WEBVTT - WASHDAY WOOSAH: Talk to Me Nice ft. Minda Harts 0:00:00.080 --> 0:00:02.800 Trust isn't just nice to have, but it's good for business. 0:00:02.920 --> 0:00:06.040 There are tons of data that's from Edelman's Trust Barometer 0:00:06.160 --> 0:00:08.880 to Gallop Pole and they say that when trust is present, 0:00:09.039 --> 0:00:12.640 employees are twenty one percent more productive, fifty percent more 0:00:12.640 --> 0:00:15.600 of your employees are retained, and forty percent less burnout. 0:00:15.840 --> 0:00:18.919 So it's not just oh kumba yah, we trust each other, 0:00:19.079 --> 0:00:20.919 you know, let's do a trust fall. 0:00:21.239 --> 0:00:24.160 It's more than that. It's actually good for the bottom line. 0:00:29.280 --> 0:00:32.440 Hey ba fam, Welcome back to the Brown Mbision podcast. 0:00:32.640 --> 0:00:35.440 I have the pleasure of being alongside one of my 0:00:35.440 --> 0:00:38.240 favorite humans Men to Hearts today mend to Heart's welcome 0:00:38.280 --> 0:00:39.120 to Brown Ambition. 0:00:40.159 --> 0:00:42.360 Mandy happy to be here. Thank you so much and 0:00:42.479 --> 0:00:45.080 equally one of my favorites humans as well. 0:00:45.120 --> 0:00:46.199 So honored to me. 0:00:46.520 --> 0:00:49.800 Thanks and a human that I don't ever get to see. Really, 0:00:49.840 --> 0:00:51.199 I think the last time I saw you, I was 0:00:51.200 --> 0:00:53.640 in LA for a hot minute. We happen to cross 0:00:53.640 --> 0:00:57.480 paths at a conference and I just really appreciated you 0:00:57.520 --> 0:00:59.720 taking the time to like, did we ever get coffee 0:00:59.760 --> 0:01:03.000 or what happen? I forget We talked about it, we intended. 0:01:02.440 --> 0:01:04.400 To, we did, but we did get to sit together 0:01:04.560 --> 0:01:05.840 at lunchtime. 0:01:05.400 --> 0:01:10.520 And we did okay, all blurring together. It doesn't matter. 0:01:10.600 --> 0:01:12.200 But Minda you know because you've been on the show 0:01:12.240 --> 0:01:14.360 before and I have gushed about you before. But for 0:01:14.400 --> 0:01:17.520 those who don't know, Minda Hearts is a trailblazer for me, 0:01:17.600 --> 0:01:22.360 at least in the career professional advice author space. You 0:01:22.440 --> 0:01:27.000 wrote the one of the first or it's definitely one 0:01:27.000 --> 0:01:30.959 of the most popular black female written professional and career 0:01:31.000 --> 0:01:33.480 development books called The Memo, which if y'all don't have 0:01:33.520 --> 0:01:37.280 the Memo, I don't, I don't know what's wrong with you. 0:01:37.360 --> 0:01:38.120 Please go get it. 0:01:38.360 --> 0:01:40.360 But this is you're coming out with your fourth book 0:01:40.400 --> 0:01:43.720 this summer, Yes, and this one is this one's quite different. 0:01:43.880 --> 0:01:45.959 So your new book is called talk to Me Nice, 0:01:46.000 --> 0:01:48.240 Talk to Me Nice. The seven trust language is for 0:01:48.320 --> 0:01:51.880 a better workplace. So this isn't so much targeting to 0:01:52.320 --> 0:01:53.920 like well, you tell me, but it doesn't feel like 0:01:53.960 --> 0:01:57.360 it's targeting like the worker. It's more like the institution, 0:01:57.720 --> 0:02:01.680 like how can we actually as company as workplaces, figure 0:02:01.680 --> 0:02:04.640 out how to better communicate with our staff our employees, 0:02:04.640 --> 0:02:07.480 but also like how we as the worker bees can 0:02:07.640 --> 0:02:09.160 communicate better with leadership? 0:02:09.320 --> 0:02:10.079 Is that right? Yes? 0:02:10.240 --> 0:02:13.080 Yes, and it's are you a leader and you've somehow 0:02:13.080 --> 0:02:16.639 we wrote a trust maybe not intentionally, but it's happened, 0:02:16.720 --> 0:02:18.120 and there's a communication breakdown. 