Speaker 1: Ola, It's Erica and we are so motherfucking excited because
Speaker 1: we just announced our second live show and it's gonna
Speaker 1: be in Atlanta. Yes, Mama, we come into Atlanta to
Speaker 1: hang out with all of our Atlanta Mama's zaddies, people
Speaker 1: without kids. Remember, you ain't gotta have the kid to
Speaker 1: come to a good mom's party. Okay, And this party
Speaker 1: is about to be turned up. It's October thirteenth at
Speaker 1: BQE Lounge Downtown, so make sure you get those tickets.
Speaker 1: Go ahead and buy that VIP bag because it's bomb.
Speaker 1: We have some amazing, amazing brands in our VIP gift bag.
Speaker 2: No bullshit, because we don't do that over here, honey. Anyway,
Speaker 2: let me shut the fuck up.
Speaker 1: Go ahead and get those tickets on our Instagram at
Speaker 1: Good Bombs Underscore Bad Choices. We'll see you October thirteenth
Speaker 1: in Atlanta.
Speaker 2: Peace.
Speaker 3: Yes, yes, baby, no no, not the weak.
Speaker 2: Song of Welcome back to Good Mom's Bad Choices. I'm
Speaker 2: Nila and I'm Erica. Happy Wednesday Wednesday. Hope you guys
Speaker 2: are you know, living your best life? Your best life,
Speaker 2: accomplishing your goals, setting your.
Speaker 1: Boundaries, drinking your water drinking your water, doing your workouts, meditating,
Speaker 1: eating lettuce.
Speaker 2: Speaking of meditating eating lettuce, I don't know. We just
Speaker 2: had a salad. She's feeling really letousy. Today is the
Speaker 2: first day of my workout story. I'm sorry. Next week journey,
Speaker 2: I'm starting my whole journey next week. Everything. Why next week?
Speaker 2: Why not? Because it's the first I needed to get
Speaker 2: it out of my system. Okay, so you got to
Speaker 2: get all this shit out. I'm gonna drink like lots
Speaker 2: of water next week. I'm not gonna eat any meat meat.
Speaker 2: I'm detoxing, and I'm gonna stop having sex. Are you
Speaker 2: having sex? No, so you're gonna put you might have sex. No,
Speaker 2: I'm not having sex.
Speaker 1: But you might have sex now. But so then you're
Speaker 1: just gonna I don't have anybody to have. You're gonna
Speaker 1: you're giving yourself space too, fuck ye just in case.
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, got it. But I'm probably not because I
Speaker 2: don't really have any potentials or neither zero.
Speaker 1: I've spent a lot of time with my former potentials though,
Speaker 1: over the past like two.
Speaker 2: Weeks, former potentials, former trembling drip lippe trembling lippe. Yeah,
Speaker 2: that's a good test. That's a good test.
Speaker 4: And self control, yeah, discipline, which I lack a lot of,
Speaker 4: which is leading me to believe that I should probably
Speaker 4: consume less alcohol in order to make better decisions.
Speaker 2: Absolutely no alcohol make runs everything. Yeah, like literally, I
Speaker 2: make bad decision. Everyone does. It's like I drink tequila
Speaker 2: and then my fangs come out. Mm hm. You always
Speaker 2: say that, especially the fang part. Yeah, because it's it's real.
Speaker 2: It's like sex vampire. Maybe you should switch alcohols. We
Speaker 2: every thought about that. I don't think it's good. It's
Speaker 2: still the same. I think any alcohol is just gonna
Speaker 2: encourage me to do make bad trash. Yeah, maybe, like
Speaker 2: you know, take a month off, a month off of fliquor.
Speaker 2: Oh lord, just smoke, I just got scared you. We
Speaker 2: I do cool? Should I get it? I'll get in
Speaker 2: a second. Okay, uh okay. So, speaking of weird things
Speaker 2: that I'm going to do and I have done, I'm
Speaker 2: I met a politician. Oh my god, SHU say that.
Speaker 1: Well, nobody knows what is unhinge And it sounds really official.
Speaker 2: It sounds like he met Obama. Well it's not, you know,
Speaker 2: it's like wait, not like like it's a politician. I
Speaker 2: don't even know if you can considered a politician. Yeah,
Speaker 2: he's in politics, but like a much lighter range of
Speaker 2: light politics. And I met have on a hinge And
Speaker 2: I'm flying out tomorrow to San Francisco to go on
Speaker 2: a date overnight. So you just stay for one day.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna stay for two. I'm gonna leave Monday morning,
Speaker 2: so we gonna hang out. We can hang out on Monday.
Speaker 2: Do you have any plans for this weekend? No, well,
Speaker 2: my parents are leaving.
Speaker 1: They initially invited us, like the family to go, but
Speaker 1: since my brother is now off to college, they've been
Speaker 1: like doing a lot of dating.
Speaker 2: Like nasty, Are they in therapy or something? Might I
Speaker 2: have to be in therapy? I don't know.
Speaker 1: I feel like that's something a therapist would reckon. No,
Speaker 1: they're like happy and ship without therapy. So they've been
Speaker 1: like doing a lot of dating things. And they invited
Speaker 1: us and then like today she's like me and war
Speaker 1: you are going on our trip to where like Laguna, But
Speaker 1: like didn't say, like you come up like I think
Speaker 1: that she'ld have like they want to do a solo thing,
Speaker 1: which is fine, Like I really I.
Speaker 2: Didn't really want to drive out to Laguna. So you're
Speaker 2: basically we're having a party eat your mom's house. Oh
Speaker 2: we could, right, yeah, why would I? This is where
Speaker 2: she doesn't like me. Okay, No one wants to drive
Speaker 2: all that out there. Yeah. Then she reminds me of
Speaker 2: a story. I'll probably just go to Ashley's house. Okay,
Speaker 2: I'll be there. It just trids me a story because
Speaker 2: you said Laguna side story aside from my taking a
Speaker 2: trip to San Francisco for a date in high school
Speaker 2: and my junior year in high school, this stupid rich girl.
Speaker 2: Her dad's like the second richest person in the world.
Speaker 2: He created oshkosh, but god, oh god, damn and her mom.
Speaker 2: They sent all of these like ten kids in a
Speaker 2: limo to Laguna to stay at U like Saint Regis.
Speaker 2: It was like some classes hotel in Orange County Montage
Speaker 2: or something. Yeah, like ten fifteen year olds. Me and
Speaker 2: my baby daddy were like teenagers then, and I have
Speaker 2: a picture of us. He has played. Oh my god,
Speaker 2: this is actually the sweetest thing I've ever heard. I've
Speaker 2: ruined him. He put like rose petals on the bed. Oh,
Speaker 2: oh my god, what kind of advanced romance? Was like
Speaker 2: the last time you had romance like that with him?
Speaker 2: I mean he is he romantic? What's your romantic? Can
Speaker 2: just try? Yeah? He would like make me dinner on
Speaker 2: Valentine's Days and yeah he tried. I mean I don't
Speaker 2: I can't really remember like in the more adult years,
Speaker 2: but yeah, yeah, there's a little bit of romance. There
Speaker 2: was romance. I'm just thinking what parents allowed their kids
Speaker 2: to go to Laguna Beach alone for the weekend. Parents
Speaker 2: that are trying to fuck like get these kids out
Speaker 2: of oh so in car justified. Well, they're like, we'll
Speaker 2: deal with that later. We need time, right, Okay, I
Speaker 2: don't know if I'm letting wanna do that anyway. Back
Speaker 2: to the prime story here, Erica and I have both
Speaker 2: matched with potential politicians on Hinge, and you know, I
Speaker 2: think now we're realizing since we started this podcast that
Speaker 2: we can never date a politician because their whole campaign
Speaker 2: will be ruined as soon as if anyone gets public
Speaker 2: like public notification that they're dating us, and all of
Speaker 2: our history, good, bad, and indifferent is somewhere flooting the internet.
Speaker 2: And I told him that I told my politician too.
Speaker 2: I told you for so I do you stop calling
Speaker 2: him my politician? Like no, I told him that people. Mind,
Speaker 2: neither of us have even met the people. I've never
Speaker 2: met this person, and I'm flying to San Francisco to
Speaker 2: say this house for two days. I'm insane. This is
Speaker 2: something I would do, Like, am I can you do?
Speaker 2: You have to find my friends? Thing on? Are we having?
Speaker 2: I am sharing our locations? Yeah, I mean, I'm pretty
Speaker 2: sure he's not creep. It doesn't matter. You've been talking.
Speaker 2: You never know, these politicians been doing some weird shit, thinking.
Speaker 1: Like he might be wearing like some pantyhose when you
Speaker 1: get there, I actually we all know you'd be down
Speaker 1: for it.
Speaker 2: Fuck you. I did fly to San Francisco in the
Speaker 2: early two thousands.
Speaker 1: Bitch, if you don't stop referencing the early two thousands
Speaker 1: to see this guy. So you actually you're four hundred
Speaker 1: years old the early two thousands. You graduated in two
Speaker 1: thousand and six. How early could it?
Speaker 2: Okay? It was probably like twenty.
