Speaker 1: That's how you feel about Top Kit hearing Oho, Siko,
Speaker 1: Channon Shark talk sometimes m where it's like whoa you
Speaker 1: know there there's this is being recorded. Yeah, and Shannon
Speaker 1: Shark is just like I split it up on the quarter.
Speaker 2: Three And that's the thing. Ocho is the reasonable one.
Speaker 1: Yeah, his name is Oo and he's like, you have
Speaker 1: to calm down.
Speaker 2: You're like, bro, you can't keep talking like this. I
Speaker 2: gotta live, I gotta do. I gotta do.
Speaker 1: If ain't do eighty and ain't a lady which is
Speaker 1: a you should get birch of that? That's pretty?
Speaker 2: That's crazy. Doesn't babies in your quali bears?
Speaker 1: A racists?
Speaker 2: Money's invading turning stuff?
Speaker 3: Y'all can't tell me?
Speaker 1: Do you know what today is? It's our anniversary. Welcome
Speaker 1: to another episode of My Mama.
Speaker 4: Told Me, the podcast where we dived deep into the
Speaker 4: pockets of black conspiracy theories and we finally worked to
Speaker 4: prove that the game se Loo was in fact invented
Speaker 4: by slaves to teach each other man.
Speaker 1: It wasn't about gambling. So when you take eighty five
Speaker 1: dollars off your uncle at the super Bowl, don't feel bad.
Speaker 1: You're just trying to help that nigga learn some shit.
Speaker 1: My name is David Body.
Speaker 2: I'm like Stinkerman, and I'm proud to hear that that's
Speaker 2: the best way to honor our ancestors come on by
Speaker 2: gambling against our strange relatives.
Speaker 1: Our ancestors guided me in the winning of about eighty
Speaker 1: dollars on the Super Bowl this year, So I thank you. Yeah,
Speaker 1: good for you.
Speaker 2: Were you forty nine ers ice home? You were just
Speaker 2: fan Cisco connection.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but I also had prop bets, so I bet
Speaker 1: for the first drive to be less than three minutes
Speaker 1: and fifteen seconds, and I made like eighty bucks off
Speaker 1: of that. And then I also bet for Deebo and
Speaker 1: mccaffree to get a touchdown. I lost that, and then
Speaker 1: but then I want a bunch of money in Dice,
Speaker 1: so I still won.
Speaker 2: You found you found your way back on top.
Speaker 1: Yeah, because I just bet the money line because I'm
Speaker 1: not really great about spreads. Freaked me out. Yeah, I don't.
Speaker 2: I don't understand a lot of the the shorthand of
Speaker 2: gambling and so intimidating asking adult men to explain it
Speaker 2: to you. Yeah, I've just opted not to play.
Speaker 1: You know what, I mean the same way with technology.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's just like men especially, it's like you you
Speaker 2: go to them and you go, hey, I'm vulnerable, could
Speaker 2: you please? Could you please help me? And they make
Speaker 2: you feel very small, very fast.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Men love jargon. Mm hmm, that's what it is.
Speaker 1: Men love jargon.
Speaker 2: Bro.
Speaker 1: So it's like, because I don't know what I'm doing either,
Speaker 1: I'm saying stuff like I bet moneyline because it's for
Speaker 1: stupid people. Yeah, it just means I bet that the
Speaker 1: forty nine ers were gonna win straight up right, just working.
Speaker 1: I was thinking about becoming a gloves guy.
Speaker 2: I was wondering, what's happening here? I looked. I thought
Speaker 2: we were having a normal conversation, and then your fingers
Speaker 2: look like Dumbledore after he sucked around with that horse crux.
Speaker 2: And I wasn't sure what was happening.
Speaker 1: But is it not good? I'll take them on.
Speaker 2: I don't think it's great, it's uh. I don't think
Speaker 2: those are the type of gloves you can be a
Speaker 2: glove guy with. I don't think you can just put
Speaker 2: on two north face gloves.
Speaker 1: I bet that's cool.
Speaker 2: I think gloves cool gloves guy. Cool glove guys wear
Speaker 2: like like a hard leather. They wear like a hard leather. Yeah,
Speaker 2: they wear like a thick, a thick motorcyclic leather. They
Speaker 2: don't wear a fucking I wanted to be at.
Speaker 1: Okay, they're for everyone. First of all, The North Face
Speaker 1: is a very adult company. I always wanted, did you.
Speaker 1: I always wanted to be a batting gloves guy, but
Speaker 1: I never had I was never cool enough to pull
Speaker 1: that off.
Speaker 2: Yeah, there was a few eras that I wish I
Speaker 2: could have. You Remember when like goggles were in, when
Speaker 2: like you good Well Diddy and Mace and you put
Speaker 2: on like a pair of goggles with their outfit, and
Speaker 2: somehow that that wasn't a thing people ask questions about.
Speaker 2: I desperately wanted to be a ski goggles, ask dude,
Speaker 2: and and couldn't pull it off.
Speaker 1: I couldn't, well, because you were too young. Here's this
Speaker 1: is so funny. I was just talking about Homie about
Speaker 1: it yesterday, and his dad was from New York, so
Speaker 1: they had all kinds of bootleg shit. And he said
Speaker 1: he came to school and like not just the goggles,
Speaker 1: the remember the Tommy the Tommy squ cap. Yeah, like
Speaker 1: it said, he said, he came in to school with
Speaker 1: both and like the fourth grade he was possible. It
Speaker 1: was like, what are you doing? Of course not? Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: you're a little boy.
Speaker 2: This isn't a rap video. You take that goddamn ship off.
Speaker 1: We're here to learn multiplication, not get pussy. Yeah you're not.
Speaker 2: You out of your mind. You're gonna look cooler than
Speaker 2: me on a regular day.
Speaker 1: No, I'll fucking kill you, little boy.
Speaker 2: You're gonna look like how I want to dress the
Speaker 2: fuck you you take that off?
