WEBVTT - My Weight Loss Journey Pt. 1 0:00:03.520 --> 0:00:06.400 I've always loved myself. I've always been pretty confident, but 0:00:06.720 --> 0:00:10.560 the music career, especially in our Latin culture, the thinner 0:00:10.600 --> 0:00:13.239 you are, the prettier you are, the more accepted you are. 0:00:14.280 --> 0:00:17.320 That's something my mom struggled with and my grandpa would 0:00:17.360 --> 0:00:19.640 always tell her. He would say, so you know best, 0:00:19.640 --> 0:00:21.040 so if you're not going to find a man, and 0:00:21.440 --> 0:00:24.439 it really did. It affected her. We did a part 0:00:24.440 --> 0:00:26.360 of the interview and then on the break he literally 0:00:26.400 --> 0:00:31.680 looked at me and he said, oh, Win said, you 0:00:31.680 --> 0:00:34.640 know what he told me? He said. I was like, 0:00:38.920 --> 0:00:41.680 what up? Guys? Happy Monday. I am so glad to 0:00:41.680 --> 0:00:43.480 be in front of the mic today talking to you guys. 0:00:43.920 --> 0:00:45.800 I think this is an episode you guys will really 0:00:45.880 --> 0:00:48.080 enjoy because it's about something I think a lot of 0:00:48.120 --> 0:00:50.960 us have dealt or we'll deal with. I'm going to 0:00:51.000 --> 0:00:54.080 be opening up about how weight loss affects how we think, 0:00:54.280 --> 0:00:56.840 how we feel, and even how people treat us. It's 0:00:56.880 --> 0:00:58.960 just going to be meeting you today, so let's hop 0:00:58.960 --> 0:01:08.160 into it. This Isy's and chill. So, as you guys 0:01:08.160 --> 0:01:11.200 probably know already, weight and body image is something I've 0:01:11.240 --> 0:01:15.080 dealt with my entire life, and as women, I think 0:01:15.160 --> 0:01:17.840 so many of us are taught that our value or 0:01:17.880 --> 0:01:21.160 self worth is tied up to our appearance. How pretty 0:01:21.160 --> 0:01:24.720 we are or how thin we are really matters in 0:01:24.760 --> 0:01:28.080 our culture and in society, and it's annoying. This episode 0:01:28.120 --> 0:01:30.039 is going to be divided into two parts. In this 0:01:30.120 --> 0:01:32.720 first part, I'm going to be talking about my journey 0:01:32.760 --> 0:01:35.240 all the way from the beginning. So let's talk about it. 0:01:35.400 --> 0:01:38.800 As a kid, I was always a little bit overweight, 0:01:39.120 --> 0:01:42.120 since like I can remember, I was always thicker than 0:01:42.160 --> 0:01:46.080 the other girls in school. I always struggled with wine clothes. 0:01:47.040 --> 0:01:50.000 I think it started, like where I started really noticing 0:01:50.360 --> 0:01:53.040 was when I was ten years old and I would 0:01:53.080 --> 0:01:56.240 be made fun of and it was just it was tough. 0:01:56.440 --> 0:02:00.880 I want to say that it started when I realized 0:02:00.920 --> 0:02:02.960 that what was happening to me because I was sexually 0:02:03.000 --> 0:02:06.160 abused by my dad was not right. Because it started 0:02:06.160 --> 0:02:08.480 when I was eight years old, and at ten, the 0:02:08.520 --> 0:02:11.520 conversations at school started changing with my friends, and I 0:02:11.600 --> 0:02:14.000 started realizing what sex is, and that's where, you know, 0:02:14.080 --> 0:02:18.480 fifth grade, they start talking about sex education and it 0:02:18.600 --> 0:02:21.160 just started like kind of tormenting me, and I started 0:02:21.160 --> 0:02:24.280 holding on to my weight, and that's where it just started, 0:02:24.760 --> 0:02:29.160 you know, spirallling out of control, and it just started, 0:02:29.160 --> 0:02:32.440 I think, getting worse as I got older. My period 0:02:32.480 --> 0:02:35.400 came when I was twelve years old. My body started 0:02:35.480 --> 0:02:38.680 changing and then it just it's been a thing, you 0:02:38.680 --> 0:02:40.480 know what I mean. So I and I talked to 0:02:40.520 --> 0:02:42.680 my therapist about this and she said, yeah, it's