00:02:25,400 --> 00:02:29,400 Speaker 1: fo G. And we'll I'm gonna date myself here shortly 33 00:02:29,480 --> 00:02:32,359 Speaker 1: when we get into it. But one of the things 34 00:02:32,440 --> 00:02:35,960 Speaker 1: I really liked, because you know, when I got your book, 35 00:02:36,000 --> 00:02:39,799 Speaker 1: I started checking out your podcast. The podcast is really excellent, 36 00:02:39,840 --> 00:02:43,799 Speaker 1: by the way, Thank you. I encourage all of our 37 00:02:44,000 --> 00:02:46,320 Speaker 1: all of our listeners to check that out as well. 38 00:02:46,680 --> 00:02:50,000 Speaker 1: It's the f n G Academy and it's all about 39 00:02:50,120 --> 00:02:53,760 Speaker 1: creating a mindset and it's covers a lot of the 40 00:02:53,800 --> 00:02:56,840 Speaker 1: things that I've written about because one of the things 41 00:02:56,840 --> 00:02:59,360 Speaker 1: that software it pasked me to write about was for 42 00:02:59,520 --> 00:03:04,880 Speaker 1: people that want to challenge themselves and get into special 43 00:03:04,919 --> 00:03:07,959 Speaker 1: operations and how do you prepare? And I think that 44 00:03:08,440 --> 00:03:11,799 Speaker 1: it delves a lot into that, doesn't it. Oh yeah, yeah, 45 00:03:11,840 --> 00:03:14,680 Speaker 1: that's that's kind of the goal is to help people. 46 00:03:15,160 --> 00:03:17,600 Speaker 1: Even if you're not trying to go special operations, you 47 00:03:17,600 --> 00:03:21,600 Speaker 1: could use the mindsets of becoming special operations in whatever 48 00:03:21,760 --> 00:03:24,680 Speaker 1: career path that you're trying to go. So, you know, 49 00:03:25,480 --> 00:03:27,960 Speaker 1: regardless of what you choose to do with your life, 50 00:03:28,840 --> 00:03:30,920 Speaker 1: we all we all give a lot of respect to 51 00:03:31,040 --> 00:03:34,200 Speaker 1: Special operations guys for a very specific reason. That's because 52 00:03:34,680 --> 00:03:38,440 Speaker 1: they've overcome so many mental and physical challenges to get 53 00:03:38,480 --> 00:03:42,360 Speaker 1: to that point. So first, how did they do that? 54 00:03:42,880 --> 00:03:44,880 Speaker 1: How do we break that down and help guys become 55 00:03:44,960 --> 00:03:48,640 Speaker 1: special operations and influence the next generation of warriors um 56 00:03:48,680 --> 00:03:50,760 Speaker 1: to be better than we were, so we could have, 57 00:03:51,200 --> 00:03:53,320 Speaker 1: you know, an even more elite army than we already 58 00:03:53,320 --> 00:03:56,120 Speaker 1: do now. And for guys like us who moved on 59 00:03:56,280 --> 00:03:59,120 Speaker 1: from the military, we could be safer at home. But 60 00:03:59,160 --> 00:04:01,320 Speaker 1: then also how do we take those mindsets and applying 61 00:04:01,400 --> 00:04:03,960 Speaker 1: to everybody else so we could just be better people 62 00:04:04,200 --> 00:04:07,280 Speaker 1: in our country? And you know, I think focusing on 63 00:04:07,280 --> 00:04:10,720 Speaker 1: ourselves and looking inward and stead of outward. Um, we'll 64 00:04:10,720 --> 00:04:14,200 Speaker 1: have a huge impact on the future of our country, 65 00:04:14,280 --> 00:04:18,000 Speaker 1: especially in today's environment, more than just you know, being 66 00:04:18,040 --> 00:04:21,599 Speaker 1: negative and and trying to tear each other down. Right, 67 00:04:21,640 --> 00:04:24,920 Speaker 1: And UM, let's let's get right into your book, because 68 00:04:25,960 --> 00:04:29,520 Speaker 1: you know, this book is as I said at the outset, 69 00:04:29,680 --> 00:04:32,760 Speaker 1: I mean, it's not, um, it's not your typical SF 70 00:04:32,800 --> 00:04:36,320 Speaker 1: guy book. It's not about all the accolades and you 71 00:04:36,360 --> 00:04:41,000 Speaker 1: know who war stories that you know, although you delve 72 00:04:41,040 --> 00:04:45,360 Speaker 1: into that, but it's about you know, it's a like 73 00:04:45,440 --> 00:04:49,480 Speaker 1: a personal journey for you and how you changed your 74 00:04:49,560 --> 00:04:53,919 Speaker 1: life because your life and I want you to, you know, 75 00:04:54,040 --> 00:04:57,120 Speaker 1: basically tell our listeners all about this. But your life 76 00:04:57,160 --> 00:05:00,960 Speaker 1: could have easily gone a different direction. Yeah, us, yeah, 77 00:05:01,000 --> 00:05:02,600 Speaker 1: I think it could have gone a different direction. It 78 00:05:02,640 --> 00:05:06,400 Speaker 1: was going in different direction. It wasn't like, UM, I 79 00:05:06,480 --> 00:05:09,440 Speaker 1: was far off that path. I was actually headed headed 80 00:05:09,440 --> 00:05:12,040 Speaker 1: down getting arrested. I'd been in the back of police cars. 81 00:05:12,600 --> 00:05:14,640 Speaker 1: UM a couple of times. I was drinking and doing 82 00:05:15,360 --> 00:05:19,960 Speaker 1: UM pills myself. By the time I was in man 83 00:05:20,400 --> 00:05:24,799 Speaker 1: was it probably freshman year of high school at least, 84 00:05:24,800 --> 00:05:29,320 Speaker 1: I was, you know, taking pills and drinking. And then 85 00:05:30,040 --> 00:05:34,400 Speaker 1: my first time getting drunk. I was like thirteen or fourteen, um, 86 00:05:34,440 --> 00:05:37,200 Speaker 1: and just hanging out a bad crowd. So you know, 87 00:05:37,240 --> 00:05:39,960 Speaker 1: it was definitely headed that direction. And I felt like 88 00:05:41,440 --> 00:05:44,040 Speaker 1: it was just so normal in my environment to go 89 00:05:44,160 --> 00:05:47,280 Speaker 1: down that path. You know, when when you grow up 90 00:05:47,279 --> 00:05:51,279 Speaker 1: in your you know, your mom's addicted to opioids because 91 00:05:51,320 --> 00:05:54,080 Speaker 1: of the car accident. The doctors just kept pumping her 92 00:05:54,080 --> 00:05:57,440 Speaker 1: full of pills NonStop, um, and then to watch her 93 00:05:57,440 --> 00:06:00,480 Speaker 1: spiral and then to you know, grow up on welfare 94 00:06:00,560 --> 00:06:04,760 Speaker 1: and living a trailer. You know, you surround yourselves by 95 00:06:04,760 --> 00:06:07,640 Speaker 1: by people that accept you, um, and likely they accept 96 00:06:07,680 --> 00:06:10,520 Speaker 1: you because they're in similar circumstances. So then all of 97 00:06:10,560 --> 00:06:13,480 Speaker 1: a sudden, everyone's in a similar circumstances you So you're 98 00:06:13,520 --> 00:06:16,440 Speaker 1: just like, well, it's normal that we're breaking the law 99 00:06:16,520 --> 00:06:21,159 Speaker 1: and stealing cars and doing all this dumb stuff. Um, 100 00:06:21,200 --> 00:06:23,359 Speaker 1: So I'm just gonna keep going down this path, you know. 101 00:06:23,440 --> 00:06:28,240 Speaker 1: And but there was always like this underlying feeling that 102 00:06:28,600 --> 00:06:30,880 Speaker 1: I was meant for something better and that this wasn't 103 00:06:30,920 --> 00:06:34,440 Speaker 1: the life I was supposed to be living. And that's 104 00:06:34,480 --> 00:06:37,200 Speaker 1: that's how the book starts off. I mean it, you know, 105 00:06:37,760 --> 00:06:41,760 Speaker 1: going through all that childhood trauma that that you had, 106 00:06:42,560 --> 00:06:47,640 Speaker 1: and you know, you kind of realized that the light 107 00:06:47,720 --> 00:06:50,280 Speaker 1: came on for you at an early age. You you know, 108 00:06:50,720 --> 00:06:54,720 Speaker 1: you talked about um. Your dad and your mom had 109 00:06:54,760 --> 00:06:59,320 Speaker 1: split when you were still an infant basically, so you 110 00:06:59,400 --> 00:07:01,599 Speaker 1: didn't you and get to meet your dad until I 111 00:07:01,640 --> 00:07:04,320 Speaker 1: think it was about you know, fifteen years old, and 112 00:07:05,160 --> 00:07:08,400 Speaker 1: your your dad was living a different kind of lifestyle 113 00:07:08,440 --> 00:07:10,640 Speaker 1: and you were used to and kind of the light 114 00:07:10,680 --> 00:07:13,880 Speaker 1: came on for you at that point. Yeah. Yeah. So 115 00:07:13,920 --> 00:07:20,800 Speaker 1: the you know, the stress of my childhood from man 116 00:07:21,040 --> 00:07:22,600 Speaker 1: I would say like six, when we got in that 117 00:07:22,640 --> 00:07:25,240 Speaker 1: car accident and then my mom got addicted to pills 118 00:07:26,160 --> 00:07:30,240 Speaker 1: um and then she started drinking on top of it. 119 00:07:30,800 --> 00:07:35,120 Speaker 1: The stress every day was just immense in like that 120 00:07:35,120 --> 00:07:37,120 Speaker 1: that was part that was probably the hardest, is like 121 00:07:37,160 --> 00:07:42,000 Speaker 1: the constant stomach sinking feeling that you don't know what's 122 00:07:42,000 --> 00:07:43,800 Speaker 1: gonna happen, You don't know how bad it's gonna get, 123 00:07:43,840 --> 00:07:45,920 Speaker 1: you don't know what's going to happen next, you know, like, 124 00:07:46,480 --> 00:07:49,080 Speaker 1: you know, I came home and in I've said this 125 00:07:49,120 --> 00:07:50,880 Speaker 1: on the other podcasts, but it was it was such 126 00:07:50,880 --> 00:07:54,400 Speaker 1: a monumental moment for me. Is when you know, she 127 00:07:54,520 --> 00:07:58,680 Speaker 1: drove the car into the house, into this her boyfriend's house, 128 00:07:58,720 --> 00:08:02,200 Speaker 1: who's like this raging alcohol halck and um, I've seen him, 129 00:08:02,240 --> 00:08:05,920 Speaker 1: you know, beat her multiple times and now you just 130 00:08:06,040 --> 00:08:08,400 Speaker 1: drove your car into his house. So it's like, what 131 00:08:08,560 --> 00:08:10,040 Speaker 1: is this guy gonna do to you? What is he 132 00:08:10,080 --> 00:08:12,920 Speaker 1: gonna do to us? And why is this normal? Like 133 00:08:12,960 --> 00:08:15,080 Speaker 1: how did how do we get to the point in 134 00:08:15,080 --> 00:08:18,840 Speaker 1: our lives where this is normal behavior and we don't 135 00:08:18,880 --> 00:08:21,320 Speaker 1: even bat an eye to the fact that you're you're 136 00:08:21,800 --> 00:08:25,880 Speaker 1: doing just such nonsense. And then he responds by shooting 137 00:08:25,880 --> 00:08:29,320 Speaker 1: a shotgun through the front door um of the house. 138 00:08:29,400 --> 00:08:32,080 Speaker 1: And you know, the multiple car accidents that she was 139 00:08:32,120 --> 00:08:37,760 Speaker 1: in because she's always doing ninety and high on pills. UM. 140 00:08:37,800 --> 00:08:40,720 Speaker 1: So I think it was just a level of stress 141 00:08:40,880 --> 00:08:43,280 Speaker 1: as a kid that really stuck with me and caused 142 00:08:43,280 --> 00:08:47,080 Speaker 1: a lot of anxiety and um, behavioral problems as I went. 143 00:08:48,200 --> 00:08:50,440 Speaker 1: And then yes, like you said, I finally met my 144 00:08:50,440 --> 00:08:52,560 Speaker 1: my dad when I was like fifteen, and he flew 145 00:08:52,600 --> 00:08:56,200 Speaker 1: us out to New York to visit him, and he 146 00:08:56,280 --> 00:08:58,840 Speaker 1: was like the successful business owner. He had a restaurant 147 00:08:58,840 --> 00:09:02,480 Speaker 1: and U was bruined beer and like all these people, 148 00:09:03,080 --> 00:09:05,120 Speaker 1: it just like blew my mind to to walk into 149 00:09:05,160 --> 00:09:10,280 Speaker 1: his restaurant and see like the servers and the bartenders 150 00:09:10,320 --> 00:09:12,520 Speaker 1: and they're all like, oh, Mr Rogers, this and Mr Rogers. 151 00:09:12,640 --> 00:09:17,880 Speaker 1: And I'm like, man, like, I've never had uh, you know, 152 00:09:18,240 --> 00:09:21,640 Speaker 1: parent that was respected before then, that was like treated 153 00:09:21,679 --> 00:09:24,520 Speaker 1: with respect and dignity. I was like, this is crazy, 154 00:09:24,640 --> 00:09:27,440 Speaker 1: Like this is a life to live. I wanna you know, 155 00:09:27,440 --> 00:09:29,400 Speaker 1: I want to come over here. And so that was 156 00:09:29,440 --> 00:09:31,120 Speaker 1: where I started to make the decision I had to 157 00:09:31,120 --> 00:09:35,280 Speaker 1: get out of the desert and improved my situation. Yeah, 158 00:09:35,360 --> 00:09:39,480 Speaker 1: at that time, you were living, um in California. Your 159 00:09:39,520 --> 00:09:42,400 Speaker 1: dad was all the way across the country, and then 160 00:09:43,760 --> 00:09:46,360 Speaker 1: you ended up moving with your dad for a short while. 