Speaker 1: Hi, guys, welcome to this show the one and only
Speaker 1: of Christ myself a Mada and you're listening to exactly
Speaker 1: a Mada. Thank you so much for downloading and subscribing.
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Speaker 1: info like I always say when with that being said
Speaker 1: to do today, I want to talk about something. It's funny.
Speaker 1: Some people it may not have been as funny, and
Speaker 1: they may have really truly suffered through some situations. Battle
Speaker 1: it works for me. Today on the show, we're talking
Speaker 1: about how to discipline your kids. In our being are
Speaker 1: very strict and they all have their own ways. Like
Speaker 1: back in the days. My mom told me that my
Speaker 1: grandmother used to put um mento like cement blocks in
Speaker 1: their hands and they would make them meal down and
Speaker 1: sit under the sun for hours. There's just so many
Speaker 1: questions and so many things that I want to talk
Speaker 1: about that. My guest today is the founder of the
Speaker 1: Latin X Parenting Leslie. Welcome to exactly a Madam I Live.
Speaker 1: How are you old, Mada. I'm so so good. I'm
Speaker 1: so excited to be here with you. Awesome, Bueno, you've
Speaker 1: been listening to what I've been saying about. You know,
Speaker 1: the way that our parents used to discipline us back
Speaker 1: in the days are great. Great grandparents told them out.
Speaker 1: But things have changed, um and you know some people
Speaker 1: still use everything. How did your mom raise you or
Speaker 1: your dad growing up? Did you get the you know,
Speaker 1: the beatings that chantas, I'm gonna take this away. What
Speaker 1: was their method for you? You know, my mom and
Speaker 1: I struggled in relationship, especially in my medal lessons, right,
Speaker 1: But when I when I was very very young, she
Speaker 1: tried really hard to parent me very differently than the
Speaker 1: way that she was parented, which is very similar to
Speaker 1: the ways that you're describeding, where that's like punishments where
Speaker 1: they have to you know, kneel on bottle caps. She
Speaker 1: tells me, she's like, I wish I got the Chunklet
Speaker 1: that like, I wish I got the chunk because I
Speaker 1: got last solder, I got the whip, like the horse's whip,
Speaker 1: you know, things like that. And so when she was
Speaker 1: raising me, I think that she did, you know, the
Speaker 1: older I've gotten, I realized that she did actually make
Speaker 1: a conscious effort to not raise me that way. Um,
Speaker 1: and she still did things because you know, immigrant women
Speaker 1: like deal with so much, right, There's so much stress
Speaker 1: that women deal with. Um. And so let's like get
Speaker 1: into that at some point too, because I feel like
Speaker 1: the parenting books are not made for black and brown folks, right,
Speaker 1: They're not made for people who struggle in different ways
Speaker 1: than these white parenting authors and the people that they were,
Speaker 1: you know, the white people that they work with. But
Speaker 1: my mom raised me with a lot of love, but
Speaker 1: with a lot of uh, fear, right, Like, there was
Speaker 1: a lot of fear. She really tried to make me
Speaker 1: afraid of her and thought that that was a good thing, right,
Speaker 1: it was a good thing that my children' let's be clear,
Speaker 1: there's a difference in between respect me as your parents
Speaker 1: and fear me as yes, and so we don't necessarily
Speaker 1: have the privilege sometimes of having the time in the
Speaker 1: space to have those conversations. Our parents didn't, right, so
Speaker 1: they're not talking like do you fear me? Do you
Speaker 1: respect me? In their minds it was the same. And
Speaker 1: I've worked with hundreds of parents, especially, let you know,
Speaker 1: parents that are telling me like, I never thought about that.
Speaker 1: I've never thought about the fact that there is a
Speaker 1: difference between fear and respect. I just raised my kids
Speaker 1: in this way because to me, it's the same thing.
Speaker 1: If they fear me, they respect me. M m, well,
Speaker 1: you'se my mom's gonna hate this episode. Bet to beat
Speaker 1: my ass like on some real ship, like my mom.
Speaker 1: I really going back into my thoughts. The youngest thought
Speaker 1: that I can think of like baby thoughts. My mom
Speaker 1: was always very strict in that aspect. She always felt
Speaker 1: like and this and that, and she would really she
Speaker 1: used a couple of times, not mine. Um. She also
Speaker 1: used the wire hanger. I remember she also used the
Speaker 1: bell and see, oh my god, that bell. That bell
Speaker 1: hurts so much for like three or four days. You
Speaker 1: still have, you know, like lot the bruises and stuff.
