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Speaker 1: I've always loved myself. I've always been pretty confident, but

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Speaker 1: the music career, especially in our Latin culture, the thinner

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Speaker 1: you are, the prettier you are, the more accepted you are.

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Speaker 1: That's something my mom struggled with and my grandpa would

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Speaker 1: always tell her. He would say, so you know best,

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Speaker 1: so if you're not going to find a man, and

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Speaker 1: it really did. It affected her. We did a part

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Speaker 1: of the interview and then on the break he literally

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Speaker 1: looked at me and he said, oh, Win said, you

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Speaker 1: know what he told me? He said. I was like,

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Speaker 1: what up? Guys? Happy Monday. I am so glad to

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Speaker 1: be in front of the mic today talking to you guys.

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Speaker 1: I think this is an episode you guys will really

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Speaker 1: enjoy because it's about something I think a lot of

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Speaker 1: us have dealt or we'll deal with. I'm going to

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Speaker 1: be opening up about how weight loss affects how we think,

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Speaker 1: how we feel, and even how people treat us. It's

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Speaker 1: just going to be meeting you today, so let's hop

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Speaker 1: into it. This Isy's and chill. So, as you guys

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Speaker 1: probably know already, weight and body image is something I've

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Speaker 1: dealt with my entire life, and as women, I think

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Speaker 1: so many of us are taught that our value or

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Speaker 1: self worth is tied up to our appearance. How pretty

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Speaker 1: we are or how thin we are really matters in

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Speaker 1: our culture and in society, and it's annoying. This episode

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Speaker 1: is going to be divided into two parts. In this

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Speaker 1: first part, I'm going to be talking about my journey

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Speaker 1: all the way from the beginning. So let's talk about it.

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Speaker 1: As a kid, I was always a little bit overweight,

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Speaker 1: since like I can remember, I was always thicker than

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Speaker 1: the other girls in school. I always struggled with wine clothes.

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Speaker 1: I think it started, like where I started really noticing

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Speaker 1: was when I was ten years old and I would

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Speaker 1: be made fun of and it was just it was tough.

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Speaker 1: I want to say that it started when I realized

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Speaker 1: that what was happening to me because I was sexually

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Speaker 1: abused by my dad was not right. Because it started

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Speaker 1: when I was eight years old, and at ten, the

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Speaker 1: conversations at school started changing with my friends, and I

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Speaker 1: started realizing what sex is, and that's where, you know,

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Speaker 1: fifth grade, they start talking about sex education and it

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Speaker 1: just started like kind of tormenting me, and I started

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Speaker 1: holding on to my weight, and that's where it just started,

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Speaker 1: you know, spirallling out of control, and it just started,

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Speaker 1: I think, getting worse as I got older. My period

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Speaker 1: came when I was twelve years old. My body started

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Speaker 1: changing and then it just it's been a thing, you

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Speaker 1: know what I mean. So I and I talked to

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Speaker 1: my therapist about this and she said, yeah, it's because

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Speaker 1: you weren't expressing certain things, so you were holding on

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Speaker 1: to your weight as a form of protection. So AnyWho,

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Speaker 1: it's something I've been dealing with forever. At home, it

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Speaker 1: was always a conversation because my mom also struggled with

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Speaker 1: her weight, and it could Yeah, it's it's hereditary, you

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Speaker 1: know what I mean. Like it's something that like I

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Speaker 1: think comes from my grandfather's side. They're a little bit

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Speaker 1: more on they're a little bit more on the heavier side.

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Speaker 1: And so that's something my mom struggled with. And my

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Speaker 1: grandpa would always tell her, and I know this because

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Speaker 1: she would tell me. He would say, so, you know best,

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Speaker 1: So if you don't lose weight, you're not gonna find

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Speaker 1: a man like you. You can't be fat, you can't

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Speaker 1: be a gorra, you know what I mean. And it

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Speaker 1: really did. It affected her and then she had me

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Speaker 1: at fifteen. Imagine her little body because she was fairly like,

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Speaker 1: you know, on the thinner side, I guess. Such at

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Speaker 1: fifteen she had me, she got pregnant, and she gained

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Speaker 1: eighty pounds. That's a lot, and and she just said,

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Speaker 1: oh my god, you she would always say, you fucked

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Speaker 1: up my body. But I'm like o, gage was like

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Speaker 1: my stretch marks came, like she lost I'm sorry, she

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Speaker 1: gained so much weight, and she was she was young.