Speaker 1: Man? Do you think you were a teacher? Did you
Speaker 1: ever like get some fly ship and you were like,
Speaker 1: I bet I could wear this at school. You said
Speaker 1: you took the bow tie out of the classroom. Did
Speaker 1: you ever take you know, the echo in I'm trying
Speaker 1: to frame my things. I'm trying to be more professional
Speaker 1: in my manner of speaking.
Speaker 2: I got you. I want to be clear that I
Speaker 2: wasn't still wearing echo as a professional educator, but I
Speaker 2: I do. I do remember there being like they're being
Speaker 2: like sweaters or sweat shirts that I'd be like, damn
Speaker 2: if I could figure out a way to put this
Speaker 2: over my shirt and tie and still have my ties
Speaker 2: showing I could like kind of fly this up and
Speaker 2: not feel like as much of a dork. But I
Speaker 2: do think after a while, you're just a dude waking
Speaker 2: up at six am to go teach kids, and you
Speaker 2: stop giving a fuck about how you look, which is
Speaker 2: maybe the most disheartening part of teaching.
Speaker 1: Are they high schoolers? Yeah? Yeah, yeah. Was there ever
Speaker 1: a level of you wanting them to think you were fresh? Yeah?
Speaker 2: You do want them to think you're like cool, you
Speaker 2: know what I mean? Like I didn't want them to
Speaker 2: think I'm a loser.
Speaker 1: But I didn't want You're not that far from their age, right.
Speaker 2: That's the hard game, though, is you don't want them
Speaker 2: to think you're a loser, but you also don't want
Speaker 2: them to think you're wanting them to be cool with you,
Speaker 2: do you know what I mean? So like you gotta
Speaker 2: be fly, but you gotta be flying away that they're like,
Speaker 2: I don't I don't get it. I don't quite understand
Speaker 2: what that is.
Speaker 1: Oh interesting, interesting.
Speaker 2: And that's that's a hard little needle to thread because
Speaker 2: they immediately if you dress too cool, they think you're
Speaker 2: best friends, and if you dress to dorky, they think
Speaker 2: they're like they could talk down to you and ships.
Speaker 1: Why I would have to be a pe teacher.
Speaker 2: Oh, that's smart.
Speaker 1: Because if I could incorporate fitting physical punishments, you're going
Speaker 1: to respect you.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and also you do you don't have to really
Speaker 2: adhere to like teacher law. When it comes to pe teachers.
Speaker 1: It feels like it's a wild West. Yeah, you can
Speaker 1: use slurs like it's a whole bunch of shit that
Speaker 1: goes on in the gym. That's yeah.
Speaker 2: I had a pe teacher tell me that Asian women
Speaker 2: have sideways pussies, and.
Speaker 1: Well, that's true. Though. He was just like a good man.
Speaker 2: He was just a man trying to inform me of
Speaker 2: what's happening out in the world.
Speaker 1: How did that? I'm up? During dodgeball, he was.
Speaker 2: Like, buddy, Buddy, I wish I knew. It was very
Speaker 2: I'll say this, it was very natural. He sort of
Speaker 2: just said, boys gather around, and then he he decided to,
Speaker 2: I guess, dispense his wisdom on us, and we were
Speaker 2: we were fourteen and very uncertain of what to do
Speaker 2: with that information.
Speaker 1: Yeah, what do you now? What does that help? I
Speaker 1: don't know what to do with the other ones. There
Speaker 1: also was.
Speaker 2: A curveball like, yeah, no, I had not seen a
Speaker 2: pussy yet.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you're ready for the straight up and down?
Speaker 2: He said it, and I had to think about which
Speaker 2: way was sideways.
Speaker 1: You know, I'm thirty six, I'm still.
Speaker 2: And also, we didn't have enough Asian women, you know
Speaker 2: what I mean.
Speaker 1: Last from that's why he did it. No, it was.
Speaker 2: It was a true violence. He did us as boys,
Speaker 2: and and I don't know what to do with it.
Speaker 1: Well, shout out to Asian women. I know you all
Speaker 1: all you have your pussy's on straight and if you do,
Speaker 1: if you don't, I don't think that's something of a problem.
Speaker 2: Listen, I cannot imagine that if I went down there
Speaker 2: and your ship was sideways, that that would in any
Speaker 2: way deter me from finishing my job.
Speaker 1: Because it doesn't. And this is the last I'll say
Speaker 1: on this. It doesn't disorient them. It's just all the extras.
Speaker 2: No, no, no, nope, that's just a spider man kiss baby
Speaker 2: girl and now let's get to work.
Speaker 1: From a web. You go down. Oh, I love that.
Speaker 2: This is This is a rare Langston and David episode.
Speaker 2: I don't know if they're that rare. We do them
Speaker 2: every once in a while, but yeah, we're excited to
Speaker 2: just shoot the ship with each other. We we got
Speaker 2: some emails. We might talk some shit about some other stuff.
Speaker 2: Who knows where the conversation will take us, but but
Speaker 2: we're happy you're here, and we have an email that
Speaker 2: I think you should read. I think I think it's
Speaker 2: only right that you read this email because of the
Speaker 2: the circumstances being presented in the email.
Speaker 1: I don't know if it's I think it's more uncomfortable
Speaker 1: if I read it, which ultimately is probably leads to
Speaker 1: the better humor.
Speaker 2: Yeah, no, I think I think that's that's exactly right.
Speaker 1: I've never intimate. Okay, Yeah, let's just get into it.
Speaker 1: Hell yeah, Hi, David and Langston.
Speaker 2: You should frame who this is from.
Speaker 1: I don't think we're supposed to say her name?
Speaker 2: Are we say our first name? We don't.
Speaker 1: This is from Joe sat Yeah, Hi David and Langston.
Speaker 1: I want to first say that I adore both of you.
Speaker 1: That's nice, David more so than Legston.
Speaker 2: Okay, I don't love that far, but I'm listening.
Speaker 1: I love a deep dark chocolate man. Oh I bet
Speaker 1: he tastes like a Hershey bar. Oh a girl ken dream. Okay, Well,
Speaker 1: let's stop there.
Speaker 2: Let's just pause right there.
Speaker 1: I wish you did. I don't know.
