Speaker 1: The Nicky Glazer Podcast. Here Nicky, Hello, here I am.
Speaker 1: It's a Nicki Glazer podcast. Welcome to the show. First
Speaker 1: of the week, it's Tuesday. I hope you guys had
Speaker 1: a good Um Monday four Um, we were off. It was.
Speaker 1: It feels like we were on a really long break
Speaker 1: for some reason. Like I can't believe we did. Do
Speaker 1: we do with four shows last week? Did we do
Speaker 1: a Thursday show? I don't even remember that. It feels
Speaker 1: so long ago, though, But it's good to be back. Um.
Speaker 1: I had a really good break. How was How is your? Guy?
Speaker 1: Says Andrew. Let's start with you. How is your great break? Staycation?
Speaker 1: We have? Like I don't know, I feel like there's
Speaker 1: so much pressure to do something when you have four
Speaker 1: days off. Everyone's like, what are you gonna do? Were
Speaker 1: you gonna go? You want to come to my sister
Speaker 1: in law's pool party? And we're like, don't have Friday off?
Speaker 1: A lot of people did? They did? Okay, a lot
Speaker 1: of people travel. You traveled. We're going to maybe go
Speaker 1: to Chicago, maybe Charleston. We stayed here and we it
Speaker 1: was fun. I mean it was pretty chill. I shipped
Speaker 1: my pants. Everything was great. Okay, what's up? What happened?
Speaker 1: You were going to go to Charleston? Is that what
Speaker 1: it's like? Yeah, it's like ship my pants. Okay, so
Speaker 1: that you did, but you didn't go to Charleston. No,
Speaker 1: surprisingly No, but I did ship my pants. And it's
Speaker 1: like whatever Charleston's it's Charleston Chew came out of my
Speaker 1: ask Oh my god, why did you come on? Now?
Speaker 1: Oh god? He's scoreding gatorade in his mouth. What is
Speaker 1: this gatorade bottle with the Chiefs logo on it? These? No?
Speaker 1: I mean, yes, I do the game. I'm bringing it back.
Speaker 1: They gave me a free one with a Gatorade. Who's they? They?
Speaker 1: The Gatorade? You get a deal you buy like nineteen
Speaker 1: games for free the Kansas City Chiefs logo. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: don't know what's that about. I mean, here a St.
Speaker 1: Lucis on football team. That's a good point. So that's
Speaker 1: the closest one. All right? What why? How did you
Speaker 1: shut your pants? Dude? Have you said there's this show
Speaker 1: called Summer I Feel Pretty, And I was Summer I
Speaker 1: Feel the Summer, I Feel Pretty? You said this show
Speaker 1: was called Summer I Feel Pretty? As in it was
Speaker 1: a name of a girl, Comma, and someone telling her
Speaker 1: I feel pretty. I have already read the name of
Speaker 1: the show one time, and I already know that it
Speaker 1: is not that you watched the show, No, just five
Speaker 1: episodes the Summer I Felt Pretty. I believe it's what
Speaker 1: it's called. And I swear to God maybe I read
Speaker 1: it twice and it was just like, you know, really
Speaker 1: fair verbal. You called it summer feel Pretty, Summer I
Speaker 1: feel pretty? Yes, Okay, So what so you're watching the
Speaker 1: show called Summer I Feel Pretty? Yes, it's the prequel.
Speaker 1: Did you think when you said that? Were you thinking, Okay,
Speaker 1: you're just talking, just talking, okay, ship was coming on
Speaker 1: my mouth. So I'm watching this. I'm crying. This shows.
Speaker 1: It's deeply moving, terrible, but I am crying. It's one
Speaker 1: of those shows. Are you crying? Five episodes in two
Speaker 1: it's about mother, sick, mother, cancer, mother. I applied it
Speaker 1: to myself. It got me good. Two brothers fighting over it.
Speaker 1: Chris was just telling this Weekend about he had a
Speaker 1: an ex who lost her dad and was like, you know,
Speaker 1: went at a young age and went through you know,
Speaker 1: this was like early, like you know, years and years
Speaker 1: and years ago and and so unexpectedly lost. Her dad
Speaker 1: was terrible. She was just coming out of like coming
Speaker 1: out of it and ready to like date again and
Speaker 1: kind of like spend time. And he was like, let's
Speaker 1: do like a movie night. And he picked a movie
Speaker 1: and that he had seen before, and he did, my
Speaker 1: what movie was it? It was some Oh, it was
Speaker 1: Big Fish and he had seen it, but he did
Speaker 1: not think about And as he's watching it, he starts
Speaker 1: to realize it's about a father's passing, and he has
Speaker 1: trot like he's just scrambling to come up with any
Speaker 1: way to abort this movie because it's going to trigger.
Speaker 1: And it got us on the conversation this weekend of
Speaker 1: just like, have you ever been in a thing in
Speaker 1: your relationship going through something that's like really fraught that
Speaker 1: maybe you guys fought about but like haven't really healed over,
Speaker 1: or you know, it could be infidelity And then all
Speaker 1: this and that is everywhere on TV and movies to
Speaker 1: avoid music with infidelity or betrayal, and like when it
Speaker 1: comes up in a TV show or a movie that
Speaker 1: you're watching with a person, the awkwardness of just both
Speaker 1: you not acknowledging it, like everyone experiences that I would
Speaker 1: love a bestie to write in with a specific example
Speaker 1: because they can't come up with one now, but or
Speaker 1: a fan rex in with one. Um anyway, So that
Speaker 1: just got me thinking about it. But it's sometimes it's
Speaker 1: pretty nice, especially if you have pent up feelings about
Speaker 1: like your mom being sick, like it's nice to just
Speaker 1: get it out and a little bit more came out
Speaker 1: than to steer against you crieds or you shoot your pants.
Speaker 1: So I I know, so I was crying. We're eating
Speaker 1: chicken salad in bed. I'm crying, Brenna's crying. We're both crying.
Speaker 1: Um I, but I'm laughing about it mid tears. I
Speaker 1: don't feel like ashamed about it. But it's a lot
Speaker 1: of tears, like more than usual. And the show is
Speaker 1: like a water down o c just like the ship
Speaker 1: in my pants. So anyways, so I end up I
Speaker 1: kind of want to get outside because we watched like seven.
Speaker 1: You know when you sit in bed during the night, No,
Speaker 1: this is during the day. All it's nice outside. I
Speaker 1: want to get outside. I already hit golf balls early
Speaker 1: that morning, but I kind of want to get outside
Speaker 1: and hit golf balls again. I asked Brenda to go.
Speaker 1: She didn't want to go. So I'm like, you know what,
Speaker 1: I'm still gonna go outside. That's pretty much it that
Speaker 1: and eat a frisbee. I don't know what else to
Speaker 1: do out there? What else do you do out there?
Speaker 1: I don't know. I can't just lay on a lawn chair,
Speaker 1: Sure I can't. It's well it's too hot for even that.
Speaker 1: You're not wrong, it's almost too hot to go outside,
Speaker 1: so go on. So I'm walking out. I'm kind of
Speaker 1: like defiant, like I'm going to hit balls. Whether you
Speaker 1: said the summer, I feel pretty summer, I feel pretty
Speaker 1: this summer or whatever you call it, sounded exactly like
Speaker 1: you were reading about. You were talking about the David
Speaker 1: Sidario Sadari's book Me Talk Pretty One Day. Yeah, it
Speaker 1: sounds like a you know, uh, like a computer trying
Speaker 1: to speak, although they do a better. Yeah, well they're
Speaker 1: good at chess. Have you ever played chess? Like it's
Speaker 1: a computers? I would play Connect for it's like an
Speaker 1: AI thing. Um, So I'm walking away. I'm kind of defining.
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm gonna go hit balls. I get in
Speaker 1: the elevator, I go to fart and it's a little wet. Wait,
Speaker 1: hold on, you go to fart in the elevator. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I know that's the greatest place to fart, Like I
Speaker 1: farted in the elevator today. But let's just he was already.
Speaker 1: The guy got off on three and I go up
Speaker 1: to twelve, and I know that no one gets on
Speaker 1: between three and twelve ever in the history of me
Speaker 1: living here. So I farted and it was the tiniest
Speaker 1: two that I knew that. By the time it goes
Speaker 1: up to twelve and goes back down to the lobby,
Speaker 1: there's not going to be a lingering smell. So I
Speaker 1: did I do? Do that? Do do? But so you
Speaker 1: let out a fart on the third floor? Okay, In fairness,
Speaker 1: I think I got ahead of myself. I farted before
Speaker 1: I got in the elevator, just before. It's a little wet.
Speaker 1: But I don't want to go back. I'm almost in
Speaker 1: denial because here I am being defiant. If you go back,
Speaker 1: I forgot I forgot to change my pants. So I
Speaker 1: go down This is bad. I go downstairs and I'm
Speaker 1: like a I'm almost in denial that had happened. I
Speaker 1: don't think it's that bad. Where I don't. I really
Speaker 1: don't know if it happened. Yeah, it just felt like
Speaker 1: a hot breath that could be wet or yes, like
Speaker 1: like a Rott Wilder's mouth. And so I get I
Speaker 1: get in the car or no, I don't get in
Speaker 1: the car. I'm walking towards the car, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: how And even if I did shit my pants, I
Speaker 1: almost was in the mindset where I'm gonna still go
Speaker 1: hit balls with chicken salad way into this. Were you
Speaker 1: depressed this weekend or something? Why would you still hit
Speaker 1: golf balls with sh it in your pants? I don't know.
Speaker 1: I mean, care is plummeting. Well it's okay, okay, so
Speaker 1: so you're okay, Yeah, I'm good. Okay, I'm good. So
Speaker 1: I end up. I want to check to see if
Speaker 1: I shipped my pants to make sure. No, I didn't
Speaker 1: go finger. I had a towel. But this is all
Speaker 1: on camera. I'm parked in future parking too, because I
Speaker 1: was figuring I was leaving. Oh, you were parked like
Speaker 1: in future, so there's definitely a camera out there. Do
Speaker 1: you think our our listeners know what future parking means? And,
Speaker 1: by the way, it is not future parking. Future citizen parking. Yeah, okay,
Speaker 1: do you think they know what that means? Okay, So
Speaker 1: there's a place where you can park if you want
Speaker 1: to check out an apartment or if you're like mature
Speaker 1: citizen of this building parking. Yes, yes, And it's like
Speaker 1: right in the front. There's like five spaces for these
Speaker 1: for this kind of parking there. It's like out in
Speaker 1: the open. It's like you pull in and it's there's
Speaker 1: no garage it is. I mean you can see outside.
