1 00:00:00,160 --> 00:00:04,360 Speaker 1: This is intergalactic John, This is Alien Salm on the 2 00:00:04,360 --> 00:00:09,280 Speaker 1: International Oka Storytime podcast station, and we have some human 3 00:00:09,400 --> 00:00:12,440 Speaker 1: stories coming up, not alien, but before we make a landing, 4 00:00:12,520 --> 00:00:15,520 Speaker 1: stick around for this two minute not alien ad break 5 00:00:15,640 --> 00:00:17,520 Speaker 1: before we get to these interstellar stories. 6 00:00:18,720 --> 00:00:21,720 Speaker 2: My wife used me for a green card and left 7 00:00:21,760 --> 00:00:24,520 Speaker 2: me for another man as a red flag. Let's start 8 00:00:24,520 --> 00:00:27,160 Speaker 2: at the beginning, around two thousand and seven. We were 9 00:00:27,160 --> 00:00:30,000 Speaker 2: both attending the same university in the US. She was 10 00:00:30,040 --> 00:00:33,040 Speaker 2: an international student from Thailand and I was an American. 11 00:00:33,159 --> 00:00:36,280 Speaker 2: I was the shy but smart guy from class that 12 00:00:36,360 --> 00:00:39,080 Speaker 2: she knew, and she was the cute international student. We 13 00:00:39,080 --> 00:00:41,000 Speaker 2: were in a few classes over the years, but in 14 00:00:41,040 --> 00:00:43,840 Speaker 2: the months before I graduated and moved to a different state, 15 00:00:44,240 --> 00:00:46,640 Speaker 2: we started talking more. We had a few in person 16 00:00:46,720 --> 00:00:49,240 Speaker 2: lunch dates before I left. By the way, this comes 17 00:00:49,240 --> 00:00:53,400 Speaker 2: from Dazzling Patients fifty eighty eight. I'm Sophia, and I'm Riley, 18 00:00:53,640 --> 00:00:56,600 Speaker 2: and I'm Keon, and we're here to give good advice. Goofully, 19 00:00:56,640 --> 00:00:58,600 Speaker 2: But we don't have all the answers. We only know 20 00:00:58,680 --> 00:01:00,440 Speaker 2: what we do, So let us know you would do 21 00:01:00,600 --> 00:01:03,360 Speaker 2: in the commons. After I moved, we continued to talk. 22 00:01:03,680 --> 00:01:06,200 Speaker 2: She was set to graduate one year behind me. I 23 00:01:06,319 --> 00:01:08,880 Speaker 2: flew back for her graduation, and then a few weeks 24 00:01:08,920 --> 00:01:11,600 Speaker 2: later she had a crisis. We decided it was best 25 00:01:11,640 --> 00:01:13,400 Speaker 2: if I came to pick her up, so I drove 26 00:01:13,560 --> 00:01:16,839 Speaker 2: a few states over what was the crisis, loaded most 27 00:01:16,840 --> 00:01:19,559 Speaker 2: of her belongings into my vehicle, and she moved into 28 00:01:19,600 --> 00:01:22,240 Speaker 2: my place just like that. We lived in a shared 29 00:01:22,319 --> 00:01:26,600 Speaker 2: house near downtown Minneapolis with around seven other people in 30 00:01:26,640 --> 00:01:29,080 Speaker 2: their early twenties, which made it easy for her to 31 00:01:29,080 --> 00:01:31,880 Speaker 2: integrate into the new city. She made friends from Thailand 32 00:01:32,360 --> 00:01:35,360 Speaker 2: attending the University of m N. We were very into 33 00:01:35,400 --> 00:01:38,400 Speaker 2: each other at this time, having spicy sleep multiple times 34 00:01:38,440 --> 00:01:41,120 Speaker 2: a day and always wanting to be around each other. 35 00:01:41,200 --> 00:01:44,039 Speaker 2: I worked full time and sometimes traveled for work. When 36 00:01:44,040 --> 00:01:46,680 Speaker 2: I went somewhere interesting, I'd usually stay over the weekend 37 00:01:46,720 --> 00:01:49,320 Speaker 2: and she would fly out to join me. We genuinely 38 00:01:49,360 --> 00:01:51,400 Speaker 2: had a good time, and I fell in love with her. 39 00:01:51,440 --> 00:01:53,880 Speaker 2: She also said she loved me, and I believed her. 40 00:01:54,000 --> 00:01:54,680 Speaker 3: Gosh, dang it. 41 00:01:55,280 --> 00:01:58,040 Speaker 2: Late two thousand and eight, her student visa was going 42 00:01:58,040 --> 00:02:00,360 Speaker 2: to expire soon. Either she had to go go back 43 00:02:00,400 --> 00:02:03,640 Speaker 2: home or we had to do something. We decided to 44 00:02:03,680 --> 00:02:06,320 Speaker 2: get married at the local courthouse and then apply for 45 00:02:06,360 --> 00:02:09,200 Speaker 2: a K one fiance visa. We continued living in the 46 00:02:09,240 --> 00:02:12,160 Speaker 2: same house for another year until I changed jobs and 47 00:02:12,200 --> 00:02:14,400 Speaker 2: we moved to a different state. Around this time, we 48 00:02:14,440 --> 00:02:17,280 Speaker 2: announced to our family and friends that we were getting 49 00:02:17,520 --> 00:02:21,400 Speaker 2: married and started all the arrangements. I flew to Thailand 50 00:02:21,440 --> 00:02:23,560 Speaker 2: to meet her parents and family. They were a middle 51 00:02:23,600 --> 00:02:26,480 Speaker 2: class family and her father owned an insurance agency. In 52 00:02:26,520 --> 00:02:29,480 Speaker 2: two thousand and nine, we had two separate wedding ceremonies, 53 00:02:29,639 --> 00:02:32,240 Speaker 2: one in the US and one in Thailand. It was 54 00:02:32,280 --> 00:02:35,200 Speaker 2: a traditional Thai wedding with all the intricacies, which was 55 00:02:35,400 --> 00:02:37,680 Speaker 2: very fun to be involved in. After a year of 56 00:02:37,720 --> 00:02:41,680 Speaker 2: what felt like NonStop wedding planning, we finally settled down 57 00:02:41,880 --> 00:02:44,240 Speaker 2: in our new home. During this time, we adopted a 58 00:02:44,240 --> 00:02:46,960 Speaker 2: couple of cats that we treated like children. The issue 59 00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:50,320 Speaker 2: of children for ourselves came up sometimes, but she was 60 00:02:50,360 --> 00:02:52,680 Speaker 2: on birth control and we didn't have plans for any 61 00:02:52,680 --> 00:02:55,680 Speaker 2: time soon. We were just enjoying our newly married lives. 62 00:02:55,840 --> 00:02:58,840 Speaker 2: I continued my job that involved some travel, and while 63 00:02:58,880 --> 00:03:01,200 Speaker 2: she was still looking for work, she would sometimes join 64 00:03:01,240 --> 00:03:04,000 Speaker 2: me on my work trips. Fast forward to around twenty 65 00:03:04,040 --> 00:03:06,520 Speaker 2: ten or twenty eleven, my now wife found a good 66 00:03:06,600 --> 00:03:09,320 Speaker 2: full time job in a downtown office with about a 67 00:03:09,360 --> 00:03:12,359 Speaker 2: thirty minute commute each way. This was before zoom calls, 68 00:03:12,480 --> 00:03:15,000 Speaker 2: so we mostly saw each other briefly in the mornings 69 00:03:15,000 --> 00:03:17,160 Speaker 2: and evenings. One day, she told me that some of 70 00:03:17,200 --> 00:03:19,840 Speaker 2: her friends from work were planning a week in float 71 00:03:19,840 --> 00:03:22,360 Speaker 2: trip kind of a camping trip by the lake at 72 00:03:22,400 --> 00:03:25,160 Speaker 2: a state park around four hours away. She wanted to 73 00:03:25,200 --> 00:03:27,200 Speaker 2: go by herself, as it was just supposed to be 74 00:03:27,240 --> 00:03:30,440 Speaker 2: her coworkers. I said that sounded fun, have a good time. 75 00:03:30,639 --> 00:03:33,880 Speaker 2: I trusted her one hundred percent at this time. Shortly 76 00:03:33,960 --> 00:03:36,760 Speaker 2: after the float trip, I noticed that she started protecting 77 00:03:36,800 --> 00:03:39,640 Speaker 2: her phone more, something she never used to do. It 78 00:03:39,680 --> 00:03:41,880 Speaker 2: was always with her when before she would leave it 79 00:03:41,920 --> 00:03:44,760 Speaker 2: around and have to find it later, sometimes asking me 80 00:03:44,840 --> 00:03:47,320 Speaker 2: to call it for her. I started getting more suspicious 81 00:03:47,360 --> 00:03:50,440 Speaker 2: when she mentioned a new friend at work. I could 82 00:03:50,440 --> 00:03:53,640 Speaker 2: hardly ever reach her during work hours. She wouldn't answer 83 00:03:53,720 --> 00:03:57,160 Speaker 2: her phone and was very slow to return calls and texts. 84 00:03:57,240 --> 00:04:00,160 Speaker 2: She'd arrive home later and I'd have to call all 85 00:04:00,160 --> 00:04:01,880 Speaker 2: her office number to see if she was still at 86 00:04:01,880 --> 00:04:04,960 Speaker 2: her desk after six pm. When she first started this job, 87 00:04:05,000 --> 00:04:07,440 Speaker 2: I would sometimes drive up to meet her for lunch, 88 00:04:07,520 --> 00:04:10,360 Speaker 2: but our lunches together seemed to stop after the float 89 00:04:10,360 --> 00:04:14,120 Speaker 2: trip what happened on the flat trend on that river. 90 00:04:14,560 --> 00:04:17,120 Speaker 2: On the weekend, she started spending most of the time 91 00:04:17,160 --> 00:04:18,960 Speaker 2: outside the house, saying she. 92 00:04:19,000 --> 00:04:21,800 Speaker 3: Was hanging out with friends from work. 93 00:04:22,040 --> 00:04:25,239 Speaker 2: We started arguing more as I asked her more questions 94 00:04:25,279 --> 00:04:28,800 Speaker 2: about who this guy was when I found her phone 95 00:04:28,839 --> 00:04:33,000 Speaker 2: screen with many text messages from an LJ. Her phone 96 00:04:33,080 --> 00:04:35,120 Speaker 2: was locked, but I could still see the name. She 97 00:04:35,279 --> 00:04:38,919 Speaker 2: was getting texts all the time from this person. Eventually, 98 00:04:39,000 --> 00:04:41,839 Speaker 2: she started spending the whole week and away from Friday 99 00:04:41,920 --> 00:04:45,960 Speaker 2: night until Sunday night. At this point I did something questionable. 100 00:04:46,160 --> 00:04:49,040 Speaker 2: We had a shared laptop and I restored her iPhone 101 00:04:49,080 --> 00:04:51,719 Speaker 2: backup onto my phone one weekend while she was away, 102 00:04:51,839 --> 00:04:55,760 Speaker 2: I read her text messages and found conversations with LJ. 103 00:04:56,080 --> 00:04:58,760 Speaker 2: They were cheating, but it wasn't clear if they were 104 00:04:58,760 --> 00:05:01,880 Speaker 2: having spicy sleep. I was devastated, but knew that if 105 00:05:01,880 --> 00:05:04,320 Speaker 2: I confronted her while she was outside, she would just 106 00:05:04,360 --> 00:05:07,800 Speaker 2: stay away and not come home. When confronted, she's like that, 107 00:05:07,960 --> 00:05:11,680 Speaker 2: she'll scream and shout, deny and blame me instead. I 108 00:05:11,720 --> 00:05:14,360 Speaker 2: waited until she returned home and then showed her some 109 00:05:14,400 --> 00:05:16,719 Speaker 2: of the photos and videos that I found on her phone. 110 00:05:16,760 --> 00:05:19,719 Speaker 2: One video was of her kissing LJ on the cheek 111 00:05:19,800 --> 00:05:22,040 Speaker 2: while they were driving to the float trip. 112 00:05:22,240 --> 00:05:24,600 Speaker 4: Brother, we're not even in the river yet you're kissing 113 00:05:24,640 --> 00:05:25,400 Speaker 4: people on cheek. 114 00:05:25,480 --> 00:05:27,880 Speaker 3: Yeah, this is in the car that I helped her by. 115 00:05:28,360 --> 00:05:29,840 Speaker 3: He was driving our car. 116 00:05:30,040 --> 00:05:34,240 Speaker 2: At this point, I loved her, but I was absolutely devastated. 117 00:05:34,400 --> 00:05:37,080 Speaker 2: Until the float trip, I thought I had a happy marriage. 118 00:05:37,080 --> 00:05:39,560 Speaker 2: We seemed to love each other. We had good, spicy 119 00:05:39,600 --> 00:05:42,320 Speaker 2: sleep life. We did things together on the weekends, before 120 00:05:42,360 --> 00:05:44,839 Speaker 2: she started hanging around her friends from work. 121 00:05:44,920 --> 00:05:45,920 Speaker 3: My heart was broken. 122 00:05:46,080 --> 00:05:49,120 Speaker 2: Confronted with the evidence in front of her eyes, I 123 00:05:49,200 --> 00:05:51,800 Speaker 2: told her that I was prepared to divorce if she 124 00:05:51,839 --> 00:05:54,440 Speaker 2: didn't quit the job where she worked with LJ and 125 00:05:54,560 --> 00:05:56,680 Speaker 2: agreed to stay away from him. She agreed to quit 126 00:05:56,720 --> 00:05:59,080 Speaker 2: her job and did so the next week. I still 127 00:05:59,120 --> 00:06:01,440 Speaker 2: loved her, thought I did, so I decided to give 128 00:06:01,440 --> 00:06:05,040 Speaker 2: her a second chance. This happened around two years after 129 00:06:05,080 --> 00:06:07,560 Speaker 2: we had been married. She had her permanent resident green 130 00:06:07,560 --> 00:06:10,239 Speaker 2: card by this time. Fast forward a couple of years 131 00:06:10,279 --> 00:06:13,040 Speaker 2: and I received a job offer in California. She now 132 00:06:13,080 --> 00:06:15,680 Speaker 2: had a job that could easily transfer and she'd be 133 00:06:15,720 --> 00:06:18,239 Speaker 2: able to work from home. After moving with me, things 134 00:06:18,240 --> 00:06:20,960 Speaker 2: were going great for us. We flew out to California 135 00:06:21,000 --> 00:06:23,760 Speaker 2: a couple of times to apartment shop and decided on 136 00:06:23,880 --> 00:06:26,320 Speaker 2: a place. I was set to start my new job soon, 137 00:06:26,520 --> 00:06:28,880 Speaker 2: so I'd move first, and then she joined me. It 138 00:06:28,920 --> 00:06:32,240 Speaker 2: took her around three months to finally move, apparently because 139 00:06:32,279 --> 00:06:35,640 Speaker 2: she was working on getting approval from her company to relocate. 140 00:06:35,760 --> 00:06:39,000 Speaker 2: I tried to put all that past infidelity with LJ 141 00:06:39,200 --> 00:06:42,240 Speaker 2: out of my mind because he was now over sixteen 142 00:06:42,360 --> 00:06:46,880 Speaker 2: hundred miles away. I assumed the problem was solved. One weekend, 143 00:06:46,920 --> 00:06:49,320 Speaker 2: we were shopping for bicycles, thinking it would be a 144 00:06:49,360 --> 00:06:50,880 Speaker 2: fun thing to do as a couple. 145 00:06:51,120 --> 00:06:55,800 Speaker 4: Never never, that's always never. Know how many stories I've 146 00:06:55,880 --> 00:06:58,920 Speaker 4: read where a couple of those bicycles shopping and it 147 00:06:58,960 --> 00:06:59,760 Speaker 4: all goes down. 148 00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:02,560 Speaker 3: She goes and it all goes down hill. 149 00:07:02,960 --> 00:07:05,960 Speaker 2: She left her phone in my car, unlocked. I looked 150 00:07:06,000 --> 00:07:08,679 Speaker 2: at it and saw she had messages from Elija. Again, 151 00:07:08,920 --> 00:07:12,000 Speaker 2: my heart stopped. I waited until she got back into 152 00:07:12,000 --> 00:07:14,440 Speaker 2: the car older what I just saw and said. I 153 00:07:14,560 --> 00:07:17,760 Speaker 2: thought we were going to start fresh. After we moved 154 00:07:17,760 --> 00:07:20,800 Speaker 2: to California. I don't recall what she said to answer me, 155 00:07:21,000 --> 00:07:23,960 Speaker 2: but the ride home was in silence. It really ruined 156 00:07:24,000 --> 00:07:26,200 Speaker 2: what was an otherwise pleasant afternoon together. 157 00:07:26,280 --> 00:07:27,000 Speaker 3: The next few. 158 00:07:26,840 --> 00:07:29,920 Speaker 2: Years were rough. She continued to take her birth control pills. 159 00:07:30,040 --> 00:07:31,920 Speaker 2: I asked her about it one day, why she was 160 00:07:31,960 --> 00:07:34,400 Speaker 2: still taking them if we never had spicy sleep. She 161 00:07:34,440 --> 00:07:36,600 Speaker 2: said she needed to take them to help her skin, 162 00:07:36,680 --> 00:07:39,120 Speaker 2: which is not that's not unreasonable. 163 00:07:39,200 --> 00:07:39,880 Speaker 3: People do that. 164 00:07:40,280 --> 00:07:41,720 Speaker 4: It's not unreasonable. 165 00:07:41,800 --> 00:07:45,360 Speaker 3: But she's doing here. Yet Do I buy. 166 00:07:45,120 --> 00:07:47,200 Speaker 2: That she said she needed to take them to help 167 00:07:47,200 --> 00:07:49,760 Speaker 2: her skin. I was pretty sure that she was cheating, 168 00:07:49,880 --> 00:07:52,120 Speaker 2: but I had started drinking more to help tune it 169 00:07:52,160 --> 00:07:56,720 Speaker 2: all out. That became another source of arguments my drinking. 170 00:07:56,840 --> 00:07:59,720 Speaker 2: The drinking became a problem, and sometimes I was drinking 171 00:07:59,760 --> 00:08:02,840 Speaker 2: twelve or more beers in a day. Oh most days. 172 00:08:02,880 --> 00:08:05,000 Speaker 2: I got into the routine of drinking in the evening 173 00:08:05,040 --> 00:08:07,280 Speaker 2: while she would be upstairs doing her thing if she 174 00:08:07,400 --> 00:08:10,840 Speaker 2: was home. Not a healthy combination for a marriage. Fast 175 00:08:10,920 --> 00:08:13,800 Speaker 2: forward to twenty seventeen. I had left one of her 176 00:08:13,840 --> 00:08:17,440 Speaker 2: metal bowls from Thailand outside for the neighborhood dogs to 177 00:08:17,520 --> 00:08:20,080 Speaker 2: drink from, since it was a hot day. When she 178 00:08:20,280 --> 00:08:23,600 Speaker 2: came home and saw her special bull outside. We had 179 00:08:23,600 --> 00:08:26,560 Speaker 2: a blow up argument about it. In her anger, she 180 00:08:26,720 --> 00:08:28,280 Speaker 2: ended up throwing the bull at me. 181 00:08:28,480 --> 00:08:32,720 Speaker 3: Dude, leave, dude, I good. Good. He called nine one one. Yeah. 182 00:08:32,760 --> 00:08:34,960 Speaker 3: I called nine one one and the police came out. Good. 183 00:08:35,000 --> 00:08:37,200 Speaker 2: She didn't get arrested, as I told them not to, 184 00:08:37,400 --> 00:08:39,160 Speaker 2: but they had her leave and she stayed in a 185 00:08:39,200 --> 00:08:40,080 Speaker 2: hotel for the night. 186 00:08:40,200 --> 00:08:41,760 Speaker 3: During the night, she withdrew. 187 00:08:41,559 --> 00:08:45,960 Speaker 2: Thirty five thousand dollars from our joint savings account that 188 00:08:46,040 --> 00:08:47,960 Speaker 2: was supposed to be used for a down payment on 189 00:08:48,000 --> 00:08:50,520 Speaker 2: a home. Naturally, I demanded that she returned the money, 190 00:08:50,520 --> 00:08:53,200 Speaker 2: but she refused. I started talking to a divorce lawyer, 191 00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:56,120 Speaker 2: but for some reason decided against filing right then. I 192 00:08:56,120 --> 00:08:59,599 Speaker 2: couldn't do anything about it, really except to Unfortunately, I 193 00:08:59,640 --> 00:09:01,439 Speaker 2: started to resent her, but I don't really want to 194 00:09:01,480 --> 00:09:04,200 Speaker 2: go through divorce yet. I didn't really feel ready to 195 00:09:04,200 --> 00:09:07,000 Speaker 2: go through all that hassle and expense. I thought maybe 196 00:09:07,040 --> 00:09:09,880 Speaker 2: a nice vacation tool I would help us get our 197 00:09:09,880 --> 00:09:13,520 Speaker 2: marriage back into the groove. This man we booked a 198 00:09:13,600 --> 00:09:16,640 Speaker 2: vacation and she helped plant, but it was a struggle. 