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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Annie and Samantha and welcome to Stephane

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Speaker 1: never told you a production of I Heart Radio and

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Speaker 1: today I don't think we really have a content warning,

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Speaker 1: but there is some grossness that happens that we're talking about,

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Speaker 1: and it's Internet grossness that you probably know exists if

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Speaker 1: you've been someone on the Internet who's from any intersectionality

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Speaker 1: and marginalized community. We are going to be talking about that,

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Speaker 1: including some quotes that I find very infuriating, but nothing

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Speaker 1: to to in depth because today we're talking about Reddit. Yes,

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Speaker 1: and we're doing kind of It wasn't planned, but we

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Speaker 1: have a lot of technology based episodes kind of it's

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Speaker 1: kind of how our minds go from talk about this

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Speaker 1: to this and this and all these subjects and need

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Speaker 1: an episode in itself because it's too big. They are

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Speaker 1: very different platforms, but they affect women and marginalized communities

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Speaker 1: pretty deeply. Um yeah, we had to yeah, yeah. And

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Speaker 1: one thing I've found in researching this is you know

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Speaker 1: that there are those problems that you wouldn't surprise you

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Speaker 1: that exists on all of them, but they are distinct,

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Speaker 1: which is interesting. Um So I wanted to ask you, Samantha,

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Speaker 1: what is your experience with Reddit. It is, so if

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Speaker 1: I had to put a percentage, I I probably uh

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Speaker 1: mess with it about of its utilities, I guess you

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Speaker 1: can say. And I say this in that I never

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Speaker 1: had to read it account. I don't even know how

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Speaker 1: to work Reddit, and I say this as yes, it

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Speaker 1: sounds like I am an aged boomer. But the problem

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Speaker 1: about Reddit for me is I don't understand the way

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Speaker 1: it's stacks. So you get the original posts and in

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Speaker 1: the comments, and you can't just search from what I gather.

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Speaker 1: So it's very very foreign concept to me. I do

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Speaker 1: enjoy the concept of it because I can learn about

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Speaker 1: reddit post through other platforms. So typically how I read

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Speaker 1: Reddit post is through Twitter someone that brings it about

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Speaker 1: and be like, hey look at this Reddit post and

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Speaker 1: I'm like okay, cool, and or from my partner who

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Speaker 1: was an enthusiast when it comes to Reddit, has probably

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Speaker 1: known more about it than anything, has a lot of

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Speaker 1: things that they love about it and will show me

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Speaker 1: post will save posts for me. When it comes to

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Speaker 1: dog videos that are cute, um, fun laugh, so that

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Speaker 1: there's a thing about like contagious laughter. There's a whole

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Speaker 1: channel like he loves that, so he'll send me things

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Speaker 1: like that. But I've also hurt so many horror stories

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Speaker 1: and I'm like, no, I don't. I'm not gonna mess

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Speaker 1: with that. I don't. I don't want to know. There

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Speaker 1: are a few that I will, like, I have subscribed

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Speaker 1: to and then we're going to talk about it. But

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Speaker 1: I do follow the m I the ask reddit twitter

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Speaker 1: feed so that I can read that way. But yeah,

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Speaker 1: that is that is the depth of my Reddit experience.

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Speaker 1: What about you. Yeah, I'm similar. I've always had a

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Speaker 1: hesitance around Reddit, even though I have friends who are

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Speaker 1: women who love it, and it's kind of a running

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Speaker 1: joke that they're always like, I saw this unreddit, I

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Speaker 1: saw the unreddit, or today I checked this the read

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Speaker 1: on reddit. But I've always been hesitant about it because

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Speaker 1: of some of the things we're going to talk about,

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Speaker 1: some of which has been overblown and some of which

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Speaker 1: has not. And I remember when I first was working

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Speaker 1: on this stuff. I've never told you YouTube channel. They

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Speaker 1: asked me, like, you should go post in Reddit, and

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Speaker 1: I was like, I don't know anything about Reddit, but

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Speaker 1: I can tell you as someone who doesn't have a

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Speaker 1: Reddit account, if I just come in as a company.

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Speaker 1: You can't even post it unless you have enough karma points.

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Speaker 1: By the way, it's not gonna look good. It's not

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Speaker 1: gonna look good for me. It's not gonna look good

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Speaker 1: for us. So we're not gonna do it. And we

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Speaker 1: didn't think that means you opposing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did

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Speaker 1: you know there is a Reddit thread about stuff I've

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Speaker 1: never told you? Yeah? So I found it a while

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Speaker 1: ago when I was researching everything. It just kind of

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Speaker 1: the one I found so genuinely like, not mean. It

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Speaker 1: was just about the changing of hosts, and it just

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Speaker 1: updates as that it changes, it seems. I did see

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Speaker 1: a few people comment about why what's happening? So people

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Speaker 1: trying to answer to questions I didusked linger for long

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Speaker 1: because I was scared. Oh wow, we listeners, let us know,

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Speaker 1: we should check that out. We're speaking of I uh

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Speaker 1: again forever ago. Um. When Bridget and I did those

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Speaker 1: episodes on fan fiction, a bunch of you wrote in

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Speaker 1: and said there are fan fiction communities on Reddit, which

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Speaker 1: surprised me, but actually pretty thriving fan fiction communities. I did.

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Speaker 1: I have read fan fiction on Reddit when I was younger,

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Speaker 1: in my early fan fiction days, and I read the

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Speaker 1: scary posted on yeah, and people can. I think there's

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Speaker 1: collections there and people post, but I read one that

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Speaker 1: was the Silent Hill to fan fiction, and it's legitimately

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Speaker 1: one of the scariest things I haven't read, and I

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Speaker 1: never went back. I was saying, Nope, okay, kudos to

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Speaker 1: that author that I know, I know, and kudos is

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Speaker 1: the thing you give to authors that you like on it,

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Speaker 1: I'm so hip, you are so hip. I feel like

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Speaker 1: I just completely decimated that. No, um, I do awesome. No,

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Speaker 1: because of one of said friends that she'll always update

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Speaker 1: me on her Um, there's a last of us to

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Speaker 1: hate Reddit. She'll up to me on that. Oh no.

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Speaker 1: And she also I've told you this, Samantha, she hates

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Speaker 1: onions and she's on like a I hate onions reddit

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Speaker 1: reddit and one time it was infiltrated by people who

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Speaker 1: love onions, and that's one of my very favorite things.

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Speaker 1: There's a lot of battles, it seems on Reddit. Yes yes, yes, yes,

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Speaker 1: um and from want to Gather. A lot of it

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Speaker 1: is kind of done in fun. Eclectic was a word

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Speaker 1: I saw a lot spirits, so I believe these pro

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Speaker 1: onion people. It was in good fun, I hope. And

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Speaker 1: then also fan fiction. Again, there is a popular trope

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Speaker 1: in fan fiction where like your favorite fictional characters will

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Speaker 1: use modern day technologies. And so I've read a few

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Speaker 1: that are am I the asked, but with Star Wars characters.

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Speaker 1: So one is like Darth Vader being my son was

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Speaker 1: being particularly annoying, so I cut off his hand, am I,

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Speaker 1: they asked something like that. Okay, I know that they

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Speaker 1: have a huge followingers, in fact that their podcasts that

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Speaker 1: are made up just to read off vertics to post

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Speaker 1: off of am I the app. So whoever started that

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Speaker 1: is a genius. Yes, and we are, as you said,

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Speaker 1: going to be talking about a lot of that. We

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Speaker 1: have some examples because there's interesting things and this is

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Speaker 1: one of the reasons it was just your idea to

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Speaker 1: talk about this is it's kind of spotlighted. A lot

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Speaker 1: of are still latent sex some and especially heterosexual relationships.

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Speaker 1: So get ready for that. We pumped about that. Yes,

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Speaker 1: but before we get into that, let's break down some

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Speaker 1: some of the basics here. So a brief explainer on Reddit,

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Speaker 1: which is called the front page at the Internet, and

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Speaker 1: it's called that because you read it on Redditch I

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Speaker 1: never knew that. Never. I was like, oh no, I

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Speaker 1: just knew it never. It's kind of one of those

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Speaker 1: games that you play when you have that you know,

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Speaker 1: they don't actually spell it out, but the sounds that

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Speaker 1: you're supposed to figure out the sentence. That's this level.