Speaker 1: And then my mom's favorite thing was to pinch me.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, this is so terrible because now I'm
Speaker 1: an adult and she ain't gonna go to jail. But
Speaker 1: in these times, your ass is going to jail if
Speaker 1: you do that to your kids. But she used to
Speaker 1: love to pinch me. And then I would get like
Speaker 1: these green purple bruises everywhere because you know, I'm black
Speaker 1: or whatever. Oh my god, it was trash. But now
Speaker 1: there's something something she did do was after she would
Speaker 1: beat me, she would sit me down every time and
Speaker 1: she would be like, do you know why I beat
Speaker 1: your ass? And I'll be like no or yeah, She's
Speaker 1: like and think, so she didn't just hit me for
Speaker 1: hitting me. She hit me and she would explain in
Speaker 1: these are the consequences of your actions because I warned
Speaker 1: you several times, um, and now that I am gonna
Speaker 1: be a mother soon of two girls, because I always
Speaker 1: felt like, well, if I have boys, I'm gonna feel
Speaker 1: more comfortable to be like Thoma. And just because you're
Speaker 1: a boy and boys are supposed to be tough, and
Speaker 1: you know, there's a hard world for men, but for girls,
Speaker 1: I feel like, oh, you have to be more gentle.
Speaker 1: But my mom beat me so much and it worked,
Speaker 1: and it made me respect. There we have will it
Speaker 1: works for me because every every child is different and
Speaker 1: every parenting skill is different. Um. It made us very tight,
Speaker 1: it made us very together. However, they said, there's a
Speaker 1: lot of parents and there's a real big difference in
Speaker 1: between discipline, right and child abuse. Um and and I
Speaker 1: would like you to talk about it. How how far
Speaker 1: you think, like, what is the difference in between disciplining
Speaker 1: your kids and then when it goes all the way
Speaker 1: to like now that's just how the ABU says just
Speaker 1: too much. Yeah, so I want to speak to if
Speaker 1: that's okay. Something that you mentioned earlier when when your
Speaker 1: mom was sitting down with you and actually having those communications. Um,
Speaker 1: that's really beautiful. You know, it's really beautiful that at
Speaker 1: some point she got her nervous system regulated enough to
Speaker 1: be like, I'm gonna explain things to you, right, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna explain things to you. I'm going to communicate. And
Speaker 1: how powerful it would be if our parents had access
Speaker 1: to be able to do that right before, like right
Speaker 1: before they beat our asses, right because I got the
Speaker 1: wire hangars, I got the plastic, I got all the hangars.
Speaker 1: Wouldn't like I remember one day my mom like whacked
Speaker 1: me so hard for like hours, and she thought it
Speaker 1: was funny. Like it was like funny to her, you know,
Speaker 1: she was just like, oh my god, like it's still there.
Speaker 1: It was entertaining to her. So that sounds so that
Speaker 1: sounds so fucked up, and we're laughing now, like, oh
Speaker 1: it is imitating here. This is our point right with
Speaker 1: this conversation, is like we're laughing now, But like when
Speaker 1: you really sit with it, when you like really sit
Speaker 1: with not just like what the situation was, but like
Speaker 1: the feelings in the moment of getting hit in that way. Um,
Speaker 1: there's pain, right, there's pain and there's trauma. Would we
Speaker 1: want that? Right? What we want that for? Virtual? We
Speaker 1: want that same feeling for our children, or are there
Speaker 1: other ways to teach those same values, Because what our
Speaker 1: parents are trying to do, and which is the definition
Speaker 1: of discipline, is to teach right. We want our children
Speaker 1: to learn the values that we share. We want them
Speaker 1: to understand the right thing to do, the things that
Speaker 1: they shouldn't do. All of these things like the intention
Speaker 1: behind the reason why our parents hit us, the reason
Speaker 1: why we yell. Like I'm a yeller, right, Like my
Speaker 1: violence is not physical. My violence is verbal and loud. Right,
Speaker 1: it's like loud, So I yell at my kids, and
Speaker 1: I know that that might as well be a verbal chunk.
Speaker 1: Let that, So you know, like those are things that
Speaker 1: I think that one But because I have to give
Speaker 1: you props to first of all, it's already hard enough
Speaker 1: to be all in this world. And then on top
Speaker 1: of that, you have to be a mother, and that
Speaker 1: means you have to be nurturing. You have to give
Speaker 1: away a part of who you are to came to
Speaker 1: you know, your children. So when people can be judgmentallyga
Speaker 1: first of all, and that's the most important part, because
Speaker 1: opinion and give their opinion about somebody's parenting. When nobody
Speaker 1: asked you for your pain. That's one and two what
Speaker 1: do you expect? You know, women, women as mother are
Speaker 1: only but human. You know, you better be glad if
Speaker 1: your parents are just screaming at you, Lucky you, lucky you.
