WEBVTT - Case #32 Michelle 0:00:03.360 --> 0:00:07.040 Rube. 0:00:07.680 --> 0:00:10.799 I'm not okay. I don't know what's going on. I've 0:00:10.840 --> 0:00:13.280 never had this happen before, and I don't know where 0:00:13.320 --> 0:00:14.120 to go and what to do. 0:00:14.800 --> 0:00:17.599 I said, Michelle's having a serious problem. You have to 0:00:17.600 --> 0:00:19.119 get over there. You need to go now. 0:00:20.600 --> 0:00:21.799 This is an invisible illness. 0:00:21.840 --> 0:00:24.800 And that's what I think makes it so difficult, because 0:00:25.120 --> 0:00:26.960 they come in and they have all these complaints, but 0:00:27.000 --> 0:00:28.240 they look fine. 0:00:28.400 --> 0:00:30.520 I was standing in the mirror and I just remember 0:00:30.600 --> 0:00:33.519 looking at myself and I said out loud, there's no 0:00:33.560 --> 0:00:34.599 way you're going to make it through this. 0:00:35.560 --> 0:00:39.320 How terrifying would it be to fight an unknown enemy, 0:00:39.680 --> 0:00:43.360 one you didn't recognize and didn't see coming. What if 0:00:43.400 --> 0:00:46.560 that enemy was coming from within a disease that even 0:00:46.680 --> 0:00:50.879 doctors couldn't identify. Nearly half of Americans suffer from some 0:00:51.080 --> 0:00:54.960 chronic illness, and many struggle for an accurate diagnosis. 0:00:55.320 --> 0:00:56.960 These are their stories. 0:00:57.520 --> 0:01:00.760 I'm Lauren Bray Pacheco and this is symptomatic. 0:01:09.720 --> 0:01:12.600 I am Michelle Shapiro, and I'm an integrative and functional 0:01:12.680 --> 0:01:13.720 registered dietitian. 0:01:15.520 --> 0:01:18.440 Michelle is the kind of person who never meets a stranger. 0:01:18.840 --> 0:01:23.880 She speaks with enthusiasm, confidence, and is undeniably a New Yorker. 0:01:24.600 --> 0:01:27.720 So you grew up at Queen's. Tell me a little 0:01:27.720 --> 0:01:30.640 bit about your childhood and life growing up. 0:01:31.080 --> 0:01:34.080 I grew up in one of the most diverse neighborhoods 0:01:34.080 --> 0:01:36.200 in the entire world. I think my high school was 0:01:36.240 --> 0:01:38.039 the most diverse high school in the entire world at 0:01:38.040 --> 0:01:40.840 one point. And because of that, I had such a 0:01:41.080 --> 0:01:45.679 rich experience in life in just about every way. Socially, 0:01:46.200 --> 0:01:49.120 I had a really beautiful life. But I had, in 0:01:49.120 --> 0:01:52.360 my opinion, like this very ideal childhood where all of 0:01:52.400 --> 0:01:55.560 my best friends were the children of my parents' best 0:01:55.560 --> 0:01:58.360 friends and my sister's best friends. I really grew up 0:01:58.360 --> 0:02:03.280 in community that was deeply inclusive and also just rich 0:02:03.520 --> 0:02:05.200 in diversity in every way possible. 0:02:06.080 --> 0:02:09.160 You mentioned your sister, Jennifer, and I know you too 0:02:09.720 --> 0:02:13.600 are incredibly close. Tell me a little bit about your 0:02:13.600 --> 0:02:17.240 relationship and why, in addition to being sisters, you're also 0:02:17.360 --> 0:02:17.960 best friends. 0:02:18.680 --> 0:02:20.880 I can't even think about her without crying. She is 0:02:21.200 --> 0:02:27.000 the tougher, grittier, cooler version of me, and she is 0:02:27.000 --> 0:02:28.880 my true blue soulmate, my sister. 0:02:29.880 --> 0:02:34.160 I am Jennifer Shapiro, and I am Michelle's big sister. 