Speaker 1: Welcome to Criminalia, a production of Shonda Land Audio in
Speaker 1: partnership with I Heart Radio. He is known to history
Speaker 1: as one of the Catholic conspirators involved in a plot
Speaker 1: to assassinate Queen Elizabeth the First and replace her with Mary,
Speaker 1: Queen of Scott's. This episode is about a poet who
Speaker 1: committed an act of high treason. Welcome to Criminalia. I'm
Speaker 1: Maria Tremarqui, and I'm Holly Fry. He was born on
Speaker 1: August sixty two, although possibly that birth year is fifty
Speaker 1: eight in Southampton, England, but not a lot is known
Speaker 1: about Chittick Titchborne before his involvement in what's known as
Speaker 1: the Babington Plot. He was we do know raised in
Speaker 1: a Roman Catholic family, and though Catholicism was tolerated in
Speaker 1: England during Titchbourne's childhood, that ended when the Pope Pope
Speaker 1: Pious the Fifth clared Queen Elizabeth the First, who was
Speaker 1: a Protestant, a heretic. On February seventy, the Pope issued
Speaker 1: a papal bull called the regnans in excelsis, which means
Speaker 1: reigning on high or ruling from on high, so in
Speaker 1: the Catholic Church. A papal bull is an official document
Speaker 1: issued by a pope, and this bull stated quote Elizabeth,
Speaker 1: the pretended Queen of England and the servant of Crime,
Speaker 1: was excommunicated from the Church, stripped of her right to rule,
Speaker 1: and also released her subjects from any loyalty or allegiance
Speaker 1: to her pious The fifth bull called upon Catholics to
Speaker 1: remove her from the throne or be excommunicated as well.
Speaker 1: It's kind of a declaration for and in retaliation, Elizabeth
Speaker 1: reinstated a series of anti Catholic measures. So in fifteen
Speaker 1: any one, Parliament passed a series of acts intended to
Speaker 1: protect Elizabeth from any consequences of that papal bull. Included
Speaker 1: was an act that made it treasonous for anyone to
Speaker 1: deny that Elizabeth was not a true Queen of England
Speaker 1: and Wales. Another made it illegal for anyone to bring
Speaker 1: any papal bull into England and Wales and carry out
Speaker 1: its orders. As Queen, Elizabeth restored England to Protestantism. The
Speaker 1: Act of Supremacy, approved by Parliament in fifteen fifty nine,
Speaker 1: which was not long after she took the throne, revived
Speaker 1: the anti papal laws from the time of King Henry
Speaker 1: the eight and declared the queen to be the supreme
Speaker 1: governor of the Church, the Protestant Church. Immediately before Elizabeth's rule,
Speaker 1: Queen Mary the First, also known as Mary Tudor or
Speaker 1: Bloody Mary by her Protestant opponents, was intent on restoring
Speaker 1: the Catholic Church's pre eminence in England, but she only
Speaker 1: ruled for five years before her death, after which Elizabeth
Speaker 1: ascended to the throne. Mary and Elizabeth were sisters. Elizabeth
Speaker 1: supported the Protestant religion and had little tolerance for the
Speaker 1: Catholic Church. Catholicism under her rule was made illegal and
Speaker 1: Roman Catholics were banned by law from practicing their religion,
Speaker 1: so that Babington Plot. The Babington Plot was a plan
Speaker 1: to assassinate Queen Elizabeth the First and install Mary, Queen
Speaker 1: of Scots, who was elizabeth Catholic cousin, on the English throne.
Speaker 1: It failed, and in its wake it left more than
Speaker 1: one person executed for treason, including Mary, Queen of Scots.
Speaker 1: Queen Elizabeth the First of England and Mary, Queen of
Speaker 1: Scots are two legendary rivals here their decades long verbal
Speaker 1: feud over the right to the English crown and yeah, okay,
Speaker 1: so that's right. They didn't actually ever meet in person.
Speaker 1: This was a verbal feud ended with Mary's beheading with
Speaker 1: Elizabeth's blessing on that order, but we'll get to that.
