Speaker 1: Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of I Heart Radio.
Speaker 1: Good Morning. This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast.
Speaker 1: Today's tip is to be a little deaf Sometimes sometimes
Speaker 1: it's best to pretend that you didn't hear what someone
Speaker 1: just said. You may recognize this tip from the late
Speaker 1: Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg. She liked to quote
Speaker 1: the advice her mother in law gave her on her
Speaker 1: wedding day. In Every Good Marriage, her mother in law said,
Speaker 1: it helps sometimes to be a little deaf. Having been
Speaker 1: happily married for more than sixteen years, I agree with
Speaker 1: this advice, or at least I hope my husband does,
Speaker 1: when it comes to what comes out of my mouth.
Speaker 1: Not every expression of irritation needs to be addressed. There
Speaker 1: are times when we all say things we shouldn't have,
Speaker 1: often when we're tired or rushed. You, really, these comments
Speaker 1: are not indications of deep seated feelings, and there's really
Speaker 1: not a lot to discuss about them, so best to
Speaker 1: let them go and move on. Now, letting a stray,
Speaker 1: insensitive comment past unacknowledged doesn't mean you're a doormat. I
Speaker 1: am pretty sure no one ever called Ruth Bader Ginsburg
Speaker 1: a doormat. It just means that you choose your battles.
Speaker 1: When necessary, you can assert yourself. You can have a
Speaker 1: difficult conversation, but you can also choose to direct your
Speaker 1: attention elsewhere. Being able to look the other way could
Speaker 1: help in your marriage and in your parenting and professional
Speaker 1: life too. When you tell your daughter you can't go
Speaker 1: to the zoo that day and she says under her
Speaker 1: breath that you never go anywhere, it is not helpful
Speaker 1: to remind her that you went to the amusement park
Speaker 1: last weekend. Just let it go. Likewise, when you overhear
Speaker 1: a colleague complaining that the I T Department didn't have
Speaker 1: any positions cut this year while every other department did,
Speaker 1: it is probably not going to contribute to corporate harmony
Speaker 1: if you point out how much the I T Department
Speaker 1: saw its responsibilities grow. Just keep on working and don't
Speaker 1: join in. Even with our closest friends, we sometimes say
Speaker 1: things that sting without intending to. There are no relationships
Speaker 1: where where we are immune to thoughtlessness or lapses in judgment.
Speaker 1: It goes without saying that it is important that others
Speaker 1: treat us with respect and kindness, and that we treat
Speaker 1: others that way too. Sometimes we do need to address
Speaker 1: things people say, but on the fairly rare occasions when
Speaker 1: people who usually do show respect to say something insensitive,
Speaker 1: we can decide to let it go. It is not
Speaker 1: necessary or helpful to engage with every slight. If you
Speaker 1: are looking for some middle ground, you could try this phrase,
Speaker 1: which is attributed to psychologist Lisa Demore, who wrote Untangled,
Speaker 1: which is about raising adolescence. I am going to pretend
Speaker 1: I didn't hear you say that. This is especially good
Speaker 1: for kids because you are tagging the comment as not okay,
Speaker 1: but you are also strategically not engaging with it. The
Speaker 1: kid knows that you expect better in the future, but
Speaker 1: also knows that mom or Dad is bigger than the
Speaker 1: grumpiness that just happened. So the next time someone says
Speaker 1: something less than ideal, pause and decide whether you'll choose
Speaker 1: to hear and engage with it. You may decide that
Speaker 1: you didn't hear a thing. In the meantime. This is Laura.
Speaker 1: Thanks for listening, and here's to making the most of
Speaker 1: our time. Hey, everybody, I'd love to hear from you.
Speaker 1: You can send me your tips, your questions, or anything else.
Speaker 1: Just connect with me on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram at
Speaker 1: Before Breakfast pod. That's b E the number four than
Speaker 1: Breakfast p o D. You can also shoot me an
Speaker 1: email at Before Breakfast podcast at iHeartMedia dot com that
Speaker 1: Before Breakfast is spelled out with all the letters. Thanks
Speaker 1: so much, I look forward to staying in touch. Before
Speaker 1: Breakfast is a production of I heart Radio. For more
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