199 00:09:16,840 --> 00:09:19,720 Speaker 3: On the vacation. There was a lot of arguing. 200 00:09:20,120 --> 00:09:22,840 Speaker 2: We had spicy sleep a few times, which was nice 201 00:09:22,880 --> 00:09:24,920 Speaker 2: to note that we could still do it, but it 202 00:09:24,960 --> 00:09:28,600 Speaker 2: was awkward. She just laid there. It's not enjoyable for 203 00:09:28,679 --> 00:09:31,240 Speaker 2: me if I see my partners clearly not into it. Oh, 204 00:09:31,280 --> 00:09:33,840 Speaker 2: it was a turn off. Shortly after we returned home 205 00:09:33,880 --> 00:09:38,280 Speaker 2: from vacation OH November twenty eighteen, I stopped drinking for good. 206 00:09:38,360 --> 00:09:40,960 Speaker 2: The new sober clarity finally laid bare what I had 207 00:09:41,000 --> 00:09:43,760 Speaker 2: been trying to avoid by drinking. My wife was having 208 00:09:43,800 --> 00:09:46,680 Speaker 2: an affair and wasn't going to end it. I wasn't 209 00:09:46,720 --> 00:09:49,000 Speaker 2: sure at that point if she was physically cheating, as 210 00:09:49,000 --> 00:09:52,600 Speaker 2: I had no hard evidence, but I still have strong suspicions. 211 00:09:52,679 --> 00:09:55,120 Speaker 2: I couldn't take it anymore. There was a total lack 212 00:09:55,160 --> 00:09:58,240 Speaker 2: of trust. I filed for divorce. She immediately hired an 213 00:09:58,240 --> 00:10:01,160 Speaker 2: attorney and asked for temporary sp also support, and God 214 00:10:01,160 --> 00:10:03,920 Speaker 2: awarded it. Because we were married more than ten years 215 00:10:03,960 --> 00:10:07,840 Speaker 2: and California considers our marriage long term, I was potentially 216 00:10:07,880 --> 00:10:10,720 Speaker 2: on the hook for permanent alimony. She wouldn't agree to 217 00:10:10,760 --> 00:10:13,280 Speaker 2: anything at first, so I had to fight hard in 218 00:10:13,360 --> 00:10:15,440 Speaker 2: court because I did not want to be paying her 219 00:10:15,520 --> 00:10:19,000 Speaker 2: permanent alimony. My attorney eventually got her to agree to 220 00:10:19,040 --> 00:10:21,720 Speaker 2: three years of spousal support, a five figure amount at 221 00:10:21,800 --> 00:10:24,880 Speaker 2: signing the settlement, and then half of my thorah one K. 222 00:10:25,160 --> 00:10:27,520 Speaker 2: She paid me nothing, but I got my freedom back. 223 00:10:27,679 --> 00:10:30,280 Speaker 2: I shouldn't, but recently I googled her name and found 224 00:10:30,360 --> 00:10:33,360 Speaker 2: she and LJ are listed as living at the same 225 00:10:33,400 --> 00:10:36,160 Speaker 2: address all the time. She told me that he was nothing, 226 00:10:36,480 --> 00:10:39,560 Speaker 2: just a friend. If you read down this far, thank you, 227 00:10:39,920 --> 00:10:41,840 Speaker 2: and I'd be curious to know what you think about 228 00:10:41,880 --> 00:10:43,200 Speaker 2: my sad divorce story. 229 00:10:43,320 --> 00:10:45,400 Speaker 3: I wish you the best. I wish she gonna suck. 230 00:10:45,520 --> 00:10:48,280 Speaker 4: It's gonna take some time to heal from this. Oh yeah, 231 00:10:48,320 --> 00:10:50,679 Speaker 4: but like I feel like you're gonna and you'll be better. 232 00:10:50,520 --> 00:10:53,360 Speaker 3: Off for it. You're absolutely going to be better off 233 00:10:53,360 --> 00:10:53,679 Speaker 3: for it. 234 00:10:53,760 --> 00:10:58,280 Speaker 4: Stop taking tropical vacations with a woman who doesn't love 235 00:10:58,360 --> 00:11:00,839 Speaker 4: or appreciate you, which is clear wasn't the case. 236 00:11:00,960 --> 00:11:04,200 Speaker 3: Go take that trip by yourself. That's like generals with yourself. 237 00:11:04,520 --> 00:11:06,479 Speaker 3: Have fun. Go to Fiji. 238 00:11:06,920 --> 00:11:10,280 Speaker 4: My husband picked his coworker over me and it started 239 00:11:10,320 --> 00:11:14,920 Speaker 4: affair rumors. Well, I need outside perspectives because I feel 240 00:11:14,920 --> 00:11:17,480 Speaker 4: like I'm losing my grip on reality. My husband male 241 00:11:17,520 --> 00:11:19,720 Speaker 4: forty two and I female, thirty nine, have been married 242 00:11:19,720 --> 00:11:22,120 Speaker 4: for ten years. Our marriage already has deep cracks from 243 00:11:22,200 --> 00:11:25,760 Speaker 4: him secretly using multiple platforms to engage with Gorn. He 244 00:11:25,880 --> 00:11:30,000 Speaker 4: was active in NSFW websites, looking at and engaging with 245 00:11:30,080 --> 00:11:32,679 Speaker 4: Corn for years behind my back, hiding and deleting things 246 00:11:32,720 --> 00:11:35,120 Speaker 4: so I couldn't see them. Trust is basically gone. This 247 00:11:35,240 --> 00:11:37,920 Speaker 4: comes from Stunning Jello twenty ninety. 248 00:11:38,160 --> 00:11:41,080 Speaker 3: I'm Riley, I'm Sophia, I'm keon the part I'm. 249 00:11:40,960 --> 00:11:44,960 Speaker 4: Stuck out now involves a female coworker. He insists nothing 250 00:11:45,040 --> 00:11:47,560 Speaker 4: happened with but the way he handles things makes me 251 00:11:47,679 --> 00:11:50,720 Speaker 4: question that There have been multiple texts unrelated to work, 252 00:11:51,040 --> 00:11:54,800 Speaker 4: including her sending pictures of her child, messages talking about 253 00:11:54,800 --> 00:11:57,800 Speaker 4: her ex, and what I would consider flirty messages. There's 254 00:11:57,800 --> 00:12:00,560 Speaker 4: nothing on his end showing engagement back to the texts, 255 00:12:00,679 --> 00:12:03,040 Speaker 4: but there are also days of no messages between them 256 00:12:03,040 --> 00:12:06,120 Speaker 4: at all, which is unusual considering how often he texts 257 00:12:06,200 --> 00:12:09,360 Speaker 4: and take work calls with other coworkers multiple times a day. 258 00:12:09,520 --> 00:12:12,120 Speaker 4: I realized I've never seen him receive a single call 259 00:12:12,160 --> 00:12:14,400 Speaker 4: from her, and he does not talk about her or 260 00:12:14,440 --> 00:12:16,560 Speaker 4: mention her like he does with the others. This makes 261 00:12:16,559 --> 00:12:19,160 Speaker 4: me wonder if there's communication happening on other platforms, or 262 00:12:19,200 --> 00:12:21,640 Speaker 4: if they are truly only communicating in person. When I've 263 00:12:21,679 --> 00:12:24,920 Speaker 4: questioned him about oddly worded texts or conversations that were 264 00:12:24,960 --> 00:12:27,080 Speaker 4: unrelated to work, he will tell me, I don't know, 265 00:12:27,400 --> 00:12:30,400 Speaker 4: I don't remember. It's obviously something work related. When I 266 00:12:30,400 --> 00:12:32,480 Speaker 4: asked him about a flirty text she sent, he had 267 00:12:32,480 --> 00:12:35,200 Speaker 4: an elaborate story about why and when she sent it, 268 00:12:35,320 --> 00:12:37,520 Speaker 4: and that it was just normal work banter. But she 269 00:12:37,600 --> 00:12:40,080 Speaker 4: had sent the texts months. 270 00:12:39,760 --> 00:12:41,080 Speaker 3: Prior to the story. 271 00:12:41,160 --> 00:12:45,160 Speaker 4: He told me only happened recently. He later said to me, 272 00:12:45,520 --> 00:12:49,280 Speaker 4: you'll feel stupid when you leave and realize nothing happened. 273 00:12:49,320 --> 00:12:51,600 Speaker 4: If you want to end this over something that isn't real, 274 00:12:51,920 --> 00:12:55,439 Speaker 4: go ahead, completely minimizing and dismissing all of the other 275 00:12:55,480 --> 00:12:56,000 Speaker 4: things I have. 276 00:12:55,960 --> 00:12:56,480 Speaker 3: Caught him in. 277 00:12:56,679 --> 00:12:58,679 Speaker 4: I found out from a friend that this coworker was 278 00:12:58,760 --> 00:13:02,040 Speaker 4: gossiping about our marriage, and she strangely knew we were 279 00:13:02,160 --> 00:13:05,000 Speaker 4: fighting a lot and talking about separating. I had only 280 00:13:05,000 --> 00:13:07,840 Speaker 4: shared details about our marriage with my therapist and one 281 00:13:07,960 --> 00:13:10,480 Speaker 4: family member. When I asked him about it, he immediately 282 00:13:10,559 --> 00:13:12,640 Speaker 4: went to, well, I didn't tell her anything, and acted 283 00:13:12,640 --> 00:13:14,760 Speaker 4: like I accused him of confiding in her, which I did. 284 00:13:14,920 --> 00:13:16,679 Speaker 4: When I asked about gossip she was spreading at work 285 00:13:16,679 --> 00:13:18,440 Speaker 4: and why he didn't go to HR or address it 286 00:13:18,480 --> 00:13:20,440 Speaker 4: with her. He said he didn't want to address it 287 00:13:20,480 --> 00:13:23,960 Speaker 4: the wrong way because she's the type to be revengeful 288 00:13:24,600 --> 00:13:28,000 Speaker 4: and could possibly make something up before he could get 289 00:13:28,040 --> 00:13:30,600 Speaker 4: to HR first. He had also said, I don't want 290 00:13:30,600 --> 00:13:31,920 Speaker 4: to make work awkward. 291 00:13:32,040 --> 00:13:33,000 Speaker 3: I still have to work. 292 00:13:32,800 --> 00:13:34,360 Speaker 4: With her, and I don't want it to affect my 293 00:13:34,480 --> 00:13:38,640 Speaker 4: job or my income. If just worth affecting your job. 294 00:13:38,880 --> 00:13:42,200 Speaker 2: Yeah, if this were, you know, going the way that 295 00:13:42,280 --> 00:13:44,480 Speaker 2: he said it was going, I feel like it would 296 00:13:44,520 --> 00:13:46,560 Speaker 2: already be awkward if she were spending rumors. 297 00:13:46,760 --> 00:13:49,480 Speaker 4: Opie says this confused me because if nothing happened, why 298 00:13:49,520 --> 00:13:51,720 Speaker 4: such fear of what she might say. He later told 299 00:13:51,720 --> 00:13:53,920 Speaker 4: me it would be more effective if I were to 300 00:13:54,040 --> 00:13:57,320 Speaker 4: message her privately and call her out, which would only 301 00:13:57,320 --> 00:13:58,720 Speaker 4: make me look like a crazy person. 302 00:13:58,800 --> 00:14:01,640 Speaker 3: That's the worst thing. That's the worst study. 303 00:14:01,800 --> 00:14:05,079 Speaker 4: Your co worker just texting you. 304 00:14:05,080 --> 00:14:09,160 Speaker 3: Your coworker's wife texts you and says, hey, leave my 305 00:14:09,320 --> 00:14:11,160 Speaker 3: man alone. That's so weird. 306 00:14:11,360 --> 00:14:13,240 Speaker 4: I tried explaining to him that it feels like he 307 00:14:13,320 --> 00:14:16,560 Speaker 4: is choosing her comfort and his emotional comfort over standing 308 00:14:16,600 --> 00:14:18,680 Speaker 4: up for our marriage or honoring boundaries. He told me 309 00:14:18,720 --> 00:14:21,520 Speaker 4: there was never anything inappropriate, never crossed a line. When 310 00:14:21,520 --> 00:14:23,760 Speaker 4: I asked him what that line was, he wouldn't answer. 311 00:14:23,880 --> 00:14:26,000 Speaker 4: If I bring up anything about her or me feeling 312 00:14:26,040 --> 00:14:28,960 Speaker 4: like he's protecting their emotional comfort over protecting our marriage. 313 00:14:29,040 --> 00:14:31,600 Speaker 4: He calls me crazy, obsessed, delusional, and says I just 314 00:14:31,680 --> 00:14:33,720 Speaker 4: make things up in my head. He's told me I'm 315 00:14:33,760 --> 00:14:36,240 Speaker 4: just insecure and intimidated by her. He claims the only 316 00:14:36,280 --> 00:14:38,280 Speaker 4: reason I don't believe him is because of my trust 317 00:14:38,520 --> 00:14:40,840 Speaker 4: issues that he has caused. And the only way we 318 00:14:40,840 --> 00:14:42,880 Speaker 4: can work on fixing our other issues is if I 319 00:14:42,960 --> 00:14:45,160 Speaker 4: let this one go and stop talking about it. This 320 00:14:45,200 --> 00:14:48,400 Speaker 4: whole thing feels off. He changes details, gets overly defensive 321 00:14:48,440 --> 00:14:51,320 Speaker 4: at times, extremely volatile, screaming and yelling at me about it. 322 00:14:51,480 --> 00:14:53,440 Speaker 4: He says he's offended I would even think he would 323 00:14:53,440 --> 00:14:57,400 Speaker 4: be interested in her, and that she's disgusting, stupid, and 324 00:14:57,560 --> 00:15:00,880 Speaker 4: idiot grows. He focus say heavily on this one co 325 00:15:01,120 --> 00:15:03,840 Speaker 4: worker during our conversations about our issues, even when I 326 00:15:03,840 --> 00:15:05,640 Speaker 4: don't bring her up. I also had a gut feeling 327 00:15:05,640 --> 00:15:07,520 Speaker 4: about her, long before I even found out about his 328 00:15:07,600 --> 00:15:10,280 Speaker 4: online and fidelity, and long before I ever saw any 329 00:15:10,320 --> 00:15:12,280 Speaker 4: flirty text he has said to me. Out of all 330 00:15:12,280 --> 00:15:14,080 Speaker 4: our issues, this is the one that bothers me the 331 00:15:14,120 --> 00:15:17,920 Speaker 4: most because nothing ever happened. I regret the way I reacted, 332 00:15:17,960 --> 00:15:19,800 Speaker 4: because if I didn't react that way, there would be 333 00:15:19,840 --> 00:15:22,600 Speaker 4: no reason for concern. My question, does this sound like 334 00:15:22,640 --> 00:15:24,600 Speaker 4: I'm reading too much into this because of my existing 335 00:15:24,600 --> 00:15:27,000 Speaker 4: trust issues with him? Or do his story change his 336 00:15:27,040 --> 00:15:30,120 Speaker 4: reactions and overfocus on protecting himself from addressing anything with 337 00:15:30,200 --> 00:15:32,840 Speaker 4: her point to something more comment, Always trust your gut. 338 00:15:32,920 --> 00:15:35,400 Speaker 4: Cheaters are expert liars, and the lies are usually lies 339 00:15:35,400 --> 00:15:37,800 Speaker 4: of omission, and they squirm when you ask direct questions. 340 00:15:37,880 --> 00:15:41,440 Speaker 4: When you ask direct questions, then that's when you become crazy, paranoid, controlling, 341 00:15:41,560 --> 00:15:43,800 Speaker 4: untrusting and insecure, and that's when you know they are 342 00:15:43,880 --> 00:15:47,000 Speaker 4: lying and trying to keep from answering. Cheaters usually don't change, 343 00:15:47,040 --> 00:15:50,160 Speaker 4: They just get better at hiding with apps like what'sapp, snapchat, 344 00:15:50,200 --> 00:15:52,480 Speaker 4: or a secret phone. There's just too many ways to 345 00:15:52,520 --> 00:15:54,960 Speaker 4: hide detection with digital communications. So if you have the 346 00:15:55,000 --> 00:15:58,280 Speaker 4: money and know his schedule and patterns, then get a 347 00:15:58,320 --> 00:15:59,440 Speaker 4: private investigator. 348 00:16:00,160 --> 00:16:02,960 Speaker 3: That's a lot of private investigator. That's a lot. 349 00:16:03,080 --> 00:16:05,280 Speaker 4: I don't think you need a private investigator. 350 00:16:05,320 --> 00:16:08,240 Speaker 2: I need a private investigator probably break up to know 351 00:16:08,320 --> 00:16:10,520 Speaker 2: that there are aunts in my kitchen update. 352 00:16:10,600 --> 00:16:13,360 Speaker 4: Is it always that one coworker? He says, I basically 353 00:16:13,360 --> 00:16:15,480 Speaker 4: begged my husband for weeks to confront the coworker who 354 00:16:15,480 --> 00:16:17,960 Speaker 4: was gossiping about our marriage or to go to HR. 355 00:16:18,360 --> 00:16:19,120 Speaker 3: He told his. 356 00:16:19,200 --> 00:16:20,800 Speaker 4: Boss about it, not HR. 357 00:16:21,120 --> 00:16:22,400 Speaker 3: His boss talks. 358 00:16:22,160 --> 00:16:25,480 Speaker 4: To her and told her it was inappropriate. All texts, calls, 359 00:16:25,480 --> 00:16:27,640 Speaker 4: and messages between my husband and her stop for a 360 00:16:27,640 --> 00:16:31,360 Speaker 4: couple of weeks. She moved offices. During her first day 361 00:16:31,400 --> 00:16:33,480 Speaker 4: at the new office, my husband told me he heard 362 00:16:33,520 --> 00:16:37,760 Speaker 4: from his male coworker that this girl said my friend 363 00:16:38,000 --> 00:16:41,480 Speaker 4: who also works with them, was spreading rumors that she 364 00:16:41,600 --> 00:16:43,360 Speaker 4: and my husband were sleeping together. 365 00:16:43,640 --> 00:16:46,320 Speaker 3: Are they rumors? If they're true? 366 00:16:46,680 --> 00:16:49,360 Speaker 4: She also blocked me on social media the same day. 367 00:16:49,480 --> 00:16:52,200 Speaker 4: I asked my friend. She denied it and confronted the girl. 368 00:16:52,280 --> 00:16:53,680 Speaker 4: The girl said that she didn't want to be a 369 00:16:53,680 --> 00:16:57,120 Speaker 4: part of childish drama and acted concerned about how much 370 00:16:57,200 --> 00:16:59,720 Speaker 4: this was affecting my husband. I asked my husband if 371 00:16:59,760 --> 00:17:02,240 Speaker 4: he was going HR now considering this is way more 372 00:17:02,240 --> 00:17:04,919 Speaker 4: serious compared to just gossip. He said he wanted to 373 00:17:04,920 --> 00:17:07,240 Speaker 4: just ignore it because she's an idiot. He didn't want 374 00:17:07,320 --> 00:17:09,320 Speaker 4: to let it bother him. He said he would rather 375 00:17:09,400 --> 00:17:12,000 Speaker 4: focus on us. You'd think as her manager, he'd want 376 00:17:12,000 --> 00:17:13,800 Speaker 4: to clear up that rumor immediately. 377 00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:16,680 Speaker 3: But also it seems like she's lying. I feel like 378 00:17:16,800 --> 00:17:18,119 Speaker 3: she's starting this rumor. 379 00:17:18,280 --> 00:17:20,720 Speaker 4: I don't know, like I I'd like, I'm at the 380 00:17:20,720 --> 00:17:23,280 Speaker 4: point in the story where there's enough like characters and 381 00:17:23,440 --> 00:17:26,040 Speaker 4: enough people being ms us that I'm like, well, wait, 382 00:17:26,160 --> 00:17:27,720 Speaker 4: like who, like, is she what? 383 00:17:27,920 --> 00:17:30,320 Speaker 3: Yeah, well, it seems like what she did, so let's 384 00:17:30,320 --> 00:17:32,679 Speaker 3: go to the source, potential affair partner. I'm gonna call 385 00:17:32,720 --> 00:17:33,720 Speaker 3: her Stacy. 