WEBVTT - “Voice Memo Guy”: Man Says He Wants Sex On Second Date, Or They “Should End It Here” 0:00:02.160 --> 0:00:05.040 Hey, folks, it is Saturday, July twenty fifth. I hated 0:00:05.080 --> 0:00:10.240 debate over a guy who asks for exactly what he 0:00:10.320 --> 0:00:12.960 wanted from a woman. And with that, welcome to this 0:00:13.039 --> 0:00:15.239 episode of Amy and TJ. Problem is he was asked 0:00:15.360 --> 0:00:17.880 for sex. I guess that's the problem. 0:00:18.040 --> 0:00:21.680 Yes, yes, this was And this has become a. 0:00:23.360 --> 0:00:26.960 Furious debate on TikTok over whether or not this guy 0:00:27.200 --> 0:00:28.920 did the wrong thing, did the right thing? 0:00:29.440 --> 0:00:31.920 Was offensive? Was creepy, was straightforward? 0:00:32.360 --> 0:00:36.560 And the reaction is all over the place, and it 0:00:36.600 --> 0:00:39.199 has fallen along gender lines for the most part. I 0:00:39.240 --> 0:00:43.440 will say about what they think about a voice memo 0:00:44.040 --> 0:00:47.200 a guy left on a girl's phone. 0:00:47.240 --> 0:00:49.560 He sent it to her after their first date. 0:00:51.280 --> 0:00:53.360 Yes, it's gone crazy because this is a minute long 0:00:53.440 --> 0:00:56.400 voice memo. It's gone out because her friend apparently posted 0:00:56.440 --> 0:00:59.280 it online. It's gone crazy. Now the idea here, or 0:00:59.280 --> 0:01:01.360 at least the backs. He went on one date with 0:01:01.440 --> 0:01:07.000 this woman, allegedly and then sent this voice mail after 0:01:07.640 --> 0:01:11.440 a voice memo after the date. Okay, and this is 0:01:11.440 --> 0:01:14.480 where the problems start because in this and I'll let 0:01:14.480 --> 0:01:16.800 you describe, it goes about a minute, but robes in it. 0:01:17.200 --> 0:01:19.080 I don't know if you have words from it. Okay, 0:01:19.560 --> 0:01:24.000 He is being very direct in what he wants for 0:01:24.040 --> 0:01:24.560 a second date. 0:01:24.720 --> 0:01:24.920 Yes. 0:01:25.160 --> 0:01:27.319 He starts off by saying, this is just all too 0:01:27.360 --> 0:01:29.319 much to put in a text, So I'm just gonna 0:01:29.319 --> 0:01:31.720 make a voice memo. You always laugh, because my girls 0:01:31.760 --> 0:01:34.200 do this all the time to me. Instead of facetiming, 0:01:34.240 --> 0:01:37.200 instead of calling, instead of texting, they just put a 0:01:37.280 --> 0:01:39.800 voice memo on their phone and then send it to me. 0:01:41.080 --> 0:01:43.600 First of all, that I got a problem if anybody 0:01:43.600 --> 0:01:45.520 has a problem with him, that's where we start. Don't 0:01:45.520 --> 0:01:47.360 send a voice memo. You can't get what you need 0:01:47.400 --> 0:01:49.320 to say in a few words. Don't go crazy. You 0:01:49.360 --> 0:01:52.120 can't say something directly. That's stop. 0:01:52.280 --> 0:01:55.320 He does go around and about I don't know. He 0:01:55.360 --> 0:01:57.640 probably should have tried a couple of times before he 0:01:57.720 --> 0:02:00.440 saund with this one, but he sent up. He follows 0:02:00.520 --> 0:02:02.720 up after their first date with this voice memo, saying 0:02:03.360 --> 0:02:07.600 basically that if this woman who he had one date 0:02:07.680 --> 0:02:10.120 with isn't interested in having sex with him on the 0:02:10.160 --> 0:02:12.480 second date, they should end it here. 0:02:12.919 --> 0:02:14.920 He basically it sounds as if they had made. 0:02:14.760 --> 0:02:18.360 Plans for him to come over on Thursday night later 0:02:18.480 --> 0:02:20.120 that week, and so he said if I'm going to 0:02:20.120 --> 0:02:22.840 come over, I'm going to be hoping to hook up, 0:02:23.160 --> 0:02:26.120 to have sex, to have a good time. What would 0:02:26.160 --> 0:02:28.000 be the point of me coming over then? If we're 0:02:28.000 --> 0:02:30.520 not going to hook up? And he talked about how 0:02:30.560 --> 0:02:33.600 it's sexual compatibility is important to him and he needs 0:02:33.639 --> 0:02:36.720 to know if they're sexually compatible for him to continue 0:02:37.360 --> 0:02:40.520 seeing her, and he literally says, what's the point of 0:02:40.560 --> 0:02:42.320 me coming over if we're. 0:02:42.200 --> 0:02:43.000 Not going to have sex? 0:02:44.320 --> 0:02:48.040 Okay? Now is do we have the basics? Does everybody listen? 