Speaker 1: Many Catholics under Elizabeth's rule believe that Mary, Queen of Scots,
Speaker 1: was the rightful Queen of England. Mary was a threat
Speaker 1: to Elizabeth in a few ways. Mary had some pretty
Speaker 1: solid claims to the English throne. She was heir to
Speaker 1: the English throne through her tutor grandmother Margaret, who was
Speaker 1: King Henry the eighth older sister. Elizabeth, on the other hand,
Speaker 1: was believed by many, especially among Catholics, to be the
Speaker 1: illegitimate daughter of an unlawful marriage between Henry the eighth
Speaker 1: and Anne Boleyn that was Henry's second wife. Too many people,
Speaker 1: that meant that she was not a rightful heir to
Speaker 1: the throne because Henry broke with the Catholic Church when
Speaker 1: the Pope refused to validate his second marriage to Catholics.
Speaker 1: Elizabeth was quote the bastard child of a whore. There's
Speaker 1: a bit of a twist here that gives the Babington
Speaker 1: plot some actual potential. Everyone ends up in the right
Speaker 1: place at the right time. Mary, Queen of Scott's, ended
Speaker 1: up as a visitor slash prisoner in England under Elizabeth's rule.
Speaker 1: She fled to England after Scottish nobility, enraged by the
Speaker 1: murder of her husband, Lord Darnley, became suspicious of her
Speaker 1: and her new husband. That's actually just the quick version
Speaker 1: of a really interesting story. She was forced to abdicate
Speaker 1: the throne to her infant son James. Escaping political unrest
Speaker 1: and possible imprisonment, she sought the protection of her cousin,
Speaker 1: Queen Elizabeth the First. Elizabeth, though was not welcoming. She
Speaker 1: imprisoned Mary and kept her locked away for nineteen years.
Speaker 1: Nineteen years is a long time, but it didn't stop
Speaker 1: the plots to get married Queen of Scott's the English
Speaker 1: crown until the Babington plot happened. That is, this is
Speaker 1: what ended at all. So we're going to take a
Speaker 1: break here for a word from our sponsor, and when
Speaker 1: we return we will talk about who Anthony Babington was
Speaker 1: and what his role was in the plot to assassinate
Speaker 1: Queen Elizabeth the First. Welcome back to Criminalia. Let's meet
Speaker 1: Anthony Babington, So the whole affair was named after Anthony Babington,
Speaker 1: a Derby Sherman who had been raised in the Catholic Church.
Speaker 1: During his childhood, he served as a page in the
Speaker 1: household of the Earl of Shrewsbury, who was acting as
Speaker 1: jailer to Mary, Queen of Scots during her imprisonment in England.
Speaker 1: Think of Mary's imprisonment more like a house arrest and
Speaker 1: less like her Majesty's prison service. Babington became devoted to
Speaker 1: the Scottish Queen over the years, and it is Babbington
Speaker 1: who conspired to deliver Mary, Queen of Scot's, out of
Speaker 1: custody and to the throne. The Babington plot was actually
Speaker 1: the third significant plot against the life of Queen Elizabeth.
Speaker 1: The first others included the Ridolphie plot in one and
Speaker 1: the Throckmorton plot of fifteen three, but since we're talking
Speaker 1: about her in six, clearly those two failed. It was
Speaker 1: in May of six when the Babington plot began to
Speaker 1: solidify finally. Babington then aged. He actually didn't come up
Speaker 1: with this idea himself, but he was a major player.