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Speaker 1: And then four years later she had my sister, and

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Speaker 1: you know what I mean. So it's something that she

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Speaker 1: struggled with and she didn't want us to go through

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Speaker 1: what she had gone through and how she felt. So

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Speaker 1: at home, it was always like we were on every

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Speaker 1: freaking diet that you can think of. It was the

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Speaker 1: Zone diet, it was Adkins, it was you know, all

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Speaker 1: these things, and we couldn't have fun cereals. We would

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Speaker 1: only have kicks because you know, back then we were

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Speaker 1: like on you know, Wick and Welfare and food sam

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Speaker 1: so it was like certain stuff that we can afford,

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Speaker 1: and it was like, you know, at Wick they would

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Speaker 1: give us kicks. So it was just a different type

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Speaker 1: of childhood. Like my lunches were different, you know, and

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Speaker 1: we had to have non fat milk. I mean, imagine

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Speaker 1: being freaking eleven twelve years old and it's like, oh,

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Speaker 1: you have to have egg whites and tomatoes and a

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Speaker 1: slice of a greate fruit the half of a great

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Speaker 1: fruit and non fat milk when all your friends are

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Speaker 1: having bacon and freaking pancakes. So it was like always

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Speaker 1: a conversation, and it was always like you have to

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Speaker 1: work out to the point where I think my sisters

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Speaker 1: and I we all feel the same. Like Jackie always

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Speaker 1: talks about it. My sister Jackie always talks about how

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Speaker 1: my mom sent her to school with her lunch in

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Speaker 1: a brown bag and it was a can of green

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Speaker 1: beans and some tuna and a fork, like that's what

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Speaker 1: she had to eat. And she was so embarrassed. She

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Speaker 1: didn't even put it like in a cute little tuble

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Speaker 1: where she just put in a bag and said here,

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Speaker 1: open it, and this is what you're going to have.

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Speaker 1: And she even sent Jackie and even Jenica for a

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Speaker 1: little bit to what they call fat camp literally it's

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Speaker 1: called fat camp to lose weight. So it was always

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Speaker 1: a conversation and my mom would be like if I

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Speaker 1: would eat something, she'd be like, oh my god, you

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Speaker 1: know it's going to go straight to your thighs or

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Speaker 1: things like that. So it was sticks so in my mind. Anyways,

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Speaker 1: I mean, she she did help me lose weight. You know,

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Speaker 1: there was a time when my mom and I weren't talking.

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Speaker 1: She sent me to go live at my grandma's house.

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Speaker 1: And then when I came back to live with her,

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Speaker 1: she put me on this like strict diet, dude, like

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Speaker 1: strict diet, and I had to just dance my way

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Speaker 1: every day, washing clothes in the garage. You know, I

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Speaker 1: think I've told you guys the story before, but like

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Speaker 1: to lose weight, and she and I did lose weight.

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Speaker 1: She was a very good trainer. Like even I want

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Speaker 1: to say, I was eleven twelve years old in our

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Speaker 1: living room in Long Beach listening to Michael Jackson, and

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Speaker 1: she would do like a freaking dance class. She was

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Speaker 1: so good at dancing. And we would sit there and

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Speaker 1: do aerobics and her friends and her and I would

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Speaker 1: do it and it was just like a thing. So

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Speaker 1: it's something that like our whole family has struggled with,

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Speaker 1: and it's been something that's been embedded in our in

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Speaker 1: our brain. And you guys know that food is such

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Speaker 1: a huge part of our culture. It's you go to

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Speaker 1: your theas house, to your grandma's house, to anyone's house.

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Speaker 1: Is like they want to feed you. And they don't

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Speaker 1: want to feed you a little bit. They want to

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Speaker 1: feed you a lot because that's the way they show

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Speaker 1: that they love you. And then if you don't eat

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Speaker 1: it or you say no sofin, then they get kind

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Speaker 1: of like hurt. So then you feel like, you know,

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Speaker 1: I have to eat it. And well as a Mexican,

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Speaker 1: as a Latina, you know, you have your beans and

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Speaker 1: your rice and then your protein, and you have tortilla

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Speaker 1: or sometimes you have bread. It's like it's a lot

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Speaker 1: of carbs, you know. So it's something that in our household,

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Speaker 1: it's like here, this is how I'm going to show

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Speaker 1: you my love. And also our culture loves to use manteka,

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Speaker 1: you know what I mean, instead of using all oil.