0:02:48.080 --> 0:02:50.000 A lot of people read this by now, Even if 0:02:50.040 --> 0:02:52.160 you haven't taken time to listen to the memo, you 0:02:52.200 --> 0:02:54.359 probably read a scene headlines about the story. So that 0:02:54.480 --> 0:02:56.000 fairly sums it up. Is that right? Yeah? 0:02:56.000 --> 0:02:58.200 And he's And the other thing that's notable is he 0:02:58.360 --> 0:03:03.600 sounds very business like. There's nothing there's nothing warm or 0:03:03.760 --> 0:03:08.720 friendly or in no way throughout the entire voice memo 0:03:08.800 --> 0:03:11.960 does he take her feelings into consideration. He even acknowledges 0:03:12.080 --> 0:03:15.280 it sounds as though they had a conversation about physical 0:03:15.280 --> 0:03:18.400 intimacy beforehand, and it sounds like she already told him 0:03:18.400 --> 0:03:21.000 she's moved slower than most and so he said, look, 0:03:21.040 --> 0:03:23.320 I know that this might not be something or you reference. 0:03:23.520 --> 0:03:25.679 This might not be something you'd be interested, but basically 0:03:26.080 --> 0:03:29.960 I am, and I'm only interested in going forward with 0:03:30.120 --> 0:03:31.720 sex on the table. And if sex is off the 0:03:31.720 --> 0:03:34.519 table right now, we should not see each other at 0:03:34.560 --> 0:03:37.960 all anymore. On one hand, I appreciate the fact that 0:03:38.000 --> 0:03:40.320 he showed her and told her exactly who he was. 0:03:40.720 --> 0:03:42.920 On the other hand, yes, it is offensive to think 0:03:43.160 --> 0:03:45.720 that he actually valued her that little. That he said, 0:03:45.960 --> 0:03:50.080 there's no point in me getting to know you anymore unless. 0:03:49.720 --> 0:03:53.280 We have sex. Valued her that little or valued sex 0:03:53.360 --> 0:03:58.320 that much. He does not know this woman that well yet. 0:03:58.760 --> 0:04:02.240 We just got done watching Island. Everybody wants to kiss 0:04:02.240 --> 0:04:04.040 and kiss and kiss and kiss and kiss to figure 0:04:04.040 --> 0:04:06.640 out some kind of compatibility where they think that's important 0:04:06.640 --> 0:04:10.640 to them, And that's fine. It is robes. I don't 0:04:10.680 --> 0:04:15.720 know if the roles and the genders were reversed, would 0:04:15.760 --> 0:04:19.760 this feel any different? Would you view it any different? 0:04:19.800 --> 0:04:22.280 If the woman was being very direct? I know we're 0:04:22.279 --> 0:04:26.240 supposed to get together again, and I know sometimes you 0:04:26.240 --> 0:04:28.440 said you're a slower mover, but I just want you 0:04:28.480 --> 0:04:30.479 to know that if I come over, I would have 0:04:30.480 --> 0:04:31.840 an expert. Would it be. 0:04:31.839 --> 0:04:35.760 Different possibly yes, just because of I think the traditional 0:04:35.839 --> 0:04:40.760 roles and the whole idea about sexual consent. Having a 0:04:40.800 --> 0:04:42.920 woman come out and tell a man by the way 0:04:44.080 --> 0:04:46.400 I think if she said, I'm totally ready and willing 0:04:46.440 --> 0:04:48.560 to have sex, but I understand if you're not, but 0:04:48.600 --> 0:04:50.200 I just want to put it out there that I am. 0:04:50.240 --> 0:04:52.640 If he had worded