Speaker 1: It's it's just a slightly covered garage. Okay. So I
Speaker 1: grab a towel and I'm like, I should wear the
Speaker 1: back seat of my car. Now, I should get all
Speaker 1: the way into my car, but I'm kind of frazzled
Speaker 1: and I just put my ass in my car. Are
Speaker 1: you still crying at this moment? I should be, okay,
Speaker 1: I mean you told Brenna about all this right immediately.
Speaker 1: So I well, first I checked the towel, but I'm
Speaker 1: like halfway in my car. So whoever's watching this, it's
Speaker 1: like a Charlie Chaplin movie or whatever, Like I'm in
Speaker 1: black and white checking to see if I shipped myself
Speaker 1: with a towe with half my assid in my own car.
Speaker 1: How are you checking? Are you putting it down the
Speaker 1: front or through the side? Like pants pants down? What andrew?
Speaker 1: This is in the public how how fault far down you?
Speaker 1: Did you cover your penis? I don't know? I was
Speaker 1: so I was like, man, what is going on? So
Speaker 1: then I checked the towel. Ship on the towel. Why
Speaker 1: don't you check your pants? Because I was wearing black underwear,
Speaker 1: wouldn't you see brown? I go, I go upstairs. I'm defeated.
Speaker 1: I'm like five minutes and I just go upstairs. I'm like, hey,
Speaker 1: what's up. She's like, what are you doing? Back? I
Speaker 1: was like, just you know, they don't really feel like hit.
Speaker 1: And she's like, no, really what happened? She could tell
Speaker 1: my face. She goes, did you right away? I swear
Speaker 1: you out? First thing she goes, you shake your pants?
Speaker 1: And I was like, wait, how does she know change
Speaker 1: your pants? Did you change your pants? No? Not yet,
Speaker 1: you were just lingering. Did she smell it? No, she
Speaker 1: just could sense it. What were you doing? Were you
Speaker 1: just like standing on? No? No, I don't know. I
Speaker 1: think she knew how uncomfortable and I just wasn't moving
Speaker 1: around and she's like, you shot your pants. I was like,
Speaker 1: she goes, I want to see I was like, I'm
Speaker 1: not going to show you how much that's what she
Speaker 1: was doing. I was like, I'm not. This isn't like
Speaker 1: a fun thing, Like I kind of want to just
Speaker 1: get this over with. She's like, yeah, but I kinda
Speaker 1: want to see how much it is, Like Brenna, this
Speaker 1: is not like a joke, like can I just have
Speaker 1: some space. I'm in the living room. Why didn't you
Speaker 1: go in the bathroom because I want to throw this
Speaker 1: stuff into the into the washer right away. And she's
Speaker 1: just like, I don't want that wash. But it's not
Speaker 1: that much ship though. So anyways, long story short, we
Speaker 1: talked about we laugh about it. She's actually, did you
Speaker 1: wipe your butt? Did you go like clean it? I
Speaker 1: went right in the ship. Uh. Then Brennan tells me
Speaker 1: a story about it. Just one quick anecdote, but she
Speaker 1: told me a story about how she was running across
Speaker 1: country and she pooped her pants. And she says she
Speaker 1: would wear in short where you know how like they
Speaker 1: have they're lining, so I didn't know where for the
Speaker 1: poop to go. And her first thought was this, what
Speaker 1: is this? What balls? Feel having balls field, Oh, just
Speaker 1: like having a around. Yeah, it's so funny because it
Speaker 1: must be. It's not the guys don't know their balls
Speaker 1: are I would know. How brought up poops and it
Speaker 1: was like a whole poop as opposed to like shoot
Speaker 1: your bands when you're running it's usually diarrheal. It was
Speaker 1: like little logs and she just said it felt like
Speaker 1: if that's what balls feel like. Anyhow? That was So
Speaker 1: that was my weekend pretty much in an Oh my god.
Speaker 1: And then didn't you go on some dates? Oh? Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I went on have you ever been on a double
Speaker 1: day with Chris? And like a random car like a couple. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but like people you don't even why would you go
Speaker 1: on a date with people who don't know? I don't know,
Speaker 1: how does that even happen? So, you know, new friends.
Speaker 1: So like I met this guy playing golf through another
Speaker 1: guy's a lawyer here in town. He's funny. I really
Speaker 1: enjoyed playing with him. He's a member someplace, so I
Speaker 1: get to play a nice golf course and he has
Speaker 1: a girlfriend and he's like, I think your girlfriend with
Speaker 1: like my girlfriend? Like okay, I guess. And then we
Speaker 1: show up and they like look like like it's like whatever,
Speaker 1: And I was like, all right, well, but when you
Speaker 1: go on these where everyone's new, it's a date, like
Speaker 1: you have to interview each other and like you have
Speaker 1: to be on and you find out everything about each other,
Speaker 1: not to like sleep with each other, a date anyone,
Speaker 1: just to like it's a lot and uh, we end
Speaker 1: up having a blast. We you know, we had a
Speaker 1: lot of ship in common everyone had. We went to
Speaker 1: a couple of different breweries, which was fun, like we
Speaker 1: have like kind of like a day drinking kind of thing.
Speaker 1: It was like some bar with a swing that's kind
Speaker 1: of cool. Uh. I got recognized by a guy that
Speaker 1: looked exactly like me. I think all my fans look
Speaker 1: exactly like me, and uh, anyway, so it was a
Speaker 1: lot of fun. Then the next day we did exactly
Speaker 1: the same thing with a different couple, and by the
Speaker 1: end of that it's a lot. Yeah. I don't I mean,
Speaker 1: you don't really do. You don't really have too many
Speaker 1: new friends. But I love doing that because Chris and
Speaker 1: I are great when we're like when we're around other people,
Speaker 1: were like the best version of because you're on a date,
Speaker 1: you're on a date. We really are, like we are
Speaker 1: great with We traveled on Thursday or Friday, sorry, um two.
Speaker 1: I went up to the Adirondacks and near Lake Placid
Speaker 1: in Keene, New York, and we had to go to
Speaker 1: Chicago then to Albany, and we traveled with his friend Jack,
Speaker 1: who was visiting from Australia and he was visiting him
Speaker 1: in St. Louis, And so we left St. Louis with
Speaker 1: Jack and it was like the most fun travel day
Speaker 1: because we had this third person holding us accountable to
Speaker 1: not slip into a fight, not slip and it just
Speaker 1: made us like more. It just kept us in check.
Speaker 1: We're just like charming and fun it right, just you
Speaker 1: need another person there so the more well because if
Speaker 1: you it's another person who doesn't know the intertacies of
Speaker 1: your relationship and you don't want to bog them down
Speaker 1: with like any kind of bullshit that you might slip into,
Speaker 1: it doesn't mean you don't slip into it. Where you
Speaker 1: just go like in the back seat, like you grab
Speaker 1: each other, go away, that kind of thing where you
Speaker 1: like mouth like I didn't mean anything by that, or
Speaker 1: like you're so joky in front of this other, in
Speaker 1: front of Jack or his couple where you'll maybe like
Speaker 1: rub a little too, like you'll be too, you'll be
Speaker 1: like you'll you'll admit something about the other person that's
Speaker 1: like that's not yes, yes, oh my gosh, so much. Yes,
Speaker 1: but you had a blast. I mean it looked at
Speaker 1: me my trip was awesome. It was. It was just me, Chris,
Speaker 1: his brother Curran, who owns a diner up there and
Speaker 1: that's where we were staying. He doesn't own it. He's
Speaker 1: like he operates it, but he's like I'm sure partial
Speaker 1: in at this point, but yeah, and he has airbnbes
Speaker 1: above the diner in this beautiful like I mean, we're
Speaker 1: in the Adirondeck. It was like it was insanely gorgeous
Speaker 1: and um like, you know, twenty minutes from Lake Placid,
Speaker 1: and yeah, we just hung out. It was just us
Speaker 1: four and it was such a good group because stayed
Speaker 1: above the diner. Yeah, and we all stayed together. Yeah,
Speaker 1: we just were. It was just so much fun and
Speaker 1: we um we did outdoor stuff but not to no,
Speaker 1: hell no, hell fucking no. Sara Lena, my friend had
Speaker 1: dubbed off that before and got such a huge like
Speaker 1: welt on her, like I didn't do anything dangerous. I
Speaker 1: was very like angry about any the idea of doing
Speaker 1: anything dangerous. Water skied, I um, I sway on, I jumped,
Speaker 1: you know I wouldn't waterfalls. Oh yeah, I did a
Speaker 1: ton of stuff. Like I think that sometimes it gets
Speaker 1: in like Chris and Chris and grown up been there
Speaker 1: so many times and Jack and Jack's been there once.
Speaker 1: I've never been there, and it's like they want to
Speaker 1: show us the best time, and what I what they
Speaker 1: don't understand is that we got into a conversation later
Speaker 1: on where it was like like Jack and Jack was
Speaker 1: having trouble. He last time he was there, he couldn't
Speaker 1: get up on skis, and then this time it became
Speaker 1: like you're gonna do it, and Jack was like we
Speaker 1: got into a conversation of like sometimes like we don't
Speaker 1: want to do things, and that's like the end of it.
Speaker 1: It's not like we don't want to do it because
Speaker 1: we're like I can't do it and I'm scared because
Speaker 1: I don't. It's like I know that this is like
Speaker 1: something I'm not good at and I don't want to
Speaker 1: do it, and I don't want to be pushed because
Speaker 1: then it becomes like, come on, you can do it,
Speaker 1: and then and then if you even do it for
Speaker 1: one second, people are like yay, and then there's like
Speaker 1: a five year old who is doing so much better
Speaker 1: than you that no one's even reacting to that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's just like we got into the conversation of like,
Speaker 1: like it's really important for for Chris and Current sometimes
Speaker 1: to be like we we need to show you the
Speaker 1: best time you need to do. You need to face
Speaker 1: your fears, you need to be doing activities constantly. We
Speaker 1: need to go r ving, we need to shoot guns,
Speaker 1: we need to do this, and like sometimes I like
Speaker 1: a trip. Don't need to do those things, Like sometimes yes,
Speaker 1: it doesn't need to be backed to the gills. And
Speaker 1: so in assessing the week, it was like they were
Speaker 1: like adding up all the things we did. They're like
Speaker 1: it was pretty good, Like we got some stuffing on,
Speaker 1: Like it was so much I would not have wanted
Speaker 1: to do anything else, Like it was jam packed with things.