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Speaker 1: I would have never thought that same read. It was

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Speaker 1: founded by three University of Virginia students in two thousand five,

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Speaker 1: Steve Hoffman, Alexis Ohanian with Aaron Schwartz, and I put

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Speaker 1: with because his role is disputed and there's a lot

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Speaker 1: of drama. If we were a different podcast, we could

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Speaker 1: break down, but we are not that podcast. But if

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Speaker 1: you want to look at up so much drama in

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Speaker 1: the leadership of Reddit, oh my goodness. A year later

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Speaker 1: it was acquired by conte Nast, although I did read

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Speaker 1: that they used a lot of fake accounts to make

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Speaker 1: it look like it was more used than actually. But yeah,

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Speaker 1: it's value has skyrocketed since then, and if you are unaware,

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Speaker 1: it's essentially a huge depository of forums where people can

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Speaker 1: post content and comment and vote on other people's post

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Speaker 1: up voter, down vote, um. It's divided into over a

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Speaker 1: million specific communities or forums called subreddits which are labeled

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Speaker 1: as our slash whatever topic. Um. And these subreddits can

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Speaker 1: cover pretty much anything. And we're talking like niche stuff

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Speaker 1: like this onion thing I like, very very niche, but

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Speaker 1: also as discussed in in the past episodes, things like

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Speaker 1: men's rights activists, users and content at the red Pills.

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Speaker 1: So we've we've talked about Reddit quite a bit on here,

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Speaker 1: just never specifically. Uh. Certain criteria must be met in

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Speaker 1: order to create a subredit. Basically, you have to have

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Speaker 1: a fairly active account that's over thirty days old, and

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Speaker 1: a certain number of karma points determined by upboats and downboats.

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Speaker 1: But apparently the exact number is a Reddit secret, which

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Speaker 1: I'm like, how is that? Okay? I know, I'm like.

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Speaker 1: These subredits are managed by volunteer moderators also called mods. Uh.

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Speaker 1: They can control various appearance aspects of a subredit and

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Speaker 1: the content that is allowed, even removing some are banning users.

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Speaker 1: The whole thing is managed by Reddit employees called admins

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Speaker 1: that can band users, demote mods, and even get rid

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Speaker 1: of whole subredits. UM. A lot of Reddit terminology comes

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Speaker 1: in abbreviations, and some of the ones, some of the

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Speaker 1: big ones, you may have heard, and some of them

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Speaker 1: we're going to dig into more. Are A M A

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Speaker 1: asked me anything, and A I T A R AM

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Speaker 1: I the ASP. But it's just like so many and

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Speaker 1: I don't understand them, and I have to sit there

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Speaker 1: and stare at them, going okay, what what would sentence? Yeah,

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Speaker 1: so they asked me anything. I didn't know. I knew

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Speaker 1: the A M A park because I don't know Reddit.

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Speaker 1: And the only time I've ever seen this are when

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Speaker 1: celebrities get on and people are super excited or like

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Speaker 1: authors and that, which sounds like a great idea. It

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Speaker 1: seems like a really smart thing, but I know there's

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Speaker 1: been a lot of trouble where they've had to shut

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Speaker 1: things down. That's a whole different conversation. But you know what,

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Speaker 1: It's often used for philanthropic fundraisers and a lot of

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Speaker 1: the users love it, calling it fun, eccentric place to

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Speaker 1: share content. And I've heard that. But like everything, Reddit

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Speaker 1: is not without its issues, and we've talked about it before.

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Speaker 1: One that we're not going to really get into today,

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Speaker 1: but we've discussed in brief before as Internet visilantism, uh

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Speaker 1: data collection have been once said Reddit knows the dark

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Speaker 1: secrets of its users, and it was later discovered he

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Speaker 1: had Russian control activity on the site, which is a

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Speaker 1: concern right now for a lot of these platforms. During

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Speaker 1: the twenty twenty Georgia Floyd Protest, eight moderators called for

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Speaker 1: the banning of the sexist and racist subreddits and hate speech,

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Speaker 1: and in June of that year they banned somewhere around

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Speaker 1: two thousand subreddits, including the subreddit are slash gender critical uh,

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Speaker 1: the largest turf subreddit um. Some of the bands drew

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Speaker 1: complaints around censorship, especially politically. Just this year, the company

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Speaker 1: banned the word groomer when used as a slur against

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Speaker 1: l g B t Q plus folks. They also introduced

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Speaker 1: AI tools to find hate speech, but posters have found

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Speaker 1: ways around it, which it is hard to keep up with.

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Speaker 1: In one Ultra Violet, which friend of the show Bridget

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Speaker 1: Todd works with, closely, found Reddit had a C on

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Speaker 1: the sexism report card and this was the highest grade

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Speaker 1: of the social media platforms they surveyed, which makes me sad. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: it was it was not pretty. It was not pretty. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: But to be fair, and again I say this with

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Speaker 1: like because this is also part of the conversation we

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Speaker 1: were having and talking about doing this episode. Redd. It

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Speaker 1: seems like a fairly better space for women to get

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Speaker 1: sound advice because we talked about them during the rebels

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Speaker 1: of the abortion movement, more so than some of the

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Speaker 1: other platforms. But yeah, see yeah, and you should look

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Speaker 1: it up listeners if you haven't seen it, because it

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Speaker 1: breaks down by category and then averaged out, so see

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Speaker 1: you was the average and it got an F in

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Speaker 1: other like in specific categories, but like see overall. And

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Speaker 1: this is kind of complicated because there's been a lot

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Speaker 1: of phases of this, so we're kind of we're going

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Speaker 1: to jump around a little bit. But um beginning in read,

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Speaker 1: it enacted policies banning harassment involuntary sexualization and banned several

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Speaker 1: forums focused on bigotry or harassment, including subredits targeting gay,

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Speaker 1: fat and black people. Uh. Notably, this happened under the

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Speaker 1: extremely controversial and short lived leadership of Ellen Powe and

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Speaker 1: whoa is there a lot of drama around that. Depending

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Speaker 1: on what you read, she is either an absolute dictator

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Speaker 1: or scapegoat who did her best, but it cannot be

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Speaker 1: denied there was a lot of sexist talk around her,

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Speaker 1: and she received rape and death threats while she was

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Speaker 1: uh serving this position. UM, a lot of discussion around

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Speaker 1: free speech and censorship happened under her. Basically the guy

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Speaker 1: and like let loose and you can read all these

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Speaker 1: comments about it, but he was basically like, like, she

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Speaker 1: was in a bad position, the she wasn't the one

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Speaker 1: to blame for all of these problems everyone had in leadership.

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Speaker 1: Who was to blame should have come forward and said that,

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Speaker 1: and they did it, and I hope people are still

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Speaker 1: mad about it. But essentially that's the vibe I got.

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Speaker 1: That's definitely what he said, UM, because a lot of

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Speaker 1: this happened around the alleged no I mean, somebody was

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Speaker 1: a very popular Reddit employee was fired and she was

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Speaker 1: a woman, and people blamed Ellen Powell, but according to

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Speaker 1: what I've read, it was not her decision, but that

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Speaker 1: didn't stop the higher ups from letting her take the blame.

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Speaker 1: So that's that's a bigger thing. But I did find

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Speaker 1: that interesting because so many things popped up about it

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Speaker 1: when I was researching this, and um after hashtag me

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Speaker 1: to our slash insuls was taken down and late at

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Speaker 1: the time, people on this subreddit, we're arguing that rape

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Speaker 1: is just sex, but also that reverse rate men who

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Speaker 1: wanted sexpert weren't having it should be a part of

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Speaker 1: the discussion around me too. A member posed as a

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Speaker 1: woman in a legal advice subreddit to try to get

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Speaker 1: advice for getting away with rape. And this whole thing

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Speaker 1: spawned our slash in cell tears, which tracks in cell extremism.

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Speaker 1: And I think we've talked about that before, but I

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Speaker 1: know from my friends read that one in the company

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Speaker 1: introduced new policies to minimize harassment, including hiding post messages

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Speaker 1: and comments from selected users, as well as new guidelines

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Speaker 1: around banning content that called for violence. All right, didn't

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Speaker 1: Fortune come off of Reddit? Essentially they were banned from

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Speaker 1: that where they started their own. That's I believe, So

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Speaker 1: I believe. So yeah, yeah, I know we talked about

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Speaker 1: it before when we talked about in cells, So you know,

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Speaker 1: kind of good. I guess not that Fortune exists, but

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Speaker 1: they're not all Reddit, but yeah, that's all different conversation. Again.

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Speaker 1: According to some resources, read it was the seventh most

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Speaker 1: popular website in one and the nineteenth and most popular

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Speaker 1: globally in twenty eighteen. They were getting about a hundred

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Speaker 1: ten million, hundred ten million users monthly, so it's inspired

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Speaker 1: other sizes like imager, imager. I don't know how to

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Speaker 1: say this, however, an estimated seventy of the Reddit users

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Speaker 1: are actually men, though it's predominantly left leaning and young,

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Speaker 1: which surprises me. Less than nineteen percent are right leaning

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Speaker 1: and only one percent are over sixty five, which, again, yeah,

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Speaker 1: as year old at I don't touch that. This is

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Speaker 1: one of those things that make sense when I thought

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Speaker 1: about it, but when I again, I think it's because

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Speaker 1: bad actors get so much news media and they're so

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Speaker 1: bad that I'm afraid to use read it because of them,

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Speaker 1: even if they were even if they're a small st

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Speaker 1: upset um that I just had this assumption that there

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Speaker 1: was going to be a lot more right leaning people.