161 00:09:46,440 --> 00:09:49,080 Speaker 1: But even though you became a little bit of an 162 00:09:49,240 --> 00:09:52,520 Speaker 1: entrepreneur yourself, that kind of got pulled out from under 163 00:09:52,600 --> 00:09:55,600 Speaker 1: year as well. Yeah. Yeah, so I thought, you know, 164 00:09:56,679 --> 00:10:00,000 Speaker 1: I thought going to my dad's would be like new beginnings. Um. 165 00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:03,320 Speaker 1: I was really excited for the the future. And you know, 166 00:10:03,400 --> 00:10:06,480 Speaker 1: I got there and I'd spent so many years just 167 00:10:06,679 --> 00:10:09,480 Speaker 1: without any money, and you know, sometimes we went without food. 168 00:10:10,280 --> 00:10:12,599 Speaker 1: So to go to his house and then all of 169 00:10:12,600 --> 00:10:14,559 Speaker 1: a sudden, they're like buying me clothes and stuff to 170 00:10:14,600 --> 00:10:17,400 Speaker 1: start the new year, the new school year. I was like, 171 00:10:17,480 --> 00:10:21,760 Speaker 1: this is amazing, Like I've never had this before. Um. 172 00:10:21,000 --> 00:10:24,520 Speaker 1: I I spent most of my time, you know, cleaning 173 00:10:24,960 --> 00:10:27,040 Speaker 1: my shoes from the last year to to get ready 174 00:10:27,080 --> 00:10:29,960 Speaker 1: for school, and you know, trying to find clothes that 175 00:10:30,000 --> 00:10:32,280 Speaker 1: weren't as bad, you know, hand me downs and things 176 00:10:32,320 --> 00:10:34,079 Speaker 1: like that. So you know, all of a sudden, for 177 00:10:34,160 --> 00:10:35,880 Speaker 1: him to just be buying me all these brand new 178 00:10:35,920 --> 00:10:38,640 Speaker 1: clothes and brand new shoes for the school year, I 179 00:10:38,720 --> 00:10:41,400 Speaker 1: was like, and people respecting him, I was like, this 180 00:10:41,480 --> 00:10:43,959 Speaker 1: is this is gonna be an amazing life, like this 181 00:10:44,040 --> 00:10:48,880 Speaker 1: is the new start, and you know, and it just wasn't. 182 00:10:48,960 --> 00:10:52,120 Speaker 1: So he ended up. I think it was either a 183 00:10:52,200 --> 00:10:54,680 Speaker 1: year or two years after moving in with them, he 184 00:10:54,800 --> 00:10:58,480 Speaker 1: decided that he was going to move to Colorado, and 185 00:10:58,480 --> 00:11:00,920 Speaker 1: I was like, I don't. First I was like, okay, 186 00:11:01,080 --> 00:11:02,839 Speaker 1: I'll go with you guys in Colorado. Maybe it'll be 187 00:11:02,880 --> 00:11:05,839 Speaker 1: a fun move. And everything was fine, and then I 188 00:11:05,920 --> 00:11:07,360 Speaker 1: changed my mind because I was like, you know what, 189 00:11:07,440 --> 00:11:09,720 Speaker 1: I had a hell of a time transitioning into this 190 00:11:09,800 --> 00:11:13,200 Speaker 1: high school. Like I got jumped multiple times, you know, 191 00:11:13,320 --> 00:11:16,240 Speaker 1: and I I was fighting all the time. And getting 192 00:11:16,240 --> 00:11:19,160 Speaker 1: in trouble. I didn't want to do that again. Like 193 00:11:19,200 --> 00:11:21,839 Speaker 1: it finally started to smooth out, so I told him. 194 00:11:21,840 --> 00:11:24,360 Speaker 1: I was like, I'm not going and that's when all 195 00:11:24,400 --> 00:11:28,720 Speaker 1: hell broke loose. He started, you know, cutting my screens 196 00:11:28,720 --> 00:11:32,720 Speaker 1: because we're doing a screen printing business, and so he 197 00:11:32,760 --> 00:11:35,640 Speaker 1: started cutting my screens up, and you know, he like 198 00:11:35,800 --> 00:11:38,280 Speaker 1: took all my clothes and everything and and told me 199 00:11:38,320 --> 00:11:41,439 Speaker 1: that he gave him away um to charity. They ended 200 00:11:41,480 --> 00:11:44,640 Speaker 1: up being locked in the basement. But it was just 201 00:11:44,720 --> 00:11:47,720 Speaker 1: like here we are again. It's like I thought I 202 00:11:47,880 --> 00:11:50,800 Speaker 1: escaped it, and now this guy is like pulling the 203 00:11:50,840 --> 00:11:55,720 Speaker 1: same kind of things that my mom would do. And yeah, 204 00:11:55,840 --> 00:11:59,960 Speaker 1: and that's where again you struck out on your own. 205 00:12:00,800 --> 00:12:05,040 Speaker 1: You kind of found yourself once again, and then life 206 00:12:05,080 --> 00:12:08,040 Speaker 1: through you another curve, and that's how you ended up 207 00:12:08,080 --> 00:12:12,600 Speaker 1: in the military. Can you talk a little bit about that. Yeah, So, 208 00:12:13,720 --> 00:12:15,600 Speaker 1: you know, being out on my own was was tough, 209 00:12:15,880 --> 00:12:17,520 Speaker 1: you know, trying to finish my senior year and I 210 00:12:17,559 --> 00:12:22,120 Speaker 1: was just hopping from one friend's couch to another um 211 00:12:22,160 --> 00:12:26,439 Speaker 1: which that brought a lot of different challenges, right because 212 00:12:27,000 --> 00:12:29,560 Speaker 1: at first the friend's mom's all their parents are all 213 00:12:29,600 --> 00:12:31,280 Speaker 1: cool about it and like, yeah, you could stay here, 214 00:12:32,160 --> 00:12:35,080 Speaker 1: and then you know, like clockwork, it would take like 215 00:12:35,120 --> 00:12:38,599 Speaker 1: two weeks and they'd be like how long is he 216 00:12:38,640 --> 00:12:40,440 Speaker 1: gonna stay here? And you know and I could feel that, 217 00:12:40,520 --> 00:12:43,480 Speaker 1: like that tension and that shift. You know, they felt 218 00:12:43,480 --> 00:12:48,160 Speaker 1: like I was just kind of, uh, freeloading. So I 219 00:12:48,200 --> 00:12:51,559 Speaker 1: would just go to someone else's house and keep that 220 00:12:51,640 --> 00:12:55,080 Speaker 1: going until finally a buddy of mine, his mom was like, listen, 221 00:12:55,840 --> 00:12:57,679 Speaker 1: I won't kick you out of here as long as 222 00:12:57,720 --> 00:13:00,160 Speaker 1: you go to school. And I was like sweet. So 223 00:13:00,240 --> 00:13:05,120 Speaker 1: I stayed with her, um and my buddy Billy until 224 00:13:05,240 --> 00:13:07,920 Speaker 1: I graduated high school. I met this girl she was 225 00:13:07,960 --> 00:13:13,840 Speaker 1: in college, and then um we ended up getting married, 226 00:13:13,920 --> 00:13:17,480 Speaker 1: moving to California. And then that's when I think we 227 00:13:17,480 --> 00:13:20,200 Speaker 1: were married for like I want to say, like four 228 00:13:20,280 --> 00:13:24,600 Speaker 1: or five months. It was so short, and I walked in. 229 00:13:25,480 --> 00:13:27,280 Speaker 1: I came home one night and she was in bed 230 00:13:27,320 --> 00:13:32,800 Speaker 1: with another dude. And that's when again, you could have 231 00:13:32,840 --> 00:13:37,000 Speaker 1: made the wrong decision and you know, gone down the 232 00:13:37,120 --> 00:13:39,160 Speaker 1: dark path. I guess it would be a way of 233 00:13:39,200 --> 00:13:42,120 Speaker 1: putting it, but you pulled yourself back up once again, 234 00:13:42,280 --> 00:13:44,560 Speaker 1: and that's what the story is so compelling. You end 235 00:13:44,679 --> 00:13:48,719 Speaker 1: up joining the military. You end up going to uh 236 00:13:49,679 --> 00:13:54,640 Speaker 1: RIP for the arranger program, and you got hurt in 237 00:13:54,679 --> 00:13:57,880 Speaker 1: there and talk to us a little bit about that 238 00:13:58,040 --> 00:14:01,720 Speaker 1: and how you ended up in SF because that was 239 00:14:01,720 --> 00:14:05,400 Speaker 1: an amazing part of the book as well. Yeah, so 240 00:14:05,800 --> 00:14:08,880 Speaker 1: I went to I signed up, so yeah, so she 241 00:14:08,960 --> 00:14:12,920 Speaker 1: cheated on me. I ended up um trying to go firefighter. 242 00:14:12,960 --> 00:14:14,800 Speaker 1: I got kicked out of firefighter school for getting in 243 00:14:14,840 --> 00:14:17,320 Speaker 1: a fight. The next day I signed up for the military, 244 00:14:17,520 --> 00:14:21,920 Speaker 1: went to ranger selection, I got hurt um and then 245 00:14:22,040 --> 00:14:24,960 Speaker 1: from there I went to one seventy three out in Germany, 246 00:14:25,080 --> 00:14:26,720 Speaker 1: which I just tried to see the positive and that 247 00:14:26,840 --> 00:14:29,360 Speaker 1: I was like, you know what, I'm gonna come back 248 00:14:29,360 --> 00:14:32,680 Speaker 1: to special operations in some capacity because I felt really 249 00:14:32,720 --> 00:14:34,880 Speaker 1: at home when I was around those guys. You know, 250 00:14:34,960 --> 00:14:38,440 Speaker 1: everyone's just like busting their butts all the time and 251 00:14:38,440 --> 00:14:43,920 Speaker 1: they're always given effort, and I felt really good. As 252 00:14:43,920 --> 00:14:47,120 Speaker 1: soon as I got around other guys trying to go 253 00:14:47,880 --> 00:14:52,520 Speaker 1: special operations, I felt at home, like it's contagious. Yes, yes, 254 00:14:52,600 --> 00:14:56,240 Speaker 1: it's absolutely contagious. And it was like, you know, in basic, 255 00:14:57,080 --> 00:14:59,600 Speaker 1: guys would like talk crap to you and You're just like, dude, 256 00:15:00,080 --> 00:15:02,080 Speaker 1: we could fight right now, like I have no issues, 257 00:15:02,080 --> 00:15:04,520 Speaker 1: Like I'm not a squared away person, like I got 258 00:15:04,560 --> 00:15:07,040 Speaker 1: a lot of problems. And then and then they back 259 00:15:07,080 --> 00:15:09,280 Speaker 1: off and it's like they just wanted to push you 260 00:15:09,320 --> 00:15:12,400 Speaker 1: to the edge, right but they felt kind of protected 261 00:15:12,440 --> 00:15:14,480 Speaker 1: by the military, like, oh, we have all these rules, 262 00:15:14,520 --> 00:15:16,280 Speaker 1: you're not allowed to fight, so he won't fight me. 263 00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:19,080 Speaker 1: And then I got you know, and it pissed me 264 00:15:19,120 --> 00:15:22,280 Speaker 1: off in and then I got around Special Forces guys 265 00:15:22,080 --> 00:15:25,840 Speaker 1: are guys trying to go um into ranger selection, and 266 00:15:25,920 --> 00:15:29,880 Speaker 1: it was like not the case is like, listen, we 267 00:15:29,960 --> 00:15:33,200 Speaker 1: don't we don't push each other because we know that 268 00:15:33,480 --> 00:15:35,560 Speaker 1: we will go that far, you know. And so the 269 00:15:35,640 --> 00:15:39,360 Speaker 1: respect level actually increased with those guys because it's like, listen, 270 00:15:40,000 --> 00:15:42,840 Speaker 1: I know you're an A type, I know that you're aggressive. 271 00:15:43,000 --> 00:15:46,160 Speaker 1: I know that you know you're you don't play around 272 00:15:46,160 --> 00:15:48,240 Speaker 1: and if I push you, yeah, I'm gonna get punched 273 00:15:48,240 --> 00:15:51,400 Speaker 1: in the face. So um, I started to feel a 274 00:15:51,440 --> 00:15:54,160 Speaker 1: lot more at home with those dudes. So anyway, so 275 00:15:54,200 --> 00:15:57,720 Speaker 1: I got hurt. I went to one see and then 276 00:15:57,720 --> 00:15:59,800 Speaker 1: I was I was a cook at that point because 277 00:15:59,840 --> 00:16:02,920 Speaker 1: that's the contract I signed, So I had to fight 278 00:16:03,000 --> 00:16:05,360 Speaker 1: to get out of that and ended up scoring a 279 00:16:05,400 --> 00:16:09,600 Speaker 1: personal security job with the startin Major for the upcoming 280 00:16:09,640 --> 00:16:15,160 Speaker 1: Afghan deployment. And then, um, I spent that entire deployment 281 00:16:15,200 --> 00:16:17,200 Speaker 1: just training. I knew I wanted to go back and 282 00:16:17,240 --> 00:16:21,479 Speaker 1: be around those guys again, so I spent that times 283 00:16:21,560 --> 00:16:25,880 Speaker 1: well over in Afghanistan. To him, yeah, yeah, so I 284 00:16:25,960 --> 00:16:28,000 Speaker 1: wasn't sure. I didn't know that I was gonna go 285 00:16:28,080 --> 00:16:30,000 Speaker 1: green Brat. I was like, I knew I was going 286 00:16:30,040 --> 00:16:33,960 Speaker 1: to go back to special operations. Essentially, I wanted to 287 00:16:34,000 --> 00:16:37,120 Speaker 1: go back to the Ranger Regiment UM and try that again. 