Speaker 1: Like I think that sometimes people when they're showing someone
Speaker 1: a place, they want to just fill the schedule. But
Speaker 1: I think people need to understand that people need breaks,
Speaker 1: and like downtime is okay for sure, and then Christmas like,
Speaker 1: but I don't think you've got enough alone time. And
Speaker 1: I was like, I don't need alone time. I just
Speaker 1: need like no, no, do things time, like just sitting
Speaker 1: and like hanging out, like watching the show for seven
Speaker 1: episodes in bed, maybe somewhere in between those, somewhere in between,
Speaker 1: let's go to break and we'll be right back and
Speaker 1: raw Hello mountains here at home, trim d down between
Speaker 1: and we're back. Yeah, I had I had a great
Speaker 1: But I get that so much because I'm going into
Speaker 1: Jackson Hole. Yes, and it's like a vision skiing, hiking,
Speaker 1: climbing mountains, like there's so many things you gotta do
Speaker 1: because just sitting there, yeah, I mean that's not enough.
Speaker 1: And so my my sister in law sent me this
Speaker 1: like repelling like people are like on a cliff like
Speaker 1: I'm like, I hate heights. I wrote them. I was honest,
Speaker 1: I was like, I hate hi, I don't want to
Speaker 1: do this. They're like come on, And I was just like,
Speaker 1: how many come on do you have to say no
Speaker 1: to before you just go no? Yeah, before I'm on
Speaker 1: top of the mountain. What's the difference between someone who
Speaker 1: because I've done it before, where I go no, I
Speaker 1: don't need to sing no, it's and I really want
Speaker 1: to or something like that. How many times do you
Speaker 1: like I I want to come up with a code
Speaker 1: for Chris where it's like I really mean no, and
Speaker 1: then the other one being like could be convinced, like
Speaker 1: they is it? I don't. I don't blame people for pushing,
Speaker 1: because sometimes you do need to be convinced, and sometimes
Speaker 1: I do need to be even on things where I
Speaker 1: go I don't want to do it, like when I
Speaker 1: do it, sometimes I have a really good time. But
Speaker 1: there is something about in those situations where at the
Speaker 1: end of it, I go, what do you mean bubble
Speaker 1: like that? Yes, you never heard a bubble throat? Wait,
Speaker 1: I wish you would have kept it. I got. I
Speaker 1: tried to push with you that people try to fight
Speaker 1: a bubble in your throat and it's just like dude,
Speaker 1: swallow or just like yes, thank you, nicky. People keep
Speaker 1: talking about with it and they just sound like a
Speaker 1: I don't know, like a like a frog, diplomatic frog. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'd vote for that guy. Yeahs cool. It's just people
Speaker 1: just keep talking and you just go. It would take
Speaker 1: one second ago I know I was on a roll.
Speaker 1: It's so funny when people fight the bubble. Sorry, I'll
Speaker 1: fight people do it all the time. It's time about
Speaker 1: what bubbles are and people's throats because it happens all
Speaker 1: the time. I don't know what was going on back there,
Speaker 1: but it's hard to sometimes because I have the headphones
Speaker 1: on to connect to my throat, even though I could
Speaker 1: hear it, but I'm not connected. Yeah. Yeah, So anyways,
Speaker 1: how do you do it? Hungover? Ever? No, because I
Speaker 1: don't drink enough to get hungover these days. Wait, so
Speaker 1: you don't drink you've never felt the phone? No, I
Speaker 1: have bad, but not lately, but not in this time
Speaker 1: that you've been drinking again, you have not once been hungover? No,
Speaker 1: a little tired, but nothing. I'm not just saying that either, Like, dude,
Speaker 1: I used to get hungover. As do you feel drunk though? Yeah? Yeah, silly,
Speaker 1: little laid more, laid back a little like laughing at nothing. Yes,
Speaker 1: you know, enjoying a swing at a bar just because
Speaker 1: it's as fucking you get Yeah, just dumb, yeah yeah,
Speaker 1: and just enjoying that. Yeah, not thinking about my mom dying? Yes,
Speaker 1: after four more drinks and then and then it's like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm like an American flag naked for some reason. Do
Speaker 1: you see fireworks? I didn't see one firew I saw
Speaker 1: a half of fireworks, no one. Did you see fireworks
Speaker 1: on the spectrum? Yeah, we had some like in town,
Speaker 1: but I think they were just like neighborhood fireworks. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm anti fireworks now. It's like it causes so much
Speaker 1: trauma to animals, not just pets. Obviously we know what
Speaker 1: it does to pets. Dogs are hiding under beds, cats
Speaker 1: are riding under beds, but like birds in the woods,
Speaker 1: newborn bunnies, even mama bunnies, like they're just explosions going
Speaker 1: off and it's so frightening to these animals and it
Speaker 1: causes them to run or like baby bunnies to run
Speaker 1: before their birds, to get lost, birds to fall into trees.
Speaker 1: Like it's traumatic to the environment. And firework yeah, it's
Speaker 1: so loud and I um. This weekend we went to
Speaker 1: this amazing fireworks show that it was like it was
Speaker 1: the best firework show I'll ever see. Was so close
Speaker 1: up you're like literally inside the firework, but it felt
Speaker 1: felt that way. It was so nuts um and before
Speaker 1: the fireworks started, they did like a warning of like
Speaker 1: ten minutes and they shot off a firework and it
Speaker 1: was still kind of light out, and we were there
Speaker 1: for hours beforehand, like having dinner and just hanging out,
Speaker 1: so I was not expecting anything, and I thought it
Speaker 1: was a mass shooting or a bomb going off, Like
Speaker 1: I just read too much about that stuff. I'm too prepared,
Speaker 1: and I really thought something was gonna happen. So Chris,
Speaker 1: at the very second this happened, was taking a picture
Speaker 1: of me because we were talking about how like no
Speaker 1: one takes pictures candid pictures anymore. We're always just like
Speaker 1: smiling and it's like not anymore, like ever, And so
Speaker 1: he's taking a candid picture of me where I was
Speaker 1: just like staring, and then as he's taking the picture,
Speaker 1: the warning shot goes off, the warning firework, and I
Speaker 1: got so scared because I thought it was I really
Speaker 1: thought it was a bomb going off. My mind was
Speaker 1: just not in firework mode yet. It was more in
Speaker 1: there's going to be a bomb mode because it was
Speaker 1: just a crowded event and just I don't know, I
Speaker 1: read about Columbine. You're probably reading about what happened at
Speaker 1: this three days ago. Yeah, it was on Friday. So
Speaker 1: I take a picture. He takes a picture, and I go,
Speaker 1: oh my god, if that was alive. You know when
Speaker 1: you take live pictures and they have like a little
Speaker 1: moment where you like twitch in it. I was like,
Speaker 1: you probably would have caught me looking terrified. And we
Speaker 1: watched it back and it is me just like this,
Speaker 1: and then like, like, my face is so scared. It
Speaker 1: looks exactly like the face of something someone that is
Speaker 1: like I literally thought I was what in a terrorist event?
Speaker 1: And um. And so then we took that footage and
Speaker 1: we made a bunch of like we made it into
Speaker 1: like a longer video, and I was going to post
Speaker 1: it and say this is this is an American at
Speaker 1: a crowded event, like the irony is I was at
Speaker 1: a fireworks show and you can't even enjoy a fireworks
Speaker 1: show anymore because when you're at a crowded event in America,
Speaker 1: you think there's the possibility of getting shot in it.
Speaker 1: And so this is me, like I was gonna post.
Speaker 1: I had a whole draft written up that was gonna
Speaker 1: post because it's such a crazy photo because you see
Speaker 1: me go from like totally fine to like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna tell the fear in my eyes is like
Speaker 1: that of a it's I got to see myself in
Speaker 1: the most vulnerable state. And then I'm about to post it,
Speaker 1: and like an alert comes through of like six dead
Speaker 1: in Chicago, and I'm just like what like and I go, oh,
Speaker 1: now I can't post it. And then I realized you
Speaker 1: can't ever post anything about that. There's always gonna be
Speaker 1: something that's like this is insensitive because it happens every
Speaker 1: fucking day. Tim Chris's brother was two blocks away from that.
Speaker 1: What they heard the sirens They had just walked by
Speaker 1: all those places that had the windows blown out. I
Speaker 1: mean they were they were right, they were right there.
Speaker 1: And then I know someone else who's from that area.
Speaker 1: It's crazy. That's It's like, uh yeah, yeah. A lot
Speaker 1: of people are trying to link it to Chicago violence,
Speaker 1: like they love that fucking Chicago. It's Chicago, and it's
Speaker 1: thirty minutes north of Chicago in like a very wealthy
Speaker 1: neighborhood that's nothing like what the violence usually is. They
Speaker 1: like to link those things. Well, I don't like that
Speaker 1: they don't link the things because it is all the same,
Speaker 1: like black kids getting shot at inner City Chicago is
Speaker 1: the same as people getting shot in the suburbs. That
Speaker 1: so to differentiate because I saw how them that was
Speaker 1: like shooting an affluent Chicago and it's like, why do
Speaker 1: we need to know that? Why is this different? And
Speaker 1: this deserves more attention because six people are getting shot
Speaker 1: in Chicago every day at least I guarantee it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't think it deserves more attention, but I I
Speaker 1: think it's a common thing that people say that are
Speaker 1: supporting guns, like, oh, well, there's strict laws in Chicago.
Speaker 1: People are still going, yeah, there's like the strictest state
Speaker 1: and people bring guns over from Indiana like that's the
Speaker 1: whole thing. There's not like checkpoints at the state lines.