because 0:02:42.960 --> 0:02:45.520 you weren't expressing certain things, so you were holding on 0:02:45.680 --> 0:02:49.520 to your weight as a form of protection. So AnyWho, 0:02:49.560 --> 0:02:52.200 it's something I've been dealing with forever. At home, it 0:02:52.280 --> 0:02:55.600 was always a conversation because my mom also struggled with 0:02:55.600 --> 0:02:58.600 her weight, and it could Yeah, it's it's hereditary, you 0:02:58.600 --> 0:03:00.480 know what I mean. Like it's something that like I 0:03:00.480 --> 0:03:03.079 think comes from my grandfather's side. They're a little bit 0:03:03.160 --> 0:03:05.760 more on they're a little bit more on the heavier side. 0:03:06.240 --> 0:03:09.200 And so that's something my mom struggled with. And my 0:03:09.440 --> 0:03:12.560 grandpa would always tell her, and I know this because 0:03:12.560 --> 0:03:14.960 she would tell me. He would say, so, you know best, 0:03:15.000 --> 0:03:16.320 So if you don't lose weight, you're not gonna find 0:03:16.320 --> 0:03:20.520 a man like you. You can't be fat, you can't 0:03:20.560 --> 0:03:23.480 be a gorra, you know what I mean. And it 0:03:23.560 --> 0:03:25.760 really did. It affected her and then she had me 0:03:25.800 --> 0:03:30.000 at fifteen. Imagine her little body because she was fairly like, 0:03:30.200 --> 0:03:32.320 you know, on the thinner side, I guess. Such at 0:03:32.320 --> 0:03:35.520 fifteen she had me, she got pregnant, and she gained 0:03:35.520 --> 0:03:39.080 eighty pounds. That's a lot, and and she just said, 0:03:39.120 --> 0:03:40.760 oh my god, you she would always say, you fucked 0:03:40.800 --> 0:03:43.360 up my body. But I'm like o, gage was like 0:03:43.440 --> 0:03:45.840 my stretch marks came, like she lost I'm sorry, she 0:03:45.880 --> 0:03:49.200 gained so much weight, and she was she was young. 0:03:49.240 --> 0:03:51.800 And then four years later she had my sister, and 0:03:52.360 --> 0:03:53.640 you know what I mean. So it's something that she 0:03:53.720 --> 0:03:56.200 struggled with and she didn't want us to go through 0:03:56.880 --> 0:04:00.720 what she had gone through and how she felt. So 0:04:01.480 --> 0:04:04.600 at home, it was always like we were on every 0:04:04.680 --> 0:04:06.520 freaking diet that you can think of. It was the 0:04:06.640 --> 0:04:10.600 Zone diet, it was Adkins, it was you know, all 0:04:10.640 --> 0:04:14.000 these things, and we couldn't have fun cereals. We would 0:04:14.000 --> 0:04:16.240 only have kicks because you know, back then we were 0:04:16.320 --> 0:04:19.240 like on you know, Wick and Welfare and food sam 0:04:19.400 --> 0:04:21.599 so it was like certain stuff that we can afford, 0:04:22.080 --> 0:04:24.200 and it was like, you know, at Wick they would 0:04:24.200 --> 0:04:26.680 give us kicks. So it was just a different type 0:04:26.680 --> 0:04:29.840 of childhood. Like my lunches were different, you know, and 0:04:29.920 --> 0:04:32.680 we had to have non fat milk. I mean, imagine 0:04:32.680 --> 0:04:35.360 being freaking eleven twelve years old and it's like, oh, 0:04:35.400 --> 0:04:39.400 you have to have egg whites and tomatoes and a 0:04:39.440 --> 0:04:41.159 slice of a greate fruit the half of a great 0:04:41.200 --> 0:04:44.720 fruit and non fat milk when all your friends are 0:04:44.720 --> 0:04:48.719 having bacon and freaking pancakes. So it was like always 0:04:48.720 --> 0:04:50.800 a conversation, and it was always like you have to 0:04:50.839 --> 0:04:53.200 work out to the point where I think my sisters 0:04:53.200 --> 0:04:55.360 and I we all feel the same. Like Jackie always 0:04:55.360 --> 0:04:57.360 talks about it. My sister Jackie always talks about how 0:04:57.360 --> 0:05:00.120 my mom sent her to school with her lunch in 0:05:00.200 --> 0:05:03.839 a brown bag and it was a can of green 0:05:03.880 --> 0:05:07.800 beans and some tuna and a fork, like that's