288 00:16:37,840 --> 00:16:42,880 Speaker 1: And then I saw some guys in Afghanistan and they 289 00:16:42,920 --> 00:16:46,120 Speaker 1: had just gotten done with a TICK troops in contact 290 00:16:46,720 --> 00:16:49,800 Speaker 1: and the bird there the medics were offloading them from 291 00:16:49,840 --> 00:16:53,440 Speaker 1: the bird and one guy was had a through and 292 00:16:53,480 --> 00:16:56,400 Speaker 1: through through both the back of both of his legs. Um, 293 00:16:56,480 --> 00:16:59,640 Speaker 1: one guy was dead. And then I just remember seeing 294 00:16:59,680 --> 00:17:03,600 Speaker 1: his friend to like the guy that was carrying him, 295 00:17:03,640 --> 00:17:06,040 Speaker 1: and they're all dirty, you know, covered in dust. You 296 00:17:06,040 --> 00:17:08,280 Speaker 1: could tell that like they had just been in the 297 00:17:08,320 --> 00:17:12,879 Speaker 1: ship like too a whole another level. And I'm looking 298 00:17:12,920 --> 00:17:14,800 Speaker 1: at his wrist and you know, now we all wear 299 00:17:14,800 --> 00:17:17,760 Speaker 1: these memorial bracelets when we lose friends, and unfortunately too 300 00:17:17,840 --> 00:17:21,280 Speaker 1: many of us have them on. But I looked at 301 00:17:21,280 --> 00:17:23,719 Speaker 1: this guy's wrist and he had not only was he 302 00:17:23,800 --> 00:17:27,480 Speaker 1: carrying in like one of his friends that just passed away, 303 00:17:27,480 --> 00:17:30,040 Speaker 1: one of his teammates, but his wrist was just covered 304 00:17:30,080 --> 00:17:32,280 Speaker 1: in these bracelets. He must have had at least like 305 00:17:32,359 --> 00:17:37,000 Speaker 1: four bracelets. And I'm like, this guy, this guy, and 306 00:17:37,040 --> 00:17:39,080 Speaker 1: he's about not only is he about to like drop 307 00:17:39,119 --> 00:17:41,840 Speaker 1: off his friend that was just killed, and he's already 308 00:17:42,119 --> 00:17:45,119 Speaker 1: lost so many people just from looking at his wrist alone, 309 00:17:45,480 --> 00:17:47,600 Speaker 1: He's about to get back on the bird and go 310 00:17:47,720 --> 00:17:52,240 Speaker 1: back into it. So like when I saw that in 311 00:17:52,240 --> 00:17:56,080 Speaker 1: in and I saw just this group of men and 312 00:17:56,119 --> 00:17:57,960 Speaker 1: what they were doing and what they had just gone through, 313 00:17:58,000 --> 00:18:01,520 Speaker 1: like it changed my perspective and like what tough is. 314 00:18:02,000 --> 00:18:04,439 Speaker 1: And I wanted to see if I could, you know, 315 00:18:04,560 --> 00:18:07,480 Speaker 1: step into their shoes or even be considered to be 316 00:18:07,600 --> 00:18:11,000 Speaker 1: as tough as those guys were. Yeah, And that's that's 317 00:18:11,040 --> 00:18:13,560 Speaker 1: the thing, is like when you go into it. And 318 00:18:13,600 --> 00:18:16,679 Speaker 1: again I'm I'm dating myself. When I went into s F. 319 00:18:17,280 --> 00:18:20,200 Speaker 1: I mean, all the older guys that were training us, 320 00:18:20,280 --> 00:18:22,760 Speaker 1: you know, we looked up to them, and and I 321 00:18:23,200 --> 00:18:25,880 Speaker 1: always remember is like, man, these guys look like they 322 00:18:25,960 --> 00:18:31,119 Speaker 1: chew nails every day for us. But I remember, um, 323 00:18:31,160 --> 00:18:34,040 Speaker 1: you know, and this was an older antigo. He had 324 00:18:34,080 --> 00:18:36,600 Speaker 1: come from the range of battalion and I always thank 325 00:18:37,480 --> 00:18:39,879 Speaker 1: my lucky stars that this guy was in my class. 326 00:18:39,920 --> 00:18:42,520 Speaker 1: And he was like, don't look at the big picture, dude. 327 00:18:43,440 --> 00:18:46,040 Speaker 1: He was like, forget about down the road, forget about 328 00:18:46,560 --> 00:18:49,600 Speaker 1: six months from now. Think about getting through until lunch. 329 00:18:50,560 --> 00:18:54,240 Speaker 1: If we make it to lunch, that's a victory. If 330 00:18:54,240 --> 00:18:56,159 Speaker 1: we get out of lunch time and we make it 331 00:18:56,240 --> 00:18:58,479 Speaker 1: till the end of the day when they, you know, 332 00:18:58,760 --> 00:19:02,040 Speaker 1: turn the lights down and can't McCall, that's a victory, man. 333 00:19:02,119 --> 00:19:05,480 Speaker 1: And that's all we're gonna do every day. And I remember, 334 00:19:05,560 --> 00:19:08,919 Speaker 1: that's how we all got through that because and you 335 00:19:09,000 --> 00:19:13,840 Speaker 1: talked about it in your podcast. It's that mindset. Oh yeah, yeah, 336 00:19:13,840 --> 00:19:16,720 Speaker 1: that that I mean, that's the best advice anyone could 337 00:19:16,760 --> 00:19:20,119 Speaker 1: ever give to someone who's aspiring to be UM Special 338 00:19:20,160 --> 00:19:24,600 Speaker 1: Operations in any capacity is how much or even even 339 00:19:24,640 --> 00:19:27,160 Speaker 1: just dealing with trauma and life in general, is how 340 00:19:27,240 --> 00:19:29,840 Speaker 1: much can you pull out of the big picture and 341 00:19:29,880 --> 00:19:34,359 Speaker 1: then narrow in your mindset, narrow in your focus rather 342 00:19:35,080 --> 00:19:37,199 Speaker 1: all the way up to the next step, Like if 343 00:19:37,280 --> 00:19:40,359 Speaker 1: you could do that from you know, a hundred meters 344 00:19:40,400 --> 00:19:42,960 Speaker 1: out all the way into your very next step, depending 345 00:19:43,000 --> 00:19:45,359 Speaker 1: on how bad your situation is, Like, there's almost nothing 346 00:19:45,400 --> 00:19:49,879 Speaker 1: that you can't accomplish, right, And you you mentioned that 347 00:19:49,920 --> 00:19:54,440 Speaker 1: in your book. How you know we're interdependent on each 348 00:19:54,440 --> 00:19:58,000 Speaker 1: other at times, especially during you know, you talked about 349 00:19:58,200 --> 00:20:01,520 Speaker 1: s F A S. And you know how one of 350 00:20:01,520 --> 00:20:04,440 Speaker 1: your friends, a guy that you were, you know when 351 00:20:04,440 --> 00:20:08,879 Speaker 1: you're plet, he had reached that point and you know 352 00:20:10,080 --> 00:20:14,600 Speaker 1: he kind of you know, kicked in it in and 353 00:20:14,600 --> 00:20:19,119 Speaker 1: and quit and you know, and then you talked to um, 354 00:20:19,920 --> 00:20:23,720 Speaker 1: I think it was it was it sear school. When 355 00:20:23,720 --> 00:20:27,600 Speaker 1: you talked about another guy. Another friend of yours started 356 00:20:27,800 --> 00:20:33,280 Speaker 1: humming this, uh, this song because that was what Yeah, 357 00:20:33,359 --> 00:20:35,679 Speaker 1: it doesn't sear school, and he started sing He started 358 00:20:35,680 --> 00:20:40,359 Speaker 1: singing Bubble Guppies. Was that the one I was and 359 00:20:40,440 --> 00:20:43,160 Speaker 1: I had and my daughter was his his daughter's age, 360 00:20:43,160 --> 00:20:45,480 Speaker 1: so I knew buddle bubble Guppies because they were both 361 00:20:45,480 --> 00:20:47,160 Speaker 1: obsessed with it. And I was like, dude, what are 362 00:20:47,200 --> 00:20:49,760 Speaker 1: you doing. I was like, that's the worst song I 363 00:20:49,800 --> 00:20:52,320 Speaker 1: ever heard. Dude, would you stop? And he was just 364 00:20:52,359 --> 00:20:54,320 Speaker 1: like he was just like, I gotta go home. Man, 365 00:20:54,440 --> 00:20:56,520 Speaker 1: He's like, what am I doing here? And it just 366 00:20:56,600 --> 00:20:58,639 Speaker 1: like it hit him like a ton of bricks. He 367 00:20:58,720 --> 00:21:01,080 Speaker 1: was like, I'm missing on my daughter's time right now, 368 00:21:01,080 --> 00:21:02,840 Speaker 1: I'm missing out of my family, I'm missing out on 369 00:21:02,920 --> 00:21:06,800 Speaker 1: everything sitting there, and he like it just took him 370 00:21:06,840 --> 00:21:10,720 Speaker 1: over all this negative negativity and and and you know, 371 00:21:10,840 --> 00:21:14,200 Speaker 1: looking too far in the future. And I was just like, listen, dude, 372 00:21:15,280 --> 00:21:17,760 Speaker 1: one day at a time, stop worrying about the future. 373 00:21:18,320 --> 00:21:20,480 Speaker 1: This is gonna benefit your family in the long run, 374 00:21:20,920 --> 00:21:23,040 Speaker 1: So get out of your head and let's do this. 375 00:21:23,280 --> 00:21:26,440 Speaker 1: And it's crazy to watch guys like they really do, 376 00:21:27,560 --> 00:21:29,960 Speaker 1: you know. And that's one thing I learned from that 377 00:21:30,000 --> 00:21:32,720 Speaker 1: situation is because he wasn't a weak person by any means. 378 00:21:32,760 --> 00:21:36,560 Speaker 1: I mean, he graduated. He's a great dude, um, super solid. 379 00:21:36,920 --> 00:21:40,960 Speaker 1: But like you said, we're independent, so my highs and 380 00:21:41,080 --> 00:21:43,399 Speaker 1: my lows are almost never gonna match up to the 381 00:21:43,400 --> 00:21:46,520 Speaker 1: guy to my left and to my right. So it's 382 00:21:46,640 --> 00:21:50,480 Speaker 1: it it works out perfectly that way because then when 383 00:21:50,480 --> 00:21:54,160 Speaker 1: you're having a low and someone else is just feeling 384 00:21:54,240 --> 00:21:57,000 Speaker 1: really good for some reason and they're like, dude, just 385 00:21:57,040 --> 00:21:59,120 Speaker 1: get past it, Let's do this, let's crush this. It's 386 00:21:59,119 --> 00:22:01,280 Speaker 1: gonna be awesome, and you're like, you know, it's They're 387 00:22:01,280 --> 00:22:05,240 Speaker 1: always just there for you. Yeah. It's funny because when 388 00:22:06,119 --> 00:22:09,000 Speaker 1: when I was listening to that, I believe you talked 389 00:22:09,040 --> 00:22:12,000 Speaker 1: about that too on another Well it might have been 390 00:22:12,000 --> 00:22:15,240 Speaker 1: one of your podcasts or somebody else's, but you were 391 00:22:15,240 --> 00:22:19,080 Speaker 1: talking about that moment. And I remember because sometimes humor 392 00:22:20,240 --> 00:22:25,120 Speaker 1: gets us through some of the tough times. Because when 393 00:22:25,119 --> 00:22:27,560 Speaker 1: I was going through sear school with one of the guys, 394 00:22:28,119 --> 00:22:30,760 Speaker 1: he was in our SF group, but he was in 395 00:22:30,760 --> 00:22:35,400 Speaker 1: a different battalion. He was this really funny dude and 396 00:22:35,880 --> 00:22:38,199 Speaker 1: he could imitate you remember that guy that used to 397 00:22:38,200 --> 00:22:41,200 Speaker 1: be out Bobcat Goldweight, the guy that used to scream 398 00:22:41,280 --> 00:22:45,840 Speaker 1: and and uh, I'm probably gating myself, but anyway, he 399 00:22:45,880 --> 00:22:49,000 Speaker 1: could imitate this guy and it sounded exactly like him. 400 00:22:49,240 --> 00:22:51,679 Speaker 1: And he kept saying, when we get in the Seer compound, 401 00:22:51,960 --> 00:22:56,280 Speaker 1: you know when you're I'm gonna do my imitation. So 402 00:22:56,359 --> 00:22:58,600 Speaker 1: everyone's like, yeah, you say you're not gonna do that, 403 00:22:59,160 --> 00:23:03,440 Speaker 1: So you know, sure enough, Uh, you know, about two 404 00:23:03,520 --> 00:23:07,600 Speaker 1: days in, you're beat down everyone and they get the 405 00:23:07,680 --> 00:23:10,040 Speaker 1: bag on your head. They're smacking guys around the course 406 00:23:10,080 --> 00:23:11,840 Speaker 1: of one the bags on your head. You never know 407 00:23:11,840 --> 00:23:16,160 Speaker 1: where it's coming from. Yeah, and that's the worst time. 408 00:23:16,560 --> 00:23:19,240 Speaker 1: And then all of a sudden you could hear somebody 409 00:23:19,240 --> 00:23:22,000 Speaker 1: get whacked. You know, that was real close to you. 410 00:23:22,320 --> 00:23:27,600 Speaker 1: And he imitated Bob Goldswage saying that don't hurt. And 411 00:23:27,640 --> 00:23:30,560 Speaker 1: then everyone cracked up laughing, and you knew what was 412 00:23:30,560 --> 00:23:34,800 Speaker 1: gonna happen. Well, they started wading through and so then 413 00:23:34,800 --> 00:23:36,399 Speaker 1: all of a sudden you could hear these guys just 414 00:23:36,520 --> 00:23:39,840 Speaker 1: thumping this kid and they were like, what do you 415 00:23:39,880 --> 00:23:42,200 Speaker 1: say now? And then you can hear him on the ground, 416 00:23:42,200 --> 00:23:47,159 Speaker 1: all muffled under his head. He goes, that hurts a lot, dude, 417 00:23:47,240 --> 00:23:51,400 Speaker 1: that a lot. But I remember that got us through 418 00:23:51,400 --> 00:23:54,720 Speaker 1: the rest of the day because you know, we all 419 00:23:54,760 --> 00:23:58,520 Speaker 1: cracked up laughing and yeah, and then my buddy Wade, 420 00:23:58,920 --> 00:24:01,760 Speaker 1: I ended up going to the weren't course with you 421 00:24:01,840 --> 00:24:06,919 Speaker 1: know Wade. He used to get us all slow soaked 422 00:24:06,920 --> 00:24:10,080 Speaker 1: down in your little cell because he would constantly yell 423 00:24:10,119 --> 00:24:13,639 Speaker 1: at the guards asking him what time it was, and 424 00:24:13,680 --> 00:24:15,680 Speaker 1: he got beat up for but that was his way, 425 00:24:15,760 --> 00:24:17,840 Speaker 1: you know. It's like, and we would all sit there 426 00:24:17,840 --> 00:24:20,800 Speaker 1: and laugh, and I'd be finally get dry and don't 427 00:24:20,800 --> 00:24:24,080 Speaker 1: do it, don't do it, don't do it. Yeah, he'd 428 00:24:24,080 --> 00:24:29,200 Speaker 1: bang on the door. Hey, what time is it. Yeah, 429 00:24:30,240 --> 00:24:32,919 Speaker 1: it's amazing some of the stuff you remember because you know, 430 00:24:33,160 --> 00:24:38,320 Speaker 1: when listening to your podcast that immediately brought me back 431 00:24:38,359 --> 00:24:43,359 Speaker 1: to my serial day. That's awesome. Yeah, but it's like, 432 00:24:43,440 --> 00:24:47,159 Speaker 1: you know, and everyone has situations like that, but s 433 00:24:47,240 --> 00:24:50,880 Speaker 1: f A s is I mean that separates a weeat 434 00:24:50,920 --> 00:24:54,400 Speaker 1: from wheat from the chaff, doesn't not? Oh yeah, well, 435 00:24:54,520 --> 00:24:56,920 Speaker 1: and then you know it's easy for us to like 436 00:24:56,960 --> 00:24:59,560 Speaker 1: fall in this trap about how it used to be tough. 