Speaker 1: Do people think they're only for abortion now? Yeah, so
Speaker 1: you got a gun, that's fine, come on in. Oh
Speaker 1: my god, yeah, um yeah, dude, the uh the live
Speaker 1: that's so funny. You mentioned a live video because you
Speaker 1: didn't know. Remember when I said that live to my
Speaker 1: little brother and I, yeah, what were you showing him?
Speaker 1: Like you're showing him my body like a before because
Speaker 1: we were going to have a contest and I just
Speaker 1: blocked out my penis, but it was alive so when
Speaker 1: he pleshed, the box disappeared and he was showing my
Speaker 1: sister in law, so she saw and my dick wasn't.
Speaker 1: It wasn't showed dick, and so she saw. Brennan said
Speaker 1: something funny to mean she grabbed my penis today and
Speaker 1: she's like, wow, you know, it's amazing how much dicks grow.
Speaker 1: It is. I know, but it's it's kind of a
Speaker 1: backwards way of saying, Yeah, your dick looks small when
Speaker 1: it's flaccid, but don't you know that it does? Yeah,
Speaker 1: I know, but it's just funny. It's like a backwards
Speaker 1: way of saying. But it also it's like it looks
Speaker 1: so big when it's not. I love flaccid penis is
Speaker 1: so much. I love them. What do you like pulling
Speaker 1: on them? They're just like goo gooy gooy. They're like
Speaker 1: little toys. They're like little Um. I got some little
Speaker 1: lizards for my niece and nephew in up An, Upstate
Speaker 1: that are just like this, like consistency. I love. And
Speaker 1: I realized it's like a flaccid penisien see, I just
Speaker 1: like to like squish on it. I know who would
Speaker 1: love this, Nie? Yeah, get them ready? Um, yeah. I
Speaker 1: just like, what's the squishy things that you could never grab?
Speaker 1: And they were just yes, those are like practicing and
Speaker 1: jobs for kids. You put your finger in the middle
Speaker 1: of it. Yeah, yeah, start waste again. This was confirmed
Speaker 1: by two boys yesterday. There was an old wives tale
Speaker 1: that if you ever peed in a river, fish could
Speaker 1: use the stream of pee to swim up your pee hole.
Speaker 1: Two boys, what is that? I think it's just like
Speaker 1: a discourage peeing and rivers. I mean that seems like
Speaker 1: a thing maybe being in pools. Do you be in pools,
Speaker 1: by the way, be honest, Um, I have for sure.
Speaker 1: I mean not as a child. As an adult. I'm
Speaker 1: a little worried about turning purple, Like that's like a
Speaker 1: thing that is child's fear. That's a child's fear. And
Speaker 1: then no, that doesn't happen. There's nothing that does that.
Speaker 1: Would you be in a pool right now today? I
Speaker 1: was shocked to find out when I went. When I
Speaker 1: was on Bird's trip last weekend, I was with um
Speaker 1: Shane Gillis and uh Martin Normand and both of them
Speaker 1: admit because I was like, I gotta pee. Where do
Speaker 1: you think the bathroom is? And They're like go in
Speaker 1: the pool and I go, what you what? You're an
Speaker 1: adult and they're like, there was probably you know, fifty
Speaker 1: people in this pool and they go. They both were like,
Speaker 1: I've paid twice since we've been here. And I'm like,
Speaker 1: what are you kidding me? And they're like, yeah, that's
Speaker 1: what you do. And I'm like, I cannot. I did
Speaker 1: not know that. I thought maybe some really gross adults would,
Speaker 1: but the average adults, it's all piss. Come on, guys,
Speaker 1: grow up. Do not go pee in a pool, you
Speaker 1: fucking adult. And I did pee in the pool because
Speaker 1: I go, what the funk? I guess I'm gonna do it,
Speaker 1: but it was so disgusting and I will not do
Speaker 1: it again. Will you grow up? You're not pean a
Speaker 1: hotsub in peanut pool. Get out of the fucking pool.
Speaker 1: Like that is really disgusting. You're not a child. When
Speaker 1: you're a child, you pissed in the pool. Stop it.
Speaker 1: This is ridiculous. It does not depend on that. That
Speaker 1: is a public space and you don't pe And I
Speaker 1: know there's chemicals to make it go away, but it's
Speaker 1: still disgusting. And you know that the smell of chlorine
Speaker 1: is only smells like chlorine if it's activated by piss.
Speaker 1: Chlorine by itself, with no activation of piss, smells, has
Speaker 1: no scent. So if you smell chlorine, it's because it's
Speaker 1: being activated by pete and there's in there. Interesting, you
Speaker 1: can smell chlorine when you're pouring in you're pouring chlorine
Speaker 1: into the pool. That's you can smell chlorine. No, you don't,
Speaker 1: it's a it's scentless. I swear to chlorine. Yeah, I'm
Speaker 1: from Florida. No, chlorine. Chlorine only smells when it's activated
Speaker 1: by piss. You can't smell it before it can. No. Look,
Speaker 1: chlorine tablets, No, I smell them. I'm looking up. I
Speaker 1: get Okay, maybe this is the thing. Maybe once the
Speaker 1: chlorine goes into water, you don't smell it till it's activated.
Speaker 1: But before it goes into water, yeah, before Yeah, you
Speaker 1: don't really smell it in the water because unless that's
Speaker 1: like an over chlorinated pool. Okay, the average backyard swimming
Speaker 1: pool could have about two gallons of urine in it.
Speaker 1: You know that sharp odor of chlorine from the swimming
Speaker 1: pool you can recall from the earliest childhood. It turns
Speaker 1: out it's not just chlorine, but a potent brew of
Speaker 1: chemicals that form when chlorine meats sweat, body body oils,
Speaker 1: and urine. But I guess what actually causes the distinctive
Speaker 1: irritating smell about around swimming pools is not chlorine that's
Speaker 1: an urban myth, but volatile substances known as um uh
Speaker 1: fuck where is it again? Fuck? Chlora means chlora means
Speaker 1: form in pool water. When chlorine combines with contaminants brought
Speaker 1: into the pool by swimmers, I think you're in perspiration,
Speaker 1: body of oils and cosmetics. The truth is that cleaner swimming,
Speaker 1: not less chlorine, can help reduce the chloramine irritants that
Speaker 1: caused swimmer swimmer red eye and itchy skin. So maybe
Speaker 1: it has a smell, but the smell that you notice
Speaker 1: as pool smell is piss, piss, And think that's a
Speaker 1: clean pool that has a chemicals really doing its job activated, Dude,
Speaker 1: A Vegas pool probably has three thousand tons of fucking
Speaker 1: or whatever leaders of piss where you sit down and
Speaker 1: you play and you gamble. I just I couldn't. And
Speaker 1: then when I when I finally did it, because I
Speaker 1: wanted to see if I could do it, I felt
Speaker 1: so wrong. It's peeing in the ocean, being in a lake,
Speaker 1: being in a river. I mean, even that feels kind
Speaker 1: of wrong because sometimes I feel like this one monster
Speaker 1: will be like I love pee and like be attracted
Speaker 1: to it. For some reason, I always feel like an alligator.
Speaker 1: And I was in Lake Placids, so I thought, like
Speaker 1: that big old alligator from the movie. I do get
Speaker 1: scared sometimes pissing in the ocean, where I think it
Speaker 1: will like trigger shark to be like, what's this, Yeah,
Speaker 1: because they can smell so well. Blood is there like thing?
Speaker 1: And I'm sure, yeah, blood is their thing. I know.
Speaker 1: And I was bleeding this weekend too, really, but you
Speaker 1: weren't in the ocean, were you know? I was in
Speaker 1: the lake. But there's that movie Lake Plasid about that
Speaker 1: big old crocodile. Yeah, scat. I was scurred, even just
Speaker 1: in a lake. But I know it's just like big
Speaker 1: old scrap bass and like catfish that don't bot of
Speaker 1: a human. I was still scurred. If girls said serve,
Speaker 1: I wonder if they probably no, I don't think. So, Okay,
Speaker 1: let's get to the news first. Oh, if you're a
Speaker 1: surfer out there and you're bleeding, out your puss. Let
Speaker 1: us know about it. I hope you're having all the swells.
Speaker 1: It's Tuesday, folks. You know what that means. It is
Speaker 1: Tuesday back do you know? Back to you Andrew? Back
Speaker 1: and back to you and back to you. I'm just kidding.
Speaker 1: I was like, wait, what did he forget to do?
Speaker 1: I just wanted to see what? Yeah, I just wanted
Speaker 1: to see what would happen? Would happen back? I'd send
Speaker 1: it back all right over to ni No very important news.
Speaker 1: A fashion influencer or says her date disappeared into his
Speaker 1: room for forty five minutes, prompting her to go on
Speaker 1: TikTok and asked, can you be stood up at their
Speaker 1: own house? He went in there, like he went in there,
Speaker 1: and it's been forty five minutes of silence. One response
Speaker 1: said he was in his room waiting for her, and
Speaker 1: when she finally went to look. In a follow up video,
Speaker 1: she revealed that he was in fact waiting for her,
Speaker 1: naked on his bed, seemingly hoping to have sex. When
Speaker 1: asked whether or not her dates trick worked, she replied, yes,
Speaker 1: but no, but yes kind of what forty five minutes?
Speaker 1: Come on? That is an exaggeration. I but it was
Speaker 1: four to five minutes. That's too long. That's a long time.
Speaker 1: Can to not go, hey, come in here? Like yeah,
Speaker 1: it's maybe to just lay there? And she had to
Speaker 1: hear you're going on TikTok and asking because like the
Speaker 1: room was right like the door was right there in
Speaker 1: the photo. Um, I wonder how long how quick he
Speaker 1: got naked in there? Like was he and what did
Speaker 1: he say he was going to do? Like did he
Speaker 1: just go right in there as soon as they got home?
Speaker 1: That is bold and I hate that it worked because
Speaker 1: it totally did her being like no, but yes, but
Speaker 1: now but yeah, Well, one time I went on a
Speaker 1: date and I had this. I talked about it on
Speaker 1: in the U Up Days. There's a YouTube video of it,
Speaker 1: My worst riot date. And it's so funny because a
Speaker 1: girl that was on the Bert Kreisher trip, Carter Cruse
Speaker 1: um DJ Carter Cruse, she told me she DMed me
Speaker 1: the other day and was like, Hey, I'm hanging out
Speaker 1: with this guy I used to hook up with who
Speaker 1: went on a date with you and said that you
Speaker 1: like roasted him on his show and I was like,
Speaker 1: is his name Dave? She was like yes, and I
Speaker 1: was like, I did think he was really cute. But
Speaker 1: it was so weird because we yeah, we went over.