Speaker 2: Let's this is worth a dressing that that I do
Speaker 2: think more often than than certainly than myself. Women are
Speaker 2: throwing a lot of pussy at you in these d
Speaker 2: in these messages, You're you're getting more more thrown at you,
Speaker 2: I I think than than most.
Speaker 1: Which is yeah, I don't know. I this is not
Speaker 1: I was not prepared to address these allegations.
Speaker 2: Well, it's the state of the union, my man. You
Speaker 2: don't get to just skip over everything that's happening in
Speaker 2: the country, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: Thank you to all the little mamas thrown at me,
Speaker 1: uh via DMS and or emails. I currently have a girlfriend.
Speaker 1: It's very nice to you. I appreciate your comments on
Speaker 1: my skin that are borderline harassment. I appreciate it, and
Speaker 1: I feel seen and I feel beautiful.
Speaker 2: Yeah, David, unfortunately he has chillsen a lover.
Speaker 1: I don't like it what you say it like that.
Speaker 2: Well, it's unfortunate for you all. It's not unfortunate for him.
Speaker 2: It's a beautiful thing that he's he's found a special
Speaker 2: someone that said, uh, you bitch, it's gotta calm down
Speaker 2: because you're you're really, you're really trying to suck my
Speaker 2: man off, and it's.
Speaker 1: Really, it's not it's not that you know, it's not
Speaker 1: like I'm getting DMS where people are like, let me
Speaker 1: suck your dick.
Speaker 2: It's like if anybody you taste like a Hershey bar.
Speaker 1: Which is which is if that's what you're coming in
Speaker 1: is hoping for, let me tell you right wrong flavor. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it tastes a lot like the other ones you've had.
Speaker 1: But let's not be okay, But to be fair, if
Speaker 1: we're talking about who's getting explicit d M, sure between
Speaker 1: you and I, George, it's still you win.
Speaker 2: Well, let me let's also be clear that the explicit
Speaker 2: d MS that I get, it's not even it's not
Speaker 2: even people that I've I would even remotely entertain why
Speaker 2: because it's mostly just men.
Speaker 1: Who Okay, I get it in very no.
Speaker 2: Only that has nothing to do with homophobia. It's displeasure. It's displeasure,
Speaker 2: It is not fear. Let me be clear, I surprise,
Speaker 2: I am an ally. I support your right to suck
Speaker 2: whichever DIX you choose. I choose was not to allow
Speaker 2: you to put my dick in your mouth. And that
Speaker 2: is sort of the position I take in all of this.
Speaker 1: Because, let's be fair, fellas, my man has a family.
Speaker 2: You can't have a family.
Speaker 1: You're sending them whole You're sending them hold dog. Come.
Speaker 2: I will say that men are unfortunately the exact same
Speaker 2: despite their sexual orientations. Men are out of control with
Speaker 2: women and they are also out of control with men,
Speaker 2: and so I get very aggressive emails, DMS and sometimes
Speaker 2: even message just straight up fucking comments underneath pictures of
Speaker 2: my daughter where men will it's just me and my
Speaker 2: fucking daughter and they'll be like a kiss this shit
Speaker 2: out of you, and it's like, man, man, stop it.
Speaker 2: You gotta chill the fuck out.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's Tuesday. Here's my question, though, is it comforting
Speaker 1: to know that if you go to the other side
Speaker 1: you would be well received?
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's kind of cool.
Speaker 1: I don't. I don't. Nobody ever thinks I'm gay. Mmm, Like,
Speaker 1: never I had a gay roommate, I'd go out with them. Sometimes.
Speaker 1: None of those dudes were ever.
Speaker 2: Like hey you what you're doing?
Speaker 1: Yeah? Never, never, never, never never. It's probably just like
Speaker 1: camouflage on. But yeah, no, dudes, everything that I'm a
Speaker 1: gay guy, so that's like nice.
Speaker 2: Yeah, no, listen, I'm not offended by the warmness of
Speaker 2: the reception. It is not lost on me that it
Speaker 2: is very sweet that people would find myself you attractive.
Speaker 2: I think we both can agree. It's a very nice feeling.
Speaker 1: It feels it does. It feels good to everybody wants
Speaker 1: to be wanted, and I would. I'm glad we're not
Speaker 1: like an ugo podcast, Like, I'm glad people aren't like, damn,
Speaker 1: take the videos down.
Speaker 2: Yeah, no, we don't need to look at you. Let's
Speaker 2: just listen to your your assaultry voices.
Speaker 1: Because that would hurt my feelings. Yeah, that would be
Speaker 1: hard for me if people were just sending email because
Speaker 1: I was talking to somebody about this before we get
Speaker 1: to the rest of this. Have you noticed Black people
Speaker 1: are the only people with the courage to just straight
Speaker 1: up call people ugly and believe them for being ugly.
Speaker 1: Nobody else like does that like that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I black people do it in a way where
Speaker 2: like they'll say it with affection. They presumed it, like
Speaker 2: if I think I wouldn't be surprised they were, like
Speaker 2: these two ugly niggas are hilarious. And like, Bro, you
Speaker 2: didn't even have to say that first part.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you ain't have to.
Speaker 2: Mention how we look that that's how me but that's
Speaker 2: just that's that's the way we speak to each other.
Speaker 1: I do appreciate it because I was thinking about the
Speaker 1: other I used to have never seen like even like
Speaker 1: black men to each other all the time, call each
Speaker 1: other ugly, but like I've never seen white guys do that. Really. Yeah.
Speaker 2: Now, sometimes I even people I don't think are ugly,
Speaker 2: I'll like see a lot of times, a lot of
Speaker 2: times from a distant I'll be like, look this ugly motherfucker.
Speaker 1: Yeah, people people in my family. I think I have
Speaker 1: a very he was very attractive. I'll call him, what's up,
Speaker 1: ugly little boy. Yeah, cute guys, all of them.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I don't know why what that is, but
Speaker 2: it certainly is. Uh, it's part of our cooking.
Speaker 1: Yeah all right, Well, anyways, so we got past that
Speaker 1: she wants to slurt me down.
Speaker 2: Josette is a girl can dream, and she's looking a
Speaker 2: slurt But you can dream.