386 00:17:33,920 --> 00:17:36,840 Speaker 2: Okay, potentially like the the girl that Opie's husband might 387 00:17:36,840 --> 00:17:40,639 Speaker 2: be cheating on Stacy. It seems like she Stacy goes 388 00:17:40,680 --> 00:17:43,320 Speaker 2: to HR, goes to someone and starts saying that, oh, 389 00:17:43,400 --> 00:17:46,600 Speaker 2: p he's bestie. Let's call her Anna has been spreading 390 00:17:46,640 --> 00:17:50,560 Speaker 2: rumors about Stacy and Opie's husband sleeping together. Yeah, but 391 00:17:50,680 --> 00:17:54,160 Speaker 2: then Anna denies this, So then I'm like, is Stacy 392 00:17:54,280 --> 00:17:57,359 Speaker 2: just spreading these rumors her souse to cause trouble in 393 00:17:57,400 --> 00:17:59,800 Speaker 2: their parent or what I was gonna say, if not 394 00:17:59,840 --> 00:18:00,600 Speaker 2: to cause. 395 00:18:00,440 --> 00:18:03,159 Speaker 4: Trouble, to kind of like get ahead of it, Like 396 00:18:03,240 --> 00:18:07,760 Speaker 4: if you're like, hey, somebody's spreading rumors about us sleeping together, 397 00:18:07,880 --> 00:18:10,479 Speaker 4: which would never have happen. They're spreading rumors. 398 00:18:10,480 --> 00:18:11,159 Speaker 3: This is a problem. 399 00:18:11,160 --> 00:18:14,040 Speaker 2: And if you hear about us sleeping together, it's a rumor. 400 00:18:14,760 --> 00:18:18,000 Speaker 4: Yeah. The more I'll be asked, the more he escalated 401 00:18:18,040 --> 00:18:20,240 Speaker 4: and got mad. He's told me about three or four 402 00:18:20,240 --> 00:18:22,640 Speaker 4: different versions of what he told his boss, different stories 403 00:18:22,680 --> 00:18:25,000 Speaker 4: about what his mail coworker told him, different stories about 404 00:18:25,000 --> 00:18:26,840 Speaker 4: what this girl said. Then he tells me he's not 405 00:18:26,920 --> 00:18:28,960 Speaker 4: changing his stories. He told me I made a mess 406 00:18:28,960 --> 00:18:31,240 Speaker 4: of everything for asking the friend about the rumor. He 407 00:18:31,320 --> 00:18:34,120 Speaker 4: still tells me I'm delusional, that I'm unstable. The more 408 00:18:34,160 --> 00:18:36,320 Speaker 4: I point out inconsistencies and what he tells me, the 409 00:18:36,320 --> 00:18:38,600 Speaker 4: more he calls me names and tells I'm insane. He 410 00:18:38,680 --> 00:18:42,480 Speaker 4: told me I'm trying to sabotage his career. Maybe I'm delusial, no, 411 00:18:43,280 --> 00:18:45,679 Speaker 4: or maybe it's the constant gaslighting for weeks on end. 412 00:18:45,760 --> 00:18:47,919 Speaker 4: I just don't understand why this girl would block me 413 00:18:48,160 --> 00:18:50,760 Speaker 4: then start telling people there were rumors they were sleeping together. 414 00:18:50,800 --> 00:18:52,679 Speaker 4: I also can't understand why if he hates her as 415 00:18:52,760 --> 00:18:54,880 Speaker 4: much as he says he does and wishes she would 416 00:18:54,920 --> 00:18:57,840 Speaker 4: get fired, he wouldn't immediately go to HR, considering that 417 00:18:57,880 --> 00:19:00,800 Speaker 4: type of rumor could be extremely damaging. 418 00:19:00,359 --> 00:19:01,000 Speaker 3: To his career. 419 00:19:01,119 --> 00:19:02,359 Speaker 4: Does this sound normal to you? 420 00:19:02,359 --> 00:19:02,679 Speaker 3: Guys? 421 00:19:02,760 --> 00:19:04,680 Speaker 4: Am I crazy? Or am I just crazy for still 422 00:19:04,680 --> 00:19:06,600 Speaker 4: being with him? You should dump him. I feel like 423 00:19:06,600 --> 00:19:08,399 Speaker 4: he is not trying at all to defend our marriage. 424 00:19:08,400 --> 00:19:10,520 Speaker 4: This girl spreads a rumor they're sleeping together, and somehow 425 00:19:10,520 --> 00:19:12,480 Speaker 4: all of his anger is targeted to me. I'm the 426 00:19:12,480 --> 00:19:14,679 Speaker 4: one trying to sabotage his job, and I'm the one 427 00:19:14,720 --> 00:19:16,840 Speaker 4: who's made a mess of everything. Maybe I'm crazy for 428 00:19:16,880 --> 00:19:19,000 Speaker 4: assuming most couples would want to squash a rumor like 429 00:19:19,040 --> 00:19:23,240 Speaker 4: that immediately. Somebody commented, there's a psychology informing romantic bonds 430 00:19:23,280 --> 00:19:25,719 Speaker 4: with people you see being driven to succeed and pursue 431 00:19:25,720 --> 00:19:29,120 Speaker 4: their passions. We find people who exhibit those qualities attractive. Plus, 432 00:19:29,119 --> 00:19:31,840 Speaker 4: the workplace environment encourages us to be on good behavior. 433 00:19:32,080 --> 00:19:34,880 Speaker 4: It's an environment that fosters connection. Then you come home 434 00:19:34,920 --> 00:19:36,600 Speaker 4: when you are tired and your partner is tired and 435 00:19:36,640 --> 00:19:38,600 Speaker 4: worn out, and the time you spend together can feel 436 00:19:38,680 --> 00:19:41,280 Speaker 4: us fulfilling. It's important for couples to create a home 437 00:19:41,400 --> 00:19:43,880 Speaker 4: environment after work that feels like a comfortable escape from 438 00:19:43,880 --> 00:19:46,359 Speaker 4: work stresses and a place where they can bond. Usually 439 00:19:46,440 --> 00:19:48,120 Speaker 4: these commentors are like, here's. 440 00:19:47,960 --> 00:19:51,760 Speaker 3: My opinion and divorce. This guy was just like, shout 441 00:19:51,760 --> 00:19:53,920 Speaker 3: out how you create a work life balance. Shout out 442 00:19:53,960 --> 00:19:54,840 Speaker 3: to the person who was. 443 00:19:54,920 --> 00:19:57,040 Speaker 4: Just like, you know, I think a lot of stuff. 444 00:19:57,040 --> 00:19:58,760 Speaker 3: I think their trouble is with work life balance. 445 00:19:58,760 --> 00:20:01,520 Speaker 4: We need to I mean the just right, Like you know, 446 00:20:01,840 --> 00:20:05,080 Speaker 4: I didn't hear a lie, but yeah, that's that's all 447 00:20:05,119 --> 00:20:06,400 Speaker 4: there is on that story. 448 00:20:07,080 --> 00:20:10,639 Speaker 2: My husband promised he would stop cheating, but his phone 449 00:20:10,680 --> 00:20:12,359 Speaker 2: logs say otherwise. 450 00:20:12,200 --> 00:20:14,080 Speaker 4: Ring, ring, it's infidelity. 451 00:20:14,280 --> 00:20:16,200 Speaker 3: I'm just shattered. 452 00:20:16,400 --> 00:20:20,080 Speaker 2: I'm twenty seven, he's twenty nine. We've been together for 453 00:20:20,119 --> 00:20:22,520 Speaker 2: four years and married for just over a year. We 454 00:20:22,560 --> 00:20:25,240 Speaker 2: went through heck and back to finally get married because 455 00:20:25,280 --> 00:20:28,240 Speaker 2: of family issues, and he worked his butt off to 456 00:20:28,280 --> 00:20:30,399 Speaker 2: make it happen. I thought it would be smooth sailing 457 00:20:30,440 --> 00:20:32,760 Speaker 2: after that. By the way, this comes from numerous will 458 00:20:32,800 --> 00:20:34,480 Speaker 2: forty seven oh eight. And if you want to smit 459 00:20:34,480 --> 00:20:36,520 Speaker 2: your own stories, good with the r slash. Okay storytime 460 00:20:36,520 --> 00:20:38,960 Speaker 2: severed it. I'm Sophia, and I'm Riley. 461 00:20:38,680 --> 00:20:41,320 Speaker 3: And I'm key On, and we're here to give good advice. Goofy, 462 00:20:41,359 --> 00:20:43,240 Speaker 3: but we don't have all the answers. We only know 463 00:20:43,280 --> 00:20:45,120 Speaker 3: what we do. So let us know what you would 464 00:20:45,119 --> 00:20:45,879 Speaker 3: do in the comment. 465 00:20:46,000 --> 00:20:48,440 Speaker 2: A couple of months into the marriage, I noticed he 466 00:20:48,520 --> 00:20:52,159 Speaker 2: was too friendly with random women on social media, girls 467 00:20:52,160 --> 00:20:56,359 Speaker 2: he knew tangentially through work or his network, random dms, 468 00:20:56,520 --> 00:21:01,880 Speaker 2: replying to their stories, texting about nothing important, nothing outright inappropriate, 469 00:21:02,000 --> 00:21:04,400 Speaker 2: like you're pretty, or let's get to know each other, 470 00:21:04,600 --> 00:21:07,240 Speaker 2: just chat, and when he didn't need to be liking photos. 471 00:21:07,320 --> 00:21:10,560 Speaker 2: I did find one conversation I thought was very inappropriate. 472 00:21:11,000 --> 00:21:14,840 Speaker 2: He would vent to her seek emotional support about work, 473 00:21:15,040 --> 00:21:17,960 Speaker 2: text her when he finished work. I noticed he randomly 474 00:21:18,000 --> 00:21:20,280 Speaker 2: stopped texting her without me having to tell him. The 475 00:21:20,320 --> 00:21:23,720 Speaker 2: conversation lasted about a week. We fought majorly over this, 476 00:21:24,000 --> 00:21:26,439 Speaker 2: and he promised it wouldn't happen again, that he was 477 00:21:26,480 --> 00:21:30,480 Speaker 2: being stupid. We supposedly got past it. I'd find little 478 00:21:30,480 --> 00:21:33,120 Speaker 2: things here and there, but nothing egregious, so I'd let 479 00:21:33,119 --> 00:21:36,359 Speaker 2: them go. There's one woman twenty five he works with 480 00:21:36,480 --> 00:21:39,320 Speaker 2: on a few projects who lives in a different country. 481 00:21:39,640 --> 00:21:42,920 Speaker 2: She was his mentee, and he was transparent about communicating 482 00:21:42,920 --> 00:21:45,920 Speaker 2: with her over text and phone, doing it in front 483 00:21:45,920 --> 00:21:49,320 Speaker 2: of me. I didn't have any issues because it seemed professional. 484 00:21:49,480 --> 00:21:50,080 Speaker 3: One day on. 485 00:21:50,119 --> 00:21:52,480 Speaker 2: Vacation, he opened his phone next to me and I 486 00:21:52,600 --> 00:21:56,000 Speaker 2: noticed he had specifically locked the chat with only her. 487 00:21:56,240 --> 00:21:59,280 Speaker 2: I lost my mind and left the vacation without him. 488 00:22:00,000 --> 00:22:02,800 Speaker 2: Apologized and said there was nothing that. He didn't want 489 00:22:02,840 --> 00:22:05,040 Speaker 2: me to freak out if I saw her name pop up, 490 00:22:05,240 --> 00:22:07,200 Speaker 2: because I'm very jealous when it comes to women. 491 00:22:07,560 --> 00:22:11,960 Speaker 3: Yeah, Or maybe you're cheating with all those women, Yeah, 492 00:22:12,000 --> 00:22:12,280 Speaker 3: I'm not. 493 00:22:12,600 --> 00:22:15,120 Speaker 2: He's just not trustworthy and doesn't know how to stick 494 00:22:15,119 --> 00:22:17,720 Speaker 2: to boundaries as a married man. He showed me some 495 00:22:17,760 --> 00:22:19,720 Speaker 2: of the messages and they were innocent enough. 496 00:22:19,760 --> 00:22:20,320 Speaker 3: I guess. 497 00:22:20,440 --> 00:22:23,240 Speaker 2: It took me weeks to forgive this, and I got 498 00:22:23,240 --> 00:22:26,359 Speaker 2: my family involved. He promised them nothing like that would 499 00:22:26,359 --> 00:22:29,560 Speaker 2: happen again, that he'd be fully transparent with his phone, 500 00:22:30,040 --> 00:22:33,840 Speaker 2: that he'd stop having unnecessary conversations with women. This was 501 00:22:33,960 --> 00:22:36,440 Speaker 2: five months ago. The last thing he told me about 502 00:22:36,440 --> 00:22:38,480 Speaker 2: this woman was that he would tell her to only 503 00:22:38,600 --> 00:22:41,520 Speaker 2: email him from now on, no more messages or calls 504 00:22:41,680 --> 00:22:45,919 Speaker 2: to maintain professionalism. I believed him. Fast forward five months 505 00:22:45,920 --> 00:22:48,720 Speaker 2: to last week. I decided to check his phone for 506 00:22:48,760 --> 00:22:51,680 Speaker 2: the first time since that incident. The ground fell out 507 00:22:51,760 --> 00:22:54,760 Speaker 2: from under me. He's been talking to this woman every 508 00:22:54,880 --> 00:22:59,359 Speaker 2: single day for the past five months about everything under 509 00:22:59,400 --> 00:23:03,439 Speaker 2: the sun, emotional support, venting to each other, joking and 510 00:23:03,480 --> 00:23:07,360 Speaker 2: teasing each other consistently. He tells her he's seen how 511 00:23:07,440 --> 00:23:11,160 Speaker 2: vulnerable she is, asks her opinion on where he should 512 00:23:11,200 --> 00:23:14,160 Speaker 2: move next for his training, talks about how she needs 513 00:23:14,160 --> 00:23:16,800 Speaker 2: to be wary of spicy guys at work since they're 514 00:23:16,840 --> 00:23:19,399 Speaker 2: in the same field. He asked if she wanted him 515 00:23:19,400 --> 00:23:21,200 Speaker 2: to find her a jaw where he works because he 516 00:23:21,240 --> 00:23:24,160 Speaker 2: has connections. She would compliment him on something like his 517 00:23:24,280 --> 00:23:28,679 Speaker 2: social skills, and he would ask multiple times why she 518 00:23:28,720 --> 00:23:30,600 Speaker 2: thinks that of him. They would talk on the phone 519 00:23:30,640 --> 00:23:32,480 Speaker 2: for an hour, and then she would text him a 520 00:23:32,520 --> 00:23:35,560 Speaker 2: compliment after the call, and he would eat it up, 521 00:23:35,680 --> 00:23:41,200 Speaker 2: texting for hours, extremely close phone calls, messages constantly. While 522 00:23:41,200 --> 00:23:43,960 Speaker 2: I had zero clue. What hurt the most was that 523 00:23:44,000 --> 00:23:48,240 Speaker 2: in five months of messages, neither of them mentioned me 524 00:23:49,240 --> 00:23:52,959 Speaker 2: one single time. It's like I didn't exist. She knows 525 00:23:53,000 --> 00:23:56,159 Speaker 2: he's married. I was operating under the impression that he 526 00:23:56,240 --> 00:23:58,840 Speaker 2: was only emailing her. Because I took his word for it, 527 00:23:59,440 --> 00:24:02,119 Speaker 2: and because he hadn't mentioned her in five months, I 528 00:24:02,160 --> 00:24:05,119 Speaker 2: now know he was deceiving me this entire time. 529 00:24:05,600 --> 00:24:09,399 Speaker 4: Yeah, actually, only emailing would have been a you know what, 530 00:24:09,480 --> 00:24:11,560 Speaker 4: I think that would have been a good goal, actually. 531 00:24:11,480 --> 00:24:14,040 Speaker 3: Because I think this still could have happened, but it 532 00:24:14,040 --> 00:24:15,159 Speaker 3: would have been a little bit harder. 533 00:24:15,440 --> 00:24:18,480 Speaker 4: Yeah, you're not getting those Gmail notifications. 534 00:24:18,600 --> 00:24:23,000 Speaker 2: He's starting Gmail, PNG, you know, attachments or whatever. I 535 00:24:23,080 --> 00:24:25,439 Speaker 2: lost it, kicked him out of the house, went to 536 00:24:25,480 --> 00:24:28,480 Speaker 2: see my family and told them everything. At first, he 537 00:24:28,600 --> 00:24:31,439 Speaker 2: was adamant that he didn't do anything wrong, that he 538 00:24:31,560 --> 00:24:34,840 Speaker 2: was being professional, and that it was about work. I 539 00:24:34,920 --> 00:24:37,520 Speaker 2: told him not to kid to me. That work used 540 00:24:37,560 --> 00:24:39,399 Speaker 2: to be what they did, when the messages were all 541 00:24:39,400 --> 00:24:41,760 Speaker 2: about the projects they had to finish. I told him 542 00:24:41,760 --> 00:24:46,000 Speaker 2: that he blatantly went from professional work conversation to best 543 00:24:46,040 --> 00:24:50,679 Speaker 2: friend territory while deliberately deceiving me, and immediately after he 544 00:24:50,760 --> 00:24:54,439 Speaker 2: promised he would avoid unnecessary conversations with women or the 545 00:24:54,440 --> 00:24:58,480 Speaker 2: conversations generally centered around their field. But don't play stupid 546 00:24:58,560 --> 00:25:00,560 Speaker 2: or not like just because you threw a work word 547 00:25:00,600 --> 00:25:03,639 Speaker 2: in there. It's suddenly professional. I can't eat or sleep. 548 00:25:03,800 --> 00:25:05,639 Speaker 2: Who knows where it would have led if I didn't 549 00:25:05,680 --> 00:25:08,400 Speaker 2: find the messages. To be clear, none of the messages 550 00:25:08,440 --> 00:25:12,000 Speaker 2: were romantic, but she was clearly trying to flirt and 551 00:25:12,080 --> 00:25:14,359 Speaker 2: he was clearly eating it up. I would not call 552 00:25:14,400 --> 00:25:18,320 Speaker 2: any of what I saw an appropriate friendship, especially behind 553 00:25:18,320 --> 00:25:20,280 Speaker 2: my back while I believed it was email only. 554 00:25:20,440 --> 00:25:21,200 Speaker 3: I'm at a loss. 555 00:25:21,480 --> 00:25:23,719 Speaker 2: His mom and sister are fully on my side and 556 00:25:23,760 --> 00:25:25,120 Speaker 2: extremely disappointed. 557 00:25:25,200 --> 00:25:26,119 Speaker 3: They told him he. 558 00:25:26,000 --> 00:25:29,440 Speaker 2: Doesn't deserve me. My family is the same. This isn't 559 00:25:29,480 --> 00:25:31,680 Speaker 2: the first or second time, and it wasn't one or 560 00:25:31,720 --> 00:25:34,840 Speaker 2: two messages. Five months of deceit. 561 00:25:34,680 --> 00:25:35,080 Speaker 3: And for what. 562 00:25:35,680 --> 00:25:37,960 Speaker 2: Well, yeah, of course your family doesn't like him because 563 00:25:38,000 --> 00:25:40,879 Speaker 2: you've been telling them everything that he's done wrong, so 564 00:25:40,920 --> 00:25:43,320 Speaker 2: they're probably they've probably been waiting for you to break 565 00:25:43,320 --> 00:25:45,440 Speaker 2: out with this guy. He's finally out of I didn't 566 00:25:45,480 --> 00:25:48,399 Speaker 2: do anything wrong mode and is now trying to fix things, 567 00:25:48,760 --> 00:25:52,160 Speaker 2: but it feels lackluster. I don't think he's capable of change. 568 00:25:52,520 --> 00:25:56,080 Speaker 2: He's a liar and deceives with no issue. He supposedly 569 00:25:56,200 --> 00:25:58,720 Speaker 2: blocked her, but I don't even believe that he's telling 570 00:25:58,760 --> 00:26:00,720 Speaker 2: me he knows he messed up, and that he knows 571 00:26:00,800 --> 00:26:04,240 Speaker 2: he doesn't deserve more chances, but that he can't imagine 572 00:26:04,280 --> 00:26:07,199 Speaker 2: losing me. He hasn't done anything concrete yet, though, and 573 00:26:07,280 --> 00:26:09,320 Speaker 2: I don't want to give him the playbook. It doesn't 574 00:26:09,359 --> 00:26:12,520 Speaker 2: feel like he's exactly terrified to lose me. Honestly, if 575 00:26:12,520 --> 00:26:14,399 Speaker 2: he was, he wouldn't have done this behind my back 576 00:26:14,480 --> 00:26:16,600 Speaker 2: and risked losing me when he knew it was a 577 00:26:16,640 --> 00:26:19,639 Speaker 2: clear deal breaker. He's been saying he can change, that 578 00:26:19,680 --> 00:26:22,800 Speaker 2: he wants to be the man I deserve, that he's embarrassed, 579 00:26:22,920 --> 00:26:25,880 Speaker 2: blah blah blah. I filed for divorce yesterday and told 580 00:26:26,000 --> 00:26:27,920 Speaker 2: him so, and there we go. 581 00:26:28,480 --> 00:26:29,080 Speaker 3: It's over. 582 00:26:29,280 --> 00:26:31,959 Speaker 2: He seems to be in shock and just keeps asking 583 00:26:32,040 --> 00:26:34,639 Speaker 2: to talk about it. I won't believe a word he says, 584 00:26:34,800 --> 00:26:38,080 Speaker 2: because we've been through this entire spiel before and here 585 00:26:38,119 --> 00:26:41,040 Speaker 2: we are again. At the same time. I adore this man, 586 00:26:41,080 --> 00:26:44,480 Speaker 2: and I know he adores me. Besides this glaring problem. 