Speaker 1: His visit with a Catholic priest named John Ballard was
Speaker 1: the beginning. Ballard had met with the Spanish ambassador Bernardino
Speaker 1: de Mendoza in Paris and shared with Babington he'd heard
Speaker 1: that the Pope had ordered an invasion of England to
Speaker 1: depose Queen Elizabeth the First. Ballard declared that quote, an
Speaker 1: army of the Pope and the King of Spain would
Speaker 1: invade the realm. Babington didn't just jump right in at
Speaker 1: this time. In fact, he pointed out that the Pope's
Speaker 1: men were unlikely to be successful in such a thing. Ballard, though,
Speaker 1: he assured Babington it would work, and he also shared
Speaker 1: that a man named John Savage had been chosen as
Speaker 1: the person to assassinate the queen. It was that Ballard
Speaker 1: and Savage's request that Babington organized and rallied fellow young
Speaker 1: Catholics to this cause. And those men included a long
Speaker 1: list of names that I'm going to share with you
Speaker 1: Edward Abington, Robert Barnwell, Jerome Bellamy, John Charnap, Henry Dunne,
Speaker 1: Robert Gage, Edward Jones, Thomas Salisbury, Charles Tilney, John Travers,
Speaker 1: and Edward Windsor. There were three additional men, Robert Poley,
Speaker 1: Gilbert Gifford and Thomas Phillips, who acted as agents and
Speaker 1: double agents working for a man named Sir Francis Walsingham.
Speaker 1: Walsingham was secretary to Queen Elizabeth the First and was
Speaker 1: considered her quote spy master, among other intelligence duties. So
Speaker 1: now back to Titchbourne. In fifties three, Titchborne and his
Speaker 1: father were arrested and interrogated by authorities about quote Popish
Speaker 1: relics that they had returned with from travels abroad. They
Speaker 1: were both released without being charged, but historical records suggests
Speaker 1: that this was not the only time that they were
Speaker 1: questioned by the authorities over their religion, and it was
Speaker 1: June of six when Titchborne agreed to take part in
Speaker 1: the Babington plot. Writing in Cipher, Babington exchanged letters with Mary,
Speaker 1: Queen of Scott's, explaining the plans to rescue her. In one,
Speaker 1: he outlined the steps that needed to be taken in
Speaker 1: order to free her and re established Catholicism in England,
Speaker 1: and that it would have to happen through the assassination
Speaker 1: of Elizabeth the First. He wrote that his quote private
Speaker 1: friends would be in charge of quote, that tragical execution,
Speaker 1: and he basically asked for her permission to execute. That
Speaker 1: plot did not go off without a hitch, and it
Speaker 1: was Walsingham's agents who foiled the plan. Robert Poley had
Speaker 1: his hands in well everything, and we've seen him described
Speaker 1: as quote the very genius of the Elizabethan underworld. Gifford
Speaker 1: received the letters exchanged between Babington and Mary, and he
Speaker 1: passed them to Phillips, who was Walsingham's codebreaker. There was
Speaker 1: also Peter Bales. Bales was a highly skilled copyist, and
Speaker 1: his claim to fame was that he produced a bible
Speaker 1: that was about the size of a walnut. He inscribed
Speaker 1: a number of texts within a circumference of a penny,
Speaker 1: one of which he mounted on a ring and presented
Speaker 1: to the Queen, who greatly admired his work. He was
Speaker 1: also skilled at imitating handwriting, and that skill was put
Speaker 1: to use for secret purposes by Phillips and Walsingham. It
Speaker 1: was Peter's skills with these letters that ultimately helped uncover
Speaker 1: the Baddington plot to assassinate Elizabeth. Walsingham believed it was
Speaker 1: only a matter of time before Mary would expose her
Speaker 1: true nature, and he was right kind of. Eventually she
Speaker 1: replied to Babington with the words that triggered the treasonous
Speaker 1: act quote let the great plot commence, intercepted and decoded.