it even that way, I don't 0:04:52.800 --> 0:04:53.719 can It's. 0:04:53.560 --> 0:04:55.440 Hard to imagine a woman saying it the way he 0:04:55.480 --> 0:04:57.320 said it, like, if you're not willing to have sex 0:04:57.320 --> 0:05:00.359 with me in the next date, then we're done. I 0:05:00.400 --> 0:05:02.480 still think that would have been viewed a certain way, 0:05:02.480 --> 0:05:04.800 but not as harshly, perhaps as if a man had 0:05:04.800 --> 0:05:05.720 said it yes, and. 0:05:05.600 --> 0:05:08.720 Then that voice memo would have never gotten out because 0:05:09.040 --> 0:05:11.400 that date would have happened in the next thirty minutes. 0:05:12.440 --> 0:05:14.599 You don't have to wait too, Can you come over? 0:05:14.680 --> 0:05:15.919 Now? That is? 0:05:16.680 --> 0:05:19.680 That is the truth? But I think I guess is it? 0:05:20.920 --> 0:05:22.280 There are two things at play here. 0:05:22.400 --> 0:05:24.320 First of all, I think we can all acknowledge that 0:05:24.440 --> 0:05:26.839 I think it's a good thing that he was honest 0:05:26.920 --> 0:05:30.159 about where his head was, but how he said it, 0:05:30.839 --> 0:05:33.520 and is there is it fair to have an expectation 0:05:34.040 --> 0:05:37.000 that a man should believe that he should have sex 0:05:37.040 --> 0:05:40.159 with someone on the second date, or that person isn't 0:05:40.160 --> 0:05:42.200 worth getting to know. I mean the idea that he 0:05:42.279 --> 0:05:46.680 values and puts sex that high up. Do you believe that? 0:05:46.760 --> 0:05:48.640 Do you think if he was really into the squirrel, 0:05:48.640 --> 0:05:49.919 he wouldn't have been willing to wait? 0:05:50.080 --> 0:05:51.240 Is that a hymn flaw? 0:05:51.800 --> 0:05:54.760 Or is that this actually probably wasn't ever going to 0:05:54.760 --> 0:05:57.479 be anything and he made it very clear this was 0:05:57.600 --> 0:05:58.479 just a physical thing. 0:05:58.640 --> 0:06:00.119 Why does it have to be a flaw at all? 0:06:00.920 --> 0:06:04.400 These are human beings who are trying to navigate all 0:06:04.480 --> 0:06:06.800 we talk about all the times, how difficult it is 0:06:07.360 --> 0:06:09.920 to date these days, and dating in this new age, 0:06:09.920 --> 0:06:12.840 and this new error and expectations being upfront, what all 0:06:12.920 --> 0:06:15.960 these dating trends you keep telling me about every single week, 0:06:16.000 --> 0:06:18.200 that we never it's a what now and this kind 0:06:18.240 --> 0:06:22.920 of a rope, all that complication. So I might take 0:06:23.000 --> 0:06:25.680 issue with how he did it, wouldn't have done it 0:06:25.680 --> 0:06:27.440 that way? Maybe don't think he should have done it 0:06:27.480 --> 0:06:30.440 at all kinds of stuff, But I don't want to 0:06:30.520 --> 0:06:33.880 take him to task or her to task for trying 0:06:33.920 --> 0:06:38.919 to navigate whatever this wild dating issue is. Now. I 0:06:39.000 --> 0:06:42.200 do have issues. I just don't think we should always Robes. 0:06:42.240 --> 0:06:45.840 I hate to dismiss or throw somebody away for trying 0:06:45.839 --> 0:06:48.120 to navigate. We don't have all the details, obviously, but 0:06:48.240 --> 0:06:51.440 I do take issue and would have advised him differently. 0:06:52.200 --> 0:06:55.520 I don't shun him and throw him out with the garbage. 