Speaker 1: Ten, Yeah, when I lived in Atlanta, late two thousands.
Speaker 2: When I lived in Atlanta, I flew to San Francisco
Speaker 2: to see this other guy much further Atlanta, and he
Speaker 2: did have a like a obsession with pantyhose on me though,
Speaker 2: But I don't know if that would transfer to him.
Speaker 2: I didn't get that far anyway. Hopefully he doesn't want
Speaker 2: to wear pantyhose. Hopefully you have a good time. We're
Speaker 2: supposed to go dancing. He seems cool, is like a
Speaker 2: cool politician. But I don't know where this would go
Speaker 2: because I've ruined any possibilities.
Speaker 1: Well, he knows, and maybe that's maybe he's not looking
Speaker 1: for a relationship. He's looking at a good time, maybe
Speaker 1: he thinks. So you can provide that for him. You're fine, girl,
Speaker 1: Thanks Eric. That's what friends are for. Hey, I'm just
Speaker 1: keeping it real. How is he going to be president
Speaker 1: one day? With with good mom's bad choices as his wife?
Speaker 2: How he said? He said, well, maybe times are changing,
Speaker 2: he told me people like real times are changing, and
Speaker 2: he listened to the podcast like within like the first
Speaker 2: few conversations we had, and you I don't tell people. Really,
Speaker 2: I need to stop telling people because I'm like, you
Speaker 2: know way more.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't really tell people, although I did tell
Speaker 1: this guy because he well, because he's not really a politician.
Speaker 1: He's like he works in community and stuff, and like
Speaker 1: tries to do change for the community, or in his text,
Speaker 1: is changing the world.
Speaker 2: He wrote me this long wait. I wish I could
Speaker 2: get phone hold on we see if I have the right hair,
Speaker 2: because it was so It's like it made me not
Speaker 2: like him. My politician is not this okay? Here suck,
Speaker 2: Yes it is okay. This is what he said to me.
Speaker 2: Oh god, what if he listens to this?
Speaker 1: I said, what do you do for work? And this
Speaker 1: is what he wrote me. I envision impact projects intended
Speaker 1: to significantly change the world, I wrote, and push policy
Speaker 1: intended to use the lever of government to control the
Speaker 1: most powerful entities on the planet. I run political, legal
Speaker 1: and advocacy of campaigns to empower the marginalized.
Speaker 2: And I'm building a.
Speaker 1: Conscious community center to focus on activism, development of cooperative businesses,
Speaker 1: and the cultivation of black political awareness.
Speaker 2: That was this week. I would automatically know We're not.
Speaker 2: All I wrote was wow. Wait. Then he asked me
Speaker 2: what I did.
Speaker 1: I was like, I don't even know what to say,
Speaker 1: Like I can't even follow up with that, Like I'm
Speaker 1: not fucking over here changing the world like one day
Speaker 1: at a time.
Speaker 2: I mean, I guess, like you know that was a lot.
Speaker 2: I mean, I feel like I'm doing good with their podcast.
Speaker 1: I feel like, you know, we are, you know, empowering
Speaker 1: women and also empowering ourselves and learning so much about us.
Speaker 2: But I don't know, I wouldn't know how to break
Speaker 2: it down in that way. It's just so intense. We
Speaker 2: need to write better bios.
Speaker 1: But then he say right, and then he told me
Speaker 1: that he asked me. I asked him, like, what are
Speaker 1: you looking for on hinge? And he said, he said
Speaker 1: my Michelle Obama and I literally just started laughing. And
Speaker 1: he was like what And I said, yeah, well that's
Speaker 1: not me.
Speaker 2: And he' said what do you mean? And I said, well, I.
Speaker 1: Smoke weed, I drink, I curse, I talk about sex.
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm sech a positive and I advocate for cannabis.
Speaker 1: And he's like, well, actually I was part of the
Speaker 1: legislation that passed in California to add to make cannabis illegal.
Speaker 1: So think you're so you're welcome, that's what he said.
Speaker 1: And I said, well, actually I don't know if it's
Speaker 1: you're welcome because now I go to cannabis clubs and
Speaker 1: they get taxed for everything, So actually I don't know
Speaker 1: if it's're welcome. I kind of missed my local drug dealer,
Speaker 1: although now at least I'm more informed about what I'm smoking.
Speaker 1: But yeah, it's whatever. I'm not Michelle Obama is essentially
Speaker 1: what I was getting making.
Speaker 2: Clear to shit me either.
Speaker 1: I just and also I showed Jamila his picture and
Speaker 1: she was not impressed.
Speaker 2: I'm not my politician is cooler than that guy. He
Speaker 2: went to the club last night and then went to
Speaker 2: a press conference this morning. So my type of guy.
Speaker 1: Yeah, mine doesn't mind. I said, do you smoke weed?
Speaker 1: He said no, but maybe I should. But that reminds me.
Speaker 1: I have a glass of a bottle I should open
Speaker 1: right now. And I was like, oh lord, she talks
Speaker 1: a lot. He does talk a lot a lot.
Speaker 2: It's also really weird. I've been talking to mine for
Speaker 2: two weeks straight via text. I've never talked to him
Speaker 2: on the phone. You never heard his voice. You're flying
Speaker 2: and I've never facetimed him or anything. What It's kind
Speaker 2: of like a surprise. I thought about facetiming him today
Speaker 2: before I get on the flight, but I was like
Speaker 2: fuck it. I yell, okay, well go for a girl.
Speaker 2: That's cool. So your dating de talk starts September first. Yeah, okay,
Speaker 2: so but what if it goes well with what are
Speaker 2: you gonna do? I don't know. Okay, I haven't gotten
Speaker 2: that far. All right, what else?
Speaker 1: So this episode we didn't have really a direct a
Speaker 1: direct direct topic. We have three kids playing in the
Speaker 1: other room right now, Irie, Luna and a friend from school,
Speaker 1: and they're both They're all three so fucking cute.
Speaker 2: They're really cute. And are you gonna talk about your
Speaker 2: weird growth? Can you not call it a growth? Okay?
Speaker 2: So fuck parenthood. I got these like, I got it
Speaker 2: so strange I got I'm talking about this because I'm
Speaker 2: sure other parents somewhere in the world, hopefully kim relate.
Speaker 2: I got like a weird bump on my torso and
Speaker 2: I'm like, this doesn't look like a mosquito bios itching
Speaker 2: a little bit. They had like an indention on it.
Speaker 2: Then like a little bit later I noticed another one.
Speaker 2: Then the next day I saw one there was like
Speaker 2: under my butt cheek, and I was like, what the
Speaker 2: fuck is this? So I started googling because I'm a
Speaker 2: Google queen, and I found it's some fucking child rash
Speaker 2: called molliscous, molluscous contagios or something. Mostly kids have it
Speaker 2: between one and tents. I probably got from of these
Speaker 2: dirty ass children. And for kids that get it mostly
Speaker 2: on their torso, under their arms, knees and elbows. But
Speaker 2: for adults, it's in their genital area, their inner thighs,
Speaker 2: and the creases of their butt. Yeah, the creases of
Speaker 2: their butt apparently. So basically God hates me, and so
Speaker 2: do all children. Anyway, I started reading and they were like, oh,
Speaker 2: it's fine, it's contagious, but you can still send them
Speaker 2: to school. You could still be around people. Just wash
Speaker 2: your hands, don't share this, and that could It could
Speaker 2: lay dormant for six it could be there for six
Speaker 2: months to four years, okay four years. I was like, no,
Speaker 2: what's not gonna happen is that? So I started reading
Speaker 2: my UH medic medicine cabinets for anything that looked like
Speaker 2: a strong prescription acidic based cream and I burnt those
Speaker 2: ships off. That's great, they're gone. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Jimila took pictures of the underbut area and showed it
Speaker 1: to me and.
Speaker 2: It did look concerned. I'm glad you figured it out.
Speaker 2: Do you want to see it now no, not really,
Speaker 2: it's burnt off. I don't I'll show it. Well, we're
Speaker 2: on camera, I'll show you after everyone's going to do.
Speaker 1: Actually, you should shut show every If you want to,
Speaker 1: you want to see chamilla's growth, I'm sure you can
Speaker 1: join a Patreon.
Speaker 2: I mean, I was really embarrassed about it, but I figured,
Speaker 2: you know, I was embarrassed. It's disgusting. No one can
Speaker 2: see it though I know it's there. I know, but
Speaker 2: and then what if I'm trying to get some I mean,
Speaker 2: you know what I mean, it's just disgusting and and like,
Speaker 2: it's not like chicken pox. I just think all rashes
Speaker 2: from children are discussing ring worms and disgusting. Molluscas contagios
Speaker 2: is discussing. And then I called my homegirls three kids.
Speaker 2: I'm like, I have this weird rash on my butt.
Speaker 2: It's called She's like, oh, the Mellusicus contagios. She's like, yeah,
Speaker 2: the girl's got it. Mm hmm. She was like, yeah,
Speaker 2: it's a kid's disease. Kids. She gets some kids. Shit,
Speaker 2: you're fine, kids disease. So basically like kids are dirty
Speaker 2: and disgusting, and stay away and let you have some.