Speaker 1: You can dream about me and my big huge Hershey bar, it's.
Speaker 2: Not over selling.
Speaker 1: Well, let's sell the product. She's looking to buy. I
Speaker 1: think I think I'm sweating, very uncomfortable. Anyway, enough with
Speaker 1: the pleasant trees, there we go. When we got through it,
Speaker 1: every one of my girlfriends has the same irrational fear
Speaker 1: of a snake coming up through the toilet and biting
Speaker 1: our kit Cat bars. I never called kat.
Speaker 2: I haven't either, And at first when I read it,
Speaker 2: I thought to myself, what, And then I thought about
Speaker 2: it a second, I was like, oh, yeah, yeah, no.
Speaker 1: It's great, give me a break, you know.
Speaker 2: What my problem was? And then I'll be honest. When
Speaker 2: when kick cat bar first got introduced, is I pictured
Speaker 2: the four kit cat bars next to each other, but
Speaker 2: then when you make it the two kit cat bars,
Speaker 2: and yeah, then it's like okay, yep, yep, yep or
Speaker 2: whatever you're inside.
Speaker 1: Look, I'm not general. Yeah got kick cat bars, some
Speaker 1: people got fruit roll ups.
Speaker 2: It's all hey, some people. Some people got a spilled
Speaker 2: bag of groceries, and and that's just fine with me.
Speaker 1: Yeah, But to come down with my Spider Man mask
Speaker 1: nasty episode discuss.
Speaker 2: We're calling upon you because we have new merch. We
Speaker 2: have very exciting merch that we are now selling, and
Speaker 2: it's it's fucking great. We love it so much.
Speaker 1: Just sleek, it's sexy.
Speaker 2: Come on, you want to tell them what we have?
Speaker 1: Yeah, we have three different types of hats, which is
Speaker 1: really fun. We have a two tone hat, an alien
Speaker 1: dad hat, the traditional logo in black and khaki. Then
Speaker 1: we have the enamel pin with an alien who has
Speaker 1: a cooofie on it since my mama told me. And
Speaker 1: then we have t shirts that say proud little Mama,
Speaker 1: which is who you are.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you can buy the merch now go to my
Speaker 2: Mama told me dot Merchcentral dot com and we want
Speaker 2: you to have all the sweet stuff, So get it anyway.
Speaker 1: Okay, Yeah, Samurai rational ville of a snake coming up
Speaker 1: and biting our kit kat bars. We don't you know
Speaker 1: why we have this fear? Why do we all have
Speaker 1: this irrational fear but nobody talks out loud about it.
Speaker 1: How did it come to be that we all have
Speaker 1: this similar, fair, same fear as women. Well let me
Speaker 1: stop you here, Josette, Me and my giant hersheybar are
Speaker 1: also afraid of the same thing, are you. I'm afraid
Speaker 1: of that. Yeah. I don't think it's just women.
Speaker 2: I'll be honest. That is not where my fear lives
Speaker 2: with the toilet.
Speaker 1: Do tell I.
Speaker 2: We've actually talked about it a little bit in previous episodes.
Speaker 2: But I'm much more afraid of what could come in
Speaker 2: via the doors than I have ever been afraid of
Speaker 2: what could rise up from inside of the toilet.
Speaker 1: Well, here's just to push back a little bit. The
Speaker 1: thing about coming in is you still at least have
Speaker 1: some way to see it and protect yourself. Coming from
Speaker 1: under you gotten a snake could just bite your beatings.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but but I also don't know snakes to be
Speaker 2: like just Dick biting for the hell of it. I
Speaker 2: think there are you kind of have to provoke the
Speaker 2: snake and do shit to the snake.
Speaker 1: I mean, meant to come in and assault you from
Speaker 1: a toilet.
Speaker 2: I think that's statistically, I think that's probably more likely
Speaker 2: than the snake just biting Dick. Who do you know
Speaker 2: that that's happened to assaulted a man while he was
Speaker 2: sitting on the toilet.
Speaker 1: Or a man was assaulted when he got was on
Speaker 1: the twilet.
Speaker 2: Nobody personally, But I've heard more. I've seen enough movies
Speaker 2: that's not it could happen to somebody.
Speaker 1: When was the last time somebody walked in on you
Speaker 1: taking a shit.
Speaker 2: Hmm. That's a good question, man, it's been years. It's
Speaker 2: probably been since, like since like fucking like living with
Speaker 2: roommates or high school even like really, yes.
Speaker 1: You seem like you would be very vigilant about not
Speaker 1: having someone see you. Yeah.
Speaker 2: I can't afford for that to get out, you know
Speaker 2: what I mean?
Speaker 1: I know that. I know. I know that for sure.
Speaker 1: You don't. I can see. That makes sense to me.
Speaker 2: Yeah, real, Jean's moving silence like lasagna, and I can't.
Speaker 1: What do you even think you're doing on them?
Speaker 2: I don't know, but I'm I think that's the thing
Speaker 2: is like, And maybe this is pee? Do you have
Speaker 2: a pee when you're I almost exclusively sit down to
Speaker 2: pee at home? Now off that damn we I don't know.
Speaker 2: I don't understanding exclusively at home. Yeah, I'm sitting. I'm
Speaker 2: sitting in public. I'll stand, you know, I respect the
Speaker 2: society we've built. But now at home, I sit down.
Speaker 2: I'm resting at nighttime. At nighttime, that's when I sometimes
Speaker 2: sit for longer than the pee. Oh, I'll just give
Speaker 2: it a nice rest sometimes.
Speaker 1: Uh.
Speaker 2: And maybe this is a familiar thing for a thirty
Speaker 2: six year old man. And sometimes you sit down and
Speaker 2: you pee and then you realize, I got a little
Speaker 2: bit more in there, and it takes a while for
Speaker 2: you to find that a little bit more and you
Speaker 2: just that comes out and then you're like, oh, now
Speaker 2: I'm truly empty, and that was fucking tight.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Sometimes I'll sit to poop and then realize that
Speaker 1: I got peace don't come out as much as I
Speaker 1: used to. Mm hmmmm, hmmm hm. And that's just getting old,
Speaker 1: you know.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's unfortunate, and I'm not proud of it. And
Speaker 2: I hate that my body is rejecting itself in the
Speaker 2: way that it is.