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Speaker 1: So it's like little things like that throughout the years

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Speaker 1: that I've learned that, yeah, the beans are freaking refried

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Speaker 1: beans are delicious with manteka, you know, with lard. But

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Speaker 1: there are healthier ways of cooking them, you know. But

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Speaker 1: it's it's in our culture, it's part of of us,

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Speaker 1: you know. And not only that, but I remember hearing

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Speaker 1: from everyone in my family that it's like you have

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Speaker 1: to finish everything on your plate because there are starving

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Speaker 1: children in the world, and there are kids that don't

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Speaker 1: have food, and you're so lucky, so you need to

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Speaker 1: eat it all, you know what I mean. One time,

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Speaker 1: I remember my mom made I think it was like,

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Speaker 1: uh Pierre had chicken legs, and she made peas and carrots,

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Speaker 1: and I think there was white rice, and I didn't

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Speaker 1: really like the bone, you know what I mean. Like

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Speaker 1: I was more of like, you know, a chicken breast

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Speaker 1: type of girl, but the chicken legs are like less expensive.

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Speaker 1: So she would make that a lot. And one day

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Speaker 1: I kind of like, I was like, I'm just gonna

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Speaker 1: like pretend I, you know, I ate it, and I

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Speaker 1: threw it in the trash ooh girl. She made me

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Speaker 1: get it out of the trash can and eat it

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Speaker 1: right in front of her. She's like, Nope, you're gonna

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Speaker 1: eat it all, and you're gonna eat your peas and

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Speaker 1: your carrots. She made me get it out of the

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Speaker 1: trash can. You guys's like, you're not gonna throw away

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Speaker 1: food in this household. If you don't like it, then

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Speaker 1: you need to move out, or you need to give

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Speaker 1: me money, and the food is expensive and you're not

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Speaker 1: gonna like And I was just saying, I'm like, oh

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Speaker 1: my god, okay, you know what I mean. Like, I

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Speaker 1: was like, I don't like it, said, oh, you can't

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Speaker 1: pick and choose. So it was like a thing like

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Speaker 1: it's like you eat when mom is making or you

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Speaker 1: don't eat it all. And sometimes I wouldn't eat because

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Speaker 1: she's like, Okay, if you don't like what I'm making,

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Speaker 1: then you're not gonna eat. I wouldn't eat till the

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Speaker 1: next day dinner time. I don't know if I've ever

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Speaker 1: said this out loud, or maybe I didn't in my book.

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Speaker 1: I don't remember. It's been I have three books, you guys,

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Speaker 1: but people always ask me, Okay, did you get liposuction?

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Speaker 1: Have you gotten any cosmetic work done? And yes, I have.

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Speaker 1: Before I was a little bit more embarrassed to say

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Speaker 1: because it was like frowned upon and it was like,

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Speaker 1: oh my god, only celebrities do that. But I had

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Speaker 1: my first liposuction when I was eighteen, almost nineteen years old,

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Speaker 1: my mom took me to TJ with her doctor when

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Speaker 1: brostro God rest his soul. He's no longer alive, but

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Speaker 1: he did my mom's ypo section. And my mom was

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Speaker 1: so like consumed with us looking good, and she's like,

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Speaker 1: you're eighteen, you know, we need to like get you

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Speaker 1: more of a waste. And so she took me at

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Speaker 1: nineteen years old. I had no choice. I mean, I

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Speaker 1: guess I did have a choice. I could have said no,

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Speaker 1: but it was kind of like no, it's gonna be

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Speaker 1: good for you. It was like so celebrated. I guess that.

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Speaker 1: I was like, okay, cool. Yeah, So we went and

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Speaker 1: I got my first LiPo section and I loved it.

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Speaker 1: I'm not gonna lie. I was like, oh damn all

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Speaker 1: look good. You feel me Like it was like the

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Speaker 1: first one. So my body was a virgin. So it's

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Speaker 1: like that's the best kind of like time I guess

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Speaker 1: to have a LiPo section because it just comes out

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Speaker 1: so much better. So it did help my self esteem.