0:02:18.160 --> 0:02:19.680 How do you get that back with your staff? But 0:02:19.760 --> 0:02:20.640 also if you're. 0:02:20.560 --> 0:02:23.080 An employee and you can't get what you need, how 0:02:23.080 --> 0:02:25.440 do you ask for it without losing your job? 0:02:25.720 --> 0:02:25.880 Right? 0:02:25.960 --> 0:02:29.440 So it's giving both parties the language they need to 0:02:29.480 --> 0:02:32.679 be able to communicate better and close that expectation gap. 0:02:32.800 --> 0:02:36.200 So why this book, Now, that's a great question. 0:02:36.480 --> 0:02:38.640 To be honest, I really didn't think I was going 0:02:38.680 --> 0:02:41.839 to write any more books. Mandy, the Memo right Within 0:02:41.919 --> 0:02:44.280 and You Were More Than Magic are three of my babies, 0:02:44.360 --> 0:02:47.160 and they were focused and centered around black and brown 0:02:47.240 --> 0:02:49.960 women and young women in the workplace or in their 0:02:50.200 --> 0:02:53.040 journeys to finding their voice. And I thought, you know what, 0:02:53.160 --> 0:02:56.000 I cracked the door open for others to write their books. 0:02:56.040 --> 0:02:58.359 And I felt like I did did my big one 0:02:58.400 --> 0:03:00.840 with these books. And I just didn't like I needed 0:03:01.120 --> 0:03:03.680 to add any more to the conversation that I wanted 0:03:03.680 --> 0:03:06.239 others to take the baton and do that. And then 0:03:06.400 --> 0:03:08.519 two years ago I woke up at like three o'clock 0:03:08.520 --> 0:03:11.040 in the morning to use the bathroom. Right, I'm getting older, 0:03:11.040 --> 0:03:12.960 so I you know, I can't sometimes sleep. 0:03:12.720 --> 0:03:15.280 Through the night, you know, you know, we know. 0:03:16.520 --> 0:03:18.000 So I got up and. 0:03:17.919 --> 0:03:20.840 I thought, and I had this like voice in my 0:03:20.880 --> 0:03:24.360 head saying, what if there were love languages for the workplace? 0:03:24.560 --> 0:03:27.360 What about the trust languages? And I just kind of 0:03:27.360 --> 0:03:29.120 wrote that in my notes and kind of set it 0:03:29.160 --> 0:03:31.239 to the side, and then I kept thinking about it 0:03:31.240 --> 0:03:33.000 and coming back to it. I'm like, yeah, you know, 0:03:33.680 --> 0:03:37.800 we expect trust in our romantic relationships, our platonic relationships. 0:03:37.800 --> 0:03:40.040 Why wouldn't we expect that in a place that will 0:03:40.040 --> 0:03:43.480 spend ninety thousand hours of our life at the workplace? 0:03:44.000 --> 0:03:46.000 Is that real? 0:03:45.320 --> 0:03:49.040 That? And so it's like, why wouldn't we want trust 0:03:49.040 --> 0:03:49.480 there too? 0:03:49.640 --> 0:03:51.520 And so I just started kind of mulling over it, 0:03:51.560 --> 0:03:53.680 and I'm like, well, maybe maybe I have one more 0:03:53.680 --> 0:03:56.240 book in me. And I called this my crossover album 0:03:56.320 --> 0:03:59.120 because of course I still talk about some of the 0:03:59.160 --> 0:04:01.960 voices that aren't inside the workplace and how trust is 0:04:01.960 --> 0:04:06.120 being roaded. But trust is a universal issue, a global issue, 0:04:06.160 --> 0:04:07.840 and so I wanted to be able to tackle that 0:04:08.120 --> 0:04:09.680 a little bit differently in this book. 0:04:10.080 --> 0:04:12.760 Yeah, listen, it's been five years since the summer of 0:04:12.800 --> 0:04:15.600 twenty twenty. I was in corporate America at the time. 0:04:15.880 --> 0:04:18.360 I think, like so many other workers, you get the 0:04:18.440 --> 0:04:21.359 emails from your CEO about how heartbroken they are, but 0:04:21.440 --> 0:04:24.720 what's happening in this country and you have these new commitments. 