Speaker 1: Walsingham felt that he had the evidence in hand needed
Speaker 1: as proof that Mary, Queen of Scott's, was plotting to
Speaker 1: overthrow Elizabeth the First. While she hadn't condoned the assassination
Speaker 1: that was detailed in Babington's letter, she hadn't condemned it either. Actually,
Speaker 1: most accounts suggested the greater letter she had asked for
Speaker 1: more detail about the plan. When she was put on
Speaker 1: trial for treason against Queen Elizabeth the First in October
Speaker 1: of fifteen eighty six. Mary pointed out that there were
Speaker 1: no letters in her handwriting talking about the assassination of Elizabeth,
Speaker 1: and she denied having any correspondence from Anthony Babington, but
Speaker 1: her secretary had talked. He confessed to penning correspondence. At
Speaker 1: Mary's dictation, she was convicted of treason on October and
Speaker 1: was executed by beheading on February a seven at Bothering
Speaker 1: hay Castle, one week after Elizabeth signed the execut you
Speaker 1: should order. Walsingham, having wanted to expose Mary for years
Speaker 1: was pleased with the outcome of her execution, believing that
Speaker 1: he had thwarted an existential threat to England. Walsingham had
Speaker 1: long tried to convince Elizabeth that not only was the
Speaker 1: throne at risk, but that her life was in danger,
Speaker 1: and he insisted on multiple occasions that Mary, Queen of Scott's,
Speaker 1: be executed, but for years Elizabeth had always refused the idea.
Speaker 1: He was convinced, though, that if he could provide enough
Speaker 1: evidence that Mary was plotting Elizabeth's assassination, the Queen would
Speaker 1: surely order that execution, and he saw his opportunity with
Speaker 1: the Babington plot. We're going to take a break for
Speaker 1: a word from our sponsor, and when we return, we
Speaker 1: will talk about how treason was determined in the sixteenth
Speaker 1: century in England. Welcome back to Criminalia. There's treason and
Speaker 1: there's execution to be talked about. But first, let's talk
Speaker 1: about what it meant to be charged with high treason
Speaker 1: if you lived during the sixteenth century. With Mary, Queen
Speaker 1: of Scott's beheaded. Let's talk about these treason executions. We've
Speaker 1: been pretty biased toward the American law of treason during
Speaker 1: the first several episodes of this season. So let's talk
Speaker 1: English law this time for a change. In the sixteenth century,
Speaker 1: when the story we're telling takes place, English law of
Speaker 1: treason was entirely statutory law, and it had been that
Speaker 1: way since the Treason Act of thirteen fifty one was
Speaker 1: put in place. The Treason Act distinguished two types of treason,
Speaker 1: high treason and petty treason. The distinction is this a
Speaker 1: charge of high treason, and this is, of course the
Speaker 1: charge we're talking about in this episode covered acts that
Speaker 1: constituted any serious threat to the stability of the state,
Speaker 1: which would have included such things as attempts to kill
Speaker 1: the reigning sovereign or to wage war against the kingdom.
Speaker 1: Petty treason was defined as the murder of one's lawful
Speaker 1: superior or, as it stated in the Act, a person
Speaker 1: to whom one quote oe with faith and obedience, So
Speaker 1: it was petty treason. For example, if a wife killed
Speaker 1: her husband, or if a peasant killed a lord, that's right.
Speaker 1: The relationships are what made it treason rather than homicide.
Speaker 1: The consequences also differed between these two types. A conviction
Speaker 1: for high treason meant death by hanging, drawing and quartering
Speaker 1: for men, or drawing and burning for women, and the
Speaker 1: trader's property would transfer to the crown. In the case
Speaker 1: of petty treason, the penalty was drawing and hanging without quartering,
Speaker 1: or burning without drawing, and the trader's property in these
Speaker 1: instances transferred not to the Crown but to the trader's immedia,
Speaker 1: lord or other superior. Again, in the Babington case, we are,
Speaker 1: of course talking about high treason. The Babington plot resulted
Speaker 1: in the execution of Mary, Queen of Scott's, as we
Speaker 1: talked about, but also Anthony Babington and his co conspirators.
Speaker 1: The first arrest among the men was made on August four, six,
Speaker 1: when John Ballard was apprehended and taken into custody. Arrests continued.
Speaker 1: At John Savage's trial on September, evidence was given describing
Speaker 1: the events leading up to the planned assassination, specifically what
Speaker 1: happened upon Ballard's arrest. We quote then came Babbington to Savage,
Speaker 1: saying Ballard has taken all will be betrayed. What remedy now,
Speaker 1: to which Savage, it said, replied, quote, no remedy now,
Speaker 1: but to kill her presently. Babbington replied, quote very well,
Speaker 1: then go you unto the court tomorrow and there execute
Speaker 1: the fact of it. Responded quote, nay, I cannot go tomorrow,
Speaker 1: for my apparel is not ready, and in this apparel
Speaker 1: I shall never come near the Queen. Not to be stopped,
Speaker 1: Babbington replied, quote, go to here is my ring and
Speaker 1: all the money I have, Get the apparel and dispatch it.