437 00:24:59,600 --> 00:25:02,080 Speaker 1: I mean, I I only graduated. I only went to selection, 438 00:25:02,840 --> 00:25:04,800 Speaker 1: you know, And this is gonna be embarrassing talking to you. 439 00:25:04,840 --> 00:25:07,840 Speaker 1: It's because it's gonna be like it's so recent. But 440 00:25:08,160 --> 00:25:11,080 Speaker 1: I only went to selection two thousand thirteen. It was 441 00:25:11,080 --> 00:25:14,880 Speaker 1: like two and twelve, two and thirteen, I'm pretty sure. Um. 442 00:25:14,960 --> 00:25:19,760 Speaker 1: And so you know, obviously and already you know, guys 443 00:25:19,800 --> 00:25:23,360 Speaker 1: that went in selection the time that I did are 444 00:25:23,560 --> 00:25:26,520 Speaker 1: saying at about the guys going now like oh, they 445 00:25:26,520 --> 00:25:28,160 Speaker 1: don't do this and they don't do that, and it's 446 00:25:28,320 --> 00:25:30,880 Speaker 1: it's the Q courses not as hard and this isn't 447 00:25:30,920 --> 00:25:33,880 Speaker 1: as hard. And it's like, man, we're I know you're 448 00:25:33,880 --> 00:25:37,280 Speaker 1: probably looking at like you guys are all brand new. No, 449 00:25:37,520 --> 00:25:40,160 Speaker 1: but it's funny because you say that, And I heard 450 00:25:40,160 --> 00:25:42,639 Speaker 1: the same thing when I went through, you know that 451 00:25:42,680 --> 00:25:45,800 Speaker 1: there was all the old Vietnam vets and they were like, oh, 452 00:25:45,920 --> 00:25:49,480 Speaker 1: this que courses a gentleman's course comparedible we went through. 453 00:25:49,600 --> 00:25:53,440 Speaker 1: And then you know, we said the same things. And 454 00:25:53,440 --> 00:25:56,560 Speaker 1: and so I just I look at the guys today. 455 00:25:56,960 --> 00:26:00,920 Speaker 1: I think the guys today are much better physical condition 456 00:26:00,960 --> 00:26:04,240 Speaker 1: then out of us ever were, you know. And it 457 00:26:04,359 --> 00:26:10,120 Speaker 1: the mindset just doesn't change in the the hardships, the fears, 458 00:26:10,520 --> 00:26:12,520 Speaker 1: all of that stuff doesn't change. And that's what makes 459 00:26:13,080 --> 00:26:14,960 Speaker 1: you know, an asset. In my opinion, that's what makes 460 00:26:14,960 --> 00:26:18,480 Speaker 1: a Special Forces guy is he's willing to ignore the 461 00:26:18,600 --> 00:26:20,720 Speaker 1: fear of the fact that you know it's going to 462 00:26:20,800 --> 00:26:23,760 Speaker 1: be difficult, you know you're gonna get um, you know 463 00:26:23,800 --> 00:26:25,880 Speaker 1: you're gonna be at the losing end more than you're 464 00:26:26,040 --> 00:26:28,720 Speaker 1: then you're at the winning end, and you are able 465 00:26:28,760 --> 00:26:31,560 Speaker 1: to ignore that fear and put one step, one ft 466 00:26:31,560 --> 00:26:33,600 Speaker 1: in front of the other, and keep going until you 467 00:26:33,720 --> 00:26:37,959 Speaker 1: run out of you know, obstacles, and so regardless of 468 00:26:37,960 --> 00:26:40,040 Speaker 1: what they take away your ad, you know, it's just 469 00:26:40,080 --> 00:26:44,320 Speaker 1: like it's hard and it's gonna make hard people. You know, 470 00:26:44,359 --> 00:26:47,840 Speaker 1: I don't care what year you went through. Um, I 471 00:26:47,880 --> 00:26:50,320 Speaker 1: had somebody tell me he was like I went through 472 00:26:50,359 --> 00:26:52,960 Speaker 1: at this time, and you need to stop telling them 473 00:26:52,960 --> 00:26:56,600 Speaker 1: how easy it's gonna be. You know, they'll you need 474 00:26:56,640 --> 00:26:58,960 Speaker 1: to give them the truth about how hard it is. 475 00:26:59,359 --> 00:27:02,320 Speaker 1: And I'm like, what purpose does that do? You know, 476 00:27:02,440 --> 00:27:06,520 Speaker 1: like just fill everyone with a bunch of like negativity, 477 00:27:06,560 --> 00:27:10,160 Speaker 1: Like come on, man, just just so you um feel 478 00:27:10,200 --> 00:27:13,360 Speaker 1: like you're the toughest person that's ever walked the face 479 00:27:13,400 --> 00:27:15,479 Speaker 1: of the planet. Like that's not my goal. You know, 480 00:27:15,720 --> 00:27:18,640 Speaker 1: they're they're far tougher. There's far tougher dudes out there 481 00:27:18,920 --> 00:27:22,359 Speaker 1: and girls out there that never even tried special operations 482 00:27:22,440 --> 00:27:25,400 Speaker 1: that would put me to shame, you know. So yeah, 483 00:27:25,480 --> 00:27:27,879 Speaker 1: and you know, I'm gonna really date myself now because 484 00:27:28,119 --> 00:27:31,240 Speaker 1: I went through a SF before there was a selection course. 485 00:27:32,040 --> 00:27:34,920 Speaker 1: So when they started it, I was levied for SWICK 486 00:27:34,960 --> 00:27:37,720 Speaker 1: and I had already been to own I And so 487 00:27:37,760 --> 00:27:40,680 Speaker 1: I'm like, they need guys at ow and I because 488 00:27:40,720 --> 00:27:42,320 Speaker 1: I had talked to the guys over there, and they 489 00:27:42,320 --> 00:27:44,520 Speaker 1: were like, yeah, we have like four slops over and 490 00:27:44,560 --> 00:27:47,760 Speaker 1: I'm like, great, if I gotta do swift time, I'll 491 00:27:47,800 --> 00:27:50,160 Speaker 1: do it in O and I. And then they were like, oh, 492 00:27:50,160 --> 00:27:53,320 Speaker 1: we're starting up selection, and I'm like, what the hell 493 00:27:53,400 --> 00:27:57,160 Speaker 1: is that you know? And so the sergeant mage is like, oh, 494 00:27:57,240 --> 00:27:59,680 Speaker 1: you're going out there to selection. So we get out 495 00:27:59,720 --> 00:28:02,200 Speaker 1: there and they had already run through the first two 496 00:28:02,240 --> 00:28:04,760 Speaker 1: classes that you know, they were getting ready to Europe 497 00:28:04,760 --> 00:28:07,400 Speaker 1: for the third one. And the Major's telling us all 498 00:28:07,440 --> 00:28:11,240 Speaker 1: the stuff that you know that they're trying to accomplish. 499 00:28:11,280 --> 00:28:14,439 Speaker 1: And I I was like, wow, this looks tough, and he 500 00:28:14,520 --> 00:28:17,040 Speaker 1: goes yeah, and you guys won't have to wear numbers, 501 00:28:17,080 --> 00:28:19,720 Speaker 1: but you're gonna be in the class. What do you 502 00:28:19,720 --> 00:28:22,159 Speaker 1: mean we're gonna be in the class. Well, before you 503 00:28:22,160 --> 00:28:24,840 Speaker 1: can work here, you have to go through selection, and 504 00:28:25,000 --> 00:28:28,480 Speaker 1: like you gotta be shipping me when you're you know, 505 00:28:28,480 --> 00:28:31,120 Speaker 1: when you were already an SF guy and then you're 506 00:28:31,119 --> 00:28:34,480 Speaker 1: going through selection. It wasn't fun. I'm I'm not gonna 507 00:28:34,480 --> 00:28:36,359 Speaker 1: sit here and lie to you and tell you it 508 00:28:36,440 --> 00:28:40,520 Speaker 1: was a breeze because I was miserable and and of 509 00:28:40,560 --> 00:28:44,120 Speaker 1: course the candidates. You know, they're they're looking at us 510 00:28:44,200 --> 00:28:46,560 Speaker 1: because they're seeing us. You know, they put a team 511 00:28:46,600 --> 00:28:50,880 Speaker 1: together just already tab guys. So you know, we we 512 00:28:51,000 --> 00:28:54,440 Speaker 1: kept our patches on, our tabs on, but we weren't 513 00:28:54,440 --> 00:28:57,320 Speaker 1: wearing numbers. But the kids were looking at us, like, 514 00:28:58,480 --> 00:29:02,040 Speaker 1: you know, why are these guys? They finally asked one 515 00:29:02,120 --> 00:29:03,800 Speaker 1: of us when we were going out to the land. 516 00:29:03,800 --> 00:29:06,480 Speaker 1: Of course, you're in those those big trucks, you know 517 00:29:06,560 --> 00:29:09,520 Speaker 1: that they take you out there. And and so we're 518 00:29:09,600 --> 00:29:12,360 Speaker 1: right now to the Hoffman and this kid goes to 519 00:29:12,520 --> 00:29:17,320 Speaker 1: one of our Hey, can I ask you something? Sure, 520 00:29:17,440 --> 00:29:20,960 Speaker 1: go ahead, And they said to him, why are you 521 00:29:21,000 --> 00:29:24,280 Speaker 1: guys tabbed out in here? You know and going through selection? 522 00:29:25,560 --> 00:29:28,120 Speaker 1: So we were all looking at each other, like you 523 00:29:28,120 --> 00:29:31,720 Speaker 1: want to tell him? So the guys, this guy Brian, 524 00:29:31,800 --> 00:29:34,479 Speaker 1: look he's passed away now. But Brian looked at him 525 00:29:34,480 --> 00:29:37,160 Speaker 1: and said, well, we're we're all in competition to go 526 00:29:37,240 --> 00:29:39,320 Speaker 1: up on the next shuttle mission because they're gonna send 527 00:29:39,360 --> 00:29:43,320 Speaker 1: one as of instructor up on the next shuttle. We 528 00:29:43,400 --> 00:29:45,360 Speaker 1: have to go through selection and then we're going down 529 00:29:45,440 --> 00:29:48,240 Speaker 1: and do an astronaut training when we leave. You. Oh, 530 00:29:48,360 --> 00:29:50,760 Speaker 1: that's awesome. And you know, by this time, the kids 531 00:29:50,760 --> 00:29:53,760 Speaker 1: are all, you know, burnt out there, tired already, and 532 00:29:53,800 --> 00:29:57,920 Speaker 1: they were just like guys going up in space. And 533 00:29:57,960 --> 00:29:59,800 Speaker 1: I was looking out the back of the truck on, 534 00:30:00,000 --> 00:30:03,240 Speaker 1: oh my god, here we go. You know. But well 535 00:30:03,240 --> 00:30:05,280 Speaker 1: now you've got space force, so that's not even like 536 00:30:07,200 --> 00:30:11,719 Speaker 1: actually have space for you know, the Star Trek logo 537 00:30:11,760 --> 00:30:16,440 Speaker 1: and everything. So but yeah, no, s F A S. I. 538 00:30:17,160 --> 00:30:19,200 Speaker 1: You know, when I talked to the guy that revamped 539 00:30:19,200 --> 00:30:23,640 Speaker 1: the course a few years ago, Brian Decker, he was 540 00:30:23,680 --> 00:30:27,280 Speaker 1: a major, And I think it's tougher now, I really do. 541 00:30:27,440 --> 00:30:31,240 Speaker 1: I think it's tougher now than when we went through. Good. Um, 542 00:30:31,280 --> 00:30:33,560 Speaker 1: I haven't been you know, I haven't been out there. 543 00:30:33,640 --> 00:30:36,360 Speaker 1: I've asked to go as a journalist now to go 544 00:30:36,480 --> 00:30:39,120 Speaker 1: check in, but Swick won't let me out there. So 545 00:30:40,680 --> 00:30:43,320 Speaker 1: I would love to go check it out. But from 546 00:30:43,320 --> 00:30:46,240 Speaker 1: what I heard, s F A S is not easier. 547 00:30:46,280 --> 00:30:48,600 Speaker 1: It's harder. You know, we keep hearing things about the 548 00:30:48,680 --> 00:30:52,320 Speaker 1: que course, but I was hearing that when I went through. 549 00:30:52,440 --> 00:30:55,640 Speaker 1: So yeah, it's it's not going to change because you know, 550 00:30:55,720 --> 00:30:59,200 Speaker 1: some people they get that status and they got to 551 00:30:59,240 --> 00:31:01,120 Speaker 1: hold onto this at us. You know, I was never 552 00:31:02,160 --> 00:31:06,560 Speaker 1: you know to me, Yeah, I passed and I was 553 00:31:07,280 --> 00:31:08,840 Speaker 1: it was one of the best jobs I ever did. 554 00:31:09,080 --> 00:31:11,440 Speaker 1: But I'm not looking in the past. I'm looking in 555 00:31:11,480 --> 00:31:13,480 Speaker 1: the future, like what what else can I make with 556 00:31:13,560 --> 00:31:16,800 Speaker 1: my life? What else could I accomplish? Um, that was 557 00:31:16,920 --> 00:31:18,720 Speaker 1: just one of the things that I did and I 558 00:31:18,760 --> 00:31:21,400 Speaker 1: loved it, and it's onto the next thing, you know. 559 00:31:21,440 --> 00:31:24,160 Speaker 1: And if if you're one of those guys that's you know, 560 00:31:24,320 --> 00:31:27,080 Speaker 1: so focused on what you did in the past and 561 00:31:27,200 --> 00:31:29,600 Speaker 1: to the point where it's like upset to you when 562 00:31:29,680 --> 00:31:32,200 Speaker 1: there's any changes to It's like, you gotta look in 563 00:31:32,200 --> 00:31:34,560 Speaker 1: the future. You gotta find the next challenge. You know. 564 00:31:34,640 --> 00:31:37,320 Speaker 1: That's that's the type of people we are. Don't don't 565 00:31:37,400 --> 00:31:42,040 Speaker 1: just focus on your your past accomplishments. I tell everyone, 566 00:31:42,080 --> 00:31:45,760 Speaker 1: I went through the first easy class, so you know, 567 00:31:46,000 --> 00:31:50,200 Speaker 1: it's like but anyway, yeah, and yeah, I got off 568 00:31:50,200 --> 00:31:52,440 Speaker 1: on a tangent there, but getting back to the book, 569 00:31:53,240 --> 00:31:55,440 Speaker 1: and then you know, you had made it clear that 570 00:31:55,480 --> 00:31:58,360 Speaker 1: you were kind of thinking about the army as a career, 571 00:31:58,400 --> 00:32:02,120 Speaker 1: but then things changed during one of your deployments. Can 572 00:32:02,160 --> 00:32:05,560 Speaker 1: you talk about that a little bit. Yeah, So, you know, 573 00:32:05,600 --> 00:32:09,160 Speaker 1: I was on deployment with my oder. Um. We had 574 00:32:09,200 --> 00:32:11,880 Speaker 1: an amazing train up. We did. You know, our team 575 00:32:11,920 --> 00:32:14,480 Speaker 1: did a great job in train up. We're all very 576 00:32:14,560 --> 00:32:16,360 Speaker 1: new and I was having a blast. I was like, 577 00:32:16,400 --> 00:32:18,920 Speaker 1: this is what I'm gonna do. I love this, and 578 00:32:19,000 --> 00:32:21,000 Speaker 1: so I decided I was going to sign a you know, 579 00:32:21,200 --> 00:32:23,480 Speaker 1: in Afghanistan. I was gonna sign a five year contract 580 00:32:25,280 --> 00:32:28,960 Speaker 1: and then go to ranger school when I got back 581 00:32:28,960 --> 00:32:33,120 Speaker 1: from deployment. And then, you know, things just changed like that. 582 00:32:33,240 --> 00:32:35,400 Speaker 1: The team started getting a lot of rifted with the 583 00:32:35,440 --> 00:32:39,200 Speaker 1: team Sergeant we you know, I wasn't enjoying it anymore. 