1 00:00:03,440 --> 00:00:06,680 Speaker 1: Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of I Heart Radio. 2 00:00:09,200 --> 00:00:14,400 Speaker 1: Good Morning. This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast. 3 00:00:15,120 --> 00:00:19,960 Speaker 1: Today's tip is to be a little deaf Sometimes sometimes 4 00:00:20,120 --> 00:00:23,040 Speaker 1: it's best to pretend that you didn't hear what someone 5 00:00:23,120 --> 00:00:26,920 Speaker 1: just said. You may recognize this tip from the late 6 00:00:26,920 --> 00:00:30,800 Speaker 1: Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg. She liked to quote 7 00:00:30,800 --> 00:00:32,919 Speaker 1: the advice her mother in law gave her on her 8 00:00:32,960 --> 00:00:36,440 Speaker 1: wedding day. In Every Good Marriage, her mother in law said, 9 00:00:36,920 --> 00:00:41,120 Speaker 1: it helps sometimes to be a little deaf. Having been 10 00:00:41,159 --> 00:00:43,519 Speaker 1: happily married for more than sixteen years, I agree with 11 00:00:43,520 --> 00:00:45,720 Speaker 1: this advice, or at least I hope my husband does, 12 00:00:45,760 --> 00:00:47,880 Speaker 1: when it comes to what comes out of my mouth. 13 00:00:48,600 --> 00:00:53,000 Speaker 1: Not every expression of irritation needs to be addressed. There 14 00:00:53,000 --> 00:00:55,360 Speaker 1: are times when we all say things we shouldn't have, 15 00:00:56,120 --> 00:01:00,880 Speaker 1: often when we're tired or rushed. You, really, these comments 16 00:01:00,880 --> 00:01:04,440 Speaker 1: are not indications of deep seated feelings, and there's really 17 00:01:04,480 --> 00:01:07,680 Speaker 1: not a lot to discuss about them, so best to 18 00:01:07,760 --> 00:01:12,280 Speaker 1: let them go and move on. Now, letting a stray, 19 00:01:12,360 --> 00:01:16,240 Speaker 1: insensitive comment past unacknowledged doesn't mean you're a doormat. I 20 00:01:16,280 --> 00:01:19,000 Speaker 1: am pretty sure no one ever called Ruth Bader Ginsburg 21 00:01:19,120 --> 00:01:22,720 Speaker 1: a doormat. It just means that you choose your battles. 22 00:01:23,319 --> 00:01:27,120 Speaker 1: When necessary, you can assert yourself. You can have a 23 00:01:27,160 --> 00:01:30,800 Speaker 1: difficult conversation, but you can also choose to direct your 24 00:01:30,840 --> 00:01:35,160 Speaker 1: attention elsewhere. Being able to look the other way could 25 00:01:35,160 --> 00:01:37,839 Speaker 1: help in your marriage and in your parenting and professional 26 00:01:37,880 --> 00:01:41,160 Speaker 1: life too. When you tell your daughter you can't go 27 00:01:41,200 --> 00:01:43,040 Speaker 1: to the zoo that day and she says under her 28 00:01:43,080 --> 00:01:46,039 Speaker 1: breath that you never go anywhere, it is not helpful 29 00:01:46,080 --> 00:01:48,040 Speaker 1: to remind her that you went to the amusement park 30 00:01:48,120 --> 00:01:53,400 Speaker 1: last weekend. Just let it go. Likewise, when you overhear 31 00:01:53,440 --> 00:01:56,080 Speaker 1: a colleague complaining that the I T Department didn't have 32 00:01:56,160 --> 00:01:59,160 Speaker 1: any positions cut this year while every other department did, 33 00:01:59,640 --> 00:02:02,480 Speaker 1: it is probably not going to contribute to corporate harmony 34 00:02:02,760 --> 00:02:05,240 Speaker 1: if you point out how much the I T Department 35 00:02:05,320 --> 00:02:09,560 Speaker 1: saw its responsibilities grow. Just keep on working and don't 36 00:02:09,600 --> 00:02:13,720 Speaker 1: join in. Even with our closest friends, we sometimes say 37 00:02:13,720 --> 00:02:18,000 Speaker 1: things that sting without intending to. There are no relationships 38 00:02:18,000 --> 00:02:21,640 Speaker 1: where where we are immune to thoughtlessness or lapses in judgment. 