587 00:26:44,640 --> 00:26:47,639 Speaker 2: He treats me like a princess and love pools in 588 00:26:47,680 --> 00:26:49,920 Speaker 2: his eyes when he looks at me. I just can't 589 00:26:49,960 --> 00:26:52,240 Speaker 2: get past this, and I can't stop worrying about what 590 00:26:52,320 --> 00:26:52,760 Speaker 2: it might. 591 00:26:52,760 --> 00:26:53,680 Speaker 3: Escalate to later. 592 00:26:53,880 --> 00:26:56,679 Speaker 2: He did stop the Instagram nonsense, so he's using that 593 00:26:56,800 --> 00:27:00,919 Speaker 2: to show he's changed some things, come on to change 594 00:27:00,920 --> 00:27:03,639 Speaker 2: that and then do this. It's either he just truly 595 00:27:03,720 --> 00:27:06,320 Speaker 2: doesn't give an up about me anymore, which is harder 596 00:27:06,320 --> 00:27:08,600 Speaker 2: for me to believe because of all he went through 597 00:27:08,640 --> 00:27:10,840 Speaker 2: to marry me and because of how well he treats 598 00:27:10,840 --> 00:27:14,800 Speaker 2: me generally, or he's majorly insecure and needs external validation 599 00:27:14,880 --> 00:27:19,240 Speaker 2: from women at any expense, or he's into her. Either way, 600 00:27:19,280 --> 00:27:22,119 Speaker 2: I don't see myself living like this. He takes me 601 00:27:22,200 --> 00:27:24,520 Speaker 2: for a fool, is what it seems like. I'm a 602 00:27:24,560 --> 00:27:27,720 Speaker 2: real damn good wife, and he admits that without hesitation, 603 00:27:27,960 --> 00:27:30,480 Speaker 2: So I just can't believe I'm dealing with this any 604 00:27:30,520 --> 00:27:35,000 Speaker 2: final thoughts my up, Yeah, divorce, I just it's not 605 00:27:35,240 --> 00:27:35,879 Speaker 2: it's not working. 606 00:27:36,000 --> 00:27:39,680 Speaker 4: You're married, okay, slay, you're on your way. 607 00:27:40,040 --> 00:27:43,119 Speaker 2: It seems like even if you know this is all 608 00:27:43,480 --> 00:27:47,080 Speaker 2: above board or whatever, he's not clearly not listening to 609 00:27:47,320 --> 00:27:50,480 Speaker 2: your you know, boundaries and doesn't really seem to care 610 00:27:50,560 --> 00:27:53,080 Speaker 2: that much about breaking them. And if you're not willing 611 00:27:53,119 --> 00:27:55,600 Speaker 2: to go to therapy, or you have gone to therapy 612 00:27:55,640 --> 00:27:58,040 Speaker 2: and hasn't worked, not much you can do. I just 613 00:27:58,160 --> 00:28:01,080 Speaker 2: need non biased opinions. I don't know if I should 614 00:28:01,080 --> 00:28:03,680 Speaker 2: give it another chance after being separated for a while 615 00:28:04,280 --> 00:28:06,240 Speaker 2: or just end it even though it would hurt. 616 00:28:06,760 --> 00:28:08,280 Speaker 3: There is a niggling but he. 617 00:28:08,320 --> 00:28:11,200 Speaker 2: Didn't say anything romantic, so maybe it's not that bad. 618 00:28:11,440 --> 00:28:15,080 Speaker 2: But no, five months of secret friendship with a woman 619 00:28:15,160 --> 00:28:18,679 Speaker 2: we had issues over before is not innocent. I'm so 620 00:28:18,880 --> 00:28:22,640 Speaker 2: lost and so sad. Anything helps, Thank you all, and 621 00:28:22,960 --> 00:28:25,560 Speaker 2: there are some comments to finish the story off. Three 622 00:28:25,600 --> 00:28:29,720 Speaker 2: strikes and he's out once, is forgivable twice with family involved, 623 00:28:29,720 --> 00:28:31,880 Speaker 2: and he still lied about it being all about work. 624 00:28:32,000 --> 00:28:34,320 Speaker 2: He locked the chat, claiming he didn't want to hurt 625 00:28:34,320 --> 00:28:38,959 Speaker 2: you bs. The third time lasted five months. Again, he 626 00:28:39,040 --> 00:28:42,000 Speaker 2: promised he had changed. The only thing that changed was 627 00:28:42,040 --> 00:28:43,040 Speaker 2: how well he hit it. 628 00:28:43,560 --> 00:28:44,160 Speaker 3: You caught him. 629 00:28:44,280 --> 00:28:47,360 Speaker 2: He repeated the same line. I promise I'll cook contact. 630 00:28:47,400 --> 00:28:51,400 Speaker 2: Dude's only work reluted twenty four hours a day of chatting. Oh, 631 00:28:51,520 --> 00:28:54,560 Speaker 2: I can recommend a job near me. Latantly flirting and 632 00:28:54,600 --> 00:28:57,080 Speaker 2: setting up the moment to make it physical. It was 633 00:28:57,280 --> 00:28:59,840 Speaker 2: just a matter of timing. You caught him red handed, 634 00:28:59,880 --> 00:29:03,160 Speaker 2: and he's in denial. He's not the man you believed 635 00:29:03,200 --> 00:29:05,560 Speaker 2: him to be. The truth is surfacing and you need 636 00:29:05,600 --> 00:29:09,000 Speaker 2: to protect your heart, your emotions, and your children. He 637 00:29:09,080 --> 00:29:12,760 Speaker 2: promised you he changed. He swore to your family. He changed. 638 00:29:13,040 --> 00:29:17,160 Speaker 3: He even admitted to his family that he changed. Lies, 639 00:29:17,960 --> 00:29:18,560 Speaker 3: all lies. 640 00:29:18,920 --> 00:29:22,000 Speaker 2: Walk away with your self esteem. Intact, he lied to 641 00:29:22,080 --> 00:29:25,320 Speaker 2: the entire family. He cannot be trusted with the key 642 00:29:25,360 --> 00:29:29,040 Speaker 2: to your heart. He is selfish and full of poor excuses. 643 00:29:30,320 --> 00:29:33,800 Speaker 2: Dang many certainly ain't a truther, that's for sure. 644 00:29:34,240 --> 00:29:36,680 Speaker 3: But that is the end of that story. Boy, oh boy, 645 00:29:37,040 --> 00:29:40,360 Speaker 3: good luck. Ope to ya. That'll be tough. Yeah, he's 646 00:29:40,440 --> 00:29:41,840 Speaker 3: always tough. Yeah. 647 00:29:42,040 --> 00:29:44,720 Speaker 2: How is the divorce for you? At five to five? 648 00:29:45,520 --> 00:29:46,920 Speaker 2: I don't remember too much of it. 649 00:29:47,080 --> 00:29:48,920 Speaker 4: That's a blessing some ways. 650 00:29:49,400 --> 00:29:51,920 Speaker 3: But that's the end of it. Hey, it's Sam. 651 00:29:52,040 --> 00:29:53,120 Speaker 1: We'll get back to the stories. 652 00:29:53,160 --> 00:29:55,760 Speaker 3: But here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors. My 653 00:29:55,880 --> 00:29:59,200 Speaker 3: boyfriend said, I'm forcing my culture on them when I 654 00:29:59,280 --> 00:30:01,880 Speaker 3: was just being nice. I just want to share a 655 00:30:01,880 --> 00:30:06,280 Speaker 3: little bit. Even though I twenty three female, am American, 656 00:30:06,520 --> 00:30:09,560 Speaker 3: my parents are immigrants, and therefore I have a different 657 00:30:09,560 --> 00:30:13,240 Speaker 3: cultural upbringing than most. One thing that was hammered into 658 00:30:13,240 --> 00:30:15,920 Speaker 3: my head from a young age was to always always 659 00:30:15,920 --> 00:30:19,600 Speaker 3: bring a small gift when visiting anyone's house. It doesn't 660 00:30:19,640 --> 00:30:23,040 Speaker 3: matter if it's family, friends, or that one person you 661 00:30:23,160 --> 00:30:26,240 Speaker 3: kind of know but don't really like. Bringing something is 662 00:30:26,320 --> 00:30:29,880 Speaker 3: a must. By the way, this comes from you at 663 00:30:29,960 --> 00:30:33,200 Speaker 3: a culture clash, And if you want to submit your 664 00:30:33,200 --> 00:30:37,800 Speaker 3: own stories, go to Okay Stories. I'm Subreddit, I am Savannah, 665 00:30:37,880 --> 00:30:41,200 Speaker 3: and I'm Angie, and we are here to give you 666 00:30:41,240 --> 00:30:45,120 Speaker 3: some good advice. Goofy, but take everything with a grain 667 00:30:45,160 --> 00:30:47,880 Speaker 3: of salt because we are not professionals. We don't have 668 00:30:47,960 --> 00:30:51,360 Speaker 3: all the answers, but we will give you our opinion 669 00:30:51,400 --> 00:30:54,280 Speaker 3: about maybe what we would do in the situation. So 670 00:30:54,440 --> 00:30:56,760 Speaker 3: let us know what you would do in the comments. 671 00:30:57,520 --> 00:31:01,120 Speaker 3: Going back to Ope, my boyfrid Friend twenty eight mail 672 00:31:01,760 --> 00:31:04,600 Speaker 3: and I have been dating for almost four years now, 673 00:31:04,960 --> 00:31:07,400 Speaker 3: and since we both work from home, he suggested we 674 00:31:07,520 --> 00:31:09,920 Speaker 3: make dinner with his parents a weekly thing since we 675 00:31:10,040 --> 00:31:13,560 Speaker 3: haven't been able to see each other much. For obvious reasons, 676 00:31:13,880 --> 00:31:16,920 Speaker 3: I love his parents, though obviously I agreed. 677 00:31:17,480 --> 00:31:19,880 Speaker 2: Every week I made sure to bring something small to 678 00:31:19,880 --> 00:31:23,160 Speaker 2: show my appreciation for them cooking for us, always using 679 00:31:23,160 --> 00:31:26,680 Speaker 2: my own money, A small bottle of wine, their favorite desserts, 680 00:31:26,680 --> 00:31:30,200 Speaker 2: some flowers, et cetera. They always thanked me for it. 681 00:31:30,680 --> 00:31:32,160 Speaker 3: This had been going on for a few months, and 682 00:31:32,200 --> 00:31:35,600 Speaker 3: I didn't notice anything out of the ordinary until yesterday 683 00:31:35,880 --> 00:31:38,600 Speaker 3: when my boyfriend and I were preparing to head over. 684 00:31:39,200 --> 00:31:42,560 Speaker 3: I'd got an acute face of daffodils since luckily I'd 685 00:31:42,600 --> 00:31:46,600 Speaker 3: found some in bloom and my boyfriend's mom really loves them. 686 00:31:46,800 --> 00:31:49,480 Speaker 3: But my boyfriend suddenly got really mad and asked why 687 00:31:49,520 --> 00:31:52,400 Speaker 3: I kept bringing stuff over every week, like his parents 688 00:31:52,400 --> 00:31:57,480 Speaker 3: were a charity case. But honestly, I got super confused 689 00:31:57,520 --> 00:32:00,440 Speaker 3: and asked him what the problem was. Explain, Yeah, I've 690 00:32:00,480 --> 00:32:04,200 Speaker 3: always done this with everyone, including his friends, since we met. 691 00:32:04,840 --> 00:32:07,080 Speaker 3: I told him that it was a cultural thing, but 692 00:32:07,320 --> 00:32:10,160 Speaker 3: then he got even more mad and told me to 693 00:32:10,200 --> 00:32:13,560 Speaker 3: stop imposing my culture on everyone, and that it's weird 694 00:32:13,680 --> 00:32:16,440 Speaker 3: since I'm white. There's a lot of layers to this. 695 00:32:16,600 --> 00:32:19,200 Speaker 3: Right now, I'm just like that one zero to went 696 00:32:19,280 --> 00:32:23,120 Speaker 3: hundred really quick. Yeah. At that point, I didn't feel 697 00:32:23,120 --> 00:32:25,400 Speaker 3: like going anywhere with him and just gave him the 698 00:32:25,400 --> 00:32:27,920 Speaker 3: flowers before going for a walk while he drove over 699 00:32:28,080 --> 00:32:31,880 Speaker 3: to dinner by himself. Ooh yeah, put him in the 700 00:32:31,920 --> 00:32:36,040 Speaker 3: doghouse after he came home he still had the flowers, 701 00:32:36,080 --> 00:32:38,320 Speaker 3: which he gave to me, and he told me he 702 00:32:38,440 --> 00:32:41,120 Speaker 3: was sorry. But his parents really were super annoyed with 703 00:32:41,160 --> 00:32:44,640 Speaker 3: me constantly bringing stuff over, like they can't take care 704 00:32:44,720 --> 00:32:50,160 Speaker 3: of themselves. Oh okay, well, now it's getting weird. Later on, 705 00:32:50,600 --> 00:32:52,840 Speaker 3: I even got a text from his dad asking me 706 00:32:53,360 --> 00:32:57,840 Speaker 3: not to come over for dinner anymore interesting Now my 707 00:32:57,960 --> 00:33:00,480 Speaker 3: boyfriend's giving me the cold shoulder and less I give 708 00:33:00,520 --> 00:33:04,440 Speaker 3: his parents a huge apology. But I really truly don't 709 00:33:04,440 --> 00:33:05,920 Speaker 3: feel like I'm in the wrong for trying to be 710 00:33:06,000 --> 00:33:09,840 Speaker 3: nice to them. Am I the ahole? So we had 711 00:33:09,880 --> 00:33:13,840 Speaker 3: some comments. Do we want to talk about this first? Yeah, 712 00:33:13,960 --> 00:33:16,320 Speaker 3: I definitely. I don't think you're the a whole. I 713 00:33:16,360 --> 00:33:19,200 Speaker 3: don't think he should be giving you the cold shoulder 714 00:33:19,280 --> 00:33:22,239 Speaker 3: like this. I feel like that's something to keep in 715 00:33:22,280 --> 00:33:27,360 Speaker 3: mind maybe when reflecting on the relationship. Perhaps, but I 716 00:33:27,480 --> 00:33:29,200 Speaker 3: want a jump to like you should break up. But 717 00:33:29,800 --> 00:33:33,440 Speaker 3: I think like maybe we'll get him out if I 718 00:33:33,480 --> 00:33:37,320 Speaker 3: feel like you don't necessarily it seems like you don't 719 00:33:37,360 --> 00:33:40,760 Speaker 3: necessarily owe him an apology, but maybe an explanation just 720 00:33:40,920 --> 00:33:43,200 Speaker 3: so you're on the same page, you know. I agree. 721 00:33:43,240 --> 00:33:47,040 Speaker 3: I feel like there's just like a miscommunication here, Yeah, 722 00:33:47,200 --> 00:33:49,600 Speaker 3: like that you're taking it as something and you're taking 723 00:33:49,600 --> 00:33:52,880 Speaker 3: it as something else, right, So I think just explain, like, hey, 724 00:33:52,960 --> 00:33:55,400 Speaker 3: like that's my culture and this was honestly just supposed 725 00:33:55,440 --> 00:33:57,520 Speaker 3: to be like a nice thing to like show my appreciation, 726 00:33:57,680 --> 00:33:59,840 Speaker 3: you know, for you doing this for us every week, 727 00:34:00,840 --> 00:34:02,800 Speaker 3: you know, totally. Yeah, Like, I'm sorry if it came 728 00:34:02,840 --> 00:34:06,320 Speaker 3: off that way, but it's truly not what I intended exactly. Yeah, 729 00:34:06,440 --> 00:34:10,160 Speaker 3: and like boom, I feel like problem would be solved. Yeah, 730 00:34:10,400 --> 00:34:16,160 Speaker 3: but let's see these comments. His dad texted you. The 731 00:34:16,200 --> 00:34:19,600 Speaker 3: father of a nearly thirty year old man texted you 732 00:34:19,800 --> 00:34:22,600 Speaker 3: to tell you you are no longer welcome at their 733 00:34:22,600 --> 00:34:27,200 Speaker 3: home because of basically hosts gifts. No, not the a 734 00:34:27,320 --> 00:34:34,160 Speaker 3: hole this dude and his family suck, Oh, p answers. Well, 735 00:34:34,520 --> 00:34:37,040 Speaker 3: he didn't say anything about the gifts, just to not 736 00:34:37,080 --> 00:34:40,000 Speaker 3: come over for dinner. My boyfriend told me they rejected 737 00:34:40,000 --> 00:34:43,040 Speaker 3: the flowers and told him to tell me that, which 738 00:34:43,120 --> 00:34:45,960 Speaker 3: made me sad. I wouldn't really trust your boyfriend on 739 00:34:46,040 --> 00:34:48,840 Speaker 3: what he is saying. Maybe talk to his parents directly, 740 00:34:48,840 --> 00:34:51,160 Speaker 3: because your boyfriend may have told them something that would 741 00:34:51,160 --> 00:34:55,319 Speaker 3: make them act like this around you. That's kind of true. Oh, 742 00:34:55,360 --> 00:34:59,319 Speaker 3: he says, I'm overwhelmed right now. Why would he lie? 743 00:35:00,000 --> 00:35:02,719 Speaker 3: Ever done anything like this before, and even helped me 744 00:35:02,800 --> 00:35:06,279 Speaker 3: pick out gifts a few times? Oh what, That's an 745 00:35:06,280 --> 00:35:09,520 Speaker 3: important thing to note. He would lie because in his mind, 746 00:35:09,600 --> 00:35:13,400 Speaker 3: he concocted a whole untrue situation and wants someone to 747 00:35:13,480 --> 00:35:16,440 Speaker 3: validate it. I'm not sure where he pulled this narrative 748 00:35:16,480 --> 00:35:19,960 Speaker 3: out of, but it sounds like he has led it. Fester. 749 00:35:20,760 --> 00:35:23,839 Speaker 3: It just is too coincidental that he blew up on 750 00:35:23,880 --> 00:35:26,800 Speaker 3: you about the gift, then suddenly his parents are upset 751 00:35:26,840 --> 00:35:29,120 Speaker 3: when no one has said anything before. It really does 752 00:35:29,200 --> 00:35:31,880 Speaker 3: point to him spreading the false narrative to make his 753 00:35:31,920 --> 00:35:34,160 Speaker 3: point sound real. I mean that is a good point. 754 00:35:34,320 --> 00:35:37,680 Speaker 3: M M. I don't know. Ohp He says, he's refusing 755 00:35:37,719 --> 00:35:40,200 Speaker 3: to answer any of my questions now and threw the 756 00:35:40,200 --> 00:35:44,839 Speaker 3: flowers out rude. Now I'm getting mad. I have no 757 00:35:44,960 --> 00:35:48,000 Speaker 3: idea where this sudden change of behavior came from, but 758 00:35:48,160 --> 00:35:50,680 Speaker 3: I'm going to make him sit down with me and 759 00:35:50,760 --> 00:35:53,240 Speaker 3: have a talk about why all of this is happening 760 00:35:53,280 --> 00:35:56,200 Speaker 3: all of a sudden. Imagine this, when his friends ask 761 00:35:56,320 --> 00:35:58,640 Speaker 3: him why they broke up, he has to say that 762 00:35:58,719 --> 00:36:04,359 Speaker 3: she gave his parents gifts. The horror, what a fill 763 00:36:04,400 --> 00:36:08,640 Speaker 3: in the blank here, I mean true. Yeah, But the 764 00:36:08,680 --> 00:36:12,719 Speaker 3: thing is he would never say, oh, well, she just 765 00:36:12,880 --> 00:36:17,200 Speaker 3: was disrespectful. Yeah, yeah, respectful given her thing is that 766 00:36:17,280 --> 00:36:19,319 Speaker 3: they don't want they told her not to and seeing 767 00:36:19,360 --> 00:36:22,680 Speaker 3: them as charity. Right yeah, Oh, he says. I'm not 768 00:36:22,840 --> 00:36:25,400 Speaker 3: breaking up with him. He's the man I want to marry. 