Speaker 1: I went over to his place during the day. We're
Speaker 1: just gonna smoke. We did and hang out. Yeah, but
Speaker 1: I thought it was a fake phone call. And he
Speaker 1: gets on the phone. And my question to my friends,
Speaker 1: kind of like the version of TikTok that the girl did,
Speaker 1: was I wrote to all my friends, how long do
Speaker 1: you let a guy be on the phone when you're
Speaker 1: on a date over at his place before you leave,
Speaker 1: before you voluntarily late? Yeah, So I think it was
Speaker 1: around the eight minute mark when I asked, and then
Speaker 1: it went to you know, it kept going and he
Speaker 1: kind of was looking at me like sorry, and then
Speaker 1: and that's when like, you gotta go watch the video.
Speaker 1: But it was just so insane. And he claims that
Speaker 1: it was not a fake phone call, that he did
Speaker 1: not call his friends to all come over and then
Speaker 1: just create this kind of flash mob of roommates coming over,
Speaker 1: blasting Maroon five, none of them talking to me or
Speaker 1: acknowledging me, all of them on FaceTime like or influencing
Speaker 1: in some way, like shooting a video. It was so weird.
Speaker 1: It was so weird. It was I wish, I wish
Speaker 1: so bad, and that's what it felt like to me too.
Speaker 1: It was. It was terrible. But um, yeah, apparently that
Speaker 1: guy is still out there and he's upset that I
Speaker 1: roasted him or whatever. But I'll maintain that he was
Speaker 1: very cute, very nice, and I was at the point
Speaker 1: in the date a little bit more. I was so
Speaker 1: mad because I can't take that level of disrespect. I
Speaker 1: will like, this is the difference between me and that
Speaker 1: TikTok girl. I at this point in my life was
Speaker 1: a thirty four or five year old woman and I
Speaker 1: had enough respect for myself where it was like, if
Speaker 1: you don't like me, or you do something that is
Speaker 1: so mean or like weird or dismissive, it's not gonna
Speaker 1: make me like you more. Five year old me, maybe
Speaker 1: that would have made me like the more you would
Speaker 1: have been in bed. We're out by his pool, just
Speaker 1: having a great conversation. So weird, and I remember on
Speaker 1: that date like I was a little apprehensive because I'm
Speaker 1: scared that, you know, he was going to expect me
Speaker 1: to have sex with them, because it's going over to
Speaker 1: his house, and everyone was like, oh, you went to
Speaker 1: his house like that means you want to have sex,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, no, it just means like I didn't
Speaker 1: want to go fake have coffee, like I just wanted
Speaker 1: to he we both smoke weed. We're going to talk,
Speaker 1: and I'm very good and not that you have. I'm
Speaker 1: very good at setting a boundary of like we are
Speaker 1: not there's no hanky panky going on right like we
Speaker 1: were just like very it was friendly. But I remember
Speaker 1: being by the pool and like being like, oh, I
Speaker 1: would kiss him if he tried, like having that moment
Speaker 1: of like I'm ready, and then ring ring ring, ring ring,
Speaker 1: I gotta take this of like and it was just
Speaker 1: the story reminds me of I watched something about Mary
Speaker 1: last night again that show. Watch a lot that shows
Speaker 1: that movie. Oh it's so good, it's so fucking funny.
Speaker 1: But when he gets his dick stuck in the zipper,
Speaker 1: remember like the first one of the first scenes, he's
Speaker 1: in high school and he sees her in the and
Speaker 1: he tries to put his pants up real quick and
Speaker 1: his balls get stuck at watching her from the Yeah,
Speaker 1: from the bathroom he's watching and uh, he's stuck in
Speaker 1: the bathroom and they don't know why he's in there,
Speaker 1: So sick Dad goes in the Dad brings in the mom.
Speaker 1: A cop shows up through the window, and then a firefire.
Speaker 1: Yeah that movie is great. Okay, let's go to the
Speaker 1: next story. Boom. Middle aged people who are unable to
Speaker 1: stand on one leg for ten seconds are most are
Speaker 1: almost twice as likely to die within the next decade,
Speaker 1: according to new research. This is it's not the Good
Speaker 1: News network. So yeah, it has to do with sorry,
Speaker 1: it has to do with obesity. Participants were asked to
Speaker 1: stand on one leg for ten seconds without any additional support.
Speaker 1: They were asked to place the front of their free
Speaker 1: foot on the back of the opposite lower leg, while
Speaker 1: keeping their arms straight by their sides and their gaze
Speaker 1: fixed straight ahead. All right, Andrew, you're gonna live. Okay,
Speaker 1: you're not going to do in ten years the first
Speaker 1: time you can do it? Definitely. I mean it's like
Speaker 1: a yoga move. Yeah. So basically the point is unlike
Speaker 1: aerobic wow, nice, Yeah, this is about obesity, right, I
Speaker 1: mean this feels like fat shamy. No no, no, it
Speaker 1: says unlike aerobic fitness, muscle strength and flexibility, balance tends
Speaker 1: to be reasonably well preserved until the sixth decade of life,
Speaker 1: when it starts to wane relatively rapidly. It's more about
Speaker 1: like not not um not using balance in like you know,
Speaker 1: exercises and stuff like that, like only focusing on muscle
Speaker 1: and strength and stuff and not balance. That's why I
Speaker 1: go to a guy called Balanced Body, because it's all about, like,
Speaker 1: you know, on your your feet, like when you're walking
Speaker 1: or when you're standing, your your feet or a tripod.
Speaker 1: Like the front part of your foot is like the
Speaker 1: two sides of your your big toe and your you know,
Speaker 1: not your toe, but like you're the path of your
Speaker 1: front foot is the two point, and then your heel
Speaker 1: is the back point. So it's like a tripod and
Speaker 1: you should always be evenly dispersed between those points. And yeah,
Speaker 1: it's all about balance. Like right now I'm sitting, I'm
Speaker 1: I'm you know, I mean, like my my left buttock
Speaker 1: is atrophied and my right is very strong, and I
Speaker 1: have to start shifting the way I sit and like
Speaker 1: doing everything different so I can balance. And I have
Speaker 1: to start being a bud. I always be a banana.
Speaker 1: And I have to start like talking in my hips
Speaker 1: when you keep saying banana with the yellow behind you
Speaker 1: with your blonde hair. I really I see a banana.
Speaker 1: It's kind of cool fruit to be, you know. When
Speaker 1: they're like are you apple shaped or pear shaped? I'm like, God,
Speaker 1: those are sucked banana? I am? What am? I? Then
Speaker 1: a plum blueberry because you're wearing blue today. Wait? Wait,
Speaker 1: what happened to your hair? What's going on? It's kind
Speaker 1: of haircut? And what about your mustache? I trimmed it.
Speaker 1: I was going to keep the mustache. Brenna wanted the
Speaker 1: mustache yesterday and I went too short with the clippers, clipperson,
Speaker 1: so you had to take it all off. But it's
Speaker 1: kind of longer than the rest of your So how
Speaker 1: did you do that? Well, I clipped this, went to
Speaker 1: shorten the mustache for and I went too far. So
Speaker 1: but is there, but it's not as thick, So how
Speaker 1: did you do that? It's a longer clipper. Oh so
Speaker 1: it's just the same amount of it's same you have hair.
Speaker 1: They're just shorter hairs than they would be if they
Speaker 1: were a full mustache. Okay, okay, next news story. She
Speaker 1: shaved my bag. I've never done that. WHOA why did
Speaker 1: you do that pretty vulnerable to swimming, shave your back
Speaker 1: just to not sink. But why, I don't know. She
Speaker 1: just asked. We were already just trimming it up and
Speaker 1: I got my back wax at one time, and now
Speaker 1: it's not a good experience. Why just her and it
Speaker 1: got a Rashi ship. Yeah, alright, next story, alright, this
Speaker 1: is this is a snow Actually we're getting through a lot.
Speaker 1: This is a story submitted by Besties last week. Nikki,
Speaker 1: you called it Cameron Diaz to unretired for a new
Speaker 1: movie with Jamie Fox talking about something about Mary I
Speaker 1: was annoying, but she I guess she was not in
Speaker 1: a movie since two thousand fourteen or something, so that
Speaker 1: is a long time. So I'll give her credit. So
Speaker 1: what were you annoyed about. I'm annoyed by people saying
Speaker 1: they're going to retire and then they come out of it.
Speaker 1: It's just shut up, just go away. You don't need
Speaker 1: to announce anything. It's all for press. Now. She got
Speaker 1: two stories out of it, retiring and coming out of
Speaker 1: retirement to added story to a few times. Well, it's
Speaker 1: funny that you say that, Andrew, because Jamie Fox called
Speaker 1: Cameron Diaz but he had Tom Brady on the line
Speaker 1: with the announcement, and he had and he had Tom
Speaker 1: Brady give you know, like ask her unretired and to
Speaker 1: like let her know what that's set up. Yeah. She goes,
Speaker 1: oh my god, is this Tom Brady? And he goes,
Speaker 1: I was talking to Jamie and he said, you needed
Speaker 1: a few tips on how to unretire. I'm relatively successful
Speaker 1: at unretiring. And then she responded, honestly, exactly what I needed. Yes,
Speaker 1: all just the most un funny interactions and dialogue I've
Speaker 1: ever heard of my life. Yeah. She has with Benjie
Speaker 1: from Good Charlotte. Yeah, I don't think that. I think
Speaker 1: they maybe did a circusy or adoption or something. I
Speaker 1: don't remember seeing pictures of her pregnant, but I don't know.
Speaker 1: It doesn't matter. Um, she has a mom and she
Speaker 1: is so captivating. Yeah. I mean she's gorgeous. I mean
Speaker 1: she was the perfect person for the role of There's
Speaker 1: Something about Mary, because she's just one of those girls
Speaker 1: that like every guy is obsessed with. Ye. Yeah, she's
Speaker 1: gorgeous and seems really fun and nice in that movie,
Speaker 1: always so funny. I can't he didn't do more things.