0:04:24.800 --> 0:04:28.120 Everyone's got a die director. You know, they've got their 0:04:28.360 --> 0:04:31.800 their statements on what's happening in the racial awakening and 0:04:31.920 --> 0:04:34.000 racial reckoning that we're going through, and they all make 0:04:34.000 --> 0:04:35.920 these big, lofty promises and blah blah blahlah blah. Five 0:04:35.960 --> 0:04:37.919 years later, I know you couldn't have planned it, but 0:04:39.040 --> 0:04:43.000 the trust is broken in so many ways because we're 0:04:43.040 --> 0:04:46.320 just seeing this, like I mean, this complete about face 0:04:46.360 --> 0:04:48.440 in the other direction. Of course now with our new 0:04:48.480 --> 0:04:50.599 leadership and power. So I feel like this book is 0:04:50.680 --> 0:04:54.640 extremely timely. I'm just I'm wondering, like your perspective as 0:04:54.880 --> 0:04:56.960 a black woman or for black women who working in 0:04:56.960 --> 0:05:00.440 corporate today, like is there any going back? Like, can 0:05:00.480 --> 0:05:04.320 we are we actually capable of trusting organizations again? Because 0:05:04.360 --> 0:05:08.920 there's so much cynicism, rightfully so, about the lip service 0:05:08.960 --> 0:05:12.480 that leaders pay to our community only to then turn 0:05:12.520 --> 0:05:14.599 around when it better suits them and go back on 0:05:14.680 --> 0:05:17.960 what they say. What their promises are, is that trust rebuildable? 0:05:18.760 --> 0:05:22.120 Yeah, you know what, Mandy, I think the answer is yes. 0:05:22.800 --> 0:05:25.200 And that kind of is the thesis of talk to 0:05:25.240 --> 0:05:27.800 me nice. Is if trust can be built, it can 0:05:27.839 --> 0:05:29.960 be broken, and if it can be broken, it can 0:05:30.000 --> 0:05:30.680 be rebuilt. 0:05:30.960 --> 0:05:31.120 Right. 0:05:31.240 --> 0:05:34.040 But it takes an intentionality to be able to do that. 0:05:34.080 --> 0:05:36.159 And I think part of it is we just don't 0:05:36.160 --> 0:05:38.000 know how to ask for it. Because if you're my 0:05:38.120 --> 0:05:41.039 manager and you said all these wonderful things about how 0:05:41.160 --> 0:05:43.640 I am important in the workplace and this is inclusive, 0:05:43.680 --> 0:05:47.240 and then now you're saying something different and demonstrating something different, 0:05:47.480 --> 0:05:50.720 I don't know how to come to you and ask you, like, hey, 0:05:50.760 --> 0:05:53.279 what's going on? You know, can we have a conversation? 0:05:53.560 --> 0:05:55.720 You know, six months ago this was important and now 0:05:55.720 --> 0:05:59.040 it seems like it's not. That might ruffle some feathers, right, 0:05:59.080 --> 0:06:00.360 and I can't go to you and say, you know, 0:06:00.480 --> 0:06:02.680 I don't trust you anymore. You know, it's just not 0:06:02.720 --> 0:06:03.360 going to pan out. 0:06:03.400 --> 0:06:03.599 Well. 0:06:03.640 --> 0:06:06.239 But I think that through the language of the trust 0:06:06.320 --> 0:06:08.839 languages to say, you know what, I would love to 0:06:08.880 --> 0:06:11.479 talk about what a little more transparency looks like. I 0:06:11.560 --> 0:06:13.839 noticed that this was a priority for the company, and 0:06:13.880 --> 0:06:16.320 I just want to understand that, you know, going forward, 0:06:16.480 --> 0:06:17.240 what does it look like? 0:06:17.520 --> 0:06:19.360 Right? Can we have a conversation like that? 0:06:19.440 --> 0:06:19.560 Right? 0:06:19.640 --> 0:06:22.320 Built on transparency and transparency is one of the trust 0:06:22.440 --> 0:06:26.599 languages in my book. But transparency isn't about telling everything, 0:06:26.839 --> 0:06:30.120 giving all the information. Transparency is also saying I don't 0:06:30.120 --> 0:06:33.039 have all the answers right now, but as things arise, 0:06:33.160 --> 0:06:36.200 as you feel a concern, feel comfortable enough to approach 0:06:36.240 --> 0:06:38.640 me with questions, and if I have the answers, I'll 0:06:38.640 --> 0:06:40.599 provide them. And if I don't have them, I'll tell 0:06:40.640 --> 0:06:40.839 you that. 0:06:41.000 --> 0:06:41.160 Right. 