584 00:32:39,240 --> 00:32:43,040 Speaker 1: I kind of felt like the way he was acting 585 00:32:43,160 --> 00:32:45,320 Speaker 1: was it was just making me feel like I was back, 586 00:32:46,040 --> 00:32:48,920 Speaker 1: you know, living with my mom who was like manipulative 587 00:32:49,040 --> 00:32:53,600 Speaker 1: and um, you know, just putting a damper on me 588 00:32:53,640 --> 00:32:55,880 Speaker 1: as a person in my life. And I was like, 589 00:32:55,960 --> 00:33:00,360 Speaker 1: this sucks. And a lot of us had issues, you know, 590 00:33:00,440 --> 00:33:03,760 Speaker 1: and in one of my guys, one of the teammates, 591 00:33:03,760 --> 00:33:06,720 Speaker 1: got out, um and went to law school. I ended 592 00:33:06,800 --> 00:33:09,120 Speaker 1: up getting out. Two other guys were already scheduled to 593 00:33:09,120 --> 00:33:12,640 Speaker 1: get out, but they couldn't get out soon enough. And 594 00:33:12,840 --> 00:33:16,959 Speaker 1: it was just you know, he he I think he 595 00:33:17,040 --> 00:33:19,840 Speaker 1: was chasing that last deployment high to try and like, 596 00:33:20,440 --> 00:33:23,160 Speaker 1: you know, get in as much as he could, and um, 597 00:33:23,280 --> 00:33:26,520 Speaker 1: when it didn't work out, he you know kind of 598 00:33:26,560 --> 00:33:32,640 Speaker 1: went haywire. But anyway, so either way, regardless of how 599 00:33:32,680 --> 00:33:35,240 Speaker 1: he was, I I made the decision that it was 600 00:33:35,320 --> 00:33:38,520 Speaker 1: time to find a job that I could do as 601 00:33:38,520 --> 00:33:41,000 Speaker 1: a civilian where I didn't have a contract hanging over 602 00:33:41,040 --> 00:33:44,320 Speaker 1: my head and if I had a boss I didn't like, again, 603 00:33:44,360 --> 00:33:48,360 Speaker 1: I could move on. You know. So from there I 604 00:33:48,440 --> 00:33:50,880 Speaker 1: was like I spent you know a lot of time 605 00:33:50,960 --> 00:33:54,040 Speaker 1: journaling downrange and trying to figure out what I could do, 606 00:33:54,200 --> 00:33:56,280 Speaker 1: what I'd be good at, you know, what kind of 607 00:33:56,320 --> 00:34:00,440 Speaker 1: civilian career would suit me. And um, from there, I 608 00:34:00,440 --> 00:34:04,600 Speaker 1: I started school back up. You know, he him being 609 00:34:04,640 --> 00:34:06,920 Speaker 1: the way that he was on that deployment, and he's 610 00:34:06,920 --> 00:34:10,120 Speaker 1: a good dude, he really is. He just had, um, 611 00:34:10,160 --> 00:34:11,879 Speaker 1: we had a bad run as a team with him, 612 00:34:11,920 --> 00:34:15,279 Speaker 1: but he's a great person. He's done a lot for 613 00:34:15,320 --> 00:34:18,200 Speaker 1: the regiment as far as training, um and what he's 614 00:34:18,200 --> 00:34:20,480 Speaker 1: done for stuff. But he really got in motion a 615 00:34:20,480 --> 00:34:23,640 Speaker 1: lot of things for me because he got me back 616 00:34:23,719 --> 00:34:26,279 Speaker 1: in school. He got me to start thinking outside the 617 00:34:26,280 --> 00:34:29,920 Speaker 1: box and pushing myself to think of other things to 618 00:34:30,160 --> 00:34:32,720 Speaker 1: do with my life and what I was gonna do next. 619 00:34:33,360 --> 00:34:35,440 Speaker 1: So I got back in school, I started applying to 620 00:34:35,760 --> 00:34:40,879 Speaker 1: the FBI, the CIA, police departments, UM, and then ended 621 00:34:40,960 --> 00:34:45,520 Speaker 1: up getting a job at the Denver Police Department. A 622 00:34:45,600 --> 00:34:49,000 Speaker 1: minute ago, you you mentioned you started journaling. Is this 623 00:34:49,040 --> 00:34:53,880 Speaker 1: when you first started writing? So I've always liked journaled 624 00:34:53,920 --> 00:34:58,160 Speaker 1: on and off, and I realized I didn't do it enough. 625 00:34:58,200 --> 00:35:01,080 Speaker 1: But I realized as I was journaling that it was 626 00:35:01,200 --> 00:35:06,160 Speaker 1: so helpful. And then that deployment especially really started the 627 00:35:07,200 --> 00:35:10,799 Speaker 1: like to see how beneficial journaling was. Because it's like, 628 00:35:11,280 --> 00:35:13,480 Speaker 1: you write in your journal today, you're having a bad day, 629 00:35:13,520 --> 00:35:15,560 Speaker 1: You're you're piste off, you had a bad day, You're 630 00:35:15,719 --> 00:35:19,279 Speaker 1: you just you want to, you know, break something. Do 631 00:35:19,320 --> 00:35:21,400 Speaker 1: you write in your journal about it, Like, dude, I 632 00:35:21,440 --> 00:35:24,080 Speaker 1: can't believe this happened, super pissed, this is how I feel. 633 00:35:24,440 --> 00:35:27,279 Speaker 1: And then two days later you scroll through your journal 634 00:35:27,360 --> 00:35:30,239 Speaker 1: and you read that that article or that you wrote 635 00:35:30,320 --> 00:35:33,799 Speaker 1: or that you know, um entry that you put in there, 636 00:35:34,080 --> 00:35:36,920 Speaker 1: and you're like, man, I can't believe how mad I 637 00:35:37,040 --> 00:35:40,400 Speaker 1: was in that moment. I can't believe how like frustrated 638 00:35:40,440 --> 00:35:43,080 Speaker 1: I got and then a day later it was like 639 00:35:43,120 --> 00:35:46,320 Speaker 1: it didn't exist. So it just it kind of helps 640 00:35:46,360 --> 00:35:51,160 Speaker 1: you see that there's a cycle to frustration and trials 641 00:35:51,160 --> 00:35:55,319 Speaker 1: and tribulations that you face and you could see the 642 00:35:55,360 --> 00:35:57,840 Speaker 1: backside of it, you know. So it really started helping 643 00:35:57,840 --> 00:35:59,880 Speaker 1: me get through because I'm like, when bad things were 644 00:36:00,040 --> 00:36:02,880 Speaker 1: up and I was like, okay, last time this happened 645 00:36:03,120 --> 00:36:05,200 Speaker 1: based on that you know, journal entry, I was feeling 646 00:36:05,239 --> 00:36:07,879 Speaker 1: this way, and literally a day later I was feeling better. 647 00:36:07,920 --> 00:36:10,760 Speaker 1: So I was like, I could just calm down and 648 00:36:10,760 --> 00:36:12,840 Speaker 1: you know, it'll get through it. Um. But once I 649 00:36:12,840 --> 00:36:17,680 Speaker 1: got home from that deployment and start with the police department, 650 00:36:17,760 --> 00:36:22,840 Speaker 1: that's that's when things like really started to you know, 651 00:36:22,920 --> 00:36:26,920 Speaker 1: kind of click with my PTSD and you know, what 652 00:36:26,960 --> 00:36:29,840 Speaker 1: we experienced in war started mixing with what I experienced 653 00:36:29,840 --> 00:36:32,680 Speaker 1: as a kid, and now we're adding it to um 654 00:36:33,920 --> 00:36:36,520 Speaker 1: the streets of being a cop and seeing child lesters 655 00:36:36,560 --> 00:36:40,080 Speaker 1: and seeing uh spouse abusers and seeing all these things. 656 00:36:40,600 --> 00:36:43,200 Speaker 1: That's when I really started having issues and needing to 657 00:36:43,320 --> 00:36:45,640 Speaker 1: journal more often. And that's when the book kind of 658 00:36:46,280 --> 00:36:51,040 Speaker 1: um started for me. So you you actually started thinking 659 00:36:51,080 --> 00:36:53,920 Speaker 1: about the book while you were still a police officer. 660 00:36:54,360 --> 00:36:57,160 Speaker 1: Oh yes, So I started writing that book. Um, despite 661 00:36:57,160 --> 00:37:01,000 Speaker 1: how short it is, Uh, it took me. It took 662 00:37:01,080 --> 00:37:03,319 Speaker 1: me a long time to get to the point where 663 00:37:03,320 --> 00:37:05,920 Speaker 1: it is. I've been working on that book for a 664 00:37:05,960 --> 00:37:09,080 Speaker 1: couple of years. Um, and that's because I would just 665 00:37:10,880 --> 00:37:13,759 Speaker 1: dig in a little bit and then you know, move 666 00:37:13,800 --> 00:37:16,759 Speaker 1: on and then dig in a little bit. And it 667 00:37:16,840 --> 00:37:19,759 Speaker 1: was more supposed to be just a process for me 668 00:37:19,840 --> 00:37:23,160 Speaker 1: to heal. And then by the end of it, I 669 00:37:23,239 --> 00:37:26,160 Speaker 1: was like, you know what, this could help somebody, So 670 00:37:26,200 --> 00:37:28,799 Speaker 1: I'm just gonna put it out there. And instead of like, 671 00:37:30,440 --> 00:37:32,239 Speaker 1: you know, looking at looking at it now, when I 672 00:37:32,239 --> 00:37:33,600 Speaker 1: have the book in my hands, I'm like, man, this 673 00:37:33,680 --> 00:37:35,960 Speaker 1: kind of reads just like it's basically just a long 674 00:37:36,040 --> 00:37:39,160 Speaker 1: journal of what I went through, how it affected me, 675 00:37:39,200 --> 00:37:42,360 Speaker 1: the highlights that stuck with it because there's so much more, 676 00:37:42,400 --> 00:37:45,799 Speaker 1: you know, there's so many more instances from my childhood, 677 00:37:45,920 --> 00:37:49,279 Speaker 1: from the deployment, Like I got lists, but those are 678 00:37:49,320 --> 00:37:51,160 Speaker 1: the ones that highlight, and those were the ones that 679 00:37:51,200 --> 00:37:54,640 Speaker 1: I needed to go back and deal with, um for 680 00:37:54,760 --> 00:37:57,560 Speaker 1: my own healing. So yeah, I've been working on that 681 00:37:57,640 --> 00:38:00,840 Speaker 1: for a long time, and um, that book is is 682 00:38:00,840 --> 00:38:04,279 Speaker 1: sort of the result of that process of healing for me? Now, 683 00:38:04,719 --> 00:38:08,359 Speaker 1: was it a difficult transition? I know, like you said, 684 00:38:08,400 --> 00:38:11,600 Speaker 1: you were keeping the journal basically as a healing tool 685 00:38:11,640 --> 00:38:15,719 Speaker 1: for yourself, but now now you're kind of putting it 686 00:38:15,760 --> 00:38:18,160 Speaker 1: all out there for the public to read. I know 687 00:38:18,280 --> 00:38:21,680 Speaker 1: you said it would help people, But how difficult was 688 00:38:21,840 --> 00:38:25,480 Speaker 1: that to kind of, you know, air your dirty laundry, 689 00:38:25,520 --> 00:38:27,799 Speaker 1: so to speak. You know what I mean. Oh, it's 690 00:38:27,800 --> 00:38:33,120 Speaker 1: extremely difficult. It's extremely difficult. It was. It's probably, honestly 691 00:38:33,160 --> 00:38:35,279 Speaker 1: one of the hardest things ever done. Um. I didn't 692 00:38:35,320 --> 00:38:39,520 Speaker 1: think about it. I didn't think about it until the 693 00:38:39,600 --> 00:38:43,160 Speaker 1: book became available to the public, and then I was like, oh, 694 00:38:43,239 --> 00:38:45,880 Speaker 1: my god, like it or not, you can't put the 695 00:38:45,960 --> 00:38:50,200 Speaker 1: lid back on this can of worms. And that was 696 00:38:50,400 --> 00:38:53,160 Speaker 1: really hard and I had honestly, I didn't even dig 697 00:38:53,239 --> 00:38:58,080 Speaker 1: into my past on podcasts or anything in depth until 698 00:38:58,160 --> 00:39:01,399 Speaker 1: I did Cleared Hot with Andy Um because we talked 699 00:39:01,440 --> 00:39:03,759 Speaker 1: for three hours, you know, and it's like that was 700 00:39:03,800 --> 00:39:07,080 Speaker 1: the first time I really unboxed it. And luckily we 701 00:39:07,120 --> 00:39:10,480 Speaker 1: did that because you know, the response we got from 702 00:39:10,520 --> 00:39:13,960 Speaker 1: that was so positive that it gave me confidence that, hey, 703 00:39:13,960 --> 00:39:16,880 Speaker 1: maybe the book will actually do what I intended. It 704 00:39:16,920 --> 00:39:19,400 Speaker 1: to do and it will help people. But putting that 705 00:39:19,480 --> 00:39:22,680 Speaker 1: out there was extremely and it still is to this moment, 706 00:39:22,760 --> 00:39:27,160 Speaker 1: is extremely difficult. You know. Um, you know, obviously my 707 00:39:27,239 --> 00:39:31,759 Speaker 1: family is afraid of what they're gonna hear. So I 708 00:39:31,840 --> 00:39:35,719 Speaker 1: get messages constantly of hey, your your mom's looking for 709 00:39:35,760 --> 00:39:39,200 Speaker 1: your sisters, looking for you. There they're you know, talking 710 00:39:39,200 --> 00:39:41,320 Speaker 1: about sueing you and all this stuff. I'm like, the 711 00:39:41,320 --> 00:39:43,360 Speaker 1: book hasn't even come out yet and you guys are 712 00:39:43,360 --> 00:39:46,080 Speaker 1: talking about trying to come attack me for the things 713 00:39:46,120 --> 00:39:48,120 Speaker 1: I said. I'm like, you're just gonna have to wait 714 00:39:48,120 --> 00:39:52,399 Speaker 1: and see see for yourself, right And and to our 715 00:39:52,760 --> 00:40:00,480 Speaker 1: listeners out there, we're recording this on Saturday afternoon, February SnO, okay, 716 00:40:00,880 --> 00:40:06,200 Speaker 1: doesn't actually um go on sale for the for the 717 00:40:06,239 --> 00:40:11,000 Speaker 1: public until the February, isn't it. Yeah, so three is 718 00:40:11,040 --> 00:40:15,200 Speaker 1: the official release date. Um. But they started we started 719 00:40:15,200 --> 00:40:17,640 Speaker 1: getting them out there a little sooner just we can 720 00:40:17,680 --> 00:40:21,520 Speaker 1: get some some feedback and some reviews. Um. So there 721 00:40:21,520 --> 00:40:23,840 Speaker 1: are like a small group of people that got it 722 00:40:24,239 --> 00:40:27,200 Speaker 1: early and started digging in. So and thank you for that, 723 00:40:27,280 --> 00:40:32,080 Speaker 1: by the way. Yeah, of course I was privileged to 724 00:40:32,120 --> 00:40:35,800 Speaker 1: get one of the advanced copies, and that's how we're 725 00:40:35,960 --> 00:40:41,520 Speaker 1: generating our conversation here today because it was it's not 726 00:40:43,400 --> 00:40:46,799 Speaker 1: it's not one of those kind of books that's um 727 00:40:46,840 --> 00:40:52,280 Speaker 1: always pleasant, but it's uh, it's very compelling and it's powerful. 