Speaker 2: Let you have some well, I'm sitting really closer to you. No,
Speaker 2: I'm worried. I'm going to get it. I know. I
Speaker 2: told Danielle and she's like, oh, that touch me. It's like,
Speaker 2: you fucking bitch, I'm not putting my butt on you
Speaker 2: while you're sitting on couches and things. I'm wearing. First
Speaker 2: of all, I'm wearing a band aid over it because
Speaker 2: i'm burning that bitch off. Second of all, I'm covered.
Speaker 1: You can't you can't be You can't tell people shit
Speaker 1: is contagious and then get mad when they have an
Speaker 1: opinion about or not I want.
Speaker 2: Because I know it's contagious. Can't you catching it?
Speaker 1: And they can't make everyone look at it confirmed that
Speaker 1: it looks fucked up, then call it molliscus contagiosis, and
Speaker 1: then be mad when they're like, whoa are we gonna
Speaker 1: get it?
Speaker 2: You have kids. You need to be understanding. I'm your friend.
Speaker 2: I don't wants contained. You're not gonna get it. It's gone.
Speaker 2: I'm burning. I was so desperate. I was relaxing my hair.
Speaker 2: I know I need to drop the cream and crack
Speaker 2: and I was like, oh, I know this, I know
Speaker 2: this shit burns some ship off. I just took a
Speaker 2: little bit of that relaxer, bitch, I put it on
Speaker 2: that did it burn?
Speaker 3: Oh?
Speaker 2: No, get a scar. I don't give a fuck. I'll
Speaker 2: take a scar over the molluscous contagiosis.
Speaker 1: But it's probably not about burning it off. It's probably
Speaker 1: something underneath the skin.
Speaker 2: I don't know. They said, as long as like if
Speaker 2: you touch it, you could you it could become contagious.
Speaker 2: But you're not touching it. But I showed you the
Speaker 2: one in my stomach. They're literally burnt off. Okay, Yeah,
Speaker 2: they look like scabs. Yeah, because I'm burning it. Okay,
Speaker 2: all right, if you guys encounter this, call me. I'll
Speaker 2: tell you what to do. Just criping the DMS. I'll
Speaker 2: tell you how I got ready to.
Speaker 1: Take a little hair relaxer, rub it off on there, No, baky,
Speaker 1: I'm sure this is not Please don't take my medical
Speaker 1: advice even though it's working.
Speaker 2: Okay, two days Melissa's contagios is gone. Oh my god. Anyway,
Speaker 2: So our last episode is with Scary Moms, and I
Speaker 2: hope that you listen to both us on both outlabs.
Speaker 2: It's actually fucking hilarious because I was drunk as fuck,
Speaker 2: and Carrie and Ashley were funny as fun and it
Speaker 2: was like, honestly the most professional setting we'd ever recorded.
Speaker 2: There was like a producer, there was like an assistant,
Speaker 2: there was two sound people, and then like in a
Speaker 2: recording studio, and I came late and drunk and I
Speaker 2: called them a bitch a couple of times on an accident,
Speaker 2: but anyway, they loved us. So yeah, I'm so in contact.
Speaker 2: It worked out. What's going on with you? I went
Speaker 2: to the beach.
Speaker 1: I went to the beach, had a solo self care
Speaker 1: day It's nice, which was like really necessary. I almost
Speaker 1: didn't do it. I almost called you to come with me,
Speaker 1: and then I was like, now I need to go
Speaker 1: by myself. I really need to like learn how to
Speaker 1: be okay by myself.
Speaker 2: I know me too, I'm working on it. I'm never done.
Speaker 2: I'm not good at that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and like it's like, okay, if I want to
Speaker 1: be better at being by myself in like the man department,
Speaker 1: then I also have to like work on it, just
Speaker 1: in like my daily life. So I woke up and
Speaker 1: I really had nothing in a pressing to do.
Speaker 2: Well. I probably did, but I was like fuck it.
Speaker 2: And so I decided.
Speaker 1: I was like, you know what, I'm gonna go to
Speaker 1: the beach Iris with her dad for the next two days.
Speaker 1: And so I went there. I brought my White Claw
Speaker 1: shout out to Donna. Donna from from our meetup. She
Speaker 1: brought this brand called white Claw. She was advocating for
Speaker 1: hard Yeah, whitelaw for you. And then you know what,
Speaker 1: I looked all over the can, even at the beach.
Speaker 1: It doesn't tell you what kind of spiked with. It
Speaker 1: doesn't say what liquor. It is just as spiked, like
Speaker 1: it could just literally be rubbing out.
Speaker 2: It tastes like that. But you would think they.
Speaker 1: Would say, like what if someone has like a like
Speaker 1: a vodka allergy or something like.
Speaker 2: I don't know, it's just weird. But it was like this,
Speaker 2: and I did some yoga on the beach.
Speaker 1: I did wrote my journal, wrote some really profound things.
Speaker 1: Oh nic, yeah, you know, and I saw your post
Speaker 1: about writing. And it's funny because I went and saw.
Speaker 2: A I guess he's a psychic. I don't know if
Speaker 2: he's a psychic charts.
Speaker 1: This is years ago, and he told me that in
Speaker 1: my life, communication is constantly going to be an issue,
Speaker 1: and the only way to overcome it is I have
Speaker 1: to start writing.
Speaker 2: I have to write.
Speaker 1: And at the time, I was writing a lot because
Speaker 1: I used to like write music and stuff, and so
Speaker 1: I was like, well, okay, do that. But I guess
Speaker 1: I don't really write, you know. I mean, I guess
Speaker 1: I write. I would write in my journal back then too,
Speaker 1: but I always feel so much better when I do,
Speaker 1: And so I brought my journal wrote some stuff about
Speaker 1: the ocean. The ocean is so fucking crazy man, beautiful.
Speaker 1: I mean, I have like this very like strong connection
Speaker 1: to it. And I was when I was sitting there,
Speaker 1: I was thinking, like, why is that why, I mean,
Speaker 1: besides the fact I'm a water sign blah blah blah, Like,
Speaker 1: why is it that the ocean brings me like peace
Speaker 1: and like forces me to breathe? And I think a
Speaker 1: lot of it too, is like I spent a lot
Speaker 1: of time there with my grandfather and I don't know,
Speaker 1: it just it brings me back to childhood of just
Speaker 1: like having really like good times, like without any interruption.
Speaker 2: And also it's just so pure.
Speaker 1: Like nature in itself, like the ocean in particular is well,
Speaker 1: it's not really pure because of pollution. But it's pure
Speaker 1: in the way that like it does what it's gonna do,
Speaker 1: gonna do nothing regard.
Speaker 2: Nothing is gonna change it.
Speaker 1: I mean, yeah, the molewarming and the moon whatever will
Speaker 1: change it.
Speaker 2: But that's what its natural instinct is like.
Speaker 1: And it's just so it does everything without I don't know,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna feel like people are gonna think I'm high,
Speaker 1: but it does everything without ego. It does everything in
Speaker 1: just such a pure way.
Speaker 2: And it's like, that's how I want to live my life.
Speaker 1: And that's because people aren't. People aren't that way. We're
Speaker 1: so jaded. So many things have like influenced us, whether
Speaker 1: or not we want to admit it or not. Whereas
Speaker 1: like nature and like the ocean, it's so strong, it's
Speaker 1: so majestic, it's so mysterious. It's so like calm, but
Speaker 1: also unforgiving, like it will fucking kill you and not
Speaker 1: give a fuck, you know. And so I was having
Speaker 1: all these moments, all these things I was thinking about.
Speaker 2: There took a little nap.
Speaker 1: And then trembling Lippe came to hang out with me
Speaker 1: for a little while, and he was sharing all of
Speaker 1: his wholeness with me. And trembling Lippe. If you guys
Speaker 1: haven't haven't listened to the podcast from the beginning, He's
Speaker 1: like a former guy that I met on Tinder. We're
Speaker 1: still friends now. We had a very intense travel story
Speaker 1: you should check out. Uh No, it's not the Safesome.
Speaker 2: No, it was like it was like when we came
Speaker 2: back was like breakups.
Speaker 1: And I don't know, I can't remember what the episode
Speaker 1: was called, something about breakups, because it was like we
Speaker 1: broke up, but we didn't really break up roun together.
Speaker 2: Anyways. Around July love last last year, in July early August.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And so we hung out and then we went
Speaker 1: back to his place and we ate, and I learned
Speaker 1: a lot of things about men, and that the fact that,
Speaker 1: like now that we are very much platonic, he shares,
Speaker 1: I mean, he's always shared with me things, but now
Speaker 1: I'm just like, wow.
Speaker 2: Men are really course hose straight hose. They really are,
Speaker 2: I mean, and like I know not all are, but
Speaker 2: like almost of them. You would look at him and
Speaker 2: you would not think like.
Speaker 1: You just wouldn't think like he's just he's fucking every day,
Speaker 1: not like he's not attracted at all, Like that's not
Speaker 1: what I'm saying.
Speaker 2: It's just like, oh, he's a grown man.