0:06:41.360 --> 0:06:43.520 That would make me feel so much better as a 0:06:43.520 --> 0:06:45.560 black woman or anybody who feels like they're on the 0:06:45.600 --> 0:06:48.080 margins to say, Okay, maybe I could trust a little 0:06:48.080 --> 0:06:50.520 bit versus let's just sweep everything under the rug and 0:06:50.560 --> 0:06:51.560 there's nothing to see here. 0:06:52.880 --> 0:06:57.880 Yeah, I mean, trust is a process, and usually we 0:06:58.160 --> 0:06:59.680 learn about the love languages. 0:06:59.760 --> 0:07:01.240 Right. And I'm in. 0:07:01.200 --> 0:07:04.480 A I've been married for eight years now and together 0:07:04.520 --> 0:07:07.400 with my partner for a lot of years, an embarrassing number. 0:07:07.440 --> 0:07:09.039 I don't know, it feels crazy. I'm like, I don't 0:07:09.120 --> 0:07:11.080 understand how I have an eight year marriage, aren't I 0:07:11.160 --> 0:07:11.640 twenty four? 0:07:11.800 --> 0:07:13.480 I think doesn't make any sense. 0:07:14.640 --> 0:07:18.480 But love languages, I think they are, like they're very. 0:07:18.320 --> 0:07:20.560 And even gen Z talks about love languages and all that. 0:07:21.800 --> 0:07:26.000 What do you think, like, are the seven workplace love languages? 0:07:26.080 --> 0:07:29.480 Are they similar? Are they different? I mean there's seven 0:07:29.520 --> 0:07:32.160 of them versus like, however many four or five? 0:07:32.320 --> 0:07:34.360 Yeah? 0:07:34.440 --> 0:07:36.160 Do they mirror the love languages? 0:07:36.160 --> 0:07:36.240 Like? 0:07:36.280 --> 0:07:37.800 Can you tell us a little bit about them without 0:07:37.840 --> 0:07:39.760 giving everything away in the book, because y'all got to. 0:07:39.760 --> 0:07:40.120 Go get it. 0:07:40.400 --> 0:07:41.480 Yes, please get it. 0:07:41.680 --> 0:07:44.200 Tell me about the seven trust languages. 0:07:44.880 --> 0:07:47.640 Okay, So for me and the five love languages, one 0:07:47.680 --> 0:07:51.320 of my languages is words of affirmation, right, and so 0:07:51.560 --> 0:07:55.240 one of the trust languages is acknowledgment because I think 0:07:55.360 --> 0:07:58.360 oftentimes what I found is people would come to me 0:07:58.480 --> 0:08:00.800 after a talk or in my DM and they would say, minda, 0:08:00.880 --> 0:08:03.560 I don't trust my manager, I don't trust HR, or 0:08:03.560 --> 0:08:05.480 I don't trust my colleagues, like you know. 0:08:05.600 --> 0:08:07.080 They're backstabbers all the things. 0:08:07.120 --> 0:08:09.559 And when I found is what people were really saying 0:08:10.160 --> 0:08:12.280 is what they weren't saying. Maybe they don't trust their 0:08:12.320 --> 0:08:14.560 manager or their colleagues, and that might be true, but 0:08:14.640 --> 0:08:16.880 what they were really saying is that a need that 0:08:16.920 --> 0:08:19.560 they have is not being met because that person isn't 0:08:19.600 --> 0:08:22.040 aware that you even need it. Right, So, for example, 0:08:22.080 --> 0:08:24.480 I would say, well, what you're really saying is you 0:08:24.560 --> 0:08:27.200 need more acknowledgment. If you were acknowledged for some of 0:08:27.240 --> 0:08:29.720 the work that you're doing, these projects that you keep. 0:08:30.440 --> 0:08:33.480 You know, you've been traveling for twelve months out of 0:08:33.520 --> 0:08:35.680 the year and nobody has said anything. Now they're sending 0:08:35.760 --> 0:08:38.320 you on another assignment. You just need some acknowledgement. If 0:08:38.360 --> 0:08:40.760 you had a little more acknowledgment, would that provide a 0:08:40.800 --> 0:08:42.720 little more trust for you? And then we started to 0:08:42.840 --> 0:08:46.280 unpack what's actually underneath the trust. And if you know 0:08:46.360 --> 0:08:48.959 that acknowledgment is important to you, how do you ask 0:08:49.000 --> 0:08:52.560 your manager or your colleague for it? Right in a 0:08:52.600 --> 0:08:54.880 way that they could probably give that to you, because 0:08:54.920 --> 0:08:57.480 nobody's going around the workplace with a crystal ball saying 0:08:57.480 --> 0:08:59.600 what does Mandy need for me to show trust? 