0:02:35.200 --> 0:02:38.160 Jennifer is almost three years older than Michelle, but the 0:02:38.200 --> 0:02:42.119 pair have always been inseparable. Tell me a little bit 0:02:42.240 --> 0:02:45.640 about your camaraderie from the get go. What were you 0:02:45.680 --> 0:02:46.720 two like growing up? 0:02:47.520 --> 0:02:50.079 I think that a lot of people think, because we're 0:02:50.120 --> 0:02:54.320 two girls and we are so close in age, that 0:02:54.360 --> 0:02:57.600 there would be a lot of like competition between us. 0:02:57.639 --> 0:03:01.160 But we never really in our entire life that we 0:03:01.360 --> 0:03:05.560 never really had a lot of the disagreements that other 0:03:05.919 --> 0:03:10.440 sisters frequently had, to the point where we grew up 0:03:10.480 --> 0:03:14.120 in a house that had extra bedrooms and we shared 0:03:14.120 --> 0:03:16.120 a room until I left for college, just because we 0:03:16.200 --> 0:03:16.560 wanted to. 0:03:17.040 --> 0:03:20.560 I love that for somebody who hasn't had the pleasure 0:03:20.600 --> 0:03:25.600 of meeting your little sister, how would you describe Michelle magic? 0:03:26.680 --> 0:03:33.320 It's all the Michelle magic. Everybody wants a piece of Michelle. 0:03:33.360 --> 0:03:40.760 Everyone wants to have her attention and feel her kindness 0:03:40.800 --> 0:03:45.200 and her empathy all the time. Like we can be 0:03:45.320 --> 0:03:48.120 in a public place and all of a sudden, the 0:03:48.160 --> 0:03:51.440 waitress will just be telling her about something that happened 0:03:51.440 --> 0:03:53.800 when she was three. Everyone wants to bear their soul 0:03:53.840 --> 0:03:55.440 to Michelle. 0:03:55.480 --> 0:03:59.400 This natural gift, a warmth that invites has always been 0:03:59.440 --> 0:04:03.240 Michelle's for power and strength. Growing up, Michelle never had 0:04:03.240 --> 0:04:07.440 any trouble forming friendships based on authentic connection. It hadn't 0:04:07.480 --> 0:04:10.880 even occurred to her that surface level judgments may stand 0:04:10.880 --> 0:04:12.560 in the way of her being accepted. 0:04:13.360 --> 0:04:15.880 One thing that was kind of different about me growing 0:04:15.960 --> 0:04:18.000 up was that I always occupied a larger body. 0:04:18.560 --> 0:04:21.760 Michelle and I frankly were both overweight a lot of 0:04:21.800 --> 0:04:26.279 our childhood and adolescens, Michelle particularly, but I definitely was 0:04:26.520 --> 0:04:27.839 the largest out of my friends. 0:04:28.240 --> 0:04:30.839 It really wasn't much of a problem in Queen's versus 0:04:30.839 --> 0:04:33.599 other places. I think people are judged on a different curve. 0:04:34.200 --> 0:04:36.599 I think genetics played a role. And then also we 0:04:36.640 --> 0:04:39.520 came from a household where love our mother more than anything, 0:04:39.520 --> 0:04:41.880 but she didn't cook, and just in that I had 0:04:41.960 --> 0:04:45.640 leaned on highly processed foods, we had, you know, trauma 0:04:45.680 --> 0:04:47.800 like everyone else did growing up. That led to ME 0:04:47.960 --> 0:04:49.440 using food as an emotional tool. 0:04:50.400 --> 0:04:52.000 When it was time for Michelle to go a way 0:04:52.040 --> 0:04:54.480 to college, she began to fear that she would be 0:04:54.560 --> 0:04:58.200 quickly evaluated by her peers based merely on what they 0:04:58.240 --> 0:04:59.200 saw that. 0:04:59.240 --> 0:05:02.960 Was going to the universe. Dave Delaware and I realized, hmm, 0:05:03.279 --> 0:05:05.360 They're not going to instantly know me for who I am. 0:05:05.440 --> 0:05:08.160 This is a much more homogeneous place where people are 0:05:08.200 --> 0:05:11.279 going to really judge you based on first appearances. And 0:05:11.320 --> 0:05:14.279 I realized going into college, I need to lose weight, 0:05:14.320 --> 0:05:16.520 and I need to lose weight quick if I'm going 0:05:16.560 --> 0:05:18.880 to be able to do the things I want to 0:05:18.880 --> 0:05:20.560 do and socialize in the ways I want to do. 0:05:21.320 --> 0:05:23.200 I lost close to one hundred pounds in the year 0:05:23.600 --> 0:05:27.240 leading into college. How did you do that? Just really 0:05:27.279 --> 0:05:30.640 severe calory restriction. And I also went on a radical 0:05:30.720 --> 0:05:34.400 vegan diet. I think my vegan diet was also a 0:05:36.160 --> 0:05:38.919 little bit of disordered eating in disguise. I would say. 0:05:39.320 --> 0:05:43.480 I think that it was hard because she knew deep 0:05:43.560 --> 0:05:45.920 down that what she was doing to her body by 0:05:46.000 --> 0:05:49.520 not eating was not healthy, but she was getting so 0:05:49.720 --> 0:05:53.960 much like external praise because she was someone that had 0:05:54.040 --> 0:05:58.239 always been, you know, like the big girl in the group. 