what 0:05:07.880 --> 0:05:10.480 she had to eat. And she was so embarrassed. She 0:05:10.520 --> 0:05:12.000 didn't even put it like in a cute little tuble 0:05:12.000 --> 0:05:13.480 where she just put in a bag and said here, 0:05:14.000 --> 0:05:15.479 open it, and this is what you're going to have. 0:05:16.080 --> 0:05:19.600 And she even sent Jackie and even Jenica for a 0:05:19.600 --> 0:05:22.000 little bit to what they call fat camp literally it's 0:05:22.040 --> 0:05:25.000 called fat camp to lose weight. So it was always 0:05:25.040 --> 0:05:27.680 a conversation and my mom would be like if I 0:05:27.680 --> 0:05:29.120 would eat something, she'd be like, oh my god, you 0:05:29.160 --> 0:05:30.840 know it's going to go straight to your thighs or 0:05:30.960 --> 0:05:33.840 things like that. So it was sticks so in my mind. Anyways, 0:05:33.920 --> 0:05:36.040 I mean, she she did help me lose weight. You know, 0:05:36.440 --> 0:05:38.160 there was a time when my mom and I weren't talking. 0:05:38.880 --> 0:05:40.440 She sent me to go live at my grandma's house. 0:05:40.560 --> 0:05:43.320 And then when I came back to live with her, 0:05:44.080 --> 0:05:46.960 she put me on this like strict diet, dude, like 0:05:47.080 --> 0:05:50.800 strict diet, and I had to just dance my way 0:05:50.960 --> 0:05:53.560 every day, washing clothes in the garage. You know, I 0:05:53.560 --> 0:05:55.520 think I've told you guys the story before, but like 0:05:55.600 --> 0:05:57.599 to lose weight, and she and I did lose weight. 0:05:57.640 --> 0:06:00.480 She was a very good trainer. Like even I want 0:06:00.520 --> 0:06:02.520 to say, I was eleven twelve years old in our 0:06:02.560 --> 0:06:06.640 living room in Long Beach listening to Michael Jackson, and 0:06:06.680 --> 0:06:09.159 she would do like a freaking dance class. She was 0:06:09.200 --> 0:06:10.960 so good at dancing. And we would sit there and 0:06:10.960 --> 0:06:13.880 do aerobics and her friends and her and I would 0:06:13.880 --> 0:06:15.680 do it and it was just like a thing. So 0:06:15.720 --> 0:06:17.920 it's something that like our whole family has struggled with, 0:06:17.960 --> 0:06:19.920 and it's been something that's been embedded in our in 0:06:19.920 --> 0:06:22.520 our brain. And you guys know that food is such 0:06:22.640 --> 0:06:25.320 a huge part of our culture. It's you go to 0:06:25.360 --> 0:06:27.360 your theas house, to your grandma's house, to anyone's house. 0:06:27.440 --> 0:06:28.720 Is like they want to feed you. And they don't 0:06:28.720 --> 0:06:30.000 want to feed you a little bit. They want to 0:06:30.000 --> 0:06:31.599 feed you a lot because that's the way they show 0:06:31.640 --> 0:06:33.640 that they love you. And then if you don't eat 0:06:33.640 --> 0:06:35.840 it or you say no sofin, then they get kind 0:06:35.880 --> 0:06:39.280 of like hurt. So then you feel like, you know, 0:06:39.360 --> 0:06:41.760 I have to eat it. And well as a Mexican, 0:06:42.000 --> 0:06:44.120 as a Latina, you know, you have your beans and 0:06:44.160 --> 0:06:46.039 your rice and then your protein, and you have tortilla 0:06:46.160 --> 0:06:48.120 or sometimes you have bread. It's like it's a lot 0:06:48.160 --> 0:06:52.080 of carbs, you know. So it's something that in our household, 0:06:52.120 --> 0:06:53.599 it's like here, this is how I'm going to show 0:06:53.640 --> 0:06:59.040 you my love. And also our culture loves to use manteka, 0:06:59.600 --> 0:07:01.599 you know what I mean, instead of using all oil. 0:07:01.720 --> 0:07:03.360 So it's like little things like that throughout the years 0:07:03.400 --> 0:07:05.760 that I've learned that, yeah, the beans are freaking refried 0:07:05.760 --> 0:07:08.800 beans are delicious with manteka, you know, with lard. But 0:07:09.000 --> 0:07:11.680 there are healthier ways of cooking them, you know. But 0:07:11.840 --> 0:07:15.040 it's it's in