728 00:40:52,640 --> 00:40:56,560 Speaker 1: It really is. And you already answered my next question 729 00:40:56,560 --> 00:40:59,759 Speaker 1: because I was going to ask you. You know, it's 730 00:41:00,200 --> 00:41:04,040 Speaker 1: like you had this love hate relationship with your mother. 731 00:41:04,120 --> 00:41:06,480 Speaker 1: I'm not putting words in your mouth, but you know 732 00:41:06,600 --> 00:41:08,239 Speaker 1: because of what you went through, and I was going 733 00:41:08,320 --> 00:41:11,239 Speaker 1: to ask you, is has this kind of healed some 734 00:41:11,320 --> 00:41:15,920 Speaker 1: of the bridges between you two? But it doesn't. No, No, 735 00:41:16,200 --> 00:41:19,879 Speaker 1: we haven't. I haven't talked to her, and man, it's 736 00:41:19,920 --> 00:41:24,200 Speaker 1: been like twelve years. Um. And then like I said, 737 00:41:24,440 --> 00:41:26,640 Speaker 1: she found out about the book and now it's just 738 00:41:27,480 --> 00:41:29,719 Speaker 1: my family members letting me know that she's like trying 739 00:41:29,719 --> 00:41:31,359 Speaker 1: to get a hold of me and trying to find me. 740 00:41:31,440 --> 00:41:35,680 Speaker 1: So um, you know, she has these grand ideas of 741 00:41:36,440 --> 00:41:40,840 Speaker 1: uh making money and suing me and whatever. So you know, 742 00:41:40,920 --> 00:41:44,000 Speaker 1: it goes on. The fight continues. It's not this isn't 743 00:41:44,000 --> 00:41:47,239 Speaker 1: things that you know are all in my past, Like 744 00:41:47,280 --> 00:41:49,879 Speaker 1: I'm still having to deal with some of these things 745 00:41:49,880 --> 00:41:51,680 Speaker 1: and still still having to deal with a lot of 746 00:41:51,680 --> 00:41:55,960 Speaker 1: it actually, so you know, unfortunately, that's that's probably a 747 00:41:56,000 --> 00:41:58,000 Speaker 1: reason why a lot of people don't tell their stories 748 00:41:58,000 --> 00:42:00,640 Speaker 1: that have had similar stories, that can't get it out 749 00:42:00,640 --> 00:42:03,360 Speaker 1: there because they're afraid of the backlash. And you know, 750 00:42:03,400 --> 00:42:05,880 Speaker 1: for me, I was just it's like, whatever, this is 751 00:42:05,920 --> 00:42:07,759 Speaker 1: what I want to do. I gotta send it. I can't. 752 00:42:08,200 --> 00:42:12,120 Speaker 1: I can't fill myself with with worry about something that's 753 00:42:12,160 --> 00:42:17,200 Speaker 1: likely to never happened. So she's still struggling with her issues. 754 00:42:17,960 --> 00:42:22,000 Speaker 1: Oh yeah, yeah, that's too bad. Yeah, so I last night, 755 00:42:23,040 --> 00:42:25,880 Speaker 1: you know, it was a while back, but um, someone 756 00:42:25,920 --> 00:42:29,600 Speaker 1: put her on speaker when they called them uh, and 757 00:42:30,560 --> 00:42:34,240 Speaker 1: it was you could barely hear what she was saying. 758 00:42:34,320 --> 00:42:39,480 Speaker 1: It was hm. So you know, she's just learned her words, 759 00:42:39,840 --> 00:42:43,120 Speaker 1: you know, super heavy and all this stuff, and it's like, uh, 760 00:42:43,440 --> 00:42:48,040 Speaker 1: here we go. It's unfortunately, and you know, I've spent yeah, 761 00:42:48,040 --> 00:42:50,360 Speaker 1: and I've spent years, you know, my brother spent years 762 00:42:51,320 --> 00:42:55,160 Speaker 1: hoping and praying that she would come around, you know, 763 00:42:55,280 --> 00:42:58,000 Speaker 1: but we're still here all this time later. Unfortunately, we're 764 00:42:58,000 --> 00:43:00,880 Speaker 1: still in a place where she doesn't seem to have 765 00:43:01,440 --> 00:43:05,440 Speaker 1: come around. And that's really unfortunate. And said you know, 766 00:43:05,600 --> 00:43:09,120 Speaker 1: UM to ask a personal question, I know, like an 767 00:43:09,239 --> 00:43:12,520 Speaker 1: SF and you know, we come to rely on each other. 768 00:43:12,600 --> 00:43:19,160 Speaker 1: That trust factor is there um implicitly. I mean, you know, 769 00:43:19,719 --> 00:43:21,680 Speaker 1: every day you have to be able to trust the 770 00:43:21,680 --> 00:43:24,520 Speaker 1: guys around you, and that's one of things that that 771 00:43:24,640 --> 00:43:29,200 Speaker 1: has never changed through the years. And for somebody who 772 00:43:29,239 --> 00:43:32,320 Speaker 1: grew up in that kind of atmosphere, was it tough 773 00:43:32,400 --> 00:43:36,799 Speaker 1: to get the for you to trust some of the 774 00:43:36,840 --> 00:43:40,240 Speaker 1: other guys around you, or was the environment so different 775 00:43:40,680 --> 00:43:43,239 Speaker 1: that that wasn't an issue for you? Oh? Yeah, that 776 00:43:43,640 --> 00:43:47,920 Speaker 1: for me, it was I needed that more than anybody else, 777 00:43:47,960 --> 00:43:50,279 Speaker 1: did you know, Like there were some guys on the 778 00:43:50,280 --> 00:43:52,919 Speaker 1: team that you know, on every team that they had 779 00:43:52,960 --> 00:43:57,719 Speaker 1: good you know, childhoods, they had good families, so this 780 00:43:57,800 --> 00:44:00,799 Speaker 1: was more of a job, you know, and of course 781 00:44:00,800 --> 00:44:03,279 Speaker 1: they trusted each other, but they didn't rely on on 782 00:44:03,560 --> 00:44:07,120 Speaker 1: some kind of like uh, mental support, you know, and 783 00:44:07,160 --> 00:44:10,319 Speaker 1: things like that. But for me, you know, this was 784 00:44:10,680 --> 00:44:13,400 Speaker 1: this was the closest thing to a family that I 785 00:44:13,440 --> 00:44:17,239 Speaker 1: had ever had, and so I really needed that UM 786 00:44:17,320 --> 00:44:20,719 Speaker 1: trust and and support and in that you know, that's 787 00:44:20,719 --> 00:44:23,719 Speaker 1: probably why it probably hurt me more than most when 788 00:44:23,920 --> 00:44:27,440 Speaker 1: things kind of went Haywire on that deployment because you know, 789 00:44:27,480 --> 00:44:31,960 Speaker 1: I relied on those those relationships like and so I 790 00:44:31,960 --> 00:44:33,759 Speaker 1: wouldn't say that it was more difficult for me to 791 00:44:33,760 --> 00:44:35,799 Speaker 1: get him. I would say it was more difficult for 792 00:44:35,800 --> 00:44:40,440 Speaker 1: me to lose them. And in that vein, Um, I 793 00:44:40,480 --> 00:44:43,799 Speaker 1: know and myself included in this, when it comes time 794 00:44:43,840 --> 00:44:48,400 Speaker 1: to transition from the military, um, and many of that 795 00:44:48,560 --> 00:44:50,840 Speaker 1: struggle with this, I mean it was Was it a 796 00:44:50,880 --> 00:44:53,880 Speaker 1: hard transition for you even though you were going into 797 00:44:53,920 --> 00:45:00,200 Speaker 1: a similar type of an atmosphere with the police department, Yes, um, 798 00:45:00,280 --> 00:45:03,640 Speaker 1: because the police department is still different enough, Like maybe 799 00:45:03,680 --> 00:45:07,359 Speaker 1: if you're coming from a support job and going into 800 00:45:07,400 --> 00:45:09,920 Speaker 1: the police department, it will be a lot similar. But 801 00:45:09,960 --> 00:45:14,239 Speaker 1: coming from special operations and going to the street, you know, 802 00:45:14,480 --> 00:45:17,640 Speaker 1: as a police officer, was was extremely different. I found 803 00:45:17,680 --> 00:45:20,399 Speaker 1: a couple of guys that, um, you know a few 804 00:45:20,400 --> 00:45:23,200 Speaker 1: guys and girls that I think would hack well in 805 00:45:23,320 --> 00:45:25,880 Speaker 1: special operations, and I tried to stay with them because 806 00:45:25,880 --> 00:45:29,040 Speaker 1: they had very similar mindsets and um, you know some 807 00:45:29,080 --> 00:45:34,279 Speaker 1: guys were prior special special operations. UM. So I just 808 00:45:34,400 --> 00:45:36,360 Speaker 1: tried to stick with them as close as I could. 809 00:45:36,920 --> 00:45:40,400 Speaker 1: But there's always those people that you wonder, you know, 810 00:45:40,480 --> 00:45:42,200 Speaker 1: just like in the army that you wonder, like what 811 00:45:42,239 --> 00:45:45,440 Speaker 1: are you doing here? Like you don't seem to have 812 00:45:45,480 --> 00:45:49,799 Speaker 1: the same mentality, um, and you don't even seem to 813 00:45:49,840 --> 00:45:52,800 Speaker 1: like it. And for a lot of people, you know, 814 00:45:52,840 --> 00:45:55,800 Speaker 1: because the police departments, at least in Denver, they pay amazing, 815 00:45:56,000 --> 00:45:58,960 Speaker 1: like it's you know, it's like, yeah, it's it's I 816 00:45:59,000 --> 00:46:02,440 Speaker 1: think their base PO PO one is like nine thousand 817 00:46:02,440 --> 00:46:04,799 Speaker 1: a year and then you can work off duty to 818 00:46:04,840 --> 00:46:07,120 Speaker 1: where most people at PO one are making well over 819 00:46:07,120 --> 00:46:12,359 Speaker 1: a hundred thousand a year. So but it's like just 820 00:46:12,440 --> 00:46:15,399 Speaker 1: because the problem with that, you know, that's great, cops 821 00:46:15,440 --> 00:46:17,319 Speaker 1: should should make that much, they should make more. But 822 00:46:17,800 --> 00:46:19,640 Speaker 1: the problem with that is some people get so attached 823 00:46:19,680 --> 00:46:22,080 Speaker 1: to the money that even though they're disenchanted with the 824 00:46:22,160 --> 00:46:25,120 Speaker 1: job itself, they keep doing it because they get paid 825 00:46:25,160 --> 00:46:28,239 Speaker 1: so well. And it's like those people kind of we're 826 00:46:28,239 --> 00:46:30,480 Speaker 1: hard to be around. And you don't really have that 827 00:46:30,560 --> 00:46:33,560 Speaker 1: in special forces because it's like, listen, this job is 828 00:46:33,600 --> 00:46:36,480 Speaker 1: harder and you're not making I mean you make a 829 00:46:36,520 --> 00:46:39,839 Speaker 1: little more for demo pay and things like that, but 830 00:46:40,680 --> 00:46:43,080 Speaker 1: you're you're making pretty much that your rank isn't going 831 00:46:43,120 --> 00:46:45,799 Speaker 1: to change. You're here because you want to be here 832 00:46:45,840 --> 00:46:48,520 Speaker 1: and you want to do this job. And that was 833 00:46:48,560 --> 00:46:54,920 Speaker 1: a big mindset shift. Yeah, and uh, you know I 834 00:46:55,160 --> 00:46:58,440 Speaker 1: read then in your book that you know, because of 835 00:46:58,480 --> 00:47:02,960 Speaker 1: the events that happened a year ago, less than a 836 00:47:03,080 --> 00:47:06,840 Speaker 1: year ago, really that that changed your mindset with the 837 00:47:06,840 --> 00:47:10,560 Speaker 1: police department, and now you know you're you're an entrepreneur 838 00:47:10,719 --> 00:47:16,279 Speaker 1: because pressure. Actually, it seemed like in the book you 839 00:47:16,320 --> 00:47:19,840 Speaker 1: were talking about pressure from both sides, because pressure of 840 00:47:19,880 --> 00:47:23,760 Speaker 1: being a street cops, especially during two thousand and twenty, 841 00:47:23,760 --> 00:47:25,960 Speaker 1: and we all know what was going on all across 842 00:47:26,000 --> 00:47:31,359 Speaker 1: the country, and then the police department wasn't really um 843 00:47:31,360 --> 00:47:34,120 Speaker 1: giving you guys to support you guys should have had, 844 00:47:34,719 --> 00:47:36,440 Speaker 1: right And that was the biggest thing for me is 845 00:47:36,440 --> 00:47:40,160 Speaker 1: the police