0:05:58.360 --> 0:06:00.000 I think it was hard for her to like wreck 0:06:00.080 --> 0:06:00.800 and sile. 0:06:01.520 --> 0:06:04.520 Those she was gaining the kind of social capital that 0:06:04.760 --> 0:06:07.920 often comes with weight loss in our society. Michelle went 0:06:07.960 --> 0:06:10.719 off to college and started to experience health issues. 0:06:11.720 --> 0:06:14.520 I thought, again, like anyone else, that when you lose 0:06:14.560 --> 0:06:17.599 weight all of your health problems go away and everything's perfect, 0:06:17.680 --> 0:06:22.440 And I had the exact opposite experience what happened. I 0:06:22.480 --> 0:06:25.880 would describe my time in college as being incredibly sick. 0:06:26.960 --> 0:06:31.240 I went from being this hypersocial person with a massive 0:06:31.240 --> 0:06:35.880 social network and support system to someone who had debilitating 0:06:35.920 --> 0:06:39.000 panic attacks and could barely leave my dorm room. I 0:06:39.120 --> 0:06:41.560 was very dizzy a lot of college too, and I 0:06:41.560 --> 0:06:44.560 had acid reflux and severe gut issues. 0:06:45.200 --> 0:06:48.360 Psychologically, that must have been grueling. 0:06:48.880 --> 0:06:52.680 Yeah, I really disliked panic attacks of all symptoms, and 0:06:52.760 --> 0:06:55.880 anyone who's experienced chronic panic attacks will tell you I'll 0:06:55.880 --> 0:06:58.120 take most things over a chronic panic attack. 0:06:58.520 --> 0:07:01.720 Can you explain that to somebody who hasn't had a 0:07:01.760 --> 0:07:02.440 panic attack? 0:07:04.640 --> 0:07:06.360 It feels like you're going to die, I guess is 0:07:06.400 --> 0:07:08.920 the most specific way I can explain it. And it 0:07:08.920 --> 0:07:11.520 feels like every single cell in your body is instructing 0:07:11.520 --> 0:07:14.480 your brain that you're going to die and there's absolutely 0:07:14.520 --> 0:07:16.200 no way out of it. That's what it feels like 0:07:16.280 --> 0:07:18.800 in the moment, is that there is. It's like you 0:07:18.840 --> 0:07:21.840 wouldn't be able to run, you wouldn't be able to 0:07:22.040 --> 0:07:26.000 use any of those emergency mechanisms because your entire body 0:07:26.120 --> 0:07:28.080 is just trying to tell you that you're going to die. 0:07:28.320 --> 0:07:31.920 It feels like the most extreme version of any symptom, 0:07:32.320 --> 0:07:37.840 your heart pounding, sweating, terror, terror at the highest level. 0:07:37.960 --> 0:07:39.840 As a person who's always felt like I can get 0:07:39.880 --> 0:07:42.600 through anything, this was one of the first times in 0:07:42.640 --> 0:07:45.560 my life where I was like, I don't know if 0:07:45.560 --> 0:07:46.680 I'm going to make it through this. 0:07:48.760 --> 0:07:52.040 Did you seek medical treatment at the time, and what 0:07:52.120 --> 0:07:54.600 were you told by doctors? 0:07:54.920 --> 0:07:58.520 I absolutely sawt medical treatment for the panic attacks. I 0:07:58.560 --> 0:08:01.800 went to any doctor, the health center and a doctor 0:08:01.840 --> 0:08:06.080 I could off campus, and their answers were, you have anxiety, 0:08:06.120 --> 0:08:08.680 you have a permanent panic disorder, you can take medication 0:08:08.720 --> 0:08:09.200 for life. 0:08:09.760 --> 0:08:13.000 I was away at college, but I remember there was 0:08:13.120 --> 0:08:18.680 like things with her needing to constantly go on like 0:08:18.760 --> 0:08:21.760 drives with my dad to calm herself down, knowing exactly 0:08:21.800 --> 0:08:23.480 how long it would take her to get home, like 0:08:23.520 --> 0:08:26.400 she always wanted to be sure that if she did 0:08:26.440 --> 0:08:28.320 have like a panic attack, that she would be able 0:08:28.360 --> 0:08:30.040 to like get home and get back to like a 0:08:30.040 --> 0:08:32.680 safe place and regulate her nervous system. 