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Speaker 1: I did feel good. My waist was a lot smaller

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Speaker 1: my arms. I think it did like a full like

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Speaker 1: on my back and stuff like that. It was like

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Speaker 1: a full like three sixty type of LiPo section. So

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Speaker 1: I was very happy. The only thing thing is I

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Speaker 1: didn't take care of myself. And that's the thing people think, Oh,

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Speaker 1: lipol suction is a forever fix, and that is not

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Speaker 1: the case. If anything, you can ruin the shape of

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Speaker 1: your body if you don't take care of yourself, because

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Speaker 1: they're removing fat cells from your body that your body

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Speaker 1: needs to survive. So if they remove it from your

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Speaker 1: abdomen and your back and your arms, well guess what

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Speaker 1: It's going to go to your legs. And that's exactly

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Speaker 1: what happened to me. I at eighteen nineteen, Like I

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Speaker 1: was like, okay, whatever, Like you know, I was eating

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Speaker 1: freely and yes, you know, my mom try to keep

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Speaker 1: us on track, but I mean we're teenagers. I would

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Speaker 1: go to school, I was driving, I would go to

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Speaker 1: you know, fast food restaurants behind her back and all

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Speaker 1: this stuff. So I wasn't taking care of myself and

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Speaker 1: I felt comfortable and I felt just content with my body.

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Speaker 1: So I'm like, okay, I can eat. So I started

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Speaker 1: going to my fingers, to my neck, to my cheeks,

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Speaker 1: to my legs, so the fat will go somewhere. Trust me,

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Speaker 1: your body is like, Okay, you need this amount of

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Speaker 1: freaking fat in your body, I'm going to find a

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Speaker 1: place to live. And it does even it'll go down

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Speaker 1: to your toes. So that's what I learned throughout the

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Speaker 1: years and after getting I don't know, I probably have

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Speaker 1: gotten three LiPo sections, you guys, three okay throughout the

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Speaker 1: years because it's like, oh my god, now the fat

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Speaker 1: went to my legs. Okay, I want to like kind

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Speaker 1: of bring down my thighs now and you know, and

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Speaker 1: oh my god, my arms got big again. Do it again.

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Speaker 1: So it's like I've done liplo section, but it's like

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Speaker 1: now I'm so turned off by LiPo section. Like people

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Speaker 1: think that I did LiPo section now to lose weight,

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Speaker 1: and I didn't. I'm cool whatever you want to do.

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Speaker 1: I'm a huge advocate for like cosmetic surgery. Do it,

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Speaker 1: do your thing, like whatever's going to make you happy.

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Speaker 1: But I did not this last time. And honestly, I

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Speaker 1: try to just stay away from it because, like I said,

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Speaker 1: it can really change your body. And I'm not mad

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Speaker 1: at my mom for taking me to get plastic surgery

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Speaker 1: so young, but I wish I would have waited to

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Speaker 1: be honest. Until I educated myself a little bit more,

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Speaker 1: I never really had an eating disorder. I mean, I'm

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Speaker 1: the type of person that I eat if I'm happy,

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Speaker 1: I eat if i'm sad. I love food. I'm a foodie.

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Speaker 1: I love it. It's part of what makes me happy.

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Speaker 1: And now that I'm getting more mature, i'm getting older,

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Speaker 1: I'm realizing that food should be something that just nourishes

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Speaker 1: our body and not see it as something like that.

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Speaker 1: I absolutely, yes, I need it, but it's more of

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Speaker 1: like having a different type of relationship with food. I

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Speaker 1: did start taking like I don't know if you guys remember,

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Speaker 1: I think they still have them out there, but hydroxy

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Speaker 1: cut because I saw it on a commercial, so I

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Speaker 1: ordered it. And I started taking that at a very

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Speaker 1: young age. And that also, I think through my body

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Speaker 1: and my system through a loop. I was so young.

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Speaker 1: I was too young to take that stuff. I must

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Speaker 1: have started at I don't know, like twenty nineteen something

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Speaker 1: like that. I even took like breast growth pills that

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Speaker 1: I saw on TV. Yes, I'm that girl the infomercials.

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Speaker 1: I'm that girl that Yes, they always get me. So

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Speaker 1: my mom would always make fun of me for that.