Speaker 1: But feel bad about it. Man, it's not crazy.
Speaker 2: I think it's just hard to forget the the the
Speaker 2: veracity of my youth, you know what I.
Speaker 1: Mean, Like strong stream ones.
Speaker 2: Yeah, bounce back and hit me in the chest.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I needed a flash guard coming out crazy. I
Speaker 1: gotta back up.
Speaker 3: Hold on, hold on, going to first all there's not
Speaker 3: enough room.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I remember who I was and it's hard to let
Speaker 2: go of that. And I think that is why NBA players,
Speaker 2: you know, after they retire a while out the way
Speaker 2: that they do. And Paul Pierce is getting, you know,
Speaker 2: doing fucking Instagram live with strippers. It's because he remembers
Speaker 2: the Paul Pierce he used to be, and not the
Speaker 2: Paul Pierce said he should be at at forty eight
Speaker 2: or whatever the fuck he is.
Speaker 1: I mean, you don't think it's okay for a man
Speaker 1: to be single at forty eight.
Speaker 2: I don't think it's okay for Paul Pierce to be
Speaker 2: single at forty eight. I think that's a man structure desperately.
Speaker 2: Sometimes I listen to those conversations with him and Kevin Garnet,
Speaker 2: and Kevin Garnett is being like the mature one and
Speaker 2: being like Paul, you gotta chill. And it's like, bro,
Speaker 2: if Kevin Garnett is scolding you because you're out of line,
Speaker 2: You're you've gotta reflect. They're not supposed to be by themselves,
Speaker 2: you know what I mean?
Speaker 1: Like I think leets in general. Do you think it's
Speaker 1: because their whole life was so regimented that when you
Speaker 1: kind of like cause, like athletes lives for the most part,
Speaker 1: it's like a it's a job about discipline, right, you
Speaker 1: gotta be in the gym, Yeah, put your time in
Speaker 1: learning all that shit. So it's like when they let
Speaker 1: that go, you think, it's just like they've never been
Speaker 1: free to just make all their own decisions in their life.
Speaker 2: Right, Yeah, I think. I think certainly it has like
Speaker 2: a little bit of a militaristic I guess energy about it,
Speaker 2: where it's like you wake up at this time, you
Speaker 2: go and you do this and this exercises and then
Speaker 2: practice and then jim again, and like it sort of
Speaker 2: fills your day with like motivation and dedication and reasons
Speaker 2: to do whatever the fuck you're doing. And then when
Speaker 2: you have all these recreational behaviors, it certainly at least
Speaker 2: is earned behavior, and so you're you're like managing it
Speaker 2: to some extent, but then it just becomes, oh, I
Speaker 2: have mega millions and no reason to wake up in
Speaker 2: the morning.
Speaker 1: Yeah, all these strippers and my dms.
Speaker 2: Everybody remembers who I used to be, so like, yeah,
Speaker 2: I'm gonna take it to be.
Speaker 1: Fair, you're still that man. Don't take that from him. Yeah, No,
Speaker 1: I mean everybody remembers when you were worth something contributing
Speaker 1: to us.
Speaker 2: N I mean, I don't know what he's contributing now,
Speaker 2: but I certainly think Paul Pierce Paul Pierce gave us
Speaker 2: a lot, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: He really did man pants.
Speaker 2: Pants and then Brian Scalabrini and carry him out. Uh,
Speaker 2: what a great moment in history.
Speaker 1: That a big time I listen, man, I it's someone
Speaker 1: who that's a big fear of theirs. It's just like
Speaker 1: nice to see it played out not so terrible.
Speaker 2: You know, And I'd say played out maybe the best
Speaker 2: anyone's ever played it out.
Speaker 1: Yeah, for real, for real?
Speaker 2: No, Like, no person in history has ship themselves more
Speaker 2: efficiently and effectively than yeah.
Speaker 1: Like, because if I did, man, I should my pants
Speaker 1: had a safe way. Once it's fucked up, suck. I
Speaker 1: don't even really want to talk about it. It's just
Speaker 1: really awful. It's really really awful. What happened?
Speaker 2: Did it go down your leg?
Speaker 1: No? Man, I I was driving home. This is that's
Speaker 1: how long ago is I had a driver's license. I
Speaker 1: was driving home from work and I went to Safeway
Speaker 1: to grab some ship and then I was in line
Speaker 1: and my this girl I knew, was behind me with
Speaker 1: her boyfriend who's the worst, and we started talking and
Speaker 1: I had my back to him because I turned around,
Speaker 1: and then it just this fucking happened. I was wearing
Speaker 1: a baby blue button down as was the time, you know,
Speaker 1: as was the time. So I had to kind of
Speaker 1: like keep talking and back like I had to keep
Speaker 1: talking to them and then like back up to the
Speaker 1: card reader and turn and pay and then kind of
Speaker 1: just like back all.
Speaker 2: Oh, you still had business to do.
Speaker 1: Cause it was and it was I'm pretty sure it
Speaker 1: got to the back of my shirt.
Speaker 2: God damn.
Speaker 1: So I didn't want to, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: So I had to kind of like back out of
Speaker 1: the safe way. Then I had to get my car
Speaker 1: and I had to drive another like fifteen miles home.
Speaker 2: Fuck.
Speaker 1: And then when I got home, it was during the
Speaker 1: Western Conference Finals.
Speaker 2: I thought you were gonna say it was nine to eleven.
Speaker 1: No.
Speaker 2: I looked on the TV and the second tower fell.
Speaker 1: It was like it was like, it is the Western
Speaker 1: Conference Finals, the one with the Nuggets and the Lakers. Yeah.
Speaker 1: So I had like ten twelve people in my house
Speaker 1: and I forgot that. So I as I opened the door,
Speaker 1: I was like, fuck because my roommate had let everybody in.
Speaker 2: This is insane.