0:06:56.360 --> 0:06:59.240 Yes, I hear you, but obviously, if Sabine had come 0:06:59.240 --> 0:07:02.320 and give shown this voice memo, you'd be like, if 0:07:02.360 --> 0:07:05.680 you ever day put man again, I will lock you 0:07:05.680 --> 0:07:06.200 in your room. 0:07:06.240 --> 0:07:07.880 You know, I had family members used to tell me 0:07:09.640 --> 0:07:13.120 I'm raising the South. I'm making this comparison Robes, like 0:07:13.400 --> 0:07:20.560 I appreciate seeing the racist comments outside somebody's home or 0:07:20.600 --> 0:07:23.200 the imagery, because I had family members to tell me, 0:07:23.320 --> 0:07:26.200 you see that house right there, you stay away from 0:07:26.200 --> 0:07:29.840 that one when somebody shows it to you. Keep going on. 0:07:30.440 --> 0:07:33.560 The guy expressed, this ain't somebody I want to deal with. 0:07:33.720 --> 0:07:36.120 I don't want to ride with this guy. He's told you, 0:07:36.520 --> 0:07:41.640 let's move on. It's over. So I just I don't 0:07:42.120 --> 0:07:44.600 appreciate and wouldn't have advised him going the way he 0:07:44.640 --> 0:07:46.200 did it. And I do think it does send a 0:07:46.240 --> 0:07:51.840 negative message to men and to women, But and I 0:07:51.880 --> 0:07:53.720 do I just so I don't want to throw him 0:07:53.760 --> 0:07:57.160 out for doing something ropes a lot of this dating shit. 0:07:57.200 --> 0:07:59.440 I don't understand all these things. You go, this is 0:07:59.480 --> 0:08:01.920 just another part of it. I don't understand this either, 0:08:02.040 --> 0:08:03.920 but it might be normal these days. 0:08:04.080 --> 0:08:07.160 Uh yeah, And I do think it's interesting that there 0:08:07.280 --> 0:08:12.000 is value in having somebody be that open and telling 0:08:12.040 --> 0:08:14.960 you exactly. Look how many guys think that, babe, but 0:08:15.000 --> 0:08:16.240 don't ever say it out loud? 0:08:16.440 --> 0:08:16.640 Right? 0:08:17.000 --> 0:08:19.040 And so women are going into the second date not 0:08:19.200 --> 0:08:22.360 knowing that this guy has full expectations and is actually 0:08:22.360 --> 0:08:25.720 going to be pissed if you're not going to get 0:08:25.720 --> 0:08:26.480 physical with him. 0:08:26.600 --> 0:08:30.120 See that we that wording is important. Some guys have 0:08:30.600 --> 0:08:34.200 what'd you just say? Expectations? Other guys have hopes, right, 0:08:34.880 --> 0:08:37.480 hope we get to have sex night, But if we don't, 0:08:38.000 --> 0:08:39.719 maybe the third date will be the charm, maybe the 0:08:39.720 --> 0:08:43.880 fourth fifth. But I like her, So expectations is different 0:08:43.880 --> 0:08:48.320 from hope. Yes, every guy first date, right, they have hope, 0:08:48.640 --> 0:08:52.320 hell hope. This guy though, to take the other step 0:08:52.480 --> 0:08:58.440 of and look, if this is important to him, fine, 0:08:58.679 --> 0:09:02.400 why not roades? If sex is important to him and 0:09:02.440 --> 0:09:05.080 in his life, and that's the thing that drives him 0:09:05.160 --> 0:09:08.920 in terms of compatibility and relationship. I feel sorry for him, 0:09:09.520 --> 0:09:11.520 but if that's his thing, you go do it. 0:09:11.640 --> 0:09:13.640 And I would think for him to have put this 0:09:13.760 --> 0:09:16.720 voice memo out, it sounds as though it's worked before 0:09:16.800 --> 0:09:17.160 for him. 0:09:17.679 --> 0:09:18.240 It doesn't. 0:09:18.280 --> 0:09:20.400 It didn't seem like this was his first try at it, 0:09:20.679 --> 0:09:22.840 like he felt perfectly comfortable letting her know. 0:09:23.080 --> 0:09:24.960 You know, and I take and I wish I'll go 0:09:25.000 --> 0:09:26.839 on the record with saying I have. If I was 0:09:26.880 --> 0:09:29.720 a betting man, I might take the bet that this 0:09:29.840 --> 0:09:30.480 mill was fake. 0:09:31.040 --> 0:09:31.960 Oh you think it's fake. 0:09:32.040 --> 0:09:34.520 There's still some question out there about whether or not 0:09:34.600 --> 0:09:37.120 this was just performative and somebody put this out, and 0:09:37.120 --> 0:09:39.920 why would somebody want to embarrass the guy? Why the 0:09:40.000 --> 0:09:43.040 vemo get there? I