Speaker 1: It's hard not to tell my kids that, because you know,
Speaker 1: my mom was like, you're lucky. I'm only giving you
Speaker 1: the gun show You're lucky. I'm only giving you this,
Speaker 1: like my nozzle. You're lucky, you know, like the base
Speaker 1: you're those things were worse because things were worse, and
Speaker 1: they were worse for her, and I'm sure they were
Speaker 1: worse for my grandparents too. And so every generation you
Speaker 1: see us doing a little bit better because we have
Speaker 1: a little bit more privilege in being able to reflect.
Speaker 1: Are these generations behaving better? Are we are the disciplines better?
Speaker 1: Are the kids reacting better than before? I will tell
Speaker 1: you that if you look at the statistics from people
Speaker 1: that are in prison right now, right, especially black and
Speaker 1: brown boys that turned into men that created violent situations
Speaker 1: um and even women right, even women, over of them
Speaker 1: experienced corporal punishment, over of them experience some level of
Speaker 1: trauma or abuse in childhood. And Dr Stacy Patton talks
Speaker 1: about this when she writes her book. She wrote a
Speaker 1: book called Spared the Kids specifically about black parenting, right
Speaker 1: like I'm writing the one about Latino Latin experienting right now.
Speaker 1: But she talks about like how indigenous practices, like indigenous
Speaker 1: tribes in Africa, there's no record of corporal punishment. You know,
Speaker 1: these are things that we adapted historically from colonialism. We
Speaker 1: were oppressed, and we adapted oppression into our homes. And
Speaker 1: so if you are thinking about as something that was
Speaker 1: is our culture, which is like the argument, right, this
Speaker 1: is our culture, this is funny, this is then you're
Speaker 1: not understanding the history of where some of that oppression
Speaker 1: comes from, right, and the stress levels and our people
Speaker 1: experience that prevent them from breaking through into trying to
Speaker 1: do something different. Right. And so do we have people
Speaker 1: that have raised their kids differently? Yes? Are those kids
Speaker 1: good kids and turn into good adults? Absolutely? You know
Speaker 1: we don't have to raise it. And there's no judgment
Speaker 1: that I hold for parents. I do want to just say, like,
Speaker 1: there's no judgment because the message that I share a
Speaker 1: lot is like if you are if you were raised
Speaker 1: with fear and you haven't had the privilege should be
Speaker 1: able to like go to therapy, right, and you haven't
Speaker 1: had the privilege to be able to talk through some
Speaker 1: of these things. Then when you are out in the
Speaker 1: grocery store and your child starts having a massive tantrum,
Speaker 1: and say you're undocumented for example, which a lot of
Speaker 1: our community is in the U S at least, Um,
Speaker 1: your priority is going to be making sure that you
Speaker 1: are not calling attention to yourself. You know, your priority
Speaker 1: is going to be that your kid shut up in
Speaker 1: that moment, something worse can happen, right, And so we
Speaker 1: are raising our children still with a lot of fear,
Speaker 1: but that fear is warranted because there's things to be
Speaker 1: afeard of. That's crazy because well, in my case, um,
Speaker 1: not only I always say I have the best of
Speaker 1: both worlds because I am after Latina, and I am
Speaker 1: very proud of being Latina, and I'm also very proud
Speaker 1: of being black. And you know you don't when when
Speaker 1: you have a black child, you need to raise your
Speaker 1: child letting them know what the rules and regulations are
Speaker 1: in the world that we live in be cause of
Speaker 1: the color of our skin. The same thing happens for
Speaker 1: those that are immigrants that don't necessarily have paper their
Speaker 1: their documents or whatever the case may be, where you
Speaker 1: have to explain this is how you have to behave
Speaker 1: and these are the things that we have to go
Speaker 1: through because of our situation. So it's very difficult, and
Speaker 1: I understand it could be very frustrating. I personally, I
Speaker 1: said before now that I am about to have to
Speaker 1: discipline my children. Um, I almost feel like I shouldn't
Speaker 1: necessarily adopt the things that my mom did to me
Speaker 1: to them. But then I also feel like whatever she
Speaker 1: did to me worked out for me, so maybe I
Speaker 1: should just repeat the pattern and they'll come out good.