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Speaker 1: But it does make sense because, well, some things we're

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Speaker 1: going to talk about. So we did want to focus

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Speaker 1: specifically on some of the issues that women and other

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Speaker 1: intersectionalities and marginalized communities face on Reddit, starting with moderators.

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Speaker 1: So in the wake of me to some moderators and

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Speaker 1: subs like our slash band Female Hate really tackled banning

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Speaker 1: sexist content on Reddit, including first time, so maybe they

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Speaker 1: were joining because of this UM. Subreddits like are slash

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Speaker 1: abused sluts, are slash raping women, are slash against women's rights,

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Speaker 1: and are slash deadly erotica were things that they UH

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Speaker 1: found and raise their hand about. There's our slash Mother Daughter,

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Speaker 1: which is a subreddit dedicated to posting pictures of mothers

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Speaker 1: and daughters and describing what the poster would like to

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Speaker 1: do to them sexually. Uh. There's another where men create

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Speaker 1: ai girlfriends are mean to them and then posted about

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Speaker 1: it on Reddit. There's Tributes Delivered, which is basically messaging

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Speaker 1: women and underage girls with unsolicited pictures they've masturbated and

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Speaker 1: ejaculated on and then posting pictures of that. Yeah. Uh.

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Speaker 1: Many of these have had hundreds of thousands of followers,

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Speaker 1: but these mods, who again are volunteers, report being overwhelmed

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Speaker 1: by the emotional toll, and a lot of the mods

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Speaker 1: fighting the sexism are women, and a lot of them

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Speaker 1: end up leaving. Mods have also reported feeling ignored and

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Speaker 1: unsupported by the company when they do raise concerns or

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Speaker 1: flag material, so it feels kind of hopeless almost um.

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Speaker 1: And on top of that, they don't have a great

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Speaker 1: record outside of the Anglo sphere or English speaking world

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Speaker 1: of controlling hate speech, to say the least. The company

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Speaker 1: says it's aiming to combat this by hiring more non

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Speaker 1: English speakers, amongst other things. Many have spoken out about

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Speaker 1: how the un hate moderator model has its limits, leading

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Speaker 1: to further extremism, and it is worth noting that when

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Speaker 1: a subreddit is banned, the redditors often migrate to another

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Speaker 1: subreditum or maybe even another website. But there is a

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Speaker 1: really big vibe of you know, you don't like it,

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Speaker 1: you can leave. And here we're getting into some of

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Speaker 1: the comments. So just that's not your thing today, I understand.

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Speaker 1: So here's an example of the comments some women mods

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Speaker 1: reported receiving. I want you to get cancer because I

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Speaker 1: want to see your own body killing you. I want

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Speaker 1: you to get cancer, your mother's sister, brother, father, grandparents.

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Speaker 1: I want them all to get cancer, and when they

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Speaker 1: open their mouths, I want to piss in them. I

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Speaker 1: hate you, you nasty, disgusting slut. The in Gadget article

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Speaker 1: that included this quote disclosed that every mod they interviewed

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Speaker 1: for this piece had received a death threat. Every one

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Speaker 1: of them right, um, and I don't know, and I

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Speaker 1: guess we could even look about it, but like, read

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Speaker 1: it in itself, how does it make money me? Do

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Speaker 1: you know? I think they make it births so there

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Speaker 1: they read. It has tiers. They have one tier where

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Speaker 1: you pay, they have advertising. Yeah, because I'm wondering about

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Speaker 1: for the moderators, like for TikTok creators and Instagram creators

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Speaker 1: who have big followings they make money. Do the Reddit

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Speaker 1: rendators make money like that? I would love if somebody

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Speaker 1: wrote in and let us know. I don't think so, yeah,

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Speaker 1: let us know. If you're a big Reddit poster, Katie,

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Speaker 1: friend Katie, let us know. Is it possible to get

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Speaker 1: money like that? I don't know. I know, like you

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Speaker 1: were saying that that you can make ads, you can

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Speaker 1: pay for the ads that are on the side, which

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Speaker 1: I'm like, oh yeah, yeah, that makes sense. Um, but

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Speaker 1: I'm wondering how it works for those who have a

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Speaker 1: viral content or get because I know people follow each

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Speaker 1: other on Reddit to write like You're like, you may

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Speaker 1: not know their name, but you follow this one person

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Speaker 1: because you like what they're doing or something, and links

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Speaker 1: to their other social media sites which never seen people

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Speaker 1: put reddits. Uh, the Reddit handles when they're advertising that

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Speaker 1: I want other platforms. Ye, I don't have to think

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Speaker 1: about it. Um. But yeah, there's here's another disgusting thing.

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Speaker 1: You're all ready for it. One of the biggest things

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Speaker 1: that you'll come across when researching women's sexism and read

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Speaker 1: it is something called creep shots. Uh. Sexual images take

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Speaker 1: it of women and posted without their knowledge. And similarly,

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Speaker 1: nude photos. Yeah, some of these images are uploaded and

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Speaker 1: sold again without consent. Uh. There have been some high

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Speaker 1: profile cases. Toe. There was a large leak of nude

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Speaker 1: pictures of women's celebrities posted non consensually, and a couple

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Speaker 1: of years later Reddit shut down on subreddit posting deep fakes,

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Speaker 1: which is a horrifying thought because, oh my god, of

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Speaker 1: women in porn. Some revenge videos have been posted and

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Speaker 1: monetized without the women's consent, which still is a conversation

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Speaker 1: because it's still not been a fully addressed. This trade

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Speaker 1: in nudes is called collector culture. There's a horror movie

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Speaker 1: about that, folks, And many of these pictures often come

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Speaker 1: with personal information like social media handles and addresses. Holy crap. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: it's gross and scary. Okay, So this brings us to

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Speaker 1: am I the ass um Reddit is kind of famous

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Speaker 1: for hosting a lot of so called nice guys. And

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Speaker 1: you know that's the guy who claims he's so nice,

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Speaker 1: he does that everything right, Why are women denying me

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Speaker 1: in a romantic relationship? Um? And then everyone's like, the way,

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Speaker 1: you're terrible because you're demanding someone like you because you're

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Speaker 1: seemingly nice. But if you have to say you're nice,

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Speaker 1: probably not true. Yeah, exactly. And I feel like this

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Speaker 1: is that's part of what I have. And again I

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Speaker 1: have friends who are women who love Reddit. This is

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Speaker 1: just like my outsider I don't know what for some

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Speaker 1: reason I thought this, but I was like, oh, that's

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Speaker 1: where the nice guys go, and I am I The

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Speaker 1: a has become a lot of calling that out and

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Speaker 1: we have a lot of examples for it. Okay, So

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Speaker 1: from a Guardian article about a man in his thirties

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Speaker 1: who frequented the red pill. So we're gonna go through

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Speaker 1: some of these am I ask post and oh my goodness,

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Speaker 1: oh my goodness. All right, so here's the quote Morpheus Manfred.

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Speaker 1: Having spent my twenties looking for female companionship, I noticed

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Speaker 1: that the dating game wasn't what I was taught, what

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Speaker 1: my parents prepared me for, and what I learned from movies.

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Speaker 1: It was stacked against guys, and it was a very

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Speaker 1: unpleasant experience. Over the past ten years, the flakiness of

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Speaker 1: women has gotten worse. You'd meet a girl, hit it off,

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Speaker 1: get her number, and agree to date, and either she'd

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Speaker 1: no show or canceled right before I found myself putting

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Speaker 1: in all this effort for nothing. It was very defeating.

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Speaker 1: It's not the way courting worked when my parents meant

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Speaker 1: what I saw in movies. We're having a good heart

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Speaker 1: and being yourself is all you need. That's not what

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Speaker 1: happens now. Good and nice guys aren't attractive anymore. The

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Speaker 1: Man who Sphere fundamentally became a surrogate father for the

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Speaker 1: lifeless sins I never got. So this this actually was

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Speaker 1: not from m I the ass They were interviewing people

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Speaker 1: about why did you get involved in this Man of

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Speaker 1: Sphere space? And so this was a quote from this

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Speaker 1: user about it. And it was an interesting article because

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Speaker 1: some people made the point like, maybe you know a

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Speaker 1: lot of these dudes just need the sounding board to

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Speaker 1: get off their chest and move on. But a lot

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Speaker 1: of them don't, and that's something that we've talked about before,

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Speaker 1: and this whole like overall mindset like maybe yeah, you

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Speaker 1: just say that and get it off your chest, move on.