am just saying it seems a 0:09:43.080 --> 0:09:45.439 little performative. It seemed like it was meant to rile 0:09:45.559 --> 0:09:48.240 us up. It feels that way. I'm holding out the 0:09:48.600 --> 0:09:52.240 possibility that it's real, but the conversation around it certainly 0:09:52.320 --> 0:09:52.800 is right now. 0:09:52.880 --> 0:09:54.640 Oh yes, And I do think that might be the 0:09:54.720 --> 0:09:58.240 value if it is real or not. Maybe is less 0:09:58.280 --> 0:10:01.000 important than the conversation we're about all of this. 0:10:01.520 --> 0:10:03.880 I have a couple comments which I thought were fun. 0:10:04.600 --> 0:10:07.800 Someone wrote Basically, what he was saying is, if you're 0:10:07.800 --> 0:10:10.360 not willing to set aside your boundaries and feelings to 0:10:10.360 --> 0:10:11.760 give me what I want, then I don't want to 0:10:11.800 --> 0:10:13.920 waste my time getting to know you. And I do 0:10:14.000 --> 0:10:16.000 believe that's exactly what he was saying, and I do 0:10:16.080 --> 0:10:18.880 believe that's exactly the reason why you should be thanking 0:10:18.960 --> 0:10:21.880 him for showing you and telling you exactly who he 0:10:22.040 --> 0:10:24.160 is if you don't want to date someone like that, 0:10:24.400 --> 0:10:27.079 And I imagine most people wouldn't thank you for letting 0:10:27.080 --> 0:10:28.760 me know, sir, I can now move on. 0:10:29.200 --> 0:10:31.240 Man, that's some of the best advice my mom ever 0:10:31.280 --> 0:10:33.239 gave me when I was going through something in a relationship. 0:10:33.400 --> 0:10:36.400 Better to find out in five months and in five years. 0:10:37.120 --> 0:10:39.520 Better to find out after the first date than after 0:10:39.559 --> 0:10:44.280 a full year of that very self indulgent man. Yes, 0:10:44.679 --> 0:10:48.040 someone else wrote I me I myself, I ME ME 0:10:48.360 --> 0:10:49.880 I because me, and then also I. 0:10:50.480 --> 0:10:51.080 It really was. 0:10:51.120 --> 0:10:54.199 The entire memo war was completely about what he wanted 0:10:54.240 --> 0:10:54.880 and what he needs. 0:10:54.920 --> 0:10:57.120 Isn't that what dating is now? And he just said 0:10:57.120 --> 0:11:00.520 it out loud. Everybody tells us that now, Rhodes, I'm 0:11:00.559 --> 0:11:02.880 not getting into a relationship to contribute to something. I'm 0:11:02.920 --> 0:11:05.679 getting into it because that relationship could get me something. 0:11:05.960 --> 0:11:08.240 Sometimes people even think it's good for status at work 0:11:08.280 --> 0:11:10.560 to be in a relationship, to be married or whatnot. 0:11:10.559 --> 0:11:14.360 People have all kinds of reasons, Robes, No, this mindset 0:11:14.480 --> 0:11:18.640 of selfishness in a relationship. Yeah, he's an outlier. 0:11:19.720 --> 0:11:21.920 He just was bold enough to put it out there 0:11:22.000 --> 0:11:23.160 for all the world to hear. 0:11:23.760 --> 0:11:26.800 Someone wrote, so manipulative. I'm so angry with this dude. 0:11:27.559 --> 0:11:29.640 Someone wrote, good grief, I've been married for eight years 0:11:29.679 --> 0:11:31.360 forgot how crappy dating was. 0:11:31.480 --> 0:11:33.720 I'm praying for all my single girls out there. 0:11:34.480 --> 0:11:37.080 Yeah, I mean I do think That's where my takeaway was, Wow, 0:11:37.160 --> 0:11:38.679 there are guys out there like that. 0:11:39.800 --> 0:11:44.000 I feel like that. You're laughing, you're rolling your eyes. Duh. 0:11:44.320 --> 0:11:46.000 Of course there are guys out there like that. 0:11:47.160 --> 0:11:53.600 I am the guy wants to have sex. Okay, he 0:11:53.760 --> 0:11:57.760 told her so in doing so, I don't think, Robes, 0:11:57.840 --> 0:12:00.160 is there anyone I you and I've been in a 0:12:00.160 --> 0:12:04.600 relationship all these years now, Robes, it's it's crash for 0:12:04.679 --> 0:12:08.520 me to ask you to have sex. He'll just request. Hey, 0:12:09.679 --> 0:12:12.480 it just it's just no, and it's fine. It works 0:12:12.480 --> 0:12:15.400 for other people that way in robes. I take complete issue. 