Speaker 1: Because I've seen a lot of parents that do the
Speaker 1: you know, sit down in the corner, and they're the
Speaker 1: ones that would be like, Mom, shut the funk up,
Speaker 1: you know, like that's what the excuse me? See, Look,
Speaker 1: I guess someone Nina, don't come over here trying to
Speaker 1: acute because I will beat your ass. So I think
Speaker 1: there's a power. But I me and this is so
Speaker 1: bad that we're having this conversation because I know that
Speaker 1: you're like, pro don't beat the ass, and I'm pro
Speaker 1: beat that ass. So I know there's a part of
Speaker 1: me that feels like uncle huh, because all all of
Speaker 1: our parents, when they've done it, they always feel like
Speaker 1: they're doing it for the best of us, to educate us,
Speaker 1: for for the best of us. But I know that
Speaker 1: deep down inside it hurts them to see you cry,
Speaker 1: to see you bruise, because a lot of times they
Speaker 1: can go a little bit over overboard. I remember one
Speaker 1: time my mom was really upset at me. She was
Speaker 1: driving and I was sitting in the back, and she
Speaker 1: did that thing where they drive and then they have
Speaker 1: one hand in the back, and she started beating me
Speaker 1: while she was driving. He sink at it. She popped
Speaker 1: me so hard in my face that she busted my
Speaker 1: nose and I started bleeding. And there was a part
Speaker 1: of her she was trying to be tough, but she
Speaker 1: felt guilty. She felt bad that her anger as an
Speaker 1: adult pushed her the way to you know, unintentionally, you know,
Speaker 1: doing that, um And I really want to know from
Speaker 1: your perspective, because see, and now I'm an adult, what
Speaker 1: are some of the traumas that you think that that
Speaker 1: these type of discipline or or for those what do
Speaker 1: you think are some of the traumas as an adult
Speaker 1: or as an adolescent that can happen based off the
Speaker 1: way that they're being disciplined. So there's things that happen
Speaker 1: in the body, right, So there's things that happen in
Speaker 1: the body because our body is an animal, like we are,
Speaker 1: and we're an amanus, right, and so when we are
Speaker 1: under threat, we are going to experience certain things in
Speaker 1: our body that exists in order to protect us. So
Speaker 1: when we get hit by our parents, by anybody else, right,
Speaker 1: So like if you got hit by a partner, if
Speaker 1: you got hit by a stranger on the street, the
Speaker 1: same thing would happen. Your cortisol level, which is your
Speaker 1: stress hormone. You're like primary stress harmonis cortisol, So that
Speaker 1: goes up. When your cortisol of wills go up, your
Speaker 1: brain starts shutting down because now your emphasis is on
Speaker 1: surviving that situation. Right, So when you are in survival.
Speaker 1: And it's interesting because disciplined to teach, right, you can't
Speaker 1: teach You can teach fear, You can definitely teach fear
Speaker 1: and like trauma response. But when you are thinking about kids,
Speaker 1: for example, that are getting beat at home, right, and
Speaker 1: then they go to school, and like I was one, right,
Speaker 1: like I was one where I would go to school sometimes,
Speaker 1: and like my trauma necessarily it was not necessarily like
Speaker 1: physical trauma on me, but it was a lot of
Speaker 1: violence between my parents when I turned like nine ten alive,
Speaker 1: and a lot of verbal violence, a lot of you know,
Speaker 1: physical violence. But I mean, so that's stressful for a child, right,
Speaker 1: That's really stressful for a child to experience, not just
Speaker 1: violence upon a child's body but me and violence that
Speaker 1: they're staying in the home. Right, that's stressful. That is
Speaker 1: potentially traumatizing, and that is definitely just regulating in the moment.
Speaker 1: So if you're experiencing something like that and then you
Speaker 1: have to go to school. Because a lot of my
Speaker 1: trauma from my mom was verbal, right, like later when
Speaker 1: I was older. You can't hit a child when they're twelve, thirteen, fourteen,
Speaker 1: fifteen years old anymore. You have to resort to other
Speaker 1: methods of instilling fear in them. And so my mom eventually,
Speaker 1: you know, she couldn't hit me anymore, but she could
Speaker 1: yell at me, she could shave me, she could call
Speaker 1: me all these names that she knew were going to
Speaker 1: hurt me in order for her to, you know, try
Speaker 1: to instill a level of respect that I don't want
Speaker 1: to respect her. I didn't like her that control. So
Speaker 1: it's power. It's power, you know. And so for me,
Speaker 1: when I think about myself as a little girl experiencing violence,
Speaker 1: either watching it, witnessing it, or experiencing it, my brain
Speaker 1: shutting down. I'm not going to do well in school.