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Speaker 1: So I would order all kinds of stuff and I'm

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Speaker 1: not like, I think it really did. It fucked things up,

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Speaker 1: you know, in my hormones. I was taking estrogen for

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Speaker 1: my loops to get bigger because I want to figure boobs,

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Speaker 1: Like who does that? You know what I mean? Like,

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Speaker 1: and it's all because of what we see on TV

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Speaker 1: and all this stuff and now with social media. So

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Speaker 1: it's like, I feel it's important for us to have

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Speaker 1: these conversations, especially in our culture, about food and about

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Speaker 1: educating ourselves before doing things because it can really affect

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Speaker 1: us in the long run. I never made myself like

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Speaker 1: throw up or anything like that. I was just like

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Speaker 1: taking pills and doing even fantramine. I did fenermin for

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Speaker 1: a little bit, and all that stuff affects you. It

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Speaker 1: really does. And once you stop taking it, like the

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Speaker 1: hydroxy cut and the fentermine and all that stuff that

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Speaker 1: helps you lose weight really quick, because we all want

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Speaker 1: that magic pill that's going to do it like this,

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Speaker 1: you know, real fast. Once you stop taking it, you

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Speaker 1: are going to be a lot heavier than you first started,

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Speaker 1: you know what I mean, Like it's going you're gonna

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Speaker 1: get bigger, you know what, I mean like it's just

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Speaker 1: it just happens because your body's like, oh my god,

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Speaker 1: where's that thing that drug that's helping me feel good

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Speaker 1: and lose weight, and then in front of mein like ooh,

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Speaker 1: let me tell you it made me feel so crazy

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Speaker 1: jittery and well, anyways, that's all stuff that happened before

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Speaker 1: my singing career, you know what I mean. I did

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Speaker 1: all this crazy stuff before my singing career. I think

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Speaker 1: I did the first two light bul sections before I

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Speaker 1: was twenty six, I think, and then I started singing

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Speaker 1: at like what twenty seven, and that was a whole

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Speaker 1: other situation. I never had an issue no matter how

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Speaker 1: big I was or how small I was. I think

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Speaker 1: the lightest I've ever been was when my mom put

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Speaker 1: me on that diet when I was what fifteen, When

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Speaker 1: I moved back with her, I was one hundred and

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Speaker 1: twenty eight pounds. That was like the lightest I've ever been,

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Speaker 1: I think in my life. Besides when I was like six.

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Speaker 1: The last time I was a size six was like

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Speaker 1: when I was six years old. You guys, right now,

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Speaker 1: I can tell you I'm a size six, but we'll

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Speaker 1: get into that later. So AnyWho, I never had an

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Speaker 1: issue finding someone, you know. I always had a boyfriend

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Speaker 1: or talking to someone, even when I was younger at school,

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Speaker 1: you know, seventeen years old, and so I never really

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Speaker 1: thought like, Okay, I know I'm a little thicker than

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Speaker 1: everyone else around me, like a lot of girls my age.

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Speaker 1: But when I really notice, oh man, okay, well I

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Speaker 1: guess I'm a lot bigger than I think I am.

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Speaker 1: Because when I started singing and I started doing reality

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Speaker 1: obviously television makes you gain at least ten pounds more,

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Speaker 1: if not more than ten pounds, I just started getting

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Speaker 1: a lot of criticism, like a lot of people just

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Speaker 1: talking crap on television on social media, and it really

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Speaker 1: just started affecting me, and I started, like, I started

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Speaker 1: seeing myself differently. Like I've always loved myself. I've always

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Speaker 1: been pretty confident. I mean sometimes I was like, by myself,

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Speaker 1: I think I'd probably be like, oh man, I wish

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Speaker 1: this was a little different, you know what I mean

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Speaker 1: or whatever. But the music career, it's like, especially you guys,

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Speaker 1: that's another thing in our Latin culture. It's like the

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Speaker 1: thinner you are, the prettier you are, the more accepted

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Speaker 1: you are, you know, and it's like, if you are

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Speaker 1: an artist, if you are an actress, like you need

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Speaker 1: to be a certain freaking size, like and if you're not,

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Speaker 1: then it's like what are you teaching people. It's like,

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Speaker 1: in order to be considered one of the beautiful people,

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Speaker 1: like you need to be a certain size, especially because

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Speaker 1: you're on TV. And that's what I would get all

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Speaker 1: the time, like, oh my god, you have such a

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Speaker 1: pretty face, but when are you gonna lose weight? Literally

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Speaker 1: like that, I'll never forget them. Francisco. I don't know

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Speaker 1: if you guys ever watched some Francisco Hiante. I went

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Speaker 1: to his show. We were on a break, we did