Speaker 1: He's kind of nerdy, Like he's like, you know, he's
Speaker 1: doing this thing like who has time, He's running his
Speaker 1: own business.
Speaker 2: Like nope, they make bad time. They make that time.
Speaker 2: Oh for sure. Yeah.
Speaker 1: His girlfriend had just literally come to pick up her
Speaker 1: star's ex girlfriend they broke up. I had literally come just
Speaker 1: to come pick up her stuff, and we had where
Speaker 1: at the beach when this was happening. I mean, I
Speaker 1: didn't know this was happening until he told me. And
Speaker 1: then I was like, wait, we're gonna go by to
Speaker 1: your house?
Speaker 2: Is that okay?
Speaker 1: Like obviously we're not dating anymore. I just didn't know
Speaker 1: if that was cool. He was like, no, it's fine.
Speaker 1: So we get there and she's gone, and then you know,
Speaker 1: he proceeds to try to you know.
Speaker 2: Flirt and get me to you know, look up.
Speaker 1: With him, and I'm just like looking at him, and
Speaker 1: I literally was just like.
Speaker 2: Like, are you trying to get me to be her?
Speaker 2: Like pacified just broke up. Sets.
Speaker 1: I don't even think it was that. I think he's
Speaker 1: just horny. Yeah, it is even like not even that.
Speaker 1: And I told him like straight up, like you have
Speaker 1: no compassion, and he's like, what do you mean? I
Speaker 1: was like, your ex girlfriend literally was just here ten
Speaker 1: minutes ago getting her shit out of here, and you
Speaker 1: were trying to pu your dick in my back, Like
Speaker 1: what is happening.
Speaker 2: In the world? And I mean we were laughing about it,
Speaker 2: but I was like, wow, care, they don't care. They
Speaker 2: don't care. I mean, like, do you think men are
Speaker 2: so physically driven by their boners that literally, like even
Speaker 2: when I even like when I went through Young Fay's
Speaker 2: millions of whores. I don't even call them horse he's
Speaker 2: the horse women. And I confronted him because I'm crazy.
Speaker 2: He was just like, I have needs. I'd be horny, babe.
Speaker 2: I'm like, what ten bitches horny? Like I'm horny? Can
Speaker 2: women twenty four hours horny? I leave twenty four hours ago? Horny? Yeah?
Speaker 2: Like you had to fuck why I went up the street? Thanks?
Speaker 2: Is it?
Speaker 1: Is?
Speaker 2: It? Just like physically, it's just like they their testosterone
Speaker 2: is just seeping from their pores. They have to let
Speaker 2: it out and get one out. I mean I think
Speaker 2: so he's like I masturbate every day, I take a shower.
Speaker 2: I'm like isn't that enough?
Speaker 1: Oh my god, I mean seriously, I mean, I mean
Speaker 1: I masturbate every day too, not every day, but pretty
Speaker 1: much really.
Speaker 2: Maybe like okay, like four times a week, okay, but
Speaker 2: not in the morning. But I didn't fuck every day.
Speaker 1: No, I mean, if I had a man, I would,
Speaker 1: but I'm not gonna go seek out that every day.
Speaker 2: Like that's a lot of work. I mean I go,
Speaker 2: I get under spells and like super horny, but like,
Speaker 2: for the most part, a lot of work.
Speaker 1: But anyway, it was cool to gain that access that
Speaker 1: not that information, but all that unfiltered information.
Speaker 2: But to have a better perspective on men in general
Speaker 2: or him. I mean, obviously he doesn't.
Speaker 1: He's not like the standard this he's not like the
Speaker 1: mascot for all men. But it's just it's just interesting
Speaker 1: because he is, like he's not like.
Speaker 2: In the entertainment industry.
Speaker 1: He's what women would say, like is safe. He doesn't
Speaker 1: have a crazy job like you.
Speaker 2: Know, and didn't pop bottles every week.
Speaker 1: No, he's chill, does yoga, he's like self aware, he reads,
Speaker 1: he's down to travel. He's like a lot of women's
Speaker 1: dream girl. And I even told him, I said, you know,
Speaker 1: I said, you are rare in the way that, like
Speaker 1: last weekend he went to the Chicago to go see
Speaker 1: a girl he likes, like he's not gonna like.
Speaker 2: But like I don't.
Speaker 1: I don't meet men that are down to just jump
Speaker 1: on a plane and just go hang out and just
Speaker 1: do something fun, and like that's it. He was, He's
Speaker 1: rare in that way, and I'm like that, you know,
Speaker 1: And so I haven't been I haven't been able to
Speaker 1: find that type of connection with someone.
Speaker 2: But obviously I need more than just that. It's not
Speaker 2: annoying when they have like one or two things, but
Speaker 2: a five fucking annoying. Yeah, but that was cool.
Speaker 1: Other than that, I mean, yeah, I've just been really
Speaker 1: settling into this alone thing. Like I really am very
Speaker 1: very single. I've been single for two years. But like
Speaker 1: there was a time where I was very distracted by
Speaker 1: Happy Bay and now I'm very single. And at first
Speaker 1: I was, like I think last week I was feeling
Speaker 1: anxious and like kind of sad and depressed and needy,
Speaker 1: like I even went over to some guy's house to
Speaker 1: make out. Who oh and and.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and then I was laud I mean, and nothing happened.
Speaker 1: We just made out this week. He called me actually
Speaker 1: yesterday and I didn't answer. I was like, no, I
Speaker 1: feel like I'm getting better at it. I feel like
Speaker 1: I'm getting a little more comfortable with even with like
Speaker 1: just saying no, just saying no, even like yesterday, like
Speaker 1: with trembling lippee trying to get on me.
Speaker 2: I was horny. His stick was out, I know, because
Speaker 2: someone liked me. I'd be like, hey, I fuck it.
Speaker 2: Yeah you No.
Speaker 1: I'm not saying yeah, but like yeah, yeah, I feel
Speaker 1: like he you know, he should come. And then we
Speaker 1: cooked dinner together. He was coming up behind me and
Speaker 1: trying to kiss me, and I was like do no.
Speaker 1: And then he was like, I need to learn how
Speaker 1: to be friends with women. I'm like, you don't know
Speaker 1: how to be friends with women. And honestly, I don't
Speaker 1: even know why we're what are we doing?
Speaker 2: Are do you?
Speaker 1: I'm like, are we friends? He's like, yeah, you know,
Speaker 1: we're friends. And I'm like, I'm like, but you want
Speaker 1: to have sex with me? He's like well yeah, I'm
Speaker 1: like okay, but and but most women would be like
Speaker 1: that would turn them on, and it did kind of
Speaker 1: turn me on. Well, but that was almost just enough.
Speaker 1: Of what I needed, just.
Speaker 2: That that was just that he wanted to Yeah, I see.
Speaker 2: I find like recently, I went to therapy for the
Speaker 2: first time last week and he made another appointment. I'm
Speaker 2: supposed to go Saturday, but I'm rescheduling because I want
Speaker 2: to say, because your priorities are fucked up. Yeah, pretty much.
Speaker 2: I'm just kidding. I want to eat oysters. It's a
Speaker 2: ver day weekend. Yeah, that's what I said to myself.
Speaker 2: Justified it. I just I've been really examining my habits
Speaker 2: and they're the root of those habits because I find
Speaker 2: myself knowing what I need to do and still battling
Speaker 2: with like wanting to spend time with people just because
Speaker 2: I don't know because there's something that I'm avoiding and
Speaker 2: there's something that I'm to be Like, you been this
Speaker 2: way most of your life. Yeah, it takes.
Speaker 1: Time to unlearn things and you have to like forgive
Speaker 1: yourself for that.
Speaker 2: It's not gonna be perfect. Well, it's just it's just
Speaker 2: interesting to examine it, to be in it and be like,
Speaker 2: why are why are you doing this right now? Like
Speaker 2: even like I went and hung out like with Luna
Speaker 2: and her dad, and I just like felt myself wanting
Speaker 2: to stay. And it's not like we're physical or like
Speaker 2: we we hardly really even talk, but it just like
Speaker 2: and I could tell that he wanted me to stay,
Speaker 2: you know, and I and I and I it dawned
Speaker 2: on me, like we both have things we've connected over
Speaker 2: these many years for so long because it's it was
Speaker 2: easy for us to like avoid ourselves with each other,
Speaker 2: so it's so comfortable. And it's just like even with
Speaker 2: like you're saying about the ocean, like just being and
Speaker 2: being egoists and like not caring about opinions, just literally
Speaker 2: just being Like yesterday, I was feeling hell anxious because
Speaker 2: I got a fucking shot of espresso my trit and
Speaker 2: I'm allergic to caffeine and why I fucking keep drinking it.