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna sit and listen to my teachers. I'm
Speaker 1: gonna focus on building attachment with other people. And that's
Speaker 1: exactly what happened to me. I was like, I don't
Speaker 1: give a fun Like I'm sorry, I don't know. I
Speaker 1: was like, I don't care about school. I just need
Speaker 1: to feel like I belonged to something. I need to
Speaker 1: feel like I want, you know, I'm connected to somebody,
Speaker 1: to someone. So I started, you know, hooking up. I
Speaker 1: started using like a lot of weed, like early right,
Speaker 1: I started smoking cigarettes, like, I started doing all these
Speaker 1: things to like fill this whole that really was connect
Speaker 1: like directly connected with the lack of safety I was
Speaker 1: feeling at home. What do you feel that? UM was
Speaker 1: more hurtful because I know how I feel about it, UM,
Speaker 1: And and you know, I laughing and joke about it
Speaker 1: because I I feel like, well, no, I see me,
Speaker 1: and I guess a certain extent it worked for me.
Speaker 1: I don't know. Maybe when my kids do come to
Speaker 1: this world, I will see them and I won't want
Speaker 1: to hit them or beat them or whatever, or maybe
Speaker 1: I will want to like and be like the men.
Speaker 1: I said you will because I saw my first baby
Speaker 1: and I was like, oh, my precious little baby. I
Speaker 1: can't believe. How would anybody ever yell at you? How
Speaker 1: would anybody right? And I was just like, why didn't
Speaker 1: my momm you love me this way? And then they
Speaker 1: start growing, and then they start pushing those buttons, you know,
Speaker 1: and then all your ship comes to the surface and
Speaker 1: you're like, oh my god, I thought I was gonna
Speaker 1: be real chill, and I'm not real chill because I
Speaker 1: have more healing to do. Um and so that's what
Speaker 1: they do. But but but what do you think is
Speaker 1: more damaging the physical or the verbal? Because for me,
Speaker 1: I remember my mom, uh, you know, her parenting skills
Speaker 1: at the moment, you know, immigrant no papers, doesn't know
Speaker 1: the language, has a small baby, single mothers, working three jobs,
Speaker 1: she's stressed out. And then there comes me, So you know,
Speaker 1: I I can understand and that's sometimes that I feel
Speaker 1: that as adults now we need to sometimes put ourselves
Speaker 1: in our parents shoes because we're too attached in the
Speaker 1: way that we feel. But if we take two seconds
Speaker 1: to put ourselves in their shoes and try to understand
Speaker 1: all the things and the pressures of build's responsibilities everything
Speaker 1: you have a little kid, you're yelling your screen me,
Speaker 1: you're misbehaving, all everything that's on their plate. I'm a
Speaker 1: single child, but a lot of parents have three, four
Speaker 1: or five, six kids and they're dealing with all of this.
Speaker 1: Sometimes I don't want to completely put all the pressure
Speaker 1: and all the fault on parents, because I tried to understand.
Speaker 1: It was a lot, and physical punishments were bad, and
Speaker 1: at the moment, I remember wanting to run away and
Speaker 1: you know, closing the door in my room and like
Speaker 1: a fucking bitch, you know, in my room, not in
Speaker 1: her face, never um, all those things, I'm gonna pack up,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna pack my book bag, and I'm just gonna leave,
Speaker 1: and you're never gonna see me again, and that and
Speaker 1: all those things. But the verbal was more damaging because
Speaker 1: I can't get it out of my head. You know,
Speaker 1: the physical will heal. But the things that came out
Speaker 1: of your mouth when you were angry, when you were
Speaker 1: upset or whatever, I try to forgive and understand then now,
Speaker 1: But I agree, and I agree that they are equally right.
Speaker 1: My mom says, you know, like she describes in detail
Speaker 1: some of the physical abuse that she received, like I
Speaker 1: remember getting you know, seemed though all of that, but
Speaker 1: I don't even remember why, right, But like though that
Speaker 1: verbal violence, like and I will call it violence. I
Speaker 1: don't call it abuse because it's too subjective, but it's violence.
Speaker 1: You're inflicting violence, right, um. And so that I do remember,
Speaker 1: and you're right, like I do, I do, I do forgive.
Speaker 1: It sears you, you know, like it really sears you,
Speaker 1: like the Decona Marca and and some of those things
Speaker 1: that we were told are going to take a lot
Speaker 1: of time to undo, right, Like my mom's big thing
Speaker 1: for me was like we wona right, Like she would
Speaker 1: always tell me, wawona I know in different places means
Speaker 1: different things. For her, it meant flora like lazy, right.