Speaker 1: On August fourteen, Titchborne was apprehended and held in the
Speaker 1: Tower of London. He was, depending on which of his
Speaker 1: potential birth years is correct in his twenties, we know
Speaker 1: that he was either twenty three or twenty seven years
Speaker 1: old when he was sentenced to death for high treason.
Speaker 1: While in custody in the Tower on September nineteen, which
Speaker 1: was the eve of his execution, Titchborne wrote to his
Speaker 1: wife Agnes. Few of his poems survive, including one titled
Speaker 1: When I Was Fair and Young and another The house
Speaker 1: stuff of those few writings is this final letter to Agnes,
Speaker 1: and it's considered among literary experts to be his most
Speaker 1: notable work. Called the Titchborne's Elegy, it contains three stanzas
Speaker 1: concerning his impending execution. It's also known by its first line,
Speaker 1: my prime of youth is but a frost of cares,
Speaker 1: a verse that was popularized after his execution. Depending on
Speaker 1: your point of view here, this final poem could have
Speaker 1: been written either by a martyr or a subversive right.
Speaker 1: It's an interesting way to look at things, because if
Speaker 1: you're a fellow Catholic at the time, you see he
Speaker 1: suffered persecution and death for his religious beliefs. If you
Speaker 1: were a Protestant, you see he was a threat to
Speaker 1: your country. One person's patriot is another's traitor, if we
Speaker 1: learned anything at all this season. Titchborne's authorship of the
Speaker 1: elegy has been disputed in the past, with some claiming
Speaker 1: it was another Tower of London inmate, the famous Sir
Speaker 1: Walter Rawleigh, who actually pended he didn't The poem that
Speaker 1: mourns a life cut short is Titchborne's work. Baddington, on
Speaker 1: the other hand, was not writing poetry while facing potential execution. First,
Speaker 1: he hit at the home of the Bellamy family until
Speaker 1: he realized that Jeremy Bellamy was working for the Queen,
Speaker 1: specifically for Walsingham's spy network. Babington, at this point tried
Speaker 1: to buy his way out of it all. He offered
Speaker 1: a one thousand pound bribe for his pardon that was rejected.
Speaker 1: He was arrested and he and his co conspirators also arrested,
Speaker 1: were interrogated. We do not have a record of the
Speaker 1: types of interrogation techniques that were used, but we do
Speaker 1: know that each man confessed. It is recorded that John
Speaker 1: Ballard was tortured for information. Babbington, Ballard, Barnwell, Done, Salsbury, Savage,
Speaker 1: and Titchborne were the first group that was tried. It
Speaker 1: was on September four Abington, Bellamy, Charna, Gage, Jones, Tilney
Speaker 1: and Travers were tried on the fifteen. Each man was
Speaker 1: found guilty of high treason. So as Holly just said, Badminton, Ballard, Barnwell, Done, Salisbury,
Speaker 1: Savage and titch Point were the first group tried. They
Speaker 1: were also the first of the co conspirators to be
Speaker 1: executed on September twenty. The men were marched from their
Speaker 1: cells in the Tower of London, were strapped to large
Speaker 1: sleds and were pulled by horses through the streets of
Speaker 1: London until they reached the execution site. At St Giles,
Speaker 1: in the fields where a scaffold had been erected. They
Speaker 1: were each first disemboweled while still alive, on the gallows
Speaker 1: at Tower Hill, a horrendous act intended as a warning
Speaker 1: to other would be conspirators against the throne. After the proceedings,
Speaker 1: the executioner distributed the parts of their bodies to prominent
Speaker 1: locations around the city as a show of consequences of
Speaker 1: disloyalty to the throne. English historian William Camden, who gave
Speaker 1: us the first detailed historical account of the reign of
Speaker 1: Elizabeth the First of England, recorded the executions of the prisoners,