Speaker 1: I think they actually dated her and Brett Sex. He
Speaker 1: was on the movie. He was on that movie in
Speaker 1: the trailer with his little green penis or something. Didn't
Speaker 1: Bret like for Green Bay, but didn't his penis when
Speaker 1: he sent it to that one girl, it was like
Speaker 1: green or gray or something weird. It was I swear
Speaker 1: there was something discolored on it. Do you remember that?
Speaker 1: He remember he did have a pick out there, dick,
Speaker 1: and it was I think it was not hard. It
Speaker 1: was like weirdly. But what was I going to say
Speaker 1: about this her coming back? Yeah, it's all just press.
Speaker 1: Like I got pressed this weekend because I said Kim
Speaker 1: Kardashian's body is fake. Wasn't that a while ago? You posted? No,
Speaker 1: I did it a while ago, And I also did
Speaker 1: another one the other. Every time I see a picture
Speaker 1: of her, I'm just like, people need to know that
Speaker 1: this is not achievable by diet and exercise, because everyone
Speaker 1: thinks it is. And so when you do diet exercise
Speaker 1: in your body won't look like that. You feel like
Speaker 1: a failure. And so, and I said, I don't like
Speaker 1: It's not that I don't like her. I do like her.
Speaker 1: I'm not judging her. I'm just saying there's more to
Speaker 1: the story. And so I already got ahead of the
Speaker 1: things that anyone could be like your mean Nikki, and
Speaker 1: so I got ahead of those things because I do
Speaker 1: actually like Kim Kardashians. She said you would eat poop
Speaker 1: to stay young. That is hilarious. I love her. They're
Speaker 1: pretty honest about getting surgery, aren't they know they're not
Speaker 1: They're not. No, they say, I don't have butt iplants,
Speaker 1: but then they do get butt injections, so they're like
Speaker 1: honest but not telling the whole story. And yeah, and
Speaker 1: then I got picked up by the The Sun newspaper
Speaker 1: and being like keeping Up with the Kardashians reality show
Speaker 1: rival because of my billboard that they said, word, they said,
Speaker 1: my my billboard that said keeping up is so last
Speaker 1: year skew the Kardashians. And then they said I slam
Speaker 1: Kim Kardashian. There was no slamming whatsoever. I said, I
Speaker 1: like her, I said, I'm not judging her. There was
Speaker 1: no like but blah blah, there was no. But I'm
Speaker 1: just saying comedian destroys. It gets gets clicks clams. But
Speaker 1: but the thing is, usually you can the destroying a
Speaker 1: Heckler is arguable. There was no argument of whether or
Speaker 1: not I slammed her. There was I said I like
Speaker 1: her in it, and I said, I'm not judging her.
Speaker 1: I just want the truth out. There was no slamming.
Speaker 1: There was no think. I think in a world of fakeness,
Speaker 1: any little thing is a slam, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: That's like, that's how they live because no one. Someone
Speaker 1: wrote on it being like, well my body looks like
Speaker 1: this and I haven't done any surgery, and I'm like, okay,
Speaker 1: well can injections count? No, But that's what I want
Speaker 1: to say. Stop with this. I didn't get surgery like
Speaker 1: that is okay. Let me just okay, any work done, okay,
Speaker 1: any injections like anything that isn't diet and exercise to
Speaker 1: have your body look the way it does. If you've
Speaker 1: got a b BL Brazilian butt lift where they take
Speaker 1: fat from a different part of your body up from
Speaker 1: your waist, you can have a tiny little waist and
Speaker 1: a big gass. That is not natural. It's not diet
Speaker 1: and exercise. And you're lying by saying I didn't I
Speaker 1: didn't have surgery. Okay, Well you know what I meant. So,
Speaker 1: you know what, the surgery is not the issue. It's
Speaker 1: just the lying of it, the work you paid a
Speaker 1: doctor to do something to your body that wasn't diet
Speaker 1: in exercise, which you claim is natural. No, they don't claim.
Speaker 1: They just say nothing about it, and they and they
Speaker 1: tout their skincare lines or there, you know, you know,
Speaker 1: not to mention the filter on top of it. Like oh,
Speaker 1: and by the way, there's this other account where Megan
Speaker 1: Fox I saw this. Uh, Megan Fox altered her already
Speaker 1: tiny size zero frame to be even tinier. H every
Speaker 1: Madison Bear, whatever her names, she does it. The Kardashians
Speaker 1: all do it. They're already size nothings. And then they
Speaker 1: go to they alter it. And there's these accounts that
Speaker 1: show because there's people that are taking pictures on the
Speaker 1: red carpet that have the actual photo and they go
Speaker 1: to get the image and then they compare it to
Speaker 1: the image that they posted and it's and then they
Speaker 1: go back and forth between them and it goes in
Speaker 1: and out and the original photo is not bad. Why
Speaker 1: do these girls have to alter and already thin body?
Speaker 1: Stop it because it gets rewarded. No, you're lying to yourself,
Speaker 1: and you're lying to other girls, and you're making people
Speaker 1: feel bad about themselves, including you, including you, because you
Speaker 1: will get old and you will get fat, bitch. And
Speaker 1: I felt the same way when John Hamm put that
Speaker 1: extra thickness in his cock when he was wearing those pants.
Speaker 1: Dick was not that big hilarious if it went back
Speaker 1: and forth, tiny thing, like he altered them. All Right,
Speaker 1: we gotta go to break. We'll come back with reddit
Speaker 1: ums karaoke mode. This is your red don um. I
Speaker 1: really loved this tweet from white people Twitter, from a
Speaker 1: person named forty seek c e e k S. Thank
Speaker 1: god pregnant twelve year olds will no longer have to
Speaker 1: see a rainbow in their classroom while they're getting shot at,
Speaker 1: Like that's what people want to prevent, Like I don't
Speaker 1: want my child staring at a rainbow flag while they
Speaker 1: get shot at when she's pregnant. Oh my god. Chris
Speaker 1: and I were talking and he was like the only
Speaker 1: thing they missed in there was like like rape, and
Speaker 1: I don't know, it's a pregnant twelve year old, it's
Speaker 1: probably rape. They probably got that one too. Why are
Speaker 1: feet This is from no stupid questions, why are females
Speaker 1: nipples not allowed to be out in the same way
Speaker 1: men's are. I've asked people, I've googled. I cannot find
Speaker 1: a legitimate answer. Have I missed some key different aside
Speaker 1: from the fact that bobs slash female nipples provide some
Speaker 1: kind of service? Breastfeeding is the service, even though I
Speaker 1: don't see why that would warrant hiding them. If it
Speaker 1: was a sexual thing, then plenty of people sexualized shirtless
Speaker 1: men and male packs. Any religious motive would loop back
Speaker 1: around to the sexual aspect. Is there a genuine reason?
Speaker 1: Have I missed something? Um? And then someone said this
Speaker 1: was the answer that I really liked, told on, let
Speaker 1: me find it. I think it's When I was in college,
Speaker 1: one of my anthropology professors shared the following story. He
Speaker 1: did research among indigenous people in Tanzania. One night, he
Speaker 1: was in an local bar and they were showing some
Speaker 1: movie in the background where there were many unnecessary close
Speaker 1: up shots of the female leads breasts. No one was
Speaker 1: paying attention. Suddenly everybody in the bar got super excited
Speaker 1: and started playing close attention to the movie. There was
Speaker 1: nothing sexual at the moment that the professor could see
Speaker 1: and he asked someone what was going on. They were
Speaker 1: suddenly excited about seeing the backs of women's knees. In
Speaker 1: their culture, women usually were topless and breasts were not
Speaker 1: a big deal. But for whatever reason, the backs of
Speaker 1: the women's knees, which were usually covered, we're super sexy.
Speaker 1: So I would say that the belief that certain parts
Speaker 1: of a woman's body are sexy and need to be
Speaker 1: covered are very culturally specific. Interesting. The thing is it
Speaker 1: does distract. I mean, I wasn't allowed to wear tank
Speaker 1: tops in middle school because we would distract boys from learning.
Speaker 1: I mean, I've been I've been to Europe, though, and
Speaker 1: you go to a pool, everyone's topless, like in Greece,
Speaker 1: And at first I was a horny American. I was like,
Speaker 1: holy shit, tits are out. Third day, it's just what's covered.
Speaker 1: I would never wear. I would never go topless because
Speaker 1: I would just feel I don't like when men are
Speaker 1: horny around me, or when men sexualized me when I
Speaker 1: don't want to be se they don't, and you don't
Speaker 1: feel that. Don't even wear cleavage day one and two.
Speaker 1: But they're gonna feel horny about your legs. You show
Speaker 1: your legs. I know that was interesting. In the back
Speaker 1: of the knees made me think of Noah because she
Speaker 1: hates her back of her knees being touched. It's it
Speaker 1: is like a sexual it's a rogness zone. Perhaps it
Speaker 1: is a place where people but yeah, I couldn't hate
Speaker 1: that feeling. It's like on the ball, like on the ligament, yes, oh,
Speaker 1: on the ligament, like on the on that like tendon. Yes.
Speaker 1: And we also have one like near our puss, like
Speaker 1: over there that like bone that I can't have a
Speaker 1: finger on. That is it because you're scared someone might
Speaker 1: cut it, like in like pet cemetery, like is that
Speaker 1: it is a little bit of that reference. But no,
Speaker 1: it's it's just the sensation. I don't like that sensation,
Speaker 1: that kind of touch. I just don't like it. This
Speaker 1: is crazy. I watched. One person said, I watched the
Speaker 1: documentary once that was shown on broadcast television about a
Speaker 1: trans woman getting top surgery. While her bare chest and
Speaker 1: nipple were shown uncensored through the first part of the documentary.