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Speaker 1: a part of the interview, and then on the break

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Speaker 1: he literally looked at me and he said, oh, okay,

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Speaker 1: Gwanda the pissel kinse I just I just finished, like,

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Speaker 1: actually I just lost fifteen pounds. You know what you

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Speaker 1: told me? He said, he said, well, we can't really

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Speaker 1: tell what I was like, So then the cameras turned

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Speaker 1: back on and I'm just like, oh my god, I

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00:16:56,280 --> 00:16:59,200
Speaker 1: felt like crap. Dude, like literally looked at me like, oh,

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Speaker 1: you can't tell that you just lost fifteen pounds, dude,

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Speaker 1: I'll never forget. I was just like, dude, I grew

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Speaker 1: up watching you with my grandma, and now I'm like, dude,

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00:17:06,560 --> 00:17:09,000
Speaker 1: you're not even that thin yourself. And then you find

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Speaker 1: these people on social media talking crap and saying, oh,

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Speaker 1: you're fat, you're this or that, and then you look

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Speaker 1: at their profile picture and they're bigger than you, and

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Speaker 1: I'm just like what, I was so confused, And I'm

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Speaker 1: not gonna mention another person that has said that I'm

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Speaker 1: big and that my legs are too big and stuff

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Speaker 1: like that, like he's very big, extremely and that's fine,

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Speaker 1: whatever tickles your pickle, Like I don't care. I'm not

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Speaker 1: one to go and judge people for their size or

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Speaker 1: I will never call all your fat or like no,

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Speaker 1: I just I cannot. But this person, this guy is

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Speaker 1: really big, and he has and has had the audacity

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Speaker 1: to say like, oh my god, her legs are just

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Speaker 1: so fat, like and then it just sounds worse in

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Speaker 1: Spanish like oh my god, so spirit and it's like,

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Speaker 1: oh my god, dude. It's been tough. It's been tough

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Speaker 1: to just give people in the media sometimes the middle

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Speaker 1: finger and just say you know what, if you guys

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Speaker 1: and I've had to work through it because I'm like, no,

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Speaker 1: you're not gonna break me. You are not going to

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Speaker 1: break me. You're not going to stop me. I'm not

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00:18:06,720 --> 00:18:08,760
Speaker 1: going to give up because you think I should because

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Speaker 1: I'm not the size you want me to be. No,

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Speaker 1: absolutely not. So it's been it's been tough. It has

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Speaker 1: been tough. But thank goodness, amongst everything my mom taught

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Speaker 1: me and yes, how to eat better and how to

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Speaker 1: work out and everything. She also was a woman that

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Speaker 1: was considered out of the norm completely for having five children,

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Speaker 1: a single mother and not being a size too and

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Speaker 1: a very successful singer. That she always taught me to

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Speaker 1: be confident and to love myself and never had an

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Speaker 1: issue with finding someone to love her. So that's one

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Speaker 1: thing I thank her for so much, because no matter what,

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Speaker 1: no matter how much, it was like a conversation, and

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Speaker 1: the biggest topic in our household was losing weight, it

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Speaker 1: was also about self love. So I think that's what

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Speaker 1: got me through because I was like, well, my mom

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Speaker 1: went through it. They talked about her a lot, and

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Speaker 1: she became the biggest regional Mexican artist, So we're gonna

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Speaker 1: be all right, So thank God and shout out to Jenny,

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Speaker 1: I love you, Mom. But okay, guys, so we're gonna

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Speaker 1: stop this episode right here. Stay tuned for part two

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Speaker 1: tomorrow because that's what I'm going to talk about, my

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Speaker 1: weight loss and how it's affected me and how I'm treated.

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Speaker 1: I'm also going to open up about my experience with ozembic.

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Speaker 1: It's gonna be a good one. You're not gonna want

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Speaker 1: to miss it, so make sure to listen. Ask the Manyana.

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Speaker 1: This is a production of iHeartRadio and the micro Gurda

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Speaker 1: podcast Network. Follow us on Instagram at Michael Gourda Podcasts

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00:19:40,240 --> 00:19:43,000
Speaker 1: and follow me Cheeky's That's c h i q u

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00:19:43,040 --> 00:19:47,359
Speaker 1: i s. For more podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app,

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00:19:47,520 --> 00:19:50,720
Speaker 1: Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to your favorite podcast,

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Speaker 1: and check us out on YouTube.