39 00:02:22,919 --> 00:02:25,160 Speaker 1: It goes without saying that it is important that others 40 00:02:25,200 --> 00:02:28,200 Speaker 1: treat us with respect and kindness, and that we treat 41 00:02:28,240 --> 00:02:31,840 Speaker 1: others that way too. Sometimes we do need to address 42 00:02:31,840 --> 00:02:35,480 Speaker 1: things people say, but on the fairly rare occasions when 43 00:02:35,480 --> 00:02:38,519 Speaker 1: people who usually do show respect to say something insensitive, 44 00:02:39,360 --> 00:02:42,160 Speaker 1: we can decide to let it go. It is not 45 00:02:42,240 --> 00:02:47,000 Speaker 1: necessary or helpful to engage with every slight. If you 46 00:02:47,040 --> 00:02:50,000 Speaker 1: are looking for some middle ground, you could try this phrase, 47 00:02:50,000 --> 00:02:53,640 Speaker 1: which is attributed to psychologist Lisa Demore, who wrote Untangled, 48 00:02:53,800 --> 00:02:57,800 Speaker 1: which is about raising adolescence. I am going to pretend 49 00:02:57,840 --> 00:03:01,359 Speaker 1: I didn't hear you say that. This is especially good 50 00:03:01,360 --> 00:03:05,119 Speaker 1: for kids because you are tagging the comment as not okay, 51 00:03:05,880 --> 00:03:10,440 Speaker 1: but you are also strategically not engaging with it. The 52 00:03:10,520 --> 00:03:13,600 Speaker 1: kid knows that you expect better in the future, but 53 00:03:13,720 --> 00:03:16,480 Speaker 1: also knows that mom or Dad is bigger than the 54 00:03:16,480 --> 00:03:20,919 Speaker 1: grumpiness that just happened. So the next time someone says 55 00:03:20,960 --> 00:03:25,639 Speaker 1: something less than ideal, pause and decide whether you'll choose 56 00:03:25,680 --> 00:03:30,120 Speaker 1: to hear and engage with it. You may decide that 57 00:03:30,240 --> 00:03:34,960 Speaker 1: you didn't hear a thing. In the meantime. This is Laura. 58 00:03:35,800 --> 00:03:39,120 Speaker 1: Thanks for listening, and here's to making the most of 59 00:03:39,160 --> 00:03:48,200 Speaker 1: our time. Hey, everybody, I'd love to hear from you. 60 00:03:48,200 --> 00:03:51,120 Speaker 1: You can send me your tips, your questions, or anything else. 61 00:03:51,840 --> 00:03:55,440 Speaker 1: Just connect with me on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram at 62 00:03:55,440 --> 00:04:00,280 Speaker 1: Before Breakfast pod. That's b E the number four than 63 00:04:00,400 --> 00:04:03,800 Speaker 1: Breakfast p o D. You can also shoot me an 64 00:04:03,800 --> 00:04:08,120 Speaker 1: email at Before Breakfast podcast at iHeartMedia dot com that 65 00:04:08,240 --> 00:04:11,480 Speaker 1: Before Breakfast is spelled out with all the letters. Thanks 66 00:04:11,480 --> 00:04:19,400 Speaker 1: so much, I look forward to staying in touch. Before 67 00:04:19,440 --> 00:04:22,479 Speaker 1: Breakfast is a production of I heart Radio. For more 68 00:04:22,520 --> 00:04:26,000 Speaker 1: podcasts from I heart Radio, visit the i heart Radio app, 69 00:04:26,279 --> 00:04:29,480 Speaker 1: Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.