Speaker 1: It sucked. And then I was like and then I
Speaker 1: was like, I can't even I'm not gonna I can't
Speaker 1: get from the front door to downstairs. So I just
Speaker 1: had to be like listen, man.
Speaker 2: Hey, everybody, thank you for coming.
Speaker 1: I gotta go, I gotta I'll be back up in
Speaker 1: like an hour.
Speaker 2: I got the I got the girls lies, but I
Speaker 2: also have a little bit of a problem, so I'll
Speaker 2: see y'all in a minute.
Speaker 1: Fucking it's not a good day.
Speaker 2: No, that's a that's a that's a sad story, big dog.
Speaker 1: I'm not and we lost the leaguers. Yeah.
Speaker 2: I was about to say it doesn't end well either
Speaker 2: for the Western Conference finals.
Speaker 1: No, Olivia hit the group chat and said experienced his
Speaker 1: own nine to eleven. Thank you in that in that
Speaker 1: I will never forget. Fuck.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's that's a low low. It was shipped myself,
Speaker 2: for sure, but I've managed to keep it private every time.
Speaker 1: Bro, it was like double public. It's a double public fuck,
Speaker 1: I mean, but that's what it is. That's why it
Speaker 1: can be a clown on stage for money, you really
Speaker 1: have to humble yourself.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and I don't know if this changes whether or
Speaker 2: not you wanna you want to suck him off, But.
Speaker 1: I was about to slow down to a trickle after this.
Speaker 2: Yeah, there ain't gonna be so many. You taste like chocolates.
Speaker 1: Look at your sex. Simple Now this is your kid.
Speaker 1: Shoot himself in a Safeway afterwards.
Speaker 2: Shot himself in a mid tier grocery store.
Speaker 1: I wasn't even home, oh man, I was probably drinking
Speaker 1: Safeway brand soda. Shout out the Safeway select.
Speaker 2: We're calling upon you because we have we have new merch.
Speaker 2: We have very exciting merch that we are now selling
Speaker 2: and it's it's fucking great. We love it so much.
Speaker 1: Just sleek, it's sexy.
Speaker 2: Come on, you want to tell them what we have.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we have three different types of hats, which is
Speaker 1: really fun. We have a two tone hat, an alien
Speaker 1: dad hat the traditional logo in black and khaki. Then
Speaker 1: we have the enamel pin with an alien who has
Speaker 1: a coofie on it since my mama told me. And
Speaker 1: then we have t shirts that say proud little Mama,
Speaker 1: which is who you are.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you can buy the merch now, go to my
Speaker 2: Mama told me dot Merchcentral dot com and we want
Speaker 2: you to have all the sweet stuff, so get it.
Speaker 2: Well to the question of snakes popping up from the toilet,
Speaker 2: I did a quick googling how often do snakes come
Speaker 2: out of toilets? Because they do say that this is
Speaker 2: a real thing that happens. The sores can be hiding
Speaker 2: ground for a hiding ground for mice and rats. Snakes
Speaker 2: will enter the seer to get their next meal. They
Speaker 2: can make their way through a sre and slither their
Speaker 2: creepy way through a through the bend of a toilet
Speaker 2: the s bend. However, that's this still doesn't mean this
Speaker 2: is a common incident. And they said that the possibility,
Speaker 2: the frequency at which this happens is extremely low. It
Speaker 2: is a rare experience, not often experienced by.
Speaker 1: We're talking about once or twice a year.
Speaker 2: I think there's much rarer than that. I think we're
Speaker 2: talking like nobody you know, is likely to ever have
Speaker 2: this personal experience.
Speaker 1: Now, look up bathroom attacks though.
Speaker 2: Okay, that's I think snakes snake attacks in bathroom.
Speaker 1: No, I was just saying in general, oh, stranger attacks
Speaker 1: in bathroom, because I think that's like because when we
Speaker 1: had talked about it before, you said, even when you
Speaker 1: lived alone, you would shit with the door closed. Yeah.
Speaker 2: I get very nervous of people entering when I'm at
Speaker 2: my most vulnerable state, I keep doors closed when I sleep,
Speaker 2: I keep doors closed when I shit. I keep doors
Speaker 2: closed at all times.
Speaker 1: I don't even think shitting is my top three most
Speaker 1: vulnerable states.
Speaker 2: Okay, list them?
Speaker 1: What about the movies by myself? Why is that so funny?
Speaker 2: You can get up and leave? What do you mean?
Speaker 1: I just really locked in in a way where I'm
Speaker 1: like not very aware of outside.
Speaker 2: Well, I really lived that that Nicole Kidman commercial you
Speaker 2: really like? Uh?
Speaker 1: I like the movies a lot. I enjoyed it as
Speaker 1: an experience. I like it as a group, but I
Speaker 1: like going to myself a lot. And when I if
Speaker 1: it's a really good movie, I'm like locked locked in.
Speaker 2: You know what what we just did is we went
Speaker 2: and saw me and of some comedians. I hear Jordan Temples,
Speaker 2: act Fox, other cool names. But we went and saw
Speaker 2: a double feature of a goofy movie and.
Speaker 1: Baba's Kids at the New Beverly.
Speaker 2: At the New Beverly.
Speaker 1: That's when I was in Los Angeles. I saw at
Speaker 1: the New Beverly, I saw a Booty Call with Jordan's
Speaker 1: Ye yeah you're talking about Yeah, that's a good double feature.
Speaker 2: Yeah, A Goofy movie is a perfect film. Yeah, surely
Speaker 2: is just it's so funny, it's so it's it's it got,
Speaker 2: it's got heart. It moves you in all kinds of
Speaker 2: cool ways.
Speaker 1: Bayba's Kids is is uh, come on, don't be.
Speaker 2: Like that, like based Kids is a is a classic
Speaker 2: and I take nothing from it and if I never
Speaker 2: see it again, that's okay.
Speaker 1: That's that's my family. That's like, we love that movie.
Speaker 1: We're a Baby's Kids family. Really. Oh man, even my
Speaker 1: littlest brother loves it. Whoa Yeah, come on, all the
Speaker 1: songs straight jacking straight Jacket is.