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Speaker 1: But I feel like what we're talking about here is

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Speaker 1: a bigger problem of how we think society should function

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Speaker 1: and where women the roles women should play right, and

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Speaker 1: then also the ones that that will play those roles

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Speaker 1: don't meet your expectations because of A, B and C

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Speaker 1: that you have placed upon that that's all different conversation,

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Speaker 1: but yes, yes, yes, and so like this whole idea

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Speaker 1: has gotten intertwined with um m I, the asked, And

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Speaker 1: that is one of the reasons, as we said, we

427
00:25:01,680 --> 00:25:03,919
Speaker 1: want to talk about this because that separate it is

428
00:25:03,960 --> 00:25:06,200
Speaker 1: so popular and it has taken off and as you said,

429
00:25:06,200 --> 00:25:10,120
Speaker 1: it's got podcasts and Twitter handles and all the time

430
00:25:10,160 --> 00:25:12,879
Speaker 1: I'm hearing like did you see this man, am I?

431
00:25:12,880 --> 00:25:15,240
Speaker 1: They asked, And as I said, it's really highlighted a

432
00:25:15,280 --> 00:25:19,040
Speaker 1: lot of sexism going on and perhaps particularly in hetero relationships.

433
00:25:19,560 --> 00:25:21,320
Speaker 1: And basically, yeah, if you haven't heard of it, it's

434
00:25:21,320 --> 00:25:25,080
Speaker 1: a form where people post problems or disagreements they've had

435
00:25:25,119 --> 00:25:27,760
Speaker 1: with others and ask if they're the villain in the story,

436
00:25:27,800 --> 00:25:31,760
Speaker 1: like am I being unreasonable? Or is the other person

437
00:25:31,880 --> 00:25:34,199
Speaker 1: or party being unreasonable? Again, this is one of the

438
00:25:34,240 --> 00:25:36,480
Speaker 1: only things that I look at when I'm looking at Reddit,

439
00:25:36,560 --> 00:25:39,480
Speaker 1: and typically i'll look at it through Twitter and or

440
00:25:39,560 --> 00:25:42,640
Speaker 1: again a podcast that pops up from TikTok, my God,

441
00:25:42,640 --> 00:25:46,280
Speaker 1: Everything's Inner Splice in the um. But then I will

442
00:25:46,320 --> 00:25:48,080
Speaker 1: go and check it out and see what the comments

443
00:25:48,119 --> 00:25:50,520
Speaker 1: are saying. Typically if they have comments coming back like

444
00:25:50,560 --> 00:25:53,640
Speaker 1: there's something's like really entertaining. That's what George the Cat

445
00:25:53,800 --> 00:25:56,760
Speaker 1: came from. If you follow them on Twitter, um, who

446
00:25:56,920 --> 00:26:01,000
Speaker 1: is a union loving a radical cat? Fantastic, But it

447
00:26:01,080 --> 00:26:03,199
Speaker 1: started off with the fact that the coworker wanted to

448
00:26:03,240 --> 00:26:06,520
Speaker 1: butter the cat um. And again, if you haven't read it,

449
00:26:06,600 --> 00:26:08,240
Speaker 1: you should. I remember when it first came out and

450
00:26:08,280 --> 00:26:11,600
Speaker 1: everybody was on Twitter just losing their mind because they're like,

451
00:26:11,600 --> 00:26:14,440
Speaker 1: this has to be fake, this has to be fake.

452
00:26:14,800 --> 00:26:18,119
Speaker 1: Into that point, like George has now like thousands and

453
00:26:18,200 --> 00:26:21,160
Speaker 1: thousands of followers UM and it's getting on the fights

454
00:26:21,160 --> 00:26:23,960
Speaker 1: with people, and they also had a problematic issue just recently.

455
00:26:23,960 --> 00:26:26,960
Speaker 1: But hey, that's a whole different conversation. It has all

456
00:26:27,040 --> 00:26:28,720
Speaker 1: of these aspects to that. But then you have the

457
00:26:28,760 --> 00:26:30,680
Speaker 1: ones that are super serious, to the point that people

458
00:26:30,680 --> 00:26:34,640
Speaker 1: were like, oh, yo, you're gonna get murdered. Leave. How

459
00:26:34,680 --> 00:26:37,280
Speaker 1: these posts go is literally it goes me. And then

460
00:26:37,280 --> 00:26:39,960
Speaker 1: they give the age and their gender my husband or

461
00:26:40,000 --> 00:26:43,920
Speaker 1: my partner age gender explains the story. Um, you can

462
00:26:43,960 --> 00:26:47,480
Speaker 1: write as not the ask you're both asked kind of

463
00:26:47,520 --> 00:26:49,720
Speaker 1: the ask kind of thing, or the other person is

464
00:26:49,720 --> 00:26:52,680
Speaker 1: the as Like they give you these options, which is nice,

465
00:26:52,840 --> 00:26:55,919
Speaker 1: and then you explain things. But this one woman that

466
00:26:55,960 --> 00:26:58,840
Speaker 1: I read through was like really horrifying the fact that

467
00:26:59,200 --> 00:27:02,760
Speaker 1: her husband younger brother was very co dependent on them,

468
00:27:02,880 --> 00:27:05,760
Speaker 1: very needy, and there's something kind of off. Turned out

469
00:27:05,800 --> 00:27:09,120
Speaker 1: he was peeing on her stuff. Uh, we're pretty sure

470
00:27:09,119 --> 00:27:11,439
Speaker 1: he abused the cat, all these things. And then they

471
00:27:11,480 --> 00:27:14,160
Speaker 1: found his like he got kicked out, and everybody felt

472
00:27:14,160 --> 00:27:16,760
Speaker 1: sorry for him. The mother felt sorry for him, like

473
00:27:16,800 --> 00:27:20,240
Speaker 1: the mother was enabling uh this, this younger brother, and

474
00:27:20,240 --> 00:27:21,679
Speaker 1: and everybody's like, you don't need to worry, he's not

475
00:27:21,680 --> 00:27:23,959
Speaker 1: a big deal. Then later on they find her picture

476
00:27:24,080 --> 00:27:26,719
Speaker 1: posted in his room with like all these marks on

477
00:27:26,760 --> 00:27:29,000
Speaker 1: it and like he had collected and stolen things from

478
00:27:29,040 --> 00:27:31,360
Speaker 1: her with intend that he was going to hurt her. UM.

479
00:27:31,440 --> 00:27:33,679
Speaker 1: And then somewhere along the lines, a niece came in,

480
00:27:33,760 --> 00:27:36,680
Speaker 1: a young niece, like preteen. Your niece came in the picture,

481
00:27:36,720 --> 00:27:39,000
Speaker 1: and he was like. Everybody was like, okay, yeah, there's

482
00:27:39,000 --> 00:27:41,960
Speaker 1: something wrong with this guy. And this woman would come

483
00:27:41,960 --> 00:27:44,639
Speaker 1: back with follow ups and updates about it, and then

484
00:27:44,640 --> 00:27:46,600
Speaker 1: the last thing we find out is that he has

485
00:27:46,640 --> 00:27:49,800
Speaker 1: been given a restraining order. That was a huge fight

486
00:27:49,880 --> 00:27:54,480
Speaker 1: and he is now under supervision because people were seriously scared. UM.

487
00:27:54,520 --> 00:27:56,320
Speaker 1: And I think the cat didn't make it like it

488
00:27:56,400 --> 00:27:59,040
Speaker 1: was this whole whole thing. I was very upset. I

489
00:27:59,040 --> 00:28:02,359
Speaker 1: think the people were so upset. But you have serious

490
00:28:02,720 --> 00:28:07,199
Speaker 1: things like this, and a majority of the am I

491
00:28:07,240 --> 00:28:10,199
Speaker 1: be asked posts are about relationships, as you said, and

492
00:28:10,240 --> 00:28:13,040
Speaker 1: a lot of it has like in law relationships, sister relationships.