0:12:15.559 --> 0:12:18.880 You should not do this. Even if you feel this, 0:12:19.040 --> 0:12:21.400 you shouldn't do it. Next step, even if you feel 0:12:21.400 --> 0:12:23.200 it and you want to express it, there's a better 0:12:23.240 --> 0:12:25.040 way to do it than he did it. Don't ever 0:12:25.080 --> 0:12:27.520 do it in a voice memo, first of all, because 0:12:27.520 --> 0:12:30.600 that's crass and rude and whatever. Have that conversation. Talk 0:12:30.600 --> 0:12:35.600 about that. Also, is this woman not worth a second 0:12:35.679 --> 0:12:39.600 conversation before you send this memo? Is she not a 0:12:39.679 --> 0:12:42.440 second good time somewhere? Didn't he said she was gonna 0:12:42.440 --> 0:12:43.680 be inviting he was coming over to the house. 0:12:43.760 --> 0:12:46.840 Yeah, she invited him over. So the first date went, well. 0:12:46.640 --> 0:12:50.839 You're doing well, bro, As Casey would say, come on, bro, 0:12:51.640 --> 0:12:55.200 you're doing good. You just messed up. You're in You're 0:12:55.320 --> 0:12:57.920 in the house and blew it. 0:12:58.160 --> 0:12:58.920 Yeah it was. 0:12:59.000 --> 0:13:02.280 It was so interesting and yes, and so look the 0:13:02.320 --> 0:13:04.440 guys who came to his defense. I wanted to hear 0:13:04.520 --> 0:13:06.240 what you thought about this. I thought these were two 0:13:06.280 --> 0:13:09.560 good ones, he said. Regardless of his delivery, he communicated 0:13:09.559 --> 0:13:13.320 his wants clearly, made his intentions clear. As for consent 0:13:13.480 --> 0:13:15.680 and set of boundary, the majority of you in the 0:13:15.679 --> 0:13:18.679 comments say you want clear communication until it's not what 0:13:18.720 --> 0:13:19.480 you want to hear. 0:13:20.200 --> 0:13:23.280 That is, that's true, Robes. We see this play out, 0:13:23.280 --> 0:13:27.440 and that's it's fair. And you and I go through 0:13:27.480 --> 0:13:31.320 this a lot where being open and honest and telling 0:13:31.360 --> 0:13:34.520 you and then you don't like how it's being told. Right, 0:13:34.559 --> 0:13:37.720 So it does. Guys do feel oftentimes like a goal 0:13:37.880 --> 0:13:40.760 post is being moved. I did this. Do you want 0:13:40.760 --> 0:13:43.640 clear communication? Okay? But I didn't say it right. Okay, 0:13:43.640 --> 0:13:45.000 Now I said it the way you told me to 0:13:45.000 --> 0:13:47.200 say it. But I said it in too many words. Okay, 0:13:47.280 --> 0:13:48.920 Now I said it in fewer words. But you don't 0:13:48.960 --> 0:13:50.400 like I put it in text and not in a 0:13:50.440 --> 0:13:53.200 voice memo. Okay, now I'll put it like every step 0:13:53.200 --> 0:13:56.200 of the way. And guys do, genuinely, as much as 0:13:56.280 --> 0:13:59.920 we screw up Robes, we do get confused, we do 0:14:00.160 --> 0:14:03.800 get annoyed sometimes, even as we saw it play out 0:14:03.840 --> 0:14:06.640 on Love Island on movie night, the double standard. Keep 0:14:06.679 --> 0:14:08.240 going back to Love Island. It's been fresh on our 0:14:08.280 --> 0:14:08.679 minds here. 0:14:08.800 --> 0:14:11.160 There's so many relationships lessons, but. 0:14:11.280 --> 0:14:16.960 Robes, that thing of he did exactly what you want. 0:14:18.520 --> 0:14:21.640 Thank you, sir for showing that you're not the type 0:14:21.640 --> 0:14:25.720 of person I want to date. Let's all move on. 0:14:26.560 --> 0:14:29.160 That's okay. Is there a woman out there who would 0:14:29.160 --> 