Speaker 1: writing week Boat the same month, a gallows and a
Speaker 1: scaffold being set up for the purpose in St Giles
Speaker 1: his fields, where they were wont to meet. The first
Speaker 1: seven were hanged there on, cut down, their privoties, cut off,
Speaker 1: bowled alive and seeing, and quartered not without some note
Speaker 1: of cruelty. Ballard, the arch plotter of this treason, craved
Speaker 1: pardon of God and of the Queen, with a condition
Speaker 1: if he had sinned against her. Babington, who undauntedly beheld
Speaker 1: Ballard's execution while the rest turned away their faces fell
Speaker 1: to prayers upon their knees, ingenuously acknowledged his offenses. Being
Speaker 1: taken down from the gallows and ready to be cut up,
Speaker 1: he cried aloud in Latin sundry times, partomihi domine Jesu,
Speaker 1: that is, spare me, Lord Jesus savage break the rope,
Speaker 1: and fell down from the gallows, and was presently seized
Speaker 1: on by the executioner. His privoties cut off, and he
Speaker 1: bowled alive. Barnwell extenuated his crime under color of religion
Speaker 1: and conscience. Titchburne, with all humility, acknowledged his fault, and
Speaker 1: moved great pity among the multitude towards him, as in
Speaker 1: like manner did Tilney, a man of a modest spirit
Speaker 1: and goodly personage, Abington, being a man of a turbulent spirit,
Speaker 1: cast for threats and terrors of blood to be spilt
Speaker 1: ere along in England. The next day the other seven
Speaker 1: were drawn to the same place and suffered the same
Speaker 1: kind of death, but more favorably by the Queen's commandment,
Speaker 1: who detested the former cruelty, for they all hung till
Speaker 1: they were quite dead before they were cut down and boweled.
Speaker 1: There are a few more Salisbury was the first, who,
Speaker 1: being very penitent, warned the Catholics not to attempt to
Speaker 1: restore religion by force and arms, in like manner did
Speaker 1: done who followed him. Jones protested that he had dis
Speaker 1: aided Salisbury from the attempt, and had utterly condemned Baddington's
Speaker 1: proud and headstrong mind and the purpose of invasion. Char
Speaker 1: Knockin travers, having their minds wholly fixed on prayer, commended
Speaker 1: themselves to God and the Saints. Gauge, extolling the queen's
Speaker 1: great bounty to his father, detested his own perfidious ingratitude
Speaker 1: towards his princess, to whom he was so deeply bound. Mary,
Speaker 1: Queen of Scots was not included in this list because
Speaker 1: she was not there that day. She was executed by
Speaker 1: beheading a few months later, on February eight. The plot
Speaker 1: and the resulting executions caused a general increase in anti
Speaker 1: Catholic acts by the monarchy. Hundreds of people were arrested,
Speaker 1: dozens of Catholic priests were executed. To be a Catholic
Speaker 1: priest in England was itself treasonous at this point. In
Speaker 1: the second half of Elizabeth's reign. In the late sixteenth century,
Speaker 1: more than three hundred Catholics were tortured to death. The
Speaker 1: penalty for treason changed over the years, and the death
Speaker 1: penalty as punishment was abolished in the United Kingdom with
Speaker 1: the passing of the Crime and Disorder Act of that's
Speaker 1: more than four hundred years after these executions. So what
Speaker 1: do you think should we read the elegy before we
Speaker 1: pour out a drink? I shall begin with the first
Speaker 1: of three stanzas my prime of youth is but a
Speaker 1: frost of cares, my feast of joy is but a
Speaker 1: dish of pain. My crop of corn is but a
Speaker 1: field of terrors, and all my good is but vain
Speaker 1: hope of gain. The day is passed, and yet I
Speaker 1: saw no sun. And now I live, and now my
Speaker 1: life is done. My tale was heard, and yet it
Speaker 1: was not told. My fruit is fall, and yet my
Speaker 1: leaves are green. My youth is spent, and yet I