Speaker 2: A good song.
Speaker 1: Come on.
Speaker 2: It's weird that it comes three quarters into the movie.
Speaker 1: Yeah, also that weird freedom song with the robots that
Speaker 1: it is also strange.
Speaker 2: There's a lot of sort of like a poorly structured
Speaker 2: build to that film in a way that you know,
Speaker 2: it truly felt like it was a Robin Harris brainchild.
Speaker 1: It was.
Speaker 2: Yeah, they just took a bit and then evolved it
Speaker 2: into a film, and then he didn't even get to
Speaker 2: see it come to fruition and they had to let
Speaker 2: fase On Love finish it out, which.
Speaker 1: I'm saying this on the record right now. If I die,
Speaker 1: do not let don't recast.
Speaker 2: I'm glad you said that because he was actually the
Speaker 2: first guy I thought it was. I was like, if dies,
Speaker 2: love but his big hershey, chocolate ass, but fair enough.
Speaker 1: I won't call him.
Speaker 2: I won't.
Speaker 1: You can't call if I die, you replaced me with
Speaker 1: the light Skin guy. You changed the name to light On.
Speaker 1: I'm like, no, no, dark Skin replace me. Like if
Speaker 1: I die, qut killer mic in here, I'm gonna haunt you.
Speaker 2: All right, It'll be me and Benningham.
Speaker 1: Just no, you don't get another African either, God damn, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: no Africans, No dark skin dudes. I fucking I'm the
Speaker 1: only I'm like a, I'm like a jealous boyfriend over here.
Speaker 1: You have no one but me. Nobody else wants you.
Speaker 2: Oh man, yeah, no, it's it. It's a I don't
Speaker 2: think that it's great, a great film, but I recognize
Speaker 2: the joy, the nostalgic sort of like thrill it offers.
Speaker 1: It's funny still.
Speaker 2: Though, Robin Harris still has like some funny ass like
Speaker 2: joke jokes in there that you're like, damn, that's just
Speaker 2: that's just a good ass joke.
Speaker 1: This is the first time I heard everything. Anybody called
Speaker 1: somebody a test tube baby.
Speaker 2: Mm hmm. Yeah, no, he really he was groundbreaking as
Speaker 2: a as a comedian, an artist, and it's a shame
Speaker 2: that he died so young.
Speaker 1: Was he young? I think so.
Speaker 2: I think he was younger than he looks.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I think he was just an old faced ass dude.
Speaker 1: I could be wrong. There used to be more of those.
Speaker 2: I think it was an entire generation for a while.
Speaker 1: I mean, have you seen that shit online where they're
Speaker 1: saying millennials are we, like, are aging properly?
Speaker 2: I think they're actually saying millennials are the ones that
Speaker 2: are aging pretty well? It's gen Z that's not aging.
Speaker 1: Probably, No, that's what I'm saying, Like we're aging too good.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Millennials, for whatever reason, are were the youngest looking
Speaker 2: of all the generations. And then gen Z is going
Speaker 2: back to like those nineteen seventies niggas who know what
Speaker 2: it is forty five when they were twenty.
Speaker 1: It's hope. Were the last year our history to grow
Speaker 1: up with any kind of hope.
Speaker 2: We had genuine hope.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's our life before the Internet, before nine to
Speaker 1: eleven turned us into whatever it is we are now,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. We grew up, we all
Speaker 1: thought that we could get a house and have kids
Speaker 1: and like, and that was what the world was. These
Speaker 1: kids now have nothing to live for.
Speaker 2: Yeah. No, they truly are born with a fucked up
Speaker 2: cynicism that just makes their face turned to mush.
Speaker 1: That's why they're prudes. They're all eighty year old women.
Speaker 1: You don't want to see tits and movies. Get out
Speaker 1: of here. Yeah, you don't want to see titties and movies.
Speaker 1: It's like one of the main reasons that go.
Speaker 2: My only motivation when I was sixteen years old was
Speaker 2: sand titties and playing basketball. Come on, I didn't care
Speaker 2: about the world. I wasn't interested in like being a
Speaker 2: hero or a savior of any kind. I just wanted
Speaker 2: to hoop and look at somebody naked.
Speaker 1: Yep.
Speaker 2: And now they have so much weight on their shoulders
Speaker 2: that of course they look like absolute garbage.
Speaker 1: So I think we figured it out.
Speaker 2: Robin Harris and this is gonna blow your fucking mind.
Speaker 2: Robin Harris died at thirty six years old. Fuck really, dog,
Speaker 2: he was he was our age.
Speaker 1: Oh god damn.
Speaker 2: And he was playing kids, Daddy, he played kids? Oh fuck,
Speaker 2: they were probably the same age while he was pretending
Speaker 2: to be his father.
Speaker 1: That's that's bad, jeans, bro.
Speaker 2: He looked rough for thirty six. Man.
Speaker 1: Fuck, I mean he was one of those guys who
Speaker 1: looked so crazy that he had to be hilarious.
Speaker 2: Yeah, what were you gonna do?
Speaker 1: What else? What was your job? What could you do? Scraps?
Speaker 1: That's crazy alright, pe man, he was hilarious.
Speaker 2: He was so funny, so funny, so old looking.
Speaker 1: Sold looking so funny. The two go hand and hands.
Speaker 1: Some of the funniest looking people I've known in my
Speaker 1: life are the funniest people I've ever.
Speaker 2: I looked up your question of whether or not the
Speaker 2: toilet attacks are thing, and unfortunately, and this is a
Speaker 2: pretty telling sign of the society we live in. Mostly
Speaker 2: when you google that, it immediately just gives you a
Speaker 2: laundry list of transgender people being attacked in public restrooms. Great,
Speaker 2: which is maybe worth noting that maybe maybe my fear
Speaker 2: is not as much the active one, but certainly being
Speaker 2: attacked in public restrooms is a active fear that some
Speaker 2: people need to struggle with, and we wish that they didn't.