department as a whole, the just didn't have 846 00:47:40,200 --> 00:47:43,400 Speaker 1: our backs. Like fine, you know you the public is 847 00:47:44,520 --> 00:47:47,600 Speaker 1: um being heavily persuaded by the media. I understand that. 848 00:47:47,800 --> 00:47:51,080 Speaker 1: I understand that their frustration, you know, like I get it. 849 00:47:51,160 --> 00:47:53,560 Speaker 1: You know, we all turn on the news in the 850 00:47:53,600 --> 00:47:57,000 Speaker 1: morning and get piste off about something or other that 851 00:47:57,280 --> 00:48:01,359 Speaker 1: Fox or CNN is trying to push us in their direction. Um, 852 00:48:01,400 --> 00:48:06,279 Speaker 1: But what I can't accept is the department giving into 853 00:48:06,640 --> 00:48:09,319 Speaker 1: the media and the department kind of coming after us, 854 00:48:09,360 --> 00:48:13,120 Speaker 1: like you know, and honestly, like I'm speaking on behalf 855 00:48:13,160 --> 00:48:14,560 Speaker 1: of most of the cops that I know, is like 856 00:48:14,600 --> 00:48:17,000 Speaker 1: they made us feel like like criminals. They made us 857 00:48:17,000 --> 00:48:21,000 Speaker 1: feel like trash, and we really didn't feel like the 858 00:48:21,040 --> 00:48:24,760 Speaker 1: department was going to support us and have our backs. Um. 859 00:48:24,800 --> 00:48:28,680 Speaker 1: And that was that was a big realization for me 860 00:48:28,719 --> 00:48:31,400 Speaker 1: because think about it, You're going out with the public 861 00:48:31,640 --> 00:48:37,799 Speaker 1: with the gun, with a lot of authority and you know, 862 00:48:38,080 --> 00:48:41,600 Speaker 1: dealing with situations you even as law enforcement you shouldn't 863 00:48:41,600 --> 00:48:44,560 Speaker 1: be involved in, you know, and now the department is 864 00:48:44,600 --> 00:48:47,439 Speaker 1: not going to support you if and when not if, 865 00:48:47,480 --> 00:48:50,640 Speaker 1: but when things go wrong, because things always go wrong 866 00:48:50,680 --> 00:48:52,960 Speaker 1: when you're you're a police officer, like that's what you're 867 00:48:53,000 --> 00:48:56,520 Speaker 1: there force things that aren't going right, you know. So 868 00:48:56,600 --> 00:49:00,279 Speaker 1: I was like I felt like I was just if 869 00:49:00,320 --> 00:49:03,279 Speaker 1: I kept working there. Then I accepted the fact that 870 00:49:03,320 --> 00:49:07,000 Speaker 1: I was going to either pull back from what I 871 00:49:07,080 --> 00:49:08,840 Speaker 1: was doing because I was on a special team and 872 00:49:08,880 --> 00:49:13,960 Speaker 1: we're proactive team going after um you know, guns and drugs, 873 00:49:14,840 --> 00:49:18,520 Speaker 1: illegal guns and stolen guns, on on gang members and felons. 874 00:49:19,360 --> 00:49:21,520 Speaker 1: I was either going to pull back and not do 875 00:49:21,719 --> 00:49:26,319 Speaker 1: my job out of fear of the department and in 876 00:49:26,719 --> 00:49:31,719 Speaker 1: lawsuits and we were losing um qualified immunity and all 877 00:49:31,719 --> 00:49:35,920 Speaker 1: this stuff, and or I was putting my family at 878 00:49:36,040 --> 00:49:40,600 Speaker 1: risk every day I went to work because the department 879 00:49:40,640 --> 00:49:43,799 Speaker 1: really didn't support us. So I chose that that kind 880 00:49:43,840 --> 00:49:48,439 Speaker 1: of stress was not something I was willing to continue with. 881 00:49:50,239 --> 00:49:54,160 Speaker 1: So you made the transition again, and now you you 882 00:49:54,400 --> 00:50:00,720 Speaker 1: have your FMG academy and and uh, you talk about 883 00:50:01,719 --> 00:50:06,319 Speaker 1: that mindset, but how difficult is it now for you 884 00:50:06,480 --> 00:50:11,000 Speaker 1: to keep that focus moving forward because now you're you're 885 00:50:11,280 --> 00:50:14,640 Speaker 1: a totally new realm though, aren't you. Oh yeah, yeah, 886 00:50:14,640 --> 00:50:17,600 Speaker 1: so it's right now for me. And you know, some 887 00:50:17,640 --> 00:50:19,319 Speaker 1: people will say like, oh, you just hot from one 888 00:50:19,320 --> 00:50:20,799 Speaker 1: thing to the next, and it's like, you know what, 889 00:50:21,400 --> 00:50:24,359 Speaker 1: that's not an easy thing to do. And if you 890 00:50:25,040 --> 00:50:28,520 Speaker 1: if you think that it's cowardice or weak, too hot 891 00:50:28,560 --> 00:50:30,600 Speaker 1: from one thing to the next, and give it a try. 892 00:50:30,680 --> 00:50:35,360 Speaker 1: Sometimes it's it's extremely difficult, um to not just buckle 893 00:50:35,440 --> 00:50:37,280 Speaker 1: down and say, you know what, well, this pays well 894 00:50:37,800 --> 00:50:41,760 Speaker 1: and I'm comfortable, I'm gonna stay here. So right now 895 00:50:42,280 --> 00:50:48,160 Speaker 1: things are working exceptionally well. Um, But at the same time, 896 00:50:48,200 --> 00:50:50,479 Speaker 1: I'm still I feel like I'm in an ocean trying 897 00:50:50,480 --> 00:50:55,360 Speaker 1: to find land because there's no there's no playbook for 898 00:50:55,440 --> 00:50:59,359 Speaker 1: this whole like whatever it is that I do now 899 00:50:59,400 --> 00:51:04,000 Speaker 1: with with what am I like, ah, yeah, an author, entrepreneur, 900 00:51:04,800 --> 00:51:08,360 Speaker 1: what influencer? You two? I don't know, you know, so yeah, 901 00:51:08,880 --> 00:51:10,520 Speaker 1: it's like I don't even know what that means. People 902 00:51:10,560 --> 00:51:12,359 Speaker 1: ask me what I do now and I just laugh. 903 00:51:12,400 --> 00:51:14,680 Speaker 1: I'm like, I don't know. That's That's what made me 904 00:51:14,800 --> 00:51:19,239 Speaker 1: laugh because I was somewhere recently and somebody said, tell 905 00:51:19,280 --> 00:51:22,319 Speaker 1: me about yourself, you know what, who are you? What 906 00:51:22,360 --> 00:51:25,080 Speaker 1: do you do? And I was like, that's a really 907 00:51:25,080 --> 00:51:28,080 Speaker 1: good question. I don't know. I mean, you know a 908 00:51:28,120 --> 00:51:30,279 Speaker 1: lot of times, when you spent so many years in 909 00:51:30,600 --> 00:51:33,040 Speaker 1: s F, you say, oh, I'm a Green Beret, but 910 00:51:33,280 --> 00:51:36,200 Speaker 1: that's not who I am. That's my job. I mean, 911 00:51:36,239 --> 00:51:39,879 Speaker 1: that was my life, but that's not really who I am. 912 00:51:39,960 --> 00:51:42,319 Speaker 1: And then somebody asked me that now and I'm like, 913 00:51:43,160 --> 00:51:47,759 Speaker 1: I don't know. My journalist, I don't know. I was like, 914 00:51:47,840 --> 00:51:50,920 Speaker 1: I'm still trying to grow up. I'm I don't know 915 00:51:51,040 --> 00:51:54,399 Speaker 1: what I am right now, right like, I'm just trying 916 00:51:54,400 --> 00:51:55,680 Speaker 1: to figure out what I want to do when I 917 00:51:55,719 --> 00:51:58,799 Speaker 1: grow up. And it's like, yeah, but that's and that's 918 00:51:58,840 --> 00:52:01,600 Speaker 1: what it is like even though, um, and I hate 919 00:52:01,600 --> 00:52:03,400 Speaker 1: to say, like when your Special Forces or when your 920 00:52:03,400 --> 00:52:05,560 Speaker 1: a police officer, like you rely so much on that 921 00:52:05,640 --> 00:52:08,319 Speaker 1: identity because even though even if you don't even a 922 00:52:08,360 --> 00:52:11,399 Speaker 1: normal conversation when someone says, oh, hey, what are you, like, oh, 923 00:52:11,640 --> 00:52:14,000 Speaker 1: I'm a father, you know, I'm a husband, but I 924 00:52:14,080 --> 00:52:16,920 Speaker 1: also go to work as a police officer. And then 925 00:52:16,920 --> 00:52:20,640 Speaker 1: they're like, oh it it feels natural, you know. So 926 00:52:20,680 --> 00:52:22,760 Speaker 1: even if you're not one of those people that are 927 00:52:22,800 --> 00:52:27,800 Speaker 1: hanging onto that identity, still having a profession that people 928 00:52:27,840 --> 00:52:32,480 Speaker 1: acknowledge as a legitimate profession, it helps conversation that you know, 929 00:52:32,520 --> 00:52:34,600 Speaker 1: and and it helps people understand where you are in 930 00:52:34,640 --> 00:52:36,719 Speaker 1: your life. But when they ask me now, they're like, oh, 931 00:52:36,760 --> 00:52:38,360 Speaker 1: what do you do? How was that jiu jitsu the 932 00:52:38,360 --> 00:52:41,000 Speaker 1: other day? And I'm trying out a new gym and um, 933 00:52:41,080 --> 00:52:42,640 Speaker 1: I love it, by the way, it's like it's called 934 00:52:42,640 --> 00:52:45,920 Speaker 1: Gail Force. It's sick. But and I'm like, they're like, 935 00:52:45,920 --> 00:52:48,440 Speaker 1: what do you do? And I'm like, I don't. I 936 00:52:48,440 --> 00:52:51,000 Speaker 1: don't know. Man, Like I have a YouTube channel I 937 00:52:51,040 --> 00:52:54,200 Speaker 1: have a book. Um, I try to motivate people, and 938 00:52:54,480 --> 00:52:57,680 Speaker 1: I don't know what that means in in that is 939 00:52:57,719 --> 00:53:02,640 Speaker 1: difficult because first of all, not only just perspective wise 940 00:53:02,680 --> 00:53:05,880 Speaker 1: for myself, but now my family is depending on me 941 00:53:05,920 --> 00:53:08,680 Speaker 1: as a provider. I have a kid on the way, 942 00:53:08,960 --> 00:53:12,719 Speaker 1: and I'm pursuing something that I cannot guarantee her is 943 00:53:12,760 --> 00:53:15,280 Speaker 1: going to bring X amount of dollars a X amount 944 00:53:15,280 --> 00:53:19,960 Speaker 1: of time and have this health insurance and and it's like, so, 945 00:53:20,920 --> 00:53:23,120 Speaker 1: but I can't stop. I gotta make it. I gotta 946 00:53:23,160 --> 00:53:26,760 Speaker 1: make whatever this is. It's it's moving in the right direction. 947 00:53:26,800 --> 00:53:30,360 Speaker 1: I just don't know what that means. Yeah, I know 948 00:53:30,440 --> 00:53:34,520 Speaker 1: exactly what you're talking about, because it's just recently I've 949 00:53:34,560 --> 00:53:37,760 Speaker 1: been talking to my be a counselor and she calls 950 00:53:37,840 --> 00:53:40,920 Speaker 1: me that right now where everything is online because of 951 00:53:41,000 --> 00:53:43,960 Speaker 1: the cod she asked me the same question, you know, 952 00:53:44,960 --> 00:53:47,799 Speaker 1: where do you see yourself? And I was like, hell, 953 00:53:47,960 --> 00:53:50,600 Speaker 1: I don't know. I'm just trying to get through today. 954 00:53:50,760 --> 00:53:52,920 Speaker 1: I mean, it's like I don't even know what I'm 955 00:53:52,960 --> 00:53:56,960 Speaker 1: gonna be next next year. You know, It's like it's tough. 956 00:53:57,040 --> 00:54:00,239 Speaker 1: I mean, you know, we kind of ident to fight 957 00:54:00,400 --> 00:54:03,759 Speaker 1: with our position, but it doesn't really mean that's who 958 00:54:03,840 --> 00:54:08,640 Speaker 1: we are. So yeah, so so so now I sorry, 959 00:54:08,640 --> 00:54:13,600 Speaker 1: I'm interrupted there. Um ahead, so now you know the 960 00:54:13,640 --> 00:54:20,000 Speaker 1: book it technically doesn't release and for three more days. 961 00:54:20,440 --> 00:54:26,719 Speaker 1: Um and somehow through the pre pre release and um yeah, 962 00:54:26,760 --> 00:54:28,360 Speaker 1: I think it was just through pre release. But we 963 00:54:28,440 --> 00:54:34,759 Speaker 1: hit like like three best seller categories. So that's an 964 00:54:34,800 --> 00:54:38,480 Speaker 1: amazing feeling, right, um. But at the same time, like 965 00:54:40,280 --> 00:54:43,280 Speaker 1: what do you do with that? You know, it's like 966 00:54:43,280 --> 00:54:46,600 Speaker 1: like what do I just get to upgrade my upgrade 967 00:54:46,680 --> 00:54:49,360 Speaker 1: my my Instagram to a blue check or something? But 968 00:54:49,680 --> 00:54:55,160 Speaker 1: how do I make this into a monetization and how 969 00:54:55,200 --> 00:54:57,360 Speaker 1: do I how do I make this career into something 970 00:54:57,400 --> 00:55:00,359 Speaker 1: that not only is making me happy because I am 971 00:55:00,360 --> 00:55:02,680 Speaker 1: the happiest I've ever been in my entire life, you know, 972 00:55:02,760 --> 00:55:06,560 Speaker 1: doing this, but how do I give my family comfort 973 00:55:06,600 --> 00:55:08,680 Speaker 1: and knowing that this is going to turn into something, 974 00:55:09,239 --> 00:55:11,480 Speaker 1: um that you know, gives us the lifestyle that we 975 00:55:11,560 --> 00:55:15,640 Speaker 1: are accustomed to. That's that's the big question I think 976 00:55:15,680 --> 00:55:20,360 Speaker 1: everyone faces. But it seems like you're definitely I'm not 977 00:55:20,400 --> 00:55:23,279 Speaker 1: gonna say you're hell, I don't think any of us 978 00:55:23,320 --> 00:55:27,160 Speaker 1: ever are, but it seems like you're definitely on the 979 00:55:27,320 --> 00:55:31,359 Speaker 1: right track these days, and it's an ultimate process. That's 980 00:55:31,360 --> 00:55:36,000 Speaker 1: what we all look for. But um, you know, to 981 00:55:36,040 --> 00:55:38,600 Speaker 1: all our listeners out there and our readers of software, 982 00:55:39,080 --> 00:55:43,400 Speaker 1: Sean's book Rising Above gets released February. I do believe 983 00:55:44,080 --> 00:55:47,359 Speaker 1: that you know, they can preorder it now. Is it 984 00:55:47,400 --> 00:55:51,520 Speaker 1: on Amazon? Please fill our listeners in. Yeah, they could. 