769 00:36:25,600 --> 00:36:27,839 Speaker 3: He may be mad right now, but all I want 770 00:36:27,880 --> 00:36:30,240 Speaker 3: is for things to be normal again. I just started 771 00:36:30,239 --> 00:36:33,360 Speaker 3: bugging him about going over to his parents so I 772 00:36:33,360 --> 00:36:36,160 Speaker 3: can apologize, but he wants me to do it by text, 773 00:36:36,200 --> 00:36:40,560 Speaker 3: which I don't understand. That's sus I think he wants 774 00:36:40,600 --> 00:36:43,600 Speaker 3: you to apologize by text so you don't find out 775 00:36:43,640 --> 00:36:48,440 Speaker 3: that he told his parents something completely untrue. Yes, if 776 00:36:48,440 --> 00:36:51,000 Speaker 3: you get together in person, they'll have the opportunity to 777 00:36:51,080 --> 00:36:53,839 Speaker 3: check stories with each other. Also, I know you don't 778 00:36:53,840 --> 00:36:56,200 Speaker 3: want to hear this, but please don't marry this man. 779 00:36:57,880 --> 00:37:02,120 Speaker 3: I mean true though, I'm getting him off his game 780 00:37:02,239 --> 00:37:04,799 Speaker 3: right now, and we'll sit with not getting him off 781 00:37:04,840 --> 00:37:08,759 Speaker 3: his game, what is he playing? I'm getting him off 782 00:37:08,800 --> 00:37:11,560 Speaker 3: his game right now, and we'll sit him down for 783 00:37:11,600 --> 00:37:14,839 Speaker 3: a talk. Simply put he's acting like a brat right now, 784 00:37:15,000 --> 00:37:16,960 Speaker 3: and I want to know why he doesn't want me 785 00:37:17,080 --> 00:37:21,400 Speaker 3: talking to his parents. Ooh, small update in the comments. Whoa, 786 00:37:21,680 --> 00:37:27,439 Speaker 3: here we go, and I'm feeling extremely overwhelmed right now 787 00:37:27,440 --> 00:37:29,840 Speaker 3: and just making a quick comment because all of you 788 00:37:29,960 --> 00:37:34,799 Speaker 3: are being so nice. Sat my boyfriend down after dragging 789 00:37:34,880 --> 00:37:38,839 Speaker 3: him off his game annoying and grilled him about what 790 00:37:38,880 --> 00:37:43,360 Speaker 3: was happening, but he said I was being crazy, not 791 00:37:43,520 --> 00:37:47,960 Speaker 3: the gas lighting. When god, when I started all this, 792 00:37:48,560 --> 00:37:50,719 Speaker 3: and to just let us write a text to his 793 00:37:50,800 --> 00:37:55,160 Speaker 3: parents apologizing. I said no and that we would go 794 00:37:55,239 --> 00:37:58,759 Speaker 3: over to apologize, but he started freaking out, which was 795 00:37:58,800 --> 00:38:04,000 Speaker 3: the final straw. Yay yay, final strong yeay yay. He's 796 00:38:04,040 --> 00:38:06,959 Speaker 3: doing everything to get me to stay home, but I'm 797 00:38:06,960 --> 00:38:11,080 Speaker 3: going over and sorting this out since I tried calling anyway, 798 00:38:11,200 --> 00:38:15,040 Speaker 3: but the numbers out of order. Whoa, whoa wait, dude, 799 00:38:15,080 --> 00:38:17,240 Speaker 3: I was thinking that too. I don't think he grabbed 800 00:38:17,360 --> 00:38:19,760 Speaker 3: the parent's phone. I think he just got a different 801 00:38:19,840 --> 00:38:23,320 Speaker 3: number and texted her from that like this is I'm assuming. 802 00:38:24,200 --> 00:38:26,759 Speaker 3: I mean, we don't know, but I'm guessing that the 803 00:38:26,920 --> 00:38:29,239 Speaker 3: dad hasn't texted her before anyway, and that's why it 804 00:38:29,280 --> 00:38:32,160 Speaker 3: was so weird that he texted her. I didn't even 805 00:38:32,480 --> 00:38:35,000 Speaker 3: think that he could have got like a burner phone. 806 00:38:35,280 --> 00:38:37,600 Speaker 3: This is going too deep. Who is this man? Yeah? 807 00:38:37,640 --> 00:38:39,840 Speaker 3: Why would you go to all of these lengths, like 808 00:38:40,120 --> 00:38:43,319 Speaker 3: just to be like I'm a good person, right, Like 809 00:38:43,400 --> 00:38:47,240 Speaker 3: that's great? Oh my gosh, So some more responses before 810 00:38:47,239 --> 00:38:51,040 Speaker 3: I leave. I'm so sorry. I can't answer everyone. My 811 00:38:51,200 --> 00:38:55,239 Speaker 3: parents are from the Caribbean and he's very American, but 812 00:38:55,400 --> 00:39:00,480 Speaker 3: he and his family have never been discriminatory or anything before. 813 00:39:01,160 --> 00:39:03,719 Speaker 3: They're actually much more well off than me, and my 814 00:39:03,800 --> 00:39:06,879 Speaker 3: gifts are never expensive since I pay for them on 815 00:39:06,880 --> 00:39:09,640 Speaker 3: my own, which is why I'm now very suspicious of 816 00:39:09,680 --> 00:39:13,840 Speaker 3: them behaving this way. The reason only the dad texted 817 00:39:13,880 --> 00:39:17,560 Speaker 3: me is because his parents aren't super tech savvy and 818 00:39:17,640 --> 00:39:20,480 Speaker 3: share a simple phone he picked out for them. I 819 00:39:20,600 --> 00:39:22,799 Speaker 3: know there's a bit of an age gap, but I 820 00:39:22,880 --> 00:39:26,680 Speaker 3: pursued the relationship myself because he asked me out casually 821 00:39:26,800 --> 00:39:30,160 Speaker 3: at work as a frequent customer, and I accepted. Here's 822 00:39:30,160 --> 00:39:35,440 Speaker 3: some more comments. Oh, buddy, he is hiding a doozy 823 00:39:35,600 --> 00:39:38,640 Speaker 3: of a lie and you are very close to unraveling it. 824 00:39:39,320 --> 00:39:42,799 Speaker 3: Trust your instincts and talk to his parents directly. Do 825 00:39:43,040 --> 00:39:45,319 Speaker 3: not let him convince you that you're crazy and need 826 00:39:45,360 --> 00:39:49,800 Speaker 3: to do things his way. True yep. Another comment, Yeah, 827 00:39:50,080 --> 00:39:53,080 Speaker 3: sounded to me like he used a number spoofing app 828 00:39:53,160 --> 00:39:56,719 Speaker 3: to text her, saying he was his dad. We'll see 829 00:39:56,760 --> 00:40:02,920 Speaker 3: after an update, hopefully, Oh d two, Update two we 830 00:40:03,040 --> 00:40:07,640 Speaker 3: have on. Oh my god, I'm gonna throw up. Update 831 00:40:07,680 --> 00:40:12,319 Speaker 3: two eight days later. Whoa, it's been like a week? Yeah, 832 00:40:12,600 --> 00:40:17,040 Speaker 3: oh oh. After my last update, I told my boyfriend 833 00:40:17,080 --> 00:40:19,480 Speaker 3: I was sick and tired of him dancing around the 834 00:40:19,520 --> 00:40:21,480 Speaker 3: issue with his parents, and I was going to go 835 00:40:21,560 --> 00:40:24,680 Speaker 3: over to their house whether he liked it or not. Yes, 836 00:40:24,760 --> 00:40:27,720 Speaker 3: o pe yep. At this point, I think he realized 837 00:40:27,719 --> 00:40:30,840 Speaker 3: that whatever he was doing had backfired, so he sat 838 00:40:30,960 --> 00:40:36,239 Speaker 3: down all angry and told me he'd explain. Oh. I 839 00:40:36,360 --> 00:40:39,640 Speaker 3: sat and he told me that he'd done something very 840 00:40:39,760 --> 00:40:43,920 Speaker 3: spur of the moment that he texted me from his 841 00:40:44,040 --> 00:40:48,640 Speaker 3: dad's phone, then blocked the number, but begged me to listen. 842 00:40:49,480 --> 00:40:54,600 Speaker 3: Oh how he did it, dude? Yeah, I'd be like why, 843 00:40:54,840 --> 00:40:59,040 Speaker 3: y yeah, that's why crazy that he just needed to 844 00:40:59,040 --> 00:41:02,399 Speaker 3: get his parents for a while and to not leave. 845 00:41:03,040 --> 00:41:07,000 Speaker 3: Apparently his parents had started hinting at him about marriage. 846 00:41:07,040 --> 00:41:10,160 Speaker 3: Since my boyfriend and I talked a lot about it. 847 00:41:10,600 --> 00:41:13,279 Speaker 3: I fully expected to marry him, as I said in 848 00:41:13,320 --> 00:41:16,839 Speaker 3: another comment, and was honestly expecting a proposal in late 849 00:41:16,880 --> 00:41:20,680 Speaker 3: spring since that's when we met. Four years dating didn't 850 00:41:20,760 --> 00:41:24,800 Speaker 3: bother me, but I was getting excited to settle down. However, 851 00:41:24,840 --> 00:41:28,359 Speaker 3: my boyfriend apparently realized that he absolutely didn't want to 852 00:41:28,400 --> 00:41:32,360 Speaker 3: commit to anything and wanted to experiment and have fun 853 00:41:32,880 --> 00:41:39,840 Speaker 3: since I wasn't being fun anymore. Oh oh uh, that's 854 00:41:40,520 --> 00:41:43,960 Speaker 3: I can't even say it. I can't even say able. 855 00:41:44,160 --> 00:41:49,400 Speaker 3: That's horrible, My god? What Honestly, that just made me cry. 856 00:41:49,480 --> 00:41:52,880 Speaker 3: Since we were each other's first for everything and usually 857 00:41:53,000 --> 00:41:56,880 Speaker 3: very good at communicating our needs. His grand plan was 858 00:41:56,920 --> 00:41:59,600 Speaker 3: to get him mad at me so I would beg 859 00:41:59,640 --> 00:42:03,360 Speaker 3: for forgetfness, and then he'd only accept an open relationship 860 00:42:03,440 --> 00:42:09,600 Speaker 3: as an answer. Bro Oh dude, uh this like this 861 00:42:09,719 --> 00:42:15,120 Speaker 3: guy's a psychopath. The words to get away from this man? Yes, 862 00:42:15,280 --> 00:42:19,480 Speaker 3: do not accept over relationship please. Absolutely brilliant plan. I 863 00:42:19,520 --> 00:42:23,000 Speaker 3: know he'd made up his parents getting mad, but didn't 864 00:42:23,040 --> 00:42:26,799 Speaker 3: expect me to blow off dinner completely and it's like 865 00:42:27,520 --> 00:42:31,879 Speaker 3: hitting a jackpot. His words, not mine. He went over 866 00:42:31,960 --> 00:42:34,839 Speaker 3: for dinner, hid the flowers and said we'd gotten into 867 00:42:34,880 --> 00:42:37,680 Speaker 3: a huge fight, but he was going to fix it, 868 00:42:38,120 --> 00:42:43,920 Speaker 3: but I needed space, so completely lied. Yeah, Like, oh my, 869 00:42:45,000 --> 00:42:50,000 Speaker 3: is this I can't. After he confessed all this, he 870 00:42:50,080 --> 00:42:52,799 Speaker 3: said he was very sorry but didn't want to miss 871 00:42:52,840 --> 00:42:55,800 Speaker 3: out on new experiences when he was still young and 872 00:42:55,840 --> 00:43:00,560 Speaker 3: would consider an open relationship, but pretend hours was strained 873 00:43:00,600 --> 00:43:05,960 Speaker 3: with his parents so they wouldn't get suspicious. And I laughed, 874 00:43:06,560 --> 00:43:08,920 Speaker 3: as you should, laughed so hard in his face. 875 00:43:09,080 --> 00:43:13,040 Speaker 5: Yeah, dude, I laughed his butt right out the door 876 00:43:13,400 --> 00:43:16,520 Speaker 5: nice and told him absolutely not and to leave me 877 00:43:16,600 --> 00:43:19,960 Speaker 5: alone while I packed because I wanted to have some 878 00:43:20,040 --> 00:43:21,600 Speaker 5: new experiences too. 879 00:43:21,960 --> 00:43:25,680 Speaker 3: Yes, Sopy, there were right back in his face, says 880 00:43:26,120 --> 00:43:28,839 Speaker 3: he never stopped begging me to stay, so I left 881 00:43:28,840 --> 00:43:31,319 Speaker 3: to sleep at a friend's. After calming down for a 882 00:43:31,320 --> 00:43:34,520 Speaker 3: few days, I cemented the breakup and finally actually went 883 00:43:34,560 --> 00:43:38,200 Speaker 3: over to his parents. Good, wow, that's great. Yeah, let 884 00:43:38,280 --> 00:43:40,840 Speaker 3: them know what he just Yeah, oh my god, my 885 00:43:41,120 --> 00:43:44,799 Speaker 3: ex'es boyfriend's dad never even noticed the phone missing, but 886 00:43:44,840 --> 00:43:48,600 Speaker 3: still apologized, and his mom was a mess. I did 887 00:43:48,760 --> 00:43:51,760 Speaker 3: and still love them and will eat dinner there without 888 00:43:51,840 --> 00:43:56,000 Speaker 3: him as often as I can. Oh my god, that's awesome. 889 00:43:56,160 --> 00:43:57,880 Speaker 3: I love it. So Petty'd be like, you know what, 890 00:43:57,920 --> 00:44:00,960 Speaker 3: I like your parents better, right, right, I won't lie 891 00:44:00,960 --> 00:44:03,080 Speaker 3: that I'm sad about four years down the drain. Yeah 892 00:44:03,200 --> 00:44:06,600 Speaker 3: that's horrible, right, but that's life. And if that was 893 00:44:06,680 --> 00:44:09,840 Speaker 3: my ex's best possible plan, then I dodged a bullet 894 00:44:09,920 --> 00:44:13,960 Speaker 3: by a mile. Yeah, there's also another update. But before 895 00:44:14,000 --> 00:44:18,000 Speaker 3: we get there, Oh god, are we thinking? Dude, that's crazy? 896 00:44:18,320 --> 00:44:21,439 Speaker 3: She caught she Yeah, she was like, okay, great, I'm 897 00:44:21,440 --> 00:44:24,400 Speaker 3: going to fix this myself. Then talk to your parents directly. 898 00:44:24,480 --> 00:44:26,680 Speaker 3: And the fact that he just started freaking out is 899 00:44:26,760 --> 00:44:30,000 Speaker 3: like your answer already. Yeah, yeah, this is all a lie. 900 00:44:30,480 --> 00:44:34,479 Speaker 3: And then he started monologuing his evil plan that he had. Yeah, 901 00:44:34,600 --> 00:44:37,560 Speaker 3: he's calling it a jackpot for how it was gonna 902 00:44:37,560 --> 00:44:38,000 Speaker 3: work out? 903 00:44:40,280 --> 00:44:40,520 Speaker 1: Is he? 904 00:44:40,920 --> 00:44:45,480 Speaker 3: I what appreciate how honesty is now because he's being 905 00:44:45,640 --> 00:44:49,360 Speaker 3: very honest. He's like, well, I have nothing to lose now, yeah, 906 00:44:49,400 --> 00:44:51,520 Speaker 3: Like you're boring and I want to go have fun 907 00:44:51,600 --> 00:44:53,680 Speaker 3: somewhere else, but like I want you to stay though, 908 00:44:53,719 --> 00:44:55,960 Speaker 3: because I'm like, just in case it doesn't work out, 909 00:44:56,000 --> 00:44:57,520 Speaker 3: like I do want this to work out. Just can 910 00:44:57,640 --> 00:45:00,839 Speaker 3: be rejected by everyone that I pursue. Well, come back 911 00:45:00,880 --> 00:45:02,719 Speaker 3: to you, bab, because I love you. I love you 912 00:45:03,120 --> 00:45:07,560 Speaker 3: just in case my plan doesn't work the next time. Yeah, exactly, 913 00:45:08,160 --> 00:45:11,919 Speaker 3: all right. Small update in the comments a few quick 914 00:45:12,040 --> 00:45:16,760 Speaker 3: answered questions. Yes, my boyfriend's parents do share a phone. 915 00:45:17,239 --> 00:45:19,960 Speaker 3: I don't find it particularly strange since they use Facebook 916 00:45:20,040 --> 00:45:23,960 Speaker 3: video chat, friends, play candy crushes sec on their iPads 917 00:45:23,960 --> 00:45:26,399 Speaker 3: and don't have much space for a phone. They find 918 00:45:26,440 --> 00:45:30,160 Speaker 3: iPads easier to use, and also go everywhere together. Very cute, 919 00:45:30,239 --> 00:45:34,160 Speaker 3: I know, so if someone really does need to call them, 920 00:45:34,480 --> 00:45:39,560 Speaker 3: the other one is right there. Previously, my boyfriend had 921 00:45:39,600 --> 00:45:43,839 Speaker 3: absolutely no problem whatsoever with me bringing gifts anywhere. Like 922 00:45:43,880 --> 00:45:45,960 Speaker 3: I said it in a comment, he'd help me pick 923 00:45:46,000 --> 00:45:49,960 Speaker 3: things out before and is usually great at communicating whenever 924 00:45:50,000 --> 00:45:52,120 Speaker 3: he feels we need to talk about something, which is 925 00:45:52,160 --> 00:45:54,759 Speaker 3: why I was so confused with him. He knows it's 926 00:45:54,800 --> 00:45:57,399 Speaker 3: how I was raised and was respectful to every other 927 00:45:57,440 --> 00:46:01,120 Speaker 3: aspect of my upbringing. His parents are not poor and 928 00:46:01,200 --> 00:46:04,080 Speaker 3: raised him with good manners and etiquette. I saw a 929 00:46:04,080 --> 00:46:06,280 Speaker 3: lot of other people comment on what I was bringing, 930 00:46:06,400 --> 00:46:10,440 Speaker 3: and no, I wasn't bringing gigantic vases with wilted flowers, 931 00:46:10,520 --> 00:46:13,040 Speaker 3: or an entire cake, or multiple bottles of the same 932 00:46:13,080 --> 00:46:16,640 Speaker 3: type of wine every week. Whenever I did bring something edible, 933 00:46:16,680 --> 00:46:18,960 Speaker 3: it was small and we usually consume it with dinner. 934 00:46:19,160 --> 00:46:21,879 Speaker 3: And as for the flowers, I'd usually just leave them 935 00:46:21,880 --> 00:46:24,000 Speaker 3: in the plastic wrap that they came in with water. 936 00:46:24,560 --> 00:46:27,279 Speaker 3: The vase was a rare thing that my boyfriend's mom 937 00:46:27,320 --> 00:46:29,600 Speaker 3: could have used for dozens of things since it was 938 00:46:29,640 --> 00:46:32,960 Speaker 3: a clear glass. That's great. Well, I mean they broke up, 939 00:46:33,040 --> 00:46:35,239 Speaker 3: so good for Euop. I think you did everything right 940 00:46:35,239 --> 00:46:38,200 Speaker 3: in that situation, and I think honestly telling his parents 941 00:46:38,480 --> 00:46:41,000 Speaker 3: was a good way to go, because I agree, I 942 00:46:41,040 --> 00:46:43,319 Speaker 3: think that's very brave of you. Yeah, I would be 943 00:46:43,440 --> 00:46:45,400 Speaker 3: too scared to do that because I'd be like, whatever, 944 00:46:45,440 --> 00:46:46,800 Speaker 3: it's done, I'm just over this. I want to be 945 00:46:46,840 --> 00:46:50,000 Speaker 3: done right right and then like obviously if you didn't, 946 00:46:50,040 --> 00:46:53,040 Speaker 3: then he would tell them some lie and that you 947 00:46:53,120 --> 00:46:55,200 Speaker 3: did something terrible to them. And if you really do 948 00:46:55,280 --> 00:46:57,640 Speaker 3: have that connection, because that is something difficult. If like, 949 00:46:57,680 --> 00:47:01,120 Speaker 3: if you make that connection with like your partner's family 950 00:47:01,239 --> 00:47:05,279 Speaker 3: or something like that, and then because they are because 951 00:47:05,280 --> 00:47:06,600 Speaker 3: you're done with them, then you have to be done 952 00:47:06,640 --> 00:47:09,120 Speaker 3: with everyone it's like, wait, but yeah, right, it's so 953 00:47:09,239 --> 00:47:12,360 Speaker 3: cool though, so I keep them really good gifts. Yeah, 954 00:47:12,400 --> 00:47:15,759 Speaker 3: so it's hard to be right, So it's nice that 955 00:47:15,840 --> 00:47:20,719 Speaker 3: like she still gets to at least savor that relationship 956 00:47:20,719 --> 00:47:22,560 Speaker 3: even if they don't like hang out that much anymore. 