Speaker 1: And so for me it's been a challenge to feel
Speaker 1: like if I'm resting that it's a cool right, Like
Speaker 1: I feel guilt just like laying there and like relaxing
Speaker 1: for a little bit. It is hard. And so those
Speaker 1: are the things, right because all my life I was
Speaker 1: called Flojae Wonna like that, Like, all those messages become
Speaker 1: literally recordings in your brain, and so that informs who
Speaker 1: you are, that informs your identity, that informs how you
Speaker 1: feel about yourself. Right, I wasn't actively undoing that and
Speaker 1: actively noticing and being like, oh, actually, that's not a
Speaker 1: message that comes from me. That's a message that was
Speaker 1: passed down because it was passed on to her, because
Speaker 1: it was passed on to them like that. It's like
Speaker 1: a generational trauma. They yeah, they goes on. But you
Speaker 1: know what, sometimes sometimes it even it even goes to
Speaker 1: the smallest things like eat. And it's hard to parent.
Speaker 1: I always say me that there's no guide book onto
Speaker 1: how to live your life. And there's no guide book single.
Speaker 1: Mainly you know books on how to raise your kids
Speaker 1: and how to parent. Every parent has their own book
Speaker 1: that they create through their own personal experiences about how
Speaker 1: to raise kids. But um he I'll give you a
Speaker 1: perfect example. When your kid comes home and they tell
Speaker 1: you that somebody bullied them or somebody did something. What's
Speaker 1: the first thing? You know, people of color or Latinos say,
Speaker 1: if they hit you, you hit them back. And if
Speaker 1: you don't hit them, I'm gonna beat your asked. It's
Speaker 1: an automatic of so you know, you don't even know
Speaker 1: how how to um. It's hard for you to stop.
Speaker 1: How do you stop this this generational um discipline format
Speaker 1: that they've taught us? Because we basically repeat what we know,
Speaker 1: We repeat what we've been taught, we repeat the way
Speaker 1: that we were raised. How do we stop this and
Speaker 1: change the format? That is the question? Right? And like
Speaker 1: that is literally what I feel like I'm spending I'm
Speaker 1: having to spend the rest of my life working on
Speaker 1: not just personally, but with everybody that comes into the
Speaker 1: Latin experiencing space, like these are people like we are
Speaker 1: people who really remember ourselves. I think that's like the
Speaker 1: initial pieces, like you have to remember that little girl
Speaker 1: that you have to remember that ninya, you know. And
Speaker 1: so what I what I really focus on in my
Speaker 1: work is like remembering the internet at right, and so
Speaker 1: you've heard of like in her child work. So I
Speaker 1: focus it specifically like for lt you know, families where
Speaker 1: we have this innernetia that is hurt, that is wounded,
Speaker 1: that like you know, yes, she came out really resilient.
Speaker 1: I'm a hard worker. I'm a really hard worker, Like
Speaker 1: I am a Shungna. I have built this business. Like
Speaker 1: there are things that like I know are because I
Speaker 1: was given the model of working really hard. And also
Speaker 1: I don't lend myself rest, right, and so there's extremes
Speaker 1: to things, right, So like that served me. But now
Speaker 1: there's this other piece where I'm just like I just
Speaker 1: want to chill for a little bit, right, and I
Speaker 1: don't feel like I can. So those are extremes, But
Speaker 1: I feel like I always come back to being like
Speaker 1: what is it that this nnya needs? Right, Like what
Speaker 1: is it that she is needing even just in this moment?
Speaker 1: And sometimes and this is like where my spirituality comes
Speaker 1: into right, because sometimes I'm like I don't know how
Speaker 1: to take care of her, like and I have to
Speaker 1: trust in something bigger, right, Like I have to trust
Speaker 1: in this like bigger vision of all of us, like
Speaker 1: not having to heal so damn much, not having to
Speaker 1: survive so damn much. Like we really do want to
Speaker 1: move into a place because we were we were trying
Speaker 1: to survive. Our parents were trying to survive. I'm almost undocumented.
Speaker 1: She was trying to stay like there was all these reasons,
Speaker 1: right that our parents are grandparents like they have been
Speaker 1: in survival because of where they come from. Right, there's
Speaker 1: like so many generations of trauma. So do you not?