493
00:28:13,040 --> 00:28:15,640
Speaker 1: One of those was like talking about the fact that

494
00:28:15,880 --> 00:28:18,639
Speaker 1: a sister in law there was a lot of in laws,

495
00:28:19,000 --> 00:28:21,480
Speaker 1: was making fun of the husband who that was the

496
00:28:21,520 --> 00:28:23,919
Speaker 1: in law, UM, who was a chef and she's a

497
00:28:24,000 --> 00:28:26,240
Speaker 1: chef and he's an Asian chef, and she went in

498
00:28:26,400 --> 00:28:29,160
Speaker 1: was making racist comments about him being an Asian chef,

499
00:28:29,400 --> 00:28:32,639
Speaker 1: to the point that she got fired um because like

500
00:28:32,720 --> 00:28:34,680
Speaker 1: she worked at a chock like I think she worked

501
00:28:34,680 --> 00:28:37,280
Speaker 1: at an Asian fusion restaurant and she was making fun

502
00:28:37,280 --> 00:28:39,920
Speaker 1: of Asian cooks, so it was like, oh damn, and

503
00:28:39,960 --> 00:28:41,920
Speaker 1: she was not Asian. I think she was white from

504
00:28:41,920 --> 00:28:44,320
Speaker 1: the post and it divided the entire family. And apparently

505
00:28:44,360 --> 00:28:47,560
Speaker 1: the parents got divorced because the mother was enabling like

506
00:28:47,680 --> 00:28:50,320
Speaker 1: it was or the father was enabling the child. And

507
00:28:50,400 --> 00:28:53,720
Speaker 1: best where the racist like came from, where racism was

508
00:28:53,840 --> 00:28:56,360
Speaker 1: learned from? I guess like it was a whole thing

509
00:28:56,360 --> 00:28:58,560
Speaker 1: and it went. It just killed their relationship. But you

510
00:28:58,600 --> 00:29:01,240
Speaker 1: have advice in the column like that, But a lot

511
00:29:01,240 --> 00:29:03,920
Speaker 1: of these are women coming and asking about advice about

512
00:29:04,200 --> 00:29:06,760
Speaker 1: their relationships and whether or not oftentimes am I being

513
00:29:06,840 --> 00:29:09,160
Speaker 1: cheated on? Was? It's kind of the conversation and about

514
00:29:09,160 --> 00:29:12,800
Speaker 1: emotional affairs. It's the whole thing. But what I've repeatedly

515
00:29:12,880 --> 00:29:15,520
Speaker 1: seen is like the fact that they will write these

516
00:29:15,520 --> 00:29:18,120
Speaker 1: posts and people thought them because like you're not to ask,

517
00:29:18,400 --> 00:29:22,800
Speaker 1: but you need to leave because he is awful. These

518
00:29:22,800 --> 00:29:25,280
Speaker 1: are red flags. This is not going to change. These

519
00:29:25,280 --> 00:29:27,240
Speaker 1: are things blah bla blah blah to the point like, yeah,

520
00:29:27,480 --> 00:29:29,600
Speaker 1: all of the answers are typically yeah, you're not ask

521
00:29:29,760 --> 00:29:32,600
Speaker 1: get a divorce, Get a divorce, Get a divorce. But

522
00:29:32,720 --> 00:29:35,360
Speaker 1: some of these have been really empowering because a lot

523
00:29:35,400 --> 00:29:37,000
Speaker 1: of the women come back with, thank you so much

524
00:29:37,040 --> 00:29:39,320
Speaker 1: for your advice. This really helped me see some things

525
00:29:39,360 --> 00:29:41,520
Speaker 1: I didn't really you know, think about this, and you're right,

526
00:29:41,600 --> 00:29:43,240
Speaker 1: this is gonna be a bad thing, and I need

527
00:29:43,240 --> 00:29:44,640
Speaker 1: to lead like it was just the whole thing and

528
00:29:44,640 --> 00:29:46,440
Speaker 1: the reason you and I were talking about Reddit to

529
00:29:46,480 --> 00:29:48,720
Speaker 1: begin with us because I've been seeing more and more

530
00:29:49,280 --> 00:29:51,840
Speaker 1: where women are coming to find a crew of people

531
00:29:52,520 --> 00:29:54,480
Speaker 1: to tell them what they can't see for themselves in

532
00:29:54,520 --> 00:29:57,880
Speaker 1: the middle of the situation, and it's seemingly fairly empowering,

533
00:29:58,040 --> 00:30:01,360
Speaker 1: especially the way they're having this converse station and and

534
00:30:01,400 --> 00:30:05,520
Speaker 1: really hopefully rectifying the situation. Of course, there's others who

535
00:30:05,560 --> 00:30:08,000
Speaker 1: are like the partners have seen it and they respond

536
00:30:08,080 --> 00:30:12,360
Speaker 1: and that's a whole drama. Well that's good to hear,

537
00:30:12,360 --> 00:30:16,960
Speaker 1: because I'm hardened to know that it's mostly people being like, hey,

538
00:30:18,000 --> 00:30:20,760
Speaker 1: you should get out instead of you know, a lot

539
00:30:20,800 --> 00:30:23,360
Speaker 1: of the victim blaming stuff we see all the time,

540
00:30:23,360 --> 00:30:25,720
Speaker 1: and I'm not saying, you know, every post at the same.

541
00:30:25,760 --> 00:30:28,360
Speaker 1: But you know, because I would hate for somebody to

542
00:30:28,400 --> 00:30:30,680
Speaker 1: be in a vulnerable situation, and you're getting all these

543
00:30:30,680 --> 00:30:34,040
Speaker 1: Internet people making it worse. So I here that it's

544
00:30:34,080 --> 00:30:36,920
Speaker 1: typically it's not. I've not seen that as of yet.

545
00:30:51,160 --> 00:30:54,840
Speaker 1: We do have some examples that we want to go over.

546
00:30:55,280 --> 00:30:57,959
Speaker 1: Oh my goodness. Okay, So here's a quote from medium

547
00:30:58,000 --> 00:31:01,920
Speaker 1: about this whole thing. It being am I the OUs

548
00:31:02,320 --> 00:31:06,360
Speaker 1: is a microcosm of gendered entitlement, the story of American sexism,

549
00:31:06,360 --> 00:31:08,920
Speaker 1: told post by post. There's the guy furious with his

550
00:31:08,960 --> 00:31:11,240
Speaker 1: girlfriend for dressing up for a work soom because how

551
00:31:11,320 --> 00:31:14,000
Speaker 1: dare she look nice for anyone but him? The husband

552
00:31:14,000 --> 00:31:16,520
Speaker 1: who wants to forbid his wife from breastfeeding in public,

553
00:31:17,240 --> 00:31:19,120
Speaker 1: The man who is mad that his wife, who has

554
00:31:19,200 --> 00:31:22,960
Speaker 1: just given birth, doesn't dress sexy anymore, and of course,

555
00:31:23,000 --> 00:31:25,120
Speaker 1: the one who feels betrayed that his wife keeps her

556
00:31:25,120 --> 00:31:29,440
Speaker 1: own savings account. There's the man who needs complete silence

557
00:31:29,560 --> 00:31:31,880
Speaker 1: from his stay at home wife and two toddlers while

558
00:31:31,880 --> 00:31:34,680
Speaker 1: he works from home because quote, it's her job to

559
00:31:34,760 --> 00:31:37,760
Speaker 1: be silent and shut the kids up. The husband who

560
00:31:37,800 --> 00:31:40,520
Speaker 1: refuses to do any domestic work at all because his

561
00:31:40,560 --> 00:31:43,320
Speaker 1: wife isn't asking nicely enough. He also seems to think

562
00:31:43,320 --> 00:31:46,600
Speaker 1: his wife has a natural predilection for thankless activity. She

563
00:31:46,720 --> 00:31:49,840
Speaker 1: doesn't really rest, he wrote, that's not her thing. The

564
00:31:49,880 --> 00:31:52,080
Speaker 1: guy who wants his girlfriend to sell her house because

565
00:31:52,080 --> 00:31:54,719
Speaker 1: she bought it with money she earned while stripping. And

566
00:31:54,840 --> 00:31:57,640
Speaker 1: the man who walked out literally on his wife when

567
00:31:57,640 --> 00:32:00,800
Speaker 1: she got an ovarian cancer diagnosis. I had begged her

568
00:32:00,840 --> 00:32:03,040
Speaker 1: to have kids since we were twenty six, but she

569
00:32:03,160 --> 00:32:05,800
Speaker 1: refused for her career, he wrote, as a justification for

570
00:32:05,840 --> 00:32:08,480
Speaker 1: storming out of the doctor's office. It's not just the

571
00:32:08,520 --> 00:32:11,920
Speaker 1: stories themselves and how obviously awful they are that stand out.