our culture, it's part of of us, 0:07:15.120 --> 0:07:19.240 you know. And not only that, but I remember hearing 0:07:19.280 --> 0:07:22.720 from everyone in my family that it's like you have 0:07:22.800 --> 0:07:25.560 to finish everything on your plate because there are starving 0:07:25.640 --> 0:07:28.200 children in the world, and there are kids that don't 0:07:28.240 --> 0:07:30.640 have food, and you're so lucky, so you need to 0:07:30.680 --> 0:07:32.960 eat it all, you know what I mean. One time, 0:07:33.000 --> 0:07:36.080 I remember my mom made I think it was like, 0:07:36.280 --> 0:07:41.760 uh Pierre had chicken legs, and she made peas and carrots, 0:07:41.840 --> 0:07:43.880 and I think there was white rice, and I didn't 0:07:43.920 --> 0:07:46.000 really like the bone, you know what I mean. Like 0:07:46.040 --> 0:07:48.280 I was more of like, you know, a chicken breast 0:07:48.280 --> 0:07:51.200 type of girl, but the chicken legs are like less expensive. 0:07:51.480 --> 0:07:53.800 So she would make that a lot. And one day 0:07:53.840 --> 0:07:55.440 I kind of like, I was like, I'm just gonna 0:07:55.480 --> 0:07:57.320 like pretend I, you know, I ate it, and I 0:07:57.400 --> 0:08:00.800 threw it in the trash ooh girl. She made me 0:08:00.880 --> 0:08:02.320 get it out of the trash can and eat it 0:08:02.440 --> 0:08:03.880 right in front of her. She's like, Nope, you're gonna 0:08:03.880 --> 0:08:05.160 eat it all, and you're gonna eat your peas and 0:08:05.200 --> 0:08:06.680 your carrots. She made me get it out of the 0:08:06.680 --> 0:08:08.559 trash can. You guys's like, you're not gonna throw away 0:08:09.400 --> 0:08:11.680 food in this household. If you don't like it, then 0:08:11.960 --> 0:08:13.520 you need to move out, or you need to give 0:08:13.560 --> 0:08:15.960 me money, and the food is expensive and you're not 0:08:15.960 --> 0:08:17.360 gonna like And I was just saying, I'm like, oh 0:08:17.400 --> 0:08:19.000 my god, okay, you know what I mean. Like, I 0:08:19.040 --> 0:08:20.480 was like, I don't like it, said, oh, you can't 0:08:20.480 --> 0:08:22.360 pick and choose. So it was like a thing like 0:08:22.400 --> 0:08:24.280 it's like you eat when mom is making or you 0:08:24.280 --> 0:08:26.000 don't eat it all. And sometimes I wouldn't eat because 0:08:26.000 --> 0:08:27.160 she's like, Okay, if you don't like what I'm making, 0:08:27.200 --> 0:08:28.840 then you're not gonna eat. I wouldn't eat till the 0:08:28.840 --> 0:08:37.080 next day dinner time. I don't know if I've ever 0:08:37.120 --> 0:08:39.360 said this out loud, or maybe I didn't in my book. 0:08:39.360 --> 0:08:41.560 I don't remember. It's been I have three books, you guys, 0:08:41.559 --> 0:08:44.600 but people always ask me, Okay, did you get liposuction? 0:08:45.760 --> 0:08:48.880 Have you gotten any cosmetic work done? And yes, I have. 0:08:49.320 --> 0:08:51.040 Before I was a little bit more embarrassed to say 0:08:51.080 --> 0:08:52.640 because it was like frowned upon and it was like, 0:08:52.679 --> 0:08:55.200 oh my god, only celebrities do that. But I had 0:08:55.200 --> 0:09:00.840 my first liposuction when I was eighteen, almost nineteen years old, 0:09:01.320 --> 0:09:04.120 my mom took me to TJ with her doctor when 0:09:04.160 --> 0:09:06.960 brostro God rest his soul. He's no longer alive, but 0:09:07.240 --> 0:09:09.280 he did my mom's ypo section. And my mom was 0:09:09.360 --> 0:09:15.120 so like consumed with us looking good, and she's like, 0:09:15.160 --> 0:09:18.679 you're eighteen, you know, we need to like get you 0:09:18.720 --> 0:09:20.960 more of a waste. And so she took me at 0:09:21.040 --> 0:09:23.720 nineteen years old. I had no choice. I mean, I 0:09:23.720 --> 0:09:25.280 guess I did have a choice. I could have said no, 0:09:25.320 --> 0:09:26.720 but it was kind of like no, it's gonna be 0:09:26.720 --> 0:09:30.200 good for you. It