Speaker 2: I was having major anxiety. And then Danielle left and
Speaker 2: for some reason, I just start crying. I just start
Speaker 2: feeling overwhelmed with emotion and I just start crying, and
Speaker 2: then I like let some safe and I start taking
Speaker 2: really deep breaths and I just was just like letting
Speaker 2: myself cry. I didn't really know, oh I was crying
Speaker 2: for like I was crying for a lot of reasons,
Speaker 2: you know, like just like this fucking rash. Literally, I
Speaker 2: was like, fuck, it's fucking rash and fucking storage and
Speaker 2: fucking bills. My phone bill is due. And then I
Speaker 2: was like laughing at myself crying and I was like
Speaker 2: taking deep breaths and it's like and I was just like,
Speaker 2: it's okay, everything's okay. I was literally saying out loud,
Speaker 2: it's okay, everything's okay. You're good, You're good. And I
Speaker 2: was just like, if something major happened today, like if
Speaker 2: someone I cared about disappeared, if something happened to me,
Speaker 2: what are the things that would actually really matter, Like
Speaker 2: the things that I stress about and I like I
Speaker 2: care about, Like at the end of the day, I'm
Speaker 2: fed and my kid is fed, we're clothes, We're happy,
Speaker 2: you know, like I'm I have love in my heart,
Speaker 2: Like I'm happy about those things. And I just was
Speaker 2: like telling myself chill the fuck out and just be
Speaker 2: and I was just giving myself permission to cry and
Speaker 2: to laugh and to breathe and to remind myself, shit's okay,
Speaker 2: Everything's okay. And it was so cleansing, you know, because
Speaker 2: so often we're so stressed out about shit and things
Speaker 2: and people that we can't fucking control anyway, and it's
Speaker 2: just like let that shit go, you know, and I
Speaker 2: just let myself be without judging it or observing it.
Speaker 2: But I'm just in this space where I'm submitting. I wrote,
Speaker 2: did a little writing too, and I was just like this,
Speaker 2: I feel like this is a period of submission of
Speaker 2: like whatever's happening right now, allowing it to flow, and
Speaker 2: just like new paths opening up and allowing that to happen,
Speaker 2: and like facilitating that by observing it and making better decisions.
Speaker 2: And I know sometimes I'm gonna fuck up, like I'm
Speaker 2: doing it this weekend, But at least I'm grateful to
Speaker 2: be growing and be oh self aware, you know, even
Speaker 2: of the fun shit that I do, because there is
Speaker 2: a lot of it. I've literally been like dependent on
Speaker 2: other people for like just filling up space in my life,
Speaker 2: my whole life, you know, my girlfriends, the guys I date, sex, whatever, drinking.
Speaker 2: It's just something that I've always done. And I'm just like,
Speaker 2: at what point am I going to really fall in
Speaker 2: love with myself enough to not feel urged to just
Speaker 2: be around people all the time. So well, I think that.
Speaker 1: I mean also like that, I think that is part
Speaker 1: of who you are too though, and also that and
Speaker 1: then like and so it gets confusing and that where's
Speaker 1: the balance? How do I find the balance?
Speaker 2: Because I really do find fun and like meeting new people.
Speaker 2: And then I was battling about going to San Francisco
Speaker 2: and at first I was like, I'm not gonna go,
Speaker 2: and then I was like, he's like, you know, just come,
Speaker 2: and I was just like, what the truth is? Like,
Speaker 2: am I going to fall in love over the weekend?
Speaker 2: I doubt it, But I think he's cool. I think
Speaker 2: we're gonna have fun time, and I think we're the
Speaker 2: same in that space. Like I'm spontaneous, I like to explore.
Speaker 2: I like to do new things and new people, and
Speaker 2: I think that's that's fun for me. So there is
Speaker 2: like honoring who I am and also founding boundaries and
Speaker 2: limits and when I'm avoiding myself by doing those things,
Speaker 2: you know, So I that's true, Like I'm still learning
Speaker 2: myself and I'm still giving myself permission to be, you know,
Speaker 2: like how I am, because I'm not going to be
Speaker 2: just like you or just like this person. Like everybody's different,
Speaker 2: and I really enjoy people, and I really enjoy meeting
Speaker 2: new people and connecting with people and hearing new stories
Speaker 2: and like that brings me joy, you know, to bring
Speaker 2: other people joy and just to listen. Sometimes I think
Speaker 2: it's just like you have.
Speaker 1: Like I think the balance is finding like when you're
Speaker 1: not when you're enjoying people but not running away from
Speaker 1: my responsibilities and yourself in order to enjoy those people.
Speaker 2: Right, you know, that's like I can only give once
Speaker 2: I've given enough to myself. You need to be more
Speaker 2: like the ocean. I want to be like the ocean literally,
Speaker 2: And I was that too.
Speaker 1: Was so I was watching the birds too, and they
Speaker 1: were just there was this bird and it was just
Speaker 1: like staring at the ocean, like sitting on the sand,
Speaker 1: just staring at the ocean.
Speaker 2: I was like, I wonder what that bird's thinking about.
Speaker 1: And I wonder, like he probably is enjoying this so
Speaker 1: much more than I am, because your mind is like one.
Speaker 1: Because in my mind, though I'm enjoying it, I'm also
Speaker 1: like being my mind is being infiltrated by a bunch
Speaker 1: of shit that doesn't fucking matter, and I'm having to
Speaker 1: keep having to force myself to focus focus, be present,
Speaker 1: be present, be present, Like literally, I like, I noticed
Speaker 1: how many fucking times I had to remind myself.
Speaker 2: To be present me too. In there was nothing else
Speaker 2: I needed to be doing.
Speaker 1: I was at the place I wanted to be, you know,
Speaker 1: Nobody was calling me, no one was stressing me out,
Speaker 1: you know, and it was just like damn, it's like
Speaker 1: so much stimulation in this world too.
Speaker 2: It's it's it.
Speaker 1: We're overstimulated between our flat I don't think our brain
Speaker 1: were made for this, like for all these phones and.
Speaker 2: Computer everybody else's lives, like literally non so.
Speaker 1: And like our evolution is being pushed at such a
Speaker 1: high rate like that we can't catch up. Like evolution
Speaker 1: happened slowly and like we had time to assimilate and
Speaker 1: like digest. Now it's like everything's happening so fast that
Speaker 1: I feel like our brains are like.
Speaker 2: Wait, what what? Who are hard to? Who am I?
Speaker 2: Who am I? Do I like this? I hate this?
Speaker 2: I hate this. I don't like this part of me?
Speaker 2: Do I like this part of me? I want to
Speaker 2: be like you. It's just so much overstimulation. And that's
Speaker 2: why we do have to come back to ourselves. We
Speaker 2: do have to like quiet, you have we have to
Speaker 2: practice being present because we're so stimulated to do otherwise
Speaker 2: there's so much distraction. Even while I was meditating, I
Speaker 2: was like thinking about, oh shit, we need to post this,
Speaker 2: and I'm like, what the fuck is wrong with me? No?
Speaker 2: Me too.
Speaker 1: When I was at the beach, I was like, I
Speaker 1: don't even make a story for work. And I did
Speaker 1: and I was like, you know, and I was like,
Speaker 1: you know what, I'm not going to judge myself for this.
Speaker 2: That's too.
Speaker 1: It's like the judging of yourself for doing things also
Speaker 1: that that then that then makes you feel worse, even worse,
Speaker 1: you know.
Speaker 2: So I was just like.
Speaker 1: Trying to But I will say even though like my
Speaker 1: my my self care day was not perfect in the
Speaker 1: way like I felt like because I am I because
Speaker 1: I want to be this like super present person. Sometimes
Speaker 1: that comes with a feeling of guilt when you're not.
Speaker 1: I think most of the time it does feels like,
Speaker 1: oh do it. I didn't accomplish my goal today, which
Speaker 1: was just to just shut my brain off. But I
Speaker 1: will say that like the past two weeks, like I've
Speaker 1: been feeling very tired, and I've been haven't been treating
Speaker 1: myself well, like I've been eating well, I've been drinking a.
Speaker 2: Lot, not sleeping well.
Speaker 1: And after yesterday, I woke up today and felt like, Okay,
Speaker 1: I'm ready to like I'm gonna go to the gym.
Speaker 2: Well, tonight's like a super moon. And so I think
Speaker 2: there is a shift. I mean, obviously I had this
Speaker 2: strange meditative breakthrough yesterday, but and I've been I've been
Speaker 2: really feeling that too, because you know, September first will
Speaker 2: be at We're in the last quarter. We're in the
Speaker 2: last quarter of this year, and it's insane. I know,
Speaker 2: it's crazy, and I'm like, Okay, I have four months
Speaker 2: to be to do things differently, you know, like I've
Speaker 2: been living my whole life doing this, this and that. Well,
Speaker 2: you don't have four months. You have your whole life.
Speaker 1: Don't put that much pressure on yourself. And that's the problem. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you have, you have every day. It's like you're not
Speaker 1: gonna like become this other person next week, like little
Speaker 1: tiny steps, but just try to make them like you're
Speaker 1: gonna fuck up and you're gonna go backwards. And that's
Speaker 1: like what I was I've been trying to remind myself
Speaker 1: because I'm one of those people that like I want
Speaker 1: everything to happen perfect quickly, Like why do I feel
Speaker 1: this way? Why do I feel this way? I hate
Speaker 1: that I feel this way. I'm judging myself for feeling
Speaker 1: this way. And it's like, okay, like what's that's? What's
Speaker 1: that saying like something wasn't built overnight?