572
00:32:12,240 --> 00:32:14,600
Speaker 1: What makes am I the asked such a special look

573
00:32:14,600 --> 00:32:17,480
Speaker 1: into gender dynamics is that the men who describe awful

574
00:32:17,520 --> 00:32:21,840
Speaker 1: scenarios truly don't believe they've done anything wrong. Sexism has

575
00:32:21,880 --> 00:32:24,960
Speaker 1: fully lulled them into a sense of moral superiority that

576
00:32:25,040 --> 00:32:29,040
Speaker 1: blinds them to their own explicitly terrible behavior. Yes, and

577
00:32:29,080 --> 00:32:30,920
Speaker 1: a lot of these. When you read it like this

578
00:32:30,960 --> 00:32:33,720
Speaker 1: has to be made up, She's told me this is

579
00:32:33,800 --> 00:32:36,200
Speaker 1: made up because you really that blind to see it

580
00:32:36,280 --> 00:32:40,200
Speaker 1: this way. Um. We had one where the woman was

581
00:32:40,240 --> 00:32:42,800
Speaker 1: getting married, picked out a dress, his mother cut love

582
00:32:42,920 --> 00:32:45,520
Speaker 1: and lost stuff. His mother didn't like it and picked

583
00:32:45,520 --> 00:32:47,480
Speaker 1: out another one and asked her to get that one,

584
00:32:48,000 --> 00:32:54,600
Speaker 1: and his excuses she doesn't have a daughter, and then uh,

585
00:32:54,840 --> 00:32:56,520
Speaker 1: she said, no, this is my dress. I love it,

586
00:32:56,920 --> 00:32:59,800
Speaker 1: and behind her back he took it and exchanged it

587
00:32:59,840 --> 00:33:02,800
Speaker 1: for the one that his mother picked out. Oh. I

588
00:33:02,800 --> 00:33:07,560
Speaker 1: couldn't figure out why she thought it was a big deal. Wow. Yeah,

589
00:33:07,720 --> 00:33:10,600
Speaker 1: So here's another example outside of that one, uh from

590
00:33:10,680 --> 00:33:14,320
Speaker 1: Salon could a poster named Away, performer on the popular

591
00:33:14,440 --> 00:33:17,840
Speaker 1: am I the A A I t A subreddit, complained

592
00:33:18,080 --> 00:33:20,680
Speaker 1: that his neighbor wouldn't cook dinner for him, which, by

593
00:33:20,680 --> 00:33:23,200
Speaker 1: the way, I did with this. After explaining that he's

594
00:33:23,240 --> 00:33:25,680
Speaker 1: a thirty one year old single guy who doesn't know

595
00:33:25,720 --> 00:33:27,720
Speaker 1: how to cook. Away went on to write that he

596
00:33:27,720 --> 00:33:30,480
Speaker 1: would has noticed that his neighbor, a woman named Katie,

597
00:33:30,520 --> 00:33:33,920
Speaker 1: cooks frequently and quote, it always smells amazing. So I

598
00:33:33,960 --> 00:33:36,480
Speaker 1: got the idea this is him, that I'd offered to

599
00:33:36,480 --> 00:33:38,600
Speaker 1: give her some money each week to cook a little

600
00:33:38,600 --> 00:33:42,200
Speaker 1: extra and bring it over to me, he continues. Unsurprisingly,

601
00:33:42,600 --> 00:33:46,880
Speaker 1: Katie said no, but Away was undeterred, asking quote if

602
00:33:46,920 --> 00:33:49,920
Speaker 1: she was sure, and upping the amount I was of

603
00:33:49,920 --> 00:33:53,640
Speaker 1: offering until Katie realized the polite deferrals weren't getting the

604
00:33:53,720 --> 00:33:55,560
Speaker 1: job that she said, I should get a housekeeper if

605
00:33:55,560 --> 00:33:57,760
Speaker 1: that's what I want. I remember seeing this and it

606
00:33:57,840 --> 00:34:02,680
Speaker 1: was hilarious that he kept a fit ending this What

607
00:34:02,800 --> 00:34:08,359
Speaker 1: a thing to ask somebody asking once maybe be like, hey,

608
00:34:08,400 --> 00:34:11,319
Speaker 1: can I pay you? Because it's awesome, But then to

609
00:34:11,480 --> 00:34:16,080
Speaker 1: continue as if like that one one, No, she should

610
00:34:16,120 --> 00:34:17,560
Speaker 1: have made it awkward and you should never want to

611
00:34:17,600 --> 00:34:22,000
Speaker 1: see her again and you should hide. Yeah, exactly like

612
00:34:22,320 --> 00:34:25,879
Speaker 1: never like trying to avoid her at all cost, never

613
00:34:25,960 --> 00:34:28,399
Speaker 1: leave the house again. And the interesting thing about this one,

614
00:34:28,520 --> 00:34:33,520
Speaker 1: This whole article from Salon was about specifically cooking and

615
00:34:33,680 --> 00:34:36,480
Speaker 1: ideas men seem to have around women in cooking, and

616
00:34:36,480 --> 00:34:39,160
Speaker 1: it included quotes from women on other subredits about how

617
00:34:39,160 --> 00:34:41,600
Speaker 1: their boyfriends expect them to cook or gave up cooking

618
00:34:42,080 --> 00:34:45,600
Speaker 1: after they got married, like perhaps they have cooked before

619
00:34:45,680 --> 00:34:50,000
Speaker 1: marriage and then stopped after they got married. One redditor

620
00:34:50,040 --> 00:34:52,880
Speaker 1: told his girlfriend, I honestly wouldn't mind having a housewife,

621
00:34:53,040 --> 00:34:55,719
Speaker 1: and that she should do that because while because she

622
00:34:55,880 --> 00:34:59,400
Speaker 1: is quote certainly not stupid, but isn't quite on my level.

623
00:35:01,200 --> 00:35:03,799
Speaker 1: On top of that, many of these posts showcase that

624
00:35:03,840 --> 00:35:06,360
Speaker 1: men expect women to cook from a young age, but

625
00:35:06,440 --> 00:35:09,560
Speaker 1: to their standards and desires, so like, not what the

626
00:35:09,600 --> 00:35:12,160
Speaker 1: woman who is cooking wants. They want you to cook,

627
00:35:13,000 --> 00:35:15,279
Speaker 1: they want the men want you to cook what the

628
00:35:15,320 --> 00:35:19,800
Speaker 1: men want, which I have witnessed before in my life. Um.

629
00:35:19,920 --> 00:35:22,640
Speaker 1: The article also cited a study that found that married

630
00:35:22,640 --> 00:35:26,560
Speaker 1: women do more domestic work than single women, despite the

631
00:35:26,600 --> 00:35:29,080
Speaker 1: fact that they have a partner who, in theory, should

632
00:35:29,120 --> 00:35:32,720
Speaker 1: be shouldering half the weight. And yes, even women with jobs,

633
00:35:32,719 --> 00:35:35,040
Speaker 1: and even women who are the only ones in the

634
00:35:35,040 --> 00:35:40,800
Speaker 1: relationship with jobs. Another quote from the article quote perhaps

635
00:35:40,840 --> 00:35:43,960
Speaker 1: the most bone headed was the redditor who up top

636
00:35:44,320 --> 00:35:48,000
Speaker 1: denies that he is a quote sexist asshole, but is

637
00:35:48,120 --> 00:35:50,839
Speaker 1: mad because his wife, a stay at home mother of two,

638
00:35:50,880 --> 00:35:52,920
Speaker 1: who did not think it romantic that he enrolled her

639
00:35:52,960 --> 00:35:55,839
Speaker 1: in quote into a couple's cooking course with me as

640
00:35:55,880 --> 00:36:05,720
Speaker 1: an anniversary present so she could quote learned to cook properly. No. Oh,

641
00:36:05,880 --> 00:36:08,439
Speaker 1: there was also one about like bringing up them again,

642
00:36:08,480 --> 00:36:11,200
Speaker 1: the mother bringing up his mother and she like, I

643
00:36:11,239 --> 00:36:13,640
Speaker 1: like comparing in her nagging. Oh it was a whole thing.

644
00:36:13,800 --> 00:36:18,200
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, here's another quote. One riditor who wrote in

645
00:36:18,280 --> 00:36:20,640
Speaker 1: who was clearly excited to be engaged to a woman

646
00:36:20,680 --> 00:36:23,200
Speaker 1: who loves to cook and cares a lot about help.

647
00:36:23,320 --> 00:36:25,200
Speaker 1: So she makes a lot of stuff from scratch that

648
00:36:25,239 --> 00:36:28,000
Speaker 1: we both eat and quote. Her place is super nice

649
00:36:28,360 --> 00:36:32,520
Speaker 1: while his is oh mess. But when he swung by

650
00:36:32,520 --> 00:36:35,439
Speaker 1: her place one day quote to take some leftovers from

651
00:36:35,600 --> 00:36:39,239
Speaker 1: over lunches, he discovered, to his outrage, my girlfriend has

652
00:36:39,280 --> 00:36:42,240
Speaker 1: a cleaning lady she never told me about. He unleashed

653
00:36:42,239 --> 00:36:44,760
Speaker 1: in her, saying I felt portrayed because I always thought

654
00:36:44,760 --> 00:36:47,800
Speaker 1: it was great that I was marrying someone super tidy

655
00:36:47,840 --> 00:36:50,359
Speaker 1: to balance it out by which he means to clean

656
00:36:50,440 --> 00:36:53,360
Speaker 1: up after him. And even though she tried to plaguate

657
00:36:53,440 --> 00:36:55,479
Speaker 1: him by saying it frees up more time to cook

658
00:36:55,480 --> 00:36:59,200
Speaker 1: stuff from scratch, he was furious that she hired someone

659
00:36:59,239 --> 00:37:03,520
Speaker 1: to do something she could do herself. Luckily, the other

660
00:37:03,640 --> 00:37:05,920
Speaker 1: editors called him out, saying, this sounds like you were

661
00:37:05,920 --> 00:37:14,200
Speaker 1: getting married to get yourself a made no. Wow, yeah,

662
00:37:14,280 --> 00:37:17,239
Speaker 1: wow wow wow wow, and yeah, as you said, from