was like so celebrated. I guess that. 0:09:30.280 --> 0:09:32.360 I was like, okay, cool. Yeah, So we went and 0:09:32.400 --> 0:09:34.240 I got my first LiPo section and I loved it. 0:09:34.280 --> 0:09:35.920 I'm not gonna lie. I was like, oh damn all 0:09:35.920 --> 0:09:38.000 look good. You feel me Like it was like the 0:09:38.040 --> 0:09:40.040 first one. So my body was a virgin. So it's 0:09:40.040 --> 0:09:42.600 like that's the best kind of like time I guess 0:09:42.640 --> 0:09:44.719 to have a LiPo section because it just comes out 0:09:44.760 --> 0:09:47.880 so much better. So it did help my self esteem. 0:09:48.120 --> 0:09:51.079 I did feel good. My waist was a lot smaller 0:09:51.880 --> 0:09:53.760 my arms. I think it did like a full like 0:09:53.760 --> 0:09:55.280 on my back and stuff like that. It was like 0:09:55.280 --> 0:09:58.160 a full like three sixty type of LiPo section. So 0:09:58.200 --> 0:10:00.959 I was very happy. The only thing thing is I 0:10:01.000 --> 0:10:03.559 didn't take care of myself. And that's the thing people think, Oh, 0:10:03.600 --> 0:10:06.400 lipol suction is a forever fix, and that is not 0:10:06.520 --> 0:10:09.520 the case. If anything, you can ruin the shape of 0:10:09.520 --> 0:10:11.839 your body if you don't take care of yourself, because 0:10:11.840 --> 0:10:14.800 they're removing fat cells from your body that your body 0:10:14.840 --> 0:10:18.680 needs to survive. So if they remove it from your 0:10:18.720 --> 0:10:21.000 abdomen and your back and your arms, well guess what 0:10:21.040 --> 0:10:22.800 It's going to go to your legs. And that's exactly 0:10:22.880 --> 0:10:26.160 what happened to me. I at eighteen nineteen, Like I 0:10:26.200 --> 0:10:28.920 was like, okay, whatever, Like you know, I was eating 0:10:29.000 --> 0:10:32.360 freely and yes, you know, my mom try to keep 0:10:32.440 --> 0:10:34.320 us on track, but I mean we're teenagers. I would 0:10:34.360 --> 0:10:35.840 go to school, I was driving, I would go to 0:10:36.040 --> 0:10:38.600 you know, fast food restaurants behind her back and all 0:10:38.640 --> 0:10:40.719 this stuff. So I wasn't taking care of myself and 0:10:40.760 --> 0:10:44.559 I felt comfortable and I felt just content with my body. 0:10:44.600 --> 0:10:45.960 So I'm like, okay, I can eat. So I started 0:10:46.000 --> 0:10:48.280 going to my fingers, to my neck, to my cheeks, 0:10:48.679 --> 0:10:52.960 to my legs, so the fat will go somewhere. Trust me, 0:10:53.280 --> 0:10:55.920 your body is like, Okay, you need this amount of 0:10:55.960 --> 0:10:58.120 freaking fat in your body, I'm going to find a 0:10:58.160 --> 0:11:01.199 place to live. And it does even it'll go down 0:11:01.240 --> 0:11:05.240 to your toes. So that's what I learned throughout the 0:11:05.360 --> 0:11:08.720 years and after getting I don't know, I probably have 0:11:08.720 --> 0:11:13.040 gotten three LiPo sections, you guys, three okay throughout the 0:11:13.080 --> 0:11:15.040 years because it's like, oh my god, now the fat 0:11:15.080 --> 0:11:16.640 went to my legs. Okay, I want to like kind 0:11:16.640 --> 0:11:18.880 of bring down my thighs now and you know, and 0:11:18.920 --> 0:11:20.840 oh my god, my arms got big again. Do it again. 0:11:20.920 --> 0:11:22.960 So it's like I've done liplo section, but it's like 0:11:23.200 --> 0:11:26.080 now I'm so turned off by LiPo section. Like people 0:11:26.120 --> 0:11:28.240 think that I did LiPo section now to lose weight, 0:11:28.280 --> 0:11:30.839 and I didn't. I'm cool whatever you want to do. 0:11:31.000 --> 0:11:33.840 I'm a huge advocate for like cosmetic surgery. Do it, 0:11:33.880 --> 0:11:35.920 do your thing, like whatever's going to make you happy. 