957 00:47:22,880 --> 00:47:25,239 Speaker 3: She said that they would try to, but if that 958 00:47:25,280 --> 00:47:27,399 Speaker 3: doesn't even happen, at least they won't have a bad 959 00:47:27,440 --> 00:47:29,759 Speaker 3: image of her. I feel like that's nice. Yeah, I 960 00:47:29,760 --> 00:47:31,959 Speaker 3: feel like that's like the real thing is, like they 961 00:47:32,200 --> 00:47:35,359 Speaker 3: know who you truly are, and they accept you and 962 00:47:35,640 --> 00:47:39,360 Speaker 3: are not bad about you bringing gifts over right, and 963 00:47:39,400 --> 00:47:42,760 Speaker 3: now hopefully they will scold their son for this. Yeah, 964 00:47:42,760 --> 00:47:46,880 Speaker 3: for real, for sure. I think my boyfriend is secretly 965 00:47:47,080 --> 00:47:54,200 Speaker 3: in love with his friend. What the drama? No, My boyfriend, 966 00:47:54,320 --> 00:47:57,000 Speaker 3: Jason thirty eight male, has a lot of female friends. 967 00:47:57,360 --> 00:47:59,360 Speaker 3: I let him hang out with them because I know 968 00:47:59,440 --> 00:48:01,319 Speaker 3: I can't always be there for him to hang out 969 00:48:01,360 --> 00:48:04,600 Speaker 3: with so I'm normally busy with work and he's currently 970 00:48:04,640 --> 00:48:06,480 Speaker 3: not working, so he has a lot of free time. 971 00:48:06,760 --> 00:48:09,480 Speaker 3: By the way, this comes from my grace a And 972 00:48:09,520 --> 00:48:11,200 Speaker 3: if you want to submit your own stories, go to 973 00:48:11,239 --> 00:48:14,120 Speaker 3: the yur slash Okay storytime sub reddit and I'm Angie 974 00:48:14,239 --> 00:48:16,840 Speaker 3: and I'm Savannah, and we're here to give good advice 975 00:48:16,880 --> 00:48:19,400 Speaker 3: to goofully, but we don't have all the answers, so 976 00:48:19,440 --> 00:48:21,200 Speaker 3: we're just gonna guess what we would do in the situation. 977 00:48:21,280 --> 00:48:23,160 Speaker 3: But let us know what you would do in the comments. 978 00:48:23,239 --> 00:48:27,200 Speaker 3: So oh p says. Last night, my boyfriend hung out 979 00:48:27,239 --> 00:48:30,520 Speaker 3: with his female friend, Julia thirty seven female. They've been 980 00:48:30,600 --> 00:48:32,640 Speaker 3: friends for more than eight years, and they haven't seen 981 00:48:32,640 --> 00:48:35,040 Speaker 3: each other for two years since she moved out of town. 982 00:48:35,520 --> 00:48:38,000 Speaker 3: They were drinking and playing games in the living room 983 00:48:38,040 --> 00:48:40,320 Speaker 3: while I went to the bedroom to sleep. They stayed 984 00:48:40,360 --> 00:48:45,120 Speaker 3: up drinking and gaming until four thirty am. Oh that's late. 985 00:48:45,600 --> 00:48:47,839 Speaker 3: When Julia was about to go home, my boyfriend told 986 00:48:47,880 --> 00:48:50,000 Speaker 3: me he would walk her out of the apartment building. 987 00:48:50,239 --> 00:48:52,200 Speaker 3: I got a little worried because it took him more 988 00:48:52,239 --> 00:48:54,880 Speaker 3: than an hour to come back. I asked him what 989 00:48:55,000 --> 00:48:58,040 Speaker 3: took him so long. He said he still felt energetic, 990 00:48:58,080 --> 00:49:00,000 Speaker 3: so he walked around the apartment building for a while 991 00:49:00,080 --> 00:49:03,080 Speaker 3: while and then went to his best friend's apartment. His 992 00:49:03,200 --> 00:49:06,040 Speaker 3: best friend, Karen thirty eight female, lives just a fifteen 993 00:49:06,040 --> 00:49:08,880 Speaker 3: minute walk from our apartment. When we were looking for 994 00:49:08,920 --> 00:49:11,200 Speaker 3: an apartment, to live in two months ago. He preferred 995 00:49:11,200 --> 00:49:14,320 Speaker 3: this area because it's near his best friend's home. They've 996 00:49:14,360 --> 00:49:16,879 Speaker 3: been best friends for more than ten years and lived 997 00:49:16,960 --> 00:49:21,000 Speaker 3: together for two years as roommates, not as lovers as 998 00:49:21,239 --> 00:49:24,640 Speaker 3: far as you know. Okay. He still has a key 999 00:49:24,680 --> 00:49:27,040 Speaker 3: to her apartment and he always goes there two to 1000 00:49:27,080 --> 00:49:28,719 Speaker 3: three times a week to hang out with her and 1001 00:49:28,760 --> 00:49:32,160 Speaker 3: play games. He stays there until one am, and sometimes 1002 00:49:32,160 --> 00:49:34,720 Speaker 3: stays the night when he gets wasted and can't walk home. 1003 00:49:35,320 --> 00:49:38,160 Speaker 3: Sometimes Karen comes to our apartment to hang out with Jason, 1004 00:49:38,200 --> 00:49:40,160 Speaker 3: while I normally just stay in the bedroom to watch 1005 00:49:40,200 --> 00:49:43,320 Speaker 3: a show or finish my work. Jason said, Karen isn't 1006 00:49:43,320 --> 00:49:46,520 Speaker 3: comfortable hanging out with me yet because I'm quote the 1007 00:49:46,680 --> 00:49:49,319 Speaker 3: new girlfriend and it takes her a while to get 1008 00:49:49,360 --> 00:49:54,400 Speaker 3: comfortable with people. Right, That doesn't make any sense, But 1009 00:49:54,560 --> 00:49:58,319 Speaker 3: I'm just not comfortable with new people. So, yeah, you're 1010 00:49:58,360 --> 00:50:01,759 Speaker 3: the new girlfriend. Because you're a new person in my 1011 00:50:01,840 --> 00:50:05,120 Speaker 3: best friend's life. I don't want to meet you yet. 1012 00:50:05,400 --> 00:50:08,759 Speaker 3: That's crazy. I just let it go because I'm not 1013 00:50:08,800 --> 00:50:12,200 Speaker 3: comfortable with her either, all right, so good at least 1014 00:50:12,200 --> 00:50:15,240 Speaker 3: this mutual, right, I would rather stay in the bedroom 1015 00:50:15,280 --> 00:50:18,560 Speaker 3: instead of hanging out with her. So at four thirty am, 1016 00:50:18,640 --> 00:50:21,560 Speaker 3: he went to her apartment. He said he called her 1017 00:50:21,640 --> 00:50:24,800 Speaker 3: three times, but she didn't answer because obviously she was sleeping. 1018 00:50:25,239 --> 00:50:27,879 Speaker 3: What he did next was use his key to enter 1019 00:50:27,880 --> 00:50:31,200 Speaker 3: her apartment. He said his plan was to just chill 1020 00:50:31,239 --> 00:50:33,359 Speaker 3: in her living room until she woke up, and then 1021 00:50:33,400 --> 00:50:38,120 Speaker 3: they would play games and hang out. Karen got upset 1022 00:50:38,200 --> 00:50:41,120 Speaker 3: and kick him out of her apartment. Yeah, I told 1023 00:50:41,200 --> 00:50:43,680 Speaker 3: him it was creepy to do that, because what if 1024 00:50:43,719 --> 00:50:46,480 Speaker 3: Karen had a guy over and he just showed up unannounced. 1025 00:50:46,880 --> 00:50:49,440 Speaker 3: He didn't say anything, but I felt like he didn't 1026 00:50:49,520 --> 00:50:51,799 Speaker 3: like the sound of Karen having a guy over. 1027 00:50:52,160 --> 00:50:52,279 Speaker 2: Uh. 1028 00:50:52,320 --> 00:50:55,719 Speaker 3: Oh, That's why I'm thinking now that Jason might be 1029 00:50:55,840 --> 00:50:59,000 Speaker 3: secretly in love with her. We've only been together for 1030 00:50:59,080 --> 00:51:02,080 Speaker 3: eight months and living together for two months. I asked 1031 00:51:02,120 --> 00:51:04,359 Speaker 3: him before if he likes his best friend and he 1032 00:51:04,440 --> 00:51:06,719 Speaker 3: said no, he only likes her as a friend. But 1033 00:51:06,800 --> 00:51:10,080 Speaker 3: now I'm not really sure. Any advice please, and there 1034 00:51:10,080 --> 00:51:14,920 Speaker 3: are some comments, but what advice do you have, Ropie? Honestly, 1035 00:51:15,200 --> 00:51:19,000 Speaker 3: I feel like I've been in this situation before. Yeah. Yeah, 1036 00:51:19,040 --> 00:51:23,600 Speaker 3: where like this guy that like pursued me and then 1037 00:51:23,880 --> 00:51:25,680 Speaker 3: like had like a best friend that he would always 1038 00:51:25,719 --> 00:51:28,360 Speaker 3: hang out with, and I'm like, I asked him, I'm like, 1039 00:51:28,560 --> 00:51:31,360 Speaker 3: are you were you ever a thing? He's oh my god, no, 1040 00:51:31,360 --> 00:51:34,680 Speaker 3: no no, And I'm like, there's absolutely no way to 1041 00:51:34,719 --> 00:51:37,680 Speaker 3: this day. I really don't know, and I also don't care. Sure, 1042 00:51:37,760 --> 00:51:42,200 Speaker 3: but like it's still like because you can have like 1043 00:51:42,520 --> 00:51:45,680 Speaker 3: good friends of the opposite gender, you know, like that's 1044 00:51:45,719 --> 00:51:49,440 Speaker 3: for sure, that's totally fine. But yeah, when it comes 1045 00:51:49,480 --> 00:51:53,759 Speaker 3: to that, and then also not seeming very happy of 1046 00:51:54,600 --> 00:51:59,400 Speaker 3: like her being with another guy, it's like, sure, maybe 1047 00:51:59,440 --> 00:52:02,400 Speaker 3: you miss maybe he didn't seem unhappy or whatever, but 1048 00:52:02,560 --> 00:52:05,120 Speaker 3: I'm gonna trust up and that he did. And I 1049 00:52:05,160 --> 00:52:08,360 Speaker 3: feel like maybe if he just likes her as friends, 1050 00:52:08,880 --> 00:52:12,239 Speaker 3: maybe he likes her as friends with benefits, you know. 1051 00:52:12,560 --> 00:52:16,959 Speaker 3: I think. I think if it's not love, it's something. Yeah, 1052 00:52:17,040 --> 00:52:21,000 Speaker 3: what else that's true. I feel like it's there may 1053 00:52:21,000 --> 00:52:24,719 Speaker 3: be something here, but I don't know. Yeah, just keep going. 1054 00:52:26,040 --> 00:52:28,319 Speaker 3: We do have some comments coming. Number one says, yeah, 1055 00:52:28,480 --> 00:52:31,240 Speaker 3: you guys need to break up. Seems like, based solely 1056 00:52:31,280 --> 00:52:33,200 Speaker 3: off of what you say in the post, you guys 1057 00:52:33,239 --> 00:52:36,520 Speaker 3: are on two totally different wavelengths. He is in party 1058 00:52:36,560 --> 00:52:39,000 Speaker 3: mode and you're on more of an adult trajectory, and 1059 00:52:39,040 --> 00:52:41,480 Speaker 3: you don't hang out with him and his female friends, 1060 00:52:41,520 --> 00:52:43,759 Speaker 3: so it's likely that he's at least crushing on the 1061 00:52:43,760 --> 00:52:46,160 Speaker 3: women he has a bond width. Let him go be 1062 00:52:46,239 --> 00:52:48,279 Speaker 3: a guy who doesn't have a job and parties and 1063 00:52:48,280 --> 00:52:50,600 Speaker 3: plays games until four point thirty in the morning with 1064 00:52:50,680 --> 00:52:53,760 Speaker 3: all his girlfriends, and you go be an employed adult. 1065 00:52:54,400 --> 00:52:56,840 Speaker 3: Opie says. I hang out with some of his female friends, 1066 00:52:57,160 --> 00:52:59,680 Speaker 3: but not until morning since I need to work the 1067 00:52:59,680 --> 00:53:02,640 Speaker 3: next I only hang out with them until like eleven 1068 00:53:02,760 --> 00:53:05,640 Speaker 3: or twelve. And yes, I've been supporting him for two 1069 00:53:05,680 --> 00:53:10,800 Speaker 3: months since he's out of a job. Oh two months, 1070 00:53:10,880 --> 00:53:12,560 Speaker 3: which is the same amount of time that they've been 1071 00:53:12,600 --> 00:53:16,000 Speaker 3: living together too, And he's going over other girls apartments 1072 00:53:16,120 --> 00:53:18,640 Speaker 3: just because like he doesn't have to work. Like, oh no, 1073 00:53:18,880 --> 00:53:21,640 Speaker 3: that would that would make me really angry, so mad, dude. 1074 00:53:21,680 --> 00:53:24,799 Speaker 3: I'd be like, oh, you're not You're not gonna go 1075 00:53:25,120 --> 00:53:28,280 Speaker 3: just get a job. You're just gonna sit and play 1076 00:53:28,280 --> 00:53:32,160 Speaker 3: around with other girls. Red flag all the way. For sure. 1077 00:53:32,800 --> 00:53:36,560 Speaker 3: We only live together because his roommate punted him out 1078 00:53:36,680 --> 00:53:40,000 Speaker 3: and he had nowhere to go. I actually regret that 1079 00:53:40,000 --> 00:53:42,120 Speaker 3: I let him pressure me into living with him. Yeah, 1080 00:53:42,160 --> 00:53:44,919 Speaker 3: you should. I love living on my own, but now 1081 00:53:44,960 --> 00:53:48,560 Speaker 3: he's always here playing video games and sometimes I cannot 1082 00:53:48,600 --> 00:53:51,839 Speaker 3: concentrate on my work. I cannot break up with him either. 1083 00:53:52,200 --> 00:53:54,920 Speaker 3: I cannot fund him out. He has nowhere to go, 1084 00:53:55,239 --> 00:53:58,240 Speaker 3: and I cannot leave because I'm the one who's paying 1085 00:53:58,280 --> 00:54:01,360 Speaker 3: the apartment. It's on my name and we have a 1086 00:54:01,400 --> 00:54:05,400 Speaker 3: contract for a year. Someone else responds, you can absolutely 1087 00:54:05,440 --> 00:54:07,879 Speaker 3: break up with him and punt him out. He can 1088 00:54:07,920 --> 00:54:10,319 Speaker 3: go live with those other friends of his since they 1089 00:54:10,320 --> 00:54:16,400 Speaker 3: are so important. Please stop subsidizing his hobosual life. He's 1090 00:54:16,760 --> 00:54:20,080 Speaker 3: just using you at this point. I mean I kind 1091 00:54:20,080 --> 00:54:24,600 Speaker 3: of have to agree totally think, yeah, he's absolutely using you. Ope. Yeah, 1092 00:54:24,640 --> 00:54:27,880 Speaker 3: and he's just like like trying to get everything that 1093 00:54:27,960 --> 00:54:30,799 Speaker 3: he can. But then I'll like, it's one thing to 1094 00:54:30,840 --> 00:54:34,719 Speaker 3: be grubby, but it's another thing to like be like 1095 00:54:35,360 --> 00:54:38,640 Speaker 3: going around with other people and supposed to being grubby. Yeah, 1096 00:54:38,680 --> 00:54:43,600 Speaker 3: that's not okay, right Tom? And number two, I don't 1097 00:54:43,640 --> 00:54:45,520 Speaker 3: know if he is in love with Karen and or 1098 00:54:45,560 --> 00:54:47,440 Speaker 3: if she is in love with your boyfriend, but the 1099 00:54:47,480 --> 00:54:51,160 Speaker 3: whole situation sounds off to me. Their lives are way 1100 00:54:51,200 --> 00:54:54,120 Speaker 3: too intricate. They seem possessive of each other, and it's unhealthy. 1101 00:54:54,560 --> 00:54:58,480 Speaker 3: Karen always hating her best friend's girlfriends is odd You 1102 00:54:58,640 --> 00:55:01,400 Speaker 3: feeling the need to isolate your when she comes home 1103 00:55:01,480 --> 00:55:05,360 Speaker 3: for hours and your boyfriend doesn't care. Your boyfriend excusing 1104 00:55:05,400 --> 00:55:09,080 Speaker 3: her behavior instead of establishing boundaries, Your boyfriend barging in 1105 00:55:09,120 --> 00:55:11,840 Speaker 3: her home at any hour without any respect for her privacy. 1106 00:55:12,239 --> 00:55:15,680 Speaker 3: Her not establishing any boundaries either. It's okay to let 1107 00:55:15,719 --> 00:55:19,360 Speaker 3: your friends have an extra key instead, but that doesn't 1108 00:55:19,400 --> 00:55:21,759 Speaker 3: give them the right to come in whenever they want. 1109 00:55:22,160 --> 00:55:24,439 Speaker 3: I wouldn't call it what they have them being in love, 1110 00:55:24,560 --> 00:55:27,279 Speaker 3: but really the word that comes to mind is possession. 1111 00:55:27,719 --> 00:55:31,760 Speaker 3: They see each other as a possession. That's my feeling. Anyway, 1112 00:55:32,040 --> 00:55:34,560 Speaker 3: your life, your choice. But I wouldn't let anyone treat 1113 00:55:34,560 --> 00:55:37,680 Speaker 3: me like he is, that's for sure. So not the ahole, 1114 00:55:38,320 --> 00:55:42,759 Speaker 3: Opie says, Oh God, thank you. So it's not only me. 1115 00:55:43,120 --> 00:55:46,800 Speaker 3: I am not going crazy and being insecure. I also 1116 00:55:46,920 --> 00:55:49,239 Speaker 3: notice their possessiveness with each other, but I thought that 1117 00:55:49,280 --> 00:55:51,560 Speaker 3: I was just being crazy and insecure, and I always 1118 00:55:51,640 --> 00:55:54,920 Speaker 3: brush the feelings off. Commutre number three says he's thirty 1119 00:55:54,960 --> 00:55:58,040 Speaker 3: eight and wondering into friends' houses at four thirty am 1120 00:55:58,120 --> 00:56:01,360 Speaker 3: to game. This man is not an adult. His feelings 1121 00:56:01,360 --> 00:56:04,120 Speaker 3: about his friends are not even your biggest issue. And 1122 00:56:04,160 --> 00:56:07,759 Speaker 3: we do have an update. But that's very true. Yeah, 1123 00:56:07,920 --> 00:56:13,040 Speaker 3: I feel like it's their relationship. Is I think pushing 1124 00:56:13,320 --> 00:56:18,440 Speaker 3: the boundaries of like overstepping into your relationship, which is 1125 00:56:18,480 --> 00:56:21,960 Speaker 3: not okay? Oh yeah for sure. Thank you for all 1126 00:56:21,960 --> 00:56:23,839 Speaker 3: your replies. I find it finding that some of you 1127 00:56:23,880 --> 00:56:26,080 Speaker 3: think that I made up the story. It means my 1128 00:56:26,200 --> 00:56:29,919 Speaker 3: situation is really pathetic to those asking my age. I'm 1129 00:56:30,000 --> 00:56:32,160 Speaker 3: thirty one. I'm new to this country and don't have 1130 00:56:32,280 --> 00:56:34,920 Speaker 3: any family members here. I have two friends, but they 1131 00:56:34,960 --> 00:56:37,440 Speaker 3: are two hours away and have their own work and problems, 1132 00:56:37,680 --> 00:56:40,520 Speaker 3: so I can't always bug them. I will talk to Jason, 1133 00:56:40,600 --> 00:56:43,239 Speaker 3: maybe later or tomorrow. I definitely need to talk to 1134 00:56:43,320 --> 00:56:46,400 Speaker 3: him and set serious boundaries to those telling me to 1135 00:56:46,440 --> 00:56:49,040 Speaker 3: break up with him. No, not yet. I will still 1136 00:56:49,040 --> 00:56:51,080 Speaker 3: give him a chance two months for him to find 1137 00:56:51,080 --> 00:56:53,279 Speaker 3: a job, and then if he's still going to be 1138 00:56:53,280 --> 00:56:55,880 Speaker 3: a free loader, I will punt him out. Two months 1139 00:56:55,920 --> 00:56:58,839 Speaker 3: to find a job is very generous, yeah, because he's 1140 00:56:58,880 --> 00:57:02,839 Speaker 3: already been two months unemployed. Yeah, another two I mean, 1141 00:57:02,880 --> 00:57:04,719 Speaker 3: I know how hard it is to actually find a 1142 00:57:04,800 --> 00:57:07,640 Speaker 3: job and everyone, but he's also not doing anything talking 1143 00:57:07,680 --> 00:57:10,759 Speaker 3: about my job exactly. I need to talk to him 1144 00:57:10,760 --> 00:57:13,359 Speaker 3: about his drinking habits as well. Actually he's gotten better 1145 00:57:13,440 --> 00:57:15,239 Speaker 3: than before after I told him i'd break up with 1146 00:57:15,280 --> 00:57:16,680 Speaker 3: him if he acts like an a hole to me 1147 00:57:16,720 --> 00:57:19,920 Speaker 3: again when wasted. I don't believe he's having a spicy 1148 00:57:19,960 --> 00:57:22,320 Speaker 3: related affair with his female friends, or maybe I'm just 1149 00:57:22,360 --> 00:57:25,440 Speaker 3: too trusting in globle and in denial. I talked to 1150 00:57:25,520 --> 00:57:28,360 Speaker 3: him before and told him that when he cheats, I 1151 00:57:28,480 --> 00:57:32,440 Speaker 3: will break up with him, no questions asked, no explanation needed. 