663
00:37:17,239 --> 00:37:20,319
Speaker 1: these articles I read about it, and all these instances

664
00:37:20,320 --> 00:37:22,759
Speaker 1: were highlighting that had links and you could follow many

665
00:37:22,760 --> 00:37:26,719
Speaker 1: of the comments. Do rightly call out these things. I

666
00:37:26,760 --> 00:37:30,040
Speaker 1: will say, like I don't know if it's just the

667
00:37:30,080 --> 00:37:32,840
Speaker 1: way it's set up or what. But the majority of

668
00:37:33,360 --> 00:37:37,839
Speaker 1: the people who are voting and are commenting are those

669
00:37:37,880 --> 00:37:41,759
Speaker 1: who were in support of typically the right, meaning whoever's

670
00:37:42,400 --> 00:37:44,560
Speaker 1: obviously the ass You can kind of see it. There's

671
00:37:44,560 --> 00:37:47,560
Speaker 1: son that's like, hmm, they could both be the asshole here,

672
00:37:47,600 --> 00:37:50,920
Speaker 1: like communication issues or whatever what not. But for the

673
00:37:51,040 --> 00:37:54,040
Speaker 1: most part, and again, like the things that are posted

674
00:37:54,080 --> 00:37:56,040
Speaker 1: on Twitter are not always the things that are posted

675
00:37:56,080 --> 00:37:58,320
Speaker 1: because they have tons of entries, by the way, tons

676
00:37:58,320 --> 00:38:00,879
Speaker 1: and tons and tons. So it's good to see that, though,

677
00:38:00,920 --> 00:38:02,640
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh yeah, because a lot of these like

678
00:38:02,719 --> 00:38:04,839
Speaker 1: the minute you read it, your blood boils and you're

679
00:38:04,840 --> 00:38:08,240
Speaker 1: ready to fight fight somebody all and all the means

680
00:38:08,280 --> 00:38:13,719
Speaker 1: that come out of these and and gives. And then

681
00:38:13,760 --> 00:38:15,320
Speaker 1: in a similar vein to all of this, here's a

682
00:38:15,400 --> 00:38:18,480
Speaker 1: quote from a She Knows article. One riditor opened up

683
00:38:18,520 --> 00:38:22,120
Speaker 1: about this process, sharing that her extremely hygienic more on

684
00:38:22,160 --> 00:38:25,319
Speaker 1: that later partner was horrified by the period underwear she

685
00:38:25,400 --> 00:38:27,759
Speaker 1: keeps on deck for when she's bleeding each month and

686
00:38:27,880 --> 00:38:32,040
Speaker 1: insisted she throw them out. Quote. He came across one

687
00:38:32,080 --> 00:38:34,359
Speaker 1: of my pairs of panties that I specifically only where

688
00:38:34,440 --> 00:38:36,520
Speaker 1: during that time of the month. I am certain ladies

689
00:38:36,520 --> 00:38:39,080
Speaker 1: will understand that we keep panties separate for periods than

690
00:38:39,160 --> 00:38:41,480
Speaker 1: we do for when we aren't a k A. I

691
00:38:41,600 --> 00:38:43,799
Speaker 1: have my ugly or maybe blood stained pairs for my

692
00:38:43,880 --> 00:38:46,080
Speaker 1: period and my cute and well kempt ones for when

693
00:38:46,080 --> 00:38:49,279
Speaker 1: I'm not in my period. Anyways, upon seeing these, he

694
00:38:49,360 --> 00:38:51,280
Speaker 1: told me that I need to throw that pair away

695
00:38:51,600 --> 00:38:55,279
Speaker 1: and that it's disgusting and unhygienic. He made quite a

696
00:38:55,320 --> 00:38:58,040
Speaker 1: few comments about how gross they are, despite them being

697
00:38:58,440 --> 00:39:02,320
Speaker 1: clean but just blood stain from a previous period spotting situation.

698
00:39:03,280 --> 00:39:04,960
Speaker 1: She went on to say that when she tried to

699
00:39:05,000 --> 00:39:07,600
Speaker 1: explain that these are cleaned if a little stained pairs

700
00:39:07,640 --> 00:39:10,359
Speaker 1: that exist for the express reason of getting stained, think

701
00:39:10,400 --> 00:39:11,880
Speaker 1: a T shirt you wear for painting the house or

702
00:39:11,920 --> 00:39:15,080
Speaker 1: doing yardwork, he responded poorly and made her feel terrible.

703
00:39:15,320 --> 00:39:17,319
Speaker 1: He also tried to claim that he was pretty sure

704
00:39:17,360 --> 00:39:21,040
Speaker 1: other girls people with periods don't do that. Oh, he

705
00:39:21,120 --> 00:39:24,799
Speaker 1: needs to be single forever, just to be single if

706
00:39:24,800 --> 00:39:27,560
Speaker 1: you especially, you know, if you're dating women. I found

707
00:39:27,600 --> 00:39:30,040
Speaker 1: it funny because there was another post similar to this,

708
00:39:30,120 --> 00:39:32,520
Speaker 1: not exactly where she had gone on a first or

709
00:39:32,560 --> 00:39:35,280
Speaker 1: second date. New dates. She had got on our period,

710
00:39:35,480 --> 00:39:38,880
Speaker 1: so she needed a tampon. Uh, so she used you know,

711
00:39:39,040 --> 00:39:41,600
Speaker 1: her applicator. She put it in. I believe she put

712
00:39:41,600 --> 00:39:44,000
Speaker 1: it in her and wrapped it up. You know, if

713
00:39:44,000 --> 00:39:45,560
Speaker 1: you've used the tampon, you know what I'm talking about,

714
00:39:45,600 --> 00:39:47,560
Speaker 1: you put back in the wrapper and if you were embarrassed,

715
00:39:47,560 --> 00:39:49,240
Speaker 1: you hide it because you try to do all the things,

716
00:39:49,480 --> 00:39:51,280
Speaker 1: and then you to go in the trash can. Apparently

717
00:39:51,320 --> 00:39:53,440
Speaker 1: the dude dug in his trash and found it and

718
00:39:53,480 --> 00:39:55,920
Speaker 1: told her that she was not welcome and that she

719
00:39:55,960 --> 00:39:58,080
Speaker 1: should not have put that in her in his trash can.

720
00:39:58,200 --> 00:40:01,239
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh. And she was like what he was

721
00:40:01,360 --> 00:40:04,319
Speaker 1: upset that she threw away in the trash gear, Oh

722
00:40:04,360 --> 00:40:08,520
Speaker 1: my gosh. Properly. Also, he wouldn't dug through it. Yeah.

723
00:40:08,800 --> 00:40:10,960
Speaker 1: I feel like a lot of these are showcasing the

724
00:40:11,000 --> 00:40:17,520
Speaker 1: stupidity of men. Well yeah, but also how much generalized

725
00:40:17,520 --> 00:40:22,839
Speaker 1: statement men women are expected to hide, Like everything we're

726
00:40:22,840 --> 00:40:25,239
Speaker 1: expected to hide, how much work it takes to do

727
00:40:25,360 --> 00:40:30,320
Speaker 1: something We're expected to hide These totally normal body functions

728
00:40:30,320 --> 00:40:36,719
Speaker 1: were expected to put up with your the dude's mom

729
00:40:36,920 --> 00:40:40,560
Speaker 1: wanting this dress, and that means that you don't matter

730
00:40:40,600 --> 00:40:43,239
Speaker 1: in this equation, even though it's your dress. Like I

731
00:40:43,239 --> 00:40:46,680
Speaker 1: feel like there's so much stuff where it's like what

732
00:40:46,800 --> 00:40:50,120
Speaker 1: you want doesn't matter and hide from me anything that

733
00:40:50,200 --> 00:40:52,799
Speaker 1: I don't want to see, right, I mean, there's a

734
00:40:52,840 --> 00:40:55,480
Speaker 1: lot that you're like, wow, you really thought this real life?

735
00:40:55,520 --> 00:40:57,920
Speaker 1: Who really thinks that this is what happens? Like you

736
00:40:58,000 --> 00:41:02,360
Speaker 1: really want the Disney version of a princess from the

737
00:41:02,440 --> 00:41:06,680
Speaker 1: nineteen sixties. They've what it's I mean, just like a

738
00:41:06,719 --> 00:41:11,480
Speaker 1: mom or a mate or exactly um based on these popes.

739
00:41:11,560 --> 00:41:14,600
Speaker 1: That's just the vibe I'm getting, right, And I will say, like,

740
00:41:14,640 --> 00:41:17,320
Speaker 1: it's not all like that. We've talked about of many things.