0:11:36.120 --> 0:11:39.080 But I did not this last time. And honestly, I 0:11:39.160 --> 0:11:41.880 try to just stay away from it because, like I said, 0:11:41.920 --> 0:11:44.160 it can really change your body. And I'm not mad 0:11:44.160 --> 0:11:47.520 at my mom for taking me to get plastic surgery 0:11:47.600 --> 0:11:51.080 so young, but I wish I would have waited to 0:11:51.120 --> 0:11:53.720 be honest. Until I educated myself a little bit more, 0:11:54.360 --> 0:11:57.760 I never really had an eating disorder. I mean, I'm 0:11:57.760 --> 0:11:59.400 the type of person that I eat if I'm happy, 0:11:59.720 --> 0:12:01.880 I eat if i'm sad. I love food. I'm a foodie. 0:12:01.880 --> 0:12:04.160 I love it. It's part of what makes me happy. 0:12:04.240 --> 0:12:06.800 And now that I'm getting more mature, i'm getting older, 0:12:06.880 --> 0:12:10.760 I'm realizing that food should be something that just nourishes 0:12:10.800 --> 0:12:14.600 our body and not see it as something like that. 0:12:14.640 --> 0:12:16.920 I absolutely, yes, I need it, but it's more of 0:12:17.000 --> 0:12:20.080 like having a different type of relationship with food. I 0:12:20.200 --> 0:12:23.000 did start taking like I don't know if you guys remember, 0:12:23.000 --> 0:12:25.040 I think they still have them out there, but hydroxy 0:12:25.160 --> 0:12:27.560 cut because I saw it on a commercial, so I 0:12:27.679 --> 0:12:29.280 ordered it. And I started taking that at a very 0:12:29.320 --> 0:12:32.280 young age. And that also, I think through my body 0:12:32.320 --> 0:12:34.000 and my system through a loop. I was so young. 0:12:34.000 --> 0:12:36.800 I was too young to take that stuff. I must 0:12:36.840 --> 0:12:39.480 have started at I don't know, like twenty nineteen something 0:12:39.520 --> 0:12:43.880 like that. I even took like breast growth pills that 0:12:43.960 --> 0:12:46.839 I saw on TV. Yes, I'm that girl the infomercials. 0:12:47.000 --> 0:12:50.679 I'm that girl that Yes, they always get me. So 0:12:50.840 --> 0:12:52.120 my mom would always make fun of me for that. 0:12:52.160 --> 0:12:54.839 So I would order all kinds of stuff and I'm 0:12:54.880 --> 0:12:57.880 not like, I think it really did. It fucked things up, 0:12:57.960 --> 0:12:59.800 you know, in my hormones. I was taking estrogen for 0:12:59.840 --> 0:13:01.800 my loops to get bigger because I want to figure boobs, 0:13:01.800 --> 0:13:03.679 Like who does that? You know what I mean? Like, 0:13:04.240 --> 0:13:05.800 and it's all because of what we see on TV 0:13:06.000 --> 0:13:07.559 and all this stuff and now with social media. So 0:13:07.600 --> 0:13:10.400 it's like, I feel it's important for us to have 0:13:10.400 --> 0:13:14.280 these conversations, especially in our culture, about food and about 0:13:14.640 --> 0:13:18.080 educating ourselves before doing things because it can really affect 0:13:18.120 --> 0:13:20.840 us in the long run. I never made myself like 0:13:20.960 --> 0:13:23.840 throw up or anything like that. I was just like 0:13:23.920 --> 0:13:27.640 taking pills and doing even fantramine. I did fenermin for 0:13:27.640 --> 0:13:30.360 a little bit, and all that stuff affects you. It 0:13:30.400 --> 0:13:32.360 really does. And once you stop taking it, like the 0:13:32.400 --> 0:13:34.280 hydroxy cut and the fentermine and all that stuff that 0:13:34.320 --> 0:13:36.120 helps you lose weight really quick, because we all want 0:13:36.120 --> 0:13:37.640 that magic pill that's going to do it like this, 0:13:38.360 --> 0:13:41.520 you know, real fast. Once you stop taking it, you 0:13:42.080 --> 0:13:46.360 are going to be a lot heavier than you first started, 0:13:46.520 --> 0:13:48.720 you know what I mean, Like it's going you're gonna 0:13:48.720 --> 0:13:50.360 get bigger, you know what, I mean like it's just 0:13:50.600 --> 0:13:52.280 it just happens because your body's like, oh my god, 0:13:52.280 --> 0:13:55.000 where's that thing that drug that's helping me feel good 0:13:55.000 --> 0:13:57.960 and lose weight, and then in front of mein like ooh, 0:13:58.040 --> 