0:08:59.640 --> 0:09:03.719 Right? But I let sound like a couple therapy. If 0:09:03.760 --> 0:09:06.520 I know that, then I could know my coffee order. 0:09:06.559 --> 0:09:08.360 But and wait, no, wrong topic. 0:09:08.280 --> 0:09:11.240 Right, wrong topic? But I think we do act like that. Right, Well, 0:09:11.280 --> 0:09:13.160 you should know I've been working here for ten years. 0:09:13.160 --> 0:09:14.800 You don't know that I need to be acknowledged, Well, 0:09:15.120 --> 0:09:16.920 you know what, I have to manage like a fifty 0:09:17.000 --> 0:09:18.920 other people and one hundred other things. So no, I 0:09:18.960 --> 0:09:21.120 don't know that. But now if you tell me that, 0:09:21.600 --> 0:09:23.920 and now I know that that's what you need, then 0:09:23.920 --> 0:09:25.040 maybe I can provide that. 0:09:25.160 --> 0:09:25.360 Right. 0:09:25.440 --> 0:09:28.520 And so we're closing this expectation of trust. And I 0:09:28.559 --> 0:09:31.440 feel like through the seven trust language, so acknowledgment is 0:09:31.480 --> 0:09:33.280 one transparency is another. 0:09:33.720 --> 0:09:34.520 Sensitivity. 0:09:34.679 --> 0:09:37.280 I feel like sensitivity right now in our workplaces is 0:09:37.320 --> 0:09:40.160 so important because we are talking about certain things that 0:09:40.200 --> 0:09:42.480 are a little more taboo that we thought we could 0:09:42.520 --> 0:09:44.600 talk about even last year, that we're not able to 0:09:44.720 --> 0:09:47.760 bring up now, you know. And so what would it 0:09:47.800 --> 0:09:50.000 look like even if I sit on one side of 0:09:50.000 --> 0:09:50.440 the aisle? 0:09:50.600 --> 0:09:51.280 I think about, you. 0:09:51.320 --> 0:09:53.840 Know what if I say this thing to a group 0:09:53.920 --> 0:09:56.480 of people who I know they feel differently about my 0:09:56.520 --> 0:09:58.720 political choices, is that going to eat road. 0:09:58.559 --> 0:09:59.880 Trust or enhance trust. 0:10:00.120 --> 0:10:02.680 I'm going to practice the language of sensitivity to say, 0:10:02.679 --> 0:10:04.480 you know what, this isn't the time for me to 0:10:04.520 --> 0:10:07.840 wear my red hat to the function, right, you know so, 0:10:08.040 --> 0:10:10.560 because that's going to erode trust and vice versa. So 0:10:10.800 --> 0:10:12.840 I think if we're just a little more in tune 0:10:13.000 --> 0:10:16.079 and self aware about what people need to do their 0:10:16.080 --> 0:10:19.839 best work. Then we can have an environment where everybody 0:10:19.880 --> 0:10:21.360 can thrive and not just survive. 0:10:22.600 --> 0:10:26.480 I don't want to interrupt the love languages. We've got sensitivity, transparency, 0:10:26.679 --> 0:10:32.000 I hope you have them written down. Transparent, appreciation, no acknowledgment, acknowledgment. 0:10:32.000 --> 0:10:32.800 So you got three there. 0:10:33.480 --> 0:10:38.520 Another one is security, and that's emotional, intellectual, and physical right. 0:10:38.559 --> 0:10:41.160 So it's not just psychological safety, but what about your 0:10:41.200 --> 0:10:44.120 intellectual property. When you're in a meeting and you say 0:10:44.440 --> 0:10:46.520 the big idea and then somebody takes it as their 0:10:46.559 --> 0:10:48.800 own right, you want to know that you could voice 0:10:48.800 --> 0:10:51.599 your concerns and not worry about somebody running off and 0:10:52.640 --> 0:10:53.680 saying that it's their own. 0:10:53.760 --> 0:10:55.719 Another language is feedback. Right. 