Speaker 2: I don't know.
Speaker 1: It's like some Romans, but like Pisa, that leaning ass
Speaker 1: tower clearly was built.
Speaker 2: So yeah, I've just been.
Speaker 1: Yeah this baby steps, Try not to be so hard
Speaker 1: on yourself, you know. And like if you're going to say,
Speaker 1: I don't like you said earlier that you're going your back,
Speaker 1: you're backstepping by going to San Francisco this weekend, why
Speaker 1: you're not backstepping like you know? I mean, it doesn't
Speaker 1: mean you have to fuck this guy. I'm not, but
Speaker 1: I'm just saying, like know that though. Do you think
Speaker 1: I need to tell him that? No, it's your fucking choice.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Like I don't have.
Speaker 1: But that's the thing though, is women like because men
Speaker 1: fly us out or they do this, but sometimes we
Speaker 1: feel like.
Speaker 2: Oh well fine, that's what my girl said. She's like,
Speaker 2: you're gonna have to fuck I was like, no, I'm not.
Speaker 2: I'm like, why would I My girlfriend was look at
Speaker 2: my crazy. She's like, it's very two thousand and six
Speaker 2: of you. But you guys gonna know what sex.
Speaker 1: I'm like, I don't think I went to right and
Speaker 1: that was a true test because I'm not like that.
Speaker 1: I felt pressured, right, and he's still your friend, He's
Speaker 1: still my friend.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I'm not. I'm not going with down that
Speaker 2: narrative because I don't and don't try.
Speaker 1: To search for attraction if it's not there, you know,
Speaker 1: because sometimes I feel like that's what we do too,
Speaker 1: Like we try to find something attractive in someone really.
Speaker 2: Well, the part about me is like it's very easy
Speaker 2: for me to find attractive parts of people because I
Speaker 2: like people, and I I just I find it easy
Speaker 2: to love people and be attracted to different things about people,
Speaker 2: Like it's not a standard, but I need to work
Speaker 2: on like not well only just finding it, like is
Speaker 2: it really like a true The only.
Speaker 1: Thing that about that The reason why I think you
Speaker 1: should try not all the time is because you're you're
Speaker 1: literally like giving like you're giving energy away to that
Speaker 1: I know, and then you're taking on their energy. That's
Speaker 1: a lot because we are energy people. We're really based
Speaker 1: in that. I feel like that's why we have a connection,
Speaker 1: you know.
Speaker 2: And it can be exhausting.
Speaker 1: And when you do that, you don't have a lot
Speaker 1: of energy left for yourself, and all the work that
Speaker 1: you want to do is being wasted on all the
Speaker 1: energy you're giving everyone else. So then when it's time
Speaker 1: to work on yourself, it feels overwhelming, right because you
Speaker 1: have nothing left to give.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, you know what song wish you used
Speaker 2: for this? It's all about me, me, me, me, me
Speaker 2: you you you you. I'm gonna get it up, get
Speaker 2: get it away. Sorry, no, we haven't used that. I
Speaker 2: don't think. Sorry, that was an easy, quick distraction. But
Speaker 2: you're right. And Danielle just has this conversation with me about, uh,
Speaker 2: that I give away too much energy and that that's
Speaker 2: exhausting and that it takes away And that's true, it's true,
Speaker 2: and I have to be able to better monitor. Well,
Speaker 2: you've been doing it for so long you probably don't
Speaker 2: even know.
Speaker 1: It doesn't feel like any doesn't feel like you're giving
Speaker 1: away energy, Yeah, because it's.
Speaker 2: What you're an autopilot.
Speaker 1: But imagine if you start taking away some of it,
Speaker 1: which might feel unnatural at first look, changed feels unnatural.
Speaker 1: It doesn't feel like you feel like I'm not this
Speaker 1: isn't me, this is not who I am. So then
Speaker 1: you're like, fuck this, I'm going back to how I was.
Speaker 2: But it's like if change was easy, everyone would be
Speaker 2: fucking doing it everyone, and they're not. So I just
Speaker 2: feel like, what did I see? What did I say?
Speaker 2: What did I see?
Speaker 4: On?
Speaker 2: That was like a meme? Like my biggest flex of
Speaker 2: twenty nineteen is like.
Speaker 1: Retracting people's access to me, Like that's the biggest flex.
Speaker 2: I think, I think, I think I posted it and
Speaker 2: it was like I really liked me too. People don't
Speaker 2: like people who thought they had access to me don't. Yeah,
Speaker 2: And I think it's true. And I even was thinking
Speaker 2: about like because I've been of course I've thought about
Speaker 2: Young Bay and it's but I've realized it's a lot.
Speaker 2: It's a lot of based an ego like talking like
Speaker 2: just just ego based thoughts, cender thoughts about like him
Speaker 2: talking to other people and like missing him or whatever.
Speaker 2: And it just dawned on me that why do I
Speaker 2: care so much about someone who's like really not caring
Speaker 2: that much about me, how dumb, And I was just
Speaker 2: like release that. Like release people who like if someone
Speaker 2: doesn't meet your standards and like respect you or give
Speaker 2: you as much energy as you give, it should be
Speaker 2: no problem to cut that shit off. It shouldn't even
Speaker 2: I shouldn't even think about it twice. You know what
Speaker 2: I'm saying, like people who don't like the truth is
Speaker 2: there's we use people, We use each other, and we
Speaker 2: should we should be utilizing each other in positive ways
Speaker 2: to motivate, to inspire, to love on whatever. But once
Speaker 2: it's not a mutual exchange, there's no need for certain
Speaker 2: energies and people to be in your life. And you
Speaker 2: really shouldn't mourn them when they're gone because they don't
Speaker 2: fucking contribute well.
Speaker 1: I think you have to mourn them or else you
Speaker 1: go back. Yeah, you have to, like you, I mean
Speaker 1: maybe not everyone. I mean everyone has their own process
Speaker 1: of letting shit go.
Speaker 2: You have to evaluate if what they're contributing is enough
Speaker 2: for to maintain the relationship. Do I get enough from
Speaker 2: you that this is feels good? Is it nourishing me
Speaker 2: in spirit? You know? And if not, if it's just
Speaker 2: heartache and fucking me giving giving What the fuck is
Speaker 2: the point? That's in friendships, that's in romantic relationships, that's
Speaker 2: in any work relationships.
Speaker 1: Like if you're now, it's like you want to know
Speaker 1: that what all the energy that you're putting in you're
Speaker 1: getting it back from that person.
Speaker 2: Then you deserve that and we deserve that.
Speaker 1: It's you know, but a lot of times we'll take
Speaker 1: what we can get, right, which is the problem. Take
Speaker 1: what we can get and hope because there's moments where
Speaker 1: they do give it and then we hold on to
Speaker 1: those moments and not looking at the whole picture of like, Okay,
Speaker 1: that was on Monday, but on Wednesday, the nigga was
Speaker 1: not calling me back, and Thursday and Friday and he
Speaker 1: still ain't called me.
Speaker 2: Oh but there he is on Monday again. To tell
Speaker 2: them about the excel sheet the mom told you about.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, So I hung out with.
Speaker 2: One of IRI's friends at school's.
Speaker 1: Moms and she's been married for a long time and
Speaker 1: she told me that because I told her I'm single,
Speaker 1: and she was like, okay, well this is what you
Speaker 1: need to do. You need to create an excel sheet
Speaker 1: first of all, like actually an excel sheet, like you
Speaker 1: can't do this in your head.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And she's like.
Speaker 1: Yeah, she's like, you need to date at least seventy people.
Speaker 2: I thought she said one hundred.
Speaker 1: I was like, or she still like seventy to one
Speaker 1: hundred people, And I was like wait what She's like, yeah,
Speaker 1: it's crucial, and she's like and so on the Excel sheet,
Speaker 1: like everyone starts at the bottom and they.
Speaker 2: Work themselves up.
Speaker 1: So like say you go on a date with Bobby, Okay,
Speaker 1: that's not a good one. Say you going to bait
Speaker 1: or Day with Tommy. Tommy doesn't. Tommy buys dinner, Okay,
Speaker 1: he goes up. You go on a date with Greg,
Speaker 1: Greg buys dinner, okay, he goes up. Want to date
Speaker 1: with Tommy, he decides to split the bill.
Speaker 2: He goes down.
Speaker 1: Greg's still up. So these guys, they work up the
Speaker 1: list until you see who is in the top like
Speaker 1: three of your dating list. And she's like, for me,
Speaker 1: like I really like a guy that is What did
Speaker 1: she say? How did she describe him? I don't know,
Speaker 1: like guy's gonna chase her or something. She's like, obviously
Speaker 1: everyone's things that are important are different, so you have
Speaker 1: to decide what those things are and how you move
Speaker 1: them up the list.
Speaker 2: So I was like, huh, not that organized.
Speaker 1: Maybe I can have Niche to make this listen, I
Speaker 1: can like send her notes every week, like maybe like
Speaker 1: once she make the list, it'll be easy.