1152 00:57:32,840 --> 00:57:35,720 Speaker 3: He swore that he's never cheated in his life, and 1153 00:57:35,800 --> 00:57:39,040 Speaker 3: I believe him. We do have a second update. Last Friday, 1154 00:57:39,080 --> 00:57:40,760 Speaker 3: when I said I was going to talk to Jason, 1155 00:57:40,800 --> 00:57:42,600 Speaker 3: I didn't actually get a chance because he went to 1156 00:57:42,680 --> 00:57:46,280 Speaker 3: Karen's Plates again to play video games. He stayed there 1157 00:57:46,520 --> 00:57:49,520 Speaker 3: until three am. He said he didn't notice the time 1158 00:57:49,560 --> 00:57:51,920 Speaker 3: because they were building a base in their game. I 1159 00:57:52,080 --> 00:57:54,920 Speaker 3: was so I kicked him out of the bedroom and 1160 00:57:54,960 --> 00:57:58,520 Speaker 3: made him sleep on the couch. Yesterday Saturday, I was 1161 00:57:58,600 --> 00:58:00,960 Speaker 3: still so. I told him that I needed to go 1162 00:58:01,040 --> 00:58:04,600 Speaker 3: outside and walk my frustration out before talking to him. 1163 00:58:05,040 --> 00:58:08,960 Speaker 3: I went out, but he followed me without speaking. After 1164 00:58:09,040 --> 00:58:11,520 Speaker 3: an hour of walking, I went back home because he 1165 00:58:11,600 --> 00:58:14,240 Speaker 3: was freezing outside. We talked and I told him about 1166 00:58:14,240 --> 00:58:16,560 Speaker 3: my feelings about him going out and staying lad at 1167 00:58:16,600 --> 00:58:20,120 Speaker 3: Karen's place. He apologized. He said, I thought I enjoyed 1168 00:58:20,160 --> 00:58:22,760 Speaker 3: being alone sometimes, so he stays at Karen's place to 1169 00:58:22,800 --> 00:58:25,760 Speaker 3: give me time for myself. Oh you're so You're so 1170 00:58:25,960 --> 00:58:29,120 Speaker 3: kind and generous, Terry. Give him a chance for me. 1171 00:58:30,680 --> 00:58:32,920 Speaker 3: About the drinking, he knows he has a problem and 1172 00:58:33,000 --> 00:58:35,760 Speaker 3: is trying to change. He promised to drink moderately and 1173 00:58:35,840 --> 00:58:38,880 Speaker 3: only at social functions or when friends are over. About 1174 00:58:38,920 --> 00:58:41,800 Speaker 3: the job, he said he already applied for a government job, 1175 00:58:41,800 --> 00:58:45,160 Speaker 3: but the process is taking longer than usual. He also 1176 00:58:45,320 --> 00:58:47,959 Speaker 3: said I should voice my problems sooner. About him staying 1177 00:58:48,040 --> 00:58:51,240 Speaker 3: late at Karen's place, He defended his actions about going 1178 00:58:51,240 --> 00:58:54,080 Speaker 3: there at four thirty am because he said it's his 1179 00:58:54,200 --> 00:58:56,720 Speaker 3: friend's house and his main objective was to get the 1180 00:58:56,760 --> 00:59:00,360 Speaker 3: adult soda from her fridge that he forgot last time. 1181 00:59:00,880 --> 00:59:04,360 Speaker 3: I know what you're thinking. The story changes. Yes, I 1182 00:59:04,480 --> 00:59:07,320 Speaker 3: told him that too, but he said when Karen punted 1183 00:59:07,400 --> 00:59:10,880 Speaker 3: him out, he just grabbed the adult soda and left. Yeah. No, 1184 00:59:10,960 --> 00:59:14,560 Speaker 3: I think that he's a complete liar. And and also 1185 00:59:14,840 --> 00:59:17,880 Speaker 3: the changing of the story really tells you like he 1186 00:59:18,000 --> 00:59:24,280 Speaker 3: obviously know And yeah, dude, every every time someone has 1187 00:59:24,400 --> 00:59:27,200 Speaker 3: plot holes, you need to pay attention to them. They're 1188 00:59:27,200 --> 00:59:29,720 Speaker 3: not just being stupid. They didn't just forget what they 1189 00:59:30,000 --> 00:59:35,400 Speaker 3: said before. They are changing things because their lie isn't 1190 00:59:35,840 --> 00:59:38,040 Speaker 3: Their lie is a lie. You know what I hate 1191 00:59:38,040 --> 00:59:40,760 Speaker 3: when they're like, oh no, no, that's what I meant. Yeah, no, 1192 00:59:41,360 --> 00:59:43,640 Speaker 3: I actually, yeah, this is what I said last time, 1193 00:59:43,680 --> 00:59:46,520 Speaker 3: but like, but this is what like really at place 1194 00:59:46,640 --> 00:59:49,480 Speaker 3: is like the newer version. Yeah yeah, well I just 1195 00:59:49,480 --> 00:59:51,880 Speaker 3: didn't go into so much detail last Yeah. Yeah, exactly. 1196 00:59:52,200 --> 00:59:55,680 Speaker 3: Oh come on, dude, but there is a little bit 1197 00:59:55,680 --> 00:59:58,800 Speaker 3: more to the story. Update me. He said Karen forgave 1198 00:59:58,880 --> 01:00:01,440 Speaker 3: him and they're okay. I talked to him about boundaries 1199 01:00:01,480 --> 01:00:03,680 Speaker 3: since we're living together now, and he said he'll make 1200 01:00:03,720 --> 01:00:06,880 Speaker 3: sure to go home before midnight whenever he's at Karen's place. 1201 01:00:07,240 --> 01:00:09,120 Speaker 3: I know some of you think I'm an idiot, but 1202 01:00:09,760 --> 01:00:13,520 Speaker 3: not really. One thing I realize is that I will 1203 01:00:13,600 --> 01:00:16,280 Speaker 3: never marry this guy. Once he gets the job, I 1204 01:00:16,400 --> 01:00:19,240 Speaker 3: will punt him out of here. I don't want to 1205 01:00:19,280 --> 01:00:22,800 Speaker 3: be a bad guy who I don't want to be 1206 01:00:22,880 --> 01:00:25,360 Speaker 3: the bad guy who made her boyfriend leave when I 1207 01:00:25,400 --> 01:00:27,920 Speaker 3: know he has nowhere to go. I know he can 1208 01:00:27,920 --> 01:00:29,880 Speaker 3: go to Karen's place and crash there, but I still 1209 01:00:29,880 --> 01:00:31,680 Speaker 3: don't want to have the guilt in my heart and 1210 01:00:31,720 --> 01:00:33,640 Speaker 3: be the one to blame. And that's the end of 1211 01:00:33,640 --> 01:00:38,360 Speaker 3: that story. Well, you're very nice, o pie, but he's 1212 01:00:38,360 --> 01:00:43,200 Speaker 3: gonna blame you anyway. Yeah. I would have punted him out, yeah, 1213 01:00:43,800 --> 01:00:47,200 Speaker 3: earlier than giving him like two months and letting him 1214 01:00:47,200 --> 01:00:49,919 Speaker 3: like get on his feet and whatever. If he's gonna 1215 01:00:49,920 --> 01:00:53,040 Speaker 3: make you suffer, then you're gonna make him suffer. Yeah. 1216 01:00:53,080 --> 01:00:56,440 Speaker 3: And I finally, John here og host. We're gonna get 1217 01:00:56,440 --> 01:00:58,280 Speaker 3: back to these stories. But a quick three minute break 1218 01:00:58,280 --> 01:00:58,760 Speaker 3: from hous. 1219 01:00:58,640 --> 01:00:59,520 Speaker 1: Form our sponsors. 1220 01:00:59,800 --> 01:01:03,919 Speaker 3: My boyfriend's wasted friends called him and asked for an 1221 01:01:03,960 --> 01:01:09,919 Speaker 3: intimate picture. What that's weird? Tell? My boyfriend Nick, male 1222 01:01:10,000 --> 01:01:13,560 Speaker 3: twenty two and I female twenty have been together for 1223 01:01:13,640 --> 01:01:16,919 Speaker 3: three years. He's a super nice, caring guy, and I've 1224 01:01:17,000 --> 01:01:20,760 Speaker 3: never had any serious doubts about things until last night. 1225 01:01:21,560 --> 01:01:24,480 Speaker 3: As the title says, last night, while he was with 1226 01:01:24,600 --> 01:01:28,080 Speaker 3: me at my place, he got a FaceTime call from 1227 01:01:28,120 --> 01:01:32,280 Speaker 3: his friend em By the way, this comes from throw 1228 01:01:32,480 --> 01:01:34,840 Speaker 3: ra a seven six seven six seven six seven six 1229 01:01:36,200 --> 01:01:39,160 Speaker 3: And if you want to submit your own stories, go 1230 01:01:39,240 --> 01:01:43,400 Speaker 3: to Okay storytime subreddit. I am your host Savannah and 1231 01:01:43,440 --> 01:01:47,200 Speaker 3: I'm Angie, and we're here to give you some advice, 1232 01:01:47,520 --> 01:01:51,960 Speaker 3: but don't take it personally because we're not experts. So 1233 01:01:52,400 --> 01:01:55,000 Speaker 3: we just like to give our own opinion. Because we're nosy. 1234 01:01:56,080 --> 01:01:59,520 Speaker 3: We only do what we do, so let us know 1235 01:01:59,520 --> 01:02:04,400 Speaker 3: what you do in the comments. As op says, m 1236 01:02:04,760 --> 01:02:07,800 Speaker 3: Michelle has known him a lot longer than I have, 1237 01:02:07,920 --> 01:02:10,240 Speaker 3: since they grew up together, so I have always respected 1238 01:02:10,240 --> 01:02:13,400 Speaker 3: their friendship. I've also met Michelle many times and she 1239 01:02:13,560 --> 01:02:16,120 Speaker 3: was always super nice to me, super fun, and we 1240 01:02:16,160 --> 01:02:20,560 Speaker 3: follow each other on social media good time. I've never 1241 01:02:20,760 --> 01:02:24,680 Speaker 3: had any reason to dislike her or disapprove of their friendship, so, 1242 01:02:24,720 --> 01:02:28,960 Speaker 3: in all honesty, her facetiming my boyfriend somewhat late at 1243 01:02:29,080 --> 01:02:35,200 Speaker 3: night didn't raise any immediate alarm bells. However, before he answered, 1244 01:02:35,240 --> 01:02:37,720 Speaker 3: he warned me that Michelle was on a beach trip 1245 01:02:37,880 --> 01:02:40,840 Speaker 3: with a few other girlfriends. There were three other girls 1246 01:02:40,960 --> 01:02:44,760 Speaker 3: four total, including Michelle. Without trying to get too carried away. 1247 01:02:45,280 --> 01:02:49,080 Speaker 3: I'd like to add some context. Obviously, my boyfriend Nick 1248 01:02:49,160 --> 01:02:51,280 Speaker 3: is two years older than me. Michelle and her three 1249 01:02:51,360 --> 01:02:53,480 Speaker 3: friends are all closer to Nick's age twenty two to 1250 01:02:53,560 --> 01:02:56,400 Speaker 3: twenty three, where I am yet to be twenty one. 1251 01:02:56,960 --> 01:03:00,680 Speaker 3: Including that info is to also express the fact that Michelle, 1252 01:03:01,120 --> 01:03:03,480 Speaker 3: these three other girls, and my boyfriend all went to 1253 01:03:03,520 --> 01:03:06,920 Speaker 3: school together, all in the same grade, through high school 1254 01:03:06,920 --> 01:03:11,040 Speaker 3: and maybe middle school as well. Point ban, they've known 1255 01:03:11,040 --> 01:03:14,360 Speaker 3: my boyfriend for quite some time. They've also known he 1256 01:03:14,400 --> 01:03:17,200 Speaker 3: has been dating me for three years, as these three 1257 01:03:17,280 --> 01:03:21,960 Speaker 3: girls also follow me on social media. Like Michelle, I've 1258 01:03:22,080 --> 01:03:25,520 Speaker 3: met these other girls a handful of times, but he's 1259 01:03:25,520 --> 01:03:28,360 Speaker 3: not as close to them as he is with Michelle. 1260 01:03:28,440 --> 01:03:31,120 Speaker 3: I guess the best way to summarize is that they're 1261 01:03:31,160 --> 01:03:34,400 Speaker 3: Michelle's friends, but because they all went to school together 1262 01:03:34,440 --> 01:03:38,120 Speaker 3: and are the same age, they're all fairly good friends. Anyways, 1263 01:03:38,520 --> 01:03:42,480 Speaker 3: he tells me Michelle is face timing him. He tells 1264 01:03:42,520 --> 01:03:46,120 Speaker 3: me she's with three other friends and they're at the beach. 1265 01:03:46,720 --> 01:03:50,400 Speaker 3: I told him he should answer them. They're probably having 1266 01:03:50,440 --> 01:03:52,560 Speaker 3: a good time and just want to tell him about it, 1267 01:03:53,040 --> 01:03:57,800 Speaker 3: he answers. Michelle and her three friends all immediately start 1268 01:03:57,920 --> 01:04:02,480 Speaker 3: screaming my boyfriend's name. They then begin to scream his name, 1269 01:04:02,840 --> 01:04:09,960 Speaker 3: followed by show as your big peepee. They were clearly hammered, 1270 01:04:10,520 --> 01:04:16,560 Speaker 3: but I was mortified. What the beep? My boyfriend seemed 1271 01:04:16,600 --> 01:04:20,040 Speaker 3: pretty shocked too, told them he was with me and 1272 01:04:20,160 --> 01:04:23,920 Speaker 3: asked what the freak was that about. The girls all 1273 01:04:24,000 --> 01:04:29,120 Speaker 3: had a mix of explanations. They were wasted, they meant 1274 01:04:29,160 --> 01:04:33,600 Speaker 3: to call someone else, it was an accident. I think 1275 01:04:33,720 --> 01:04:37,240 Speaker 3: I'm really struggling with this because I'm just so shocked 1276 01:04:37,240 --> 01:04:39,840 Speaker 3: and confused. I feel as though I can't blame my 1277 01:04:39,880 --> 01:04:42,440 Speaker 3: boyfriend because clearly this is not his fault. But at 1278 01:04:42,440 --> 01:04:44,640 Speaker 3: the same time, I do not understand why these girls, 1279 01:04:44,680 --> 01:04:48,720 Speaker 3: these women actually would think that an appropriate thing to 1280 01:04:48,800 --> 01:04:51,160 Speaker 3: say to someone who has been in a committed relationship 1281 01:04:51,160 --> 01:04:54,960 Speaker 3: for four years. It just doesn't make any sense. I 1282 01:04:55,000 --> 01:04:57,200 Speaker 3: feel like I'm also struggling with this because it makes 1283 01:04:57,240 --> 01:05:00,240 Speaker 3: me wonder if my boyfriend has created an atmosphere these 1284 01:05:00,240 --> 01:05:03,120 Speaker 3: women think acting this way towards him is okay. I 1285 01:05:03,200 --> 01:05:06,120 Speaker 3: feel like he would never do something like that, but 1286 01:05:06,680 --> 01:05:09,600 Speaker 3: I'm just at such a loss. Why would these women 1287 01:05:09,720 --> 01:05:12,600 Speaker 3: think that was okay? And why did they only stop 1288 01:05:12,640 --> 01:05:16,320 Speaker 3: when Nick told them he was with me. Also, for 1289 01:05:16,400 --> 01:05:19,120 Speaker 3: what it's worth, I'm obviously upset with these women too. 1290 01:05:19,640 --> 01:05:22,880 Speaker 3: We didn't hang out too often, but I'm upset that 1291 01:05:22,920 --> 01:05:25,680 Speaker 3: the few times we did, they were always nice to me, 1292 01:05:26,000 --> 01:05:30,120 Speaker 3: and then they did something so vulgar and inappropriate. I 1293 01:05:30,200 --> 01:05:34,160 Speaker 3: just don't understand. I'm also so upset at the fact 1294 01:05:34,200 --> 01:05:38,840 Speaker 3: that they did not produce a single valid explanation. Clearly 1295 01:05:39,000 --> 01:05:41,720 Speaker 3: they did not mean to call someone else. They gleefully 1296 01:05:41,760 --> 01:05:44,040 Speaker 3: scream my boyfriend's name half a dozen times as soon 1297 01:05:44,040 --> 01:05:46,800 Speaker 3: as he answered, that's true. Yeah, and how was that 1298 01:05:46,840 --> 01:05:50,600 Speaker 3: an accident? This whole incident happened around eleven last night, 1299 01:05:50,640 --> 01:05:54,480 Speaker 3: and I fell asleep fairly shortly after. When me and 1300 01:05:54,560 --> 01:05:56,800 Speaker 3: Nick woke up this morning, we talked about it briefly, 1301 01:05:57,600 --> 01:06:00,160 Speaker 3: and then he left for work. Michelle texted him and 1302 01:06:00,200 --> 01:06:03,200 Speaker 3: said something along the lines of Nick, you're being weird. 1303 01:06:03,440 --> 01:06:08,840 Speaker 3: We were just really wasted. Tellopee, We're sorry. They were hammered. 1304 01:06:09,440 --> 01:06:13,840 Speaker 3: That was obvious. I still don't understand why they did it. 1305 01:06:14,240 --> 01:06:18,680 Speaker 3: I've been inebriated and never have I facetimed someone's boyfriend 1306 01:06:18,720 --> 01:06:21,400 Speaker 3: of several years and asked them to show me their 1307 01:06:21,480 --> 01:06:26,200 Speaker 3: we we. It just doesn't add up. Nor does it 1308 01:06:26,240 --> 01:06:29,560 Speaker 3: really add up that Michelle said Nick was being weird? 