Speaker 1: am not old. I saw the world, and yet I
Speaker 1: was not seen. My threat is cut, and yet it
Speaker 1: is not spun. And now I live, and now my
Speaker 1: life is done. I saw it, my death, and found
Speaker 1: it in my womb. I looked for life and saw
Speaker 1: it was a shade. I trod the earth and knew
Speaker 1: it was my tomb. And now I die, and now
Speaker 1: I was but made my glass is full, and now
Speaker 1: my glasses run, and now I live, and now my
Speaker 1: life is done, and now Holly for me on Sam Rhyman,
Speaker 1: fool dis account, It's time for a perfecty poor Okay, listen,
Speaker 1: I hear you've got something for us today. Okay. Obviously,
Speaker 1: the obvious choice here is a bloody Mary, which is
Speaker 1: why we're not doing a bloody Mary. And I don't
Speaker 1: like bloody Mary is all that much to begin with,
Speaker 1: and I really don't like obvious choices. So this is
Speaker 1: a lot of heavy stuff. In particularly the executions are
Speaker 1: so grizzly that I wanted to do something a little
Speaker 1: hearted here and also talk about something that merits a
Speaker 1: little bit of explanation because it sounds funny when we
Speaker 1: read it, but really it makes logical sense. Okay, so
Speaker 1: I'm calling this one unready apparel. It sounds very funny
Speaker 1: when Savage replies to that whole request to go to
Speaker 1: the court right now and just kill her to go,
Speaker 1: I cannot. My clothes are not ready. But the thing is,
Speaker 1: if you didn't have the right clothes on, you wouldn't
Speaker 1: be permitted entry at court. He would not have gotten
Speaker 1: close enough to the Queen to be able to actually
Speaker 1: carry out that directive. So he wasn't being a fancy
Speaker 1: pants unicorn or vain it sound it does read like
Speaker 1: it like, oh my own psomb is not prepared. The
Speaker 1: other reason that I wanted to call this unready apparel
Speaker 1: is that I would suggest not wearing light colors when
Speaker 1: you prepare, because you might stay in them. Then you'll
Speaker 1: never be allowed into Queen Elizabeth's court. Whether you're doing
Speaker 1: it for good or or evil, you won't get in
Speaker 1: whatever your purpose. Like I said, I'm not going to
Speaker 1: go the obvious root and do a bloody Mary. So no,
Speaker 1: this is not a tomato juice situation. I also thought
Speaker 1: for a minute about doing a poset. Do you know
Speaker 1: what that is? That's like a warm milk drink that
Speaker 1: was popular at the time that all of these things
Speaker 1: were playing out. If you're familiar with your Shakespeare, opposet
Speaker 1: shows up in the Scottish play. That's the thing that
Speaker 1: Lady m is poisoning Duncan's guards with. She poisons their posset,
Speaker 1: and I noodled around with that idea of doing a
Speaker 1: milk drink, but then I just was not feeling inspired,
Speaker 1: and so in the midst of my struggle, I decided
Speaker 1: to do what I often do, which is just go
Speaker 1: to the store and look around and see what jumps out.
Speaker 1: And then like, this is one of those great moments
Speaker 1: where there was an item with like a halo of
Speaker 1: light shining around it and it was like, filing, this
Speaker 1: is your ingredient. I was like, Ah, it was the
Speaker 1: obvious solution to my themed drink dilemma. I might lose
Speaker 1: some of you with this because it is a thinging
Speaker 1: that some people have very strong feelings about. I also
Speaker 1: do in that I love it. So here we go.
Speaker 1: This is gonna start with your shaker. Put ice in there.
Speaker 1: You're going to toss in two ounces of vodka, one
Speaker 1: ounce of simple syrup, and one ounce of lemon juice. Oh.
Speaker 1: I know what you might be thinking, Holly, this is
Speaker 1: a vodka Collins. Well it is so far, but it's
Speaker 1: not gonna stay that way because then you're gonna add
Speaker 1: two ounces of beat juice. I know not everyone loves beats.