Speaker 1: Yep, hot riffs.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I get it, you don't want to tack in
Speaker 2: on No, it was kind of really sad. The other thing,
Speaker 2: Olivia sent Us is a article from USA Today of
Speaker 2: very reputable website and newspaper periodical bum Biting Python. It
Speaker 2: says woman bitten by a five foot snake hiding in toilet.
Speaker 1: Ah see that? So fuck yeah.
Speaker 2: As a fifty nine year old woman sat on her
Speaker 2: relative's toilet, she felt a shocking pain. A five foot
Speaker 2: carpet python had bitten her bottom. Why are they writing
Speaker 2: this so fucking British? I hate it? Yeah, I get
Speaker 2: okay now, I see why it was in Australia. Helen
Speaker 2: Richards of Australia. So it seems like USA Today is
Speaker 2: just usurping the language from a different.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I think there's like truly no integrity left in journalism,
Speaker 2: so I think they're just basically copy and paste and
Speaker 2: some shit. Helen Richards of Australia told ten News First
Speaker 2: Queensland she felt a sharp tap on my bottom along
Speaker 2: with some pain on Tuesday afternoon and she handler Jasmine Selaney,
Speaker 2: who removed and relocated the non venomous pike. Like, okay
Speaker 2: now I'm venomous, so singing no poisoning her.
Speaker 1: And poison is not what I'm worried about. H What
Speaker 1: are you worried about my dick getting bit by a snake? Okay,
Speaker 1: fair enough.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's just the general pain of a of a
Speaker 2: bite on your your dick from a snake.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Also, I think it should be referenced that in
Speaker 1: the chat, Olivia is throwing some slurs.
Speaker 2: Yeah, she's she's saying some nasty things about Australian people.
Speaker 1: Yeah, which who knew, I didn't. It's fun to win.
Speaker 1: It's fun to learn new racism that people have.
Speaker 2: Yeah, when you find out your friend is actually deeply
Speaker 2: big at.
Speaker 1: It, Yeah, that's always crazy because it's like it's like
Speaker 1: on some weird shit where it's like, oh, you don't
Speaker 1: want to go to the Brazilian steakhouse because why you
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying, Like, it's always really weird shrigers that.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, they really show their true colors. And then
Speaker 2: you kind of have to decide if if this is
Speaker 2: a reflection of their greater humanity or if this is
Speaker 2: just a moment that that you caught them because they
Speaker 2: had a bad day or whatever.
Speaker 1: Yeah, because it could go either way.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it is worth noting that they said that the
Speaker 2: reason that the snake bit in all likelihood is because
Speaker 2: these snakes preferred an exit point. She had that big old,
Speaker 2: thick bottom, and that the snake just wanted to nibble.
Speaker 1: Make you want to bite.
Speaker 2: They said the snake's preferred exit point was block after
Speaker 2: being spooked by the customers sitting down, and it simply
Speaker 2: lashed out in fear.
Speaker 1: If it's exactly what I would think would happen.
Speaker 2: So I guess to your point, Uh, it is more
Speaker 2: likely that the snake will bite if you sit down
Speaker 2: on top of it and block it's its pathway.
Speaker 1: And let's be honest, we've seen what I'm working with.
Speaker 1: I'm blocking.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you're gonna block. Ain't no light getting through when
Speaker 2: when you sit down on that toilet.
Speaker 1: All that.
Speaker 2: So, Josette, it seems as if that your conspiracy does
Speaker 2: have some legs that that there are legitimate concerns that
Speaker 2: a snake could come up through the toilet, although it
Speaker 2: seems like that's much more of an Australian possibility than
Speaker 2: an American reality. So if you live in America, I
Speaker 2: think you'll be fine. I don't imagine that you have
Speaker 2: a ton of snakes wherever you live. And if you do,
Speaker 2: get out of there.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I ain't gotta.
Speaker 2: Live like that. You deserve Yeah, and he ain't gotta
Speaker 2: live like that. You can live somewhere where there ain't snakes.
Speaker 1: I want to read the nice part of her letter too.
Speaker 1: She closing, she said, I super appreciate you too, and
Speaker 1: hope you remain the same beautiful assholes you've always been.
Speaker 1: Love you both to the moon and back. Bye, bitch,
Speaker 1: Love Joe Set A proud little mama.
Speaker 2: A proud little mama. Yeah, Josette, thank you for this
Speaker 2: very lovely email. And we hope that you and your
Speaker 2: KitKat bar and thettle ladies that you can noodle with
Speaker 2: remain remain safe from snake bites in all forms.
Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly that. Thank you for thinking. I'm so damn fine.
Speaker 2: Do you want to tell the people where your finance
Speaker 2: is gonna be? And yeah, if you want to come
Speaker 2: to going.
Speaker 1: On, you want to come out and double click your mouth,
Speaker 1: you can come see me. I actually don't have my
Speaker 1: dates pulled up. Who got jokes? Citty seven on Instagram?
Speaker 1: It'll be there. Yeah, watch Royal crack News February twenty
Speaker 1: ninth on Adult Swim, the next day streaming on Max.
Speaker 1: You know, be good to yourselves. And if you want
Speaker 1: to watch the YouTube, you can see my finance Langston's finance. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and if you want to send us whole or tell
Speaker 1: us how we make you feel, don't.
Speaker 2: But other than that, yeah, you know what, watch all
Speaker 2: the ship. Yeah, watch watch all that stuff. Follow me
Speaker 2: at Langston Kerman. I don't have a ton of dates
Speaker 2: coming up because I'm knocking this special out next week
Speaker 2: and then and then I'm going to rest for a
Speaker 2: little while. But if you want to buy merch, you
Speaker 2: can go to my Mama told Me dot merchcentral dot com.
Speaker 2: And if you want to send us your conspiracies, if
Speaker 2: you want to send us your your glowing love letters,
Speaker 2: if you want to send us whole, send it all
Speaker 2: to my mama pod at gmail dot com. We would
Speaker 2: love to hear from you. And and that that's it.
Speaker 2: I think we covered everything.
Speaker 1: Bye, bitch.
Speaker 2: That my chips in yours.
Speaker 1: An Kuala Bears are racist, the os players ots and
Speaker 1: money fs inventing turkey stuff. I can't tell me nothing