0:14:32.200 have gotten that voice memo and appreciated it, liked it 0:14:32.600 --> 0:14:34.920 and said, yeah, come on over bro. I was hoping 0:14:34.960 --> 0:14:35.920 myself we were going to. 0:14:35.960 --> 0:14:38.560 Get it, you know what I think if he hadn't so, 0:14:38.680 --> 0:14:40.480 And when we come back, we're going to talk about 0:14:40.480 --> 0:14:42.720 what the experts say. But I think there could have 0:14:42.800 --> 0:14:45.160 been a way he could have worded it differently that yes, 0:14:45.240 --> 0:14:47.360 a woman might have been receptive to it. It was 0:14:47.520 --> 0:14:49.920 how he said it. We'll tell you what the expert 0:14:49.960 --> 0:14:52.200 said when they weighed in on this when we come back. 0:15:01.320 --> 0:15:05.840 Welcome back everyone, as we talk about voice memo guy. 0:15:05.280 --> 0:15:09.040 This video has gone viral on TikTok. I actually wanted 0:15:09.080 --> 0:15:11.720 to give some perspective. When it was originally posted, it 0:15:11.800 --> 0:15:14.960 got five and a half million views almost immediately. There 0:15:15.000 --> 0:15:20.120 are thousands of reaction videos, everyone reacting to the actual 0:15:20.200 --> 0:15:24.200 voice memo. Three hundred thousand likes, thirty thousand comments. This 0:15:24.400 --> 0:15:29.120 has gotten a lot of attention and reaction, so much 0:15:29.160 --> 0:15:32.320 so that even relationship experts are weighing in on the 0:15:32.400 --> 0:15:35.240 voice memo, whether it was right, whether it was wrong, 0:15:35.560 --> 0:15:37.880 and look, some of the experts say this guy did 0:15:37.920 --> 0:15:42.680 do things correctly. He disclosed his intentions in advance. That 0:15:42.840 --> 0:15:45.640 is a good sexual communication act that can help prevent 0:15:45.920 --> 0:15:47.359 assumptions and dangers. 0:15:47.640 --> 0:15:48.920 So that was one. 0:15:49.080 --> 0:15:53.520 Expert said that that was a good thing in general. However, 0:15:53.800 --> 0:15:55.440 and this is what you were referring to when we 0:15:55.480 --> 0:16:00.080 went to break He presented this as an ultimatum other 0:16:00.240 --> 0:16:04.320 than an open conversation. So he said, if you aren't 0:16:04.320 --> 0:16:06.360 willing to have sex with me on the second date, 0:16:06.640 --> 0:16:09.080 then we can end it here. So it was absolutely 0:16:09.120 --> 0:16:13.720 an ultimatum. It wasn't a conversation or a description of desire. 0:16:14.720 --> 0:16:19.320 Uh. It was an expression of his intentions, I guess. 0:16:20.320 --> 0:16:22.320 But it was awful because it does rogues. Is no 0:16:22.400 --> 0:16:28.000 other way to receive that from someone. There is nothing 0:16:29.160 --> 0:16:31.400 else about even watching a movie that I want to watch, 0:16:31.440 --> 0:16:33.400 sitting next to you, being around you in company, or 0:16:33.680 --> 0:16:36.160 there is nothing else for us to do if we're 0:16:36.200 --> 0:16:39.560 not going to have sex. That's that's insulting. That is awful. 0:16:39.840 --> 0:16:43.120 That was done poorly. But the only thing I will 0:16:43.160 --> 0:16:47.160 give and credit to give is that congratulations. She should 0:16:47.160 --> 0:16:49.520 thank him, thank you for. 0:16:49.560 --> 0:16:50.680 Not wasting her time. 0:16:50.520 --> 0:16:54.400 For showing me exactly what I don't want and that's 0:16:54.480 --> 0:16:55.800 you exactly. 