Speaker 1: I love that. I was just about to ask you
Speaker 1: did I ever tell you what I love beat? I
Speaker 1: love Beat. Everybody says it tastes like dirt. I'm like
Speaker 1: delicious dirt, dirt take beautiful and if you use them
Speaker 1: in cooking, they make everything pink and they turn it
Speaker 1: all into princess food. And so you're gonna do your
Speaker 1: two ounces of Beat juice and then you're gonna shake
Speaker 1: all of that together, and you're gonna strain it over
Speaker 1: ice and top it with club soda. You're gonna want
Speaker 1: to give it a stir. It's probably not gonna mix immediately.
Speaker 1: The club soda won't naturally mix in because for me,
Speaker 1: I at first tried it without any soda in it,
Speaker 1: and it was just a little too thick. I wanted
Speaker 1: something that was a little more sippable and like a
Speaker 1: softer beverage, and the club soda just perfectly balanced all
Speaker 1: of that out and made the Beat juice a little
Speaker 1: thinner and it was quite delicious. I will say this
Speaker 1: is also one of those ones that's a little misleading,
Speaker 1: because the beat flavor and the syrup make it taste
Speaker 1: very sweet and yummy, and you cannot taste those two
Speaker 1: ounces of vodka, which is a significant amount for like
Speaker 1: a standard drink, usually an ounce and a half of
Speaker 1: spirit is what most things have. They'll go up to
Speaker 1: two depending on your your bartender's choice too, is considered
Speaker 1: a lot by most standards. And you can drink it
Speaker 1: very quickly and be like, oh, how is yummy and refreshing,
Speaker 1: and then go oh, I just drink two ounces of
Speaker 1: vodka very quickly. To do the mock tail is really easy.
Speaker 1: You're just gonna leave out the vodka. But I would
Speaker 1: also do the following. I would increase your lemon juice
Speaker 1: a little bit, so I would do more like an
Speaker 1: ounce and a half of the lemon juice, and I
Speaker 1: would d crease the simple syrup by about a half
Speaker 1: out so you still end up with two ounces of
Speaker 1: those two things together. But if you don't and you
Speaker 1: don't have the vodka to thin out that beat juice,
Speaker 1: that original recipe of an ounce of simple syrup is
Speaker 1: way too much. It tastes almost like a beat milkshake.
Speaker 1: It's too much so the lemon juice. If you add
Speaker 1: a little more lemon juice, you will help mitigate that problem.
Speaker 1: But I gotta tell you I don't want to beat milk. Actually,
Speaker 1: I think that could be really delicious. Listen, you and
Speaker 1: I are going to make beat soft serrup at some
Speaker 1: point in the future, and it's going to be amazing,
Speaker 1: and then we'll pour a vok on top. It will
Speaker 1: be so um. That is the unready apparel. It's such
Speaker 1: a beautiful color because you still get that like deep red,
Speaker 1: but it's more of a magenta red. So it harkens
Speaker 1: to all of the gruesome torture and bloody things that happen.
Speaker 1: But it is delicious and not painful at all to
Speaker 1: imbibe unless you hate. I'm sorry. I promised there will
Speaker 1: be no beats next week and probably not for a
Speaker 1: long time, because I that's a unique thing I wouldn't
Speaker 1: do over right, Like next you can be like Holly,
Speaker 1: I love turnip, so what can we do with more
Speaker 1: root vegetables. I feel like this one is beat juice
Speaker 1: and rum and you'll be like, no, I'm not sure
Speaker 1: about that. No, I promise I would never do that.
Speaker 1: But I do hope that you come back and hang
Speaker 1: with us next week, when we will have another story
Speaker 1: of treason, another cocktail with no beats in it whatsoever,
Speaker 1: and hopefully a little more fun on Criminalia Criminalia is
Speaker 1: a production of Shawonda land Audio in partnership with I
Speaker 1: heart Radio. For more podcasts from Shonda land Audio, please
Speaker 1: visit the I heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever
Speaker 1: you listen to your favorite shows.