1309 01:06:30,160 --> 01:06:35,000 Speaker 3: How is he acting odd? I think wodo frick was 1310 01:06:35,080 --> 01:06:38,040 Speaker 3: a pretty standard response to that sort of thing, unless 1311 01:06:38,040 --> 01:06:40,800 Speaker 3: they're used to him acting a different way. I just 1312 01:06:40,840 --> 01:06:43,200 Speaker 3: do not understand. The only person I talked to this 1313 01:06:43,320 --> 01:06:47,120 Speaker 3: about was my best friend. She knows Nick well only 1314 01:06:47,200 --> 01:06:51,440 Speaker 3: through me, though, so maybe there is some bias and 1315 01:06:51,640 --> 01:06:55,040 Speaker 3: thinks that these women were probably just wasted. She said. 1316 01:06:55,040 --> 01:06:57,320 Speaker 3: She agrees that while she and I would never do 1317 01:06:57,400 --> 01:07:00,640 Speaker 3: something like that under the influence, some women will. That's true. 1318 01:07:01,040 --> 01:07:03,560 Speaker 3: I suppose she could be right, but again, I have 1319 01:07:03,640 --> 01:07:06,720 Speaker 3: a hard time making peace with that, simply because I 1320 01:07:06,800 --> 01:07:09,840 Speaker 3: would never do that, and these women are all two 1321 01:07:09,840 --> 01:07:12,320 Speaker 3: to three years older than me, I suppose. I just 1322 01:07:12,400 --> 01:07:14,720 Speaker 3: can't understand why older women would have such a lower 1323 01:07:14,840 --> 01:07:17,880 Speaker 3: level of maturity. I'm sorry for the long post or rant, 1324 01:07:17,920 --> 01:07:20,120 Speaker 3: but I'm pretty upset and confused. I would love to 1325 01:07:20,160 --> 01:07:21,720 Speaker 3: just be able to shake this off, but it really 1326 01:07:21,800 --> 01:07:24,480 Speaker 3: shocked me to my core. I just keep hearing all 1327 01:07:24,520 --> 01:07:27,800 Speaker 3: four of their voices and the chorus of us show 1328 01:07:27,920 --> 01:07:31,960 Speaker 3: us your fat, we we and I can't get over it. 1329 01:07:32,560 --> 01:07:37,480 Speaker 3: What the French toast was that m hm. So yeah, 1330 01:07:37,520 --> 01:07:40,360 Speaker 3: any advice or other perspective is appreciated. I'm just at 1331 01:07:40,360 --> 01:07:44,680 Speaker 3: a total loss of explanation right now. Yeah. I mean, 1332 01:07:44,840 --> 01:07:47,040 Speaker 3: obviously I don't think that it's his fault. I think 1333 01:07:47,080 --> 01:07:51,440 Speaker 3: the girls, you know, we're just like really intoxicated and 1334 01:07:51,520 --> 01:07:54,640 Speaker 3: then they just do that. But it's also like rude 1335 01:07:54,680 --> 01:07:57,440 Speaker 3: to think that, like, you know, this guy would just 1336 01:07:57,480 --> 01:08:00,440 Speaker 3: do that, right, I think like it's kind of like 1337 01:08:01,040 --> 01:08:05,560 Speaker 3: he would actually show them that. Yeah. Yeah, I think 1338 01:08:05,920 --> 01:08:08,960 Speaker 3: I think, sure, it's it's not his fault, but I 1339 01:08:08,960 --> 01:08:13,000 Speaker 3: think your concerns of like well and like questions about 1340 01:08:13,600 --> 01:08:16,680 Speaker 3: their relationships is super valid. Yeah, and I think that 1341 01:08:16,840 --> 01:08:21,400 Speaker 3: at least, like, uh be worth a conversation. Like I 1342 01:08:21,400 --> 01:08:24,000 Speaker 3: think you should just tell him like yeah, I feel like, 1343 01:08:24,640 --> 01:08:26,200 Speaker 3: you know, I know that that wasn't your fault and 1344 01:08:26,240 --> 01:08:29,360 Speaker 3: you obviously reacted crazily, but like have they ever done 1345 01:08:29,400 --> 01:08:33,040 Speaker 3: that before? Yeah, Like, I I don't want to blame 1346 01:08:33,120 --> 01:08:35,639 Speaker 3: you for anything, but I do just want to make 1347 01:08:35,680 --> 01:08:37,800 Speaker 3: sure that like that's not how things are. Like I 1348 01:08:37,960 --> 01:08:43,000 Speaker 3: I it seems like it's possible, and I might be wrong, 1349 01:08:43,360 --> 01:08:46,200 Speaker 3: but it seems possible that that's kind of just how 1350 01:08:46,240 --> 01:08:49,439 Speaker 3: your relationship is, and I just want to make things 1351 01:08:49,520 --> 01:08:54,519 Speaker 3: clear about that, you know. Yeah, so yeah, I just 1352 01:08:54,800 --> 01:08:59,479 Speaker 3: I just that is very weird. I don't think you 1353 01:08:59,479 --> 01:09:02,280 Speaker 3: should ever like, I think you should still be mad 1354 01:09:02,280 --> 01:09:06,520 Speaker 3: at them also too. They are telling Nick to apologize 1355 01:09:06,560 --> 01:09:08,559 Speaker 3: to you, but they have your social media. They can 1356 01:09:08,640 --> 01:09:12,040 Speaker 3: DM you, that's true, and they can apologize themselves. But 1357 01:09:12,840 --> 01:09:15,559 Speaker 3: h And I also would like to note when they 1358 01:09:15,600 --> 01:09:18,439 Speaker 3: texted him like saying like you're acting weird blah blah blah. Yeah, 1359 01:09:18,479 --> 01:09:20,640 Speaker 3: well obviously, like did you not think that what you 1360 01:09:20,680 --> 01:09:24,280 Speaker 3: did last night was weird? Right? Like, So, I think 1361 01:09:24,320 --> 01:09:26,479 Speaker 3: that's a great question asked, Like is this something that 1362 01:09:26,479 --> 01:09:29,800 Speaker 3: they normally do? Yeah? Do you respond differently every other time? 1363 01:09:29,920 --> 01:09:32,000 Speaker 3: Like have you ever done it? You know? Like I 1364 01:09:32,040 --> 01:09:34,679 Speaker 3: don't want to jump to that he's he's like cheating 1365 01:09:34,720 --> 01:09:36,439 Speaker 3: on her or something like that. Yeah, but I do 1366 01:09:36,479 --> 01:09:39,200 Speaker 3: think that these questions need to be asked. Yeah, what 1367 01:09:39,320 --> 01:09:42,280 Speaker 3: we got some comments. I think you're just feeling a 1368 01:09:42,320 --> 01:09:45,640 Speaker 3: little insecure and are reading too much into this. Sometimes 1369 01:09:45,680 --> 01:09:50,519 Speaker 3: the demon rum makes people do really stupid things. I mean, 1370 01:09:52,520 --> 01:09:56,160 Speaker 3: I don't know, I don't like that comment. Yeah, Oh, 1371 01:09:56,280 --> 01:09:59,519 Speaker 3: another comment, reading too much into this. The other woman 1372 01:09:59,560 --> 01:10:03,560 Speaker 3: has zero boundaries and respect for neither Op nor her boyfriend. 1373 01:10:03,800 --> 01:10:07,040 Speaker 3: If they turned into Jezebel's as soon as they drink, 1374 01:10:07,160 --> 01:10:10,120 Speaker 3: Op and her boyfriend would be better off without them. 1375 01:10:10,479 --> 01:10:13,920 Speaker 3: That's true. Yeah, even after getting sober, they guilt trip 1376 01:10:14,040 --> 01:10:18,880 Speaker 3: her boyfriend because he was acting weird instead of only 1377 01:10:19,240 --> 01:10:23,880 Speaker 3: their poop poop behavior. Op responds, thank you for this, 1378 01:10:24,360 --> 01:10:27,720 Speaker 3: reading all the comments and starting to wonder if I'm overreacting, 1379 01:10:27,880 --> 01:10:30,559 Speaker 3: but this about sums it up. They didn't seem to 1380 01:10:30,600 --> 01:10:34,120 Speaker 3: have any respect for boundaries or our relationship and only 1381 01:10:34,160 --> 01:10:37,479 Speaker 3: stopped when told I was in the room. It's just 1382 01:10:37,960 --> 01:10:42,439 Speaker 3: a mess, but I'm glad others understand my perspective. I 1383 01:10:42,560 --> 01:10:45,920 Speaker 3: also agree that saying my boyfriend was acting weird the 1384 01:10:46,040 --> 01:10:48,280 Speaker 3: next morning was a bit of a slap in the face. 1385 01:10:48,800 --> 01:10:56,599 Speaker 3: What was he supposed to do? Whip it out on FaceTime? Right, honestly? Like, sure, 1386 01:10:58,600 --> 01:11:01,200 Speaker 3: I got her to the people what they want? Say, 1387 01:11:01,320 --> 01:11:10,120 Speaker 3: I like, well, they're getting again, so here he comes. Yeah, ooh, update, ooh, 1388 01:11:10,200 --> 01:11:13,280 Speaker 3: let's see it. I honestly don't have a crazy update 1389 01:11:13,640 --> 01:11:17,160 Speaker 3: boo that a lot of you seemed to be expecting. 1390 01:11:17,640 --> 01:11:19,639 Speaker 3: I talked to Nick, I explained to him exactly why 1391 01:11:19,680 --> 01:11:22,479 Speaker 3: this whole situation made me feel so uncomfortable. Thank you 1392 01:11:22,880 --> 01:11:26,760 Speaker 3: to all the kind redditors who simply suggested doing that. 1393 01:11:27,439 --> 01:11:29,559 Speaker 3: I also expressed to him that their lack of an 1394 01:11:29,640 --> 01:11:33,320 Speaker 3: explanation made me all the more uncomfortable. He said he 1395 01:11:33,400 --> 01:11:35,800 Speaker 3: understood exactly where I was coming from, and we seem 1396 01:11:35,880 --> 01:11:38,760 Speaker 3: to get a better understanding of each other after the talk. Well, 1397 01:11:38,760 --> 01:11:42,280 Speaker 3: that's good, I'm glad. He told me that Michelle had 1398 01:11:42,320 --> 01:11:45,960 Speaker 3: apologized more throughout the day. She had said that her 1399 01:11:46,000 --> 01:11:48,200 Speaker 3: and her friends were beyond smashed and they thought it 1400 01:11:48,200 --> 01:11:52,120 Speaker 3: would be a funny thing to do to FaceTime all 1401 01:11:52,200 --> 01:11:56,599 Speaker 3: their guy's friends and asked to see. Well, you know, so, 1402 01:11:56,680 --> 01:11:59,000 Speaker 3: to those of you in the comments who suggested Nick 1403 01:11:59,120 --> 01:12:01,720 Speaker 3: was not the only one who got this call, you 1404 01:12:01,800 --> 01:12:05,120 Speaker 3: are correct. She also went on to explain that because 1405 01:12:05,320 --> 01:12:07,640 Speaker 3: they were so wasted, they didn't realize how awkward it 1406 01:12:07,680 --> 01:12:12,640 Speaker 3: was until Nick said, Michelle, OPI is right here. Additionally, 1407 01:12:13,200 --> 01:12:16,479 Speaker 3: their mix of it was an accident and we meant 1408 01:12:16,479 --> 01:12:19,840 Speaker 3: to call someone else explanations sort of makes sense now 1409 01:12:19,920 --> 01:12:22,840 Speaker 3: when you consider just how wasted they were and the 1410 01:12:22,880 --> 01:12:25,759 Speaker 3: fact that they were in fact calling several other dudes 1411 01:12:25,800 --> 01:12:28,720 Speaker 3: that night. Michelle also offered to call me directly and 1412 01:12:28,800 --> 01:12:32,519 Speaker 3: further apologize, as she should. All the contact her and 1413 01:12:32,600 --> 01:12:35,920 Speaker 3: my boyfriend had throughout this conversation was him texting her, 1414 01:12:36,040 --> 01:12:40,200 Speaker 3: and he showed me afterwards good. I didn't really think 1415 01:12:40,240 --> 01:12:42,400 Speaker 3: that was necessary. I did not want to draw the 1416 01:12:42,439 --> 01:12:45,600 Speaker 3: situation out more than it already had gone on. I 1417 01:12:45,640 --> 01:12:48,160 Speaker 3: feel as though she's sorry enough, and she does not 1418 01:12:48,320 --> 01:12:51,200 Speaker 3: have my number anyways. For those who are probably going 1419 01:12:51,320 --> 01:12:54,080 Speaker 3: to say she should have called me anyways, at this point, 1420 01:12:54,120 --> 01:12:56,320 Speaker 3: I kind of just wanted to be over the whole mess. 1421 01:12:56,760 --> 01:13:00,799 Speaker 3: I did, however, ask my boyfriend if he and Michelle 1422 01:13:00,960 --> 01:13:03,680 Speaker 3: or any of her friends had any sort of relations 1423 01:13:03,760 --> 01:13:06,840 Speaker 3: prior to meeting me. I agree with that. Yeah, he 1424 01:13:06,960 --> 01:13:10,760 Speaker 3: said no, and I believe him. Full disclaimer. I never 1425 01:13:10,840 --> 01:13:12,840 Speaker 3: thought I would be posting this on Reddit, but I 1426 01:13:12,880 --> 01:13:15,200 Speaker 3: met my boyfriend when he was nineteen, and he was 1427 01:13:15,320 --> 01:13:19,679 Speaker 3: not very experienced with women. Wait and call him out right, 1428 01:13:20,760 --> 01:13:26,080 Speaker 3: not even in the kissing department. Drag him through the mud. 1429 01:13:27,360 --> 01:13:30,720 Speaker 3: So yeah, I fully believe him. He was even a 1430 01:13:30,760 --> 01:13:34,720 Speaker 3: bit insecure about his inexperience when we first met the 1431 01:13:34,760 --> 01:13:38,240 Speaker 3: rest of the girls Michelle's friends never apologize other than 1432 01:13:38,520 --> 01:13:43,240 Speaker 3: Michelle texting saying something to the effort of we're sorry. 1433 01:13:43,320 --> 01:13:45,760 Speaker 3: Because I don't know them that well and because they 1434 01:13:45,800 --> 01:13:47,960 Speaker 3: probably just felt super uncomfortable about all this, I'm not 1435 01:13:48,000 --> 01:13:51,920 Speaker 3: going to ask for an apology. I will, however, think 1436 01:13:51,920 --> 01:13:54,840 Speaker 3: of them slightly different and probably prefer my boyfriend not 1437 01:13:54,880 --> 01:13:57,280 Speaker 3: to go to any parties or social functions they might 1438 01:13:57,360 --> 01:14:00,000 Speaker 3: be at. No hard feelings, it's just the whole intat 1439 01:14:00,280 --> 01:14:03,839 Speaker 3: paired with them not really holding themselves accountable unlike Michelle, 1440 01:14:04,160 --> 01:14:06,439 Speaker 3: kind of rubs me the wrong way. I will say 1441 01:14:06,439 --> 01:14:09,479 Speaker 3: that because they did not make the call, they probably 1442 01:14:09,520 --> 01:14:13,880 Speaker 3: hold themselves to be less guilty than Michelle, which is fair, 1443 01:14:14,720 --> 01:14:17,400 Speaker 3: but I can't help but feel like if I were 1444 01:14:17,439 --> 01:14:20,360 Speaker 3: in this situation, I would still reach out and apologize 1445 01:14:20,360 --> 01:14:24,200 Speaker 3: for the boundaries cross. Oh well, for those of you 1446 01:14:24,240 --> 01:14:28,719 Speaker 3: who kindly suggested Nick maybe cheating with Michelle, I highly 1447 01:14:28,760 --> 01:14:31,759 Speaker 3: doubt it. I have been cheated on once before. Perhaps 1448 01:14:31,800 --> 01:14:33,760 Speaker 3: I should have included that in the original post, as 1449 01:14:33,760 --> 01:14:36,160 Speaker 3: it might have added more context as to why this 1450 01:14:36,280 --> 01:14:39,920 Speaker 3: made me so upset. Anyways, I've been cheated on before, 1451 01:14:40,040 --> 01:14:42,320 Speaker 3: and I do not see any of these signs in Nick. 1452 01:14:42,720 --> 01:14:45,320 Speaker 3: I also think he would have to be pretty skilled 1453 01:14:45,360 --> 01:14:48,160 Speaker 3: if he were doing this, as Michelle has been living 1454 01:14:48,200 --> 01:14:51,280 Speaker 3: in college for the past few years, hours away from us, 1455 01:14:51,760 --> 01:14:54,439 Speaker 3: and Nick and I have been together almost twenty four 1456 01:14:54,439 --> 01:14:59,000 Speaker 3: to seven for the past few months. Because LEVID is 1457 01:14:59,080 --> 01:15:02,639 Speaker 3: still so bad in our country and above all else, 1458 01:15:03,120 --> 01:15:05,559 Speaker 3: I trust Nick. I do not think he would do this. 1459 01:15:06,320 --> 01:15:10,200 Speaker 3: And finally, to answer the question everyone has been asking 1460 01:15:10,240 --> 01:15:16,160 Speaker 3: away to know, yes, my boyfriend is particularly well endowed. 1461 01:15:18,280 --> 01:15:22,840 Speaker 3: What that crazy? All the comments are just like, yeah, 1462 01:15:22,880 --> 01:15:25,000 Speaker 3: that's a terrible thing for them to do, but like, 1463 01:15:25,720 --> 01:15:28,720 Speaker 3: but like, can you show us so like put it 1464 01:15:28,760 --> 01:15:33,599 Speaker 3: on the suburb right? Oh my god. Anyways, I don't 1465 01:15:33,640 --> 01:15:37,479 Speaker 3: know that i'd call it a super cute Oh my god, 1466 01:15:38,600 --> 01:15:42,280 Speaker 3: what has someone kindly suggested in the comments on my 1467 01:15:42,360 --> 01:15:50,800 Speaker 3: other post? But yeah, it's fat ah ah. Why do 1468 01:15:50,880 --> 01:15:53,240 Speaker 3: I have to get a description that I didn't ask for? 1469 01:15:53,560 --> 01:15:58,559 Speaker 3: Oh my god. So their request to see his fat 1470 01:15:59,040 --> 01:16:03,280 Speaker 3: wee wee made me all the more uncomfortable. When I 1471 01:16:03,360 --> 01:16:06,120 Speaker 3: finally worked up the nerve to explain this to my boyfriend, 1472 01:16:06,160 --> 01:16:10,880 Speaker 3: he laughed and then immediately started blushing. Gotta love that guy. Oh, 1473 01:16:12,320 --> 01:16:14,120 Speaker 3: I thought it was gonna say. They start getting busy. 1474 01:16:15,240 --> 01:16:18,280 Speaker 3: But now there are some comments. But how do they 1475 01:16:18,320 --> 01:16:24,559 Speaker 3: know about it? The only, the only, the only God, 1476 01:16:25,000 --> 01:16:28,599 Speaker 3: but hord I know about it. OLP responds, he got 1477 01:16:28,640 --> 01:16:33,759 Speaker 3: the nickname big ding Dong nick in high school. Wish 1478 01:16:33,840 --> 01:16:37,400 Speaker 3: I was kidding. Wow, so this guy has a reputation, 1479 01:16:37,600 --> 01:16:40,599 Speaker 3: I guess, so everyone knows. There's another comment with how 1480 01:16:40,720 --> 01:16:45,800 Speaker 3: unexperienced he is and kissing women. Yeah, now I'm old. 1481 01:16:46,040 --> 01:16:50,679 Speaker 3: Hang on, wait there, say we're going down. How did 1482 01:16:50,680 --> 01:16:53,920 Speaker 3: he get that nickname without much experience with women? Wait? 1483 01:16:54,920 --> 01:16:59,879 Speaker 3: Hold on, hold on, locker room male friends high schoolers 1484 01:16:59,880 --> 01:17:05,040 Speaker 3: be instigating hormone filled individuals they often are, or probably 1485 01:17:05,080 --> 01:17:07,840 Speaker 3: the most likely started out as a joke, but it 1486 01:17:07,960 --> 01:17:12,240 Speaker 3: rhymed then ironically proved to be true. I could see 1487 01:17:12,240 --> 01:17:19,080 Speaker 3: that happening here. I mean, yeah, yeah, like, oh, there's 1488 01:17:19,400 --> 01:17:21,920 Speaker 3: one letter difference between his name that isn't the word 1489 01:17:22,000 --> 01:17:26,080 Speaker 3: that he is. So but that is all for that story. 1490 01:17:26,120 --> 01:17:30,240 Speaker 3: I think. Ope, it worked out. I think it was 1491 01:17:30,320 --> 01:17:32,559 Speaker 3: a little weird at first, but as long as say, 1492 01:17:32,640 --> 01:17:36,000 Speaker 3: you know, apologize and who cares about like the other girls, like, 1493 01:17:36,479 --> 01:17:38,680 Speaker 3: I don't know, I wouldn't expect them to apologize. I'd 1494 01:17:38,720 --> 01:17:40,760 Speaker 3: just be like it's kind of weird that you did that, 1495 01:17:40,840 --> 01:17:42,439 Speaker 3: but I guess we can just move on from it 1496 01:17:42,439 --> 01:17:44,839 Speaker 3: because I don't really know you guys anyway. Yeah, exactly. 1497 01:17:44,920 --> 01:17:46,760 Speaker 3: I'm glad you talked to him about it, and yeah, 1498 01:17:46,840 --> 01:17:49,679 Speaker 3: like all your thoughts surrounding it, I think that's super 1499 01:17:49,720 --> 01:17:53,479 Speaker 3: important that you did. Yeah, because, like, honestly, my first thought, 1500 01:17:53,479 --> 01:17:56,080 Speaker 3: which was so bad and not even something I ever 1501 01:17:56,160 --> 01:17:58,360 Speaker 3: even do, was just to be like cold to him 1502 01:17:58,400 --> 01:18:00,000 Speaker 3: for a while and just be like, yeah, this is 1503 01:18:00,240 --> 01:18:02,559 Speaker 3: just weird and you should know that. But obviously my 1504 01:18:02,640 --> 01:18:06,880 Speaker 3: thought was wrong, and I'm glad. I'm glad they talked 1505 01:18:07,160 --> 01:18:09,720 Speaker 3: because I was. I was literally like listening to it 1506 01:18:09,720 --> 01:18:11,720 Speaker 3: and I was like, that's what they should do. And 1507 01:18:11,720 --> 01:18:13,679 Speaker 3: then as I was thinking that, I was like, that's true, 1508 01:18:13,720 --> 01:18:16,120 Speaker 3: that's no, I should probably talk about it. Hold on, 1509 01:18:17,680 --> 01:18:20,519 Speaker 3: they did. I'm the same way. I'm like, gotta give 1510 01:18:20,560 --> 01:18:22,000 Speaker 3: him the cult. Sure, he has to know that he 1511 01:18:22,040 --> 01:18:24,599 Speaker 3: did wrong, even though it wasn't his fault. I'm just like, yeah, 1512 01:18:24,680 --> 01:18:26,479 Speaker 3: you need to know. That made me uncomfortable. I know, 1513 01:18:26,560 --> 01:18:28,360 Speaker 3: It's like I don't. I don't even know where that 1514 01:18:28,400 --> 01:18:31,120 Speaker 3: thought came from because usually I go to communication, so 1515 01:18:31,200 --> 01:18:33,360 Speaker 3: I don't know, but I'm glad you didn't. You have 1516 01:18:33,520 --> 01:18:36,200 Speaker 3: the same intrusion, that's what I Yeah. Yeah, good job 1517 01:18:36,240 --> 01:18:40,120 Speaker 3: of b Yeah, good job for not being ancient, right,