0:08:33.320 --> 0:08:37.200 Though she was experiencing debilitating anxiety, Michelle made it through 0:08:37.240 --> 0:08:40.880 school and inspired by her own weight loss journey, decided 0:08:40.920 --> 0:08:43.600 to pursue a career as a dietitian. 0:08:43.600 --> 0:08:44.920 And to be honest with you, Lauren, and I went 0:08:44.960 --> 0:08:47.200 in to school to be a dietitian, to learn like 0:08:47.240 --> 0:08:49.240 the secrets of weight loss, even though I had already 0:08:49.240 --> 0:08:52.079 lost the weight. A lot of dietitians actually suffer from 0:08:52.080 --> 0:08:57.080 disordered eating and eating disorders disproportionately to other practitioners. In 0:08:57.120 --> 0:08:59.880 the beginning, that was the transparent goal. It wasn't until 0:08:59.880 --> 0:09:02.559 I graduated that I really understood what my mission and 0:09:02.600 --> 0:09:03.400 my purpose was. 0:09:04.559 --> 0:09:08.199 After graduating, Michelle gets a job working in nursing homes. 0:09:08.640 --> 0:09:11.880 The drive to work is a long commute, and suddenly 0:09:11.920 --> 0:09:14.839 she begins to notice new terrifying symptoms. 0:09:15.720 --> 0:09:17.920 I remember walking through the hallways and holding on to 0:09:18.000 --> 0:09:21.560 the walls because the dizziness was so extreme for me. 0:09:21.720 --> 0:09:26.600 It's unsteadiness, but also a lot of visual disturbance. It's 0:09:26.640 --> 0:09:29.680 just like a whoa, whoa who kind of feeling. 0:09:30.520 --> 0:09:33.480 Here's her sister, Jennifer's recollection of that time. 0:09:33.960 --> 0:09:36.199 She was driving to the Bronx from the border of 0:09:36.240 --> 0:09:38.760 Queens and Long Island, so you know, it was forty 0:09:38.760 --> 0:09:40.520 five minutes to an hour and I would remember she 0:09:40.559 --> 0:09:43.640 would come out of the car and look like totally 0:09:44.160 --> 0:09:48.960 depleted as a person, like dizzy, tired, like stumbling, and 0:09:49.000 --> 0:09:51.120 she kept saying like, I'm having so much trouble driving, 0:09:51.120 --> 0:09:53.640 I'm getting so tired. And at first it was like 0:09:53.679 --> 0:09:55.840 confusing as we were like why, like you've driven back 0:09:55.880 --> 0:09:58.599 and forth to Delaware, Like it just started kind of 0:09:58.679 --> 0:10:02.840 slowly happening, and then she kept having like very severe 0:10:02.920 --> 0:10:06.840 dizziness bells. I remember there was like a time that 0:10:06.880 --> 0:10:08.880 there was a candle holder on the wall at my 0:10:08.920 --> 0:10:11.040 mom's house and she just like walked right into it, 0:10:11.080 --> 0:10:13.040 and I was like, what are you doing? Because she 0:10:13.040 --> 0:10:15.640 couldn't even like see straight really like she was so 0:10:15.760 --> 0:10:17.920 dizzy and out of it, and she really hit her 0:10:17.960 --> 0:10:18.480 head hard. 0:10:19.000 --> 0:10:21.880 During those times when I was dizzy, I would also 0:10:21.920 --> 0:10:25.640 get this like singy feeling. There's a tremor that kind 0:10:25.679 --> 0:10:28.280 of happens. It feels like ants crawling onto your skin 0:10:28.760 --> 0:10:31.080 a bit, and you have to understand, I'm at work, 0:10:31.320 --> 0:10:34.079 I'm dizzy, I have no idea where it's coming from, 0:10:34.400 --> 0:10:36.360 and I have no tools to fix it. 0:10:39.840 --> 0:10:42.559 After a few years at the nursing home job, Michelle 0:10:42.559 --> 0:10:44.920 takes a job as an in house dietician for a 0:10:44.920 --> 0:10:47.959 company in Manhattan with dreams of opening up her own 0:10:48.000 --> 0:10:52.120 private practice. Michelle is working overtime to meet with clients 0:10:52.320 --> 0:10:56.199 after hours, and the dizziness, now coupled with brain fog 0:10:56.240 --> 0:10:58.320 and fatigue, will not stop. 0:10:59.200 --> 0:11:01.720 I worked from seven to three, and I saw private 0:11:01.760 --> 0:11:04.800 practice clients from four to ten every day, so I 0:11:04.800 --> 0:11:08.000 was working from seven am to ten pm. I had 0:11:08.040 --> 0:11:10.720 started to dip my toe into the functional medicine world 0:11:10.760 --> 0:11:13.000 a little bit, and I was like, Oh, this must 0:11:13.000 --> 0:11:16.560 be a dreamal fatigue, This must be HPA access dysregulation, 0:11:16.760 --> 0:11:19.920 this must be burnout. So I was trying to fix, 0:11:20.000 --> 0:11:23.520 like put those root cause pieces together. You can chalk 0:11:23.559 --> 0:11:26.480 anything up to burnout, right, So I was like, Okay, listen, 0:11:26.720 --> 0:11:28.600 you're working like one hundred hours a week, so this 0:11:28.720 --> 0:11:32.760 is why this is what's happening. But I tolerated feeling 0:11:32.880 --> 0:11:38.360 awful so fascinating because your symptoms just took a backseat 0:11:38.480 --> 0:11:39.640 to your career. 0:11:40.440 --> 0:11:45.679 And so while your symptoms are escalating, so are your 0:11:45.720 --> 0:11:47.800 responsibilities and your workload. 0:11:48.200 --> 0:11:49.319 There had to have been like a. 0:11:49.280 --> 0:11:56.520 Crash in twenty eighteen and twenty nineteen. Michelle's symptoms continue 0:11:56.559 --> 0:11:59.520 to escalate. She begins to experience headaches that will not 0:11:59.600 --> 0:12:04.640 go away, gas, trou intestinal issues, and persistent insomnia. After 0:12:04.720 --> 0:12:07.920 discovering she's been exposed to toxic mold in her apartment, 0:12:08.160 --> 0:12:13.120 she begins mold detoxes through functional medicine doctors. But somehow 0:12:13.160 --> 0:12:15.400 this treatment that was meant to help her feel better 0:12:15.720 --> 0:12:19.840 seems to be making her symptoms exponentially worse. And then 0:12:19.880 --> 0:12:22.600 in twenty twenty one, Michelle gets COVID. 0:12:23.440 --> 0:12:25.560 That was a whole different ballgame again. I mean, I 0:12:25.640 --> 0:12:29.160 was unbelievably sick. There was new pain symptoms in all 0:12:29.200 --> 0:12:31.920 of my joints. I feel like my joints are moving 0:12:31.960 --> 0:12:33.800 in a way that they're not supposed to. There was 0:12:33.800 --> 0:12:36.200 something with my neck, There was something with my back. 0:12:36.240 --> 0:12:38.040 I would throw my back out all the time, even 0:12:38.040 --> 0:12:40.720 though I was like an active person. My knees would 0:12:40.720 --> 0:12:44.240 constantly be hurting. And there's a distinct feeling of dizziness 0:12:44.360 --> 0:12:47.479 what I would call instability that I started to recognize 0:12:47.520 --> 0:12:50.760 as being related to my neck. So I'd prop up 0:12:50.760 --> 0:12:53.560 like ten pillows behind me, propped up on pillow mountain 0:12:54.000 --> 0:12:55.960 in bed with an f brace on because I couldn't 0:12:56.000 --> 0:12:57.000 lie fully back. 0:12:57.240 --> 0:13:02.520 An ever growing list of symptoms seemingly disconnected, and unfortunately 0:13:02.960 --> 0:13:05.920 it was all about to get much, much worse. 0:13:07.040 --> 0:13:12.480 The crash, the real big crash, came in twenty twenty two. 0:13:13.640 --> 0:13:17.200 I did end up moving from Manhattan to New Jersey. 