741
00:41:17,440 --> 00:41:20,440
Speaker 1: I just read one about a man who wanted to

742
00:41:20,480 --> 00:41:23,120
Speaker 1: make his own birthday cake. She got upset and there's

743
00:41:23,160 --> 00:41:25,560
Speaker 1: this whole like in between line and she was absolutely

744
00:41:25,600 --> 00:41:29,440
Speaker 1: in the wrong. But like there are other conversations that

745
00:41:29,480 --> 00:41:32,160
Speaker 1: are had that you're like, okay, huge red flags. At

746
00:41:32,239 --> 00:41:36,799
Speaker 1: least human decency seems to be central. And many of

747
00:41:36,880 --> 00:41:41,240
Speaker 1: the followers and commenters, Yeah, that's good. That's I'm happy

748
00:41:41,280 --> 00:41:44,360
Speaker 1: to hear that. And just to brief like wrapping up comments,

749
00:41:45,320 --> 00:41:47,120
Speaker 1: because you know, we focused on a lot of the

750
00:41:47,800 --> 00:41:50,560
Speaker 1: grim stuff. But you know, there's a lot of really

751
00:41:50,560 --> 00:41:54,080
Speaker 1: great stuff about Reddit. It really is. And this misogyny

752
00:41:54,160 --> 00:41:56,200
Speaker 1: that we have been talking about harms everyone, and and

753
00:41:56,200 --> 00:41:58,960
Speaker 1: Reddit has in like cases like this perhaps showing a

754
00:41:59,040 --> 00:42:02,359
Speaker 1: light on it. And it impacts how women and non

755
00:42:02,400 --> 00:42:06,239
Speaker 1: binary folks interact or don't on this platform. Uh, it

756
00:42:06,320 --> 00:42:10,399
Speaker 1: influences other offline behavior. But yeah, it is not all

757
00:42:10,400 --> 00:42:12,960
Speaker 1: bad at all, right, And as in fact, when you

758
00:42:13,000 --> 00:42:15,759
Speaker 1: read through some of the statistics, again the c is

759
00:42:15,800 --> 00:42:19,400
Speaker 1: not great higher than other platforms. That's really disconcerning in itself,

760
00:42:19,760 --> 00:42:22,560
Speaker 1: but a lot of it also has found homes for

761
00:42:22,680 --> 00:42:26,600
Speaker 1: communities that are really, really genuinely great. We talked about

762
00:42:26,600 --> 00:42:29,239
Speaker 1: the aunties helping people in the anti abortion things that

763
00:42:29,280 --> 00:42:31,960
Speaker 1: are happening in the US UM and we've talked about

764
00:42:32,000 --> 00:42:34,799
Speaker 1: that this is such a great idea. Again, a lot

765
00:42:34,800 --> 00:42:36,799
Speaker 1: of these good intentions can be harmful, so you have

766
00:42:36,880 --> 00:42:39,040
Speaker 1: to be careful with that. But a lot of these

767
00:42:39,040 --> 00:42:41,680
Speaker 1: also come together, like with the voting things, they've had

768
00:42:42,160 --> 00:42:45,160
Speaker 1: conversations about trying to link people in order to get

769
00:42:45,160 --> 00:42:47,920
Speaker 1: the right access, the right communications. So red it is

770
00:42:48,000 --> 00:42:51,400
Speaker 1: can be an amazing thing. Again, great dog videos, great

771
00:42:51,800 --> 00:42:54,799
Speaker 1: contagious laughter videos, other things that I'm like, oh god,

772
00:42:54,840 --> 00:42:57,879
Speaker 1: I'd never want to see that again and why, But yes,

773
00:42:58,520 --> 00:43:01,800
Speaker 1: it's I feel like it does well. Maybe I'm wrong again,

774
00:43:01,840 --> 00:43:06,920
Speaker 1: I'm not very good into um. I'm not very into

775
00:43:07,040 --> 00:43:10,480
Speaker 1: Reddit in the platform in itself. I'm hovering around all

776
00:43:10,520 --> 00:43:13,560
Speaker 1: around it, apparently at least outside of it. But you

777
00:43:13,680 --> 00:43:16,200
Speaker 1: do see that the moderators who are they are seem

778
00:43:16,239 --> 00:43:18,320
Speaker 1: to do a good job in making sure the community

779
00:43:18,400 --> 00:43:21,160
Speaker 1: stays with it in its boundaries, so they will quickly

780
00:43:21,160 --> 00:43:24,680
Speaker 1: take things off and or pause things or lock things down.

781
00:43:24,719 --> 00:43:26,319
Speaker 1: I feel like they have better access to that than

782
00:43:26,360 --> 00:43:30,600
Speaker 1: I've seen other uh social media platforms. Yeah, yeah, which

783
00:43:30,640 --> 00:43:32,920
Speaker 1: has its pluses and minuses, but I think when it works,

784
00:43:32,920 --> 00:43:35,880
Speaker 1: it's great. And also just there's some hilarious stuff that

785
00:43:35,920 --> 00:43:39,920
Speaker 1: you could find very eccentric, eclectic stuff on Reddit. And

786
00:43:39,960 --> 00:43:43,759
Speaker 1: I know, like we talked about in are being raised

787
00:43:43,760 --> 00:43:45,840
Speaker 1: by a parent with narcissism, there's like a great Reddit

788
00:43:46,360 --> 00:43:48,040
Speaker 1: source for that, and a lot of you have written

789
00:43:48,040 --> 00:43:49,600
Speaker 1: in about that and how it helps you and you

790
00:43:49,600 --> 00:43:52,840
Speaker 1: found community that way. And there are some great feminist

791
00:43:52,840 --> 00:43:57,000
Speaker 1: subreddits um are slash Feminism are slash to chromosomes, which

792
00:43:57,040 --> 00:44:01,000
Speaker 1: for bids transphobic or torque are slash. All women are

793
00:44:01,080 --> 00:44:04,960
Speaker 1: slash Black ladies are slash Asian, two X are slash

794
00:44:05,160 --> 00:44:09,040
Speaker 1: dose x, the Tina's are slash. Sex positive are slash

795
00:44:09,080 --> 00:44:12,399
Speaker 1: ask feminist, and our slash radical queers. And I probably

796
00:44:12,440 --> 00:44:14,279
Speaker 1: didn't have to say all the our slashes before those,

797
00:44:14,280 --> 00:44:17,279
Speaker 1: but here I here I went often are suggested in

798
00:44:17,320 --> 00:44:19,839
Speaker 1: thanks to Bitch media for that list, and it can

799
00:44:19,920 --> 00:44:21,839
Speaker 1: be a great place to learn and connect and grow

800
00:44:21,880 --> 00:44:25,959
Speaker 1: when it comes to intersectional feminism. And it's important because

801
00:44:25,960 --> 00:44:27,600
Speaker 1: a lot of people get their news from the site,

802
00:44:27,920 --> 00:44:29,440
Speaker 1: which we have to keep in mind, and it shapes

803
00:44:29,440 --> 00:44:33,160
Speaker 1: Internet conversations and understanding the world, especially for younger folks.

804
00:44:33,719 --> 00:44:35,520
Speaker 1: So there are these bad things, but there are these

805
00:44:35,560 --> 00:44:38,279
Speaker 1: good things too, And I would love for anybody who

806
00:44:38,400 --> 00:44:42,160
Speaker 1: uses reddit uh if you have any insights you would

807
00:44:42,160 --> 00:44:44,840
Speaker 1: like to offer. If you're a mod uh, let us

808
00:44:44,960 --> 00:44:48,200
Speaker 1: know if you have any favorite subreddits that we should

809
00:44:48,239 --> 00:44:50,520
Speaker 1: check out or that you recommend, that would be great.

810
00:44:51,000 --> 00:44:53,120
Speaker 1: I do really love Like when my friend Katie told

811
00:44:53,120 --> 00:44:55,279
Speaker 1: me there was one about hating onions, I was just like,

812
00:44:56,760 --> 00:45:01,200
Speaker 1: of course there is I love it. Of course, Um, yes,

813
00:45:01,320 --> 00:45:02,879
Speaker 1: you can send us to us at our email, which

814
00:45:02,920 --> 00:45:04,400
Speaker 1: is definitely a mom Stuff at I Hurt me to

815
00:45:04,480 --> 00:45:06,600
Speaker 1: dot com. You find us on Twitter at mom Stuff

816
00:45:06,560 --> 00:45:08,440
Speaker 1: podcast or on Instagram and Stuff one Never Told You.

817
00:45:08,560 --> 00:45:10,400
Speaker 1: Thanks as always to our super producer Chris d You

818
00:45:10,480 --> 00:45:14,360
Speaker 1: don't You, And thanks to you for listening Stuffinitely Never

819
00:45:14,400 --> 00:45:16,120
Speaker 1: Told You. Breaction to I Heart Radio for more podcast

820
00:45:16,160 --> 00:45:18,000
Speaker 1: On my heart Radio, you can check out the iHeartRadio app,

821
00:45:18,000 --> 00:45:20,280
Speaker 1: Baffle Podcasts and wherever you listen to your favorite shows