0:10:55.840 --> 0:10:58.760 Oftentimes you might not trust somebody, but what is it 0:10:58.800 --> 0:10:59.440 that you really need? 0:10:59.559 --> 0:11:01.440 Is it touch? Need more feedback? Right? 0:11:01.520 --> 0:11:05.319 And feedback could provide a little more trust in that relationship. 0:11:05.400 --> 0:11:07.880 Another one follow through. Is it that you don't trust 0:11:08.559 --> 0:11:10.360 hr or do you need them to follow through? When 0:11:10.400 --> 0:11:14.199 you make a concern and then there's a conversation that's 0:11:14.240 --> 0:11:17.520 being had. I provide the information, they respond after they've 0:11:17.559 --> 0:11:19.920 had time to process it, and now we find a solution, 0:11:20.160 --> 0:11:23.480 we need a feedback loop. And then lastly is demonstration, 0:11:24.000 --> 0:11:27.480 and that's you know, the action. So for example, you 0:11:27.559 --> 0:11:31.080 mentioned DEI being like a big topic of conversation. So 0:11:31.120 --> 0:11:34.360 many companies were like down for the cause, ten toes down, 0:11:34.360 --> 0:11:36.960 and now all of a sudden, they're like that Simpson 0:11:37.520 --> 0:11:41.760 meme where Homer's like moving back from the from the 0:11:41.840 --> 0:11:44.439 bushes and nobody wants to talk about it. But demonstration 0:11:44.800 --> 0:11:47.199 is saying, Okay, even though we know that politically we 0:11:47.280 --> 0:11:49.040 might not be able to say these things right now, 0:11:49.200 --> 0:11:53.440 we're demonstrating that inclusion is still important here. You don't 0:11:53.480 --> 0:11:56.800 have to be a woman or LGBTQ or a person 0:11:56.800 --> 0:11:59.600 of color and worry because we're still committed to the 0:11:59.640 --> 0:12:03.000 things because we're demonstrating that each and every day, right 0:12:03.040 --> 0:12:07.559 and so again, demonstration is the action. So when I 0:12:07.600 --> 0:12:10.839 think about trust, it's a noun anaverb, and it's very 0:12:10.840 --> 0:12:13.800 important for us to be activating that each and every day. 0:12:13.960 --> 0:12:16.320 Trust is in a one time event, it's a culture, 0:12:16.440 --> 0:12:18.280 it's a lifestyle inside the workplace. 0:12:19.960 --> 0:12:23.559 I'm digesting everything you said, and I'm wondering, could we 0:12:23.600 --> 0:12:26.720 add an eighth love language, and could it be money? 0:12:27.320 --> 0:12:29.080 Could it be like aay me nice? 0:12:29.840 --> 0:12:31.679 That's that acknowledgement, right, That's. 0:12:31.760 --> 0:12:32.920 That's the acknowledgment. Okay. 0:12:33.840 --> 0:12:35.880 I think a lot of people are feeling like, well, 0:12:36.240 --> 0:12:38.560 I would love to be like given feedback and all that, 0:12:38.559 --> 0:12:41.600 but I'd also like to be paid well. So that's 0:12:41.640 --> 0:12:44.400 under the acknowledgment umbrella. Okay, good, Just making sure. 0:12:44.320 --> 0:12:47.199 Well listen, money is a love is my love language, 0:12:47.240 --> 0:12:50.000 my trust language, all the all the languages. 0:12:51.160 --> 0:12:52.160 Money talks. You know. 0:12:52.320 --> 0:12:55.400 Like one of the things about this type of book 0:12:55.760 --> 0:12:58.040 is I feel like it's incredible and it's such a 0:12:58.040 --> 0:13:00.800 great tool, but it can be challenging of both people 0:13:00.840 --> 0:13:04.599 on the sides of a conversation don't have the same framework. 0:13:04.120 --> 0:13:05.280 To work from. 0:13:05.320 --> 0:13:08.320 So what advice would you have for someone who's reading 0:13:08.320 --> 0:13:10.400 your book and let's just say they are, you know, 0:13:10.520 --> 0:13:13.880 they are having issues with higher ups or hr whoever, 0:13:14.040 --> 0:13:16.240 and they're wanting to come to the table and have 0:13:16.280 --> 0:13:20.160 a conversation using one of these trust languages, but they 0:13:20.200 --> 0:13:23.320 are getting resistance on the other side because that person 0:13:23.400 --> 0:13:26.800 is not as committed to having like a productive conversation. 