Speaker 1: Do you not spank your kids at all? I really
Speaker 1: want to sometimes I really want to, Like I'm like,
Speaker 1: you know, I'm like I feel the fire in my hand,
Speaker 1: like I want to just like whack you so hard sometimes,
Speaker 1: but I committed, like I really did. There have been
Speaker 1: times where I just like I go like this like
Speaker 1: really quickly, and I'm like, oh that scares me. Hussey.
Speaker 1: I have three So I have a ten year old,
Speaker 1: I have a four year old, and I have a
Speaker 1: two year old. The little ones asked me. They really yes,
Speaker 1: especially with like less sleep, you know, sometimes I forget
Speaker 1: to eat like things like that, like you know you
Speaker 1: and I you you just you know, like I want to,
Speaker 1: let's have this again when your girls are four or five, six,
Speaker 1: like every year we'll be like check in parenting, check in,
Speaker 1: how's it going. Yeah, I am saying this right now,
Speaker 1: and I want to save this episode and you know,
Speaker 1: re re check it out later. I see myself doing
Speaker 1: that laser look where you know, you just gotta look
Speaker 1: at your kids and get the neck in the eyes
Speaker 1: and they know they know what time it is. I
Speaker 1: also see myself doing the boom real quick, because I
Speaker 1: remember wanting to do that to me and it worked. Um.
Speaker 1: I remember, I remember many things, many techniques that I
Speaker 1: see myself doing. However, I do see myself being more
Speaker 1: in control, Bama. But I do see myself being more
Speaker 1: in control. Um. Definitely being a screamer, a cursor. I'm
Speaker 1: gonna curse your ass out, um, but I'm I. I
Speaker 1: think that because I am more prepared than my mom
Speaker 1: at the moment, I will do my best to be
Speaker 1: more in control and only do those things. Only have
Speaker 1: I seen myself pushed to the limit if necessary, not
Speaker 1: in a way of abuse, but in a way of discipline. UM.
Speaker 1: I do believe that there's things that you can take away,
Speaker 1: you can do punishments. There's many things that do affect
Speaker 1: kids more and you can actually have a better result
Speaker 1: if you, you know, put them on time out or
Speaker 1: take something away from them or whatever without having to
Speaker 1: physically abuse them. I definitely definitely want to be careful
Speaker 1: with my words. I think words are very powerful, especially
Speaker 1: when they come from the mother or the father, or
Speaker 1: someone that the child looks up to. If your kid
Speaker 1: looks up to you, you know you as a parent,
Speaker 1: your grandmother or whatever, and you say you know, hurtful things,
Speaker 1: those things can be very traumatic and they and Cassie
Speaker 1: mentees never because so definitely, as parents, we gotta do
Speaker 1: better when it comes to the things that we say
Speaker 1: to our kids because you think that they do remember,
Speaker 1: they definitely do do Remember. Has there been anything that
Speaker 1: you've done so far when it comes to parenting that
Speaker 1: you regret? Yeah, I think I've made compared Like I've
Speaker 1: made comparisons right, Like I'm always like if you like
Speaker 1: owning your can Like my daughter hangs out with her
Speaker 1: best friend as a boy, and he loves to eat
Speaker 1: and he like he you know, and so for a
Speaker 1: while I was like, look, I was like, look at him, right, like,
Speaker 1: look at and look at what he's doing. And she
Speaker 1: was like, you're comparing me, like some you know, sometimes
Speaker 1: I wish she told me, like sometimes I think that
Speaker 1: you wish that he was me um and that he
Speaker 1: was your son, and that I wasn't your daughter, and
Speaker 1: I said something me and I was like, you're right,
Speaker 1: you know. I was like, but totally like in my
Speaker 1: survival brain thumb me in and I feel like, you
Speaker 1: know something I do really want to emphasise someone. I
Speaker 1: was like, you, you can think about the way that
Speaker 1: you want a parent, but if you don't understand like
Speaker 1: what's normal for a child at the ages, then it's
Speaker 1: gonna be so much harder to know, like where you
Speaker 1: stand as a parent in that situation. Right, And so
Speaker 1: some of the things that have been normal for my children,
Speaker 1: I have expected more from them at those ages, you know.