0:13:59.960 let me tell you it made me feel so crazy 0:14:00.240 --> 0:14:03.480 jittery and well, anyways, that's all stuff that happened before 0:14:03.480 --> 0:14:05.000 my singing career, you know what I mean. I did 0:14:05.000 --> 0:14:08.840 all this crazy stuff before my singing career. I think 0:14:08.920 --> 0:14:11.560 I did the first two light bul sections before I 0:14:11.720 --> 0:14:18.120 was twenty six, I think, and then I started singing 0:14:18.200 --> 0:14:21.560 at like what twenty seven, and that was a whole 0:14:21.600 --> 0:14:31.800 other situation. I never had an issue no matter how 0:14:31.840 --> 0:14:34.400 big I was or how small I was. I think 0:14:34.440 --> 0:14:36.600 the lightest I've ever been was when my mom put 0:14:36.600 --> 0:14:38.720 me on that diet when I was what fifteen, When 0:14:38.960 --> 0:14:40.560 I moved back with her, I was one hundred and 0:14:40.600 --> 0:14:42.920 twenty eight pounds. That was like the lightest I've ever been, 0:14:42.960 --> 0:14:45.040 I think in my life. Besides when I was like six. 0:14:45.800 --> 0:14:47.280 The last time I was a size six was like 0:14:47.280 --> 0:14:48.800 when I was six years old. You guys, right now, 0:14:48.840 --> 0:14:50.160 I can tell you I'm a size six, but we'll 0:14:50.160 --> 0:14:52.960 get into that later. So AnyWho, I never had an 0:14:52.960 --> 0:14:56.720 issue finding someone, you know. I always had a boyfriend 0:14:56.840 --> 0:14:59.480 or talking to someone, even when I was younger at school, 0:14:59.480 --> 0:15:02.760 you know, seventeen years old, and so I never really 0:15:02.800 --> 0:15:06.440 thought like, Okay, I know I'm a little thicker than 0:15:06.480 --> 0:15:09.040 everyone else around me, like a lot of girls my age. 0:15:09.520 --> 0:15:13.280 But when I really notice, oh man, okay, well I 0:15:13.320 --> 0:15:15.080 guess I'm a lot bigger than I think I am. 0:15:15.160 --> 0:15:18.560 Because when I started singing and I started doing reality 0:15:18.760 --> 0:15:22.480 obviously television makes you gain at least ten pounds more, 0:15:23.280 --> 0:15:26.680 if not more than ten pounds, I just started getting 0:15:26.720 --> 0:15:30.000 a lot of criticism, like a lot of people just 0:15:30.080 --> 0:15:36.480 talking crap on television on social media, and it really 0:15:36.760 --> 0:15:39.760 just started affecting me, and I started, like, I started 0:15:39.760 --> 0:15:42.520 seeing myself differently. Like I've always loved myself. I've always 0:15:42.520 --> 0:15:46.240 been pretty confident. I mean sometimes I was like, by myself, 0:15:46.440 --> 0:15:48.000 I think I'd probably be like, oh man, I wish 0:15:48.000 --> 0:15:49.760 this was a little different, you know what I mean 0:15:49.920 --> 0:15:54.480 or whatever. But the music career, it's like, especially you guys, 0:15:54.560 --> 0:15:58.040 that's another thing in our Latin culture. It's like the 0:15:58.120 --> 0:16:00.680 thinner you are, the prettier you are, the more accepted 0:16:00.720 --> 0:16:04.320 you are, you know, and it's like, if you are 0:16:04.640 --> 0:16:07.360 an artist, if you are an actress, like you need 0:16:07.400 --> 0:16:10.280 to be a certain freaking size, like and if you're not, 0:16:10.400 --> 0:16:13.400 then it's like what are you teaching people. It's like, 0:16:13.480 --> 0:16:15.360 in order to be considered one of the beautiful people, 0:16:15.360 --> 0:16:18.480 like you need to be a certain size, especially because 0:16:18.480 --> 0:16:20.000 you're on TV. And that's what I would get all 0:16:20.040 --> 0:16:22.400 the time, like, oh my god, you have such a 0:16:22.440 --> 0:16:26.040 pretty face, but when are you gonna lose weight? Literally 0:16:26.120 --> 0:16:28.320 like that, I'll never forget them. Francisco. I don't know 0:16:28.360 --> 0:16:31.120 if you guys ever watched some Francisco Hiante. I went 0:16:31.160 --> 0:16:33.520 