0:13:17.320 --> 0:13:20.280 I'm about five minutes outside of Manhattan, but still counts 0:13:20.320 --> 0:13:23.120 because I needed to have a car again. Once I 0:13:23.120 --> 0:13:27.040 started driving again, those old school dizzyness symptoms started coming 0:13:27.120 --> 0:13:29.880 up again. So I ended up going to a chiropractor 0:13:30.559 --> 0:13:32.800 who was about a block away from my apartment. They 0:13:32.800 --> 0:13:35.640 were feeling my neck and they said, you know, in 0:13:35.679 --> 0:13:38.400 my twenty years of experience, you have the tightest neck 0:13:38.440 --> 0:13:40.880 I've ever felt. They were digging into my neck to 0:13:40.920 --> 0:13:44.680 try to loosen everything. I got down the stairs after 0:13:44.679 --> 0:13:48.040 the chiropractor's appointment, and I noticed my heart was pounding 0:13:48.080 --> 0:13:54.360 like through my ears, and I remember the thoughts pounding 0:13:54.400 --> 0:13:56.880 inside of my head going, you can't walk. If you 0:13:56.920 --> 0:13:59.400 walk one more step, you're gonna die. If you've moved back, 0:13:59.440 --> 0:14:01.480 you're gonna die. I get down, Get down, Get down, 0:14:01.480 --> 0:14:03.480 get down, like almost like I was inn a war movie. 0:14:03.520 --> 0:14:06.199 So I got down on all fours outside of the 0:14:06.400 --> 0:14:08.079 chiropractor and I told my sister. 0:14:08.360 --> 0:14:12.960 She was like, I can't walk, I can't move. Every 0:14:12.960 --> 0:14:15.360 time she would stand up, her blood pressure was dropping 0:14:15.360 --> 0:14:16.680 lower and lower and lower. 0:14:17.080 --> 0:14:19.840 I'm not okay. I have to tell you right now. 0:14:20.240 --> 0:14:23.400 I'm seriously not okay. My body is not okay. I 0:14:23.520 --> 0:14:25.520 just left disappointment. I don't know what's going on. 0:14:26.320 --> 0:14:28.000 I'm scared. I can't be alone. 0:14:28.480 --> 0:14:30.960 I've never had this happen before, and I don't know 0:14:30.960 --> 0:14:32.000 where to go and what to do. 0:14:33.640 --> 0:14:37.440 We'll be right back with Symptomatic, a Medical Mystery Podcast. 0:14:40.480 --> 0:14:47.119 Now back to Symptomatic, a medical mystery podcast. Michelle Shapiro 0:14:47.200 --> 0:14:51.600 has spent years dealing with seemingly unprompted bouts of dizziness, 0:14:51.960 --> 0:14:55.360 extreme anxiety to the point of panic attacks, gas, true 0:14:55.400 --> 0:15:00.760 intestinal issues, insomnia, headaches, and joint pain. An appointment with 0:15:00.760 --> 0:15:05.440 a chiropractor, Michelle is left unable to walk, literally crawling 0:15:05.480 --> 0:15:10.000 to the closest urgent care five city blocks away. 0:15:10.280 --> 0:15:13.520 My heart was pounding like through my ears, but I 0:15:13.600 --> 0:15:17.000 got down on all fours outside of the chiropractorics. I 0:15:17.000 --> 0:15:19.120 was trying to get breath in. I was laying on 0:15:19.160 --> 0:15:22.240 the floor, so I called my sister and I said, 0:15:22.360 --> 0:15:24.080 I have to make it to the yar because I 0:15:24.080 --> 0:15:26.680 couldn't even make it back upstairs. And I said, and 0:15:26.760 --> 0:15:28.320 I'm just gonna call on the cement to go to 0:15:28.320 --> 0:15:30.800 the first med, which was like five blocks away. 0:15:31.840 --> 0:15:33.120 I was like, you have to do what you have 0:15:33.160 --> 0:15:34.680 to do. I will stay on the phone with you. 0:15:34.920 --> 0:15:38.640 We'll have our dad come to get you after this. 0:15:38.760 --> 0:15:40.800 But you are going to have to drop down and 0:15:40.840 --> 0:15:42.680 we're going to take it breath by breath, and you 0:15:42.720 --> 0:15:43.440 are going to get there. 0:15:43.840 --> 0:15:45.920 And I would stop every like five steps, and I 0:15:45.960 --> 0:15:47.200 was like, I can't do this. I can't do this. 0:15:47.280 --> 0:15:49.280 And she's like, you have a few more steps. You 0:15:49.280 --> 0:15:49.880 have a few more steps. 