Speaker 1: And it's like expecting them to walk, like right when
Speaker 1: they come out of the womb. Like there are things
Speaker 1: that I'm still and at thirty five, right, like I'll
Speaker 1: be thirty five this year. There's things that I'm still
Speaker 1: learning that Like, I I'm so grateful nobody's punishing me
Speaker 1: for still learning some of these lessons, right. And something
Speaker 1: that somebody said, like to your point, where like the
Speaker 1: way that business is, it's like that depends, right, Like
Speaker 1: people are like is that okay to do? I'm just like,
Speaker 1: what what age? What do you you know? Like tell
Speaker 1: me what age they are, age ages and just so important. Yes,
Speaker 1: And so I just want to tell parents, like any
Speaker 1: parents that are listening, like learn a little bit about
Speaker 1: like the brain, right, Like learn a little bit about
Speaker 1: like what happens when your children are in survival state,
Speaker 1: Like is it a good time to like talk to
Speaker 1: them and give them a lesson when they're like screaming right, Like, no,
Speaker 1: the brain is not like calm enough. So there's things
Speaker 1: that I have done that like go against this right
Speaker 1: where I'm like trying to scream the lesson into my
Speaker 1: my older one, especially like she's the one that's really
Speaker 1: like starting especially now that she's going into like the
Speaker 1: tween years and eventually she's going to be a teenager.
Speaker 1: That's gonna be interesting because I remember myself as a
Speaker 1: teenager and and you know what, and you know what,
Speaker 1: the pandemic, let's not forget this part. The pandemic definitely
Speaker 1: um to me and my eyes affected a lot of
Speaker 1: the development for a lot of these children, and affected
Speaker 1: the way that a lot of parents discipline their kids
Speaker 1: because they found themselves being stuck in the house all day,
Speaker 1: every day together for weeks, for months, for hours, um
Speaker 1: until this day there's a lot of parents that because
Speaker 1: of the pandemic and the things that are happening in
Speaker 1: the world, they had tomato and now you're homeschooling now,
Speaker 1: you know, is not the same when you send your
Speaker 1: kids off to school for eight hours or whatever and
Speaker 1: then you have like that time away from them. Then
Speaker 1: now that that you're with them all the time, they
Speaker 1: get on your nerves and the smallest thing can make you,
Speaker 1: you know, flip the hell out as a parent. I
Speaker 1: think that we as parents we have to do better.
Speaker 1: I want to thank you so much, Leslie, you know
Speaker 1: for coming in for you know, giving these these great
Speaker 1: tips and information that really do need to be heard,
Speaker 1: because I always say, there's truly no guide book into
Speaker 1: how to parents. We all figure it out as we
Speaker 1: go along. But there is a lot of good suggestions
Speaker 1: and there's a lot of great information that you can
Speaker 1: check out and see and become the best parent that
Speaker 1: you can be. Is there any social media platform or
Speaker 1: anywhere we can check you out? Yes, I would love
Speaker 1: people to find us on Instagram at Latin ex parenting.
Speaker 1: I tweet sometimes also letin experience outlet ain experienting. Um. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think that if people just start following that page.
Speaker 1: They can. Oh and also subscribe. If you got to
Speaker 1: let an experiening dot org, you can subscribe and see
Speaker 1: everything that we have coming up. And yeah, parents also,
Speaker 1: we need to find our own techniques. Let's meditate, let's
Speaker 1: count a thousand if necessary. We need to find our
Speaker 1: own ways to become better people, become better parents for
Speaker 1: our kids. Um and it works for you and if not,
Speaker 1: then let's figure out other ways. I'm gonna let you
Speaker 1: know later on what was my favorite method. Once my
Speaker 1: girls grow up, I think I'm just gonna be a screamer.
Speaker 1: But that being said, thank you everyone for joining me,
Speaker 1: and remember to follow exactly a Mata and Michael podcast
Speaker 1: on Instagram and also check us out on Twitter. Um
Speaker 1: and if you want to see the episode, you can
Speaker 1: check it out on exactly a Mata on YouTube. Exactly
Speaker 1: a Mata on YouTube, you can check out the episode
Speaker 1: and check out and see my my guests and all
Speaker 1: that good stuff. Remember that this has been a production
Speaker 1: of I Heart Radio's Michael podcast Network, and for more
Speaker 1: podcasts from my heart, visit the iHeart Radio app, Apple podcast,
Speaker 1: or wherever you listen to your favorite podcast. This has
Speaker 1: been such an amazing episode. I don't even know how
Speaker 1: to feel because I like all those good things, and
Speaker 1: in terms of the part of me that's like I
Speaker 1: know me, that's childhood us. You can't do they have
Speaker 1: to talk to them, you know, my God, put them
Speaker 1: on time. It's hard. I would definitely want to know
Speaker 1: what is your way of disciplining your kids. Go let
Speaker 1: me know at exactly amount on Instagram and on Twitter.
Speaker 1: Let me know what are the methods that you use
Speaker 1: to discipline and raise your kids. I am super curious.
Speaker 1: With that being said, see you guys in the next
Speaker 1: episode of Exactly Am. I