Speaker 1: The moment the surgeon inserted the silicone into this slot
Speaker 1: he cut into the woman's chest, a sensor blur was
Speaker 1: added to cover up the exposed nipple. So the second
Speaker 1: it got some meat on it, it's no good. Okay,
Speaker 1: it's it's the breast size that is it, because because
Speaker 1: it's just too horny, it makes people too horny. Um okay,
Speaker 1: so this was I thought this was interesting. This was
Speaker 1: from the subreded science Women's Techniques for Pleasure from anal
Speaker 1: touch results from a US probability sample of women ages
Speaker 1: eighteen to ninety three. It says that um, about a
Speaker 1: quarter of participating, about one fourth of participants noted that
Speaker 1: they did not enjoy any form of touch inside the anus,
Speaker 1: and one third of women reported they found no pleasure
Speaker 1: in each specific touch technique. So um, so that means
Speaker 1: that some people, like a fourth of women are going
Speaker 1: to find no anal touch good at all, whereas wait,
Speaker 1: about a fourth don't like any touch, whereas a third
Speaker 1: of women don't like one of three kinds of touches.
Speaker 1: So if you don't like anal sex, it could be
Speaker 1: because you just don't like it, as opposed to what
Speaker 1: I thought, which is like you just didn't try it
Speaker 1: right yet. So that was interesting to me. But that
Speaker 1: does mean three fourths of women would enjoy anal sex
Speaker 1: a type of anal touching three quarters. That's a big percentage.
Speaker 1: Put that out there. I want to know who's started
Speaker 1: that study. Um, I mean I don't know, Like these
Speaker 1: studies always make me laugh, like some guys just like
Speaker 1: I need or a girl. All right, So well, I
Speaker 1: mean I think together, if you if you do any
Speaker 1: if you know anything about you know, research on women's sexuality,
Speaker 1: there is none. There's no money for it. No one
Speaker 1: gives a funk about our pleasure. That's why I like,
Speaker 1: no one knows what we really there's no money in
Speaker 1: women's sexuality. So I was excited that they even thought
Speaker 1: to like, maybe we should figure this out and see
Speaker 1: what women like. Um. This is from stand up comedy
Speaker 1: the sub credit that I follow where a lot of
Speaker 1: mix like upload their material and it's all comics I've
Speaker 1: never heard of. But there are some really funny guys
Speaker 1: in here. I found one guy. This guy's name is
Speaker 1: Austin Lonenberg Loneberg l O N E E B E
Speaker 1: r G. And this joke made me laugh so hard.
Speaker 1: I loved it so much, and I want to share it.
Speaker 1: Do you think anybody's ever thought of a runny second
Speaker 1: song for the bagpires? I think about that. I wrong
Speaker 1: the jokes a little bag patro it's not really been
Speaker 1: around for three thousand years. One song when you're like, yeah,
Speaker 1: month ago and then we goddamnit, long starting song of
Speaker 1: all time. That's what it's got a name here on
Speaker 1: the Brave. I don't think you need to name a song.
Speaker 1: I think you just probably pull up the noise bagpipe
Speaker 1: stand or maybe the other title is important white event
Speaker 1: just happening. You can ever hear the bagpipes, look around,
Speaker 1: something important and white is going on. It could be anything,
Speaker 1: no guarantees on what it is. It could be like
Speaker 1: a high school graduation, or it could be a cops funeral.
Speaker 1: Really yeah, I've got one song for all white emotions. Alright.
Speaker 1: I really like that. That that's just an example of
Speaker 1: such a good joke that like, uh, that it's just
Speaker 1: sitting there wing for anyone to discover that there really is.
Speaker 1: Immediately you get it, you know there is. We all
Speaker 1: know the one song that a bad play. It's funny too,
Speaker 1: because like the whole time, I'm like, is there really
Speaker 1: only one song? Like part of me is like there's
Speaker 1: gotta be another. I mean, I'm sure there's other songs,
Speaker 1: but like us, I don't even know that song he's
Speaker 1: talking about either, Like I get it, like I kind
Speaker 1: of know it, but I can't. Can you hum it
Speaker 1: in your head? I can't um literally literally literally. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's just like I can't know, I can't humme it.
Speaker 1: I um, but I just really liked it. Yeah, that's
Speaker 1: a good joke. Alright, Uh, next up, let me see
Speaker 1: one second. Um, Oh my god, that one't oh um.
Speaker 1: This was from TikTok Cringe, which is just pretty much
Speaker 1: just good TikTok videos. This was I didn't send Noah
Speaker 1: this one because it's not necessary that you see the video.
Speaker 1: But it says man air drops a picture of himself
Speaker 1: naked to all passengers on an airplane. She said, Met Larry,
Speaker 1: it's the TikTok voice. Met Larry, who us air dropped
Speaker 1: a whole flight photos of his PEP. Thankfully I accepted it,
Speaker 1: saw who was sending it, and immediately started speaking up.
Speaker 1: Stay tuned for the police escort. So there's this creepy
Speaker 1: guy in a plane that just air dropped his dick
Speaker 1: to a bunch of people. But did he know what
Speaker 1: he was doing? I think? So that's my only worry
Speaker 1: for the plane takes off, or maybe it's once it landed.
Speaker 1: It's like having a conversation with the person next to you.
Speaker 1: You only started once the plane is landed. My only
Speaker 1: concern for that guy is that he didn't even understood
Speaker 1: you know he did He's I look, my dad didn't
Speaker 1: know why in a group chat Brennon's name wasn't in
Speaker 1: the group chat. That he had to put it in himself.
Speaker 1: I'm just saying that, let's just say a world where
Speaker 1: this guy was just sending to pressing though to send
Speaker 1: a dick pick when you're on an airplane like that,
Speaker 1: why is it so urgent. I'm just saying that they
Speaker 1: made a mistake. He didn't. Well, he's not claiming that
Speaker 1: he made mistake. He's just sitting there, so well, what
Speaker 1: happened with him? Didn't there follow up? Wait? Let's see,
Speaker 1: maybe there is. Thankfully I accepted it, always standing it
Speaker 1: and immediately started speaking up an appropriate for the police.
Speaker 1: I don't like this woman's voice. It's sexual harass. He
Speaker 1: is so gross. He has a mustache and he's like
Speaker 1: but he's not going like no, it's purpose phone. I've
Speaker 1: had I've had people air dropped like sometimes on the
Speaker 1: train subway Yep, on the subway, you get like people
Speaker 1: wanting to it. Guys love to expose themselves and like
Speaker 1: to have They love seeing your shocked tracks. I used
Speaker 1: to have a joke that if a guy ever, the
Speaker 1: best thing you can do to someone who shows their
Speaker 1: penis on the train is to look bored by it,
Speaker 1: because they get off on you looking scared and frightened.
Speaker 1: Did when he sent out you can so you could
Speaker 1: do a thing send to everyone on your phone. No,
Speaker 1: you can just press iPhone. You know Mark's polte like
Speaker 1: it shows up all the phones that are will to
Speaker 1: accept it. Jesus. I mean, what's your exit game here?
Speaker 1: Final thought? Um, I think that people they thought he
Speaker 1: couldn't He probably had his phone on like iPhone, so
Speaker 1: he thought he couldn't trace it. But the girl saw
Speaker 1: his body and was able to find out who it was.
Speaker 1: I mean, I wish I had the whole story. I know.
Speaker 1: I bet you there's maybe a follow up on that
Speaker 1: TikTok hopefully. Um yeah, no, that sucks. I mean the
Speaker 1: idea that I just I feel so bad for people
Speaker 1: with weird fetishes. I mean, I really do well whatever
Speaker 1: gets you off. That is just something so creepy. I mean,
Speaker 1: I have weird things that have developed from my watching
Speaker 1: porn that I didn't expect to be into that are
Speaker 1: now a part of what terms me on and almost
Speaker 1: like a necessity for me to be as horny as possible.
Speaker 1: Are these new things that I didn't that we're not
Speaker 1: born of just me being who I am, and even
Speaker 1: if they were, but they're they're culturally influenced or there,
Speaker 1: like it's just I'm I'm beholden and now to certain
Speaker 1: toys to like I don't don't not travel with things
Speaker 1: if I want to have sex on the road or
Speaker 1: if I want to get off, Like, I can't just
Speaker 1: rely on my hand anymore. I can't just rely on
Speaker 1: I can't rely on my hand pretty much. It sucks.
Speaker 1: I'm I need I need certain things I need If
Speaker 1: I want to masturbate, I can bring a bag on
Speaker 1: you like it's gotta be un their fifty pounds. Man,
Speaker 1: You're like, oh, that's in here is underwear. And I
Speaker 1: mean that's why I don't carry on a lot of times,
Speaker 1: because I'm so nervous that and it's not because I'm
Speaker 1: nervous that the t s A is gonna be it's
Speaker 1: it's that other people are gonna feel awkward for me.
Speaker 1: I don't care, I really don't, and I would not
Speaker 1: be embarrassed. But the idea that other people would think
Speaker 1: I'm embarrassed is annoying to me. And I swear that's it.
Speaker 1: Like I don't get embarrassed about having vibrators or having
Speaker 1: like that's you saw my TV show like vibrators underneath
Speaker 1: my but I have no shame about it with I
Speaker 1: think everyone should have them. But the idea that other
Speaker 1: people could be like, oh my god, she's so embarrassed
Speaker 1: is so annoying. It's just it makes me mad. It
Speaker 1: doesn't make me embarrassed at all. I must want you
Speaker 1: to do it, just to go through it and just
Speaker 1: see what happens. Like like bring like a knife, a
Speaker 1: gun and then two vibrators and I'm like, I I
Speaker 1: masturbate with that knife. I'm into some really weird ship.
Speaker 1: I hold it to my Throat's the only way to come. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean it's uh yeah, it is interesting that to
Speaker 1: be more like afraid of other people's embarrassment than the
Speaker 1: actually feel that way when people are like you, like
Speaker 1: It really annoys me when you would would get embarrassed
Speaker 1: about me picking up poop with mulch, because you're you're
Speaker 1: embarrassed for me. You're like, you're embarrassed of the fact
Speaker 1: that I'm should be. You're because I sometimes get embarrassed
Speaker 1: for people where I'm like, I can't watch people like
Speaker 1: Nathan for You sometimes is one of my favorite shows,
Speaker 1: but I can't watch it because it makes me feel
Speaker 1: so embarrassed for him or for the person he's tricking
Speaker 1: that I can't watch it. But I hate when people
Speaker 1: put that on me and they do what people do
Speaker 1: it all the time, because I talked about embarrassing things constantly,
Speaker 1: Like oh, over the weekend, there was this and I
Speaker 1: don't know why I was motivated to do this. We
Speaker 1: were dining out and we were in a booth and
Speaker 1: there was a booth right behind us, and I could
Speaker 1: hear I was on the far side of the booth.