0:15:49.920 --> 0:15:53.000 Are you frantically kind of texting your father as you're 0:15:53.080 --> 0:15:53.840 coaching her? 0:15:54.120 --> 0:15:56.000 I think I called him and I was just like, Daddy, 0:15:56.000 --> 0:15:58.240 you have to go to Michelle right now. Michelle's having 0:15:58.240 --> 0:16:00.240 a serious problem. You have to get over there. She's 0:16:00.240 --> 0:16:01.720 going to be at the first med. I'll text you 0:16:01.800 --> 0:16:03.920 the address, but you need to go now. 0:16:04.400 --> 0:16:07.760 When you're in that state, you don't know if walking 0:16:07.880 --> 0:16:09.840 or stopping or sitting is going to make it better, 0:16:09.840 --> 0:16:12.760 because when you're sitting, you also feel the heart pounding 0:16:12.760 --> 0:16:15.080 and dizziness so much, and you're so aware of the symptoms, 0:16:15.160 --> 0:16:18.160 so you just feel like, I literally do not know 0:16:18.200 --> 0:16:22.160 which way to go. It's psychologically and the physical terror experience. 0:16:22.560 --> 0:16:24.440 You must have been terrified. 0:16:25.160 --> 0:16:27.080 I have to tell you, Lauren, that was not a 0:16:27.080 --> 0:16:31.360 good day for me. Yes, I was completely completely terrified, 0:16:31.480 --> 0:16:34.080 and so I made it to the city MD on. 0:16:34.400 --> 0:16:36.720 I walked in on the floor and I pulled myself 0:16:36.800 --> 0:16:38.720 up and I said, I'm having some sort of a 0:16:38.720 --> 0:16:42.520 heart episode. They did every positional change they could to 0:16:42.560 --> 0:16:46.080 try to lower my heart rate. Eventually they said, this 0:16:46.160 --> 0:16:49.600 looks like some high heart rate, high blood pressure episode, 0:16:49.640 --> 0:16:51.760 but if your baseline is not bad, I would get 0:16:52.160 --> 0:16:54.800 evaluated for your heart Essentially, I'm going to write you 0:16:54.840 --> 0:16:58.280 a per panel all prescription. I would recommend you take it. 0:16:58.640 --> 0:17:01.040 So they had me take it for my blood pressure 0:17:01.080 --> 0:17:03.800 and my heart rate to come down and then set 0:17:03.840 --> 0:17:07.280 me home. Essentially, they were as helpful as they could be, 0:17:07.320 --> 0:17:09.760 but they were like, we don't really know. Maybe you 0:17:09.760 --> 0:17:13.200 should investigate pods pots being pushural or the thestatic techy 0:17:13.240 --> 0:17:16.719 cardia syndrome. Where do you go from there? 0:17:16.920 --> 0:17:20.320 I mean, having had an episode where you have to 0:17:20.359 --> 0:17:22.480 crawl five city blocks. 0:17:23.000 --> 0:17:26.600 Yeah, it was. It's I have to laugh, but it 0:17:26.680 --> 0:17:28.680 was really quite bad, Lauren. It was really quite bad. 0:17:29.960 --> 0:17:34.040 After leaving Urgent Care on that terrifying day, Michelle's symptoms 0:17:34.240 --> 0:17:38.320 only get worse, as if a switch flicked on that 0:17:38.359 --> 0:17:39.560 cannot be turned off. 0:17:40.240 --> 0:17:44.760 I would have violent tremors and insomnia all night. If 0:17:44.800 --> 0:17:46.240 I had to go to the bathroom, I had to 0:17:46.280 --> 0:17:48.560 literally lift myself up with my arms onto my computer 0:17:48.640 --> 0:17:51.679 chair and wheel myself put myself on the floor crawl 0:17:52.240 --> 0:17:54.960 because if I put my feet on the ground, my 0:17:55.040 --> 0:17:58.880 heart rate fluctuations were so severe that I would then 0:17:58.920 --> 0:18:01.200 be an episode for days. So I was like, it's 0:18:01.240 --> 0:18:04.040 just not worth it. While I was figuring that out, 0:18:04.119 --> 0:18:07.760 I also had that adrenaline response, that insomnia response, that 0:18:07.840 --> 0:18:12.280 diarrhea response. I never really felt hopelessness until that moment. 0:18:14.280 --> 0:18:16.520 She was like strapping on a neck brace and seeing 0:18:16.560 --> 0:18:20.199 forty clients a week. In some ways, her life was 0:18:20.320 --> 0:18:23.720 so severely impacted, but in others she's such a strong 0:18:23.800 --> 0:18:26.800 and like resilient person that she was just fighting her 0:18:26.800 --> 0:18:29.600 way through. Like I remember once I took her for 0:18:29.720 --> 0:18:33.080 a colonoscopy. You know, they didn't really find much, and 0:18:34.359 --> 0:18:36.639 I remember her talking to the GI doctor after and 0:18:36.760 --> 0:18:39.280 being like, I'm telling you there is something wrong, and 0:18:39.320 --> 0:18:41.560 it's like, do you think your son or anybody else 0:18:41.600 --> 0:18:44.520 would want to feel so dizzy that they are crawling 0:18:44.720 --> 0:18:46.800 in the street. You wouldn't wish it on your worst enemy. 