Speaker 2: So maybe we can have anisia like make make an
Speaker 2: like sixty people.
Speaker 1: We'll just send her a text every day and be
Speaker 1: like hey, so he's went.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't know how that works, but it probably
Speaker 2: does work, though I don't know. I don't know.
Speaker 1: I'm just kind of like, I mean, I'm I'm I'm
Speaker 1: like chatting with people and stuff, but I'm.
Speaker 2: So like, but you know, thinking about like being chased.
Speaker 2: I've come to the conclusion recently, like unless you're mad
Speaker 2: crazy into me, boldly loudly, I don't want it. I'm good,
Speaker 2: like uh, indifferent too, chill to relax, like I want
Speaker 2: to be pursued me too. I mean, I think it's
Speaker 2: a part of like the male female. I think guys
Speaker 2: have become so fucking there's just too much access. There's
Speaker 2: too many horrores out there giving away the milk, and
Speaker 2: the guys are just they don't still know how to
Speaker 2: act anymore. And I was hanging out with Nan heard
Speaker 2: this dis guy she's dating who's from Texas, and he's like, literally,
Speaker 2: LA's the only place where I hear this open fucking
Speaker 2: relationship conversation. He's like, everybody I know in Texas is married,
Speaker 2: already having kids. Everybody. He's like, they were like doing
Speaker 2: that since college, like pursuing people because they knew they
Speaker 2: were gonna be their husband or their wife. He's like,
Speaker 2: I come to LA, everybody's dating multiple people and it's
Speaker 2: just the norm. He's like, you guys are so fucked up.
Speaker 2: I was like, oh my god, is it an LA thing?
Speaker 2: Are we or all of our listeners disconnected by our
Speaker 2: millions of episodes about being an open relationships? You know,
Speaker 2: I don't know it's an LA thing. And I just
Speaker 2: think maybe God, like maybe women like I need to
Speaker 2: step up my standards, Like I could have crossed a
Speaker 2: lot of iguas off the list if I would have
Speaker 2: used her mechanism sooner.
Speaker 1: Because but just because they show and they like they
Speaker 1: do these grand acts whatever whatever those acts may be,
Speaker 1: whether like it's I don't know, posting you on Instagram
Speaker 1: like women Crush Wednesday or whatever the fuck it used
Speaker 1: to and it only used to because it never happened.
Speaker 1: It would bother me, right, you know, because I was
Speaker 1: in you know, with with my baby daddy, Like I
Speaker 1: posted him all the time, and he never never posted. Really,
Speaker 1: I mean, it wasn't a secret we were in a relationship.
Speaker 1: Anytime we were out, we're always super affectionate. Like everyone
Speaker 1: knew he had a woman, but on social media it
Speaker 1: was never that. And I remember there was this one
Speaker 1: post and it pissed me, like I like that broke
Speaker 1: up with him. Yeah, he posted a picture of him
Speaker 1: in this video and said caption this and like let
Speaker 1: everyone caption it and decide, and like that was the
Speaker 1: only time he'd ever posted a girl on his Instagram. Well,
Speaker 1: and I was like, take that shit down. I was like,
Speaker 1: how dare you post another woman? Give people access to
Speaker 1: like creating whatever story they wanted, and like you have
Speaker 1: a good woman at home, no looking back on it,
Speaker 1: Like it's dumb, it's immature, whatever.
Speaker 2: I think, it doesn't matter. It really doesn't matter, and
Speaker 2: like it doesn't matter because I won't do it until
Speaker 2: if you post another female and we're like, then that
Speaker 2: really bothers me, Like if you're with him and then
Speaker 2: he posts someone else. Yeah, and even like I was dating,
Speaker 2: I was just dating young Bay and he posted someone
Speaker 2: else and I knew we were just dating and he
Speaker 2: was saying other people. I knew he went to go
Speaker 2: see this girl. It fucking pissed. It pisses me off
Speaker 2: to this day. I'm still mad about it because it's
Speaker 2: just like the audacity. I'm better than that bitch. Why
Speaker 2: did she like? Why what's so special? And I had
Speaker 2: other underlying reasons. I feel like he did that, but
Speaker 2: you know my dark secrets. I mean, I.
Speaker 1: Can't say that it doesn't feel good to get some recognition,
Speaker 1: public display of recognition, and you know.
Speaker 2: That this that I love her. Even when I look
Speaker 2: at other people, like men's pages that I follow, and
Speaker 2: I see them posting their girls a lot, like God,
Speaker 2: this is I'm so lucky or whatever, I'm like, Okay,
Speaker 2: I want a man like this. I want a man
Speaker 2: that takes pictures of me when I'm not asking and
Speaker 2: secretly because he just he just is down, is down
Speaker 2: for me. Oh my god, we're I was talking to
Speaker 2: talking to one of our friends at the beach, and
Speaker 2: she was like, I went to my man's phone. I
Speaker 2: don't know what I was looking for. She was like,
Speaker 2: but I felt really I felt really happy because I
Speaker 2: found a whole folder dedicated to my ass, my secret
Speaker 2: photos of my ass, just my ass. Oh my god,
Speaker 2: that's the cutest thing. That's over. She's like, so I
Speaker 2: let it go. I just like twit the phone down
Speaker 2: is that cute?
Speaker 1: I want a secret photo dedicated to me me too,
Speaker 1: That's really sweet.
Speaker 2: That was really sweet. But like I'm I'm I realize now,
Speaker 2: at thirty one years old, I deserve someone who loves
Speaker 2: me like that, you know what I'm saying. Not to
Speaker 2: say everybody loves the same way, but a that's how
Speaker 2: I need to be loved and be like I deserve that.
Speaker 2: I love that way. I love boldly, I love loudly.
Speaker 1: Well, you have to find someone that that's their lovely language,
Speaker 1: because that's not how everyone expresses their love for you
Speaker 1: for people.
Speaker 2: I love that.
Speaker 1: Hinge also has that on the app, like what's your
Speaker 1: love language? Yeah, physical tich, quality time food. Mine is
Speaker 1: physical touch and quality time for sure.
Speaker 2: And gifts mine's affirmation gifts and yeah, affection Like I
Speaker 2: don't want to chase you to like give me a kiss.
Speaker 2: I want to like us to be making out mostly
Speaker 2: all day. I want like sec I want like Stephanie kisses.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, I need to tell her about that.
Speaker 2: Oh my god. That was like, Okay, we're at the beach.
Speaker 2: Are friend just had a baby, and I just happened
Speaker 2: to like turn around from the corner of my eye
Speaker 2: and I saw this sexy ass, long low tongue, tongue makeout.
Speaker 2: I was like, okay, mama a newborn baby. I was like,
Speaker 2: just like, yeah, I want that too. Note to self,
Speaker 2: long kisses, long time kisses. Oh my god. Yeah. I
Speaker 2: just want to be madly, like have mad chemistry and
Speaker 2: atraction to my man and a mutual you know, like
Speaker 2: come home right now. I know it's hot. Anyway, I
Speaker 2: just want we should write this down.
Speaker 1: I mean I want those things, but also I want
Speaker 1: to be okay, like I want I want all those things,
Speaker 1: but I'm more so to try to sweat. I more
Speaker 1: so want to be okay. I'm more mad at myself
Speaker 1: that I feel. So it's so like I feel this,
Speaker 1: it's so necessary for me, Like life is going to
Speaker 1: be better once I find this person.
Speaker 2: It's not yeah, like you know what, and I used
Speaker 2: to I think I want my more so want that
Speaker 2: feeling to go away. Well, you know what I think
Speaker 2: it is because I feel the same way. I find
Speaker 2: myself in those thoughts, like if I had a partner, then,
Speaker 2: if I had a partner then and I'm like, I
Speaker 2: gotta stop thinking that, Like, if I had a partner,
Speaker 2: if he would help me, I'd have left financial burden.
Speaker 2: I'd have someone I can cry on my shoulder, I
Speaker 2: have someone to like brainstorm ideas, I had someone to
Speaker 2: motivate me. These are things that are real. But yeah,
Speaker 2: we have to do that for ourselves. But it's I
Speaker 2: don't think that's bad to think that. I don't think
Speaker 2: it's bad, but.
Speaker 1: I feel like, first of all, a lot of our
Speaker 1: episodes are about my relationships with them.
Speaker 2: Wow, that's really sad, And are not in our non
Speaker 2: relationship non relationships with them and are wanting them and
Speaker 2: fuck them? And why can't we were great? Flower? No,
Speaker 2: we're perfect. They suck.
Speaker 1: And actually, when I was at the beach yesterday, I
Speaker 1: was like watching this couple and I almost like, and
Speaker 1: this never happens because normally when to witch couples, I
Speaker 1: get jealous.
Speaker 2: I was like, huh, I don't have anyone to like
Speaker 2: I don't, like, I don't have to consider.
Speaker 1: Anybody that's nice, and like, for that bleak moment, that
Speaker 1: brief moment, I felt like lucky, lucky I did.
Speaker 2: Obviously, I don't feel that way most of the time.