0:16:55.880 --> 0:16:56.640 Yeah. 0:16:56.680 --> 0:16:59.800 You know, it's so interesting because I actually thought if 0:16:59.840 --> 0:17:02.520 this dude people are saying he was manipulative, he wasn't 0:17:02.560 --> 0:17:03.360 manipulative at all. 0:17:03.400 --> 0:17:04.359 He had no game. 0:17:04.600 --> 0:17:07.520 If he had said, look, after our conversation, I just 0:17:07.560 --> 0:17:09.359 needed to put this out here. I know you mentioned 0:17:09.400 --> 0:17:12.359 you wanted to move slowly, but I really want to 0:17:12.359 --> 0:17:13.200 have sex with you. 0:17:12.960 --> 0:17:13.640 You are. 0:17:13.800 --> 0:17:16.760 I know this may be forward, but my god, you're smart, 0:17:16.760 --> 0:17:18.879 you're intelligent, you're gorgeous, and when I come over on 0:17:18.920 --> 0:17:21.600 Thursday night, I understand where you are and I respect 0:17:21.600 --> 0:17:23.000 where you are, but I just want to put it 0:17:23.040 --> 0:17:25.879 fully out there that I cannot wait to be with 0:17:25.920 --> 0:17:29.120 you physically. Like he could have said something a little 0:17:29.160 --> 0:17:32.720 bit more complimentary, he didn't have to put a there's 0:17:32.760 --> 0:17:35.679 no point in us even seeing each other again if 0:17:35.720 --> 0:17:36.240 you won't, and. 0:17:36.200 --> 0:17:37.680 I think he did. He used the F. 0:17:37.920 --> 0:17:41.080 He said f uc k At one point it was crasty. 0:17:41.280 --> 0:17:44.600 He said, yeah, I wanna, I wanta f and he 0:17:45.040 --> 0:17:47.560 said he kept calling it sexual intimacy for a while, 0:17:47.640 --> 0:17:49.560 but then he just dropped the F and it just 0:17:49.640 --> 0:17:52.720 seemed so obvious. And I do agree. I think this 0:17:52.880 --> 0:17:56.160 was an amazing voice memo because she knew exactly who 0:17:56.160 --> 0:17:58.840 he was and she knew exactly where things stood. 0:17:59.440 --> 0:18:00.679 Isn't that true. 0:18:00.400 --> 0:18:03.040 That we always ask for that and if we don't 0:18:03.160 --> 0:18:05.679 like what we hear, then it's a problem. But we 0:18:05.720 --> 0:18:08.720 should actually be grateful that someone was willing to be 0:18:09.000 --> 0:18:13.000 just fully himself and even at his own expense. 0:18:13.480 --> 0:18:16.159 And some people and some people are like that. And 0:18:16.640 --> 0:18:18.680 just because people are crash or rude or don't know 0:18:18.720 --> 0:18:20.199 how to go about it in the right way or 0:18:20.200 --> 0:18:23.160 whatever else, I just don't like to dismiss or throw 0:18:23.200 --> 0:18:26.919 away this guy that we don't know completely and without 0:18:27.040 --> 0:18:30.119 understanding the circumstances. If he felt this way roads you 0:18:30.160 --> 0:18:33.600 just said the experts the way he phrased it, I 0:18:33.680 --> 0:18:37.399 think you don't express that. My advice to him, if 0:18:37.400 --> 0:18:40.560 he wanted to express it is express that to her, 0:18:41.200 --> 0:18:45.119 but have the next date be in public. Express that 0:18:45.200 --> 0:18:49.800 to her that you wanna fuck, But let the next 0:18:49.880 --> 0:18:53.679 date be in public, somewhere where you're not in private 0:18:53.720 --> 0:18:56.480 and there is that pressure and that expectation. He could 0:18:56.560 --> 0:18:58.320 let that go and let that out, but she could 0:18:58.359 --> 0:19:01.040 still be in safety in a public place to where 0:19:01.080 --> 0:19:04.360 she doesn't feel like she she has the pressure to perform. 0:19:04.440 --> 0:19:06.520 She doesn't have to. Oh, he wants sex, so if 0:19:06.560 --> 0:19:10.200 I don't. That's the only way Robes I would recommend 0:19:10.240 --> 0:19:13.000 him doing this is that next date needs to be 0:19:13.000 --> 0:19:15.000 in a movie theater, it needs to be in a bar, 0:19:15.320 --> 0:19:18.000 have a nice restaurant of picnic or something else. You 0:19:18.080 --> 0:19:22.280 can't go in hot with that on both of their minds. 0:19:22.320 --> 0:19:24.000 And now you're coming into a private home. 0:19:24.520 --> 0:19:25.520 That's tough. I agree. 0:19:25.560 --> 0:19:25.960 I like that. 0:19:26.160 --> 0:19:26.720