985 00:55:52,160 --> 00:55:56,360 Speaker 1: They can get a copy now on Amazon. Um, I 986 00:55:56,360 --> 00:55:58,160 Speaker 1: believe they could just go on and order it right 987 00:55:58,239 --> 00:56:03,200 Speaker 1: now and it'll ship, you know, ship by the and 988 00:56:03,360 --> 00:56:05,439 Speaker 1: you have a website as well where they can order 989 00:56:05,480 --> 00:56:11,560 Speaker 1: it from too. Yeah, so Sean Sean Buck Rogers dot com. Um, 990 00:56:11,640 --> 00:56:13,600 Speaker 1: you could hit that tab at the bottom says pre 991 00:56:13,719 --> 00:56:16,799 Speaker 1: order and they'll take you to the Amazon page. Um. Yeah, 992 00:56:16,840 --> 00:56:20,160 Speaker 1: that's we're running a sale for the kindle version if 993 00:56:20,160 --> 00:56:22,399 Speaker 1: you want to dig in sooner. It's nine nine cents 994 00:56:22,440 --> 00:56:25,120 Speaker 1: the first week of promotion. Um. And that's just to 995 00:56:25,200 --> 00:56:27,879 Speaker 1: get get it into people's hands and see what they think. 996 00:56:28,680 --> 00:56:31,880 Speaker 1: And uh, you know, but yeah, it's ships here in 997 00:56:31,960 --> 00:56:35,080 Speaker 1: a couple of days, and it's hitting bestseller and hopefully 998 00:56:35,080 --> 00:56:38,239 Speaker 1: it helps you know. I'm I'm clearly no author, but 999 00:56:39,239 --> 00:56:41,640 Speaker 1: I did my best and and you know, try to 1000 00:56:41,640 --> 00:56:44,640 Speaker 1: be as open and as honest as I could be. Yeah, 1001 00:56:44,680 --> 00:56:48,879 Speaker 1: and how again, what was that like? I mean, you 1002 00:56:48,880 --> 00:56:51,000 Speaker 1: you put all your thoughts on paper, and then you 1003 00:56:51,040 --> 00:56:55,560 Speaker 1: have to go through the editorial process and then putting 1004 00:56:55,600 --> 00:56:59,319 Speaker 1: the book together, and you know, the cover art and 1005 00:56:59,360 --> 00:57:01,520 Speaker 1: all that. I mean, that's stuff that none of us 1006 00:57:01,600 --> 00:57:06,759 Speaker 1: know anything about. I mean, well, so, yeah, so I 1007 00:57:06,800 --> 00:57:10,840 Speaker 1: got the manuscript done. Um the first draft, which the 1008 00:57:10,880 --> 00:57:14,120 Speaker 1: first draft is far from done. If um, you know, 1009 00:57:14,160 --> 00:57:15,880 Speaker 1: if you if you, if you're ever going to get 1010 00:57:15,880 --> 00:57:17,120 Speaker 1: out there and write a book, and you get to 1011 00:57:17,160 --> 00:57:19,440 Speaker 1: the end of your manuscript, the end of your first draft, 1012 00:57:19,800 --> 00:57:21,760 Speaker 1: and you think that you're close to being done, then 1013 00:57:22,080 --> 00:57:23,640 Speaker 1: just put it down for a while, take a breath, 1014 00:57:23,680 --> 00:57:25,160 Speaker 1: and know that you're gonna have to like redo it 1015 00:57:25,240 --> 00:57:28,680 Speaker 1: four or five times. Uh. But it got to the 1016 00:57:28,760 --> 00:57:30,680 Speaker 1: end of the manuscript period and I was like, this 1017 00:57:30,760 --> 00:57:33,560 Speaker 1: is not gonna go anywhere because just like you said, 1018 00:57:33,560 --> 00:57:35,280 Speaker 1: I do not know how to do cover. I don't 1019 00:57:35,280 --> 00:57:37,320 Speaker 1: know what to do next, I don't know where to go. 1020 00:57:38,080 --> 00:57:41,960 Speaker 1: So um, I had to make an initial investment and um, 1021 00:57:42,000 --> 00:57:46,400 Speaker 1: you know, I spent ten thousand on hiring Scribe Media 1022 00:57:47,240 --> 00:57:51,880 Speaker 1: to do it, and they did um. Um Goggin's book, 1023 00:57:52,680 --> 00:57:55,520 Speaker 1: and so that's what I did. So when I tell 1024 00:57:55,560 --> 00:57:58,040 Speaker 1: people like, hey, you know, there's always someone else that's 1025 00:57:58,080 --> 00:58:01,240 Speaker 1: done it before you, so there's no excuses. Well, I 1026 00:58:01,280 --> 00:58:03,040 Speaker 1: just thought to myself, like, what book did I like? 1027 00:58:03,520 --> 00:58:05,440 Speaker 1: And it was I liked can't hurt me quite a bit. 1028 00:58:05,480 --> 00:58:07,640 Speaker 1: So I was like, well, who did that? So I 1029 00:58:07,680 --> 00:58:10,400 Speaker 1: went to their company And obviously I didn't pay them 1030 00:58:10,440 --> 00:58:12,640 Speaker 1: to write the book for me, Otherwise it would have been, 1031 00:58:12,960 --> 00:58:15,880 Speaker 1: you know, a lot better and maybe maybe number two, 1032 00:58:15,880 --> 00:58:19,040 Speaker 1: I'll actually have an author, right. Uh. But they got 1033 00:58:19,040 --> 00:58:22,320 Speaker 1: it to the point where it was edited and released 1034 00:58:22,680 --> 00:58:24,960 Speaker 1: for sale, and they did the cover art and all 1035 00:58:24,960 --> 00:58:27,959 Speaker 1: that stuff. So um, and that was not an easy 1036 00:58:27,960 --> 00:58:29,960 Speaker 1: conversation to have with my wife, you know, walking in 1037 00:58:30,040 --> 00:58:32,800 Speaker 1: and here's this book that I'm doing for my own healing, 1038 00:58:33,280 --> 00:58:36,160 Speaker 1: and I'm doing it as a hobby. Um, I'm still 1039 00:58:36,160 --> 00:58:38,280 Speaker 1: working as a police officer. I'm still doing all this stuff. 1040 00:58:38,280 --> 00:58:42,640 Speaker 1: So I have no intention of, like, you know, being 1041 00:58:42,720 --> 00:58:45,680 Speaker 1: an author or an influencer or anything like that. And 1042 00:58:45,720 --> 00:58:48,680 Speaker 1: I'm like, hey, I need to spend um, almost all 1043 00:58:48,680 --> 00:58:51,720 Speaker 1: our savings on a book that will probably not make 1044 00:58:51,800 --> 00:59:00,400 Speaker 1: us any money. Yeah, So she was like her. She's 1045 00:59:00,440 --> 00:59:03,880 Speaker 1: like no, and I was like and then she she 1046 00:59:03,880 --> 00:59:06,240 Speaker 1: she knows me because we're going on ten years of 1047 00:59:06,280 --> 00:59:08,000 Speaker 1: being married and she comes us. She's like, I know 1048 00:59:08,160 --> 00:59:10,640 Speaker 1: you you're you need to do it. So she's like, 1049 00:59:10,760 --> 00:59:13,680 Speaker 1: just do it, and you know, I was like, that's awesome, 1050 00:59:13,680 --> 00:59:18,440 Speaker 1: thank you. So so that I luckily, I you know, 1051 00:59:18,520 --> 00:59:22,520 Speaker 1: scraped together Tin Grant and had them finished the book 1052 00:59:22,920 --> 00:59:25,280 Speaker 1: so it could actually be sold and not just be 1053 00:59:25,360 --> 00:59:28,360 Speaker 1: an idea that never gets completed, because that's something I 1054 00:59:28,360 --> 00:59:30,520 Speaker 1: obsess over, like if I start something, I have to 1055 00:59:30,560 --> 00:59:37,040 Speaker 1: finish it. Well. One more question, Um, from reading the book, 1056 00:59:37,600 --> 00:59:39,880 Speaker 1: you come across in the book as some of that's 1057 00:59:40,080 --> 00:59:43,840 Speaker 1: very uh I'm not gonna say religious, but faith focused. 1058 00:59:43,880 --> 00:59:46,120 Speaker 1: I guess you could say, is that is that a 1059 00:59:46,160 --> 00:59:50,800 Speaker 1: big part of your life now? Absolutely? Like, um, I 1060 00:59:50,880 --> 00:59:52,480 Speaker 1: was talking about that with somebody like I'm not a 1061 00:59:52,520 --> 00:59:56,600 Speaker 1: good Christian, uh but you know yeah right. It's like 1062 00:59:57,560 --> 00:59:59,320 Speaker 1: he said the same thing where I was just like, listen, 1063 00:59:59,760 --> 01:00:04,360 Speaker 1: we're all failing all the time. But to me, you know, 1064 01:00:04,360 --> 01:00:07,439 Speaker 1: and I listened to a lot of um Napoleon Hill. 1065 01:00:07,520 --> 01:00:09,400 Speaker 1: I don't know if you've ever read his books, but 1066 01:00:10,000 --> 01:00:14,920 Speaker 1: he talks about just you know, having faith and what 1067 01:00:15,000 --> 01:00:18,240 Speaker 1: it does for success and things like that. And without 1068 01:00:18,360 --> 01:00:20,640 Speaker 1: without it, I don't know. I don't know if I 1069 01:00:20,640 --> 01:00:23,840 Speaker 1: would be able to put all the pieces together and 1070 01:00:23,840 --> 01:00:26,040 Speaker 1: and know that there's a bigger picture and that I 1071 01:00:26,080 --> 01:00:29,480 Speaker 1: am just a small piece of the puzzle. And you know, 1072 01:00:30,360 --> 01:00:33,920 Speaker 1: I could lose everything I could, I could fail every time. 1073 01:00:34,440 --> 01:00:37,520 Speaker 1: But at the end of the day, Um, there's more 1074 01:00:37,640 --> 01:00:42,360 Speaker 1: to this life than than Sean and my desires for 1075 01:00:42,400 --> 01:00:44,720 Speaker 1: success and things like that. So it helps me to 1076 01:00:44,720 --> 01:00:47,840 Speaker 1: really put things in perspective and take the blinders off 1077 01:00:47,840 --> 01:00:50,520 Speaker 1: and realize that, you know, this life is not about me. 1078 01:00:50,800 --> 01:00:53,720 Speaker 1: You know, there's a bigger picture. It's about people in general, 1079 01:00:53,840 --> 01:00:58,240 Speaker 1: is about human beings, um, you know, living forever. So 1080 01:00:59,480 --> 01:01:02,280 Speaker 1: you know, I uh, I try to get in the 1081 01:01:02,320 --> 01:01:04,840 Speaker 1: Bible in it. It just it just gives me so 1082 01:01:04,960 --> 01:01:07,280 Speaker 1: much better perspective and gives me a lot of strength. 1083 01:01:08,440 --> 01:01:12,400 Speaker 1: Excellent well to all our listeners and leaders out there. 1084 01:01:12,480 --> 01:01:16,480 Speaker 1: Sean Rogers book Rising Above, a Greenberry Story of childhood, 1085 01:01:16,520 --> 01:01:20,960 Speaker 1: frum Or an Ultimate Healing. We highly recommend this. Um 1086 01:01:21,200 --> 01:01:24,760 Speaker 1: this book, you can find it on Amazon, and I 1087 01:01:24,800 --> 01:01:28,120 Speaker 1: think you know, it's one of those books where it's 1088 01:01:29,240 --> 01:01:31,800 Speaker 1: gets a little uncomfortable at times when you're reading about 1089 01:01:32,360 --> 01:01:37,120 Speaker 1: someone's travails through their childhood. I mean, it wasn't the 1090 01:01:37,160 --> 01:01:40,400 Speaker 1: typical childhood, but you know, when you see what Shawn's 1091 01:01:40,440 --> 01:01:45,040 Speaker 1: become these days, it talks about ultimate redemption I think 1092 01:01:45,040 --> 01:01:49,600 Speaker 1: in perseverance more than anything. But before we go, we 1093 01:01:49,680 --> 01:01:53,480 Speaker 1: just want to note that we have to read every time. 1094 01:01:53,840 --> 01:01:55,880 Speaker 1: If you want to get soft rep on your phone, 1095 01:01:55,920 --> 01:01:59,200 Speaker 1: download a free mobile app and get easy access to 1096 01:01:59,240 --> 01:02:03,200 Speaker 1: our articles, casts and gear reviews, all perfectly formatted to 1097 01:02:03,280 --> 01:02:05,920 Speaker 1: your device, please subscribe to soft rep dot com to 1098 01:02:06,000 --> 01:02:09,560 Speaker 1: get all of our library of e books in our 1099 01:02:09,600 --> 01:02:13,160 Speaker 1: exclusive team reforms and content available on all your Apple 1100 01:02:13,240 --> 01:02:16,960 Speaker 1: and Android devices. So for all of us here at 1101 01:02:17,000 --> 01:02:21,240 Speaker 1: softwarep dot com, myself Steve bell Street our guest today, 1102 01:02:21,280 --> 01:02:24,440 Speaker 1: Sean Sean, thanks again for joining us. We really appreciate 1103 01:02:24,520 --> 01:02:27,760 Speaker 1: your time. Thank you for your service not only in 1104 01:02:27,800 --> 01:02:31,120 Speaker 1: the military but as a police officer, and all the 1105 01:02:31,160 --> 01:02:33,840 Speaker 1: best with your book. Thanks brother, appreciate it. Thanks for 1106 01:02:33,840 --> 01:02:37,320 Speaker 1: having me on. Oh it was our pleasure. And yeah 1107 01:02:37,440 --> 01:02:42,320 Speaker 1: again rising above by Sean Rogers. Um. Check it out, folks, 1108 01:02:42,480 --> 01:02:45,720 Speaker 1: I think it's it's well worth the read and it's 1109 01:02:45,840 --> 01:02:48,680 Speaker 1: uh one of those books that once you start, you're 1110 01:02:48,680 --> 01:02:50,520 Speaker 1: gonna blaze right through it because you don't want to. 1111 01:02:50,680 --> 01:02:53,040 Speaker 1: You're not gonna put it down. So for all of 1112 01:02:53,120 --> 01:02:55,240 Speaker 1: us here at software up dot com, we'll be back 1113 01:02:55,520 --> 01:02:59,000 Speaker 1: very soon with another podcast. Until then, don't turn down dial. 1114 01:02:59,080 --> 01:03:17,680 Speaker 1: Folks will be back. You've been listening to self red 1115 01:03:17,800 --> 01:03:18,160 Speaker 1: Lydia