0:13:27.000 --> 0:13:28.680 How do you get this book in the hands of 0:13:28.720 --> 0:13:31.040 like all the managers and the senior level people, so 0:13:31.120 --> 0:13:33.520 that when we I'm putting myself in the in the 0:13:33.559 --> 0:13:35.839 shoes of an employee, come to them like they are 0:13:35.840 --> 0:13:38.000 prepared to have that kind of conversation. 0:13:38.640 --> 0:13:40.840 Yeah, I mean, that's a great question. 0:13:40.920 --> 0:13:42.959 And one of the things I was so intentional about 0:13:43.040 --> 0:13:46.880 with this book is providing tons of scripts so that 0:13:47.120 --> 0:13:49.920 the employee, even if the person on the other end 0:13:50.200 --> 0:13:52.720 doesn't even know what you're talking about, because you're probably 0:13:52.720 --> 0:13:55.200 not going to say, hey, my trust language, Bob is 0:13:55.760 --> 0:13:58.920 acknowledgment and sensitivity, because they're not going to know probably 0:13:58.960 --> 0:14:01.720 what you mean. But I have a framework in language 0:14:01.720 --> 0:14:03.880 that you could use to say, you know what, I've 0:14:03.880 --> 0:14:06.240 been on this project for the last several months. What 0:14:06.360 --> 0:14:08.320 really helps me do my best work is when you 0:14:08.360 --> 0:14:10.400 provide me a little more feedback. Is that something we 0:14:10.440 --> 0:14:13.560 can partner on right now? That signals to that person 0:14:13.640 --> 0:14:15.640 They don't have to know what any of this means, 0:14:15.640 --> 0:14:16.360 but they do know what. 0:14:16.320 --> 0:14:18.520 Feedback looks like, right, And then we get. 0:14:18.400 --> 0:14:21.840 To provide examples of after I finish a sprint, it 0:14:21.840 --> 0:14:23.600 would be great to know did. 0:14:23.440 --> 0:14:25.760 I hit expectations? Did I meet them? 0:14:25.800 --> 0:14:28.840 Did I succeed them, whatever that might look like to you. 0:14:29.160 --> 0:14:31.440 And then this provides us a framework because now we 0:14:31.520 --> 0:14:34.560 can stop creating a narrative in our mind that may 0:14:34.640 --> 0:14:36.720 or may not be true about if this person is 0:14:36.720 --> 0:14:38.960 invested in our success or not. They might not just 0:14:39.000 --> 0:14:41.320 be thinking about that you need that, right. So, now 0:14:41.360 --> 0:14:44.440 that I've positioned myself to actually have a conversation that 0:14:44.480 --> 0:14:47.200 they're aware of, now we could sit back and say, Okay, 0:14:47.560 --> 0:14:49.440 now I'll know if I could trust them or not 0:14:49.560 --> 0:14:52.200 if they're starting to provide me that feedback. And so 0:14:52.320 --> 0:14:54.760 my hope is that managers will get this book and 0:14:54.800 --> 0:14:57.440 read it, and even if their employees don't understand what 0:14:57.760 --> 0:15:00.840 trust languages are, you ask them what trust look like 0:15:01.040 --> 0:15:03.120 for you on the team, right, because. 0:15:02.880 --> 0:15:04.320 I want to provide that for you. 0:15:04.400 --> 0:15:06.840 It's less about trust issues and more of a communication 0:15:07.160 --> 0:15:09.040 solve right, because we don't know how to talk to 0:15:09.080 --> 0:15:11.840 each other and people are fearful to bring certain things up. 0:15:11.920 --> 0:15:14.640 So I'm hopeful that talk to me nice will create 0:15:14.680 --> 0:15:18.160 the necessary conversations to be able to talk about trust 0:15:18.160 --> 0:15:20.400 that in a way that it doesn't have to be scary, right, 0:15:20.440 --> 0:15:22.280 because I think sometimes when we put it on the 0:15:22.280 --> 0:15:25.040 table that trust might be broken. People don't want to 0:15:25.160 --> 0:15:27.800 accept that because that can look