WEBVTT - Be a little deaf sometimes 

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<v Speaker 1>Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of I Heart Radio.

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<v Speaker 1>Good Morning. This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast.

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<v Speaker 1>Today's tip is to be a little deaf Sometimes sometimes

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<v Speaker 1>it's best to pretend that you didn't hear what someone

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<v Speaker 1>just said. You may recognize this tip from the late

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<v Speaker 1>Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg. She liked to quote

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<v Speaker 1>the advice her mother in law gave her on her

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<v Speaker 1>wedding day. In Every Good Marriage, her mother in law said,

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<v Speaker 1>it helps sometimes to be a little deaf. Having been

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<v Speaker 1>happily married for more than sixteen years, I agree with

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<v Speaker 1>this advice, or at least I hope my husband does,

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<v Speaker 1>when it comes to what comes out of my mouth.

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<v Speaker 1>Not every expression of irritation needs to be addressed. There

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<v Speaker 1>are times when we all say things we shouldn't have,

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<v Speaker 1>often when we're tired or rushed. You, really, these comments

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<v Speaker 1>are not indications of deep seated feelings, and there's really

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<v Speaker 1>not a lot to discuss about them, so best to

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<v Speaker 1>let them go and move on. Now, letting a stray,

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<v Speaker 1>insensitive comment past unacknowledged doesn't mean you're a doormat. I

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<v Speaker 1>am pretty sure no one ever called Ruth Bader Ginsburg

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<v Speaker 1>a doormat. It just means that you choose your battles.

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<v Speaker 1>When necessary, you can assert yourself. You can have a

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<v Speaker 1>difficult conversation, but you can also choose to direct your

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<v Speaker 1>attention elsewhere. Being able to look the other way could

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<v Speaker 1>help in your marriage and in your parenting and professional

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<v Speaker 1>life too. When you tell your daughter you can't go

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<v Speaker 1>to the zoo that day and she says under her

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<v Speaker 1>breath that you never go anywhere, it is not helpful

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<v Speaker 1>to remind her that you went to the amusement park

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<v Speaker 1>last weekend. Just let it go. Likewise, when you overhear

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<v Speaker 1>a colleague complaining that the I T Department didn't have

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<v Speaker 1>any positions cut this year while every other department did,

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<v Speaker 1>it is probably not going to contribute to corporate harmony

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<v Speaker 1>if you point out how much the I T Department

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<v Speaker 1>saw its responsibilities grow. Just keep on working and don't

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<v Speaker 1>join in. Even with our closest friends, we sometimes say

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<v Speaker 1>things that sting without intending to. There are no relationships

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<v Speaker 1>where where we are immune to thoughtlessness or lapses in judgment.

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<v Speaker 1>It goes without saying that it is important that others

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<v Speaker 1>treat us with respect and kindness, and that we treat

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<v Speaker 1>others that way too. Sometimes we do need to address

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<v Speaker 1>things people say, but on the fairly rare occasions when

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<v Speaker 1>people who usually do show respect to say something insensitive,

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<v Speaker 1>we can decide to let it go. It is not

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<v Speaker 1>necessary or helpful to engage with every slight. If you

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<v Speaker 1>are looking for some middle ground, you could try this phrase,

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<v Speaker 1>which is attributed to psychologist Lisa Demore, who wrote Untangled,

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<v Speaker 1>which is about raising adolescence. I am going to pretend

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<v Speaker 1>I didn't hear you say that. This is especially good

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<v Speaker 1>for kids because you are tagging the comment as not okay,

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<v Speaker 1>but you are also strategically not engaging with it. The

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<v Speaker 1>kid knows that you expect better in the future, but

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<v Speaker 1>also knows that mom or Dad is bigger than the

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<v Speaker 1>grumpiness that just happened. So the next time someone says

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<v Speaker 1>something less than ideal, pause and decide whether you'll choose

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<v Speaker 1>to hear and engage with it. You may decide that

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<v Speaker 1>you didn't hear a thing. In the meantime. This is Laura.

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<v Speaker 1>Thanks for listening, and here's to making the most of

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<v Speaker 1>our time. Hey, everybody, I'd love to hear from you.

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<v Speaker 1>You can send me your tips, your questions, or anything else.

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<v Speaker 1>Just connect with me on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram at

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<v Speaker 1>Before Breakfast pod. That's b E the number four than

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<v Speaker 1>Breakfast p o D. You can also shoot me an

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<v Speaker 1>email at Before Breakfast podcast at iHeartMedia dot com that

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<v Speaker 1>Before Breakfast is spelled out with all the letters. Thanks

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<v Speaker 1>so much, I look forward to staying in touch. Before

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<v Speaker 1>Breakfast is a production of I heart Radio. For more

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