Speaker 1: That was like, you know, these people were seated behind
Speaker 1: my friends across from me, so across from me behind
Speaker 1: them was this family and they were like, his stand
Speaker 1: up is pretty good. I mean, I like this. And
Speaker 1: I heard the words stand up and I was like,
Speaker 1: they're talking about. Standon, who are they talking about? And
Speaker 1: then I heard one of them go and he was
Speaker 1: in that Judd Apatow movie about Staten Island. I go, oh,
Speaker 1: they're talking about Pete Davidson. And I said it loudly
Speaker 1: enough so that they could know that I heard and
Speaker 1: what I wanted them to know. Because then Chris turned
Speaker 1: me and goes, why are you doing that? Why are
Speaker 1: you letting them know we can hear the conversation. I'm like,
Speaker 1: because I want them to know that they don't get
Speaker 1: to talk about celebrities in this bubble where those people
Speaker 1: aren't actual people. It like bugged me that they were
Speaker 1: talking about someone that very well could be seated behind them,
Speaker 1: Like it made me aware that people have and I
Speaker 1: do the same thing too. I forget that people have
Speaker 1: feelings and that actors or you know, if Cameron Diaz
Speaker 1: heard this, I would be hurt that she thinks that.
Speaker 1: I think she did that just for publicity. But I
Speaker 1: forget that Cameron Diaz could hear this. She does have
Speaker 1: podcast apps on her phone. I'm guessing you know what
Speaker 1: I'm saying. And I needed them to know, like, hey,
Speaker 1: I heard what you're talking about. And that's a person,
Speaker 1: and I could be best friends with that person or
Speaker 1: I could be that person. Yeah, but there's nothing part
Speaker 1: of you being like I'm also a celebrity. No, oh no,
Speaker 1: because I have more compassion for a celebrity because I
Speaker 1: know that when they said stand up and like, oh,
Speaker 1: maybe they're talking about some one of my friends, I
Speaker 1: didn't think that then that everyone at my table got
Speaker 1: embarrassed because I was being so I was being obvious
Speaker 1: that I heard their conversation, but I wanted them to know.
Speaker 1: First of all, you're being way too loud that I
Speaker 1: can even hear your conversation. You need to know that
Speaker 1: I've heard it, so maybe keep it to hush tones
Speaker 1: because it's annoying how loud you're being about them. Of
Speaker 1: course they would mean they were having a bunch of
Speaker 1: opinions about whether or not he was funny, and it
Speaker 1: was like, well, he could be sitting right here, so
Speaker 1: shut the funk up. Even though I have opinions about
Speaker 1: people all the time that I think aren't listening, I
Speaker 1: just wanted them to know. And everyone at my table
Speaker 1: was just like, why are you doing that? And I'm like,
Speaker 1: because I want them to know, how loud they're being
Speaker 1: I liked it, but my table was so embarrassed of
Speaker 1: me because you were embarrassed with them. Yeah. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: was embarrassed for anyone. Well you didn't like them being loud,
Speaker 1: but then you were allowed to show their Yeah, to
Speaker 1: show it back at them. Because sometimes when I'm loud,
Speaker 1: when i'm and someone goes, hey, we heard what you
Speaker 1: were saying, I'm like, oh my god, I didn't realize
Speaker 1: it was being so loud, And it makes me check myself.
Speaker 1: But I found that a lot this Weekend's not a lot,
Speaker 1: but a couple of times this weekend where in public,
Speaker 1: um my my friends and my family, Like, I found
Speaker 1: that a lot through my life. People are embarrassed of
Speaker 1: things that I do in public, and it makes me
Speaker 1: just do them harder because I'm like, it's so dumb
Speaker 1: that I'm not even embarrassed and you're embarrassed for me, Like,
Speaker 1: what's the big what am I doing wrong? I would
Speaker 1: have friends that would constantly skip lines like oh, and
Speaker 1: that would really know that's that's that's not embarrassing, that's
Speaker 1: just cruel. But I mean I'm just like, like get
Speaker 1: into a bar like per se were like where people
Speaker 1: are waiting and they're like, no, I'm just gonna take
Speaker 1: care of this, and they would do it, and then
Speaker 1: I would just be like, fun, dude, I can't believe
Speaker 1: he did like that would For some reason, I get
Speaker 1: very because that's breaking the rule. Yeah, I guess breaking
Speaker 1: social rules is yeah. I get yeah, sometimes I do.
Speaker 1: But then other times I'm so free and loose, and
Speaker 1: like when weird when Mark and Shane and I were
Speaker 1: trying to go to a pool. We had to sneak
Speaker 1: in because they were all these apartment complexes and we
Speaker 1: were walking in and Shane market jumped the fence, which
Speaker 1: I supported because there was no one to see it
Speaker 1: and we weren't doing anything really wrong. But then Shane
Speaker 1: and I went through the front and we encountered. We
Speaker 1: encountered a security guard who goes, hey, do you guys
Speaker 1: live here? And I don't lie, and so I go
Speaker 1: at the same time Shane and I. Shane said yes
Speaker 1: and I said no. It was just like he just goes,
Speaker 1: oh God, like he was so doesn't and I was like,
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, I can't lie, and he was like, come on,
Speaker 1: just let me talk next. I don't forget what he
Speaker 1: said but he was just like I felt so I
Speaker 1: felt like such a pussy, like I couldn't. I was
Speaker 1: like the worst body and Clyde I was a bad body,
Speaker 1: like that DJ bad bunny. Same with Amy. I remember
Speaker 1: one time Amy was going to my gym. I was
Speaker 1: working on l A Fitness back in two thousand seven
Speaker 1: and she was visiting Amy. She was visiting me in
Speaker 1: l A and she was like, Oh, I want to go,
Speaker 1: and we we walked in. She was like, just walk
Speaker 1: in like you usually do. Like I never would be
Speaker 1: like scan my card, Like if you're not stealing or
Speaker 1: if you're not doing something wrong, you just do the thing.
Speaker 1: But if you're wrong, you like look so guilty. And
Speaker 1: I could not do it. And when she walked in,
Speaker 1: I just kind of like hesitated, and I remember the
Speaker 1: front desk woman was like, excuse me, are you going
Speaker 1: to scan your card? And I was like, um, she's
Speaker 1: my guest, and he was just like what the hell,
Speaker 1: Nick like come on, be cool, and I was I
Speaker 1: couldn't do it. I can't do that stuff. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: don't know what it is, but if I'm not harming
Speaker 1: anyone by picking up ship, which is actually the nice
Speaker 1: thing to do, or I'm just letting people who are
Speaker 1: on your side about being like, well, she's picking up
Speaker 1: the ship. Still, Yeah, I get that, But why is
Speaker 1: it embarrassing because I'm touching poop you're touching ship? Yeah,
Speaker 1: probably it's that, And maybe you know, I just should
Speaker 1: imber critical. I do all kinds of ship like that,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. I don't know. It's just
Speaker 1: like I don't know what it is. I think when
Speaker 1: when I see people going instead of leaning into that,
Speaker 1: I kind of like feel that, Oh, man, see I
Speaker 1: do the other thing when I start seeing and I go, oh,
Speaker 1: are you just so scared for me? I'm the one
Speaker 1: that's embarrassed. You shut the funk up. No, I like that.
Speaker 1: I like that. Maybe I'll try to apply that more. No,
Speaker 1: I don't. I think it's like inborn and it's it's
Speaker 1: a sick it's a sick thing because I think it
Speaker 1: comes from actually being embarrassed, but it goes the other way,
Speaker 1: like I, well, the Pete Davidson thing can be like
Speaker 1: you know, a lot of people can talk about you,
Speaker 1: so then you take that on for him getting Yeah,
Speaker 1: like I'm someone that is that people think that they
Speaker 1: know just because they've seen on TV and they have
Speaker 1: opinions about And I'm a critical because I think I
Speaker 1: know celebrities and I can say whatever I want about them,
Speaker 1: and I get in trouble for it sometimes because the
Speaker 1: celebrities actually have serious exam or you know, Instagram, and
Speaker 1: they can read and see the things that you post. Dude,
Speaker 1: I got in trouble for talking shit about the barbershop
Speaker 1: I go to here in St. Louis. I walked in
Speaker 1: and the owner and by the way, this was two
Speaker 1: years ago. I kind of made fun of that. It's
Speaker 1: like one of the barbershops with like naked women on
Speaker 1: this front. They offer you like a shot and some
Speaker 1: heroin before you get a trim, and it's just like, dude,
Speaker 1: can I just get a haircut? Like I don't, And
Speaker 1: they were like, oh, we were to talk about us.
Speaker 1: So the owner was in there and she's all tattered
Speaker 1: up and you could tell no one talks back to
Speaker 1: her like she comes off very like alpha, and she goes, oh,
Speaker 1: this is the guy talking about my place on this
Speaker 1: big show. She was flattered. We gotta go, so I'm
Speaker 1: gonna sing us out. I literally she goes, are you
Speaker 1: gonna keep talking bad and I go, yeah, probably like I.
Speaker 1: I stood up to him for everyone. It felt really cool.
Speaker 1: I felt pretty cool there because most of the time
Speaker 1: I'd be like, no, I'm sorry, God, tattoos really do work.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna sing because it's the end of the show.
Speaker 1: Kersen bought us a bunch of fake tattoos for a
Speaker 1: girl's trip, and I put them all over my arm,
Speaker 1: and every time I saw my reflection, I was like,
Speaker 1: that girl's cool, and then it was me. So there's
Speaker 1: a part of me that wants to get a sleeve
Speaker 1: down my arm send a different message to the world
Speaker 1: that I'm a harm that's in It's beautiful and we
Speaker 1: could just you could just end there. Okay, thanks for listening, guys.
Speaker 1: We will be here all week. We got two more
Speaker 1: shows out of us. Thank you so much for listening.
Speaker 1: I hope you had a great fourth Uh, don't be
Speaker 1: good and firework, frost Jack, firework, that's nothing. We're not
Speaker 1: out there with a different letter. No,