kind of negative or 0:15:27.840 --> 0:15:29.960 sound kind of negative. But when we talk about what 0:15:30.000 --> 0:15:32.240 do we need to communicate better here and what do 0:15:32.280 --> 0:15:34.360 we need to make sure that everybody gets what they 0:15:34.400 --> 0:15:36.160 need to do their best work, I. 0:15:36.080 --> 0:15:37.640 Feel like it's framing. I don't know if you. 0:15:38.080 --> 0:15:40.360 I'm sure your listeners have heard. It's not what you 0:15:40.400 --> 0:15:42.640 say about how you say it. So if we package 0:15:42.680 --> 0:15:45.160 it up in a way that can kind of manage 0:15:45.240 --> 0:15:48.200 up to our leaders, then I feel like it's a 0:15:48.320 --> 0:15:50.880 it's a possibility, and we got to give it a shot. 0:15:51.000 --> 0:15:53.200 Like if people know what you need, then maybe they 0:15:53.200 --> 0:15:55.120 can provide it. But if we never say it, you know, 0:15:55.200 --> 0:15:57.720 closed mouths don't get fed, right. 0:15:57.800 --> 0:15:59.920 And I love that you have those scripts in there. Yeah, 0:16:00.080 --> 0:16:02.240 especially at a time when it feels like people are running. 0:16:02.360 --> 0:16:07.520 My cousin, she's twenty six, twenty seven. She's like, I 0:16:07.560 --> 0:16:11.000 am using chat GPT to help me figure out what 0:16:11.040 --> 0:16:13.000 to say back to this person I'm texting. It's like 0:16:13.000 --> 0:16:15.560 a challenging her roommate or whatever. It's a challenging conversation. 0:16:15.920 --> 0:16:18.280 But we need human we need that, we need the 0:16:18.320 --> 0:16:21.240 mendas and It's like, if y'all have an opportunity to 0:16:21.320 --> 0:16:25.120 get someone who has been giving professional workplace advice for 0:16:25.200 --> 0:16:26.520 how long have you been in this business? 0:16:26.800 --> 0:16:28.960 Twenty fifteen? Oh my god, you know since I was 0:16:29.440 --> 0:16:30.200 five years old. 0:16:31.960 --> 0:16:35.119 Yes, you were a child prodigy. That's right, because you're fifteen. 0:16:36.960 --> 0:16:38.600 You've been doing it for so long, and I just 0:16:38.640 --> 0:16:41.840 love I think that this is the access to, you know, 0:16:41.920 --> 0:16:44.480 someone like you. It's how we get our message out there. 0:16:44.480 --> 0:16:46.800 It's how we give advice without actually being able to 0:16:46.800 --> 0:16:50.440 touch every single person. I mean, I want to talk 0:16:50.480 --> 0:16:54.480 a little bit about repairing broken trust and who is 0:16:54.560 --> 0:16:57.240 responsible for that. I guess it's a two part question, 0:16:57.640 --> 0:17:00.440 which I know everyone loves, especially me who can never 0:17:00.440 --> 0:17:03.440 remember anything, But I'm thinking about how do we repair 0:17:03.520 --> 0:17:06.399 broken trust in the workplace? And then also the second 0:17:06.400 --> 0:17:09.600 part of that is like who's responsible? Like who really 0:17:09.640 --> 0:17:12.560 carries the responsibility of repairing that kind of trust? How 0:17:12.600 --> 0:17:15.879 do we make companies care about breaking our trust? 0:17:16.040 --> 0:17:17.160 You know? Yeah? 0:17:17.200 --> 0:17:20.040 Well, I'll say this trust isn't just nice to have, 0:17:20.119 --> 0:17:22.720 but it's good for business. There are tons of data 0:17:22.800 --> 0:17:25.880 that's from Edelman's Trust Barometer to Gallop poll and they 0:17:25.880 --> 0:17:28.760 say that when trust is present, employees are twenty one 0:17:28.800 --> 0:17:32.440 percent more productive, fifty percent more of your employees are retained, 0:17:32.560 --> 0:17:36.280 and forty percent less burnout. So it's not just oh, kumbayah, 0:17:36.480 --> 0:17:39.399 we trust each other, you know, let's do a trust fall. 0:17:39.760 --> 0:17:42.680 It's more than that. It's actually good for the bottom line. 0:17:42.720 --> 0:17:45.639