to his show. We were on a break, we did 0:16:33.520 --> 0:16:35.160 a part of the interview, and then on the break 0:16:35.280 --> 0:16:37.640 he literally looked at me and he said, oh, okay, 0:16:37.760 --> 0:16:42.880 Gwanda the pissel kinse I just I just finished, like, 0:16:42.920 --> 0:16:45.960 actually I just lost fifteen pounds. You know what you 0:16:46.000 --> 0:16:49.720 told me? He said, he said, well, we can't really 0:16:49.720 --> 0:16:54.040 tell what I was like, So then the cameras turned 0:16:54.080 --> 0:16:56.280 back on and I'm just like, oh my god, I 0:16:56.280 --> 0:16:59.200 felt like crap. Dude, like literally looked at me like, oh, 0:16:59.240 --> 0:17:02.000 you can't tell that you just lost fifteen pounds, dude, 0:17:02.040 --> 0:17:04.200 I'll never forget. I was just like, dude, I grew 0:17:04.240 --> 0:17:06.520 up watching you with my grandma, and now I'm like, dude, 0:17:06.560 --> 0:17:09.000 you're not even that thin yourself. And then you find 0:17:09.000 --> 0:17:11.600 these people on social media talking crap and saying, oh, 0:17:11.640 --> 0:17:13.800 you're fat, you're this or that, and then you look 0:17:13.800 --> 0:17:16.679 at their profile picture and they're bigger than you, and 0:17:16.720 --> 0:17:20.920 I'm just like what, I was so confused, And I'm 0:17:20.960 --> 0:17:24.080 not gonna mention another person that has said that I'm 0:17:24.080 --> 0:17:26.280 big and that my legs are too big and stuff 0:17:26.320 --> 0:17:30.639 like that, like he's very big, extremely and that's fine, 0:17:30.720 --> 0:17:32.960 whatever tickles your pickle, Like I don't care. I'm not 0:17:33.040 --> 0:17:34.960 one to go and judge people for their size or 0:17:35.000 --> 0:17:37.320 I will never call all your fat or like no, 0:17:37.440 --> 0:17:41.000 I just I cannot. But this person, this guy is 0:17:41.040 --> 0:17:44.400 really big, and he has and has had the audacity 0:17:44.440 --> 0:17:46.040 to say like, oh my god, her legs are just 0:17:46.200 --> 0:17:49.680 so fat, like and then it just sounds worse in 0:17:49.720 --> 0:17:53.800 Spanish like oh my god, so spirit and it's like, 0:17:53.960 --> 0:17:57.119 oh my god, dude. It's been tough. It's been tough 0:17:57.160 --> 0:17:59.600 to just give people in the media sometimes the middle 0:17:59.600 --> 0:18:01.480 finger and just say you know what, if you guys 0:18:01.480 --> 0:18:03.159 and I've had to work through it because I'm like, no, 0:18:03.200 --> 0:18:05.280 you're not gonna break me. You are not going to 0:18:05.320 --> 0:18:06.679 break me. You're not going to stop me. I'm not 0:18:06.720 --> 0:18:08.760 going to give up because you think I should because 0:18:08.800 --> 0:18:11.160 I'm not the size you want me to be. No, 0:18:11.440 --> 0:18:14.920 absolutely not. So it's been it's been tough. It has 0:18:14.960 --> 0:18:20.320 been tough. But thank goodness, amongst everything my mom taught 0:18:20.359 --> 0:18:23.119 me and yes, how to eat better and how to 0:18:23.160 --> 0:18:25.919 work out and everything. She also was a woman that 0:18:26.320 --> 0:18:31.280 was considered out of the norm completely for having five children, 0:18:31.320 --> 0:18:34.800 a single mother and not being a size too and 0:18:34.840 --> 0:18:37.159 a very successful singer. That she always taught me to 0:18:37.160 --> 0:18:39.280 be confident and to love myself and never had an 0:18:39.359 --> 0:18:42.560 issue with finding someone to love her. So that's one 0:18:42.560 --> 0:18:44.679 thing I thank her for so much, because no matter what, 0:18:44.920 --> 0:18:47.919 no matter how much, it was like a conversation, and 0:18:47.960 --> 0:18:51.040 the biggest topic in our household was losing weight, it 0:18:51.160 --> 0:18:54.399 was also about self love. So I think that's what 0:18:54.440 --> 0:18:56.120 got me through because I was like, well, my mom 0:18:56.160 --> 0:18:57.879