0:18:46.800 --> 0:18:50.560 So it's so disheartening when people didn't believe Michelle or 0:18:50.800 --> 0:18:52.119 understand the severity of it. 0:18:53.200 --> 0:18:57.720 Throughout this time, Michelle has gotten engaged, beautiful milestones in 0:18:57.760 --> 0:19:02.719 her life taking place alongside he's incredibly debilitating set of symptoms. 0:19:03.160 --> 0:19:05.720 In the spring of twenty twenty two, Michelle has a 0:19:05.720 --> 0:19:09.080 bachelorette party and it does not go to plan. 0:19:10.400 --> 0:19:13.560 The night before the bachelorette party, my best friend came 0:19:13.560 --> 0:19:16.320 from out of town. We were doing karaoke. I remember 0:19:16.400 --> 0:19:19.000 doing one or two songs and I couldn't stand anymore. 0:19:19.119 --> 0:19:21.359 So basically everyone else I was like, just enjoy yourself. 0:19:21.359 --> 0:19:23.080 I found a couch in the airbnb and I was 0:19:23.119 --> 0:19:25.240 just laying on it and people would come sit on 0:19:25.240 --> 0:19:27.840 the floor and talk to me while I'm laying and 0:19:27.880 --> 0:19:32.280 they started to see how serious the situation was. I 0:19:32.359 --> 0:19:34.560 literally did not sleep one minute during that night. I 0:19:34.640 --> 0:19:36.680 was just wide awake, and I was like, this is 0:19:36.720 --> 0:19:38.760 so frustrating because I wanted to feel better for it, 0:19:38.960 --> 0:19:42.560 and then my neck brace, my back brace, eyes bogged out, completely, 0:19:42.680 --> 0:19:46.680 violently shaking all night, stomach upset all night before my wedding. 0:19:46.720 --> 0:19:48.240 When my friend was in town, I was like, I 0:19:48.280 --> 0:19:50.480 have to show you this amazing thing. Look what I 0:19:50.520 --> 0:19:52.400 can do. And I turned my neck like one inch 0:19:52.440 --> 0:19:55.240 to the left and he was like, is that amazing. 0:19:55.320 --> 0:19:57.760 He's like, I'm really upset that you think that's amazing. 0:19:59.600 --> 0:20:03.240 Now, almost a decade after her panic attacks began in college, 0:20:03.600 --> 0:20:09.760 Michelle is suffering from gastro intestinal issues, unbearable dizziness, tremors, insomnia, 0:20:09.800 --> 0:20:14.080 and months after the dramatic day at our chiropractor's office, 0:20:14.240 --> 0:20:18.480 she is still struggling to move. Was there ever a 0:20:18.520 --> 0:20:22.840 moment that you can remember that you thought, I just 0:20:23.119 --> 0:20:25.320 can't continue to live like this. 0:20:26.200 --> 0:20:29.760 I had taken my computer chair realchair to the bathroom 0:20:29.800 --> 0:20:31.840 and I was standing in the mirror, holding on and 0:20:31.880 --> 0:20:33.080 it was one of the first times I was like 0:20:33.119 --> 0:20:36.399 standing up, and I just remember looking at myself and 0:20:36.480 --> 0:20:39.240 I said out loud, there's no way you're going to 0:20:39.280 --> 0:20:43.000 make it through this, just just there's no way. This time. 0:20:43.359 --> 0:20:45.480 I know you've done it. You've done it before you 0:20:45.480 --> 0:20:47.479 did the weight loss thing, you did the panic attack thing, 0:20:47.880 --> 0:20:50.760 You've done it. It's not this time, You're not going 0:20:50.840 --> 0:20:52.000 to make it. 0:20:51.119 --> 0:20:55.040 It sounds like you were at your breaking point that 0:20:55.440 --> 0:20:56.880 something just had to give. 0:20:57.560 --> 0:21:01.840 Some other part of me, like inside of me, just 0:21:02.119 --> 0:21:05.159 said and you're never going to say that again. But 0:21:05.240 --> 0:21:10.040