Speaker 1: Hopefully I can like expand on that moment and make
Speaker 1: it last longer. But like I was like, oh, that's
Speaker 1: what that feels like, the not the need, the not need,
Speaker 1: the not the need to not feel like I'm missing
Speaker 1: out because I don't have a partner. And they were
Speaker 1: totally happy and that was cool, but I kept thinking
Speaker 1: to myself, like, oh, she probably makes decisions based off
Speaker 1: of him, or she feels like she can't do certain
Speaker 1: things because of him, and vice versa. I do not
Speaker 1: miss that, And like that's that usually is when when
Speaker 1: you put that title on a relationship, and that's when
Speaker 1: those those things start coming up.
Speaker 2: Yeah, well, can't do that anymore. Oh wait, why would
Speaker 2: you do that? I'm where are you at? Why did
Speaker 2: you change to the phone? Because I'm a human adult.
Speaker 2: And so then there's the other side of it. I'm like,
Speaker 2: I want to consider someone.
Speaker 1: I want to not do shit.
Speaker 2: I shouldn't be doing that shit anyway. I mean I
Speaker 2: think like half of the relationships I've ever been in
Speaker 2: is like to save me for myself. Absolutely. I think, like,
Speaker 2: but you're doing too much get in a relationship.
Speaker 1: Well yeah, I mean we're young, we were most of
Speaker 1: us were really young when we started. I mean you've
Speaker 1: been you were with your baby daddy since high school,
Speaker 1: you know, and I know you've had the relationship since then.
Speaker 1: But like I started my relationship with mine when I
Speaker 1: was twenty two, twenty one, twenty two, I don't know
Speaker 1: who the fuck I was then, Like I really and
Speaker 1: I only knew who I was with him throughout my twenties,
Speaker 1: so I didn't really have a stronghold on that either.
Speaker 1: It's like only these next these last two years, really
Speaker 1: have I had to really face and figure out who
Speaker 1: am I. And that's why it's like met with so
Speaker 1: much anxiety and met with so much like it feels
Speaker 1: overwhelming on top of also having a child and like
Speaker 1: you know, wanting her, like wanting her to know who
Speaker 1: she is, and I'm like still trying to figure my
Speaker 1: own shit out.
Speaker 2: You know. I think people don't realize is you can
Speaker 2: get in a relationship and you can completely lose yourself
Speaker 2: because relationships. Often were told that you have to constantly
Speaker 2: be in consideration of someone else, and you can like
Speaker 2: mold into what somebody else wants you to be or
Speaker 2: with you, and which you think they expect from you,
Speaker 2: like that period this lasts like five years or whatever.
Speaker 2: When I was with them and his dad, I completely
Speaker 2: lost sight of who I was, like completely, which seems
Speaker 2: crazy because I'm pretty much who I am, you know,
Speaker 2: but like there was just I was just in this weird,
Speaker 2: great area and my dad said to me, He's like
Speaker 2: don't He's like, be careful. You know, you'll forget who
Speaker 2: you are if you sit in a space too long
Speaker 2: with someone that's not for you. And I was like, fuck,
Speaker 2: that's true. And I feel like he felt a lot.
Speaker 2: He felt that way a lot in his relationship and
Speaker 2: he's like fifty something. So I'm just like even now
Speaker 2: when I see my friends and relationships and they're like,
Speaker 2: I'm like, hi, hello, are you in there? Hello? It's
Speaker 2: you really have to be really careful about the relationships
Speaker 2: you choose to be in a relationship because you will
Speaker 2: become well.
Speaker 1: That's why you've got to be so straight on who
Speaker 1: you are, right, And that's why we have a really
Speaker 1: special gift right now, an opportunity as single people to
Speaker 1: really do that and like not be so depressed about
Speaker 1: being single, you know.
Speaker 2: Because I don't think we're going to be in any
Speaker 2: healthy relationship until we're really, say, really clear about who
Speaker 2: we are, and that will make us clear about who
Speaker 2: we want and when they come, it'll be easy to
Speaker 2: identify those things that oh no, no, don't like that.
Speaker 2: And I had to think about it because like even
Speaker 2: with young Bay, like there was things I thought I could,
Speaker 2: like I wanted to change, and I was like trying
Speaker 2: to plant seeds so his mind would be a little
Speaker 2: bit more open, Like I know, my thought process is
Speaker 2: not like traditional and I'm just like just in how
Speaker 2: you look at women, how you view women and I
Speaker 2: you know men. So he's like, well, you're a woman,
Speaker 2: so this or you're that, and I'm like, I'm not
Speaker 2: settling for an igu who thinks that we're different. Like
Speaker 2: we're different, but you're not gonna put your needs or
Speaker 2: you're your behavior before mine and justify things just because
Speaker 2: you're a man. You know what I'm saying, Like there's
Speaker 2: so many things I need you to be like low
Speaker 2: key a conspiracy theorist. You got to be just really spiritual.
Speaker 2: There's these things that I need that before I would
Speaker 2: be easy, it would be easy for me to negate
Speaker 2: or just be like, oh I can change this or
Speaker 2: change that. But at this point, I don't really have
Speaker 2: a desire to do that. Like, you need to be
Speaker 2: in a certain space and then we can have crazy
Speaker 2: conversations and maybe you change my mind, but you have
Speaker 2: the least be here. No, we have to. Yeah, I'm yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2: that's true. It's true. I don't know. So this is
Speaker 2: about us not needing and wanting to be in a
Speaker 2: relationship all the fucking time. Just be cool.
Speaker 1: I mean this that this week is how That's how
Speaker 1: I feel. Next week I could be like depressed again,
Speaker 1: who knows, but like I think my one self care
Speaker 1: day has me feeling like I mean, I don't know,
Speaker 1: I just I really kept thinking about that moment when
Speaker 1: I saw Hey, when I saw that couple, and I
Speaker 1: wasn't jealous and like or like.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I was just like, damn, I don't have to
Speaker 2: consider anyone.
Speaker 1: And honestly, when I thought about that, it's something that Happy.
Speaker 2: Bay says to me all the time.
Speaker 1: And then I was like, Okay, I get where he's
Speaker 1: coming from. I mean, I've been getting where he's coming from.
Speaker 1: But I think he might even be farther along on this.
Speaker 1: I've been single longer than him. I feel like he's
Speaker 1: a little bit farther ahead in his like comfortability being
Speaker 1: alone than I am. And that's why his that his
Speaker 1: like need to like be that way annoys me when really,
Speaker 1: like I'm starting to feel.
Speaker 2: Like the same in a way. What does he always said?
Speaker 1: He's like I don't want don't want to have to
Speaker 1: consider someone. I don't want to have to consider anyone.
Speaker 2: And that's like so beautiful sometimes, like.
Speaker 1: Like I'll all I have, all I have to do
Speaker 1: when I wake up in the morning is consider myself.
Speaker 2: I mean, obviously we don't have that luxury. We have kids,
Speaker 2: we have to consider them, but like especially because we
Speaker 2: don't have like because we do have the consider kids,
Speaker 2: but if we want, but if that need to feel
Speaker 2: like we I want to, but I want to consider someone.
Speaker 1: Okay, we have someone, it's our kid, use that use
Speaker 1: that as someone to consider.
Speaker 2: That's the most important person. I mean, even if be
Speaker 2: going on this trip this weekend, Like I haven't done
Speaker 2: anything like that and like and like this in a
Speaker 2: long time, and I'm just like happy I can just
Speaker 2: get up and go bye bye. When to go see
Speaker 2: a stranger, catch you later. Maybe you don't like it,
Speaker 2: you can come back. You're not far super simple. If
Speaker 2: any anything else is dead, let's go make a list
Speaker 2: of qualities we wanted a man become.
Speaker 4: We know.
Speaker 1: Anything else, not really, I mean, the world is crazy.
Speaker 2: People are crazy. People are crazy as fuck.
Speaker 1: And I think we need to We actually have to
Speaker 1: go because we need to write something really quickly on your.
Speaker 2: Phone in this press sent Oh we do Twitter.
Speaker 1: But anyway, I hope you guys have Oh she looks
Speaker 1: really cute there. I hope you guys have an amazing week.
Speaker 1: That you consider yourself this week. If you are single,
Speaker 1: that you know, kind of just basking it, basking it,
Speaker 1: embrace it. You have no one to consider, to do
Speaker 1: whatever the fuck you want. It's beautiful, Like you're not
Speaker 1: gonna hurt any motherfucker's feeling, but you're like, just consider yourself,
Speaker 1: Like how beautiful is that to just be like, God,
Speaker 1: I love myself, I'm the bomb.
Speaker 2: What am I gonna do for me today? But we'll
Speaker 2: catch you guys next week. If you're in Atlanta or
Speaker 2: in the Atlanta area, we're having a live show October
Speaker 2: thirteenth at b q E on Edwood and we would
Speaker 2: like to see you there.
Speaker 1: Yes, we're gonna make a link right now, link in
Speaker 1: our bio for those tickets. Tell your friends, bring a friend,
Speaker 1: bring a friend, bring your mama, and have a drink.
Speaker 2: It's gonna be fun and we'll talk to you guys
Speaker 2: next week. NY Audios, that's lunch